The Space Between Stars
by VinVenture12
Summary: Kylo Ren has been humiliated by the scavenger and is now hunting her for retribution. He delves deeper into the depths of darkness along his journey, while Rey soars closer to the light. Strangers on opposite sides of a war, but bound together through their destinies. Both will do whatever it takes to survive, but who will come out victorious? Slow Reylo. Post TFA, Later M rating
1. Chapter 1

He ran through the snow, pushing branches out of his way as he saw his breath evaporate into the cold of the night. Throat going raw from the chill in the air, he willed himself to keep breathing, ignoring the aching pain. The soft, wintry breeze seeped through his long black shirt and pants, causing him to involuntarily shiver. At least, he hoped the trembling was from the frigid atmosphere and not from his undulating fear and anticipation.

A rope of thorns had wrapped around his heart, pulling, dragging, tugging him to something he desperately wanted to find, which was... what? What was it that he so urgently needed? His wavy ebony hair flew in all directions as he looked around. Lost... he was so lost in this expanse of forest, but at the same time, knew exactly where he was going. With each step, the pressure in his chest started to give, allowing the breath of life to fill his very soul. Focusing on sound as if it might help him, all he could hear was the crunch of his boots and the labor of his breath.

 _Almost there_ , he thought to himself.

He rounded a big cluster of trees and abruptly stopped, feet digging into the snow. Regaining his balance, he froze and stared at the figure in his view. A woman stood not twenty feet from him, her form facing away as she looked off into the distance. She remained perfectly still, as was he. Time dragged out to a lazy crawl, giving him a gift to take in her presence slowly. As her long, grey robe and dark brown hair fluttered in the soft wind, an overwhelming feeling of belonging filled his core. He'd always yearned for a place he wasn't sure even existed; one where his heart was full and his soul understood.

That place was her, this woman, this person he didn't even know. To him, she was a horizon to his night, a whisper in the storm, a flower among weeds. He didn't need to meet her to know her, because half of his soul was already attached to her's.

Fear flowed into his veins from how much he wanted her, but here he was, wanting her anyway. No sound came from his mouth as he called out, his frustration growing from not being able to see her fully.

Captivated by her sudden movement, she stretched out her arm, hand open toward the landscape. A silver rod flew into her hands and a blue light shot out of the end. His breathing hitched as he just stood there, transfixed by what was happening. Pointing the saber to the ground, she abruptly turned to face him, the tendrils of her hair sweeping over to the side. They locked eyes, putting his whole body in pause-mode: no breathing, no thinking, no living.

This woman... he _knew_ her.

The earth shook violently, vibrating his bones as he fell onto his back, knocking the breath out of his lungs. He rolled over and felt grass between his fingers, which was not what he'd been expecting. Taking in a shaky breath, he noticed the air to be warmer than it was a few seconds ago, but still in the realm of being bitterly chilly. As he leveled out his breathing, he tucked his feet beneath him and stood to view an immense ocean, each wave twinkling in the moonlight.

His spine tingled up to his brain, giving him a sense that someone was watching him from behind.

Pivoting around, he found the woman from the snow studying him, like she had seen him before, but couldn't locate the memory. Noticing her hands, they were now empty and after giving her a quick once over, he concluded that she no longer had the lightsaber. Wanting to go to her, he took a hesitant step forward and noticed her entire demeanor change lightening quick. Eyes wide with fear and body now shaking from adrenaline, she took a step away from him and he realized she was not going to stop– not until her body reached the ledge that was patiently waiting behind.

He rushed to her, his arm outstretched to grab and spare her from such a deadly fall. She matched his gusto, walking back until her foot only met air. Horror etched into her expression as her hand shot out, grazing his fingertips, and then... she was gone, falling into the darkness that lay beyond.

He fell to his knees, arm still reaching out for her as he watched her plummet into the dark water. The moment she went under, his heart split in two, one side still beating; the other dead from her departure. Breathing heavily, he waited to see her emerge.

"This is your choice," a strong female voice sounded off from behind. His breath caught in his throat upon recognizing the tone, the very one he never wanted to hear. He shifted on his knees to see his mother looking down at him, her face stone cold and older than he remembered. Slowly, he stood to face her, his eyes never leaving her short frame.

"You can save her or you can be devoured by your own darkness." Her gaze swept over to the side and he followed her line of sight to see his father standing in the distance. His soul shook, his gut stirred, and his eyes watered. Not having the strength to fight it, he succumbed to the fear and let it devour him whole.

"Ben!" Red, crackling light flashed across his fathers face as Ben's eyes grew wide and the tears spilled over onto his cheeks. Memories of his father caressing his cheek and falling into an endless chasm of light filled his mind, tearing through his gray matter till it was nothing but mush. Hot bile stung his throat as he stepped back, trying to get away from his parents and his past. His last step was welcomed by the open air, gravity assisting the fall by pushing him over the cliff till he was submerged into the darkness of his own misery, his only companion.

Ben's eyes shot open as he sucked in a sharp breath, rubbing his tense face till it was raw. Sweat layered his skin, matting his hair and sticking his clothes to his body. He remained in his bed, looking up at the grey metal ceiling while he tried to adjust his breathing. Once he established a steady rhythm, he raised his body to rest his back against the cold wall, surveying his stark room in the process. A closet, bed, and nightstand were the only pieces of furniture in this cold, metal box he lived in– all of them black and plain in appearance. No decorations, no color in the room. Not much to look at to distract himself from his thoughts, which were plenty.

It had been four days since the destruction of Starkiller Base. Four days of him healing from the shot he took from Chewie's bowcaster. Four days since he talked to Han Solo and killed him. The overwhelming weakness he'd felt after letting him fall into the depths of the oscillator still haunted him. He placed his hands in his hair and looked down at his sheets. He didn't understand. The Supreme Leader told him that by killing Han Solo, he would be granted insurmountable strength, which would lead him further down the path of the dark side... but it didn't. The call to the light has been more powerful since his death, like the act had somehow left a taint on his being that was impossible to erase.

Dammit, he hated himself for this weakness, for not being more powerful to stop these feelings from occurring. That ridiculous dream had brought this conflict within him back to the surface when all he wanted was for it to remain dead and buried. Placing his hands in his lap, he threw his head back against the metal wall, relishing the pounding of pain.

 _That dream…_

It has haunted him for the last twenty years and every time after he'd wake, he felt naked and stripped of all his pride. He thought back to the last time he had had it. It must have been... a little over three years ago. The dream never deviated from it's narrative, always starting the same: him running, being drawn to her, seeing the back of the woman's figure... and wanting her. Stars, the _wanting._ Feelings like that was one of the reasons why the galaxy was so weak; sentiment always got in the way of perfection and order.

Mind wondering back to the reverie, he could still perfectly see her catching his grandfather's saber– which had been given to him as a family heirloom, of sorts. Then, right before she revealed her face, he'd always wake. But tonight, he finally saw her and it was a face he was all too familiar with.

The scavenger.

But the dream didn't stop after the revelation, which was what he had expected to happen. It had kept kept going, showing her fall into the sea below and him wanting to reach her, to save her. And what was that ludicrous warning Leia had given him?

He scoffed at the open air.

If he were met with the same scenario in real life, he would let that garbage picker drown. Just thinking about her brought on immense embarrassment of his own defeat by her hands. A girl, who had no prior training in the force, left a scar rippling across his face and almost killed him. He scolded himself for not going in for the kill when he fought her in the forest. He actually offered to teach her, taking compassion upon her for her lonely and rough life. It had been foolish to have seen parts of himself reflected within her, foolish to let his compassion underestimate her startling abilities.

That won't happen again.

She will pay for humiliating him. He will kill her and relish in the light leaving her eyes.

A smile stretched across his face as he got up and headed to the refresher. Focusing on getting revenge helped him push the light out of his thoughts to where he could no longer feel its pull. _If_ s _he thinks I'm a monster, then that's exactly what I'll be._

 _And I'll relish every minute of it._

 ** _Edit 12/29/2017_**

 ** _Disclaimer:_**

 ** _So ever since The Last Jedi has come out, I have been getting a lot of new readers– which I am elated about! Welcome to the story! But I thought I should add this disclaimer so I can warn you all about the story. The beginning chapter (like 1-20) are very rough. There are a lot of grammatical errors and things that need to be restructured. I did not have a beta for this story and I actually still don't. It's mainly because I didn't know anyone on the site in the beginning and I am too afraid to ask someone. So I have been trying to do it on my own, and it's been difficult. Takes more time. Now, you're probably asking "But vinventure12, why don't you go back and edit those chapters?" Ah, well, you will soon come to learn that my chapters become very looooooooooooong. And I have a problem with obsessing over rewriting chapters. In other words, I will never finish the current chapter I am writing if I get caught up in editing. I am currently writing chapter 44, and then after that have two more chapters left. And I really want to get this story finished. And I am willing to guess you want it finished too._**

 ** _Anywho, if you are the type of person who is easily driven to madness by grammatical errors, then I apologize. Once this story is complete, I am doing a massive editing overhaul on this monster of a fic. I swear. But right now, I need to push through. This story is not anywhere near being perfect , and I hope you all can look beyond that. Just enjoy the ride for what it is! I promise, it's a rollercoaster!_**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to all those who have read the story and who are following! And thank you to the guest who left a review. If you have any suggestions, reviews are more than welcome! So for this whole story, I am using what happens in The Force Awakens novelization and the movie. If you have not read the novelization, you should. It gives great insight to the characters! And this is a Reylo fanfiction, but don't expect anything to happen between them for a while. I want their relationship to be believable, so it will happen over time. Enjoy the chapter!**

 **I do not own Star Wars or any of the characters.**

Chapter Two

Luke was apprehensive to the girl's unexpected presence, looking at the lightsaber in her outstretched hand. He recognized the weapon immediately, of course– the rubber slits at the bottom, the way the light flickered across the silver metal. It was all too familiar.

Sorrow filled his being as the young girl gazed at him, silently pleading for him to take it. After a few long moments, he slowly walked to her, his beige robes swaying in the soft breeze. He stopped before her extended arm and brought his hand up to the saber hilt, raising the lost relic up to his face to examine _. It still looks the same, feels the same_ , he thought to himself. He felt like his younger self again, the hasbeen legend, holding tight to the plasma blade, wanting ardently to go on an adventure.

The girl shifted her weight from side to side, the movement pulling Luke out from his memories.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, still able to have some sense of manners.

The girls brows scrunched together, confused that _that_ is the question he decided to ask her.

"Ummmm, yes," she replied, her response almost sounding like a question rather than a statement. Softly, he smiled at the girl as he clipped the saber to his belt.

"I think I still have some smoked fish and porridge left over from the other day, if you'd like to join me." He walked passed her, but then stopped and turned, realizing that she had not moved. Mouth ajar, her eyes remained transfixed upon him. Luke had seen this type of reaction before, the one where people would meet the legendary Luke Skywalker, only to realize that there was nothing mythical about him. He was just a man. An old man now.

No one.

The girl quickly shook her head and composed herself, closing the distance between them so she could walk by his side.

"What is your name?" he asked, glancing at her from the corner of his eye. She looked up, then back to the long stretch of rudimentary stairs.

"Rey."

"How did you get this weapon, Rey?"

"Someone on Takodana wanted me to have it. I don't know how she got it, though," she admitted. "Didn't have time to ask."

Luke nodded, trying to calculate just how someone came to own the lost relic. Many years after the fall of the Empire, Lando Calrissian had returned the saber to Luke, explaining that it had been found in a Tibanna mine. From there, Luke had kept it locked away, not needing it, for he had long become accustomed to his own weapon. But then Ben came to the academy, and Luke wanted to see his nephew wield the very saber that had belonged to his father, Anakin Skywalker. So he had given the young boy the weapon, tutoring him in the art of lightsaber combat.

Teaching him the ways of the Jedi.

Luke swallowed, remembering the last time he'd seen his nephew. How he had failed him... and how he thought he would never see his father's saber again.

But here it was, swinging on his belt, tapping against his hip. When did Ben lose it? How?

His mind repeated those questions over and over again as they walked the rest of the way in silence.

()()()()()

Rey sat in the middle of the small hut, taking in the simplicity of its coziness as Luke heated the porridge over the fireplace. There were a pile of blankets to her left and a small table and chair to her right. Near the hearth were some pots and a few baskets, probably filled with various foods and spices. The hut was sparse looking on the inside, but she could feel herself relaxing inside its warmth. She watched Luke grab some wood to his right and place it into the ongoing fire, stoking it to its full potential. He then stood and opened one of the baskets to his left, retrieving a sliver of something red. Handing her the food, she scrutinized it in her hand, giving it a sniff.

"It's a fish fillet that I smoked and dried out." He grabbed two bowls and went back to stirring the porridge. "There's not a lot of animals that live on this island. Some small game here and there, maybe even some birds, but there is an endless supply of fish to be caught." He started to scoop the meal into the bowls. "I never really learned how to fish until I came here. I actually converted one of these huts into a big smoker to dry them out. Took me a few tries to learn how to do it properly." He chuckled to himself. "Almost burned down a hut in the process."

Luke walked over and placed the small bowl on the ground in front of her. He was still smiling as he sat, crossing his legs and giving out a content sigh.

Rey wanted to scold him that his content life came at the cost of those fighting this war. Of losing their lives. But she needed to make a good first impression. So she held her tongue, quieted her frustration.

She glanced at the piece of fish in hand, realizing she still had not taken a bite. She tore off a piece with her teeth and chewed the rough meat, finding it to be close to leather in texture. But to her surprise, it tasted quite good. It had a salty, earthy flavor that she enjoyed savoring.

She looked up at Luke, seeing him watching her. Giving him a shy smile, she raised up the fillet and said, "Thank you. I've never had fish before and it's surprisingly delicious." He nodded, seeming satisfied that she enjoyed his cooking. Silence fell upon the hut as they went back to eating the fish and porridge. Knots wringed Rey's stomach like a rag, her nerves becoming a hindrance to her appetite. But she shoved the food down, the survivalist in her reminding her that one could never know when the next meal would come.

Bowl now bare, stomach packed to bursting, Rey finally mustered up the courage to speak with Luke as to why she came.

It was rather odd that he hadn't asked her himself.

"Your sister misses you," she started abruptly, unable to stop herself from twisting her fingers in a her lap. The Jedi Master went still at her comment, slowly lowering his bowl to the floor. Rey leaned forward. "She can't keep fighting the First Order without you. Everyday that you're gone, the Resistance becomes weaker. We need you to come back. The galaxy needs you." He lifted his somber, tired gaze. "Please," she implored.

His stare shifted down to the bowl, lips pursed shut. While there was so much hope and expectation in Rey's expression, patience also lingered in those youthful lines of her face _. Please say you'll come back. I can't face the General without bringing you back!_ her thoughts screamed, growing more desperate the longer the silence continued.

His head snapped up. "My sister is not as intimidating as you think." Rey's breathing hitched, her eyes growing wide. Luke lifted his hand in a calming gesture. "Don't be alarmed that I read your thoughts with little effort. You were basically yelling them at me."

Her cheeks burned with embarrassment. "Yeah, I guess I was."

Luke cleared his throat. "Do you know what this place is? This island?"

"Well," Rey paused to think, "someone told me that they thought you went looking for the first Jedi temple. So... I'm guessing this is the first Jedi temple?"

"It is."

Excitement entered her voice. "This is really the first Jedi temple?" Her body inclined a little closer to him, curiosity getting the best of her. Luke nodded; she couldn't believe he actually found the temple.

 _For being a temple, it doesn't look like much._

"Some things are not seen with the naked eye." Her smile fell as she gave him a dry stare, annoyed that he had read her thoughts. Again. "I apologize. It has been a while since I've been around another person, and this place seems to amplify a persons Force abilities. I'll try not to invade your thoughts." He paused as she relaxed.

"Is it possible to block others from sensing you emotions?" she inquired.

"Of course," Luke answered. "As long as you can control your emotions, it's not that difficult to do. The tricky part is controlling your emotions so they do not control you."

"And what of blocking someone from entering your thoughts?" The face of Kylo Ren came to mind.

Luke narrowed his eyes. Blinked a few times. "That would require some skill in mental barriers. And also for one to be Force sensitive... which you are. But you already knew that." He studied her more intently, the flames from the fire casting an eerie glow across his face. "I can feel that the Force is strong with you. Stronger than you probably realize." He rose suddenly, grabbing the bowls before heading outside.

Rey immediately went after him.

"Master Skywalker," she called out, but the man didn't slow his pace.

He only stopped when he came to a nearby stream, kneeling down to wash out the used dishes before placing them on the grass to dry in the sun, totally oblivious to the sight before him. But Rey wasn't. She neared the cliff's edge, taking in the vastness of the dark ocean, watching the waves crash against the rocks nearby while breathing in the salt of the air. Down below was a tiny stretch of a beach, the soft curls of the sea crawling along the sand, stretching itself thin before being drawn back home. This place was truly peaceful and far more beautiful than the harsh sands or the blazing sun of Jakku.

 _Maybe after all this is over, I can find a place by the ocean. Maybe live there for a while._ Her throat constricted. _When would that opportunity present itself though? This conflict could go on for years…_

Rey lightly kicked a loose rock over the ledge, watching as it flicked off the rocks and landed on the shoreline.

"I can't join the Resistance quite yet." Rey spun around, not expecting Luke to be standing behind her. "I feel as though I have something more to learn from being here. Something vital." His stare became suspicious. "And you have things you want to learn as well. Don't you."

"I–." she stumbled over her words. "I do want to learn how to control this power within me," Rey confessed.

"Do you fear it?"

She nodded. "And I don't now what to do with it. I don't know why I have it."

Luke's eyes wondered over the sight Rey had been appreciating only a moment ago, his aged face becoming contemplative. "You want me to teach you about the Force."

"I need someone to," she explained. "I just... I know if I don't learn to control it that it might end up controlling me."

He rubbed at his beard, his gaze going beyond what was before him. "I haven't taught in a very long time. I told myself that my days as a Jedi Master were over."

"Over?" Rey placed herself in his line of sight. "Look, I'm just looking to learn some general techniques. I don't think that's asking for much. I could probably learn all I need to know in a matter of days, if your schedule seems too..." she looked around at the desolate island, "busy."

"General techniques?" he questioned her. "You'd be satisfied with only learning general techniques?"

She opened her mouth only to find that she was about to say no, she wouldn't want the lessons to end there. If she were to learn about the Force, she would want the title to go along with it. A title long since glorified.

"You wish to become a Jedi?" he asked, reading her far too easily.

Rey contemplated her answer, finding a swirl of confusion and doubt, mixed with the desire to have a purpose.

The memory of Maz talking to her after that vision came to mind. _Whatever you've been waiting for-whomever-I can see it in your eyes, you've known it all along… they're not coming back. But there's someone who still could. With your help_. She assumed Maz meant Luke. _The belonging you seek is not behind you. It is ahead_. It was like Maz could see right through her. She always wanted to have a family, have that feeling of belonging. Maybe becoming a Jedi could give her a bit of that future she's always wanted. To be a part of something other than scavenging.

Luke could give that to her.

But she knew what the Jedi code entailed.

"I do…" she hesitated.

Luke arched a brow. "But?"

She shook her head and brought her gaze up to the deep blue sky, seeing the black dots of birds soaring high above them. "Jedi are not allowed to have attachments and I'm not sure I can give up the ones I already have." Her mind immediately went of Finn. He was the first person to ever outwardly care for her well being. He came to rescue her on Starkiller, and even fought that monster in an effort to protect them. He was her first friend. She didn't know if she had it in her to give him up _._

How she longed for Finn to be here with her, giving her support where it was needed. Was he awake yet? Has he asked for her?

"What's stopping you from having such attachments?" Luke asked, like he was challenging her line of thinking.

Rey gave him a puzzled look. "The Jedi code. It says–"

Luke shrugged. "The Jedi code is a part of a dead religion. There is not a single person in the galaxy that practices it anymore. So why should you?"

"But the Jedi code has been around for thousands of years. You can't just... get rid of it?" She could not conceal the shock in her voice.

"I don't have to get rid of it. The Jedi are no more."

Rey jerked her head back. "But you're the last of the Jedi. And a Master. You could bring the Order back."

The man went silent, the sound of the sloshing water filling the void. With his tone just above a whisper, he said, "I already tried. And I failed."

"So try again," Rey said insistently.

Fortunately, Luke didn't seemed fazed by her bluntness. "The last time I tried to establish a school for teaching future Jedi, it was extremely difficult to find those who wanted to."

That... can't be right. "How would anyone turn down becoming a Jedi?"

He chuckled mirthlessly. "The code was always off putting."

Rey spread out her arms, trying to get the man to see reason. "You just got rid of it, so that doesn't even matter anymore. If people knew they could have a family while training–"

"My nephew destroyed everything I had built," the man unexpectedly retorted, expression becoming hard. "He killed his fellow students. And I was too naive to see how the dark side was slowly turning him. And now you're asking me to take that risk with someone else. With you?"

"I am." Her heart accelerated. But she was able to keep her voice level. "Look, I'm not your nephew. I haven't lived the same life as him. Nor will I fail the same way he has."

"How can you be so sure?" he challenged.

She shook her head. Shrugged. "I just am. I know I have nothing to give you as a guarantee, but... I know who I am. And I will not fall."

Features softening, Luke let his tense shoulders relax as he gazed at Rey with pity. "I sense you truly believe that. But destiny is never so kind."

And with that last statement, Rey knew the conversation was over. For now.

Luke turned, heading over to the island's staircase. Rey wasn't sure what she should do, so she just followed him, feeling a bit defeated. "We should go down to the Falcon," Luke suggested, talking as if the previous discussion never happened. "I haven't seen Chewie in a very long time, and I can feel him becoming anxious from your extended absence."

Her spirits lifted somewhat at the prospect of getting to the Falcon and checking in with the Resistance. Maybe even talking with Finn.

As they made their way over to the steps, Rey remembered the time it took to climb them all the way up here. _It's going to be fun doing that again later_ , she thought dryly. At least she will be forced to keep her strength up.

"Would you mind telling me more about yourself and what has happened to you these last couple of weeks?" he asked her with earnest curiosity. "You seem to know more about me than I do about you."

All Rey wanted to talk about was if Luke would train her or not, but she had a feeling that pushing him too soon for an answer would leave her with a definite no.

So she would have to somehow entertain the old man with her boring tale of mediocrity until they reached the Falcon.

 _Where to even begin_ , she thought. Nobody has ever really asked about her life before, other than Finn. And as she pondered the question further, she realized that the only person who actually knew the most about her was surprisingly Kylo Ren. He had seen her dreams, her fears and wants when he invaded her mind. She hadn't even told Finn some of the things that Kylo Ren now knew. And what has always bothered her about that encounter the most was what she'd sensed from that man, that Kylo really was genuinely interested in knowing who she was.

Rey remembered how he stared at her after calling the lightsaber into her opened hand, how he gazed at her as if he _knew_ her _._

 _It is you_ , he had said breathlessly. Now, walking beside Luke, she had the feeling that this man was extremely curious to know who she was as well.

 _I'm no one_.

She was used to people not paying attention to her, used to going through a whole day on Jakku without talking to another living soul. How she wanted someone to share her day with, though...

Rey took in a deep breath and started her story with the moment she was left on Jakku.


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own Star Wars. I wish I did! That would be awesome!**

 **Enjoy the chapter.**

Chapter 3

Luke didn't say a word the whole walk down to the Falcon. He would nod at certain parts of the story and glance towards Rey while trying to absorb everything she said to his memory. He was surprised how deeply Rey became so entangled with everything going on. How she found BB-8 and Finn on Jakku, meeting Han Solo, being drawn to his father's lightsaber, her vision, the destruction of the Hosnian system, being taken to Starkiller and watching Han die at the hands of his son. Throughout her narrative, she had to pause to stop herself from becoming too emotional.

Especially when talking about Han's death.

Luke brushed at his eyes, remembering his close friend. At least he was one with the Force, and now at peace.

As Rey kept speaking, Luke couldn't stop noticing her reactions to bringing up his nephew. The way she talked about him interrogating her and fighting her in the snow, he could feel the anger and hate seething off of her. Kylo Ren repulsed her; there was no doubt about that. What was interesting to Luke was how the Force felt when she talked about him. The Force was actually stronger around her. Not from the hate she was feeling, but from something else he could not place.

 _Interesting…_

The girl was indeed powerful. And she was completely unaware of it.

Without learning proper control over her abilities, she was bound to do something reckless. Or harmful.

And the more she spoke, the more Luke couldn't help becoming fond of the young girl, of admiring the strength she must've had to overcome what life had thrown at her. She truly had the heart of a Jedi, and the endurance of a warrior.

Could he... could he train her? Should he?

Maybe this time could be different. Changes could be made, new rules sorted out, ones that were more inclusive.

But the chance of creating another Kylo Ren stalled that line of thinking. Fear was making him question everything.

()()()()()

"I thought Finn and I were going to die on that horrible planet, but then I saw lights in the distance and Chewie had found us with the Falcon!" Rey threw her arms in the air as her voice rose. "We left the planet just as it started to implode and jumped into hyperspace." She looked to Luke, expecting him to be enthralled with the story, but he seemed to be deep in thought.

 _Something is troubling him…_

"You know I–" her voice caught in her throat as she thought of what to say. "I thought about going back for him." Her voice lost all the bravado it previously had as she cast her eyes upon the last remaining steps. "I knew Leia would probably want the chance to see her son again, even after what had happened. I did stop to look back just before I boarded the Falcon, but I knew there wasn't time to get him. The planet was tearing apart and Finn desperately needed medical attention…" Her voice trailed off as she lamely laid out the excuses as to why she couldn't rescue Luke's nephew.

"I'm so sorry Luke," she muttered as the Falcon's ramp was lowered, Chewie running out to greet them. Pure joy spread across Chewie's face as he went straight for Luke.

Moments before Chewie got to them, Luke grabbed Rey's arm to gently turn her to face him. He looked firmly into her eyes, trying to convey the seriousness of his coming statement.

"He's not dead Rey." Luke's grip dropped away from her upper arm as Chewie enveloped him in a big, hairy hug. He lifted Luke off the ground as he told his old friend in Shyriiwook how much he had missed him.

Rey stood there frozen, still looking in the direction Luke had been just a moment before. All she saw now was the black ocean, its soft waves lightly brushing against the rocks of the island cliff. _But–_ she tried to form her thoughts together. _I saw him trying to get up, to look at me after I slashed his face with the lightsaber. He could barely support his weight on his arms. He didn't have the strength to go searching for a way off the planet. We were in the middle of a forest! I barely made it out on the Falcon!_ Her thoughts poured into her at an accelerated rate. _It can't be possible. Luke has to be wrong. He wasn't there. He didn't see what Ren looked like…_ But deep in the crevices of her emotions, she always felt like he was alive. She just never gave those feelings much merit, because she thought it would have been impossible for him to get off that planet so fast.

Rey turned to see Luke buried by a huge expanse of fur.

"I've missed you too, my dear friend. More than you know." Luke wrapped his arms around the giant Wookie, patting his back.

Emitting a long, sustained whistle, R2-D2 came gliding down the ramp. He stopped once he hit the ground and started swaying back and forth in excitement. Chewie placed Luke back on the surface of the island as he twisted toward the noise.

"Artoo!" Luke dashed in the direction of the expressive droid, his robes billowing behind him, his face suddenly years younger as he got closer to the droid. Going to his knees, he placed his palms on either side of the droids smooth, rounded top.

Rey headed toward the happy reunion, taking her time to allow them more privacy. She was still lost in her thoughts as she saw the last of the Jedi press his forehead against his metal friend. As she finally closed the gap between her and the exultant group, she heard something close to the sound of soft purring coming from the droid.

"I'm sorry I had to leave," she heard Luke whisper, "but I just couldn't stay after everything that happened." Soft beeps touched Rey's ears. Artoo's gentle pleas tugged at her heart.

"Of course my dear friend." Luke raised his head. "I promise to take you with me wherever I go, from now until the end of my days." Artoo beeped loud with satisfaction and Luke let out such a genuine laugh, that Rey felt herself smiling down at the two best friends.

()()()()()

"Finn!" Rey exclaimed as she saw his face in the holoscreen. She grabbed the communications board as she inched closer to get a better view of him. The sheer amount of happiness inside her made her smile so big that her cheeks felt like they were going to cramp. But she didn't care. Seeing him finally awake was worth more than any physical discomfort.

"Rey!" Witnessing his pure elation at seeing her made her come even closer to his image. "I'm so happy to finally see you! When I woke up a couple days ago, Poe told me you already left to find Skywalker and I didn't even get to say goodbye." His smile melted into a worried look. "I've been worried something happened to you. I can't get out of this bed and no one would tell me if you actually found Skywalker or not. The higher ups are not telling us anything more about your mission."

Rey thought about the communications officer who had previously answered her calls to The Resistance base. Just like the last couple of days, he would not give her any information on Finn, his only interest being in hearing her daily report. But after the third time of being so rudely dismissed, Rey made it quite clear to the man that she would not give them any information on Luke unless they patch Finn through to her. After a moment of tense silence, the officer reluctantly told her he would see what he could do. Ten minutes later, Finn finally appeared on the holoscreen.

Rey relayed the experience with the comms officer to Finn.

"Ugh. That's Officer Markoos Kaling, one of the people in charge of communications and making sure our signals stay undetected from the First Order. Poe went to talk to him, on my behalf, about having me speak with you. Apparently the conversation did not go so well." Rey grimaced at the thought of the communications station not letting Finn talk with her. And if it would be possible to never speak with Kaling again.

Rey decided to speak first about what she'd been up to and what she'd seen since leaving D'Qar. Finn patiently listened to her accounts about finding Luke and how the man never gave her an answer if he would train her or not.

"You really want to be a Jedi?" he asked, in awe.

"I don't know. I mean, I have the Force, and I want to know how to use it. I was confused at first if I really wanted to be a Jedi–"

"Why?"

"The Jedi code forbids attachments. I can't just give up the things I've gained over this last week. I do want to be strong with the Force and learn how to fight with a lightsaber so I can be useful to The Resistance, but I thought the cost to do so might be too much for me. I–.," she paused and looked down at her hands on the comms board. "You are my very first friend, Finn. We have been through a lot together, and you're probably the only one who understands how I feel." Her thoughts suddenly turned to Kylo Ren, but she pushed them away.

Rey glanced up to see that Finn's face had softened from her words. "Rey, you and I never had many opportunities to make friends and to lead a happy, comfortable life. Those chances were taken from both of us. I want you to know that you're so important to me, and I value your friendship above everything else." He paused as if contemplating what to say next. "If I were in your shoes, it would be extremely hard for me to give you up and go down a different path. I don't know if I could honestly do it after tasting what it's like to have a connection with someone else…. But Luke did tell you that he thinks the way of the Jedi should probably change. At least for the next little while. Maybe you could still become a Jedi and have a life full of friends and possibly even a family."

Rey was trying to stop the tears hovering on her eyelids from spilling over. Being able to talk to someone about how she feels and having them actually care enough to give her comforting advice was all new to her, but something she always wanted. It was also wonderful to hear that Finn valued her friendship just as much as she valued his.

"What if attachments really lead to the dark side," she whispered, as if what she was asking was somehow forbidden to discuss.

"I know you're strong enough to resist. Besides, I would never let you turn to the dark side." They both chuckled at his last statement. She watched as the smile slowly vanished from his face and he looked to be lost in his own thoughts. Worry crept into his features.

"Finn, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I was just wondering something." Rey patiently waited for him to continue. "After I woke, Poe told me what happened after Kylo took me out." Rey shifted in her chair at the sudden change in subject. "So I know what roughly happened between the two of you, but I want to hear the story directly from you, if you're okay with reliving it again." He stared at her questioningly.

Rey turned her head to the side, examining the many control buttons and knobs that lined the wall. She did not particularly like talking about her fight with Kylo Ren, especially since she just told Luke about it not too long ago. But Finn deserved to know what had happened. So she took in a steady breath and started to relay all that she remembered about her tense confrontation with their shared enemy.

Finn would gasp at certain parts and visibly get angry at others, but he never interrupted her. She could tell he was too focused on what she was saying to actually speak out loud.

When she felt like she conveyed the entire story, she felt emotionally drained. She'd gone into more detail about the fight to her friend than she did to Luke. After a few moments of just sitting there in the quiet, Finn finally spoke.

"Wow."

"Yup."

"I mean, you kicked his ass!" Finn couldn't hide the pride that showed in his face. Rey crossed her arms over her chest, letting a little smile glide across her lips. "And I can't believe he offered to become your teacher! After everything he did, did he seriously think you would be his apprentice?"

She shrugged, trying not to remember how desperate his plea had been. "I don't know. Who knows what goes on in that awful head of his."

"Well at least he died right along with that horrible, frozen planet. I hated being stationed there." Rey felt her breathing still as she looked at Finn relax on the screen.

 _Should I tell him?_

Just as she was about to be honest with him, she heard someone talking to Finn, his head turning toward their voice. He tensed before his face fell. "Looks like our time is up. General Organa wants to speak with Skywalker personally, so I have to get off the line." Rey stammered to regain her composure. "They need us to cut the transmission and reestablish a new connection in a few minutes. Apparently we've been talking too long on this specific channel." Rey saw Finn glare off into the distance at something. She would bet her next three meals that Officer Kaling was the one in the room telling him to end the transmission.

"Okay," Rey said through a tight throat. "I'll tell Luke to come in here and wait for the holoscreen signal."

Neither of them went for the controls. They both looked at each other, not knowing what to say.

"Please be careful out there, Rey. And know whatever you decide, I will always be your friend." He gave her a soft smile. The one he reserved just for her.

"Thank you, Finn. And don't worry, I'll be careful. Just promise me that whatever the doctors say, you follow it, okay?" she ordered sternly. "It's going to take time for you to heal and you need to be patient."

"I promise." She couldn't be sure, but she thought she saw Finn's eyes start to gleam with unshed tears.

"Goodbye, Finn. I'll talk to you again soon." She quickly pressed her hand on the holoscreen and ended the transmission before he could see her become too emotional. As she sat there for a few moments, she thought about how she didn't get the chance to tell him the whole truth about Kylo Ren. _I'll tell him the next time we speak. At least he can rest easy thinking that monster is never coming back._

She sighed as she got up.

 _What I would give for that to be true._

 _()()()()_

After Rey informed Luke about his sister requesting to talk with him, she retreated to her personal living quarters on the Falcon. Well, living quarters wasn't the most accurate way to describe it. More like her own personal closet that she slept in. It was a small eight by eight room, with the bed taking up more than half the living area. Just to the right of the door was a sink and a small mirror that hung on the metallic, rusted wall.

There was only one bathroom on the freighter, and it was situated right across from her room. To say that its been interesting sharing it with Chewie would be an understatement. That Wookie could shed a lot of hair. And spend a lot of time doing his "business." Maybe Rey could somehow change his diet. _He would probably rip my arm off, just like he did to Unkar in Maz's castle if I tried to make him eat better._

She rested atop the sheets of her bed, eyes lazily staring up at the sparse ceiling, legs finally thanking her for allowing them a reprieve. Her hands came up to rest behind her head as she reviewed the events of the day. She almost couldn't believe how much her life had changed in such a short period of time. _I've met the legendary Luke Skywalker_. However, he was not how she imagined him to be. He did have a commanding presence about him, but at the same time, he seemed to be very reserved. Even though his answer to training her in the Force was still somewhat unanswered, she did feel comfortable around him and began to trust him the more they talked.

 _I wonder how he knows that Kylo is alive?_ She considered this question for a few moments. _Maybe he can feel him through the Force. Is that how I felt he was still alive, the Force was letting me know?_

Closing her lids for what felt like only a moment, Rey finally felt her exhaustion hit her. _I'll just lay here for a couple more minutes and then I'll get ready for bed...  
_

The ocean breeze hit her face and stung her eyes, making her draw up her hands to defend herself from the sudden pelt of air. Rey stood at the edge of a cliff, looking out at the sea rippling in the softness of the moonlight. Her robe swayed behind her, the thick fabric snapping harshly with every curl. But even through the strong gusts, she took a deep breath and sighed.

 _My island_ , she thought to herself. She dreamed about this island so often that she had grown to always recognize it as just that: a dream. Sometimes she was here during the day and other times, she visited during the quiet hours of the night. She preferred to be here during the dead of twilight, for it felt more peaceful. More mystical.

As she looked out into the darkness ahead, she couldn't help but feel like she had seen this view before. Somewhere... _That's odd. I've never visited an island before. I've only ever lived on Jakku._

She had a thought in the back of her mind, but she couldn't quite grasp what it was. It was like trying to grab and capture fog, but all it would do was become thicker the more you tried to grasp it. Mocking you for your efforts.

She heard a heavy thud and a sharp exhale from behind. Her body jumped and turned to see a man lying on his back, looking up at the sky in surprise. Maybe a bit of wonder, too. His black attire blended in with the night, the pale skin of his hands and face contrasting harshly against the darkness of the ground.

 _This man. He looks so familiar…_

He rolled onto his stomach and slowly stood, facing away from her, seeming to be unaware of her existence. His presence dominated the area, her eyes involuntarily roaming over his wavy black hair and broad shoulders. She could feel the immense power this man possessed and it frightened her, but she couldn't look away.

 _Ben_ , she thinks.

 _Ben?_

 _Who's Ben?_

 _Why did that name pop in my head?_

He pivoted around, eyes locking onto hers.

 _Ben Solo._

 _Kylo Ren._

All the memories of this man hit her mind in a violent rush of images. Her eyes went wide with fear, her mouth suddenly dry. _How did he find me?_ But he seemed just as surprised to see her here as she was him. Still, it didn't matter that this wasn't a part of his plan, for she starting to shake anyway, taking a few steps back to put more distance between them. Fear flashed across his face and he held out his arm towards her, hand open, beseeching. Her stomach fell as her boot hit the open air. She teetered and shot her arms out in front of her to grab onto anything. Her eyes locked onto his face as he rushed to her aid.

But it was too late. Her fingers caressed his own, feeling his touch for the very first time. And then she fell, looking up at his shocked expression. Time slowed for her as she felt his eyes sear straight into her soul. She could feel his horror, his desperation at losing her. _He wants to save me._ As quickly as the thought came, time went back to its normal progression, his silhouette becoming smaller as she plunged toward the sea.

She tried to scream his name, but the air refused to depart from her lungs, holding onto it with a torturous grip.

The darkness swallowed her whole.

 **I know in the book Rey sees the ship lowering to get Kylo after their fight on Starkiller. But for the sake of drama, lets pretend she never saw that ship… ;)  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello everyone! I just wanted to thank you for reading this story and thanks SaintsFan1 and major-fangirl-in-here17 for your reviews! Glad you enjoyed how the dream ties into the story. And to the guest who left the first review, I just saw that the review was cut off in the middle. Not sure how that happened. I'm sorry! But I am planning on making Ren more tough in this story. And just a fyi, there are things from The Force Awakens novelization and the new Star Wars Bloodline book that will be tied into this story. If you haven't read either of those books, events in here might not make a lot of sense. So go and read them! It is way worth it! But read this chapter first. :)**

 **I do not own Star Wars**

Chapter Four

"Ben!"

Rey shot up in the bed, hands searching for purchase, knuckles white as she grabbed onto soft pieces of clothing. Her breathing was erratic when she looked up to see Luke's concerned face, not even caring why he was here with her.

She frantically looked around the room, searching for...

"I was falling," Rey whispered, taking in big gulps of oxygen. "He tried to save me." Her voice was hoarse and scratchy, like she'd been screaming for hours on end. She looked to Luke desperately, grip becoming tighter. "How did he find me?" she nearly yelled the question at him. He held both sides of her arms, trying to ease her tense body and spinning mind.

"Rey." His voice was gentle, but his stare still held an intense worry that made Rey panic. "Rey, it was all just a dream. I need you to take deep breaths. You're on the Falcon. This is reality."

Rey concentrated on Luke's robes knotted in her fists, realizing just then how bad she was trembling. She closed her eyes and immediately saw _his_ face. The way he stared at her...

 _It looked like as if he cared about me_. She took a deep breath, brows furrowing. _That can't be right_.

"Aaaaaaaagh?" Rey opened her eyes, glancing to the opened entryway. Chewie was standing there, staring and shifting his gaze between her and Luke.

A bead of sweat slowly descended down her temple.

"I'm–" she coughed to clear the lump in her throat. "I'll be fine. No need to be worried, Chewie." The Wookie remained in the doorway, not seeming to believe Rey's poor attempt at lying.

Luke's head turned to acknowledge the Wookie. "Can you give Rey and I a moment?" Luke lowered his hands from Rey's arms and placed them on the edge of the bed. "Oh, and my sister might still be on the holoscreen. Can you tell her I'll comm her back as soon as I can?" Chewbacca nodded and turned to leave, the door closing in his wake.

Rey hugged her legs up against her chest, placing her chin atop her knees. Embarrassment started to blossom from deep within, crawling up to her face, making her flush a crimson red. The last time she'd experienced such a vivid, almost realistic dream was during an intense sand storm that left her stranded in her AT-AT for four enduring days. Her water supply had depleted, and her food had been close to being gone, but running out of the water affected her the most. She was only eleven years of age and learned a valuable lesson that day: to hoard all the necessities she could possibly get her hands on.

And there were no boundaries when it came to survival.

None.

Her eyes shifted to Luke's concerned face, making her come back to the present.

"Your shaking has subsided," he observed. "You don't have to be so tense. You should try to relax." Slowly, she placed her back against the metal wall and crossed her legs on the lumpy bed. Her hands rested on her thighs as she tried to piece together her thoughts.

"Why did you come in here?" she asked in a soft whisper.

"When I was talking to my sister, I felt the force emanating from the direction of your room. I could feel your immense fear and dread. It was almost suffocating, making it hard to breath." Rey kept her eyes on Luke's demeanor as he went on. He wasn't trying to hide his anxiety. What does he know? "The feeling was so sudden, I thought you were in danger. So I ran here and saw your were asleep, but could tell you were having a nightmare of sorts. I tried waking you but you would not respond to my voice or even when I shook you." His eyes studied her, waiting to see her reaction to his next statement. "Then you woke, startled, yelling out for my nephew."

Rey let out a long, rattled breath. She was hoping her yelling of Ben's name had been exclusive to just the dream, but Luke confirmed her suspicion that it was not.

"You were dreaming of Ben," Luke stated it as a fact rather than a question. Rey felt herself shudder, whether it was from the cold metal she leaned against or from hearing Kylo Ren's birth name, she did not know. She didn't want to know.

"It wasn't a dream," she muttered. Luke grimaced. "I mean, the whole setting was a dream, but Ren was real. He was really there." She knew saying it out loud sounded crazy, but Luke did not look at her like she was losing her mind. He seemed to be analyzing what she was saying.

"How do you know?"

"I just do," she snapped at him out of annoyance, but immediately regretted the outburst. Luke arched a brow as he patiently waited for her to expand further. Rey lifted her hand to her neck and gently massaged the tension away, relaxing her shoulders.

 _I don't know if I can explain this…_

"Somehow, I could feel his presence and his emotions. I've had plenty of dreams before, but none of them had such a feel of realism to it." She brought her hand down to eye level and looked at the fingers of her right hand. She rubbed them against her thumb, thoughtfully. "I can still feel his skin on my fingertips." Luke glanced at her fingers, then back up to her face.

By the stagnant look in her eyes, her mind was somewhere else.

"May I see the dream?" Her eyes pinched at him apprehensively. "It won't be painful like it was for you before, and I'll stick to just seeing the dream," Luke promised. "This will help me understand what you saw. But if you don't want to show me, you don't have to. You can always just describe the dream to me instead, if you're more comfortable with that option."

Rey did not feel like trying to convey the dream to Luke, so she decided to let him see it for himself. _Besides, he's a Jedi Master. Maybe he can make more sense out of it than I can._

"You can see it," she responded after a moment. Luke raised his hands to either side of her head and gently pressed his fingers against her temples, closing his eyes to concentrate. Rey felt a pressure start to accumulate beneath her scalp, but it didn't hurt. It almost felt like a gentle massage, like the ones she would give herself when she would get dehydration headaches while scavenging for far too long. This time, she had no headache, so it was actually easier to relax under the circumstance.

After what seemed like a few minutes, Luke yanked his arms away and abruptly stood. He turned his back on Rey, his stare darting across the walls. Rey was shocked at his sudden reaction. _Oh no. It must be bad._ She waited for him to say something, not knowing what to say and too scared to hear what Luke thought of her encounter with Ren.

When the suspense became too long to bear, Rey finally spoke. "Luke?"

He hesitated before pivoting back around, his face pale and grief stricken. Rey felt uneasy.

"I'm sorry. I just haven't seen my nephew for a very long time and it affected me more than I thought it would." He took a deep breath, composing himself. "I haven't seen him look so… caring since he was a young boy. He looked like the Ben I used to be so fond of, just more grown up." Luke actually let himself smile, probably thinking back to the times when Ben was a happy, carefree boy.

Rey wondered just how long ago that was. _  
_

She didn't know what to say to Luke; she was not used to comforting others. So she remained silent. Waiting. Luke came to sit back down on the edge of the bed, his hands clasped in his lap, gazing straight ahead at the door.

"The Ben in your shared dream seemed to care about you," he began to say slowly, choosing his words with careful consideration. "He seemed horrified at losing you when you fell off the cliff's edge." She didn't have to be a Jedi to know what emotion plagued the man before her: Confusion.

"Can you tell me about him?" Rey gently asked. "What Ben used to be like, before Kylo Ren?"

It struck Rey that asking such a question might come off as rude and insensitive. But before she could take it back, Luke began to speak, all the while his body remaining still.

"I didn't spend a lot of time with him when he was very young, but I would come visit on occasion. Or Leia would have him sit with her when we talked on the holoscreen." He chuckled to himself, glancing at Rey. "You might be surprised by this, but he was a lot like his father. Not in the sense of being fascinated with ships and flying, like Han was, but more of his personality." That indeed surprised her. She could not picture the man who hurled her into a tree acting like Han Solo.

She kept her opinions to herself as she placidly listened to Luke's words.

"Ben would love to tell me all about the "adventures" him and his friends would go on, and how they loved playing stormtroopers and rebels. He was also a very mischievous boy, always trying to pull pranks on anyone he could find. Nothing too serious, though," he assured her. "And he got really good at mastering the art of sarcasm." Luke's face lit up before he went on. "I remember when I came to visit for one of Han's life day parties, and I was helping Leia and Ben with some last minute preparations when Han yelled from the bathroom. He ran out, his hair as green as Rodian scales."

"Oh my goodness!" Rey gasped, actually becoming enthralled with the tale. "He must've been livid! How did that even happen?" Rey found herself starting to laugh as she pictured a younger Han with green hair. She put a hand up to her mouth to try and compose herself.

"Oh, Han was furious." Luke gradually became more animated as he continued. "Turns out, his hair had been thinning for a few years and he'd been doing everything he could to slow it down. He was using this new cream that seemed promising at the time, and I guess you needed to leave it in your hair for about an hour and wrap it in this plastic cap to get maximum results. Well, Ben somehow got ahold of some green dye and put it into the bottle, thinking that Han would notice and just not use it." Luke smiled, shaking his head at the memory. "You should've seen Ben's reaction when Han walked into that living area. He was laughing so hard that tears were coming out of his eyes. Leia and I tried not to laugh right along with him, but we couldn't help it. Han was of course Han about it, shouting and yelling at Ben, but Leia got him to eventually calm down."

"Wait. Han went to the party with green hair?" Rey asked incredulously.

"Oh, no. Leia immediately called up her assistant to try and get Han's hair back to its natural shade. But the color turned his hair a dark brown, making it obvious he'd done something to it. What's ironic is all that hair dye made him lose a lot of his hair. He tried to get out of going to the party, but Leia basically dragged him to it. You could just tell how embarrassed he was. Everyone noticed that he looked borderline bald. It eventually started growing back, though."

"What happened to Ben?"

"They took away his privilege of the HoloNet, confiscated all his virtual games. The punishment only lasted a few days, though Ben seemed willing to pay for what he'd done. He was really understanding for being only nine." Luke looked at Rey's astonished face and they both started laughing. It felt good to let go of the current stress of her life and to just sit there, listening to an amusing story. But soon, the laughter died down and the smiles faded from their lips, the atmosphere once again growing serious.

"That young boy no longer exists," Luke stated, eyes glossing over and filling with the regret. Rey felt pity for the old Jedi.

"You need to be careful, Rey," he warned. "Whatever is going on between you and Ben, it could very well ruin you. If this is some sort of connection between the two of you, he could try to use it to sway you to the dark side or use it to find you. He wants to be fully immersed in the darkness and will kill anything that stands in his way." They both thought about Han. "If he somehow cares for you, even if it is buried deep within, he'll want to rid himself of those feelings." Luke let the implication of his words float in the silence between them.

Rey's hands felt clammy, and she found it increasingly hard to swallow. Luke stared at her intensely, trying to convey the danger she was in.

"You mean he will try to kill me."

"Yes." Her mind raced with the memories of fighting him on Starkiller. She could still feel the heat from both their lightsabers on her face, just as he asked to be her teacher. Through her continuing to fight him, she made it clear she would never be his apprentice.

If there was one thing Rey learned from living so long on Jakku, it was that she needed to adapt to situations quickly in order to survive. This might be the most dangerous situation she's ever been in, but surviving this long without help had to count for something.

She straightened her posture and clenched her hands into fists. "Well, it wouldn't be the first time he's tried to kill me. Besides, when he comes at me again, I'll be ready. Right?" This was it. This was the moment Luke needed to make up his mind about training her. She wasn't going to let him leave without giving her an answer.

And Luke knew that.

Rey waited with baited breath, only letting it go when Luke finally nodded his head solemnly. "If you want to learn the ways of the Jedi, I will teach you."

"The code–"

"No longer exists," he reassured her as he went to the door. "Get some rest. We'll start your training in the morning."

Deep down, Luke always knew that it would come to this. Whether it was by him or someone else, Kylo Ren would have to be stopped. He couldn't put that responsibility on Rey's shoulders, though. _Can I do it? Can I kill my own nephew?_ He wouldn't know for sure until he faced the impending situation. Just thinking about it made his stomach churn. _I refused to kill my father and now I am seriously contemplating killing my nephew_. Luke had gambled that there was still a piece of humanity left in his father and that he cared for his son enough to save him. But Ben made it clear he didn't care for his family by committing patricide. _The way Ben looked at Rey in that dream, though…_

Luke gave her one last look before leaving, seeing her face was hard with determination and resolve. _May the Force guide me to know what to do_. Luke could see that the girl sitting before him would do what was necessary to survive and save the ones she cared for.

()()()()()

Kylo Ren panted heavily in his dueling chambers as he swung the lightsaber at the incoming holo-projections. One by one, he sliced through them and blocked their artificially generated blaster bolts. He let his anger and aggression seep into every blow. Sweat dripped down his nose and chin, drenching his black, long sleeved dueling shirt and pants all the way through. He'd been at this for three hours now, but refused to acknowledge the exhaustion that dragged at his feet.

 _Being tired is for the weak._

He heard the door slide open and, without thinking, glanced at the stormtrooper standing in the entrance. Distracted, one of the holo-bolts slipped passed his notice, hitting its mark. Pain flared throughout his elbow, shooting up his arm and making it seize. He Force pushed the button on the silver plated wall, the projections flickering before disappearing.

"I am not to be disturbed while dueling," he growled as he turned to face the idiotic trooper. The urge to snap his neck was overwhelming, but if he killed one more of Hux's subordinates, Hux would go tattle to the Supreme Leader about how "unfair" Ren was being. Even though he knew his master would not punish him, he was not in the mood for another lecture on how he should work with Hux and view him as an equal.

It was nauseating just thinking of that sniveling worm being on even ground with him.

 _Maybe I should kill this trooper to get the Supreme Leader's attention_. The last time Ren had talked to Snoke was on Starkiller and he could not figure out what was going on that his master would ignore him. Ren hated being ignored. Reminded him too much of the past, when he was a nobody with no power and no respect.

Instead of giving into the temptation of killing, he gave the stormtrooper a venomous glower and relished in the fear radiating into the room.

"General Hux demands your presence on the bridge, Lord Ren."

 _Demands? That red headed bastard…_

"I'll be there when I can." The stormtrooper didn't move. "Is there something else?" The muscles in Ren's neck tightened and the grip on his saber was so severe, he was surprised it didn't break under the pressure.

"The General wants you there as soon as possible." Ren's hand extended out, Force pushing the stormtrooper out of the room and against the hallway wall, the armor audibly cracking. The door closed after no longer sensing the trooper's presence. Ren lowered his arm, trying to control his inner rage. He looked down at his grip on the saber hilt and managed to loosen it, noticing the crack on the left plasma vent that had been welded closed a few days ago.

 _My lightsaber has a scar from that scavenger scum now._

He made his way to the refresher and went through the motions of washing the morning grime and sweat away. When he caught his reflection in the mirror, he stopped to examine the light pink scar running from the left side of his forehead, all the way down to the top of his right shoulder. He ran his fingers along the blemish, touching it lightly. Reverently.

The bacta tank had healed his wounds the best it could, but lightsaber wounds were very complex to mend. Time had also worked against him, as he'd received treatment too late to be fully healed. That's what the medical droids told him, anyway.

He massaged his right shoulder, feeling a tinge of pain. The bone didn't heal right and he knew it would bother him for the rest of his life. The rest of the wounds, his upper right and left arm, along with his left thigh, would all bear scars from his duel on Starkiller base. Constant reminders of how the scavenger defeated him. Humiliated him.

And had robbed him of his focus. He'd had no desire to see her dead, so he never landed a killing blow. He could have. But he didn't. What he had seen in her was the potential for a true equal... a partner that matched him in the Force.

She denied him.

Just like everyone in his family had tossed him aside, she had looked upon him and had been disgusted– which was ironic since she collected and lived among trash for a living.

With the pad of his thumb he touched his hip, running it over the ridges and jagged edges, the shiny paleness of the scar standing out against his already white skin _._ He fought the nervous swirls that braided in his empty stomach, his ears ringing as he heard the distant roar of a Wookie, remembering. This was as much as the wound would heal, but sometimes his hip still ached, like the ghostly echo of the metal quarrel that ripped through the skin not long ago. He knew the pain was not physical. If it had been, he would've known how to treat it.

The mending of mental scars always evaded him.

He couldn't undo the sensations and images that were embedded deeply within his conflicted mind. They followed him everywhere, taunting and sneering at him, making him believe to have heard his father shout his birth name, followed by a familiar feral bellow. The dreams didn't help with his sanity, either. If anything, it was making him worse. _  
_

But he had to move on. Put it all behind him. Only then could he become stronger, reach his full potential of power.

The past held no quarter for him.

Ren changed into his proper battle attire and helmet, thankful that the device covered his despondent face, offering him comfort, making him feel strong and capable. He thought of how annoyed and impatient Hux would be by now, and a little smile played along his lips. He walked to the bridge with no sense of urgency.

Not one trooper outwardly paid him any heed as they passed him, but he could feel them cower under his officious authority. In a way, their fear was the ultimate show of respect.

The main door whistled open as he entered. He started to scan the room when he heard Hux call out to him from his left.

"Ah, Ren. You finally decided to bask us with your presence." Hux strode up to him, hands clasped behind his back. Ren didn't move as he watched the skinny frame attempt to look domineering. Pride was spilling off of Hux, which bothered Kylo. Hux was the one person he'd encountered that was not afraid of him. _One day he will be put in his rightful place. Preferably in an unmarked grave_.

"Supreme Leader Snoke wanted me to convey a message to you." _Supreme Leader is talking to Hux?!_

Ren was thankful that his mask hid his shock. "You are to hunt down the scavenger girl and kill her. On your own. No aid. Whatever you must do to complete this mission, do it. The Supreme Leader will not accept failure this time." Hux paused to look Kylo over. "If I were you, I would take this opportunity to get some much needed R&R for a bit. You seem to be rather sluggish since that little girl bested you." Hux put on a face of fake pity.

"As I recall, that "little girl" helped blow up you precious base." The General's face turned red, his temples protruding as he clenched his teeth together. Ren turned and left the station before Hux could come up with some sort of petty response. _That cretin was already taking up too much of my time that he doesn't deserve._

Figuring out how to find the scavenger, on the other hand, was much more worthy of his thoughts.

On the way back to his living quarters, he couldn't help but feel uneasy that the Supreme Leader seemed to be ignoring him on purpose. _Is he really that disappointed in me? I did what he said, I killed Han Solo! You would think he would be angrier with Hux after he lost The First Order's most powerful weapon. Hux is the one who should be left in the shadows, not me!_

Kylo swore he would get back into his master's good graces, and he would start by finishing this mission.


	5. Chapter 5

**I do not own Star Wars.**

 **Enjoy the chapter!**

Chapter Five

Luke walked back into the common living area of the Falcon, glancing at Chewie lounging on the curved bench. The Wookie shot to his feet, inquiring about Rey. Luke raised his hand to calm the worried friend.

"She's fine. Just resting. No need to be alarmed."

 _At least not yet._

Everything seemed to be spinning at a pace that was too fast for Luke to process. He'd agreed to teach the girl, and he still wasn't sure if that was the right call. Choosing the path of the Force was not an easy road, it was one that had multiple detours paved with death and misery... but also the possibility of freedom. He hoped the Force would guide him to the latter, but would accept if it was his time to leave this realm. To fear death was of the dark side.

But he did fear it for his new, much younger apprentice.

"Aaagh agh aaaaagh." _Leia keeps hailing the Falcon._

"Of course she is." Luke placed his hand on a rusted panel beside him, letting out a long, ragged breath. His energy was spent from talking with his sister earlier and dealing with Rey's dream. And now Leia wants to continue their conversation, if that's what it was.

Seeing Leia on the holoscreen earlier broke every ounce of determination he had to hold himself together. He just sat there, staring at her, taking in her aged feminine features. The puffy bags under her eyes were a testament to how tired she was, the whites around her dark pupils seeming bloodshot from trying to hold back tears. She had smiled at him but the grin did not light up her appearance. Her inner pain was evident, even from lightyears away.

 _I did this to her. I couldn't save Ben, and now my sister has lost her family_.

Luke started sobbing in front of his twin. He tried to conceal most of his anguish by putting his head in his hands, but he couldn't stop the cries that escaped his mouth. He considered stopping the transmission, but knew that would be a horrible idea. He had to get control of his shaking body and own up for his past failures. Finally, after grounding himself, he looked up at the holoscreen. Leia's cheeks were wet, and Luke's heart rate doubled in speed.

"I've missed you, Luke," she murmured softly. Luke wiped at his eyes, conveying the same sentiment to Leia.

Then, silence.

He wasn't sure what to say to his sister, but he knew what she wanted to hear. He knew she wanted to know about the last few months her son had still been Ben. Even though Luke had left her a brief message before disappearing, it had been vague and the transmission almost incoherent, thanks to intergalactic radiation. Naturally, she would demand the unforgiving details. But the truth was, even Luke was not exactly sure when everything started to implode inside his nephew. He had his theories, but only Ben could reveal the whole truth.

If Ben even knew what the truth was.

Luke couldn't tell her about the expectations that surrounded her son. Couldn't tell her that it was their father and Obi-Wan who told him of his nephew's vague destiny. Luke still didn't have all the answers. He tried searching for them in the temples, but came up empty. So no, he couldn't tell Leia everything. Ben didn't even know about this. No one did.

In an attempt to put off talking about Ben, Luke inquired about the Resistance. Surprisingly, other star systems had started to reach out to Leia after the annihilation of the Hosnian System, finding their courage amidst such harrowing times.

"They want to join The Resistance in destroying The First order. Our numbers are low and it's good that other worlds are finally realizing the real threat the galaxy is under. I just wish it didn't take a whole system being destroyed to make these leaders see reason." Leia's forehead cinched in frustration. "Billions of lives murdered in an instant." Her voice was above a whisper, her gaze cast down. _She had friends that died on Hosnian Prime_ , Luke thought, _and now all she has is her memories of them._

His gaze dropped to view his hands interlaced upon his lap.

"I remember feeling their terror, their helplessness," Luke explained carefully. "Men, women, children. The sudden bombardment of emotion made me black out, it was too much for me to take in. For anyone to take in." Luke would never forget that day, of feeling all those people think about their loved ones. He had swiftly witnessed wives clinging to their husbands, friends saying their goodbyes, and mothers holding their children for the last time. The anger Luke felt when he woke in his hut was uncontrollable. He had grabbed his lightsaber, ran to the largest rock formation, and turned part of it into rubble. Then, he'd gone to his knees and sobbed. He recalled when Obi Wan felt the people of Alderaan as their end came, and rebuked himself for not controlling his emotions better, like his former master.

Both Luke and Leia were quiet for some time, thinking about the unnecessary carnage Starkiller base had reaped on so many innocent lives.

"Are you considering moving the base?" Luke glanced back up at Leia, trying to change the subject. He was comforted to hear that they were already making preparations for such an endeavor.

Leia explained how they were working quickly to pack up and move their base to Carlac, a planet in the Outer Rim Territories. The Death Watch had started building a base there during the Clone Wars, but was abandoned before it was completely finished. About half The Resistance was already there, with the rest to follow tomorrow to help fortify the surrounding area. When Leia started conveying the numbers left in their fleet, Luke felt the all-encompassing fear that left him unable to breath. It was coming directly from Rey.

He immediately bolted to his feet while hearing his sister frantically shouting his name.

And now here he stood, leaning against the skeleton of the Falcon, wondering if he could continue talking to Leia. He headed to the cockpit instead of the private comms station, deciding he would like to have a view of the island while conversing with her. He would need something to look at while he told her of how he failed her son.

()()()()()

Kylo Ren rummaged through his closet, packing extra clothing and other essentials into his broad duffle bag and personal trunk. His spare helmet was off, but his full battle attire was still on as he grabbed the heavy bag and threw it on his bed. He didn't know how long this mission was going to take, so he purposefully over packed to make sure he was prepared for anything. The comm link buzzed, interrupting his preparations.

"Yes?" Ren walked over to the refresher to grab his hygienic essentials.

"Sir, we have loaded everything you requested onto your ship. It's ready for take off whenever you are."

"I'll be there in ten minutes." He strolled back to the luggage, stuffing his remaining possessions inside. Once zipped, he placed his helmet over his head and commanded the stormtroopers waiting outside to carry the bag and trunk to the idle vessel. They made their way to the main hangar bay, where Ren finally got to see the craft that would be carrying him across the galaxy.

He briefly stopped to give the questionable ship a once over.

 _I asked for an inconspicuous ship, but this looks like it wont even make it to the next star system!_

He wondered where The First Order even found such a piece from history. The VCX-100 light freighter. The model had been made after The Clone Wars, but had not been used much since the fall of The Empire. When he studied the history of The Rebellion growing up, he'd read about how these ships were made to be specifically elusive, with secret compartments and a way of hiding itself from Imperial radar. It could even fit a specially designed smaller craft inside that would detach from the freighter's hull.

 _Hux is banking on this ship falling apart and me dying out in space._

Ren seethed with annoyance, but decided to prove his adversary wrong by surviving in this tin can. He could use his knowledge of ship mechanics and engineering– which he'd gained through his youth– to make the ship last the voyage. Maybe even make some improvements.

As he entered and made his way to the cockpit, his mind drifted unwillingly to his father. Han had taught him as much as he could about flying, but Ben was always more interested in the engineering aspect of it all. That's not to say he wasn't good at piloting. Han would point out on more than one occasion how naturally talented he was at the pilot controls, but Ben was never as enthusiastic. He always knew Han had been disappointed in him for not being more interested in flying in one of those junior saber races he hosted.

Kylo came up behind the pilot's chair, resting his hands on the rounded top. His head turned as his eyes examined the co-pilot seat through the dark tint of his helmet.

A memory flashed in his mind.

 _He was ten years old, sitting in the co-pilot seat of the Millenium Falcon. He gazed at the control board with fascination, wanting to take it all apart and see how it worked. But his father would murder him if he maimed his precious baby._

" _Just imagine kid, you could be the youngest being to compete in the saber race. And if you win, which I think you would, your name would be in the record books!" The excitement in his father's voice was impossible to miss. Ben looked up at him, seeing the pride shine through his eyes as Han looked at his only son._

"Stop!" Ren shot his fist out to the wall, making a dent in the metal frame. His hand throbbed with anger, but he welcomed it. It helped purge the memories of his younger, foolish self and bring his mind back to the his present task. The strangling guilt had been about to engulf him, like a black hole, if he hadn't had the pain in his hand to focus on.

He tore his gloves off and massaged the knuckles of his dominant hand, closing his eyes, centering himself. The coolness of his fingers gave the hot and inflamed knuckles some relief.

 _Do_ _not dwell on the past. What's done is done. There is no going back. There is nothing to go back to. There is only what lies ahead._

The scavenger's face lit up in his mind. He made his way to the pilot seat and started the ship's sequence for takeoff. He had a purpose and a mission to complete. Once he was done, the Supreme Leader would praise him for getting his revenge and for proving his loyalty.

 _Killing your father should have proved that to him._

Ren seethed at the abrupt and unwelcome thought.

 _The Supreme Leader is wise; he has a plan for me. I trust his guidance._

He directed the ship through the hanger and shot out into the emptiness of space. A long, shaky breath escaped his lips as he gently removed the mask, placing it in the co-pilot chair. The smell of the cold, metallic atmosphere inside the freighter hit his nose and chilled his throat, his eyes darting between all the stars that were laid out before him.

Floating out here in the vastness of space, alone, made him feel somber. It had been years since he went on a mission alone, and he started to relish in the freedom he started to feel. He knew that feeling wouldn't last, though. A deep, debilitating fear started to surface through his solemn exterior: the fear of being alone, of not belonging anywhere, of having no one to turn to. He knew this fear was his weakness, for he'd never found a way to keep it buried in the dark pit of his subconscious for long.

Sitting still, arms crossed over his chest, he thought of that recurring dream. He could still feel the strong sense of wonderment at finding the girl, of running through the snow to find her. The same sensation had caught hold of him when he first laid eyes on her at Takodana, and it struck him with unease that he didn't fight against it. He had theorized that the girl was quite possibly the one who plagued his dreams, but dismissed the notion as being impossible. Still, he remembered being mesmerized by her. Admiring her. And he hadn't known why.

Then he had found an excuse to take her back to Starkiller, and he hadn't even questioned his actions at the time.

Holding her in his lap on his command shuttle, Ren had been afraid that if he let go of her, she would disappear. Go back to whatever dream she existed in.

All the stormtroopers had just stared at the oddity of witnessing Kylo Ren being possessive over some random girl.

 _Let them stare_ , he had thought. _Their opinions are worthless_.

For most of the flight back, he studied the face that was cradled against his chest, relishing in the feel of her body against his. His eyes ran over her long eyelashes, her plump, red lips, her sun kissed skin. What would it feel like to touch her without the barrier of his gloves?

 _If she could see my face, would she be drawn to me like I am drawn to her_? Ren had thought, still not looking away from her, fantasizing of her hand caressing his cheek. But then he felt sick knowing that he shouldn't be wondering about such childish things.

Ren exhaled, letting go of the memories as he leaned over and punched in the coordinates to his destination, activating the hyperdrive. _I cannot indulge in such foolish pieces of fiction, cannot let compassion dictate my actions. She's an enemy of The Order, and she will die.  
_

He left the cockpit, entering each of the living chambers lined just outside, finding the black trunk in one of the four different rooms. It held an array of the different identities he could hide behind, his own very chest of lies and deceptions. A new change of clothes was needed to blend into where he was going, his identity needing to remain a secret. He did not want the girl to catch wind that he was hunting her.

It could make her harder to find if she was too overly cautious.

He took off his belt, followed by his robes. Bumps spread across his naked, pale skin as the cold brushed against his body. He unclasped the silver latches on both sides of the luggage and lifted the lid. He peered at the set of rags lying on top, their light beige complexion sticking out against the contrast of the dark, inner lining of the trunk. It had been a very long time since he'd worn anything besides black, and he felt himself becoming apprehensive about wearing the light, cotton fabric. Under his mask was where he was the most comfortable. That helmet was his true face.

 _It will all be worth it in the end_.

Putting aside his trepidation, he started to robe, the fibers of the light fabric scratching against his skin. It was tempting to forget the guise all together and go back to his soft, dark attire. But he didn't

 _Besides, keeping cool in the heat of the desert would work better in something lighter._

 _The climate on Jakku can be relentless._

 _()()()()()_

Rey meditated at the northern most part of the island, feeling the morning sun warming her skin, letting the slosh of the waves fill her ears. She basked in the wonderment of being able to be on this island, of being able to experience the ocean in person. Here, on this planet, she didn't have to worry about scavenging old Imperial vessels or rationing her food to last more than a few days. She can now choose to be whoever she wanted to be. Who she can become was no longer dictated by someone's choices, but were now her own. So when she had woken from her rough night of sleep, she headed out to find Luke and start the beginnings of her journey to becoming a Jedi.

Rey had found him meditating on a large flat boulder, not too far from his hut, watching the languid sunrise. "It will be hard, Rey," the man had warned. "You must learn discipline and restraint, which will be difficult since you're starting to train in your adulthood." She listened and nodded with eagerness as he explained how the training would be set up to challenge her, maybe even make her contemplate quitting.

Her emotions bubbled with the excitement of a challenge.

"I won't let you down. I promise." Rey couldn't hold in her sheer joy any longer and smiled at Luke, but he didn't return the enthusiasm. He looked up at the light blue sky, seeming to get lost in his own thoughts.

Her smile vanished in the breeze. That monster probably promised Luke the same thing once, only to go back on his oath.

Words had no meaning in that moment, so Rey craned her head up, watching the islands native blue birds fly overhead, their shrill shrieking becoming somewhat annoying.

"Well," Luke said abruptly, his focus returning to her. "Your first lesson can be learning to meditate, to feel the Force flowing through you."

"Ummm, I've never meditated in my life," she admitted, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Unless trying to fall asleep counts?"

Luke grinned. "They both have their similarities, but are different. When you meditate, you want to feel connected with the living, become one with all that surrounds you." Luke opened his arms, fanning to the landscape that surrounded them. "You can ponder questions you have and let the Force guide you in your thoughts. Don't fight the path that is laid out to you. Becoming one with the Force is of the light side. When you start to try to bend it to your will, that is when the dark side starts to become alluring."

Rey was trying to digest what Luke was teaching her. _Being selfish, dark side. Being selfless, light side._

It slowly dawned on her that it might take an incredible amount of discipline to stay in the light. All her life, she'd only looked out for herself. She made it a priority to stay away from people as much as possible because less people in her life meant less conflict.

 _I'm not a bad person, though. At least, I don't think I am. I've helped random strangers who desperately needed it._ She thought of the few times she'd found people dying of dehydration on Pilgrim's Road. She would lift their heads and pour water into their mouths, then quickly put them on her speeder to deliver them to Niima Outpost. There had also been the whole ordeal with BB-8.

 _See, Rey? You can do this. You can be selfless and let the Force guide you._

"So," Luke continued, "I would advise that you go explore the island. Find a peaceful place and meditate for a while. Find inner peace. When you're done, come find me. I have a feeling you'll be interested in more training with the lightsaber." A coy smile played along Luke's lips and Rey beamed at him.

"But first things first," he ordered, shooing her away.

 _Right. Time to meditate._

"Oh, and Rey?" She stopped and turned upon hearing him call out to her. "It will be up to you how you want to address me. Whether it be Luke, Or Master Skywalker, it's your choice."

"Wouldn't Master Skywalker be more appropriate, since I'm your apprentice?"

He didn't answer, instead going back to his immobile state of meditation. She had the sense that he didn't like the title of Master, that it reminded him too much of the past. But no one can run from their memories.

They made you who you are.

"I'll be back soon, Master Skywalker." The loose strands of her hair tickled her cheeks as she walked away from the wide, flat rock. She didn't know where to go exploring first, so she let her feelings guide her. As she headed over to the northern side of the island, she heard Luke's voice carry over to her in the wind.

"No falling asleep!"

She smiled at the grassy terrain, making her way across the unknown territory.

()()()()()

She stood at the entrance of a hallway, eyes roaming over a sleek and modern living area. It was of a relatively decent size, big enough to fit two sizeable blue sofas and matching end tables. The walls were a light grey color, which played off the dark blue of the furniture in a pleasant and appealing way. Random pieces of art lined the walls, too abstract for her to interpret. Directly in front her was a small, square metal table with four forest green metallic chairs. The dining room flowed directly into a small kitchen, a large counter taking up most of the space in the middle.

The home struck her as beautiful, but comfy. It's a place she wished she had while growing up. All it needed was a family to match.

Something dark appeared in her periphery, and she turned her gaze back to the living room.

Rey's breathing halted mid inhale.

A tall man, dressed in black, stood not far from her, his back facing her direction. There was no need to see the man's face, for she knew who he was from his strong build and wavy raven hair:

Kylo Ren.

His presence resonated within her, the inky darkness of anger and pain swimming among her gut, corrupting her once peaceful demeanor. Breathing now shallow, she dare not move, waiting for the moment he would sense her existence. But he never turned. He just kept staring straight ahead. Cautiously, Rey took a calculated and quiet step to her left, peering around his broad frame.

Her eyes caught the manifestation of a young boy lying across the couch, hands intertwined across his abdomen. He had to be somewhere around eleven or twelve years of age, for his youthful face had not caught up to his maturing stature. Eyes fixed on the ceiling, a look of gloom etched across the boys features, light glittering across his cheeks as Rey realized he'd been crying.

Even young, the boy's angular face was more than recognizable, now appearing in the matured countenance of a sinister man. This young boy was Ben Solo, and Kylo Ren was looking straight at him.

Rey heard a door open and close on the other side of the far kitchen wall. Light on her feet, she bounced back as the sudden noise rippled across the silent room. The young Ben Solo darted into an upright position, quickly lifting his white shirt, wiping away his tear stained cheeks.

Kylo's hands clenched into tight fists.

"Ben?" A woman's voice yelled from the hall.

Ben cleared his throat. "I'm in here!" he yelled out, tone still shaky.

Footsteps traveled down the corridor, a woman entering hurriedly into the room. It was General Leia Organa, looking decades younger in her light blue dress, so different from her usual military garb Rey was accustomed to seeing her in. Hair pulled back into a tight bun, her defined cheekbones revealed a grimace as she saw her son.

Rey waited for Leia to notice her and Kylo standing there, but she paid them no heed. She only had eyes for Ben. Panic was written all over Leia's face as she rushed to the young boy, Kylo's head following the woman as she made her way to the elegant sofa, placing her datapad on the end table.

"Oh Ben. I'm so sorry I missed the award ceremony." She sat down next to her son, wrapping him in a speedy embrace. "The Senate was fighting over this new trade bill that the Centrists didn't agree with. Neither party was wanting to come to a compromise. I was the main Populist voice and I tried to make the other Senators see reason–" Ben harshly withdrew from Leia's hold, scooting away from her, his features souring into a scowl.

Leia lowered her arms and looked miserable.

Silence ensued as mother and son stared at one another.

"Did you get both sides to compromise and pass the bill?" Ben asked, tone eerily level.

"No."

After a brief pause, Ben began to laugh derisively, eyes briefly glancing up at the ceiling. "You wasted your whole day with a Senate you had to have known would not agree on a damn thing, and in return, you missed the competition and awards ceremony. Again." He rubbed his lips together, clucking his tongue as he added, "You know, since you basically live in that Senate building, you should just move all your shit there."

"Language, Ben," she scolded.

"My apologies; you should just move all your shit there, _mother_."

Shame plastered across the General's face as she looked at her stoic son. Kylo's head moved from side to side, looking between his mother and younger self, his whole body rigid, hands looking ready to pelt anything that provoked him.

"I know how important this competition was to you Ben, but–" A ding from the datapad interrupted her. She sighed in frustration and snatched the pad off the table. Her gaze stayed on the opened message longer than necessary, trying to avoid looking at her son.

"Duty calls?" Ben asked with a certain amount of venom.

"I'm needed at the Senate building. Tai-Lin wrote it's urgent." Her voice was little more than a whisper as she looked apologetically at Ben.

"Well then, by all means, go. Sounds important." His voice was cold. Distant. The silence that filled the room grew, like a living entity between them. She could tell Leia was conflicted as to what to do.

 _Surely she's going to stay,_ Rey thought _._ She might not know much about reading people, but she knew enough to see that the young boy was deeply hurt and shouldn't be left alone. _  
_

To Rey's utter disbelief, Leia slowly stood and adjusted her dress.

"I'll warm up some leftovers that you can eat for dinner before I go." Her stare lingered on Ben before she headed to the kitchen.

Kylo followed the woman as Ben stayed seated on the couch, studying his mother from across the room. Rey lithely hopped behind the wall before Kylo could notice her intruding presence.

"I'll make this up to you Ben," Leia said. "I promise." Cabinets were being opened and shut, and Rey could hear the clatter of items being put on the counter. Leia was out of view from inside the kitchen, but she saw as Kylo placed both palms on the countertop, leaning in the direction of his mother. Rey saw the side of his face, saw it seeping with unpolluted fury.

"You'll make it up to me?" Kylo spoke through a tight jaw. Even though Rey knew Leia couldn't see them, some small part of her was still expecting the woman to answer back. But she didn't.

Blood pumped furiously in Rey's ears, her whole body pulsating with soldering heat as she watched the man before her, unable to tear her eyes away from this very personal moment.

"Do you even remember how hard I worked to win or to even qualify for that competition?" he asked. "It had taken me years to learn the complexities of battle strategy so I could win that award. And I did it for you, the idolized war general of The Rebellion. But you didn't even care!" Kylo leaned further over the counter as Rey watched the veins in his neck start to bulge from underneath his skin. "And guess what? I know for a fact you don't make it up to me. You forget all about it." His eyes stayed focused on his mother as she moved about the kitchen.

Rey jumped as Kylo slammed his fist down upon the marble slab. "Don't leave!" he now begged, sounding desperate. "Stay here and make it up to me, like you promised! Can't you see how what's happening to me? How much I've started to hate you? Stop choosing the New Republic over me every fucking time they call!" Tears streamed down his face, hair sticking to those wet tracks on his cheeks.

He let out a strangled sob, hands covering his face in shame, voice becoming softer and harder to hear. Rey strained to hear the words that escaped his quivering lips. "You were never here to notice what was happening. You and dad both had more important things to do then to actually see that I was struggling. That I needed you." Glancing up, he looked every bit like the boy sitting on the sofa, lost and alone. "Why couldn't you just be my mom?" His voice broke, and he inhaled a shaky breath.

Rey came a little closer. "Why didn't you or dad care about me? You pawned me off to Uncle Luke, forgot all about me. I needed you and you weren't willing to give me your time." He was pleading with his mother, but the prayer fell on deaf ears. Rey heard him though, and she understood the emotions behind his words.

 _My family dumped me on Jakku and forgot about me. I needed them too, but no one ever came back_.

The mixture of Kylo's and Rey's despair was threatening to consume her into the unknown, a place where grief and vengeance fought for dominance.

She looked at this lost man with pity, the overwhelming instinct to comfort him shaming her. _He killed his father, he doesn't deserve respite_ , she scolded inwardly. But her compassion for him, in this moment, did not vanish into the stale air like she hoped.

Leia exited the kitchen with two small bowls, walking between Rey's line of vision that she shared with her older son. Kylo's eyes followed his mother as she made her way to the table, but his stare stopped as he saw Rey.

 _Oh no…_

Eyes wide, mouth slack, he was utterly shocked upon seeing her. In watching the whole scene unfold, Rey had forgot the possibility of him seeing her at this angle.

Throat seizing, denying her air, fear blossomed within her chest as they stared at each other, neither moving an inch. After a few heartbeats, Ren's expected anger clawed its way to the surface and threatened to explode directly at Rey.

"Get. Out," he said, enunciating the words with deliberation.

Rey remained frozen.

His lips pulled back into a snarl, looking like an animal ready to pounce on its prey. Rey's head pounded from anticipation, and she could feel the panic start to overwhelm her, but her feet were glued to the floor.

She mustered the courage to speak to him. "I–"

"GET OUT!" he bellowed, his body bending from the overexertion of the scream.

Rey jumped, her heart skipping violently against her ribs as she darted down the hallway. She heard his heavy boots hit the ground as he came after her. As she hurled herself through the door at the end of the corridor, her body suddenly lurched, heat instantly hitting her face as she fell into an unfamiliar realm.

Her eyes where blinded by the powerful ray of light and she knew that death was imminent.


	6. Chapter 6

**I hope you enjoy the chapter! Please follow or leave a review! It helps me to write faster knowing there is someone out there enjoying the story!**

 **I do not own Star Wars**

Chapter six

Ben froze, surprised by the garbage picker's presence, shock painted across her face from being found out. He knew she'd just witnessed everything that had unfurled here: him acting like a spurned child, crying and pleading at his mother. Becoming lost in the personal atmosphere, he'd been completely oblivious to her being here. Watching as if she had the right to.

Disbelief quickly made way to humiliation, which he masked with indignation.

"Get. Out." he commanded, snarling, balling his fists.

The scavenger did not move.

 _What the hell is she waiting for?_

Under the pressure of what little control he had left, his fury threatened to explode, wanting to spare no one in its path.

"I-"

"GET OUT!" He doubled over from the force of the yell, his arms bending at his sides. The girl jumped in fright, darting down the long hallway leading to his room. His black boots pounded against the floor as he sprinted after her. He rounded the corner too quickly, the sound of his body hitting the wall booming throughout the silent house. The girl sprang through the dark doorway at the end of the hall, disappearing, him close behind–

His stomach contracted, arms shooting out at nothing as his body went into a free fall. The light blinded him instantly, the warmth of the air enveloping his sense of feeling. The descent only lasted a few moments, the right side of his body taking the full brunt of the impact, knocking the breath from his lungs. His limbs thrashed out to his sides as he rolled down a sandy hill, not able to interrupt the accelerated speed. Each time he tried to inhale, hot sand filled his mouth, attempting to suffocate him.

When he finally got control of his limbs he was able to slow the tumbling, coming to a stop at the bottom of the dune. Gagging on the sand, Kylo tried to breath normally again, getting on his hands and knees to allow the grit and spit to slide out of his mouth, sizzling on the ground. Even with his long sleeve shirt and pants covering most of his skin, he could feel sand in every crevice of his body, his palms burning from the heat of the desert floor.

He craned his head up and saw the scavenger sitting upright, just a few feet away from him. Again, they locked eyes, alarmed by the others presence. Ren took in her appearance, noticing the disarray of her hair, the sand plastered to her tan skin and grey clothes. He sat back onto his heels, still breathing hard, looking at the desolation that surrounded them.

Rolling foothills went on for what seemed like miles, with nothing indicating that civilization was nearby.

He was alone with this girl.

The one who nearly killed him.

The one who had denied him.

The sun was already scorching any sliver of exposed skin, salty sweat coating his upper lip and forehead. _What I would give for some water_ , he thought as his tongue slid across his dry mouth.

His gaze fell back upon the girl, noticing her now blank stare and that she still hadn't moved. The previous feelings of anger and embarrassment towards her had dissipated from the sudden change in environment.

He was about to ask her if she was hurt, but caught himself.

 _Why should I care for her well-being?_

"Where are we?" Ren asked, his voice sounding rough.

She raised a brow, dramatically motioning to the landscape. "A desert."

He gave her a flat stare. "Look who's being petty."

She rolled her eyes. "It's Jakku."

"Where on Jakku?" he snapped at her. She gave out an exaggerated sigh and started to stand. He sprang to his feet, not wanting to be looked down upon, needing to be in a more intimidating position. She rolled her eyes again and scanned the unforgiving terrain.

"You think I can just look at a sand dune and recognize where we are?" she asked, irritated. Ren bent his head forward, shaking the sand from his hair with his hands. Each movement reminded him just how much grit was underneath his clothes.

"Well, you did grow up here." He could tell he was aggravating her, and he found himself enjoying it a little too much. He watched her as she untied the rest of her hair, brushing her hands over her body to get the excess sand off. He noticed how lean and toned her arms and body were _. To survive out here, you would have to keep yourself strong._

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. "Stop looking at me."

"And where should I avert my gaze?"

"Anywhere else, but at me."

His eyes scanned the dreary planet, the sun reflecting off the surface and bringing him to the brink of a headache.

"You're much more interesting to look at than sand."

Her head snapped at him, not believing what had just come out of his mouth. And honestly, he couldn't believe it either _._ Driving his hand through his hair, he swallowed the little ounce of saliva he had left, shifting under her pelting stare.

 _Why did I say that? Why am I acting like this?_ For some unknown reason, Ren's self control was dampened while in her presence. _This isn't me. Not anymore, anyway. Ben Solo is gone._

Suddenly, Kylo heard the muffled sound of voices coming from the other side of one of the dunes. The girl clawed her way over the unstable sand, going for the direction of the noise. He followed her, feet sinking and hands digging to find some sort of balance. He paused next to her at the peek and stared out at the vast ravine, the ground littered with cracks and crevices from the dry climate. To the right he saw the outline of a woman, holding the hand of a young child. They were walking away from a ship and towards the direction of a large figure, next to what seemed to be a speeder, in the distance. He looked back at the ship, thinking he could make out the outline of a tall man.

"No," Rey whispered, horrified. Ren's attention went back to the young scavenger, her eyes taking in the scene as if it was something familiar.

She left him, sprinting down the hill and toward the woman and child, the pair getting closer to the larger figure.

Curious, Kylo followed behind her.

By the time they reached the strangers, Kylo was plastered with sweat and breathing heavily under his thick clothes. The sand chaffed along every inch of his skin, making it extremely uncomfortable to move. The temptation to take off his shirt was strong, but under the overwhelming sun, he knew his sallow skin would bake. He settled with rolling up his sleeves.

 _No one should ever live here._

He watched as the the woman and child arrived at the speeder, seeing the large humanoid awaiting them. The older woman's dark grey cloak and navy blue dress rippled in the hot breeze, her blonde hair up in a tight bun, eyes squinting against the harsh sun. She had a soft, round face that mirrored itself in the little girl she was holding onto. There was a familiarity to the young child, but Kylo couldn't place where he'd seen her before.

Audibly annoying, the scavenger started to breath hard, not taking her eyes off of the mother and child.

"Stay here. I'll come back for you." The young mother stopped the frightened little girl and knelt down to the child's level. She took the girl's face into her hands, planting a kiss to her forehead. The girl started to cry, holding onto to her mother's arms fiercely.

Kylo just stared at the unfolding scene, realization dawning as to what was happening. _Is she leaving the girl with this disgusting creature?_ Repulsion seethed its way into his emotions, followed by anger. _She is leaving her daughter here_. He turned towards the scavenger and saw a steady stream of tears falling down her cheeks.

"What the hell is this?" Kylo growled, but she ignored him. He watched as the big, fat blob strolled up to the embracing duo, looking to be impatient. Kylo's heart rate accelerated to a dangerous level, hands shaking with adrenaline.

"I'll come back, sweetheart." Ren's eyes grew wide and his jaw went slack. The woman looked pained by what she was doing, but she was doing it anyway. "I promise." The alien grabbed the girl away from her mother as she yelled out for her. The older woman looked at the creature, nodded, and turned to walk away, not even glancing back at the child she was abandoning.

"Come back! Come back!" The girl was dragged away as she reached out for, but her mother was already walking back to the ship in the distance.

"Quiet, girl!" The big creature grabbed the child and threw her onto the cruiser as she screamed in the direction of the woman. Ren stepped forward and stretched out his hand to the distraught girl, but stopped as he heard the scavenger finally speak.

"Mom," she whispered. Ren turned around and saw her staring in the direction the woman had went.

 _Mom?_

The speeder engine roared to life as he looked back at the thrashing girl shrieking while the alien held her down. Her pleas became more and more distant as the speeder went off into the unknown. _Wait. Is that girl…_ His eyebrows shot up in understanding.

"No," he breathed out in astonishment. _This is how she got on this hellhole? Her own mother left her here?_

The feeling of abandonment ignited his brain, flashes of his own life swelling in his mind's eye. He remembered being abandoned by his own father when he was thirteen, never seeing him again until that fateful day on the bridge. His father never tried to contact him, never wanted anything to do with him once he started exhibiting his strength in the Force. Just like everyone else in his life, he thought his son was a freak. And his own mother never tried to make her husband a better father. She never tried to mend their broken relationship. She let Han abandon his only son.

He had lost all respect for his mother after that.

"Hey!" he yelled out, causing the scavenger jump, but he didn't have time to acknowledge her. He couldn't control himself as he ran towards the older woman. "You can't do this to her! You can't leave your child on this Force forsaken planet!" Closing the distance between them, he reached out to her, only to be blocked by an unseen energy. The mother kept walking, oblivious to his presence. Still, it didn't stop him from trying to grab her, his attempts at gaining her attention making him ram his fists at the force field that surrounded her.

Hands were suddenly on his arms, trying to hold him back.

"Stop it! What are you doing?" the scavenger cried out. He shoved the hands away, needing this woman to acknowledge him. "Don't you see what this all is? We are reliving past events. We can't change any of it, because it's already happened." She sprang in front of him, trying to shove at his chest to make him stop. "You're wasting your time."

He halted, glaring at the girl's flushed face.

"Wasting my time?" His features twisted as he took a step forward, getting closer to her. "Did you expect me to just stand there, watch that whole disturbing scene, and do nothing?" he asked her incredulously. The confusion on her face was evident, but she held her ground with confidence.

"You think this whole thing is disturbing after everything you've done?" she argued back.

He never kept track of how many people he'd personally killed, never really saw the need. But the number had to be very high. All of it, though, was for The First Order or The Supreme Leader. It had all been necessary. This, on the other hand, had been excruciating to watch.

"And yes," she said on an exhale. "I expected you to do nothing."

"Well at least I tried to do something instead of crying and feeling sorry for myself. Is that what you've learned throughout your life? To be complacent and not take control of your own future?" With hands still unknowingly on his chest, she shoved at him. He felt her strength through the push, but he was twice her size and stronger.

He barely teetered back.

The sting of his words hit her hard, and he actually regretted saying them. He thought back to their vicious fight in the snow and knew she didn't let others dictate her choices. He respected her for that, at least.

He slicked back his damp hair, licking his salty lips. He knew he shouldn't care what had happened to this girl in the past, but he could not find the will power to stop himself. _Something about this place is making me act differently than I otherwise would_.

He thought back to when he'd learned about dreams and how to interpret them when he was at Skywalker's Jedi Academy. In the realm of dreams, it was harder to regulate ones self-control, because your true inner self was more dominant in your subconscious– which was where dreams occurred. If this was indeed true, Kylo had a huge problem.

At that very moment, he could feel his old self begging to be set free, and that made him seethe with worry.

"I shouldn't have said that," he admitted.

She blinked quickly as she gawked at him. Seconds passed before she started to relax, both staying an arms length distance apart. The roar of a ships engine caught their attention, the vessel soaring upward into the atmosphere and disappearing into the blackness of space. He didn't have to look at the girl to know what she felt:

Utterly defeated.

"Why are we here? Together? Reliving these events over again?" she asked, voice trembling with emotion. The fact that she would ask him for his opinion caught him off guard. He thought the girl was only capable of either insulting him, or inflicting some sort of violence.

He paused, trying to find an answer, but nothing came to mind.

"I don't know," he relinquished, placing his hands on his hips, rolling out the tension in his shoulders. "This dream feels real, though."

The sun agreed with him.

The girl walked passed him, stating that she was going to go find shade on the other side of the dunes. Ren contemplated whether to follow her, or to go off on his own quest to find relief from the sun's rays. He knew what he _should_ do, but found himself trailing behind her anyway.

They trekked in silence.

He looked at her as she walked atop the sand with more grace than he would ever have. He couldn't deny that everything about her fascinated him. Her life had been absolutely unfair and terrible, but she still has so much light in her. She had refused to let it be snuffed out by circumstance.

There was also the fact that he thought about her constantly and was uncontrollably drawn to her. This need to be near her was a riddle he didn't want to solve, but he knew he should.

Eventually.

It didn't take long for the girl to find a nice shaded spot, and Kylo instantly felt the cool relief of the falling temperature. The scavenger proceeded to lay on her back, her arms and legs stretched out, her gaze concentrated on the beautiful blue sky. Ren felt out of place as he stood there awkwardly, looking at the tired young woman.

"If you lay down in the shaded sand, it helps cool off your skin," she offered him the advice. After a moment of glancing around, he settled on sitting in a close proximity to her relaxing body. He felt the coolness of the sand seep through his pants and cool off his legs, but he refused to lie completely down. _I will not look weak in front of her_.

As he sat there, he stole glances of the girl, the silence choking him as he tried to find something to say, but couldn't.

"Why haven't you tried killing me?" She turned her head to look straight at him, her face unreadable.

"This is a dream. I can't actually hurt you here," he stated as his eyes started roaming over the dunes, catching sight of a bird flying in the distance.

"I thought you would have tried, regardless."

He actually did try when he pursued her after finding her snooping upon his memory... but he wasn't going to tell her that.

"I'm surprised you haven't tried to kill _me_ by now," he shot back, peering at her from behind drying strands of hair. "After all, I'm just a creature that lurks behind a mask, being nothing more than a monster. And yet, you lay there on the ground, open to an attack from a stranger." That shocked her into silence. Slowly, she sat up and faced him, never taking her eyes off his form.

He almost smiled that he was able to smack some paranoia into her, but he fought back the urge.

Neither of them spoke for a long period of time. He did not feel like conversing with the girl anymore. Instead, he felt content on waiting for himself to wake up from this bizarre illusion. As he watched the wind catch the sand from atop the dunes, a ping in his gut told him that he was being watched. He turned toward the only human being it could be and saw her observing him with a questioning stare. "Do you know who I am?" she asked.

 _What kind of question is that,_ he thought as he squinted at her in confusion.

"You're a scavenger... from Jakku."

"That's not what I mean." Her eyes darted in all different directions while she tried to collect her thoughts. He wondered where this line of questioning was going. "On Starkiller Base, when I called the lightsaber to me, the way you looked at me… it was like you knew me. And then you said, _it is you_." Ren could have sworn his heart just plummeted into his boots, and seeing how none of this was technically real, it very well could have. "Please," her feminine voice begged, eyes filled with desperation. "I need to know where I come from and who I am."

Ren saw her hands digging into the sand.

"I–" he stammered, knowing his statement would hurt the girl, but he refused to tell her of his plaguing dream. "I do not know where you come from, or who you really are."

"Liar!"

He flinched from her sudden outburst. He'd been fully expecting her to be despondent, not angry. "You wouldn't have said something like that if you had no idea who I really I was!" She was becoming flustered as she yelled, and Ren did not like being yelled at. His frustration started to build. "I can't believe I'm even asking you! I should have known you'd lie to me. You must get some sort of pleasure out of watching me suffer." Her knees came up to rest against her chest. "Murder and lies must come naturally to a person like you."

His lethal glare tore into her, but he could see she refused to back down. If any other person in this whole entire galaxy had talked to him like she just had, they would be dead.

The fury he was feeling was welcomed like a long, lost friend. Anger was the emotion he'd always been more comfortable in, not that foolish concern he felt for her a minute ago. But the compassion was still deep down within him, and that was the only entity holding him back from lunging at her.

"I do not lie. And don't presume to know who I am." She opened her mouth to challenge him, but he cut her off. "I really do not know where you come from, who your family is, or why you were left here."

She shook her head, refusing to let it go. "You know something, and I want to know what it is."

"It will not help you in your quest of finding answers."

She shot to her feet, throwing her arms out in exasperation. "You are impossible! I've been alone all of my life, dreaming of the day my family would come back for me, until I finally had to accept that they never would. And now you hold the answers I seek and refuse to give them to me? I was abandoned here, and I want to know why!" She wiped away the tears that were forming in her eyes. "You know, I did things to survive that I'm not proud of. I had to teach myself how to fight off thieves and perverted men that tried to take advantage of me. Unkar even tried to sell me off to one of them, but I made him realize that _that_ was never going to happen." Giving up on holding back the tears, she let them run down her rage filled face.

Languidly, Ren rose, taking his time so he didn't startle her. He was mesmerized by her all encompassing passion, unable to look away from her animated face. His annoyance had vanished as she talked about her life, and he made a mental note to find this Unkar person.

 _That piece of shit doesn't deserve to be alive._

"I know you look at me and see a weak desert rat, but I'm not weak, and I'm not powerless. Not anymore." Slowly, he came to her, and to his relief, she didn't move away. "My life has taught me just how strong I can be. I've never had anyone to lean on, but myself. I lived fifteen years on this awful planet, and not one person had ever cared about me until I met Finn." He became irritated at hearing the traitor's new name, but decided to listen to her ramblings rather than interrupt her.

A laugh abruptly left her lips. "And do you want to hear the most pathetic thing out of all this? The person who probably understands me the most is you." Her statement floored him as she pointed right at his chest. "Not Finn. You. When you were in my head, looking for that stupid map, you saw moments in my life I've never shared with anyone. You tore through my most private dreams and hopes for your own amusement. You brought that pain of rejection that I had buried back to the surface."

She stalked forward, closing the small space between them, scowling at his sun-burnt face. His eyes stayed on her as she came close, allowing him to count the soft brown freckles on the bridge of her nose.

She angled her head upward so she could look him boldly in the eyes. "I hate you. I hate you for how little and scared you made me feel. I hate you for killing Han and for trying to kill Finn. And I hate that even after everything you've done to me, after everything you've done to the galaxy," she paused and inhaled sharply, "I don't think I can bring myself to kill you. Not now. Not ever."

He didn't make any attempts at moving away from her intense gaze. He saw how defenseless the girl was and knew he could lash out at her before she could protect herself, but he didn't. Not because he knew no real harm could befall her here, but because of what he was feeling for her in this moment. There was no anger or rage conducting his actions. Instead he felt empathy for the woman in front of him, and an undeniable urge to comfort her from the pain he had caused her.

 _This isn't me_ , he thought weakly to himself. _I don't feel guilt_.

But he was. He felt remorse, and he was powerless to stop it.

He noticed her face slowly relax under his calm stare. His chest tightened as he watched her eyes roaming over his face, making him feel self-conscious. He thought of his abnormally large ears, hoping his hair was covering them from sight. He couldn't recall the last time he actually cared about his looks, but he found himself concerned over them now.

Hesitantly, he brought his hand up to her cheek as she slightly flinched away from him. The moment paused, his hand mere inches from her skin. She looked at him questioningly, but didn't walk away. His face contorted into concentration as he closed the gap between his hand and her flesh, electricity shooting up his arm and into his stammering heart, warming his body from the inside out. His thumb caressed her soft skin as he let out a shuddered breath.

She was just as soft as he imagined.

Eyes wide, she stood there, immobilized, letting him continue. Extending his fingers into her silky brown hair, he cupped her cheek into his calloused palm. He watched as she closed her eyes, leaning into his touch, knowing he'd just crossed the line into addiction.

He wanted more of her, but stopped himself.

"There's no possible way you could hate me more than I hate myself." He felt her shudder against his hand, her lids snapping open. There was something about that gaze of hers he'll never find in another living being, as if in this moment their souls have made a bridge, forming a connection. Her emotions emanated across the thread, telling him that she needs more of the connection, or that he does. Though, he figured they both needed it.

Her eyes were so different now, more soft and vulnerable than he ever thought eyes could be. All semblances of her armor now gone, what remained was a girl who no longer wanted to be alone. If it had been any other person looking at him in such a way, he would've dropped his gaze. But he didn't. He moved closer, her body now flush with his, wanting more. Always wanting more.

"Is this real?" she asked gently.

He nodded, taking in every line of her face to his memory, her beauty the medicine his ailing soul has always needed. In all the universe, he knew there would never be another like this girl.

She rested her hand on top of his, stroking her thumb over his knuckles. The fact that she was willingly touching him in an affectionate manner made his knees weak.

"You–"

Ren's eyes snapped open, his hand extending toward the railing of the bunk above. Gazing at his opened hand, he could still feel the warmth that had been against it a second ago. He brought it closer to his face, lightly rubbing his fingers against his palm _._

 _I'm back on the ship._

He sat up on the edge of the bed, his boots resting on the metal floor. The room was dimly lit as he took in his surroundings.

When he had arrived on Jakku and landed near Niima Outpost, it had been the dead of night. As tempting as it was to go looking for someone with answers, he had to stick with his original plan of staying inconspicuous. He would have to wait till morning, patience not being a particular strength of his. He had used his free time by looking through the many compartments and crevices of the ship, but soon found himself extremely bored. So he made the decision to get in some much needed sleep before resuming his mission.

Now here he sat, accepting the fact that he had just shared a dream with the girl he was hunting.

 _What have I done?_

His mind raced with the realization of what transpired between him and the scavenger. He bolted off the bed, running his hands roughly through his hair.

 _Why did I go after her mother? I shouldn't have taken that so personally. It didn't even happen to me._ Panic was taking hold of him. He had told the girl something that he didn't like to acknowledge, not even on a really bad day.

He had told her that he hated himself.

And then he reveled in the the connection he'd felt with her, believing that it was something pure and reciprocated.

 _What's happening?_

The memory of touching her was going to haunt him. Her warm, soft skin against his rough hand had felt so right, so natural. It was like he'd touched her that way a thousands time before. And then her body had fit so perfectly against him…

"Stop thinking about her!" He propelled his fist against the hard wall, tearing open his skin from the many blows, letting out a strangled scream. His head slammed into the barrier, trying to get the picture of her out of his mind.

The conflict within him was on the verge of ruining him.

He sunk to his knees, cradling his head in his hands as blood dripped onto the floor. The pain throbbed, but he did nothing to alleviate it.

"She is an enemy of The First Order. The Supreme Leader gave me the personal mission of killing her. And by doing so, I will regain his trust. I will have more power. The galaxy needs The First Order to establish stability from the chaos that plagues it." And on and on he repeated the words, a mantra that he found himself not believing in its entirety.

As he sat on the cold floor, he was able to steady his breathing and calm himself. He needed to find this girl as quickly as possible before this inner conflict became a problem. But as he thought about ending her life, he could only see her face soften under his touch, feel the trust she so blatantly bestowed upon him.

 _She touched me back. Willingly._

There was no fooling himself. The girl was already a problem. She was bringing out the softer side of him he thought he killed off years ago. _Ben Solo. That stupid, naïve child._ He didn't know how to stop having compassion for her, even if it was minuscule. He tried remembering how he felt when he caught her looking in on his personal memory, but his indignation refused to return.

A deep breath escaped his lungs as he cocked his head back to look at the ceiling.

"Shit."


	7. Chapter 7

**First off, thank you GardenGoddess for your very kind review! I am trying so hard to write the characters realistically and give them character development throughout the story. Especially with Kylo Ren. He has the longest way to go in his story arch. Thank you everyone who followed or favorited the story! Please leave a review or add the story to you alerts! And if you are wondering when Rey and Kylo will finally come face to face with each other, it will be soon. Also, I hope it is not annoying for you as a reader to not read a lot of dialogue so far. I have always believed so much more inner dialogue and thinking goes on in a character than what they actually express out loud. Well, enough of me rambling. Enjoy the chapter!**

 **I do not own Star Wars**

Chapter Seven

Rey opened her eyes to see the deep, blue sky above her. She laid there, perfectly still, from the shock of what just took place. She didn't even know where to start processing the dream she just had. Or was it a nightmare? Or both?

Her breathing became shallow as she realized what she'd done right before waking. Trembling, her hand came up to brush along her cheek and jawline. _He touched me, and I let him_. The feel of his rough hand had calmed her, had made her feel safe. She should've walked away from him, should've done things differently, but she couldn't. In that short moment, he was a different person, and she'd been drawn to that new persona.

And his eyes...

In his eyes she saw his humanity, the person he truly was. All the other times she'd been around him, it had been cloaked, disappearing when he wore those dark tunics to become the man others expected him to be. But she saw it in his eyes today, in the shade of the dune, while waitingfor him to lash out at her– his soul blazing behind his gaze, like a fire giving just the right amount of warmth. It had almost died, the flames extinguished as he went under the gun of guilt, shame, and regret.

She needed to see that man again. Needed that connection.

Rey shot up, crossing her legs as her stare bounced between the islands that jutted forth from their place amongst the sea. Kylo was not the only thing on her mind. Being back on Jakku, even if it had been an illusion, had brought up memories.

She thought of data chips she'd found while scavenging through the salvage yards on Jakku. She uploaded them onto the computer she'd built, most of the parts coming from a Y-wing Starfighter, the operation system allowing her to get lost in a hero's adventures. It was always a special day when she could escape her reality and pretend she was someone else.

This had also been the time where she'd learned about how a man and woman could come to care for one another. The books were described as being romantic in summary, and Rey would sometimes dream of having that same companionship, like the couples had in their stories. She would sit atop her metal home and daydream of a man coming to Jakku to rescue her from her meaningless life.

But her hopes had quickly become jaded.

Dreams were for naïve children, and she didn't have the luxury of remaining a child. She had to grow up, rely on herself, and survive. She hadn't thought back on those senseless stories for a long time.

Until now.

A man had stood before her and gazed at her so tenderly, that she almost felt like that young girl again _. A man_ , she thought to herself. _The wrong man._

Guilt threatened to drown her in its unseeing depths. She shouldn't think of that beast in any other way, except as an enemy. If she didn't, she wasn't sure if she could kill him.

And then she realized she had told him she couldn't.

Rey interlaced her fingers into her hair, gazing at the grass beneath her, disbelief spreading across her face. _Why? Why was I so honest with him? Why did I tell him he knew me better than anyone else? What was wrong with me?_ She had let her anger loose and projected it right at him, not thinking of the consequences. And he'd just stood there, patiently letting her. She had a hunch that patience was not a virtue he possessed, but with her in that moment, he somehow did.

 _We were both acting out of character._

 _"There is no possible way you could hate me more than I hate myself."_

 _He hates himself?_

Her mind raced with possible explanations over his last statement to her, but was suddenly interrupted by a penetrating pain in her right hand that shot up her arm. She clutched her arm against her body as an onslaught of agony kept pounding against it. Her mouth opened to let out a scream, but her lungs constricted, not allowing her to breath. Something hard hit her head and she fell onto the ground in a fetal position.

 _I'm being attacked_ , she thought in a daze. As she tried to focus on fighting back, the pain disappeared as if it never happened.

She gasped for air and sprang to her feet, looking in all different directions for the attacker.

She was alone.

She looked down at her knuckles, expecting the skin to be gone, but there was not even a mark on her. Her head had felt like someone had rammed it against a wall, but now the throbbing had vanished. _Am I going crazy?_

None of this was making sense to her. Right when she thought she'd figured out her life, some unforeseen power changed the rules. A shiver ran up her body as a winding gust of wind whirled around her, strands of her hair twisting with the movement, her eyelids closing as she took in a deep breath.

"Rey." A whisper of a young female's voice startled her and she spun around, trying to find the girl who it belonged to.

"Is someone there?" No reply came. _Could the breeze be playing tricks on me?_

"Rey." The voice was louder now, almost familiar.

Rey's feet took her to the closest hill so she could get a wider view of the island. No one was there. _Maybe if I can sense her, I could find her…_ Her eyes closed and she calmed her breathing. She envisioned the island, all the rocks and hills that she had seen moments before. Slowly, she could feel its ambience as she centered herself in its energy, her mind gliding over the terrain, searching.

But only feeling Chewie.

She lowered her head in disappointment at not being able to find whoever was speaking to her.

And then she perked up, realizing that she'd not felt Luke on the island. _Maybe he can somehow block others from sensing him… Oh no. What time is it?_ She sprinted down the hill, heading to where she last left Luke, hoping he wouldn't be aggravated with her.

As her boots crashed against the ground and the vibrations ran up her legs, she contemplated if she should tell Luke about her dream. Everything that happened between her and Ren was extremely private and unexpected. She couldn't deny that she was drawn to that man, and she didn't want Luke to look at her with disappointment over how she'd acted.

Also, there was the complication of Kylo being Luke's nephew and the tumultuous past they shared.

Kylo's statement returned to her mind as she almost lost her balance while darting down a hill. _If he truly regrets what he's done, is there a chance he could be saved? Should I tell Luke of this possibility?_ The thing was, she wasn't even sure Luke wanted to save his nephew. When she'd awoken from her nightmare on the Falcon, he made it seem like Kylo was a lost cause, and part of herself believed that as well. But after the dream she just had, her resolve was faltering. And fast.

The man that touched her cheek had to have been Ben Solo, and he was buried beneath the contentious animal of Kylo Ren.

She could see Luke on the boulder in the distance, his head turning toward as he waved for her to come to him. She needed to make a decision quickly, but her mind kept jumping back and forth between her two choices. She slowed down to a walk, trying to take her time so she could think longer.

Luke stepped down from his meditation rock and went to her, his face furrowed with confusion. "Are you alright?" he asked as they closed the gap between them.

"Yes. Why?" Rey was exceedingly nervous, and she was sure her master could feel her unease.

"I can't feel your presence. It's like you're hidden from me." Well, that was the last thing she thought Luke was going to say to her. She didn't even know how to respond to his remark, so she just blinked, bewildered. The Jedi Master's stare bore into her, searching for the answer on her face. The intensity of his eyes started to make her uncomfortable, so she finally spoke up.

"I don't think I'm doing anything. I don't even know how to hide myself in that way. I was actually thinking about asking you to teach me how to do that while I was walking back here." He was listening to her words, but his eyes seemed far away, as if he were looking beyond her small frame.

"I can't read you, even though you are right in front of me. I've never had a student learn this without being taught first." He paused and slid his hand through his beard. "Except Ben." Rey's heart skipped a beat from hearing that name, but her outside appearance didn't show her sudden alarm.

"Is there a reason you're hiding your feelings from me? Did something happen while you were meditating?" His eyebrow lifted with the question as he looked at her sternly. This was the moment Rey had to make a choice of either to tell the truth, or lie. Both would have consequences, but she was willing to face the outcome.

The answer came out of her mouth before she could stop it.

"No. I really don't know how I'm doing this. And nothing happened while I was meditating, except feeling connected to the island." She tried to put as much innocence into her response as she possibly could. Luke nodded, and she couldn't tell if he was buying into her story or not. There hadn't been many opportunities to sharpen her dexterity in deceit while living on Jakku. Thankfully, he didn't press her any further on the subject. After all, she was a novice when it came to knowing the ways of the Force, and Luke knew she wouldn't be able to answer his more advanced questions.

"I guess I shouldn't be completely surprised. You seem to pick things up very quickly, even if the skill is advanced." She agreed, but she sensed that Luke was going to ponder on this matter some more. He didn't seem like the type of person who would believe in coincidences or luck. To him, everything must have a purpose to the larger game at play.

Her nerves dissipated as they walked back to the huts. She listened to him as he described how they would train with the lightsaber's that afternoon. Well, she would train with a heavy wooden staff first, and then graduate to a lightsaber. This irked her since she'd already fought with a saber and had beat her opponent, who'd been twice her size.

This train of thought brought Kylo Ren back to the forefront of her mind.

"Rey?"

She glanced at the man beside her.

"Yes?" She'd completely tuned out the Jedi Master, not realizing he'd been speaking to her.

"The wooden staves are in the hut at the very bottom. Can you grab them for us and meet me in the clearing to the west?"

"Yes, of course Master Skywalker."

She left Luke at his own personal shelter and continued to walk down the steps. _Pay attention, Rey. If you keep acting flustered, he'll know something isn't right_ , she inwardly scolded herself. She made her choice to keep the truth from Luke. There had to be a reason she was sharing dreams with Ren and hearing voices in the wind. She was just not ready to tell Luke about these experiences until she could give him answers.

It was as simple as that.

Except she knew it wasn't. Between the crevice of her denial and self-assurance sat the main reason she wanted to tell no one about her dreams: she actually craved to be with the man who caressed her cheek. Something about him just felt so right to her, so... good.

The foreboding feeling of guilt pried its way into her emotions, trying to punish her for yearning for that monster, but she shut it out. That reaction wouldn't help her with the route her plans were taking. She could not reject having seen the light he still had inside him. There had to be some sliver of a conscience still left in that man, hidden beneath the layers of his sins.

And Rey was becoming more and more hell bent on finding it.

Her eyes adjusted to the inside of the brick hut as she grabbed the wooden rods to her right. She'd been looking forward to this part of the training ever since she made the decision to pursue the path of the Jedi. But now, she found herself was anxious to sleep again.

She would search for Ben Solo in her dreams tonight, but to do that, she would first have to confront Kylo Ren.

()()()()()

The sun peeked over the horizon, painting the desert landscape in shades of red and white. Ren stepped down the platform of his ship and squinted in the direction of Niima Outpost. He needed to find the person who reported seeing the BB unit a couple weeks ago. No one at the Finalizer's comms station new the man's name, so Ren decided to start with finding whoever ran this backwater outpost.

He pulled the hood of his dark, brown cloak over his head as he passed between two metal columns. There were remnants of red metal debris scattered throughout the sand, indicating a battle of some sort. Numerous workstation tents were staked into the region, mainly cluttered straight ahead in the middle of the sandy vicinity. Big, gaping holes were carved into some areas of the outpost's uneven ground, evidence that the The First Order had been there recently. But still, the desert dwellers had put their work tents back up, ignoring the damage so they could get back to their meaningless lives.

The sun's rays were already beginning to warm Kylo's clothes, but the lightweight and breathability of the beige material prevented him from becoming too hot. He'd purposefully requested pants and long sleeve shirts, or tunics, so the sun would not touch his skin. It didn't matter what star system he was in; the many different gaseous stars had never been kind to his naturally pale complexion.

Also showing too much skin was a vulnerability to those with prying eyes.

Kylo made his way to the biggest tent in the outpost, located in the middle of the working village. _If anyone actually ran this remote outpost, it would be from the shelter that had the best view over the marketplace_ , he thought. He glanced at the sad excuses of people that were already working under the other tents, the torn canvases and cloth held aloft with rusted poles. Some looked to be scrubbing pieces of metallic junk, others seemed to be building or fixing big chunks of electrical hardware.

Ren wasn't exactly sure what these repulsive creatures did here, and he really didn't care.

Once inside the wide shelter, he noticed fragments of scrap metal and engines strewed across the dusty vicinity. Placed in the center was a part of an old cargo crawler, with a window and countertop for trading goods. The only entity Ren could sense was a creature behind the metal walls ahead. So he headed straight for the open slot in the wall.

The opening was abnormally high, but Ren had no problem peering into the foul smelling hovel. He looked around the dark inside, not seeing anyone, only noticing the security monitor that showed him standing at the window. He knew from the flashing red light on the dashboard below that it was recording. He waved his hand and switched the recorder off.

The metal wiring in the window prevented him from leaning over the counter any more, so he delved into the creature's sleeping mind. He violently nudged the humanoid awake, hearing him yell from underneath the metal worktop. The alien jump up, staring at Kylo with annoyance.

 _A Kyuzo. Interesting_. These barbarians were known to run among many different criminal enterprises throughout the galaxy, and tended to be well trained with blaster rifles. Some people would find their pink skin, scrunched up faces, and large yellow eyes intimidating, but Kylo did not fall under that category.

"What do you want?" The Kyuzo yapped, placing his hands on the counter, not far from Kylo's reach.

"Who runs this outpost?" Ren's tone was even as he eyed the grotesque creature from beneath his cloak's hood.

"Who's askin'?" Kylo clenched his jaw in frustration while seriously considering other, more torturous methods to getting the answers he seeked.

"You don't look like you're from around here," the Kyuzo pointed out, eyeing him suspiciously. Ren's right hand shot forward, grabbing the cretin's wrist as his hood fell back to reveal his scarred face. He pulled him closer, reached under the wires, and viciously grasped onto the creature's head. A sickening thud resonated throughout the tent as Ren smashed the alien's temple against the tarnished metal counter.

It hadn't been his intention to go into the fiend's mind, but sometimes, Kylo couldn't control himself when he became irate.

He searched through only the most recent memories until he came upon a name that made him pause. "Unkar Plutt," he whispered to the open air. Instantly, he registered the name to the man who tried to sell the scavenger into slavery. He dug for an image of the man so he could confirm his appearance. As he pushed further into the Kyuzo's memories, he could hear the thing begging for mercy from the piercing pain, but the pleas fell on deaf ears.

His search halted upon a scene when he saw a big, sickening creature standing inside the metal shack. The Crolute was trading with the scavengers that worked the area, but Ren ignored their dealings. He recognized this creature before him, who was riddled with rolls of fat. _Unkar Plutt. He's the same Crolute who took the girl as a child._

 _And he runs this place._

Ren was about to withdraw from the Kyuzo's mind, but hesitated when he heard the strong voice of a young girl.

 _It's her_.

His focus was propelled to the feminine voice as he saw the visage of the young scavenger. Her face and body were at the beginning stages of puberty, but her eyes had aged years beyond her youth.

Kylo could feel the Kyuzo's psyche start to fracture under his intense probing, but he kept going. It wouldn't be the first time he'd broken a person's mind, nor the last. _Its not my fault they're so weak minded._ He couldn't let an opportunity like this pass him by.

He searched and searched, feeling the creature shaking under his hold. Finally he saw it; an AT-AT that lies to east of Niima Outpost, near the Graveyard of Ships. The Kyuzo's mind confirmed that this was the home of the scavenger Kylo was seeking.

Kylo removed his presence from the thug's now unstable mind, bringing his face closer to the wired divide, demanding to know where his boss was.

"I don't know," the Kyuzo said through labored breathing. Ren let go of the cretin's wrist and grasped onto the other side of its head. He wrenched the creature's torso through the opening under the wires and raised it so the Kyuzo could look straight at Ren's monstrous face. Snot and tears streamed down the cretin's face, his horror more than tangible through the Force.

Kylo took in the fear, relishing it, becoming intoxicated by it. The thug tried to push himself away, but he was too weak and overpowered to gain any ground.

"You're lying," Ren breathed the comment across the prisoner's face, slamming it straight down onto the counter. The skin broke open on the Kyuzo's flat nose, blood splattering on the hard surface, mixing in with the rust.

Ren lifted the head back up to his. "Where is Unkar Plutt? Consider what will happen if you lie to me again."

The creature gurgled every time he tried to breath, his eyes teetering on becoming unfocused, but he was still lucid enough to give an answer. "He's off world, getting a new arm... and negotiating a trade deal. He won't be back... till tomorrow."

 _Tomorrow!_

Ren snarled at the Kyuzo and plunged into his mind as he compressed the creature's head between his hands. He poured all of his rage, disappointment, and brutality into the weak psyche until he felt something pop under the pressure. The alien started to violently seize and foam at the mouth as Ren released the hold on him. The creature's body slid across the flat metal surface, falling to the floor, thrashing uncontrollably.

Ren had shattered the thug's mind, but knew he was not dead. _Well, as long as he wakes up, he won't die_. And if he did wake, he would never have the same mental capabilities again.

Ren hoped the Kyuzo would only be mentally defected. This way, Plutt could see what happened to one of his men. Death was not uncommon around this forsaken place, but what Ren just did to this creature would scare and confuse those who knew the Kyuzo. People don't just suddenly become insane without cause.

 _Plutt can see for himself what awaits him.  
_

Kylo exited the tent, not bothering to pull his hood back over his head. Hiding himself seemed to be the last thing on his mind.

Something warm and liquidy slid down his right fingers. He brought his hand up to view, seeing he had reopened the wound on his knuckles. At the moment, there was nothing he could do to stop the bleeding. For such a small injury, he did not want to waste the energy of healing it. So he lowered his arm and let the blood drip and boil on the hot sand.

He sensed numerous pairs of eyes following him and felt their palpable fear, but he kept walking brusquely back to his ship. No doubt a few of them had witnessed, or heard, some of what he'd done to the Kyuzo. They had been wise not to interfere.

Once inside the ship, Ren wrapped his hand in a bandage before going to the launch controls. He was anxious to visit the scavenger's home, to see how she lived. He justified this side adventure by telling himself he had nothing to do till Plutt returned to the planet.

Alone, he reviewed the recent events. He knew he didn't personally have anything against the Crolute, but he couldn't stop thinking about how he tried to sell the scavenger off as a slave. His thoughts wondered to the memory of him finding those women and children chained up in that cave wall…

 _No_ , he reprimanded himself. _Those memories belonged to the naïve boy you destroyed. He is gone. His past does not matter to your future_.

As he contemplated his last statement, he knew it was not completely true. That momentous day in the cave had pushed him to leave Skywalker and find The First Order, but he still didn't like to acknowledge what had happened.

So he buries that memory whenever it threatens to resurface from the depths of his past life, but every time he does, he forgets how shallow the grave actually is.

()()()()()

Ren ambled over to the hatch on the under belly of the AT-AT and swung it open. It was dark and musty inside, but Ren had sensed that it was empty the moment he saw it from the ship's viewport. He had to hunch over to make his way through the short tunnel that opened to the inside, his eyes taking in the dimly lit living space as he stood to his full height. He'd never been inside an All Terrain Armored Transport before, but he had studied pictures and diagrams of their inner mechanisms and weaponry.

The inside was smaller than he thought it would be, but still large enough to fit him comfortably.

His head turned to the right, examining the hammock and shelving that held the numerous metal canisters and pans. He strolled up to the metal shelving, picking up what seemed to be a makeshift doll. It was dressed in an orange material with a beige "vest" stitched across the chest. Moving to the left, doll still in hand, he saw the helmet of a rebel pilot on the ground next to a makeshift stove.

 _She would idolize The Rebellion_ , he scoffed inwardly.

However, Kylo knew that wasn't the only reason the girl had made the doll and kept the helmet. Both things represented pilots, and pilots could go anywhere in the galaxy. They had the freedom she desired, but was too afraid to obtain.

He remembered being in her mind and learning that her refusal to leave the desert planet stemmed from the belief that her family would return for her. But he could sense the denial behind her thoughts. Deep down, she'd always known the truth.

Her family was gone.

He gazed passed her small table and raised his eyes to the wall at the back of the room. He was mindful to raise his legs over the steel columns, watching his step as he came upon the blemished wall. The farther he ventured inside the AT-AT, the cooler the air became. Ren recalled that a certain metal alloy had been used in the makeup of the AT-AT's, so drastic changes in temperature would not affect those inside.

 _Smart of her to make her home here._

His eyes roamed over the thousands of tick marks as his fingers stroked the rough, steel wall. _She made these. One for every day she was here._ He was astounded by the sheer number of scratches the girl had made and that she kept doing it for what seemed like years. _What a torturous existence, waiting for someone to come liberate you from a living nightmare_. Pity was not an emotion he liked to feel, as it made him uncomfortable.

Especially since it was for the girl he was hunting.

A distinct humming noise came from outside, catching his attention. It was an engine, but not one that belonged to a ship. It was distant at first, but quickly coming closer. _A speeder_.

He stood still, waiting to hear if it would glide passed, or stop at the sunken AT-AT. He knew the Pilgrims Road wasn't far from here, but it still struck him as odd that an individual was taking a more unpredictable course.

The speeder was closer now, and coming in this direction. He could feel his lightsaber sticking into his back where it was held with his belt. His hand pushed under his cloak and grasped the saber hilt as his body pressed up against the front entrance wall. His broad frame was working against him as he tried to conceal himself behind a steel column.

The speeder's engine idled outside for a few seconds before being turned off. He detected an edge of concern from the individual who was now walking to the entrance. _Not a very common emotion out here_ , he thought curiously.

"Rey?" A gravelly, feminine voice called into the AT-AT. Steps echoed off the hard walls as a female Aqualish strode into the living area. The alien had four small round eyes, three-fingered hands, and pink tusks covering her mouth. Most Aqualish's had smooth green skin, but this one had fur lining her face and covering her hands. By the tone of her voice and the wrinkles on her flesh, Ren could tell she was of an older age.

He peered at the Aqualish, who was now scanning the room, and who failed to perceive his presence. She started to come towards the back of the abode, right in his direction, and he knew it was a matter of seconds before she found him. He took a step away from the wall to let himself be seen. The Aqualish jumped in fright, letting out a stream of curses in her own native language.

Her eyes swept over Ren's appearance, trying to stand tall, as to match his dominating stature.

Ren unclasped his hand from the saber, letting his arms hang at his sides. He didn't sense any immediate threats from the Aqualish, and he noticed she still hadn't gone for the blaster strapped to her leg. He decided to follow her cues on whether or not the confrontation would end violently. "No one who is from here has pale skin like yours. Who are you?" she asked.

"I'm not anyone important." He didn't feel like lying about who he was, and he was definitely not going to tell her the truth of his identity. Hopefully the answer he gave would be enough for the quell her curiosity.

"You seem to carry yourself like you are," she countered back, but Kylo kept quiet, trying to control his irritation.

"Where's Rey?" Her four eyes were filled with suspicion. At least, that's what it looked like to Ren. He didn't deal with a lot of four-eyed creatures.

"I do not know," he answered coolly.

"Why are you here?"

"I'm looking for her." His face revealed no emotion as he spoke, and the Aqualish became more and more visibly frustrated. "Why did you come here?" he asked. The creature continued to stare at him in silence and Ren wondered if he would have to break into yet another persons mind today. He was slightly disappointed when she answered him.

"I was at Niima Outpost, heard what happened there a week ago and that somehow Rey was somehow involved." Her four eyes wondered over the inside of the metal hovel as she revealed to him the reasons for seeking out the scavenger. "I heard she stole the Blobfish's Corellian Freighter." A light laugh leaked out of the Aqualish's mouth and she smiled at the thought of Plutt being cheated out of one of his most prized ships.

Ren knew the specific Corellian Freighter she was speaking of, and a set of unwelcome emotions climbed up inside of him. He focused on staying in the present as he asked the Aqualish more questions about the girl. "You were friends with her?"

She chuckled at his question. "You don't really have friends out here, but I did look out for her from time to time. I taught her some of the basics of scavengin' and hired her for work. She became so good at her job, though, that she didn't need me anymore. She's Unkar Plutt's best scavenger."

"And yet, he still tried to sell her off to someone." He didn't hide his disgust over his statement.

The Aqualish seemed to visibly relax from seeing how repulsed Ren was over his assertion. It was a feeling they mutually shared over the abhorrent situation Rey had faced when she was younger.

"Ah. I know what incident you're speakin' of." The Aqualish scooted over to a beam running across the floor and sat down to relax her tired muscles. "Rey was about thirteen and by human standards, turnin' into a young women. The Blobfish knew he could get a lot of money out of sellin' such a ripe, young girl to the right buyer. And he found one too. But when Unkar's thugs came to take her, she beat 'em near to death with her quarter staff." The Aqualish's tone held admiration for the girl as she continued her story. Her hands rested on her knees while she leaned toward Kylo, piercing her eyes into his. "She then brought Unkar a few blaster cannons, in trade for his deal to be severed with the man who wanted her. She even told him there would be more weapons in store for him, but he would never be able to find 'em if she were to be shipped off planet. So he cut off the deal and let the girl be. Even warned the other scavengers not to go near her, since she was now his most valuable worker. None of 'em needed the warnin' though. All of 'em were afraid of Rey after seein' what she did to his thugs."

He couldn't help but admire the girl for her strength and perseverance. She solved her own problem without anyone's help, all the while training herself to be an expert with a quarterstaff. She knew that in order to be left alone, she needed others to view her as a threat. These qualities demanded respect, and Ren was willing to give her that, at least.

The Aqualish was obviously very fond of the girl by how she spoke and smiled throughout her account. He realized that even though the scavenger was left on this planet all alone, she still had the closest thing to a friend than he ever had. None of the kids wanted to be around him once he started showing his strength in the Force at a young age. They all found out that he had the affinity of the Force, and were afraid and confused that he wasn't off training with his uncle to be a Jedi.

He'd found ways to get payback, though, without the other kids knowing it. He had a particular gift at being mischievous and hiding in the shadows. Even at the academy, the other students kept their distance, whispering among themselves of how awkward and unstable he was. They thought he couldn't hear them, but he could always feel their emotions and perceive their thoughts. Even thinking about his Knights being friends almost made him laugh out in the open. They all had their own agendas, only recognizing him as their master because the Supreme Leader told them to.

Kylo knew they held a lot of animosity toward him for being placed at the head of the Knights of Ren.

But here was this girl, left on a harsh planet with dangerous people, and she still found someone who treated her with kindness. He'd dreamed about being on the receiving end of generosity, but was never shown it from his peers. They had judged and sentenced him to a cynical life without a second thought. So he learned to embrace their fear and use it to become more powerful.

Now, inflicting terror into his victims was an addiction he did not wish to cure.

He was brought out of his reverie as the Aqualish stood and brushed off the desert rags hanging covering her body. "I should be goin', and so should you. A sandstorm is headed this way. Could be a big one." She stepped over the beam and headed to the exit. She grasped onto the rail lining and paused to look back at him. "When you find Rey, tell her that Mashra hopes she finds where she bleongs. That girl always did look to the stars too much." Her last statement floated in the air as she left the AT-AT.

Kylo remained still for a few moments after he heard Mashra leave on her speeder. He was digesting everything she had said, his emotions jumbling from comparing his childhood to the girl's upbringing on the desert planet. Slowly, his eyes glanced over the scavenger's minuscule belongings, noticing he was still clutching the rebel doll in his left hand. The noise of the sand scratching against the outside of the AT-AT filled the metal box as he made his way over to a bundle of dead flowers situated in a clear cup on the table.

He touched one of the withered petals and watched it fall onto the metal table, now dead and alone.


	8. Chapter 8

**I do not own Star Wars**

Chapter 8

Luke was proving to be a very sly and intense opponent as both him and Rey dueled with the wooden staves. They'd both agreed to go straight into the fighting aspect of it all to see what skills Rey had acquired throughout her youth. It only took a few seconds for Rey to realize that Luke had no intention of holding back.

Bruises were already blossoming on her arms, legs, and torso from the blunt blows. To make it stop, all she had to do was land one hit, but she couldn't even do that. Luke moved so fluid and quick, that predicting his next move was proving to be immensely difficult.

His age had made her underestimate him.

She went in to strike his shoulder, but he parried her thrust, pivoted, and struck her across the back. She fell onto one knee, grunting out in pain, twisting her face in anger.

"You must control your anger. You're becoming reckless and not efficiently thinking through your attacks." Luke circled Rey while keeping the staff pointed downward. He wore his traditional Jedi robes, but took off his cloak to move around more freely. "Focus on centering yourself in the Force. Let it guide you through the duel. The Force can help you anticipate your opponent's next move."

With her arm guards, she wiped away the sweat covering her brow, wondering how long they'd been fighting. It had to be at least a few hours. The tremors in her arms had started to make gripping her pretend lightsaber more difficult. _Actual lightsabers are not even this heavy,_ she thought sharply.

"That should be enough for today," Luke declared, his breathing not even labored. "I was able to get a good feel for your fighting style." Rey slowly got to her feet, her body screaming at her to lie down for at least a week. But she needed to push beyond her limits if she was to become stronger.

"Lets make our way over to the huts. We can have some dried fish to hold us over till dinner. And I can teach you of the seven main forms of lightsaber combat. You already implement a few of them into your fighting quite well, actually."

Rey rubbed her back as she walked beside Luke, grimacing as her fingers massaged an incoming welt. "I couldn't even get one hit on you. I can't be implementing much of anything into my fighting style."

Luke smiled down at her softly. "The Force helps a lot with being able to expect your adversary's moves. You also need to remember I've been practicing for decades. Don't be too hard on yourself." But Rey has always been critical of her capabilities. She'd fought hard to be the best scavenger on Jakku, and to earn the reputation of being an arduous warrior. She had felt safer knowing her abilities were revered and feared.

Now, she felt small and unprepared.

She desperately needed to become more than capable of fighting with a lightsaber. Her life depended on it. Even if she had hope that Kylo Ren could turn back from the darkness, she wasn't about to lie down and let herself get lazy. Giving up was not her style.

Once Rey was able to eat some protein and sit down for a bit, she started to feel her strength return. Her arms started to make a comeback since she could now lift them without wincing.

After filling their bellies, the master and apprentice lounged on the grassy hill outside the hut, reveling in the clear, sunny day.

"So," Luke chewed and swallowed the last bit of fish, "lets go over the duel." Rey sat up straight, turning toward Master Skywalker. His fingers ran through his beard as he continued with the assessment. "As I said before, there are seven main forms of lightsaber combat. Eventually you'll want to master all of them, but usually, you gravitate towards the forms that fit you the best. I'm pretty sure I can tell which you prefer to fight with." A soft breeze tousled the grass as it pushed passed them. Rey was hanging on Luke's every word. She needed to know in what ways she could improve herself as a fighter.

"You seem to fight more predominantly with forms three and five. Form three is mainly defensive, where you keep the saber close to your body. You implemented that one very well. You showed patience in waiting for me to give you an opening, and you did parry my attacks quickly." The bruises on Rey's body felt like they were contradicting that last statement. She didn't think she'd been doing much defending during their duel.

"Form five is based on manipulating an opponents attack and using their strength against them. In the process, the opponent exudes too much of their energy while you've been preserving yours. This gives you the chance to strike back and defeat them." A sense of excitement seemed to overtake Luke's demeanor and he smiled at his padawan. "I think this is the perfect form for you. You already fight with it extremely well, and it fits into your stature."

Rey looked at the Jedi Master in confusion. "My stature?" _Is he talking about my height?_

"Yes." Luke looked down at the ground and grinned sheepishly. "Every single Jedi has had to learn how to work with their own weaknesses. So, I don't want you to take what I say next the wrong way, but how small you are can work against you." He paused, considering his words so his student would understand, but the word "small" instantly stood out to Rey. She hated being labeled that. "Throughout our duel, I noticed you'd try and implement another style. Form seven, which focuses on pure attack and no defense. It's all about ferocity and overwhelming your opponent to where they have no time to react. Trying to fight this way could have disastrous consequences for you. Especially if you end up fighting Kylo Ren again." Luke gazed at Rey, waiting for her to digest what he was telling her.

Thinking back to her fight with Kylo in the snow, Rey knew she defeated him by unleashing her ferocity while going on the offensive. She'd put all her anger and desperation into pushing him to defend himself, which had taken him by surprise. She had savored fighting that way, of overpowering her opponent and watching him fear her. But just as fast as her enjoyment came, it left after she heard a sinister voice whisper in her mind to kill her unarmed enemy. She shied away from the thought, realizing how much hate had threatened to consume her.

"Form seven is mainly used by dark side users, isn't it?" she asked.

Luke nodded slowly, and explained how his nephew always wanted to implement the technique when training. Rey had witnessed first hand how good he was with attacking aggressively.

"Jedi have been known to use the form. However, it's rarely used because of the effect on the one using it. It can lead to the dark side if you're not careful."

Rey recalled when the fight turned in her favor. She had teetered on the edge of the dark side, and she felt how addicting it could be. Even now, she couldn't deny that she craved that power again so she could strike down her enemies. She knew that the dark side had given her a false sense of security and safety when she was thinking about killing Kylo.

"If there is one thing I know that hasn't changed with my nephew, it's that he still holds himself to a rigorous training program. He's very well conditioned, Rey. And he's almost twice your size. Being aggressive with him could get you killed if you two ever come face to face again. You must manipulate him into tiring himself out. You have to resist using your anger and hate on him."

"I understand, Master." Rey gaze passed Luke at the beautiful green trees swaying in the wind. She couldn't help being afraid at the prospect of meeting Ren in battle again. Dreams were not reality, so she did not fear them. But if Kylo happened to be standing in front of her at this very moment, she would more than likely panic, forgetting all about the hope she felt for the man.

 _I need to learn more. Fast._

"Do not let fear consume you, Rey." Even though Luke couldn't feel her emotions, the fear and uncertainty was evident on Rey' face. "I'll be with you every step of the way. I won't set you up to fail. You have a natural gift with the Force that not many have had before." Rey glanced down at her hands resting on her knees. She wasn't used to compliments and reflexively shied away from them, but it did help her feel a little better.

"When we're training, I want you to push me hard. I need to learn as much as possible, as fast as possible." Rey lifted her head and stared hard at Master Skywalker, conveying the seriousness of her statement by hardening her gaze. "Whatever training schedule you've made for me, make it more difficult. I want it to be almost impossible to accomplish." Luke studied her intently and agreed to her demands. He seemed to be proud of her resolve, but it was hard for Rey to tell since his beard covered half his face.

"Well, I was going to have you run the island stairs a few times before dinner."

"I'll make it five."

This was going to kill her legs, but she believed it to be necessary. Her joints cracked and her muscles strained as she stood up too fast, but she accepted that she was probably going to feel this way for a while.

"My nephew may be physically stronger than you, but you will be more than capable of keeping up with him in a fight." Luke pivoted, nodding at her to begin as he went in the direction of his home. Rey ran over to the steps, but paused as Luke called out to her to tell Chewie to eat with them later. She acknowledged the request before taking her first few steps down the island's many stairs.

 _I can do this. I can do this_.

()()()()()

"Okay. You are doing great Finn. Almost there." Dr. Kalonia stood at the end of parallel bars as Finn picked up his right leg to take a step. He gripped the metal rods as if they were a lifeline, intensely focusing on the doctor ahead. Poe's presence was close behind, ready to catch him if he fell– which was a lot. His upper body was already trembling with having to hold all of his weight for so long, but he refused to give up.

If he had his wish, he would make use of the parallel bars every second he was awake, but Dr. Kalonia advised him to rest for at least five hours a day.

They settled on two.

Finn strined to breath through his teeth, willing himself to make it just a few more feet. _Keep going. Do not give up._ Once at the end, he collapsed as Poe caught him underneath the arms. One of the nurses brought over his hover chair and Poe helped him get situated, the whole thing making him feel weak and embarrassed.

Finn focused on controlling his inhales and exhales as he wiped the sweat from his face. All this rehabilitation felt equivalent to hiking up the highest peek on Oosalon, instead of trying to do something as basic as walking. Mood souring as it usually did, Finn wondered if he would even be able to run again. Just because he was progressing with walking, doesn't mean he would gain back all functionality in his legs.

"Man, you're recovering so well!" Poe exclaimed. "Each day you get stronger and go farther. You'll be walking in not time. Guaranteed."

Poe's excitement was usually contagious, but not this time.

Finn didn't want to be going through any of this, didn't want to feel like a child taking his first steps.

He wanted to be walking. Right now. He wanted to be out there in the galaxy, fighting The First Order. Instead, he was trapped by the limitations of his own injured body. Every waking minute of every day, he was reminded of that horrific fight on Starkiller Base. Sleep didn't even offer much of an escape. That fight visited his dreams every night and in it, he saw the face of Kylo Ren, mocking him.

Dr. Kalonia handed him a glass of water, complimenting him on his amazing progress. "If you could just take off your shirt for a moment, I'd like to check your spinal implant." Finn didn't hesitate to take off the drenched cotton. His hands and arms went on autopilot, because this was the protocol every time he rested after therapy. "If you could bend over slightly– perfect." Cold fingers brushed against the skin around the implant, causing him to shiver. The metal covering his spine ran from the base of his neck, all the way down to his tailbone, the thin alloy only sticking out of his skin by a few centimeters. It was mostly undetectable, the flexibility of the implant making it so it didn't obstruct of Finn's movements.

It was more noticeable at night when he was trying to sleep. But if it made the possibility of walking a reality, he'd gladly take a small amount of discomfort.

As he waited for the Kalonia to finish, his mind was drawn back to when he first woke up after blacking out on Starkiller. He remembered languidly opening his eyes to the bright lights of the ceiling, feeling disoriented and panicked. Immediately he called out for Rey, thinking she was dead, thinking he needed to find her. Luckily Poe was there to keep him from immersing into a full on panic attack. His friend explained to him how Rey had defeated Kylo Ren and how Starkiller Base was destroyed. Poe didn't try to hide his satisfaction in knowing Kylo Ren was officially dead, and Finn was openly relieved about it as well. But something in the back of his awareness kept scratching at him. It was the tiniest thought that Kylo somehow miraculously survived.

He figured the guy had a lot in common with a cockroach, but Finn kept shooting down those thoughts as being ridiculous.

When Dr. Kalonia came in, he was told about the implant and how detrimental it was to reestablishing a nerve connection. The lightsaber burned through the nerves just right of his spine. If it had directly hit his spinal column, he would've died instantly. After the initial shock of his prognosis was explained, plans were already starting to take shape in his mind. Not one to stay still for long, he vowed to do whatever it took to get his legs back so he could be a soldier for The Resistance.

"Okay. You can put your shirt back on." Dr. Kalonia grabbed Finn's chart and started to write down her observations while Finn covered his torso. "Everything looks in tip top shape. Your skin is healing nicely around the implant, and you're making great progress in such a short amount of time. Come back in the evening and we'll pick up where we've left off."

Poe clapped his friend's shoulders from behind, smiling at the doctor. "Okay, pal. I say it's time for some lunch. You need to keep your strength up, and I'm starving." Poe started to walk to the automated door, but stopped once he realized Finn hadn't moved.

"I want to go again." Finn kept his gaze straight ahead as he watched Poe slowly turn around. Finn looked up at Poe, all the excitement from the moment before now gone from his friends face.

"No." Poe's voice was stern as he crossed his arms. Dr. Kalonia stayed off to the side, watching the two men interact patiently.

Finn switched on the operating controls, attempting to turn the chair around, but Poe grabbed onto the armrests to stop him. "Finn, you've been at this for four hours straight. You need to eat. If you keep going on like this, you could injure yourself more. Dr. Kalonia has explained this to you a dozen times already." Finn glared at Poe defiantly, not appreciating being talked to like an infant, but the pilot didn't back down.

And neither did he.

"I'm going again." Finn shoved Poe's hands away and tried to go towards the bars. Poe grasped onto his shoulder and something inside Finn snapped from being held back from his goal. He pushed against Poe's chest out of frustration, sending him toppling into a tray. Medical instruments crashed to the ground as Poe's arms shot out to catch his fall. Everyone in the room froze, the shock of the situation grappling onto the pilot's face.

As he slowly stood up, his eyes hardened upon his friend.

"Poe-"

"Don't," Poe snapped at Finn. He straightened his shirt and jacket while trying to resist the urge to let out his anger. Hair disheveled, he made no attempts at brushing it back. "You want to injure yourself, fine. But I'm not going to stay here and watch." Poe strolled out the door and disappeared.

Finn sat in the chair, regretting the situation that had just transpired. He watched Dr. Kalonia and a nurse clean up the mess he made, hating his inability to help them. He despised feeling sorry for himself. It made him feel weaker than he already was.

"I think I'm gonna go get some air." He barreled through the exit, guiding himself to the closest balcony to outside. The chill of the air hit his face as he hovered out onto the little terrace. Stopping at the edge, he took in the beauty of the snow-covered planet. Unlike Starkiller Base, Carlac had unique and twisted trees, with pink blossoms covering the wiry branches, giving the terrain an exotic look he'd never seen before. He still found it ironic, however, that he went from working on one snow covered base to living on another.

Every time he saw the snow on this planet, his mind would always think about that penultimate fight from before. He'd been so afraid when he came upon that demon in the snow, but somehow, he felt stronger knowing Rey was standing beside him. That strength was quickly taken as Kylo Ren sent her flying into a tree, his heart plummeting in overwhelming dread.

He'd heard stories throughout the years of how unstable and murderous Kylo Ren was, and now he was witnessing it first hand.

In that moment, holding Rey's small head and trying to will her awake, he'd accepted his fear and ultimate death at the hands of that monster. But he couldn't bear the thought of Rey being killed by that red lightsaber. So, maybe, he could fight him off long enough for Rey to wake up, flee, and find the Falcon. Once Kylo branded him a traitor, he was able to focus his anger and stand against him, accepting his impending fate.

The fight seemed to last forever, but Finn knew it was probably only a couple minutes. He could tell Ren was holding back and toying with him, but Finn actually was thankful for it.

It gave Rey more time to get away from that murderous man.

Finn touched his right shoulder, the scar of the lightsaber burn still hurting whenever he moved his arm. It probably always would. The wound went deep into the flesh and bone, and no matter how many bacta treatments, it didn't heal all the way. The pain had been excruciating and the smell of his own burnt skin had made bile climb up his throat, threatening to come out as he screamed in agony. He'd landed one hit on that bastard before finally being bested and blacking out. Ever since he woke a few days later, he'd been living in his own personal hell.

He couldn't walk, no one would tell him anything, and Rey was gone.

Finn rested his head in his hands as he thought about her. He missed Rey so much that thinking about her made him more depressed, if that was even possible. They'd been through so much together, a friendship forming out of their shared hardships. Now, she was light-years away, training to be a Jedi. He was proud of her for choosing such a noble life, but he just wished he could go down that path with her. He desperately needed to talk with her again, but since the base relocation to Carlac, the comms station was having problems setting everything up.

And to add more to the list, he'd hurt Poe by lashing out at him. He knew Poe didn't deserve to be treated that way. If it hadn't been for Poe, he would've gone insane by now. Poe was always with him when he did his physical therapy, and even moved Finn out of the medical facility to bunk with him. According to Poe, living in the med bay was not doing any favors for his mood, which was correct. At least he felt a little more independent living away from the doctors and nurses. But he still relied on Poe's help more than he preferred.

 _Poe's been an amazing friend... and I screwed that up._

Finn knew he needed to apologize for his actions, but he didn't want to go to the mess hall where he would potentially be forced to make small talk with other people. So he decided to make his way back to their room, hoping Poe would be there.

No one stopped as he went thought the halls, much to his satisfaction.

After the first day of being awake, he quickly grew tired of people calling him a hero for the role he played in blowing up Starkiller base and saving the Illenium System. None of them knew that the real reason he went on that mission was to get Rey out of there. Somehow, finding a way to obliterate Starkiller hadn't been at the top of his priority list. He just went along with Han's plans in the end.

 _Han…_ He shut that thought down before it got any traction.

Finn slowed as he came upon the bedroom door. As he glided himself inside, he saw Poe sitting at the desk against the wall to his left. Poe turned his head away from his datapad, surprised to see Finn so soon.

"I didn't think you'd come here so quickly. I thought you wanted to work the bars some more." Poe's voice held no frustration or anger, only concern for his friend.

Finn shook his head as he looked down at his lap. "You're right. I shouldn't push myself too hard." He paused, neither of them saying anything to fill the awkward silence. "Poe–"

"It's okay. I know." Finn lifted his head and saw a small smile play along Poe's lips. "Look, Finn. I can't begin to understand how you feel, but I do see how your situation has impacted you." Poe turned his whole chair around as Finn patiently listened to Poe voice his concerns. "I'm worried about you, man. You keep everything in and refuse to talk to someone about what you're going through. You refuse to talk about what happened on that base when I know for a fact it's bothering you. I hear you yell in your sleep as you have nightmares about the bastard who put you in that chair." Poe took a deep breath to calm himself down, but he didn't stop talking. He wanted to get everything out in the open.

"I don't want you to be a slave to that fear you have against Kylo Ren." Finn opened his mouth to protest, but Poe cut him off. "I know that man has affected you not just physically, but mentally. Hell, I'm not gonna deny that the nutcase freaked me out too. I just… I don't want your circumstances to change you into a person I no longer recognize." Poe looked around the room, looking for the right words to end his ramblings. "I miss my friend." He let out a long sigh and looked straight at Finn. "That's it. That's all I got."

Finn didn't know what to say in that moment. He'd been letting his fear hurt him and drive him to be reckless– he could see that now. And he didn't realize how much of his demeanor had hurt Poe, and that his friend knew about his nightmares. He honestly thought Rey was the only person he could talk to about his anxiety, but after Poe showed such concern for him, he knew he didn't need Rey to be here. He had another person waiting to help, and Finn decided he would let him.

"Have you eaten yet?" Finn asked. Poe shook his head. "Lets go down to the mess hall. I'm famished." Poe smiled as he jumped out of the chair and walked out of the room next to him. Poe squeezed Finn's shoulder as they rounded a hallway corner.

"You're gonna be fine, buddy. You'll walk on your own again, and I'm gonna help you get there."

()()()()()

"How are you feeling?" Luke asked Rey as he stirred the soup over the fire. Rey was resting on the dirt floor of Luke's hut, staring up at the clay ceiling, wondering if she was alive. Her clothes were completely saturated in sweat, but she didn't feel the need to change since they were just going to do some more training after dinner. Hell, she was pretty sure she smelled weird, but she just couldn't make herself care about that.

"Are my legs still attached to my body?" she asked him weakly.

Luke chuckled and glanced at her. "Yes, they still are. Can't feel them?"

"I can't decide if what I'm feeling is numbness, or immense pain. We'll see if I can even walk tomorrow." Rey had ran up and down the island stairs, just like Luke commanded her to. When she was feeling weak, she pushed herself harder. When she wanted to stop, she ignored the pain and kept going. She felt proud of herself for not quitting and for holding back the fish that had threatened to be expelled during the process.

"The food is ready if you want to grab a bowl." Rey grunted as she stood and walked over to the stack of wooden dishes on the table. Just as they were about to eat, Chewie entered to join them for. He asked Rey how her day had been so far as he sat down and accepted a filled dish from Luke.

"It's been challenging, but that's what I asked for. Need to be ready for whatever comes next." Taking a heaping bite of the meaty soup, she reveled in the exquisite taste, wiping the broth that dripped down her chin. Any food that wasn't rations from Jakku still shocked her taste buds, but in a good way. So far, everything she's tried had tasted phenomenal, and as long as she never had to eat those bland provisions ever again, she would not complain.

Rey swallowed before asking, "What are the plan for tonight?"

"Moving objects with the Force."

Her eyes grew wide and she barely chewed her food as she swallowed in eagerness. The only time she ever moved anything, without touching it, was when she called the lightsaber to her. She recalled how she just knew that if she reached out for it, the saber would fly into her hands.

"Aaaaagh ragh aagh raaagh ragh." _Communcations have been established with the new base, if you want to talk to anyone later._

"Mmmm." Rey put her hand up to her mouth, gulping down the food. "I would love to talk to Finn before going to bed." She turned toward the Jedi Master. "Were you wanting to talk to the Leia before I get on?" she inquired of Luke, but he seemed to not be listening to the conversation. "Master?" Luke's eyes snapped up at Rey.

"Oh. Yes. I can talk to my sister first." He went back to eating his food, seeming to be in a solemn mood. Rey decided to leave the matter alone, but Chewie was not going to let Luke wonder in his own thoughts.

 _What are you thinking about_ , the Wookie inquired.

"Just some past memories resurfacing. That's all." Rey scarfed down the last of the food, placing her bowl in front of her crossed legs. She was curious as to what he was thinking. Especially if it pertained to his nephew. Rey did want to know more about the kind of person Ben was, but she just didn't know if it was rude to ask Luke more questions about him.

But she just had to know.

"Master, can I ask you a question about your nephew?" Inquisitively, Luke glanced at her, the anticipation of his answer was making Rey nervous.

"You want to know more about Ben?" Rey nodded, her eyes shifting over to Chewie, who was looking intently at his bowl. "What do you want to know?"

Rey fidgeted with her fingers, wondering if she really wanted to know the answer to her question. Before she thought too much about it, she posed the question.

"Why did your sister send Ben to train with you? What happened? Cause the last thing he wanted to be was a Jedi." Luke narrowed his eyes at his apprentice, wondering how she knew Ben didn't want to become a Jedi early on in his life.

"It's true," he hesitantly explained. "He never had the desire to follow the path of the Jedi. But after something happened, Leia felt it was necessary for Ben to come stay at my academy and learn how to control his strong propensity for the Force." Chewie placed his bowl on the floor, abruptly standing, leaving the hut in a hurry. Rey gawked at the empty doorway, guilt lurching her gut as she scolded herself for not thinking about how the subject might affect the Wookie.

She started to go to her feet, wanting to go after him to apologize.

"He'll be fine," Luke told her. "He just needs to be alone for a bit."

Rey relaxed back down to where she'd been sitting, knowing she'll need to talk to Chewie later.

"Ben did something horrible, didn't he?" Rey's attention returned back to her master as she questioned him. "Horrible enough to scare his own mother?"

Luke nodded gravely. "Yes, he did. But he didn't know how to control his anger at such a young age. He was only thirteen when Leia enrolled him at a training facility that taught teenagers and young adults Teras Kasi, a form of unarmed combat. Leia thought it would be good for him, to focus his anger into some type of discipline." Night had descended on the island, the only source of light coming from the fire that was slowly dwindling in the corner. Rey watched as the glow danced across her master's face, illuminating his sad features. "One day, the kids were taking turns pairing up and dueling each other under the supervision of the instructor. During a short break, the teacher left the students alone to tend to something."

Luke hesitated, rubbing at his neck before continuing.

"You have to understand something about Ben. He's always had this effortless ability to control the Force. And because he was so in tuned with his ability, he was also unable to tune out feeling other's emotions. This made him be either a very compassionate person, or very enraged." Luke's tone seemed to be almost pleading for Rey to understand what he was trying to say. "Leia would tell me how the other kids thought Ben to be a freak, that no one wanted to be his friend once he started exhibiting his abilities. But, for the most part, Ben had a way of acting like it didn't bother him. He still went to his classes at school, and even seemed excited that Leia enrolled him at the training facility. He never cowered from the criticism of his peers. But, as you can imagine, anyone would eventually snap under such circumstances. And Ben did."

Elbows on her knees, head resting atop her knuckles, Rey became entranced by the story. She was finally getting a glimpse into Kylo Ren's younger life, the life he had as Ben Solo. The anticipation of finding out what he'd done at the facility was hard to hold in, but Rey tried to put up a patient exterior.

"I only know about what happened from what Ben had told Leia, who in turn conveyed it to me. Ben never talked about it to me and I never asked. Anyway, I guess the kids that were Ben's age started to antagonize him. He tried brushing them off, but one boy was relentless. He started to get physical with Ben by shoving him and eventually punching him so hard it broke Ben's nose." Rey's eyes widened, now getting a sense for where the story was going.

Luke kept his voice calm, like he was disassociating himself from the disturbing tale. "He couldn't control his anger, or the need for vengeance. So while Ben was still on the ground, the boy rose into the air, gasping for breath before his head violently snapped to the side. He then fell to the ground, not moving." Rey sat there in complete shock. She realized she'd stopped breathing as she took in a sharp inhale, her shoulders involuntarily shaking back and forth as her body trembled.

Luke wasn't even looking at her anymore, but watching his shadow flicker against the stone wall.

"Are you saying–." Rey stumbled over her words. "You're telling me he killed a boy at the age of thirteen?"

Luke locked eyes with her. "No. The boy somehow lived, but never regained full function of his body. His neck never took well to the spinal treatments they administered." Rey instantly thought of Finn. "As you can imagine, the child's parents wanted Ben punished and imprisoned. But Leia somehow made a deal that if she paid for their son's medical bills and sent Ben off with me, then they wouldn't seek civil justice. They agreed, and now here we are."

"But he never wanted to be a Jedi?" Luke grabbed their bowls and strolled over to the basin filled with water at the far side of the hut.

"Not in the beginning, no." He started to scrub the bowls clean as he talked over his shoulder to Rey. "But he later felt like he didn't have any other options since he was naturally so gifted with the Force."

"What did he want to do with his life? If he didn't want to become a Jedi?" Luke's arms froze for just a moment, looking at the wall in front of him as he thought about her question.

"I'm not exactly sure. Ben loved learning and he seemed to dabble in all sorts of subjects. Battle theory, mathematics, engineering, and before he left for the academy, he was studying chemistry and human physiology. He was a very smart young boy."

Jealousy tore at her.

Rey would've given anything to have had a proper education. All the data chips and books she'd found on Jakku never satiated her thirst for knowledge. She always wanted to learn more. And there was Ben, who had that opportunity to go to a school and then train under the most famous Jedi in the entire galaxy.

He had the life she always wanted, and he just threw it all away.

Luke placed the bowls and spoons by the dying fire before sitting down in front of her, making her come out of her train of thoughts. "Why all the questions about Ben?" he asked. Rey shrugged, not wanting to go into all her reasons for being so inquisitive.

"It's just hard to fathom someone falling so hard into the dark side. I guess I just want to understand why he did."

"The only person who knows the whole truth is Ben. I only know bits and pieces."

Rey nodded in understanding as her master looked at her compassionately, but there was also something else in his gaze. It was like he could see her true intentions for being so curious, but that couldn't be right. There was no way he'd now the truth.

"Now, enough talking about the past. Lets see how capable you are with moving objects."

 **Thanks for reading! Sorry there is no Kylo Ren in this chapter. He took up a good portion of the previous chapter and I wanted us to get a glimpse into how Finn was doing. Please, if you feel inclined, leave a review and follow the story! Thanks so much for the support!**


	9. Chapter 9

**I do not own Star Wars**

Chapter Nine

Legs hanging off the sides of the hammock, feet resting on the floor, Kylo Ren woke to the sound of sand blasting against the exterior of the metal walls. At first he was perplexed by the noise, but once he registered where he was, he knew what had happened.

He bolted upright, swinging his leg over the hammock only to have his boot get caught on the connecting rope at the end. His body lurched and he fell to the ground before scrambling to regain his balance. Once in control, he ducked into the short tunnel that led outside.

Sand.

Sand was everywhere, thick clouds of it providing no visibility to the outside desert planet. Wind blasted into his face, stinging his eyes from the grit it so violently carried. Skin burning, he turned away from the exit, rubbing the sand from his features. Cautiously, he pivoted back around to face the gale storm, squinting his eyes to get a view of his ship.

He couldn't even see a faint outline.

The sand kept searing his skin and eyes as he stood there, weighing his options. He could cover his face and try to find the ship out in the middle of the desert tempest, but the likely hood of getting lost along the way was very high. Even if he could find the ship, he wouldn't be able to fly through these conditions.

The answer was the obvious one: he would have to stay where he was, inside the girl's home.

But first he had to close the hatch. Too much sand was starting to get inside as the wind started to become increasingly aggressive.

Removing his cloak, Kyo began to wrap it around his face and neck, a thinly veiled piece of armor that was going to have to suffice. Wanting to spare his eye's, he would have to find and close the hatch while blind. Once completely covered, he shifted over to the right side of the exit and took a deep breath before plunging into the impertinent squall.

So many sensations hit him at once that he was shocked into immobility. The wind exploded in his ears, almost popping his eardrums as the force of the storm plastered the cloak to his face, threatening to suffocate him. His hands held onto the metal exterior as he quickly realized they were exposed to the elements. The deep, searing pain rapidly became severe, but he pushed himself to find the hatch, straining against nature's power to pull the barrier closed.

He collapsed upon the ground, panting from over exertion. Unwrapping the cloak from his face, he gulped in large amounts of precious oxygen, his dizziness from the lack of air flow subsiding.

Kylo sat there in the dark for what seemed like hours, incensed over his own failure to not heed Mashra's warning.

He was in no hurry to go back into the main hull, for the situation would become all too real, and he might not be able to control himself from destroying all of the girl's possessions. The constant vibration coming from the walls was the only companion he had. But his back started to ache, rear going numb. Finally, he ignited his saber and made himself get up to walk deeper inside the AT-AT.

The inside was painted in the wanton color of his saber as he made his way to the shelves in front of the tunnel. He activated one of the light orbs and let it float to the middle of the room, it light dim, but better than staying in complete darkness. Hopefully it would last the duration of his stay.

Kylo licked his lips, noticing how dry his mouth had become. All his provisions were on the ship, and if he didn't find some water soon, he would be forced to trek out into the tempest of sand.

A small tug pulled at the center of his chest, willing him to follow it to the far left wall. When he arrived, he knelt down and inspected four rusted screws, holding a small square section of a panel closed. He waved his hand, watching as the screws and metal enclosure fell to the ground. The widening of his eyes was proof to what he felt: shock.

Inside the wall were dozens of ration packets and large metal caskets. His hands immediately shot out to one of the barrels, recognizing the familiar sloshing sound of water as he pulled it close to him.

The top flew across the room and he dipped his hands inside, cupping the water up to his parched mouth. There was a hint of a chemical taste to it, but he didn't care. He could now wait out the storm with all these supplies, the idea of trying to find the ship becoming a thing of the past.

Once his stomach became hard and full, he sat back onto his heels, panting for air.

 _Now what to do…_

The sheer boredom of being stuck in there for half a day quickly became overwhelming. He went through his usual calisthenics routine, having to modify certain aspects of it to fit within the confining space. After a few hours of intense exercise and stripping down to nothing but his pants and boots, he tried meditation– something he'd never been particularly good at since he struggled with centering himself.

So that didn't last long.

Giving up, he found himself involuntarily counting the tick marks on the wall, losing count somewhere after six hundred and fifty.

One of the more entertaining parts of the confinement was going through the scavenger's things. He was particularly interested in the rebel helmet and the name written on the outside.

Captain Dosmit Raeh of the Tierfon Yellow Aces.

He found it to be an unlikely coincidence that the captain's surname was the scavenger's first name. Even though she spelled it differently, they sounded exactly the same. _Maybe Rey isn't her real name…_

But he'd seen it in her mind, and she believed the name to be hers. He decided to shelf that particular mystery for the time being as he made his way over to the workbench in the corner

She didn't have many personal belongings, but she had a ton of technical hardware. Kylo sat down, straddling the bench as he studied the slim screen display on top of a big, metal box. Wires came out of the sides and snaked their way along the ground, disappearing behind the wall next to him. A flight controller joystick sat off to the side, also connected to the box by intricate wiring. As he eyed the anatomy of the hardware ahead of him, he realized what he was looking at: a roughly put together computer.

 _The girl made her own computer? Why would a scavenger need a computer?_

Earlier when he glanced over at this corner, he had passed the computer off as being a pile of junk.

Finding the power switch, he flicked it on, the screen lighting up to show the last thing Kylo expected to see: a flight simulation. There was a picture of an asteroid field with the words "START" flashing in the middle, with various holograms of switches and flight controls surrounding him. Ren looked around in awe, feeling impressed with the young scavenger. Her flight simulation was legit, not an amateurish attempt to just pass time.

This kind of equipment was used for people who wanted to become military grade pilots.

He stretched his arms, cracking his knuckles in anticipation. The idea of being able to play the same simulation as the girl excited Ren more than he cared to admit. He couldn't resist grasping onto the joystick, allowing the mockup flight to start.

Almost immediately, his ship came under fire as he realized he was piloting an A-wing.

 _Of course._

A Tie fighter was closing in on him, so he made the gut decision to drop close to the surface of the nearest asteroid. The high mountain ranges casted long shadows over the rocky terrain as he flew past numerous dark caves. His sensors were being interrupted from the heavy metal ores all around the ship, but he at least momentarily lost the Tie among all the sharp turns and stony hills.

His mind raced to come up with a plan, but was interrupted by canon fire coming from behind. He griped the flight stick harder, feeling his grasp threatening to slip as his adrenaline spiked, making his hands sweat. Large chunks of rock dislodged from the blasts, causing him to weave in and out to avoid impact. A cave came into view, and he waited till the last second to fire his thrusters to the max and dive inside, hoping the Tie would overshoot the entrance.

It did.

However, entering a cave was not the smartest move. The cavern could end at any moment or be too small to maneuver through, but Ren kept flying inside. He knew the Tie was still trying to follow him; he just had a bigger lead this time.

If the sensors were having trouble with the mountains, the cave was infinitely worse. They were completely useless, leaving him to solely rely upon what he could see and feel. But if he was having problems, so was the Tie fighter. Fortunately, he didn't need sensors to know that the cave was becoming narrower, and he could hear the echoes of the Tie's engines bounce off the rocky walls.

He knew he had to backtrack, and fast.

His next idea was absolutely insane, but he saw no other way around it. He eased off of the thrusters and dropped to the cave floor. The ship was as close to the ground as he could get it without crashing, and he could feel the vibrations through the joystick.

Now, he waited. He could hear the Tie coming closer as his hand twitched in anticipation. Finally the Tie fighter flew out behind him as Kylo initiated his reverse thrusters. This action seemed to take the Tie completely by surprise since the enemy's internal targeting was entirely off.

The bottom of the Tie fighter grazed against the A-wing's cockpit, passing overhead and speeding out of control. The Tie didn't have enough space to stop and went crashing into the narrow cave walls, sparks flying as it exploded.

"Yes!" Kylo celebrated, his arms shooting into the air as he was overcome with victory.

"Who's there?" a startled voice said.

Kylo jumped from the bench so rapidly, he knocked the computer off its perch. As it came crashing down, he grabbed for his lightsaber, igniting it, facing the empty room in a battle stance. Ren did not like being caught off guard, which seemed to be happening more and more as of late.

But no one was there.

Breathing heavily, his eyes roamed over every surface, glared at every crevice. The hair on his chest and arms stood upright as his body shuddered from the cool air whispering over his bare skin. The only noise inside the AT-AT was that of the outside storm, but he had heard that voice as clear as day.

It was her voice.

The scavenger.

Logically, it was impossible for her to be here. No sane person would travel during a storm like this, and the scavenger did not strike him as being outright reckless. Impulsive, yes. Irresponsible in the face of this typhoon?

Unlikely.

He disabled the saber, clipping it onto his trousers as he concluded that he was alone.

Not from him, but from the girl _._ Pacing up and down the cramped quarters, Kylo's discomfort continued to worsen. The only voice he's ever heard inside his mind had been Leader Snoke, and even then, it never came across that clearly. His master preferred to speak to him through feelings and emotions, only using speech when he wanted to be clear. Communicating this way was now rarely used since Kylo could now talk to his master through holograms or a comms channel.

 _But he never sounded like he was in the same room as me_ , Kylo thought. The girl's voice literally sounded like she was standing right next to him, talking directly into his ear. And when heard her voice, he had felt fear. Her fear.

Kylo never put much thought into telepathy. He'd read stories, some myths of communicating this way, but it usually required a connection of a certain kind.

He stopped pacing.

Looked to the mangled computer on the floor as his heart hammered against his chest, his ears filling with the rush of blood.

"No," he breathed out.

The realization of what he was proposing as an explanation made him sit back on the bench before his knees buckled.

 _A connection…_

 _...through the Force_.

He'd learned about those long ago during his Jedi studies, finding that they usually manifested between a master and apprentice. With Snoke, the link they had was kept superficial on purpose. Ren always knew Supreme Leader did not want to be tied to his apprentice, nor did he desire to share feelings and thoughts with him. So trying to compare that connection with the one he possibly shared with the girl was useless.

He started to list all the signs of a Force bond that he could remember. _Feeling each others emotions, having similar fighting styles, communicating across vast distances, drawing strength from one another_ …

His hands rested on his knees as his stare concentrated on the floor. A bond would explain the dream sharing and hearing her speak so clearly in his mind, but part of him was still denying it was possible. He would've known the moment something like that had formed between them.

Wouldn't he?

He glanced behind him at the computer. Long before joining The First Order, he would practice flying on many different flight simulators. What all the programs had in common was that they automatically saved all the simulations to the hard drive, allowing you to replay them later. At the very least, the hard drive should have saved the girls most recent flights.

Ren rotated his body toward the scattered computer parts, swiftly working to put everything back together. He was able to open the metal case and poke around the inside to make sure nothing was damaged. All the wiring seemed to still be intact, which was what had worried about the most. He could tell parts of the motherboard had been damaged at one point, but the scavenger had crimped and melded certain parts back on, even going as far as creating her own pieces to make the thing functional.

After inspecting the rest of the wiring, he closed the box and turned on the power supply. He opened the memory files and found what he was looking for near the top. It was the same simulation he'd flown, having been done couple weeks ago. He scooted closer to the screen and promptly opened the video. The graphics came to life as he studied every detail of the flight. Gradually his spine straightened, eyes going wide, not wanting to blink in case he missed anything.

She was doing everything exactly the same as he did.

The A-wing flew between the mountains, dove into a cave, waited at the cave floor, and initiated the reverse thrusters to startle the Tie. After the Tie exploded against the cavern wall, the sequence ended, the main menu appearing on screen.

Kylo's face were only mere inches from the projection.

It was no coincidence him and the girl had performed almost the exact same way.

A long, shaky breath escaped his tight lips as he brushed his hair back. One other sign of a Force bond was making similar decisions to the point where neither one knew who was actually in control. But this characteristic should take years to develop, and he was already showing signs of it after just meeting the girl a week ago.

This was going to put an immense obstacle in his plans. The only way to get rid of such a connection was death, and that was exactly what he had planned for the girl.

Problem was, he knew what would happen to person who was left alive on the other side of the bond. They were never the same as they spent the rest of their lives searching for that lost piece of their soul that had died with their partner. This eventually drove the person to insanity and, in some cases, to take their own life.

Ren's body shivered.

The only thing that was saving him from panicking was that knowing with those extreme cases, the ones involved had allowed the bond to consume them and had let the connection strengthen till it was rooted deep within their souls.

He needed to find and kill that garbage collector before the bond overwhelms him. It was unfortunate he couldn't use the bond to do to find her since he didn't want the tether between them to tighten.

He let his back slowly lower onto the oblong workbench, placing his hands behind his head to offer a cushion. The hazy light cast the deep shadows from the columns onto the ceiling, his eyes gliding between the contrast of hues.

Kylo couldn't believe this was happening at this point in his life. Maybe when he was a teenager, something like this wouldn't have been as dreadful. He'd wanted a connection with someone else, had wanted to be understood. Prayed for it desperately.

Now he was just bitter to finally have one.

 _Everything always has to happen at the most inopportune time_.

()()()()()

Legs crossed, Rey sat on the soft dirt, the slumbering surroundings softly illuminated by the dim rays of moonlight. It had to be close to midnight or even some time passed that. Luke had left a couple hours ago for bed, but Rey insisted on staying up and Force moving the different sized rocks placed out before her. It was evident her body was hitting the peak of exhaustion as her vision was becoming blurred and a headache was starting to pulse behind her eyes.

"Raaaaaargh aaagh raagh. Aaaaagh raaargh." She darted to her feet as Chewie suddenly spoke from behind.

Clutching at her chest, she willed her thundering heart to calm.

"Chewie! You scared me. I didn't hear you there."

 _I must be really tired or that Wookie is very light on his feet. Probably both_ , Rey thought hastily. As she took a few deep breathes, she was finally able to process Chewie's statements.

"Yeah, I knew it was late, but I didn't know it was _that_ late. I'll come to bed, okay? No need to start a lecture." She warily made her way to the tall Wookie, watching as he turned away, motioning for her to climb onto his back.

"Oh no." She stopped and shook her head. "I don't want to weigh you down. Those stairs can be brutal." Chewie instantly countered her, saying how she'd only taken a few steps and was already wobbling. Her legs did feel like they would give out at any moment, and she was absolutely dreading walking down the island's decline.

That was another reason she'd stayed out so late; she was trying to push back the inevitable.

If she wasn't so exhausted, she would've kept refusing Chewie's offer. But after accepting how spent she was, she couldn't. "Okay. If you so graciously insist." Her elation of getting out of descending those steps was evident by the huge grin on her face. The Wookie bent down and grabbed Rey's legs as he stood to his full height.

Chewie made a big show of swaying back and forth, pretending he couldn't hold onto her.

Rey grasped the furry shoulders, laughing into the night. "I don't weight that much!" Rey declared, but not at all offended. She knew it was all in good fun.

Chewie chuckled and started to walk normally as they moved down the wide stairway. As the laughter floated away, Rey was reminded of what happened earlier at dinner. She knew she needed to say something, but didn't know how to start apologizing. Her head rested on his shoulder as she overlooked the glistening water, trying to draw on the strength she knew she had.

"I'm sorry, Chewie. About what happened earlier at dinner," she whispered. Chewie glanced at her from the corner of his eye, but didn't stop walking. He looked back ahead as she hoped he would say something in response.

After a few moments, he explained that he wasn't mad at her. It was just hard to listen to stories about Ben after what he had done. Chewie had always treated Ben as family while he'd been growing up, which is why it hurt every time he was reminded of the old and lost Ben Solo. But he didn't blame her for being curious about him.

Asking questions about him was fine; he was just caught off guard at dinner.

"I understand. I'll be more mindful in the future," she murmured as her and Chewie saw the soft glow of the Falcon below. Rey closed her eyes for the rest of the journey, dozing off, only to be woken from being placed on her bed. Chewie bade her good night and left her to rest. She nestled further into the blankets, rubbing her head against the pillow, arranging herself so she was comfortable. Breathing slowing, she was languidly being drawn back down into that place of relaxation and–

Her eyes popped open.

A sudden spike in adrenaline rammed her fully awake. She sat up, looking around her bare room, sensing her feeling were not her own.

"Yes!"

She leaped off the bed in a flurry of blankets, untangling her thrashing limbs and swirling around, searching.

"Who's there?" she called out.

No answer.

Obviously, nobody was the room with her. There were zero places for someone to hide in here. There wasn't even enough of a gap below the bed to accommodate a child.

But she'd heard the voice of a man so clearly.

 _It was_ him _._

Teetering, she plopped herself down onto the edge of the bed before she collapsed.

His voice had boomed with elation, an emotion she didn't know he was capable of showing. But the experience went beyond what ears could hear; she could feel his joy as if it were her own. Felt him that he was close, like she could reach out and touch him.

 _I need to fall asleep_.

She threw herself under her blankets, going through the same process as before. The decision to bypass getting clean before bed was probably going to bug her in the morning, but she didn't care in the moment. With her mind she turned off the lights, focusing on finding tranquility. But her thoughts were racing, making it take longer than necessary to slumber.

Rey needed to see him, to talk with him again.

She needed to know that he was worth trying to save, even if everyone else had given up on him.

To an extent, she didn't deny that part of herself thought this was a lost cause and a waste of time. The memory of him killing his father was still at the forefront of her daily thoughts. But ever since that dream, she'd been trying to dissect what she'd bared witness to: the pain she'd seen on Ben's face, the way he shifted back and forth in shock and, she couldn't be sure since she wasn't directly nearby, but his cheeks seemed to gleam from shed tears.

That was a man who regretted his decisions.

Even if she wasn't fully committed to bringing Ben back to the light, she knew that no matter who he chose to be, she would never be able to kill him.

So really, him turning away from the darkness was the only option she had to save herself.

()()()()()

The warm wind stirred up the wispy sand as Rey shaded her eyes, peering across the wreckage of the Graveyard of Ships. To the west the sun was setting in a violet sea of light, casting its dying ambiance onto the mighty and barren desert. As she pivoted around to get her exact bearings, Kylo came into her view off to her left, his statuesque face studying her.

He wasn't shocked to see her.

Neither was she.

He peeled his stare away, taking in his surroundings. A long exhale escaped from his lungs as he brought a hand up to comb through his hair. "I cannot escape this place," he muttered to himself.

Rey wasn't ecstatic about being back on Jakku, either.

His eyes found her again and they stared at each other, not knowing what to say. Abruptly, he turned on his heels and stalked away from her.

"Hey!" Rey yelled. "Where are you going?"

She ran after him as he turned around to face her, now walking backwards.

He lifted his arms out in exasperation. "I'm going to wait out this dream somewhere else. Preferably away from you." He turned back in the direction he'd been heading as she finally caught up with him and seized his upper arm, making him face her. His fury filled eyes were ablaze, but she refused to let go.

Trying to come up with something, anything to say, her mind went blank. How was she supposed to make him reveal his humanity? She inwardly scolded herself for not coming up with a starting point to her broad plan.

"What?" he whispered sharply through clasped teeth.

"I want us to talk," she implored, albeit a bit timidly. He slightly drew away from her, like she had a disease he didn't want to catch. Rey was pretty sure he thought she was a crazy person, but she didn't care. She needed to break the ice somehow, so she might as well be blunt with him. Besides, it wasn't like he was anywhere close to being sane.

People like him rarely were.

Kylo's eyes drifted to the firm grip on his upper right arm, the tension in his face melting away as he met her pleading expression. Slowly, and without leaving her gaze, he peeled her fingers from him gently, his calloused fingers rubbing against her skin as he held onto her for a moment longer than necessary.

She dropped her arm to the side as he let her go.

"I think you need a reminder that we are on opposite sides of a war. We have nothing to say to each other." His statement hung in the warm air as he returned to his quest of getting as far away from her as possible. Like she would give up that easily, though.

If she didn't have a stubborn mindset, she would have died on Jakku long ago.

Following him, Rey made sure to stay a few paces behind. Over time, his walk downgraded from brusque to being more of a leisurely pace, making it easier for her to follow. Her eyes never left his tall frame as she watched him study the numerous wrecked ships scattered before them. With the sun now gone, the moon shinned brightly, reflecting off the necropolis of metal, helping her to see every detail of his passive face. If it weren't for the brief glances in her direction, she would have believed he'd forgotten about her completely.

From the glimpses of his expression, he didn't seem to be annoyed with her– which was an improvement. But he would barely look at her at all. Instead, his stares were long and off into the distance, the way he would tinker with random pieces of equipment making it seem like he was lost in his own thoughts.

 _If I could only get a glimpse of what he was thinking…_

Kylo kept walking and she kept following, like they were in a dance both had started to memorize.

With her frustration rising, Rey was about to burst as the reality of not achieving her goal started to grow more apparent. All she wanted was a peek of that man she'd seen at the end of their previously shared dream, and he was not going to show him to her. She felt like yelling at him again, but Rey was certain he would just find that amusing.

"You're not going to stop following me, are you?"

Her attention snapped to where he stood, finding his deep gaze to be almost intrusive. The urge to cover her body with her hands was overwhelming, but she remained still. It was like he could see right into her, knowing her intentions toward him without even questioning her. But she couldn't dwell on that now. Her second chance was staring her right in the face and she needed to take it.

"No. All I'm asking for is a few moments of your time, which I would say you have plenty of in this place."

"Unless I suddenly wake up. Or you do."

But Rey somehow knew that the time she needed would be given to her. Neither of them were waking up soon. She crossed her arms and tried to stand her ground against his bombarding stare, which made her tremble. The corner of his mouth twisted up slightly– probably out of amusement– as he mimicked her stance.

"Fine. You want us to talk. You can get the conversation started," he ordered.

 _Yeah. No pressure_ , she thought smugly.

Hands resting on her hips, she glanced up at the star painted sky, praying to miraculously think of the right question to ask. There were so many things she wanted to know and time was not infinite here.

"You didn't want to go to your uncle's academy when you were younger." This was more of a statement than an actual question, and she waited for him to give her some sort of reply.

"No. I did not want to go, but I was forced to."

"Because of what happened with that boy your age." His eyes scrutinized her as he gradually nodded. She was growing increasingly nervous from realizing she was actually going to have a conversation with this man. All they had ever done was fight, yell, or ignore one another. But here, right at this very instant, he was giving her his full attention.

Palms starting to sweat and skin beginning to prickle, she tried to hide her nerves from Kylo's very observant eyes.

"When you were younger, what did you want to be?" she asked. He looked at her like she'd just gone insane, which she didn't blame him. The question sounded weird as it came out of her mouth, but she had to try and make him think of his life as Ben Solo.

"Next question." He waved his hand off to the side like he was physically trying to swat away her query.

"You aren't even going to try to answer?"

"No," he immediately responded.

"You are horrible at conversing with people."

His brow arched and he pointed directly at her lean frame. "You are the one who wanted to talk. So you can either ask me something that doesn't sound absurd, or I can go back to ignoring you." The words were laced with impatience.

"Asking about your childhood isn't absurd," she countered.

"It is because it does not matter, and it's a complete waste of time to dwell on the past."

She stared at him incredulously, amazed at how unimportant he seemed to find his past life. "No, it's not. You had a family who loved you. Your past will always be a part of you even if you try to bury it." A deep, sinister scowl spread across his face and Rey thought he was going to lung at her. Instead, his balled up hands remained at his sides.

"You understand _nothing_." He stalked slowly towards her while his eyes burned into her soul, gluing her in place. "You know nothing of family. Yours dumped you on this Force forsaken place and left you to rot." She backed up, trying to keep a good distance, but her back hit the outer wall of a ship, denying her safety.

Her heart rate skyrocketed. "They would've came back for me, except–"

"Except what?" he challenged, getting closer to her. "Do you know what happened to them? Why they never cam back for you?" Her lips pursed together. "No, you have no idea why your family threw you away. But I know why mine did."

Rey wiped at her eyes, not caring that she had let a few tears escape down her cheeks. "Yours never left you on a desert planet," she countered. "They kept you with them, because they cared about you."

"Cared about me?" He pointed to his chest. "Do you even know the last time I had seen or talked to my father since that day on Starkiller?" He paused, waiting for her to reply. Tears still stung her eyes as he talked so openly about the day he killed Han.

"DO YOU?!" His sudden outburst startled her, and she looked away from him. Back against the wall, she was stuck as he stalked forward. "I was fifteen years old. He thought I was a freak and tossed me aside like I was a disgrace. He never tried to contact me. Not. Once." His temper started to simmer, being replaced with a sound of despair. Rey looked up at him, eyes wide with shock. The man didn't seem to notice the moisture now streaming down his cheeks, dripping off his narrow chin.

He paceed as he ran his hands through his hair, his eyes darting frantically.

"And my mother..." Kylo chuckled, containing no traces of joy. "She let him walk away from me. But then again, her maternal instincts were lacking since the day I was born."

In her mind, she'd always pictured Han and Leia as being these perfect, attentive parents who doted on their son. Rey always pictured families this way because that was what she wanted for herself. The more she learned, however, the more that picture was being torn apart.

Ren was a complete mess as he kept up with the walking routine. Pain seemed to lace his face, his adams apple bobbing from trying to hold back what she assumed were sobs. Somehow, he seemed so small, like a little boy.

Maybe that's what he's always been.

"Why did you join the First Order?" she asked.

He stopped, angling his face away from her, wiping the moisture from his cheeks.

"You wouldn't–"

"Don't tell me I wouldn't understand." Her back left the cool metal, ambling in his direction. She came into his line of sight, mustering all the courage she had to push him into talking more. "Help me understand. Tell me what happened. Forget that we fight on different sides and just talk to me. Please."

He took a hesitant step away, a deep frown forming across his pale face. "You would actually forget your allegiance to The Resistance... to listen to me?"

"Yes."

()()()()()

As the girl approached him, Ren took an involuntarily step back. This whole encounter was taking a strange turn. Not to mention the constant bombardment of her emotions on his being was something uncomfortably familiar. He could tell that the bond between them was growing stronger– it was becoming more difficult to block her out.

Oddly enough, their time together started off with her wanting to talk with him and when he shot down that idea, she'd settled on following him till he cracked from unbridled curiosity. He'd let his emotions break his controlled demeanor, and realized he had tears streaming down his face. He inwardly scolded himself for talking about his family.

The dream was already affecting how he acted around her, for he never would have started to cry in front of this girl... this trash collector.

The girl's proposition had taken him aback. He found it hard to believe she would try to understand the necessity of The First Order in the galaxy, her small-minded morals getting in the way. "You would actually forget about your allegiance to The Resistance to listen to me?"

"Yes," she replied without hesitation. "I want to understand why you left everything to join them." Her voice was unwavering, her stare focused.

For the first time since they arrived in this delusional realm, Ren looked at her. _Really_ looked at her.

Her skin glowed under the soft, silvery waves of the moon, making her appear ethereal. Mystical. Her attire was her usual desert rags, but her whole visage deserved to be in something more regal.

That face, though.

The bone structure was a perfect combination of femininity and power. The small nose, round face, and plump lips all evenly vying for his attention, the only feature to actually grab it fully being her eyes.

Her emotions were not easily hidden behind that confident, yet innocent face. Years of pain were evident in the crease of her brow, in the down-curve of her mouth. But her eyes, her eyes showed him her soul. They held a deep pool of restless goals, and an ocean of endless grief. As he gazed into those eyes he knew, all the splendor that was threaded throughout the galaxy would never be ale to compete with what she held:

Passion.

After living such a wasteful life, the emotion was no doubt new to her, but she wore it with no intention of ever snuffing it out. It turned her eyes into scorching orbs, allowing him to read clearly that this woman would fight to her very last breath to have the life she now desired. The galaxy would never break her. Sure, she would cry and yell and claw at whatever stood in her way, but her spirit would never be taken.

She clung to that power with passion.

Passion that made her beautiful. Desirable.

There was that static again, that crackling in the air that happened when one got too close to the other. At first, it made the small hairs on the back of his neck stand on end, but now it was enough that he feared for his life, like if they somehow touched again, the act would swallow him whole and kill him.

And he wanted it, wanted her, in the ways a man wanted a woman.

Heat swelled through out his body, coalescing to one area in particular.

He darted to his right and rounded the corner of the downed ship, needing to hide. Quickly, he dipped his hand below his black trousers and adjusted himself before she found him.

He'd always prided himself in not getting distracted by the appeal of a woman, but in this moment, he couldn't stop his attraction toward the scavenger. Even though he's never been with a woman, he was still very much a man. Those feelings have always been there, but he's always been strong enough to resist such passions.

"Are you okay?" The sound of her soft footsteps came to his ears and he turned to face her approaching form. It tore at his rough exterior to hear her sound so genuinely concerned for him.

He dove right into the philosophy of The Order, trying to gain control of his faculties."The First Order is necessary in bringing peace and progression to the galaxy." The scavenger stopped, patiently listening to the enlightening lesson. "The chaos that arose after The Empire fell did not disappear after the New Republic took control. They were more useless than helpful. Criminal enterprises were gaining more power, slaves were becoming more prevalent, and the galactic economy was crumbling from debt and inflation."

The girl's eyebrows scrunched together. "So you don't believe people should govern themselves?"

"No. All planets should be under the same rule, not have their individual leaders making up a Senate. The only thing a Senate can do is argue long enough till one of them eventually dies." The girl nodded thoughtfully as she rubbed her hands slowly together. "The galaxy needs one person making the decisions so progress can actually be attained, not stifled."

"Have you always believed this way? Even while growing up?" she asked. He was always hesitant about answering questions about his past, but this one didn't appear to be too invasive.

He'd already got caught up in his own anguish over his parents in front of her, so really, how much worse could it get?

"I have, yes. I saw first hand the ineptitude of the Senate, and how it allowed the galaxy's perversions to run rampant." He rolled up his sleeves to help himself cool down. Talking about the galaxy helped take his mind off the girl, but his body had not caught up with his brain.

Kylo was still hot and tingly from his previous weak thoughts.

"What did you see that made you turn away from the New Republic?"

So far, he'd been impressed that the girl had not started to argue with him, and was instead eagerly listening to his opinions. Never in his life had someone showed such fervor in understanding him. It felt… nice. The girl was easier to converse with than he thought she would be, and he found himself growing comfortable in her presence.

Nonetheless, he didn't want to answer the question she just posed, but he didn't want to lie either.

"I… do not want to answer that question." His voice was gentle as he glanced down at the sand around his boots.

"It was horrible? What you saw?"

He nodded

Reluctantly, he thought back to that tumultuous day in the caves. His lungs took in a strained breath, glancing to the young girl standing not far from him. He did not like the way she stared at him with pity, like he was some kind of injured animal to coddle back to health.

Annoyance took hold as he wanted her compassionate stare to drift away with the temperate breeze.

"You really want to know what happened?" he inquired of her.

"Well… I..." she stuttered. "If it's too painful–" His dark glare stopped her from speaking further, the empathy disappearing slowly from her face.

 _It's just words_ , he reminded himself _. Maybe if she knows, she will see how much the galaxy desperately needs to be fixed_.

His hands ran through his hair while he took in the stars scattered amongst the obscurity of space. To speak this story would be to talk about his old life as Ben Solo in great detail, but just this once, he felt it was important to make an exception.

 **Thanks for reading! Sorry it took me a while to post a new chapter, but I am going to try to post the next one by Saturday. Please follow or leave a review! I like to know what you all think of the story and it helps me write faster hearing from you all. Thanks!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks so much Garden Guru, madsbouc, and guest for leaving a review! It really means a lot to me! I am trying to set a good pace to the story, which can be tricky. I am going to be writing about other characters that are not Ren and Rey, so there will be moments where we take a break from Reylo. With that being said, this whole chapter is about Ben, with Luke in it as a background character. I took some things from the book Bloodline, so if you haven't read that book yet, you totally should. And much later in the book, we will get to more of the political side of things, but for now, we shall set the foundation for Reylo! Enjoy!**

 **I do not own Star Wars or Bloodline!**

Chapter Ten

"Land on that loading dock," Luke ordered, pointing to the right of the viewport. "Last I remember, the mechanic shop was somewhere over there. They fixed the hyperdrive last time, so they should be able to do it again."

"Again, I am more than capable of repairing it myself," Ben argued, gliding the Ghtroc 720 freighter to the wide, duracrete landing pad. "I'm basically the reason this thing is still able to fly."

"I'd feel more comfortable with a trained eye working on the hyperdrive," Luke countered, gathering up his robe from the co-pilot seat. Ben rolled his eyes as his uncle placed a hand on his shoulder. "Even you have your limits, Ben. Best you remember that."

Ben rounded his jaw. Annoyed.

Luke went to the main deck, gathering the wupiupi coins out of the safe behind a loose panel. The town they were stopping at, Shufriit, was one of the only places on the desolate desert planet of Er'kit that had a decent mechanic shop.

"Why don't you just purchase a new ship? I've been telling you to do that for years," Ben yelled over his shoulder as he slowed and lowered the freighter gently onto the platform. While he went through the usual routine of shutting down the engines, his uncle came back into the cockpit.

"You know I hold too much sentiment towards her," Luke said, glancing at the controls affectionately. "Your dad gave me this ship as a gift."

"He gave it to you as a joke," Ben corrected, flipping the last of the switches before standing. "You could have bought a brand new ship with all the money you've wasted in keeping this thing alive."

It was a conversation they'd had hundreds of times over the last decade, but Luke would never let go the attachment he had for the hunk of junk.

Luke sighed and shrugged. "You know I'll keep flying this thing until she decides to explode on me." A smile played across Luke's lips and Ben reciprocated the action.

"Oh, you'll fly? I've been piloting this ship for us since I was fifteen."

"And you're so good at it."

Ben rolled his eyes, following his uncle to the lowering ramp. As they were about to exit, Artoo rolled speedily toward them.

"You should stay here, Artoo," Ben instructed. Artoo gave a loud squeal of defiance, something the droid was particularly good at. "Yes, I know you're bored, but the town is too precarious to bring a droid along. Especially a high functioning one, such as yourself."

"He's right Artoo. Best you stay here." The droid let out a low hum, making his disappointment known. "I'll bring you back some high grade oil. I promise." But the droid did not cheer up. Instead, he rolled out of sight, back into the confines of the ship.

Ben turned and scowled at his uncle.

"That droid is in serious need of an adventure. Even I'm growing bored of this search for Jedi temples." It was midday on Er'kit, the sun not taking any prisoners. As they stepped out of the ship's shadow to make there way over to the mechanic, Ben lifted the cloaks hood, attempting to keep the intense rays off of his pale complexion. His black Jedi robes were not the smartest choice of attire for the planets atmosphere, but it wasn't like he was going to be outside for long.

He didn't plan to be, anyway.

 _I hate desert planets…_

"Ben," Luke addressed him as they reached the entrance to the shop. "You should go ahead and grab a bite to eat next door. I want to stay with the mechanic as he looks her over." Ben glanced inside the rundown garage and saw the short, slender frame of an Er'kit working on a speeder bike. The species was very off-putting to look at, with its light blue skin, lanky limbs, and yellow eyes.

"You don't trust these people, Uncle?" He slyly smiled as Luke scrutinized him with non-amusing eyes.

"I never trust strangers. Especially here."

Ben shrugged his shoulders in a non-caring way, taking one last look inside the garage. "Fine. You stay here and babysit while I cool off inside the café." Just as he walked passed, Luke gave him one last bit of instruction.

"No causing trouble, Ben. I mean it." Ben shifted back to see his uncle eyeing him like a parent would eye their mischievous child.

"I never cause trouble." Luke cocked an eyebrow. Ben shrugged. "Okay, sometimes I do, but it's never a big deal." He spread his arms out, trying to look innocent as a playful grin showed on his lips.

"You call pick-pocketing a security officer not a big deal?"

"Hey, I needed to get inside the Royal Library to figure out where the Jedi temple was located on Lothal. While you were wasting time negotiating with some aristocrat, I was getting results." Ben stood tall, showing he wasn't ashamed of what he did.

"And that almost ended badly for you," Luke stated dryly as Ben scoffed.

It hadn't been easy stalking the guard and finding the opportune moment to bump into him. Ben had been quick about finding the book they needed, but he must've taken too long. Once the guard had found out about his missing chip, he was able to see where it was being used and sent every single police droid to the library.

"Well at the end of the day, I didn't go to jail and we found what we were looking for."

His uncle sighed in defeat and shook his head.

"Now, I'm going to go eat and relax inside where the sun isn't trying to kill me. Come find me when they've identified the problem. If they even do." Ben turned on his heels, causing his robe to billow in the hot air behind him. The entrance to the café slid open, the rush of cold, welcoming air beckoning him further inside. Cautiously, he eyed the small restaurant, taking note of the occupants and finding another exit at the far end of the rectangular perimeter.

He found a comfort in being prepared for anything.

Ben made his way to the counter, taking a seat on a rather uncomfortable bar stool. It made a low, creaking noise, fighting against the sudden addition of his weight. He quickly moved over to a more stable chair as an elderly woman appeared on the other side of the counter.

"What can I get for ya?" Her eyes held disinterest, her voice extremely raspy, scratching at Ben's ears. _Probably got that way from inhaling too much of the desert sand over the years,_ he thought idly to himself.

"Do you by chance have any banja cakes?" The waitress looked down at her relic of a datapad and started to scroll through the food itinerary.

"What flavor would ya like?"

His eyes lit up, mouth salivating over the prospect of devouring his favorite kind of sweets. "Chocolate," he answered eagerly.

She tapped the screen. "Anything else?" She looked up at him impatiently.

"Any cold sandwich will do, but I want the dessert first." Ben never did acquire the patience to wait for the sweet courses, always requesting it to be chocolate. "Oh, and some water please."

"One choc banja cake and cold sandwich with water. Got it." Ben reached for his pants pocket, taking out his small and slender datapad and placing it on the counter. He sighed in disappointment when he saw that he still couldn't get a signal. Months of hunting for Jedi temples in the Outer Rim Territories had left them with no way of sending or receiving messages. None of the planets they've visited had strong enough equipment to magnify any sort of message through space, and the immense radiation out here made matters worse for communications. Especially aboard a ship.

Ben sat there, wondering if his mother was even worried about him.

The abrupt placement of a cold cup of water brought him back to the present. The waitress eyed his glossy datapad. "Ya wont get a signal right now. We installed a transistor amplification system a few months back, but it was damaged in a recent sandstorm. Should be up and runnin' tonight, though."

Ben's back immediately straightened. "You can get communications off world?"

"Yup." She turned to the black holoscreen above the kitchen expo window behind her. "We finally get to play some programs on that there screen. Helps pass the time for me, and the customers like it. If ya come back tonight, everything should be up and runnin'.

"What time do you close?" he asked eagerly.

"We're open all day and all night."

Ben thanked her for the information and sat back, eyeing the holoscreen above. There had to be some messages from his mother waiting for him on his account. Maybe even his father…

He stopped that line of thought before it gained traction, knowing it never led to a good place. It was hard trying to suppress his hope that maybe, this time, he would receive a message from Han. Instead of letting his disappointment sink him into further despair, he'd learned to never expect anything from his old man. _There won't be any messages from him waiting for you_ , he reminded himself.

Taking a sip of the chilled water, he wondered when his own mother would stop checking in with him. It felt inevitable that it would happen, since she was so involved in her own life. As time went on, her messages were becoming fewer and farther between.

He heard the door open from behind, making him glance over his shoulder at the two human males entering. They were of middle age, with dark leathery skin and attire that had seen better days. Dirt and grime covered their once light shirts and pants, making it obvious they worked out in the elements.

"Kaydee," the darker haired, bushy bearded man yelled toward the older waitress. "We're gonna seat ourselves in our usual spot." She waved her hand in the air, not even bothering to look up from her task of drying the numerous amount of flatware before her. They proceeded over to the table behind Ben, not adhering to the proper social protocol of lowering their voices while in a public place.

Most of what they spoke of was easy to ignore. The trivialities of their home lives and their desire to make more money did not hold Ben's attention. After a few minutes of frivolously looking over the navigational chart for him and his uncle's next destination, his banja cakes were placed in front of him. Ravenously, but still holding his manners, he shoved the bite-sized cakes into his eager mouth, relishing the rich flavor. They weren't nearly as good as the ones on Chandrila he'd grown up eating, but none ever were.

Still, these would do just fine.

"Have ya heard about the new shipments comin' in?" Ben recognized the deeper voice belonging to the bearded man.

"A bunch of women and children. Guess there's even an exotic lookin' Twi'lek in the bunch," the bald one replied.

Ben stopped chewing, his gaze lifting to look straight through the expo window into the kitchen. He couldn't even taste the chocolate flavor anymore as the men continued their conversation.

"She'll go for a hefty price. That's one lucky bastard who snatched her up. He's gonna get a good share of the profit." Both men laughed. Ben clenched his teeth. "You goin' over to the caves tonight?"

"Yeah. I got guard duty till the mornin'. And a buyer is comin' sometime during the night."

"Wanna head over to the gambling center after this?" One of them cleared his throat, coughing up a big ball of phlegm.

"Nah. I gotta spend sometime with Ginna or she'll think I'm cheatin' on her."

"You are cheatin' on her."

"She don't need to know that." Boisterous laughter erupted from the two men, the kind that grated against you nerves.

Ben's face was as hard as iron as his fists curled on top of the counter. He glanced down, noticing his trembling hands. His right palm itched to touch his lightsaber, but he sat there. Frozen. Some time during the eavesdropping session, the waitress must have brought him his sandwich, for it was placed off to thr side.

He didn't even recall that happening.

All his focus was on the two men sitting behind him and if he didn't make himself leave soon, he wouldn't be able to hold himself back from doing something brash.

He placed some coins on the counter and awkwardly stood, knocking the stool to the ground. He darted for the exit, never looking back on his way out. Finding his uncle was the only thing he cared about.

Luke was standing next to the tall Er'kit underneath the ships belly, pointing to something of insignificance. Ben squinted against the bombardment of light and ran over to his uncle, not even bothering to shield his face from the sun. He grabbed Luke's arm and wheeled him around.

"Ben! I'm in the middle–"

"We need to talk. Now. It's important." Luke looked at him questioningly, but his face quickly smoothed over.

"Alright." Luke addressed the Er'kit standing off to the side. "I'll be back shortly. You can examine the rest, but don't fix anything till I agree. Understood?" The creature nodded and continued his task that was so abruptly interrupted.

Ben led Luke into the ship, wanting the closed space for privacy. Once Ben was confident he was out of earshot of the mechanic, he began to tell the man everything he had heard. Luke leaned against the edge of the table, concentrating on his nephew.

Ben didn't try to hide his anger and disgust, he knew Luke would have felt it even if he tried to pretend to have a calm demeanor. "A buyer is coming tonight, so we need to go to these caves as soon as possible." His uncle nodded slowly, staring at the wall behind Ben as he stroked his beard.

"Why aren't you agreeing with me? These people need our help!" he yelled, not even causing a rise out his uncle.

"I'm not disagreeing with you Ben, but the way you want to go about this is all wrong." Ben blinked in shock. "We need to contact the New Republic and get the Republic fleet to handle it."

Ben's fingers threaded through his hair as he stared at the old man.

"Are you kidding me? To get aid from the Republic fleet, it would have to be authorized by the Senate. Those politicians are beyond useless and never agree on anything. And we can't even transmit a message off of this planet!" He could feel the rising heat in his face as he tried to make his uncle see reason. A deep breath filled his chest while he made the effort to talk smoothly. "The Jedi are separate from the Republic, giving you full and legal authorization to make this decision on your own."

Luke's face was a pillar of durasteel as he let no emotion show through his calm expression. "I can make the decision, and this is what I will decide we do. The New Republic needs us to be on their side, not gallivanting through the galaxy doing whatever we want. If we do this without them, they'll think we're taking the law into our own hands."

Ben shook his head, grinding his molars. "Fuck the New Republic." Luke's brows rose. Ben's voice went deep and low as he enunciated each word, painting a clear and disturbing picture."There are innocent women and children being tortured and raped and this is the route you want to take? Inaction?"

Luke rubbed his lips together, trying to keep his aggravation in check. "It's not inaction, Ben. The mechanic told me we'll be able to communicate off this planet sometime tonight. I'll immediately contact Leia and tell her what's going on."

Ben scoffed. "Well, I'm not going to wait around for you to make that call."

He moved to the ship's exit, but was stopped by his uncle grabbing his arm.

"Don't you dare, Ben. My word is final."

Luke was now visibly frustrated.

"I don't have to abide by your word since you're no longer my master," Ben reminded him sharply. "Or have you forgotten that you gave me the title of Jedi Master and a seat on the council before we left on this quest? I can act of my own volition now." Ben faced off against Luke, their glares deepening.

If Luke looked frustrated before, he was now fuming with indignation.

"I gave you that seat and title personally, deciding to wait till we got back to announce it to everyone else. If you go through with this, consider your title stripped and your seat revoked. If you tell anyone about being given the title of Jedi Master, I'll deny it. It will be your word against mine."

Never in his life had Ben ever considered killing a member of his family, but that was all he could think about in that moment.

 _You could do it. You are more powerful than him. You could cover it up and no one would ever find out…_

The dark thoughts formed in the back of his mind, pushing his rage to become a physical manifestation. Ben wrenched his arm from his uncle's hold and headed for his own quarters. Upon closing the entrance, he tore off his Jedi robes, leaving him in only his undergarments. He felt like he was suffocating from all the layers and he needed his skin to feel the cool air of the ship.

His wrath ripped through his room like a tornado, leaving nothing whole or unbroken. The anger would not stop pulsating through his veins, and it demanded to be released through unbridled carnage. Sharp pain hit his knees as he crumbled to the floor, examining the damage upon which he just made.

Part of his mind couldn't believe his uncle had threatened him, but he honestly should've expected it. He'd worked so hard for so long to be able to join Luke on the Jedi council. He would be the first to join Master Skywalker, and together they would build up the Jedi to what it was before The Empire destroyed it. His uncle had seemed so excited to have someone help him with this huge burden, and had been so proud that that person was his nephew.

Ben had thought he was to be his uncle's equal.

It had all been a lie. If he could threaten to take it all away from Ben, what would stop him from doing the same in the future?

A heavy sigh stroked his lips as he lifted himself off the chilly floor, collapsing on his hard bed. For the rest of the day, he remained in the confines of his room and weighed his decision carefully.

Go help those innocent people on his own, or keep his seat on the Jedi council– the very thing he'd wanted ever since he was forced into attending the academy.

Which one was was more important?

()()()()()

Wind hit his face and filled his ears as he glided across the dark terrain on his speeder.

It was the dead of night when he slyly crept off of the ship, waiting long enough to make sure his uncle had drifted to sleep. There had been no reason for him to stay up since the transistor amplification system was still not functioning.

Being alone in his room, with only his thoughts at play, it hadn't taken Ben not long to decide on venturing out to the caves. He couldn't live with himself, even if he was a Jedi Master, knowing that he could've done something to save those slaves.

There was only one mountain he could visibly see near the town, so he decided to start his search there. The only possessions he took with him was a small canteen of water and his lightsaber.

He'd been circling the mountain for nearly an hour before he felt the first forms of life. He followed the energy trail, seeing a cave forming in the distance. The speeder roared as he hit the throttle, his nerves starting to make an appearance. The moon was only a sliver in the sky, making him concentrate more on his dark surroundings

He cut the engine and parked the speeder behind a boulder by an opening. The inside was pitch black and he scolded himself for not bringing his night vision binoc's. He activated his lightsaber, watching the iridescent blue color light up the jagged walls. The inside was dank and cold the further he trekked, making him concentrate on staying light on his feet.

Time passed, and he started to doubt that this was the right cave. _But I feel something here_ , he reassured himself. He rounded a corner and saw a dim light at the far end. The lightsaber disengaged as he flattened himself against the moist cave wall. Slowly, he crept closer to the illuminated cavern, trying to calm his racing heart.

All at once, his knees gave way, and his hands caught himself on the dirt floor. The all-consuming pain nearly blinded him, diminishing his strength to hold himself upright. He felt hopeless, lost, and completely terrified. These feelings did not belong to him, for they came from the people trapped in this hellish place.

Now steeled with determination, he craned his head up and crawled his way closer to the light. He had to see what was in there.

The foul smell hit his nose and burned his eyes as he came upon the edge of the cavern. He started to gag, but held down the few contents that were still in his stomach. Breathing through his mouth was even worse as he could taste the stench on his tongue. He settled on inhaling through his nose, not wasting his time with trying to breath through his robe.

Nothing would be able to mask the odor.

His eyes cleared, allowing to focus on the picture ahead. All he could do was stare, wide-eyed. Disbelieving. To the right, a dozen or so women were chained to the wall. The majority were human, but there was a Twi'lek and a Togruta among them. Some were completely naked, while others were in rags. They were lifeless behind their distant gaze, having lost hope of ever being freed.

He stood to his full height and made his way cautiously over to the prisoners, trying not to frighten them. Not one person paid him any heed. Even when he knelt down in front them, no one would look him straight in the eye.

They were broken.

From the far wall behind him, he heard soft crying, like a small wounded animal. Ben reared himself upward and turned to see cells etched into the rocky wall. He neared the prison, seeing that the ground was lumpy behind the cell bars, movement catching his eye.

As Ben gradually realized what the lumps were, he sagged to the ground and clutched onto the iron rods. Dozens of children were lying on the ground, curled up in an attempt to keep warm. They were infinitely filthier than the women, having no access to a refresher in what seemed to be days. By the thick smell of ammonia, it could have been weeks.

Ben shook uncontrollably, not able to stop the vomit from shooting up his esophagus and exiting his mouth. He heaved onto the floor while one hand gripped the cell bar, the other on the ground to steady him. Never, at any time in his life, did he think he would witness such depravity and outright maliciousness.

How could someone do this to women and children?

A cold palm grasped the hand that was still on the cage. He lifted his gaze to see a young girl staring at him. Her hair was so matted and dirty, he couldn't be sure of the color. Her slanted irises, though, were as black as night and were overflowing with sorrow.

"Who are you?" a voice bellowed. "What are ya doin' here?"

He'd been caught.

But Ben and the girl kept staring at each other for a few moments longer, ignoring the man's shouts. Her skinny arm went between the two bars and up to his face, wiping the tear from his cheek. Something cracked inside him at that moment. It was something that he would never be able to repair, no matter how hard he tried. It consumed all that he was, so delicate under his carefully crafted world, its viperous head ripping apart the order.

The choice.

Ben Force pulled the man into his outstretched hand as he quickly stood, towering over what he realized to be a Rodian. His lightsaber came to life and he drove the plasma blade through the whimpering creature's chest, smelling burnt flesh.

He'd never killed a person before. The act should have been more shocking, but he felt none of that. The acceptance over what he'd just done didn't take him too far away, but deep inside himself to a primitive place that knows how to dissociate from the kind of disbelief that preceded death.

Everything after that was a daze. Even his own screams became incoherent to his ears. He was a crazed animal on a murderous rampage, seeking to fill his blood lust till his belly was full and his muscles were spent.

One after another, the blue light of his saber cut down all that stood in his way. Men ran from him, but he followed their fear deeper into the caves. They begged and pleaded and cried to have their lives spared, but Ben couldn't stop now. Wouldn't. He gutted every last one of them, their blood seeping into the dirt below his boots.

As he came upon the last man cowering in a corner, he heard the close sound of dogs barking in the next room. A sinister smile played along his lips and he dragged the sobbing, soiled man into the chamber with him.

The dogs were chained to the wall, much like the women were, but these animals were actually fighting against their chains. Their rib cages protruded out of their sides, bones scattered across the dirt floor.

They weren't animal bones.

"Are these your dogs?" The man kept crying, not answering him. Ben balanced his weight on the balls of his feet as he knelt down to the man's eye level. One look at Ben's face made the man answer his question.

"Y-yes," he stuttered. "Please, I'm only seventeen. I–I didn't want to be here–"

Ben cocked his head to the side. "Do you think these animals are loyal to you?" he asked, ignoring the pleas. The man's brows furrowed, not knowing how to answer. "Well." Ben paused and straightened to his full stature, his eyes never leaving the youthful man's pathetic face. "I'm going to enjoy finding out."

He force pushed him into the far wall, the rabid beasts pouncing upon their master, tearing the flesh from his face, ripping into his gut for the delicious prizes inside. Gurgling screams echoed off the stone walls, blood spraying in all different directions. Ben watched the man be torn apart, relishing in the sound of bones breaking and flesh tearing.

It took longer than expected for the man to finally die, but after he did, Ben retraced his steps back to the cavern. So many bodies filled the hallways that he didn't make any attempts to step around them. They were dead, anyway.

He started to pick up the pace as his worry began to heighten for the women and children he left behind.

Somehow, the women had freed themselves from their chains and were now herding the children from the rank cells. The Twi'lek spat in his direction and shielded her body between him and the young ones. "You need to leave." Her accent was hard, making him strain to understand her as she spoke Basic. Bodies lay torn apart across the ground, but the cavern was not as convoluted with corpses as the narrow hallways. The women emptied the cells and were now making their way outside, coaxing the terrified children to the exit, telling them not to look down.

"You need my help." The voice that came out of his mouth was unrecognizable. It was deep, dark and dangerous. It reflected how he felt.

The Twi'lek stepped over the bodies, pointing down to the corpse of a human woman. "She needed your help and you murdered her in your blind rage. She grabbed the keys from one of the dead men and began freeing us, but she accidentally got in your way. You even looked at her as you pierced her with you lightsaber, _Jedi_. Or do you not remember?"

Ben instantly denied her accusation.

"Don't believe me? Come. Look. The lightsaber burn is in the middle of her chest." He sauntered over the random limbs and carcasses, ready to prove the woman wrong, but stopped mere feet from the lifeless body. There, perfectly placed at the center of her chest, was a lightsaber wound.

"No…" His head shook in disbelief, his mind drunk with confusion. The events of the slaughter were running through his thoughts, but it was all a blur. He couldn't remember seeing her, even though the Twi'lek said he'd stared right at the woman before striking her down.

"You've done enough. You should now leave this place," she demanded.

Ben fell to his knees, his hands trembling as he stopped himself from touching the face of the deceased. Her eyes were open, no hint of life behind her hazel irises. His breathing became more labored as it dawned on him what he had done.

"I didn't see her. I–" He lifted his head, but the room was now empty, leaving the dead as his only company.

Blood was sprayed everywhere, covering the walls and soaking the soft, sandy ground. He stood, looking at his bloody Jedi robes. The smell of copper and sweat lingered in the air, on his clothes, and in his hair. His chest constricted. He couldn't breath. Suddenly he was in the dark halls, running from the nightmare as he tore off his outer robes, dropping them in his wake.

They said he was evil, all those kids he grew up with. He'd been just a boy, not understanding how they could form such a prejudice against him. They had once been his friends, but somehow, they saw what was lurking below the surface. Knew he would snap one day.

He was a murderer. A psychopath. A villain.

But even under the terms that plagued him, he was still that feeble boy, not strong enough to fight off that darkness inside. But he wasn't just weak, but scared, too.

He was too scared not to follow the dark, and to weak to fight that fear.

The cave exit came into view just as his boot caught on a jagged rock, sending him plummeting onto the sharp floor. His head hit the ground hard, a gash opening up just above his temple. Warmth trickle down to his neck, but he did nothing to stop it. Didn't numb to the pain. He glanced around, seeing his lightsaber lying on the ground next to him. He froze, studying the saber with the small amount of light the outside offered.

He recoiled from the silver hilt, like it was the one who chose to slaughter all those people, not him.

As he laid there, in his sleeveless undershirt and trousers, he knew his life as a Jedi was over. He'd known that was a possibility when he decided to come out here, but now facing that reality was hard to stomach. The last ten years of his life did not matter now, but there was one thing he did know: he never wanted to touch that lightsaber again.

He picked himself off the floor and walked out of the cave, not looking back at the weapon he left in the shadows.

The women and children were huddled off to the right of the entrance, but he kept walking to the boulder that hid his speeder. The Twi'lek was right; they did not need his help anymore.

He pulled the speeder out from concealment, mounting it swiftly. His eyes gazed over the vast landscape to his right, searching for his uncle. Luke was close, coming up to the cave at an accelerated speed, but Ben did not plan on being here when he arrived.

 _At least he can help the slaves find shelter,_ he thought.

Igniting the engine, he took one last look at the group in front of him. The girl, the one he'd shared a moment with in the cavern, was standing away from the others. Her eyes locked onto him, her face frozen as she raised a hand to wave. That young girl, who couldn't be any older than fourteen, was not afraid of him like the others. She offered him her silent gratitude, and he gave her a sad smile as he nodded, bidding her farewell.

He turned the speeder around and throttled the engine, zooming off into the distance toward the town.

()()()()()

Ben was exhausted as he came upon the café. He'd felt his uncle make it to the caves, horror and shock rippling through the Force. Luke would most likely be there for a while, trying to help the malnourished slaves before eventually coming to look for his nephew. By then, Ben planned on being in a different star system, trying to pick up the shattered remnants of his life.

The elderly waitress hadn't lied when she told him the café never closed, for a large crowd was pushing up against the counter. Hopefully he could find one of them leaving the planet soon and hitch a ride. But first, he needed to eat something before he fell over. The last thing he ate was those banja cakes, and he hadn't even finished them.

He took a seat at the end of the counter where it was less crowded. Everyone seemed to be focused on the holoscreen over the kitchen window, some type of Republic News broadcast playing.

Ben froze.

If they were getting the news, the transistor amplification system was working. He raced out of the café at a dead run, going straight for his room aboard the ship. His datapad was still on his bed as he grabbed it and headed back for the restaurant. He switched it on, waiting for it to load when he opened the café door.

The café was now in total chaos, people shouting at the holoscreen and throwing food at the broadcast.

The datapad started to ding in his hands, showing dozens of unread messages from his mother, the last one from about a week ago. He scrolled down to the beginning, still standing right in front of the door.

"That fuckin' Alderaan Princess deceived all of us!"

"Her and her bloodline should be hunted down and exterminated. They're too dangerous to be left alive."

"Skywalker and that woman have been lying to us this whole time!"

Ben snapped his head up, his eyebrows scrunching together as he glanced around the frenzied room, many fingers pointing to the holoscreen. He could make out his mother's name among the shouting and stepped closer, wrenching himself to the front of the crowd where he could get the best view of the broadcast.

He still couldn't hear what was being said over all the shouting. He waved his hand, making the volume grow louder till he could discern the reporter's voice.

"…mere twenty minutes ago, it was revealed by Centrist Senator Ransolm Casterfo that Senator Leia Organa is indeed the biological child of Darth Vader. We will now show you the clip of the unveiling that took place on the Senate floor."

Ben started to have tunnel vision, only noticing the screen directly overhead. The broadcast cut to the inside of the Senate meetinghouse as he watched a tall, blonde Senator reach inside a chest and take out what appeared to be a music box. He opened it, and Ben immediately recognized the song as one of the lullabies his mother used to sing to him.

A man's voice started to speak when the song ended, starting the recording off by saying, "My beloved daughter…" It was Bail Organa, addressing his mother. He listened as Bail voiced his worry that he might not survive the war, and stressed that he needed to pass down a piece of important knowledge to his daughter. Ben's heart raced frantically with anticipation, focusing his eyes on the screen like it was enchanting him to do so.

" _You've never expressed much interest in knowing about your birth parents. So many times, you've told your mother and me we are the only father and mother you've ever needed– and never doubt how much that means to us both. But Leia, the story of your origin is one you must know. You were hidden with us, for your own safety, and for that of your brother. Yes, you have a twin brother, though you must not seek him until the war has ended, and both Palpatine and Lord Vader have been defeated."_

" _Obi-wan Kenobi took your brother for safe keeping, and I took you. We hid you both from each other, and from your father, who could not know that any child of his had been born alive. You see, Leia, I always told you the truth about your mother and how she died. But I never told you that she was Padme Amidala, former queen and senator of the planet Naboo. Nor could I share that your father was Anakin Skywalker, one of the last Jedi Knights and a great hero of The Clone Wars. But now I must tell you the worst, and you must be strong. I must tell you what became of Anakin Skywalker."_

" _You father has become Darth Vader."_

The senate floor erupted in shouting, both sides arguing over one another. Ben held onto the counter edge so tight, his hands felt like they would break under the strain. _This cannot be true. It has to be fabricated! My mother would have told me something like this_. As Ben's thoughts began to race out of his control, he tried to search for his mother on the screen.

Instead, Senator Casterfo came back on.

"I have every reason to believe it is genuine. But if it is not, let Senator Organa pronounce it false."

Finally, the broadcast showed his mother. Ben waited, expecting her to get up and proclaim that it was all lies, that it was a slanderous political tactic fabricated from one of her opponents. But she just sat there, displaying a collective exterior to the public. Ben was confused that his mother could be so calm in the face of such a heinous accusation. Darth Vader was the second most hated person in the entire galaxy, right after Palpatine, and all his mother could do was sit there patiently and listen to her accuser?

After a few moments, she stood, the amplifier droids swarming her immediately. With a cold stone stare, she said, "Senator Casterfo's accusation is true. My father was Darth Vader."

Every single light in the cafe, including the holoscreen, sparked and exploded all at once. People yelled in fright and shoved each other as they tried to exit the establishment as fast as possible.

Shattered pieces of glass covered Ben, but he did not attempt to brush them out of his hair or off his shoulders. His life had unraveled too quickly for him to hold onto any remnants of his sanity. Everything he thought he knew was now a lie. The big expanse of fury was engulfing him into its suffocating vacuum and nothing made sense to him anymore.

In the caves, he had started to accept that his path as a Jedi was over, that he would have to make a new start somewhere else. But now this news… The two people closest to him, his uncle and mother, had deceived him his whole life. He grew up scared and confused as to why he was so sensitive to the Force and why he had problems controlling his anger. And the answer had been there all along. He was the grandson of Darth Vader, the most powerful Sith in thousands of years.

 _The lightsaber… I left it in the cave…_ When his uncle had given him the saber at fourteen, he'd told him it was a special family heirloom. Obi-wan had explained to Luke that it had belonged to his father, who was murdered by Darth Vader. But now, Ben could see the whole truth for what it was. The lightsaber he had refused to pick up was that of Darth Vader's, before he became a Sith.

 _All your family does is lie to you._

 _They do not care about you._

 _All of them have tossed you aside, never trusting you._

 _But I know your potential._

 _Your power can be greater than your grandfather's._

 _You can crush criminal enterprises and bring order to the galaxy, with my help_.

The familiar voice caressed his emotions as he spoke to Ben's mind. The wheel of regret, sadness, and anger were as seductive and potentially unrelenting as a black hole, and all he wanted was to rid himself of such emotions.

 _I am not far from you._

 _Come and join me._

 _I have only ever respected your power, while your family has been holding you back from fulfilling your destiny._

 _You owe your family nothing, for they have given you nothing_.

Looking out into the dark café, Ben became numb. He was tired of trying to achieve his family's expectations, tired of being lied to, and tired of feeling disgusted with himself.

With that thought, he gave into the voice and let his own monster roam free among his mind. He was done feeling guilty, and the only way to free himself from the guilt was to embrace his sins.

The datapad lit up and dinged on the counter, showing a brand new message from his mother. But it was too late.

He had no family.

He grabbed the device and threw it against the wall, hearing it break into pieces.

His boots crunched on the broken glass as he exited the café and went to the mechanic shop. He Force pushed the locked door across the garage, heading to the box of keys behind the work counter to the right. The ion lock that was placed on the ships dashboard would prevent the craft from starting up and could be difficult to unlock with the Force.

But that could be easily remedied.

As he ruffled through the contents, the Er'kit came rushing into the room from the back door. "You're not allowed in here." Ben paid the creature no heed. "You still owe me half the cost for fixing the hyperdrive. I won't allow you to leave till I'm paid." The alien came at Ben, but was lifted into the air by his outstretched hand. The creature choked, and with a violent jerk of his wrist, Ben snapped the Er'kit's neck.

The body made a sickening thud as it hit the floor, its eyes open and tongue sticking limply out from its mouth.

"You won't allow me?" Ben snickered, chuckling.

With the key firmly in his grasp, he left and walked onto the ship. A high-pitched squeal made him turn and face Artoo. The droid scooted back when it caught sight of Ben's expression. Artoo bolted down the ramp and wheeled off into the darkness of night.

Ben removed the ion lock from the dashboard and initiated the launch sequence. His destiny was somewhere out in those stars and he needed to desperately find it.

The belonging he had sought for was with his new master now.

That foolish, naïve boy who went by the name Ben Solo would forever remain in those dark caves, rotting away with the rest of the corpses, where _he_ belonged.

 **Please follow the story and please leave a review! I love to read your thoughts on the story. Even if you already left a review, you most certainly can leave another one. I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. I wrote it a lot faster than I thought I would! Till next time!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you Katrina for leaving a review! I am glad you are enjoying the story so far. I know, Reylo hasn't really been moving forward at a fast pace, but I promise that will eventually change. I do love me some Reylo action as well and I am itching to write it, trust me! Also, thanks to all of you who are following the story. Enjoy the chapter!**

 **I do not own Star Wars :(**

Rey was seated on the sand, legs up against her chest, chin resting on her knees. The lowering temperature made her tremble, the light breeze playing with the loose strands of her hair. The surrounding climate no longer held her interest. All her focus was on the man sitting before her.

Early on in his story, she'd lowered herself to the ground, listening to every word that came out of his mouth. After seeing her relax, he came closer, sitting only a short arm distance away. The detail he went into as he spoke had surprised her since he didn't seem like the talking type. She actually smiled at him when he talked about his interactions with his uncle and being in the café. If she hadn't been paying close enough attention to his face, she would've missed the short-lived grin when he described the banja cakes.

But it had happened, and she had noticed.

She had become tethered to his emotions immediately after he described the two men entering the eatery. The ups and downs of his feelings had left her mentally exhausted, as if she'd been in those caves with him, witnessing the horrors hidden in the mountain. The breeze had helped dry her tears before they spilled over onto her cheeks.

He didn't try to hide how many people he'd killed. Even though he didn't know the exact number, he computed that it was in the dozens. She knew she should feel disgusted for what he'd done, but secretly, she was glad those men were dead. The woman he murdered, though, left her feeling queasy.

Then there was how he found out about his grandfather that had tipped him over the edge to embrace the dark side and betray his family. Though, she knew joining the dark side was wrong, she could understand why he did.

 _No wonder he tries to be honest all the time. He abhors lying cause he was lied to all his life_ , Rey inwardly mused.

It had been a few minutes since he'd last spoken, and all Rey could do was stare at him behind her soft eyes. His fingers were playing in the sand as his memories kept haunting him. Rey had no idea what to say to break the silence. All the responses she'd come up with seemed to not be enough for this moment.

He locked his eyes with her, raising his hand to relax on his thigh.

"I honestly have no idea what to say," Rey whispered, staying still. He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "What?"

He shrugged. "I just thought you'd accuse me of being a murderer, and try to convince me how wrong it was to seek out The First Order." A deep sigh came from her mouth and her eyes drifted down to his chest. He was a killer, but accusing him to be as much was a waste of time.

He knew who he was; she didn't need to remind him.

They sat there, both comfortable in the silence that ensued.

Suddenly, Rey felt like she was floating, even though she could see that her body was still lounging on the ground. She realized what was happening: she was waking up. Her awareness spiked as she started to panic.

She didn't want to leave.

Ren looked at her questioningly, feeling her panic resonate through the Force. She couldn't leave without saying something to him, and she frantically searched for the words to express how she felt. Her legs straightened as she started to spew out her thoughts in no particular order.

"I'm sorry you felt betrayed by your family. It was wrong for them to keep a secret like that from you. And what happened in those caves was horrible, and I don't mean you killing those men. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I'm glad they're dead. I'm talking about you seeing those women and children chained and locked away. And you killing that women is a tragedy, but I do believe you did not intend for that to happen. I can feel your regret over killing her." She was talking so fast, trying to impress upon him what she thought.

His eyes grew wide as he watched her.

"The First Order is not your destiny. What you are doing is wrong. You want to do to the galaxy exactly what happened to those people in the caves. You want to enslave civilizations into following your ideals. That's not giving them freedom. Its taking it away." She paused, taking a deep breath. His face was becoming dark again, and she was so close to waking. "And you deserve to be free. Your master is enslaving you, Ben. Can't you–"

()()()()()

Kylo shot up from the bench, eyes falling upon the computer. He rubbed at his face, trying to wipe away the fatigue, being reminded that he hasn't had a proper night sleep in weeks. It wasn't necessarily because of the dreams he shared with the girl, but because of this gnawing feeling that something significant was going to happen.

And soon.

The bond with the scavenger was significantly stronger than it was before he'd fallen asleep. He could easily feel her emotions, could get glimpses into her thoughts as he told her why he left the Jedi Order. He knew he should be furious at revealing so much of his past, but he wasn't. Talking to her had felt so... easy.

He surveyed the inside of the AT-AT, wishing she were here with him. He couldn't deny how much he wanted to be with her, whether it was physically or to just be in the same space as her. The light within her called to him, wanting him to never part from her.

This was wrong.

He knew this kind of sentiment was very dangerous to the plans ahead. Even if she could accept him for the monster he was and wanted to remain with him, where would he go? Back to The Resistance with her? The only thing waiting for him there was his execution. And she made it quite clear that she would never join The First Order. No, the only option he had was to remain on the path he was on.

This wasn't the first time he'd thought about deserting The Order, followed by the shame that sliced through him for giving the idea too much credence.

He stood and walked over to the water caskets, listening to his boots scrape against the ground in the silence of the room. He paused, listening to...

 _Nothing_.

He sprinted to the exit hatch and pushed it open to see the stillness of dawn.

The storm was over.

His focus started to come back as he tossed his inner light further down into the dark crevice of his apathy.

Quickly, he clothes and grabbed his lightsaber. But before leaving the temporary home, he glanced back, applying the living space into his memory. He allowed himself to think of the girl one last time. Never would he feel this close to her again, because soon, her corpse will be rotting in the dirt. He had to leave his compassion for her behind in this quaint, metal abode.

Where he was headed would not tolerate such feelings.

He had to keep moving forward since there was no where else he could go.

()()()()()

As he flew toward Niima Outpost, he watched the sun rise in the far off distance, its rays coating the desert in a deceitful scene of beauty with the brilliant colors of orange and yellow. His eyes caught the faint outline of the outpost, examining the area as his heart jumped from what he gradually recognized: a small imperial shuttle. It was parked right next to the main tent. This mission was supposed to be his own, and his anger started to rise toward the person who'd purposefully interrupted his plans.

Upon landing and exiting the freighter, Kylo could sense who had arrived, causing his annoyance to heighten. He walked inside the big shelter, instantly seeing one of his knights towering over Unkar Plutt. Nymeer cocked his head and smiled right at him, drawing his electrostaff away from the petrified alien.

"Master Ren. So good of you to join us." Kylo glared at Nymeer, who only smiled wider upon witnessing his growing indignation. Next to the knight's boots was his helmet, Nymeer for some nefarious reason choosing not to wear it whenever he could.

"What are you doing here?" Kylo snapped at the knight.

Nymeer kicked Plutt in the gut, making the fat creature fall to the ground, the grenades and blaster pistol clanged together against Nymeer's chest from the abrupt movement. On numerous occasions, Kylo had lectured Nymeer on the foolishness of strapping pyro grenades to his vest, explaining that a single blaster bolt to any one of them could cause them to detonate. But his knight never took them off.

Most likely out of spitee

"General Hux sent me to make sure you were making progress. You haven't checked in with him."

"I don't answer to Hux, nor do I have to report to him." Nymeer fully turned to face his master. His bleach, blonde hair made his white skin look close to sickly, but his height was what made him look intimidating. Not many people were taller than Kylo, and Nymeer was among the few that enjoyed such a luxury.

"Well, maybe you will be glad to hear what I got out of this Crolute." Plutt withered on the ground, grasping at his large mid section with his robotic arm.

"I can get the information myself."

"He has a secondary tracking system on the Falcon." Nymeer kept talking, seeming to ignore Kylo's statement. "It's basically undetectable, and he can turn it on manually from here. Looks like you can find the girl through this tub of bantha lard." Kylo was tempted to beat that prideful grin off of Nymeer's face, but he held himself back. Truth was, Kylo had been very much looking forward to having the Crolute completely to himself. He had plans that involved an immense amount of torture,maybe some mocking, and then eventual death.

"I'll take a look for myself." Kylo glided over to Plutt and knelt down by his flat face. Nymeer backed off, giving him room to work.

"Please, no…" the humanoid groaned, but Kylo barely registered the pleas before palming Plutt's slick temples and delving inside.

Kylo was glad to see that Unkar had indeed inspected the damage he had bestowed upon the Kyuzo, which, in turn, made him fearful for his own life. Kylo dug deeper, finding that the Crolute had indeed installed the secondary tacking system on the Corellian freighter; a by product of his constant paranoia.

Kylo fiddled around the creature's mind some more, not seeing anything of critical importance. He was purposefully staying away from any memories that showed the girl, but just as he was about to exit the Crolute's mind, he saw that Plutt actually knew the scavenger's parents. Kylo took in the information knowing he would never use it, but he could not stop himself from being curious.

He pulled his hands away and stood as he gripped his saber. Igniting it, the Crolute gazed at the violent red light with horror.

"Why do you feel the need to kill this creature?" Kylo glared over his shoulder at Nymeer, his knight putting his palms up innocently. "Hey, I'm just thinking that we should leave him alive. He passes along information to The First Order, and can be useful out here." Nymeer sneered at Kylo, studying his master intently. "Unless, this is personal." Nymeer had always gotten off on annoying others, and Ren was no exception. The knight always tried to push his master over the edge, trying to expose a weakness in him; which was exactly what he was doing now.

Kylo knew the need to kill Unkar Plutt was personal when it really shouldn't be. The need to avenge the girl was a weakness that was hard to cast away.

His attention was drawn to the petrified Crolute as Kylo loomed over him, weighing his options. He did not want Nymeer to think that he needed to kill this creature for personal reasons. Because if he did, the knight would then want to know what those reasons were.

With his boot, Kylo flattened Unkar onto his back, watching the creature squirm. "I want the tracking monitor on the VCX-100 light freighter. Now." Unkar did not waste anytime staying in Kylo's presence. He scrambled to his feet, his body jiggling as he ran over to the cargo crawler.

Nymeer moved into Kylo's periphery, catching the attention of his master.

"It's probably a good thing to leave those loyal to The First Order alive."

"He is only loyal to himself." Ren disengaged the saber and clipped it to his belt, looking up at Nymeer's grimaced expression.

"That's probably more likely." Nymeer latched his electrostaff to his back and picked up his helmet, placing it under his arm.

"Have the remaining knights go to the meeting place on Rattatak. I'll let you know of my plans when we're all together."

Nymeer cocked his head to the side. "Oh? I thought you were wanting to do this mission alone?" His voice held a hint of mockery, but Kylo ignored it.

"There's been a hitch in my plans."

"What hitch would that be?" Nymeer asked, feigning interest.

"Skywalker. He's with the girl."

Kylo watched the surprise form on the pale man's face.

"How do you know?" This time, Nymeer's was serious. Kylo thought back to when the girl had brought up the boy he'd paralyzed in his youth. General Organa would never have told that story to anyone, but Skywalker probably would.

Especially if that person was his apprentice.

Kylo and Nymeer turned to see Unkar hustling toward them with something a little bigger than a datapad in his hand. He stopped a few feet from the malicious pair, breathing heavily. "My lackey's are putting the equipment on your ship now." He gulped, taking in a long inhale of air. "This device will show you where they are and how to get there." Kylo snatched it from Plutt, gazing at a map to a planet in the Outer Rim Territories that he didn't recognize.

"Gather the knights, and get to Rattatak as soon as possible," he ordered as he went exit, not giving Nymeer a chance to re-ask his question. He wanted to get back on his ship and review the planet Skywalker and the girl were currently on. There was no way he could take on the scavenger and the Jedi Master and come out unscathed. Even though he was annoyed to see Nymeer at the outpost, it gave him the idea to utilize his knights to meet his goal.

The Supreme Leader would hopefully understand that.

Unkar's thugs left the ship as he walked up the ramp. He needed to get this mission done, and soon. His master was losing trust in him and Kylo's focus was faltering more and more with each passing day. Killing the girl needed to be quick, like ripping off a bacta patch.

 _Don't overthink. Just do it._

He chose this path and he couldn't let a small, desert rat get in the way of him following in his grandfather's footsteps.

()()()()()

It has been three days since she last saw him.

She didn't know the mechanics of it, but Rey knew Kylo was somehow preventing them from seeing each other. She would purposefully bypass meditation to take the opportunity to nap, always searching for him with the dreams. But never finding him. Even at night she slumbered for a longer stretch of time, he was nowhere to be found. Either way, not seeing Kylo the past three nights was starting to make her feel uneasy. Like he was about to jump out from a corner and grab her.

Still, she had kept her talks with Kylo a secret from Luke, but now she was starting to falter in that choice. After waking from the dream three nights ago, Rey was now more certain than ever that Ben Solo still existed. She could see his vast potential for good, and fantasized how the tides in this war could if he would switch over to their side. But how to make him join her? She hadn't been able to come up with an answer to that desperate question.

Whenever she tried, her mind would keep drifting to that moment he caressed her cheek, feeling how perfect it had felt.

"Okay." Rey glanced up at Luke entering the hut, carrying a small chest. His robes were dark brown and black, which matched the ominous rain clouds that plagued the sky. All morning and into the afternoon, Rey could hear the constant roar of thunder, but still no rain fell. Rey was eager to feel the water droplets on her skin, for it rarely ever rained on Jakku.

Luke placed the chest on the floor in front of her crossed legs as he eased himself to sit on the opposite side. He solemnly placed his hands atop the lid, looking down at it in reverence. "These are some of the light sabers I was able to gather from my fallen students. I'm going to deconstruct them and take the crystals out. I hope one of the crystals calls to you, like they did to my past padawans." He paused. "I'm sorry we cannot go to the Crystal Caves on Ilum to find yours." His voice was filled with melancholy as he stroked the rough wood of the chest.

"It's alright," she said softly. "I understand it's too dangerous. I still find it to be a great honor to use one of your students crystals."

Luke smiled in appreciation, looking at her like a proud father would his daughter.

Would she always try to find someone to fill that void of her parents?

"I do believe you are ready to make your own lightsaber. Rey, you're one of the most gifted students I've ever had the pleasure of teaching." She blushed, still not knowing how to react to accolades.

The chest creaked as Luke slowly opened it.

There were eight lightsabers, all of them unique, none of them looking even remotely the same. Rey watched, captivated, as Luke levitated each lightsaber between his hands. He took every single one of them apart, placing the metal parts to the right and the Kyber crystals to his left. The crystals glowed in the dimness of the hut, as if they were alive, pulsating.

Luke motioned for Rey to inspect the crystals closer.

"Open yourself up to the Force and you may find a crystal that is suitable for you."

Rey scooted closer, her hand hovering over the crystals, shaking ever so slightly. She closed her eyes, feeling the ambiance of the island and allowing its energy to flow through her. Her hand was wrenched slightly to the side as she dropped her palm, enclosing it around one of the gleaming crystals. With a quaking hand, she brought it up to her eyes, and examined the beautifully smooth stone. It was oblong in shape, with one end pointing out sharply and the other flat and even.

This crystal belonged to her, she had no doubt in her mind.

"I think that crystal will fit you perfectly." But Luke's smile didn't reach his eyes.

"Who did it belong to?" Rey asked, wanting to know the original owner of the mineral.

Luke exhaled while stroking his beard. "His name was Alec. He was from Coruscant, and was the oldest student at the academy. He wasn't as talented in the Force as you are, but he was a very good man. He watched over the students for me whenever I had to leave on business."

"Well, I'm grateful to use his crystal."

They let the silence fill the room as Rey kept studying the stone.

"Now, "Luke broke through the quiet atmosphere, "the easy part is over. Time to actually construct the saber hilt." Rey's lips curled into a huge grin, her body tensing from excitement. "You may use any of the parts you so desire. The construction of the saber will come to you as you concentrate."

Luke kept giving Rey some pointers and offered to help her, but she declined. She wanted to do this on her own.

Over the next five hours, Rey went through every single mental state imaginable. Excitement, agitation, drive, despair, pride: they all took their turns strangling her. She'd always been so gifted with building things, but creating her saber was one of the most challenging assignments she'd had in a long time.

With a sharp exhale, she took a break and laid out on the floor, trying to calm her frustration. Luke had left her to be alone and she wondered if he was starting to become disappointed in how long it was taking her to construct the hilt. She breathed deeply, trying to picture all the many pieces of scrap metal on the floor. Slowly her hand drifted above her, wielding the pieces to follow her command.

A clear picture of her saber came into her mind, and she moved each piece of metal into their perfect place. It was a puzzle that Rey was on the cusp of solving, and her excitement grew with every passing second. Lastly, her long crystal floated in the middle of the circling pieces, pulsating a strong, white light. A sudden flash blinded her, causing her to close her eyes, but she didn't need to see to know what had happened.

With her eyes tightly shut, she let the Force guide her. Finally, she clasped her hands together, gripping a hard, metal rod. She cracked her lids open, holding her saber in silent awe. Her body folded into a sitting position while never letting go of her weapon. It was longer than normal, with a sleek, silver look. Five strips of rough, black rubber circled the silver rod, making it easier to grip. Both ends of the saber were cut diagonally, instead of the traditional flat.

She darted outside, leaving her vest and armbands behind. The sun had sett and the wind chill ripped through her clothes, but she desperately needed to see if the saber would work. She didn't want to ignite it inside the small hut, for fear she might destroy some of Luke's belongings.

She raised the saber parallel to the ground, moving her thumb against the first activator switch. A beautiful shade of yellow shot out of the end, illuminating the surroundings.

"You've done it."

She turned to her right to see Luke smiling at her. She flipped the second activator, igniting the other end of her saber. Her master stepped forward, inspecting her carefully crafted hilt. "I've never had a student make a double-bladed lightsaber. May I?" He held out his hand hesitantly as Rey passed him the weapon. He weighed it with his hands and scanned the model with his eyes.

"How did you make this with one crystal?"

"During the process, the crystal split into two."

"Really?" His voice rose with his shock. He gave the saber back to its owner. "I think tomorrow morning, we should skip meditating and duel with your new lightsaber. I'm eager to see it in action."

 _Me too_ , Rey inwardly agreed.

"We can't try it out right now?" Rey asked sheepishly. Luke looked to the menacing clouds overhead as she felt the wind start to pick up speed.

"Not the most ideal weather to practice in. We can see if tomorrow will bring us better fortune." Reflexively, her shoulders slumped in disappointment, but she could feel the weather starting to grow worse. _Tomorrow. I can wait for tomorrow._ "I was wondering if I could show you something about the island, though. Before we have dinner."

Rey's interest instantaneously spiked. "Of course. What is it?"

"The Jedi Temple."

Her head whipped around, confused.

"Isn't this the Jedi temple?" She pointed to the huts as Luke burst out laughing.

"Good heavens, no! The temple is actually built into the island. The entrance is down by where you landed the Falcon. It's next to the big tree with the three wide branches." Rey's eyes shot to the ground, her eyes growing wide.

"The temple is beneath us?" Luke nodded. "Lets go! We have plenty of time before dinner," she blurted out.

Growing up, she'd heard about Jedi temples and how secretive they were. People would always try to guess what sort of mysteries they held, but Rey never put much thought into it. She never imagined she would see one in her lifetime. When she had arrived on Ahch-to and thought the huts were the temple, she'd been slightly disappointed, but didn't say anything to Luke.

She chalked up the bland appearance to it being the first Jedi temple, and that they probably didn't have many resources to build a grand one.

They promptly hiked down the island staircase while Luke described the objects she would find down there: artifacts, weapons, some holocrons, and lots and lots of books. Apparently the people here had a preference for writing rather than digitally recording history. Jedi's of old would try to keep a journal of their many trials and adventures, and then let them be stored in the temples.

"You should try and chronicle your life and eventually add it to the library," Luke suggested.

They were coming up to the Falcon when Rey had the perfect idea.

"I'm gonna go grab something really quick before we get to the temple." Rey darted for the Falcon's ramp and headed straight for her personal quarters. She rifled through her bag and grabbed what she'd been looking for.

Luke was patiently waiting where she left him and as she neared her master, she held up her personal journal. Well, it wasn't really a journal. It was more of a survival guide on how to live on Jakku, but towards the end of writing it, she'd recorded her time with Finn and Han all the way up to when she made it to Takodana.

"I already started writing about my experiences, but I haven't written in it for awhile. I can update it when we go inside." As they neared the stone entrance, Luke listened while she described what was in those pages.

To her left, the gigantic tree filled up a lot of the space. She never really paid much heed to the tree, but as she studied it, something about it felt familiar to her. Luke must've seen the way she was eyeing the it, and went on to explain that the planets energy was focused on that very spot.

It wasn't hard to feel the power resonating from that area, but the feeling of the Force was not the familiarity she was experiencing. The sound of a rock sliding across the ground made her whip her heard back to their destination. Luke was Force pushing a massive boulder off to the right, and ever so slowly, Rey started to notice a doorway sized cutout in hill side.

She hurried to the entrance, peering inside. It was eerily dark, but the minuscule amount of light from the outside revealed steps leading down into the black cavern. Luke grabbed a small orb, which had been resting on a rocky shelf, and activated it. Light emanated out in every direction, exposing the flight of stairs downward. Rey took every step cautiously through the narrow stairway until she came to the bottom. Luke tossed the orb into the air and it flew to the middle of the circular chamber, floating in place high above them.

Lining the walls were numerous tables that held all different types of weapons and artifacts. In the middle were rows of bookshelves, each filled to its capacity with leather-backed novels and journals. The air smelled old and musty, but there was a comfort in this place that allowed her to relax.

"There's a doorway at the back wall that leads to more cavern's like this one, but there is enough in here to explore for now," Luke explained. Rey walked to the bookshelves, her fingers touching the leather volumes as she passed by. So much knowledge was at her fingertips, it made her feel giddy. It was a stark contrast to her having to really dig through vast amounts of rubble to find readable data-chips on Jakku.

"Is it alright if I stay down here for a bit before dinner? I feel like skimming over some of these books, if that's okay?" Her eyes were still scanning the bookshelves, wondering which book she would read first.

"Of course. I'll grab Chewie out of the Falcon and head up to start cooking. Don't be too long, or else I can't promise there will be food left." He was alluding to Chewie's gargantuous appetite.

Rey chuckled and promised to be up soon.

After Luke departed, she made her way over to a small group of tables in front of the book shelves. She should get as much writing done before delving into another Jedi's tale of adventures. Writing her experiences came easier than she thought it would, except for when it came to Han's death. She gave her honest account of the proceedings, leaving little to the imagination. Once she started to record the events on Ach-to, she had to pause. Does she write about her dreams with Ben? It's not like anyone would be reading this anytime soon, but the possibility was there. And how would her feelings come across on paper? Would the person think she was insane for trying to bring Ben back to the light?

She scoffed, pushing her journal away. Her hands massaged her neck as she stretched her head from side to side. _Maybe reading a Jedi's own account could help me determine what to write…_

The books on the back shelves seemed to look the most recent. So she picked one at random, opening to a section that depicted quality sketches of what appeared to be jewelry. But they all had an oddness of shape; a necklace that looked more like twisted piping, headdresses that were far too big for a person's neck to balance, gold sheeted bracelets that covered the forearms. But her eyes lingered on a ring. The band was plain enough, but the crystal that was placed atop it looked to be too out of place. It was large and multifaceted, sticking straight up and noticeable, the color blacker than the night sky during a full moon. Below the drawing was some writing:

 ** _Kyber crystal that has been corrupted and infused with pure dark side energy. Such a relic has been used to cloak one from the Cosmic Force, but the price upon the person's mentality makes it so Sith are even hesitant to use it. It was last rumored to be on Mandalore, but no one of great respect has seen it for over two thousand years._**

As Rey stood in the dim light, reading and listening the beginnings of rain outside, an uneasy feeling started to rise in her chest. Her skin tingled as a shiver ran up her spine, like her body was trying to tell her something. She brushed it off, thinking that maybe it was because she was late for dinner.

Her stomach was starting to rumble.

Keeping her eyes turned down on the book, she rounded the shelving, walking in the direction of the table. A booming sound of thunder filled the room, causing her to glance up at the entrance.

She froze in place, letting the book fall from her hands.

Her heart hitched in her throat, refusing to let any air pass, the thoughts she'd been having disappearing as her mind went blank.

Standing at the bottom of the stairway was Kylo Ren, wearing his full regalia of black robes and his foreboding helmet. His hands balled into fists at the sight of her, but he made no move to grab the lightsaber from his belt.

Rey wasn't going to wait for him to do so.

Abruptly, she force pulled the orb into her hand and shut it off, plunging the cavern into utter darkness. Her legs sprinted to the back wall while she tried to recall the general layout of the library. She placed the orb gently on the floor, grabbing for her saber, feet tiptoeing through the bookcases as she visualized where she was going.

Wanting to stay hidden,she wouldn't activate the saber unless she absolutely had to.

Her ears strained to hear any hints as to where Kylo was, but the heavy rainfall was masking any noise. _I need to get out of here_.

Trying and failing, she couldn't get control her erratic breathing and pounding heart under control. Her hands shook as she held her lightsaber, but she willed herself to get closer to the exit, fighting through the fear. More than likely, he was hiding near the stairs, waiting for her to get close. But what other option did she have? She couldn't stay in here indefinitely, for he would eventually find her. The only small hope was to sprint to the exit, hoping he was walking around trying to find her.

Mustering up the courage, she darted to the doorway, banking on Kylo being the type of person to not have enough patience to wait for his prey. Her foot made it to the third step when she suddenly felt a hand grasp her ankle, making her lose her footing and slam the side of her head against the rocky steps above. He yanked her back to him as she tried to banish the dizziness from her mind.

Realizing her hand still held the saber, she ignited one end and swiped at his face, making contact across the side of his mask. He let go of her and she sprinted out into the pouring rain. Her eyes instantly saw the Falcon as she started to run towards it, but she stopped when she heard blaster fire from above.

 _Luke._

 _Chewie_.

She couldn't leave them, even if it meant giving up her only means of safety. Her legs hammered up the stairs as the rain soaked through her clothes, praying over and over for her friend and master to still be alive when she got there.

()()()()()

"Chewie! Go find Rey and get her out of here!" Luke yelled at the Wookie as he deflected blaster fire with his green plasma blade. Luke dove behind a boulder, kneeling next to Chewie and peeking out to see six black figures progressing toward their location. These were the Knights of Ren, which meant his nephew was somewhere on the island.

 _Rey…_

What Luke thought would be a normal stroll before dinner turned into a fight for survival. He hadn't even sensed the knights coming till it was too late. Either his nephew had grown more powerful and could hide his knights with the Force, or some of the knights were Force sensitive, trained in the skill of hiding their signature.

Chewie stood, pointing his bowcaster at the knights and firing off a few shots. One of them flew back into the rock face as Chewie knelt down for cover. Fire exploded to Luke's right, an immense amount of heat rolling across his face.

"Rrrraaaagh aaaaagghh."

Luke rubbed his hands against his features, feeling to see if his hair was still on his face.

It was.

"I'll be fine. I've been in worse situations, but Rey's in danger!" Suddenly, one of the warriors rounded the left corner. Luke shot out his hand, sending him flying into the darkness. He shot to the ground, barely missing the electrostaff that came at his head. The knight redirected the hit and Luke blocked the strike before it struck his midsection.

The fight became aggressive as the knight made Luke back up and block his onslaught of attacks. Luke waited for an opening and then Force pushed the warrior off to the side. The man landed light on his feet, obviously having some training in how to handle a Jedi.

The warrior sauntered into the darkness behind him, leaving Luke's searching gaze.

Luke glanced frantically over to Chewie. The Wookie was battling two dark figures, but seemed to be holding his own. His big furry foot landed in the middle of one of their chests, sending the knight sprawling backward. Chewie grabbed the other in a choke-hold and with one powerful tug, ripped the head straight off the man's shoulders, spinal chord whipping in the air.

Luke couldn't help appreciate having a Wookie on his side.

Upon seeing what Chewie did, one of the remaining knights halted their advance, deciding to take on the Wookie from a distance. Luke heard one of them coming up to his side as he dodged the incoming electroblade. The knight swung it with proficiency, expertly parrying Luke's advance.

Luke attempted to Force push the warrior back, but the knight only slid a few steps back.

This one was Force sensitive, and was going to be more of a challenge.

While he had a few seconds of a break, Luke's attention went back to Chewie. Him and another knight were firing at each other from behind there defensive positions, which left three unaccounted for. His eyes drifted to the far rock wall, seeing movement half way up. A warrior was climbing to the top and Luke could see a blaster rifle strapped to his back.

 _A sniper…_

The Jedi Master didn't have any more time to scan the area as the knight advanced toward him again. Sparks flew off the elecroblade as their swords met in midair, Luke looking for the the upper hand. This knight was a master swordsmen and knew how to fight against a lightsaber. A feeling of dread washed over Luke as he saw that Chewie was pinned down in his position, unable to leave.

His apprentice was all alone, and would have to fight his nephew with the little amount of training she had.

 **And now things are definitely starting to heat up! Do you think Rey will be able to beat Kylo? Who will win? Will Chewie be able to go help Rey? Are you glad to see that Luke can still hold his own in a fight? Please leave a review and let me know what you think of the story thus far! It might make me post the next chapter faster... since I already have the next chapter written! Just need to do some minor editing. ;)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you all who followed, faved, and reviewed the story! major-fangirl-in-here17: I'm glad you enjoyed the battle! I really try to envision what is happening and then write it so it makes sense. I actually have the whole story outlined and I am guessing it is going to be around fifty chapters, so there is going to be a lot more development with the plot, relationships between the characters, and more politics as the story moves forward. melodicechoes: I hope this chapter is what you waited for! Thanks for appreciating how I write!**

 **Now, everyone strap in cause A LOT of stuff happens in this chapter. Enjoy!**

 **I do not own Star Wars**

Chapter 12

Light flashed across Kylo's helmet, blinding him for a moment while realizing the girl had swung her plasma blade right at him. The masked malfunctioned, forcing him to let go of her ankle. He gripped the sides, pressing at the release mechanism as he listened to the scavenger sprint up the remaining steps and into the onslaught of rain.

The mask refused to budge.

He twisted it, scraping the metal against his skin and yanked it off his head. The slice across the helmet was ominous as he glared at it.

If the girl had applied any more pressure, she would have killed him.

He pulled his shawl from around his neck and dropped both items to the floor. His mask clanked down the stairs, falling silent once it hit the cavern below. He took the stairs three at a time, emerging into the pelting rain of the storm.

The Falcon was straight ahead.

He froze, waiting to see the engines fire up. But nothing happened.

The ship was silent.

He skulked forward, striding through the beating wind as his stare snapped to the left. A small, dark figure was running up the island stairs, straight for the sounds of blaster fire from above. The girl was no coward, but her heroics would lead to her downfall.

 _She should've fled on the Falcon while she had the chance_ , he thought as he went after her.

His long legs let him skip every other step, allowing him to close the gap between him and the scavenger quickly. His hand latched onto her through the Force and ripped her away from the stairs, causing her to soar in the air and tumble onto the steep hill off to the side. She clawed her body upright, turning to face him straight on.

Her soaked sleeveless shirt and grey capris were plastered to her body, showing her every curve and muscle as she tensed for a fight. She reignited the lightsaber, but this time, both ends shot out a citrine colored blade.

He hesitated on the slope, eyeing the double-blade shining at her side. He never had the pleasure of dueling against a saberstaff, and the girl held it to her side like she knew how to handle it. A sly smile played across his feral features as he stepped up to the challenge.

"Your face," the girl said, stunned. "The scar. You didn't have that in the dreams."

The churning wind threatened to topple him over, but he remained standing as he stalked forward. He wanted her to get a closer look at her handiwork, but instead, she spun around and bolted up the slope. He commanded the Force to pull her to him and was surprised when she only slid back a few feet, regaining her advancing momentum.

The scavenger was indeed a quick study if she was able to learn how to block Force Telekinesis in such a short amount time.

Even attempting a Force Stun on the girl was not guaranteed to work again.

He hiked after her, his legs pumping as he sprinted up the steep slope. The girl disengaged her saber as she climbed over a short rock wall, darting out of sight. He Force jumped, clearing the cliff side with ease, and landed directly in front of the girl.

She slid down into the mud, attempting to halt her advancing movement before getting too close. Kylo ignited the saber as he swung down at the filthy body before him. The girl rolled to her side, his lightsaber hitting the ground, sizzling in the murky puddle. She swept his feet out from under him, his back meeting the hard ground, the impact expelling the air from his lungs. He deflected her incoming strike and kicked her hard in the ribs, her legs staggering to back up as she clutched at the side.

Pain flared up his midsection, like he was the one who had taken the blunt blow.

Kylo cursed to himself, realizing their connection was transferring her pain to him.

Mud covered his whole backside, causing his robes to be a weighted burden as he stood. While the girl knelt on one knee, still holding her stomach, he unbuckled his belt and tore off his outer robe. He squared off at her in his pleated under tunic, pants and boots. His left hand slicked his hair from out of his face, but the constant barrage from the downpour made his vision blurry regardless.

He attacked the girl directly, and this time, she did not run from him.

Steam rose off of their blades as they both spun and lunged at each other. Ren had to be twice as quick to duel both sides of her saber while trying to also gain the offensive lead.

She blocked the side swing to her back, redirecting his saber into the air. Her laser staff went for his knees, but he thwarted her advance. A bombardment of thrusts and parries ensued, both of them grunting against each block.

Ren lost his footing on a loose rock, and the girl made use of the advantage by striking at his forearm. A burning ache shot up to his shoulder as Kylo hugged his arm to his body, seeing a singed hole in the tunic right above his wrist. Anger fueled his muscles as his hard swing made the girl lose hold of her saber hilt, causing it to fly against the boulder to the side. She called it back into her hand, but before she could ignite it, he backhanded her across the face, causing her to stumble.

Fire pulsated in his jaw and his vision blurred. It felt like a hammer had struck him on the right side of his face, and he wobbled from side to side.

Retrieving his composure, he charged at the dazed girl, needing to desperately end this ongoing conflict.

All his life, the light inside of him had always been so in-tuned with the emotions of others, and he just couldn't handle it anymore. He needed to be fully immersed into the dark side to prevent any sentimentality from influencing him. Killing the girl was how he was going to accomplish that.

He would finally be free from caring.

The girl attempted to block his slicing swings, but she was too slow. He slashed at her midsection, burning her skin from her left hip, diagonally up to her ribs. She grabbed her stomach as he mirrored her same movements. He paused, gasping for breath from the torment racking his abdomen. A stream of water fell from his nose while he looked down at the murky ground.

His spine straightened and he saw her horror struck eyes looking at him. She forced herself to grip her saber, letting the muddy bottom half of her shirt flap open in the wind, revealing the black saber burn and the bottom portion of her chest wrap.

The sound of engines made them both glance upward to see a fleet of First Order ships. Fear resonated from the girl as she watched the armada near the island. Off to the side, a convoy of X-wings swarmed in, engaging a portion of Tie fighters into an aerial fight.

()()()()()

"Ben."

Her voice was hoarse as she caught the man's attention. His lips curled up in a snarl, looking nothing like the man from her dreams, but instead, the monster Kylo Ren. When she'd first set eyes on him in the cavern, her plan of trying to reason with him had been tossed out the window.

It was all about survival now, but her body was slowly losing steam.

Loud blasts echoed over the island as the dog fights progressed above. He came at her and she tried to block him, but the blunt force of his blade just pushed her further back. He was exceptionally better than the last time they'd fought, and she started to realize just how lucky she'd been that he was injured on Starkiller.

This time, there would be no pleas to become his apprentice, no admissions of his desire to not kill her.

Her arms were weak and her legs were barley holding her up as she backed away from the nightmare before her. Every part of her body ached, and she was no longer able to block out the continuous sting of agony. A sob racked her body as she couldn't deny her epiphany any longer:

She was going to die on this island.

"Ben, please," she begged. "Don't do this. Killing me won't change anything." But her words bounced off of him as he kept advancing, each parry against his swings causing her to gasp out in disbelief and pain.

She'd come to care for the man called Ben, and every time she looked up at that monster's twisted expression, she saw _his_ face.

Life had dealt her a cruel blow by leaving her on Jakku at such a young age. She never had the opportunity to truly live like those people in her fairy tale books. There were so many things she wanted to experience before she checked out of this existence, and now, her time was up way sooner than she thought it would be.

It tore at her knowing that Kylo Ren was going to be the last person she would ever see. Killing her was going to destroy any remnants of Ben there was hidden behind that dark exterior, and that thought made her more terrified than the actual knowledge that she was going to die.

She gradually heard the clash of waves as he backed her up against the edge of the cliff, just like when they were on Starkiller.

Rey couldn't let him do this, but her strength was spent and she had no idea how to stop him from destroying them both.

But then a thought...

"We could leave this place, Ben. You and me." His face remained sinister, but actually stopped his body from proceeding forward. "We could leave this war behind and go somewhere far away." A crack of lightening lit up the rocky terrain surrounding them. She couldn't believe what she was saying out loud, but she found that she absolutely meant it. It was selfish of her to be willing to leave Luke and Chewie behind, but if anyone could survive the battle unfolding on the island, it was a Jedi Master and a Wookie.

That's what she willed herself to believe, anyway.

Her breathing was heavy as sharp cries left her lips. She was crying, but the evidence was hidden behind the constant rain pour. As she sobbed openly in front of Kylo Ren, his face slowly slackened, as if he'd been living in an illusion and he'd just become aware of reality.

She attached the saber to her belt as her arms wrapped around her middle, the freezing wind and rain only now starting to make her shake. "I've only seen brief glimpses of you Ben, but I feel like I've known you my whole life... and I wish I didn't have to give that up." Her voice quaked as she took a few deep breaths, trying compose herself with some sense of dignity at the end.

"If you feel like you have to do this, then do it. But I want you to look me in the eye as you kill me."

She tried to stand tall in the face of her upcoming fate, but her stomach burn screamed at her to stay slumped over. Instead, her eyes sharpened onto his, waiting for him to charge.

()()()()()

Kylo's mind was racing from what the girl had proposed.

Her offer had bore a striking resemblance to that of Han Solo begging him to come home. His resolve had faltered slightly on that bridge, but he didn't lend too much credence into Han's words. That man had abandoned him and lied to him, and Kylo had done too much up to that point in his life to turn back.

He didn't hold the same amount of animosity for the girl as he did for Han. He'd only just met her a mere week ago, and the only thing she'd done to him was scar his face and make him question his decisions. It was hardly enough to make him hate her on the same level as he despised his parents.

If it weren't for their bond, he would've thought she were lying in an attempt to save her life. But he could feel the sincerity behind her words. After everything he just did to her, all the pain he inflicted and the way he made her cry, here she was begging him to leave with her.

 _No, she isn't begging me._

 _She's begging Ben_.

There have been strange moments in his life where birds looked to be flying slower, trees bent at an odd shape, like they were pixelated. Not real. Now, his life was at a point where everything stopped, the rain, the wind, the fight overhead– yet he kept breathing, kept looking at her.

At Rey.

A second later, everything continues, but who he was before was now gone.

So many times over the years, he'd thought about leaving this dark life behind him. However, as he committed more atrocities, it made him fall deeper into the pit of his infinite self hatred. There was no way out and no one to help him with his inner conflict, but Supreme Leader Snoke.

He thought of his father on that bridge again. Ren had desperately wanted to believe that by committing patricide, he would free himself from the light that was his lineage. Killing his father would make it impossible to reunite with his family, and he needed that to not be an option in his life anymore; he couldn't have anything to fall back on.

But standing here in the rain, all he wanted was to be that little boy again, sitting in his father's lap on the Millenium Falcon, when they actually had a relationship. His master was wrong when he said killing his father would bring him closer to the dark side.

All it had really done was make the light in him stronger.

He stared at the girl, admiring the strength she was showing, even though she truly believed she was going to die. His eyes roamed across her body and her now loose hair, seeing how completely beaten she was.

He'd done that to her.

Exhaustion swept over him.

He despised this person he'd become and the path he was on, but he'd kept going, thinking there was nowhere else for him to go. But now, a different path had made itself known when he desperately needed it. A path, he realized a few days ago, he'd secretly wanted to take, but thought it impossible since he believed the girl to detest every fiber of his being.

As it turned out, she completely abhorred the monster within, but yearned for the man who was once Ben Solo.

The girl, standing bravely before him, was his equal in every possible way.

She always had been.

Ren lowered the saber to his side and switched it off. A piece of truth hit his mind before he could deny it: he belonged with her, and that feeling of belonging was more pure and more real than anything he'd ever felt with Snoke. In what kind of capacity he would play in her life, he didn't know and he did not care. His very soul felt content with leaving his current path and being by her side.

A Tie fighter swooped down and fired it's laser canon between the two, flinging them further away from each other. Heat blasted against his face and he grunted as his body made contact with the muddy soil. He moved his jaw from side to side, trying to relieve the ringing from his ears. Gradually, he found his bearings as he teetered to his feet.

He turned his head and found Rey slowly raising herself up.

Movement off to Ren's left caught his eye. One of his knights, Theon, was sprinting towards the girl, his curved sword raised and ready to strike her down.

Adrenaline pumped through his veins and he launched his body at the knight. Seconds before Theon swung his weapon, Ren grabbed at his wrist and shoved the saber straight through the man's back. Rey jumped from the sudden appearance of the red blade sticking out of the knight's chest, scurrying back to the cliff edge, completely unaware of the impending danger.

She didn't stop.

Her hands shot out as her foot hit the open air. She tried to regain her balance, but her momentum had been too fast and she disappeared, plummeting down into the depths of the ocean.

"Nooooooo!" Ren screamed, disengaging the weapon and tossing the body aside. He ran to the ledge and sunk to his knees, searching among the dark and violent water.

But he couldn't see her.

Ren's lungs started to burn, panic rising in his throat as he realized Rey didn't know how to swim.

She was drowning, and he was feeling it.

He was reliving his nightmare.

Tearing off his gloves, Ren pulled his pleated tunic over his head, leaving him in his black sleeveless undershirt and suspenders. Something off to the side shimmered, grabbing his attention.

It was her lightsaber.

He snatched the hilt and hurriedly unclasped the braces. He placed both the lightsaber's against his outer thigh, wrapping the suspenders around the two hilt's and tying them in place. He didn't have enough time to come up with a better plan than that.

Ren rose to his full height and eyed the distance between him and the sea. It was a long way down, but he didn't have a choice. He wasn't going to lose Rey mere moments after deciding to leave with her. He ran a good twenty feet away from the edge, wheeled around, and with all the strength he could will into his legs, gave himself enough momentum to launch himself into the cold air.

Wind rushed into his ears as he braced himself for impact, straightening his body to shoot down into the black water. The shock of the cold sea almost made him take an involuntary breath, but he forced back the urge. His arms stroked upwards, bringing him to the surface. His water-laden boots were making it hard to swim, but he didn't want to kick them off, nor did he have time to make sure he still had both the sabers.

Waves crashed over him, trying to pull him under, but he fought to stay afloat.

"Rey!" he yelled, spitting out a mouth full of salty water. "Rey!" He kept screaming her name but he never got a reply. Terror gripped him as he could feel her life slipping away. He dove under the water, frantically searching, praying he would see her.

Everything was dark.

A streak of lightening illuminated the sea below and for a second, he saw her floating under the water, nearing the jutting rocks. Her image was taken from him as she disappeared behind the curtain of black. He kicked and pushed himself over in that direction, his arms circling, trying desperately to find her. Something solid hit his hand and he grasped it, tugging it to him. Her body floated up against his torso as he wrapped his left arm around her waist, swimming up to the surface with his right.

A gale of spindrift hit his face as he broke to the surface, taking in huge gulps of air. Alarms rang in his mind when he didn't hear Rey gasping for breath. He searched along the base of the cliff until his eyes fell upon a shoreline in the distance.

He twisted to float on his back and positioned Rey to lay on top of him. His hand shot out, using the Force to propel them backwards to the beach. It took three more Force pushes till he skidded onto the pebbly sand.

Placing Rey quickly onto the ground, Ren shoved the brown hair out of her bruised face. Lips blue, she remained still and unresponsive.

He lowered his ear above her nose, not feeling or hearing her breathe. With his hands, he tilted her head back, opened her mouth, and forced in two sharp breaths. He then started giving her chest compressions. Unwillingly, his eyes roamed over the grotesque saber burn across her bare stomach.

He shook from the knowledge that he did that to her. That he quite possibly was going to lose her.

"Come on!" he shouted down at her.

Time ticked by and the rain just kept on pouring. Every time he cycled through the breaths and compression's, he could feel a part of himself dying. If she did not wake, he knew he wouldn't be able to keep on living. The bond between them was bending under the immense pressure of death, and soon, it was going to break, cutting him off from her forever.

Up on the cliff, he'd made the choice to join her and now it was suddenly being taken away from him.

He'd caused this to happen.

He was death, and everything he touched shriveled up and perished.

He stared at the hands pushing on Rey's chest. These were the hands he used to kill his own father, the man who helped create him. Even if he was a neglectful parent, Ren should have at least respected the man for giving him life. Instead, he let his master use and manipulate him into thinking he could never leave the First Order, that his destiny was to follow his grandfather's footsteps in bringing security to the galaxy. He knew his father was right when he'd spoken to him on that bridge, but he didn't actually accept it till right now.

"That won't save her." A young girl, with strawberry blonde hair and palw skin stood in front of him, looking down at an unconscious Rey. The rain fell through her, her ghostly visage softly glowing against the darkness.

Ren stopped with compression's, shocked and confused over seeing the little girl. Then his eyes drifted to Rey's pale features, suddenly knowing what he needed to do.

He cupped her small forehead with one hand while the other palm hovered above her chest. His heavy breaths evaporated into the chilly night air as he closed his eyes to concentrate. Envisioning the water in her lungs, Ren commanded each ocean particle to move with his hand. Steadily, his palm drifted up her sternum, passed her neck, and to her mouth, the water following the meticulous movement. With a sharp motion, his hand tightened into a fist and his arm shot out into the air, pulling the water out of her lungs and falling upon the sand.

Rey's eyes snapped open as she gulped in big bursts of air, her limbs thrashing in panic.

Ren scooped her under the arms and sat her upright, letting her cough into his neck and shoulder as he held her.

Glancing up briefly, he searched for the little girl.

She was gone.

He would have to think about that some other time, though. The list of things he needed to work through was quickly piling up and he felt it weighing heavily on the back of his mind, but all he wanted to do right now was focus on Rey.

She stiffened, slowly drawing back, craning her head up to lock eyes with his. Realizing who it was that was holding her, her eyes filled with terror and she ripped herself out of his arms, scooting and dragging herself across the rocky beach.

"No. Please." He stretched out his hand, eyes pleading for her not to be afraid. "I won't hurt you." She froze, growing confused. "I will never hurt you again. I swear it on my life."

Rey's brows shot up, her mouth slackening.

He tried to press the truth behind his words through their bond and from the way she relaxed, the message seemed to have been received.

The sudden cry that came from his mouth startled him, but he couldn't stop the tidal wave of emotions that hit him full force. He sat back on his heels, feeling the sabers against his thigh as he hung his head in his hands. Sob after sob shook through his body and he lost all sense of control. He was so overwhelmed to see that Rey was alive, that witnessing how she reacted to him cemented his one belief: he was a monstrous human being, with nowhere to go.

A soft hand touched his own and lowered it to his lap. Rey gazed at him with those big, soft hazel eyes, her fingers brushing the hair from his face. Her bottom lip and cheek were severely swollen, and a light trickle of blood flowed over her left temple.

His hands hovered close to her wounds, not sure if he should touch her or not. "I'm… so… sorry…" he said in between erratic breaths.

Those words did not seem to be enough to convey how he felt, but he didn't know what else to say.

She threw her arms around his shoulders and he buried his face in the crook of her neck. He held onto her and pulled her closer, crying into her wet hair.

In the midst of the rain, there was nothing but Rey…no past, no future, nothing but their bodies holding onto one another. Time had no connotation and materials had no affluence and other events held no interest.

The continuous rubbing of his back transfixed him, making him feel like a small child as he concentrated on her small palm. She... was comforting him, even though she was the one who had drowned, not him.

He pulled back and cupped her face gently, gazing at her passionately. "Are you alright? How do you feel?" She held onto the wide hands cradling her cheeks and gave him a shy grin before wincing from the welt on her lip.

"My throat feels like I just swallowed a bucket of sand and my chest feels bruised, but I'll live. Thanks to you." Her voice definitely sounded scratchy to his ears.

Thumbs caressing her cheek as guilt spread throughout his body, his breathing began to even out. Stars, he didn't even stop to think about the amount of pressure he applied behind those compressions. He'd put all his weight behind his hands and was shocked to hear she only felt bruised. More than likely, she'll feel worse later.

He did this to her.

"This is all my fault. I–"

"Stop. Your guilt is starting to overwhelm me." Her eyes blinked in short successions as she shook her head in between his calloused hands, attempting to fight off the bombardment of his emotions. "What matters is that you saved me." Her hand slid through his hair and then came back to trace the scar across his face.

"I couldn't lose you," he confessed. "Not after you gave me a way out."

The feel of her fingers on his skin felt so good, so _right_. "We've both hurt each other," she admitted. "But that part of our lives is over. Now we move forward. Together. Agreed?" He nodded, unable to speak. She'd used the words _we_ and _our_ and _together_. They'd be together.

For the first time in his twenty-nine years of existence, someone had genuinely included him in their plans for the future, and he couldn't believe his luck that that person was the beautiful woman staring right at him.

()()()()()

A thunderous shock-wave rippled across the island from an explosion overhead.

Ben and Rey glanced up to the massive cliff side, seeing the sky glowing in the distance. Rey'd been so caught up in the moment that she completely forgot that there was a battle unfolding on the island.

But the distraction had been a good one.

She couldn't believe Ben had saved her in the end, and was now kneeling before her. The last thing that ran through her mind before she blacked out was how she'd never again see Ben look at her like he did in their first dream. Then, her mother's face flashed into her thoughts right as the dark abyss swallowed her whole.

Rey went back to studying Ben's bloodshot eyes.

Something had always been absent from her life, and she continued to feel that way even after she started to train with Luke. But now, with Ben's wide palms on her cheeks, she felt complete. He was that missing piece of the puzzle she never stopped searching for, and she could sense just how perfectly he would fit into the enigma that was her life.

Now she needed to make sure he stayed Ben.

If he didn't, it would break her.

"We need to get out of here," she said, new vigor in her voice. "Help me up." Ben snaked his arm around her waist and hoisted her to her feet, but her vision suddenly became fuzzy and her knees gave out from under her. Ben quickly caught her, hoisting her up in his arms and holding her close, giving her some much needed warmth.

Rey held her head, feeling like it would fall apart if she didn't.

"My ship shouldn't be far from here," he told her. "I landed it on the only strip of beach the island offered." She nodded her head, focusing on not passing out. Her body seemed to be catching up to how much damage it had taken, and it was now punishing her for letting it happen.

Ben walked over to the rocky bluff so they weren't out in the open, and jogged in the direction of his ship. Rey could tell he was trying not to jostle her around by going at a slow pace, which she did appreciate... but she wanted to get out of here.

Right when she was about to tell him to start sprinting, Ben's boots slid across the sand as he came to a full stop. Rey peeked out from under her hands to see the reason for the pause: a man, standing only twenty feet away. He wore a bright orange jumpsuit with the overlay of a white vest, and was holding some sort of cloth against the side of his dark brown hair.

He seemed as surprised as they were to run into another human being.

Rey dropped her hands, fully looking at the man she recognized. "Poe?"

Poe stepped forward, squinting his eyes at her. A huge grin spread across his face once he comprehended who had said his name.

"Rey!" He ran to her, dropping the bloodied cloth on the sand and hugged her awkwardly while she was still in Ben's arms.

Ben's grip on her tightened.

"We were so worried about you!" Poe pulled away, rambling from excitement. "Skywalker and Chewie were caught battling those warrior guys and we didn't know where the hell you were."

"Are they okay?" she asked, heart skipping a beat.

"Oh, yeah. They're fighting with the rest of the Resistance, last I checked." She couldn't help but relax upon hearing the good news, but now she grew curious as to how the Resistance knew to come here in the first place.

"Why are you here?"

"Well, apparently Kylo Ren is still alive and kicking," he said bitterly. "Artoo sent us a distress call that you guys needed help against him and his knights. We flew in just as the First Order arrived. I called for more back up, but my ship had already taken a hit by then and I had to eject." Poe's eyes popped wide open. "BB-8 ejected as well and I've been trying to find him. Have you seen him?"

"What!?" Rey exclaimed. "He's somewhere on the island?"

Poe nodded wildly. Rey began to panic for the little droid, that he might be lost or worse... gone. During their adventure together, she'd grown so very fond of BB-8. Protective, even.

She craned her head up to Ben's, meeting his eyes. "I think I can stand on my own now."

"Are you sure?"

She bobbed her head in assurance. He lightly placed her feet on the sand, still holding her waist to catch her just in case she fell.

"Holy shit, Rey," Poe breathed out, eyeing her, bewildered. "You look _bad_."

"It looks worse than it is." She felt another wave of guilt and regret wash over her from Ben as she tried to make her injuries seem less serious.

But she knew they were bad.

"Who did this to you?" Poe asked, demanding an answer. "Your shirt is hanging on by a thread and your stomach... it's burned! And your face..."

She tried to close the two ripped sides of her tunic closed, but the wind kept pulling them open. Ben's grip left her waist and she glanced back to see that he was taking off his undershirt and carefully placing it over her, helping to snake her arms through the sides. The rest dropped almost to her knees, making it look like she was engulfed by an oversized black dress.

At least her midsection and part of her chest wrap weren't showing anymore.

But now Ben's shirtless torso was demanding her attention and Rey needed to look away before it became too obvious that she was ogling him.

Poe stepped up to her, pushing the question. "Seriously Rey, what the hell happened? Did you fight Kylo Ren? Where is he?" Rey was now wishing she had not ran into Poe, because she had no idea how to explain the situation to him. Ben was a statue behind her, letting her figure out how she wanted to handle the growing problem.

The left side of her ribs suddenly ached and she placed her right hand over the throbbing, trying to lessen the pain.

Loud blasts and explosions filled the silence as Rey tried to find a good explanation. She watched Poe finally look at Ben, and he scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. _If only the Force could make you become invisible…_

"Who are you? I know everyone in the Resistance, but I don't recognize you." The tension in the air thickened as Rey placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Poe." He tore his questioning gaze from Ben and glanced down at her. She took in a big gulp, forcing it down her constricted throat. "This is Ben. He saved me from drowning."

"Drowning? Why were you in the water?" His eyes went from her to Ben, his blinking rapidly increasing. She knew this was not going to turn out well and she wasn't prepared for it.

"Who are you?" Poe's voice was loud as he directed the question firmly at Ben. Poe tried to take a step around Rey, but she held her grip on his shoulder while at the same time hugging her rib cage with her other hand.

"Poe, I need you to calm down." Poe's jaw tightened as he became visibly angry. She turned to Ben, seeing his eyes take on a dark and threatening stare, which was not helping to calm the agitated pilot.

"Some of our ground troops found Kylo Ren's mask in that library." Poe let that little fact hang in the air for a moment. "You aren't with the Resistance," he stated.

This time, Rey waited for Ben to answer. She tried to pick up his emotions, but she was now getting nothing.

"No."

"Who are you?" Clearly, Poe knew who he was, but he needed Ben to say it.

Rey moved her body so it was directly between them.

"You know who I am." Poe froze for only a fraction of a moment before pouncing at the man. Rey pushed Poe back, not knowing where her strength was coming from, but thankful that she had any at all.

"Stop! Poe!" She yelled over the booming sound of thunder. Poe shuffled back, looking between the two with a glint of fury in his eyes.

"Rey, you need to get away from him. He'll kill–"

"You don't understand the situation." She pointed at him, her voice taking on a defensive tone.

Poe froze, dumbstruck.

"I don't understand? This guy is a fucking monster! He tortured us both, killed his own father, and had a hand in the annihilation of the Hosnian System. Billions of people's lives are on his hands!" Hearing Poe lay out Ben's crimes definitely made her stomach tighten. She couldn't defend the awful things he's done, even though she could feel Ben's immense regret suddenly hit her.

That was when she knew that no one was ever going to fully understand what was going on between her and Ben, except for the two of them. She realized if she tried to explain it to other people, they would think he'd somehow brainwashed her or had her under his control.

Then they would try to take her away from him, thinking they were saving her.

Rey wasn't sure how it happened, but a blaster pistol appeared in Poe's hand, pointing directly behind her. Ben grabbed Rey's wrist, moving her back with him.

"Yeah, lets see if you can freeze a blaster bolt this close to your face." Poe's features contorted, his chest rising and falling at an accelerated rate. Ben slowly lifted his opened hand, making Rey think he was going to use the Force somehow... but nothing happened.

"I don't want to hurt you, but if you keep pointing your weapon at me, I will." Although Ben was trying to keep a calm exterior, his voice was deep and threatening.

Rey needed to wring this whole situation in before it became a blood bath.

"Poe, you need to find BB-8, remember?" Poe's anger started to shift to worry as she reminded him of his precious droid. "We can help you search for him."

"What?"

"What?"

Both men snapped at her at the exact same time, albeit for different reasons.

"I'm not having _him_ help me with anything!" Poe shook the muzzle at Ben, but his grip seemed to be faltering. Ben ignored the pilot as he stepped in front of Rey, his back now facing Poe, not caring about the weapon as he gently placed his hands on her arms.

He gazed at her, concerned. "You don't seem to understand just how injured you are. You need to get to the ship and forget about this droid."

Rey lifted her chin in defiance. "I do understand, but I can't leave here till I know BB-8 is safe. So you can either come with me, or you can go to the ship and leave."

Ben was taken aback with disbelief. "You think I could leave you? After everything that just happened?" He shook his head, water droplets flying off his raven locks. "I go where you go."

The side of her lips turned upward, showing the dimples in her cheeks.

"Looks like you'll finally find that droid after all." Ever so slightly, she saw the tiniest grin form on his face.

Smiling didn't seem to come too naturally to him.

She was would have to fix that.

()()()()()

"I'm sorry, but what is going on here Rey?" the man asked in a not too kind tone. Ren turned back around to face the puzzled pilot.

His bare chest and back left him exposed to the elements, which he wasn't used to. He liked feeling completely covered, but Rey was more in need of his undershirt than him. At least Poe's blaster pistol was at his side now, though Ren could see that he was still itching to use it.

"Ben left the First Order," Rey said confidently.

His weight shifted between his legs as Poe eyed him up and down.

It was surreal to hear those words be spoken out loud, for he never thought he would become a deserter. He couldn't help but still feel very loyal to the First Order, and he had to stop himself from instinctively contradicting Rey. But now, he technically was a traitor. He had purposefully gone against his master's orders to kill the girl, and was now trying to protect her.

No matter what Snoke does to him in the future, he would never hurt the girl again.

 _Rey. I will never hurt Rey again_ , he mentally corrected himself. He was still trying to get used to using her name instead of calling her _girl_ , or _scavenger_ , or _garbage picker_ , or any of the other litanies of degrading labels he'd given her.

And the fact she kept using his birth name made him increasingly uncomfortable. But the way she would say it seemed reverent, like it was something special to her. He didn't know if he should take that away from her or not.

"Since when?" Poe asked incredulously.

"Uhhhh…" Ren watched Rey stumble over the technicalities of how long he'd been a traitor. "I guess since fifteen minutes ago?" she answered somewhat timidly.

 _Sounds about right_ , he thought as he ran his hands through his soaked hair. Poe scoffed, not impressed in the slightest. "Look, you two can stay here and glare at each other all you want, but I'm gonna go find BB-8," Rey declared, turning on her heels and marching off in the direction they'd originally been going. Ren instantly followed suit, knowing she wouldn't give up this quest to find the droid until it was complete.

He got the sense that she was just as stubborn as him when she wanted to get something done.

He heard the pilot curse before running through the mud to catch up. "I've already gone this way. There's no way up the cliffs." Poe spoke directly at Rey, ignoring Ren's looming presence. If it helped the pilot stay calm, he could ignore Ren as much as his heart desired.

He noticed Rey starting to clutch her side more fervently, grimacing every time she moved. The way she wobbled while walking made him conclude that she had at least one broken rib, possibly two. Ren had never really interacted with women before, but he somehow new if he brought up heading to the ship again, she would snap at him.

They needed to find this droid as quickly as possible so he could look over her injuries before they worsened.

"I have an idea, but you," Ren nodded to Poe, "are not going to like it. But it will get us up those cliff side in a matter of seconds."

Poe crossed his arms, trying to hide his intrigue behind the disgust he outwardly showed toward Ren. He took Poe's silence as means to continue. "I Force push you up and over the cliff." Both Poe and Rey were flabbergasted by the crazy idea, but Ren thought it was the best option they had.

Poe started to argue about trust and the possibility of Ren killing him on purpose, but Ren cut his tirade short. "You want to find your droid or not? This is the fastest option."

"And what makes you so sure you can do it?" Poe challenged.

"I did it when I arrived here." Ren countered. The purpose for landing on the beach had been to conceal his arrival and once off the ship, he didn't want to waste time trying to find a path that led up the precipice.

So he'd taken the shorter route.

"Ben's right." Rey chirped in. "Lets do this. I can go first."

"You are actually going to go up with me. I'll push the pilot up first."

"Great." Poe rubbed his face and stared at the ground, weighing his options.

Ren was growing impatient and needed to move this plan of his along. "What's it going to be, pilot?"

Poe's stare broke away from the mud and went directly on Ren. Poe muttered something indecipherable under his breath and nodded his head.

"Just do this quickly before I change my mind." _My thoughts exactly_ , Ren mused.

His hands came up, raising the pilot's body to levitate in the air. Force Telekinesis could drain a lot of strength from the one implementing it, so Ren decided to shoot Poe directly into the air and stop him before he hit the ground. Trying to guide the pilot slowly onto the cliff might not leave enough immediate Force energy to get both him and Rey over the rocky ledge.

He shot Poe into the cold, rainy air, watching him arch up and over the ledge before carefully lowering him the rest of the way.

Ren closed his eyes, inhaling a deep breath.

"Our turn?" Rey's excitement was evident on her innocent features, and he wondered if she enjoyed participating in such high-stake activities. Her eagerness to get up the cliff certainly made it seem like she did, and he couldn't help liking that about her.

"I'm going to need you to wrap your arms around my neck and your legs around my waist. I need to concentrate the push from both my hands and feet to make it up there." Her eyebrow arched as she appeared to be thinking over his instructions. She walked up to him, and he noticed a small limp in her right leg.

 _When did that start?_

As time continued to pass and her adrenaline continued to lessen, she was starting to reveal injuries he didn't know she'd acquired.

She wrapped her arms around the front of his neck, burying her head in his hair and swung her legs around him, clasping her boots together against his lower back. A small grimace escaped her lips as she adjusted herself to get a tighter hold on him.

He froze in place as she basically crawled up his body like a tree. He'd meant for her to get on his back, but he must not have made that evident to her. The position she took on him felt extremely provocative, which clearly escaped her notice. It also didn't help that he was shirtless and could feel her pressed up against his bare skin.

"Will this work?" she whispered in his ear.

"Uh huh." His voice hitched in his throat, which hopefully alluded her.

Putting her position on him aside, it was still extremely weird to have someone so openly touch him. Even after everything that happened, she seemed completely comfortable in wrapping herself around him. He kept expecting her to start screaming and runing away from him in terror.

The girl really was strange if she already trusted him so much.

But then again, he was odd in his own right.

"Hurry up! It's a complete shit show up here!" Poe's yelling voice helped Ren to focus back on the task at hand.

"Hold on as tight as you can." Rey lifted her head, craning her face to his as their noses almost touched from the closeness. He rubbed her back as they gazed at each other. "Ready?" She nodded and put her head back onto his shoulder. He craned his head up, concentrating on the cliff above. He bent his knees while bringing his elbows toward his back.

He took a deep breath and put as much power behind his push as he possibly could. His left arm clasped onto Rey's waist, pulling her tightly against him as they soared up into the night. They arched over the cliff side, beginning the descent to the ground. His right palm shot out, slowing them so he could gently place his feet on the terrain.

Up ahead was utter chaos.

A full-blown battle had taken over most of the island, while the aerial dogfights had moved over to the ocean on the opposite side of where they'd been. Craters blanketed the once peaceful landscape and bodies were lying everywhere. Rey released her hold on Ren and stood by his side, eyeing their next obstacle.

Looking at the scene ahead, it seemed highly likely the droid was now pieces of scrap metal.

Ren was tempted to just swing Rey across his shoulder and get the hell out of there, even if she was kicking and screaming. But he couldn't take her away from something that was so important to her.

He pulled both the lightsaber's out of the tightly woven suspenders against his leg and offered her her saber hilt. She looked up at him as she took it, showing him silent gratitude through her eyes. Hopefully the weapons weren't too water logged and would still function properly.

Rey grasped her lightsaber, readying herself for an attack. If Rey wasn't going anywhere, neither was he.

"So, _pilot_." He addressed Poe to his right. "You have a plan?"

 **Thoughts? We got some Reylo stuff starting to finally happen and I want to know what you all think! Ren and Rey still have a long way to go, but we now have a beginning of their journey! Do you think Kylo will stay this way? What did you think of the battle? Did you like the choices the characters made? You surprised I threw Poe into the thick of things? The circumstances have thrown these characters together, but do you think they will regret the choices they made later on? Next chapter will be the bigger battle on the island, so get ready!**

 **Please, leave some feedback and let me know how you feel about the story thus far! I appreciate hearing from you!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you all who have followed, faved, or reviewed the story! I always love to hear from you guys! Garden Guru- I am so glad you enjoy reading from multiple characters points of view. I really want to show whats going on with other characters that aren't Rey and Kylo. Even though this is a Reylo fanfic, I want it to feel like Star Wars at the same time. But don't worry, there will still be plenty of Reylo stuff since their story is the main plot. Anyway, hope you all enjoy the chapter!**

 **I do not own Star Wars**

Chapter 13

The good news: no one seemed to have noticed the three of them standing at the cliff edge.

The bad news: they quickly realized they were on the wrong side of the battlefield.

The First Order stood between them and the Resistance, but getting to the Resistance was on the bottom of Ren's to do list. Avoiding the Resistance, however, was very close to the top.

Simultaneously, they knelt behind a group of jutting rocks, taking a reprieve from the biting wind chill and from being seen by a random trooper. No one spoke, which was irksome given the gravity of the situation. Since Rey seemed to really trust this pilot, Kylo had been waiting for him to voice some type of plan... or a suggestion... or even a thought. They didn't have the luxury of time, so if the man didn't offer up some sort of strategy in the next minute, Ren would forcibly take the lead.

Stars, what was he thinking? He preferred being in control at a time like this.

But he wanted to focus on keeping Rey alive.

Ren needed the pilot to come through.

From untrained eyes, there seemed to be no method to the madness, but Ren knew that the unorganized ships and troops were just back up for the main fight ahead. First Order transporters were sporadically placed over the outside terrain while storm and flametroopers pushed ahead, ducking between rock walls and boulders for cover as they neared heavy fire. The island was small, the land uneven from the sharp stone barriers and deep valleys, which put everyone at a disadvantage when it came to gaining vantage points.

Glancing to the left, a steep rocky hill blocked him from seeing a full view of the battle.

Ren was really starting to hate this island.

"We should move along the outside of the transports while searching for BB-8," the pilot suggested. "And keep you ears open for any high pitched binary."

Ren listened as Poe voiced his strategy, if you could call it that. Basically they were going to walk around and hope to the fates they didn't get caught... or killed. And they were doing all this for a worthless droid? Ren could understand if it was for an actual living person, but no, this was all for a BB unit that was more than expendable. Hell, he'd give Rey the credits to purchase a similar one so they could get out of here.

But something about Rey's darting eyes and thin lips told him that the search wasn't over the inflating costs of droids, but because she genuinely cared about the astromech.

Sentiment was an unwise emotion during–

Rey's palm came upon his shoulder, reminding him that he was already caught in the thick feeling of compassion he held for her, and with every passing moment, the emotion became more entangled with his small sense of morality.

Shifting his eyes away, Ren could feel as her stare bore into his face and in that moment, he was sharply aware how extremely exposed he was without his tunics and helmet. He missed the layers immensely; not just for the cover they provided, but for the status they exuded. If only he still had them, he could casually walk through the ranks of stomtroopers and look for the damn droid, making this whole situation infinitely simpler.

And quicker.

"How do you now the droid didn't end up in the water?" Ren asked as they surveyed the bustling troops below.

Poe took offense to the more than logical question and snapped at him. "I just know. I would have felt something if he wasn't alright."

The pilot was not Force sensitive, so his reply came off as ridiculous and laughable. There was also the fact that droids were not technically alive, so even if Poe had the Force, he wouldn't be able to sense the well being of a bunch of electrical parts. Ren was about to give the guy a much needed lesson when Rey suddenly spoke up.

"We should start moving then," she said. "The faster we find BB-8, the sooner we can get far away from this place."

Ren sensed that the other two were purposefully not paying credence to the obvious concern of the situation: What if they don't find the droid? Do they leave or die on this island looking for something insignificant? Well, insignificant to only him, apparently. Seriously, Ren was surprised there was anyone left in the Resistance since they all seemed to be far too heroic to realize what did and didn't matter in a life and death situation.

But, he'll admit, there'd been times when he irrationally let his emotions get the best of him and had rushed head on into a battle.

So in the end, he'd been just as foolish in the past as the Resistance members seemed to be presently.

The thought did not sit well with him as he already experienced enough epiphanies today to give him a migraine.

They kept themselves low as they circled near the edge of the island, Rey ghosting close to his side, her hand still on his bare shoulder. The wind seemed to be dying down as the turbulence subsided, relieving his face from the constant sting of the frigid downpour. Each step suctioned his boots further into the mud, almost causing him to lose balance over the terse movement it required not to get stuck.

The pilot and Rey weren't experiencing the same problem, and he deduced it was due to his bigger mass and heavier weight.

However, Rey was having trouble bending over due to the lighsaber burn to her abdomen, causing her hands to catch herself before falling completely into the gritty sludge below. Grabbing her muddied hand, Ren roped her arm around the back of his neck while clutching her waist to offer extra support. Poe, leading the small group, glanced back and crinkled his forehead upon seeing Rey rely on him.

The guy would have to get used to it, because Ren was not letting go.

Sloppy footsteps came from up ahead, abruptly forcing them to hide behind an empty transporter ship. Rey grunted as he flattened their backs against the durasteel exterior, reminding him that he needed to be more gentle with her.

They were at the back of the transporter as Ren peeked around the rear, watching as a few stormtroopers rifled through the ship. They were gathering T-7 ion disruptor rifles, which made Ren glad he was on the other side of this metal wall. Being shot with one of those didn't just kill you, it obliterated your flesh and bones into tiny increments, making it impossible for your remains to be identified without the help of your DNA.

Poe came up beside him, curious as to what was making the noise inside the transporter. "Ion disruptor rifles?" he muttered. "Those are supposed to be illegal!" Ren shot the pilot a contentious glare, but the guy kept his passionate eyes on the weaponry as he cursed under his breath.

Ren pivoted back, leaning his body against the ship. He glanced at Rey as she released the hold on him and wrapped her arms around her middle, her face falling into a pallor hue that wasn't healthy. An idea trickled into his mind. He was clueless to know if it would work, but he didn't see any other option that would allow Rey to feel rejuvenated.

Concentrating on her huddled form, he lent her his arsenal of strength, gladly parting with it while trying to envision the transfer of power going across the bond that connected them. Color instantly returned to her cheeks and lips as she jolted upright, looking surprised at the unexpected boost to her weak body.

"We need to stop them from using those rifles," Poe harshly whispered. Ren snapped his attention to the overachieving man, deciding he'd have to explain to Rey later as to what just happened between them.

"We are here to find the droid, nothing more," Ren scolded, his lips curling down in disapproval. His veins scalded from the boiling frustration that pumped through his body, burning his skin to give him a false sense of warmth.

"Those rifles," Poe hotly pointed behind him, "are illegal for a reason. They make organic material explode. I can't let them be used on the Resistance." Ren opened his mouth to argue, but Poe was already up and moving to the open part of the ship.

Ren stood there, shocked, not moving after the idiotic pilot. _If he wants to get himself killed, fine with me_ , he told himself inwardly. One less Resistance member was a _very_ acceptable outcome.

But then Rey suddenly stood and darted after the pilot, immediately changing his plans of staying incognito and pulling him towards the terrible urge to protect her.

Ren heard the blaster fire before rounding on the fight, taking a fraction of a second to survey the scene. What they thought were only three stormtroopers on the ship turned out to be roughly a dozen. Where the rest had been hiding, Ren did not know and he didn't have time to find out.

His lightsaber twirled in front of him and Rey, blocking the steady stream of fire. The crates on the ship provided them minimal cover as the troopers pressed forward. Poe was off to the left, exchanging fire with three of the advancing soldiers. The rest were focused on him and Rey hiding behind the platocrete crates.

He looked down at Rey, seeing only one side of her saber ignited. Her eyes were focused and her body was ready for a fight. "Stay here," he ordered. "I'm going to take out the stormtroopers."

"I'm coming with you!" she countered as she yelled at him forcibly.

"Do you know how to repel or freeze blaster fire?"

Frustration pulled at her feminine features as she didn't speak. The silence was all Ren needed for her to admit that she still had much to learn.

Before they had a chance to get in a verbal altercation, Ren jumped from his defensive position and took the offensive approach toward the stormtroopers. The unstable red blade blocked each bolt that fired his way as he came upon the first trooper. Violently, he sliced the armored soldier in half and then shoved his free hand forward to push three more into the air. He slid to the side, lancing a trooper right through the heart.

Ren was in his element and it felt so comforting to have that rush of power flowing through him again. The Force was his to command, and right now, he wanted it to help fill his sadistic needs.

He froze a blaster bolt mere inches from his face, languidly turning to view the last remaining trooper who had pulled the trigger.

The soldier shook with visible fear, and Ren drank in the familiar sight, breathed in that sweet scent that ignited his brain. The trooper tossed the blaster rifle to ground and held his hands up to surrender, but Ren couldn't stop himself now.

Without the use of his hands, he constricted the troopers windpipe, commanding the Force to apply more pressure. The soldier gurgled for air as he clawed at his throat, trying to free himself from Ren's control– which was futile.

He granted the trooper his freedom when he decisively snapped the man's neck, letting him crumble to the rain soaked ground.

()()()()()

Grave.

And not as in serious. As in dead bodies laying about in their final resting place; as in fate had just paid the fallen a visit in the form of death... in the form of the bastard called Kylo Ren.

Well, maybe as in serious too.

Poe had killed the three stormtroopers he'd been fighting and was now standing off to the side of the monstrous man that somehow looked even more domineering without a shirt on. The guy had been a one person army, cutting through a group of troopers with malicious accuracy and not even breathing heavily during the process. Like it had all been an exercise his muscles had memorized from years of practice. His movements had been mesmerizingly fluid, but powerful and ruthless, a perfect mixture for making one man look like a battalion. Kylo really was extremely talented with that saber of his; the rumors sure hadn't lied.

Though, the performance did make Poe wonder if he was next to be sliced in half.

As Poe watched the man square off against the last trooper, he went cold, his eyes unable to shift away from the disturbing show ahead. The soldier had been surrendering when he suddenly started to choke and grab at his neck, scratching at his windpipe to find some reprieve. Poe glanced at Ren and knew from the dark void in those eyes that he was the one causing this to happen... wanting this to happen. The gurgling, the gasps, the scraping of armor was going on far longer than Poe could tolerate. He couldn't stand to watch even the enemy be tortured in this way, and was just about to yell out when he was stopped by the brutal snap of the troopers neck. The stomach contents rose in his throat upon hearing the sickening crack, burning the soft tissue along the journey, but thankfully, he held it down.

The trooper fell to the ground, splashing into the mud before going still.

Poe had witnessed Kylo Ren's brutality before, when he and his troops had attacked the peaceful people of Tuanul on Jakku. Poe watched him murder Lorr San Tekka and listened, helpless, as the vile man gave the order to have the village slaughtered. Hearing the villagers screams and pleas for mercy as they died had almost caused Poe to black out on the transport ship.

Gods, he could hear them even now, just like how he heard them in his dreams.

Blinking to clear that harrowing memory, he watched as Ren slipped into the visage of a starving beast, looking at the newly dead like it was a feast for his empty stomach. To have the man maskless... was disturbing. Poe could dehumanize the demon that was Kylo Ren quite easily, since he'd never seen his face. But seeing the glint of satisfaction the man had received as he tortured that trooper made Poe sick. Witnessing how demented the bastard actually was kinda made one want to go invisible and get your memory wiped.

 _How can a human being enjoy doing something like that? More importantly, how can this person be General Organa's son?_

Rey stepped away from the bulky crate, holding her fully ignited saber while staring holes into Ren's back.

She. Was. Livid.

Slowly, Kylo turned to face her, his sadistic face melting into something that looked like… shame? He lowered his head, looking down at the space between him and Rey. She limped forward, looking like she was about to yell at him, but didn't. Taking it all in, Poe got an eyeball full of the pair, watching as Ren raised his line of sight and just stared down at the girl. It was like they were having some covert conversation with there eyes that only they knew the language to.

Poe was growing more and more confused.

Kylo Ren turning away from the First Order? Saving Rey? Protecting her? It all seemed completely out of the realm of reality, but Poe couldn't deny what he was seeing with his own eyes: something was going on between the two of them. Something that felt… intimate.

Intimate? That couldn't be right. It sounded too dirty. Too sexual.

From taking one look at Rey, it was clear those two had dueled and that she'd been the one losing. Kylo barely had a scratch on him, while Rey... well, Poe had never seen a woman look so beaten. By how spent her strength seemed to be, she'd put up a fight. But if Kylo had been winning, why didn't he finish her? Something else must have happened during that fight; something significant enough to cause Rey to suddenly trust the man who'd been trying to kill her.

A flash of red light shot into the air, originating from somewhere over the hill and forming a crimson dome around part of the island. It landed just outside of where they stood, enclosing them inside. It was an energy shield, and it was now blocking canon fire from the Resistance.

Poe stepped off the transporter and walked over to the pair as they studied the red stream of energy feeding the shield.

"We should try to destroy the shield generator while we're here. Doesn't look too far away." Their attention turned to Poe, looking surprised, as if they'd completely forgotten his existence. "Yeah. I'm still here, by the way."

()()()()()

Rey's anger was getting worse.

After watching what Ben had done to the surrendering trooper and feeling the waves of darkness emanating from him, she couldn't help but realize that Ben and Kylo Ren were probably a package deal. They were so entwined together that she knew it would be difficult to tear the beast away from the man. But still, she would try.

She could still sense his booming pleasure over what he'd done and it made her want to slap him. The shameful expression he sported wasn't over the killing; it was for getting caught. Stars, for someone who felt disgusted upon seeing how much she'd feared him on the beach, he sure did love witnessing it in other people. The only thing that stopped her from reprimanding him was that she was at a loss for words... and she didn't feel like getting in an argument at the moment.

"We need to stay with the plan of finding the droid," Ben reminded everyone. "We don't have time to disable the shield generator."

His statement was logical in that they should keep with finding BB-8, but Rey could feel his refusal to aid the Resistance behind his words.

And it irritated her.

"We can look for BB-8 on the way over. I'm not letting the opportunity to deactivate the shield pass us by," Poe argued, taking a step into Ben's personal space. Ben eyed the man up and down in a threatening way.

As if Rey was done listening to the two men counter one another, she turned away and walked straight for the rocky hill. The pain she'd been experiencing earlier was now masked by the strength she'd somehow obtained, but she knew it was only artificial. Her injuries were still there, waiting to cause her more suffering.

"Rey, you can't–"

"I'm helping the Resistance!" she yelled over her shoulder, cutting Ben off before he tried to order her around.

Poe ran after her, and for the first time since the beach, Ben kept his distance. She was sure he could feel her irritation toward him through whatever this emotional connection was that they shared, and Rey actually felt grateful to have it at the moment. Shooting her emotions at him was way easier than verbalizing right now.

Rey lowered her stomach onto the ground once she got closer to the hill's peak, crawling the remainder of the way. Just because she could walk without feeling faint didn't mean all the pain was gone, though: her body jerked slightly from a series of spasms, reminding her that she had a nasty burn below Ben's undershirt. With the grace of rag doll, she made her way to the top while the two men followed suit. Poe took up the space between her and Ben as they peered over, their eyes roaming the scene before them.

Transports lined the bottom of the hill and stretched off to the right, lining the curve of the small valley. Among the transporters were blaster cannons, but they were unable to fire because of the shield. If Resistance fire couldn't get in, First Order blasts couldn't get out.

To the left were what appeared to be the front lines of the battle. Some Resistance fighters had pressed through the shield and were now engaging First Order troops within the red barrier, going in the direction of the generator. With it disabled, they would be able to unleash a tirade of fire upon the enemy from afar, which would aid in keeping their number of casualties low.

The shield generator was placed right in the middle of the transporters, far off from the ongoing battle. Thirty, maybe fifty stormtroopers guarded the area and, readying themselves in case of a fight. It was going to take the Resistance quite a bit of time before they could make it over there.

Feeling the brush of the chilly, damp air across her skin, Rey voiced what the two men beside her were not. "There's no way we can get to that generator. And Poe," she craned her head toward the pilot. "Finding BB-8 down there would be next to impossible."

Poe's hard stare didn't leave the scene below as he reluctantly agreed with her. "Maybe the Resistance has him. You never know," Rey added, trying to console him, but finding she was not really good at it. No surprise there, given how she'd lived a lonely existence most of her life.

"We should get to Ben's ship and get out of here," she stated as the new plan. It was hard for her to admit it, but after witnessing just how vast the battle was, she knew that if they went down here it would mean death. And Rey very much felt like living.

She caught Ben's gaze as he looked over at Poe's tense, yet sorrowful body. If thoughts could be written across someone's eyes, Ben's would read "I told you so". Yes, they had wasted time going after BB-8, but if they hadn't tried, Rey would have regretted it for the rest of her life.

Hopefully, the rest of her life didn't stop on this island.

"What do you wanna bet those are missile launchers in that crate by that transport?" Poe pointed down the hill, ideas spinning in his brain. Rey followed his hard gaze down the hill, her sight landing on an opened crate full of what appeared to be rocket launchers.

"You would be betting your life if you went down there to grab one," Ben grumbled as he twisted to go back down the slope. But Poe did not heed Ben's warning. Instead, he bolted down the hill as Ben and Rey looked at the pilot, wide eyed and stunned at the unanticipated production.

()()()()()

Poe ran down the steep hill like gravity had been kicked up a notch, eyeing the area around the crates for any troopers.

None were around. They all seemed to be too engaged with the battle to have bothered leaving someone behind to guard the weaponry.

 _Sweet_.

Momentum going too fast to stop on his own, his body slammed into the wide crate, rattling his senses. No time to bitch and complain about the impact; he had to get moving. He dipped his hand inside and pulled out a PLX-1 portable missile launcher.

 _Dammit_ , he thought as he opened the back. _Empty_. He peered back into the box, but there were only the missile launchers inside.

"Looking for these?" Poe turned to the left, seeing Ren holding a missile out in front of him. "There's another crate on the opposite side of the transport." Poe ran up to the guy and grabbed the missile from his hands. Loading the ammo inside, he noticed there was room for one more. Ren saw inside as well, and pointed Poe in the direction of where he could find more.

Poe couldn't dwell on the fact that Kylo Ren was helping him or else it might make him question whether or not this was reality, and such wasted time could get him killed.

Rey was kneeling behind the ship, keeping an eye out for any incoming troopers. After loading the second missile, Poe climbed on top of the transporter to get a better shot at the shield generator. The launcher was considerably heavy and awkward to climb up with, but it was nothing he couldn't handle. With the launcher placed on his shoulder, he looked through the scope lens and searched for the target. He needed to be quick and precise with his first shot before he being noticed.

Luckily, the rain had stopped and the wind had deteriorated down to a soft breeze, making it easier to handle the powerful weaponry.

The generator came into view and he took a deep breath before his finger pulled the trigger. His body jerked back at the sudden expulsion of the rocket, but he was able to regain his balance quickly. He watched as the trajectory veered too far to the right, exploding among a group of stormtroopers, missing the generator.

Poe was stunned by the sudden deviation since he had aimed right at the generator. Admittedly, he didn't have much experience with high tech missile launchers, which he should have realized before taking the shot. He lifted the launcher to fire off the second round, but had to dive onto his stomach as incoming blaster fire zoomed past him.

Every stormtrooper in the area had been clued in on his whereabouts, thanks to his failed attempt at blowing something up.

Yay.

A heavy _thud_ sounded off from Poe's left and he lifted his eyes to see black, solid boots close to his face. His Adam's apple jutted out as his head craned upward, seeing Ren blocking blaster fire with his lightsaber.

"The launcher has a Gravity Activated Mode to lock onto targets!" Kylo yelled. "The switch should be to the right!" Poe's fingers frantically crawled over the launcher barrel and found the switch Ren had described. He scrambled onto one knee, looking through the scope, and saw how the launcher would lock onto certain targets in its line of view. The fire was starting to become heavy as more and more stormtroopers became aware of their presence on the transporter, but Ren just kept on hindering the onslaught, never blinking and never wavering.

He locked the GAM program onto the generator, knowing this was their last chance, and pulled the trigger.

Poe's body jerked from the kick back, but he kept his eyes on the missile, following it as it zipped through the air. A short breath later, he watched the big hunk of hardware explode, tossing a wide radius of troopers into the air like confetti. The red shield zapped off, revealing the dogfights that were now happening right above the island.

Fire suddenly erupted before him and he felt a huge wave of heat hit his body, tossing him back onto the steep hill behind. He landed hard, his head hitting something sharp before the darkness of uncertainty enveloped him.

()()()()()

Ren jumped onto the transport, landing right next to Poe's head. The pilot had missed the first shot and now had the attention of numerous squadrons. _Damn pilot couldn't do it right the first time_ , he grumbled to himself.

He had planned on ripping the launcher away from the man the moment he arrived, but was forced to go on the defensive instead. It didn't take a genius to ascribe that the missile had come from the idiot atop a transporter... that looked like a Resistance pilot... and was holding the only weapon powerful enough to have caused such an explosion.

Ren quickly explained the mechanics of the weaponry, hoping the guy understood his fast spoken instructions. From his periphery, he saw the pilot find the switch and start to rise onto his knee. Between keeping Poe and himself alive, Ren spotted the missile flying through the air, traveling in the opposite direction of the blaster fire.

"Ben!" A man yelled in a voice he immediately recognized. His heart skipped a beat upon hearing his birth name, falling into a rhythm of sporadic palpitations that might end up stopping his heart.

The generator exploded, shooting fire, metal, and white bodies into the air as the shield evaporated. Blaster fire slowed significantly as the stormtroopers turned toward the loud noise.

Ren took this as his chance to search for the man who had shouted his name.

Resistance fighters and First Order soldiers were now mixing into a massive picture of wrangling bodies. Both sides were starting to fuse together as they pressed into one another, which would have made finding one person among them impossible. But, the green lightsaber gave the man away.

Ren locked eyes with Skywalker, watching the old man pushing his way to him.

He didn't have time to process seeing the Jedi Master as he sensed cannon fire headed straight for the transporter. He immediately launched himself into the air, tearing his eyes from the bearded Jedi and trying to fling Poe off of the transport. He wasn't quick enough, and the explosion violently pushed Poe straight back onto the hillside. When he landed right next to the crate of missiles, Rey was already sprinting after Poe.

Ren instantly followed her.

The pilot was unconscious, blood seeping into the grass below his head. Explosions were littering the island and Ren could feel shock-wave after shock-wave hit his body, vibrating his ribcage.

"We need to get out of here!" Rey yelled over the noise, cradling Poe's head. Without thinking the decision over, he knelt down and flung the pilot over his shoulder. So much adrenaline was pumping through his veins that the man didn't seem to weigh much at all.

"Run ahead! I'll cover your back!" They both dashed up the hill, Ren turning every now and then to block the random fire with his lightsaber. As he made it to the peak, a sharp pressure formed in his head, almost making him lose his footing. He pivoted back toward the scene of slaughter, knowing exactly who was behind the bombarding trickery.

Skywalker was battling a group of soldiers and blocking their fire, but he kept glancing right at Ren inbetween lightsaber swings. The Jedi was trying to Force Stun him, but Ren countered him successfully. The pressure in his mind receded and he continued over the top and disappeared down the hill. He thought he could hear Skywalker faintly screaming his name in the distance, but he kept propelling his body forward.

Ren was in no way interested in having a family reunion.

"Where's your ship?" Rey shouted over her shoulder as she ran to the cliff.

"Go to the right and run along the overhang! It's on the beach, further down from here!" She did as he said and he ran close behind. His legs were on fire as he finally felt the extra weight of the pilot, the used up adrenaline leaving him feeling feeble and tired.

The ship came into view along the beach, but as before, there was no path leading down to it.

They would have to jump.

Both him and Rey came to a stop, eyeing the distance down to the sand.

"I can go first and then have you follow. I'll help–" But Rey was already running and launching herself off the edge.

"Rey!" Flashes of how she fell into the ocean waves crashed through his mind, spiraling him into a panic. Before he could latch onto her through the Force, though, the girl had already started to slow her descent. Ren watched, amazed as she placed her feet gently on the ground, adjusting his undershirt so it was back to falling at her knees.

She was safe, having done it all on her own after only seeing an example of it once. It was astonishing, and a testament to her power and agility.

Still, he felt like he was going to have a heart attack. With his eyes still glued on her form, his mind was drawing a blank from witnessing her do something she shouldn't have been able to do. It had taken him months to figure out how to apply the right amount of power to slow a fall, and many attempts had ended with him being shot straight up into the sky.

His sight was drinking her in, being captivated–

Forget about his heart; he was worried about his short-circuited brain. Ren never got this awestruck over anything; especially a woman.

Far off sounds of cannon fire reminded him that he needed to get down to the beach. He jumped from the ledge, holding onto the pilot tightly, and felt Rey aid him in slowly touching the rocky shore.

The pilot groaned against Ren's back, the descent probably helping in getting him back to consciousness.

Rey worriedly went for Poe, but Ren stopped her. "We can look him over once we're on the ship." She agreed, and they jogged the rest of the distance to the light freighter. Ren mentally lowered the ramp and they both entered the cargo bay, his spine suddenly shivering as he shot out his hand, freezing a blaster bolt mere feet from Rey's chest.

She dove for cover behind a landspeeder.

Ren dropped Poe onto the metal floor like a sack of fern potatoes, hearing a grunt come from the now lucid pilot. Just above them, on one of the cargo bay overhangs, was one of his knights. The knight attempted another shot at the girl, but Ren froze the man in place, flinging him across the room. The tall knight crashed onto the floor, seeming to be dazed.

Rey stayed kneeling from her position, her hand flying to her chest as if just realizing how close she came to taking a bolt to the heart.

Ren kept his main focus on the body teetering on the floor. He Force slammed the knights into the wall and locked him there. With one small gesture of his hand, the dingy mask came off, showing the pale face underneath.

"Nymeer." Ren stalked forward, eyes narrowed. "You controlled your emotions well. I didn't even sense you were on the ship."

From behind, Poe went to stand next to Rey, whisper something indecipherable.

Nymeer bled from his busted lip as he started to laugh at his master. Ren's jaw tightened out of annoyance. "I knew you couldn't kill this desert bitch," he spat his words at Rey. "Even the Supreme Leader suspected as much. You've been unraveling, _master_ , even long before you killed your father. Or met this _whore_." Ren's fist shot out, making contact with Nymeer's nose, the cartilage crunching under the impact. The knight's head snapped back, hitting the metal wall as blood poured from his nostrils.

But Nymeer stayed conscious and aware.

"Your… weak," the knight rasped, then winced as Ren picked apart Nymeer's thoughts, helping him to piece together what's been going on over the past few days.

"Hux ordered you to kill the girl if I couldn't," Ren stated, in a daze, not expecting such a betrayal.

Nymeer sneered at his master, the dark shadows under his steely eyes becoming more pronounced.

"Of course he did. Leader Snoke made it clear to Hux that if you failed to kill her, she would need to be exterminated by other means." A sudden coldness hit at Ren's core. "Did you really think the Supreme Leader would let you go off into the galaxy on your own? Without us tracking you?" Nymeer spat out a wad of blood, dragging air into his mouth. "Now you're a fucking traitor. How ironic."

Ren grabbed the knight's collar and got right into the man's face. "What else does the Supreme Leader know about the girl?" His question was venomous, and the knight stared directly into his threatening eyes.

"Oh, _Ben_." Nymeer's lips curled into a menacing smile as he said his forbidden name. "He knows everything. He knows how much you care for the girl; he knows she calls you to the light. He knows that if she were to die, it would ruin you in the best way possible... But that's the point, now isn't it. Such power you could have possessed, but you gave it up. Sentiment was your downfall, just like your grandfather."

Ren's neck corded tight, his grip on Nymeer's collar starting to shake. How dare the man compare his grandfather's failure to–

He felt a hand on his arm, and his eyes met Rey's deep stare. Her hazel gaze implored him to back away, to seek another way of working out his anger.

Reluctantly, he took a step back, releasing the hold on the knight. Nymeer fell upon his knees, keeping his head down as blood dripped onto the grated floor. Ren's hands racked through his wavy hair as he realized he couldn't leave the man alive, no matter how much he thought Rey protested against that conclusion.

An idea came to mind, one that was beyond perfect and straight into poetic territory that he couldn't help but smile.

Bending over, Ren palmed the blaster pistol off the floor and grabbed Nymeer' neck, dragging the dazed man to the cargo ramp. With a single precise push, the knight shot out into the night air, hitting his back against the rock wall. Nymeer tried to regain his composure so he could flee, but Ren didn't allow him to do so.

The knight froze in place as Ren raised the pistol, aiming directly at the man's chest.

"You should've heeded my warning about those grenades, Nymeer." The knight's eyes widened in terror as Ren fired a blaster bolt at the one remaining pyro grenade strapped to his chest. The heat resonated throughout the area, enveloping Ren's body as he watched the man be blown apart, the bone and meaty flesh splattering throughout the blast radius.

The air smelled of copper.

Taking satisfaction from the cruelty, Ren lowered the weapon, thinking how he'd wanted to kill that particular knight since their first meeting. In the end, Ren always figured out how to get his way. Besides, when the darkness called, Ren answered.

He was polite like that.

()()()()()

"Well, that's one way to kill the guy." Poe murmured next to Rey as she watched Ben stride over in their direction. While she did agree that the man had to die, actually watching it happen had been... difficult. The knight had tried to kill her and would keep attempting to do so if he were left alive. The way Ben had killed him, though, was overly excessive.

Ben's face tensed, his eyes blank as he stared directly at Rey. "I know what you want to discuss, but we'll have to talk later. We need to get to the cockpit."

 _Another thing to add to the list of discussion topics…_

Rey and Poe followed him up the two pairs of ladders that ascended into the main level. They walked down a narrow hallway straight for the door ahead. It slid open, revealing the tight cockpit. The communications corner was to her right, and in front of her were four seats bolted to the metal floor.

For a person who had so much control over the First Order, he sure did fly a relic of a ship.

Odd.

Ben went for the pilot's chair, starting to ignite the engines. "Poe." Poe snapped his attention away from inspecting the small area and turned to Ben. Rey registered the surprise on his face, probably from hearing his name come out of Ben's mouth. "If you walk back through the hallway, there's a ladder leading up to a dorsal laser cannon turret. I need you to man it."

"Uhhhh, I'd rather be behind the pilot controls," Poe started to argue. Ben strapped himself in, tightening the harness before lifting the ship off the beach. Rey grabbed onto the wall, balancing herself from the sudden jerk of motion.

"With the multiple head wounds you have, the only thing you're going to operate is the turret. Rey, you're the co-pilot." Her eyebrows shot up, and she exchanged a worried look with Poe. Honestly, she would feel more comfortable with an experienced pilot behind the controls, but Ben did have a point about Poe's head wound.

Ben glanced at Rey over his shoulder, giving her a serious stare. "I am an experienced pilot."

Rey glared at him, feeling annoyed that he seemed to be reading her thoughts easily.

Poe exhaled dramatically. "If we die, I am blaming you," he pointed to Ben's back before turning and walking out of the cockpit. Rey had no choice but to sit in the chair next to the pilot, buckling and tightening herself in for a bumpy flight. With her communications headset firmly attached on her head, Ben shot across the turbulent sea below, trying to conceal their departure from the aerial fight above.

"Tie Fighter's coming up from behind." Poe's voice came through the headset.

Rey's hands scrambled over the controls, bringing the shields to full power.

Ben sharply pulled then up into the air, making Rey hold on to the side of the co-pilot chair. The ship shuddered as the shields deflected the incoming laser fire. Hearing Poe firing back, she prayed that he would be able to take out at least one of the Ties.

The freighter arched backwards in the sky, trying to get behind the enemy ships, but the Tie's just followed their trajectory. Rey's stomach knotted and lurched as she could feel the planets gravity trying to toss her around, but thankfully, the harness made her stay put.

Ben dove the ship for the ocean, pulling up right before hitting the water. Rey switched to clutching the control panel in front of her, trying to stifle the scream that begged to be released.

Ben's style of flying was similar to his fighting: aggressive, calculating, and merciless, but somehow effective and in control.

Gods, she prayed to the Force he was in control.

Her body thrashed under the harnesses as the ship's belly skidded along the black water. The freighter tipped to the side, making a sharp turn to the right, tossing up the ocean water in its wake. She heard an explosion go off somewhere outside as Poe yelled into the comm set, making her cringe from the pressure on her eardrums.

Shifting her eyes to the sensory monitor, only one Tie fighter was now visible.

"I got 'em! Son of a bitch didn't stand a chance!"

Glancing over at Ben, every muscle in his upper body strained against the pilot controls, his focus on keeping them alive evident in his starined features. It was ridiculous to roam over Ben's body at a time like this, but she couldn't stop her eyes from drinking him in. Rey's never met a man as broad and tall as Ben, but then again, she hasn't met a lot of people in the first place. Most the people she knew were humanoids, and when she said "knew", what she meant was "has seen." She never had any friends, never had an opportunity to ogle at a man's body like she was presently doing.

Telling herself to look away, she lost all sense of propriety and didn't. Eyes wondering over his milky skin, she thought back to how smooth he'd felt against her hands when she–

Rey's head suddenly snapped against her right shoulder as the left side of her midsection rammed into the side of her harness. A sharp pain took her breath away, and she found herself seeing pockets of black dance along her vision.

Ben struggled to control the ship. "We've lost the shields!"

She registered his yelling, but the noise seemed to be far way... too far away for being right next to him.

"You need to get out of the planet's atmosphere so we can jump into hyperspace," Poe commanded. Rey's back pressed into the spine of the chair as the ship shot straight up, which made her assume that Ben was actually following what Poe had suggested. She kept her vision on the blinking lights on the control panel, willing herself not to pass out.

Alarms started to go off and she heard Ben curse beside her. "The fuel line must've taken a hit."

"Rey, punch in these coordinates so you can activate the hyperdrive right when we clear the planet." She heard Poe read off a bunch of numbers, but she couldn't think clearly enough to actually process what he was telling her. Blood was pulling from her face and going to her heart in an attempt to keep her alive. Something was vibrating... was it her body?

"We wont have enough fuel to make it to that star system!" Ben countered as he activated all the forward thrusters, and Rey knew she was in trouble when she didn't register the heightened speed. Rey weakly lifted her head and saw that they were about to exit the planet's atmosphere. It was becoming increasingly more difficult to breath and her hands fell away from the control panel, no longer having the strength to hold on.

"Rey!" Ben's voice echoed in her ears.

She couldn't turn her head to look at him, couldn't form a word, couldn't take a deep breath... but she could feel how scared he suddenly became. Buttons were starting to distantly be pressed, and she heard Poe and Ben arguing at each other, but couldn't make sense of the frantic conversation. She tried to take deep breaths, but it was like her body was incapable of absorbing the oxygen and she was somehow drowning all over again, even though this time, she was in her element.

Mind falling into a panic, she couldn't register anything around her, and she thought, for the second time today, that she was going to die.

()()()()()

As Ren listened to Poe name off the coordinates, he immediately knew that the gradual loss of fuel wouldn't allow them to make it that far across the galaxy. Plus, he was absolutely positive the pilot just named off the coordinates to the Resistance base, and Ben was not interested in going there. "We won't have enough fuel to make it to that star system!"

He initiated the remaining thrusters, picking up more speed to hurl the ship out of the atmosphere.

Suddenly, his breathing became shallow and he saw Rey's hands let go of the panel. Looking over, her face became ashen and she was wheezing frantically. "Rey!" He was tempted to go to her, but if he didn't get them into hyperspace, they were all going to die.

"What's happening? What's going on?" Poe inquired anxiously.

Ren ignored the question as he quickly punched in a path to get them to the next closest star system he could think of. It took the ships computer a few moments to calculate a safe route, but the course wasn't the only problem. Hopefully, the fuel would last long enough to get them there. If not, well...

"Rey! What's happening?" Poe yelled.

"She can't breathe. She's starting to black out!" Ren's voice was panicked and he didn't care if the pilot heard his worry over the comms set. Finally, like it had taken a century, they cleared the atmosphere and Ben launched them into hyperspace, leaving the Tie fighter behind.

Unlatching the harness and throwing the head set to the ground, Ren darted over to Rey, his hands unbuckling the straps and then ripping her out of the seat. He ran through the hallway with her in his arms, passing Poe climbing down the ladder, not even giving the guy a glance.

Lying Rey down onto the lounge floor, Ren noticed that she was barley lucid, her breaths coming on sharp and quick as she tried to force air into her lungs.

"There's a med kit in the storage closet." Ren pointed ahead to the corner. "Grab it and bring it to me." Poe sprinted without hesitation, rummaging through the closet and then hurrying back to Ren, placing the long med bag next to Rey as the pilot knelt down by her head. Ren fought back his nerves, knowing that it wouldn't do Rey any good for him to fall apart right now. But if Rey died on this floor?

The pilot was going to have a huge fucking problem...

Poe helped him take off the black undershirt so he could have access to the injury more easily. He ripped the tunic the remaining way up, showing her full chest wrap as both men took in a sharp breath upon seeing the huge black and blue bruise covering the left side of her ribcage.

"That's not good," Poe muttered.

Ben felt along the bruise, sensing that she did, in fact, have two broken ribs. How she managed to even stay upright after sustaining the injury astounded him. In his youth, he'd broken a rib during a training demonstration with Skywalker. He was barely able to walk around the week that followed.

"Is there a syringe in the kit?" Ren asked the pilot anxiously.

Poe dug through the duffle and shoved a syringe into Ben's hand. Carefully, Ben felt for the space between Rey's second and third rib, right below her collarbone and next to her shoulder. Before he left for Skywalker's academy, he'd been studying chemistry and medicine in hopes of one day becoming a doctor. Even after he "chose" to be a Jedi, he never stopped being fascinated by human and humanoid anatomy. Even though it had been years since Ren actually read up on any medical techniques, he found the knowledge coming back to him quickly.

Which was surprising, given how he'd been killing people the last six years.

"Do you know what you're doing?" Poe asked nervously, and in truth, Ben was doubting himself as well, but he tried to hide it.

"Her lung has collapsed from the oxygen spilling into her chest cavity," he explained, more for his benefit than the pilot's. "We need to relieve that pressure in order for her to breath."

He pushed the needle into her chest, making sure to not go too far. Slowly, he started to pull the air into the syringe, feeling relieved when he didn't see any blood. He had to repeat the process three more times before Rey was able to breath normally again, but her complexion was still pale, which didn't fit her at all. That skin of hers was meant to look sun-kissed, not look like she'd kept to the shadows all her life... like him.

Rey's eyes darted everywhere as she took in one deep breath after another. "You're okay. Just take deep breaths," Poe said, trying to coax Rey into staying calm while stroking her hair, giving Ren time to inspect her rib-cage further. Her fifth and sixth rib were fractured, and he didn't know the extent of the puncture wound to her lung. Maybe he could heal it, but he never before tried to heal an injury he could not physically see or feel. And honestly, he felt like he could sleep for a week straight; that's how exhausted he was.

He might not have the energy to heal her– which made him feel guilty, since he was the one responsible for her injuries in the first place.

"Poe, I need you to carry the med bag and follow me to the crew quarters. I'm going to lay her down in a bed so she's more comfortable." Ren took the needle out of Rey's chest and handed it to the pilot. Poe flung the med bag over his shoulder and together, they carefully made their way to a spare cabin, placing Rey on the bottom bunk.

Rey still hadn't said a word since her breathing stabilized, and that was starting to make Ren feel uneasy. Her stare was distant, looking beyond the metal walls of the ship and somewhere that mirrored the reality of almost dying twice in one day.

Ren pulled at the med bag and brought out some bacta patches. Kneeling down next to Rey, he peeled off the jell pads and placed them fluidly over the saber burn across her midsection. She winced, keeping her stare on the bunk above her, never turning or looking down to watch the process.

"Where are we headed?" Poe asked, leaning up against the wall, watching Ren as he applied the medicine.

"Spira."

"Spira? Isn't that a core world? The First Order probably has spies there."

"There are spies everywhere, and that was the closest planet I could think of under the stressful circumstance." Ren applied the last patch and closed the front of her tunic to cover allow her more modesty. He messaged his neck as he sat back onto the floor, glancing at the pilot above. "Also, we still have the fuel problem."

Poe nodded his head in agreement. "We'll have to wait till we land to assess the damage. I was thinking… while we're in hyperspace, I was going to look for those tracking devices. I remember that warrior guy saying they put some on your ship." Ren had completely forgot about that. Even if they make it to Spira on the limited amount of fuel left, the First Order would be close behind.

The tracking devices needed to be located and destroyed.

Ren let out a tired breath. "Yeah, those need to be found or we're as good as dead." Sensing some turbulence in the room, he glanced at Rey, watching as her brows tightened and her lip quaked. Some sort of emotional tension was building within her, and soon, she was going to burst.

Hesitantly, Poe left the room, leaving him and Rey alone together.

The soft hum of the engines was the only noise to fill the tight quarters. Noticing her inhales to be labored, he went through the motions of helping her to breath and then, he took a quiet moment to just stare at her. Her hair was matted and dark with dried dirt, her clothes were in need of being deeply laundered, and her boots had mud caked all over them. Bruises on her face were starting to show, and he was sure she had plenty more over the rest of her body.

Ren trembled.

He didn't hold back when they'd been dueling earlier. On Starkiller, he had been, since he hadn't wanted to kill the girl... and couldn't stop the compassion he'd felt for her from influencing his actions. Even after killing Han and being on the brink of insanity, he still had enough clarity to not be too overpowering towards Rey. In hindsight, being injured had weakened him enough to where he wasn't in the best shape to fight. Still, at the start of that duel, he had a few openings where he could have ended the girl's life.

But he didn't take them, because he wanted her to join him... so he wouldn't be alone anymore.

A sudden cry came escaped Rey's swollen lips, and Ren's eyes moved away from her boots to her distraught and crumpled face. Her small frame started to shake as she tried to keep in her emotions, but Ren stroked her cheek and told her to let it out. She turned her head into his bare shoulder and proceeded to wail. He rubbed her back, trying to console her as he patiently waited for her to be done. So much had happened over the small span of a few hours that even he couldn't process it all.

Where they thought their lives were going had now completely changed.

Never in his life has he comforted another, but doing so with her was as natural as blinking, and he found he didn't want to let her go.

"Rey," he whispered next to her ear when her crying started to subside. "I'm going to try to heal some of your injuries so you can breath. May I?" He didn't now if he had the strength or concentration to do it, but he had to try.

She nodded, and he closed his eyes to center himself. He let her pain become his, feeling every bruise, broken bone, and scrape on her body. She was in such agony that he couldn't stop his eyes from scrunching and tearing up.

Narrowing in on her lungs, he willed the Force to mend the small puncture wound. He wanted to bind her ribs back together, but he felt like he was going to pass out from the amount of strength he'd already given her.

Her shoulders slackened and she let out a deep, hot breath against his bare chest. "Do you want me to help you sleep?" he asked.

"Please," her gravely voice croaked.

His hand combed through her hair as he gently went into her mind, nudging her softly into her dreams. Her muscles instantly lost all their strain, and he heard her quietly breathing onto his skin. Time didn't compute as he held her against him. He loved feeling her flesh against his and thought to himself that he could get used to that sensation. But, after a while, holding her without permission seemed wrong. So he placed her back onto the bed, took off her boots, and covered her with the spare blanket from the top bunk.

Her features looked startlingly young as she slept peacefully.

 _She could pass for a fifteen or sixteen year old girl_ , he thought, and then paused. _How old is she exactly?_

That would have to be one of the first things he asks her when she wakes. He found himself hoping that she would be close to his age, for anything less would be... weird. Especially given how much he wanted to stay with her for a very, very long time.

 _What if she doesn't feel the same way?_ But he knew she did. It was growing increasingly easier to use their connection to read the girl's thoughts and feel her emotions. She felt just as drawn to him as he did to her, and yet, he barely knew a thing about her. Sure, he knows of certain events in her life and how strong she is with the Force, but will their personalities clash as they moved forward? She wanted Ben, but he didn't feel like that person anymore. Nor did he feel completely like Kylo Ren.

He didn't know who he was.

He heard some noise coming from the lounge and was reminded about how he needed to help the pilot find those tracking devices. It would take half a day to arrive at Spira and he would sleep better knowing the First Order couldn't find him.

Reluctantly, he left Rey's room and walked toward the one person on the ship who absolutely despised him.

 **Things are definitely starting to slow down for our characters, but now that they have a moment to breath, they can ponder over the choices they have made. So, expect the next few chapters to have a lot of talking and inner dialogue. Thanks so much for reading and may the Force be with you!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you to everyone who's followed and faved the story! It helps me write faster knowing that there are people out there reading my work. Seriously, thank you! And I just want to remind all of you that I incorporate things from TFA novelization, so if you have not read it, some things might not make sense. Now, with that being said, enjoy the chapter!**

Chapter Fourteen

Ren walked into the lounge, quickly realizing he still didn't have a shirt on. Feeling exposed, he was about to return to the living quarters when his eyes locked onto something across the lounge table. He ambled forward, his footfalls sounding off in the empty space.

It was tracking devices.

The metal hardware was small, the quality of the material extremely high tech and reliable. There were seven in total, which seemed overzealous given how two or three would have been more than sufficient to get the job done.

 _Supreme Leader really did not trust me…_

He felt a presence enter the room and glanced to his right to see Poe in the galley entryway, observing him. The pilot's posture was tight and anxious. "How's Rey?"

"I healed the puncture wound to her lung, so she's out of any immediate danger." The pilot nodded his head in relief, but the feeling didn't last long since his features twisted into a smirk.

"I think I found all of them." The pilot pointed to the hardware on the table and walked over to Ren, keeping an arms length away. "Looks like the First Order wanted to keep an eye on you. Seven tracking devices is overly excessive."

Ren's eyes roamed over the small metal parts just as something struck him directly across the face, sending his body topling to the floor. His vision blurred and his left cheekbone throbbed, but he made no gesture to rub the pain away. Craning his head up, Ren saw how Poe's right fist was shaking, his disdainful glare directed straight at him.

It was not a complicated mystery as to who had hit him.

"That's for what you did to Finn," Poe breathed out haughtily.

"You mean FN-2187?" Ren clearly struck a nerve with the pilot, which was his intention. He was pissed that Poe was able to strike him down, making him look weak. On impulse, he wanted to ram the guy into the wall until his bones were crushed from the pressure, but he settled with verbally irritating the bastard.

It probably wouldn't look good if Rey found her friend dead, with Ren being the only possible murderer on board.

"His name is Finn, not the jumble of numbers you people gave him." Ren slowly raised himself to his feet, facing the pilot at his full height. Fear pulsed off of the man, but he was doing a commendable job at hiding it. No doubt, Poe was expecting some sort of retaliation. "I bet you just want to break my neck with those Force abilities of yours, don't ya?"

The pilot didn't let his fear consume him into cowardice.

A sleek grin formed on Ren's lips. "I don't need to use the Force to kill you." Neither one of them moved as they both calculated the risks of getting into a physical altercation. Being more controlled over his emotions out of the two men, Poe backed away, falling back behind the curved lounge bench and coolly placing his hands on the leather.

The air of silence was full of friction, but it didn't stop the pilot from asking his questions. "What's going on between you and Rey?" Ren kept his mouth, which made Poe even more suspicious. He was tempted to leave the conversation, but the ship was small, and him and the pilot would just run into each other later on.

 _Better to just get this over with now._

"I'm not blind, you know," Poe contended. "I was with you two during the battle on the island. She relied on you heavily, and you actually _helped_ her. _You_." Poe couldn't hide the confusion behind what he was trying to explain. "Kylo Ren. The face of the First Order, charged with killing anyone affiliated with the Resistance. And yet, you act possessive and protective towards Rey. Why? Did your plans of killing her suddenly change? Does Snoke want her now?"

"I would never let Snoke near the girl," Ren objected sharply, conveying just how much he believed in the words. If he had any control over Rey's future, she would never meet his master. The reconditioning the Supreme Leader would force onto Rey would ruin her, just like it had ruined him.

Either that or Snoke would force Ren to kill her, snuffing out his compassion completely.

"You're the one who gave her all those injuries, though. Right?"

Ren clenched his jaw. He's never been a liar, and he was not about to start.

"Yes."

The leather creaked under the tightening of Poe's grip as he let out an uneven breath, trying to hold himself back from letting his anger dictate his actions. The control Poe showed was impressive. Ren knew the pilot had immense mental resolve, evidenced from the time Ren had extracted the information about the droid from his mind. For having no Force abilities, Poe had lasted the longest under Ren's mind probe than any one else ever had.

Besides Rey, of course, but she had the Force.

"When we land, I'm taking Rey with me and we're getting a ship back to the Resistance." The pilot's fierce irises locked onto Ren. "You'll never be able to hurt or see her again."

Ren balled his hands at his sides and the pilot glanced right at them. "I would never hurt her," he countered.

"You already did." Those words felt like a sharp slap in the face. The knowledge of what he did to her would haunt him for the rest of his days, and he would never get over the guilt of scarring her.

He shut his eyes for a moment and felt wretched. His conscience, which had been unplugged for years, was awake and aching. Feeling this way was extremely uncomfortable.

Ren couldn't deny that he wanted Rey to stay, for her light breathed such pure life into his soul that he was already addicted to the feeling. Ren wasn't going to allow Poe take her from him, but if she made the decision to go, he would let her. "If she desires to leave, she can. I won't stop her."

" _If_ she desires to leave?" Poe's voice rose in pitch and he leaned slightly over the the chair's back. "Why would she not want to? She's a member of the Resistance, and she wants to become a Jedi. You are a murderous psycho whose allegiance is to the First Order. Honestly, I'm still waiting for you to ignite that saber and kill us both."

Ren opened his mouth to counter the last statement, but Poe cut him off.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You wouldn't hurt her." A light chuckle escaped the pilot's mouth from his own disbelief. "The insane thing is, I'm inclined to believe you when you say that. I saw too much on the island not to believe it. But I think everyone else is free game for your lightsaber."

Poe's perception of him was correct. "You're still alive, are you not?"

"Because if you killed me, we both know Rey would retaliate against you. You're keeping me alive out of your own self-interests, nothing more."

The pilot was proving to be very intuitive, and it was making Ren feel unnerved with how accurate his remarks were.

"Have you really left the First Order?" Poe asked, stare concentrated and serious.

 _No._

"Yes." Loyalties were hard to break, but he was now officially a traitor and couldn't go back to his life before he'd saved Rey.

Even if a part of him desperately wanted to.

"Come with us then. Back to the Resistance base." Ren's eyebrows shot up. He couldn't believe the best pilot in the Resistance had just asked him to turn himself in.

"No."

"Why not?" Poe shot the question at him.

"All that awaits me there is my execution." _Do I really need to explain this to an adult?_

"Well, you are a war criminal, but you have so much information on the First Order that you could probably make a deal."

Ren rolled his eyes out of annoyance. "A deal? They would never broker such a thing with me. Your top ranking officials would fast track my execution _and_ make it very public."

Poe's head flinched back slightly. "You think your mother would do that to you?" The conversation went from being ridiculous to dangerous in the span of just one sentence. Ren twisted with disgust at the mention of the general and at the very idea of seeing her again.

"If anyone at the Resistance has even a shred of common sense, she wouldn't have a voice in the matter."

Poe must have sensed the change in mood, for he took a moment to back off and collect his thoughts. "You can't deny that you do deserve to die after everything you've done. You destroyed a whole star system."

Maybe he did deserve death, but he wouldn't be the only one to die at his execution.

"That idea didn't belong to me, but to General Hux. I tried to speak out against the plan, but the Supreme Leader wouldn't listen to me."

"Uh huh. I bet you tried _really_ hard to stop it."

Ren's eye's narrowed at the pilot.

Ultimately, Ren's voice hadn't mattered when he disagreed with the Hux's extreme plan. He was surprised he even opened his mouth to speak his opinion, and then felt embarrassed after he'd done so. Honestly, Ren had always known what Starkiller base was underneath, he just never thought the weapon would be used for anything other than a threat.

That was the first time the faith in his master had truly been shaken.

To destroy a whole star system was…. There were no words to describe how heinous of an act it was. Ren had been too disgusted to even stay on the base and retreated to the Finalizer. He'd contemplated not watching the demonstration, but he didn't want to be viewed as weak by his subordinates. Even though he could block the emotions of others from bombarding his own, there was no way to stop from feeling each and every person's desperation and fear before they died.

Billions of people crying out for help, those screams consuming him, almost making him black out on the deck. But he kept his knees locked. Stayed standing. Immediately after feeling the slaughter of so many, he brusquely walked to his quarters, tore off his mask, and vomited on the floor next to his bed; he couldn't even hold it in long enough to make it to the refresher.

After that, his life had started to unravel at an exponential rate. And when the weapon had been targeted on the Illenium system… he just couldn't go through experiencing another star system being annihilated.

Ren felt the pilot's mood change from disgust into a mixture of confusion and curiosity, which struck him as being odd.

"You're curious about something." Poe scrunched his eyebrows together, looking puzzled. "I can sense your emotions." Ren studied the pilot as he exhaled a heavy sigh.

"I just can't believe I'm talking to you."

"Because of who I am."

"Because of where you come from. It boggles my mind that someone with your upbringing could turn into the person you are." Ren didn't know how to reply to Poe's statement and neither did he want to. He didn't like acknowledging Ben's past life.

"Look man, I'm gonna go find a spare cabin and get some rest. Feel free to search for more tracking devices." Poe moved for the door and left, not looking back at Ren standing in the middle of the room.

Reluctantly, Ren's mind wandered to his childhood. So many people had expected such great things from him, just because of who his parents were. At every turn in his life, he'd been compared to his mother and father.

He'd absolutely loathed it.

Everyone always pestered him if he were to become a senator, just like the great Princess Leia Organa. Or tutor lost kids and hold charity races for the galaxies youth like Han Solo. It got to the point where whenever someone asked him those questions, he would just walk away without an explanation. After that, people started to mark him as being a peculiar and odd boy.

Ren sat down on the cushioned bench, eyes wondering over the chilly room.

He'd just wanted to be left alone, not wanting the pressure of his lineage constantly weighing him down. He had his own dreams of becoming a physician and of leading a normal, happy life. It had been all mapped out. He would attend University where he would graduate at the top of his class. Numerous medical schools would accept him into their programs and he would consider carefully as to which he would attend. Then, close to finishing, he would meet a nice young woman and they would wed once he had a generous paying job. Children would come next and they would have three…

His arm swept across the table, sending the devices hurtling to the other side of the room. Warmth had spread throughout his body from his growing anger and his hand twitched to ignite his lightsaber.

That life had been taken from him.

 _You can't have something taken from you if never had in the first place_ , he thought. Which, in retrospect, is true. He never got close to having the life he'd dreamed of obtaining. It had been stupid of him to even consider such a future, for nothing about him had ever been normal. His natural abilities in the Force alienated him from others and had pushed him down a path he never wanted to explore.

From the outside looking in, people always thought he had the epitome of a perfect life. That was what the pilot had thought, anyway. But not one person would ever be able to understand just how lonely and suffocating his existence had truly been. With Rey, though, he didn't feel as alone.

He rubbed his face as he stood and walked to his personal chambers. Memories of his childhood kept plaguing him more and more as of late. The more he dwelled on the past, the faster his life seemed to be falling apart in his hands, like wet sand suddenly gone dry.

He needed to clean himself off and get some sleep. He would have to trust that the pilot found all the tracking devices, for he felt like his legs would give out if he stood one minute longer than necessary.

Rey was in need of multiple healing sessions and he decided to wake every few hours to administer them. If he could lessen her suffering, he would willingly give up some of his own sleep to do so.

()()()()()

Luke steered the Falcon, following the X-Wings into Carlac's planetary atmosphere. The beaming sunlight reflected off of the snowy landscape, causing him to squint his eyes to see better. Splashes of pink interrupted the sleet terrain and the closer he flew to the surface, he realized the pink hue belonged to the millions of tiny blossoms hanging from the lanky trees.

A huge, fortified building was coming into view. It jutted out of the side of a wide mountain, making it look deceivingly smaller than it actually was. Luke had never been to Carlac, but Leia had described how the base had been carved into the mountain for extra protection. Luke's stomach twisted into knots at the anticipation of seeing his sister again. They'd talked over the communications channel and had seemed to have left on good terms, but seeing her in person was causing him to sweat.

"Resistance base to Millennium Falcon. You've been cleared to land on platform B2. After landing, Lieutenant Connix will be waiting to take you to the Resistance council." Luke acknowledged the instructions and started his descent to the designated landing platform. He stood once the Falcon was on the ground and made his way over to Chewie in the main hull.

With every step, Luke could feel all the aches and bruises he'd sustained while fighting on Ahch-to. Luckily, he didn't receive any life threatening injuries. The Wookie, however, needed to be seen by medical professionals. He'd sustained a deep gash across his middle back when he had tried to help Luke fight off the knight swords master.

Chewie was already standing when Luke entered the lounge, with R2 waiting beside him. He tried to offer the Wookie assistance, but Chewie waved him off. Slowly, the three of them exited the ship and were greeted by a small, quaint young woman. Her dirty blonde hair was pulled into two buns above her ears, her hands holding a datapad as she stood tall, eyes gleaming once seeing the incoming company.

"Master Skywalker. We're all so very pleased that you've arrived safe and sound. On behalf of the Resistance, I can say we've been waiting for you to join us for a long time." She gawked at him, star struck from being in the presence of a legend. Luke didn't like when people stared at him this way. He never felt like a hero, nor did he want to be worshiped as one.

He internally groaned

"Chewie needs medical attention, if you could just show us the way." Her eyes widened as she scanned the Wookie standing off to Luke's side.

"Of course!" Her eyes roamed over the mayhem of people behind her. "Kara! Kara!" A young woman with jet black hair and small eyes came running up to the Lieutenant. "I need you to take the Wookie to the med bay." The girl nodded, ushering Chewie away from the small group and into the whirlwind of Resistance troopers.

"I should go with him to make sure he'll be fine." Luke took a step after them, but was stopped by the Lieutenant.

"The Resistance council has stressed that your presence is needed in their meeting chambers as soon as you arrived. I'm sorry, but I need you to come with me. Dr. Kalonia has seen Chewie before and she'll be able to take care of him." Luke tried to quail his annoyance and adversely followed the young girl with R2 in tow. She expertly made a path through the cluster of soldiers and toward the main building.

"Luke? Luke Skywalker?" A dark skinned young man stepped in front of them, stopping Lieutenant Connix in her tracks. A walking cane held the man up as he refused to budge from his position. Luke could sense his desperation to talk with him.

"Finn. I need to get Master Skywalker to the Resistance council. There's no time-"

Luke's ear perked up. "Finn? As in Rey's friend? The ex-stormtrooper?" Luke eyed the young man, noticing that he did match Rey's description of him.

"Uh, yeah. I'm Finn." Finn shifted his weight, feeling uncomfortable under the intense stare of the Jedi Master. Luke recalled the story of Finn going to Starkiller base to rescue Rey, and ended up fighting his nephew in an attempt to save them both. The boy had shown extreme bravery, and Rey had told Luke how she trusted Finn with her life.

Luke decided to use that trust. "You're coming with us. Lieutenant Connix, lead the way."

The girl and Finn stood there, flustered. She tried to open her mouth in protest, but the look Luke gave her made her snap her jaw shut.

Finn and R2 kept up with their fast pace as they entered the base through one of the fighter ship hangars. The hallway walls were sleek and white, the air cold and thin. Random soldiers wandered through the cramped passageways, all of them glancing at the Master Jedi as they passed, but Luke ignored the stares. He was focusing on searching for his sister's Force signature, and was puzzled when he came up with nothing.

An uneasy feeling was taking root in his stomach, and he needed to know what was going on.

"Where's Rey?" Finn had caught up to Luke's side, looking at him anxiously.

Even Luke didn't know how to exactly answer that question. What he'd witnessed back on the island had gone against all logic. He played the scene over in his mind again: his nephew flinging a man onto his shoulder, protecting him and Rey as they ran up the steep hill, and blocking Luke's attempt to Force stun him. Did his nephew somehow turn Rey to the dark side?

He shot that question down for the one-hundredth time. He'd witnessed Ben on top of that transporter, _helping_ a man blow up the generator. His nephew had acted against the First Order, but why? What was going on?

Luke's head was starting to pound with confusion.

Connix lead them to a door at the end of the hallway and Luke could faintly hear voices coming from the other end. Before entering, Luke gave the ex-stormtrooper a convincing smile and said, "She's in a safe place." _I hope…_

He sensed Finn relax as they stepped inside the long, rectangular room. Holomaps lined the walls and a big, oblong table was situated in the center of the chamber. Someone had installed the room with so many lights, that Luke's eyes pounded from the intense shower of brightness.

He was sure he was at the beginnings of a headache.

The room instantly went quiet as all eyes fell upon him, but he didn't return their stares. Frustration rose inside the Jedi Master when he couldn't find what he was searching for.

"Where's my sister?" Just as fast as they all were to stare at him, now they turned their eyes downward. The tension grew thick in the room as no one made an effort to answer him.

Finally, a short man with slanted eyes and a flat face made his way over. "Master Skywalker. I'm Admiral Statura. We're glad-"

"Cut it with the formalities. Where is Leia?" Luke asked with more force behind his voice.

Admiral Statura cleared his throat, trying to wrangle in his nerves. "The General's whereabouts is one of the reasons why we needed to see you so urgently. You see, when your droid sent us the distress signal that you were in need of assistance, General Organa insisted that she come with the fleet to Ahch-To."

"You let her go to the battle?" Luke was on the verge of shouting at the man, but he was able to fight back the urge.

Admiral Statura stammered, replying with a quick, "No, no. We told her she couldn't. But as time went on and the battle started to become more hectic, she slipped out of here undetected. By the time any of us had noticed, her personal ship and crew were already gone."

"Does her ship have a tracking mechanism?"

"It does, but it was disabled when she reached the outside of the planet. That was the last known place she was at. We cannot find her or the ship." Luke closed his eyes as he pinched the roof of his nose. He took in deep, long breaths to try and center himself. Anger was threatening to take him, and he almost wanted it to.

"Where is your apprentice, Master Jedi?" Luke opened his eyes and glanced across the room to the woman behind the question. She was tall and lean, her blonde hair pulled back into a high bun, accentuating her high cheekbones. She was wearing the same olive green military uniform as everyone else, but Luke sensed that she was not a part of the group.

He looked perplexed at the tall woman.

"I apologize. Even though it appears you abhor formalities, I should still introduce myself to you. I'm Grand Admiral Trend of the Republic Fleet. Well, what little remains of it anyway."

Luke recognized the surname. "Vassena Trend? Aren't you a Vice Admiral?"

"Well, with the destruction of the Hosnian System, I immediately got a promotion. All of the higher ranking officials were killed, leaving me to take up as the leader of the fleet." Everyone in the room went out of their way to not look at the middle-aged woman. They were all either intimidated by her, or immensely disliked her. Luke sensed it was the latter.

"And this is a closed meeting, Master Jedi. The young man beside you will have to leave."

Luke held the Grand Admiral's cold gaze. "He's my personal assistant. With my growing age, I find it harder to remember certain details. While I am on this base, he goes where I go."

A polite smile formed on her hard features, making her look off-putting. "I'm sure we can all understand what aging does to a person, but I will have to order you-"

"The Jedi are not apart of the New Republic, so your orders hold no value towards me. The young man stays." Her fake grin vanished and the room fell uncomfortably silent. Trend's eyes glinted with rage at being undermined, but she didn't attempt to talk further on the subject. She knew Luke was right that she couldn't give him orders since the title of Jedi Master separated him from the government.

"Now to answer your earlier question, Rey made it off the planet and is safe. She will contact me when she is able." He wanted to get back to the matter of his sister.

"That does not coincide with what Captain Cypress witnessed." Trend turned to the weathered man with the long nose and grey hair. It took a second, but Luke recognized the man from the battle on the island. Luke could sense where this was going, and he was honestly irritated that Trend was veering the meeting in a new direction. "Captain? Can you repeat what you saw?"

The captain cleared his throat and straightened his uniform jacket before speaking. "I was on Ahch-To leading our ground forces against the First Order. We were pushing through their energy shield when I heard an explosion off to my left. Stormtroopers started to fire off to the other side, where I saw Commander Dameron on a transport ship with a missile launcher, trying to destroy the shield generator." The Captain paused, wiping the sweat from his bushy brows. "A man with a red cross guarded lightsaber was blocking the incoming blaster fire from hitting them both." Luke heard Finn gasp softly beside him. "Poe was able to destroy the generator before cannon fire him and the other man off the transporter. After that, I focused on the battle in front of me and didn'tt see what had happened to them."

Trend took over where the captain left off. "Multiple Resistance troopers reported seeing the man fling an unconscious Commander Dameron over his shoulder and flee the scene with your apprentice, Master Skywalker."

"What?!" Finn's eyes bore into the side of Luke's face, but Luke kept his features void of emotion. He figured he couldn't have been the only one to have seen Ben and Rey, and was expecting an account like this to be made known. He just didn't think it would be talked about this soon after the battle. As much as he worried for his apprentice and was confused by his nephew's actions, he wanted to discuss the disappearance of his sister more.

"I think we can all safely assume that the man with the infamous cross guarded red lightsaber is Kylo Ren, and that your nephew now has Rey and Poe Dameron in his custody. It's logical to assume that the disappearance of General Organa is somehow tied to her son," she addressed the whole room, but kept most of her harsh gaze on the Jedi Master.

"I was also on the island, Vassena, and I _saw_ my nephew protecting Commander Dameron and Rey from harm." His voice was low, demanding of attention.

"Well he would want his prisoners alive, for they are useless to him if dead." Trend was stating her opinion as fact, and the only person who was fighting her on the validity of her statements was an aggravated Luke.

"Rey went with him willingly, not as a prisoner," Luke pointed out.

Trend's sickly grin returned to her lips. "Then maybe she's betrayed the Resistance and has joined the First Order."

"No!" Finn angrily shouted, stepping forward. "Rey would never do that. She isn't a traitor." Luke rested his hand on Finn's shoulder, drawing him back. The passionate young man quieted down, but Luke could sense he was still fuming.

"If I may speak." Admiral Ackbar, the only person in the room that Luke actually knew, stepped away from the far corner so everyone could see him. "Maybe Kylo Ren has turned away from the First Order, just like his grand father turned against Palpatine in his final moments. From what I hear, Ren was genuinely trying to help Commander Dameron and Rey get away from danger." Luke gave a soft smile to his old friend, and Ackbar reciprocated with a nod. Not many people knew the whole story of his father, but Gial was one of the few who did since he fought next to Anakin in the Clone Wars. He had remained loyal to his sister, even after learning who Vader truly was six years ago.

And Luke would always respect Ackbar for that.

Trend scoffed at the Mon Calamari's remark. "Kylo Ren is an evil creature responsible for the murders of dozens, probably hundreds of people. For all we know, he was behind the destruction of the Hosnian system. A man like that has no good left in him. And I'm aware of Vader's story, just like the rest of you. He killed the Emperor to save his son." She glanced at Luke, and then turned quickly away. "Kylo Ren doesn't care for two random people. He either took them prisoner or Rey is now a traitor. And none of you can deny that General Organa's disappearance and her son being on that island are not somehow connected."

More people started to join in the discussion, most of them agreeing that Ben had taken Leia prisoner. Luke had nothing else to add, knowing that if he did, Trend would twist his words around. The only other person staying quiet was Ackbar, and Luke made a mental note to talk with his friend when the setting was more private.

After learning that the Resistance had all their spies and contacts looking for his sister, Luke made the abrupt move to leave. It's not like anyone noticed since they were all arguing with Trend over how to deal with the First Order. Luke needed to come up with his own plan to find Leia, and he would need Finn's help to do so.

He had Connix lead him to his small living quarters located among the other higher-ranking officials. Finn kept his mouth shut as he walked beside him, no doubt leaving his questions for when they were alone.

Luke examined the room upon arrival. It was very plain, with a small bed, desk, and chair occupying the space. In the left corner was the door that led to the refresher. Luke was so used to living inside a hut, that this little room felt like it was too extravagant.

"So." Finn went to lean against the desk while eyeing Luke. "What the hell is going on?"

 _What the hell, indeed_ , Luke thought to himself. Luke didn't mind that Finn was being informal towards him, for it actually made him feel like a normal person again and not this mystical legend people made him out to be.

"Honestly, I'm not sure." He mentally reached out for Leia again, but was blocked. She was alive, that he knew for sure. If she had died, he would have felt her death shattering down upon him. Someone had definitely taken her, but he was sure he could cross Ben off of that list. His nephew had seemed to be too preoccupied with Rey and Commander Dameron on the island. And Ben couldn't possibly have known that his mother would go to the planet in the middle of the battle...

 _Oh Leia... I know you want to desperately see Ben again, but going to Ahch-To was extremely foolish._

Finn's voice brought Luke away from his thoughts. "I need to know everything you know," the young man demanded. "Now."

()()()()()

Hux's hands clasped behind his back as he walked curtly down the polished corridor. His suit showed no signs of wrinkles, his shoes were buffed, and there was not a single hair out of place. Everything on the outside of him was in order, but on the inside, he was a fuming mess.

Reports were coming in as their ships returned from the battle on that island planet. The arrival of the Resistance had not been foreseen, but they were able to hold their position on the island for most of the fight. In the end, both sides had ended up retreating as they both realized that throwing an immense amount of resources into one small battle was illogical.

So the fight had ended in a stalemate, but that was not what had Hux furious.

There'd been sightings of Ren helping a Resistance fighter and that desert bitch he was supposed to kill. He always knew Ren never had the stomach to do what needed to be done. If history was a lesson, it taught to never trust a Skywalker. In the end, they always betrayed you.

It irritated Hux that the Supreme Leader had given Kylo Ren so much power and authority in the First Order. He was to treat Ren as an equal? He'd studied and worked hard his whole life to become a general and what had Ren done? Killed a bunch of Jedi and forsook his family name. That boy knew nothing of leadership and sacrifice and yet, Ren was the one who was favored by Leader Snoke.

All throughout his youth, Armitage had struggled to be taken seriously. His father sneered down upon him for his sickly looking complexion and lanky body, wishing he had a son built more like a soldier. Hux had never been physically strong, but he always made up for it with his intellect and ruthlessness. Now, he was one of the most powerful persons in the First Order, proving to all his past tormentors that he'd amounted to something great in the end.

Hux had always viewed Ren as one of those asinine kids he'd grown up with, for that boy never knew the true meaning of struggle and earning what you rightfully deserved. Ren hadn't merited a place as Hux's equal, and he never would.

Especially now, seeing how the man was a traitor.

Hux didn't tolerate traitors.

His heels clipped against the onyx floor as he strode into the small atrium, nerves rising, preparing himself to talk with Leader Snoke. After the field reports had been sent to the Supreme Leader, a message had been received that he was to talk with Hux immediately.

A hologram appeared of the esteemed leader, but instead of it being blown up in size like it was on Starkiller, it held the actual dimensions of the eight foot man.

"General. The reports of the events on the island are most unfortunate." Hux stood silent, waiting for Leader Snoke to elaborate. "But it is not impossible to fix the situation. I need Kylo Ren found and brought directly to me.

Hux grimaced. "Supreme Leader, wouldn't it be easier just to kill him? He betrayed the First Order. He can never be trusted again." If only Ren's knights had betrayed him like Hux had told them to, then the bastard would be dead.

"When I finish with him, thoughts of betrayal will never cross his mind again. I'll personally extinguish whatever remains of that weak boy and refine Kylo Ren into a perfect weapon. What have you been doing to locate him?" Leader Snoke eyed the red headed man intently.

"We have hired dozens of bounty hunters and thousands of stormtroopers and spies searching the galaxy." Hux hesitated, swallowing. "However, it might prove to be difficult to find him since we have no holopics of his true face in the archives." At the last statement, Hux couldn't hide his embarrassment. He'd gone to great lengths to have Ren monitored as much as possible, and the guy had still found a way to erase any record of himself without being detected.

"No holopics?"

"It would appear someone went through the archives and erased them." Hux inwardly cursed at Ren. "But we've given everyone his description, and the scar on his face will surely make him stick out." Leader Snoke slammed a hand against his chair, the sound reverberating in the dark atrium. Hux flinched, sweat starting to bead on his forehead.

"Find him and apprehend him alive. By any means necessary. Kylo Ren is essential to my plans." Hux could sense that the Supreme Leaders plans for Ren seemed to be of a more personal nature, which made him curious.

"And what should we do if we find the girl?" The Supreme Leader's deformed face took on a sinister expression.

"Kill her; preferably in front of him. He needs to watch her die. He needs to learn that compassion is only but a weakness."

Hux couldn't agree more.

He bowed his head. "Yes, Supreme Leader."

"Now, about this island. Were there any reports about a sighting of a massive tree? It would have three large branches jutting out from its base."

 _What does a tree have to do with anything?_

"Uh, not that I'm aware of, but I can look into it."

"Find out immediately. And if there is such a tree, I need you to send men back to the island and have it destroyed." Sending men back to the planet would be suicide, but Hux was not one to question orders.

If the Supreme Leader wanted a mere tree destroyed, he would make it happen.

()()()()()

Rey watched from the chilly balcony as Han walked out onto the mesh metal bridge. The small amount of light from the outside illuminated the smuggler and the dark figure below. She listened as Han pleaded to see the face of his son, the monster, Kylo Ren, to take of his mask.

He complied.

The scene shifted in a swirl of macabre colors. The chaos formed into a clear picture, but now, she was standing on the bridge, not in her own body.

She was Han.

Her lips started to move, but his voice was the one who spoke.

"My son is alive."

"No. The Supreme leader is wise." Han walked slowly towards his son, his eyes never leaving the man before him.

"Snoke is using you for your power. When he gets what he wants, he'll crush you." Ben took a step back, looking at his father apprehensively. "You know it's true."

Ben blinked, the mask of defiance shifting to sorrow. "It's too late," his voice cracked.

"No, it's not. Leave here with me. Come home. We miss you."

Ben's bottom lip quivered, his eyes roaming over Han's face. "I'm being torn apart." Tears spilled over onto his cheeks as he spoke. Han's heart broke at seeing the anguish that was so evident in his son's face. "I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it." Ben's voice wavered as he tried to hold back his cries. "Will you help me?"

"Yes. Anything." Han stepped closer to his son, wanting to desperately help him.

Ben glanced down, dropping his helmet to the bridge. He unclasped the saber, holding it out to his father. Excitement coursed through Han; he was going to get his son back. He was going to start being the father he always should've been and save his son from this wicked existence.

Night fell upon the planet and the red lights illuminated Ben's face. Han watched as a vile darkness seeped its way into Ben's eyes, making his son look like a stranger. This man, standing before him, was not his son. He tried to pull the lightsaber to him, but Ben subtly fought him for control. In that moment, the risk Han had taken by stepping out onto the catwalk was about to come true: his son was going to kill him.

The red blade ignited, impaling him just below his heart. The heat and pressure from the blade overwhelmed his senses, but he kept his gaze on his eager son. He faintly heard Chewie roar in the background, and the reality of him never saying goodbye to his friend tore at his many regrets.

His son jammed the blade further through his chest and he gasped in pain. Ben was breathing hard as he looked into his eyes. "Thank you." The blade was pulled away, and Han just stood there in shock, gazing at his lost son.

His son.

His only child, his legacy.

When he was born, Han had been so mesmerized by how faultless and innocent Ben had appeared. He thought back to when Ben would take naps in between him and Leia, how they would watch him sleep peacefully, all curled up and warm. Han would stroke his soft baby skin and marvel that he could love something so small with so much of his heart. With guidance and care, Han planned on showing his son the wonders of the galaxy. He would teach Ben how to fly, never letting him fall or get hurt in the process. They would go on so many adventures together, as father and son, just the two of them.

But his son was truly gone now, and Han could not change the past.

He lifted his hand, stroking his son's emotionless face. The skin was rougher now from age, yet also familiar. But the eyes, those had changed. They were bottomless pools of darkness and even though it was futile, Han still searched for the bottom. There was an abundance of sorrow swimming behind the surface, and he wanted, needed to do something to help him.

But his time was up.

His son would never accept help from anyone. There was too much fierceness and pride in those eyes.

Too much hurt.

Han knew he was equally responsible for creating both the flesh and the monster Ben had been molded into. Fear of his son's abilities had driven him away, and now he'll never be able to right that wrong. He had failed at his duty of protecting his son, and now him and the galaxy were going to pay for it. But in this intimate moment, Han forgave him, and he hoped one day, Ben could forgive himself. Save himself.

Han teetered and fell back, plummeting down into the abyss of light.

 _Leia…_

Rey shot up, hitting her head on bunk above her. She cursed and rubbed her forehead, trying to alleviate the sharp pain. Her eyes scanned the dimly lit quarters, not recognizing where she was.

Swinging her legs over the bed's edge, she let the limbs hang there as she reviewed the nightmare. Seeing Han's death on Starkiller had been crushing, but living it like she actually was Han terrified her. Han's desperation to save his son had been so overwhelming, his failure to save him so palpable. Her eyes stung with unshed tears, recalling how Han realized that Ben was going to kill him in the end.

Was the dream real?

Initially, Rey viewed the iteraction from high above on the balcony, not hearing much of what was being said between father and son once they got close to each other. Somehow, she could feel that everything that had been said in the dream was what really transpired. Ben had cried on that bridge and had faltered in his resolve, but had killed his father anyway. That last look he'd given Han, that void expression, was going to plague her mind.

How someone could kill their parent and look like that was beyond her comprehension.

The nightmare had really shaken her, and she had this innate feeling to get as far away from this ship as fast as possible. What was she doing? How could she actually be here right now, with that monster on board?

 _You know there's still good in him. Han would want his son to be saved, and you can help make that happen_ , she told herself. Her erratic breathing slowed as she rubbed her neck, kneading the tension out of her body.

She should try to give Han the one thing he'd wanted in the end: for his son to come back.

Her mind brought up the memories from the beach on Ahch-To. Ben had fallen apart right in front her, sobbing and begging her to not be afraid of him. Every particle in her body felt so connected to him, that she was ashamed for even entertaining the thought of leaving moments ago. Deep down, she could still feel the resentment she was harboring against Ben for taking Han away from her. The intense events on the island had masked her feelings, not letting her have a moment to think over her actions.

Hopefully with time, she could learn to forgive him, just as Han had done.

She glanced down to the floor, her eyes catching something off to the right: A glass of water, a loaf of bread, and some sort of dehydrated meat on a plate. Her body lunged toward the sustenance and she gulped down the huge glass of water. Water spilled from the sides of her mouth as her throat was soothed by the cool liquid. She gasped for air as she proceeded to shove the bread between her teeth, her body quickly absorbing the nutrients, giving her muscles much needed strength.

And then she stopped chewing. Her midsection stung, and she remembered...

She twisted her torso around, feeling mildly sore. Her eyes turned down at her bare stomach, seeing a pink line across the skin. Faint bruising covered her left rib-cage, but the pain that had been there before was mostly gone now. She brought the bread back up to her mouth and took a bite, but none of the enthusiasm from before was in it.

Ben had given her these wounds, and Ben had been the one to heal them before coaxing her to sleep.

Her vision lifted to the nightstand, seeing neatly folded clothes and a note on top. She grabbed the piece of paper and quickly read the short message.

 _ **I thought you might want a new pair of clothes. Unfortunately, I only have my attire to offer. I apologize for having nothing in your size on board. I hope these work for you.**_

A huge grin stretched up to her ears as she read the note again and traced the elegant penmanship with her fingers. Ben had gone out of his way to find her something to wear and bring her food. His consideration made her feel weird, but in a good way that made her giddy. This was the man she wanted to know better and she hoped he would let her.

 _Will I ever be able to look past all the things he has done, though?_

Finishing the snack, she grabbed the clothes and headed to the refresher located between the living quarters. She couldn't contain her excitement at the prospect of taking a shower, for she'd only recently started to experience the luxury. The hot water soothed her sore muscles and she watched the dark water swirl down into the drain as she cleaned herself off with the aromatic soap.

Once done, she found a brush in the cabinet below the sink and used it to get the many tangles out of her fine hair. A tiny laugh resonated in the small bathroom as she dried her hair further with a fluffy towel. She shouldn't feel this happy and content, not after everything that had happened. But if she didn't take pleasure in the small things, the bigger problems would weigh her down into depression. Jakku taught her that.

Rifling through the drawers some more, she found a toothbrush and proceeded to clean her mouth over the next five minutes, scrubbing her enamel till they glistened. Every single part of her felt so clean, and she loved feeling this new and raw.

It was addicting.

The clothes were indeed big, engulfing her average womanly frame in the short sleeved black shirt and black trousers. She rolled up the pants so she could actually walk, and tied the side of the trousers into a knot to tighten around her waist. She then slipped on the socks on and exited the cleaning room, feeling rejuvenated.

But that lingered in the back of her mind, giving her a sense of reality.

The ship was quiet as she walked into the lounge. She scanned the room, seeing no one. A clanging noise came from what she assumed was the galley entrance, and her feet guided her across the silent common area.

Ben faced away from her, looking down at whatever task he was performing on the counter. His hair had that familiar wave to it, the raven locks hitting just at the nape of his neck. The dark grey shirt hung loosely from his body, as did his black pants. Black socks covered his sizeable feet, making him look so… normal.

 _If only he was normal_ , Rey thought.

"Did you eat the food I left in your room?" He turned around as he brought a mug up to his lips. Her eyes widened when she saw his face. In that moment, appearing so normal and relaxed, he looked so much like his father. Her heart started to race as she remembered the dream, but the man standing before her wasn't the same one from her nightmare. That monster was in there, though, waiting to get out.

 _What if I get in his way when he does_?

"I wouldn't hurt you," he said softly. Her back straightened and Ben set the mug on the counter behind him. She'd forgotten that he could read her quite easily.

"I... had a nightmare."

Ben sighed, glancing away from her.

"I know."

"Do you know what it is I dreamed about?"

He curtly nodded as he leaned back against the counter, hands gripping the edge.

"So, you know how I felt when I woke up." _Please say no..._

Another nod.

Rey twisted her fingers together and chewed at her bottom lip. She felt like she'd been caught lying, and felt guilty for considering to leave. "Don't feel guilty for thinking that," Ren brusquely instructed, raising his eyes and peering at her through his unkempt hair. "You can leave if that is what you want. I won't keep you here."

"Could you stop reading my thoughts so easily?" she snapped at him. "It feels intrusive." It bothered Rey that she didn't have the privacy of her own mind.

"I apologize." He swept his hair from his face and resumed his open position of keeping his hands on the counter. "It's difficult for me not to read your thoughts. But I'll try to give you the privacy you wish."

"Yeah... why is that? How is it we can feel each others emotions so easily?" She watched as Ben eyed her up and down, probably thinking about how ridiculous she looked in his oversized clothing. But his eyes were not filled with amusement. Something else was there in his gaze, something she was not familiar with. His cheeks started to blush and he crossed his legs while still leaning against the counter.

He cleared his throat and refocused his stare.

"Well, have you ever heard of a Force bond before?" Rey shook her head, looking perplexed at the unknown term.

"So... a Force bond is a connection two Force sensitive people can make between each other. Through that connection, you can feel your counterpart's emotions and draw upon the other person's strength. You can even speak telepathically to the other person, if the bond becomes deeply rooted enough."

"...Okay." Rey scrunched her eyebrows together as she thought over what Ben was explaining. "And we have this Force connection thing?"

"Yes."

Jaw slackening, her eyes blinked rapidly as she tried to form a sentence. "When did this happen? How?"

Ben brushed his hair back, fully revealing his adorably big ears. But Rey couldn't dwell on that detail now. Her heart was racing from their current conversation and she needed to focus on the subject at hand.

"I've been trying to figure that out, actually. My best guess would be it happened when I was interrogating you on Starkiller base."

Her eyes pinched. "When you were in my mind, you mean."

Ben shifted, looking uncomfortable that they were talking so openly about that moment. He'd been a completely different person then, overconfident and broody. Rey had feared that man.

"Well, I hit some sort of barrier in your memories and I couldn't get passed it. Then you pushed yourself into my mind, creating this tether between us."

"And you didn't realize what just happened?" _Surely, he had to have sensed something. He has so much more training with this stuff than I do!_

He shook his head and cleared his throat. "No, but looking back, the signs were there. How do you think I found you and the stormtrooper so quickly in the snow?" Rey had never thought about that… "I somehow just knew where you'd be."

Rey curled a piece of hair behind her ear. "Okay... so how do we get rid of this bond?"

For a short second, he sent her a pained gaze before breaking eye contact. His chin lowered, shoulders slumping as rolled his jaw. "You can't," he finally said with a hint of bitterness. "Once it's been forged, the only thing that can break it is death."

This was a lot for Rey to take in. She wanted to lash out and argue that they didn't have a connection between the two of them, but she knew she would just be denying the obvious. The dreams they'd shared, the emotions they could sense from one another, it was all starting to make sense. Who would want something like this with someone?

But as she scrutinized Ben, she could see that he did. He wanted a connection; someone to relate to. So did she, but did it have to come at the cost of being so intertwined with someone else's feelings and thoughts? She didn't even know how to properly interact with people.

She walked over to Ben, leaning against the counter next to him. "Looks like you're stuck with me then," she said playfully, giving him a small smile to help alleviate the tension. He relaxed somewhat, but was still tense, not matching her smile. "How strong do you think this bond is between us?"

"Honestly? Very strong." He shrugged. "I've never felt this connected to another person before."

Neither had she, but its not like there were a lot of people in her life.

"What would happen to me if you died. Hypothetically speaking," she added.

Ben hesitated. "Not many Force bonds have been recorded, and out of those that I've read, only a handful seem to be like ours." He was skirting around her question so he wouldn't have to lie, which annoyed her.

"Just spit it out. What would happen to me?" Rey preferred him to get straight to the point.

His eyes lifted to the light above them as he took in a stiff breath. "You would feel like you've lost a part of yourself and, in truth, you would have. The rest of your life would revolve around searching for something you know you'll never find. It'll drive you to the edges of sanity, until you finally take the plunge into the depths of your own madness. Some of the accounts ended with the one still alive killing themselves, just so they could be free from the prison of their own mind."

 _Dear… god_.

Rey stared at Ben's sorrowful face, her eyes widening in horror from what he just conveyed to her. To have her mind rely so much on whether or not Ben lived was jarring to contemplate. She didn't like relying on other people, especially for her sanity. Feeling this close to him was going to come at a cost, and she had no choice but to pay it. Maybe she wouldn't mind this connection with Ben as much if she had a choice in the matter, but her inexperience with the Force had unintentionally taken away her free will.

While listening to his lesson about her sanity, something else had caught her notice that had nothing to do with mortality.

She thought herself ridiculous, but she couldn't stop from thinking that Ben was the most articulate person she'd ever met. Comparing her verbalizing skills to his, she must sound like an idiot. The man was clearly highly educated and smart, and here she was, a self-taught desert scavenger who never attended school. For the first time, she felt self-conscious about her level of intelligence.

 _Don't do that to yourself. You're a strong enough person who had to discipline and motivate yourself into learning everything you could._ As she tried to lift her spirits, some part of her still felt small and inadequate.

Stars, she needed to get a grip on her self-worth.

Ben was glancing everywhere except at her, and the silence between them was starting to grate her nerves. "You know," she paused momentarily, her mind grasping for the right words, "has anyone ever told you that you speak very eloquently?" His eyes bulged outward as he slowly craned his neck, shifting his shocked face down to her.

"I just told you that you'd lose your mind if I died, and you comment on how I described it to you?" Maybe she'd already gone crazy, cause he sure was looking at her like she did.

She shrugged and slyly went after his mug behind him, trying to lighten the depressing mood. "Then how about we both not die anytime soon. Sounds like a good plan to me." Really, she just didn't want to think about it anymore. Her intellect and quick wit were one of the most valuable possessions she had, and she didn't like to ponder over the possibility that she could lose it over something as simple as death.

The mug came to her lips and the warm liquid slid over her tongue. A shock-wave went through her body, and she gasped after she gulped down the small sip. "Whoa. This isn't t caf. What is this?" Rey had no words to describe what she'd just tasted. It was the most delicious flavor to have ever touched her taste buds and she could feel her insides start to tingle from gratification.

"It's hot chocolate." Ben eyed her curiously. "Have you never tasted it before?"

"This is chocolate?" In her books she'd read about the delectable treat that was chocolate, but her imagination had never done the sweet treat justice. Here, in her hands, was chocolate. Before it could disappear, Rey gulped down the rest of the beverage. She licked her lips when she was done, relishing in the way it made her feel.

A laugh escaped her lips, soon becoming hysterical. The giddiness was abrupt, but she didn't care if Ben thought her strange.

As tears formed at the sides of her eyes, Ben watched her, amused by her reaction. "I feel like I've only just started to live," she admitted, wiping at the tears. "I recently saw the ocean for the first time, and now I have tried chocolate! I need to see what else is out there." Her laughs subsided, the moment coming down into something more serious. Ben's was staring at her intensely, and Rey held her hazel eyes against his, feeling herself warming up from the inside.

This time, it wasn't from the hot chocolate.

"I can show you what else is out there," he spoke deeply. "You can live a thousand different lives; see hundreds of setting suns. If you let me, I can take you wherever you want to go." That was the most perfect thing anyone had ever said to her. She looked at him, black eyes drilling into hers. She couldn't help but think how she'd never seen such dark eyes that held so much light within them.

This man wanted to show her the galaxy, the very thing she'd always dreamed of doing since she was a little girl.

Her hand moved to rest on top of his, his thumb immediately starting to caress the side of her palm. "I wouldn't want to experience those things with anyone else... but you."

It was a crazy thing to say to a person she barely knew, but in the here and now, she didn't belong to herself. A small part of her belonged to him, just as he belonged to her. She would never be able to take that part of her soul back, and she found herself not wanting to.

Her life was hers for the taking, and she wanted Ben to be in it.

 **Where oh where is Leia! Of course the Resistance is going to jump to the conclusion that Ren took her, but we know that he has no idea what is going on with his mother. So who do you think snatched her? How do you like the story thus far? And in The Force Awakens novel, Ren does speak up against the destruction of the Hosnian system, he just gives up pretty quickly and stays silent.**

 **Now, up ahead, we have some more Rey and Ren interactions as they get to know each other better. Maybe you will find out about Leia as well... I am trying to update a chapter or two a week so follow and fave the story so you can get the update alerts! Thanks for reading!** **Please leave a review! I always appreciate hearing from all of you!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Wow you guys! I received eight reviews since the last time I updated and I have to say thank you so much! It was overwhelming to see your comments and I'm glad you're all enjoying the story! Having some of you call the chapters "beautiful" made me get emotional. nelsonstewarta: I feel like the story is getting better with time as well. I feel like I am getting into my writing groove and I'm excited to write some more chapters! aparrot: I wanted Rey to see Han's death either through Han or Kylo and I decided to go with Han so Rey could experience seeing Ren up close when he kills his father. She was so high up on that balcony that she probably didn't get to hear much of what was going on between the two men once they started talking up close. I'm happy you liked it! sona: OMG I love it to! What's funny is that when I reread chapter 14 after its first draft, I realized the similarities between Aladdin wanting to show Jasmine the world and Ren saying something along the same lines to Rey. That was not intentional, but I loved that line so much that I kept it in the chapter. HogwartsIsOurHome: Thank you for the kind compliment! I am very eager to write more chapters! And I love your profile name. LadyMeraxes: I was afraid people would find the story to be too slow, but I am relieved you are enjoying the slow build between Rey and Kylo. I really tried to get a sense of the characters before writing so they could have character development that feels natural. Natalie-S-246: I love you and you're amazing for reading this story! :) I get giddy thinking about where the story is headed and then wish it was already written so I could read it and enjoy it myself. lol. MaelsiC: Yeah! You binge read the story! And I promise there is more to come!**

 **Now, onto the chapter! I hope you guys enjoy!**

 **I do not own Star Wars.**

Chapter 15

Ren was looking down at Rey, completely lost in the moment.

 _Who am I?_

As he was being drawn more and more into her warm gaze, he felt something foreign tightening in his stomach. His thumb wouldn't stop caressing the side of her palm, and he found himself wanting to touch more of her skin. To _see_ more of it.

There was a possessiveness that had come over him from seeing her in his clothes, and he couldn't prevent himself from picturing his fingers catching onto the dark fabric, slowly undressing her. Everything about her was perfect to him: her light, her velvet wavy hair, the curve of her neck...

His breathing hitched as he wrangled in his attraction. He was being overwhelmed by the exact emotion he'd been suppressing for almost two decades:

Desire.

Pulling his hand away, Ren took a curt step back, watching her face become a mixture of hurt and confusion.

"Are you alright?" she inquired, reaching out to him.

Ren retreated from her touch. With accelerated progression, he was losing the sense of who he was in her presence, and it was being replaced by… he didn't know what. Lust was a feeling he'd always kept under control, but now, it was being blended with an emotion that was amplifying it.

Even when he was Ben, he never felt this way.

Ever.

He was absolutely petrified and his face must have shown it since Rey slowly advanced toward him, the wrinkling of her brow displaying her concern. With raised hands, she neared him in a defenseless manner, as if she'd come upon a cornered and frightened cherfer.

"Ben."

His demeanor hardened upon hearing his past name.

"You need to stop calling me that." His voice was low and discordant, making Rey stop herself a few feet from him. For the briefest of moments, fear shimmered across her features, but then she hardened her stare. He was trying to stop himself from being harsh with her, but he just couldn't. This was his involuntary defense mechanism to feeling fear.

"And what should I call you? Kylo Ren?" She held her chin up, refusing to back down from his sudden change in mood. "I can tell you right now that you will never hear me address you by that name. So, _you_ just need to accept it."

" _You_ need to understand that I am not Ben anymore," he bit back.

Rey threw her arms in the air out of frustration. "Then who are you?! And if you say Kylo Ren, I am _gone_." Her hand quickly sliced through the air as he felt his heart skip a beat. "The Force bond between us can be damned, cause I'm not going to be tied to a monster. You need to decide what you are doing here. I know where I stand. I told you I would leave with you and I sure as hell meant it, but I want to make one thing absolutely clear: If you revert back to who you were, I will have no choice but to stop you from hurting innocent people."

Ren arched an eyebrow. "I thought you said you were incapable of killing me?"

Her eyes were daggers upon him. "If my hand was forced, I would. Don't think for one second that I would allow you to hurt or kill someone in front of me." Her chest almost touched his torso as she closed the proximity between them.

"I'll just have to murder someone when you are unaware," he sneered.

Her hands shoved at his chest, sending him tumbling into the wall behind. He regained his balance quickly as he watched Rey fume.

 _That girl is deceivingly strong…_

"Why can't you be a good person?!" The scream reverberated through the galley and lounge, echoing off the ship walls.

"When people see good, they expect good." He seethed between clenched teeth. "And I don't want to live up to anyone's expectations."

"You say that like being a good person is difficult," she countered. "It's not!"

"That is an extremely naïve thing to say!" The anger and frustration came booming out of his voice before he could stop it. Wide eyed, Rey froze, not being able to look away from his twisted face. "Now, let _me_ take a turn to make something clear to _you_. I am a monster because I want to be. I chose to live in the dark and forsake the light so I could accomplish my own goals." His breathing was ragged and heavy, but he didn't try to calm himself.

"I have betrayed, killed, and tortured so many people that I don't even remember their faces anymore. Those kinds of worthless beings are cheap and mass produced, weak and undeserving of living in an organized society. Killing them was no worse then putting down a crazed dog. And I enjoyed every minute of it." Rey crossed her arms, keeping her body firmly in place. His confession didn't have the intended effect of frightening her, and that irked him.

 _Stop doing this. Stop trying to push her away_ , a weak voice inside his head plead.

"I thought you didn't lie."

His eyes narrowed as he attempted to read her thoughts, but she was successfully blocking him. As usual, her fast learning capabilities were proving to be incredibly sufficient.

"I don't."

"Are you then telling me that your own father was a rabid dog in need of killing? That you enjoyed murdering him?"

A sudden coldness hit at his core, his muscles tightening as his neck straightened. Ren was so taken aback by her statement that he didn't know how to immediately react. Her anger over the circumstances of Han's death was evident all over her face, and he was an idiot to think that for one second she would actually want to stay with him. She said she would, but below the surface, she must not want to.

He knew he deserved her anger and disgust, but Rey's words made him unwillingly seethe.

Waves of regret washed off of her, the lines of her face contorting in shame. Ren stalked forward, his whole body shaking with unmitigated adrenaline, his lips curled back into a snarl. "Get off my ship." Venom dripped off of his words, but before he could see her reaction, he'd already left the galley. As he crossed the lounge, his head reflexively snapped to the right.

Sitting at the table, with a smug look on his face, was the pilot.

"Ben!" Rey ran out into the room, lurching to stop once catching sight of Poe.

His fingers tapped against the metal top in quick succession. "For a second there, I thought I would have to come in there and break you two apart before you killed each other." Ren didn't respond to the pilot, and neither did Rey. He should've been shocked to have had their argument overheard, but all he felt was annoyance that he hadn't been aware of the eavesdroppers presence in the first place. His anger must have clouded his ability to sense him. "Now that we're all in the same room, there are some things we need to discuss. Unless you two aren't done yelling yet."

"I'm done talking to you self-righteous people." Ren resumed his way to the door.

"We need to contact the Resistance." That caught his attention. Kylo rubbed his face, aggravated that he kept going from one problem to another. "I was waiting for Rey to wake so we could contact them together. Oh, and I fixed the fuel leak. You're welcome."

Ren glanced to Rey. She was frantically looking between the two men while Ren waited for her to verbalize what she wanted to do. A part of him was tempted to throw himself at her feet, beg her to stay, tell her he would do anything if she just didn't leave. But his pride would not allow him to acquiesce to such a pathetic display.

He'd told her to leave. He needed to stick by his request.

Rey's stare lingered on the pilot, Poe starting to look at her in confusion. Her eyes snapped to Ren. "I'm not going back to the Resistance. I won't leave you."

Mouth slackened, Ren's face lost all its strain. This girl, this stubborn woman who had relived the moment he'd killed his father, who had stood her ground as he treated her harshly only just a moment ago... was going to stay. It wasn't logical.

"What?" Poe sprang to his feet. "Rey, you can't stay here. With him!" Ren and Rey were sill gazing at each other, not paying Poe any heed. She opened herself to him, a flood of her remorse washing into his well of emotions. She was sorry for what she'd said about his father, for she had already known just how much he died inside every time he thought about it.

"Hello?" Poe spoke, waving his hands.

Ren reluctantly ripped his eyes from Rey, turning his awareness to the confounded pilot.

"Poe, you can contact the Resistance after Ben and I are gone. I can't risk them catching him," she said evenly.

Poe scoffed. "Are you kidding me? He's a criminal! He murdered–"

"You don't have to remind me of all the things he's done." She took a deep breath. "I know you are confused, but I know what I'm doing."

"Do you?" Poe challenged. "Because no sane person would make a decision like this."

"Then maybe I'm not sane, but I think the Force is trying to tell me that my destiny is somehow intertwined with Ben's." Poe turned away, shaking his head as he pulled at his hair.

"Poe," Rey said softly, hesitantly walking to the pilot as he pivoted back around. "Have you ever had a feeling that you were meant for something more, that something was calling out to you, but you didn't know what it was?" The pilot remained silent, but from his solemn expression, he seemed to understand what Rey was trying to convey to him. "I have felt that way my whole life. I would sit on the desert sand and look up at the stars, knowing I was supposed to be out there. I could feel someone trying to draw me away from wasting my life on Jakku, but I was too afraid to find them. I let my naïve hope of seeing my family again stop me from living."

The pilot wanted to trust her, but his uncertainty was stopping him from doing so. "When I learned about the Jedi and Luke, I thought that was the path I'd always been seeking. But even while I trained, I still felt like I was lost. But when Ben finally found me on the island, everything fell into place. My path and his are the same, and whatever comes our way, we need to face it together. As equals. That is my destiny, and nothing will change it."

Ren stood there, completely captivated by the sheer conviction behind Rey's words. Even the pilot was speechless, looking at the girl in defeat. He shook his head in disbelief, averting his eyes down to the floor. It seemed he was about to say something, but he turned away and left the lounge, not looking back at the two of them.

He felt her mood sadden over the need for someone– other than the two of them– to understand why she didn't want to leave him. Years ago, he'd stopped caring what other people thought of him in order to guard himself from feeling like a huge failure. Rey was still quite knew to the whole concept of having caring people in her life, and he could sense her worry over how they would judge her for embracing a destiny they could not understand.

Ren reached out to Poe's thoughts, trying to get an idea as to what the pilot was thinking. "He's trying to decide whether to stay, or to leave you. But he won't contact the Resistance till you tell him to." The pilot trusted her, at least.

Rey remained motionless, showing no sign of having heard him. Comforting others wasn't an area Ren knew well, but he had an undeniable craving to see her smile. To be happy.

He should make amends for how he acted in the galley.

"Rey?" She turned, lifting her melancholy eyes to his. "May I show you something?" Perplexed, she nodded, and he motioned for her to follow. After stopping by the rooms for their boots, he led her to the cargo bay and initiated the ramp to be lowered. The warm air of the planet brushed across his skin as he and Rey made their way down the exit.

"What is this?" she asked, reaching out as if she could catch the atmosphere. "I've never felt this before." Upon stepping off the ramp, Ren watched her face fill with wonder. It was still dark out, with only a minuscule amount of light starting to show from the rising sun. Thick green vines hung down from the lush branches above, bushes covering the white, sandy ground beneath them. She walked to one of the random trees, twirling and waving her arms against all the vines.

"It's called humidity," he explained, his heartbeat quickening. "Higher levels of water vapor accumulate in tropical environments."

"Tropical? Are we near an ocean?" Her beaming face was infectious, and he couldn't stop a wide grin from commandeering his usual stoic jaw.

He nodded. "Follow me and I can show you." He made a pathway through the thick foliage as the sound of the soft ocean waves came to his ears. He needed to see Rey take in the breathtaking view of the sunrise over the sea. When she had tasted the hot chocolate, he knew he had to be with her whenever she experienced anything for the first time.

They walked out of the vegetation as their boots hit the compactness of the shoreline.

The sun was already peaking out from the horizon as the beginning orange and red hues skirted across the rippling expanse of water, a blush of scarlet likened unto that of barabel fruit. Pure, white sand covered the peaceful beach, contrasting beautifully against the green tree line.

He could feel the amazement and awe emanating from Rey, and he allowed himself to get lost in her experience. How blind has he become to these little glimpses of beauty? Since he's acclimated himself to living in the shadows, torturing himself for a purpose. For once, Ren was content with not wearing his mask, for it would have distorted the view before him.

Rey fell to her knees, her hands covering her mouth. Unblinkingly, she absorbed the scenery through her overwhelmed eyes. Ren sat beside her, legs crossed and not saying a word. He didn't want to ruin this moment for her, or for him. All he wanted to do was to look at her, to memorize every single emotion that came across her sun kissed face. The sunrise was no doubt beautiful, but Rey looked absolutely stunning in the morning light, her wavy hair shimmering against the rays as Ren wondered what his fingers would feel as he combed them through those brown tresses.

But he just basked in her youthful innocence, rubbing his hands together, imagining.

"Rey." Her name humbly left his lips.

"Yes?" Her response was barely above a whisper as she kept her eyes on the dawn.

"How old are you?" Her stare didn't waver, and he questioned if she even heard him at all.

"Nineteen," she finally responded.

He clenched his teeth together and looked down at the small patch of sand between them. He'd been hoping she was older.

"How old are you?" He could feel her eyes on him now, but he didn't look up or respond. "Should I guess?" she asked playfully. He shrugged.

"Hmmmm… Twenty-two?" He shook his head as he glanced back up at her. He must not have told her he was twenty-three when he'd left his uncle, for if she knew, she could have easily calculated his age.

"I'm twenty-nine."

The smile she'd been sporting left her lips, replaced with astonishment. "You're twenty-nine? You're ten years older than me?"

 _Just like my parents…_

He shifted his view to the glowing horizon. "It would seem that way." Really, it was ridiculous for him to feel uneasy about her age. She was an adult and it's not like anything had happened between them, nor would it ever. All he's done was think about her in an inappropriate way, which made him feel like he had wronged her somehow.

"Why are you feeling uncomfortable?" she asked, sensing it.

"You're just… younger than I thought you would be."

"Well, you're older than I thought and I'm fine with it." She paused, studying his face as he watched the small waves roll onto the sand. "What? Do you view me as a child now?" _No, and that's the problem_. He viewed her as, very much, a woman. "Can we not be friends because of our age difference?" A hint of sarcasm seeped through her words as she tried to lighten the mood, but her undertone was serious.

At hearing the word "friend", his heart skipped a beat. "You... want to be my friend?"

A friend was such a foreign concept to him. It would help if he had one while growing up, but he didn't.

He found himself feeling grateful for her, and he tensed at the feeling.

"Yes. And I very much want you to be mine."

 _Friends. She wants me to be her friend_. He had no idea how to be one of those, and he was afraid he'd be awful at it.

From the outside, the conversation probably sounded childish, but Ren was an adult and he was taking Rey's request very seriously. His throat involuntarily constricted and he didn't want to answer her for fear of sounding emotional over something so simple.

She twisted on her knees, situating herself directly in his line of vision. As he focused on her, he could feel the buzzing of their bond as it became electric. They were having another moment, like the one in the galley, but this time Ren didn't back away. "Ben?" He could sense her concern over the possibility of him refusing her, which was ridiculous for her to even entertain.

Ren knew he would never deny her anything.

He exhaled long and peacefully. "I've never had a friend," he admitted timidly, "and I might not be good at it... but I will endeavor to be yours."

()()()()()

Rey observed Ben's desolate face and she failed to prevent herself from feeling pity for him. _Never had a friend…_ The more she learned about his life, the more it became clear as to how he'd fallen so deep into the shadows.

 _Maybe he just needs someone to believe in him._

She lifted her hand, wiggling her fingers. "I can count the number of friends I have on one hand, so I'm very much a novice to the whole concept as well. But, I'm sure we can figure it out together."

A small smile touched his face as he nodded in agreement. "Together," he agreed quietly.

They stared at each other for a few moments, allowing the fact that they could now label what was between them sink into their thoughts.

The Rey bit at her lip, glancing to the foliage behind him. "Look, Ben, about what happened in the galley–"

"You don't need to apologize," he interjected honestly. "I was being harsh towards you when I shouldn't have been. I'm sorry." She sat back onto her heels and rested her palms on her thighs. "I can be… a difficult person to get along with."

She snorted and chuckled as he made the most obvious statement in the universe. "I figured that out from the first time I ever met you." Images of their meeting on Takodana crossed her mind. All of that felt like it had happened a lifetime ago, when in reality, it had only been a couple weeks since that encounter.

Ben stroked his hair back, refusing to look at her again. He'd grown uncomfortable.

"You don't like when I bring up our past confrontations," Rey stated, tilting her head while observing him.

"No."

She waited for him to talk further, but he kept silent, letting the sound of the gentle breeze verbalize what he refused to. Rey hoped that as they spent more time together, he would be able to talk to her more freely. And openly.

There was still so much she wanted to know about him.

"How are you feeling?" He abruptly changed the subject, raising his head. "Your injuries–"

"I'm feeling great, actually," she exclaimed with extra pep in her tone. Ben narrowed his eyes. "Really, I am. My ribs are just a tiny bit sore, but everything else seems to have healed. You must be really gifted in Force healing."

"Quite the opposite, actually. Healing was never a strong talent of mine. I had to heal you every few hours for it to even make a difference."

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You… healed me multiple times throughout the night?" He nodded. "Did you even get any sleep?"

He shrugged, indifferent. "I slept in short bursts. I'm used to having erratic sleeping patterns."

Rey tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Well... thank you. For making me feel better."

His brows creased. "I gave you those injuries. You shouldn't be thanking me for anything."

She gave him a flat stare and smirked. "Can you just accept my gratitude instead of minimizing how you helped me?" Still, he gave no response. Rey decided to not press him any further. She needed to choose her battles with him, and she didn't want to get in an argument over something trivial.

With a deep sigh, Rey crawled back to her position next to him, relishing in watching the spectacle over the ocean.

They lost track of time as they sat on the packed sand, talking to one another. Well she did most of the talking, while he just sat there and patiently listened. She spoke mostly about the stories of her scavenging adventures on Jakku, and he seemed to be taking a genuine interest in her life. He still kept a certain part of himself closed off from her, though, and Rey wanted to know what part of him that was. Whenever he did speak, he stayed on topics that were in the present; like how she had slept for eighteen hours, and how him and Poe made an effort to stay away from each other.

Rey turned her head to the right as she suddenly heard music playing off in the distance. The island curved around in a crescent shape, and she could vaguely see the outline of buildings along the far off cliff.

"That's the city Khalon," Ben explained, following her line of sight. "Spira is a huge tourist planet, with numerous islands scattered across the waters. They all have cities just like that one." Rey stood and crept closer to the waves, trying to get a better view of the town. It was still too far away, but she could make out the music a little better.

She found herself liking the soft melody, and wishing to get closer look at the town. "Any chance we could go over there?"

Ben came up next to her, peering at the illuminated city. She wanted to observe how people lived so carefree and in such a beautiful place. Maybe she could even pretend that she was one of them….

He hesitated. "We shouldn't take the chance of being recognized. Even though I erased myself from the First Order archives, there's still a chance I could be identified."

Of course, Ben was right. To venture through the town would be foolish and could put them in danger.

 _But, the First Order doesn't know what I look like…_

()()()()()

Finn picked up his legs, increasing his momentum as he ran through the snow, darting around one of the building clusters surrounding the Resistance base. The air was chilly and the wind had picked up considerably since he first began the exercise, but he kept pushing himself well passed exhaustion. His gait was still hindered by his mild limp, but he was getting better at adjusting his movements to the temporal defect.

He collapsed onto the packed snow, laying his back on the cold ground as he gazed up at the brilliant blue sky. It had almost been a full day since the battle on the island, and he's spent most of his time since with Luke Skywalker. Listening to the Jedi Master recount what he'd witnessed between Poe, Rey, and Kylo Ren had left him with more questions than answers. Clearly, Skywalker was just as confused as he was since he couldn't come up with a logical explanation as to what had happened.

One thing they'd both agreed on, though, was that Rey would never join the First Order.

To Finn, it was absolutely impossible that Kylo had turned back to the light. Could the guy have forsaken the First Order? That was what it sounded like from all the accounts, but Finn had heard so much of the infamous Kylo Ren while being a stormtrooper that he knew something else was going on. Finn was positive that Ren had his own agenda that was separate from the First Order and the Supreme Leader, and it somehow involved Rey.

But she'd gone with him willingly, so what does that mean? All night and all morning, his mind has been on repeat as he went over all the details and all the reports. He was no closer to coming to a conclusion then he was an hour ago. He needed to find his friends, but he felt useless from not knowing where to even start his search.

He sat up, pulling at the bottom of his sweater to wipe off his drenched face. Steam rose from his heated body, and his mouth was in need of some water as he tried to swallow what little saliva he had left.

Finn had parted ways with Skywalker a few hours ago, after the Jedi Master proclaimed he was going to try meditating some more to locate the general. Leia Organa missing was a huge mess in and of its self. Her brother speculated that she was either unconscious or something was blocking her Force signature from being detected. When they'd been bouncing ideas off of each other as to who could have taken Leia, Skywalker immediately ruled out his nephew.

However, Finn was still not completely convinced.

It could also be the First Order, but Finn had brought up a good point that they would've made it immediately known that the general was their prisoner, maybe even going as far as publicly executing her by now. They could be waiting to show their hand, but Finn knew General Hux was an impatient person when it came to showing the strength of the First Order. Killing a Resistance general on the HoloNet would definitely showcase their prowess.

"Oh!" Finn jumped to his feet and spun around to face a surprised Jessika Pava. "Finn. I didn't know you were here." Her almond eyes scanned the area around them. "What are you doing all the way out here?" She walked forward, her long black hair catching in the strong wind gusts.

"I wanted to run outside with some privacy." He gave her an embarrassed grin. "Didn't want people to see how goofy I probably looked while trying to get my strength back, ya know?"

"You can barely tell you have a limp, and no one would think you look ridiculous." She walked up to him as she tried to reassure Finn that none of the members would judge him.

"But I feel ridiculous."

Jess gave him a reassuring smile as she tried to keep her hair out of her face. "Hey, since you're here, could you help me grab some stuff from inside? My sensory arrays on my ship were damaged during the fight and I need some spare parts to fix them."

"Sure."

He followed her to the front of the building and was glad to be out of the wind when he entered the junk-filled warehouse. He stood off to the side, watching Jess as she searched through numerous columns for the hardware. Mechanics was not a talent of his, so he decided to stay out of her way while she combed through everything.

"So," she said while rifling through a box full of wires on the floor. "Have you heard anything more about Poe?" Jess asked, trying to hide her nerves, but Finn could tell she was anxious by how her voice tightened.

"No. I haven't been told anything else since I talked to you last night." Her shoulders slumped, but she quickly regained her composure as she grabbed a long cord out of the box.

"You care about him, don't you?"

Jess froze and then slowly looked at Finn. He knew it probably wasn't his place to ask her such a question, but his curiosity got the best of him.

Her lips formed a shy grin as she cast her gaze down in embarrassment. "I do, but he doesn't even know I exist."

"What are you talking about? You guys are good friends." That's what Poe told Finn, anyway.

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, he technically knows I exist since we're in the same squadron, but I'm talking about... him caring for me. As more than a friend." She went to an empty box in the corner and began to fill it with her equipment.

"Why didn't you tell him this?"

A weak exhale escaped from Jess.

"I wanted to. So many times, but I always got too scared. And now, I might never get a chance to tell him." Finn could relate to how Jess felt, but he refused to let himself think that he would never see Rey again. He cared for her, more than he has for anyone else in his life. Poe was a close second and he was now missing alongside Rey. The only thing holding Finn together was being able to talk with the Jedi Master. The man seemed to be wise and confident that his two friends were fine.

Finn clung to that assurance.

"Yes, you will," Finn said sternly, taking a few steps toward her. "Rey and Poe are either going to escape, or we'll find them first. You'll get your chance, Testor."

With eyes dark like a cloud before rain, she said, "I hope so."

The Resistance was more focused on finding General Organa, which was understandable, but Finn made sure to constantly check in with one of the admirals so they wouldn't forget about Poe and Rey. All of them kept explaining that if they find the general, his two friends would be close behind since Kylo Ren took all three of them. Finn knew that was just an assumption on their part, and he decided to put his trust with Skywalker instead. He had to, or his anger would drive him to start being reckless.

"If anyone could figure their way out of a bind" Jess added, more vigor behind her voice, "it's Poe. He can get them out."

A chuckle from Finn filled the silent building. Jess looked at him questioningly. "Poe? I was thinking Rey. Seriously, she kicked Ren's ass the last they fought and she's been training as a Jedi." Finn's statement made Jess smile in the dim light. "She'll get them away from that psychopath." Jess lifted the hefty box, walking passed Finn to the table, hefting her findings on the metal slab. She then resumed her search on the other side of the room.

"Someone seriously needs to kill that guy already. You think Rey could do it?" Jess crawled half way into one of the shelves, pushing a group of radar cases out the way. Finn knew Rey wasn't a killer, but if she had to choose between Ren's life and hers, she would choose to survive.

"I think if she had no other choice, she'd kill him." _I hope…_

"You know," Jess pushed her upper body out from the plethora of gadgets, "I'm surprised you aren't at the containment center on base." A streak of oil was plastered across her cheek as she faced him.

He scrunched his forehead, perplexed. "Why would I be over there?"

"Because of all the stormtroopers they have locked up."

Finn froze, not completely understanding what she was saying.

"Stormtroopers? What are you talking about?"

"You don't know?" Finn shook his head, looking at her incredulously. "A group of stormtroopers surrendered during the battle on the island." Finn's heart started to pound in his ears as he tried to listen to Jess. "That New Republic fleet admiral is calling for their executions, but not everyone on the council is on board with that idea. I thought–"

Finn darted out of the building, not caring that he left Jess behind with all her stuff to carry. He'll apologize to her later, but right now, he needed to get to the containment center.

Finn was really growing to hate Grand Admiral Trend. That lady thought she could just waltz onto the Resistance base and take control of everything. What's worse was that no one was really trying to stop her. Admiral Ackbar and Statura were both trying to undermine her, but she outranked them, which gave the two men no power. Her only equivalent was General Organa, but she was gone and Skywalker couldn't find her.

His boots crunched against the compacted snow as he booked it toward one of the hangar bays. If he had left the First Order so he could be free, there had to be others who felt the same as him. There had to be other stormtroopers who desperately wanted to escape their slavery, and Finn would help them to do so.

 _Vassena Trend and her orders be damned.  
_

()()()()()

"Concentrate on forming a wall around your mind," Ben lectured, but not condescendingly. His tone was helpful. "Envision it. Let the Force bind the barrier together so nothing can get through."

Beads of sweat were starting to riddle Rey's forehead as Ben felt her attempts at trying to block him out. She'd yet to successfully do it.

They'd spent the majority of the day on the beach, only going aboard the ship for food and to use the refresher. He was sure his face and arms had sustained a light sunburn, but he didn't have the heart to take Rey away from a place she clearly wanted to be in.

Shortly after he'd tossed down Rey's question about visiting the city, she began to beg him to teach her some Force abilities. Specifically Force Concealment, so she could block her mind from being invaded. At first he refused her, since teaching her would involve him to break down her barriers so she could learn. It reminded him too much of the day he interrogated her on Starkiller base.

"But this is different," she had said, trying to make Ben realize that this time she was consenting to him using the Force on her. The girl was very persistent and had eventually worn down his resolve as they trekked along the beach. Hopefully she won't have this incessant need to learn anything else from him, but in the back of his mind, he knew he'd opened Rey's curiosity.

Now, sitting in the serene spot Rey had found on the beach, Ren was bombarding Rey's mind with his own. The girl was a quick study and a natural at using the Force, but he could feel her exhaustion starting to make weak spots in her barrier. Ren receded, not wanting to cause Rey any more pain from battering down her blockade.

She lifted her shirt to wipe her sweaty brow, revealing the lightsaber scar across her abdomen.

He glanced away.

"Lets go again," Rey demanded. The sun was beginning to set, signaling to Ren that they should be done for the day.

"We should start heading back to the ship before dark. I haven't seen the pilot all day, which is making me uneasy." Ren started to rise, but Rey grabbed onto his arm, pulling him back down.

Their knees touched from the close proximity.

"Poe's fine." She dismissed his concern with a lazy wave of the hand. "And you said earlier he wouldn't contact the Resistance." Rey eyed the decreasing light in the sky. "And we still have an hour of light left. I should keep practicing." She squared off at Ren, trying to hide any signs of weariness.

But he could feel how tired she was. "Rey, you're exhausted and should rest. You can practice again tomorrow."

"But... I was wanting to practice dueling with our lightsabers tomorrow." And what do you know, here Rey was, asking more from him. "You once offered to be my teacher. So, teach me." Ren rubbed his face and sighed deeply into his hands. Rey was so damn persistent and eager to learn that he was tired just from telling her no so many times. He didn't even know why he bothered resisting, since he knew he would let her get what she wanted eventually.

"What, you have something important going on tomorrow?" she asked, placing her hands on her hips.

He gave her a flat stare through his long fingers. "No." _Just trying to figure out what the hell to do with my life now…._ His hands dropped to his lap, defeated.

"Great," Rey said, perking up. "In the morning we can practice saber dueling. Then in the afternoon, we can do more mental exercises. And if there's time in the evening, you can help me with Force pushing and pulling objects. I'm glad we could come to an agreement on the schedule _."_ They eyed each other as they both refused to back down. The girl was unexpectedly bossy, but Ren discovered that he liked seeing her stand up to him. So many people would cower from his persona, but not her.

She was trying so hard to look intimidating, but watching her sit there in his oversized clothes made her look sort of ridiculous. His lips started to open into a wide grin. It spread all the way to his ears and his eyes lit up from the serene feeling bubbling up from his core. A big, boisterous laugh filled the evening air around them and it took him a moment to realize the _he_ was the one who was laughing.

"Are you laughing at me?" Rey was trying to remain serious, but failed as her own lighthearted giggle joined his.

Ren had always been a serious person. Even when he felt happy, which was rare, his face would remain immobile, sunk into the kind of foreboding you would see right before you did something regretful. But watching Rey try to order him around awoke something inside him that had long since been dead and buried: happiness. The feeling infected his cold-calculating heart, warming his cheeks and making it so he could barely breath as laugh after laugh rolled from his stomach and out of his mouth. All the anguish over the past few days melted away, creating a blessed relief from all the distress that had shoved its way into his life.

He wrapped his arms around his middle, trying to remedy the burn from the pulsating contractions. Gradually, he was able to control his breathing and calm himself, but he still clutched onto the joyous feeling like it was a lifeline.

His focus turned back to Rey and he saw her smiling as a tear rolled out of her eye. Immediately, he grew concerned and confused. "Are you alright?" His hand stretched out to wipe her tear away, but he stopped himself mere inches from her face. He needed to stop thinking that he had the right to touch her in such an intimate way.

"Your look so goofy and happy when you laugh, it made you look so young. So… alive." And he did feel alive for the first time in years. Death had been his constant companion, but now Rey was starting to take its place.

"No one has ever called me goofy before." Rey wiped her face while never taking her eyes away from his. If Ren could get his way, he would want to stay on this island and stare at her for the rest of his life. But life had always been cruel to him, and he knew such a thing was unattainable.

Her eyes grew soft as the moment lost its playfulness. "Ben?"

"Yes?" She hesitated and started to play with her fingers in her lap. Ren noticed that she would do this whenever she felt flustered.

"You know I'm not a fragile little girl, right?" Of course he knew she wasn't fragile, but it was hard to not treat her as such. "If you push me beyond my limits, I won't break. I know how to adapt; its what I've been doing my whole life. I held my own against you in the snow, remember?"

"I'll never be able to forget that." Really, he never would.

She leaned forward. "I– I need to learn more about the Force. And I want you to teach me." He was about to retort, but she cut him off. "I don't like to use this against you, but you owe it to me. You cut my training with Master Luke short." Rey was making a considerably good point. "I don't want you to show me anything that pertains to the dark side. Just teach me some fundamental things. That's all I ask." Her features were silently imploring him to accept her proposal and he could sense his apprehension growing weaker.

"Are you sure you know what you are asking?" He was in no way a gentle teacher and she needed to know that. If she wants him to push her, he would.

"Yes," she replied.

Then her first true lesson would start right now.

He drove directly into her mind without warning, causing her to slightly retreat back in pain and surprise. She grabbed her head, trying to alleviate the sudden explosion gripping her cognizance.

"Don't try to physically push me out. You need to do it from within."

She threw up her barrier, but Ren easily made it collapse. He could feel her being overwhelmed by his sudden attack, so he started to pull back a little.

"Don't you dare stop!" Her eyes shot open, looking at him with powerful conviction. "I can do this." Indeed, he knew she could do it. She'd achieved blocking him in the interrogation room, but that was under dire circumstances. A person could push themselves to great lengths when they felt threatened.

He leaned in closer, feeling her fear and desperation, but this time it was not directed at him.

She was afraid of failing.

Even though his eyes were open, it was if he stood among the morphing images of her life growing up on Jakku. She had watched, helplessly, as a fellow scavenger was being torn apart by steelpeckers. The man had unknowingly opened a hatch that lead to the vicious birds nest, and they pounced on his meaty flesh instantly. Ren felt her horror, but Rey never turned away from the grisly image. She'd watched the whole thing.

The image changed, swirling into a scene inside her AT-AT. She was younger, maybe around ten years old, curled up on the floor. Her breathing was raspy and her lips were bleeding from their dried cracks. A storm outside had her holed up in her home, and Ren could tell that she'd been stuck inside for days with no food or water. She was slowly dying.

Cold air hit him from behind, and he turned to see Rey holding his grandfathers lightsaber. She was snarling and circling a figure in the snow.

The figure was him, just after she'd slashed his face. The ground opened, tearing his past self and her apart. She ran away into the forest, bewildered and scared.

In a blink, he was now standing over a dark skinned man laying face down in the snow. It was FN-2187, and he was exactly where Ren had left him after slicing through his back. Rey ran to her friend and sunk to her knees. With tears pouring from her sullen eyes, she rested her head onto the man's jacket.

Something vibrated off to his left and he looked into the forest where Rey had just come from. He drifted closer to the noise, faintly hearing a ship land somewhere behind him. There was a dark shadow forming in between the trees, his curiosity needing to be satiated as to what it was. He tried to push through it, but it blocked him. Out of frustration, he rammed his mind against it, making it weaken.

With one final shove, the shadow burst forth into a fierce ball of light.

The brightness surrounded him, crippling him among its immense power. All too quickly, he was violently shoved into his own psyche, his eyes focusing back on reality. Rey was holding onto his arms tightly, concentrating on his face. He tossed up his own mental block, but she shattered it to pieces like it was made of thin glass.

She was mentally pushing him too far back, not knowing how to handle the sudden power flowing through her. He tried to call out, tried to yell her name, but he couldn't remember how to even form words. Speckles of black danced across his vision as his head pounded and he felt like he was going to vomit. He couldn't hold himself upright any longer, his body falling to the sand as he blacked out completely.

()()()()()

Everything around him was dark: black sky, upon a black perimeter, upon black ground. But somehow, where he stood was being lit by an indiscernible light source. He took a step, a pool of black water swishing at the ankles of his boots.

Ren whirled around. "Hello!" he called out, but received no response. His voice didn't even echo in the pit of the void.

And then he recognized where he was. He'd been stuck in here before, by his master when being taught a lesson. But he wasn't imprisoned this time. Rey had just pushed him to far into his own subconscious.

What started off as a walk turned into a jog, that quickly morphed into a panicked run. Nothing appeared to him but darkness and water. But physicality wasn't going to make him claw his way out of here, it had to come from within. It was the lesson Ren had literally been teaching Rey.

"I found you," a sinister voice boomed, omnipotent and dripping of acrimony.

Ren slid across the slick surface, trying to halt his quickening feet. Fear gripped him and held him tight, refusing to let go.

"You cannot flee from me, young Solo. I made you into who you are." Snoke's voice hissed at his apprentice. Ren bolted in the opposite direction, feeling the bottom half of his trousers becoming soaked.

 _Where am I going? Where's Rey?_

"So, your sentiment for the girl has grown stronger. Such a pathetic emotion, one that I thought you'd be strong enough to resist." Ren spun around, trying desperately to sense any semblance of an outlet. "But if you kill the girl, you can come back. No punishment will befall you, and you can rule the galaxy by my side." Ren's mouth had gone dry and panic was making him breath erratically. "You were always my most promising student, the one with the most power, but without my guidance, the light and the dark within you will tear you apart. Only through me will you gain true freedom from the conflict."

Shame shot through him as he actually considered his masters offer. He didn't want to be alone anymore and Snoke was offering him a place back by his side, to rid himself of being pulled in two different directions. But he wasn't alone, for he had Rey now.

His eyes scanned the obscurity, wanting so badly for her to appear.

 _This is a nightmare. It isn't real._

"This is very much real," Snoke replied.

Ren pulled at his hair, clenching his teeth together till he thought they would shatter.

"Kneel before me, my apprentice, and tell me where you are." Ren dropped to his knees, the water rippling out around him. The pressure under his skull intensified as his master tried to pry into his mind, and Ren was slowly losing the futile battle. He clutched onto his head and screamed out in agony _._

 _I am alone…_

"Ben." Rey's voice, as quiet as a breeze, floated across the nothingness. He raised his head, eyes zeroing in on a small light in the distance. He scrambled to his feet, tossing up water in his wake as he sprinted towards the flickering exit. His master's demands grew faint as he drew nearer to the brightness ahead.

"Ben!" Reys voice was louder and anxious, calling him eagerly to her. He wanted– No, needed to see her, to be with her.

"Ben!" He threw his body into the light, leaving the place of torment behind.

()()()()()

Waves of power swelled inside her as she grasped onto Ben's arms. She glared into his eyes, mentally shoving him back into his own mind, but she couldn't stop there. The power opposed her command to cease, and instead began to put too much pressure on Ben's psyche.

Flashes of his life filled her consciousness.

He was a little boy, glaring at himself in a mirror. His fist shot out over and over again, destroying the glass with his bloodied knuckles. The picture shifted, showing the outside of a wide building at night. Kylo Ren stalked up to the building, his knights following him close behind. Colors dissolved the scene and reformed into the inside of her AT-AT. Ben held her doll, peering at the tick marks on the far wall.

A quick succession of images came next: a yellow lightsaber, Unkar Plutt on the ground, Han's face, and her strapped to the interrogation table. She blinked, refocusing her vision back onto Ben. His eyes gradually rolled into the back of his head and she lost the grip on his arms as he fell back onto the ground.

Shock claimed her and she became panicked as she watched Ben's body start to seize. Sharp grunts came from his mouth as his muscles tightened in his neck, preventing him from breathing normally.

"Ben!" She cried out, but he kept shaking. She climbed up his body, straddling his midsection. Carefully, her hands cupped both sides of his face and she locked her arms to stop his head from jolting. "Ben! Wake up!"

Her spine shivered as she could feel a sinister presence beating off of him, but it didn't belong to him. This feeling was uncontaminated evil, a far cry from what Ben's aura felt like to her. His body was starting to thrash around more violently, and Rey was having a tough time keeping herself from toppling over.

"Shhhhhhhhhh. Ben, listen to my voice. Wake up, come back." Her face was so close to his that she could feel his sharp breaths on her skin. Tears welled up on the side of his shut eyelids and Rey's heart broke as she watched them slide down his temples, becoming lost in his black hair. She felt so helpless in that moment. She still didn't know much about the Force to aid him.

Ben was the only one who would know what to do during something like this.

She felt so naïve at embracing that power inside of her when she hadn't been aware of the ramifications from using it. Gently, she lowered her cheek so it was resting against his, whispering his name into his ear.

"Ben."

His seizing slowed, but she raised her head to see that his eyes were still glued shut. Her hands switched to clinging onto his grey shirt, shaking him. "Ben!" She screamed into his face. "Ben!"

He opened his eyes, locking his dark irises onto Rey.

Both of them remained still as they drank in each others company. Tersely, she threw herself onto him, nuzzling her head into the crook of his neck. Her arms dug into the sand as she wrapped her two limbs beneath him.

"I'm so sorry. I had no idea what I was doing. I couldn't control whatever the hell that was. I'm so, so sorry," she kept repeating, speaking next to his ear frantically. His arms snaked around her torso, holding her tightly against his wide frame. He breathed deeply into her hair, sending chills down her back, finding the sensation to be welcoming.

They stayed close together for a long while. Rey could sense that if she pulled away from him, he might lose the control he was gradually gaining back. It made her feel perturbed that he still hadn't muttered a word, but she didn't want to push him.

Ben's fingers were making little circles on her back, drawing her focus to his touch.

"Rey." She unwound her arms and lifted her upper body, placing her hands firmly in the sand beside his head. He looked at her tenderly as their faces loomed close to one another. "I think we should take a break from Force lessons for a while."

Rey arched a brow. "You're making a joke, after what just happened?" Ben shrugged and gave her a sheepish grin. There was something sad about his eyes, though, and she knew he was hiding something from her. "What happened while you were out?"

"Nothing," he said too quickly. He was putting on a blank face as he tried to hide his thoughts from her, but she could feel he was lying. Ben didn't look emotionless unless he was trying to hide something.

"You pride yourself on not being a liar, remember?"

Ben quickly sat up, grabbing Rey's hips so she didn't lose her balance. She became flustered as she quickly realized she was sitting in his lap in a very precarious position. Ben's stare roamed over her lips before snapping back up to her eyes. Lightly, as if she were a child, he picked her up and placed her on the sand in front of him.

She studied his melancholy face as he scanned the dimly lit tree line on the beach."I… uh," he cleared his throat. "I'd rather just pretend it never happened." She bent her legs to her chest and rested her chin on her knees, waiting for him to continue. But he didn't.

"That's not how life works," she muttered. "There is no pretending." He nodded his head slowly in agreement before he proceeded to recount the events to her. That vile feeling that had been seeping out from him was Snoke, and Rey found herself becoming very territorial of Ben upon hearing that his master wanted him to return. After he killed her, of course.

That little detail didn't escape her notice.

While he was talking, he hadn't looked at her once. "Rey. You need to know that for a brief moment, I considered his proposal." Her mind went blank trying to decide how to respond to that confession. It shouldn't be that surprising to hear he'd thought over Snoke's offer, since just a couple days ago he'd been very loyal to his master. It was unrealistic to expect him to change over such a short amount of time.

A small part of her was still hoping he would, though.

"Ben, do you trust Snoke?" His eyes scrutinized the landscape as he thought over her question. How he responded was very important, cause if he said yes, Rey had no idea what she would do. _Leave. I would probably leave_. And she really did not want to do that.

"He told me killing Han would make me stronger in the dark side, but it didn't. He said killing you would stop the conflict inside, but I realized while fighting you, that it would destroy me. So, in the end... he lied." The sunlight was almost completely gone from the sky, the moon slowly rising over the shimmering ocean. "No, I do not trust him." Rey let out a long exhale of relief, closing her eyes as her rising anxiety began to subside.

A deep sob reached her ears and she opened her eyes to see Ben cradling his head in his hands. His chest was expanding quickly as he took in sharp inhales of humid air. She placed her hand on his thigh to comfort him, but he didn't seem to notice.

"I don't know what the hell I'm doing, Rey. My life is so fucked up that I'm an absolute mess. What am I supposed to do now? Where am I to go?" It was odd to hear such crass language come out of his mouth, but Rey didn't mind. She grew up hearing worse from her fellow scavengers.

His hands racked through his hair, allowing her to look upon his tear stained face. A sardonic laugh came from his mouth, and his attention finally turned towards Rey. "Do you know the last time I ever cried like this? Aside from the caves and on Ahch-To?" Rey suspected the question was rhetorical, so she just stared at him, waiting for the answer. "I was ten, and I'd found out that I had failed one of my school exams. I thought my life was over and I was a wreck for a solid week." His voice was a mixture of laughing and crying, like the two emotion were battling for dominance. "Now look at me. I'm lost, and I have no bearings on what I should do from here."

She scooted closer to him, squeezing his thigh in reassurance. "Ben, I think you're forgetting one very important detail." He glanced at her, mystified as to what she could be talking about. "You have me. You're not alone anymore."

His breathing tempered, the harrowed look melted into something tender and as soft as the impending moonlight. Placing his palm atop her hand, Rey turned it over, allowing him to lace his fingers through hers. "Neither are you," he said ardently.

She gave him the smallest of smiles. "We'll figure out what to do, and we will do it together." His eyes clasped shut, releasing big welts of tears down his cheeks and off his chin.

"Promise?" he muttered. The question sounded so innocent, so childlike that Rey wanted to engulf him into her arms and hide him away from the cruelties of the galaxy. But she refrained herself.

"Promise."

Their stares met again, and out of everything they'd been through, after everything they've done to each other, looking in his eyes was what resonated with Rey the most. It always did. Ben might exude a hard exterior, but she remembered the first time she'd ever seen those irises from the vantage point of an interrogation chair, noticing the sensitivity behind his gaze.

This simple eye contact was all they would ever need to connect, Rey and Ben, just a stare, no words. If the Force bond somehow suddenly became silent, their enticement toward each other would always remain the same.

A fateful constant.

 **For some reason, this chapter was difficult for me to write so if it isn't that good, I apologize. Not much action going on in this chapter, as it focuses more on Rey and Ben interacting. I wanted to convey that even though Ren is very much a man, he is still a child in many ways. He never really had anyone care for him unconditionally, and he is really starting to cling to Rey for support and some comfort. Rey still has some growing up to do as well, so we will see them both mature together as time goes on.**

 **I hope you all still enjoyed the chapter though! As always, please follow, fave, or review the story! I love to know what you all think and value each comment!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you everyone for following, favoriting, and especially reviewing the story! I hold each and every review close to my heart and appreciate the time you take to let me know how you feel about the story! MaelsiC: A huge arc in the book is Rey understanding Ben better and the darkness that has always been a part of him. Ben will also struggle with with his light side since he has grown so comfortable in the dark. I can't really comment any further on those two things without giving stuff away! It will definitely be an adventure for them both. And I like writing a characters inner thoughts and feelings, not just the outer dialogue. So many things go on in a persons mind and I want you all, as readers, to understand why they do or say something in particular.** **nelli: Thanks for your dedication to reading the story over the course of five hours! I don't know if you read it straight through or took some breaks in between, but it just made me realize that I have written a lot so far. And I am not even half way done with the story yet!** **Sona: I am so glad you enjoy the story and the way I am writing it! I hope you keep liking it! HogwartsIsOurHome: Yeah! I am also a huge fan of TVD and that specific quote that Damon says has always stuck with me. I tried changing the quote around a bit, but it kept losing the impact I wanted. So, what the hell, I kept it the original way. I thought it was very fitting for Ren to use it. Fun little fact, I live in Salt Lake City and both Ian Somerhalder and Paul Wesley are going to be here for Comic Con! I am definitely getting a pic and autograph from them both! nelsonstewarta: I am glad you appreciate the pacing of the story because I sometimes worry that it might be to slow. I really like writing character development and I can't always do that if there is a battle happening every chapter or so. I am so happy to have a fan from New Zealand! Thank you! Guest: Rey's inner struggle with her feelings for Ben is so important to the story. So often, we make decisions in our lives and then second guess ourselves along the way. I thought it would be realistic to show this in Rey because Ben is not an easy person to stay with. Ben's arc also needs to be slow and believable and the same goes for their relationship. Can't really say what will happen to Luke and Leia... but I understand why you want them to live. Also, Ben being powerful was always something I planned on doing. He is a a descendant of the Skywalker line, after-all! And I think it's safe to say that Rey is NOT a Skywalker in this story. lol But she has her own tricks up her sleeve. When Ben thinks of Rey as his equal in every way, she really is. She just cant beat Ben's years of experience and knowledge in the Force right now.**

 **Anyways, I can literally talk about this story all day but we should get to the chapter. Enjoy the read!**

Chapter Sixteen

"I'm sorry, Finn, but you do not have access to go back there." A Resistance guard was holding Finn back from crossing the entryway into the containment facility. The guy clearly knew who Finn was, but he did not know the man at all. Ever since the destruction of Starkiller, he couldn't escape how widely known he had become.

"I know there are stormtroopers back there and I need to speak with them. I probably know some of them!" Finn yelled, but the man stood by what he said. Finn sighed out of frustration, knowing that he needed to get the clearance to be able to talk to his ex-comrades.

He contemplated finding Skywalker, but in this situation there was really nothing he could do. So, Finn started to run around the base, trying to find a military official. One room after the next came up empty. His annoyance was starting to grow into anger until he finally saw Admiral Statura walking down the hallway.

"Admiral!" Statura turned upon hearing his name and waited for Finn to reach him. Finn did not waste anytime with formalities. "The stormtroopers in the facility, they deserve fair treatment and to not be executed. You can't let Trend-."

"Finn, its alright. Grand Admiral Trend's demand to have the troopers executed was thwarted. It goes against what is outlined in the Galactic Constitution on how prisoners of war are to be treated." Finn placed his hand against the cold wall so he didn't fall over from his instant relief. He took a few breaths, calming his racing mind.

"What happens to them now?"

"Well, they will be interrogated to see what their true intentions are and why they surrendered." Finn's muscles tensed.

"I want to be the one who interviews them." Admiral Statura eyed Finn, but did not seem shocked by the request.

"Finn, I don't-."

"I am the best person to talk with them. I can relate to these people on a level none of you understand and you know it." Finn knew he shouldn't be talking to an Admiral this way, but his eagerness was taking control of his mouth. At least Statura didn't seem to be taking offense from Finn's demands.

"I'll see what I can do and let you know sometime today. I am not promising anything, but I will try to get you in there."

That was as good of a response as Finn was going to get. "Thank you, Admiral." The two men parted ways, and Finn decided that the Master Jedi has had enough time to mediate. If he couldn't find his sister after hours of searching, he probably wasn't going to. In this case, Finn wished he could help Skywalker, but he was powerless.

Finn found Luke in a dimly lit room on one of the top levels. The man's eyes rolled open, watching Finn as he entered. Bags were forming under his blood shot eyes and the man's expression looked grave. The faint smell of sweat and body odor wafted into Finn's nose and even though the Jedi Master probably hadn't moved a muscle in hours, the man had still overexerted himself.

"Anything?" Finn inquired.

"No. Nothing." Luke rubbed the exhaustion out of his face.

"Are you sure you don't want to join in the Resistance efforts in finding the General?" Skywalker shook his head.

"No. They are focusing on finding my nephew, but he was not the one who took Leia. Even if he did, Ben has been closed off from me for years. I would have better luck sensing Leia than him." Finn nodded as he sat in an opened chair against the wall. Truthfully, he wanted to find his friends more than the General, but the soldier part of his brain was telling him that finding Leia should be the main focus. Plus, the Jedi Master seemed to need all the help he could get and Finn would feel guilty if he left the man to find his sister on his own.

"Why is it you think Kylo Ren wont hurt my friends?" Finn emphasized the monsters name, refusing to call him by the one given to him at birth.

"I cannot speak of Commander Dameron, but I think a small part of Ben might care for Rey." The thought that that bastard could care for anyone suprised Finn. "I believe there is still a small amount of light left within him, and that is where his true feelings can be found." There had been no semblance of light in the man when he ordered that village to be slaughtered. That day still lingered in Finn's mind every night as he fell into the confines of sleep.

"What makes you believe this?"

"They had previously shared a dream where Rey was in danger." Finn gripped the sides of the chair harder. "Ben showed genuine concern for her well being and tried to save her." Luke had left this detail out of their long conversation last night.

"But that is just a dream. Its not real." Finn looked on in confusion.

"In dreams, you tend to emulate your true self since your subconscious is hard for you to control in such a place. No, Ben revealed that he cared about what happened to Rey. That is why I feared he would try and kill her, so he could snuff out an emotion he would view as a weakness." Finn wondered what type of person would choose to become void of such basic human emotions. _The type of person who kills their own father…_

"But they fled the island together." Finn could sense he was nearing the truth of what was really going on, but he couldn't quite grasp onto it. "Do you think Ren took them back to the First Order."

The Jedi Master licked his dry lips and grasped the glass of water to his left. "It would be in Rey's best interest to not be caught by the First Order."

"So, they could be lying low somewhere? Away from other civilizations?" Luke shrugged as he gulped down the remaining liquid.

"I really hope so." Finn scrutinized Skywalker with his skeptic stare. _If this is indeed true, what is Poe doing? Why hasn't Rey and Poe contacted the Resistance?_

"All of this goes off the assumption that Ren actually cares for Rey, which sounds impossible to me." _It is impossible_.

Luke let a gloomy grin show on his features. "If I was in your position, I wouldn't believe me either. But I know what I witnessed in that dream. And he was blatantly protecting Rey from the blaster fire on the island." Finn stayed silent, not knowing what to believe anymore.

"I know you want to find your friends, Finn. Even though I didn't find my sister while meditating, I did sense something else that might interest you." Finn leaned in closer toward the lounging Jedi, his attention piqued.

"What?"

"My sister and her son's fate are intertwined somehow. I do not fully understand it, but that is what I could sense." And where Ren was, his friends would be. The best chance at finding everyone is for Luke to sense his sister, and they needed to figure out how to make that happen. Finn thought to himself how everything seemed to be revolving more and more around Kylo Ren and he wondered if the guy realized just how important he seemed to be in the grand scheme of the galaxy.

()()()()()

Leia was slowly pushing her numbness away as her body started to tingle from the inside out. Her breathing was labored and her head rolled from side to side against the chilly floor. Something was causing her to feel out of sorts. Groaning, she cracked open her eyes, but nothing came into her view. _My eyes are open, right?_

Metal scrapped along her wrists while she brought her fingers to her face, her opened eyelids confirming she was in a pit of darkness. A hard part in the floor was jutting into her back, causing her to wince as she sat upright. Her legs were not bound, making it easier to move around. Cautiously, she felt around her small prison for anything to aid her, but she came up empty. There was a faint smell of urine, and it took Leia a moment to realize that while she had been unconscious, she had wet herself.

How long has she been here? Her back rested against one of the random walls as she went over the last things she remembered. _Ben._ He had been on the island, looking for Rey and Luke. The opportunity to see her son again consumed all of her common sense, causing her to sneak off the base and fly straight for Ahch-to. Once arriving at the rim of the planet, things became too hazy to remember any specific details. Her ship was supposed to be undetectable, but her sitting here in the musty room proved that was false.

Did the First Order intercept her? Her intuition told her no, and her gut feelings were never wrong. Besides, the First Order would not operate from somewhere as primitive as a place made of stone. They liked their sleek metal ships and torture devices; Leia was in neither of those things.

Time did not register as she sat there, left with only her thoughts to keep her sane. She had been in worse situations and had still found a way to survive. This time was no different, except… Han had always been there to back her up.

Her and Han's relationship had never been in the realms of being conventional. There was never a doubt that they loved each other deeply, but they never had the incessant need to always be around one another. She was devoted to the Senate, and Han had to satiate his adventurous side by flying around the galaxy. They were comfortable with only being together half of the year, but that didn't mean they were always of one mind.

They would fight. A lot. Han knew how to push Leia's patience and she would say just the right thing to make him angry. The fights never affected their love and they always tried to work through their problems. Or they just buried their disagreements, leaving them for another day. Their living arrangement and relationship worked out comfortably for them... but it hadn't been ideal for their son.

In so many ways, Han and Leia had failed Ben as parents. He had been forced to raise himself since her and Han were never there. In her eyes, the Senate was her main job and she had worked hard to keep it together. The whole galaxy depended on the New Republic staying intact, or so she had thought.

Maybe if she had been a more present mother, she would have realized that the fate of the galaxy rested with her son, not with the Senate. A bigger threat had been looming from the shadows, its watchful eyes always on Ben, and Leia never paid it the attention it deserved.

The dark side had always been inside Ben, and some otherworldly presence had been molding him into the monster that he now was. Sending him off to train with Luke, after he almost killed that boy, was when she had lost Ben forever. The boy never got over the bitterness of being tossed aside, even though Leia viewed it as trying to help him control his natural abilities. And it wasn't like her husband had been helpful during the ordeal of Ben's questionable future. Han had not agreed with her decision to deliver their son to the academy, but neither did he offer up another solution.

Ben deserved to have better parents– ones who did not miss numerous birthdays and fought in front of him constantly. They had surrounded him with nice things to make up for their absence, but no amount of worldly possessions could replace the love they should have given him. She'd been a neglectful mother to the one boy who would cause chaos to ripple throughout the galaxy.

Distant echoes of doors opening and closing made her head snap to the wall in front of her. Footsteps were coming closer and she quickly raised herself from the floor, bracing her weak body for whoever came into her cell.

The steel door slid open and the sudden flood of light blinded her eyes. Figures stood in the doorway and Leia raised her bound hands to try and alleviate the brightness. One of them crept into the room, the sound of their steps reverberating off of the stone ground.

Her visitor was a short, lean woman in a shimmering black dress that flowed all the way to the floor. The thin straps showed off her feminine neckline and her black hair was pinned off to the side, allowing her soft curls to drape over her right shoulder. Her slanted eyes and high cheeks made her outward appearance beautiful, but Leia knew that this woman was one of the vilest human beings she'd ever encountered.

"Carise Sindian." Leia spat her name like it was a curse, and to her, it absolutely was. This woman was responsible for outing her true parentage in front of the whole Senate six years ago. Even though Ransolm was the one who had played her fathers message, Carise had set up the whole thing to try and draw Leia's attention from finding out about the First Order.

Carise clasped her hands together and gave Leia a warm, sickening smile. "Princess Leia Organa. I've been waiting for this moment for a very long time." Her voice was smooth and controlled, but held vile undertones that only Leia could pick up on. Carise's eyes roamed over Leia, taking in her filthy military jumpsuit and her matted hair. Moments passed by and Leia wondered if the woman came just to stare at her unkempt appearance.

"How did you intercept my ship?" Leia started the conversation, trying to get some semblance of control over her circumstances.

Carise's grin widened. "One of your aids, that came with you to that island planet, just so happens to be working for me. You rarely go anywhere without a proper escort and when you finally did, he drugged you and contacted me. His reward has been very… generous. The lucky man never needs to work another day in his life." Leia did not need to ask which aid had betrayed her, for there had only been one man on the ship. Kalvin, a man from Bespin, had been her aid for two years. That man had been waiting two years for Leia to make a mistake.

"The rest of my crew. What have you done with them?" There had been three other aids on board and the pilot.

"Dead. I wasn't about to waste resources on keeping unimportant people alive." Leia kept herself composed, but on the inside, she was seething.

"Is that what Ransolm was to you? "Unimportant people"?" Leia couldn't stop herself from bringing her friend into the conversation.

Carise shrugged nonchalantly. "He was a means to an end. Somebody had to take credit for setting up Tai-Lin's assassination and honestly, you two becoming friends was an inconvenience. Taking him out of the equation was necessary in protecting the identity of the First Order. Oh come now, Leia. It's not like he's dead. Well, not yet anyway. Isn't his execution coming up? Its probably best that he dies instead of rotting away in prison. It would be a tender mercy." Leia growled at how the woman didn't seem to care for what she had done to a once respectable man. Carise was nothing more then a narcissistic sociopath who desperately wanted to be someone important again.

Talking about Ransolm brought up too many bitter feelings for Leia, so she decided to change the subject before she went down a path she couldn't turn back from. Her aid, Kalvin, must have told Carise where the bases were located. "You've known where the Resistance has been located this whole time. Why haven't you told the First Order? Are you not loyal to them anymore?"

Carise chuckled innocently. "Oh, I am still a faithful member of the Order. I have just been following my own personal goals these last few years. I knew they would find your base sooner or later, so I didn't see the harm in keeping that knowledge from them."

"And what are your goals, Carise?" The woman looked at Leia, agape, like she was somehow suppose to know the answer to her own question.

"Why you, of course." The drugs Kalvin had given her must still be muddling her mind because the answer had been obvious and Leia had failed to see it. "You see, Leia, after you had my titles stripped from me, I left the Senate in shame." Carise's face twisted into a threatening glower. "I tried to remedy my broken name while with the First Order, but at the end of the day, my nobility was still gone. My name had been humiliated." The woman paced in front of her as she listened to Carise moan about her problems. Leia didn't feel an ounce of pity for the bitch.

"I had my own connections outside of the First Order and I decided to put them to good use. I had to be patient as I waited for the most opportune moment for you to show yourself, and thankfully, you finally did. You were foolish to want to see your son, but your stupidity worked in my favor." Leia's frustration heightened upon hearing Ben be brought up in the discussion.

"So, you brought me here to kill me yourself and get your revenge? Not the most original plan." Carise's high cackle bounced off the walls and grated Leia's ears. The woman was receiving too much pleasure out of having Leia guess at her grand scheme.

"Oh, Leia. I am not going to personally kill you. I have something much better in store for your death."

"Do you now?" So, having her die _was_ on the list of things Carise wanted to happen. The question remained on who would pull the trigger. "What could possibly be better than killing me with your own two hands, Carise?" The woman stopped moving and let her excitement show from her giggly demeanor. Leia had the strong urge to slap Carise across the face so she wouldn't have to look at that counterfeit smile for one more second.

"At first, I thought I had the perfect plan all mapped out." Leia hardened her stare on the overly jubilant woman. "I was going to lure your brother out of hiding, knowing he could not pass up the chance to save his twin sister. Of course, my men would seize your twin and make you watch as they killed him slowly in front of you." Her breathing became labored as Leia felt her adrenaline spike.

"But that is not your strategy anymore," Leia stated. Carise shook her head.

"No. Something far better has revealed itself to me." The woman paused, reveling in the suspense. Leia was finding Carise's flare for the dramatic highly annoying. "Did you know your son has left the First Order?" Leia's knees almost gave out as her heart stopped from shock. Carise laughed at the sudden look of surprise that was plastered all over Leia's face. "No one can find him or the girl he allegedly fled with. As you can imagine, Supreme Leader Snoke is very upset." Blood pumped loudly in her ears, making her strain to hear everything Carise had to say. _Ben left? He actually left? Or is Carise lying? Why would she lie about something like this?_

"You know, I remember when I first met your son." Leia's frantic thoughts halted immediately. "He'd just joined the First Order and this was before he donned that mask of his. I must say, he grew up to be a very handsome man. I'm not Force sensitive, but I didn't need to be to know how powerful your son was." The cuffs around Leia's wrists shook as she started to lose control over her anger. Leia wanted to kill this woman for going anywhere near Ben. "Even though I am seven years his senior, I still tried to make an advance on him. But he was playing so hard to get, and I would much rather be chased." Carise's stare was far away, thinking about that disappointing day. "I even wore my blue sleeveless gown that was suppose to make me look irresistible, but still, I couldn't convince him to take it off of me." Carise let out a sorrowful sigh. "Such a shame. I bet he is one of those men who enjoys it rough. He probably makes all the girls scream while he is bedding them." Leia shouted and lunged at Carise, no longer able to keep her rage in check. One of the men by the doorway was quick on his feet and he grabbed Leia just before she made contact.

The man picked her up and threw her onto the ground, making her head thud loudly against the dark stone. She rolled around, groaning, while trying to cast the pain out of her skull. Carise's smooth laugh registered in Leia's jumbled mind, and she wished the bitch would choke on that despicable tongue of hers. "Everyone is looking for your son, but I plan on finding him first." Leia rolled onto her side, grunting as she lifted her upper body. Everything was out of focus, but she knew where Carise stood.

"And when I do, one of two things will happen: he will either kill you to get back into his master's good graces, or he refuses and you get to watch us kill your son before you die. Both scenarios have me winning, but I am really hoping he chooses the first option." Leia bowed her head, letting an astute sob escape her lips. She was not afraid to die, but having her son be the one to kill her… "It's like a poetic tragedy, don't you think?" Tears sprung from Leia's eyes and slid down her cheeks. "The son killing both his parents; the two people who brought him into this world. I admit, I get chills just thinking about it."

She listened as Carise and the man turned to leave her own personal hell, but a pair of the footsteps suddenly stopped. "Oh, and don't waste your time trying to contact your brother through your magic. Those cuffs of yours are specifically designed to hide your Force signature and substantially hinder any Force abilities you might want to use." The steel door slid shut, plunging her prison into utter darkness. "Enjoy your stay, Princess Organa."

Leia lowered herself onto the floor and wailed as she cried for what seemed like days. She kept going, even after all her tears were spent and her throat was raw. Listening to that sick creature talk about her son in a way she had no right to had infuriated her very soul. Leia envisioned herself grabbing Carises head and bashing it onto the stone floor until there was nothing left but a pile of blood, bone, and flesh.

Her life had led her to this very moment in this exact cell, waiting to see if her son decided to kill her or have Carise's men do the honors. A part of her wanted to believe that he wouldn't be able to kill his own mother, but that part of her was overshadowed by the fact that he'd killed one of his parents already. Ben supposedly "leaving" the First Order surprisingly didn't comfort Leia all that much. Her son was almost thirty years old and was too set in his ways of murder and power. The darkness had spread through him like a cancer, and Leia didn't know where to find the cure.

Idly, her thoughts swept to her husband. She had felt the moment Han had died, knowing that her son was the one to deal the final blow. After years of not sensing her son, she had felt him for only a few brief seconds. Anger, grief, and regret shot through her, making her sit down before she fell over. She had never felt such vivid and intense emotions before, and they were all coming from Ben.

Her family was gone, all because of Snoke. That creature had taken everything from her and she hated him, like a slave hated their owner. She slowly came to realize that Snoke was just as much her master as he was her son's. She had done everything that man had wanted: she had ignored him, pushed him aside, and made the perfect environment for Ben to be influenced.

No one was going to come save her, for she knew it was impossible to be found. The cuffs were indeed blocking her from her brother and he was the only hope she had. Han was not going to come bursting through that door, giving her his dashing grin and lecturing her on how she always seemed to get herself into these predicaments.

She was alone, with no family to aid her.

()()()()()

The sun had gone down, but the full moon was illuminating their path back to the ship. Ren was purposely walking as slow as he could, knowing that once they were on the freighter, him and Rey would eventually part ways for the night.

"And you're sure Snoke doesn't know where we are?" Rey asked, for the third time.

"No, he isn't aware of our location. I was able to keep him from seeing that, at least." He'd been surprised he fended his master off, but had failed to do the same with Rey. What was that shadow he found in her mind? It had felt familiar to him, and he was sure that mysterious essence was what had stopped him from prying deeper in her mind on Starkiller base.

"Ben?" He glanced down to see her eyeing him. "I, uh… saw some of your memories. From when I was in your mind." She was nervous and fiddling with those fingers of hers.

"That doesn't surprise me. I figured you probably saw something." _Stars, hopefully she didn't see anything too horrible_. But what else would she see? His whole life was a mixing pot of horrendous events, all from his own doing. Against his better judgment, he asked her what she had witnessed.

"You were in my AT-AT, holding my rebel doll and looking over all the tick marks I had made." He let out a sigh of relief, for that memory was not a horrific one. "Why were you in my home?" The answer to her question was perfectly logical, so he did not mind responding.

"I was trying to find you and I had to start somewhere." Rey nodded her head at his reasonable explanation. "Mashra hopes you find what you are looking for, by the way." Her eyes bulged and she grabbed his arm, stopping him mid stride to face her.

"You talked to Mashra? Is she still alive?" In other words, Rey was wondering if Ren had killed her.

"I know it's hard to believe, but I don't kill everyone I come into contact with." _Only those who deserve it_.

She blinked and took in a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that." Ren looked over her head, scanning the dark waves rolling onto the beach.

"Your conjecture was accurately placed, given who I am and what I've done. No need to apologize." He really disliked when she used the word _sorry_ with him, because it seemed like she was apologizing for being who she was.

She released the grip on his arm. "Did Mashra tell you anything else?" Her eyes beseeched him, as she wanted to know more details about his encounter with her fellow scavenger.

He shrugged. "Not much. Our conversation was rather short. She just hopes you find where you belong." She gave Ren a weak smile and he returned her expression. He desperately wanted her to say that she'd already found where she belonged, and that it was with him. Both of them knew it; he just wanted to hear her declare it so it felt more real.

They resumed their course, each one taking turns stealing glances at the other. A few times their eyes would lock and they would look quickly away, giggling into the serene night air.

Ren had never felt this young before, not even when he had been young. "I'm sorry I kept you outside for the majority of the day," she said. He rolled his eyes; she had apologized again.

He fanned his hand out to the ocean. "I know you wanted to be out here, and what was I going to do? Go back to the ship and try to avoid the pilot? No, being out here was the _much_ better option," he said playfully, which was something he didn't know he could still do. He hadn't wanted to leave Rey's presence, but he didn't want to admit that to her. It was surreal admitting that even to himself.

"Well, your better option has left you with a sunburn." He could hear the smile in her voice.

"The light and I don't really get along."

"In more ways than one, I gander."

 _Yes, in more ways than one_ , he agreed inwardly. The rustling of the trees from the lenient breeze filled the short lull in their conversation. He never knew that conversing with someone could feel this tranquil. It truly did astound him that in the span of spending the whole day with her, he'd grown accustomed to her company. _Doesn't it take more time than this to feel so lured to another individual?_

"You being inside my home was not the only memory I saw, you know," she whispered, pulled him away from his thoughts. Her demeanor became more solemn than it was before and Ren waited for her to elaborate, but her nerves held her back.

"You're curious as to what they were."

She nodded. "I, uh, know you don't like talking about your past. You barely even tolerate me calling you Ben." He scrunched his eyebrows together, now becoming curious as to what she had seen. "I don't even know if you will tell me about it or not." Rey watched her boots make dents in the sand as Ren contemplated placing his fingers under her chin so he could see her eyes.

"You can ask and I can choose whether or not to answer." More than likely, he was not going to. Just thinking about the life he had before becoming Kylo Ren made it feel too real. Rarely did he ever talk about it out loud.

He paused his thinking. All of those rare occasions had been with Rey, and every time she had listened to him. Like actually, genuinely _listened_ to his words.

"It was only a short glimpse, but I saw you and your knights walking up to a large building at night. There was a huge field to the side of it and some mountains off in the distance. You were all wearing your robes and masks, but then the scene changed when you got closer to the entrance." He didn't notice that he had stopped walking, and Rey didn't either until she was a few feet ahead of him. She eyed him, curiously.

Oh, he was pretty damn sure he knew the memory she was speaking of, but he needed her to clarify further. "Can you describe the door at the entryway? What did it look like?"

"Uhhhh..." He held his breath. Rey concentrated, trying to recall one of the less important details of the memory. "It wasn't mechanical, but looked like a wooden double door. It had these carvings all over it, something I don't recognize- maybe some type of ancient language? And then these big, long handles toward the middle." She paused. "That's all I can really remember."

Ren knew that door well; it was the entrance to Skywalker's Jedi academy. "So? Do you know what I'm talking about?"

"Yes, but I'm not telling you." The conversation hit a snag, and Rey looked at him alarmed.

"It's the Jedi academy, isn't it?" she said with an edge to her tone. "You really killed the other students, didn't you?" The girl proved to be more perceptive than he realized. His thoughts flashed back to that testing night. He didn't want to tell Rey about that event; not out of any sense of regret over it, cause he had little, but because of how she would likely react.

She stood in front of him, waiting. "Yes," he finally responded. The bond was closed off from him, making it hard to detect her reaction. Ren scrutinized her face, but she kept it smooth and void. She was using his technique against him.

"What happened?" she demanded.

He sighed, knowing that if he refused to talk she would just keep pestering him. "Rey. This is something you don't want to hear."

"I'll be the judge of that." The stars shimmered across the dark sky as Ren glanced up. At this rate, they were never going to make it back to the ship. _It's not like you were in a hurry to get back, remember_? he reminded himself. Maybe he could get away with going into as little detail as possible.

"My knights and I attacked the academy. None of the students survived," he said quickly.

Her stare was flat with a pinch of annoyance thrown in. "Yeah. I came to that conclusion on my own before I ever met you. I want to know what happened throughout the event."

Frustration loomed beneath the surface of his control. "I really don't see why that is relevant. I went to the academy, killed some of the students, and left. Why would you want more detail than that?" His voice was one pitch away from being in the realm of yelling. He didn't mean to get so passionate all of a sudden, and he could see the shock on Rey's features from it.

She backed away, eyes hurt. "I didn't know the memory would affect you so badly. You're right, what good would it do for me to know more. I'm-"

"Don't apologize." He snapped, cutting her off. She closed her mouth, and the two of them stood there in awkward silence. His eyes were darting everywhere, trying not to look at her.

She reached out, touching his arm to get his attention. "Lets get back to the ship." He nodded.

During the trek back, Ren was trying to think of something to say, but came up short. Today had its ups and downs, but it had been one of the best days he had in years- probably ever, the more he thought about it. It shouldn't end this way with her feelings hurt and him aggravated. But what should he say? He could give her what she wanted and tell her exactly what transpired at the academy, but that could do more harm than good.

He rolled his eyes at himself. _I can't even figure out how to be a proper friend. Shouldn't that come naturally to people?_ Maybe he was too old to change and he was doomed to never be able to control his emotions.

 _Now there's a comforting thought._

()()()()()

 _You need to hone in your curiosity_ , Rey scolded inwardly. She was walking on the beach beside Ben, listening to the comforting sounds of the water. Everything had been going smoothly until she brought up the academy. Now, things felt displaced between them. _Really, how did you expect him to respond?_ She should have known he would lash out; he wasn't very skilled at controlling his anger. He didn't yell at her, which was an improvement, but his speech had been sharp and precise.

 _And why did he cut me off from apologizing?_ That had struck her as odd. She was the one pushing him to satiate her curiosity; so she should be the one to apologize, right?

It was probably for the best to not know all the details about the fall of Skywalker's academy. Ben, along with his knights, had killed the other students. _Innocent people… How old was the youngest student? Did he kill children?_ Her body shivered while she contemplated the questions. Part of her desperately needed to know whom he had struck down, while the rest of her wanted to stay in the dark about it.

It was tempting to slide across their connection and find out what he was feeling, but she was afraid it would open too much of herself to him. Right now, she wanted to have the privacy of her own mind.

"Rey?" His voice came from behind and she turned to see him waiting at the tree line. She had been too distracted by her thoughts, not noticing that Ben had stopped off to the side. "The ship is through here."

"Right." Embarrassment flared in her cheeks, and she was thankful for the night to conceal it. As she approached, he pushed a group of branches to the side, creating an opening for her to duck through. She stepped through the vegetation, feeling a miniscule amount of pressure on her lower back. Ben had placed his hand there, helping her through as he closed the wall of green behind them.

 _I can walk perfectly fine on my own_. She thought he was trying to help her stay balanced while walking upon the uneven ground, but his hand remained, even after they made it through. He was so close to her that her left side kept rubbing up against his torso. His body was so warm, so… inviting.

She kept walking, not knowing what to do. Knots formed in her stomach, causing a fiery sensation to spread all the way to her fingertips. She rubbed them together, feeling them tingle from the contact. Her body was reacting in a way she was unfamiliar with, but it didn't feel uncomfortable. It was a feeling she could get lost in, a feeling she wanted to explore more.

Swiftly, his hand was gone and she felt a portion of herself disappear into the damp air. Her eyes lifted to his, but they were not there to catch her stare. He was looking off to the left, all of his features away from view.

If it weren't for her body still feeling electrified from his touch, she would have thought she imagined the whole thing. A rattled breath came from her chest as she tried to cool her body down, which was hard to do with all the humidity.

For the first time, she allowed her stare to fully take him in. His height was a little less than a foot taller than hers, but she still felt like he towered over her. The upper portion of his body was all power, with his broad shoulders and small waist accentuating his most prominent feature. Her frame was _definitely_ more petite than his, which said a lot since she wasn't petite in the first place. Her height was above average for a normal human woman, her legs long and lean.

She recalled seeing Ben shirtless on the beach on Ahch-To. From the fast paced events, she didn't really have time to look him over, but she was definitely replaying it over in her head now. He was all bulk and muscle, looking like a man who could beat someone to death with only a few blows. For all she knew, he probably has.

Wrapping herself around his wide frame, her hands had felt how hard and brawny his back was. His skin had been amazingly soft with barely any hair on his milky white chest.

With his head still turned away from her, she couldn't get a good look at his appearance from this position. So she thought about the first time she ever truly saw his face. It had shocked her to witness that a young man was actually beneath that nightmarish mask. For some reason, she had envisioned some sickly looking creature with four eyes and a horrific complexion. At the time, she'd almost preferred it, because right when she got a good look at him, she had thought him handsome. It was only for the briefest of seconds and was soon swallowed up by her fear, but she had still thought it about her enemy.

Now, he donned the scar she had given him and it truthfully made his guise a lot more intimidating and threatening. Weirdly, though, she actually liked it. _What is wrong with me?_ She didn't directly feel this way about him, but she knew the facial scar would strike fear in other people. And, the Force help her, she was attracted to the power and authority his whole physique represented.

 _There has to be something wrong with me._

Her eyes roamed down the part of the scar on the side his jaw, down to where it disappeared under the shirt. There were more scars on his body she had remembered seeing, some from their fight on Starkiller, and some she didn't know the origins of. It made one thing pretty clear to her though: Ben participated in a lot of violence. All of it, more than likely, out of his own doing.

She heard the cargo ramp being lowered. Still caught up in her thoughts, she followed Ben up the ramp when she suddenly walked right into his halted back. She yelped out in surprise as he turned around.

"If you want to ask me about the academy, then go ahead. But just know you won't like what you hear. You'll more than likely contemplate leaving again, which I won't stop you if that is what you decide." He held himself like he was bracing for impact from a ferocious Drexl, when in reality, only a few questions were going to be tossed his way.

Rey considered being polite and backing down from his invitation, but the opportunity was too important to pass up. She decided to stick with a few questions so he wouldn't have to go into great detail.

"How many students did you kill?" All of her questions were straightforward and Ben didn't hesitate to answer.

"Six." Rey folded her arms, trying to not let her churning stomach effect her composed expression.

"How many people were at the academy?"

Ben didn't look away as he answered. "Eighteen."

 _More than I initially thought…_

"What were the ages of the ones you killed?" Now, Ben didn't seem all that eager to answer. The muscles in his jaw tightened and he looked at Rey like he was trying to plead with her to take back the question. She knew that no matter the age of his victims, killing was killing and they all ended up dead in the end. But, she couldn't help feeling like taking the life of a young child was a heavier crime than murdering an adult.

A sharp breath escaped his nose. "Thirty-one, twenty-three, two twenty year old's, nineteen…" He paused; she had only counted five. His mouth was opening and closing, refusing to articulate the last age. Rey held her breath and locked her knees. "And nine."

Everything was still as he watched her, waiting for a reaction. She tried holding herself together, she really did, but hearing that last age was too much for her. And by the way he had waited, he'd known it would be.

Disgust boiled within her and she couldn't bear to be near him anymore. Quickly, she turned and walked down the ramp and into the tropical forest ahead. Was she wrong in finding out who he had killed? Should she have stayed none the wiser about it? _No, I need to know what he's done if I'm to stay with him._ She halted among the trees and vines, glancing at nothing in particular. Her vision couldn't register anything in her spiraling mind.

Hearing about the nine year old hit her differently than Han dying. She could understand Ben's hatred for his father, but what did a little kid ever do to him? Why did he have to eliminate all the students at the school in the first place?

Their connection alarmed her that he was close behind. For being so large, the man was light on his feet and knew how to stay quiet. He didn't say anything, but she could feel him watching her.

"Do you regret what you've done?"

Silence.

She turned, facing him. His expression reminded her of a child who felt guilty for being caught, but not for the act they had just committed. "Why did you go back to the academy?"

He crossed his arms, preparing himself for the uncomfortable situation. "If the Jedi rose back to the power they once had, the First Order would not have been able to gain traction throughout the galaxy."

"And do you still believe that?"

He pursed his lips. "The Jedi ideals are unrealistic and cause chaos. The galaxy is better off with them not existing anymore."

"But I want to be a Jedi!" He glanced away from her as she fully yelled at him. Her hands trembled from the sudden burst of adrenaline through her veins. "Do you think I should die?" Her voice broke slightly.

"No." He was contradicting himself and the way his face contorted into confusion, he knew it.

"Don't you care about anything?"

Ren stared ardently through his loose strands of hair. "I care about you." That caught her off guard, but at least he didn't seem to be conflicted over that statement.

"But you don't care about anything else, right?" He didn't answer. "Stars, Ben, I cannot be the only thing in this entire galaxy that you care about." That was too much responsibility being hefted onto her shoulders. The idea of her being the only individual who could control the galaxy's most dangerous man, if he could be controlled at all, was overwhelming.

"Rey…" Her name left his lips in defeat. "I know what you want of me. You want me to feel remorse over all the lives I have taken and the things I've done, but you don't seem to realize that I can't. Not because I am incapable, but because it will absolutely ruin me." She knew what he said wasn't completely true. He was mortified for what he'd done to his father, proving that there was still some light left within him.

 _Probably shouldn't point that out right now, though_.

Remorse was a natural process in life, and Rey felt like Ben was cheating by shutting down his conscience. He should be ruined by his evil choices; she did not have any doubt about that. One fact seemed to keep eluding him, though, which was Rey would help him pick up the pieces of his torn apart life. But she couldn't do that if he refused to properly acknowledge that he's been in the wrong during the last six years. How long could she wait for him to accept that?

Ben brushed his thick black hair away from his eyes and straightened his posture. Without asking her, he jumped right into the specifics of that sinful night. "You want clarification on what happened that night, then fine, I'll tell you."

He swallowed before continuing. "For the academy, I was in charge of the older and more experienced students; the ones who knew more about the force and were a threat." Ben told her the details like he was reading them off from some book. His voice was factual and without feeling. Whether that was to spare her from the horrors of what he was actually saying or to hide any emotion, she didn't know. "A… young boy was in the older student's dormitory and got in my way. I made it quick for him. I ordered the knights to make the students deaths swift, and when I found out one of them hadn't, I killed him. Death shouldn't be drawn out for the younger ones; it should be quick and precise. In the end, eighteen were dead- nineteen if you count my knight. The oldest was thirty-one and the youngest was four."

She had wanted to make him stop talking, but she'd asked for the particulars and needed to see her resolve through. He might see himself as being merciful in making the youngling's deaths fast, but Rey didn't see it that way. Mercy would have been to let them live, not erasing them out of existence.

"By the way you are looking at me, I can tell you don't want me to be here," he whispered. "I'll leave you alone." His mouth opened to say something else, but he quickly shut it. Rey watched him disappear into the darkness, the one place that Ben was comfortable in.

Rey relaxed her face. She hadn't noticed until Ben had brought it up, but she had been glaring at him with a copious amount of hatred. Gradually, she started to pace around a group of trees while shaking her hands out at her sides. So much anger was welling up inside that she was struggling to not do something rash.

To understand Ben better, she had always endeavored to see things from his perspective, but with this she just couldn't. And she probably never would. The option of leaving came to her mind again. He said he wouldn't stop her, but if she did leave, where would that leave him? Running around the galaxy with no one to answer to? Possibly going back to Snoke? The man obviously didn't do well when left alone, but she also did not like the idea of being a babysitter.

Her thoughts drifted to Ben's hand on her back. Some small part of her felt guilt over being attracted to him, but it was useless to try and fight it. These feelings came to her like the breath that filled her lungs, all so easy and fluid. The jolt of realizing how handsome he is was kinda like immersing herself in cold water: Once the shock was over, she got used to where she was and what she was feeling. Rey wondered if things could get any more complicated and she knew the answer to that silly question was YES. Absolutely.

Her disgust, the anger, and this entire conflict inside of her conscience was starting to suffocate her till her head throbbed. All she'd ever wanted while growing up in the desert was to go on epic adventures, to be a part of something bigger than the measly existence of being a scavenger. At the moment, this struggle with Ben certainly didn't feel that way, and Rey was not interested in looking at the larger picture. All the things Ben had done in the name of Kylo Ren were going to haunt her, which wasn't fair since he was the monster who killed all those people. Ben should be the one disturbed over his own actions, not her.

She gritted her teeth together. These line of thoughts were getting her nowhere except feeding into her own frustration. At the end of the day, Rey had to ask herself one question: is Ben worth saving?

 _Yes, I believe he is_.

She might be a complete idiot for thinking it, but the power he possessed could be used effectively towards the greater good. He just needed to be guided down the right path and get off the one Snoke had set him on.

 _Snoke_. That evil creature was the one who had corrupted Ben; for if it was not for him, Rey was sure Kylo Ren would never have existed. She needed to point the blame in the right direction and that course was leading her right at Kylo Ren's master.

()()()()()

Ren walked through the trees, leaving Rey behind to think about what he had done. He didn't need there connection open to know that she was second guessing her decision to stay, just like she had done earlier in the day.

What really affected him was how Rey had reacted. The way she glowered at him, you'd think she just found out he'd murdered her whole family or something equivalently horrible. _I guess killing a nine-year-old boy would be classified in the same category._

One of the main reasons Ren had chosen to confront the older students was because out of all his knights, he had the most training fighting Jedi. Yes, two of his knights were Force sensitive, but Snoke would not allow them to harness their abilities beyond some simple Force blocking.

Some of the student's names started to pop into his mind, but he shut that down immediately. He didn't like to acknowledge that he once knew them.

Secretly, Ren didn't have the stomach to personally kill young kids or even teenagers. Once his knights had finished at the academy, he just kept walking back to the ship without so much as checking on the youngling's dormitory. And once he discovered a knight had tortured one of the students, he butchered the man to pieces and left the chunks of human remains to rot in the wheat field next to the school.

Exterminating the boy had been unavoidable, since the kid tried to fight Ren with one of the deceased student's lightsaber. That particular slaying had always left a sour taste in his mouth. He truthfully received no gratification from massacring the padawans; he just did what he believed had to be done. That hedonistic feeling he would experience as he killed didn't come till a couple years later, when he'd grown desensitized to the violence he would inflict on others.

Everyone either contributed to the galaxy as a whole, or they decomposed in a shallow grave.

Rey eagerly wanted him to return to the light, but what she wanted from him, he was too afraid to do. Feeling remorse over everything he has done? _Yeah… No thanks_. The girl seemed to not understand just how many people he's killed over the last six years. Hell, he wasn't exactly sure of the number, but he knew it was A LOT. Regret was a wasteful emotion anyway, since it wouldn't bring back the individuals he had struck down.

He reached the ship and went inside the dark cargo bay. The pilot was up above feeling frustrated over something, but Ren wasn't interested in probing further to figure out what it was. Instead, he sat down on the metal floor and rested his back against his speeder.

Every part of him had meant it when he'd told Rey he cared for her. If anything happened to her, the bond wouldn't be the only thing that affected him. His sentiment for her had grown exponentially over the span of one day. Earlier, he had reflexively put his hand on her back, like it was something so normal to do, and helped her through the thick brush lining the beach. He had intended to remove it, but as he felt her muscles tighten and release as she walked, his palm became glued to her frame.

Heat had spread through his bloodstream, going to one place specifically. Embarrassed, his face had flushed and he made sure Rey couldn't see his complexion. He'd wanted his hand to drift further over her taut figure…

He stood, not knowing what to do with himself. It was becoming difficult not to think of her in such a way, and he could feel himself start to harden below. He paced from one wall to the other, interlacing his fingers behind his head. Breathing deeply, he tried to envision anything else that wasn't her, but nothing came to mind. His body demanded release and he contemplated actually giving into what it craved.

As a Jedi, he had lived a celibate life and had taken it farther than the other students in never allowing himself sexual relief. Even after he left the academy he kept up with the practice, knowing that if he could discipline himself in such a carnal area, he could do so in other facets of his life. The bond between them was, no doubt, amplifying his feelings for her, but his attraction toward the girl didn't start when the bond formed, for her indirect beauty on Takodana had taken him aback. He had been lost to Rey since the moment he saw her, but had wasted time denying it to himself.

Hurriedly, before he could think through his choice further, he climbed the ladder, needing to get to the refresher as fast as possible. He was going to do something he hadn't done since he was thirteen and his hand twitched in anticipation.

As he barreled into the hallway, Poe suddenly appeared in the intersection. Both men stopped, not knowing how to exactly react to the other. The pilot regained his composure and continued to the lounge. Something was different about him…

Ren strode after him as Poe reclined onto the lounge chair and stared at, what appeared to be, Dejarik on the table. "Your clothes. Where did you get them?" The pilot looked clean and polished in his dark pants, white shirt and blood red leather jacket. None of those items belonged to Ren.

Poe continued to concentrate on the game before him, answering Ren while never lifting his gaze. "I went into the city and picked up some things. I couldn't stay in my flight jumpsuit. That thing was absolutely filthy."

"You went into the city?"

Poe dramatically swiveled his head around, looking for nothing in particular. "Is there an echo in here?" Ren glared at the man. "I believe I just told you that. You need to work on your listening skills." Poe's attention went back to the holochess game.

"Did you take my Galactic Credit chip to pay for it?" Poe's stare twisted up at Ren in shock. _If that pilot went into my quarters…_

"You have access to credits? Why didn't you say anything! It took me hours to figure out how to steal these." Poe pulled at his shirt for emphasis as Ren's eyes widened in surprise. "And I- uh… stole some fuel for the ship. Figuring that out had taken most of the day."

Ren didn't know Poe had been that desperate to get out of his dirty clothes, but the fuel… that could come in handy. "I didn't take you to be a thief."

Poe answered him through clenched teeth. "Well, if you'd said something about the credits you've been harboring, I would have paid for all of it." The only problem was the First Order would be able to find him through his credit transactions, so the stealing had ended up being the safer option. He wasn't going to tell Poe that, however. The guy clearly felt guilty for the thievery, and Ren was going to let him live with it.

Ren stood in the open room for a moment, idly watching Poe as the computers Molator killed one of his holographic combatants. The conversation with the pilot had extinguished any need for him to gratify himself, and he couldn't believe how close he came to breaking one of his oldest rules. If Poe hadn't have been in the hallway, Ren would be standing in the shower right now, scolding himself for giving into his inner weakness.

"You know, I've played five matches against the computer and have lost every single time. Did you mess with the games programming somehow?" Poe moved his Houjix into the central space.

"No. It's just on the most difficult setting." The computer moved its Strider right behind Poe's Houjix. Ren recognized the strategy immediately. "The computer is trying to bait-"

"I know how to play Dejarik," Poe snapped. "I don't need your help." The pilot moved the Houjix away from the Strider, choosing to retreat from what appeared to be a trap set by the computer.

Ren walked to the door, wanting to get to his personal living quarters. "Where's Rey?" Poe asked. Ren glanced over his shoulder, stopping right as he was about to exit the lounge.

"She wanted to stay outside a little longer."

"Huh. I didn't know you two could part from one another." A self-satisfied grin worked its way onto Poe's mouth as he clearly annoyed Ren. He brushed off the jab, knowing that retaliating against the guy was a waste of time.

Ren entered his room, choosing not to immediately lie down for the night. Back and forth he paced between the lifeless metal walls. His self-control was back in place, but he needed to make sure to not let his body go as far as it had down in the cargo bay. These passions Rey unknowingly caused to rise within him were tricky to wrangle in. _How do I control this?_

A soft knock came at his door. He hadn't felt anyone coming near his room and as he reached out through the Force, Rey's signature was faintly there. For the most part, she still had her portion of the connection closed off from him.

Mentally, he commanded the door to slide open, revealing Rey in the doorway. Her eyes timidly roamed around the room, taking in the space she'd never seen before.

"I was wondering if you had an extra shirt I could borrow?" Of course, she probably didn't want to stay in the shirt she's been wearing all day. Ren reprimanded himself for not thinking of giving her more garments.

He nodded and strode to his trunk in the corner. He didn't pack as many civilian clothes since he thought he would be wearing tunics and robes most of the time. Placing the thick attire on the floor, he found a couple simple shirts left at the bottom. The choices were stark: white or black, sleeved or non-sleeved. _White? How did that get in here?_

He liked seeing Rey in black, so he decided to give her the white. Out of his periphery, Rey began to kneel next to him, looking over the garments that were on the floor. Something red was sticking out, and she slowly went to retrieve it. She clasped onto her rebel doll, looking at it with graceful reverence.

When he had left her home, he didn't realize her doll had been stuffed into the pocket of his robes. He knew he should have thrown it away upon discovering it, but he placed it in his trunk instead. A part of him didn't want to let her go, even then.

"You brought this with you?" She hugged the doll to her chest and closed her eyes. That doll had been her only companion for years and she seemed to be overwhelmed seeing it again. He clutched the white shirt in his lap, giving her a moment to enjoy being reunited with something that was so obviously precious to her. "Ben?" Her eyelids fluttered open and her stare moved to his. "I know you believe you belong in the darkness, but I know there is light still within you. To me, you're worth saving, even after all the things you've done." She swallowed. "You're not evil, Ben. You've committed evil, but you're not evil. If you were, I would be dead on that island." He didn't know what to say, but he was sure he was worth less than a grain of sand. "I won't stop trying to help you become the man you were always meant to be."

His stare filled with sorrow, not from knowing he couldn't be saved, but from realizing the girl would not give up her quest to see him embrace the light. "That path will only lead you to disappointment and heart break," he said softly.

Her shoulders shrugged. "Then that's the path I choose and the risk I am willing to take, but I know you won't disappoint me." A deep inhale entered her lungs. "Nor break my heart." Ben was an expert at disappointing others, but the thought of letting Rey down made him extremely nervous. And her last statement… it had sounded so intimate coming from her. His lightsaber has torn through many hearts, but what Rey was speaking of was more metaphorical than physical.

She gave him a weak smile as she stood and Ren followed. He handed her the simple shirt and she grabbed it gratefully. "There is a washing mechanism on the lower level. I can show you how to use it tomorrow so you can wash your garments."

"Really? That would be great cause my chest wrap needs a good wash." Ren's mouth slackened and her eyes widened as they realized what she just said. She blushed as Ren cleared his throat, trying to alleviate the awkwardness now in the close quarters. Sure, the girl needed clothes, but his mind didn't even think of her need for undergarments. _Maybe I can ask Poe to steal some for her…  
_

"Oh and, uh… I've been using your toothbrush. I hope that's okay…" Her trepidation was endearing and Ren gave her a reassuring grin.

"Rey, what's mine is yours. Feel free to use whatever you want." She breathed out in relief and he made a note to ask the pilot to snatch Rey some much-needed necessities. He could teach Poe how to pickpocket someone so he wouldn't have to flagrantly steal, but more than likely the pilot would just refuse his offer.

Rey brought the doll into view. "Is it alright if I take this?"

"It's yours. You don't have to ask me." He wanted to feel her skin before she left, but he refrained.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow then. Goodnight." He followed her to the doorway and watched her enter her room across from his. She gave him one last look as he bade her goodnight and then the door slid closed, cutting her off from his line of sight.

She had decided to stay, at least for tonight. He was sure a whole new set of arguments were in store for them tomorrow, but Ren didn't care. If they were arguing, it meant she was still here with him. And he would prefer that much more than the silence of being alone.

 **Over the weekend, I changed a very small detail in chapter ten that will become important later on. Its such a small detail that no one will probably notice, but I decided to tell you anyway.**

 **So, we finally know who took Leia! If you haven't read Bloodline, than I would suggest googling Carise Sindian if you want to know more about her. I am crossing my fingers she shows up during the next two movies. Also, I hope none of you get offended by sexual content. Sexuality is a huge part of being human and I was conflicted whether to write anything sexual in the story or not. But, if I didn't, I would feel like I am settling in some way and I want the book to be what I always envisioned it would be. So... yeah. Read at your own risk!**

 **And with this chapter, we had some more strained conversations with Ren and Rey. If you find it difficult to like Ren right now, that is the intention. He needs to start caring about other things and people, besides Rey. At the core, he still holds onto much of his beliefs and its going to be interesting writing him as he evolves. Him and Rey both take turns being difficult to write, but for some reason I find Rey to be trickier of the two.**

 **Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! More drama and action to come, I promise! Things are just slowing down for a bit, but it will for sure pick back up. Our heroes cant always be fighting the bad guys! Sometime they need a break.**

 **Fave, follow, or review the story! Thanks for reading :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you all soooooo much for every follow, fave, and review! You all are so awesome and thanks for taking the time to read my story! HogwartsIsOurHome: I'm glad you are liking the slow progression of their relationship. I do think there is more of a satisfying feeling when reading slow-burns and then finally seeing the couple get together. The build up is rewarding in the end! They also do share a moment in this chapter, so keep those hairs on your head! Jedi Kay-Kenobi: I knew when I was outlining the story that it was going to be maddening for a lot of readers, but also be enjoyable at the same time. All I can say is patience! You will be rewarded! I also really had to think about these two characters before I starting writing. How would they interact with one another? What would they say? It is still a hard thing to do, but I enjoy it. I am so glad you noticed how Ben didn't like living up to others expectations, but he is doing the exact same thing with Snoke and Vader. I was wondering if anyone would see that parallel and you did! Shout out to all the TVD fans! Yeah! MaelsiC: Those are some great adjectives! Haha I was laughing while reading your comment. Thanks for all the lovely compliments and I hope the story meets your expectations. Glad to have a fan from Mexico! Guest: I couldn't resist adding Carise to the story. She adds a lot of drama to Leia's life! ilovekyloren: I wanted this to feel close to a novel in the sense that it has a general plot line with smaller plot points going on around it. Its not just the love story, but the fight against the First Order for the control over the galaxy. We just haven't made it to all the politics yet. I'm happy you get lost in the story! Kimmycocopop: It was important to have them interact in their dreams so the conflict was much more powerful once they faced each other on the island. Ren is not a super great person right now, so your struggle to like him is understandable. Poe definitely brings more perspective to the group, especially in upcoming chapters. Glad you like his character so far!**

 **I do not own Star Wars**

Chapter 17

The knights veered off down the left hallway while Kylo Ren stalked down the dark passage. The students were in a peaceful state of sleep, unaware of the imminent danger dressed in black. Ren's thoughts were threatening to relive the years he trained at the school, but he tore the memories apart before they gained any traction.

That life was not a part of him anymore.

He came upon the first room, the one that held the oldest student at the academy. This was going to be his most formidable opponent, but Ren knew he was still stronger in the Force than Alec. _No, do not use his name._

The man suddenly stirred awake, noticing the vast amount of darkness emanating from outside his chambers. With a swift mental command, the door slid open, revealing the man scrambling for his lightsaber. He stood, facing Ren with his ignited yellow plasma blade. Horror cut through the atmosphere as the Jedi took in the threatening figure in the doorway.

The Jedi charged, bringing the blade down at Ren's mask. He sidestepped the blow, stepping further into the tight confines of the living quarters. The man swung the weapon, but Ren ignited his saber to parry the Jedi's attack. Their blades scorched the walls and tore apart the small amount of furniture in the room as they fought viciously. Ren knew this student had a particular gift with saber battle, but he was relatively weak when it came to using the Force.

Ren plunged into the Jedi's mind, searching and finding that little crevice that tucked away a person's deepest fear. He brought the terror to the surface, hoping that the mental trick would work on this man. Kylo had practiced this technique only a few times before, but it hadn't been during a physical altercation. He was curious to see if he could do it under a more stressful circumstance, and by the way the Jedi abruptly fell to the floor and clawed at his body, Ren concluded it was a success.

The man believed himself to be on fire and was trying to stop the pain of his burning flesh.

Ren outstretched his hand, calling the Jedi's lightsaber to him. His mind grew fuzzy as he felt something familiar upon touching the weapon; it was almost like he was on the verge of seeing a picture in his thoughts, but he quickly dismissed it.

Deep groans were coming from the ground and his attention was drawn back to the dazed man. With both lightsabers disengaged, he crouched next to the Jedi, getting ready to force the man into a deep sleep before killing him.

"Don't," the man breathed. Pleading for his life was a waste of time since Ren was fully committed to his plan. "You have to hide her from him. Don't let him find her." The man was clearly delirious, but the statements still struck Ren as being odd. "Don't do it. You kill her and you can never come back. " Decisively, he caused the man to slumber, stopping the unusual tirade from going on a moment longer. Kylo tried to make sense of the Jedi's words, and concluded that he was begging Ren not to kill one of the girl padawans.

That was the logical explanation, anyway…

Before there was time to question himself, he felt for the Jedi's spinal column through the Force and crushed that sweet spot right in the neck. The death was quick and precise, like how it should be. His adrenaline spiked as he looked upon the dead body. The power Ren had possessed over him was a prize to behold. He held all the control over the fate of this one person and marveled at the rush of invincibility that had enveloped him. He could get use to this feeling with more practice…

In a blink of an eye, the body on the floor changed into that of a young woman. Her dark brown hair was strewed out around her head and her eyes were lifelessly looking off into the distance. The woman's identity dawned on him and he sucked in a sharp breath in disbelief. He frantically backed up into the wall, not wanting to believe what he was seeing.

Screams started to resonate through the vast building and he could hear the panic of footfalls on the floor. _She's not supposed to be here! I killed Alec, not her! This doesn't-_

He awoke in the midst of blackness, not knowing immediately where he was. The light illuminated the room on his command, showing him that he was still on his ship. A drop of sweat trickled down his temple and into his hair as his hands rubbed the anxiety from his face.

Reliving the memory of that night had been more difficult than he thought it would be. And every detail of it had been true, all the way up until Rey appeared dead, causing him to scurry away from her corpse.

He rose from the bottom bunk, grasping onto his lightsaber, feeling a powerful need to get out of the metal boundaries of the freighter. Ren slipped on his boots and stopped by the refresher before walking down to the cargo bay.

The sky was overcast and the air was thicker than before, making it difficult for him to breath and fill his lungs properly. The humidity was already compacting the heat against his skin and he wished for a helpful breeze to cool him off, but none came. It was going to be another torturous day outside, especially if Rey still wanted to practice dueling. Ren much preferred colder climates compared to the drowning pressure of heat found in tropical or desert planets.

Off to his left, distant sounds of laughter came from the beach. He reached out to Rey, sensing she was somewhere on the coastline. He pushed the vines and branches from his path, letting him get a clear view of the ocean. His eyesight was drawn to some movement off to the left where he saw Rey and Poe facing one another. She was wearing the same trousers from yesterday, but they were now paired with the white shirt he had given her last night. The pilot was shirtless, which didn't seem to surprise Ren in the slightest. Both were in a battle stance, their arms raised in a defensive manner.

He remained by the trees, observing the bout that was about to unfold. He was curious to see Rey's fighting style sans lightsaber... and if the pilot would be a formidable opponent.

Rey's fist shot out to strike Poe's midsection, but the pilot swatted her hand away and pivoted to the right. His arm swung at her back, missing it by mere inches as she bent forward to grab his leg. She pulled him to her, causing him to lose his balance and fall hard onto the ground. Rey jumped when his legs swept at her ankles, giving the pilot the momentum to stand quickly, but she proved to be faster. She darted at Poe, sliding her knees across the sand as she ducked under his swing and hit him square in the stomach. The pilot let out a low grunt and both of them paused to catch their breath.

Poe helped her onto her feet as they laughed and talked over the details of the contest.

Ren let his presence be known as he made his way over to the jubilant combatants. Poe was the first to see him, immediately backing away from Rey and looking nervous. "That was a good match." Rey turned to him, her grin brightening her eyes. The girl was obviously proud of herself. "What decides the winning point?"

She lifted the top of her shirt to wipe her brow and Ren noticed that he could see her chest wrap through the light fabric. _I should have given her the black one._ "The first person to touch the torso wins a point. That includes the back."

He nodded, intrigued to know who was winning. "What's the score?"

"Rey just took the lead three to two." Poe squinted at the young girl as Ren slightly smiled in admiration. "She is shiftier than she looks." Rey shrugged, deciding to take the statement as a compliment.

Poe turned his attention to Ren, not hiding the fact that he was eyeing him up and down. "So, _Kylo_ , you wanna try your hand at it?" Ren stared at the pilot, trying to process what the man had just asked. Poe laughed at his reaction and Rey looked between the two men anxiously. "It's okay. I understand you probably don't like to lose."

Ren gave the man a flat stare. "I don't lose."

"Really? That scar across your face tells a different story." A self-satisfied smirk formed on Poe's features, causing Ren's blood to boil. Abruptly, Poe unzipped his trousers, letting them fall to the sand, leaving him in only his undergarment briefs.

"I'm gonna go for a swim to cool down." A devilish grin formed on his lips and he winked at Rey before running out to the waves. Both Ren and Rey were astounded as to the lack of the man's propriety, and he could see Rey blush as she watched Poe dive into the water. This was probably the first time Rey had ever seen so much of a man exposed and Ren didn't like that it had been the pilot.

 _That guy is way too comfortable in his own skin._

After the pilot dove under the current, Rey's attention swept across the shimmering water, looking longingly at the soft waves. Ren could sense that she wished to go out into the ocean, but was too afraid since she did not know how to swim.

"Time for some lightsaber dueling? And then maybe some mental exercises?" She looked up at him, expectantly. _Just as I thought, another day is going to be spent out in the heat._

"If that's what you want, but we're not going to duel with lightsabers." Her excited face fell and her bottom lip jutted out in a pout. The expression made her seem so young and innocent, something Ren never was.

"I'm not fighting with sticks again."

His eyebrow rose from curiosity. "Again?"

Rey sighed dramatically, amusing Ren.

"Master Skywalker and I only practiced with dueling staves. We were going to try out my new saberstaff, but we never got the chance…" Ren knew what she was alluding to.

Hearing Skywalker's name irked him, but he pushed it from his mind. It wasn't like she had brought up the name randomly; he'd asked her a question and she honestly answered. Ren focused on the later part of her statement and was surprised to find out she'd never used her saberstaff before their fight on the island. Her fighting had been impressive, as if she'd been using the saber for years.

He motioned for them to start heading into the trees and she followed his lead. "Dueling canes are safer to use for practice. Especially if you are going against an opponent." He could almost hear her eyes roll as she walked beside him. "I'm not going to use my lightsaber against you, Rey."

The girl was getting more and more frustrated. "If it's because it reminds you too much of fighting me on Starkiller or the island–"

"It's not. You can get seriously injured while practicing and I'm not taking that risk."

Maybe he was a little timid to duel her with his saber because of the memories, but what he had in mind for practicing didn't really involve a lot of dueling. It would be more form based exercises and agility training. He was sure the girl was going to hate it.

"Do you even have dueling canes?" Rey eyed him skeptically.

"No, but there are plenty of branches lying around. I'm sure we can fashion two into a dueling saber and staff. Or I can make yours for you, if you feel too incapable…" They went through the trees, but Ren refrained from helping her through this time. He had to keep his guard up while around her.

Rey spun around to face him, looking all too serious about the challenge he passively gave her. "I can figure it out. I did make my quarterstaff on my own, you know." The glint of motivation shined in her eyes and Ren smiled at her conviction.

They searched through the vegetation for their perfect weapons, keeping the conversation light to avoid arguing. She relayed the start of her day, telling him how her and Poe woke around the same time and had breakfast together. The pilot offered to teach her some hand-to-hand combat after she expressed how she was hoping to duel with her lightsaber. Once Poe realized how gifted Rey was at fighting, they decided to make it interesting by making it into an actual game.

"But he never hit you too hard, right?" Ren inquired. The memory of striking her across the face on the island came to his mind, but he buried it back within.

"No, he would barely tap me. I told him he could strike me harder and I would be fine, but he never did." _Good_ , Ren thought. He knew Rey would've been able to handle the hits, but if the pilot had been rough with her, he would have taken it personally. And for the most part while on the island, he has controlled his anger considerably well. He wondered how long he could keep that up.

Ren picked up a fairly straight branch, noting that the width was about the right size, but the length would need to be shortened. "So, has the pilot said to you whether he is staying or leaving soon?" _Hopefully leaving_. Ren didn't know how much longer he could handle the guy's sarcastic comments and brash personality.

"He wanted to stay a few days." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as she eagerly searched the sandy ground. "To make sure that I'll be okay, and to give me time to change my mind," Rey stated nonchalantly. Ren clenched his teeth while focusing on the wooden staff in his hands.

"I found it!" Rey held the thin branch over her head in triumph, but he didn't share her enthusiasm.

"What? This will work, right?" She walked to him, holding the branch up so he could inspect it. It was thinner than his, but her hands were small so it would work nicely for her grip. The length was the standard span of a saberstaff and the only thing that needed to be done to it was smooth out some notches. The girl had found the perfect practice weapon, so why was he suddenly in a bad mood?

The pilot seemed to believe that Rey was going to change her mind about staying, which made his annoyance affect his demeanor. Even after Rey discovered all the cruel things he'd done, she was still here out of her own free will. How much more validation did he need that she won't leave? Apparently a lot more, and it irked him that he needed that from her.

"Yes, it'll work. You can use your lightsaber to smooth it out."

"Oh, uh… I don't have my lightsaber with me." If he'd been more observant, he would have known that. He needed to sharpen his habit of noticing small details.

"We can go back to the ship and you can grab it, but you should get use to having it with you at all times." His tone was flat and she studied his down turned face. He swung the staff at his side as he started the trek back to the freighter.

Rey stayed close to his side. "Is what I said bothering you?"

"That you didn't bring your lightsaber?"

"No, I'm talking about how Poe is giving me time to change my mind." Ren kept his stare glued to the ship, not knowing if he should stay quiet or answer her honestly. There is a certain sense of vulnerability that comes with confessing how you truly feel, which was a big reason why Ren didn't like to talk much.

However, the girl has earned some sense of honesty from him.

He cleared his throat to alleviate the discomfort at expressing his thoughts. "I guess I'm just... still waiting for you to really look at me and run away," he said quietly.

"I do really look at you, Ben." They stopped at the bottom of the ramp and his weight shifted between his two legs. He felt out of place while discussing the topic, even if it was to Rey. "Poe's wrong. After everything I've learned, I'm still here and I don't plan on leaving." He finally gave in and directed his eyesight onto her. Her skin was flush, her wavy hair sticking to the sweat on her neck, but it didn't take away from her natural beauty. If anything, it accentuated it. "I guess time will be the only thing that will prove that to you." Unexpectedly, she grasped his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze before darting up the ramp. It all happened so fast and he wished he could have held onto her longer. A few seconds of feeling her skin had been cruel, but he knew Rey hadn't purposefully tried to make it seem that way.

She scaled the ladder in record speed while yelling over her shoulder, "I'll grab my saber really quick. You go find us an area to train in!" Her assertiveness was impressive, especially since it was directed at him.

He couldn't stop his smile as he thought about how much he liked that about her.

()()()()()

"I was expecting this to be more entertaining," Poe grumbled, head lazily resting on his hand. "Rey, I thought you said you were going to be dueling him?" Rey struck the tree with a hard swing with her smooth wooden quarterstaff, letting out an exasperated grunt.

Rey hadn't been enthusiastic once Ren explained to her what the training would entail. He would teach her some basic forms, call them out to her, and have her perform them against her stagnant opponent. Rey had complained that she wanted to be pushed harder and Ren had countered by telling her the exercises would test her endurance. Rey needed to learn not to falter in her foundation while feeling the pulls of exhaustion.

Three hours into the training and he could see her form start to weaken. To correct her, Ren would tap various parts of her body with his dueling cane so Rey could adjust accordingly. He would never do it hard, but he would put enough strength behind his strikes to irk her.

The pilot had been watching the promenade for the last hour, which was starting to aggravate Ren. The only thing Poe wanted to do was complain that he wasn't being entertained enough. "Building up muscle memory is an important step toward being able to duel efficiently," Ren explained to Poe while never taking his eyes off of Rey. Her back was starting to arch and he tapped her middle to correct her posture. She stared daggers into the tree out of frustration. Anger was boiling up to the surface as she struck the overly abused tree, making the branches shimmy up above.

"You're tapping into the dark side," he warned her. It was emanating off of her fiercely and she was having a hard time controlling the fuming emotions.

Her wooden staff struck the ground and she turned to face him. "Well, _you_ are making me angry." Aggression laced her words as she spoke between gritted teeth.

He pinched his eyes at her. "I'm making you do no such thing. You are the one who controls your emotions, and if you cannot control your anger, that's your own fault. If, however, you do want to use the dark side, I won't stop you. You can choose where your power comes from." He couldn't stop Rey from doing what she wanted, but he was surprised by what he was hoping she would do. The prospect of having her in the darkness with him had been so alluring before, but as he spends more time with her, tainting that light would be an atrocity.

There was a well of aggression and rage buried within her from the lonely life she'd succumbed to on Jakku. She was, however, skilled at never extracting from it. On Starkiller, she'd been very close to doing so, but she had closed it up and locked it away in her subconscious. Instead, she chose to use the death of Han Solo and her severely injured friend to fuel her power.

If she had used that pit of unmitigated emotions, though, Ren was sure she would not have hesitated to kill him.

Heavy breaths came from her mouth as she squared off at him. "I don't want to use the dark side. I just wanted to do some dueling today. This," she pointed at the tree, "seems like a waste of time."

Ren eyed the splintered bark. "You think this is a waste of time?"

Rey remained silent, waiting to see how Ren would react to her blunt comment. Abruptly, he advanced toward her, swinging his weapon right at Rey's midsection. He'd caught her off guard, evidenced by her wide eyes and slow defensive response. Ren even saw Poe, out of his periphery, suddenly stand on the ramp in alarm.

Even though it took a few seconds for Rey to realize what was happening, she regained her composure and was successfully fending off Ren's forward assault. He hit the girl's staff vigorously, making it hit the sand before Rey could stop it. Her arms were severely weakened, but fights were rarely fair.

He backed off the attack for a moment. "First person to hit the other wins. Anywhere on the body counts." The last statement was more for her benefit than his. He wouldn't attempt to strike her anywhere but on the stomach, and he wouldn't make the blow unnecessarily hard.

Rey enthusiastically took him up on the challenge and quickly regained the offensive lead. Ren was making it considerably hard for her to strike him and he could sense her giving into her anger too quickly. "You need to control your anger." But she didn't. She fed all her frustration and pent up annoyance into each and every thrust. It surprised him how fast she had submitted to her aggression, for he thought she would have fought to keep it at bay.

Pain blossomed in his jaw and he blinked to find himself suddenly on the sandy ground. Metal and warmth glided along his taste buds and he spat out a wad of blood next to his hands.

The wooden quarterstaff dropped to the ground as Rey knelt next to him. "I-I didn't mean to do that." Her voice trembled, and Ren turned to see her face full of panic and regret. Poe ran up beside them, watching the scene unfold.

"The move you used to strike me." His tongue slid over the inside of his cheek, feeling the open gash that was pouring blood into his mouth. "Where did you learn it?" He let more of the crimson liquid drip onto the sand before looking intently at Rey.

At first, she gazed at him confused, but ever so slowly, realization dawned onto her face. "It's one of the forms I've been practicing with over the last few hours," she responded quietly.

"And you thought I was just wasting your time." Carefully, he stood to his full height. The vision in his left eye was blurred and the landscape around him started to spin out of focus. He must've been teetering to his left because Rey grasped firmly onto his arms to steady him. Closing his eyes, he took a few deep breaths and centered himself in the Force. The tissue and blood vessels in his cheek bound back together, the swelling coming down considerably.

Rey cleared her throat. "I would apologize, but I have a feeling you'd just stop me from doing so."

Keeping the majority of his concentration on healing the wound, he responded calmly behind his minute grin. "I was trying to push you into using the technique. I had to make my point somehow. Don't ever apologize for defending yourself." For the most part, Ren believed in what he just stated. When you're in a defensive position, any strike on your opponent is necessary for survival.

Guilt over it gives your enemy more power over you, which you should never allow.

However, the memory of Ren Force pushing Rey into a tree on Starkiller sped into his mind. No doubt the girl was going to fire her blaster at him, which forced him to defend himself, but he should've used less power on her. After everything that he'd just done, being gentle had been the last thing on his mind, but he had grown to regret how much of his strength he'd put behind that push. In the end, though, it had been wise to take her out of the equation, leaving the stormtrooper the one to fight. Rey had been the true threat, evidenced by the scars she left on his body. Pushing her had been a tactical decision as much as it was a defensive one, but that didn't change the context of what he did.

Feeling the last of the tissue heal, he opened his eyes to find Rey gaping at his now mended bruise. He knew what that look meant. _She's definitely going to ask me to teach her that later_.

Poe took a step forward. "You know, for a second there, I thought you went crazy and was trying to kill her all over again." Rey spun around, glaring at the pilot. For some odd reason, she took the comment more personally than Ren did. "Hey," Poe raised his hands innocently. "I think that's a reasonable thought after he suddenly lunges at you and has tried to kill you in the past."

Ren could sense Rey's anger heighten and he put his calloused hand on her shoulder to try to calm her.

 _What is going on with her?_ He was the one that was always in the position of losing himself to his rage, but having Rey on the brink of becoming emotional, it had forced him to be the rational one. It was... odd.

"Lets go inside and cool off. I could use some water." He had deprived Rey of food and water while training, and now he was questioning that decision. _Maybe she's dehydrated…_ Abruptly, Rey stalked over to the ship, leaving Poe and Ren behind among the trees.

"What I said was meant to annoy you, not her," Poe admitted. Ren scrutinized Rey's shrinking form as she got closer to the freighter, trying to decipher her thoughts through their connection, but he came up empty.

"Is she gonna be okay?" Ren's attention trailed back to the pilot, noticing his concerned expression. Poe seemed to genuinely care for Rey's well-being and Ren felt a pang of jealousy over never having someone feel that way about him. He knew Rey did, but their bond played a major role in them understanding one another.

Ren banished the childlike emotions and said, "She'll be fine. She just needs to eat something and relax for a while." Poe didn't seem to believe Kylo completely, but he kept his mouth shut about the matter.

Awkward tension grew between the two men as they trekked over to the cargo bay. Ren didn't mind it as much, but he could detect that it was effecting the pilot. He hoped the man wouldn't try to create small talk with him.

"Soooooo." _Great_. "You seem to be a tough teacher," Poe stated as he walked next to him.

"I warned Rey I would be." Ren didn't feed too much into the conversation, so the topic died pretty fast. The pilot, however, was content with finding a new issue to discuss.

"She seems to be serious about staying with you." Satisfaction dispersed throughout Ren's disposition and he purposely didn't try to hide it.

They walked up the ramp as Poe struggled to match Ren's long strides. "Then why are you still here?" Ren asked.

Poe jumped in front of him, making Ren stop and eye the pilot with contempt. "I don't trust you around her. In more ways than one." The pilot's thoughts were picturing various degrees of violence and sexual situations between Ren and Rey, none of which he would ever do to her.

Ren took a step forward, but Poe didn't back down. At least he could use his height as a means of intimidation, since the guy was a few inches shorter than him. "You think you can stop me from doing what I want?" The question was sinister, causing Poe to almost snarl in response. Ren enjoyed getting a reaction out of the guy way too much.

"No, but I'd still try."

 _Always the hero…_

"How chivalrous of you," he mockingly replied. Wanting to be done with their quaint chat, Ren moved to the ladder to make his way to the top level.

"You're an asshole."

Ren laughed into the open space, surprising both him and Poe. He stood on the overhang and feigned being offended, but couldn't stop his self-satisfied smile from spreading across his pale face.

"At least we agree on one thing." He left the pilot in the cargo bay, feeling the guy fume of annoyance and shock. Honestly, Ren was amazed that killing the man didn't crossed his mind. Not even once. Sure, he received gratification out of annoying Poe, but his first response to a situation like that would've been torture or murder.

Maybe he was starting to lose his edge.

Ren twitched with uneasiness.

()()()()()

Rey poured the chocolate powder into the water and stirred, noticing that she couldn't get the clumps to dissolve. She let out a deep huff as her patience started to thin. _How did Ben get this to work?_ She took a sip, immediately spitting it back into the mug.

 _Stars, that's definitely not what Ben's tasted like_. Her knowledge when it came to cooking and making drinks was extremely lacking. If she were asked to warm up rations, she would be the one to turn to, but actually cooking something from nothing? That process eluded her.

When she came aboard the freighter, she veered off to the galley in a desperate need for some water. Ben had told her she wasn't allowed to have any until she had her form perfected, which peeved her beyond measure. Master Skywalker never tried to deprive her of basic human necessities, so why did Ben think he could? No one should be trained that way. Being hungry and thirsty reminded Rey too much of growing up on Jakku, and those memories never sat well with her.

And the dozens of times Ben whacked her with his dueling cane had almost pushed her over the edge of self control. She'd been so close to stealing it from his grasp and beating him with it _._

 _You asked for this, so stop complaining_ , she reprimanded herself. But something felt off about her. She didn't usually get this irritated so easily.

Now, all she wanted to do was taste the delectable chocolate drink Ben had made and she couldn't even figure that out. She forcibly dumped the mug into the sink, almost breaking the simple white cup. Her hands rested on the edge of the counter as she closed her eyes, trying to calm herself.

"What did the cup ever do to you?" She glanced to see Ben standing in the entryway, his eyes scrutinizing her tense exterior.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" It was like he could see something she couldn't about herself.

Hesitantly, he stepped into the galley and came toward her, still having the studious expression on his face. "You just… feel differently than usual." Rey didn't know how to respond to the weird analysis, so she just stated the obvious.

"Probably because I'm irritated."

Ben shrugged, closing the distance between him and the metal sink.

"Maybe…" he said as he glanced at the tipped over mug. His eyesight roamed over Rey's head to see the chocolate powder opened on the counter.

"You tried to make hot chocolate? In the middle of the day?" He said that like she should know what time it was appropriate to have hot chocolate, which she didn't. It had tasted delicious, so shouldn't she be able to drink it whenever she wanted?

"Yeah, well... I couldn't figure out how you made it."

He smiled down at her as her cheeks unwillingly began to flush, betraying her embarrassment. Slowly, his body pressed her up against the counter, making her bend backwards until her head hit the cabinet. The warmth of his torso against hers seeped through her clothes, causing her breathing to hitch and her mouth to go dry. He reached into the cabinet above her and brought out a paper wrapped bar.

"I can teach you how to make it, but I think you'll like this better." He stepped back, giving her some space as he held the bar out to her. She was flustered by his close proximity and it took her hand a moment to respond to her internal command to take what Ben was offering her. Anticipation flared out of him, and Rey wondered what was inside the brown wrapping.

Rey ripped the paper, inspecting the dark, compacted substance underneath. Tentatively, she brought it between her teeth and broke off a piece. The flavor was similar to the hot chocolate, but this was a thousand times more potent and sweet.

She was stunned. Frozen. Eyes wide enough to pop from their sockets. Her eyes met Ben's, his wide smile crinkling his lids as he watched her. She was helpless in stopping herself from shoving half of it in her mouth, needing more.

It was much more enjoyable to let the choc melt on her tongue and than chew it, causing it to come out of the sides of her mouth. Her eyes closed and she groaned out of gratification as she wiped her lips and licked her fingers.

An unrecognizable, strong emotion blasted from Ben and flared up deep within her. Still licking her fingers and mouth, she opened her eyes and gazed directly at his indulgent expression. His eyes glossed over and he studyied her mouth like it was the first time he'd ever seen such a thing.

He gulped while running his hands through his hair. Rey could tell from his shaky breaths that he was struggling with something, but she wasn't sure what. He did have a sweet tooth, so maybe he really wanted some of the chocolate? She held it out to him, but he shook his head. "No, it's yours. You can have as much as you want. There's more in the cupboard behind you."

"Thank you," she said between chews.

"Have you eaten any food yet?"

"Other than this?" She held up the mostly eaten bar. "No, I haven't. But I drank a liter of water." Her stomach sure felt like it did.

Ben moved over to the cabinets and started to grab a handful of bags and jars Rey couldn't identify. Pans clanged onto the stove and she observed as he poured water and a white grainy substance into the medium sized pot. She didn't know Ben could do something as domestic as cooking. They've only been living off of rations and dehydrated food since landing on Spira.

In one fluid motion, she jumped onto the counter and sat on the flat surface, eating her choc bar while watching Ben handle the ingredients. "I didn't know you could cook." A soft chuckle came from him as he opened the jar and poured the contents into a small saucepan.

"This is hardly cooking. I can reheat things, but other than that, my knowledge in the culinary arts is limited." _Well, this is more than what I can do._

He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. "Are you starting to feel better?"

She nodded. For the most part she felt more settled, but something uncomfortable was still bubbling beneath the surface. "I guess not eating or drinking anything and whacking a tree for a few hours brings out the worst in me."

He stirred the sauce as it began to bubble. "Look at what you accomplished when we did fight, though. You executed the strike perfectly."

She flatly looked at him. "I don't appreciate being tricked into hitting you. Especially in the face." She thought of when she slashed his face on Starkiller and how in that moment, she'd been tempted to kill him.

"I know how to take a beating, Rey." She didn't doubt that he did, but she had the inkling that he enjoyed the pain a little too much.

He turned away from the stove, giving Rey his full attention. His demeanor gave off an air of seriousness and Rey braced herself for a potential lecture. "So... I'm not exactly sure how to bring this up, which is why I'm just going to say it: You were feeding too much into your anger while training."

Rey exhaled dramatically. "I thought you said the choice of where my power comes from is my decision."

Ben reluctantly nodded. "It is, but you made it pretty clear to me that you don't want to use the dark side."

"I don't."

"But you were, and I could feel how you were struggling to control yourself."

" _You_ are talking to _me_ about control?" she bit back, immediately regretting it. His searing eyes pinched and his temples protruded as he clenched his jaw. Her visage froze, realizing for the first time in a few days who she was really talking to. This man had a temper and she was pushing him when she knew she shouldn't.

He kept his voice even as he replied, "I know I have my own set of problems, but we are talking about you; not me. Don't turn the conversation around." They squared off against one another, each one silently fighting for dominance over the situation. Surprisingly, Ben was the one who backed down as he took a deep breath and turned back to stirring the fragrant sauce.

Letting in her anger and frustration had felt so easy. It even gave her a sense of strength she never knew she had. But once she was able to calm herself, the exhaustion had set in and she felt off, like she'd compromised a part of herself for the power.

"It's, uh, hard for me to control my emotions while fighting," Rey sheepishly said. Ben stopped stirring as he listened to her quiet voice. "I even struggled on the island while dueling Master Skywalker, but today I let my anger escalate more than I should have. I apologize for snapping at you."

Ben relaxed his shoulders. "Rey," he whispered, twisting to look at her. She was glad to see that his expression was full of tenderness and understanding, instead of judgement and chastisement. He placed his hands on the countertop beside her as he came in close, making her knees touch against his thighs. "You never need to apologize to me about how hard it is to contain your emotions. In fact, how about you never apologize to me again. Ever."

 _Never apologize?_

"But I've said and done things that are rude or hurtful."

"No, you haven't. If I want an apology, I'll ask for it. Plus, if anyone can understand your struggle to control your anger, I can. I have twenty-nine years worth of it. So don't think I would ever get offended if you let it show." She glanced down at her lap, watching as she twisted her fingers anxiously.

She just started learning the ways of the Force and she was already having trouble with regulating her emotions. What if she couldn't do it? "Ben, I don't like how the dark side makes me feel. I don't want to use it," she confessed.

He leaned in closer. "I know, and I'll help you as much as I can to keep you in the light." Her eyes swooped back up to his as the shock of what he said shook her core.

"You– you would? You would help me do that?" _Does he even know how to do that?_ But she knew he did. He spent the first twenty-three years of his life fending off the darkness until he made the choice to finally let it in.

His stare beseeched her. "Rey, I would never take away your right to choose. Even if I do believe that the light side is inferior, I'll support what you decide to do."

 _Who are you_ , Rey was about to ask, for she never thought she would hear such a statement come out of his mouth.

 _A dark side user helping someone stay in the light. I wonder how that'll work. But_ … "What if, in the end, I choose the dark? You would just let me?"

It took a moment for him to reply. "If that is the path you want, then yes." That was not the exact answer she wanted.

Straightening her posture, she put as much conviction behind her demand as possible. "Ben, no, you have to stop me from ever choosing that."

His forehead furrowed in confusion. "But–"

"No buts. I can tell you with absolute certainty if I ever do fall, there will always be a part of me that will want to be stopped from going down that path. I need you to promise me that you'll do whatever is necessary to bring me back." Dread filled his dark eyes as he stared deep into hers. _Is this how he feels? Does he want someone to save him, just how I would want someone to save me?_

Her hands clasped onto his arms. "Please. I need you to promise me." She could hear the sauce violently bubbling in the pan as she staunchly held his gaze. Rey was pleading to him to do this for her, and she so desperately needed him to mutter those two simple words. "Please Ben," she added.

Her future was tied with his, but she could feel something looming over her fate. It was obscure in detail and sinister in feeling and she knew that the day she would face it was fast approaching. They couldn't stay on Spira forever, nor could they ignore the unrest in the galaxy. Their life of pretend would soon be over and she wondered where that would leave the two of them.

From the melancholy look in Ben's eyes, he knew the truth as well. "I promise," he muttered.

A big exhale of relief escaped her lungs as she suddenly relaxed her head against his shoulder. Her arms wrapped around his back, pulling him closer as her body demanded the comfort of his warmth. He hesitated before mimicking her embrace, letting his fingers stroke through her coarse hair. His warm breath trailed down her cheek and she could've been mistaken, but she was sure she felt Ben kiss the crown of her hair.

 _What would it feel like to have those lips on my skin?_

They eventually parted, letting their focus return to preparing the meal. Rey found the flavors to be absolutely delicious and praised Ben for making it. He shrugged off the compliment as he downplayed his efforts. Poe had joined them just as they began eating at the lounge table, and even though Ben had told him to make his own food, Rey invited him to eat what was made.

The two men sat across from each other, making the ambiance of the room tense. Rey focused on scarfing down her food, only noticing Poe and Ben staring at her once she was finished. She should've felt embarrassed, but she was so damn hungry that she didn't care.

Ben caught her attention. "So, if you don't have anything else to demand of me today, I was wondering if I could show you something."

"Show her what?" Poe asked, his mouth full of food.

Ben tried to ignore him, but Rey saw his eye involuntarily twitch. "Sure. Is it more Force training?"

"Uh, not really... no."

Poe gulped down his food. "Hmmmm… Sounds suspicious." Ben glared at him, but all Poe did was smile as he took another bite. Rey found the little tiff amusing, but she didn't let it show.

Ben put his attention back on Rey. "We can start the wash before we head out, if you want." She nodded in excitement. Maybe if she bugged Ben long enough, he'd let her take apart the machine so she could see how it worked.

"Oh, my clothes need to be washed as well," Poe chimed in. "Mind if I throw them in?"

"Yes."

"No," Rey countered, holding Ren with a serious stare.

As usual, Rey won the dispute.

()()()()()

"Nervous?" Ren asked.

The evening sun was fighting to break free from the overcast clouds, but its light was still beating down on the clear ocean water as Rey and Ben stood just outside the waves. There was a small breeze to cool off Rey's warm skin and play with her loose hair. No matter how beautiful the view, though, trepidation was starting to slip into her expression and Ben was catching onto how jumpy her eyes were.

She glanced up and caught him watching her with his black, warm eyes. This look of caring and patience was reserved for her and only her, making her feel like she was the only woman in the whole galaxy. "Well, the last time I did this I drowned, so…."

He nodded in understanding. "You want to go back?"

She chewed at the inside of her cheek, considering that if she did back down, she would view herself as a coward. "No, I want to do this."

His light grin made her feel slightly better. "Okay." He took a step back and eyed her up and down. She was wearing one of his black sleeveless undershirts and brown trousers with his dark undergarments underneath. Her chest wrap and other undergarments were in the wash, so she was forced to go without any support on her chest. Not like it mattered since she barely had any breasts to begin with, but it still made her uncomfortable without it.

"So..." Ben began, slightly timid. "People tend to wear clothes that are acclimated to swimming, but I'm sure you'll be fine in that."

Now Ben was the more nervous one out of the two as he pushed his hair back and avoided eye contact. She looked down, realizing that the amount of clothing she was wearing would probably weigh her down in the water. _Well, I'm wearing his undershorts so maybe I should just swim in those._ It wasn't like she was jumping into the water naked. And he had seen her in her chest wrap after the battle on the island, so why did she feel so nervous about wearing shorts in front of him?

 _You know what, you took him up on his offer to teach you how to swim and you will not let the matter of clothing get in the way of that_.

Before she put too much thought into it, she slipped the trousers off her waist and brushed them aside with her foot. Heat spread into her cheeks as she walked confidently out into the water, relishing in how warm and relaxing it felt. She stopped when the tide rose to her waist and pivoted around, wondering what was taking Ben so long to join her.

He was frozen on the beach, staring straight at her in astonishment. "You can't teach me how to swim from the beach," she called out to him. "You have to get in the water, you know." Her torso twisted from side to side as her hands glided over the sparkling water and her toes dug into the silky sand.

 _I could stay in here forever._

Ben took a step forward and then glanced down at his shirt and pants, realizing that what he was wearing might be too much to go into the water with as well. Rey knew he liked being covered, especially while in the company of other people. The hesitancy stemmed back to his hatred of making himself vulnerable, but with Rey, he had nothing to be afraid of.

Rey was growing impatient while waiting for him to make a decision. Slowly, he lifted his arms over his head and clutched onto the back of his shirt, pulling it off of his body in one motion. His hair dropped over his face and he shook it out of his eyes as he stalked forward into the ocean, making the decision to keep his dark pants on.

Rey couldn't stop from gawking at him.

He was just as she remembered from the island, but the brightness of day accentuated all the curves of his muscles and the durability of his sturdy shoulders and neck. Her eyes wondered down his robust chest and onto his constricted middle. His trousers were sagging lower from the pull of water and she could make out a v-shape curving down his pelvis….

She snapped her eyes away, feeling embarrassed at inspecting him in such an intimate manner. He probably didn't appreciate being stared at and she needed to respect his boundaries as well as her own.

The loud splashing made it known to her that he was near, and she decided to watch him close the rest of the gap between them. His face was blank, but his eyes… they were on fire as he gazed at her. Never has she met another person that could fill the same level of passion into their eyes as Ben could muster into one stare.

He halted an arms length away and loomed over her small stature. She gulped, knowing she should look away, but doing so would seem akin to committing a crime.

"Ready?" he asked.

Rey nodded as her mind reminded her of the reason they were out here in the first place. She turned to walk further into the water, but Ben grabbed her waist.

"And where do you think you're going?" His voice was full of the playful tone Rey had come to like.

"Uhhh, don't we need to go further out into the water?"

"How about we stay in the shallows where you can learn how to keep yourself afloat and how to properly use your arms." As usual, Ben wanted to take things slow. Way too slow.

She glanced behind at the vast sea. "But I–"

"You always want to jump before knowing where you're going, don't you?" Rey did have a certain amount of impatience when it came to learning and Ben was quickly picking up on that.

"When I want to be good at something, I like to get the learning aspect of it done quickly."

He smiled at her honesty and Rey mirrored his appearance. "Looks like you and I have something in common, but trust me. It won't take you long to learn how to swim."

Ben started off having her float on her back, and she was finding it tricky to not let herself sink. Every time a small wave came over her head, her breathing became erratic and she started to panic. Flashes of drowning on Ahch-to would play in her thoughts and rekindle her fears, but Ben rarely loosened his grip on her.

He stayed by her side while kneeling in the water, keeping his hands under her body to help her stay afloat. It took her a while, but she finally got used to hovering over the salty ocean.

When Ben proposed going deeper into the waves, Rey almost jumped out of her skin in anticipation. The further she stepped into the sea, though, the more she started to panic and question her decision.

"Here," Ben said, grabbing Rey's waist and guiding her legs to wrap around his midsection. Rey looked at him, but he was too focused on swimming them out deeper into the water to catch her gaze. Grasping tightly onto his shoulders, her hands took on a life of their own, wondering over flesh she had no claim to. The feel of his bare shoulders and tight chest slipping over her fingers… and the water lubricating the friction… and the heat of him seeping into her and running up her body made her feel reckless.

Everything was quiet and she hadn't even realized Ben had stopped swimming. Her wondering palms must have gotten his attention, for he was ardently gazing at her while his arms fanned out and his legs kicked below. If he stilled or tried to grab her, they would go under and Rey felt so powerful knowing that he couldn't stop her from touching him.

 _To hell with boundaries…_

Her hands continued their journey over his pale skin, beginning by going down and up his sides. Sliding over his wide chest, she had an innate desire to feel his stomach, so her fingers slid further down between them. There were so many grooves of muscle that it astounded her that a man could feel and look so strong.

Gods, she was having a difficult time thinking straight. His skin was shooting energy inside her body that was so electric, she thought her heart would stop from its sheer potency. _How is it possible for him to make me feel this way?_ Ben wasn't doing anything as he treaded water and let her explore his torso, but he was doing enough by just being there.

Her fingers swept through his wet hair, appreciating how thick and silky it felt. She traced the scar on his face, down his neck, and onto his shoulder. The blemish was a blatant reminder of who this man was or better yet, who she thought he had been. To compare their first ever meeting on Takodana to what was happening right now was hard to even fathom. He'd been so shrouded in darkness and threats, that the idea of this man being beneath that thick shadow would have made her laugh in disbelief.

But here he was, making her feel things she never thought possible.

()()()()()

"Rey," Ren breathlessly spoke her name. A deep need accumulated deep within his gut as he felt her palms ravage his skin. No one… not one single soul has ever touched him as fondly as Rey was doing right now. He desperately needed to return her touch, but he had to keep them above the water or the moment would be ruined. Rey had all the control, which was probably a good thing since his hands wanted to do inappropriate things to her womanly figure.

She cupped his face with her small hands, staring at his parted lips. He needed to know what she was feeling and he tugged on their connection gently, silently imploring her to let him in.

A strong punch of arousal made him almost black out as he realized that that emotion was coming from her. _She feels this way for me? How? When? Is it possible to be this lucky? No, there is no such thing as luck_. He had no logical explanation for what was happening, so he searched her eyes instead.

They held some type of mysterious, active fluid, a force that dragged everything in, like the undertow of a wave retreating from the shore on a tempestuous day. It threatened to drag him under, so his stare held onto her ears, her nose, her hair sticking to her skin; but as soon as he returned to her pupils, the wave emerged from within and stretched its tendrils toward his soul. Each wave was pure and full of light as it threatened to envelope him and swallow him whole. For the first time in his life, he wished to be someone else so he could believe in his mind that he really deserved this woman, for the person looking at her was not worthy to gaze at such a serene face.

As if testing his reaction, she moved closer to him, making there noses touch. He didn't pull away because he wanted this just as badly as she did. Her head tilted and she caressed his face with her thumbs. The sound of the water drowned out the rush of blood in his ears as his heart hammered against his ribs. He prayed that she wouldn't stop, that she would close the distance between them…

Their lips barely touched, teasing him of the human contact he'd always yearned for from Rey. She pulled back slightly, looking at him with uncertainty. He wanted this more than he has ever wanted anything in his entire existence, and he pressed that to her across their connection. She didn't hesitate as she locked her soft lips fully onto his.

Her kiss was a fire, first in his mouth then down in his belly, an all-powerful wave that filled him out from the inside, giving him a strength he never knew existed. Every life he took, all the rage that fueled his drive, and every minute spent in obscurity paled in comparison with the power he felt from Rey's lips pressing against his own.

His hands wrenched onto her back, dipping beneath the undershirt and spreading his palms on her bare back. As quickly as he touched her, they suddenly dipped under the water. He'd been so lost in the moment that he forgot he was the one keeping them upright.

He felt her immediately panic as she tried to claw her way out of his grip. While keeping one arm wrapped around her middle, he broke through the surface, hearing her frightened breaths next to his ear. He paddled quickly back to where he could stand before grabbing her face and looking at her scared expression.

"Are you okay?"

She coughed and peeled the hair away from her eyes.

"I, uh, think I'm done with swimming lessons today." He scolded himself for losing her trust in teaching her how to swim. _Stupid, moronic-_ "We can continue tomorrow, if that's okay. Going under the water caught me off guard and I need a break." She gave him a timid smile as he looked at her with surprise.

"Yeah– yeah of course. We can do this tomorrow." Stars, he prayed to every entity out there they would do this again tomorrow.

Ren brought her into the shallows, allowing her to walk on her own back to the beach. Words escaped him and he wasn't sure what to say. He feared that this could possibly be a dream and if he woke to find himself in his room, he would not be able to stop from igniting his saber and destroying every single thing in his vicinity.

Rey darted to her trousers, picking them up off the sand and turning to face him. He couldn't stop his eyes from roaming over her in his clothes, and he was content with never seeing her in anything else.

She must have realized what he was thinking, for their connection was still open. Her cheeks blushed and her eyes grew wide. He sensed how much she wanted him, all of it in the most carnal ways possible.

"I need– I need to use the refresher," she blurted out before she dashing to the tree line, the setting sun casting her long shadow across the sand. She harshly cut their connection, and Ren took a step back as if a door suddenly closed on him. He watched as she disappeared beyond the vegetation, confusion growing in his thoughts.

 _Do I go after her? Does she want to be alone? Is she regretting what happened? Should I have stopped it from happening?_

Ren was not a people person, nor did he know how to handle women. Rey had blatantly ran away from him, so in the very least he was able to deduce that she most likely wanted space to think over what had transpired. Interestingly, all he wanted to do was be by her side again.

His mind raced as he realized just how attached he'd grown to one, single girl. All his life he's hated being around people. Everything about humanity disgusted him; they all lied, cheated, and went out of their ways to be someone they weren't just so they could forward their agendas. He could feel their greedy emotions and pick up their selfish thoughts whenever he was in a crowd, and it had been suffocating.

With Rey, he didn't pick up on any of that. The first authentic person he has ever come across in his life and they just so happen to be bound together. Now, though, he couldn't help but feel like things just got a lot more complicated between them.

Once back to the ship, Ren went straight for the living quarters, noticing the sounds of the shower in the refresher. He was somewhat dry, so he decided to wait in his chambers for the washroom to become available. He changed into his black leather pants and a dark long sleeved shirt, slipping a split tunic over the thin material that hit right above his knees. His hair was still damp, but that didn't stop him from laying across the bottom bunk. Exhaustion quickly settled into his bones and he let his eyes drift closed as he replayed the events of the day.

If she ended up regretting what had happened, it would devastate Ren, but he would understand why she felt that way. He represented everything she desperately did not want to become, so how could she want to be with him? He felt her desire, but only in the most superficial ways of pleasure and fleshly needs. To deny that he wanted the same thing would deny that the Force exists, but he wanted more than the superficial with Rey. What he wanted– and he realized it went against all his years of training to rid himself of sentiment– was their hearts to align and run parallel into a shared destiny. Sex was meaningless if he couldn't have her affection, and he knew that was close to impossible.

As his fingers slid across his mouth, he thought about how her lips caressed his... and how that memory was going to torment him for the rest of his waking days. It had been his first and maybe last kiss, but even knowing the heartache it would give him, he'd never take it back.

()()()()()

Ren snapped awake, shooting up in his bed and hitting his forehead on the top bunk. He cursed out loud while rubbing the pain away, noticing the light was still on in the room. He must've drifted off to sleep while waiting for Rey to be done using the refresher.

But something had made him suddenly awaken. It was a minute feeling, but it had resonated within him since the emotion was not his own. It was pure, unadulterated excitement and it had been coming from Rey.

 _What is she doing?_

He walked to her room and commanded the door to open, but she was nowhere inside. Quickly he checked the lounge and the galley, also coming up empty. Taking a deep breath, he scanned the surrounding area for her signature and still he couldn't find her. Their connection was closed, but he knew he could force it open. The need to do so never came up before, as he wanted Rey to think that she could have her privacy. But panic was about to overtake him and he needed to know where she was.

Right now.

He clawed at her barrier in full strength and felt it pop, the knowledge of where she'd gone immediately flooding his awareness. Now, he was definitely panicking.

The girl had snuck out sometime during the night and had gone into the city. His immediate response was to find her and drag her back before she was noticed, but he stopped as he weighed that thought. The First Order doesn't know what she looks like, and the likelihood of her being recognized was zero. _But what if she runs into some other kind of trouble? Does she even know how to navigate through a big city?_ He shouldn't go get her anyway, since Snoke was for sure looking for him.

 _What the hell do I do?_

The conversation he had the other day with Poe came to his mind. He didn't know why, but he knew these sudden thoughts shouldn't be ignored. _The pilot had stolen clothes and fuel, I told him about the credit chip, I let the pilot feel guilty for his thievery..._

 _Wait._

"The credit chip," he said on an exhale.

He sprinted to his room, full out lunging for the side table. He opened the drawer, rifling through the contents, but not finding the card. The next second he was at the pilots door, commanding the Force to unlock the entryway.

The lights illuminated in the room. "Did you tell Rey about the Galactic Credit chip?!" Poe jumped frantically out of bed, wearing only his briefs and going for the blaster on the nightstand. He was confused, the deep lines of sleep still plaguing his face as he processed what was happening.

The pilot's face went from confusion, to panic, before finally settling on anger. "What the hell are you doing in here?! Get the fuck out!"

Ren ignored his request. "Did you tell Rey about my credit chip?" he seethed.

"What?" The pilot's brows pinched together. Ren charged at the man, but halted as Poe pointed the blaster right at his chest. "Whoa, back off man. I don't know what the hell's going on. So how about you wipe that murderous look off your face and explain to me what this is all about, like a rational human being."

Ren was tempted to rip the information he needed out of Poe's head and leave the guy a whisper of who he used to be, but he resisted. Instead, he clenched his teeth and breathlessly explained what was unfolding. Thankfully, Poe lowered the blaster just as Ren entertained the thought of tearing the pilot's arm from its socket.

"The First Order doesn't even know what Rey looks like. Let the girl live a little and wonder around the city. Khalon looked like a well maintained town when I went there."

Ren stared at the pilot, flabbergasted as to what he was saying. "Did you miss the part where I said the chip is directly linked to First Order funds? Or are you suffering from bloodburn?"

"I don't have that disease and yes, I heard you say–" Poe froze, finally comprehending what Ren was trying to explain to him. "The First Order can track your chip use," Poe stated, wide eyed.

"Yes, did you convey that detail to Rey?"

"Convey it to her?" Astonishment shone in the pilot's large eyes. "You didn't even convey that to me!" Ren balled his fists at his sides and abruptly left the startled pilot in his quarters. Poe was right; he had left that detail unknown to the pilot so the man could stew over what he'd done. He should have remembered to ask Poe to steal some clothes for Rey, then maybe she wouldn't have ventured off to the city.

 _Shit, shit, shit_ …

Ren entered his own room, quickly putting on his boots and thick belt so he could hide his saber hilt beneath it. He made his way down the hallway and slid down the ladder that led into the cargo bay. The ramp opened upon his command and he jumped into the driver's seat of the compact speeder. Poe landed in the passenger's side and the two men took a moment to stare at one another.

"Get out," Ren ordered.

Poe snapped back. "No. You might need my help."

"I don't need your help."

"Well, that's too damn bad, cause you're gonna get it. Unless you'd rather keep glaring at me and waste more time." Ren's eyes pinched, but the pilot didn't back down. He didn't have time to argue and maybe, just maybe, the guy could be useful.

He entered his passcode and the speeder came to life. Ren guided the machine through the trees, looking for a big enough opening onto the beach. Once finding it, he hit the throttle and blasted them onto the coast, setting his sights on the illuminated city ahead.

"Exactly how do you plan on finding her? The city is huge!" Poe yelled over the rushing wind. Ren could feel Rey trying to suppress their connection, but he kept fighting for control and so far, he was winning.

"I can feel her!" Ren responded as he saw a wide trail come into his view, appearing to lead into the city. More than likely, Rey had taken this exact route.

"Can't she hide her Force signature?" _So, the pilot knows some basics about the Force._ Ren slowed the speeder as he turned it onto the dirt trail.

"She can't hide it from me." The deceleration of the speeder no longer required them to shout over the roaring wind.

The pilot gave Ren a quizzical look. "You're that powerful or something?"

Ren didn't answer because he wasn't exactly sure what to say. No one outside of the party involved knew about the Force bond, and he wasn't in a very sharing mood at the moment. Poe might look at Rey differently once he knew she was tied to such a monster, and Ren didn't want the girl to lose the small amount of friends she had. She treasured them, so where does that leave him in her life? He was starting to think too much about a topic that made him feel uneasy.

"Something like that," Ren muttered. Poe left the matter alone as he recognized Ren's mood of not wanting to elaborate.

The rest of the ride was silent as Ren zipped the speeder through the wavy trail, which turned into a paved road the closer they came to Khalon. Finally, the wide gates of the city came into view and Ren noted the guards at both posts as they entered the robust town.

Humans and aliens littered the streets ahead, making it impossible to maneuver the speeder. It would be easier to look for Rey on foot, so he decided to park the machine off to the side. Before shutting off the engine, he glanced at the time portal that lined up with the planets epoch schedule. It was two-thirteen in the morning, and Ren cursed at the town for never sleeping.

Ren started to walk down a random street and the pilot followed without making a sound. Not surprisingly, Ren was taller than the vast majority of beings and could easily get a wider range of sight, but in this case, it didn't help much. He was relying on the connection to find Rey, which was getting more and more difficult to keep open. The girl was fighting him and he could sense her panic once she realized he was in the city.

Gentle pleas resonated through the bond as the girl begged him to let her stay a little longer. She was having fun, something she'd never experienced before in a town of this magnitude. He ignored her so he could focus on her location.

Suddenly, his mind was telling him to go left. He sprinted down an alleyway, pushing tourists from his path and ignoring their yells of offense. Ren followed his senses, which had him make two more lefts and a then a right. The last turn led him into a big, open quad area. Vendors of various foods and trinkets lined the stony ground, obstructing his clean view. She was so close he felt like if he reached his hand out, he would somehow touch her.

He circled a few carts, keeping his eyes sharp when he abruptly locked onto Rey's back in the distance. Ren didn't hesitate to run to her side, but before he reached out to her, she spun around, a hard look plastered on her features.

"You shouldn't have come here. I'm perfectly fine," she bit at him.

"I shouldn't have come here? None of us should be here! You–" He paused and took a step back as he started to take in her new appearance. A black, sleeveless jumpsuit hugged her every curve and her black boots blended in to give the illusion that she was taller than she actually was. Her light blue vest went down to the middle of her thighs and was tied shut by her brown leather belt. A satchel hung at her waist and black armbands covered her forearms. Her hair was even different as it had been pulled into a single braid from the top of her head, all the way down to her shoulder. A string of thoughts shot through his mind; the first being how the girl should never wear black around him. The second: she had obviously used the credit chip.

 _I'm too late_.

He grabbed her arm, dragging her through the crowd as she protested. "What is wrong with you? I know I shouldn't have come here, but–" He whipped around as he snapped at her.

"That chip is linked to the First Order! They can track everything you bought directly to this city!" Rey's face went pale and her mouth slackened. Ren probably shouldn't be shouting at her, but he couldn't control himself. The girl stole from him and came here after he told her not to. "We need to–"

A sharp pinch resonated in his neck and his hand immediately shot up, pulling a small metal dart from his skin. Him and Rey gazed at it in his opened palm and then locked eyes with each other. Her horrified face swam out of focus and the city noise sounded more distant with every labored breath. Ren tried telling her to run, but what came out of his mouth was something more close to a groan than any actual language.

Rey yelled his name and lunged forward as his knees gave out and his vision went black.

 **Uh oh! Things are now starting to heat up. We have some progression with their first kiss and with someone finding Rey and Ben at the end. This chapter totally got away from me and I wrote a lot. If you don't like the length, I apologize and I am going to try and refrain from making the chapters so long.**

 **Who do you think found them? Do you think these characters should communicate to each other better? They probably should! Let me know what you thought of the chapter! I always love hearing from all of you!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Thanks everyone for the reviews! It makes my day when I get to hear from one of you! ilovekyloren: Here is another chapter! I am glad you find it hard to stop reading the story. I try to implement things into the story that keep the readers attention, so don't stop reading! HogwartsIsOurHome: Thanks! I originally had their first kiss planned for a later chapter, but as I wrote the previous chapter, it ended up happening. I tried fighting it, but the story was demanding to be written that way, so I let it happen. And you are so on point that there is more going on with Rey than her poor nutrition. Keep reading and you will see... Natalie-S-246: Well, I am happy you like long chapters cause that is what is going to happen! I can't stop these fingers from writing! Kimmycocopop: Yeah, even if you do have the Force, that doesn't mean you will be able to have a good relationship. Maybe if Rey lets their connection be open a lot more, Ben could react to her better, but Rey likes her privacy. lol Sona: Oh, just wait for the rest of the story. You will be afraid, very afraid. Muahahaha! lol. MaelsiC: Yeah! Their first kiss has finally happened. Of course one of them has to go make things more complicated, and for once it was not Ben who did it. And I could always use a good joke! Keep me laughing and I will keep on writing! Love your reviews! Jedi Kay-Kenobi: I am so happy you enjoyed the scene where Ben was egging Rey on. I edited that scene A LOT, so it makes me feel good knowing someone enjoyed it. And the cooking scene... the electricity between the two of them was sizzling, but I decided to keep it an emotional scene rather than them getting physical. Trust me, I was tempted to have them makeout right then and there, but I refrained. lol You predicted one thing correctly in your review though. Now you will have to read to find out!**

 **Again, thanks for all your comments and I hope you enjoy the chapter. It is probably not what you all were expecting, but it is what I envisioned! Enjoy!**

Chapter Eighteen

Rey walked along the beach, heading toward the distant lights of the city. She wasn't sure what time it was, but she had to get out of the confines of the ship; preferably without Ben knowing. The thought of seeing or talking with him after what had happened made her stomach tighten into knots. The innate pull to touch his skin and to taste his lips was still there. Her body yearned for more and what's worse is that she knew he had felt that need from her.

That kiss… that kiss awoke something inside her that demanded to be satiated. And the way Ben looked at her reminded her of their first dream together, though his gaze in the ocean had been a thousand times more potent. Their connection had been open and flowing as he impressed upon her just how badly he wanted her lips to lock onto his and she couldn't stop herself from obliging.

The bond flared within her, causing her to feel the vastness of his emotions. As she cradled his face and closed her eyes while relishing in the feel of him, she saw the part of him that he kept locked away, even from himself. He had always denied his humanity, but it was there and she could taste it within her own heart.

While sealed in their moment, Rey had picked up on how the light inside Ben cared deeply and fast, with all of himself or none at all. He gave off the illusion that he could never be hurt, but in truth, he scars easier than most. He is brutality and tenderness, all compacted into the same whisper. In his complete lack of in betweens, he was mesmerizing, and the fire within her had not been able to look away.

Rey turned onto a dirt road as a small part of her conscience ripped through her thoughts, showing Kylo Ren dressed completely in black with not a touch of skin showing. His mask, _that_ mask Rey hated with a vengeance, was mocking her for the way she felt. That creature laughed deeply at her foolishness of thinking that Ben could ever be hers, for he would always belong to the guise of Kylo Ren.

The murder of Han came imposingly to her mind…

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to stop her tears from falling, but failing as one slid down her cheek. Her circumstances have never been fair, and Ben was no exception. Her mind wondered to her childhood fantasies and how she would pretend a prince would save her from her insignificant existence. She would leave Jakku behind and venture out into the galaxy with her other half, finding any clue that would lead her to her family.

Her childish dreams were still a part of her and she found herself naively wanting that story to come true. _Could Ben be what she'd always been drawn to out in the stars?_ She now knew he was the one who'd been calling out to her, but being drawn to someone and being with them were two different things to her.

 _Could being together actually work between us_? This gave her pause because she yearned for an emotional connection with him when she wasn't sure he would even be willing to give that to her. Does he even remember how to connect with someone? She was shocked she was even entertaining the idea of actually, fully being with him. Doing so would make her entirely vulnerable to Ben, and she was not sure if she was ready for that. Her intuition was telling her that he might never get to that point either.

So many obstacles stood in the way of that vision: Snoke, her friends, his family, and the fact that the dark side had broken his spirit and he was now a slave to that pain. He has murdered so many people and had watched them die with the very eyes she liked to gaze into.

The ramifications of being with him had the possibility of being very severe. She knew the possibility of losing her friendship with Finn was high, considering how Ben nearly killed him and had witnessed the killing of Han. Hopefully, she would never have to choose between the two men, but just from thinking about it, she realized who she would rather give up. _Gods, I am a horrible friend_. How can I even be thinking of Ben that way when we have only spent a few days together?

She was getting tired of thinking of Ben's sins. It was like an endless circle of self-doubt that started with wanting him and then remembering who he was, which ended with her feeling guilty for her desires.

The large gates of the city came into view and she immediately banished all her doubts and needs from her thoughts. She wanted to get lost in the city tonight and forget about the complexities of her life. Just for a little while…

Her nerves stood up as she noticed the guards on both sides of the posts, but she kept her strides even and her face blank. The guards paid her no heed, and she let out a strangled exhale once she entered the city _. See, you are a nobody. Not a single person here is going to know who you are,_ she thought inwardly.

The city proved to be very overwhelming– so many aliens and humans lined the streets that Rey was having a hard time navigating through the many shops. She was not use to being around this many people. In fact, she'd never been in a crowd of this magnitude. Stealthily, she snaked her way through the extravagantly dressed beings and pressed her back against a stony wall.

A door slid open beside her and a group of human women walked out, each one carrying a bundle of bags and laughing out into the warm night air. Rey slid inside the shop quickly, needing to collect her thoughts from the rush of outside.

Her vision was instantaneously bombarded by a vast spectrum of color she never knew existed. Fabrics of many shapes and sizes lined the walls and filled up nearly all the floor space. She walked forward, hypnotized, as she caressed her fingers against the soft clothes and awed at the intricate designs.

"Can I help you find something?" Rey twisted around to find a female Togruta waiting for her reply. She looked older, but Rey wasn't sure what constituted old with Togruta's. The female's grey skin had intricate white lines across her cheeks and forehead that scaled up into her blue horns. Her facial expression seemed kind though, which made Rey relax slightly.

"Uhhh… I need some clothes." Rey stated. The Togruta waited for Rey to elaborate, but she wasn't sure what else to say. The alien eyed her appearance, taking in her oversized trousers and large shirt in a disapproving stare.

"Well, is there anything in particular you were wanting to try on?" Rey glanced around, not seeing anything that would work with the lifestyle she currently had.

"I, uh, am a very active person. Do you have anything that could work with that?" The alien's demeanor straightened, as she looked eager to help her new customer.

"Oh yes! Up here is where we keep the more elegant and fashionable pieces while further back, we have a large line of active wear. If you follow me, I can show you." The Togruta navigated them through the maze of eccentric apparel, stopping once they reached the section of less bulky clothing.

"What is your chest measurement?" Rey stared at the alien, perplexed by the question.

"I'm not sure."

The Togruta looked a bit surprised, like Rey should know of something so trivial. "Well, no worries. We can measure you. What size are you in bottoms?" Rey was starting to feel uncomfortable as the Togruta asked her questions she had no clue how to answer.

So, she answered in the only way she knew how: honestly. "I actually do not know my size in anything. I don't really own many clothes," Rey quietly replied. The alien was perplexed, but tried to hide it so she did not embarrass her new customer.

"That's all right, dear. Measuring only takes a few moments and then I can help you find a whole new wardrobe. How does that sound?"

Rey grinned, not being able to hide her excitement over owning something not already worn down. "Great, actually. I really need to get out of these clothes." The Togruta gave a hearty laugh, no doubt thinking the same thing.

The Togruta ushered her over to a space in the corner and pulled out a measuring tape. "My name is Okona Naa, by the way. I own and operate this store."

Okona wrapped the tape around Rey's middle, memorizing the measurements as she went. "I'm Rey."

After being measured, Okona guided Rey through the many different racks as she tried to explain what colors complimented each other and what the most popular styles were for that season. Really, Rey was lost during most of the conversation. What she always wore on Jakku was more for survival than it was for fashion, but Okona insisted that Rey wear the most posh active apparel in stock. As long as she didn't have to be in Ben's enormous clothes, Rey was open-minded with taking on a new look. The life she had led and the rags she'd worn were in the past and she very much wanted to bury those memories.

The Togruta's arms were full of outfits in a matter of minutes– while following Rey's request for nothing too flashy– and guided Rey to a dressing room. She went through all of the different shirts, not liking how easily they showed her midsection once she raised her arms. The capris weren't any better, in the sense that they didn't have a lot of give in the material. The last piece Rey had purposely set aside for last, since it appeared the most intimidating. It was the black sleeveless jumpsuit and it looked terrifyingly constricting. She was tempted to skip the outfit all together, but curiosity changed her mind when she wondered what she would look like in a dark outfit. She listened to Okona's advice and put on the necessary undergarments and chestwrap that should be worn underneath the black one piece.

Her body slid inside the fabric, easily contouring to her slim figure. She zipped up the back and turned to see her reflection in the mirror. Her heart skipped, not knowing immediately whom she was staring at. Slowly, her eyes roamed over her body as if she was just discovering it for the first time. She marveled at her shape, the small curve of her hips, and the leanness of her strong legs. Her hands ran up her sides as she observed the strip of pleating running from below her arms, all the way down to her ankles.

To her amazement, the jumpsuit felt amazing against her skin. The fabric was breathable and it moved with her like it was a part of her body. And the color… she had to admit, she looked _good_ in black, but she wanted to add something lighter to the outfit to balance it out.

She dug through the pile of garments, remembering that she'd seen a light blue vest. Her hand pulled it from the bottom and she swiftly put it on, knowing instantly that this is what the ensemble needed. As she just smiled at herself in the mirror, Okona came up to the room and asked if she had found anything to her liking.

Rey stepped out and watched as the Togruta's shocked expression caused her mouth to slacken. "Wow. I did not know that figure was beneath those baggy clothes!" Okona positively beamed at her masterpiece. "I mean, honey, you are muscular and beautiful and this outfit makes you look like a force to be reckoned with. You weren't lying when you said you live an active life." Rey smiled, feeling giddy over someone complimenting on her appearance. Looks never mattered much to her, but lately, she found herself caring more and more about them.

To finish the look, Okona picked out a leather belt and knee high black boots, which Rey was grateful for. Her current shoes were extremely worn out and past their prime. Slipping on the shoes, she took a few steps and felt like she could run miles in these new ones.

Against Okona's advice, Rey would only buy what she had on, which included the undergarments and new modernized chestwrap. She did feel guilty that she had stolen Ben's credit chip while he had unsuspectingly looked for a spot to train in, but she'd had enough of wearing clothes that didn't fit her and she so desperately wanted to come into the city. To compensate for her misdeed, she would only allow herself to buy the bare minimum and this outfit definitely fit under that category.

 _It's a good thing I didn't bring my lightsaber. I wouldn't know where to conceal it in this outfit_. Out of the thousands of planets in the galaxy, the probability of running into the First Order here was zero. Besides, she was a nobody and wasn't tied to the galaxy as much as Ben was. Her plan was simple: keep to herself and not make any trouble. She kept cycling her strategy through her thoughts so she felt comfortable with leaving her saber behind. _If Ben could see me now, he would lecture me for a week._

She almost laughed at the thought.

As she handed the credit chip to Okona, she grew nervous since she was not sure if it would work or not. Luckily, the transaction went smoothly and now Rey had to figure out what to do with her old attire.

"Would it be at all possible for you to hold onto these for me? I want to walk around the city, but don't want them to get in the way."

"That won't be a problem." Okona grabbed the bundle and placed them in a bag below the counter. "We do close right before dawn and won't open back up till two in the afternoon, but if you have to come back tomorrow for them, that should be fine." Rey thanked the Togruta, not just for holding onto the old clothes, but for helping her see just how beautiful she could actually be.

"It is one of the things I enjoy most about my job, dear. After spending all day tending to superficial people, you were a breath of fresh air." Rey smiled at the compliment. "If you ever need anything for your wardrobe, come back here. I would love to pick out some more things for you." They exchanged their farewells and Rey walked confidently out into the city.

A lot of time was spent walking through various shops and watching a wide range of street performers. She was so fascinated by all the intricate jewelry she came across that she was tempted to wear it, but stopped herself from purchasing any. She did, however, buy a satchel that she attached to her belt. It was the simplest one out of the selection, which helped Rey justify having it. Besides, she always felt more comfortable having a place to store small items while she ventured around.

At one point, she stopped at a very large window, peering at the many different aliens and humans being pampered in ways Rey never new was offered. Some were having their nails tended to; others were getting their hair washed and their scalps massaged. All of it looked tranquil and Reys scalp itched for the treatment she was witnessing inside.

She knew she shouldn't and she did feel guilty, but she went inside and had her hair lathered and cleaned. It was glorious and the treatment instantly relaxed her. She asked for a singular braid and watched eagerly in the mirror as they listened to her request. When she was small, she had tried to braid her hair but never could figure out how to keep it even and tight. Her countenance positively glowed as she took in her new hairstyle, for she only ever wore it in the three buns or completely loose.

Her body hopped from shop to shop, not even feeling tired from being on her feet for what must have been hours. Something sweet caught her nose, and she followed the trail to a vendor selling a wide array of hot pies. Her stomach was grumbling and she couldn't seem to tear her sight away from one of the desserts in particular. She bought an Almakian apple pie and sat at the edge of a fountain while she devoured the succulent pastry.

Suddenly, her hairs stood on end and a small ping of pressure hit her mind. The force became sharp and painful as each punch took her breath away. She was confused by what she was feeling, but before she could pinpoint the cause, her head exploded in immense pain. The pie fell from her hands as she cradled her head, willing her vision to stay in focus.

It was him.

Ben had forced himself into her mind, more forceful and less graceful than he had done on Starkiller base. He knew she was in the city and her panic resonated through her fast paced heart. All she could do was sit there and experience his wave of emotions. It started off with immense alarm, then contemplation, before it ended in anger. He was absolutely livid and the fury was aimed all at her.

 _What do I do? Should I go back?_ But she didn't want Ben's frustration to end the journey she began. If she always let his mood affect her decisions, she would never do anything she wanted. There was more she needed to absorb from the city, so she decided to stay and block Ben out, but she found that to be impossible.

The more strength she put behind closing their connection, Ben would more than match it and then some. This whole time she thought she had privacy, but it had all been a lie. Ben knew how to open their bond whenever he damn well pleased and her animosity toward him grew as she kept thinking about that detail.

 _He will just have to sit on that ship and wait for me to be done. I am not going to let him ruin this for me_. Rey continued her sightseeing while still trying to cut Ben off from her mind.

Music was playing one block over and as Rey followed it she came into a quad area. A small band, using instruments Rey did not recognize, was playing in the middle. She wondered over and stood in the group of onlookers. Her body swayed from side to side as she let the sweet harmony wash over her and propel her imagination off into a different life of tranquility and amazement.

Her eyes snapped open, looking at nothing in particular as she focused on Ben's presence. He was in the city. The one thing she thought he wouldn't do was come find her, but as clear as the ocean water, she could feel him within Khalon's walls.

Desperation grew within her as she sent Ben silent pleas to let her stay a little while longer, but he shot down her requests. In a matter of minutes, or seconds, he was going to find her. She didn't realize the music had stopped playing and that the crowd had dispersed while she had been lost in her thoughts. Idly, her feet guided her to a jewelry cart on the other side and she memorized the pretty ornaments like it was the last time she would ever see them.

She felt Ben eyes on her back and could sense him running right at her. Her body wheeled around to face his halting form, not hiding the annoyed glint in her eyes as he towered over her. His hair was blown back from the running he had endured and she could clearly see his fanned out ears. "You shouldn't have come here. I am perfectly fine." It was difficult not to scream those words at him, but his intimidating stature and fury filled stare helped stop her from doing so.

"I shouldn't have come here? None of us should be here! You-." His eyes grew wide as he shuffled back to look over her new appearance. Rey didn't shy away from his roaming eyes, instead she held herself tall with all the confidence she could muster. His stare was hungry and possessive, but it was soon replaced with urgency.

The grip on her arm was surprisingly gentle, but firm, as he grabbed it and dragged her through the quad. She pulled against him, but he was unrelenting in letting her go. "What is wrong with you? I know I shouldn't have come here, but-." He twisted around, bringing her body closer to his while glaring at her.

"That chip is linked to the First Order! They can track everything you bought to this city!" Rey was utterly floored by the new set of information. Admittedly, she knew very little about banking and money, but she sure as hell understood what it meant to be tracked. "We need to-." Ben slightly twitched and caught something on his neck. He opened his palm as they both examined the dart and the faint trace of blood on the needle. She looked up in horror, watching Ben's eyelids become heavy while he fought to say something, but couldn't.

His knees buckled and she lunged to catch him around his middle, which turned out to be more complicated than she originally thought. His body was complete dead weight and she fell to the ground with her head hitting hard against the stone. His body forced the air from her lungs and she attempted to shove him off of her, but settled on wiggling out from the side while rubbing her rattled head.

People gave her and Ben odd glances, but other than that, they went about their business. Rey's brainwaves were tossed into a whirl of frenzy, as she had no idea what to do. The only things that came to mind were to get them both to safety, wherever that may be.

Her body was already shaking from adrenaline as she stood, trying to grab Ben's arms and drag him anywhere but where they currently were. The innate sense to duck struck her mind and as she did so, a blaster bolt whizzed past her head and hit the cart behind her. That seemed to warrant everyone's attention as chaos ensued in the quad area. More blaster bolts came at her as she inched Ben's body away from the mayhem.

Her head suddenly snapped in the direction of the fire, causing a blaster bolt to freeze a meter from her face. She glanced past the blue streak of light and saw a woman off in the distance with a blaster rifle pointed directly at her. For a moment, both women stared at each other, stunned by what had just happened. Rey had never commanded the Force to freeze anything and she was confused as to where she had suddenly gained the knowledge. _Ben. I am getting the information from Ben_. She squeezed his forearms, silently thanking him for not being completely unhelpful in the moment.

From just a single glance, Rey knew who this woman was and who she was after. _A bounty hunter, hired by the First Order to find Kylo Ren and kill me if at all possible_. It was like her mind downloaded the information from the bounty hunter, and Rey was in awe of the abilities she was absorbing from Ben; let alone the fact that Ben could do these things. _What else can he do?_

All of these thoughts zipped through Rey's mind in seconds, which was all the bounty hunter needed to regain her composure. The woman was about to fire her weapon as Poe darted through the throngs of panicked people and rammed right into her, sending the woman into the side of a food cart and the rifle scattering across the ground.

Rey saw the opening she needed and she continued to drag Ben to the far side of the court, but stopped. What was she going to do with a man she could not even carry? She glanced up, seeing Poe wrestling to get his arms around the bounty hunter as she dove for her rifle. The woman was fast, but Poe seemed determined to catch her. Rey had to make a split second decision and she hoped it was the right one.

She quickly pulled Ben's lightsaber from the confines of his belt and left him behind on the ground, running right into the middle of the scuffle. Rey kicked the unaware bounty hunter square in the back, causing the woman to hit the ground face first. "Poe! Grab Ben and get him out of here! Ill hold her off and meet you back at the ship." Poe was going to argue, but Rey cut him off. "He is too heavy for me to carry!" The bounty hunter rolled onto her feet, eyeing her two opponents energetically and the rifle that was slightly out of reach.

Poe was torn between helping Rey and getting Ben, but in the end, he ran over to the unconscious body and flung the man over his shoulders. The woman darted after the weapon, but Rey grabbed her and tried to wrestle her to the ground. Rey glanced at Ben's limp body on Poe's shoulders as she pinned the woman against the stone, hoping she could give them enough time to flee.

The woman elbowed Rey in the face and pushed her away, frantically looking for her prize. The short joust with the bounty hunter had given Poe enough time to run into an alleyway and disappear around a corner, causing the woman to fume at Rey as she picked up the rifle.

Rey straightened her posture and squared off with the woman. With Ben's lightsaber in her grasp, she ignited it, and the absolute terror that etched its way onto the bounty hunters face made her feel powerful beyond measure.

Right as Rey was becoming comfortable in the current situation, a dark ripple through the force caused her to look to her right. At one of the street openings stood a figure shrouded in black. His face was hidden behind a dark, checkered mask and his long A-line cloak added bulk to his figure. Rey's eyes became glued to the sword in his hand as electricity sizzled out to cover the dark blade.

This man was a member of the Knights Of Ren and a master swordsman whose talent arguably surpassed that of Ben's. Thankfully, Ben had dueled him before and knew his weak spots.

The knowledge flooded Rey's mind and calmed her astonished soul. As Rey and the knight sized each other up, the bounty hunter took the opportunity to sprint into a street entrance and disappear into the night. Rey contemplated going after her, but didn't want to turn her back on the formidable man.

Rey could feel the rough vibration of Ben's saber as it crackled with the excitement of battle. The knight charged, but halted from the sudden appearance of police flooding into the area. Rey disengaged the lightsaber and took this as a chance to bolt for one of the few open exits available. She didn't have time to see where the knight was as her focus was now on fleeing the officers and the town by any means necessary.

The empty streets revealed that most of the city had received the memo about a fight unfolding and they wisely chose to pile into the many shops for cover. Dozens of human and alien eyes followed her as she sprinted past the windows, her legs beating against the stone walkaway and her arms pumping vigorously to accelerate her momentum.

One of the high concrete walls, that bordered the city, came into her view and she headed straight for it. The sirens of the security guards rang into the humid air and she new they were quickly coming up from behind.

 _Now_. She propelled into the air by focusing her push from her feet and scaled the wall in the matter of seconds. Unfortunately, her landing was less graceful since her mind couldn't think fast enough. She did slow her fall exponentially, but not to the degree that Ben could. Her body toppled across the grass and rolled right into a tree, halting her forward speed. Stunned, she froze on the ground and decisively used her mind to scan her body for any injury.

There were none.

Rey sprang onto her feet and ran in the general direction of the ship, all the while thinking what other neat little tricks Ben had in his Force repertoire, cause she did not know how to do that a minute ago.

Her satchel banged against her hip and her grip was starting to sweat on the saber hilt as she darted through the lush trees. She ran through bushes and pushed aside branches, feeling minute scrapes along her revealed upper arms.

Something omnipotent and foul in nature blossomed from the pit of her stomach and climbed all the way up into her mind. It was powerful and malevolent and it was trying to dig its wicked tendrils into her psyche. Rey kept running while focusing on keeping the monster at bay. Her mind couldn't process on who was behind this feeling and keep them out at the same time, but the impression was familiar. Her anger, impatience and rage that had threatened her spirit throughout the day stemmed from this very being trying to take ahold of her.

Abruptly, her footing gave way and her cheek slid across the grass as the Force dragged her backward. She cut the connection off and spun to see the knight with his hand stretched out in her direction. He wasted no time in barreling at her and she ignited Ben's saber just in time to parry the onslaught of attacks. She could feel the heat emanating from the cross guard and she wondered how Ben fought with the thing without cutting his hand off.

Rey struggled to extract the knowledge of how to use the crossguarded lightsaber while trying to keep the pressure from clasping down on her mind. The knight was not as strong as Ben, nor was his stature as big, but he made up for it in precision.

Rey spun as she pivoted out of his advance and went on the offensive. She swung the saber in the air, spinning her body with it to gain more speed behind the strike. The knight backed against a tree and ducked away from her meticulous blow, causing her to cut through the trunk and send it toppling to the ground.

Her head was pounding from the ongoing pressure and she needed to get away from this man and back on the ship as fast as possible. Instead of aiming for the knight's upper body, she kept her strikes low since she knew the knight didn't train as much in blocking his legs. Well, technically, Ben was the one who knew that; she was just borrowing the information.

The saber swept at his thighs, barley skimming the surface of his skin. The knight hissed and immediately backed away, but Rey needed him to go completely down. Her arm shot out and before the knight had a chance to block her, the immense push sent him flying over the tree line and into the far off distance.

She clipped Ben's saber to her belt and cradled her head as black streaks laced her vision. Rey's feet were taking her in what she thought was the direction of the ship, but she couldn't be sure. The sound of an engine echoed across the trees and she stopped as she listened to it come closer. Her eyes squinted in the darkness, noticing the speeder on a trail up ahead and she almost cried when she saw Poe in the driver seat.

"Poe!" The yell caused her head to explode, taking her breath away and making her fall to her knees. Her eyes felt like they were going to shoot out of their sockets and the pressure finally became too much to resist. One second she was falling onto the grass and the next, she was standing in a place teeming of macabre colors of ethereal nature, not knowing where to run to.

She became a hopeless wonderer in the sea of dread, but no matter what direction she walked, the violent shades did not stop. A voice cut through the unknown place, sounding old and foreboding. "You will die in this place, scavenger. Kylo Ren cannot hide you from me any longer. And once your body rots in the ground, he will return to me, complete and seeking my guidance." Rey covered her ears and squeezed her eyes shut, but she could still hear the insidious voice clearly. "I have been with him since he was in the womb, coaxing him into my perfect weapon. The power he possesses belongs to me, and the worthless desert rat that you are will not take my most valuable asset."

Rey opened her eyes and desperately tried to run from the voice that clung to her awareness. "You do not know the depths of his depravity, the lengths he has scaled to manipulate the Force like no one before him has ever done. You will not cause his talent to go to waste." Rey was panting as she circled around, trying to find anything to stop the voice from speaking to her.

Nothing but color came into view and with hope now seeming to be nowhere in sight, she sank to her knees. "Kylo Ren is no longer your student," she whispered, knowing full well that no matter how quiet her voice was, the entity would still hear her. A slick laugh came from the creature and Rey shivered from its vileness.

"You stupid girl. Kylo Ren has never been my student, but has always been my slave." A brilliant beam of energy exploded, causing the indecipherable hues to dissipate and Rey to cover her eyes. The monster hissed as it retreated into the depths, but Rey could still feel it simmering below.

Darkness- unlike any she has ever experienced- enveloped her body. She could not see the hand she raised to her face as she felt the ominous absence of light from where she sat.

"Rey," a calming voice whispered. It was the voice from the island, the young girl who had spoken to her and whom she couldn't find. "I have cast out the fiend, but his presence still remains. You must hold on, dear one."

"Please," Rey's voice croaked. "Help me."

"I cannot help you further, or he will find me. If that happens, you will be the one he seeks above all others. The need for your death will be as unrelenting as the dark side that corrupts his soul." Rey couldn't stop from shaking, for she was afraid to stay in this black hole alone. She was a child again, wishing for her family to come rescue her from this nightmare.

"Ben will find you, Rey. You must hold onto your hope. He will not let you wither away in this abyss, nor will he ever forsake you to damnation." Rey curled into a small ball on the ground, or did this place even have a ground to lay on? Was she just floating or falling deeper into despair? Nothing made sense in this place, but she kept running the girls words through her thoughts.

She held onto the belief that Ben would come for her as she felt her light dwindle away and the darkness robbed her of all her senses.

()()()()()

Poe ran down the street to where they left the speeder, feeling Ren's weight compound onto his knees. _Shit, this guy is heavy_. The general populace was either running into the shops or making their way toward the city exit. Either way, the streets were going to be a problem to get through.

He threw Ren into the passenger seat and hopped behind the controls. _It needs a passcode_! Poe's fingers twitched over the numerical pad as he thought back to when he had watched Ren enter in the string of numbers. It took Poe three attempts, but he eventually punched in the right sequence and the engine came to life.

Yelling at the chaotic crowd, he backed up and swerved between the pedestrians. His patience was wearing thin and he seriously contemplated hitting the civilians, but he finally made it through the gates with his morality intact.

He took the same route back, every so often glancing at Ren to see if he was waking up or not. No such luck. The guy was completely unconscious and useless at the moment. _Maybe if he hadn't of suddenly left me in the street, we wouldn't be in this mess._

Poe worried about leaving Rey, but he knew switching goals had been the right call. Rey was strong and she sure could fight, but there was no way she could have gotten Ren out of there. Hell, even he had had a difficult time carrying the enormous guy to the speeder.

 _I'll drop Ren off at the ship and go back for Rey_ , Poe thought. _I just hope I can find her somehow…_

He made it back to the ship without difficulty and proceeded to lug Ren up the ramp and into the cargo bay. He stared at the ladder, knowing full well that there was no way he could climb that with Ren on his shoulders. The body would for sure slip from his grasp and fall to the floor, maybe causing a serious injury to Ren's cranium. _One second thought, maybe a few blows to the head will cure the guy of being a psychopath_. But Poe knew that if he caused intentional harm to the prick, Rey would be pissed.

He groaned out his annoyance and thought of a different way up. He recalled seeing a lifting ramp off to the right and what do you know, it was indeed there.

He stepped onto it and initiated the lift, immediately realizing why it was never used. The ramp creaked and went so slow, Poe wondered if they were going to make it to the top before the coming of a new year.

Sparks flew next to his head as a barrage of fire fled into the cargo bay. Poe fell onto the metal floor, taking his pistol out to return fire. The bounty hunter was leaning in from the outside of the ship, trying to get a good shot. Poe decided he wouldn't give her the chance.

He held his finger on the trigger, making the woman hide behind the ship as Poe hopped down onto the cargo bay floor. He twisted around the corner and pushed her rifle up into the air just as it fired. The woman kicked him directly in the groin and rifle whipped him across the face, sending him to the ground. Poe stared down the barrel of the weapon and waited for the end, but it never came. The woman cursed at her malfunctioning rifle, but seemed content into repurposing it into a bludgeoning weapon.

After two strikes to the stomach, Poe grasped onto the barrel and pulled the woman to the ground. They started to wrestle for dominance, but Poe found it difficult to get his arms around her agile body so he could knock her out. The bounty hunter swung onto his back and wrapped a thin rope around his neck, pulling back to restrict his breathing.

Poe lifted them off the ground and rammed backward into the side of the ship, but the woman did not budge. Her feet were hooked around his middle and her strength was not letting up. He tried grabbing her head behind him, but she was leaning away from his reach.

Suddenly, he remembered the small utility knife he always kept on him in case he needed to fix or tinker something on his X-Wing. His hand dipped into his pocket and he unsheathed the miniscule blade. The burning in his lungs was becoming unbearable and he needed to do this before he passed out.

With the last of his strength and desperation, he rammed the woman against the side of the ship again, causing her head to snap forward to his right. With his left hand, he grabbed a fistful of her hair to keep her in place and then jabbed the knife into her neck as many times as he could.

He gasped for air as the woman instantly let go of the rope and fell to the ground. Poe took a few steps away while rubbing his tender neck and then willed his body to turn back to the bounty hunter. Blood was gushing from between her fingers as she futilely tried to stop the bleeding. Horror showed in her eyes as she realized she was going to die and Poe's wide gaze found it impossible to look away. He listened to her choke on her own blood and watched as the woman violently drifted off, until there was no life behind the pupils that pierced him.

Everything had unfolded so fast that the only mission in his thoughts had been all about survival. He had won and he had killed his opponent, but his mind couldn't wrap his head around how brutal a death he had personally inflicted onto someone. He has never killed a person like that before- let alone a woman- and he could feel himself on the brink of drowning under a sea of self-loathing.

Somewhere off to his right, he heard the loud thump of a tree falling in the forest. _Rey_. He needed to pull himself together and find her.

Poe placed all his focus onto a new goal to try and distract himself from what he had just done. He jumped into the speeder and went to the general location of the noise. After winding through the trees, he came upon a dirt road that made navigation go more smoothly.

"Poe!" He hit the brakes and looked to his left. He could faintly see Rey's outline as she grabbed her head and fell to the ground. Poe ran through the trees, kneeling at Rey's side to inspect what was wrong with her. Her body didn't seem to have any injuries and she appeared to be fast asleep. _What the hell is going on? Why is everyone dropping unconscious?  
_

Poe was now in full panic mode as he realized both Rey and Ren were down for the count. He needed to get them out of here, preferably with everyone alive.

Back at the ship, Poe maneuvered both Rey and Ren into the cockpit, having both their bodies lay next to each other on the floor behind the seats. The engines came to life and Poe was about to chart a course for the Resistance base, but paused. If they went back, Ren would definitely be locked away and put on trial for his war crimes. There was no doubt the guy would be executed, but Poe wasn't sure if that was the right call to make anymore. Poe had a gut feeling that something very important was going on between Rey and Kylo. He was not Force sensitive, but he didn't need it to have a good sense of intuition and right now, it was telling him not to go back to the base.

Poe cursed and proceeded to scan the area for the next closest planet they could hide on. He lifted the ship into the air, deciding to shoot directly up into the planets atmosphere. Deep groans were coming from behind and Poe glanced over his shoulder to see Ren rubbing his head and trying to open his eyes. _Great. I was hoping he would stay knocked out for the majority of the trip…_

Upon exiting the atmosphere, a First Order Star Destroyer came out of hyperspace, but Poe was already activating the hyperdrive before any shots were fired. He put the rest of the ship on low power mode to save fuel and then braced himself for a very groggy and moody Kylo Ren.

()()()()()

His back was lying against something cold and hard while he brought his heavy hands up to his face. Ren tried talking, but all he could get out of his mouth was a long groan. His head was dizzy and he felt extremely nauseous as he remembered the events leading up to his blackout

"Rey!" He darted upright and immediately regretted it. Blood rushed out of his head and vomit climbed his esophagus as he closed his eyes to center himself. Hands grasped the sides of his arms to help him sit up and not fall over.

"You might want to take it easy for a minute," Poe stated close to his face. Ren opened his eyes and glared at the man, making him release his grip and sit back against the rear of the seat. Poe's line of sight fell onto the floor next to Ren and he followed it to discover Rey unconscious on the floor.

"Rey!" Ren grabbed her by the shoulders and brought her head up to cradle against his chest. She was sitting across his lap and holding her like she was a small child, which made Poe look at him curiously. He pushed a strand of hair from her face and gazed at her longingly. The moment reminded him of when he had cradled her aboard his command shuttle after Takodana. A fresh scent wafted into his nose and he quickly realized it was coming from her braided hair. _What did she do while in that city?_

Her features were peaceful and she could be mistaken for being in a deep sleep, but Ren knew better. The dark side was surrounding her mind, preventing Ren from delving inside. Ren was all too familiar with the dark signature and he knew that this was his master's doing. Rey had felt differently to him all day, and the reason why had been so obvious that Ren scolded himself for not seeing it sooner.

"Is she going to be okay? She doesn't seem to be hurt, but she wont wake up." Ren pounded against the shadowy barrier, finding that he was not strong enough to break through. Snoke had done something similar to him, in his early days of training, to see if his apprentice could escape the heavy mind lock. Ren was unconscious for two days before creating a way out and he had been so weak upon waking, two stormtroopers had to help him back to his room. Ren had never known thirst or hunger like that before.

"Do you know what's wrong with her?" Poe asked impatiently. Ren leaned his head against the metal wall and looked straight at Poe while keeping his wide palm on Rey's cheek.

"She is trapped within her own mind," Ren stated with his raspy voice.

Poe's countenance took on a pinch bewilderment. "Can't you go in there and get her out?"

"No, the barrier is already embedded too deep." Poe blinked, trying to understand the situation.

"Okay, so she needs to find a way out on her own?

Ren shook his head. "She won't know how to do that." He needed to figure out a way to fix this, but all the ideas that came to mind wouldn't work.

"So what then?" Poe's pitch rose out of frustration. "You are just going to leave her like this?

"No." Ren snapped at the insolent man. "I am trying to think of a solution. Maybe if you quit talking, I could concentrate." Poe glowered at Ren.

"Maybe if you let me in on what exactly is going on, I could help."

He scoffed at the idea. "If I am having trouble thinking of a solution, you wont be able to come up with one either."

Poe leaned forward as his face scrunched up in anger. "Look man, I think I have been more than patient with not knowing exactly what's going on between the two of you and I think it's time for some give and take here." Ren remained silent as Poe's frustration escalated. "You don't want to tell me the specifics, fine. But at least let me try and help you with this problem. I think we can both agree that neither of us want to see Rey get hurt."

Ren was tired from the drugs as he thought over what Poe had just proposed. The man knew little about the Force, but he was not an idiot. Ren did not have the strength to ignore Poe's requests any longer and if the pilot wanted to know what exactly was unfolding, maybe he could be of some assistance.

He took a deep breath. "I am not strong enough to get through the block around her mind." Poe looked at Ren intently and slowly shook his head. Admitting to the pilot that he was too weak to rectify the situation made him feel uneasy.

"So, you do have your limits then?"

Ren gave the pilot a flat stare. "Everyone has their limits, but these drugs are not helping me regain my strength any faster."

Poe rubbed his chin as he concentrated. "Okay… Is there anyone you know who could help her?" One name came to mind and Ren really hated even thinking it.

Surprisingly, he still voiced the option to Poe. "Skywalker. Possibly. I don't know," Ren stated quietly as he looked up at the ceiling.

Poe exhaled out of surprise that Kylo would even mention that name. "Well, I can reroute us to the base if that is what you want to do." Ren glanced at the pilot perplexed.

"We aren't headed there now?"

The pilot shrugged as he confessed his thoughts. "I was tempted, but I do trust Rey and a gut feeling told me not to." Ren was shocked that Poe didn't take the chance to go back to the base and before he could stop it, his respect and trust in the man grew a little bit more. "Finding your uncle should probably be our last option, though."

Ren nodded in agreement. "Is there any way you could, I don't know, get more power from somewhere?" The only way to receive more power was to take it from another individual who was strong in the Force, and seeing how Ren killed almost all of the remaining Jedi, there was no one to take the strength from. Inadvertently, by slaughtering the Jedi, he had damned the only person he would ever genuinely care about. "Maybe you know another person who is Force sensitive?" Ren was about to explain to Poe that the individual would have to be strong in his or her own regard with the Force for it to matter, but stopped as a name popped in his head.

"Maz," he stated in wonderment. Poe arched his eyebrow upon hearing the name.

"Who?" Ren locked eyes with the pilot. "Wait, the little pirate lady who ran the cantina on Takodana? The bar that you destroyed?" He didn't exactly order Maz's castle to be destroyed, but he didn't try to stop it either. So, yeah… no matter how you looked at it, it was his fault.

"I do not know if she would be willing to help me though," Ren confessed as he clenched his teeth.

"Well, if you destroyed my livelihood, I would not want to help you either." Ren sifted his free hand through his hair while ignoring Poe's sarcasm.

"That is not the only reason she would refuse. Her and," he took a deep breath of pause, "Han Solo were friends."

Realization formed on Poe's face and the pilot chewed on his lip nervously. "Well… not many people know about what actually happened on Starkiller base."

Ren waited for Poe to elaborate, but it seemed he needed a nudge. "What do you mean?"

Poe shifted on the cockpit floor, bringing his legs halfway up to his chest and resting his forearms on his knees. "Only a handful of people know how Han really died. Before General Organa had sworn us to secrecy, I had found out the truth from Rey as we sat by Finn when he was in a coma. So, as far as I'm aware, the only people who know the truth is Finn, Rey, Chewie, Skywalker, Admiral Statura, your mother, and me. Oh and Doctor Kalonia." Upon hearing Harter's name, Ren's thoughts were instantly propelled back to his life as Ben when he was younger. After school, he would stop by Harter's clinic and bombard her with so many questions about medicine that it perplexed him to this day how it never annoyed her. She always answered all of his inquiries with patience and would even let him sit in on the surgeries she would perform. They would talk about the age-old argument of whether a human surgeon was better than the robotic ones and they always agreed that nothing could rival the efficiency of the human touch. He had always looked up to Dr. Kalonia and secretly, he had always wished that Harter had been his mother…

He tossed the sentimental memories aside and focused on the fact that a handful of people new the truth about Han's death, but Maz didn't need the word of mouth to know what had happened. "Maz will know the truth through the Force. It will not matter who knows or who doesn't. She will probably try to kill me if she ever sees me again."

Poe shrugged. "How about we beg her to hold off on trying to kill you until after we figure out how to wake Rey." Ren's eyes pinched at Poe. "Hey, its either Maz or Skywalker. Take your pick or I will." In the end, the decision had not been difficult to make.

Poe rerouted them to Takodana while Ren carried Rey to his quarters and gently placed her on his bed. He knelt beside her and took her roughened hand into his. His saber was attached to her belt, which confused him. Hopefully, Rey would be able to explain to him how she came in possession of his saber. He took the saber hilt and clasped it onto his side.

No matter how hard he concentrated or how much of his strength he put behind his push, the barrier would not budge. If he couldn't get inside her mind, her body would eventually crack under the immense pressure, causing her heart to give out. He could already sense her getting weaker.

Poe entered the room, placing something down next to Ren and the bed. It was a glass of water, dehydrated meat, and some packets of rations. He glanced over his shoulder to see the pilot sit against the wall by the door, eating his own portion of food he had brought himself.

Ren settled himself on the floor, relishing in the glass of water and starting on the rations. Poe was watching him and Ren nodded his head in silent gratitude because there was no way he was actually going to say the words "thank you" to the guy.

"How did you get taken out back in the city?" Poe asked in between bites.

"A Lecepanine dart." Ren had recognized the sophisticated weapon in his palm before he passed out. Someone had gone to great lengths to make sure he was incapacitated since Lecepanine darts were a rare commodity.

Poe pounded his chest as he tried not to choke on his mouthful of food. "And you are already conscious? That should have knocked you out for a full day."

"There are ways around it." _If you are Force sensitive…_

Poe took a few more bites of his rations as the ship hummed in hyperspace. Ren was comfortable with the silence, but he knew the pilot did not like it as much. "You know what you are doing to Rey is selfish, right? Having her stay with you?" Ren stopped eating and gulped down what remained in his mouth. Selfish was a strong word, especially since Rey was the one who asked him to leave with her.

Ren leaned against the bed as he crossed his legs in front of him. "She made the decision to stay. I never asked her."

Poe's eyebrow's shot up. "You never stopped her either, which you should have. Exactly what is your plan here? You and Rey going to go live somewhere remote and forget about what is happening to the galaxy? What you caused to happen?" The air grew tense as the two men stared at one another. Ren never put much thought into what was the next step for him and Rey, mostly because he knew what he wanted he could never have. Deep down, he always knew he would never be able to outrun Snoke for very long and pretending over the past few days that he could had been one of the greatest lies he had ever told himself.

Poe laughed into the still air as he gaged Ren's annoyed face. "You have absolutely no idea what you are doing, do you?" The silence confirmed what Poe had suspected. "Wow."

Ren irritation finally snapped. "And what exactly should I do, huh?" His voice was harsh as his control tipped over his threshold of self-control. "What would you do if you were in my situation? I can't return to the First Order since I am now a traitor. Sure, Snoke wont kill me but he will put me through so much torture, I wont even know who I am anymore. I already lived through that kind of training years ago and I have no intention of going through that again." Ren was breathing hard and his lips were curled back into a snarl. The pilot remained still, bracing himself in case Ren's anger turned physical.

"Oh, but you probably want to bring up how I can go to the Resistance, like those people would actually strike a deal with me," Ren continued mockingly. "I _know_ you know I will be executed and there is no way you are daft enough to think otherwise. And, yeah, I probably do deserve capital punishment according to Resistance standards, but I wont be the only person to die at my execution."

Poe cocked his head at the unusual declaration. "What the hell is that suppose to mean?"

Ren rolled his eyes and glanced up at the ceiling while breathing deeply. "You want to know what is going on between Rey and I?" Ren knew he should keep his mouth shut, but he had this innate need for the pilot to understand just a sliver of what was going on. He most likely received that feeling from Rey. He was also fed up with hearing Poe complain every five minutes that he didn't know what was going on.

Poe was quiet, too afraid that if he replied, Ren would not keep talking. "We are bonded through the Force. It is a connection so deep and profound, that if one of us dies, the person left standing would be a fraction of who they were before." He kept his eyesight on the steel ceiling so he didn't have to look at the pilot. "Up until now, I didn't put much thought into my own mortality. If I were to die in some battle or by being stabbed in the back by one of my knights, well at least the hell I have been living the last twenty-nine years would be over. But now, I have to worry about what would happen to Rey if I am killed and that concern is suffocating."

It took a few moments for Poe to collect himself before speaking. "You're not concerned with what will happen to you if she dies?"

Kylo scoffed at the ridiculousness of the question. "I'm already fucking unhinged so I don't see how much worse I could become." Ren wiped his face, trying to calm his rattled demeanor. He does not open up easily to others and he felt a slight tinge of embarrassment from doing so with Poe, but he still wanted the man to answer his question. "So tell me, pilot, what would you do if you were in my situation?" Poe's eyes roamed around the room as he tried to find an answer. The ships vibrations filled the room as Ren patiently waited for Poe's reply.

Poe shook his head out of exasperation. "I don't know, man. The connection you have with Rey complicates things."

"Yes. It does. It-." Ren's spine straightened as he felt an insidious tingle shoot up his spine. He turned to see a single tear streak down Rey's temple, but her face remained void of emotion. The viper within her was poisoning her blood and Ren could smell the stench of evil starting to seep through her pores. If this goes on for too long, he will not be able to help her; no matter how much power he takes from Maz.

"What was that?" Poe whispered. Ren spun around to stare at the pilot in surprise.

"You felt that?" Poe stood up, glancing at Rey in fear.

"Did that come from her?" He walked over and stooped down to study Rey's calm face.

"The barrier is rooting itself deeper, which will make it harder for me to get her out of there."

"Who did this to her?"

"Snoke. He used the connection we have to find her. The drugs I was under made it so I couldn't shield her from him and once he saw an opening, he took it." In truth, Ren had been blocking his own signature from being detected by his master and without him knowing, it had stretched across their bond and onto Rey.

"Is this what the bastard always feels like?" Poe was glaring straight at Rey, but Ren knew the hard look wasn't for her.

"You are only getting a small sense of it, but yes."

"I don't understand how you can be around such a creature." The pilot appeared to be terrified and his eyes were glazed over from what he was experiencing. To Ren, feeling this sense of hopelessness was all too familiar and he was use to it by now. But for Poe, he had clearly never felt such darkness.

"I have felt this my whole life. It doesn't affect me anymore." Poe's eyes grew large in disbelief, but didn't ask Ren to elaborate further. He could tell Poe wanted to leave the room, but the man stayed out of duty to watch over Rey.

The emotions littering the living quarters made the pilot suddenly think of a recent memory, one that even surprised Ren of it contents.

"You killed a woman. Just before we left Spira." All the color drained from Poe's face and he looked away, ashamed of what he had done. "The bounty hunter was going to kill you. You shouldn't feel ashamed."

Poe's Adam's apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed and remembered the feeling of stabbing the woman's neck. His blade had been dull and he could feel the woman's skin breaking as the knife damned her to her fate. "I have never killed a person like that before."

"As long as the person dies, how you do it really does not matter." Poe shot Ren a look he was all too familiar with: disgust.

"I watched the woman suffer as she died. People should not die that way…" Ren arched his eyebrow as he realized he use to believe the same as him.

A thought spilled into his mind that was not his own, but belonged to Poe. "You have never killed a woman before?" Ren asked. Poe's fists tightened in lap as he focused his attention back on Rey's face.

"Gender should not be a factor when someone is trying to kill you. Sooner or later, you get use to taking the lives of others." _Why am I trying to comfort the pilot?_ He felt uneasy as his compassion was starting to influence how he talked to the man.

"I don't want to get use to it." The pilot didn't seem to realize how he was a walking contradiction. He had had no problems with shooting down tie fighters and blowing up Starkiller base, causing the deaths of thousands of people. But he has one fight with a female bounty hunter and that's when he starts to unravel and think of his morals. Ren was not very fond of people with double standards. You either kill people indiscriminately, or you abstain from it; there is no middle.

"But I guess you're us to it, aren't you?" Poe asked as he turned his head to measure Ren's expression. "You mocked Lor San Tekka before killing him and then order that whole village to be massacred." Ren didn't know what response the pilot was hoping for, but if he wanted to get into a fight, he was heading in the right direction. "How could a decision like that come so easily to you? Why did you do it?"

Ren considered his answer carefully, but no matter what he ended up saying, Poe was going not going to like it. He always prided himself for his honesty, so that was exactly what he was going to give the man. "The village you were at was secretly affiliated with the Church of the Force, an extremist organization that believed in the ideals of the Jedi and the hopeful return of their power. I was tasked to never allow the Jedi to thrive, so the people there needed to die and any knowledge they held of the light side of the Force would perish with them. They were also harboring a fugitive I had been after for quite some time. They broke the law." Ren had faltered before giving the order to kill all the villagers, but he knew that they would die later on after they all were arrested anyway. It was better to not let them wait for death, but to get it over with. In his mind, he had been merciful.

Poe's face was turning red and Ren could sense the guy struggling to hold back his fists. "The law according to you. The New Republic didn't view their existence as being illegal."

"The New Republic did not have much dominion over the galaxy then. The First Order had more recognition of being the true law and order of the galaxy. Their laws are what I follow." Ren kept his voice even and controlled.

Poe crossed his arms over his chest to keep himself from doing something foolish. "And what of Lor San Tekka? He was important enough to bring in for questioning, but you killed him anyway."

Ren ran his hand through his hair, remembering his err in judgment when he had killed the old man. San Tekka had more than likely seen the map, but Ren's anger over his lineage being brought into the conversation made him think irrationally. "That had been… personal."

Poe pinched the bridge of his nose. "So does that make the slaughtering of men and women just "business" to you?"

"That's the business I am in, so yes. That is what it is to me."

Poe studied Ren's complacent expression like he was trying to catch a glimmer of his hidden compassion. The pilot shook his head slowly. "No. No, there is no way that murdering and torturing people does not bother you anymore. If it didn't, Rey would be dead. You left the First Order for her, the very organization you idolize. And because of that, there has to be a sliver of your humanity somewhere behind your screwed up ideals."

Well… that caught Ren off guard.

Poe stood abruptly, shaking his shoulders as if he could just brush off the insightful conversation they just had. "I'm gonna wash up and get some rest. You should to, while you still can." The pilot strode out of the room, not looking back at the monster he left behind.

Ren sat on the floor for a little while longer, feeling numb as his thoughts cycled through everything that has happened over the last four days and the chat he had with Poe. It was all too much to process and even though he had the time to evaluate it all, he couldn't will himself to do so. _Later. I'll think about it later once Rey is awake and well.  
_

Poe was right about one thing: he should get as much rest as possible before reaching Takodana. He crawled over Rey and laid next to her on the bottom bunk. He was crammed against the metal wall as he tried to give her as much comfortable space as possible. Ren was on his side facing Rey and he decided to interlace his fingers with hers in an effort to comfort her; which was trivial since she was unaware of her outside surroundings. Her touch quailed his weary nerves, though, so he didn't release his grip on her.

He studied the freckles on her face and the elegant curve of her lips as he drifted off to sleep…

"Kylo," a voice whispered. A hand on his shoulder nudged him back and forth. "Kylo." His eyes fluttered opened and he saw Poe stooping down into the bunk, staring at him intently. "We're here." The pilot inquisitively glanced down at Ren's hand that was interlocked with Rey's, but didn't say anything. "How is she?"

He rubbed the grogginess from his eyes and then placed his free hand on Rey's face, cupping her cheek. A lot of his strength had returned and he was able to focus on Rey's well being with more precision. Unfortunately, she had worsened over the span of a few hours. Her lips were void of color and her heartbeat was erratic, but her face still revealed no emotion. She was in a suspended state of torture and Ren could sense her body starting to shut down.

"Her body is starting to fail." Ren climbed out of the bunk and scooped Rey into his arms, holding on tighter than necessary. "We need to find Maz." He walked out of his quarters, making his way to the cargo bay over hang.

"That shouldn't be too hard since I saw her walking to the ship." Ren's steps faltered, but he quickly regained his stride. He was really going to do this; he was going to confront Maz Kanata, one of Han Solo's longest friends.

He leaped over the bars, slowing his descent to land softly on the hard floor. Before he questioned his decision, he commanded the ramp to lower. Light flooded into the cargo bay and he could see the blue sky behind the numerous green trees that littered the landscape. The ramp hit the ground with a thud, revealing the obliterated fragments of the once peaceful castle, but Ren's eyes didn't roam over it for long. Right in the middle of the wreckage stood a small woman with big goggles and orange skin. Maz's glare was fixed on Ren and he could feel her immense animosity for him.

With a deep breath and a sturdy resolve, he brusquely walked down the ramp and headed straight for her.

 **Well Jedi Kay-Kenobi, Poe did show up to haul Ren's ass out of there! I decided to have a random bounty hunter find them first so they could realize that anyone could be an enemy, not just the ones they were already familiar with.**

 **So I do realize that not much Reylo is going on with this chapter, but Rey needs to realize just how powerful Snoke is and her being unconscious gave Poe and Ren some much needed time to actually talk to one another. Ren's relationship with Rey is really important to the story, but Ren's character needs to evolve to let other people into his life as well.**

 **Anyway, if you are in the mood, please leave a review or follow the story! Thanks so much for reading!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Thanks for all the reviews, follows, and faves! I apologize that it has taken me a couple weeks to update. I had comic con over the weekend and had to prep for my costume I was wearing. Also getting ready to move, so I have been doing a lot of cleaning. Things should be smooth sailing from now on though! I am eager to write the chapters that are ahead because they are some of the ones I first envisioned for the story (chapter 12 falls under that category). ilovekyloren: I am a huge fan of Reylo as well, but I also love character development and adding more dimensions to the characters. I'm happy you feel the same way! I try to update as fast as I can, so hopefully the book will be done before you know it! Thanks! MaelsiC: Hahahaha! The joke was clever and made me laugh! Thank you! I can always use a joke to brighten my day. Her learning from him through the bond is a way for her to kinda fast track her skill level, but Ben wont always let her do it. She has to learn some things on her own! lol. Guest: I wish the book was done to, trust me. Yeah, Ren has his own sense of "mercy," which is not very dark side appropriate. But he will still kill someone brutally if the need called for it. You will see what I mean in a future chapter... And I did want Poe to point out that he is not as lost as he would think. Over the course of the next few chapters, things start catching up to Ren and he will have to face them. He is very much an addict to pain and power, and we will see his journey in finding a middle ground for himself. Who is the girl, you ask? Who indeed... :) She is an integral part to the story. Garden Guru: Yes, Kylo is a wee bit controlling, but Rey is learning how to stand up to him. Kylo is partly right on how Snoke accessed her mind and, in a way, since Kylo has a small connection with Snoke, so does Rey across their bond now. But there is something else. T** **here is a little more detail on it in this chapter, but not the whole explanation. SheLitAFire: Slow burns are the best! Especially with these two characters. It would annoy me sometimes with how fast they would really get together and I wanted to do mine differently. Start with mutual respect, then friendship and understanding, and then onto deeper things. So, just so everyone knows, this story is very much a rough draft. There will be misspellings and grammatical errors that I miss and I do apologize for them. I do not have a beta, so I am trying to do this on my own. I can see what you mean about the dialogue in the beginning, and I do plan on going back and changing it once the book is done. Kylo Ren is the only character whom I try to write formal dialogue for because that is how he talks in the Force Awakens novelization. I can get so caught up with editing already existing chapters that I stop writing the current one. So, when it is all done, I am gonna go back and edit the hell out of them. Then post the story on AO3. With that being said, it makes me happy that you see how I drop plot points early on and then revisit them. It helps the story feel more mature and real. And trust me, your misspellings do not bother me. lol. Poe being put in the mix was to help pace Reylo better, but he is also used so we can see how Ren interacts with someone who is not Rey. As for other characters being Force sensitive... we shall see... lol. I am thinking the book will be between 40 to 50 chapters. I have a lot planned. :) CalistaLegaci: In a way, there is something akin to friendship happening between Poe and Ren. I'm glad you noticed that! And thanks so much for the compliment. I hope you like this chapter!  
**

 **Thanks again for all the reviews! It seriously brightens my day to hear from any one of you. Even if it's just a sentence. Anyway, onto the chapter!**

Chapter Nineteen

Hux tapped his thumbs together while his conjoined hands rested on the sleek, circular table. The small chamber's air was cold and still, but the rambling of the hologram projections gave life to the taciturn atmosphere. Each projection showed a face at a spot above the table, the faces of the High Command of the First Order. It was an organization that was not widely known of, but still held formidable power behind a lot of the Order's tactical decisions.

Some of the members were from the days of the Empire, which made them old and jaded in the eyes of General Hux. While he idolized the Empire and all that it stood for, certain ways it had been operated had not been full-proof; evidenced by Darth Vader's betrayal and the progression of the Rebellion as being a formidable opponent in the end.

Hux stared at the has-beens with animosity, for they were the ones who lost the battle at Jakku and caused the remnants of the Empire to go into hiding. His father, Brendol, was giving a weekly report on the current operations of the stormtrooper program. It was all mostly the same drabble week to week: more children taken, the curriculum being polished, and the "accidental" death toll for that week. He was sure his father just killed off the weakling children, making it appear to be nothing more than a mishap. When Armitage had overseen the school, he had the feeble younglings executed outright, never trying to hide the fact that he ordered it. His father, though, always preferred anonymity.

As long as the strong survived and he had more than capable soldiers at his command, Brendol could keep with his ways. Besides, someone had to directly overlook the program, and since Armitage had been promoted to general, he was too busy fighting the Resistance. Fortunately, at the end of the day, Brendol still answered to his son, and that gave Armitage immense satisfaction in his highly ranked status.

Even with his father producing sufficient soldiers, Hux still detested the man. _Why can't he just die already_. Brendol hadn't been looking good for some time now, and the cough he was currently plagued with just kept getting worse. The white hair, sun spotted skin, and bumpy nose was not appealing to stare at, and Hux was wishing for natural selection to take its course and for his father to finally die of old age. Someone else was always eagerly awaiting their turn at greatness, so Hux knew finding a replacement for his father would not be difficult. If the Supreme Leader had not been the one to appoint his father over the program, Armitage would have booted him out long ago.

"What is the current status on locating Kylo Ren?" Admiral Rae Sloane – a dark skinned, hard eyed woman that spoke with more direction than tact – pointed her question at General Hux.

The Finalizer was still hovering over Spira and all the High Command members had been informed of what had transpired at the city of Khalon through Cato's report. Hux's annoyance rose at Sloane's redundant question. The last thing he wanted to discuss was how Ren and the scavenger rat had slipped past them. He'd already received a more the unpleasant lecture about it from the Supreme Leader.

"You know we have all our resources searching for the traitor. Nothing has changed since you've received your report, Admiral Sloane. Leave the hunt for Kylo Ren to me." Hux shut the admiral down and turned his attention to an unusually quiet Carise Sindian.

"Carise, what is the status on the Centrist planets joining the First Order?" Carise had been tasked with persuading certain systems to join the new government and so far, she had snagged a few, but Hux was needing the numbers to be higher. By conversing with the leaders of a certain planet, it gave off the impression that they still had some semblance of control over their world, when in reality, they did not. If they outright refused to give their allegiance, then Hux would take it by force.

Carise's face was smooth and refined as she gave her sophisticated smile to a group of people who did not care so much for fake pleasantries. "Hevurion has agreed to align themselves with the First Order, but... Coruscant is being difficult. They want to negotiate a neutrality deal during this whole conflict with the Resistance, which I keep telling them is not possible. They were close to joining, but with the destruction of Starkiller, they've grown comfortable with staying on the sidelines. We might have to just take the planet through military means."

Various members offered their opinions on how to handle the core world planet, but Hux remained silent. Unleashing his troopers onto the world was of no consequence to him and he knew that with Coruscant, a military takeover was probably how it was going to go.

No, Hux was studying Carise's poised expression and well-mannered demeanor. From growing up together, Armitage knew how to tell if Carise was hiding something. She always tried way too hard to come off proper and docile at the same time.

"Admiral Sloane." Hux interrupted the group. "You will aid Carise in gaining the loyalties of the core worlds. We need all of them to join the First Order, not just a few."

"But General–"

"Is there a problem, Carise?" All evidence of propriety disappeared from her face as her holoprojection gave Hux a defiant stare. After a few short moments, Carise conceded to Hux's direct order. Luckily, Sloane kept her mouth shut on the matter.

A message dinged on his datapad and he tore his eyes from Carise to glance down, seeing that it was from Lieutenant Mitaka. Cato, the Knight of Ren that was on Khalon, was done speaking with the Supreme Leader and was ready to see him.

Hux stood and straightened his uniform. "We'll reconvene this meeting tomorrow. If any of you fail in your assignments, you answer to Supreme Leader Snoke. Remember that." He grabbed the datapad and exited the room with his head held high.

As he walked through the sleek hallways, his thoughts were propelled back to when he had spoken to the Supreme Leader after the loss of Starkiller base. Hux had been fully prepared to be executed for his short comings in defending the weapon, and had been shocked to find he was still breathing after the long lecture. Hux chalked up Leader Snoke's mercy to the secret weapon on Jakku, for if Starkiller had been the only weapon in their arsenal, his body would have been drifting off into space by now.

 _At least that tree has been destroyed. Supreme Leader seemed to have been satisfied with that news._

He walked into a small meeting room, the door closing behind him as he clasped his hands behind his back. Cato was sporting the usual dead expression the man loved to wear. While the knight was shorter than Hux, he was very lean and muscular for being middle aged. The dark hair and olive toned skin was starting to wrinkle and sag and Hux wondered how much longer Cato could keep fighting.

"You told me that you'd find Ren quickly and dispose of him." Hux rarely ever meddled in the affairs of the Knights of Ren, but their goals seemed to have aligned recently and Hux decided to capitalize on their disdain for their master. He knew having Ren killed went directly against Supreme Leader's order, but no one but Hux and the knights seemed to understand how much of a liability the bastard was.

The knight glared at the general, but remained still. "I will. The girl was a worthy opponent and took me off guard. Next time, I'll account for her abilities and kill them both."

"Ren is our primary target. Whether the girl lives or dies, it doesn't matter. I don't want you thinking you have a score to settle with her now. Do what you promised, and I will make sure the Supreme Leader puts you at the head of the Knights of Ren."

The knight tensed his eyes. "It's difficult to find him first when you have a myriad of bounty hunters searching for him. If that one hadn't of found them, Ren would be decomposing by now."

"I have to keep up appearances that I'm trying to apprehend him, not kill him." Seriously, Hux felt like he was lecturing a child when he talked to this man. _Is being daft a prerequisite in joining the Knights of Ren?_

"And when he is dead, how will you explain it to the Supreme Leader?"

"I know how to make a death appear like an accident." _Thanks to Brendol…_

Cato took a step closer to the general, trying to come off intimidating, but all it did was annoy Hux further. "If any information comes up, you tell me first before the bounty hunters."

"Yes, I do remember our arrangement." The knight nodded and walked past Hux to exit the tight room.

"Before you go," the knight halted before reaching the doorway, "I need one of your knights to look into something for me."

The knight gave Hux a look of disdain. "We do not take orders from you," he spat.

Hux ignored his defiance. "This matter could concern you and your efforts in finding Ren." The knight glared, waiting for him to continue. "Have one of them look into Carise Sindian and see what she is up to."

"You want one of us to look into an aristocrat? That would take time away from finding Kylo Ren." Technically, Carise was no longer an aristocrat, but he could see why the knight would think so. Hux chose not to correct the man on the matter. He didn't need the conversation to become more tense.

"Carise has a certain… grudge against Leia Organa. I wouldn't put it past her if she were trying to find Ren for her own reasons." The knight furrowed his brow in contemplation before finally accepting Hux's request.

"I'll assign _one_ knight to this task, but I won't have him following her for long."

"Just a quick search is all I ask." If Carise were playing her own game without his knowledge, he would be furious. The last thing he needed was for her to get in the way of his mission.

The knight brusquely left when Phasma suddenly appeared in the entrance way.

"Sir." Hux could see his partial reflection in her shining armor. "New contraband has been found among the stormtroopers." Hux exhaled, feeling irritated over the insubordination of his inferiors. It wasn't uncommon to find some contraband material every now and then, but ever since FN-2187 defected, more of it kept showing up.

"What's been found this time?"

"Somehow, one of them was able to stream the HoloNet onto a datapad." This gave Hux pause. Any form of entertainment or ways to connect with anyone outside the First Order was strictly forbidden. The only way to keep the troopers working like a well oiled machine was to not let their minds stray from what they were indoctrinated to do.

Hux pursed his lips, but kept his voice calm. "Execute all that have been in contact with the datapad."

"Yes sir." Phasma pivoted and left Hux alone with his fuming thoughts. He needed to wrangle in this flagrant disobedience that was spreading among the soldiers before it caught any real traction.

 _Maybe making the executions a mandatory viewing will stop them from defying the rules_ …

()()()()()

Finn sat at a small, square table, his eyes roaming over the white walls and the blaring lights overhead. It had taken longer than he had expected to get this meeting and he was only allowed to talk to one stormtrooper, but he was still thankful that Admiral Statura pushed the council into clearing this interaction.

Footsteps could be heard outside the door and Finn stood abruptly to greet the prisoner. A woman of dark, brown skin and buzzed black hair walked inside and was flanked by two Resistance soldiers. Her facial structure was exotic looking, with her full lips and large, brown eyes making her stand out against the plain room. She was still wearing the standard black clothes every stormtrooper would wear beneath their armor, and Finn felt a tinge of annoyance that she hadn't been issued new clothes by now.

"Sit." One of the soldiers pointed at the chair opposite of Finn and the woman eyed it reluctantly. Finn smiled to try and reassure the trooper, but all it seemed to do was confuse her more.

"Please, I just want to have a simple conversation with you. That's all." She studied his body language, deeming him to be of no threat after a few seconds of silence. Slowly, she shuffled forward while the cuffs on her wrists and ankles clanged objectively against the movement. "The cuffs are not necessary. You can remove them."

The tall soldier shook his head. "We've been ordered not to." Finn was about to protest, but was cut off. "You have twenty minutes." Both escorts left and locked the door from the outside, leaving Finn alone with the dubious trooper.

They stood facing each other, and Finn found it hard to not feel slightly uncomfortable under the woman's hard stare. "Please, sit." Finn motioned at her chair and led by example by being the first to recline.

The woman followed and took a moment to look around the room, probably looking for anything that could be used as a weapon. "You're Sergeant CN-7895, correct?" Her gaze snapped back to his and she nodded in recognition.

"Why did you have you and your platoon surrender to the resistance on the island?" Her jaw rolled from side to side as Finn watched her contemplate whether or not to answer.

"The First Order retreated and we got caught behind enemy lines. I didn't wish my trooper's to die, so I ordered them to surrender." One thing that had always been stressed to him as he grew up in the program was that you never surrendered to the enemy. Your loyalty demanded that you die rather than submit.

He furrowed his brow from witnessing such compassion in another trooper. "You knowingly went against your training to save your comrades," Finn stated. Something in the statement sparked her anger and she glared at him as if her stare could kill.

"What do you know of my training? You Resistance members know nothing," she seethed.

"I am not with the Resistance." He paused, mentally scolding himself. "Well, okay, I am now, but I started off as a stormtrooper for the First Order. I recently defected."

The woman's expression changed faster than blaster fire- eyes wide, mouth agape- as she stared at him in wonder. Finn was not expecting that reaction. Whenever anyone from the First Order found out about him being an ex-stormtrooper, they liked to yell the word "traitor" in his general direction. He was getting used to that being a nickname of his.

"You- you're FN-2187?"

His breathing stopped in surprise. "I go by Finn now, but that was my stormtrooper name. How do you know that?"

She leaned forward, examining his face like he was a myth that just came to life right before her eyes. "All the stormtroopers know of you. What you did had spread throughout the ranks in a matter of hours. None of us could believe that a trooper released a prisoner and stole a Tie fighter to escape a Star Destroyer. It's something that should have been impossible."

"Well, I guess I'm proof that it's indeed possible."

"I guess you are." She sat back, shaking her head while her eyes turned down onto the shiny table. "Why did you want to speak with me?"

There were multiple reasons why Finn had wanted this meeting, one of them being to convince the troopers to join the Resistance. But his thoughts were currently darting off in a different direction that was more personal to him. "Do you remember your family?"

"Excuse me?"

Finn knew she heard him, so he kept going with the line of questions that popped into his mind.

"Do you think your parents ever think of you and wonder what kind of person you became?" CN-7895 shifted in her seat, her uneasiness palpable.

"When you go to bed at night, have you ever thought of how different your life would have been if the First Order hadn't taken you?" Finn's voice was quiet, but his eyes implored the woman to answer.

"Why do you ask me these things?" Her voice was shaky as she appeared to be frightened by the stream of inquiries.

Finn gulped, trying to hide how emotional he was becoming. He grasped onto the edge of the table, feeling the cold on his fingers. "I can't be the only stormtrooper to have thought these things; to have wondered if my parents wanted me or if they had freely given me to the Order." He took in a strangled breath. "You showed compassion for your soldiers when we were always told to never surrender to the enemy. You went against protocol, knowing that by doing so was treason. In my first battle, I went against direct orders and never fired my weapon to kill innocent people. I have to believe that there are other troopers out there who are like me, and I think from the way you saved your unit, you are."

Finn was close to losing his composure and he could see the woman struggle to hold back her own. The atmosphere was thick with emotional energy, and both him and CN-7895 were caught in the current. "Please, I need to know if you have ever thought these things. If you have ever wished for a different life than the one you were forced into."

Her arms were resting on the table and Finn was tempted to reach out and grasp them, but he didn't want to frighten her. Her answer was very crucial to his sanity and he could feel the seconds tick by as he waited for her reply.

"Yes," she croaked out. "I've thought these things." Finn exhaled and brushed his face in relief. He wanted to hug the woman for validating that he was not alone, nor was he crazy. "But what does that matter? My life and the lives of my comrades are over. We are to rot away in prison for doing what we were ordered to do."

His head shook in disagreement. "How you feel matters, more than you know. You want a new life? You want to have the freedom you have only ever dreamed of? The Resistance can give that to you; if you join them."

She scoffed at his proposition. "I would just be trading in my First Order pauldron to be a soldier under a different cause. I would hardly call that freedom."

"True, you would be required to fight for the Resistance, but when they win, you can be whoever you want to be. You wouldn't have to stay in the military if you didn't want to."

"When they win? You mean if, and it's a very big if. The First Order's resources are enormous, and I don't think the Resistance can match their firepower. In the end, we are all going to end up dead."

This woman was blunt, but not entirely wrong. There was a possibility of the First Order winning the war, but Finn liked to remain optimistic about his future. "Well, you can either go back to the First Order right now and be executed, or you can breath a little while longer with the Resistance. We have no other choice but to fight for what we want, and what I want is a long and happy life that has no attachments to oppression. I cannot get that from the First Order, so I'm going to do everything I can to help the Resistance to win. And I want you to help me." She lifted her brow in curiosity.

"No on here understands the First Order like you and I do. We can help them win this war. And really… what other choice is there?" She clenched her jaw as she realized the truth behind Finn's words. It was either death or living and in the end, one was easier to choose over the other.

She dragged her hands off the table and into her lap while straightening her posture. Slowly, she nodded her head. "I don't want to be known as CN-7895 anymore."

Finn took that as her agreeing to be with the Resistance. "Okay. Is there a different name you would like to go by?"

"Breaala," she replied quickly. "I, uh, think it was my mother's name," she whispered solemnly.

"It's a beautiful name."

"Do you have the authority to induct my unit and I into the Resistance."

 _Uhhhhhhh…_ "No, I actually don't. But I do know people who can help me. Besides, if they know you're willing to give information on the First Order, I'm sure they would offer you asylum."

She chewed at the inside of her cheek, rolling over the idea of having a brand new life. "I'll talk to my unit. I'm sure they'll come to see that there is no other option for us but to do this. If some of them choose not to join, though, I won't make them."

Finn grinned from ear to ear. "Then that is their choice to make, but I really hope you all do."

()()()()()

Ren pressed Rey firmly against him as he stalked closer to Maz. Poe walked next to him, keeping his hand on his blaster that was attached to his belt. Such weapons were unnecessary for this encounter and Ren chalked up the pilot's movement to an instinctual reflex, rather than Poe actually wanting to fight the ancient alien.

He maneuvered around chunks of stone and halted a few feet from the small woman. Her arms remained crossed and the temptation to lash out at him was hitting his senses in massive amount of waves. Fortunately, Maz resisted such primitive impulses and settled on glaring at his tall form.

Poe was the first to break the tension. "I'm Commander Poe Dameron, a pilot for the Resistance, and we're very much in need of your help." Maz didn't even glance at Poe, nor did she answer. He sensed the pilot becoming nervous and in truth, he was as well. Maz scrutinized Ren's face, more than likely from sensing how anxious he was.

"What have you done to her? I could feel the dark side as soon as you dropped out of hyperspace." Of course she would blame him.

"While your assumption is understandable, I didn't do this to her. Snoke did." Maz recoiled slightly, but regained her composure. Her magnified pupils scanned Rey's unconscious body, but she didn't make a move to come closer.

"I do not think I can help her."

"Directly, no, you can't. But I can. I just need more power to be able to get past the barrier placed around her mind. Then, I can guide her out."

"You want my power to amplify your own," Maz stated. Ren remained silent, trying to gage Maz's decision from her expression, but the orange alien was not giving anything away. "And if I refuse?"

Ren didn't hesitate to answer. "Then I'll take it." _By force…_

Poe shifted, not knowing what to do as Maz and Ren stared at one another. Would the pilot try to stop him if he became violent towards her? Maybe, but Ren was more than willing to kill whoever got in his way of taking what he wanted from the female humanoid. However, the prospect of killing Poe made him uncomfortable. He hoped the pilot wouldn't force his hand.

Maz huffed. "We can do this down in the basement. It's the only place that survived the assault _you_ led against my castle." She pivoted on her heels, not waiting to see if the two men were following her or not.

Ren trailed close behind while the pilot stayed to his left. "It seems like she's going to help us," Poe whispered. "So that's good, right?" Appearances could be deceiving; Ren knew that better than most. But the last time he'd seen Maz, when he was just been a small boy, she had been a merciful woman. Hopefully, she remained the same underneath her pirate exterior.

Ren gave Poe a side-glance, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with his observation. Maz might put up a fight once she realizes how much of her strength he was going to need from her.

The basement was still the same as Ren remembered. The long hallway had multiple rooms stemming off from the sides, and the rocky floor and walls dropped the air to a chilly temperature that Ren found agreeable.

"In here." Maz turned right, entering a room teething with antiques and reminders of past lives that were long forgotten. A thick wooden table was propped in the middle and Maz quickly cleared it of her possessions. "Place her on the table." Ren gently did so, making sure his hand was placed on the back of her head to cushion her against the hardness of the golden wood. Rey's knees bent over the short table and her feet dangled close to the floor. Ren loomed over her, brushing random flurries of hair from her ashen face.

Her skin was all wrong; it had none of the soft glow he'd come to admire, and her forehead was covered in tiny beads of sweat that weren't from hard labor, but distress.

A ticking noise sounded off on the other side of the table and Ren peered up, seeing Maz twisting the magnification of her goggles as she stood on a stool. Her sight was burning into Ren, looking at him with a purpose. "What is she doing?" Poe inquired next to him.

Ren didn't have the patience for this. His head twisted toward the pilot, "Just ignore her." He craned his attention back to Maz, but she was not where she had been a moment ago. Harshly, two small hands pulled his face down, making him fall to his knees. Two magnified eyes materialized inches from his own, drinking in the information they betrayingly offered her.

The interaction only lasted seconds before Ren recovered his wits and pulled back from her, stretching to his full height as to intimidate the small alien.

"I never believed…" Maz trailed off, lost in her own thoughts.

Ren wasn't particularly interested in knowing what she believed at the moment. "We need to do this quickly. Rey will soon be dead."

"And you along with her, I presume." Ren clasped his jaw shut from her response. Leave it to Maz to somehow know even the most secretive of details in just one glance.

The woman walked to Rey, placing her hands on the crown of her head as she closed her eyes to concentrate.

"The dark side is rooted very deep. Even if you get in, there is a strong possibility neither of you will be able to get out."

"I can get us out. I've done it before." A small chair, in the far corner, caught Ren's eye and he made his way over to retrieve it.

"Why do you want to help the girl?" Maz's gaze followed him, scrutinizing the manly form his body had become.

"You know why." He set the chair at the head of the table

"I don't know everything, Ben." Ren flinched upon hearing his birth name. He'd grown accustomed to hearing the name pass through Rey's lips, but if anyone else called him that, his immediate reaction was to become violent. "Tell me, and I will not resist helping you."

He gripped the railing of the chair, hearing it creak under the immense pressure. Talking to Maz was the last thing he wanted to do, but he kept reminding himself that it was necessary if he wanted to save Rey. "I care for her," he finally stated.

"That is not what I saw in your eyes."

She was baiting him to ask further and to his embarrassment, he did. "What did you see then?" Maz's features took on an emotion he had never witnessed on the alien: gentleness. It was a very motherly type of look, one that appeared odd on her aged face. He didn't deserve such a look from her.

"Something you will discover very soon." _Damn woman always has to talk in riddles_. He preferred to converse with people who were more straightforward. _Like Poe_ , he thought in shock.

He quieted the ridiculous notion. "Can we get on with this now?" Ren had entertained Maz long enough, and now they needed to deal with the situation currently lying on the table.

Ren was all need, no ease. He knelt at the head of the table, taking Rey's head firmly between his two palms. Maz's small hand rested on his forearm, opening up her strength to him. "When this is over, you and I have a lot to discuss," Maz affirmed.

He gave no sign as to hearing her. Instead, he closed his eyes, searching for the wall around Rey's psyche. It wasn't difficult to find and he noticed that it had grown considerably stronger than the last time he had checked. Without preamble, he latched onto Maz's Force signature, roughly draining her power into his own.

The petite alien made no sound of his intrusion, but he could feel her hand starting to shake. Thoughts and feeling belonging to Maz were attached to the strength she was letting him absorb. Ren had no choice but to be privy to the information, and what he learned actually shocked him.

Hundreds of years ago, Maz had a younger brother. They were alike in many ways, until he became the leader of a formidable spice cartel. His ambition and ego could not be satiated through kindness and mercy, but only through cruelty and backstabbing. Maz watched helplessly as her brother used his Force abilities to gain recognition, falling deeper and deeper into the dark side. She went decades without seeing him, deciding that there was nothing she could do but wait, hoping he would return to her. Instead, she felt through the Force the day he'd been murdered. It had been slow and painful and Maz let herself suffer through all of it. Later, she had learned that he'd been killed during a coup and his body had been left out in the expanse of space, leaving no grave for her to find him.

Maz reviled the dark side, but felt pity for those who were trapped in its snare. Even now, knowing Ren had murdered Han, she felt sympathy for him. Ren recoiled from such emotions. Having others show pity for him made him feel weak, whereas their fear made him feel strong. He would rather have Maz's full, unadulterated anger than have her feel sorry for him.

Ren focused on the barrier, trying not to let Maz's thoughts ruin his attention. He pounded against it, drawing more strength from the woman with ever punch. While these type of walls were made to keep their victim from escaping, it was not entirely impossible to get inside. Somehow, the barrier was weaker on the outside, giving him the opportunity to break in. With every trap, there was always a loophole.

Slowly, the blockade started to budge, revealing the fabric of the structure. Desperation fueled him and he was astonished that Maz was still standing with how much power he was stealing. He pulled at the thread, creating a hole so he could slip in. It was small, forcing his mind to compress greatly against it.

 _Just a little more pressure…_

He was staring into a black abyss, not knowing what time axis he belonged to. His feet were firmly planted on a hard surface and no sound or smell hit his other senses. This place was obsolete, barren. It was devoid of all hope and light that made Rey into the beautiful woman Ren was tied to. _  
_

Her name bellowed from his lungs, but he received no response. No echoes came from his voice or footfalls as he blindly traveled the flat surface. His own fear was waiting beneath, for this place was what he'd been stuck in for days. He had come to the edge of dying, but had somehow found the willpower to control the illusion and create an escape. Being weak was for cowards and so were excuses.

"Ben." A young woman appeared to his right. Her form had a soft glow, accentuating the paleness of her skin. Reddish, blonde hair flowed onto her shoulders and Ren had the strong impression that he knew this woman, that he had once seen her in a different form.

"You were a child when you appeared to me on that island," Ren recalled as he walked closer to her, studying the familiar aged outlines of her face.

She slightly smiled as she cupped her hands together at her hip. "I was wondering if you'd recognize me if I looked older. I prefer this older vision of myself than the young child I died as. It makes me imagine what kind of life I could've had if I lived longer."

Ren scrutinized her form while not hiding his increased confusion. "I… don't understand. Are you a Force Spirit? Why show yourself to me on the island and right now?"

The woman grew serious, leaving all evidence of formality behind. "My fate is tied with Rey's." Her voice was feminine and soft, matching the elegance she exuded.

"What fate? You said you already died, your fate is done."

"Would you like to converse with me, or find Rey and get her out of here? Time is not infinite."

"Where is she?" The woman's form flashed, causing Ren to shield his eyes so he was not completely blinded. What remained of her was a small ball of light, floating fast off into the distance. Ren ran, following the sphere through the fragile substance of Rey's darkened mind.

The light stopped abruptly, hovering over a crumpled form on the floor. Ren slid to his knees and stopped at Rey's stilled body.

"I banished the heathen's voice from speaking with her, but his trap remains." As Ren turned Rey onto her back, he clutched on to her shoulders and glanced up at the ball of brightness.

"You have power here? Why didn't you get her out!" he yelled.

The streams of light that surrounded the sphere twirled faster, as if becoming unstable. "You do not understand. If Snoke senses me, he will hunt the girl till she is dead."

"He already wants her dead," Ren stated through clenched teeth.

"No, this will be personal and fueled with vengeance." He glanced between Rey and the hovering bulb, not knowing whether he should pry further with more questions, or stay on task by helping Rey escape.

Ren chose Rey, deciding that his thirst for information could hopefully be quenched at a different point in the future.

He grasped her face gently, feeling her cold skin on his fingertips. Blame needed to be aimed somewhere and Ren chose himself as the target. Snoke had to have used his side of the bond to find Rey, which was the only explanation he could come up with.

"You blame yourself for what is happening?" _Can she sense my emotions?_ He was growing accustomed to Rey being in tune with his moods, but the prospect of this entity also sensing his feelings was unnerving. He stayed silent, trying to focus on getting Rey to respond to his intangible nudges.

"There is no need to decree the blame upon yourself. Once you were rendered unconscious, you no longer could shield her from your master, and my presence within her made it so he could find her quickly. Fortunately, he was not specifically seeking me, so my existence is still unknown." There was an inkling of narcissistic undertones to the spheres last statement, like the being viewed herself more important than Rey.

"Your presence within her?" The more the light spoke, the more perplexed Ren became. Even though it wasn't real, seeing Rey's weak form on the ground was disconcerting, causing him to panic and not clearly assess the conversation that was unfolding. "Are you speaking of reincarnation?" Ren voiced his conjecture out loud, hoping it was not the case. The concept of reincarnation was not widely known, and no accounts have ever been recorded, but theoretically, it could be possible.

 _Well, technically, the Force can make anything possible_.

"No, we are very much two separate entities." He relaxed slightly. He didn't know what he would have done if he found out Rey was somehow this peculiar girl he kept meeting. "When she was born and the bond formed between you two, the Force allowed me to attach myself to her, but this is very much her own mind and body." Ren's sight darted back to the bright sphere. He quickly processed how Rey and the girl were somehow linked together, but entirely separate from one another, before focusing on the most important statement the girl had made during the odd exchange: the Force bond.

His bewilderment was obvious from his scrunched up expression. "What are you talking about? The bond formed when I was interrogating her."

The light minutely pulsated, like it was growing nervous. "No, it did not. The Force needed your destinies to be intertwined, so it willed the connection to be so. The bond had been laying dormant from my doing, but you awakened it when you forced yourself into her mind on the First Order base." _What the hell is going on?_ What she was saying sounded too farfetched. Wouldn't he have noticed something as significant as a Force bond forming sometime during his life?

 _My dream_ … The dreams he had of her since he was ten, the longing to find something out in the galaxy, and how immensely drawn to her he had been when he first saw her on Takodana- it all made sense now. Too much sense.

One fact became clear to him, though: his life had never been his own, even when he was young. How much control over his life did he actually have, or was everything just a lie? This woman had kept Ren and Rey from finding each other. He could have found Rey and spared her the hardships she had endured on Jakku and maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have been consumed by the dark side. He wouldn't have killed...

He spoke to the being through his harsh, low voice. "You kept us apart. I could have found her when she was abandoned; our lives could've turned out differently than this."

"Your fall to the dark side was necessary for what lies ahead." His hands shot out at the ball of light, trying to grab it and strangle it between his powerful hands. It darted out of reach, but remained in the vicinity.

His hard breathing and feral eyes showed the evidence of his rage. "Necessary? _Necessary?_ I killed my own father! I can barely live with myself for what I did to him, and you say that my fall was necessary? How can you just fuck with my life and have no regard for the consequences!" His throat burned from the screaming, but the physical pain was more welcome than the memories his words elicited.

"If you had known about her or if you had found her, what little connection you have with your master might never have formed. It is essential for the future." This… _thing_ really was a cold-hearted, narcissistic bitch. Whatever her plans are, it was clear she would ruin anyone to complete them, and Rey and Ren fell under her first of many casualties.

Gradually, he hung his head, staring intently onto the obscurely smooth floor as his black hair framed his view. "No," he stated firmly. "No, I am done being a puppet for other people. And that includes whatever the hell you are." Ren peered through his thick locks to glare at the bright sphere above. "You need someone to have a connection to Snoke? You can go make one between the two of you. If I'm lucky, you two can kill each other over it."

"Ben…" Rey's voice whispered. He swung around, seeing her eyes flutter open as he grabbed her hand.

The hovering ball inched closer. "You cannot escape your destiny." Destiny. Fate. How dare this entity speak of such things to him, like she knew his inner most thoughts and intentions.

His destiny was to follow his grandfather's legacy; he had known that shortly after discovering his true lineage. Deep beneath the crevice of doubts and questions, he knew that it was somehow still his fate, but he found himself no longer drawn to it like he once had been. It was astonishing how his perspective on life could change over such a small span of time.

He glanced harshly over his shoulder. "Fuck destiny. Now, if you're still adamant on not helping us, then leave." The globe hovered for a moment and then vanished, plunging Ren and Rey into darkness.

"Who were you talking to? Was it the girl?" He found her face with his left hand and moved closer to her small frame.

"Yes, but she isn't important. Forget about her." That's what Ren planned on doing, anyway.

He helped Rey sit upright, still clutching onto her hand to support her. Her free palm touched his chest, crawling up to his neck until resting on his face. "I knew you would find me." Lightly, her fingers twirled through his hair. Memories of their time in the ocean swirled through his cognizance. Her touch was so simple, but resonated through his secret need to be wanted by another person.

"I wouldn't leave you stuck in this place." She threw her arms around his neck without warning, surprising him by her sudden closeness, which he didn't object to. Rey was not used to someone coming back for her, and he felt her gratitude through the way she clung to him.

He rubbed her back, feeling the strength of her body beneath his palms. "Are you ready to get us out of here?" he whispered. As she drew back, her cheek rubbed against his, causing him to instinctively turn toward the touch. He could taste her breath on his lips, and if they had been in a calmer situation, Ren would have claimed her mouth for his own pleasure.

"Me? I thought that's what you came here to do. If I knew how to get out of here, I would have done so by now." Rey's voice was weak, but firm in her apparent frustration to the news.

Ren cleared his voice, banishing any sensual desires from his mind. "Well, I can't provide us an escape. Only you can, since this is technically in your mind."

She sat all the way back onto her legs, taking with her the touch he craved. "But… you got in here. Can't you get out?"

He shook his head but realized that she couldn't see the movement in the dark. "No. I only got past the barrier thanks to Maz."

"Maz?" Rey's voice rose in pitch out of disbelief.

"Yeah, I needed more power to come find you, and Maz was the only good option available." She didn't voice the possibility of Skywalker, which he was grateful for.

Rey's shuddered breaths were the only noise that could be heard, and Ren knew the pressure that was placed upon her was overwhelming. Gradually, she began to move slightly, and even though Ren couldn't see, he was sure she was shaking her head. "I can't do it. Everything feels so wrong here, and I'm so tired."

His next statement was tactless, but she needed to know the full extent of what would happen if she chose inaction. "Your body is starting to shut down, and if you don't get out soon, you will die."

Silence

Ren scooted closer, his knees touching hers as he grasped onto her hands. "Rey, this is an illusion. Well, the barrier is real but the illusion lies in you thinking that you have no power here. You do. You have more power over your mind than Snoke does. You will have to use a lot of your strength, but you can escape."

"I'm not strong enough," she whispered.

"Yes, you are. You are stronger than you know, and I can feel your power begging to be used. Look at everything you've done: you delved into my fears when I was interrogating you, you bested me as we dueled in the snow, and you beat me on the island." All three were still embarrassing defeats, but he was more than capable of setting aside his ego to spark her inner vigor. He wouldn't do something like this for anyone else, but Rey.

"Uhhh… You clearly won that duel on Ahch-To. All I did was talk to you."

"But your talking made me stop. Trust me, you won that fight. And you are more than capable of winning this one." As far as pep talks go, he wasn't sure how he was doing. Ren had never tried to boost up another person's confidence. Hell, he had a hard time maintaining his own, but he learned how to fake it when it mattered.

"It seems impossible," she spoke breathlessly.

He gave her hands a reassuring squeeze, hoping she would be able to find the strength she needed soon. If she didn't, he would have to try a different tactic, which involved getting her angry. And he didn't want to do that. "It's not. Snoke did the same thing to me early on in my training. So see, I'm walking proof that it is possible to break out."

Her body jolted, like it was suddenly shocked awake. "This has happened to you before?"

"Yes, and–"

"I need you to think over exactly how you escaped so I can take that knowledge from you." Her words pored out of her quickly, and her thick accent made it so he almost couldn't understand what she just ordered him to do.

Ren sat stunned as he processed her request. He tripped over his words before settling on one question. "You know how to do that?"

"Sort of, and I'll explain later. I just need you to think about that memory so I don't have to dig for it _." Okaaaaaay…_ As he did so, he could feel her invading his thoughts and taking a part of him with her as she retreated. It was not as if she stole it and he could never get it back, but rather she copied the information and stored it within her own well of knowledge.

 _How convenient._

To his astonishment, she giggled. The sound swept through him and he clung to how pure it felt in a place teething with dread. "You really are clever. I never would have thought to view the barrier as a web that can be untangled. I just kept foolishly pushing against it, not even thinking of trying to perceive it differently. The knowledge I could get from your mind–"

"Oh, I don't think so," he playfully jested. "You're going to have to learn the hard way, just like everyone else. No cheating."

"But you let me cheat right now." He could hear the smile in her voice.

"Time is not on our side here. You should be doing more concentrating and less talking, Rey." Ren scolded her, but his heart wasn't in it. He could have sworn Rey saluted him in the dark mockingly and he marveled on how quick her spirits had turned around after she had dipped into his mind. Her confidence was sure up, but her strength was still lacking.

Ren sat on his heels as he grasped onto her arms and she mimicked his stance. "Take as much strength as you need from me, okay? Don't hold back and don't worry about me, understand?"

"Yes," she breathed and went still. The silence was earsplitting and the moments dragged on. He wondered if Rey was even doing anything, but by the sudden vibrations in the air, he knew the unraveling had begun.

Ren tried to breath, but found it to be impossible. The air in his lungs was being sucked right out of him, making his insides burn for relief. When he told her to take his might, the girl really did not back away. Every drop of vigor was being rung and collected from his giving soul, which made him close to falling over.

Rey's nails dug into his forearm, her heavy panting barely audible through his clattering teeth. Every atom in his body was pulsating as the fabric of the barrier started to crumble. His thoughts screamed at him that if he let her continue to drain him, he would die.

Light rippled off in the distance behind Rey. It was a violent mixture of color that swirled through its vicinity, searching for a victim to join the clamor. It was coming for them swiftly, filling the void with a noise akin to nails scratching against glass.

"Hur-ry," Ren whispered through rattling teeth. Rey's features were creased together in concentration, clawing at their only chance to escape. The vibrant horde was picking up momentum and Ren could feel the eyes of his master fixated on them both. Seconds was all they had left, seconds before the situation got a hell of a lot more complicated.

The colors were blinding and the urgency in the pit of his stomach sprang forth from his mouth in one single word. "Rey!"

()()()()()

Ren's eyelids sprang open, taking in the surroundings to find he was in his bed aboard his ship. His joints cracked as he stood and stretched. He leaned against the frame, breathing in the heavy smell of reality. A smile commandeered his lips as he thought of Rey.

 _She did it. She really did it_.

He searched for her, finding her essence out in the forest somewhere; no doubt examining every leaf and fleck of dirt the land could provide. Her curiosity was making up for the lost time she had spent on Jakku. Sharply, his thoughts snapped to when he had conversed with that being in Rey's mind. He wanted to believe that the girl- woman, whatever she is- was lying about everything, but denying that he had sensed the truth behind her words was a huge waste of time.

What the beings intentions were, Ren had no idea. Neither did he know how she was tied to Rey if the girl was already dead. Even though he just wanted to forget about the encounter, he knew he needed to talk to Rey about it. She was unknowingly sharing her body with another life form of some sort, and he wondered how she was going to take the detestable news.

Entering the hallway, he made his way to the refresher, desperately needing to clean the stickiness and musk off of his skin. After he was efficiently clean and in a new dark tunic and trousers, he ventured into the galley to find Poe rifling through the cabinets. "What are you looking for?"

Poe jumped, hitting his head on the inside of the cabinet and cursing as he rubbed his head. "Rations. Your supply is getting really low. But hey, at least you have enough chocolate to feed an army." Speaking of which… Ren grabbed a few bars from the upper cabinet and started to inhale the sugary treat as he searched for the rest of the rations. He eyed a bowl on the counter, seeing that it contained various vegetables and meats in a soupy mixture.

"Oh." Poe followed Ren's line of sight. "Maz made some dinner. I brought you back a bowl. It should still be warm." The mere mention of Maz gave him knots in his stomach. She wanted to speak with him, and he could see no way of escaping that inevitable conversation.

He touched the bowl, feeling that it was indeed still at an appealing temperature to be devoured. "It will probably give you more energy than the sugar you're shoving down you gullet." Ren turned, watching the pilot lean against the counter.

Ren ignored the pilot's jab about his diet. "How long were we out?"

"Sixteen hours." Ren halted the choc bar at his lips, gaping at the answer he'd just been given.

"It didn't seem that long…" he said incredulously.

Poe shrugged. "Maz and I were getting really worried and were even trying to think of someway to get her to join the party, but then Rey woke up. You, on the other hand, were out. Rey said you would probably sleep for a while, and she asked me to get you back to the ship to rest. By the way, I've been lugging your ass around a lot lately. I'm gonna have to start charging you a fee for my services." The pilot gave him a smug smile.

Ren set aside the choc bars and grabbed the bowl of hearty soup, along with a spoon. "Just let me know the rate."

Poe's expression froze and slowly, his eyes widened. "Did you just… make a joke with me?"

Ren smiled to himself as he walked over to the table in the lounge. He settled himself in and started eating the fragrant soup. It was a rarity for him to have a nice, cooked meal and he relished in the warmth it gave his stomach. He tried not to think about how Maz was the one who made it.

Poe took a seat opposite of him, staring intently as he ate. There was a nervous edge to his outwardly stoic demeanor. "So, Maz is letting me fix up this old freighter of hers and I should be done with the repairs tomorrow." Ren ate, listening to the pilot with uninterested ears. "I should have her ready tomorrow and then I plan on leaving for the Resistance." _Thank the Force._ "Rey should come with me." That was not what Ren wanted to hear.

He wasn't done with chewing a thick piece of meat between his molars, but he forced it down his throat so he could fully convey his annoyance to the pilot. "She made up her mind and is staying."

"I know. I asked her about coming back to the base and she nearly bit my head off. I do, however, think she would go... if you asked her to."

Ren was surprised at the straightforward suggestion. "Why would I ever ask her to do that?"

Poe scoffed, leaning over the table. "C'mon man. You have to know that what you're asking her to do could very well ruin her. Leave with you? You? A guy who is being hunted relentlessly by the First Order and has no idea how to pull his shit together?" _Ruin her…_ Those particular words stood out to him.

"I know how to stay hidden, and Snoke is searching for Rey as well. She'll be safe with me."

"No, it would be safer for her to be back at the base where she can be protected properly. You two gallivanting across the galaxy is going to get both of you caught. And then probably killed." Ren ground his teeth, focusing on keeping his anger at bay.

"Look, I'm not going to convince her to do something she does not want to do. She's stubborn, and won't listen to me."

"Oh, I think she would listen to you. Do you seriously not notice how she looks up to you a hell of a lot more than she should? She's seriously grown attached to you. You influence her and you don't even see it." Influence Rey? There was no possible way for someone as innocent as her to look up to someone as corrupted as him. She was obstinate when she desired something and had a moral compass, which he lacked. "There is a very strong possibility of you changing her, and it wouldn't be for the better."

Ren would never attempt to change one thing about Rey, but Poe would never take his word for it, so he stayed quiet. He didn't have to explain himself to someone as unimportant as Poe. The only thing that mattered to him was Rey. Period.

He stood, no longer wanting to be tethered to this particular conversation. Poe was staring at him intently, waiting to hear if he would agree with the pilot's assessment. "I'm not going to ask her to do this, so you should stop bringing it up– to the both of us. If you find that to be too difficult for you to do, I can make it so you'll never be able to speak again." Poe bit down, show casing his frustration through his locked jaw. Ren proceeded to exit the lounge, feeling a strong desire to be close to Rey. Hopefully the pilot would stop voicing his ridiculous notions, or Ren would have to fulfill his promise to the man.

He left the ship as the sun began its final descent toward the horizon. The uneven terrain and the pine wood scent reminded him of when he would venture out here when he was a boy. Han had always been too busy swapping stories with Maz, or with the other criminals that roamed the castle, to even notice he had left. Ren had quickly grown despondent to the boisterous laughter and the ripe smell of the unkempt aliens. So he had taken it upon himself to find somewhere quiet to pretend he was somewhere else in the galaxy. The expanse of the forest had granted him sanctuary and now as he hiked through it all, those old feelings reluctantly came back.

The branches of the trees that held their leaves seemed sharper to him now. The air was crisp, and it smelled new and fresh. His boots crunched the shrubbery below as he walked between two high rock faces. Rey was very close, but he could not see her through the narrow gap. He halted, glancing up at the group of rocks. Ren climbed the steep, but short, walkway and turned to his left upon reaching the top.

Rey stood with her back facing him, overlooking the thick throng of foliage in front of her. He stalked forward, not trying to hide the sound of his footfalls. It wouldn't have mattered if he did, since he knew she could sense his presence.

She broke through the silence first. "Do you recognize this place?" He stopped a few feet behind her, his head swiveling around to take in the surrounding view. The endless line of trees and compounded dirt did not cause any specific memories to surface, not like it obviously did with Rey.

"No. Should I?"

She pivoted, revealing her void expression, her arms remaining at her sides. "This is where we first met."

His sight darted over the rocky mound and he briefly glanced back at the way he had come up. To the left was a small ravine, the place where the stormtroopers had informed him that the Resistance was overwhelming their small numbers. He couldn't believe Rey had ventured out to find this specific place when she harbored such apprehensive feelings toward it. Or did she? Ren couldn't read her since her end of the bond was closed off– as usual.

"I can't decipher if you're alright being here or not." He scrutinized her still frame. The flashbacks he was receiving from being in the area was making him want to flee and pretend it had never happened. Someone else had Force stunned Rey, someone else had threatened her with their lightsaber, and someone else had probed her mind.

Yeah… he _really_ wanted to be anywhere else in the galaxy but here.

She shrugged. "I'm actually fine with being here. It feels like it happened ages ago, when it has only been a couple weeks." His stare roamed quickly over her form, realizing that she was still in the same outfit from Spira. The look made her appear stronger, older. More intimidating.

He liked her new appearance way too much.

"Well, you're a far cry from the girl you once were. You're hardly helpless, and are definitely more powerful now."

She smiled tentatively. "And I'm not scared of you, like I once was."

He chuckled. "No, you are not." Ren still couldn't get past how odd it was that Rey didn't shy away from him like most people did.

Her smile slowly faded as she glanced down at the dirt between them. "How have you been able to live with that vile creature in your mind for so long?" Her voice was soft and timid, not knowing if the question was appropriate to ask.

He paused before answering. "It's all I've ever known."

Rey's sight found his, causing his insides to tighten. "I can see why you eventually fell to the dark side." An emotion played out on her face. Sympathy?

His forehead creased. "What do you mean?"

She walked to him as he wondered where she was going with these thoughts of hers. "Feeling utterly hopeless would cause anyone to break under that pressure." She _was_ showing him sympathy through her stare, which was the last thing he wanted to see from her. "Snoke _did_ this to you, Ben. He made you into a monster." He recoiled from her attempt to touch his arm while gazing at her, bewildered. Hurt filled her eyes, but she didn't let his retreat stop her from voicing her beliefs. "He robbed you of a life full of love and friendship. You've killed so many people for him and lost who you truly were in the process."

Ren shook his head vigorously. "No. He didn't take away the life I should have had. He gave me a purpose, a place to belong when no one else would. He saw how much power I could wield and the potential I had." The words were out of his mouth before he could stop it. Rey blinked, utterly shocked by his confession, and part of him mirrored her reaction.

"How can you speak of him with such high praise still?" Disgust laced her words. Ren was confused that he still felt loyal to Snoke, while at the same time knowing he belonged to Rey. Thoughts he had been trying to hold off processing were starting to claw to the surface, causing him to come to grips with reality. "You told me on Spira that you didn't trust him anymore, but here you are actually defending him, after everything he has made you do. You killed your father for him and tried to kill me–"

"I know what I have done!" Rey took a few steps back in alarm. His voice boomed off the pine trees, rippling through the air with powerful speed. Moments passed as he watched her square off at him. The pool of conflicting emotions had caused him to lash out at her and he immediately regretted it.

He rubbed his face. "I'm sorry," he voiced more calmly.

The outburst didn't seem to deter her. "You still hold your former master in high regard? After what he just did?" Her tone was critical and lined with hurt. The first time they're actually able to talk to one another since Spira and they start off by arguing.

"Most of his teachings I respect, but as for the man, I do not revere him like I used to. He wants you dead, and I won't let that happen."

Rey breathed in, then out, trying to control her frustration. "If you were put in a situation where you had to choose between him or me–"

"You. I would always choose you. Never think otherwise."

She seemed to relax slightly, but her voice was still hard. "I need to know when you started doubting him. Truly." The addition of her last statement was unnecessary since he would never lie to her. Ren could see she was searching for a specific answer, but wasn't sure what it was.

He inhaled sharply before speaking. "The destruction of the Hosnian system. It could have possibly been earlier than that, but the seed of doubt was so small I'm not sure when it was planted." Rey's eyes lost focus for a moment as she nodded her head.

"I–," he stuttered, not knowing where to begin explaining his jumbled thoughts. She glanced back up, startled that he was going to keep talking. "I have attained power from his teachings that would never have been possible otherwise. I struggled all my life with feeling unwanted by my family, and Snoke showed me how to use those emotions for a greater purpose."

"But–"

"Stop. Just... stop it, Rey." She clamped her mouth shut. "Don't try to minimize what I've done or cast blame elsewhere. I didn't have to go looking for Snoke after finding out about my grandfather, but I did. I wanted to. I killed people because I wanted to. I tortured people because I love experiencing the power I have over them. You already know this about me. You saw what I did to that stormtrooper on the island."

Rey was growing visibly aggravated, but she needed to understand where his mentality was. If she couldn't accept it, how would it be when they actually left Takodana together? "You talk of choices like you had some, but you didn't. Snoke had his sights set on you since before you were even born. You had no freedom, how can you not know that?"

 _Is she trying to rationalize my deeds so she can justify staying with me?_

"I do know that," he countered. "I gave up my freedom to be Snoke's apprentice, knowing full well what that would entail. Just because you have felt Snoke's presence does not mean you understand everything about me." Rey shook her head. "I know you don't want to hear this, but you need to understand that I regret very little of the things I've done, and I have done so much. You want Ben Solo, I can feel you yearn for him, but I can't be that person anymore even if I tried. With every life I took, I killed the man I used to be. What's left is this, and you can either accept it or not."

Rey had her arms crossed, gazing at Ren with such unexpected tenderness, it made him want to run back to the confines of his ship. "Your family loved you, Ben," she spoke quietly, earnestly. She opened the bond to him, letting him feel the passion behind her words. "You were once a Jedi who followed the light. I can see it in you now, even if you can't. Snoke wants you to believe you're too broken to come back, but you can. He is to blame for all of this, and I hope one day, you'll be able to see that and return to the person you used to be." She was stubborn in her beliefs, and Ren was tempted to grab her shoulders and shake her till she saw reason. It was like nothing he said fazed her anymore, but why would it? They have spoken of worse things before.

Something was rising to the surface; it felt like an epiphany of some sort, the kind that made Ren shudder with unease.

Since his first breath, everyone in his life had their expectations for him– Han wanted him to be a pilot, Leia hoped he'd have a career in government, Snoke wanted a loyal warrior– and all of them tried to shape him into an image of themselves. All of them had been manipulative, each using their different tactics.

Peering down at her, he realized Rey was no different. She wanted the good spirited, sarcastic Ben Solo who was nothing more than a ghost. Part of him wanted to be that man again, to find him and beg him never to leave. But would he be that person again for himself, or for Rey?

The realization of what he needed to do was screaming at him through the depths of denial. He needed to find out what kind of man he truly wanted to be, without any outside voices trying to influence him and this, unfortunately, included Rey.

He knew he could pretend to be what she wanted, and for a while it would probably work, but he was disgusted by the idea of living another lie. That was what his whole life had been: living in the light when he felt like he didn't fit in with its ideals, and then relishing in the darkness when he didn't have the stomach to go all the way into the abyss.

In a way, Poe had been right. He was being selfish by never asking her to go back to her friends, but in her own right, she was also being self-seeking. Wanting him to be Ben, asking him to come back to the light when she knew it would ruin him– it was a lot to ask of him, but she did so anyway.

Her eyes were studying him, feeling the conflict within, but not understanding what was fueling the inner battle. Gods, he knew what he had to say was going to wound her deeply. _Should I think this over more..._

 _No_.

He detested drawing out the inevitable, and that's exactly what this felt like. It was better to get this over with.

"So," she broke the silence. "I was thinking that once Poe leaves tomorrow, we can go through the galactic maps and find somewhere to go. I would prefer somewhere by the ocean, if that's doable." Rey was trying to lighten the mood, leaving their conversation about Snoke for a different day. Her words didn't bring him solace, however, but twisted his heart till it burned in his chest.

Before revealing his thoughts to her, there was one thing he needed to know. "You can really leave everything behind, just like that. You would be content with abandoning you friends to fight the First Order without you?" She became flustered by the straightforward question, unable to give Ren an immediate answer. There was an inner struggle going on in her mind, which was evidenced by her troubled expression.

"I gave you my word. I'm staying with you." Her feelings betrayed her and he sensed what she was trying to hide.

"Rey, I can tell you don't want to leave your friends."

"Can't you just believe me when I say that I want to stay with you more than I want to fight the First Order with the Resistance?" He delved deeper into her emotions, making sure to do it with finesse so she would remain oblivious to his probe.

Doubt. Confusion. Belonging. They all rumbled beneath her subconscious, fighting for dominance. He didn't doubt that Rey would never go back on her word, but he knew that if she stayed with him, regret would soon follow. She kept denying it to herself. "Honestly? No, I can't. I sense you keep switching between the two, and you're confused by what you should do."

She slammed their connection off, but the damage was already done. Ren had read her feelings. "Don't try and use our connection against me."

He exhaled, looking up into the darkening sky through the branches above. "I had to know how you felt. It makes what I have to say next easier, in a way." Rey's eyebrow creased in confusion as he glanced down at her. He closed the distance between them, cupping her puzzled face between his large hands. He was never this straightforward with touching her, but felt a need for it now. She didn't flinch as his skin met hers, sending a velvety wave of amity into his core. Ren stooped down so their faces were close and Rey could see the conviction in his stare.

"Rey, I need you to know that I've come to care for you more than I have cared for anything else in my entire life. What I want from you is something I cannot ask of you, nor do I deserve it. I don't know who I am anymore, and I fear that as I try to find that out, you could be ruined in the process." Her eyes were widening with realization on what he was trying to say.

"My life has never been mine. I've lost myself through others controlling me. I need to find balance on my own, without outside forces swaying me in a certain direction."

"And I'm one of those outside forces?" she whispered.

He nodded. "You most of all. I want to be the person you want, but I don't know how. For it to be genuine, I need to find that on my own." Rey's bottom lip quivered and she shut her eyes, letting tears slide down her cheeks.

"You're leaving me?" Her voice broke and she kept her eyes closed.

"Oh god, Rey, don't cry. It would only be for a short period of time." Gently, he wiped her tears with his thumbs. "Please, look at me." Her watered eyes met his, mirroring his own heartache. "Search your feelings. It will tell you that we will meet again soon. Our destinies are still entwined, and we still have much to accomplish in the future." Ren thought of the entity inside Rey's mind, knowing that it was important to tell her about the conversation they had had. She needed to know that their bond dated back to when she was born. "There is something else you should know–"

Rey pushed Ren away, the glint of rage roaring behind her beautiful hazel eyes. "You want to leave? Then just go! I'm used to being left behind by everyone, so why not add you to the list." She pushed past him, but Ren grabbed her arm to stop her. "Don't!" She wrenched free and Ren could feel the sharp pain run up her arm, but Rey showed no sign of acknowledging it. The agony shining through her eyes stopped him cold, knowing that he was the one who caused it to be there. He watched her sprint down the steep mound, her lithe form disappearing behind the rocks.

All he could do was just stand there, looking aimlessly onward. Numb were his feelings, for his mind could not catch up with what he had just done. His heart stumbled on the things that he knew, the things that he had chosen to do.

He raced after Rey, needing desperately to explain himself further. He had underestimated just how much leaving would hurt the girl. Poe was right, she had become more attached to him than he had realized.

Ren reached the ship, hurling himself into the cargo bay and up the ladder. Shouting echoed throughout the freighter and Ren followed it to the lounge. Rey was standing in the middle, shouting animatedly at a very bewildered Poe. It appeared he was in the throngs of playing Dejarik, but clearly his attention was not on the game.

"You talked to him, didn't you? I told you to stay out of it, but you just had to throw your opinion out there. Well, you should be happy now because he is leaving!" Poe glanced Ren's way, trying to silently plea to the man to help him.

Ren stepped further into the lounge, grabbing Rey's attention. She laughed, not out of happiness, but irony. "This whole time I've been telling you that I wouldn't leave. Do you even know how many times the thought had crossed my mind, but I still chose not to do that to you?" Ren sensed the question was rhetorical, so he kept his mouth shut. "You're no different than everyone else who has left me!" Her arms flung outward, making Ren think that she was very close to using the Force on him.

"That is not true and you know it," he bit back. "Rey, I came for you when you were trapped by Snoke and I told you that our separation would not be for long."

"Oh, because the Force told you so? Forgive me, but I'm not in the mood to meditate for reassurance." Poe shifted in his seat, not knowing what to do. The pilot was on his own because Ren was too focused on Rey. She was slowly unraveling and it was becoming increasingly difficult to watch.

"I just don't–" Her voice cracked as her throat constricted. "I don't understand… why everyone in my life wants to abandon me. Is there something wrong with me?" In that moment, she looked like the child that had been left on Jakku; so small, so fragile.

He took a step closer. "No. No, Rey, there is nothing wrong with you and I am not abandoning you."

"But that's what it feels like." She sniffled, no longer able to hold back her sobs. Her hands masked her face and muffled her cries as she stood awkwardly in the room. Ren was not sure what to do. He felt like comforting her, but her anger was directed at him.

Her abandonment issues rivaled even his own and he could relate to what she was experiencing. He never fathomed he would be able to make someone feel this way, and the guilt that plagued him was heavy.

"Finn never abandoned you," Ren blurted out, searching for anything to calm her. He used the traitors "name" to add more effect behind the statement, and it seemed to have worked. Rey lowered her hands somewhat, revealing her large, shocked eyes. Even Poe looked astonished that Ren had brought up the man he had refused to acknowledge in the past.

Rey was still hiccupping from her sobs as Ren pressed forward. "He could've ran right after I took you out in the snow, but he didn't. He grabbed the lightsaber and faced me. He had to have known I would kill him, but he still fought to protect you, to save you." Rey's longing to see her friend again was strong, causing a pang of jealousy to slice through him. He forced himself to not give into such a reckless emotion, knowing that his ego needed to stay out of the situation.

Seconds passed as her breathing slowly evened and she wiped the tears from her face. "Once you leave, how will we ever find one another again," she whispered.

"Through our connection."

She chewed on her bottom lip, doubting the fullness of his words. "It can stretch," she hiccupped, "across the galaxy?"

"I know it can." She hugged her midsection while standing frozen, looking at the steel floor.

Her eyes were distant as she mulled over their discussion. A mild form of embarrassment radiated off of her, probably from the realization of how she'd acted in front of him. Ren didn't blame her response in the slightest, however. "I need to be alone for a while." Rey strode past him to the door and Ren respected her wish by not reaching out to stop her. He didn't plan on leaving immediately, so he would have another chance to talk with her soon… if she let him.

He glanced at the table, realizing that Poe had sat there waiting for the altercation to finish. The pilot rose, giving Ren an indecipherable look. Fortunately, he didn't say anything, but chose to wisely leave him alone in the lounge with his thoughts.

Witnessing Rey so vulnerable and desperate made him want to go back on his decision to leave. Maybe he should've thought this through more before telling her in the forest. But he didn't like dragging things out and if he had, it would have tortured him more. He wouldn't have been able to listen to Rey talk about them leaving together while knowing where his thoughts were at. It wouldn't have been fair to her.

He could feel himself faltering on his decision. If she asked him to stay, he wasn't sure he would have the heart to tell her no. He knew he needed this, though. He needed to be on his own to organize this new, bizarre person he was becoming. Hopefully, Rey would come to accept that and not hate him for it.

They would see each other again; he believed that. He knew when the Force was trying to tell him something, and it was telling him that leaving was the course he should take. It was going to be painful and full of obstacles to be away from Rey, but he needed to grow up, make some sacrifices, and stop acting like a child.

He almost laughed at himself. _I'm almost thirty years old and I still feel like a child in many ways._

Ren rubbed the tension from his face, feeling the stubble of his incoming beard.

 _Fuck. What a disaster._

 **Don't hate me! Rey and Ren will have more time to talk, I promise. Having Ren be the one to decide to be apart from Rey was to show how he is maturing and wants to have the chance to not have others influencing him. It is a very unselfish thing for him to do. As much as Rey wants to stay with him, she does not want to abandon her friends. Both characters need to wake up and see that they cannot escape the war in the galaxy. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right? lol And As Ren said, it won't be for long.**

 **If your hearts so desires it, follow, fave, or leave a review! I hope you are enjoying the ride so far.**


	20. Chapter 20

**MaelsiC: Haha!The whole time I was wondering what was wrong with that spectator, but the reasoning definitely made me laugh! Thanks! I hope you love the whole journey forward and that you love the ending as well. I'm glad you are looking forward to them being a part for a while. They both need to grow on their own, but they will always have each other on their minds. Rey needs to learn how to feel less insecure and come to terms with her abandonment issues. ilovekyloren: Thank you so much for the compliments! I am my toughest critic so it is nice knowing someone enjoys the writing. I didn't want their relationship to be super fluffy and mushy, but more of a respectable one with some passion thrown into the mix. Ren's personal growth will be interesting going forward without Rey, but it will be more sincere. I hope this chapter is everything you were waiting for! SheLitAFire: I sent you a PM response, but I will touch upon some things from your review here. I wanted to give the Force bond its own feel, as in how they can shut their side of it off if they wished or download information from the other person. I wanted this story to feel like Star Wars, not just a Reylo fanfic. I am so glad you like it and thank you for recommending it to other Reylo fans! kimmycocopop: The origins of who the girl is will be revealed soon. Don't worry, the answers will come! I also wanted to highlight in the story that people without the Force could actually be worse than the ones who are Force users. Star Wars in general highlights that really well. Guest: I am happy you enjoy the slower pace of the story. The characters have a journey to go on, and it will all take time. Oh, I remember the days of studying and getting on fanfiction to escape. At least you are all caught up now and wont have to binge read! :) And you are very welcome for writing this story! CalistaLegaci: It would have been easy to write just a pure Reylo fanfic where the war didn't play a big part in it, but I just couldn't do that. This war is what brought all the characters together in the first place and to not make it a big deal would be a huge mistake, imo. It makes writing the fic a little more difficult, but it adds so much more to the story! We will see Leia again soon. Right now, just envision her being locked in a cell for a while. That is basically what she has been doing, but she will have stuff happen soon to further her story.**

 **So there is A LOT of dialogue throughout this chapter. If I missed any spelling or grammatical errors, I apologize. I am going to go through it more finely over the next couple of days, but I just wanted to get it posted for now. I hope you all enjoy this very long chapter!**

Chapter Twenty

Rey sat on the durasteel floor, the cool of the metal seeping through her jumpsuit and into her skin. Her muscles were still, frozen in a state of shock and disbelief. She kept staring at the door with unseeing awareness, her inner focus replaying the events that led to barricading herself in the room.

Every molecule that made up her unpredictable life was reeling, clawing itself into her bloodstream like a poison that wanted to claim her rationality. All her thoughts were a jumbled mess, none of them making any sense to her. With her cries spent and her shaking subsided, all she could do was sit and watch the smooth door through swollen eyes.

Memories of being on Jakku kept plaguing her, reminding her just how utterly alone she had been- how alone she will soon be. _Dump. Ditch. Dispose. Throw out. Discard._ All the different synonyms for the word "abandon" ran through her mind, for she had learned them all through the various books she had read while growing up.

Alone.

On Jakku.

In her own personal hell.

Confusion hit her as she thought of Ben and what he had done for her. He had spared her life on Ahch-To and wept while apologizing, not hiding his torrential anguish. On Spira, he was gentle with her, making her feel like a woman for the first time in her life. And that kiss… gods, she felt him _wanting_ her.

Then, when Snoke had trapped her and she was dying, he had come for her. He had taken the risk of being imprisoned in her mind to save her, to teach her the necessary ways of escaping that dungeon. And when they finally were able to face each other and talk, he tells her he is leaving her?

Rey didn't understand. She knew how much he wanted to stay with her; she had sensed it over a thousand times since they had been together. But out in the forest, he had changed his mind about her, and it had been lightening quick. One heartbeat, he had wanted to be with her, and then the next, it was gone. Over. Dead. Finished.

 _How can someone just decide something like that so quickly?_ And he didn't even ask for her opinion, he just said he was going to leave- that the Force wills it and that was that. Everything seemed to revolve around this omnipotent, mystical energy that Rey still did not fully comprehend. She had spent, what, five minutes practicing with the Force and Ben just expects her to _feel_ it tell her something? Maybe if she had meditated instead of napping on Ahch-To, to try and find Ben, she would be more in tune with the universe. But no, her worry had outweighed her need to learn.

There had to be something wrong with her that made everyone want to ditch her. Was her aura off putting? Did her personality repulse people? What was it!?

Abruptly, she stood, teetering as the blood rushed from her head. She breathed as her body adjusted to the sudden movement. The walls of the ship were closing in on her and she was very much in need of the openness of the wild. Her legs brought her to the door, but she faltered before unlocking it. Scenarios of running into Poe, or worse, Ben played through her head. Rey was still immensely embarrassed from them witnessing her act like an indignant child. Well, Poe more than Ben. He was leaving her, so why should she care what he thought?

 _I heard him enter his room a little while ago, or was it hours ago? How long have I been in here?_ She decided to take her chances and opened the door.

The hallway was dim, evidence that the ship was in low power mode for the night. She stole a glance at Ben's door before proceeding to creep through the quiet passageways. Once in the cargo bay, she was elated to see the ramp was still down; it would have made way too much noise if it had to be lowered.

There was something so peaceful, so secretive about wondering around in the darkness. She felt hidden away from the problems that threatened to consume her. Even though she has always thrived in the light of day, the twilight of night always held a special place in her heart.

She kept her simple stroll close to the wreckage of Maz's castle. The destruction reminded her of when her life had been spiraling out of control and how everything had changed once she met Kylo Ren in the forest. _Did that really happen to me?_ She had changed so much since then, and she wondered if it was for the better.

The air was just below the threshold of being comfortable, but the cold was welcoming on her creamy skin. Her legs guided her across big chunks of disfigured rocks, letting her climb to the top of a large mound. Craning her head up, she took in the glowing twin moons that painted the sky in its glowing, silver light. Its brightness allowed only a few stars to shine through, but Rey was fine with having only the moons for company. The sun and the moon; one of the few things in her life she could always count on being there.

"It's a little late for a stroll… or is it too early? I guess it depends on your perspective." Maz was climbing up to Rey's position, not taking the time to ask if it was all right to join her or not.

After Rey had woken from her personal nightmare, she had briefly spoken to Maz. She had been more driven to be outside than to stay in the castle's basement and Maz seemed to have been fine with not talking with Rey immediately. If anyone had patience, it would be an alien who was a thousand years old.

"The ship felt a little too crowded." Maz made it to the top and stood next to Rey, peering at the moons with her.

"Well, then, being outside is the perfect remedy." Rey nodded. A brief shuffling noise came from the small humanoid and Rey glanced down to her right to see Maz sitting on the grey stone. Rey definitely towered over her now, so she sat down out of a sense of politeness.

"It would seem you and I are not the only ones who can't sleep tonight." Rey gave her a questioning look. "Poe is in the underground hangar, working on the light freighter I gave him." _Oh…_ "He told me about the argument on the ship; between you and Ben." Poe was proving to be not the most discreet person. _He must like listening to the sound of his own voice…_ "Ben is leaving, then?"

Rey exhaled. "Yup," was all she managed to say.

"You do not agree with his decision?" _Agree_ … peculiar word choice. Rey did not like the decision, but agree with it? She began to think over the reasoning Ben had given her, but it all seemed to pale in comparison to how she felt.

Maz interpreted Rey's silence, knowing that the subject was still too fresh of a wound to pick away at.

Her core tightened, alarming her to the bundle of emotions threatening to overtake her again. After crying liters of tears, her eyes still had more to give. _Don't cry. You are done crying_ , she scolded herself.

"You have been through a lot since we last spoke." A lot didn't seem to cover it.

"I guess I have."

"The belonging you sought for… it would seem you have found it."

Rey chose to glare at the moon instead of showing flagrant disrespect to the alien. "I haven't found anything." She needed to work on her harsh tone, though.

"Denying the truth will only make moving forward that much harder. I know fate when I see it." Rey lowered her sight, taking in the shimmering ripples across the formidable lake.

Fate. The last time she was here she had thought she knew what that meant. "I thought finding Luke and training to be a Jedi was where I needed to be, but you were wrong. I never truly belonged there…"

"I never told you your path was to find Luke. You were the one who interpreted it that way."

Rey turned to Maz. "But… you didn't correct me when I said it."

The woman chuckled nimbly. "I do not know everything, Rey. I told you what the Force was impressing upon me at the time; it was up to you to understand the meaning." _The meaning. What was the meaning?_

To belong somewhere was a fantasy she had always entertained in her mind, like it was a home she could grow old in. She thought her home would be a physical place because that's what they were and hers would be no different. It would have a door that would open into a lovely room, filled with furniture, books, and happy memories. The roof over her head would provide her shelter and the walls would encompass her with the promise of safety.

Now, though, she realized her home didn't exist in a place, but a person. "I- I think I do understand. I have known for quite some time, but I am afraid to truly believe it."

"What have you known?" Maz inquired.

"Ben. Him and I somehow… _belong_ together," she whispered.

"Dear child, you have always wanted a family and someone to love you. Not just as a friend, but as a woman. There is nothing wrong with wanting these things, and do not feel guilty for wanting it from Ben. And you can have it- all of it. Through Ben, you can have everything you have ever yearned for, and more."

Life had never been that simple to her. "But, the person he was and might still be… the horrible things he has done…"

Maz sighed into the night. "Yes, the atrocities he has committed under the name Kylo Ren will plague you both, for a time. But I need you to know something." Maz twisted her small frame so she could better see Rey. "I have known Ben since he was just a baby. When he was a boy, Han would bring him here sometimes, even though Leia never wanted him to. With every visit, I could sense the dark side shrouding him more and more." Rey grew intrigued, wanting to learn more about who Ben use to be.

"While here, Ben would never stay by his father's side for long. He rather liked exploring the forest or sitting in a corner, observing all the different creatures that roamed my castle. The boy never noticed, but I would watch him when he did this." Maz paused briefly, thinking back on those times in her castle. "The way he would stare at others… was disturbing. His eyes were soulless, but filled to the brim with entertainment of some sort. I think even at such a young age, he imagined what it would be like to take a life, regardless of how innocent they were." This was not the direction Rey thought the story would go. "The dark side has always been strong with him, even when he was a baby and could not decipher between right and wrong. I tried explaining this to Han, but he would not listen to me. He did not like to acknowledge the ways of the Force."

"Why are you telling me this?"

Maz clucked her tongue, looking for the proper explanation. "The way he handled you in the basement- carrying you close and placing you on the table gently- made me see a side of him I never thought was there."

Now, Rey was curious. "What did you see?"

"I will let him tell you that, but he cares for you deeply. I never thought I would see that in his eyes. Not Ever. The only other person that came close to invoking such an emotion from him was his mother, but with you, it was there as clear as the rising sun. He did not try to hide it out of embarrassment or out of fear of looking weak. He wore it freely, not caring if anyone noticed." Ren viewed sentiment as a weakness- this she knew- but he had not been ashamed to show his feelings for her and that made her shiver.

Maz's voice cut through her attention. "You two are stronger together, always remember that."

 _But we aren't going to be together anymore…_ "It doesn't matter. He is leaving me." The bitterness in her voice surprised her and sounded foreign.

"Do not take the decision he has made personally and from what Poe told me, the separation is not intended to be long. Did he explain to you his reasons for leaving?"

"Something about always being controlled by other people and not knowing who he was anymore." _Has his whole life really been controlled by others?_ She contemplated the question. _If Snoke has been with him since he was born, then yes, his life had never been his own._ Rey unwillingly felt sympathy for him.

"This time alone… he needs this. And so do you. He is right to get away from those who can manipulate him."

Rey snapped. "I am not manipulating him!" The words fanned out across the lake and into the forest.

Maz remained poised in light of Rey's outburst. "Maybe you are and you don't even know it. Either way, he needs to find himself on his own or else he will never truly change." Rey brought her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and resting her chin on her knees. Her lips started to quiver and suddenly, she was that little girl again, being dropped off on Jakku.

"The fear you have over being abandoned- you must let it go."

"I can't," Rey choked out.

Maz placed her small hand on Rey's shoulder, offering her comfort in the form of a mild squeeze."I understand. Fear is a hard thing to relinquish, but a girl as young as you should not be tethered to such emotions. You must promise me you will work at overcoming it, yes?" She nodded, purposely not making eye contact with the perceptive woman.

As Rey calmed, one thing struck her as peculiar. "Why do you seem fine with him being out in the galaxy, alone?" She asked. "You know what he has done and I would think you would try and stop him from leaving."

"Me? Stop Ben? I understand and listen to the Force, but I could never fight him with it."

"But aren't you worried he might go back to the First Order? To… Snoke?"

"Yes, but this is a very important time in his life. He will truly be alone, with no one to influence his decisions. What he chooses during this time will show you exactly who he desires to be."

"What if he chooses Snoke? That thing has been influencing him his whole life and I have only been with Ben for not even a week. What am I suppose to do if he doesn't return?" Her eyes were darting all over Maz's orange features, desperately seeking an answer to her troubling questions.

"You are a very strong woman. I think you know what you would do if he chose to go back to his master." Even though her sanity would pay the price, she wouldn't be able to allow him to become that monster again. That decision was a hard choice to swallow.

"Rey, if things ever go that way, you know you can come to me. I will help you in whatever way I can. Just know you will always have a place here. A place to hide… from him, if need be."

Maz's offer gave Rey enough solace to not be consumed by her dread. "Thank you."

Maz patted her shoulder before resting it on the stone. "You should go spend as much time with him as possible, before he goes. Just tell him that he cannot escape the conversation we will have."

Ben would no doubt try to find a way out of that situation. "What are you going to say to him?"

"Well, it will not go as smoothly as this conversation. Nor will I be as kind. That boy needs a firm lecture, which is something his parents never gave him." The mention of his parents made Rey think of Han and how he had offered her a job aboard the Falcon. She clung to that memory and how it made her feel flattered.

"Han…" Maz's stare seemed long and distant as she muttered her friends name. "I felt the moment he died, knowing that Ben had been the one to kill him. Can you- would you be willing to tell me what happened? I sense in your emotions that you witnessed the act."

"I did," Rey whispered. The last time she described the traumatizing scene was when she was on Ahch-to, which wasn't that long ago. Could she recall the event to Maz, without sounding like she was on the verge of shattering into a thousand sharp pieces? A corner of her mind was nudging her, trying to tell her that Maz not only wanted to satiate her curiosity, but to also talk about it with Ben. He would never explain to Maz what transpired on that bridge, but Rey would tell her the truth. Not just about what she saw, but also about the dream she had from Han's perspective.

The tale that left her lips was easier to illustrate this time, which made Rey shift with discomfort. Since when did death come so easily for her to describe? It was like a part of herself was starting to forgive Ben for what he had taken from her, and she was not sure if she wanted to embrace that feeling or not. It was more comfortable to hold onto her grudge than to let it go. Rey recognized this as the dark side and it frightened her with how she wanted to welcome it, rather than run from it.

"You are still angry with him for killing his father?"

"I don't know how not to be. You should have seen what he did. He wasn't wearing his mask, so you could see how twisted his face was as he rammed the lightsaber through him. And then he thanked Han. _Thanked_ him!" _I shouldn't be talking about this anymore._

"But you said he instantly regretted the act he committed- after Han fell."

Rey inhaled through her nose and exhaled out of her mouth, calming her rising anger. "He did, but Han is still dead. It doesn't matter how much Ben regrets it, it will never bring him back."

"If there is even a sliver of the Ben I knew somewhere inside him, he will find a way to punish himself and he will make it painful and long."

Rey scoffed, watching her hot breath disappear into the cold air. "I don't know how much good that will do him. He is a sadist, in every sense of the word. He enjoys pain way too much."

"From Snokes doing, I'm sure." Maz added.

Slowly, Rey shook her head. "I don't know. Even if Snoke never came into his life, there are some characteristics about him that I think he would still have."

"Perhaps… But in my thousand years of life, I have come to realize that it is a waste of time to focus on the "what ifs" and the "maybes". The light side of Force is the only thing that will guide you through life. It will always be your ally, never your enemy. Besides, we are not sure what Ben's training entailed while being an apprentice to Snoke. It would have involved breaking him, though. That is what the dark side does." Rey never put much thought into what exactly Ben's training had been and it made her uncomfortable to even think about it. One day, though, she would need to find out.

Maz continued her narrative, letting her hands become animated as she spoke. "The dark side waits for you to seek it, to grow curious of its strength. It grows stronger and more insidious the closer you draw to it. It begs you to surrender to it, to release all its terrible power… and it becomes harder and harder to resist. Do not dip into it. Always fight it." Maz stared at Rey beseechingly. "You will be tested immensely, Rey, and it wont be from where you expect. Remember the power the dark side promises you is an illusion and when it uses you to fulfill its purposes, it will cast you aside- drained and disfigured." Maz's tone was personal and faraway, remembering a time in her life that was full of anguish. Rey did not pry, knowing that people had a right to their own well of secrets.

"Go. Find Ben. You will regret not spending time with him when you easily had the chance."

Rey's eyes roamed across the broken stones and water. "You will be fine if I leave you alone?"

Maz grinned tenderly. "My dear, I am not alone. I have the remnants of my castle to keep me company." With a grateful smile and a timid goodbye, Rey started her journey back to the ship. For the first time in hours, she opened their connection and found his side to be completely open. It was strange how she was the one who preferred to remain guarded, while he rarely closed himself off from her.

Ben was in the early stages of sleep, tossing and turning in his small bed aboard the ship. Rey made her way to his room, surprised to find it unlocked. He had left it that way as an invitation for her to come inside when she was ready to face him.

 _Breath in. Breath out_. She was not going to succumb to the childish outburst she had exhibited earlier. His decision had been made and Maz was right; she should spend the remaining time they have together.

The door opened upon her command, casting the dim light of the hallway into the dark room. Ben was sprawled out on his stomach, his arms wrapped around the white pillow beneath his head. He was still in his dark clothes from earlier and the paleness of his uncovered feet stuck out against the black attire. Lightly, she took a step inside, hiding the sound of her movements.

His eyes popped open behind his loose strands of hair, but his body remained still. She froze, not knowing how appropriate it was to be in here. With him. In the dark. Alone. _I should have thought this through more…_

"Stay," his rough voice demanded. His request was a snare unto her resolve and dug decisively through her defenses as it reeled her in. The door slid closed behind her-not by her command, but his- and draped the room into darkness. Neither spoke as she willed her heavy feet to take her to the bed. With her arms outstretched, she felt the cold bunk railing come against her palms. She took off her boots and sat down at the edge, unsure as to what to do next.

Rey heard him move and then felt his long arm snake around her waist, causing every inch of her skin to immediately flush. Gently, he pulled her further in, pressing her back against his midsection. His arms wrapped around her and she rested her head against his defined bicep.

They remained like that for a while: her body curled into his and his breath fanning into her hair. She would have thought him asleep if he hadn't nuzzled against her neck every few minutes.

"I just got back from talking with Maz. She is expecting to talk with you before you go." Ben did not acknowledge Rey, but kept burrowing into her. "She asked... about Han and I told her what I saw..." He paused for a fraction of a second before continuing.

"Mmmmm…" he inhaled. "Your hair smells amazing. What did you do to it?" Stars, his voice sounded deep… and intimate. Rey knew he had heard her, so her focus veered onto the different subject.

"I had it washed in Khalon." She chuckled quietly, deciding to get lost in the feel of him. "I never knew such places existed. At first I thought how ridiculous it all looked, but then I had it done and I can see why people pay for stuff like that. You really like it that much?"

He nodded against her. "Mmm hmm. I should go back to Khalon and get whatever they used."

Rey played along. "Well, now I don't regret paying for it if you like it that much."

"Technically, I paid for it, but it was money well spent." His fingers were running through her delicate hair and she could feel his fingernails glide across her scalp, making the hairs on her arms stand up. "Tell me more about your time in the city. You must have had fun since you didn't want to leave."

"I was having fun, until you, the bounty hunter, and one of your knights showed up."

A jolt made his body twitch. "My knights? One of them was there?" His chest was heaving quickly as his breathing quickened.

"Yeah, he showed up at the end. I fought him off with your lightsaber." Ben was momentarily speechless.

"You- you used my saber?" He said in awe.

"Ummmm yes. It was weird and heavy, but I was able to get the skill of how to use it from your mind. If I hadn't, I probably would have cut my hand off."

He smirked against her hair. "You have to adapt your fighting style with the lateral vents." She chuckled at his obvious statement. "I wish I had been there to see you wielding it." Something about the way he said that made a tremor shoot through her body. The sensation was… welcoming.

"Rey?"

"Yes?

"Where was your lightsaber?" _Damn_.

"I had nowhere to hide it so I didn't bring it, but I learned my lesson and will now have it with me where ever I go. Alright?" She spewed the sentence out quickly, not in the mood for him to chastise her.

"Okay." That went… smoother than she thought it would go, thank the Force.

Getting back on topic, she continued to speak of the fight and her adventure through the city as they quickly fell into a comfortable rhythm. He listened, his interest genuinely piqued, and asked her questions so he could visualize everything she did, especially when it came to the duel. He praised her for winning, even if she did technically "cheat" by copying his knowledge.

Her shopping excursion didn't hold his attention like the duel had, which she figured would happen. She moved onto the food she had sampled. Describing the taste of the miniature apple pie made her mouth water, but Ben did not hold her same affection for the dessert.

"You don't like fruit pies?" She twisted around and he let his hold on her slacken so she could scoot back slightly. He took his arm out from under her, but his left remained draped over her waist.

"Not really. I don't like the taste of the fruit; they always seem too bitter and the warm texture is weird. I always ate the sugary crust, though. That part I always liked. It would always drive my mother crazy when I ate the crust off of the pie before anyone else could have some." Ben tensed, realizing that he had just talked about his family in such a nonchalant way. His emotions were rapidly firing, warning him that he was close to an edge he did not want to fall from. Abruptly, he closed himself off from her.

She reached up, placing her open palm on his prickly face. "Don't hide yourself. I would like to hear more about your life, before it all… changed. I have told you about my time on Jakku. I feel like you know more about me than I do about you."

Her thumb stroked the part of his cheek below his eye as he took a moment to mule over her appeal. "My life, before all this… I try not to think about it. It was not as happy as you might think."

"But you had a mother and a father, something I never had. Surely, you have one happy memory from your childhood."

"My parents are trivial and just because I wasn't left on a barren planet, does not mean I didn't undergo a different form of abandonment," he cut at her. Her thumb paused, but she kept her hand on his face. She knew his sharp outburst was a reaction to being in an uncomfortable situation, so she tried not to take it personally. Still, his comment sliced deep.

After a few tense moments of silence, he exhaled while grabbing her hand that rested on his cheek. He didn't tear it away, but instead rested his palm against her skin. "I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry," he murmured. Was it really too much to ask of him to recount his childhood? _Maybe the happy memories were just as bad as the unpleasant ones_ , she thought. _Maybe the joyous moments make it all seem too real to him…_

Ben cleared his throat, pulling her attention away from analyzing him. "I- I remember this one time, when I was eleven… I wanted to go to this traveling science museum when it came to the city and my… mother… promised to take me, but bailed when the senate called her." He stopped, making Rey wonder if this was the whole of the happy memory he was recounting.

"Uh, Ben? This doesn't sound very pleasant…" She wanted him to focus on happier times, not the bad. He pulled her hand down to his chest, intertwining his fingers with hers. His grip was firm, which reciprocated to her how uneasy he had become. Her eyes were starting to adjust to the small amount of light the door operating panel gave to the room, allowing her to see Ben's face. He was... nervous.

"Oh, it is. The ending is good, it's just…" Again, he fell silent. His physique was tense, like it would break from the slightest of pressure. _What is going on?_ "I remember going to school that day, angry and wanting to be alone. I had only been sitting in my first class for five minutes when my… when Han suddenly showed up. He wasn't supposed to be there. He had this race going on and shouldn't have been back till the latter part of the year. When he found out Leia had cancelled our excursion, he came home to take me to the exhibit. He pulled me out of class and we headed straight there." Rey closed her eyes, visualizing an excited young Ben seeing his father after a long period of absence. It was a good picture, a _real_ picture.

"I never could understand what made him ditch his precious race to spend the day with me. It never made sense, but I didn't try to question him about it. I just went along, pretending like we did that sort of thing all the time. And for once, he didn't look at me indifferently or like I was a freak. It was like I was a normal kid." She adjusted her legs, feeling his feet against her arches. Even through her thick socks, the coldness of his toes trickled into her skin. "He tried to act interested as he followed me around, but science did not fascinate him like it did me. When we got toward the back of the exhibit, I forgot to tell him that there was going to be... well, some graphic content on display. One look and he immediately proceeded to vomit all over this older lady in front of us." Ben was smiling; she could hear it in his tone. As he took in a deep breath, Rey wanted to try and get into his mind to see exactly what he was reliving. She wasn't sure she could make such a technique work, but she was more than eager to test it out. But, she didn't- and not because she thought it would be difficult to accomplish. The revelations he chose to share with her freely were more precious than anything she could take from him.

"I think after that, he thought he ruined the trip somehow, so he tried to cheer me up by buying me a bunch of stuff I did not need. I didn't stop him or tell him that his company was enough… " With his smile now gone from his tone, he solemnly said, "That museum was one of the rare times I remember being purely happy. It was also the last time my… he and I did something together." The last statement hung in the air, swallowing up every ounce of joy it could devour and leaving behind only despair in its wake.

Rey's heart lurched, knowing that Ben's thoughts were now playing over that day he met his father on the bridge. She knew it was impossible, but how she wished she could go back in time. So many things she could change…

The few moments Ben had been silent were now stretching into several minutes. Her right hand trembled as she found his cheek, feeling the warm tears that were quietly cascading over his rough skin. She kept her animosity over Han's death at bay, trying instead to focus on the remorse rippling off Ben's aura. The sorrow was all-encompassing and Rey decided to keep the conversation alive in hopes of relieving some of their pain.

She cleared her throat. "What graphic things were there? In the museum."

Her question brought him back to the present as his hand rose to wipe his face. He quickly grabbed her hand once he was done. "You will think me strange if I say."

Rey frowned. "Cause I don't think you strange already?"

He chuckled through his nose. "Good point. The things on display were cadavers."

"Cadavers?" The word sounded familiar, but she didn't know its meaning.

"A corpse."

 _What?_ "What? They have dead bodies laying around the museum?" _Who would want to look at those?_ Then she realized the one person who would want to was in bed with her. What fascinated Ben was really… weird. _Yeah, he's weird. I can see why Han was not too thrilled for that part of the museum_.

Ben laughed at Rey's shocked reaction. "No, it's not like that. Cadavers are used in scientific and medical research and their bodies have chemicals in them to keep them from decaying. The museum had human and humanoid ones on display, so you could see muscles, nerves, and organs. They all-." She could sense his growing excitement at explaining the odd practice to her, so she was alarmed when he suddenly cut off.

"You can keep telling me about it. I'm listening; I swear." Honestly, the subject made her stomach roll in discomfort, but Ben sounded so normal, even if the subject was odd, that she didn't want him to stop. She sensed that in that moment, he was more like the person he use to be, and that recognition made her soar with delight.

His toes curled up, tickling her feet and causing her to twitch. "I know you're listening. Even if what I say disturbs you slightly."

She shrugged awkwardly against the bed. "I've heard you speak of worse things." The Jedi academy came to her thoughts, taking her ease down a few notches.

"That you have," he uttered softly. He brought their intertwined hands up to his face and brushed her skin against his lips. "Do you know why science fascinated me so much?" He asked, his warm breath washing over the back of her hand.

"No," was all Rey could respond with, her mind focusing on her hand.

"I wanted to be a doctor."

Her eyes widened. "Really?" She loudly asked.

Ben smiled against her skin. "You seem surprised."

 _Uhhhhhhh._ She definitely was surprised, which she now realized could be perceived as sort of an insult. "Well, it's just…" her sentenced teetered off into the darkness.

He squeezed her hand. "You can be honest with me."

 _Okay._ "Aren't doctors suppose to be, I don't know… Compassionate people?" Thankfully, Ben did not take offense to her statement, but chose to heartily laugh instead.

He lowered their hands and caressed his thumb against her skin. "I use to be a very different person, but I always struggled with having compassion for others. My desire to be a doctor stemmed from the enjoyment I would receive from studying medicine. I would usually fake the caring part."

Rey saw the fallacy in that statement. "Well, you cared enough to fake it. So, you could make the argument that you actually _do_ care for other people."

Ren blinked and Rey waited to see if he agreed with her assessment. "That… is an apt statement. _You_ are a very smart person, you know that?"

Now _that_ sounded ridiculous. Especially coming from him. "Not as smart as you, I'd wager," she timidly said.

"Why do you say that?"

"You just speak so articulately. I wish I could have received a higher education like you…"

He froze, but found his voice rather quickly. "Higher education? Rey, I stopped going to school when I was shipped off to the academy. I was only thirteen."

"But- didn't they have classes at the academy?"

"They taught basic subjects, but I was so far ahead of all the other students that I never went to them. I studied on my own, teaching myself the things I wanted to know."

She chewed at her lower lip anxiously. Well, he still had some form of education while she did not. "Ben?"

"Hmm?"

"I never went to school." Shame filled her words as she revealed her embarrassing truth.

"I know," he replied reverently.

Of course he knew. Anyone with a brain would know there was no such thing as a school on Jakku. But still, she had to confess it. "Do you think less of me… because of it?"

"What?!" Rey nearly jumped from his booming voice. "Rey, no. No, I do not." His intonation lowered to a more acceptable level; one you didn't want to cover your ears from. He shifted back slightly so Rey could see his passionate expression. "Never think that about yourself, okay? You had to teach yourself everything and I find that incredibly inspiring. It would have been so easy for you to give up and put all your focus into surviving, but your thirst for knowledge drove you to learn when it wasn't necessary- when it wouldn't have given you an edge over the other scavengers."

Stars, he didn't understand how much she needed to hear that. "So, one of the reasons you are leaving isn't because you view me as a lowly scavenger?" In one motion, his body pressed up against hers as he released her hand and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Her temple was pressed against his chest, allowing her to breath while in his smothering embrace.

"No. You are my equal, Rey. Where you come from matters not to me. Its who you are that I care about." _Who I am_ … She would have given anything for someone to talk to her like this when she was younger. And now, someone finally was. She had found her other half where it shouldn't have been possible.

His scent wafted into her nose: a mixture of soap, sweat, and something sweet. She had nothing to compare it to, but that was what she liked. This new scent was all Ben, an identity that her nose would not soon forget. But now that he was leaving, maybe she would… "If I asked you to stay, would you?" The question came from her lungs before she could think properly. While she had enjoyed lying there and pretending tomorrow was never going to happen, she couldn't push it off any longer.

"Yes," he said with gravity. "I wouldn't have the strength to tell you no, but please, do not ask me." With one simple command, she could make him stay with her. The control she held in this moment was astounding, especially since it was over him. Her mouth opened, drawing air into her lungs to give the request upon its exhale, but then, she faltered. His voice...the plea... it sounded like he was truly begging her not to ask and that he was fearful she actually would.

For a man who seemed so sure of his path hours ago, he was now faltering with his choices, all because of her. _No, I can't do this to him. I can't take this away from him_.

Maz's words came to mind, beckoning her to remember what she had felt throughout their conversation. "You should go," she flatly stated.

Somehow, he squeezed her closer. "I can't leave until you understand the reasoning behind my decision."

"I do understand and it does make sense. I just- It's hard for me to let you go when I just found you. I wish we had more time to spend with each other."

"We could've had more time…" he murmured under his breath. The sentence was full of venom, but it wasn't directed at her. She pulled back, needing to speak to him face to face.

"What do you mean?"

The following tale was hard to fathom. He spoke of finding the girl in her mind, not hiding his hatred toward the unknown being. The bond Rey thought she had formed from her amateurish attempt to block Ben out, was actually formed by this girl- the one that was apparently inside her somehow. _Can the Force just do this to people's lives_? She felt violated and powerless from having a destiny forced upon her when all she wanted was a family and to feel wanted. And Ben's fall was necessary? Rey wanted to find this girl and strike her across the face for toying with her life, and his. She didn't ask for this, so why did this have to happen to her? The way Ben relayed the information sounded like they shared the same sentiments.

She remained silent for a few moments, collecting her wits and analyzing Ben's account. "Are you sure she is not lying? I mean, who knows what her agenda is."

Ben's hair ruffled against the pillow as he shook his head. "No, she is telling the truth. I could feel it. And too many things make sense that didn't before."

"What didn't make sense before?"

"Uhhhh…" He went silent, a certain pressure building up inside of him. He was uncomfortable, with a tinge of embarrassment mixed into his ambiance. Much to her disapproval, Ben released her hand and flattened onto his back, the distance between them warning her that something was amiss. So many things she still did not know about him. Would she ever find out his secrets? Or will he take them to his grave…

Rey scooted closer, feeling his warmth radiate into her without actually touching him. Finally, he spoke. "When I saw you for the first time, scared and trying to get away from me, I couldn't help but be immediately drawn to you." Ever since waking up on Takodana, that event had cycled through her mind on repeat. Now, she realized, Ben was explaining his side of what he had experienced that day. To say she was absolutely entranced by what he was saying was an understatement. Rey's astute attention hung on his every word.

"I know you did not feel the same," he added softly.

"Uh, no. I definitely did not feel drawn to you in the slightest. Your attire kinda made that impossible." Ben chuckled, which irked her. Her statement was not suppose to come across as a joke.

Somehow, even though the bond was closed, he still picked up on her annoyance. "Sorry. Its just... my battle attire is meant to intimidate others and I think if you saw me in it now, you would probably blatantly laugh at me." _No_ , she inwardly disagreed. While she wasn't afraid of Ben, that mask still made her cringe with fear and animosity. No need for him to know that, however.

She prayed she would never have to see him in that mask again. "Anyway, once I Force Stunned you, I was able to get a good look at you." She recalled how he had given her body a once over, which reinforced just how alone she had been. "You were so…" he trailed off.

"So what?" Rey nudged.

"Beautiful."

 _Excuse me_? She lifted her upper body from the mattress, resting her weight on her left arm. "Beautiful? Beautiful?!" Anger laced her voice, causing Ben to stir in confusion.

"You can't seriously be upset with what I said. You do realize I just gave you a compliment, right?"

"You do realize you are talking about me when I was absolutely helpless, at my most vulnerable, and completely terrified of you, right?" She spat back at him. "You found that beautiful?"

His eye's almost popped out of their sockets. "Whoa, whoa, whoa… I wasn't talking about the whole situation; I was speaking purely on a superficial level. The contour of your face, the shape of you body- that sort of thing. Your outward fear I did not find attractive, okay?"

Rey was not completely convinced. "I thought you liked seeing fear in others."

He sighed. "You are a different case. At the time, I ignored your discomfort so I could focus on finding the map." _Ugh, that map_. Rey hated that map.

She gave him one more skeptical stare before relaxing back down onto the bed. "Okay." Now, his comments began to properly hit her ears and she digested his them with a sounder mind. _Beautiful. He thinks me beautiful. And what he said about my body.._. "So, you find me attractive?" Rey asked innocently, not sure if it was an appropriate question to ask someone. It sounded way to straight forward and inviting.

He turned to her, resting his head on his bent arm. "You know I do," he said with not an ounce of shame in his voice or face. "Now, shall I continue with my story, or would you like me to shower you with more compliments."

"Please, continue, but I'll be expecting the showering of compliments later," she jested, trying to reverse the edgy atmosphere. Ben gave her that big, goofy grin she liked so much, which he tamed down into a more casual smile as he spoke.

"When I looked into your mind, I saw something… something that felt so familiar."

"Was it the girl?"

"No. This felt oddly like a part of myself was with you, and I didn't understand how something like that was possible. I have studied so much about the Force, but none of my knowledge could explain what I had stumbled upon."

Rey knew, though. "The Force bond. That was what you found."

"Yeah, and looking back on it now, it was obvious. So see, the girl spoke only the truth about you and me. The bond was there your whole life and for a part of mine."

The stubborn side of Rey was having a hard time letting the last of her doubts go. "Wouldn't you feel something like that form, though? I mean you were ten, old enough to know when something felt different to you."

He shrugged. "There were signs, but I never would have been able to interpret it for what it was. I was gifted in the Force, but not _that_ gifted at the time." Again, she sensed his discomfort. What is he hiding?

"What were the signs?"

Ben glanced away from her momentarily, looking at the bunk above, like he could find the words flashing on the metal railings. "How about I tell you when we see each other again. It will give you something to look forward to."

"Seeing you again is plenty to look forward to." _To push, or back off_ , Rey thought. If she pushed him too hard, he would get defensive, just like earlier. "You just don't want to tell me right now, is that it?"

His eyes remained up top. "Ill tell you... one day."

 _Choose your battles, Rey. There are other things you need to discuss_. "When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow sometime. Maybe the morning."

She chewed at the inside of her cheek, nervous to ask her request. "There is one thing I want you to do for me, before you go."

At this, he glued his eyes to her. "Anything."

"Teach me how to swim, without the distractions this time."

His demeanor changed lightening quick as he gazed at her in a lively manner. "Mmmm… But I like distractions. "

That voice was low and seductive and if Rey had been standing, her knees would have gone weak. She did her best to act serious, all the while feeling her heart race. "Well, I would like to learn how to swim this time around." Thank the Force her voice didn't falter.

Ben inched closer. He bit his upper lip and Rey's mouth parted involuntarily. "If I remember correctly, you were the one who grew curious. You kissed me, I was just an innocent bystander."

 _Remain calm, remain calm_. "Innocent," she croaked out. "What a load of bantha fodder." Her jest had sizzled out to a whisper and her breathing became hard.

He coyly smiled, taking satisfaction in how he was obviously affecting her. "Rey?"

"Hmmm?"

With his smile faded, his eyes scoured her soul and peered right at the truth of her. "Do you regret being close to me in the ocean?"

Admittedly, kissing him made things more complicated. That memory made her want more from Ben, physically and emotionally. How will others take the news of their odd and undefined relationship? _Not well_ , she thought. But others opinions aside, did she regret it? "No." _No, I don't_. "Do you?"

"Never," he curtly answered.

She gulped. "Just don't let anything like that happen during the lesson. I really don't want to be afraid of the water anymore." The pounding of his heartbeat was on her palm and she could feel his hard, powerful chest. _Wait- how did my hand get there?_ She all but glared at her hand for betraying her self control.

Ben noticed her faltering and found it entertaining. "I'll behave if you will, how about that?" His fingers touched the back of her hand.

"I guess that's as close to a promise I'll get out of you, huh?" Geez, her voice was shaky.

"Yup." Those long fingers glided up her forearm, caressing its way up to her shoulder, causing her flesh to catch fire from his sensual touch. Without her armbands, her skin was completely at his disposal.

If she tried to leave the bed, she might fall over from how weak her legs felt. "Is it okay if I stay here with you tonight?"

His fingers weaved into her hair and paused on the back of her head. "Were you under the impression I was going to let you leave?"

Her smile was impossible to thwart. "Am I your prisoner now?"

"I wouldn't say prisoner. More like… my guest." His grin stretched from ear to ear and Rey laughed into the still air. Yeah, she recalled where he had last used a similar line.

It might have been too soon to joke about that particular situation, but her body would not allow her to think too hard about it. All its focus was on feeling; not the past. "You like being sarcastic, don't you?" Slowly, his smile shrank down into a straight line as his eyes lost their playful sparkle. _Did I say something wrong again?_

With furrowed brows and a far away look, he said, "I used to be a very sarcastic person."

"You still are. Trust me, Ben." He nodded, but the glint of humor did not return to his distant gaze. Rey burrowed into him, causing him to relax against her. She was cocooned in his arms, the only place she felt warm and safe. The thuds of his heart and the breath in his lungs resonated in her ear, making her lips stretch into a content smile. She always wanted this- this warmth of another body beside her, the strength of having someone care.

Ben's chin rested at the crown of her head and he exhaled deeply before speaking. "Since you wont allow any distractions tomorrow, can I… kiss you before you go to sleep?" The reaction throughout her body was instantaneous. With the eruption of heat from her core and the tingly sensation in her fingers and toes, she pulled her head back slightly. Her head timidly arched up as he locked his dark eyes with hers. His desire for her was crackling through the air, and even though Rey was tempted to know the full extent of his feelings by opening their connection, she resisted. She was too afraid his passions would overwhelm her.

No words came from her mouth, but Ben didn't need any to know her answer. Slowly, he closed the distance between their mouths, pressing the softest of kisses on her lips.

How gently he came to her. Even with his bulk and his power, he came to her… gently. Her want for him was not quantifiable, but rested deep down within her in a place impossible to compute. It was something incorporeal, but absolute. Just as some people are drawn to earthquakes, monsoons, or lightening, Rey liked that indefinable- but powerful- feeling Ben gave her.

The kiss was chaste and sweet, like something two familiar lovers would share in the comfort of their own world. Ben pulled back, the taste of his breath cascading over her tongue. She needed more; she needed her tongue dipping into his mouth, her skin pressed against his, and her hands to travel to places deemed secretive and inappropriate. Surely, he could sense these wants from her.

Ben kissed her forehead and guided her head back against his broad chest. "You're not ready to go there, Rey. And neither am I." She sighed, the logic of the situation overriding her emotions. Going that far would only complicate things further, but was it wrong that part of her didn't care?

"Go to sleep," he whispered.

"I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"When I wake, it will be tomorrow. And tomorrow, you leave." He gave her no response as he held her close. Rey was trying to sear the feel of him into her mind so she could call upon it when she was back at the base. She was going to feel alone and she was going to feel uncertain, but maybe the memory of the time they shared together would help her till she saw him again.

()()()()()

Ren awoke an hour before Rey. His eyes were already adjusted to the minimal amount of light the door switch and clock blinked into the room. He was on his back, with her head resting on his chest and her leg flung over his torso. She was holding onto him tightly, evidenced by the wad of fabric in her hard grip. Rey's head was angled up enough that he could see her face and he took the opportunity to stare at her unhindered and unashamed.

Last night had been amazing. It was still amazing since she was still with him. They had established a rhythm almost immediately as they conversed with one another. It felt so comfortable and natural to talk to her, like they had had millions of conversations before that one. And her lips, that kiss… it went beyond perfection and into the realm of addiction. Her palpable arousal had instantly made him hard, which, thank the Force, she had not noticed. It had taken every ounce of his self control to not tear off her clothes and mount her. Even though she was fast asleep against him, he still had the urge to do just that. These thoughts, so primal and carnal, made him feel like a starved man that wanted to taste not just the lips of her mouth, but also her lips that were elsewhere.

He focused on her young features, trying to quell the fire within him. Her cheek was smooshed against his chest, causing her mouth to pucker open slightly. A small trail of drool trickled down onto his tunic, but he did not care in the slightest. Rey's innocence was endearing to gawk at.

She started to stir and Ren patiently watched as her lids fluttered open. The lights came on, from his command, right as Rey glanced up at him. "Hello," Ren said.

"Hi." She wiped her mouth and looked down at his black tunic, noticing the drool spot she had left. Immediately, she became embarrassed.

"Don't worry about it. Did you sleep well?"

She rubbed her eyes, stifling a yawn. "Yes. Best sleep I have ever had, actually."

"Me to." His nights usually involved him tossing and turning, causing him to not sleep soundly. Last night, though, he had not awakened once, which was a rarity for him.

Neither wanted to get off the bed, but prolonging it would only make it worse. Rey went to the refresher as Ren went to see what he could gather for an early morning meal. He entered the lounge, hearing a clanking noise come from the corner. To his left, Poe was going through the myriad of tools in the storage closet, but stopped when he heard the door slide open. Ren briefly glanced at the man before proceeding to the galley. He went straight for a choc bar and ate it while searching for the elusive rations. After finding only a few, he made a mental note to somehow pick up some more during his travels. _Except I have no money now…_

"You really like chocolate, don't you?" Ren didn't turn around to face Poe, but rather focused on the task of opening a ration packet. "If your not too careful, it will go straight to your waistline." He dropped the ration on the counter and spun around, scrutinizing the annoying man in the entryway.

"You want to talk to me about something or do you just want to comment on my diet?" It wasn't like Poe to dance around a subject.

Poe folded his arms, growing serious. "I told you to convince her to come with me to the Resistance, not flat out leave her."

His stomach growled, demanding more sustenance than sugar. "Well, she is going with you to the base, so why do you care how I went about making it happen?"

"I told you how attached she was to you and then you go and break her by saying you are leaving her. You saw how affected she was by it. That was a shitty thing to do."

His glare pinched at the annoying man before him. "You told me I was being selfish by keeping her with me, and now you complain that it's shitty for me to leave her. It's a good thing I do not care what you think or I would die of exhaustion trying to gain your favor."

"Look man, I'm just trying to say you could have gone about it a different way."

 _Oh, really?_ "What different way? Lead her on? Make her think we weren't going to be separated when I knew better? I don't like to drag things out; she deserved to know after I made up my mind."

Poe defensively lifted his hands. "Fine. Whatever. It's done. You should find her and make things right before you leave, though."

Ren went back to the ration packet on the counter. "We already talked," he mumbled. "I made my amends."

"Is she okay?"

"She's fine," he said over his shoulder. He popped pieces of the flavorless ration in his mouth, chewing quickly so his body could collect the calories.

The pilot's footsteps came closer. "Where will you go?" He asked from behind.

Ren twisted around, noticing the guy was encroaching on his personal space. "Not sure yet."

Suddenly, Poe shoved his hand out into the open space between them, a piece of paper in his hand. "Here." Ren looked at it dubiously before grabbing the paper and unfolding it to see what was written inside. It was a Holonet address, one that he was not familiar with. "That is my families personal Holonet account name. I am the only person in my family who ever uses it. If you- If you ever get into trouble or need help, you can send me a personal message. I'll be discreet. I wont let anyone know."

 _What._

 _The._

 _Hell._

Something odd lurched in his stomach, making its way into his chest. It felt heavy, like a weight- no, it was more like a descending sensation, as if he had been floating and gravity had slowly turned back on. It had been so long since anything, other than Rey, had broken through the numbness or the rage and his heart couldn't seem to keep its rhythm steady as he looked at the damn paper. The bond he had with Rey allowed her to see the side of himself he didn't even like to acknowledge, but made them emotionally closer then usual. Poe, though, had no reason to hand him this lifeline; he had no reason to show him mercy.

He was feeling…. what? Gratitude? Camaraderie?

Poe watched and waited to see what Ren did with the paper. Ren considered crumpling it up in his hand and throwing it in the pilots face, but… he didn't. Instead he folded it and placed it in his trousers pocket, not wanting to know the reason why he just did so.

Poe inhaled. "Whatever you do, don't go back to the Order." Ren raised his sight to Poe's, noticing the pained expression in his eyes. "It would devastate Rey, and I… wouldn't want to meet you in a battle and have to kill you."

Ren quirked his brow. "You think you can kill me?"

"I'd try, even if it meant my death."

The corner of Ren's mouth rose slightly. "Always the hero."

Poe grinned and shrugged, choosing to play along. "Eh, you know me." Both men stood in their spots, not knowing what else to say to one another.

Poe interpreted the silence as his cue to leave, but halted after taking two steps toward the entryway. He angled his head to the side, not looking completely over his shoulder before saying, "Just watch your back out there, alright?" Poe did not wait for a response as he immediately left the galley, crossed the lounge, and entered the hallway to the private living quarters.

Everything was changing at a pace that was hard to keep up with.

()()()()()

Rey stayed true to her nature by quickly learning how to hold her own in the water. They wore the same attire from the last swimming lesson, so Ren was properly prepared to see Rey without drooling over her appearance like a dumbstruck fool. The lake water was a lot colder than Spira's, much to Rey's displeasure, but she would not let that stand in the way of accomplishing her goal. Ren was actually grateful for the chilly water; it helped him focus on not getting too handsy with Rey.

After a couple hours of hardwork, Rey was now treading water in the depths of the lake like she had been doing it her whole life. "I don't know why I was so afraid before. This is actually not too hard. I'm getting pretty good at this." She was beaming with pride and Ren mirrored her expression.

"I would like to chalk that up to my commendable teaching abilities," he sarcastically noted. Rey splashed some water at his face.

"Hey!" Rey giggled as Ren spat and wiped his hair from his eyes. "Your novice abilities would not be able to handle a proper water fight."

"Maybe not, but I could probably beat you back to the beach." Abruptly, she dove, kicking up water in her wake. Ren's competitive personality came to life just as he swam after her, putting all of his strength into every stroke. He passed her quite easily and made it to the beach way before she ever got there, but she still gave the competition everything she had.

Breathless, she walked up onto the sand, taking the towel he offered. "Swimming like that is way more intense than I thought it would be. I mean, breathing is difficult to do and I choked on the water, like, five times before I finished."

Rey rubbed the towel against her hair, bringing out the soft waves of her tresses. "It is definitely hard to get use to, but a good exercise if you can master it." Something tugged on his awareness suddenly and he glanced to his right to see Maz standing on a pile of castle remains in the distance. The sight of the little orange alien brought his thoughts back to the upcoming separation that was going to take place and reminded him of the fact that they still had a conversation to get to.

"You should go talk with her." He turned back to Rey, all traces of happiness erased from her face. "I'll go wash up and transfer my things to Poe's freighter." With shoulders slumped, Rey made her way back to the ship.

Maz was glowering right at him. His mind raced with the different ways he could get out of the impending exchange, but none of them were plausible. No, he would have to speak with her and now seemed as good a time as any.

With his shirt back on and water dripping from his trousers, he made the trek over to Maz's location. He stopped a few feet from her, noticing the obvious scowl on her face.

"Sit," she demanded while pointing to a chunk of stone to his right. Ren would rather stand, so he ignored the request. "You want my neck to cramp looking up at your face? Sit."

He pinched his nose, letting out a long breath and sat down on the cold, dark stone. He was still taller than Maz, but the alien grew more comfortable with his shorter position.

She stood close to him, close enough for him to lung forward and crush her small throat between his sinful hands. Or better yet, one thought could break her little neck, marking the end to this loathsome conversation.

He had only been away from Rey for a few minutes and he was already entertaining his violent thoughts. Yeah… this upcoming separation was going to be a trial for sure.

The heat from the morning sun was drying his hair, giving it that wavy look he always wore. Thankfully, the breeze was light and warm, allowing his muscles to relax.

Maz was studying him in her usual passive-aggressive sort of way. Ren rested his elbows on his knees and balled his hands into fists, his patience running low as he waited for her to speak. He sure as hell was not going to start this conversation. _More like a lecture_ , he thought. Maz was going to do most of the talking since he had little to no desire to voice his thoughts.

"You have committed many atrocities, Ben Solo."

"Don't call me that," he snapped. "Ben is dead."

"Lying doesn't suit you."

"I don't lie." Maz huffed in indignation.

"You murdered Han." There it is, the blow Ren had been waiting for. At least Maz got straight to the point.

His body reacted by tensing up, but he was still able to speak through clenched teeth. "Han was a selfish bastard and a coward."

"You think he was being a coward as he walked onto that bridge to speak with you? Han was no fool; he faced you knowing full well the possible outcome. And yes, while Han had always been somewhat selfish, the most selfless act he ever committed was trying to convince you to come home. He didn't have to make his presence known to you; he could have ran away, but he wanted to see you and talk with you." The inside of his palms stung as his nails dug into the skin. His fists were trembling, his jaw locked, and his eyes glued to the dirt floor around Maz's feet. He could still feel the stroke of Han's hand on his cheek, a gesture that had surprised him since he had just mortally wounded the man. Han's eyes were full of shock, pain, and… the love he still bore for him.

His body trembled and his esophagus burned as he realized he was going to be sick and he couldn't stop it. Ren spun around, grabbing onto the edge of the stone and heaved his morning meal all over the ground. He coughed violently, trying to breath as his body purged itself of stomach acid and partly digested rations. Snot and tears dripped onto the dirt and stone, but Ren was more fixated on trying to breath normally than wiping at his face. He spat the remains of vomit from his mouth as he kneeled, realizing how weak he must appear to Maz.

"There is still light in you Ben. You must search for it and embrace it." His head hung low as he shook it back and forth. "Well, then, I hope you are getting what you want from the dark side, because it sure is costing you plenty. It always does." With his shirt, he wiped his face and turned back around. Maz had her arms crossed and her hard stare was now filled with compassion, which was even worse to witness.

"I can feel your remorse over killing Han, but you refuse to fully let it in, when you deserve to drown in it. You should not prolong this. The faster you let it in, the quicker you can begin to punish yourself and find redemption."

"Redemption?" He finally spoke.

"It would be a hard road to walk, but it's not impossible. Coming back to the light is not an easy thing to do. Redemption is not a cheap experience."

His vocal chords stung as he spoke, but the pain was welcome. "You speak as if I want that for myself. I don't. Embrace the light? Why? What has it ever given me? The very people who follow its ideals were the ones who tossed me aside like trash." Being in the museum with Han clawed at his thoughts, but he dismissed it. One good deed did not negate the fact that his father was a worthless piece of shit who abandoned him to a life of uncertainty and fear.

"And the dark side has given you so much, has it? Do you think Rey will want to be around you when you are so rooted in evil?" Ren had been waiting for Maz to use Rey against him.

His brows lowered, forming a menacing glint in his eyes. "Evil is just a perception."

"Evil is real and it dwells in the shadows," Maz countered and Ren scoffed.

Maz eyed him up and down. "I know you know about my brother. I do not want to see the same thing happen to you." Her voice had softened slightly, but was still hard.

Ren almost laughed at her absurd statement. "Don't pretend to care about me."

"I care about your parents, who love you. Your mother wants her son back, Ben." At that, Ren had no vocal response, so he stood and started to walk away. He couldn't bear to listen to the woman any longer. "If you hurt that girl, I will make sure you pay for it." He stopped. "I might not deal the killing blow, but I will help whoever does, regardless of how it will affect your mother."

Very slowly and with great presence, he looked over his shoulder and said, "Careful, Maz. Those thoughts reek of the dark side." With a self-satisfied smirk, he walked back to the ship. His confidence faded as he licked his lips, tasting the vomit on his tongue. Everything he had done was in the righteous endeavor to secure order and peace in the galaxy. Lives had to be sacrificed on the way, including Ben Solo, for him to reach his goal. He had justified all the killings, but he couldn't seem to justify what he had done to Han- he never could file that particular act under what he deemed necessary.

Just from listening to Maz's words, he had become physically ill. What would happen to him if he actually let himself be consumed over what he had done? He didn't even want to entertain the possibilities.

Coming to Takodana had served its purpose in bringing Rey back. Mentally, he pushed Maz's lecture into the category of insignificance, much like how background noise was easy to ignore.

()()()()()

"You sure you have everything you need?" Poe asked. The sun was on its final hours of descent, casting their long shadows across the rocky ground.

"I do know how to survive on my own, you know," Ren replied. It was the third time the guy had asked him that, like he was a child leaving the nest for the first time.

"We know," Rey cut in. "We are just worried, is all." Ren thought it interesting she used the word "we," as in her _and_ Poe.

Ren's eyes roamed over Rey's body quickly, finding it difficult not to stare at her. Rey was wearing the outfit he loved seeing on her: the black jumpsuit and blue vest. It had been washed and dried while they swam in the lake, giving her a polished and amiable appearance.

"Oh," Poe interjected. "I left something in the cockpit for you. It doesn't really fit me, but you might get some good use out of it. I snatched it from one of the stores in Khalon so fast that I didn't look at the size. It will help you blend in better than wearing tunics."

"Uhhhh… Okay." It was really strange to have Poe be nice to him. Well, sort of nice. Ren concluded he would rather have the man be his usual, smart ass self.

Rey and Poe awkwardly stood in front of Ren, who had his back to the ship. No one knew what to say next. Minutes became days… Decades… Centuries.

But leave it to Poe to cut through the silence. "Well, I will let you guys be alone for whatever _long_ goodbye you have planned." _Aaaaaaaaaaaand there he is_. Rey glanced at the pilot, confused as to what he was alluding to. Ben knew, though, and didn't appreciate the crude undertones of the statement, even if it was just a joke.

Poe locked eyes with Ren. "Uh, good luck man. Just- yeah…. Good luck. I'll see you around." Ren gave him a curt nod before the pilot turned and made his journey through the rubble to Maz's underground hangar.

"Looks like it's finally tomorrow," Rey muttered.

"Yup." Ren shifted his balance to his left leg, but the weight he was experiencing didn't dissipate. This moment was finally happening and he didn't even know what to say as his sharp mind suddenly decided to go on a hiatus.

"Where will you go?" He opened his mouth. "Actually, don't answer that. I don't trust myself to not come looking for you." Ren was actually not going to tell her for the exact same reasons she just aired, but he was going to let her keep thinking he was about to.

There was a topic he needed to touch on before he departed. "Rey, we will need to keep the connection closed between us." Just saying it left a sour taste in his mouth.

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I know, but what about our dreams? What if they start up again because of the distance?"

Ren had thought of that and had come up with only one solution. "I know the Resistance base is on Carlac, so I am going to try and find a planet where the days and nights are opposite. Other than that, there is not much we can do about it. Hopefully that will be sufficient."

Her forehead furrowed and she lifted her hands to make him pause. "Wait. You know where the base is? How?"

"Poe was not very discreet with giving out its coordinates." Rey rolled her eyes.

Ren shoved his fists into his pockets as a few heartbeats passed. "If there is ever an emergency, you can tug on the bond to contact me. I'll come find you."

"You would come to the base?" Rey looked at him, expectantly.

"No."

"Then how would you find me?" _Very good question…_

"I'm talking about if you left Carlac for some reason, which you shouldn't. Nothing should happen to you while on the base."

"If you refuse to come to the Resistance, how will I ever see you again?" All her questions were understandable ones, but he had no answers to give her.

"Honestly? I have no idea, but I know we will see each other again. Somehow…" After everything the Force has done with his life, it was almost foolish of him to put his trust in that power, but that power was all he had.

Rey solemnly nodded. "Ben." Gods, he was going to miss hearing his name come from her voice. "Promise me you will not hurt anyone."

"Rey…" He closed his eyes while lowering his head.

"Promise me," she demanded.

Ren glanced at her serious demeanor. "What if it's self defense?"

"Then incapacitate them. You don't always have to kill people." He groaned on the inside, knowing this promise was going to be close to impossible to keep. And if he broke it, it would make him a liar. Rey had to have seen how that would play out and if she did, she really was a clever girl to ask this of him. She knew he detested lying. "Ben?"

"Fine," he submitted. "I promise." _Dammit._

"And promise me you will not die out there, cause if you do, I'll find you, bring you back to life, and kill you all over again."

He cocked his head to the side. "That is not really the Jedi way, but I can understand why you would veer away from their rules since you are so new to their ideals." Her hand shot out and punched him in the shoulder, catching him completely by surprise. "Ow!" Even though she put most of her weight behind it, the touch didn't even come close to being painful, but he still acted like she hurt him.

"I'm being serious, so don't joke around." Her lips began to spasm as she hid the smile that threatened to overtake them.

He held his hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay. I promise I wont get myself killed. Honestly, you and Poe are acting like I am going to go looking for trouble."

"Trouble always seems to find you, whether you look for it or not." Ren shrugged as he accepted Rey's assessment all too quickly. Her statement was an accurate definition of his life.

"You've grabbed all your stuff off the ship, right?" He asked.

"Yeah, not like I had much anyway. Most of my stuff is either on the Falcon or on Ahch-To." It was odd to picture her aboard the Millenium Falcon or actually flying that relic. Ren wondered if she slept in his old room…

He cleared his throat and his thoughts. "I could stop by the island and see if I can find anything."

"Don't you dare," Rey snapped. "You just said you weren't going to go looking for trouble and the First Order could have left behind probe droids."

"You have nothing on the island you would want back?"

"No." Ren peered at her, sensing her lie all too easily. "Well, I left my journal behind in the temple, but-."

"Temple?!" Rey jumped from his sudden interruption. "What temple?"

Rey composed her startled countenance. "The one you found me in when you got to the island. You know, the cavern with the artifacts and books."

"That dilapidated library is the temple?"

"Yeah, the first Jedi Temple." _What?!_ "It's not just a library. There are more tunnels that dig into the island… Are you okay? You look paler than usual." Ren's mind was reeling from the sudden intake of information. Skywalker had spent years dragging him along in his efforts to find the first Jedi Temple and what do you know, the old man finally succeeded where Ren thought it impossible.

However, that was not what caused him to sallow. One of the first things Snoke had demanded of Ren was to divulge everything he knew about every single temple location, whether it was speculation or proven real. The Supreme Leader was particularly interested in the very first Jedi Temple, but Skywalker had not found it yet, so Kylo didn't know where it was. He was pretty sure it didn't even exist anymore. _Why does Snoke want to find that place so badly? What is hidden there?_

"Ben?" He broke out of his rolling thoughts.

"I'm fine." _Sort of._ "I just can't believe Skywalker actually found the first temple." It wasn't a complete lie; he just left out a few details. He masked his emotions well enough for Rey not to sense he was hiding something.

"No going back to the island, okay? Promise?"

"I wont unless it's deemed necessary. I promise." Ren absolutely deemed it necessary, so he was going to go back to the island. He had purposefully worded his promise a certain way so he wasn't technically breaking it. Besides, he had already made two promises before that one and a third seemed overly excessive and childish.

The justifications only made him feel slightly better with what he was doing.

Rey lightly kicked at some of the rocks at her feet. "Well, I guess this is goodbye then." _Shit_. The reality of what was happening came back all too quickly as he saw Rey trying to keep herself together. If she didn't, he might not be able to leave.

Ren slammed into her, crushing her petite form into his wide body. She held onto him just as fiercely, digging her fingers into his back. He ran his hand through her soft, loose hair and if the choice were up to him, she would wear it down for the rest of her life.

"This isn't goodbye. Our paths will cross again, bringing us back together."

"Together," she breathed into his shirt. Rey lifted her head and Ren couldn't stop his lips from crashing into hers. Whereas all their other kisses had been slow and gentle, this one was frantic and demanding as they both memorized what it felt like to be totally, completely, and all around fully immersed in the feeling of being wanted by another human being.

His tongue dominated her mouth and his teeth grazed against hers in great haste. She moaned into him, causing her pleasure to seep into the marrow of his bones, giving life to where they felt hollow. Ren's lips trailed along her jaw and down her neck, nipping and sucking on her velvety flesh. Her arousal was wafting into his core, making him want to take all of her right there, right now.

 _You wouldn't even know where to begin, you idiot,_ an inner voice told him. While his virginity was very much intact, it couldn't be that difficult to figure out how to get rid of it. What was that saying he always heard? Your body will just know what to do, or something along those lines? He knew how it was done; he had seen prostitutes openly having sex with men in brothels or clubs, but after visualizing those memories, he realized that was not what he wanted to happen between him and Rey. Those had been transactions of pure, carnal roughness and he knew that he desired something that transcended the cold isolation of flesh and instant gratification...

His passions slowed and he nuzzled into her neck, feeling her hair and skin against his for the last time. He came up from the pool of her hair, cupping her round face before sweetly placing a long, gentle kiss upon her mouth. Ren's forehead rested against her's, milking in the sight of her hazel eyes. Painfully, and without preamble, he stepped away from her, robbing himself of the one person he ever cared about. Tears were about to pour from her eyes and before they did, he turned, walked brusquely up the ramp, and wielded the mechanism to close.

From here on out, he was on his own.

 **The conversation in the bed between Rey and Kylo was originally suppose to be a lot shorter, but they just kept talking! I guess they enjoy pillow talk a little too much. We got to see more of what Ben's personality use to be like and him and Rey are growing increasingly more comfortable with each other.**

 **Well, there you have it folks! Let the separation commence! Do you have any predictions of what will happen while Ren is gone? Let me know! I hope you enjoyed the chapter!**

 **Please fave, follow, or leave a review!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Thanks to everyone who followed, faved, or left a review! I always look forward to hearing from you guys, even if it is just a sentence :) NightElfCrawler: The story is addictive? Yeah! Thanks for the compliment. I hope you like the direction I am gonna to take it! Thanks! kimmycocopop: We have some revelations and turning points in this chapter. The reveal on the girl will come soon enough, I promise. Glad you like the sort of relationship between Poe and Ren! SaintsFan1: I don't want them to be separated too long either, but I have to write the story the way it demands. I am glad to see last chapters ending scene resonated with someone. It was sad for them to part... Thanks for the review! Guest 2: There might be trouble, but not in the way you probably expect. Will Rey find out about his little side excursion? Possibly... Just keep on reading and following the story! Thanks again for all the reviews everyone!**

Chapter Twenty-one

"So…. we're clear on what we are going to tell them, right?" Poe repeated, glancing at Rey in the co-pilot chair. She remained still, keeping her eyes on the blue streaks of hyperspace. They were minutes from Carlac, minutes from being bombarded with questions of their whereabouts. Poe was the one to suggest they contact the Resistance when they were outside of the planet, taking the opportunity in hyperspace to come up with a plan.

They would say the truth about Ben- that he defected from the First Order and tried to help Poe and Rey on Ahch-To. After that, their honesty would be tossed out of the cargo bay.

The story would continue with them stuck behind enemy lines, unable to join the Resistance, which forced them to seek out Ben's ship. Two Tie fighters followed them out of the planets atmosphere and one of them was able to cause the freighter significant damage before they jumped into hyperspace. With their communications and fuel line damaged, they became stranded on an uninhabited island on Spira. Rey and Poe then spent days fixing the marred parts, while Ben stayed mostly to himself. Once the repairs were made, Ben dropped them off at the nearest city where they were able to acquire a light freighter and make their way to Carlac.

If anyone took that tale at face value, it would be a miracle. "Yeah, I got it," Rey muttered. Poe came up with the whole story, which Rey didn't mind. Her head was way too jumbled to come up with a more plausible explanation as to their whereabouts.

The freighter exited hyperspace and Poe hailed the Resistance. To say the comms officer was excited to hear from them was an understatement. He assigned them the landing platform A2, and then Poe did something that surprised Rey: he turned off the communications, cutting the man off midsentence.

Rey turned toward him, but he kept his eyes ahead, focusing on flying the aircraft to the base. Without glancing at her, he spoke in a hushed tone, even though she was the only person in the universe who could hear him. "Rey, you probably shouldn't say anything about you… and him."

Her teeth clenched together. "I know."

"People at the base wont understand." He was alluding to Finn- obviously. Poe chuckled, flashing that flirty grin of his. "It's sometimes hard for me to understand, and I was with you two."

Rey didn't laugh. "Poe, you don't have to explain this to me. I know why I shouldn't say anything."

His smile faded, realizing his attempt at lightening the mood had failed. "Okay, just wanted to make sure."

In the ensuing silence, Rey took in the scenery of the planet she would be living on. Glittering snow covered the flat surface and the high mountains in the distance. There was not a speck of brown dirt to be seen and Rey's gut immediately fell. She hated the snow and she hated the cold and she hated how it reminded her of fighting Ben on Starkiller base. _What is with these people and wanting to put their bases on snowy planets?_

The pink blossoms on the trees broke up the monotonous color of white, and Rey could at least appreciate the beauty of the lovely shade against the snow.

The freighter stayed close to the planets surface as they glided to an outcrop of buildings next to a high mountain. Small dots of people were running outside, gathering around the platform Rey assumed was the one they would be landing on. As the faces became clearer, Rey leaned forward, frantically searching for one dark face in particular.

Pushing his way through the tight crowd and out into the front was Finn. Poe slowly lowered the ship onto the platform, allowing Rey to properly lock eyes with her friend. Every doubtful thought and fearful emotion vanished as her lips formed into the most infectious smile, which Finn mirrored.

Once the ship jolted, letting her know they had landed, she jumped up to rush down to the cargo bay. She got as far as standing before Poe abruptly stood and placed his hand on her shoulder to stop her. His eyes were serious, confusing Rey. "I will always be in your corner, Rey. Remember that." His intuition was warning him about something, but Rey was not in the mood to know what.

She rested her hand on top of Poe's and gave it a small squeeze. "I know. And thank you... for everything." Rey gave Poe one last, grateful look before sprinting to the freighters exit. She could hear the plethora of voices echo in the cargo bay as she initiated the ramp to lower. Cold, dry air billowed all around her, making her realize that she will need to find warmer clothes if she was to live her comfortably.

The ramp hit the landing pad, showing the surplus of people looking anxiously at her. Finn stood right at the center and Rey darted down the ramp and ran straight into her friends arms.

His embrace was so different from Ben's, but just as significant. Finn's arms and chest were comforting and tight, much like the hug they had shared right after she ran into him on Starkiller base. There were no passionate undertones, like there was with Ben, but only the feeling of being held by her best friend.

A big group rushed the platform, surrounding Poe as he came off the ship. Rey heard Jess scream Poe's name, but she didn't turn to see the reunion going on behind her. She was content with staying in Finn's arms a little while longer.

"I was so scared I would never see you again," Finn whispered in her ear. He pulled back, looking her over with worried eyes. "Are you alright? Did Kylo Ren hurt you?" She could feel her grin falter and Finn noticed, but read into the change completely wrong. "You're safe here, Rey. He can never hurt you again." It was going to hurt her to lie to him, but the alternative would be worse. Rey nodded, not able to make her voice work through her constricted throat.

Security officers started to break up the crowd, coming straight for the platform. "Commander Poe Dameron," one of them called out, causing the Resistance pilots to disperse from their friend. The officer then turned to Rey, addressing her by name. "You two are to debrief immediately in room four on the third level."

Finn stepped forward, pushing Rey behind him in a protective manner. Normally, Rey would have insisted that she could stand up for herself, but she didn't know what was exactly happening so she let Finn speak for her. "On whose orders? They just got back and should have time to rest."

"Grand Admiral Trend ordered it. She wants to debrief them personally."

Finn scoffed, squaring off confidently at the officer. Rey noticed how much more assertive Finn now seemed and she wondered what else had changed about her friend. "Debrief… more like interrogate. They haven't done anything wrong."

The officer didn't appreciate Finn's tone, but Poe stepped in before the spat escalated. "It's okay Finn. I knew something like this was probably going to happen." Poe and the officer peered behind Finn, waiting for Rey's response. She touched Finn's arm as she stepped forward.

"It's fine. It's just talking; it's no big deal," she reassured Finn, but realized she was also trying to reassure herself.

"My apprentice will not be debriefed by Admiral Trend." Skywalker stepped forward, exuding his presence of authority to the security officer. Rey gaped at her master, for she had not expected to see him on the base.

Luke glanced at her briefly, not letting any emotion slip onto his even face. The officer was unsure on how to handle the man's presence, so he kept with his orders. "The admiral ordered-."

"I know what she ordered, but Rey is under my supervision since she is my apprentice. If Admiral Trend wants to speak with her, she can go through me." He motioned Rey to follow him. She hesitated a few seconds before falling in line right behind the Jedi Master and R2. She shot Poe a worried look, but he just smiled and nodded, silently conveying to her that everything was going to be fine.

They weaved through the tight horde of soldiers, which quickly reminded Rey how much she was not use to being surrounded by people. Her anxiety unwillingly rose as everyone stared at her, like she was their primary entertainment for the day.

The hallways that snaked into the mountain were empty since everyone was primarily outside. Luke seemed to be leading her to a specific place that was somewhere on the top level. He turned into a room as the lights illuminated overhead and Rey saw a small, dark rug in the center of the compact quarters. A chair was next to the door, but other than that, there was no other furniture.

Finn entered seconds after they did, breathing hard from catching up to them. "I thought you would bring her here," he exhaled hard.

"You aren't staying with Poe?" Rey asked.

Finn stepped further inside and Rey noticed the slight limp in his right leg. Then, she remembered his injury; the one Ben had given him.

Her hand stretched out to him, but then fell back to her side. "Finn, your back. How is your injury?"

He smiled sheepishly. "Oh, it is doing really well actually. The spinal implant worked like a charm and hopefully I will be able to shake off this limp sometime soon. But hey, I can walk, which is great." Rey listened as Finn told her about his recovery, making sure she looked happy during his account. But guilt was stewing below, guilt over how she cared for the man who almost killed her dear friend.

"Rey," Finn looked at her concerned. "What happened to you out there?" She glanced behind her, seeing Luke silently studying the exchange and patiently waiting for an explanation. Her master was remaining too quiet.

She stuck to the tale her and Poe agreed upon, mostly painting Ben in an ambiguous picture, but giving enough detail for them to know he did not hurt her. "He stayed away from you and Poe?" Finn asked incredulously.

"Yeah, he would do his own thing while Poe and I figured out how to make repairs to the freighter." She had never lied so much before, and she prayed she sounded convincing.

"So, he has really left the First Order then?" Luke finally cut in. Rey turned, addressing the older man.

Damn, she was getting nervous. "Yes."

Those eyes of his were soft, but she felt like they could look right through her, past the thick walls, and out into the snowy landscape. From being around Ben, she knew how to detect if her mind was being probed, but the Jedi Master did no such thing. This man knew how to read people without actually using any manner of the Force to do it, which, in retrospect, was probably worse.

Luke cocked his head. "He was not interested in coming with you to the base?"

"No," Rey curtly responded. "He wanted to go out and be on his own."

Finn snorted. "Yeah, right. First thing that guy is going to do is go back to the First Order."

"No he wont," Rey injected harshly, which took both Finn and Luke by surprise. Rey took a deep breath, calming down her growing frustration and smoothing out her taut face. "He seemed adamant on not returning there. I believe him."

Finn's brows furrowed in confusion, but he did not fight Rey on her beliefs. Wheels were turning in his head and Rey wondered if he was starting to suspect the truth

"I'm just so glad you're back," he breathed as he took her into another warm hug.

In that moment, she knew she should have responded with a "me too," but she refrained. Her heart would not have been in those two, simple words and she didn't want Finn to hear the lie in her voice.

"Finn, I need a moment alone with my apprentice." Finn was about to protest, but one look at Skywalker's face told him that would not be wise. He told Rey he would wait for her in the hallway and that he would give her a tour of the base when they were done. She conveyed her excitement over the idea before Finn exited the room and the door swiftly slid back in place.

Luke jumped the conversation off immediately. "What happened on Ahch-To?"

Rey knew where this was going. "I told you what happened."

He crossed his arms, for the first time giving off an aura of impatience. "You've said very little, actually. I saw you and my nephew running up the hill, away from the battle. How did you two find each other?"

She sucked in a breath. "He found me in the temple."

"And… what? He just told you he left the Order? That he wanted to help you get off the island? Keep in mind that while you were in the temple, his knights were trying to kill Chewie and I." He could sense she was hiding information and Rey was feeling rattled from having to converse with Luke so soon after arriving.

She ground her teeth while trying to decide how much to divulge. "No, he didn't just _tell_ me he left the Order."

"He tried to kill you," Luke stated.

Silence.

Luke kept his voice emotionless. "Why didn't he?"

She tossed her stare downward, remembering that trying ordeal. "In the end, he couldn't do it."

Luke studied her. "How close did he get?"

She gulped. "Close."

His eyes searched her for injuries, but came up short. "You don't seem to have any injuries."

 _Except the scar across my stomach…_ "He healed me while we were on Spira."

That shocked the Jedi Master. "He healed you?" She nodded as he blinked rapidly. "That's… unlike him," he confoundedly stated.

Rey became suddenly territorial over Ben's persona. "You haven't seen him in six years. How do you know it's unlike him?" Below Ben's threatening stare, dark power, and decisive ruthlessness was a kind heart, one that she was willing to defend.

"The healing of others resides more in the light side. It requires compassion." _Oh…_ "What has he done to you, Rey? Other than the healing."

Her heart was jumpy and she wished she could throttle back the conversation, but she didn't know how without making it seem obvious. "Nothing. I told you he stayed away most of the time."

"You're lying." The statement extinguished the small amount of confidence Rey had left, but she tried to keep a collected face. "Something has happened to you or you wouldn't be acting so defensive."

She crossed her arms. "I'm telling you what's important."

"But I want to know everything, not just what you deem relevant."

She couldn't hold back her glare. "Don't you trust me?"

Luke rubbed his beard briefly, taking a moment to collect his thoughts. "Rey, you need to understand that the last time I turned a blind eye to an apprentice having difficulties, he fell to the dark side and murdered his own peers. I want to help you, but you have to be honest with me."

She tossed her arms dramatically while letting out an exasperated sigh. "But I said all there is to say! Ben stayed–"

"Ben?" Luke gaped at her. The moment dragged on as they stared at one another. The man standing before Rey didn't look like her master, but a man that had been rocked to his core.

 _He knows._

"How close did you two become?" Rey's mouth felt like she'd just gulped down a liter of sand and she bit at the inside of her cheek from the panic. Her palms and underarms were sweaty and the moment she'd been dreading since reaching the base had finally arrived: a person she looked up to was judging her for where she placed her heart.

She needed to leave, but her feet had somehow disconnected from her brain. The silence was all Luke needed to confirm his fears and his expression gradually melted into concern. "Rey, my nephew knows how to be manipulative and whatever is happening between you two… it needs to stop. He can ruin you– like the dark side has ruined him."

"He isn't ruined." She couldn't get her voice above a whisper.

Luke inhaled deeply before walking to her. "He is not capable of fully caring for you. He's never cared about anyone but himself. If he made you think he did, it was for his own selfish reasons, nothing more." He tried to touch her shoulder, but she sidestepped his hand.

A switch was flipped on her emotions and her eyes filled with repulsion for the man in front of her. "Ben is your nephew; your _family_. And you're quick to dismiss him as lost? I thought Jedi believed that even the most corrupt of persons could come back to the light." Luke was dumbfounded by her outburst, but his features quickly hardened into anger, an emotion that looked so foreign on the Jedi's face.

She strode out of the room, not waiting for the Jedi Master to respond. She sensed Finn down the hall and around the corner, but before she went to him, she took a minute to steady her beating heart.

Luke was wrong about Ben. Not once had he tried to manipulate her or drag her over to the dark side. The way he had touched her, talked with her, kissed her… it was all in the most tender ways possible. And if Luke could never understand that, then... well, she wouldn't have the Jedi train her anymore. If he doesn't want to save his nephew, then there was nothing she could learn from him.

()()()()()

Kylo strolled down the ramp wearing his dark robes and leather belt as he held onto his lightsaber tightly. The freezing wind billowed at his thick attire and clawed at his skin, stinging his squinted eyes and evaporating his warm breath. A storm was crawling closer to the island, its thick clouds denying the sun's ray's access to the rocky island. If Ren hadn't have seen the sun before passing through the tempestuous clouds, he would have believed it was nighttime for this section of the planet.

He did not plan on being here long. He knew the risk of getting caught was great, but his curiosity was overpowering his rationality at the moment. No one was here- at least that was what he sensed before flying through the planets atmosphere. Ren had circled the island a few times before landing, searching for probe droids and coming up empty. Still, he was extremely paranoid and glanced at every boulder like a trooper was about to pop out and shoot him.

Quickly, he glided up the small walkway, his sights set on the dark opening in the rocky hill that led to the cavern. Correction: that led to the first Jedi Temple. His mind still basked at the thought that Skywalker actually found the mythical place.

Something felt off as he came to the opening, but he couldn't decipher what was warranting his uneasiness. With his lightsaber in hand and ignited for light, he crept down the stairs. The humming and crackling of his saber comforted him as the sound echoed off the stone walls of the wide room.

Ren quickly took a turn around the cavern, his observant eyes seeking for anything of significance, but nothing stood out to him. Books and decaying relics were the only things here, causing his frustration to bloom in that familiar pit of his stomach. Rey did mention something about tunnels…

"See…" a voice, ethereal and light, came from the back of the cavern. Kylo tensed, knowing that no living being was here, but he had heard that voice like it had been carried over in the form of a breeze. Everything was bathed in red as he cautiously stalked past the bookshelves and up to the small tunnel opening. On the ground, just off to his right, was a light orb. Mentally, he commanded it to activate and it shot into the air, emitting a glowing light that was easier to see with than the red of his saber.

Pushing aside the small tinge of fear and disengaging his saber, he walked deeper into the island while the light orb followed. With each step, the air grew colder, causing his exhales to form into thick, white clouds. The long passage opened into a much wider and grander room than the library, the ceiling arching high above him and his footfalls resonating in the expansive place.

This chamber was completely barren, but its atmosphere was turbulent, as if it was threatening to tear open the fabrics of reality and toss him inside. He stood at the very center, his gut plummeting and warning him to leave immediately. Ren tried to breath as he turned and-.

Han stood between him and the exit, freezing every single molecule that made up Ren's tall, broad frame. He wasn't even sure he was still breathing, nor could he remember how. The face of his father was younger, much younger than when he had last seen him. No wrinkles lined his skin and he was wearing his favorite brown leather jacket, beige shirt, and blue trousers.

Han grinned, walking brusquely to him as Ren started to back away in fear. Ren stared wide eyed and braced for some type of physical touch, but none came. His father walked right past him, his sights set on something behind. Ren whirled around to view a white room with various types of medical equipment lining the walls and corners.

"Leia," Han spoke quietly as he sat next to a very tired Leia in a plush, white bed. She smiled at her husband, beaming with a pure form of joy Ren had never seen on her face before. Something was bundled in her arms and made a cooing noise, drawing Ren closer to the perplexing sound. Thick, raven hair was sticking out of the top and was attached to the face of a chubby newborn baby. Han brushed the baby's cheek with his finger, making the newborn stir and turn toward the touch.

His father was gazing at the baby with so much pride that it was almost unbearable to watch. How many times had he wished to be gazed at this way by him? How many times had he dreamed of seeing that expression?

Too many times to count.

"I can't believe we made this. He's so beautiful." Han never looked away from the baby, from… him- from Ben. This was Ben at the very beginning of his life and his parents were giving him their undivided attention and looking at him with all the love they possessed.

"Well, I did most of the work, but yes, we made this little boy. Our son." Han chuckled and bent down to kiss Leia tenderly. The moment was simple, but something foreign to Ren's eyes. Growing up, his father was either away at one of his races or fighting with Leia while at home. He never saw these small snippets unfold between them and it made Ren uncomfortable to be witnessing it now.

Leia placed her head back against the pillow. "Did you get ahold of Luke?"

Han nodded. "He's almost here." His father cleared his throat softly. "He suggested the same name again, ya know."

All traces of exhaustion lifted from Leia's features as her eyes bore into Han. "What did you tell him?" Han remained silent. "Han? You told him no, right?"

Han shifted in his chair, trying to find the right words. "Well, not exactly…"

Leia sat upright, stirring the baby in her arms and glaring at her husband. "I am not naming my son Obi-wan and you should have told him the same," she harshly whispered.

Han lifted his hands in a defensive motion, trying to put on a cool smile. "I know, I know. It's just… you should've heard how excited he was to see the baby, and I didn't want to crush the kid's spirits."

Leia looked as if she wanted to strangle the man. "No, you're just leaving the spirit crushing to me, aren't you?"

Han shrugged. "You are his sister."

Leia groaned and rested her head back. "Fine. I am going to fix this mess you got us into."

The baby moved and Leia started to shush the little bundle before it fully woke. "Maybe we should just go with Obi-wan. We haven't been able to agree on a name and the baby is finally here."

Leia's gave him a flat stare. "That isn't even funny."

Han was fighting back a grin and failing profusely. "I thought it was sorta funny…"

A few seconds passed before Leia gave in and smiled at the ridiculous man. The baby was fully awake, it's eyes darting around as it tried to focus on its new surroundings. Gently, Leia started to shift the bundle over to Han. "Would you like to hold him?"

Fear plagued his face and he sharply shook his head. "Uhhhh… I've never held a baby before. What if I break him?" He laughed nervously.

"Han, this is your son and you'll be holding him a lot. You might as well learn right now." She all but threw the little thing into Han's arms, forcing him to hold the small, cooing baby.

Han eased into the feeling of holding his son and resumed studying the innocent little face. "He's so tiny."

Leia positioned herself better on the bed and fluffed the pillow behind her. "That is how babies are," she offhandedly stated.

Han started to walk around the room, awing and cooing like he was trying to talk to the baby in its native language. It didn't last long before he ditched his efforts and went to Galactic Basic. "Don't worry, kid. We won't name you after old Ben. Between you and me, that guy was a kook."

Leia froze in bed, her eyes becoming distant. "Wait, what did you say?"

Han turned around, but kept his attention on the baby. "That guy was a kook."

"No, you said old Ben."

Han glanced up, wondering what Leia was trying to get at. "That was his nickname. Luke called him that early on… What's wrong?"

"Ben. That's it. That's the name for our son." Han gazed down at the baby in his arms.

"Ben." Han tried out the name, finding it fit with the baby's face perfectly. "Well, look at us. We finally agreed on something. Luke's gonna to be so happy."

"I didn't choose the name to appease my brother, it just fits our son perfectly. The fact that Ben is Obi-wan's nickname is an added bonus." She stretched her arms out and Han walked over to give their son back to his mother's embrace.

"You're gonna let Luke think that you listened to him, aren't you?"

Leia smiled at little Ben as a glint of mischief sparkled in her eyes. "It wouldn't be so bad for him to owe me a huge favor for "letting" him name our son."

Han let out a vibrant laugh as he gave her a look of admiration. "You're a clever woman."

"Don't forget who has the brains in this relationship."

"I never do, sweetheart. I never do." He bent over and kissed her softly.

The scene started to fade and the harder Ren tried to hold on to it, the faster it disintegrated. It gradually morphed into the comms station aboard the Millennium Falcon, with Han tensely sitting and frowning at the holoprojection of Leia.

"You can't do this to him, Leia. That kid has been looking forward to going to Kanners Traveling Museum for over a year now."

"Don't lecture me, Han," she bit back. "I have to watch over Ben while you are gone the majority of the year. You don't understand how hard it is to juggle the Senate and being a parent."

Han leaned forward, rubbing his distressed face. "You said it was fine for me to go, so I went. Leia, this will devastate him and you know it. He doesn't have any friends and all he does is study and keep to himself. You need to ditch the Senate for once."

"I can't. This bill the Centrists are trying to pass-." Han threw his hand forward and cut off the transmission, staring furiously at the place Leia's face had once been. He sat back, letting out a deep breath and sagging his shoulders inward.

Ren watched his father for a long while, wondering if the scene had somehow froze. Finally, Han stood and dashed for the cockpit as Ren followed close behind. Chewie was lounging in the co-pilot chair and glanced alarmingly at his sudden friends presence.

"Re-route us back to Hosnian Prime," Han ordered. Chewie roared questioningly and Han took a few breaths before responding.

"That kid deserves better parents than us…"

"Raaaargh arrrrrg." _You two are great parents_. Chewies reassurance did not comfort Han.

"Sometimes, I wonder if we are being too selfish, ya know? I love flying too much and I had hoped Ben would love it to, but he doesn't. I don't even know how to talk to the kid anymore…" Both remained silent, thinking over the statements Han just made. Chewie turned and started charting a route back home as Han sat in the pilot chair, gazing at the streaking dimension of hyperspace.

The vision folded in on itself, which caused Ren to become disoriented and fall flat on his rear. As his hands braced against the floor, a sharp pain blossomed in both his palms. The floor was littered with glass and the small fragments became embedded into his open hands. A long counter formed to his right and a tall figure loomed above him, dark and formidable.

That man was him… in the diner… on Er'kit. Ren deduced from the empty café and the broken glass that he had just found out his mother had been lying to him his whole life.

Ren stood, remembering all too well what happens next. The data pad dinged and he watched himself clutch onto it. He waited for it to fly across the room, but… Ben kept staring at it. _What is he doing?_ Slowly, Ben opened the message and his mothers distraught face filled the screen.

"Ben, you have probably heard by now–" Ren covered his ears and backed up until he hit the far wall next to the entrance.

 _No, this isn't what happened. This isn't right!_ His head was shaking as if he could make the vision disappear by denying its plausibility.

The succession of images that came next showed him a life that never happened, a life that was so outrageously out of the scope of reality that he couldn't look away.

His uncle found him at the diner and confessed about where the blood in his veins truly came from. Luke begged Ben to stay in the Jedi Order and he reluctantly agreed as his uncle handed his lost lightsaber back to him. Ben remained with his uncle and eventually was able to talk to his mother. Shockingly, his father had contacted him and he watched how they gradually mended their relationship so they were on speaking terms. Han would even come a few times a year and visit him at the academy, encouraging him to keep his inner darkness at bay.

Something was still calling him out to the stars, however, and it wasn't Snoke. Ben followed the feeling straight to Jakku, searching for the beacon that called out to him. He discovered Rey, a malnourished girl of fifteen, but one who was extremely strong in the Force. Their connection was palpable from the start and it helped in convincing her to leave the barren planet and live a far different life at the academy.

Ben became her mentor, keeping a watchful eye over her training and as she became older, the line between mentor and friend began to blur. By the time she was nineteen, they were best friends and had become inseparable.

The threat of the First Order brought the Jedi out of their peaceful existence and into the foreboding war. Ben and Rey fought side by side on Starkiller base, working together to try and stop the weapon from being used. At one point, Ben was taken out of the fight briefly and having lost her lightsaber, Rey called Ben's to her and saved them both from certain death. It was the dream he had had of her since he was ten and now it had finally come to fruition.

Their friendship grew into something much deeper and much more profound as they kept fighting the Order together.

These images were fast and spanned over years, but Ren was able to understand them for what they were. This would have been his life if he had just opened that message from his mother– if he had chosen to stay with his uncle and not seek out Snoke as his master.

All these possibilities finally formed into one, solid picture. Ben standing outside of a medical facility aboard a ship, looking battered, bruised, and exhausted.

"Ben!" Han came darting down the hallway and ran right into his son, almost causing them both to fall over. "I didn't know if you guys made it out before the temple exploded…"

Ben patted his father's back, trying to comfort the old and shaken man. "We made it. I'm fine, but Rey is having surgery." Han drew back, looking more worried, if that was even possible. "The power it took for her to kill Snoke almost..." Ben's voice cracked. "He almost killed her. _I_ almost–"

"No," Han interrupted. "You aren't responsible for her injuries, okay? Snoke is." Han squeezed Ben's shoulders, grabbing his full attention. "But she's alive, kid. She made it; you both did." Ben smiled, but the expression did not light up his face. "What about Kayani?"

"I don't know," he uttered quietly.

Han swallowed, focusing more on his son's solemn face. "And what about you? The darkness inside of you…" Han's voice tapered off as Ben shook his head.

"It was stupid of me to think that by killing Snoke, I could rid this side of myself, but it's still there. Its roots go too deep…" Ben's lips quivered and he shut his eyes, causing the tears to spill over.

Han embraced him, letting the young man cry into his shoulder. Ben clutched fiercely onto his father as the muffled sobs rolled out from his chest. "I'm sorry, Ben."

Minutes passed until Ben could finally find the words to speak. "What if I'm broken?" His voice was childlike. Scared.

Han pulled back, grasping hard onto the boy's shoulders. His eyes held a determination that was rarely seen. "Look at me, kid." Ben craned his head up, hiccuping back the tail end of his cries. "I might just be a smuggler and according to your mother, a scoundrel, but I know a good person when I see one and that's exactly what you are. Sure, you've had some setbacks along the way, but who hasn't. I just wish you never had any of these powers–"

"I know," Ben interrupted as his face became plastered with shame. "You always wanted a normal son."

Han was unblinking as he spoke his profound thoughts. "Yes, I wanted you to be normal, but just so you would be spared from this life you've been living. I don't know much about the Force, but I know how the dark side ruins people and I didn't want that to happen to you. I didn't want you to struggle." He pointed his finger in Ben's face. "But don't think for one moment that I am not proud of you because I am, Ben. I am proud of you for fighting and I am proud to be your father."

Ben nodded, not knowing what to say. "I love you, son," Han said truthfully.

He put his hand on his fathers shoulder, giving him a small and genuine smile. "I love you, too. Thanks... dad."

A throat cleared and both men turned to see Dr. Kalonia. Ben immediately tensed and his face fell.

The good doctor smiled and held her hand up in assurance. "She's fine. I was able to fix the damage to her ribs and she's now resting. She should be waking up in the next thirty minutes." Ben held onto Han's shoulder to keep himself upright. "There seems to be no damage to the fetus. The heart beat is still strong and there was no bleeding in Rey's uterus, but I'm still going to monitor it just in case."

Both men froze. "Fetus?" Ben asked, his face paling.

Harter looked at Ben quizzically. "You didn't know she was pregnant?" Ben shook his head and the doctor let out a relieved breath. "And I was about to lecture you on letting her fight while pregnant, but it turns out you didn't know."

Han shook Ben lightly, catching his attention. "You didn't sense this through the Force or something?

Ben was speechless, trying to replay the last few months in his mind. "I've been preoccupied lately; you know, with the whole war going on." He glanced at the doctor anxiously. "How far along is she?"

"From the measurements, it would seem ten weeks. You two didn't question when she missed her period?"

More prying questions came his way that forced him to think harder, when all his body wanted to do was pass out from shock and exhaustion. "I– Well, Rey was so malnourished growing up that she's never been consistent. I just thought…" Ben's voice teetered off as the news finally sunk in, making his face glow with elation.

Han broke through the lull of the conversation first. "I'm gonna be a grandfather." His stare was distant and a huge grin stretched from ear to ear.

Ben studied his father and clapped him on the back. "It looks that way, old man."

Han shot him a glare. "Who you callin' old, ya moof-milker." Ben smiled and laughed a truly joyous laugh, one that was rarely ever heard and was saved for only the most perfect of occasions.

Blink.

Somehow, Ren had ended up back in the library, his eyes staring straight ahead at the relics on the tables and stonewall. The removal of that scene had sucked every last drop of strength out of him and he had no idea where to begin processing what he just witnessed and felt.

All at once, a tremendous emotion boiled in his gut, and as it swelled and the pressure grew inside his body, his eyes darted frantically around the room as if he could find a way back into that alternate reality. The bookshelves started to rattle and every antique in the room began to bounce from the energy he was emitting. The shaking of the objects crescendo into a roar, warning him of an impending eruption, but he couldn't find it in him to care in the slightest.

Ren's fists tightened so hard, that they trembled like they were the wings of a fly… and it was when he stared down at them that he hit bottom.

The pain that hit him was cosmic, a big bang that splintered him apart and sent his atoms scrambling from his core. All thought, all reasoning was lost and he had no other choice but to submit to its will. The scream pealed out of his lungs and the energy exploded from his chest, causing anything that was not bolted down to smash into the curved walls. Which, in this case, was everything. Wood splintered and objects shattered beyond recognition, morphing into the perfect metaphor of his life.

His screams sounded utterly foreign to his ears, but the sound of the destruction he caused was a familiar and welcoming noise. Ren was very aware he was breaking down, that the fissure had been opened by that trip down the hall and now his mind had fractured.

Sometime during the break, he had fallen to the ground and balled himself up into a fetal position. He kept screaming to the point of asphyxiation and he wished he could just stop breathing and die on the floor of the filthy place.

All his life, he'd kept himself separated from his emotions. He'd been born into a family who neglected him. He had done horrible things and had horrible things done unto him. He had hardened himself, his mind and emotions becoming steel.

This man he'd become had been wrong about shutting down, had been wrong to commit to self-containment. That possible future he'd just witnessed was a testament of how he could've had the family he always wanted, he could've had his father be proud of him and love him. If he hadn't been quick to give up on his family in that café, it could have been different.

Pushing out his feelings was not a case of strength, as he told himself so many times before. Ben had been strong in that vision, Ben had defeated Snoke with Rey's help. Ben had his father's respect, all because he chose to love and forgive.

Being emotionless had been all about survival… and he simply couldn't keep it up any longer.

With his throat raw and his lungs on fire, his screaming subsided into moans. Those didn't last long either, as he fell deeper into the pit of his own self-loathing. The cavern was silent and dark as he remained on the cold floor, staring through his droopy eyelids.

Ren hadn't shed a tear. Not once. He was far past the point of crying and fully in the territory of numb agony, with no ending in sight.

 _I killed my father. I killed him and he is never coming back. I murdered him to stay in the dark._

The reasoning behind the killing seemed so small to him now, when it had been such an important detail before. A small part of him knew he shouldn't linger in the temple, but his body would not obey his command to move. If someone found him, hopefully they would have the audacity to put him out of his misery, because it was hard for him to give a shit about his life at the moment.

 _Rey_.

How broken was he that he didn't care enough to stick around, even for her? Him dying would solve a lot of people's problems and he not doubt deserved it, but in the end, would he be able to face death, like the friend it's always been?

Gods, he really wanted to see Rey right now. Those visions of seeing her when she was fifteen and watching her grow into a woman were not enough for him. He needed to touch her, to escape in her. That life he could have had–

But didn't that entity inside of Rey say that his fall was necessary? She made it sound like it was pre-ordained to happen, no matter what. So was what he just saw even an option in his life or was the Force blatantly tormenting him?

He inwardly scoffed at his questions, for in the end, it didn't even matter. This was his life now and he would have to see it through till his heart stopped beating. But damn, that vision was going to torture him for the rest of his existence. Him and Rey had been together. Like, _deeply_ together. Together to the point of her being pregnant and him acting elated over the news. Stars, Ben had obviously loved her.

 _Ben is me though, so does that mean I love her? What the hell does that even feel like?_ Ren's emotions had been turned off for so long that he wasn't sure he was capable of loving someone. All he's ever known was steeped in blackened holes. Love did not dwell there; it only dwelled in the light and within good people.

He would be lying to himself if he denied how much he wanted Rey to love him, even after everything he'd done.

Something moved into the cavern, pushing aside the plethora of broken shelving and torn apart books. _Finally. Took them long enough_. Ren stayed still, waiting for some sort of shouting or the sound of a blaster bolt to echo throughout the chamber, but nothing happened.

Fear broke through, reminding him that a part of him did not, in fact, want to die. He'd been afraid of death on Starkiller base and he was afraid of death now. Well, a certain part of him was– the part of himself that was a coward. Through the fog of his hazy mind, he tried to decide which of the two sides was more prominent: the one seeking that everlasting slumber, or the one afraid of not existing anymore?

A hard object nudged his foot, followed by a series of beeps.

" _Are you alive_?" _No._ The annoying presence belonged to a droid and Ren wished he never learned how to understand binary. The droid basked him in light, which caused Ren to crane his head toward the small, round pest. " _Are you okay_?"

Kylo sat up, ignoring the droids pesky questions. The room was in absolute chaos as his eyes roamed over the evidence of his emotional blow out. Fortunately, the droid let him be and refrained from trying to pry further.

He stood, deciding that if no one was going to show up and off him, he would need to leave the island before he had more painful visions. He dragged his body up and as he turned to leave, the droid shrieked for him not to go. Ren pivoted around, getting a good look at the tiny thing. It was a BB unit with orange and white–

His mouth fell open as he realized this droid was none other than BB-8– the same droid Rey had been willing to risk her life to save.

"Have you been hiding in here ever since the battle?" Ren asked. BB-8's half domed head nodded before he set off a series of rushed beeps.

" _Are you with the Resistance? Can you get me back to Poe Dameron? Don't leave me here; I'm scared."_ The last thing Ren needed was a tag along, but this droid meant a lot to Rey… and Poe.

"I'm not with the Resistance, but I can help you find a way back to their base." BB-8 spun in delight and darted directly at Ren. "But lets make one thing clear." The droid halted. "No questioning my methods and I don't make small talk. Understand?" If this droid was anything like his master, he would try to fill lulls of silence with a conversation.

The droid's head lowered and let out a sad coo, but agreed to the terms. "Good. My ship is outside." Ren headed for the stairs and tripped over his feet when he saw a small book next to the entrance. He regained his balance and scooped up the small, leather bound novel, his fingers brushing across the three words inscribed on the front.

 **Rey's Survival Guide**

 _Is this the journal she was talking about?_ He opened to the first page and his eyes immediately went to the self-portrait she had drawn. The likeness was remarkable and he traced the outline of her face lightly as to not smudge the picture. _I didn't know she could draw…._ To the left was some writing and his eyes quickly scanned the first few sentences.

 **If you're reading this, then something's gone** **wrong** **.**

 **You're stranded on Jakku- a barren little planet with nothing but baking sand, hot sun, and wrecked starships** ( _accurate description_ , he thought to himself).

 **Stranded, like me.**

 **My name is Rey. I've been here my whole life, scratching out a living with the lost and the broken. I don't know how I got here, or why. But I know it was a mistake– and somebody out there will make things right, someday.**

The light of the sun soared into the stairway, making Ren glance through the rocky opening. He climbed to the exit and was met with the warmth of the sun's rays on his pale face. Closing his eyes, he craned his head up to the light and basked in the heat on his skin. For so long, he had hidden himself from the light, but in that moment, it felt like it was wrapping him in its warm arms and welcoming back a friend that has long since been missed.

BB-8 beeped to his right. _"Why do you think they came back and destroyed it?"_

Ren lifted his lids and glanced over, seeing for the first time the big pile of ash and a blackened stump near the temple opening. He walked closer, remembering that a huge tree use to be in that exact spot.

His brows pinched together as he knelt down next to the droid, touching the tree's remains with his fingers. "Who did this?" _It couldn't have happened during the battle; there would be more damage around the surrounding area._

" _I heard Tie fighters land and then the sound of flames engulfing the tree."_ The First Order. _Why risk coming back here to destroy a tree?_

The last time Ren had been here, he'd felt how concentrated the Force had been in that spot and assumed it was one of those Force trees Skywalker liked to grow and study. That fact would not make the Order come back and destroy it, though. Nor would they know about it being a Force tree.

So many pieces to the puzzle floated in his mind, but he still didn't have enough to form a complete picture. It was frustrating, but Ren tried to push his focus back on the journey he was currently on. Rey's book was in his left hand, still on the page he'd been reading.

 **–and somebody out there will make things right, someday.**

Ren was going to do right by her, because out of everyone in this broken down galaxy, she absolutely deserved a life of comfort and happiness. Somehow, he was going to make that happen.

Shame spread throughout his body as he recalled how he wanted to die in that cavern, and how a small part of him still wanted to. He'd been so quick to give up and leave her when he felt the weight of having killed his father. If he had perished, it would have been impossible for Rey to live a long and joyous life…

 _So, Poe was right. I am a selfish asshole._

BB-8 and Ren made the short journey back to the ship in silence. He had to levitate BB-8 to the upper level, since he did not have the patience to wait for the lift to function properly, but the droid didn't seem to mind. Ren was pretty sure the little thing had actually enjoyed it.

In the cockpit, he looked over to the temple entrance and the fallen tree one last time. Other than the infinite misery he had acquired from the Force apparitions, he had found nothing of significance inside the temple. That tree had to be why Snoke was so interested in the first Jedi Temple and it had to be somehow more significant than just being a Force tree.

He would have to do some digging while traveling.

The ship soared into the air, exiting the atmosphere and revealing the void of space. He charted a course to a planet he was vaguely familiar with and initiated the hyperdrive. Fuel was getting low, but he should have enough to get him to his next destination.

His mind drifted to his father, bringing that immense pressure back into his chest. Ren was never going to forgive himself for what he had done, nor would he ever seek forgiveness from others. Since death was off the table for obvious reasons, he would find another way to punish himself, one worthy of the crime he had committed.

The pain and guilt was going to rot him from the inside out, but he would have to live with it. He couldn't do anything for the dead. His father was gone. It was done. But the living…. he could take care of the living, and Rey definitely fell under that category.

Life goes on. No matter what the universe did to Ren, he would survive.

()()()()()

"And this is the dining hall." Rey followed Finn into a large, rectangular room. Tables lined the center and Finn guided them to the serving tables over to the right. They held a wide assortment of food that made Rey's mouth instantly water. "Dinner is in about an hour, but they usually keep snacks out during the day."

Rey grabbed a small, purple fruit and was about to take a bite until an unfamiliar voice broke through the room. "Finn!" A dark skinned woman with short hair and striking features strode up to him, her hard-pressed face looking aggravated.

"You are not at the training center."

"Uh, well my friend needed a tour of the place." The woman just stared at Finn, waiting for more of an explanation. "Breaala, this is Rey. Rey, this is Breaala." Rey smiled, but Breaala didn't return the pleasantry. Instead, she eyed Rey up and down with something close to disinterest. Finn turned to Rey. "This is one of the ex-stormtroopers I was telling you about." Finn had not been kidding when he said this woman was very tense and rarely smiled.

"Congratulations on getting your friend back." Breaala made it sound like Rey was somehow a prize that Finn had just won. "But you were the one who made this training schedule and the Resistance put you in charge of acclimating us to how things are ran around here. You have a commitment already and should hold to it- not give your friend a _tour_." Rey gaped at the woman's bluntness and felt slightly intimidated by her don't-mess-with-me-or-I'll-punch-you-in-the-face demeanor. Finn, however, squared off at her with an air of authority Rey had no idea he even possessed.

"Look, Breaala, I thought Rey was dead and I would never to see her again. Your right that I am your superior and as such, I am going to spend the day with her. I do apologize for not letting you know. Just have the ESC run through the drills they were doing yesterday and we will resume our regular schedule tomorrow. Understood?"

The tense moment dragged on a little too long and Rey wondered if she should leave the two of them alone. "Yes," Breaala seethed. She turned and left the hall with her fists balled at her sides and her jaw locked in frustration.

Finn relaxed his shoulders, letting a long exhale escape his lungs. "She's, uh… intense," Rey noted. Finn chuckled and grabbed a handful of snacks to eat while on the rest of the excursion.

"That is one word to describe her. She is just use to everything being on a rigorous schedule. It was how we were raised." Rey bit into the fruit, the juice exploding in her mouth and dripping down her chin. She wiped the excess away while relishing in the pure, sweet flavor.

"What is ESC?"

"Ex-Stormtrooper Community. I thought they should have some sort of name instead of being referred to as "them."

"And you are really their superior?"

"Yeah, but I don't have an official title, which is okay. I don't mind going by Finn." Rey smiled, feeling a sense of pride for her dear friend. Finn caught wind of her expression and looked puzzled.

"What?"

"Nothing. It's just, you really looked like an authority figure back there. And you seem to have a handle on your responsibilities here." He shied away from her compliments, but still thanked her for the praise.

The rest of the tour flew by quickly. Rey immediately gravitated to the mechanic hangar and the spare parts shed, her fingers itching to tinker and fix whatever she could find. She wondered if the mechanics would let her help them during her spare time, which she now had a lot of. After the fight with Master Skywalker, she wasn't sure if he would be training her anymore and she felt confused over that prospect. She wanted to be a Jedi and she wanted to learn from the legend Luke Skywalker, but she couldn't be around him if he had truly given up on his nephew.

When they made their way back to the dining hall for dinner, they found Poe already there, sitting at an empty table with a plate of food. Not many people were in the hall since last meal had just begun, so both Finn and Rey bypassed the serving table to talk to their friend. His presence had been sequestered by Admiral Trend the majority of the day and Rey had worried something had gone wrong during his debrief.

Poe stood with a mouthful of food as he gave Finn an enveloping hug. Rey sat down, waiting for the two friends to be done with their greeting.

"How was talking with Admiral Trend?" Finn asked as they settled in.

"She repeated the same questions to me over and over again, but she finally tired after a while. She is no General Organa, that's for sure." The air became thick as the three of them thought about the General's whereabouts. Shortly after starting their tour, Finn had explained to Rey what had happened. Everyone seemed lost without the General and no one liked this new Admiral, but all of them followed her orders since she was the highest-ranking official on base. Rey was not eager to meet the woman.

They spoke of the general and where she could possibly be, but seeing how none of them knew anything concrete, the conversation didn't last long. Rey kept contemplating whether to contact Ben, but how would she be able to convey what happened to his mother through emotions? And even if she did somehow let him know, what would he do about? Their mother-son relationship was complicated, to say the least, and he probably wouldn't offer to help search for her.

Rey hated admitting it, but the main reason she didn't contact Ben was so she didn't have to feel him refuse to help save his own mother. She didn't need another act of his looming over her conscious.

Finn stood while glancing at the food near the entrance. "I'm gonna grab some food. You want me to fix you up a plate?" He glanced at Rey.

"Please." Once Finn was out of earshot, she turned her attention to Poe.

He quickly spoke before she could get a word in. "I know what you are going to ask, but the story is solid. Don't worry." Rey rested her hands on the table and started to fiddle with her fingers.

"What if Admiral Trend suspects something?"

"She doesn't and even if she did, how would she prove anything? Everyone is just so glad we are back that no one is going to look into the matter further. They will take our word for it. And no one would go up against you since they all know how you almost killed Kylo on Starkiller base." Poe gave her a side smile. "You are racking up quite a formidable reputation, from what I hear." Rey glanced at Finn, watching him as he filled two plates of food. It was obvious he had told a few people about what she had done, and the news had spread through the ranks of gossip quickly.

She had been hoping it would have stayed quiet.

"Well don't go adding to the story by telling people we also dueled on Ahch-To."

Poe rolled his eyes as he downed his drink and wiped the excess from his lips. "Rey, I do know how to keep a secret."

"Uh huh." Poe was not the most discreet person and had a tendency of accidentally letting something slip.

Rey picked at her nails, trying to settle into the fact that she was now at the Resistance base. "How are you holding up with being here?" Poe asked, his voice taking on a more serious tone.

Rey shrugged as she looked up at Poe's attentive eyes. "It's weird," she muttered. "I am not use to being around so many people or being in such a large building, but I'll get use to it."

"You, uh, hear anything from him?"

Rey had not been expecting Poe to ask her about Ben. "No. I told you how he wanted to keep the connection closed. And I can't just hear him through it. That is not how it works." He must not remember that she had explained this to him… like a dozen times already.

"But you can feel him, right?" She nodded. "And nothing?" _Is there a pinch of worry in his voice?_

"Nothing. Being this closed off from him makes me anxious." She rolled her shoulders like she could somehow get rid of the itchy feeling.

Poe took a big bite of something dark and goopy. "Yeah," he said between chews. "Who knows what he'll do with you not bein' around."

Rey gave him a flat stare. "Not helping."

He gulped. "Sorry."

As dinner progressed, some of the other pilots came and joined them. It was clear to Rey that they were all ecstatic to have their Commander and good friend back. Rey quickly warmed up to the boisterous bunch as she laughed at their jokes and listened to their stories.

Joph Seastriker was the one telling most of the tales and he had a way of speaking that held Rey's captivation and allowed her to perfectly visualize the adventures. Snap Wexley, the oldest out of the group, had a very rowdy sense of humor and was the type of person who tried to never take things too seriously. Some of his jokes were hard to understand and Rey attributed that to her sheltered life. She was sure with time, she would understand their undertones, but for now, she laughed and pretended she understood the punch line.

Jess and Rey had met before she had left for Ahch-To, so their greeting was not as in depth as it had been with the others. It was nice to have another girl at the table and Rey had almost squealed when she found out they were going to be rooming together. She admired Jess immensely for being one of the few women pilots in the Resistance and felt that they were quickly becoming friends.

A few times, Rey would pause and look around at the joyous group. She already felt so welcomed into their little circle and felt extremely grateful that none of them turned her away. Back on Jakku, she would pretend to laugh and joke with her imaginary friends, and then she would cry when her rational mind brought her back to reality. Now, it was actually happening. Her dream was now corporeal… and Ben was not here to see it.

After dinner, the group walked Rey through the multiple hangars, showing her all the different ships the Resistance had in its arsenal. For the most part, she was interested. She asked her questions and nodded her head and held a conversation, but Ben was never far from her mind. She wished he was here with her, but that was a silly thing to wish for. These people would never accept him; they would all try to kill him if they had the chance.

Her and Ben lived in two separate worlds, which was made more evident the longer she was on base. What kind of future could they have if their two worlds couldn't meld into one?

She wondered what he was doing and where he was going and if he ever thought about their questionable future together.

That night, as she slept in the top bunk of her and Jess's room, her mind floated into her turbulent dreams before settling on her quaint home in the AT-AT on Jakku. Ben was not there, which was good, but one person showed up that she had not seen before, but Rey immediately recognized the familiar presence.

A woman, with light red hair and pale features stood before her, exuding dominance and mystical energy. "Hello Rey."

This woman was the last person she wanted to see as she remembered what Ben had told her. Rey didn't hide her blatant hostility for the being. "What do you want?"

"You and I are long overdue for a conversation."

Rey arched her brow. "And whose fault is that?"

The woman's face remained still, revealing nothing. "You're indignation toward me is not necessary."

A sardonic laugh escaped Rey's lips. "You seem to believe you know what's necessary for other people."

"Once I tell you the truth, your feelings will change towards me." This woman was assuming a lot and it annoyed Rey profusely.

"I doubt that," Rey sneered. The woman fell silent, her eyes grazing over Rey's hard expression. Rey tried to will her dream to change, but nothing happened. The woman remained and Rey was going to have to listen to what she had to say.

()()()()()

Lothal was a planet in the Outer Rim Territories that did not have a strong tie to the First Order. Its day and night cycle was opposite of Carlac's, so Ren chose to begin his journey there, on a world of no importance.

The planet was home to many diverse environments including plains, farmland, mountains, spine tree forests, and seas. During the age of the Galactic Empire, the creating of mines and the emissions of pollutants had disrupted many echo systems. The environment had bounced back rather quickly, though, which was evident by the rolling clouds and the tall, rippling grass.

Ren flew toward the city of Jalath, one of the bigger settlements on Lothal. Ren wanted to blend in and Jalath seemed like a good place to start since it was rather large and wasn't near Capital City. The town was divided into different working sections made up of farming, cantina's, retail stores, and mechanic shops. Most of the houses stayed to the north, making up the urban living of many families.

He searched for a landing pad near a mechanics shop and found one in the outer section of the city. Before he did anything, he would need to get more fuel… with the money he did not have. He wasn't exactly sure how he was going to go about doing this, but more than likely a mind trick would be involved- or a bit of threatening, preferably without the Force.

Before going down to the cargo bay, he changed his appearance so he could pass as a regular civilian. He kept on his usual black trousers, but paired it with a plain black shirt and slid on the grey leather jacket Poe had left behind. It fit perfectly, which surprised Ren. _The pilot really must have stolen it in a hurry if he didn't notice it's big size._

Ren tried to exit the ship without BB-8, which caused the droid to beep in such frenzy, he thought the round nuisance might accidentally hurt itself. So the droid followed him to the shops front entrance, somehow acting proud of getting its way, even though it did not have the facial capabilities to show it. _Pretentious little droid…_ Damn thing reminded him too much of R2.

The air was on the cusp of winter, evidenced by the fact that Ren could visibly see his breath and how the cold wind cut through his clothes quite easily. He thrived more in cold climates, so he didn't mind in the slightest that he was not bundled up enough to be outdoors.

The door did not slide open upon his arrival and from peering inside the window, it looked as if no one was there. The sun was setting and the shop had probably closed for the day, but he needed to acquire some fuel as soon as possible. Ren preferred to be prepared for anything and everything, and that included needing to bolt at a moments notice. _I could break in and steal it…_

Him and BB-8 rounded their way to the back, searching the side of the building for a way to get in. He remembered seeing a garage door in the back where he landed the ship-.

A loud crash came from the inside and Ren paused, waiting to hear if there was another noise. Sure enough, another one came and Ren scolded himself for not scanning the building for life forms. More loud clashes and now some shouting raised Ren's curiosity. He found a door with a small, circular window and peaked inside.

Three scruffy looking men were roughing up an unarmed man against a wall. By the look of the man's greasy overalls and some prying with the Force, Ren knew this was the mechanic who owned and ran the shop. A tall, bald guy was watching the promenade and saying something Ren could not hear. Kylo was about to unlock the door and…. and what? Save the mechanic? Kill these men? Helping people was not a forte of his.

His hand faltered over the door pad, remembering what Rey had said about looking for trouble. He needed to blend in and act normal and the normal thing to do in this situation would be to mind his own business… right? Maybe if he actually knew what it felt like to be normal, he could make a decision that fell under the category.

He was about to turn away when he heard a high-pitched scream, which could only belong to one thing: a child. A Rodian male entered the workshop carrying a small, thrashing toddler in his left arm while dragging a very pregnant woman with his right. This caused the mechanic to understandably try to break free from his three captors, but all that got him was a hard strike across the face.

Ren stood frozen, absorbing the scene into his swarming mind. The girl's golden hair whipped from side to side as the thug dug his hands into her creamy skin, inflicting more pain upon her small body. The impression Ren received upon seeing her was overwhelming and it was hard to look away from the fighting child.

This small, seemingly insignificant little girl was immensely powerful in the Force and had an important future ahead of her. What that future was, he did not know.

The woman was suddenly heaved onto the floor, trying to claw her way to the screaming child, but the man kicked her square in the stomach, causing her to double over in agony. The mechanic screamed with rage.

Ren had no idea how it happened, but one second he was outside, and the next, he was standing in the room with the five thugs and the small family.

"I already payed Danzan," the mechanic yelled. "What do you think he will do to you when he finds out you were undermining him, Sheldom? Just leave! I wont say anything."

"Well, I wasn't paid. So how about we just take your little girl as a payment for-." Ren stepped further into the workspace when the bald man, Sheldom, spoke of the exorbitant payment. The attention of the room fell on Ren, causing everyone to look at him in shock. The bald one was quick to regain his composure as he sneered at the new observer. "This shop is closed. Get out or we'll make ya."

"No," he said in a growl. His palm twitched for his lightsaber, which he incidentally left on the ship so he wouldn't be tempted to use it on someone. It had taken him less than five minutes to find an individual worthy of his red blade, which was probably a new record for him.

The guy's lip curled up, causing his crooked nose to scrunch his weathered face. "This is none of your business, sonny." The man motioned to one of his thugs, silently telling him to take care of the prying problem. Ren didn't give the ratty guy a chance to touch him.

He grabbed the thug's arm, locking him in place as he slammed his boot into the man's knee, hearing a decisive pop echo off the cement walls. Ren went after the other two, quickly bringing them down before hearing the bald one shout over the scuffle.

Sheldom was holding the little girl, pointing a blaster to her small head while the Rodian stood to his left. The woman cried out for her daughter as the injured thugs moaned on the hard floor. The girl whimpered for her mother and shrieked when the man pressed the blaster barrel against her temple.

The bald man was snarling, letting a trail of saliva slide down his chin. "If you even blink, I'll kill her." The mechanic joined in begging for the child's life, but the bald thug never glanced away from Ren. Sweat was beading over Ren's forehead, causing his hair to stick to his skin. The adrenaline was making him antsy and he had to fight hard against shaking from the rush of strength pouring into his veins.

He could sense the man's intent to kill her, which made Ren's heart pump frantically and his breathing to harden. Fortunately for Ren, he didn't need to move to cause the bastard pain.

It took a lot of concentration since he couldn't use his hands, but Ren commanded every muscle in the bald man's body to freeze. Knowing the thug couldn't pull the trigger, Ren stretched out his hand and Force pushed the Rodian into the far wall of tools, causing the alien to whither onto the floor.

He probably should have held back from using the Force, but honestly, who was going to care? Sure, there was a slight chance it would be reported to the First Order that a Force sensitive was on Lothal, but no one would be coming to check that out anytime soon. Besides, Ren had been the one appointed to hunting down Force sensitives and exterminating them, and with him now being gone from the Order, who were they going to send? No one, that's who. The Order had bigger game to go after than an insignificant person on an inconsequential planet.

Kylo addressed the mechanic to his right. The man was looking at Ren, a mixture of fear and admiration showing through his eyes. "Grab your daughter. The guy cannot move, I assure you."

The mechanic darted for the little girl, whose arms where outstretched toward the safety of her father's embrace. He went over to his wife on the floor, checking to see if she was hurt and letting her hold their small child.

The bald man's eyes looked around wildly, reminding Kylo of a caged animal searching for a miracle. Ren didn't want to give him one.

With a simple swipe of his hand, the guy would be dead. It would be so easy and why not do it? He had threatened this family and was going to take that little girl and do Force knows what to her.

 _Rey. The promise… Dammit_. He was teetering very close to breaking that promise and part of him didn't care. The release of power was so close, that it was blindingly painful not to give into it. His body yearned to feel that comfort of invincibility that came with killing, but… he made himself back off.

Kylo called the bald man's blaster into his right hand before allowing the bastard to move. His four cronies were making their way over to their leader, all suffering from the various injuries Ren had inflicted.

Not one uttered a word.

Ren hungrily watched as they sprinted to the front of the shop and exited the building, their fear electrifying his being. It had felt _good_ to fight someone with his fists. It made him feel more alive, more _human_. And the violence was definitely refreshing.

The high he was experiencing was slowly disappearing, causing him to come back to the reality that there was a terrified family huddled on the floor behind him.

"Thank you," the mechanic whispered. Kylo turned to see the grateful faces of the man and woman and was at a loss as to what to say. He glanced at the blaster in his hand, wondering what he should do with it. His knuckles were bruised and were throbbing with the beat of his heart as he clipped the blaster to his belt. "If you hadn't have helped us, I don't know what would have happened."

"They would have taken your child," Ren said bluntly.

The mechanic cleared his throat. "Yeah, I guess they would have." Silence coated the room and Ren decided that he could wait until tomorrow to figure out the fuel situation. He glided over to where he had entered earlier, noticing BB-8 in the doorway. The droid had just witnessed that whole debacle and was no doubt going to ask him questions later.

"Did you need help with something?" Ren paused, looking back at the pale-faced man. The mechanic's face was rounder than Ren's and his eyes were closer together, but his hair was very similar, albeit shorter.

The way the mechanic was staring at him made Ren uncomfortable. This person was showing genuine gratitude, something Ren was not use to seeing directed toward him.

"What?" He asked, confused.

"The reason why you came here. Did you need something fixed or…" The man's voice trailed off as he waited for a response.

"I was looking to get fuel for my ship." The mechanic stood with his daughter in his arms. He took the woman's hand, pulling her off the floor.

He spoke to the woman softly. "You and Anna go up to the office. I'm gonna talk with this man for a bit, okay?" She nodded as she took the little girl and made her way up the narrow stairwell in the corner, all the while whispering comforting words to the whimpering child.

The mechanic faced him, allowing Ren to notice a bruise forming under his left eye. "I have some fuel stored in the next room over, if you want to take a look." Ren and BB-8 followed the man down a short hallway and glanced at the barrels stacked against the far wall.

He ran his hand through his hair as he felt the need to be honest with the guy. "I don't have any credits to pay you with."

The man snorted as he crossed his arms over his chest. "After what you just did, I am more than willing to give you a few barrels for free." Well, Ren was not going to decline that offer.

He helped the man load them onto the hover cart while talking idly throughout the process.

"You just passing through or you staying a bit?" The mechanic asked as he opened the large, garage door to the landing platforms. Ren shoved his hands in his pockets as the cold air blew across the room.

"I was planning on staying a little while before leaving. Why?"

The man pushed the cart to the ship as Ren and BB-8 followed beside him. "You need to earn some credits?"

 _Ummmmm…_ "Yes." Ren did not like feeling poor and earning some credits sounded like a pretty good idea.

They climbed the ramp and Ren pointed over to where he wanted the barrels. "Since you are staying a while, you can work here, as long as you have some experience fixing up ships and speeders. Do ya?"

Ren let out a grunt as he placed a barrel behind his speeder. He rubbed his cold hands together as he said, "Good enough to get me by."

"Well the pay is okay, but it's better than nothing." They unloaded the last of the inventory as Ren thought over the lucrative offer. He has never had a job in his life. Not one like this, anyway. He guessed he could count being with the First Order as a type of job, but he didn't have to answer to anyone but Snoke, which Ren hadn't minded.

The mechanic faced him with his hands resting on his hips. "What d'ya say?"

This man knew nothing about Ren and even though he did help the guy's family, it was still weird to be given such an offer. Ren scrutinized the man's opened demeanor. "Why are you offering me this?"

He shrugged. "I had an employee quit last week and have been looking for a competent worker. The pickings are slim in this town and I have a feeling you work hard. And you can take the job as my thanks for what you did for my family back there."

The fuel was a sufficient form of gratitude, but the job would definitely help Ren out in his current situation of being creditless. And really, what else was he going to do while here? "Okay," he muttered, not sure if he should say thank you.

"Great. Lets head back inside and get warm." Ren kept his eyes on the ground as they walked to the shop's garage.

If these people knew who he really was, they would run him out of town, not offer him employment. The last time he had been on Lothal, he had killed five Force sensitives and even though it didn't happen in this specific town, he was sure the news had traveled fast. Hell, his reputation was known across the whole galaxy.

The mechanic's voice broke him from his memories. "Now I know my wife is going to ask you this, so I might as well beat her to it, but you should come over for dinner tonight."

Ren didn't feel like encroaching on their hospitality any longer. "Uhhhh…"

They both walked into the garage and the man closed the door behind them. "She wont take no for an answer and neither will I." The mechanic paused as his eyes grew large. "Ya know, I just realized… I still don't know your name."

"Bail." _What?_ Ren responded with the first name that popped into his head, which happened to be his grandfather's name- the one he was not biologically related to.

"I'm Jorfel Lonsmel." Jorfel stuck his hand out in greeting and Ren gulped before shaking it. The skin-to-skin contact made him shudder, but he needed to act like an ordinary person and this is what people did when they met for the first time. That didn't stop Ren from cringing on the inside, though. "My wife is Lizari and my little girl's name is Annakal. Most of us just call her Anna for short. What should we call your droid?"

Ren briefly glanced at the orange and white droid. "BB-8."

"Cute little fella." BB-8 somehow beamed at the compliment.

Ren couldn't stop a little smirk from playing on his lips. "Yup, he sure is little." BB-8 didn't seem the least bit amused at Ren's jab.

 **One chapter down, a lot more to go! I apologize for any spelling errors. I am posting this late at night, but I do plan on going through it more over the next couple of days. I just wanted to get it posted already!**

 **Anyways, if you have time, leave a review! Hearing from you guys helps me to write faster and focus better! Thanks for reading!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Thanks to everyone who followed, faved, and especially reviewed the story! Hearing from you helps me to keep going. Seriously, there have been moments were I have contemplated quitting this story because I just get so overwhelmed by how much needs to be written. But then I read your reviews and get rejuvenated and tell myself to take it one chapter at a time. I really do want to finish this story and I promise I will not stop! So thanks to all who have left a review! You all are a huge help. NightElfCrawler: It took a lot of time till I was satisfied with the scene where Kylo finally breaks down. I wanted it to be just right and I think I got close. I always think everything could be better, but I am comfortable with what was conveyed. I love Star Wars Rebels so I decided to bring Lothal in as a solute to the show. We may or may not see familiar faces... CalistaLegaci: I shall smite you with the feels! hehe. You will get the feels a lot more as the story continues. Trust me! ilovekyloren: I know what you mean about Rey essentially throwing a tantrum a few chapters back. But I decided to put it in there for the reason you go onto explain. She needs to learn that people leave and she cant control it, but she can control how she reacts to it. Ren does need this time alone and so does Rey. Someone, other than Rey, needs to like him. lol Not an easy thing to do, though. I'm glad you are enjoying the story and I am trying to stay true to the characters and their journeys! kimmycocopop: Yeah, writing the potential future he could have had was actually hard to do. It was sad to write and edit, but I thought it would be important to show that his life could have taken a different path. One that he secretly always wanted. No matter what path his life would have taken, him and Rey would have always been connected. You will see why in this chapter. Luke will also explain himself a bit, so you can see where he is coming from. megumisakura: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! SheLitAFire: Honestly, I don't think anyone remembered BB-8! I didn't get anyone asking about him and he was gone for ten chapters or so! But I understand, the droid is just a minor character and there has been a lot of stuff going on. Yup, the lovers separation. Gotta happen. I don't want it to last too long either, but the story demands for a few things to be written first before their reunion. Leia and that whole situation will be visited next chapter or the one after that. So you will see a conclusion to her captivity, but who finds her first? The answer is coming soon! KatMichBow: Ahhh! I'm sorry you started reading it thinking it was complete. I know that can be frustrating. I am so happy to hear that you have been hooked since the first chapter. I really do try to write the characters realistically or pretty close to it. This is fantasy, after all. lol. I do actually put a lot of research into this fic and thank you for appreciating that. Writing these long chapters and doing the research takes a lot of time, but I do enjoy it! Thanks for talking about it with your friends! I always want to get new readers! RedIceHorse: Hearing that you binge read all the chapters in one night is music to my ears! I am elated that you love the story. And now I have a reader from Germany! Awesome! I love hearing where you all are from. mal496: I love Star Wars (obviously) and I really wanted to make it feel like this is a Star Wars story. I have been focusing on Ren and Rey's pov's lately, but I will soon get back to incorporating everyone else. Characterization is a huge part of my story and I want the characters to feel like real people. For me, that is what makes a book worth reading. Guest 2: OMG you have no idea how much I would love to see Ben and Rey actually be the ones to kill Snoke in the movies. I would FREAK OUT! Everyone, pray this happens!**

 **And now, onto the chapter! Enjoy the read.**

Chapter Twenty-two

Ren landed the light freighter in the grassy field next to the square shaped dwelling. He studied the white, sharp edged house from the comfort of the cockpit before shutting down the engines. It had been less than an hour since he'd saved that family and been invited to their quaint abode for dinner. He'd attempted to put on the most polite face possible as he declined the unwanted offer, but Jorfel had been right about his wife. Lizari was persistent, refusing to even acknowledge him when he said no. In fact, he never actually said yes to the invite. She gave him directions on how to get there and told him what time to arrive before ordering him to bring his appetite and his droid.

He figured she was trying to be funny with the last part, but he couldn't tell.

But she expected him to be there.

So here he was.

His stomach growled as he sat in the pilot's seat, begging him to give it something other than choc bars and water. His diet had been extremely lacking over the past couple of weeks and his body was finally starting to show it. The weight loss was obvious, and it disturbed him that it was mostly from muscle mass. He'd always been strict about eating high caloric meals so he could maintain his bulky and powerful form, but he's teetered from the regimen as of late. And the last time he'd run through his calisthenic routine had been on Jakku inside Rey's AT-AT.

Keeping his physique strong had always been a form of self respect. He needed to regain his strength and fast.

Ren did not like witnessing his body weaken.

 _Just go in, eat, and get out. Simple._

He exited the ship with BB-8 in tow, grateful that the droid was doing a sufficient job at remaining quiet. He wrapped the leather jacket tightly around his form, guarding his torso from the icy atmosphere as he made his way to the entrance. The temperature was very close to freezing, and even though he owned warmer outerwear, he'd grown fond of this leather jacket. He didn't know if that was because of the person who gave it to him, or because the material was of a very high quality.

Ren didn't want to delve deeper to find out.

His covered knuckles tapped on the front door, then pushed back his coarse hair as he waited. A very happy Jorfel and a warm surge of air welcomed him, beckoning him and BB-8 to enter the comfortable atmosphere. They stepped into the entrance hall, glancing at the two men standing off to the side.

"Bail, this is Garreaus and Terrlon. They live out back in the unit we had built on the property. They also work at the shop, so you'll be seeing a lot of them." Jorfel explained.

"Man, Jorfel was not kidding about that scar," Terrlon exclaimed. Jorfel elbowed him in the side, causing the man to wince and clutch his ribs in pain. Garreaus glared at Terrlon before taking a step toward Ren

Garreaus was a hard looking man, with a square face and a thin patch of black hair trailing down the middle of his head. His skin was of a creamy brown, but Ren wasn't sure if that complexion was natural, or from overexposure to the sun. The man cracked a smile and shook Ren's hand firmly, thanking him for what he'd done for Jorfel's family back at the shop, the other two men joining in with the accolades.

Ren wasn't accustomed to gratitude. He didn't know how to receive it.

The tactless one, Terrlon, came up next and was a walking contrast to Garreaus' short, broad build. Pale, tall and lanky, the man was only a few inches shorter than Ren. His hair was a dirty blonde color, with extremely tight curls that were just as unkempt as his clothes. Really, the guy looked like a typical teenager.

"So... you can use the Force?" Terr asked, a look of amazement stealing his features. The guy was also not trying to hide the fact that he was intently staring at Ren's scar.

"Uh, yes."

Garreaus spoke over Terr, stopping the man from asking more irrelevant questions. "We're glad everyone is okay. Well, everyone as in Jorfel, Lizari, and Anna. None of us care if you hurt any of Sheldom's lackeys."

Aaaaaaaand neither did he.

"If you don't mind me asking, why were those people at the shop?" Ren asked. He wasn't sure as to the reason why he wanted more details… he just did. He also needed to know if those peole were coming back to finish the job.

This family seemed way too joyous for having a target on their backs.

Jorfel crossed his arms as he began the explanation. "Sheldom is trying to undermine his boss and take over their little loaning business. Albenic had loaned me a good amount of money to start up my shop, and I do make payments to him every month, but Sheldom was looking to get more for himself. He probably thought that if I feared him more than Albenic, I'd look at him as their new leader." He waved his hand dismissively. "Really, it's all just a power play. The minute Albenic finds out what he did, that whole little group is going to be on his hit list," Jorfel concluded.

Ren hesitated before asking, "So you aren't worried about Sheldom coming for you?"

Jorfel shook his head. "Nah, not really. The man should be dead by morning."

"Fucker deserves it to," Terr chimed in.

The men moved into the kitchen, letting their idle chitchat go with them. Lizari was setting the table and Ren's mouth watered the instant he smelled the fragrant spices swirling in the warm air. Stars, he was actually excited to taste a home cooked meal.

When was the last time he had one of those?

Ren stood near the corner as they all started talking about the experience back at the shop. He took it as an opportunity to look over the small house since he wasn't interested in adding to the light chatter.

Everything was very plain, with only a minimal amount of furniture taking up the place. But since the house was small, you really couldn't fit a lot in there. As far as decorations went, there weren't many. A side table displayed some holopics, but other than that, no other evidence that a family lived here. Everything was very neat and tidy, the white walls bare and clean. This was a family that didn't need a tremendous amount of possessions to be happy, and Ren respected that immensely.

He inquired as to where their daughter was, and was told that she had fallen asleep on the way home, making them decide to just put her down for the night. Carefully, Ren hid his relief upon hearing the news. The prospect of interacting with a child was harrowing, to say the least.

They were all corralled into the dining area as Jorfel pulled out the chair at the head of the table. Everyone insisted that Ren dine in that special spot, and even though he objected, he couldn't weasel his way out of it without looking like a complete ass.

BB-8 stayed to his left for the entirety of dinner.

As Ren sat down, his shoulders went tight, his molars locked and for a split second, he didn't know how much more of their hospitality he could take. The smiling, the laughing, the appreciative glances– they were peeling him raw and causing his hands to shake. It would be so easy to whip around and bolt back to the ship, leaving this nice family behind in their safe and cozy home. But on Ahch-To, he'd come to realize the error in keeping people and his emotions at a distance ,and had told himself he would try to change that.

So... his rear remained glued to the seat.

He kept his gloves on throughout the whole meal, though. His skin needed a sabbatical from the touch and textures of the world. If only his eyes and ears could shut off for a while…

"So, Bail," Garreaus spoke. Ren lifted the napkin from his lap and wiped his mouth, feeling the weight of his full belly. "What did you used to do before coming to Jalath?"

Ren placed the napkin back on his thighs. "Are you asking about my previous job?" Ren took two more bites of the meal, finishing what was left on the plate.

"Yeah, sure. What kind of jobs have you had, other than mechanics?" Ren's mind quickly flipped through the various stories he'd come up with, not knowing which one to choose from. None of them sounded like something he would do, but he couldn't tell these people the truth.

"No, wait! I wanna guess," Terrlon interjected, becoming excited over the prospect of making a game out of it. "I bet I can figure it out in three tries." He looked around. "Anyone want to take that bet?"

Lizari huffed and rolled her eyes. "You can't make everything a game, Terr. Are you ever going to grow up and actually act like a mature adult?"

"Why? Being an adult is horrible. Being a child and having you take care of me is way more fun." He reached out to her, pouting. "I never had a mother…"

She swatted his hand away. "I'm a year older than you."

"Age is but a number, dear." Terrlon batted his long lashes, trying to get a reaction out of the woman. Lizari's suppressed smile finally broke through as everyone laughed. Well, Ren didn't, but he did let a small grin slip.

Garreaus nudged the tall man in the shoulder. "Are you gonna make your guesses or not? I'm eager to see you fail."

"Alright, alright." Terrlon swiped his blonde hair aside, stretching out his mouth to rid himself of that wide smile. He turned to Ren, eyes roaming over him, studying every inch of his countenance. The inspection was not wanted, but Ren kept quiet as he watched the scrutinizing stare.

"Hmmmm… Well, you seem to have impeccable manners and you hold yourself like you're important. So... I'm going to guess that you come from an aristocratic family and that one day, you got bored living that pampered lifestyle. You left to fulfill your adventurous spirit, but soon realized how hard it was to be without your family's money. You've considered going back home, but you don't want to admit that your little rebellion failed. And now, here you are, with us." Terr stretched out his arms, his hands gliding in every person's direction.

Garreaus snorted. "If that story is even remotely true, I'll cover your shifts at the shop for a week and let you get paid for it."

"Never underestimate my intuition, Garreaus." He turned his attention back to Ren. "So, am I right?"

Terrlon looked at him expectantly.

"No."

The man's face fell with disappointment. "Dammit!" He chewed at his bottom lip, and muttered, "I was so sure that was your story."

"Looks like you failed," Lizari teased.

Terrlon held up two fingers, his face now filled with determination. "I still have two guesses. I got this." He popped his knuckles. "I know how to read people." Lizari rolled her eyes again, Jorfel laughed, and Garreaus teased the man on his lack of observation skills. Ren sat patiently, intrigued as to what the guy thought of him.

Terrlon snapped his fingers. "Bounty hunter," he blurted out.

"No."

Terrlon cursed under his breath, but remained focused. Ren could just superficially probe his mind to see his immediate thoughts, but he was actually enjoying not knowing what was going to come out of the guy's mouth next.

"Mercenary."

Ren was about to shoot down that guess, but paused. Mercenary was the closest job description to what he'd been doing with the First Order, and maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to go with it. It would allow him to be honest with certain aspects of his life. Even though he had to hide his true identity from these people, lying still bothered him.

Everyone was quiet, waiting eagerly for his answer. A slight smile slowly formed on Ren's lips as Terrlon' eyes widened.

"I'm right?" Terrlon asked.

"Yep."

"Yes!" Terrlon jumped from his chair, causing the piece of furniture to fall back onto the floor. He turned to Garreaus, his face flushed and his finger pointing at the man. "You can cover my shifts for the rest of the week, thank you very much."

"What? No, that was only if that farfetched story you told ended up being true- which it wasn't. You're gonna have to drag your ass to work just like the rest of us."

"But-"

Jorfel cut into the dispute. "Garreaus is right, Terr. He only meant it for that one story, so you still gotta work."

Terrlon groaned as he picked up his chair and sat back down, looking defeated. "Whatever. I still guessed right, and none of you forget it," he muttered.

"I'm sure you won't let us forget it," Jorfel added.

Garreaus pushed his plate to the middle of the table so he could rest his arms on the flat surface. "So… a professional soldier, huh? Did you guard important people or something?"

Terr interjected before Ren could speak. "Nah. Look at him. A guy like that would be hired as the muscle and for intimidation. Am I right?"

Ren nodded.

"Did ya kill people?" Terr asked, leaning in closer. Ren's brows flared, as if Terrlon's candor surprised him. Ren hesitated, but eventually nodded his head again. "How many?"

"Terr!" Jorfel yelled, causing Terr to retreat slightly. "You don't just ask someone something like that."

"What? We're all thinkin' it! Don't lie and say you're not." To that, everyone's eyes darted around the room. They were all curious, but some had more tact than others.

"I've killed and tortured a lot of people. It's what I was good at," Ren suddenly said, testing the small group to see how they would react to such news. All of them seemed surprised, which was to be expected. Even BB-8 angled his domed head to look at him.

Terr gulped. "Was?"

"I've left that life." _I think…_

"So you could say you were more of an assassin then?" Terr sure was proving to be the nosy one out of the group.

Ren shrugged. "I guess it was a mixture of both, but I think of myself as a mercenary."

"Did you make good money?"

Ren wasn't paid for his services, but he had unlimited access to First Order funds, which was a lot.

"Not really. If I had, I wouldn't be working at a mechanics shop." The three men chuckled at his little joke, but Lizari was not amused and Ren picked up on that quickly.

The woman pursed her lips before jumping in with her own set of questions. "Why were you a mercenary then? If you didn't get paid a lot for it?" She wasn't trying to hide her sudden change of demeanor. The three men glanced between Ren and Lizari, all the laughter and smiles now gone from their faces. All that remained was nervousness.

Ren breathed in deeply. "It gave me a purpose and I was skilled at what I did." _And a part of me enjoyed it…_

Lizari tilted her head back fractionally, as if she were trying to look down at him. "Why did you stop if it gave you a purpose?"

 _My father._

"My last job…. made me see things a bit differently." He wasn't going to allude to Han, even though that's what set him on the path he was now on. Rey still played a huge part, but his father… that was the true beginning.

Lizari arched an eyebrow. "Couldn't kill someone?"

"No."

"Was it a woman?"

"I have a feeling he doesn't discriminate against a specific gender, Liz." Garreaus glanced back at Ren. "Right?"

"No, I don't. But the person is a woman."

Lizari was holding her metal cup, her fore finger taping against it lightly as she studied him. "Why couldn't you kill her?"

Being honest with these strangers actually felt sort of freeing, but he needed to be careful with how much he divulged. Was his face unreadable? He loosened his muscles, trying to appear emotionless. "Her and I sort of have a… history together."

"Oooooooooh you were lovers!" Terr blurted out.

"Uh, no."

Lizari kept talking, ignoring Terr's little outburst. "But you obviously cared about her if you couldn't bring yourself to kill her."

 _Why ask such questions…_ His eyes narrowed, but Lizari's stare never faltered. "Yes."

Terr leaned across the table, moving his bowl and silverware out of the way with his elbows. "So why are you here instead of bumpin' the jollies with her and makin' some babies?"

Ren was momentarily speechless by Terrlon's lack of formality.

"Nice, Terr."Garreaus scolded the man.

Terrlon held his hands up innocently. "Just sayin'."

Ren drew in a breath before getting back on track. If he didn't, Lizari sure would. "I needed to figure out where my life should go next."

"So you're gonna hang out here and figure that out?" Terr asked. Four sets of eyes scrutinized him, trying to figure out his motives and no doubt, judging his decisions.

He nodded.

"Have you used the Force to kill _innocent_ people?" Lizari asked. There was no shift of her gaze, no change in expression. Ren blinked and had to take a moment to make sure he'd heard the question correctly.

Jorfel, Terr, and Garreaus all appeared equally as flummoxed at the blatant question, and none of them knew what to do but look outright uncomfortable.

Lizari's emphasis on the word innocent did not escape Ren's notice, but he was not about to argue such a thing as perspective with the woman. "I used whatever was at my disposal. So yes, I have before. Why do you ask?"

"You seemed pretty gifted with it back at the shop. Did you teach yourself?"

Tilting his head to the side, he dryly responded with a yes.

She stared at him steadily. "Whom did you work for before you came here?" At any other time, her hitting back like that might have guaranteed a deflection of the question or for him to storm off, but Ren was eager to match her steady stream of inquiries. He didn't want to back down.

Jorfel lightly touched his wife's arm and whispered, "Liz, I don't think–"

Ren interrupted. "Various types of people, different organizations." Jorfel glanced at him in surprise and leaned back in his chair, taking himself out of whatever was transpiring between his wife and him.

Lizari clucked her tongue. "Sounds vague."

"It's supposed to."

"Would you classify yourself as a dangerous person?"

"Only when I want to be, but I'm not a danger to you or your family. I swear it. But if you do not want me here, I will leave."

"Liz–" She shot Jorfel a fiery glance, making him shut his mouth. She went back to studying Ren as the seconds ticked by and he was tempted to skim the surface of her thoughts.

He didn't blame her for being protective over her family. Her questions were meant to gage what kind of person they were allowing into their home and their livelihood, and Ren would have been shocked if not one of them were curious as to who he was before he came here.

Some sort of inner dialogue played out on her round face- said conflict being such that Lizari failed at keeping the reactions to herself.

"I believe you." That floored him since he was so sure by her expressions that she was getting ready to boot him out of the house. "I'm sorry for being hard on you, it's just–"

He held his hand up to stop her. "It's fine. I understand." What he didn't understand was why these people still allowed him to be here after finding out about his questionable past. Something felt off about the whole thing…. They were being way too understanding.

Lizari grabbed her belly as she pushed back the chair and stood to address the four men. "Well, I'm going to go to bed and I expect you boys to clean up." Terrlon groaned, but the other two agreed. She bade them all goodnight before crossing the kitchen and slipping through the door to the bedrooms.

Terr stretched his arms in the air and let out a very long, very deep yawn. "Well… we should go and get some shut eye too. Come on, Garreaus."

Terr attempted to stand, but Garreaus grabbed his arm and yanked his rebellious friend back onto the chair. "We need to help clean up."

The immature man let out an unnecessarily long groan. "But we're both working tomorrow and have barely spent any time together since Trydari left last week."

"You two live together," Jorfel pointed out. "You see each other in the evenings, like most normal couples do."

"Garreaus likes to take on the persona of an old man and go to bed early."

"It's called being tired after a long days work. Maybe you should try it sometime instead of goofing around at the shop."

"I can help clean up. You two can head out." Ren cringed on the inside as he realized what just came out of his mouth. _The plan was to eat and then leave, not linger!_ He thought his sense of decorum no longer existed, but here it was, spilling out of his mouth like his mental guards had just sprung a leak.

"Really?" Terr eyeballed him.

Jorfel started to protest, but Ren kept going with the polite act. Or was it for real? Did he actually want to help? Better question: does he even remember how to wash dishes? "It's not a problem." _It might be._ "Besides, I'm hardly a guest since I'm going to be here for a while." An actual timetable would make him feel better.

"Perfect! Garreaus, lets get a move on!" Garreaus wasn't too thrilled over the idea of leaving behind the mess of last meal, but the guy's face screamed exhaustion, so he gave in and left with Terrlon. Ren went about the table, helping Jorfel transfer the glass dishes to the metal sink.

Memories of helping his parents clean up after a meal came to his mind, and he found that the process was not as tedious as he thought when he was younger. _Stars, how old was I when I last did something like this? Was I nine? It seems like eons ago…_

He glanced out the small window above the sink, watching the two men hold hands as they walked to their diminutive abode.

"You have a problem with that?" Jorfel noticed Kylo's prying stare, making his attention come back to the chore at hand.

"What?" Jorfel nodded towards the couple outside, realizing what the man was referring to. "Oh… no, I don't." Ren didn't have a strong opinion toward same gender couples, mostly because he never put much thought into it. He kept to his business and let others do the same. So at the end of the day, he honestly didn't care who was in a relationship as long as they didn't try and pry into his own personal life.

Jorfel placed the last of the dinnerware in the sink, turned on the faucet, and started scrubbing away. "You were giving them an odd look."

"It wasn't from what you were implying. It's just… those two together… they seem so…" Ren was fumbling over his words, trying to find the right description and looking confused in the process.

Jorfel laughed lightly. "Different?" he finished Ren's thought.

"Yeah. Different." Jorfel offered Ren a towel to dry the plates and it wasn't long before they fell into a comfortable groove.

Wash. Rinse. Dry. Repeat.

"They are, but circumstances force you to show a side of yourself you usually keep hidden from others. Those two men have been through a lot together. We all have." This brought up more questions than answers as Jorfel alluded to them all having had shared a dramatic experience in the past. It could be how they all knew each other and by the way Jorfel was looking at the sudsy water, he was remembering what that event had been.

Ren didn't ask, nor did he pry into the guy's mind. Some people had a right to their own secrets; Kylo understood that better than most.

Jorfel cleared his throat before speaking. "I'm sorry about my wife… at dinner."

Ren shook his head as Jorfel handed him a slick plate. "Don't worry about it. She was being protective, which was understandable after I revealed what I used to do."

"Mercenary," Jorfel said, trying the word out on his tongue. "I should have seen that. Guess that explains the scar across your face. Work hazard."

"Yep."

The talk turned idle as they discussed the inner workings of the shop and BB-8 watched them from a corner. The job sounded pretty straightforward: they each take turns being assigned a new case, working to solve and fix the problem as fast as possible. The quicker they work, the more money they make, but at the same time, were expected to do a damn good job.

Jorfel told him that he could keep his ship on their property and seeing how Ren had nowhere else to put it, he accepted the offer and was actually able to spit out a "thank you."

Somewhere in the deep crevasse of his past were the manners he'd been taught, and they were gradually coming back to him.

()()()()()

"How about you stop standing there and start talking?" Rey spat out, feeling impatient for this woman's long overdue explanation.

Her long, white dress swayed as she pivoted to her left, looking over the various cooking utensils on the small, makeshift table. The silvery ensemble winked and glittered with as much charm and lack of warmth as their owner. The girl probably dressed in this attire to give herself an air of divinity, but Rey was not caught up in the illusion. "It's hard to know where to begin." The being ran her hands lazily across the objects, not really interested in how they felt on her fingertips.

Rey frowned. "You could start at the beginning," she flatly suggested.

The woman glanced from beneath her turned down head. "It would seem Ben's blunt demeanor is rubbing off on you."

It irked Rey that this woman seemed to know enough about Ben to know his personality. _Does she see everything I see?_ "I can be plenty blunt on my own."

The side of the entity's mouth turned up minutely, but disappeared as she turned and glided over to the wall of tick marks. The silence stretched as she placidly looked over the scratches, and Rey was yet again left waiting for her to speak. "I will start at the beginning, as you suggest," the woman said softly. She twisted, planting her form so she was fully facing Rey. "I just hope you are ready to listen."

Rey pointed to her petite ears out of annoyance "My ears are wide open."

"My name is Kayani and as Ben told you, I was once alive, but am now dead." If she really was dead, there's a good chance she has seen Rey's life _._ That was a disturbing revelation. "I've been dead for thousands of years, waiting for the most opportune time for my plans to start. I guess for you to understand my purpose, I should tell you of my family and the manner in which I died."

Even though her body was just a physical representation in the dream, Rey was tempted to sit down on her hammock and listen to the long tale. But she didn't want to be viewed as weak, so she remained standing.

Kayani's brow's lowered, casting a solemn shadow over her eyes. "I had loving parents and a twin brother that meant everything to me. My parents were explorers that charted the unknown territories of the galaxy. My brother and I came along on their adventures, loving that we were among the few who were opening up new territories and discovering star systems."

Her voice was growing more pained as her eyes became distant, remembering the fond times of her long ago childhood. "There was one planet in particular that my parents preferred to relax on, taking a break from their explorations so they could take in the fresh air while letting us kids spread our legs. The majority of the planets surface was covered by water, with only a sparse amount of islands sprinkled about. There was little to no vegetation on the island, but there was one large tree that had somehow thrived in the harsh, rocky soil."

Rey's body involuntarily leaned in as her mind clicked into place. "Ahch-To. The first Jedi Temple. That's the island you are speaking of."

Kayani nodded. "Yes, but it was not a temple then." Her hand swept through the air idly. "It was just an island with an abnormally big tree. My twin and I liked to play games by it, and we would race each other to see who could climb the many branches to the top first."

The tree Rey remembered did not have many branches to climb, but that was probably due to how ancient the thing was.

"Over the next few years, we started to develop these abilities and they became magnified the more time we spent around the tree. We kept this a secret from our parents, thinking that they would become afraid of the changes within us, not allowing us to go back to the island."

The woman looked to the right, her sight studying the beams as if she could distract herself from what she needed to say next. "While harnessing these skills came easily for me, my brother struggled immensely. He grew more distant and angry, and at the time I didn't know why…" For some reason, Rey's heart started pounding.

Kayani blinked rapidly, clearing her throat and letting her voice fill the AT-AT. "I was eleven the last time we went to that island. I had gone to the tree to meditate and to think of how to talk to my brother. He confronted me there, accusing me of somehow making him weaker so I could keep all the power for myself. He became violent…"

The silence expanded as Kayani took the time to get her thoughts straight. For once, Rey was not in a hurry to hear what happened next, nor did she feel inclined to rush the woman. Rey was many things, but she was not heartless. "I tried to get away, but the rage that he unleashed– I was not prepared for it. He overwhelmed me as he grabbed a rock and…" Kayani shook her head slowly as her voice diminished.

"The pain from the first few blows was indescribable, but my body grew numb and then I finally drifted away." Rey was dumbstruck, mouth agape and wide eyed as she looked at the sorrowful woman. To meet ones end in such a violent manner… from her twin brother no less…

Kayani's brows furrowed. "But then, as everything went dark, I could suddenly see again. Not from the eyes that were in my body, but from a more ethereal view. Everything was magnified, and I realized the energy that was encompassing me was from the tree. The Force bound my essence to it, allowing me to live, even though my body had died."

As Kayani went quiet, gazing distantly back into her memories, Rey mustered up her voice. "What happened to your brother?"

Kayani wiped at her cheeks, but there were no tears to rub away. Rey assumed it was a reflexive move as the woman's emotional state heightened. "I watched him as he realized what he'd done. He cried and grabbed my body, shaking me and yelling at me to wake up, but all he held was my corpse." Her eyes suddenly grew harsh, her voice becoming lower. "I felt for the connection him and I always shared, finding that it was still as strong as before. I couldn't hide my anger and vengeance, and he sensed that I still lived within the tree... that I wished to strike him down. He fled in fear and stole our family ship. As the vessel soared toward the clouds, I tried to tear his mind apart, but he countered me successfully. The ship tore through the atmosphere and before he could jump into hyperspace, I ripped," her hand sliced through the air, "the location of the island and the planet from his memory, knowing that one day, he might want to destroy it. He knew that as long as I lived, I would search for him so I could finish what I had started."

Rey watched the woman regain her steady breathing and run her hands through her long, shiny hair. "My parents returned to find me dead and my brother gone. They didn't need an explanation as to who had killed me. I watched them mourn my death and the loss of my brother. They buried me at the top of the island, creating a stone memorial in my honor. Decades and eventually centuries passed as people came and went on the island. Some of them left with Force abilities, others did not. I never knew why only certain people were affected, but in the end, the answer would not have mattered.

"It took a few thousand years until the Jedi and the Sith were formed, both sides so sure of how the Force should be used and making their own religions from their ideologies. The Jedi formed their first temple on Ahch-To since that was where their power originated from."

Rey was more interested in Kayani's twin than hearing a history lesson. It didn't matter to her how the Jedi and Sith started since knowing didn't help her out in the current situation. "So, what ended up happening to your brother? How did he die?" Rey asked, trying to get the conversation back on track.

"I watched and I waited with the patience of a thousand lifetimes, but I never felt him pass. The connection I have with him would have told me the second he met his end, but it didn't. My brother had found a way to stall death and in the process, prolong his life to an unnaturally long time."

Rey took a shocked step back. "Are- are you saying your brother is still alive? He's thousands of years old and he's still alive?"

"He is over eight thousand years old actually, and yes, he still lives. He was always a very cunning boy, and was highly curious as to what he was capable of doing with the Force. Ben actually reminds me a lot of my brother." Rey's ears buzzed upon hearing the woman compare Ben to her psychotic sibling.

Dropping her voice, Rey asked, "Where is your brother?"

"That is why I have returned, so to speak. I am here to finally find him and to rid the galaxy of his perverse evil."

"How are you supposed to find him?"

"Through Ben." Rey pinched her eyes, feeling like she was getting closer to understanding Kayani's grand plan. "You see, when Ben was only six months in the womb, his power was already so raw and pure that my brother honed in on his existence rather quickly. Ben had equal potential for being powerful in either the dark or light side of the Force, and if he learned how to use both, he would make for a very strong Force wielder. For just a few seconds in time, my twin let his guard down, and after thousands of years of waiting, I found him. Unfortunately, I wasn't very discreet in discovering him and he immediately hid himself. But seconds were all I needed to see what he had planned and what he desired."

"What did your brother try to do to Ben?"

"My dear, you know what my brother has done to him. Ben became his apprentice."

This was followed by a long silence. That only got longer. And longer still.

Kayani had the blank face of a sabacc player, which Rey felt like slapping right off of her.

Gods, Rey didn't even know how to process the information that had just entered her ears and ran straight into her brain. It was like the words got stuck somewhere between the place where your mind makes sense of your native language and how it perceives reality. She half expected Kayani to burst out laughing and smack her knee, telling her it was all a huge joke, that Rey should see the look on her face.

Nope, Kayani's face was dead serious, just like the woman's humor.

Rey felt like dream vomiting, if that was even a thing. Her dream stomach sure was making her believe it was possible as her bile rose in her throat, burning the soft tissue. The temperature rose inside the AT-AT to what had to be a thousand degrees. Rey was baking, her whole body inflamed, sweating, and her skin no doubt becoming flushed. Everything just got– hell, her mind couldn't even compute how much more complicated everything just became.

Her throat was swollen from holding back her stomach contents, but she was able to force out an exhale that lasted a lifetime. "Your brother… is Snoke?" Wow, her voice was barely audible, making her realize she needed to pull herself together.

Kayani's perfectly symmetrical face and round head nodded. "Yes. He formed a connection with Ben and slowly manipulated him into falling deeper and deeper into the dark side until finally, he was consumed."

Her words brought up what Ben had told Rey and she frowned at the woman. "You said his fall was necessary. That the connection they have as master and apprentice needed to be formed."

"That connection is my way of finding him. My brother is too closed off from me because he wants to be. He is not as closed off with Ben, because he still needs him for his personal goals. He still wants his apprentice to return to him."

"What personal goals? Taking over the galaxy?"

"That was one of them, yes, but that is not the only thing he wants from Ben. How do you think Snoke has been able to prolong his life? He takes the bodies of others. I saw that this was his true intention for Ben when he revealed himself to me."

Rey tensed up so hard she was in danger of falling over like a plank. And here she was, thinking that things couldn't possibly get any worse. _Premature, Rey. Very premature_ , she scolded inwardly. Her voice croaked as she asked, "Why Ben? Couldn't he just pick a stranger?"

"No, he cannot. To do such a thing requires a vast amount of power, from both sides. My brother has had hundreds of apprentices, and none of their bodies have been able to last a sufficient amount of time once the transfer had been made. But with Ben, with him being so rooted in both the light and the dark, my twin recognized the immense potential for power. Ben being the grandson of the chosen one has plagued him in more ways than one."

Rey pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes while focusing on taking steady breaths, but her lungs only wanted to partially inflate. Ben just became infinitely more significant, but where did she play into all of this? "Why attach yourself to me? Why not Ben?" Rey asked, unmoving.

"My brother was too focused on Ben and would have noticed me being there. I needed a much more subtle host, and I had to wait till one was born with enough power in the Force to be able to harbor two essences in one body."

Sharply, Rey snapped her eyes to the woman and gradually crossed her arms over her chest. "So you are just gonna take over my body then? Sounds very similar to your brother." Finally, some much-needed vigor was added to her voice. Frustration was a good remedy when one felt weak.

Apparently, Rey was not the only one to become angry. "Do not compare me to my brother. We are nothing alike. Not anymore." Evidently, Rey had struck a tense chord in the woman. "And no, I can't just take over your body. You are very much in control over your actions. I am more like a passenger and you, the driver."

 _Good._ "And after choosing me, you then formed this bond between Ben and I?"

"The Force formed your connection after I merely asked that your paths cross at some point."

"So you knew all of this was going to happen?"

"No. I came into this situation almost as blind as you. I am merely one person; I am not the Force. I cannot see how everything will play out. I have to work with what I've been given, and I couldn't let this opportunity to finally find my brother pass me by. He's unsettled the balance of the Force and has killed billions of innocent lives during his quest for domination. He needs to die, and I can make that happen. I just need you to get me to him."

Rey frowned so hard her forehead began to twitch. "And Ben is the key to finding him. It would appear he is a pawn in both you and your brother's plans. And so am I."

Kayani sneered, the expression looking foreign on a face as beautiful as hers. "We are all pawns being moved around by the Force; I am just more aware of it than you are. But make no mistake of it– I will find him and you will help me, because deep down, you know that he cannot keep living. And if he does not die, you will never have Ben to yourself. His master will never give him up."

Rey was taken aback by the woman's sudden fierceness, but her mind still remained active. A question came to her thoughts and Rey felt a strong need to have an honest answer. "Was Ben's fall to the dark side truly necessary for your plans?"

Kayani sighed, viewing the query as absurd. "It was the most assured option of them having a strong connection."

Rey's hands tightened, her fingernails digging into her palms. "But it was not the only option?"

"Life is not just one road."

 _He could have had a different path…_ "So he could've stayed in the light and still have had a connection to Snoke? One that was strong enough for you to use?"

"The option of him falling was quicker and easier and more of a guarantee since the boy had so much darkness in him already."

Rey's eyes were sharp as daggers. "You... bitch. Do you have any idea what he has done? What he has to live with?"

Kayani matched Rey's tone. "I didn't force him down the path he chose."

"You didn't try to prevent it either."

"Your feelings for him grow stronger. It is not wise for you to care for him.

"Why? Because you plan on tossing him aside after you're all done here? Are you not even interested in saving him?"

"Saving him was never part of my plan." So, the woman really didn't care about either of them. Kayani spewing about how Rey couldn't have Ben as long as Snoke was alive was just her way of trying to convince Rey to follow the woman's plans.

"Well, it's a part of mine, so you'll just have to deal with it. Since you've made it quite clear that I control my own mind and body, you're just going to have to sit back and watch me do what I want."

"The life you want is not possible if you don't–"

Rey harshly cut her off. "I understand your plan and I understand the stakes and even though it kills me to say it, I will help you kill Snoke. I know I can't get what I want if that creature is still alive. But don't think for one second that I don't see the truth behind your words. Ben and I are just a means to an end; you don't actually care what happens to us as long as you get to your brother. So you don't get to have a say in anything from here on out, clear?"

Kayani snarled. She actually snarled at her. "You dare–"

"Quite frankly, you have no power over me. Whatever I want, goes. And you know it."

()()()()()

Rey woke to darkness, feeling disoriented from the sudden shift in scenery. Or lack thereof. She blinked, letting her body feel the soft mattress and the warmth of the blankets surrounding her. Her hair was strewed across the fluffy pillow, her hands clutching onto the steel bars that wrapped around the barrier of her top bunk. Every muscle was tense, straining from the memory of her dream and the very informative talk she just had with Kayani, the girl who had taken the reins on her life without even asking for permission.

She squeezed her lids shut and scrunched her face in anger, wanting nothing more than to scream into her pillow until she passed out from hypoxia. Everything had been laid out before her: all the plans Kayani had made, how Rey fit into her schemes, and how utterly helpless she seemed to be.

During the back and forth, she'd been more focused on how this could all effect Ben rather than herself, which was surprising given the fact she was harboring this girl and Ben was not. But now, with nothing but the soldered walls around her and Jess sleeping unaware below, she couldn't think of a single thing to distract herself from the reality that she was stuck in the middle of a war that had been going on for thousands of years. The war was not a grand one, but nevertheless, it was the most significant battle being forged in the galaxy.

And no one could see it, but her.

Through Rey, Kayani could kill Snoke. And without him, his regime would crumble. To do so, Rey would need to get close to the fiend, and surviving such an encounter was going to take a miracle of epic proportions. Maybe she should just accept her days were numbered so she could start making peace with the life she will now never have.

 _Kayani,_ Rey inwardly sneered. That bitch of a woman took her future away. Or, at the very least, made it infinitely more difficult to obtain. But in retrospect, the slight chance of actually having a life with Ben would never have been an option if it wasn't for Kayani. If the Force never bound her and Ben together, they never would have met. She would still be scavenging away on Jakku, waiting for a family that was never going to return.

So there she lay, wishing that this destiny were never forced upon her while hoping to have a future with one of the most dangerous men in the galaxy. To not have the former would mean she could not have the latter, and she just couldn't give up her connection with Ben. Not like she had a choice in her fate, but if she were given the option to start over without Kayani ever binding herself to her...

Rey would refuse.

It was tempting to deny the path she needed to take, but Rey was not the type of person who hid from a fight. Especially one as important as this. Still, the very marrow in her bones was chilled with fear, and it was going to be a struggle to not let that impact her actions.

It was impossible to go back to sleep since the last person she wanted to see was Kayani. So Rey tried to relax as she stared out into the dim room through the metal bars. Jess had awoken sometime during Rey's inner dialogue and had left the room after getting ready for her day. Breakfast was probably being served, but her stomach was so tightly coiled that it left her with no appetite.

How would she be able to walk around and talk to people after discovering the truth about herself? How would she ever laugh or have fun with her friends, knowing that she had to face Snoke and most likely die in the process? Should she tell someone about Kayani, or let the weight of the truth sink her into the pit of her own despair? The obvious candidate to tell would be Ben, seeing how he knows about the girl, and what Kayani had explained pertained to him as well. But… he needed this time to be alone, to hopefully find the light within himself and form the desire to return to the people who cared about him.

That was what she wanted him to find out, anyway.

Rey shifted over to face the wall, pulling the heavy covers over her shoulders so they were pressed up against her mouth. If Snoke somehow retrieved his apprentice and Ben's body survived the transfer….

The hypothetical scenario was too much to imagine, so Rey chose not to.

Instead, she let her mind drift to the memory of being curled up next to Ben, sleeping against him throughout the night. It had only been a couple nights ago, but it all seemed so far away, like it had happened to a stranger. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around her middle, envisioning that Ben was holding her and whispering into her ear words of comfort.

Sometimes, all you needed to calm your erratic heart was the knowledge that someone in the galaxy cared about you. Rey remembered what Ben's body felt like against hers, how his warmth had been addicting and in that moment of recollection, something fell into place within her mind. It was peaceful and resonating, and was letting her know that she would see Ben again. Right now, that assurance was exactly what she needed to recharge and feel strong about the obstacles ahead.

Two taps came from the door and Rey froze, even though she wasn't moving to begin with. Maybe if she pretended to not be here, the visitor would leave.

"Rey? You in there?"

 _Crap._

Finn sounded worried, which panged her with guilt. Her friend was probably wondering why she skipped breakfast, because that's what friends did for one another. They cared.

On mental command, she opened the door and twisted around to the entrance. Finn's eyes found her immediately and what do you know, they were saturated with concern.

Her friend stepped inside as the door whizzed shut. "You weren't at breakfast," Finn said, pointing out the obvious, his voice quiet and matching the ambiance of the room.

Rey patted her hair down, realizing that she more than likely appeared haggard and unkempt. "I, uhhhh…" _Lie._ "My stomach was upset when I woke up, so I thought I would rest and try to feel better."

"Is there anything I can get you? I can take you to Medical."

She waved her hand about, trying to convey that her "ailment" was not serious. "I feel a lot better, actually. I was just going to start getting ready." Rey leaned over to the ladder and started her descent down to the cold floor. The thick socks she wore granted her reprieve from the chill hitting her toes.

"Well, if you're up for it, some fresh snow fell during the night and I was gonna go take a look. Wanna join?"

"Outside?"

Finn laughed. "Yeah, that's where the snow is."

"But… it's cold." Rey stated.

"I know you don't like the cold and I'll admit, I'm not the biggest fan of the it either, but it's not completely horrible. C'mon. We won't stay out there long. Promise." Finn really wanted to spend time with her, and Rey didn't know how to say no to him.

 _Hopefully we don't stay outside for more than five minutes…._ "Fine," she acquiesced.

Finn's grand smile was infectious, causing Rey to feel a flicker of excitement, which was immediately snuffed out when her dream came back to her thoughts. She put a hand on the ladder in what appeared to be a casual gesture, but in reality, it was helping her stay upright as she became dizzy. "I'll wait out in the hallway while you get dressed. Oh, and wear something warm." She didn't have many clothes, but Jess did tell her that she could wear anything of hers. And thank goodness they were about the same size.

She needed to clear her mind of the fallout from the bomb that was dropped on her during the dream, and hanging out with Finn seemed like a good solution.

Finn headed for the entryway and disappeared behind the steel door. Once Rey was confident that her legs would work properly, she quickly began to rifle through Jess's things before settling on an insulated pair of dark trousers, a white long sleeve shirt, and a puffy red jacket. She slipped on Jess's snow boots that were a size too big, but Rey would have to make do. She was about to head out when a knock came at the door.

Her heart jumped into her throat, for she knew the person on the other side was not Finn.

"Come in," she said louder than usual, and as the door slid open, her body squared off at Luke Skywalker.

He stepped inside, wearing the usual cut of Jedi robes, but they were dark brown and black instead of the usual light beige. Heavy bags sagged under his eyes, and his face seemed to be of an ashen color, making his appearance look borderline ill. She'd never seen the Jedi Master look this unsettled, but then again, with her lack of sleep during the night, she probably didn't look much better.

"Rey," he hoarsely said her name. "I was hoping we could talk." She'd had enough serious conversations to last her a very long time, and she was not really in the mood to add another to the list.

Her shoulders bobbed up and down, making her appear indifferent. "I have nothing else to say."

"Yeah, but I do. I just need a few minutes. Please." Luke was tired and seemed more like a normal man than a Jedi Master as he begged Rey for some of her time.

The sight of Luke was why she agreed to listen.

He stroked his beard, a nervous gesture Rey had come to recognize. "I'm not here to ask you more about Ben and how… close you two became. I'm here to ask you to continue your training." She opened her mouth to protest, but he cut her off. "I know you don't want to be trained by someone who has lost hope in one of their family members, and I understand your reasoning."

His eyes darted to the ceiling as he collected his thoughts. "You're right, though. It's not the Jedi way to give up on those who have fallen to the dark side. I know this, but Rey… if you take away my title and the stories that paint me as being this big hero of the galaxy, all that's left is a man. At the core, I'm just a person, and I struggle with holding onto my beliefs."

He sighed heavily. "In the beginning, I didn't want to establish a Jedi academy. I wanted to be left a lone, to live out my life in peace and tranquility. But I saw that the Jedi needed to be brought back from extinction, so I did my duty." Rey frowned a little, for she thought that Luke had always wanted to build up the Jedi.

"When Ben was brought to the school, he was quiet, but quickly became my best student. I started to lean on him for help and sought his council when making decisions. I came to trust him with everything I built, and even though the other students were wary of him, they came to view him as a mentor and an authority figure. For the first time in years, I didn't have to take on this huge responsibility of building up the Jedi alone, because I had Ben." Rey's heart fluctuated upon hearing how much Luke had relied on his nephew. She couldn't control the sympathy she felt for this man, and her eyes went to the floor between them as it became too difficult to look at his pained expression.

"And then… he betrayed me," Luke said, his voice turning reedy. "He knew I was out searching for him, and he took that opportunity to strike the academy, knowing I could never make it back in time to save my students. I felt every one of their deaths, and I still feel them in my dreams."

Luke rubbed his eyes with his forefinger and thumb, attempting to keep himself composed. "Ben is my sister's son. He is my nephew. It's hard for me to believe he could be that person again after everything he's done to the galaxy... and to me. But if my father could turn away from the darkness, then I have to believe that Ben can as well." Luke did not explicitly say that he _did_ believe, just that he _has_ to believe that Ben could return. Rey immediately picked up on the difference.

This was a man who had personally lived through Ben taking everything from him and yet, he still remained in the light. It was very humble of Luke to admit that he struggled with his ideologies and that beneath it all, he was just a person, like everyone else.

"You need to keep training and learn how to control the power you possess," he implored. "The dark side calls to you Rey, and I don't want to see you fall into its lies. If you'll let me, I want to help you."

Luke was watching and waiting for her to react to his admissions. She relaxed her arms at her sides and contemplated Luke's offer. The dark side was a path she did not want to take and she knew she needed help in harnessing her abilities and she did want to learn… And she needed to be more powerful to be able to face Snoke.

"I remember how eager you were in the beginning for me to teach, how you desired to become a Jedi," Luke added. "Has that changed?"

"No. It hasn't," she answered honestly. It was just being taught by someone who directly held ill feelings toward the man she cared about made things difficult. But after everything Luke has explained, she could understand his struggle. Relate to it even.

She nodded her head slowly. "Ok. I know I should keep training, and that I could use your help. But… do not ask me about Ben. That's all I ask."

Luke shook his head. "Rey, I don't like you keeping secrets from me."

She thought of Kayani, but she wanted to tell Ben first before anyone else. "I'll tell you everything soon. I promise. I just need time to think on my own." He gave her a concerned stare before reluctantly nodding. Luke didn't want to push her, so he would have to wait till Rey deemed it necessary for him to be in the know.

"Finn told me you two are going outside for a bit."

She chuckled lightly and flashed a weary smile. "Yeah, well, I don't know why. I hate the snow."

"I'd take it over sand."

Rey inwardly disagreed.

Luke showed himself out, but turned back to Rey before exiting completely. "Your training can resume after lunch. Come to the training center on the main floor. Finn can show you where it is if you don't know." Luke smiled coyly. "We never did try out your saber." He let the statement hang in the air as he walked away

Spending time with Finn, lightsaber training with her new weapon, having Luke train her again– the day was quickly looking up, considering how the night had gone.

()()()()()

 **I've been a scavenger as long as I can remember. I worked for others at first, climbing into ducts and conduits too small for grown-ups. Some of the scavengers I helped were kind, like Ivano Troade and Mashra. Others- whose names I won't mention- thought I was their property.**

 **I was still young when I realized that I knew how to scavenge and survive on Jakku better than any of them. They needed me, but I didn't need them. So I struck out on my own.**

 **At first nobody took me seriously. But I had–**

The break room door slid open, Terrlon gliding inside while wiping his greasy hands on an overly oily towel. Ren closed Rey's journal, placing it on the unoccupied sofa cushion next to him.

"Whach'ya readin'?" Terr asked as he crossed the small room to the long metal table off to the side. He grabbed a Jogan fruit from the pile of snacks, making quick work of the outer layer.

Ren shrugged, not wanting to talk about the journal to anyone. Especially Terr. The guy was crude and would try to pry information out of him about Rey– specifically anything that could be labeled as sexual. Being the youngest– at the age of twenty three– put the man's immaturity on a whole different level than everybody else.

"Okay." Terr chucked the Jogan seed in the waste bin and proceeded to wipe off his face and hands with his grimy shirt. "You know why you're in here, right?"

Of course he knew why he was here. He didn't suddenly develop amnesia in the last twenty minutes and forget the finer points of how his life led him to being put on lock down in the break room. Come to think of it, forgetting everything sounded like a pretty slick deal at the moment…. But the universe had never really cared about Ren's wants, so he wouldn't hold his breath for that miracle to strike the grey matter under his thick skull.

He groaned internally, holding back a snide remark and instead settling on staying quiet.

"You understand what you did wrong?" Wrong was a strong word to use, since Ren did not view himself as the "wrongdoer." Terrlon was leaning against the break room table, arms crossed, trying to put on a stern face. The expression did not fit the guy, and Ren wondered why Terr was chosen to lecture him on customer service. Jorfel owned the place, why wasn't he the one taking care of this? At least he would be able to take Jorfel seriously…

Ren sighed, running his hand through his thick hair, glancing at the chilling box in the corner. The orange and yellow ray's of the morning sun streamed through the high window above, reflecting off the box, reminding him that it wasn't even afternoon yet and he'd already snapped at one of the customers– which he believed to be necessary. "The guy was not letting me explain that the problem was with the terrain sensors. He was adamant that something was wrong with the engine, but it was perfectly fine. I was trying to get him to listen to me."

Terr nodded slowly and pursed his lips. "Okay, but blatantly calling the guy a moron would not make him inclined to listen to you."

"It should since I'm telling him how much of an idiot he is," Ren muttered under his hot breath.

"I know it might shock you, but people generally don't like to be called stupid to their faces. Even if it is true."

Ren crossed his arms so they wouldn't become overly animated. "Well, if he was so sure he knew what the problem was, why even bring the speeder into the shop? If he is _soooo_ smart, he can figure out how to fix it."

Terr snorted. "Oh, come on. He wouldn't have been able to fix it himself. The guy clearly knew nothing about mechanics. He didn't even know the difference between a sonic wrench and a torque spanner."

Ren leaned forward, his voice becoming a pitch higher than usual. "See? The guy is dense."

Terr rubbed the frustration out of his tight face and breathed into his hands. His head shook and he stared at Ren in disbelief. "Do you really know nothing about interacting with other people? Were you a mercenary the moment you came out of the womb?"

"No," Ren stated through clenched teeth. "I've been doing it the last six years." Ren answered the last question, purposefully avoiding the first one.

"And how old are you now?"

Ren shifted on the cushion. "Twenty-nine."

The tall man quirked an eyebrow. "What? Really? You're twenty-nine? Man, you're old. I thought you were younger." Ren narrowed his lids, not appreciating being called "old." He was twenty-nine, not eighty.

Terr cleared his throat as the determination came back to his demeanor. "Anyway, before you killed people, you must have interacted with the living for the first twenty-three years of your life. Right? Try to remember what that felt like, okay?"

"I hate interacting with people," Ren replied under his breath.

"News flash: nobody does, but ya gotta do it." The hard cast in Ren's jaw and the strain in his shoulders was a testament to how much Ren didn't want to deal with dim-witted people. Which was basically everyone that surrounded him, with only a few exceptions. He was still unsure whether Terr was one of those people or not.

Quickly, Terr glanced at the closed door and leaned in slightly, giving off the impression that he was trying to be discreet about something. "How about you and I make a little deal? Just between us and we won't tell the other two. Or Liz."

"What deal?" Ren asked, intrigued.

"I hate working on speeders. I'm much better with ships. So how about when I get assigned a case with a speeder, you take it, no matter how busy you are. And in return, I'll deal with the customers for you."

Sounds doable, but… "You like dealing with customers?"

"I can be a people person when I want to be. You, on the other hand, might just be a lost cause in that department." That assessment was entirely on point and earned Terr a rarely seen grin from Ren.

"Deal," Ren agreed. Terr stuck out his hand, waiting for Ren to shake on it.

"I am not touching those grimy mits of yours."

Terr glanced at his hands, noticing just how dirty they actually were. "But it's the only way to make it official."

"My word is concrete."

"Okay. Fine. Have it your way. Oh, and if anyone asks, tell them I gave you a stern warning to be a better employee from here on out."

 _Yeah, no one would believe that._

"Was Jorfel considering firing me?" Ren was not exactly employee material.

Terrlon burst into a laughing fit, surprising Ren since the question was not supposed to be a joke. "Gods, no. We've all had our fair share of getting into it with a customer. Garreaus once punched a guy and Jorfel let that slide. Besides, the way BB-8 has been organizing all of Jorfel's electronic files has the guy wanting to keep you as an employee forever, just so he can have BB-8's help. And the way you fixed that V-35 Courier was pure magic. Jorfel hasn't seen that level of skill, like, ever. Seriously, he'd been trying to figure out what was wrong with that thing for a week, and then you take one look and somehow find it in seconds. You grow up around a lot of landspeeders or something?"

Ren shrugged. "I liked taking things apart when I was younger."

"Well, you have a gift my friend. Don't waste it."

Ren knew what it felt like to be wasteful. His whole existence was starting to slowly look that way.

()()()()()

The fire pit crackled with a threatening heat, casting the men's long shadows across the dirt field and onto the back of the house. The wintry breeze was soft, only plaguing the four men with a small amount of wind chill. Up above, thousands of stars flickered into view, showcasing their serene sparkle against the cloudless night sky. As Ren sat in a chair that was too small for his build, he wondered which star held the planet Carlac.

He nestled his gloved hands further into the thick coat Garreaus had offered him. After work, Ren found out that Garreaus and Terr had a series of exercise equipment in their home, and Garreaus extended an invitation for Ren to join him. He was going to say no, but the hard labor through out the day reminded him of how weak his body had become and that he needed to do something to rectify that troubling situation. So he ended up joining the man before dinner, the heavy lifting and cardio helping immensely in lifting his spirits.

The smoke suddenly shifted over to his direction, making him move his chair a bit to the right and BB-8 followed. The three men were having a lighthearted conversation, but Ren was not paying much attention. Lizari had gone to bed early with Anna, mumbling something about how being pregnant was the worst thing in the universe.

Ren took her word for it as she wobbled to her room.

Ren was still surprised that he'd agreed to attend their little get together outside, but he actually didn't feel like being alone on his ship for once. He's already read through Rey's journal four times, his thoughts always going to her when he was alone, which made his touch ache for her. He would rather take any physical pain than have this hollow feeling in his gut.

"Bail?" Terr had been trying to get his attention and Ren finally registered that he was, in fact, Bail. It was proving to be difficult to get used to that name.

"Huh?" Ren glanced across the flames, wondering what the man had been saying.

"What kind of tricks can you do with your magic?" Terr gave his voice a tinge of mysticism and his features looked wild with ideas.

"Using the Force is not magic, nor should it be used for tricks," Ren said sternly.

"What are you, a Jedi or something? There's no reason to take things so seriously."

Jorfel, who was sitting to Ren's right, piped in on the exchange. "It's his choice what he wants to use his abilities for."

"What do you want me to do?" Ren interrupted, startling the three men by his sudden willingness to entertain them. The way Terr had described him as being too serious, and a Jedi, had set him on edge, and now he all of a sudden wanted to prove the guy wrong. Except, the last time Ren had actually been a fun person was when he was twelve.

Something twinkled in Terr's eyes and it wasn't from the flames. "Can you make me fly?"

They all sat there, anticipating him to say no, but instead, he decided to give Terr what he asked for. Besides, what the guy wanted was extremely simple to accomplish.

Terr's body rose slowly at first, giving him time to adjust to the fact that he was, indeed, levitating two meters off the ground.

Garreaus and Jorfel looked at the spectacle, both at a loss for words as they marveled at the feat before them. Terrlon, on the other hand, was just as chatty as ever. He kept asking everyone if they were seeing what was happening, like anyone was actually not looking at him.

A coy smile formed on Ren's lips as a cruel thought crossed his mind. He wasn't sure if he should do it, but what the hell, Terr wanted to fly and Ren wanted to give the guy an authentic experience.

Terr shot straight up, making his form meld into the dark sky. The guy yelled out of pure terror, but then Ren realized it wasn't Terr who screamed, it was Garreaus. Both him and Jofel were on their feet, searching for Terr in the darkness, looking beyond concerned and in the realm of being sick.

Ren hadn't thought of how the stunt would affect Terr's friend and partner. Anyone not trained in the ways of the Force would find the propulsion horrifying to witness. Guilt twitched in his calloused heart as he felt Terr arch in the air and begin his decent downward. For the next part, Ren would need more than his mind to stop the guy from breaking every bone in his body.

Ren cracked his arm out, focusing on slowing Terr's fall. Gently, he placed the guy a few feet from his starting point as Garreaus grabbed him and eagerly searched for any injuries.

"Are you okay? I don't even know how high you went, but you disappeared and I panicked." Jorfel came close, but was not encroaching. Ren didn't move. He braced himself to be yelled at and reprimanded. "Terr?"

Terr's glossy eyes were dazed, his hair a mess, and his skin red from the blast of cold air. He put a shaky hand on Garreaus' shoulder as his stare came to focus on the man. "That. Was. Amazing." Terr's smile was so wide, it threatened to tear his face in half. He glanced at Ren. "I need to do that again."

"Uh, no," Garreaus protested. "I don't think I could handle that again."

"But you don't understand. For a moment, it felt like I was really flying. Really flying. And the rush… it was incredible."

"Maybe some other time." Ren chimed in. He didn't want to make Garreaus have a heart attack. Terr was obviously torn, but he conceded and settled back into his chair, not even attempting to fix the mess that was his hair.

The talk soon turned idle, but somehow, it circumvented back to Ren's force abilities.

"You best be careful with who you show your abilities to," Jorfel warned. "There are people in the galaxy who would kill you just for havin' them."

Garreaus scoffed as he tossed a twig into the fire. "Yeah, that fucking monster would hunt you down and murder you. Remember what he did last year at Capital City?" Ren stiffened, knowing exactly who they were talking about.

"Yeah," Jorfel answered. "Killed five people just because someone thought they were Force sensitive."

"If you are Force sensitive, you can sense the Force in others," Ren cut through abruptly.

None of the guys were impressed by the new information.

"What are you trying to say?" Garreaus asked, his tone almost harsh.

 _What I am trying to say is that I sensed the Force within all those individuals and I had orders to kill all Force sensitive's that I came across_. "Nothing. Just making an observation."

"Well, just listen to Jorfel, alright? You don't want to be showin' off your abilities unless you want to be staring into the mask of Kylo Ren." And there was the name drop, which wasn't too surprising. If you didn't live under a rock, then you knew the name Kylo Ren, had heard about his reputation.

Something about Garreaus' tone sounded personal, though, which was weird since Ren was sure he'd never done anything to the man. Or did he just not remember?

Indignation wafted into the air and it was coming from all three men. Ren had always been a curious person and right now, his curiosity could not be wrangled in. Before he could think through his actions, he skimmed the surface of Garreaus' thoughts, finding–

"You were a stormtrooper. For The First Order," he breathed out, not hiding how utterly floored he appeared. Everyone mirrored his shock, but for different reasons.

After moments of only hearing the fire pop and sputter, Garreaus spoke quietly. "You can read minds, can't you?" The man didn't even try to deny his origins, which Ren appreciated.

He nodded, not knowing what to say, but having a thousand different questions flip through his brain. "Well, that's… invasive," Terr said.

"I can't always stop it. Sometimes it just happens." Although, that was a lie now wasn't it. Ren had purposefully searched the guy's mind, but he didn't want them to know that.

"He isn't the only stormtrooper," Jorfel spoke as he leaned forward, seeking more warmth from the fire. "We all are. Or, I guess, were." Ren's mouth fell wide open, his jaw feeling like it should be resting on the ground. Few things had ever truly shocked Ren during his life, and this would have to be under the top five.

Number one being his grandfather, of course.

"You… are all deserters?" Ren asked while blinking at each of them.

Garreaus chose to answer. "Yeah, technically we are, but The Order deserted us first." There was a story behind that statement and Ren needed to know what it was.

"What does that mean?"

Terr glanced at his boss and friend as he tried to wipe the cold from his nose. "Jorfel, you should tell it. You're better at telling the story than we are."

"We shouldn't say anything more," Garreaus pointed out.

Terr rolled his eyes dramatically. "Oh, please. He already knows the truth; we might as well tell him how our desertion came about. And he has just a good of reason to not want to be found by Kylo Ren as we do." The three men glanced at one another, silently talking through their eyes and expressions until Garreaus finally nodded and Jorfel took a moment to rub his eyes.

Jorfel moved in his chair, twisting his torso so he could talk to Ren straight on. He cleared his throat before jumping into the tale. "Garreaus and I were in the same unit, assigned to the moon Cynda. The moon was mined during the time of The Empire, and The First Order was wanting to make it operational again to find thorilide deposits. The problem was, we weren't supposed to be there. So we had to work secretly, not able to obtain many mine workers for fear that The Republic would find out about us." Ren knew about Cynda and the horrible blunder that turned out to be, but he pretended like he didn't know where the story was going.

"We had been stationed there for what, three months?" Jorfel glanced at Garreaus for confirmation. The guy nodded . "Yeah, so four years ago, the mine suddenly collapsed and everything went to shit and we all ended up being trapped below the surface." Ren remembered how furious Hux had been over the loss of the mine.

"We were down there for thirty-one Galactic Standard days, with little to nothing for food and ice as our only means of water. It didn't take long for us to realize that The First Order wasn't going to get us out. Such a rescue might draw unwanted attention. So we were left there to die, like the insignificant solders that we were," Jorfel said bitterly.

"A lot of us died in the collapse and after, but in the end, twenty one of us remained. When we finally got out, we all swore to never go back to The Order, and none of us ever did. We still keep in contact with the rest of the guys, though. All of them have started new lives out in the galaxy."

 _Twenty-one has-been stormtroopers._ Compared to the population of the rest of the galaxy, twenty-one people was as insignificant as a grain of sand. The likelihood of meeting one of these twenty-one deserters was astronomically low, and Ren now knew three of them. Ren knew how to discern between what was a coincidence and what was fate, and this was obviously the latter.

Ren swept his hair to the side as a soft breeze tried to tousle it into his line of sight. "How did you all get your names?"

"Lizari was a communications officer on the mine and a wicked good techie. After our escape, she was able to get into the Galactic Identification Archives and create a profile for each of us. Liz was the only officer to have survived the collapse, which was a good thing, because any other officer wouldn't have been onboard with the plan of deserting. But Liz agreed to it." Jorfel coughed, the cold air starting to irritate his voice the more he spoke. "She wasn't brought up in The Order like we were. She had a family who put her through the officer program. I thought it would be hard for her to leave them behind, but apparently they treated her like shit her whole life. So making the decision to have a new life came easy for her."

"What about Terr?" Ren asked Jorfel. "Why was he at the mine?"

Terr decided to speak for this part of the story. "Wrong place at the wrong time. I was a pilot and was given orders to bring a shipment of supplies to Cynda. I was unloading them below when the collapse happened. I broke my right leg and arm and thought I was going to die down there." Terr affectionately looked at the man sitting to his right, taking his hand into his. "Garreaus dug me out and hasn't left my side since."

Garreaus smiled, the two men sharing a moment together. "No, I haven't."

Ren glanced away at the open display of fondness. It always made Ren uncomfortable to see such form of love from people, and he never knew how to respond to it. So he tried to ignore it by looking into the dancing flames.

"Did you and Garreaus have any specialties?" Ren posed the question at Jorfel as he gradually tore his gaze from the fire.

"I was a mechanic and Garreaus specialized in weapons."

"You thinkin' about turning us in?" Garreaus asked abruptly.

"No," Ren found himself saying. Loyalty for The First Order was still in his blood, but to turn these people in…. He just didn't have it in him to do it. Besides, his loyalty to The Order was in its ideals, not with the people who ran the regime. If Hux has some defected stormtroopers running about the galaxy, that was his problem- not Ren's.

That thought alone almost made him grin, but he absconded from doing so. Inwardly, though, he skipped around in glee.

Funny how this knowledge did not make him feel differently about FN-2187…. Ren still held out hope that that guy would somehow die since he obviously couldn't kill him. Rey would retaliate against Ren for sure if he ever hurt the trooper.

Rey...

He wondered what she was doing right now and for some reason, a picture of her laughing with her stromtrooper came to mind. His blood started to boil from such an image and he couldn't stop from feeling jealous of the man. He got to spend time with Rey while he was out here, doing Force knows what. Stars, he never should have left her…

Someone cleared their throat, bringing Ren back to the present. They were all staring, waiting for him to elaborate as to why he wouldn't turn them in. "Turning you all in would put me at risk of being found as well."

 _No harm in being somewhat honest about this…_

"Wait, they want to find you?" Jorfel asked.

Ren nodded. "Remember the girl I couldn't kill? That job was given to me by The First Order."

Jorfel eased back, his eyes unfocused as they roamed over the dark field. "Well. Looks like all our lives have been screwed over by the same people." _More like my compassion is what screwed me over_. But Ren knew that wasn't true.

What ruined his life was killing his father.

 **Aaaaaaand there you are folks! Got some revelations in this chapter. You finally know what Kayani is up to and Ren found out the groups little secret. Follow, fave, or leave a review below! Thanks for reading!**


	23. Chapter 23

**You all are amazing for reading my story! I am so grateful to each and every one of you. Thanks to all who have followed, faved, and took the time to leave a review! You give me life! ilovekyloren: Thank you so much for the compliments. I am so happy you are enjoying the character development going on. Yeah, Ren is a little awkward around people cause he is not use to interacting with others- unless it's in a violent manner. I think the small moments in a person's life can allow you to see their character a lot. So that is why I write these small moments in. You are awesome for being so willing to leave reviews! Thanks so much! kimmycocopop: Oh yes, the planets shall all align soon and you will see how everything connects. I think I can put in here that Ren and Rey do not pull a Romeo and Juliet at the end of this story. I know that is a spoiler, but I thought you readers would appreciate knowing that particular detail. Rey definitely wants Snoke dead, Ren... well, he hasn't put a whole lot of thought into it. He knows Snoke better than anyone and fears the guy, so he might not be completely on board with trying to kill him. He knows such a thing would be difficult. EV: Sixty chapters? Whoa! I am pushing for between forty to fifty, but we shall see what happens. It makes me happy that you want more though. I will for sure be sad when the story is all done, but I may have a sequel in the works... Guest 2: There is no Reylo in this chapter. Don't hate me! We will get some next chapter though. I do miss writing them together and I promise that once they are reunited, they rarely part. I shall keep going with this story! I swear!**

 **So... this chapter was very interesting to write. I am just putting in a disclaimer that the content is violent and darker than usual. Also, there is more language that goes with what is going on. Just remember, things have to get worse before they get better.**

 **Anyway, this chapter is all about Ren. Leia does have a pov, so you will get to see what has been going on with her. Rey is going to be in the next chapter, but with everything that needed to happen to Ren, he got his own chapter this time. That is why the chapter could quite possibly leave a sour taste in your mouth. The guy has a lot to work through.**

 **So, I hope you enjoy the chapter for what it is! Happy reading!**

Chapter Twenty-three

Days passed by as Ren fell into a rhythm of working at the shop during the day, exercising with Garreaus before dinner in the evening, and then idly gazing at the stars before heading off for another restless night. He would usually wait till everyone was well into bed before venturing out into the field, treading through the tall grass and shuffling across hard patches of dirt. The flickering light of the inner city was more than enough to illuminate his path, but he rarely glanced down.

Tonight, he had ended up in a chair by the fire pit- his body slouched, his rear on the edge of the seat and his neck resting on the back. Upward, he gazed at the passing stars, all of them slowly moving and arching in the black sky. They were the ghosts that plagued the darkness, hauntingly reminding the void that there were glimmers of light amongst the morbidity of uncertainty.

These quaint excursions would always leave his throat scratchy and his face numb from the steely air, but he didn't mind in the slightest. Pain had always been his ally, helping him to focus and to cultivate his endless supply of anger and resentment. Something had to keep him going, and it damn well wasn't going to be the light.

So that was why he breathed in the sting deeply, fighting down the urge to cough, relaxing into the blaze of his lungs.

It was surreal not to have his lightsaber constantly on his belt and to come across as a regular person. The last week had been strangely fine, his temperament never getting out of control and his feverish mouth never coming out to sneer at others. So far, at least. All in all, everything seemed good… and that was why he needed the pain.

Part of him did actually enjoy acting this normal, but there was the sinister part of him that was left wanting. It was twitching beneath the surface, demanding to be freed to feed on the misery of others and to unleash a heavy stream of violence on the unsuspecting. The pressure was cosmic, attractive, and alive. He just wanted that release, to hold a life in his grip and squeeze until he felt their pulse stop and watch their eyes grow hollow. If he didn't find someway to liberate this pent up energy soon, he was going to explode, the shrapnel hurling towards those in the vicinity.

He had an idea on how to find it, but he hadn't done something like that since he was a child. Something had to give, though, so he closed his eyes and scanned the surrounding area for life forms. He honed in a loth-cat almost immediately, sensing that the creature was close and had been watching him with its curious eyes from a patch of tall grass.

Gradually, Ren eased his breathing, focusing on connecting to the animal's mind, coaxing it to come closer to the kind and compassionate human it was studying. It took a few minutes, since loth-cats were vicious little creatures, but the thing started to trust him. It inched closer, looking at Ren eagerly, like he was going to give the thing a treat.

Ren ordered the creature to stop a few feet from him as his brows lowered over his eyes and his lips parted in anticipation. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees and his fingers weaving together. His body was a menacing statue of the night, still and terrifying.

The loth-cat elevated in the air, its eyelids fluttering as it let out a constant stream of strangled moans and mewling, like it was half-uttered pleas. Betrayal rippled from the cat, for it had trusted Ren to not bring harm unto it. Next was fear, the emotion Ren loved to feel the most from others. He inhaled the torture, getting drunk on the saturation of sin and focusing so hard on his victim that his back burned and his eyes strained. Ren was dragging the show out purposefully, but he knew when enough was enough and he decided to finish before he found it too difficult to stop.

 _Pop, pop, pop!_

The small bones of the loth-cat broke in quick succession as Ren crushed the furry body quickly. Abruptly, he sat back and the creature's form hit the ground with a soft thud. As quickly as he got a rush from killing the animal, it was taken from him. More like ripped out of his gut and stolen, like he didn't deserve to fill up his sinister side with the death of an innocent animal.

Usually, he could ride the high for a few hours, but he wasn't even granted a few intimate seconds to feel pleased and satisfied. He did enjoy the display as it was happening, but he felt the let down once it was over. Something inside of him was ruining this moment and he wanted to find it, bash it into mulch, and exorcise it from his soul.

 _If Rey could see you now_ , a voice whispered. He ground his teeth and cradled his head in his hands, feeling the softness of his hair through his fingers. If Rey had seen what he'd just done, she would have lost it for sure. _But she doesn't understand…_

 _Do I even understand? Am I a slave to the violence and pain?_ For as long as Ren could remember, he always had this part of himself, the part that craved to hurt the living. He began to torture and kill animals very early in life, the voice in his head goading him to take pleasure in his power. 3PO had walked in on one of the vicious killings and had immediately told his parents, marking the beginning of when they started to distance themselves from him.

Ren was attached to the violence in ways that complicated things, yet changed nothing at all. Rey knew it; she was not an idiot. She didn't know how to go about trying to change that about him, but what she didn't realize was that by just existing it was awakening something inside him that made it harder to enjoy other's agony.

Stars, he couldn't stand emotions. Or himself, if he were to be more specific. That was why he had dove into the dark side, to rid himself of this inner conflict. Ren pressed harder on his head, despising himself. He deliberately leaned into the emotion so that it bit into his mind. Swallowing the flare of condemnation, he held it in his gut, using it as a reminder that he was a screwed up freak, down to the marrow, and he deserved to get hurt.

At this point, Ren was trembling enough to levitate out of his chair. These two sides within him were going to tear him apart some day and leave a dead man in its wake. Gods, he couldn't take it anymore. Rey wanted him to be the kind man he use to be and he wanted to be with her badly. But he couldn't shake off this monster inside him and neither did he completely want to.

The constant reminder of what he couldn't have and shouldn't want was killing him. And the Force knew he was already in bad shape.

Ren sensed someone stirring in the house behind him, coming closer to the door that led outside. Quickly, Ren launched the dead loth-cat clear across the field and watched it descend somewhere among the thick grass in the distance. Rubbing the sour expression from his face, he tried to appear like he didn't just murder an animal and enjoy it. He sat back, looking casual, and was pretty sure he was failing miserably at it.

The door slid open, footsteps coming his way. Not uttering a single word, Jorfel sat in the chair to Ren's right, shifting around till he was comfortable.

Jorfel and Ren sat quietly for a while, him getting back to his previous search of the stars and Jorfel leaning closer to the pit, as if it was emitting secretive warmth. Looking at the balls of light made it feel like Rey could somehow see Ren and he imagined digging a hole in the freezing ground and jumping inside, suffocating on the dirt that covered him.

"You thinkin' about that girl, aren't ya?" Jorfel broke the silence, raising the hood of his coat over his head.

Ren craned his head to the right, looking at the solemn man next to him. "Why do you ask that?" Well, it's not like Terr allowed anyone to forget that Ren had a "secret lady" somewhere in the galaxy. It was only a matter of time before Garreaus or Jorfel started asking questions.

"I've seen you, coming out here every night, looking at the stars. Only one thing makes a man do that and it's a woman."

Ren didn't answer, but the silence more than gave his thoughts away. He wondered if Jorfel had witnessed what he did to the loth-cat, but if he had, he was positive the man wouldn't be sitting comfortably beside him.

"How complicated are things between the two of you?"

 _Lets see… my master wants her dead, I want to kill her best friend, I actually murdered her only father figure and we are aligned on opposing sides of the force. And, like, five thousand other reasons._ "Very," Ren replied on a heavy exhale.

"Her family not approve of you or somethin'?"

Ren almost burst out laughing, but settled for a smirk. "Something like that."

"Can I, uh, ask you a personal question?" Ren didn't immediately say no, but he didn't say yes either. Discussing anything on a personal level or even remotely emotional made his abdomen twist into tight knots. The only person he was open to talking about personal things with was Rey, and the one time he did nearly made him run from the room.

But… dammit, he told himself to not be closed off from people and Jorfel was not a complete stranger…. Gradually, Ren nodded and then waited for the mysterious question. "Are you trying to change so you can be with her?"

Ren's face furrowed as he contemplated the thought-provoking query. "I-." Ren fumbled. "She is one of the reasons why I am here, but she is not the only reason I gave up what I use to do." Han came to mind, like he usually did.

Jorfel rubbed his nose. "You've been thinking about her a lot since leaving her?"

"Yes."

The man twisted so he was facing Ren more. "Do you wonder how she is doing?"

"Constantly," Ren exhaled.

"Does she bring out parts of yourself you never thought existed?"

Ren narrowed his eyes at Jorfel, trying to figure out if the guy was going to ask him weird questions all night. "Yeah."

"Have you ever wondered how you lived without her before she came into your life?"

 _Okaaaaaaay, this is starting to get odd._ "Why are you asking me all these questions about her?"

Jorfel shrugged, sitting the side of his body back against the chair. "Just tryin' to understand you a little better."

"And do you?"

"I don't know, but I'm pretty sure I know why you can't get her off of your mind." Jorfel paused, a sly grin forming on his lips. "You're in love with her."

Ren frowned, hard. "We were together less than a week. Such an emotion takes time to cultivate and appear."

"Eh, not necessarily. You can be in a relationship for four years and feel nothing; you can be with someone for four days and feel everything. Time cannot measure the quality of your feelings."

 _Huh._ That was an interesting view, one that got Ren to think more critically. He had never been interested in a woman before Rey, so he had nothing to go off of to analyze his feelings for her. He cleared his throat before timidly saying, "I… I have never fallen in love before. I don't even think I've ever loved anything."

Jorfel rolled his eyes, the light from the moon reflecting off of them. "Everyone has loved something, whether it was good for them or not. And I have never liked the term "falling in love". Loving someone shouldn't make you feel like you are falling. You should feel like you are walking into a house and suddenly knowing you're home."

Ren just sat and looked at the guy, dumbfounded that something profound could come out of his mouth. Maybe there was way more to Jorfel than Ren assumed. "You know Jorfel, you can be very good with words."

The guy shrugged off the compliment. "Well, I have a shit ton of relationship information stored in this head of mine." He pointed to his skull. "Liz made me read _a lot_ of books on love and relationships since being a stormtrooper gave me zero experience in that area." He leaned across the armrest of the chair, lowering his voice to a whisper. "Don't tell her, but it did kinda help. So I cant take all the credit for my _profound_ thoughts."

Ren gave a slight grin to Jorfel's confession, growing more content at being able to talk with the man. If Jorfel could ask him a personal question, maybe Ren could do the same to him. "How did you, uhhh, know you loved her?"

Jorfel took a moment to think while he slouched into his chair in the same manner as Ren. Both men stopped looking at one another and instead focused on the dark sky above, showing that the conversation was starting to grow serious. "It took me a while to realize it, but once I did, it was obvious I had loved her for a long time. What we have, it's not just surface stuff, ya know? Sure, the sex is great and being able to fall asleep next to someone and feel their body is comforting, but it's not fulfilling. That stuff is not a connection; anyone can have that."

Taking a few deep breaths, Jorfel continued, "I was a soldier all my life, trained to follow orders and to not think for myself. Lizari helped me find the man beneath the surface and it was rough at first, but through it all, I found what was real. I found her. I knew her faults, saw her blemishes, and have felt her anger. Oh, have I felt her get angry at me when I do dumb shit. But, all those things make her who she is and I wouldn't change a thing about her. To me, her imperfections make her perfect, they make her a real person."

Ren could relate to the last statement. Rey had her faults like everyone else, but Ren wouldn't change anything about her. She was an authentic person in an incredibly false galaxy and that was extremely rare to find.

"The connection between Liz and I was effortless. When she moved, I moved and when she walked, my eyes followed. You asked me how I knew that I loved her? I loved her because she loved me during the moments when I couldn't even love myself. I did some horrible shit while being with the First Order and it's still hard for me to get over it. But Liz made me believe I could be a different person and she gave me that chance to prove it."

Long silence. Then: "I don't know if any of this made sense to you or helped, but I see the way you come out here and look at the stars. Just remember, really knowing someone is something else, something that is instinctive. It's a completely different thing and when it happens, you wont be able to miss it. You will be aware and you might want to run from it at first, but don't." Jorfel suddenly stood and awkwardly lingered for a moment, looking straight ahead at the grassy field. The man seemed to be well versed from the way he had spoken about his affections for Liz, but it had still made the guy slightly uncomfortable to do so. To be brought up in a world that punished you for thinking on your own, Jorfel still had a difficult time letting his inner desires known.

Ren watched and waited to see if Jorfel said anything more, but the guy turned and brusquely walked back into the house, not even giving Ren a glance. Others would have thought the gesture rude, but Ren understood about needing to leave a situation before your emotions overtook you.

Ren sat there, not denying the thoughts and feelings that had flowed through him during the last few minutes. Even though Jorfel was a few years younger than him, that man had lived a fuller life in solitude than Ren ever did in his years of purpose and violence. He struggled to find any lies in the words Jorfel had spoken, but all he could sense was the absolute truth.

He would know it when he felt it and he couldn't turn away from how real of a connection he had with Rey. But the connection was not the only thing that was profound. His feelings for her were from what kind of person Ren knew Rey to be: Kind, optimistic, genuine. She saw the goodness in him when he couldn't. He trusted her, he cared for her well-being, he… loved her.

He inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, letting the revelation surge through his veins and fill his awareness. It was terrifying, realizing that you loved someone more than your own ego and self-interests. His goals had always been about him and now, they revolved around another. His heart was vulnerable for the first time in years and he could feel how fragile it was without its walls to protect it.

Could he do this again? Put his heart out there for another to have? He had essentially done that with his family, for he had trusted them and yes, even though he denied it, he had loved them. That was why the betrayal had crushed him and had formed him into this person full of hate and rage.

A question poofed into his mind, one he couldn't think away. If Rey did not reciprocate his strong feelings, what would he do?

What would he do…

He wouldn't return to his life as Kylo Ren, but he wouldn't be able to be friends with her. It would be too difficult to be around her and to not have all of her. But leaving her again… man, that would crush the girl and him. He tried to think back to when they were together, analyzing her every move to decipher her feelings. Sure, they had kissed and those moments had been incredible, but that did not mean love. Right?

Stars, when he saw her next, they needed to have a very long and in depth discussion. And what, exactly, would he say to her? Would he be honest and tell her what he did to that loth-cat? Would he run through the extent of his depravity, letting her know all the ways he could kill someone with the Force and how he had practiced on his prisoners? Would he outline how his favorite kills had been cremated and their ashes placed on a pedestal, reminding him of his ruthlessness and his murderous enjoyment?

Ren glared at the night sky and uttered one of Terr's favorite words. "Fuuuuuuuuuck," he breathed out, watching the word soar into the air on a wispy cloud and evaporate into nothingness.

More than likely, if he did confess all those things, she would end up asking him just one, single question. _Do you regret it_ , he could hear her voice ask. And then he would end up saying something like regret is for fools and cannot change anything… _that_ he did believe.

 _How in the hell is anything going to work out between us?_ She is with the Resistance and he is basically their number two enemy, right behind Snoke. His thoughts kept running in circles, making him believe that him and Rey could never actually be together. But, he would need to ask her where she stood. He would let her make the decision and if she decided no… stars, he prayed she wouldn't say no.

()()()()()

 **Han and Chewie had their own troubles- we barely had been introduced when some old friends of theirs caught up with us. There was a huge fight aboard the freighter, one that I spent trying not to get shot or torn apart by tentacles. We escaped in the Falcon, using this incredibly dangerous hyperspace maneuver I have to get Solo to explain to me if we ever get a minute of peace.**

 **I've got to stop writing and get up to the cockpit. Our next stop is Takodana, where we're going to talk to an old friend of Chewie's named Maz.**

 **I took a peek at Takodana on the scopes, and it looks like the planets I've dreamed about since I was a kid. Except even in my dreams they weren't this green.**

 **I wonder what we'll find down there…**

 _Me,_ Ren thought. _You'll find me and then your life will become infinitely more complicated_. He studied the drawing of the green planet below her final entry before flipping back a page. Rey had drawn a portrait of Han and Chewie, allowing Ren to study his deceased father's face. She had captured the likeness perfectly, with his usual side grin and his scruffy hair standing out to Ren the most.

He closed the journal, letting it fall onto the mattress as he placed his hands behind his head. In his room, aboard his ship, Ren had little to nothing when it came to options for occupying his time. That was the twenty-fourth time he had read through Rey's little guide and every time he finished it, he swore to himself he wouldn't read it again. The last entry about his father and then Rey being excited to see Takodana always made him depressed, but then hours would pass by and he would think about how much he missed her. His hands would grab her book and his eyes would betray him as he started reading the novel all over again.

Maybe he should burn the damn thing since it always left him feeling recked, but he never could bring himself to do that. It was her property and she had conveyed to him how much she missed writing in it.

He stood, all but running out of his room and exiting the ship so he could get some fresh air and hopefully clear his head. Jorfel's speeder was still gone, letting Ren know that the three men were still in the city running errands. It was the end of the week and the shop was closed for the day, giving Ren nothing to do. _Why didn't I accept their invitation to go into town with them? Oh that's right, I wanted to finish reading the journal_. Ren internally groaned.

A loud cry came from the fields to his left and Ren recognized the scream belonging to Anna. He turned, seeing Lizari pick up the wailing girl and run straight for the house. Something didn't seem right and Ren ran to meet the woman at the front entrance.

"Is there-."

"Here," Liz said quickly as she tossed Anna into his arms. She lifted up her right palm, revealing a deep gash and blood pouring out of the wound. "Watch Anna while I take care of this." She proceeded to dart into the house, holding her arm up so her coat sleeve could catch the red liquid. Ren followed her, holding a distraught Anna under her arms and away from his body, like she had a cold he didn't want to catch.

They moved into the kitchen and before Liz went into her room, she turned and hurriedly said, "Oh and wash her hands thoroughly. She found a dead loth-cat out in the field and was playing with it. I don't want her getting sick." She then disappeared behind the door, which Anna did not approve of in the slightest. _I should have launched that animal into a different star system…_

Ren's face was scrunched up, watching the girl kick her feet and roll her head back and forth in a fit of anger. For a little thing, she sure was strong. "Trust me, I hear you. I want your mother to come back to." He tried to maneuver the small body over the sink, but Anna kept shoving her feet against the counter, making it difficult for her to get close to the running water.

Frustrated, he placed her on the ground and watched her dramatically throw her body on the floor and have a tantrum. Ren decided to get a wet washcloth and clean her hands that way, but once done, the girl did not calm down. He kneeled down next to her, trying to get her attention, but failing.

This unusual realm of consoling a child was one he had never been in before and he was starting to panic. Ren stretched to his full height, looking about the tight kitchen for anything useful just as Liz came back. Anna darted for her mother, wrapping her arms around the woman's legs, almost causing her to fall over.

"Whoa, its okay," Lizari said as she regained her balance and Anna peered over at Ren.

For most of his life, Ren had always used his height and build as a means of intimidation. But at the moment, he felt like he was an enormous nightmare. And Anna was looking at him with haunted eyes.

Kids and him never mixed. He tried to imagine being weighed by the constant worry over some little creature and whether it was killing itself. Yeah, sure, there seemed to be some good parts to the whole experience. Jorfel's and Lizari's joy from playing with Anna was very real. But, goodness, the _work_. And the screeches that could come out of a young child's mouth could be used as a weapon to shatter eardrums.

 _I am never having children_ , he thought. But then, the memory of that vision came to mind; the one where Snoke was dead, Rey was pregnant, and he was elated over the news. He scrubbed the memory away, not wanting to think about it at the moment- or ever.

Ren focused on Lizari's hand, noticing the tight bandage and the faint appearance of red through the white cloth.

"We don't have anymore bacta patches, so I'll need to go to the medical center in town." Going to the med center would cost money that Ren knew they didn't have.

"I can take a look at it and see if I can help," he suggested.

"Do you have medical training?" Officially, no, he did not. But he wasn't planning on using the knowledge he had for this particular situation.

"I could attempt to heal it by using the Force. Only if you want, of course."

"You can do that?" She asked incredulously. He nodded, waiting for her to make a decision. Ren could practically read her face and knew she was thinking of the money she would have to pay the med center and how they were trying to save up for the new baby.

In the end, the decision to have him heal her wasn't that difficult. As Ren unwound the bandage, he scrutinized the deep gash in her palm. Placing his hand over hers, he healed the injury in seconds, not even breaking a sweat in doing so.

Liz was amazed by the whole experience and examined her perfect hand with awe and fascination. "Thank you," she whispered. A tiny sense of pride filled Ren's chest over being able to help someone and maybe, just maybe, he was cut out to be that good person Rey wanted him to be.

()()()()()

"It's your move Garreaus." Terr reminded the man. Jorfel, Ren, Garreaus, and Terr were all sitting in the lounge seat aboard his ship, taking turns playing a game of Dejarik. Right now, Ren was watching a very interesting game between Garreaus and Terr. It was interesting because Terr was actually winning, proving that the lessons of game play Ren had been teaching the man were starting to pay off. _There is a brain beneath that skull after all._

"Don't rush me," Garreaus snipped.

"Frustrated that I am beating you for once?" Garreaus glared, making Terr laugh at the reaction.

Ren was munching on a choc bar, trying to come up with a strategy for Garreaus to win. So far, he wasn't seeing one.

"Has anyone ever told you that if you smile long enough, it becomes permanent?" Garreaus sneered, obviously getting frustrated over the prospect of Terr winning.

Terr shrugged while still holding the grin on his lips. "I don't see why that would be a bad thing. Smiles are pleasant to look at."

"It makes you look uglier than you were before."

"What you talkin' about?" Terr feinged being offended. "I am ten times better looking now than I was before this game started."

"Zero times ten is still zero," Ren pointed out. Everyone froze and looked at him, which made him stop chewing. Suddenly, Garreaus and Jorfel broke into a fit of laughter while Terr sulked in his spot, glowering at the boisterous ensemble. Ren couldn't stop himself from joining in, but he didn't try that hard in the first place.

As the game ended and Terr won, much to the consternation of Garreaus, the men headed back to the house to see if Liz needed any help with preparing last meal.

"Jorfel!" Liz called from the kitchen when she heard the front door open and close. "Did you pick up any Bantha steaks this morning?" They all huddled into the kitchen, witnessing a very frazzled Liz.

"Uh, no, it wasn't on the list."

Liz was stunned. "But it's the main dish tonight and you knew that! You should have bought them even if they weren't on the list."

"How am I supposed to know that? I thought you already bought some."

"Have you ever seen them in the cooling box?" Ren glanced around the room, not knowing what to do during the current situation. BB-8 was playing with Anna in the dinning room, letting the little girl try and dress the droid in her toddler clothes. Ren was sure the little girl thought of BB-8 more as a pet rather than an actual droid.

"No," Jorfel stated reluctantly.

Liz crossed her arms, giving her husband an aggravated look. "Then you should have bought some."

Jorfel opened and closed his mouth a few times before saying, "But… you didn't put it on the list." His voice sounded defeated.

"I forget things, Jorfel. It's called I'm pregnant. I'm gonna need you to go back to the market and get them."

Jorfel groaned. "Isn't there something else you could make? I already went this morning and I don't feel like making the trip now."

"I can go," Ren interjected. Before they could protest, he grabbed his coat and said, "I should contribute to the meal in some way and I got paid yesterday, so it wouldn't be a problem." And staying here with an angry pregnant woman did not sound pleasing.

"Are you sure?" Jorfel asked.

"Yeah, it's not a big deal."

"As long as someone goes, I don't care," Liz said sullenly.

Jorfel turned to Ren, not even attempting to hide his relieved demeanor. "Okay. And while you're there, you might as well buy yourself some more choc bars. Your supply is getting low."

Ren chuckled while slipping his heavy outerwear over his leather jacket. "I'll be sure to do that."

He left the warm house and made the ten minute journey into town, trying to be quick as he jogged into the market, grabbed a basket, and went straight for the meat section. Only recently he had learned how to shop for himself, since it had always been done for him his whole life. There was something freeing about doing it on his own, though. It gave him a sense of control.

As he stripped the store of its chocolate supply, he overheard a conversation happening one aisle over. "I still can believe Sheldom killed him," a man said.

"I guess its been in the works for a while," a woman replied. "Him having to go into hiding stalled his plans, but Albenic is deader than dead now."

"Its too bad," the man spoke solemnly. "I liked how things were ran under Albenic. Sheldom seems too much like a hot head."

"That's because he is. He's going over to the Lonsmel's house to try and punish the guy for humiliating him. Honestly, Sheldom got what he deserved-." Ren dropped the basket and sprinted for the speeder, his boots pounding to the rhythm of his erratic heart.

He pushed the speeder to the breaking point as he cranked up the momentum to a dangerous level, but even then, he wasn't going fast enough. All the neurons in his brain were firing, making his thoughts jumbled and nonsensical. His panic was real, though; he could decipher that pretty clearly.

A group of speeders were parked outside the house and Ren jumped from his before it was even fully shut down, running for the entryway. Calling his saber from his room aboard the ship, he willed the freighter's doors to slide open to allow his weapon to make it out of the cargo bay and fly straight into his outstretched hand.

He had a feeling he was too late and as he barreled into the house, he saw that he was right. The sight was gruesome: Jorfel was face down in his own pool of blood, ashen and unmoving. Liz was kneeling next to her husband, wailing, holding onto the limp body of her daughter. Garreaus and Terr were gaged and tied to their own individual chairs. Both men had been beaten, but unlike Jorfel, they were alive and fighting like hell to get free.

The scene was so much to take in that Ren didn't have time to properly process what he was looking at. The six- no, seven- men standing in the room turned to him as he ignited his lightsaber. Everyone froze and every soul in the room immediately knew who he was. He was going to live up to his reputation in the most violent and horrific ways he knew how.

The first thing Ren did was Force Stun Sheldom, cause that piece of shit was going to get preferential treatment when all was said and done here. Next, with the twitch of his head, he snapped the necks of the only three thugs that held a blaster. Now, three lucky souls remained, looking at him like he was death incarnate. Well, in this case, he was.

Suddenly, all three darted for the door that led to the field out back, but Ren swept his arm out, making them fly into the far wall instead. He stalked forward as one of them went for a fallen blaster rifle. BB-8 rolled up to the man, zapping him before he could grab the weapon. With one quick swoop, Ren beheaded the bastard and heard the head roll across the floor.

Ren turned, seeing for the first time how young one of the thugs was. The kid was no doubt just a teenager, still in that awkward phase of his arms and legs being too long to match his stout torso and round baby face. Ren smelled the urine before he saw the evidence on the kids pants, watching the boy falter back in fear.

"I-I didn't want to be here. I didn't know they would do this. Please…" The kid let out a guttural scream as Ren cut the boy in half with his saber. The torso fell away from the legs, the boy withering on the floor from what was going to be a slow and excruciating death. Not even the cauterization from the saber could stop the boy's bowels from dumping onto the floor and Ren made a show of stepping on the bloody pile as he casually walked to his final target.

The last man left finally got his wits about him and made one last effort for the door just as Ren stretched his arm out and-.

Lizari's wails cut through to his resolve, making him turn and look back into the horrific room. Terr had somehow gotten loose and was quickly untying Garreaus. The distraction gave Ren's target enough time to make it outside and he had a choice to make: go after the bastard or stay and help the people who took him in.

Slowly, he crept forward, noting that the halved young boy on the floor had died faster than he would have preferred. Liz, Anna, and Jorfel were still in the same positions he had left them in, but he stopped as Terr dove for a blaster and held it unshaking at Ren's face.

"Don't. Fucking. Move." For the first time, Ren saw the conviction behind Terr's rage filled eyes.

Garreaus was kneeling down next to Liz, trying to look over Anna, but the woman wouldn't let go of her daughter. Ever so gently, Garreaus placed a finger on the little girls neck, checking for a pulse.

"She's still alive!" He exclaimed, which made Terr momentarily look their way. Ren stepped forward, catching Terr's attention and resuming to shove the pistol closer to his face.

Realizing his lightsaber was still ignited, Ren shut it off so those left alive felt less threatened by his presence. "I can help her."

"Yeah, right." Terr snarled. "You kill people, you don't help them."

"Let me try to heal her." With those words, Liz swirled around, lifting her head and gluing her blood shot eyes to his contorted face.

"I don't-."

"Shut up Terr!" Liz screeched before she looked pleadingly in his direction. "Please, I will do anything you ask if you just save her. Anything. Just please," Liz cried out. "Don't let her die. You healed my hand earlier, I know you can save her! Please!

Ren took two long strides, closing the distance between him and the distraught woman, not even giving Terr a second glance as he fell to his knees. Garreaus eyed Ren's every move as he held onto Liz's shoulders, helping her to stay upright. Liz was still clutching onto Anna, burying the girl's body against her chest. Ren put his hand out to touch Anna's arm.

"Liz, I need to see where she is injured." Meticulously, she lowered her daughter onto the floor and Ren's blood instantly drained from his face. A blaster wound, straight to the chest and near the heart. Maybe on the heart, for all Ren knew. Never had he healed such a vital organ before and he needed to work quickly, for the girl did not have much longer to live.

Ren was surprised by the great chasm that opened up in the center of his chest, burning his heart asunder. If this girl passed, he was going on a rampage that wouldn't stop till every last criminal in this Force forsaken place was in pieces. Hell, he was probably going to do that anyway since Jorfel was lying dead to his right, the body gradually growing cold

Pausing before he started, he prayed to the Force, his fate, destiny, fucking anything, that he would be able to save the little girl and spare this woman from having to watch her whole family die in front of her.

Lizari's sniffles and short bursts of sobs were the only noise in the room, but Ren was having a hard time hearing them as he was telling himself over and over in his mind that he could do this. His hand, that was twice the size of Anna's small sternum, covered the girl's wound.

Energy. He funneled all of his energy out of his palm and into the girl's body, projecting a picture of her wounded heart into his mind. Her right ventricle had been nicked, causing a trickle of blood to spool into her pericardial sack and compress the heart. He commanded the blood to enter back into the ventricle, letting it be pumped back into her body while not allowing it to escape back out of the wound. The heart muscle started the process of mending itself back together, following Ren's orders with finesse and finality. The wound was closing, the skin was mending back together, and the bone was quickly reconnecting.

Meanwhile, Ren was getting very close to blacking out. The blood started to pound in his temples as he wheezed, trying desperately to catch a breath- his whole body starting to throb from the loss of energy, but he didn't dare stop. With his focused glued, he waited till he heard the girl cry out and once she did, he scooted to the wall at his right before he fell over.

BB-8 rolled over to him, as if the droids presence could somehow help him stay in the present. His mouth was dry and he felt too warm, but he shivered. Voices were fuzzy as he recognized Terr and Garreaus both trying to get Liz and Anna from the room, so the young child would not see the carnage that plagued the surrounding area.

"You all need to leave. Anna should be seen by a doctor or a med droid." Ren croaked out, everyone's attention flipping back to him. His healing abilities were nothing to brag about, so a professional really should see the girl.

Garreaus stared at him sharply. "We don't have a ship and we shouldn't go to the medical center in town." He turned to Terr, speaking directly at his partner. "We could try to make it to Capital City-."

"You should get off world and make your way to Carlac," Ren insisted. "The Resistance can take you in."

Terr stuttered in surprise. "But, we were stormtroopers…"

"They already have a stormtrooper among them, so going there shouldn't be a problem" Ren said in a raspy, tired voice. "His name is FN- his name is Finn. Ask for him specifically and he will help you."

"We have no way of getting there," Terr pointed out.

"Take my ship. I will find other means of leaving the planet."

"Why are you helping us? You're Kylo Ren," Terr stated, as if his name conjured up an explanation as to why the man seemed confused.

Ren's tone lowered to a whisper. "I use to be. I did not lie when I told you how I came to be here."

There was a long period of quiet with only Liz's soft cries humming in the air. Anna had her head on her mothers shoulder, her gaze on her father's body. The little girl was silent and Ren wondered if she could make sense of the scene she was so intently studying.

Garreaus spoke abruptly to his partner, his voice cutting through the long pause. "Terr, go pack our bags. I'll stay here and help Liz."

"Got it." Terr rushed past Ren and headed straight out the back door, seeming to be in full soldier mode.

Garreaus took the helm after that, directing a very dazed Liz and her daughter into her room, leaving Ren alone with only corpses for company. _Jorfel…_

Ren glanced to the side, looking with woozy eyes at the wide pool of blood that formed a halo around the man's body. He recalled what his friend had told him, many nights ago when they were alone by the fire pit.

 _I loved her because she loved me during the moments when I couldn't even love myself. I did some horrible shit while being with the First Order and it's still hard for me to get over it. Liz made me believe I could be a different person and she gave me that chance to prove it._

Jorfel's time of existing had come to an end, and now his children had been left fatherless and the woman he loved was now a widow. There was an injustice to all of this, one that begged to be rectified and Ren wanted to be the one to do it.

"Bail," Garreaus said and Ren's eyes swooped up. He hadn't even noticed that the guy had entered the room. "Or, Kylo. Shit, I don't know what to call you."

Ren stood on shaky legs, but he could already feel his strength returning. "Kylo is fine."

Garreaus nodded as he wiped the silent tears from his cheeks. "I shouldn't be asking you this, but… can you… put Jorfel on the ship. Liz doesn't want to leave him behind and I just can't…" His voice drifted, unable to finish the sentence.

"I can do it," Ren assured the man. His thoughts drifted to Liz, his worry over her delicate situation finally hitting his awareness. "You, uh… need to make sure that Liz isn't cramping or bleeding, understand?" Ren didn't want to go into an explanation as to why that would be bad for her, but from Garreaus' curt nod, the man seemed to understand why. "Don't let her move too much or lift anything."

"She wont let me take Anna from her."

"Just-." Shit, if Ren was in her place, he wouldn't let go of his child either. "Just make sure she doesn't put too much stress on her body, alright?" Or she could go into early labor, which was another reason why they should get to the Resistance quickly.

Once alone, he went over to the small sofa and grabbed the blue blanket draped over the back. He laid it flat on the kitchen floor, the only place that was not marred with blood. For the next part, Ren took off his coat and leather jacket, for he knew that he was bound to get blood on his arms.

Gently, he rolled Jorfel over, scooping him up before the blood could touch the man's back. The fluid drenched Jorfel's front and most of his face, but Ren didn't let his eyes linger. He placed his friend on the blanket and proceeded to wet a kitchen towel to clean Jorfel's gray features. _His family shouldn't see him like this._

The wounds to the man's abdomen were not from a blaster, but some sort of knife. The killing had been personal and Ren was beyond sure that Sheldom was the one who dealt the blows. With Jorfel wrapped up tightly and in Ren's arms, he took his friend to the cargo bay of his ship. Ren put him down next to the speeder, letting his hand linger on the body.

"Thank you, for giving me a place to stay… for being my friend- for giving me a chance. Your family will be safe. I promise you that." Ren gave the blanket two pats before standing, looking one last time at the outline of the body. "Goodbye my friend."

Tearing himself away, he walked quickly down the ramp and saw the rest of the group, and BB-8, heading toward the ship. They all stopped as they met halfway, no one knowing exactly what to say.

"You are sure the Resistance will take us in?" Garreaus asked, sounding worried.

"They will. If you can't contact Finn, look for Rey. She is-." Ren faltered, not knowing exactly how to explain who Rey was.

"She's the girl you have history with?" Terr asked.

Ren nodded. "Yeah, she is. If you are worried about rank, General Organa can help you as well. She founded the Resistance and is their leader, essentially."

"We know who General Organa is." _Of course they did_. "I can't really fathom a person like her helping us," Garreaus honestly stated.

Ren gulped, deciding to ease their minds by telling them the whole truth. "Tell her that her son sent you. Maybe that will make her feel more inclined to help you." Or not, seeing how Ren killed Han.

The two men appeared baffled while Liz remained out of it, not showing any signs that she'd heard him. "You're her son?" Garreaus questioned.

"My birth name was Ben Solo, but I no longer go by that." Only the higher ranking officials of the First Order knew where Kylo Ren came from, so it wasn't a complete surprise that these deserters didn't know his true origins.

The revelation of who Ren was was overshadowed by the fact that Jorfel was dead and Liz was not doing well. So, as the shock drifted away, Garreaus leaned toward Ren, keeping his voice low. "Liz said she was cramping, but I don't know if she is bleeding. She goes in and out and it was hard to talk to her."

Ren breathed in deeply and scrutinized Liz's pale face and distant eyes. He came in front of her, but her stare remained stagnant. "Liz?" She didn't move. "Is it okay if I touch your belly for a moment?" No answer, just her squeezing Anna closer. Ren softly placed his open palm on her midsection, searching for the life of her baby. The heartbeat was normal and he wasn't under any duress, thank the Force.

"Your son is strong and is doing fine," he told her and slowly, she raised her dark eyes to his face.

"My… son?" Ren nodded slightly.

"I didn't know it was a boy," she weakly said. "Jorfel wanted it to be a surprise." And that was when her knees gave out and she dropped to the floor, all three men diving to catch her. Terr grabbed Anna from her arms and Garreaus pulled the woman to him as she sobbed into his chest.

"You should get her on the ship. Jorfel is in the cargo bay, if she wants to sit with him," Ren told the men. Garreaus swooped Liz into his arms and Ren grabbed their bags, placing them just inside the cargo hold.

The two men glanced back at him, not knowing what else to say. Goodbyes did not come easy, especially for a situation like this one. They had found out their friend was Kylo Ren, a man they'd fiercely hated but who had saved their lives not even an hour ago. So, the men nodded at him before Ren turned and shuffled off the ship. He didn't want to get his stuff from his room before they left. None of it was important. He had his lightsaber and that was all he needed. He should to let go of Rey's journal, anyway.

BB-8 beeped down below, telling Ren his desire to stay. "This is your only chance to get back to the Resistance. You want to pass that up?" The droid remained silent. "Yeah, I didn't think so."

Ren didn't want to watch everyone leave, so he made his way back to the only living person left inside the bloodletting abode. He had some retribution to deliver on a platter full of pain and torture, his favorite kind of delicacies.

Sitting in a chair across from Sheldom's unconscious body, Ren was almost giddy with the excitement of knowing he could do whatever he wanted to this man and no one would ever know. His inner monster was scratching to be free and this time, Ren let it out of its constricting cage.

Sheldom awoke with a jerk, seeing Ren lounging casually in the chair, making him crawl back in dread. He didn't get far, seeing how the wall was five feet behind the prick.

"You," Sheldom breathed. Gods, Ren loved how his reputation could strike such sweet fear in his victims.

Ren gave the man a smile, which was about as warm as ice. "Well, now that formalities are out of the way, I am very much going to enjoy watching you die." Sehldom's mind exploded in pain as Ren savagely searched for the information he wanted.

He zeroed in on Sheldom's undulating fear, letting the terror seep into the man's conscious mind. Sheldom instantly screamed, wrenching his clothes from his body till he was only in his undergarments. The man was clawing at his skin, blood seeping out as he tore apart his own flesh.

 _Bugs. Out of everything to fear in this decrepit galaxy and this pathetic bastard fear's bugs_. Ren was amplifying that fear by making the guy believe that the tiny insects were crawling under his skin, munching on his bones, humming in his brain.

As Sheldom clawed at his outer dermis, Ren's mind calmed, a proud smile stealing his lips. This time was his. He owned this. There would be, however long it took him to do what he wanted to this fucker, peace from the conflict that tore him in two. In doing this damage, he healed himself, if only for a short while… but it was worth every second. He'd deal with the aftermath later.

Something shiny was sticking out from beneath the man's pile of clothes and what do you know, it was a bloody dagger. It was like fate was on Ren's side for once, giving him the most poetic way to end the guy's life.

The black knife levitated off the floor, catching Sheldom's attention. Lunging for it like it was a lifeline, the man grabbed it and rammed the dagger into his protruding gut- over and over and over again. Sheldom's screams were a symphony and Ren was the ever-watchful conductor, helping his masterpiece become a legendary experience for all who viewed his work. Unfortunately, Ren was the only audience member, but sometimes the best shows were the ones that happened in private.

Bright, red blood poured from the wounds, but Ren wanted to see more of it running out of the guy. He planted a thought into Sheldom's head and Ren didn't even react as the man jammed the dagger precisely into his own throat. Wide eyed, Sheldom took the weapon out with a gurgling grunt, blood shooting out and painting everything in close proximity red. This included Ren as he was directly pelted in the face with the sticky substance, but he didn't even twitch at the impact. The viscous liquid ran warm and slow down his face and off his chin.

Choking on his own blood, Sheldom slumped to the floor, Ren glaring at the spectacle. His favorite part was approaching and he dared not blink so he wouldn't miss it. Ren loved witnessing the second before death took its victim because in that moment, he always saw how the person realized they were indeed going to die and the hopelessness that soared into their eyes was such a personal gift to behold.

And there it was, shining through Sheldoms wide eyes.

The light of life that was prominent behind the man's stare was suddenly gone, a testament that the guys mortality was resolute and firm.

Ren wasn't sure how long he sat there, staring at the body below. Enough time had gone by for the blood to dry on his face and crack whenever he twitched. He rubbed his fingers together, bringing them into view and studying them curiously. No sensation registered in his brain. In fact, his body and emotions were numb, making Ren feel like he wasn't actually there, but his eyes were telling him that he was still real.

With his brows drawn and his lips nothing more than a slash, he went to Jorfel and Lizari's bedroom, entering into their own private refresher on the opposite side. The man in the mirror was animalistic and rabid, but the eyes… shit, they were a soulless pair of white orbs that didn't belong on such a vile face.

One thing was for certain from the reflection: he was saturated with blood and he needed to get clean. Ren ditched his attire, going through the motions of bathing under the warm shower and drying himself with a plush towel once done. He rifled through Jorfel's cloths, finding a pair of black trousers and a dark shirt that fit him almost perfectly. The shirt was a tad too tight, but it would have to do. In the closet, he found a belt that had a blaster holster hanging down from it. He added it to his appearance, tying the holster to his upper thigh so it would keep steady. With his lightsaber clipped to his belt and his boots on his feet, he exited the tidy room, not caring that his hair was haphazardly done.

Out in the battle torn room, he picked up a discarded blaster, giving it a new home at his side and then slipped his leather jacket on with the coat over it. He hadn't noticed before, but the place smelled immensely of copper and burnt flesh, a fragrance he'd gotten so use to over the years.

Suddenly, he was looking out the round window above the sink, not remembering having taken the short journey to the kitchen. Then, he was outside, trying to decide on which of the thugs' speeders to take. Rubbing his eyes, he grew confused over not remembering how he got from one place to the other. How could he not remember? Was his mind breaking?

 _Beep!_

BB-8 rolled into view, genuinely surprising Ren back into focus. "Why didn't you leave with them?" His voice was weighted and reedy, sounding alien to his ears.

" _You shouldn't be alone."_

"And you think the presence of a droid will quell my loneliness?" BB-8 didn't answer. Ren couldn't stop himself from taking out his frustration on the little droid. "You must be the most dim-witted droid in the whole fucking galaxy if you decided to stay here instead of going where it would be safe. Did Poe purposefully change your programming so you were unintelligent?" He stepped forward, but BB-8 didn't back away. "I don't want you here!" Ren screamed, letting his arms become animated. He rushed at the droid, finally making the thing move away in alarm. "Leave, you worthless piece of metal! I don't need you! I don't need anyone! So, go! I don't want you here! LEAVE ME ALONE!" _Alone…_

Ren's upper lip was curled back, his chest heaving the chilly air from his lungs, his body trembling with adrenaline. Even though BB-8 had rolled back a few feet, the droid was still watching Ren, not making a move to vacate from his presence.

Ren buckled and fell to the ground, wrapping his arms around his middle and rocking back and forth, groaning like he was on the verge of being sick. He refused to cry, to break down and let his emotions get the better of him. But… damn, he really didn't want to be alone.

He tried to tell himself he didn't need this; he tried to pretend he didn't need to feel someone beside him, that he wasn't eased as BB-8 refused to leave… that he didn't yearn to feel a warmth or weight against his body. But that was, of course, all bantha shit.

He needed it all. With the death of Jorfel and the revenge he had exacted, he craved the closeness of another, needed to feel arms that gave him an embrace. He had to have a beat of a heart against his own. He needed Rey to give him all these things. Why did he have to come to this place? When was he going to see Rey again? The Force had impressed upon him that they wouldn't be apart for very long, but it felt like centuries since he had last seen her.

BB-8 rolled up to him, stopping mere inches from his knees. Ren glanced up, his expression appearing younger than it has in a long time. "You know who I am?"

BB-8 nodded and beeped, _"Kylo Ren."_

"Why do you want to stay if you know who I am?"

" _I think you are in need of some company, without the pressures of talking."_

BB-8 and Ren had barely conversed during the last two weeks, but the droid understood him without needing an explanation. The droid was perceptive, just like its owner.

The swell of gratitude was overwhelming, and Kylo had the compulsion to hug BB-8, which was ridiculous since BB-8 was a droid- and Ren deplored most hugging. But the little thing seemed to be more human than most actual human beings and that comforted him.

Ren searched through the landspeeders, finding one that would fit two people. He levitated BB-8 into the passenger seat and then climbed behind the controls. It was a two-hour journey to Capital City, where he would hopefully find transport off planet. Activating the speeders shields so he wouldn't be pelted in the face by the cold air, he zipped to the main road, not daring to look back. He needed to keep going forward, for there was nothing left for him in the past.

So why did he feel like he was going in the wrong direction?

()()()()()

"Make it quick," the burly man said as he shoved Leia into a bathroom stall.

She wheeled around, glaring at her guard. "My stomach is upset, so I might be awhile." The man huffed and closed the door, leaving Leia alone in the six by six room. She was still in her jumpsuit, which looked more like a sack on her now small frame. Only one meal a day was given and the food barely even earned to be called that. More like scraps, if Leia was to be accurate.

The years of going through menopause had left Leia with a curvier body than she liked and now, she wished she had that back. Her weight loss was worrisome, making her feel weak and feeble and all around vulnerable. She would rather carry around the extra weight from before than walk around in this skin and bones. With no extra padding, sleeping on the hard floor was practically impossible as her joints rubbed painfully against the stone.

 _Maybe this new place will come with a bed_ , she wondered, trying to figure out where they had transported her. It was a different planet; that she knew for sure. Even though her head had been covered the whole time, she'd recognized the sound of a ship's hyperdrive being activated.

She was underground again as she remembered getting into an elevator and going down a few stories. There would be no windows down here to help her decipher the new destination. It was freezing, though, letting her know that the planet was going through their winter cycle, which didn't narrow down the list all that much.

But, the last couple of weeks- or was it longer than that?- Leia had started up a new strategy of getting out of this hell hole. Early on, they had given her a bucket to do her business, but her guards were quickly realizing how that punished them as much as her, since they were the ones to clean it out. Now, she was allowed three refresher breaks a day and a shower every three days. Guess they were getting tired of her rank smell. Pity, cause Leia was going to miss their disgusted reactions every time they walked into her cell.

Her cuffs were her main objective every time she was left in the refresher, since she couldn't try and get them off in her cage. Cameras were always watching her there. It was unwise of them to not put such provisions in the refresher, but Leia figured that no one wanted to watch her sit on a toilet- a mistake Leia was going to exploit.

She sat on the closed lid and concentrated, feeling the blocking power from her heavy restraints. There was always a loophole out of any situation and this was no different. It was harder to find, yes, but it was there, waiting to be found. Leia had felt herself get close during the last refresher break on the ship and she was determined to find it right now. She was so done being held by that bitch and getting these cuffs off was her ticket out of here.

Leia pushed, pulled, clawed at the pulsating power, feeling something give in the process. She followed the weak thread, tugging on the chord-.

 _Clink!_

The cuffs opened and made their descent downward and Leia caught them before they hit the floor. Stilled, her head cocked up to the door, waiting to see if her guard was going to come barreling inside.

Nothing.

Leia's heart pounded like it was going to explode from her ribcage and she instantly broke out in a cold sweat. She wanted to revel in her triumph and rub her sore wrists, but time was not very giving right now. Centering herself, she searched for Luke, all but yelling inside her mind and begging him to find her.

Luke instantly shoved back, sending her comfort that filled her soul to the brim. Leia covered her mouth to stifle her cries, basking in the knowledge that her brother was coming for her. He was sending her a plethora of emotions: haste, determination, love.

The pounding from the door made her jump and almost scream. "Hurry it up or I'm coming in there to get ya!" Crap, she needed to put the cuffs back on, but she paused. Would Luke be able to find her if she was wearing the restraints?

He sent her a wave of reassurance, letting her know that he knew exactly where she was. Even if she were to be moved, she knew how to get the cuffs off. It was only a matter of time before Luke came to get her out and for the first time since being taken, Leia was filled with elation.

Carise's plan of finding her son and having him kill her was never going to happen. _Thank the Force._

()()()()()

Ren sat at the bar, finding respite in the drinks he was downing. He usually abstained from alcohol, since it clouded his senses, but who the hell cared anymore. All of his past encounters with getting buzzed had always ended horribly, but the "horribly" part already happened and he needed to somehow ease the ache in his chest.

When him and BB-8 arrived in Capital City, Ren went to the section known for its criminal enterprises. You didn't go here unless you needed a hook up or you needed to disappear. The club, with its booming music and adult themes, seemed like the perfect place to go for someone who wanted to be left alone. He would have to see if his assumption was correct. Plus, finding a discreet way of transportation had been easy for him to find. The guy in charge told Ren he would have to work for him in exchange for transportation anywhere in the galaxy, and it wasn't hard for Ren to agree to the terms. No doubt the guy wanted him for muscle because what else was he good for?

Meanwhile, BB-8 had remained quiet, following Ren the whole time and parking its round body next to Ren's stool below

Not having many credits on him, he had mind tricked the bartender into making all the drinks he asked for. He didn't even know what the majority of them were, but they burned his throat on the way down and that was what he wanted. The taste and color was irrelevant; he was after the drinks effects.

On the other side of the club, the dance floor was tweaking with half naked women performing on platforms and a plethora of species jumping to the beat. No doubt riding the waves of Spice and alcohol and the dirty deeds they had done behind those black curtains in the corner.

The events over the last few hours were still reeling through his brain. Everything had been going good and then in a blink of an eye, it all went to hell. He'd grown comfortable in the life he had established and of the… friends he'd made. Gods, the way they looked at him when he ignited his lightsaber made him cringe as he sat in the stool. The truth was that sometime since he first met these people, a shift had happened in his heart, a shift that he hadn't noticed till quite recently. He cared. Dammit, he _cared_ about these people and it had happened so quick and fast that he hadn't even felt it at first. Jorfel was dead and he was never going to see the guy again, never going to talk to him. The man was never going to see his daughter grow up or his son be born. Liz was probably going to always think about the last thing she ever said to him and dream about the last time they'd ever made love, only to wake up to the reality of her nightmare.

Ren took a long drag from his drink, not wasting his time ogling at the seductive scenery like the rest of the men were. This place was for people who had certain tastes in the carnal and Ren was not one of those people, but nobody knew that. On the outside, his tall, dark form and deep scowl made him blend in with the other criminals and that was all he cared about. He could sit at the bar, nurture his thirst, and not be questioned or disturbed because people here knew not to get into each other's business.

Or so he thought.

A red haired woman shimmied up to his left, sitting in the high stool next to him, purposefully revealing too much of herself in the process. Ren was looking at her out of his periphery, her breasts popping out under the pressure of her gold shimmering shirt, the short black skirt more than useless at covering up her thighs. She swiveled toward him, letting her legs open wide, trying to get his eyes to look at the prize below. Her manicured hand rested on his thigh, inching closer to a certain something beneath his trousers. He froze, baffled by the woman's audacity and the fact that a woman, other than Rey, was touching him.

"You look like a kind gentleman. For the right price, I could give you a good time." Ren turned, letting the woman get a full view of his scarred face. Her sharp recoil gave him satisfaction, which would have been amplified if she had let out a terrified scream, but he couldn't always have the finer things in life.

"I am not kind or gentle," his vile voice sneered. He could just compel the woman to go home and rethink her life, but he wasn't in a very helpful mood at the moment.

Pedantically, the woman lowered her feet to the ground and backed away, keeping her eyes on him as if he were going to race after her if she moved too fast. He listened to the patter of her heels as she got as far away from him as possible. Grabbing his glass, he swallowed the alcohol like it was water and then placed it back on the wet bar, motioning to the bartender to give him another.

"Ya don't swing that way?" A man asked as he took the previous spot of the prostitute. "There are men willing to give ya what ya want."

Did he have a sign on his back asking people to come talk to him, because he was pretty sure the vibes he was exuding did not come off as very inviting. "Not interested," he grumbled.

The guy chuckled. "Well, I'm not sellin'. Just giving ya friendly suggestion." Ren turned to the man, making his annoyance hard to miss. The guy was short, fat, and balding in a rather unappealing way. His nose was too large for his small face and his beady eyes reminded Ren of an insect's. All in all, the man was the least threatening person in this whole place.

"Heard ya lookin' for transportation off planet?"

Ren was perplexed that anyone was actually talking about him. "Not anymore. I already found it."

The man smiled, showing his yellow, cracked teeth. "Well, I have an offer for ya; one that is better than what Tyrkade gave." Ren just stared, waiting for the imp to continue. "I'll double the pay and ya only have to work for me for a week."

"Why would you offer that?" Ren asked, thinking there was a catch.

"The job could get a bit… messy. It would require violence." The "and killing" part went unsaid, but Ren caught the undertone. More money for less work sounded too good to pass up and he had never shied away from exacting cruelty on others. Except to Rey… "Have ya had a job like that before? I need to know that ya'd get the job done."

"I was a mercenary." Naturally, he left out his previous murdering rampage, the fact that he killed his father, and his past as the ruthless man known as Kylo Ren. Actually, why leave out those facts? If he told the guy those things, he would no doubt get the job.

But he kept his mouth shut, trying to envision the new life that awaited him. Was he starting fresh, he wondered. He mulled the prospect over. Considering how he just slaughtered a group of men while relishing in their pathetic pleas for mercy, perhaps the term he was searching for was next, rather than fresh.

"Perfect." The man sounded chipper. "Ya should have no problem with the job. Interested?"

Ren shrugged. "When do we leave?" A nudge in the back of his mind was trying to get his attention, but his judgment was too clouded to give it any merit.

"Eight hours, right before dawn. Come to the closed down quarry two miles east of here. I'll be waiting for ya inside the main building." The guy eyed Ren's drink before adding, "Ya might want to be sober before coming. The job would start immediately and is very demanding." _Good to know_ , Ren thought as he downed the glass, watching the man leave from the corner of his eye. Seeing how he would be staying at the bar till he had to leave, he highly doubted he was going to be sober. But the man wasn't hiring him for his brain.

He regarded BB-8 below. "Looks like we found a better job."

" _The job might pay better, but is the price worth it?"_

 _For Force sake_ , Ren thought as the lights flickered and the music roared. The principles of others were so inconvenient, especially when one was a monster.

The price may be exorbitant, but it was worth it if he could get as far away from Lothal as possible. It's not like killing a few more people was going to push him over the edge and break him… right? All things considered, it was possible he'd already fallen off the ledge, possible he was already sliding down the mountain of his own destruction, bumping against boulders and trees, ricocheting and breaking bones, a mortal blow awaiting him.

How much easier his life had been when he wasn't making the decisions. Snoke had ran his life, giving him freedom from the burden of figuring out his next move. There had been a comfort in knowing that someone else was pulling the strings, and deep down, Ren craved to have that again. True, he did not always agree with his master and Ren put some of the blame on the man for making him kill his father, but maybe… maybe being back under Snoke's tutelage wouldn't be so bad. Ren had wanted to be immersed in the dark side and Snoke was just showing him how to do so. Maybe-.

 _No_ , he scolded himself. _You are not going back to him_. How drunk was he that he was actually considering such a thing? He killed his own father for that man; there was no way he could be taught by him now.

Besides, the torture he would undergo by Snokes hands was not a great thing to experience. Unless a miracle somehow fell into Ren's lap, allowing him to walk back into his previous life without undergoing reconditioning, then it was definitely not worth it.

Not to mention Rey would kill him if he ever returned to the First Order. He couldn't put her in that position. Ever

 _Rey…_ He wasn't sure if it was the clubs atmosphere or the alcohol, but his body was greedy to have her. He just wanted to get lost in her, forget all the complications that came with his life and pretend to be someone else. _Maybe a few more drinks will make me forget who I am_ , he thought as he drained another glass.

()()()()()

Ren and BB-8 were able to find the quarry and make their way to the big main building at the center. Smaller warehouses were jutting out from the surrounding rocky hills and Ren had a tough time maneuvering the speeder across the extremely uneven terrain, but he made it in one piece. His head was pounding though. When was the last time he had slept? Or ate? Felt like years ago.

Walking to the building, it was proving difficult to clear his mind of the fuzziness from the alcohol. Even with the Force, he couldn't quite get his head together. First thing he needed to do was find somewhere to lie down for a while and recoup. If the imp wouldn't let him, he would just compel the guy to allow it.

Ren met the short man at the entrance and BB-8 stayed close to his side, acting unsure of this next journey. Entering an elevator and going down to the basement was the first thing to strike Ren as being odd. If they were leaving the planet, why were they going below ground? That nudge from earlier was back with a vengeance, cracking his skull in half and screaming at him to turn around as he exited into a long hallway.

Something was wrong, but he couldn't figure out what it was. The small man stopped at an opened door at the end and motioned for Ren to go inside. Curious, he did and froze a foot inside the entrance.

Twenty, maybe thirty men lined the back wall, all armed with blaster rifles. A woman with jet-black hair and slanted eyes was standing in the middle, her personal army waiting patiently behind her. Her elegant blue dress didn't quite fit with the violent ambiance of the room, or her feral expression. The closer Ren studied her, the more he was sure he had met this woman before. He also grew more certain that he was not sober enough for what was about to go down. _I should have taken the fat man's advice._

The door suddenly shut and locked behind him, the imp man remaining on the safe side of the door.

"I've been searching for you for a long time, Kylo Ren," Her voice crawled on his skin, making him shiver and not in a good way. He clenched his teeth. "Please, come into the room more. You have nothing to fear from me."

He arched a brow. "The arsenal behind you says otherwise."

The woman laughed lightly. "They are for my protection. You are a very dangerous man." Gradually, Ren walked along the wall and stopped when he was across from the woman. BB-8 remained by the door.

He was pretty sure he knew what was happening, but the need for the dramatics was what confused him. "So, the First Order finally found me."

"I am apart of the First Order, but they do not know you are here. They are currently searching on the wrong side of the planet." _Really?_ "This little visit is personal."

For some reason, Ren grew more concerned. "How did you find me?"

The woman glowed with pride. "I placed my informants in the cities you have recently been to. Apparently, you went on some sort of rampage in Jalath, even going so far as to bring out that lightsaber of yours. My man tracked you down, figuring you would try to flee. So, he gave you an offer to transport you off planet."

The thug that got away… He must have ran his mouth to anyone who would listen that Kylo Ren was on Lothal. "Why exactly am I here if you have no plans to turn me over to the First Order."

The woman waved at one of the men behind and he quickly left through a side door. "Do you not remember me?" She did seem familiar, but he couldn't quite place where they had met. "We were introduced at a party, right after you joined the First Order."

And then it clicked. "Carise Sindian."

Her self-satisfied smile took up most of her face. "That's right." The side door opened, the man that had previously left now back, dragging a belligerent person into the room. The individual was cuffed, face hidden behind a black bag, and no doubt gagged from the sounds of her muffled screams. Well, Ren was pretty sure it was a woman since the screeches were of a higher pitch.

The guard and the prisoner stopped next to Carise, allowing Ren to get a better look at the prisoner's filthy jumpsuit. The cut and color of the attire looked military…

"Now, to get down to business." The prisoner stilled upon hearing Carise's voice. "I brought you here to kill someone for me."

 _What?_ Did his hung-over, slightly drunk mind hear that correctly? "You went through all this trouble to find me and bring me here just so I could kill someone for you?" The prisoner reacted almost immediately when she heard Ren's voice. Her head snapped to his direction and her screaming became wild, so much so that the guard punched her in the abdomen, sending her to her knees and shutting her up.

"This isn't just anyone. This woman ruined my life and you killing her is how I am going to get my revenge."

He almost laughed at her. "If it's revenge you want, killing her yourself would be much sweeter. Trust me," he said off handedly.

"Oh," Carise said slyly as she grabbed the bag on the woman's head, "I think you will be very interested in killing this particular person."

In one fluid motion, the bag came off the prisoner's head and Ren's breath stopped in his chest. He didn't try to regulate his facial expressions and he was sure the surprise was evident on his face. His mind had always been a huge engine underneath his skull and now was the moment it chose to stall, jerk, and turn off.

Life had a way of putting Ren in places he never thought to expect. Under no circumstances, not even the worst nightmares his subconscious could conjure up, did he think he would be in the position he was in right now.

He stared into the horrified eyes of the one woman in the entire galaxy he had hoped he would never have to see again, the one woman who betrayed him and drove him to leave everything behind six years ago. This woman, whose tears flowed down her cheeks and into her tight gag, was his mother, the woman who gave him life… the one person who brought out the worst in him.

 **Things are heating up, my friends! Who out there thought Ren was going to accidentally find Leia first? By show of hands, who thinks Rey needs to show up and give Ren a big hug? (raises hand) He is unraveling at this point and just wait till next chapter. I am sorry to leave you on such a cliffhanger, but good things come to those who wait.**

 **Oh, and Rey's journal Ren loves to read? It is an actual book. It's called Star Wars: The Force Awaken: Rey's Survival Guide. So the little snippets in the story are from the actual book, not from my head.**

 **Please leave a review if you feel so inclined. I love hearing all your thoughts, feelings, and reactions to the story! Till next time!**


	24. Chapter 24

**Thanks for following and favoriting this story! And as always, I appreciate every single review! You all are awesome! ilovekyloren: Yeah, I knew some of the material in the previous chapter was going to be uncomfortable to read, but I did not want to just skim the surface of who Kylo is. Snoke has screwed him up and I wanted people to see that. Since he isn't a great person right now, I understand how you can loathe him but feel sympathy for him at the same time. I do. Glad you didn't miss Rey last chapter. In truth, neither did I. Hope you like this next chapter! NightElfCrawler: Cliffhangars! Yeah! lol JK. You are probably not going to like me that much at the end of this chapter... Natalie-S-246: Reunion time! Probably won't go the way you expect it though. Not everything can be smooth sailing. KatMichBow: I'm so happy you enjoyed the previous chapter! I thought it would be important for us to see how killing didn't have the same flavor for Ren as it once did. I actually have seen the first few season of Dexter and didn't realize I was essentially giving Ren his own dark passenger till you pointed that out. You think he won't go through with the offer? You shall find out in this chapter... And we get some Reylo is this chapter, probably not to the extent that you want but it's there! kimmycocopop: Ren is the type of person who is willing to do the dirty work so things can get done. Him remaking himself is a slow process, but I want it to be believable. We shall see how he gets out of the current bind he is in. Guest: Thanks! I am so glad you like the story! Guest 2: I hope this chapter was posted soon enough for you. lol. I shall endeavor to keep up the good work! QuinSFA: I am glad you enjoy the slow pacing and that you binge read the story! Best compliment ever! I thought it would be important for the characters to have some development away from each other, so that was another reason I separated them.**

 **Enjoy the chapter ya'll!**

Chapter Twenty-four

Rey walked out into the wintry sun– which was too weak to move the temperature much, but bright enough to make her squint till her pupil's adjusted properly. Every step crunched underneath her boots as she followed Finn further away from the base, where the snow was perfectly level and untouched. The terrain was sparkling, like thousands of diamonds lying out to welcome the sun's rays. The pink-blossomed trees lined the area, mixing its colors beautifully with the white and shimmery splendor.

So, what if the view was beautiful? Rey was still not a fan of the cold. Finn grabbed a handful of snow, patting it into a small ball before throwing it off into the distance. Rey copied him, noticing how sticky and malleable the snow seemed to be.

"When I first got here, I was loathing being on another snowy planet. But this one is so much more beautiful than Starkiller base," Finn explained, breathing in the crisp, fresh air. "Could be because I like the people here a lot better. But still, I'd rather be here than back in my old life."

"You never went venturing out while on Starkiller?" Rey asked as she threw her snowball, noting that it did not go as far as Finn's. "Thinking back on it, the forests seemed quite lovely. Of course, I didn't really notice it then…" Because she was fighting to stay alive… and slashing Ben's face.

Finn shoved his covered hands into his coat, watching Rey as she went through the motions of creating another snowball. The process was surprisingly relaxing. "Nah, we weren't allowed leisure time. Our whole lives revolved around a schedule. Never really had time to explore around the base."

Rey was kneeling down, rolling her ball through the snow, watching as the powdery substance stacked to the sphere and made it bigger. "How are you adjusting to all this then?" Rey nodded to the base behind them and Finn bent down, packing more snow onto her now sizable ball.

"It's different, but good different. I actually feel like a person here; like I matter. It's weird not to have a concrete schedule, but working with the ESC helps occupy my time."

"How are they coming along?"

Finn's face lit up with excitement. "They're actually doing great. They all seem committed to being part of the Resistance, which is good cause I didn't want to see any of them locked up." They pushed the ball across the ground, making it now half the size of Rey. She couldn't believe such a wet substance could stick so well.

Finn was frowning while helping her, growing quiet as he was deep in thought. "What's wrong?" she asked.

His brows popped up, scrunching his forehead as he glanced at her. "Oh, nothing's wrong. It just still baffles me that there were other stormtroopers who thought like I did. We all grew up together, but none of us ever talked about it. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if we did…"

He was wondering if his life would have changed sooner, but more than likely, he would have gone through reconditioning. Rey was sure that's what he was thinking about. "Well, you're here now. That's what matters." She patted him on the shoulder assuredly, giving him a friendly smile.

"Yeah…. How are you doing?" He glanced at her, trying to steer the attention away from him, but also genuinely curious as to how she was handling everything. "You know you can talk to me about what you've been through, right? You don't have to keep it bottled up."

"I know and I will. Soon. I'm just still trying to process it all. But, I'm doing okay." Her voice was quiet and was not at all convincing.

They had stopped rolling her gigantic snowball and were now sitting next to each other, staring over the angelic terrain. Snow fell from a tree close by, its snowy dust being picked up by the hushed breeze and swirling across the white field before them.

Rey was a model of concentration, thinking over the war that was now significant to her existence.

She broke the silence. "Hey Finn?"

"Hmm?" He replied, turning to her.

She didn't return his glance. "If you, uh, had the chance to stop this war… would you take it?"

"Well… what's the price?"

"Your life," Rey muttered with a hint of bitterness mixed in. She couldn't look at Finn while thinking about the immense trouble she was in. Watching her friend just reminded her of all the things that would be taken from her. But wasn't it the other way around? If she died, she was the one who would be taken from them… from Ben.

Her death would mean his ruin. There was the very strong possibility that he would fall back into the darkness without her and cease being Ben all together. _Damn Force bond._ The connection was either extremely useful, or caused a lot of trouble.

Finn breathed out heavily. "That's a steep price. Any chance it wouldn't have to be paid?"

Rey shrugged as she wiped her red and runny nose. Just another reason she hated the cold… "A small chance."

Finn went back to staring ahead, letting the small breeze fill the short lull in conversation. "I guess one person's life is insignificant compared to the rest of the galaxy," he stated logically.

Rey twisted her head to finally look at Finn. "So… you would be willing to sacrifice yourself? Leave everyone behind?"

He met her gaze abruptly, his brows furrowed tight. "Rey, what's going on? And don't tell me it's nothing or that this whole scenario you're spilling is hypothetical." Her lower lip quivered, her eyes squeezed shut, and she wrapped her arms tighter around her legs. _No, you cant lose it; not now._ But she couldn't hold in her despair any longer.

After the first few sobs jolted her body, she felt Finn scoot closer and wrap her in his arms. The gesture was protective and nurturing and familial, something she desperately needed to experience at that moment.

Finn knew how much to give and take, and Rey couldn't believe how great of a friend he was when he grew up so isolated from emotions and genuine friendship. He was so much better at this than she was. How horrible of a friend was she that she would choose Ben over him if the choice ever arose? She didn't deserve Finn, but she greedily took the comfort he offered, even though she knew she shouldn't.

He was rubbing her back as her tears stained the front of his icy jacket. "Please talk to me. I want to help," he whispered next to her.

She told herself she wouldn't tell anyone about Kayani till Ben knew, but she was already crumbling from the sheer weight of her new responsibility.

So, after her tears were spent, she told Finn about her extra passenger. She kept out everything that pertained to Ben, mainly staying with the superficial facts that Kayani was attached to her and the girl needed Rey to get close to Snoke. Rey didn't hide how crushed she appeared, and she couldn't deny how freeing it felt not to hide her emotions anymore.

Finn questioned that it could have all been a very visual dream, but Rey was adamant that it wasn't.

"Who knows if this thing is even telling you everything?" Finn said hotly. "You can't trust anything she says." He kept speaking, trying his best to comfort her and cast doubt on everything Kayani told her, but Rey knew the truth. Ben and her fit into the girl's plan too perfectly to deny it.

But Rey deeply appreciated Finn for looking at the situation from all angles. She even cracked a smile at seeing him get so passionate about how he wouldn't let anything happen to her.

Stars, she needed this moment with Finn. Had she really been planning to wait to get this secret off her chest until she saw Ben? How idiotic that now seemed. Finn had been the perfect person to tell first, for he was trying to console her instead of trying to take control.

Ben was probably not the best first choice to tell. Rey had a feeling that his first reaction would have been to get angry– not at her, but at Kayani– and then try and lock her in a room for the rest of her life.

No, telling Finn had been the right call. He was completely focused on her and what she wanted to do. To him, her opinion mattered. She wasn't sure if Ben would even consult with her before taking matters into his own hands. He was the type of man who acted first, then asked questions later. If ever.

Silence overtook the moment, neither of them knowing what more to say. Rey had her head on his shoulder as they were both looking over the reflective landscape.

"You know, the planet is beautiful," Rey admitted.

"See? I told you so," Finn replied as Rey heard the smile in his voice. "Rey… you know you don't have to do this alone. The whole Resistance would back you, and I would never let you go into a fight alone." Upon hearing the word "alone," she thought of Ben.

So much gratitude was swelling in her chest that she felt like crying again. "Thanks," her voice cracked. "You're a good friend Finn."

"So are you." _No, I'm not._ "Have you told Skywalker all this?"

"I wanted to wait a bit. You're the only person who knows."

"He could help you a lot more than I can."

She shook her head against his shoulder. "I don't think that's true. Can you just keep this between us for now? Please?"

He backed away from her slightly, looking down at her with serious eyes. "You need help with this."

"I do have help." Finn lifted a brow. "I have you." She smiled at her friend before resuming her comfortable position against his shoulder. He relaxed, resting his head on top of hers.

()()()()()

After lunch, Rey returned to her room where she changed into clothes that were more appropriate for physical activity. With a pair of blue capris and a gray tunic, she was more than ready to duel with her lightsaber.

Walking down the metal halls, there was a spring in her step that wasn't there before. She was more at ease having told Finn the truth- well, most of it anyway. Sometime soon, she would need to find a moment to tell him about Ben, but for now, she wanted to enjoy the friendship he so willingly gave.

"Rey?" A woman's voice came from behind. Rey stopped, twisting around to peer at the inquiry. A taller than average woman strode up to her, her face rigid and her blonde hair in a tight bun. From her polished military uniform and the way she glided with authority, Rey knew who she was.

"We haven't been properly introduced," the woman said firmly.

Rey's spine straightened. "Admiral Trend, right?"

"Correct. I was hoping I would be able to talk with you about your time with Poe and Kylo Ren." Trend's eyes caught movement behind Rey. "Ah. Master Jedi." Luke walked up to the two women, keeping his face impassive to the whole encounter. "You seem to show up at the most opportune moments."

"It's a talent I like to cultivate. My apprentice has training to do, if you'll excuse us." That was Rey's cue to turn and follow him down the hallway, leaving a frustrated admiral behind. Rey didn't want to get on the woman's bad side, but something was telling her she already was, even before they had spoken.

The training center only had a few soldiers in it and they were all at the far end, practicing their fighting skills on the padded mates. This left the sparring floor completely open for use. Luke stepped off to the side, gathering something off the floor. In his hands, he held Rey's quarterstaff and the pistol Han had given her back on Takodana.

She was taken aback with surprise, but quickly grabbed the remnants of her possessions. "I thought I lost these…. Thank you."

"I thought you might like them back. And listen, you don't ever have to talk to Admiral Trend if you don't want to. You're my apprentice and she knows I don't want her talking with you."

 _But… she's an admiral._ "Does being a Jedi set you apart from the Republic?"

He weighed her question. "Partially. If you break any laws, you're under the jurisdiction of the New Republic. Only a Master Jedi is fully separated from the government and must adhere to the Jedi council for disciplinary action. That's what's written in the constitution of the New Republic, anyway."

She gripped her quarterstaff harder. "So unless I do something illegal, Admiral Trend can't do anything to me?"

Luke shook his head, letting a sly smile form in the corner of his lips. "No, she can't."

Rey nodded in relief. "Good to know."

Their sparring started off light at first, but quickly turned more competitive without it getting too out of hand. Both were using their lightsabers, so that made them more conscientious of their swings. Rey was using the forms Luke had taught her while mixing it with the forms she'd learned from Ben. It was actually proving to be a good combination.

"You are considerably better than the last time we dueled," Luke said through labored breathing. "Did Ben teach you some techniques?"

"Some." Rey left out the part on how she had downloaded his fighting style and was slyly trying to implement it into her own. She must not have been that cunning about it since Luke was obviously noticing. But he didn't press her any further on the subject, which she was thankful for.

Days went by as she fell into a schedule. Dueling in the mornings, manipulating objects in the afternoon, and meditation a few hours before dinner. And when she had free time in the evenings, she'd either spend them with Finn, and on occasion, Poe. At first, she would drag them along with her to the mechanics hangar, helping the personnel with fixing up ships of various models. According to Poe, she was being too friendly with the men there. She didn't understand what he was getting at since she was being her usual, nice– sometimes socially awkward– self, but Poe told her that she was unknowingly flirting with the officers. That made her feel very conscientious, so she cut back on the hours she would spend fixing up spacecrafts.

Poe was quick on finding her something to occupy her time in the evenings. He had a mile long list of holofilms that her and Finn _had_ to watch so they could be more cultured and understand more of his jokes. They were usually able to squeeze in two before curfew, but the list didn't seem to get any smaller. At this rate, it would take them years to watch them all.

Rey was allowed one day off a week from training, and her and Finn planned on spending them together. Last weeks furlough had consisted of watching holovids, venturing outside, and him timing her on how long it took to build a radio out of spare parts. Her time of thirteen minutes, sixteen seconds was a new record to beat among the other engineers, and she was immensely proud of it.

Today was to be much of the same, but they decided to start off with watching a few of the holodramas from Poe's list. It was getting close to the afternoon and they were both sitting on her bunk, a datapad in Rey's hands as they tried to decide on what to view next. It was a day filled with leisure and relaxation, something Rey was not used to, but had quickly come to like.

"Have you seen Chewie yet?" Finn inquired as he shifted to get more comfortable. "He got in a few hours ago."

"I tried to see him after breakfast, but he wasn't in the room they gave him. I'll just see him tomorrow." She clicked on a title, reading over the unsavory synopsis before deciding to get back to the search.

"What are you in the mood for?" Finn asked.

"Anything but romance," Rey stated, not needing to be reminded about Ben right now.

"That's gonna be hard, seeing how there is always a romance in every holofilm and drama," Finn pointed out, opening a bag full of salty and crisp snacks.

Rey internally groaned, knowing he was right. She kept scrolling down until Finn picked a mindless action film that Rey didn't have to pay close attention to. The plots for these movies were rarely intricate, and given how hard her training had been all week, her mind could definitely take a break from the complicated. Her and Luke had been working rigorously in trying to locate Leia, but even with Rey's added power, they were not making much headway. Luke was becoming more frustrated, and she learned quickly not to talk to him when he was in one of those moods.

Rey listened bemusedly to Finn as he pointed out how unrealistic the action sequences were and how certain shots were impossible to accomplish with a blaster pistol. She rested her head on his shoulder, listening to him prattle on about realism.

Rey must have fallen asleep because her eyes shot open when someone started banging on the door. "Rey!" Luke yelled from the other side. She glanced at Finn, noticing his woozy eyes and that he must have fallen asleep as well. They looked at the pad, the film obviously long finished as the screen was now black. Luke shouted her name again, this time with an edge of worry in his tone.

She mentally unlocked the door and it slid open, a stressed Jedi barreling into her room. The fact that Finn was sitting beside her didn't even phase him in the slightest. "I found Leia."

"What?!" Finn and Rey exclaimed at the same time. Both jumped from the bunk, now fully awake with adrenaline.

Luke was frantic as he hurriedly said, "She's on Lothal. We need to leave immediately, so hurry and get ready."

Rey dove for her boots, slipping them on her feet quickly before gabbing her belt. "Does the council know?" she asked, buckling the belt around her waist. "Are they letting you leave to get her?"

Luke batted his hand through the air. "I'm not going to waste time telling them and getting their approval. I'm taking the Falcon and they can't stop me." Rey put her blaster pistol at her side and clipped her saber to her leather belt.

"I'm coming to," Finn interjected.

"Fine, but bring a coat. It's winter on Lothal. Hurry and meet me at the Falcon." Luke wheeled around, only to stop as Poe ran into the room. He was anxious, which mixed with his confusion when he saw both Finn and Luke in her room, but he brushed it off.

He took a deep breath. "I need you all to come with me. You aren't going to believe who just showed up at the base."

"We can't," Luke sternly stated. "I know where Leia is and we're leaving to get her."

Poe perked up immediately. "What? Where?"

"She's on Lothal and no, I am not telling the council." Poe went stock-still, his mouth slackening in a way that conveyed more than just shock.

"She… she's on Lothal? Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Kylo Ren is on Lothal." Poe dropped that piece of knowledge without any warning.

Luke tensed while Rey swayed with confusion. "How do you know?"

"Well, that's what I'm trying to get you guys to come see. Apparently, he's been living with these people who just showed up on the base. The only thing I can get out of them is that Ben Solo sent them here and they needed to talk to Finn, Rey, or General Organa. I ran here after they told me that, but you need to hurry before Trend gets there. She's in a meeting, so we don't have a lot of time."

Rey grabbed a coat, bypassed the stunned Jedi Master, and clutched Poe's arm. "Show me," she sternly said. Rey darted and maneuvered through dozens of people, not even apologizing when she ran into a few. They entered the hangar and Rey recognized Ben's ship within seconds. Only a small amount of personnel were there, which consisted of a few petty officers. Out of breath, Rey glanced around, searching for the people Poe had described on the way over.

Poe recognized her confusion. "They're still on the ship. They won't come off until they speak to one of you three."

"They let you in there?"

"After I proved over the radio that I knew Ben, they let me board, but only me," he explained as they hurriedly walked to the comms station. Luke and Finn caught up to them, but Rey was too determined to pay them any heed. Poe hailed the ship, explaining to the newcomers that two of the three people they requested to speak with were here and wanting to board. Rey craned her head to peer at the cockpit. A tall, skinny young man with blonde, shaggy hair was looking down at her, his eyes gradually getting wider.

The ramp started to lower.

Rey darted to the opening, not waiting to see if she was followed. What she witnessed next to Ben's speeder made her feet halt and her heart plummet. There was the outlines of a body underneath a blue blanket and a woman curled up next to the corpse, her hand resting on the body's chest. A man of burly build and tanned skin locked eyes with Rey while holding a small girl against his chest. His hair was dark and the sides shaved off, leaving only a thin patch running down the middle of his skull.

He looked absolutely bereaved, evidenced by his tear stained cheeks and his red eyes. "Are you Rey?" he asked quietly.

She nodded. "Yes." The door above the cargo hold opened and the tall man climbed down to join them as Rey heard footsteps come up the ramp. "Why are you here? I was told you know Ben." Obviously, whatever the reason they were here was a horrible one since there was a dead body aboard the ship. _Please, don't tell me Ben killed that person…_

The tale that was told was a hard one to accept, but Rey didn't dare interrupt the man who introduced himself as Garreaus. Her emotions were all over the place: she was thrilled a loving family had taken in Ben, despondent that he had used his Force abilities to help the family, and mad that he had slaughtered a group of people. Even if the people were thugs, some of them were probably more innocent than others.

"Well, I'm pretty sure Sheldom was still alive when I left. I think I saw him breathing, but I can't be sure," Garreaus added.

"Sheldom is the man who killed your friend and was the gang's leader?" she inquired.

"Yeah," Garreaus breathed. _Then Ben definitely left that man alive so he could deal with him later._ Rey tried to imagine how Ben killed Sheldom, but even as her mind came up with the worst possible scenario, it was probably not even close to the reality of what actually happened.

"He spoke of you sometimes," Terr, the taller man, solemnly interjected.

Rey's mouth went dry. "He did?"

"Yeah. I overheard… Jorfel talking to Liz about a conversation they had. He got the impression that Kylo cared about you a lot."

Rey flushed, feeling all eyes studying her. The cargo bay suddenly felt a lot smaller than it actually was, and her chest was having a hard time expanding. Over to her left, she could sense Finn staring her way. She glanced over, seeing him look at her like he didn't know who she was.

She wanted to vomit.

Voices were getting louder outside the ship, meaning Trend or someone of authority had finally shown up. Wanting to be anywhere but in the cargo bay, Rey hurriedly climbed the ladder, ignoring Luke's protests. She dashed to Ben's room, needing to see something of his to make this feel real.

Everything was as she remembered: his trunks were off to the right, his bed was perfectly made, and not a thing was out of place. It was all organized to Ben's orderly expectations. Except, there was a book was on his bed, a book that looked very familiar to her hazel eyes.

With trembling hands, she picked up the leather binding and sat on the mattress, flipping through the pages of her journal... the one she had left on Ahch-To. Ben had gone back to the island after she had firmly made him promise not to. If he professed to these strangers how much he cared for her, then why did he break his promises? Did her opinion not matter to him?

Poe stepped into the entryway. "Skywalker and Finn are talking to Trend. She seems willing to take them in, given the fact they deserted the Order years ago. You would think she'd be more sympathetic to them having a child and a pregnant woman with them…" his voice trailed off.

"How is the pregnant woman? Liz? That's her name, right?"

Poe nodded. "Dr. Kalonia is looking her over, but she seems to be physically fine." Emotionally, she was probably going to be ruined for a long while. _Gods, that poor woman…_

"How are you doing?"

Rey shrugged, not really sure how to answer. She was still hurting over the look Finn had given her. "I'm okay."

Poe didn't inquire further and they both let the silence drag on for a few minutes, neither knowing what to say. Skywalker finally appeared, telling them that they needed to leave before anyone noticed what they were up to.

"I'm gonna come along, if that's alright," Poe offered.

"You might get backlash from doing this," Luke refuted as they made their way to the cargo bay.

"It will be worth it as long as we get the general back."

"It's your decision," Luke said indifferently.

Dr. Kalonia was packing up her supplies while Finn leaned against the wall, watching Rey with wary eyes. Everyone else was gone, taken to the med bay for further assessment with the medical droids. Rey stood on the opposite side of the ship, trying to keep her eyes away from Finn. Luke was talking to the doctor, asking her to join them in getting Leia. That came as a surprise, seeing how Luke wanted to keep this venture hush-hush, but from the way the doctor reacted, Rey could tell that she was fully committed to the secretive mission. Rey was praying that no one was going to be in need of the good doctor's talent, but it was comforting to know she was there just in case.

They waited till specific members of the council were gone before leaving the light freighter. Poe and Dr. Kalonia ran off to grab more medical supplies while the rest journeyed to the next hangar over. Skywalker told them he was going to get the hangar doors open, leaving Rey to wonder how he was going to do that if the controls were being guarded, but she didn't ask. Part of her didn't want to know.

It probably involved a mind trick.

Her and Finn boarded the Falcon and went to the lounge, waiting for everyone else. The silence between the two was tense and awkward and Finn was refusing to look at her. She pretended to be interested in one of the communication consoles on the wall, but her brain wasn't registering the flickering buttons.

Finally, she got to the point where the quiet became too overbearing. "What are you thinking about?" she asked lamely as she turned around, seeing that he was sitting on the lounge seat.

With his arms crossed and his jaw locked, he gradually looked at her. "You haven't told me everything about what happened on Spira. In fact, I think both you and Poe lied to me."

She chewed the inside of her cheek and started to pick at the bottom seam of her grey, sleeveless tunic. "It's complicated."

"Looks like _Ben_ had an easy time explaining it to a couple of strangers. I think you can figure out how to do the same." The implication that him and Rey were now strangers made her eyes cloud with tears, which she refused to let fall. She opened her mouth, but closed it when Poe, Skywalker, Dr. Kalonia, and Chewie walked into the main hold. It would seem Poe took it upon himself to grab another recruit, but Rey didn't mind. Out of everyone here, she probably got along with the Wookie the best.

The conversation between her and Finn was going to have to be put on hold until they could find some time alone together.

Rey went to her old room aboard the ship, not wanting to talk with anyone or even see how Chewie was doing. It was a few hours to Lothal and she wanted to use the time to be alone and think over what she should tell Finn. She knew she had to confess the whole truth, but going about it was going to be very crucial to how he takes it. Or maybe it wouldn't; sometimes words mattered more than tone.

Her thoughts went to Lothal. How were Leia and Ben both there? From Garreaus' account, Ben had no idea Leia was on the planet. But something just wasn't right; something was missing.

First thing they needed to do was find the general and get her to safety. Then Rey was going to search for Ben on her own and nobody was going to stop her.

()()()()()

The Falcon zipped across the eerie atmosphere, coming up to what looked to be a quarry off in the distance. Luke landed the Falcon behind a rock configuration, using the natural formation to hide the large ship. Chewie and Kalonia stayed with the freighter, prepared to get them if they needed help.

The wind outside was starting to graduate from a breeze and into full on gusts. A storm was coming in; Rey could smell it in the air and feel it in her joints. Her heavy, black coat offered her body reprieve from the wind chill, but her head was fully exposed, causing her facial muscles to freeze. _I hate the cold, I hate the cold..._ she thought, the words a mantra in her anxiety ridden mind.

Skywalker took the lead, guiding them to the main building in the middle of the quarry. No one was posted outside and as they entered, not a single person could be seen, but Rey could feel life forms– dozens of them, in fact. One of them was very faint, but she was sure it was Ben.

He was somewhere in the building. She pulled at their bond, but Ben wasn't responding.

Rey didn't know what to do. Should she say something? Could she even get her voice to work? She was freaking out and trying to understand how Leia and Ben came to be in the exact same place at the exact same time.

"Guys!" Poe whispered from a doorway in the corner. "You need to see this!" They bolted over and entered a security room, small flickering monitors lining the wall. Poe pointed to one of the side monitors and Rey's knees almost buckled from the image.

Leia was being beaten with a stun baton, a woman seemingly laughing at the torture. On the other wall stood Ben, watching the show with barely any emotion. His widened eyes were the only proof that he was shocked by the violence, and Rey wondered why he wasn't helping his mother. But then, she realized that there were _a lot_ of armed men in that room and doing so would be equivalent to committing suicide.

Or, was he a part of all this somehow?

Rey spun around to talk to Luke, but he was gone. She sprinted after him, following his signature through countless hallways and down a flight of stairs. _How big is this building?_ From the outside, it didn't look to be large, but running through it made it feel immense. Rey's breathing started to pick up, her heart pounding in her ribcage.

Rey rounded a corner to see Luke running toward an unconscious Ben at the end of a long hallway. His saber was ignited and instinctively, Rey Force pushed her master before she could find out if Luke would really use the weapon on his nephew.

With her eyes glued ahead, she rushed to Ben to make sure that he was not gravely injured. The blood beneath his head stated otherwise.

()()()()()

All he could do was stare at the scene unfolding before him. Ren didn't even know where to begin processing the hurricane of emotions rampaging within, but at least his mind was still capable of coming up with two questions, even if they were unimportant.

One: How did his mother even come to be here?

Two: What the hell was going on at the Resistance?

"What is this?" he asked through a set jaw, his eyes bouncing between Carise and his mother.

Carise smacked her lips. "Isn't it obvious? This is the way back into you master's good graces. Just imagine the reward he'll give you for killing the general of the Resistance." He didn't have to imagine; he already knew. This was the miracle he needed that would allow him to return to the First Order with his mind intact and no punishment befalling him. The phrase "be careful what you wish for" was never so poignant as it was at this exact moment.

On the surface, he made himself appear as collected as a hyperdrive's motivator, his components all in order and welded in place. But beneath, he was seething, evidenced by his tightly balled fists. "What makes you think I want to go back?"

Rey suddenly tugged harshly on their bond, but Ren had no other option but to ignore it. Out of the whole two weeks they were apart and she chose now to try and contact him? Bad timing.

Carise giggled, rolling her eyes vividly, which helped him regain his focus. "Please. A man of your skill set must be dying without a purpose, without a way to use those abilities of yours. You made a mistake by leaving, but by doing this deed, you can make everything right again."

His mind, let alone his tired body, was definitely not present enough to handle this right now. He felt like he'd been ran over by a herd of banthas, but his mother… stars, she appeared to be in worse shape than him. Taking a few seconds to _really_ look at her, he saw a feeble body, mated hair, and despair etched into her eyes, the same dark eyes he had inherited from her.

"Do you know what she has done to me?" Carise darkly asked, and Ren almost rolled his eyes.

Everyone knew what Leia had done to her, mainly because Carise had been incapable of not constantly complaining about it after it had happened. It didn't take long for the news to reach Ren, but by then, every snippet of Ben had been beaten out of him and his reaction had been impartial.

"I do," he stated.

"Then you know why I want you to kill her." A son murdering his mother…such a thing was beyond the normal parameters of cruelty– if such a thing had any boundaries at all– and was exactly the type of scenario Ren would think of. Hell, he basically enacted it on his father, but for some reason, bestowing this ruthlessness upon his mother seemed way more personal.

Abruptly, Leia made a dash for the side door, only making it a few feet before the guard snatched her by the hair and snapped her head back, causing her to grunt. Her body followed, her feet fighting desperately to find her footing. The guard whipped out a stun baton and before Ren could even blink, wailed it right across her back, sending the electrical shockwave through her body. The muffled scream was heart piercing and Ren watched as she fell to the floor, moaning and curling up to protect herself from the beatings.

Carise's triumphant, cackling laughter bordered on hysteria, which might have been disturbing if he wasn't surrounded by thirty men and had just witnessed his mother be electrocuted to the point of barely being conscious.

"Idiotic woman," Carise sneered, glancing down at Leia like she was a rabid dog in need of being punished.

The whole event made Ren's body respond by snapping his spine straight, his veins vibrating through his bones, his brain blooming with a buzz that not even rationality could get near.

Carise seemed to be on one hell of a power trip as she kept talking, which was all well and good for her ego but ultimately meant nothing to him. He just kept staring at his mother, not registering a single word of the woman's long tirade.

There was, he firmly told himself, nothing cosmic or pre-ordained about being in this warehouse, other than the fact he hadn't seen his mother in person for over a decade and now here she was, offered up to him like an animal awaiting the slaughter. Yeah… there was absolutely no divine power messing with his life at the moment.

None. At. All.

 _Shit._

Carise motioned to the guard and Leia was suddenly hoisted to her feet, pulling her along as the pair came toward him. The shuffling of their boots on the hard surface was a soft noise that seemed as loud as someone screaming. Or was that the humming of the blood in his ears? Yeah, he was pretty sure that sound was his heart pumping his life force into his eardrums.

As his mother was brought closer, the few working neurons in his head made his foot take a step back, but his heel and spine immediately met the wall behind him. There was nowhere to go. Maybe the alcohol was starting to wear off or the shock of everything that was going on brought him to the present, but he was finally able to register just how cold this basement was. As a result of the plunge in temperature, the wall against his back was frigid and he could feel the cold from the floor seep into his boots. His eyes picked up his breath– a cloud without a sky.

The guard tossed Leia a few meters from him and then reclaimed his spot by Carise's side. "So, what's it going to be?" The woman asked impatiently.

Ren was having a mind splitting time trying to assess just how deep in metaphorical shit he was in. Leia was a mere stride away and he couldn't tear his corneas away from her own haunting eyes. Neither could look away, even though both wanted to. Time was just a collective number compared to the galaxy at large and right now, it seemed to be counting down. To what, Ren didn't even know.

However, he had a thought that what he chose to do within the next minute of his existence was going to be life altering, more so than when he decided not to go through with killing Rey.

Memories ripped at him, the ones he had of his mother before he was banished to that ridiculous academy: her yelling at him for killing animals, the way she called him a monster behind closed doors, how she always chose the Senate over him, all the times Threepio reheated leftovers for dinner because she wasn't there…. How could he not think of a single good memory of her? Did he even have any?

Did she have any of him?

Pretty early on in life, he had given up on seeking her affection because he'd been too tired of experiencing the constant rejection. He hadn't dared discuss his fears and failures with her. Even when she did make her attempts at parenting through the lectures, comparisons, and brow-beatings, he was too far-gone for any of it to matter.

He'd been too far-gone for a long time now, but somehow, there had been awakening that was slowly resurrecting who he used to be. His altruism was booming too loud for him to ignore as he gazed at the defenseless woman on her knees, staring up at him.

With a clarity that was shattering, he realized that he didn't have it within himself to kill his own mother. He hated her on the same level he hated himself, but even then, he couldn't take her life away. Her life needed to remain intact; he owed his father that much, at least.

The breath he exhaled lasted a lifetime as he rubbed the exhaustion from his prickly face, leaving behind the anger. How dare Carise put him in this position. The last thing he needed after drinking for a day straight and getting zero sleep was to be reminded how ruined he was, because for a split second after Carise had offered up his mother, he had actually considered doing the unforgivable. The thought of killing her and getting back to his master's side had popped into his mind and he was ashamed that it had even gone that far. His soul was fractured permanently, his mind splintered into dozens of pieces, and he hated knowing how irreparable his entire being was.

Rage weighted into Ren like gravity, and he felt its inviting heft ground him, invigorate him. He knew this feeling intimately well. It always raped him of grace and left him in the coziness of twilight. This was the type of fury that had sliced that boy in two and had squashed the remains below his boots. This was the kind of viciousness that had made Sheldom stab himself till Ren bathed in the blood that spewed from the man's jugular.

He was a quarter of an inch away from losing it, but he needed to play this situation precisely if he was going to get Leia and him out alive. Such a feat required patience and planning, but then, he opened his mouth and that was when everything took a nosedive straight into the realm of you're-going-to-regret-this-later.

A hard expression bled into his face, sharpening his eyes. "Oh, Carise." He coldly laughed, perfectly aware that he looked like the definition of a maniac. Actually, he was one. "You know, I remember you at that party. Throwing yourself at every man in the room, looking cheap and easy in your tight dress." Honestly, Ren couldn't recall what she was wearing, only how she had acted. But if he was wrong about her attire, he knew it was going to annoy her.

And it did. Her face was way too easy to read, showcasing just how weak minded the woman really was.

Meanwhile, Leia remained on her knees, watching her son with deep fear and confusion.

 _Do I dare continue?_

 _Yesssss,_ his monster hissed. "You're a whore." Never had such an insult left his mouth, but his demon nodded in approval, goading him to keep speaking. "And you aren't even a clever one. You want your revenge? You should have killed the general yourself, like a normal person." As he kept going, Carise became a focal point for his fury and self-hatred, an object to work out his feelings, making his fingers involuntarily twitch for his lightsaber.

There was malice in his voice- as well as murderous inevitability. "Instead, you waste my time by bringing me here. So, here's what's going to happen." The woman's face was tinted in deep ire and Ren was sure he could see a rather unappealing vein popping out of her forehead. "When the dust settles from this encounter you've meticulously concocted, I am going to look for you and make no mistake that I will find you. I am going to _savor_ butchering you Carise, but only after you get on your hands and knees and beg me for mercy, like the bitch that you are."

The room grew so quiet that even a hair falling to the floor sounded like a grenade detonating. No one moved and by Carise's shocked expression, he was sure she forgot to breathe.

Ren was getting hot under his layers, his anger finally making him feel feverish. His skin was ablaze, his blood fueling the flame, and his bone marrow the spark that created it all. Sweat beaded from his pores, attempting to lower his temperature, but failing.

Ren licked his lips, feeling how chapped they had become. "Let me put my answer in simpler terms so you can understand." Because clearly she was having trouble deciphering the timetable of her own demise. "You're the person I'm going to kill, Carise; not the General." That little fact hung in the air like a noose looking for a neck to snap and Ren was going to guide it over to the elegantly dressed woman in the middle of the room.

Leia gasped loudly against the gag, which made it sound more like a chortle, but Ren knew what she was going for. Her owlish-big eyes conveyed how floored she was and slowly, Ren started to feel the same.

It was like a curtain had been pulled back, revealing that thirty men were armed and pissed and waiting for the cue to be unleashed. He had completely forgotten about them as his mouth uncontrollably spewed threats and obscenities like his words were in a whirlpool without an end.

Aaaaaaand this was one of the reasons he didn't talk a lot. Whenever he did, he always managed to make the situation worse and spill his opinions everywhere, coloring everyone vengeful. He didn't even need to read Carise's mind to know she was two seconds away from calling on her army, directing them right at his dogmatic ass.

It would appear that the situation was speeding up exponentially, and he now needed to move onto plan B; except he didn't have a plan B. Usually his plan A's worked because they were all about going straight to violence and overpowering his victims.

Plan A was not going to work unless he had a desire to meet death for a drink later, which he did not. His adrenal glands were working overtime, giving his mind the fight or flight options. Even though his ego didn't want to participate, he came up with a plan B that was so unlike him, he inwardly cringed when thinking it.

Run. He was going to run. More like sprint, but as long as his legs got him to his speeder, it could be classified as scampering and he didn't care.

Time slowed to a languid crawl as Carise opened her mouth, about to shout the order to kill both him and his mother. On an exhale, he concentrated all his frustration and power through his hands, pushing out with an extreme amount of Force that hard-pressed his spine into the wall and left him gasping.

Carise's entourage, including herself, were bulldozed right off their feet and straight into the wall behind them, causing a quick succession of bangs, cracks, and grunts.

He didn't linger to ogle at his achievement.

Grabbing his mother roughly, he tugged her to the door, mentally unlocking the mechanism and darting through the exit as BB-8 followed. Leia had to have serious whiplash by now, but it was better than being dead.

The door slid closed, but he needed to give them more time to get out of the warehouse. Still squeezing Leia's arm, he wheeled them around to the door panel and placed his free hand on the buttons. Never has he been able to master the art of Force lightening, but he had gotten close a few times. He could create a small electrical current, appearing like sparks flying between his fingertips. It was the evidence that while he thought to be completely under the dark side's waves, the top of his head had always been sticking out of the surface, stubbornly defying his wishes.

He sent a current through the wires covering the room, short-circuiting the ways to get inside. Unless they had a very skilled electrician in there, they were not getting out for a while.

A blaster suddenly went off right next to him. Leia had somehow freed herself from the restraints, grabbed the blaster from his holster, and killed the stunned imp at the end of the hall.

Wide-eyed, he stared at his mother for a moment, watching her lower the gag so it was around her neck. She glanced at him, not showing any form of surprise to be in the presence of her son. Her face was serious, exuding the military general he knew her to be. "Lets get out of here." She darted down the hallway and BB-8 and him followed, both passing the dead imp like the insignificant man he was.

While he went straight for the lift, Leia went right, opening the door to the stairwell. "The stairs would be a better option," she stated, making him stop and clench his teeth. Leia was right, of course, and that irked him. He needed to get her out of here and then part ways as soon as possible. This time, he would be more careful in who he solicited transportation from.

Maybe he could find a job more suitable to his skills. He could possibly get away with freelancing his talent by going back to what he did best. Someone with his kind of power was always in demand in the right organizations. And seeing how he was a predator, job satisfaction was a given.

Focusing on levitating BB-8 next to him, they darted up the stairs, the droid flying close to his right along the way.

Climbing the flight of stairs was difficult since he was winded from the amount of power he had exuded a minute ago, but his mother was having a much harder time. She was slowing considerably and before he could grab her, the door beside them opened and he was suddenly wrenched into a long hallway, causing BB-8 to collapse to the floor with a loud thud.

He cut off the connection, finding his footing quickly and igniting his saber in his right hand. At the far end of the hall was Cato, wearing his preferred checkered black mask and heavy black battle attire. And in his right hand was the darksaber: a flat, thinned, and slightly curved blade that was blacker than the void of space.

"Quite the weapons upgrade," Ren snarled

"Killed a Mandalorian for it, but I'd say the challenge was worth it." Cato's mask distorted his voice as his head moved up an inch, looking behind Ren's broad form. Leia and BB-8 had come through the stairwells exit, halting when catching a glimpse of the knight at the far side. He could practically hear the wheels turning in Cato's mind and Ren realized he would have to protect both him and Leia… and BB-8. Right before the men jumped into the brutal duel, they both froze.

The Force signature they were both sensing was undeniable, causing Ren's veins to stiffen and his heart to constrict from the pressure. Cato, being the smart knight that he was, disappeared down an adjacent corridor. Footsteps came from the passageway to Ren's left and then abruptly stopped. His breath grew more uneven as his head moved by inches, his eyes taking in the Jedi Master to his left.

Power hit him, so much so that he didn't even have the strength to block it quickly enough. His body slammed viciously into the metal wall at his side, his head cracking on impact and beating his grey matter into useless mush.

Yelling. Voices. Running. Someone dragging him across the floor. Did Carise's men get out of the room already? But why would they be dragging him when they wanted him dead? Even his uncle wanted him dead. Hell, _everyone_ wanted him dead.

 _Mom_.

Where was she? His senses were sluggishly rebooting and everything seemed so distant as he attempted to open his eyes, but his lids weighed more than a tauntaun. His hands were gliding across the ground and he could feel the cold seep through his gloves. He didn't even remember falling to the ground. Did he black out? How long has he been down? Was that him that was moaning?

A door opened, then closed. Even behind closed lids, he could tell the room was dark. The scent of chemicals was robust as he inhaled, the toxic air stinging his nose and throat raw.

Someone was saying his name, his _birth_ name and his preferred one. Actually, multiple people were saying his name, and not in a kind way.

"I thought he was trying to kill you," Skywalker whispered.

"I told you he wasn't!" Leia whispered fiercely. "If Rey hadn't pushed you away, you would have killed him! He saved me Luke. He was given the choice to kill me and he chose not to do it."

Ren tuned them out, instead focusing on a conversation that was literally taking place over his drowsy body.

"You need to get away from him," a man muttered, the voice unknown to Ren.

"He wouldn't hurt her," Poe countered.

 _Poe is here?_

"All he's ever done is hurt people. And kill them!" The man hotly argued while keeping his voice at a hushed tone.

"Finn, he won't hurt me." _Rey!_ He moaned as he tried to call out to her. Even though her voice was rushed, it sounded feminine, airy, and smooth on his ears. Cold hands cradled his face, rubbing their icy thumbs over his cheeks.

"Ben," she said. Strength was being siphoned into him and with a jolt, his lids burst open.

He immediately zeroed in on Rey's hazel eyes, like his own knew exactly where hers would be. In the dim light, he drank in her round face, golden skin, and plump lips. All of her features were a thousand times better than anything his memory had given him over the past two weeks.

Half of her hair was tied back, while the lower half hanged loose, falling almost into his face. His hand ran through her silky tresses, needing to know that she was real and not an illusion of some nightmare. His hand became greedy as he palmed her cheek.

"I was starting to think I'd never see you again," he said in a cracked voice.

"Me too," she whispered with a sad smile.

Rey was here. She was actually here, touching him with the affection he'd been dreaming about his whole life. Gods, he couldn't look away from her, couldn't register anything but her, and all he wanted to do was feel those soft lips caressing his.

He was about to pull her into him when Poe abruptly appeared above her, peering down at him with a sour expression.

"Whoa, man. You look like shit." And he felt like it, but it wasn't from the physical wounds he had sustained. He'd been so incandescently happy upon seeing Rey that when Poe came into view, his emotions came crashing down to reality at lightspeed, leaving him in a million broken fragments.

"Here," Rey said as she grabbed his shoulders. "See if you can sit up." He winced, clutching onto his right side while collapsing upright against a wall. Removing his hand, he and Rey glanced at his bloody palm, her eyes growing increasingly worried.

She raised his shirt, looking over the injury. "Looks like a blaster wound. When did you get hit?" _When, indeed._ He couldn't recall being shot at, but the only time it could have happened was when him and Leia were running from the plethora of men who were packing heat. The high octane of adrenaline must have made it so he never felt his side get wounded.

Rey placed her hand directly on the hole in his skin and he felt the dermis start to mend together. Curtly, he grabbed her wrist and gently took her hand away. "Don't," he told her.

Her forehead creased in confusion. "You need to heal the wound and I should take a look at your head. There's blood in your hair."

He shook his head vigorously, willing his strength to return. "No, I don't want you to heal them." He couldn't take an ounce of power away from her, even if she was offering. She was going to need all of it if she was going to make it out of here alive.

She protested, but Ren ignored her. Against her warnings, he stood, putting on a convincing front that he had the might to do so. Gods, the mixture of his head wound and the hang over was causing his head to pound with every heartbeat.

Healing always had to be strategic: mend the wound and somehow wait for your strength to return, or battle through the pain and use your remaining strength to fight. Seeing how the situation was dire, he held off on the healing.

Rey had a firm grip on his arm and he looked down at her small hand that couldn't even wrap around his bicep. Where was his coat? It must have been taken off sometime during his whole black out episode, for now he only had the leather jacket for warmth.

The room was aggressively quiet, all eyes on him. He rabidly grew claustrophobic, like he had been buried alive and was breathing only dirt. _Did all the air up and vanish from this closet?_

The room they were in was some sort of utility closet, a table at the back wall and shelving lining the sides. Bottles of chemicals, boxes, and gadgets took up every inch of flat surface, making the place look cluttered. While roaming over the surroundings, he made an itinerary of every single person there: Rey, Poe, Leia, Skywalker… and the trooper. That man was deathly glaring at Ren, his blaster rifle strategically pointing right at him, but appearing casual about it.

Skywalker had his palm on the door, eyes closed and focusing on the wondering men outside. From the footfalls and muffled shouting, they were now out of the basement and hunting them. Ren could sense what Skywalker was doing: he was fogging the minds of the people who passed the door, making their eyes only see a wall and walk right by, unaware their prize lingered inside.

Leia had ditched her persona as a general and was now gazing at him passionately. She took a timid step forward, Rey still holding onto him and remaining at his side.

"Don't," he firmly commanded at Leia. She froze, her eyes becoming visibly glossy. Cold anger hardened his face enough to make his scar stand out in a light, pink line against his pale skin. The change in demeanor was so sudden that Rey abruptly recoiled, not knowing how to react.

Ren didn't want to talk to his mother. Yes, he saved her life and did not want to see her die, but the depths at which he loathed this woman stretched into infinity. Also, looking at her made him think about his father on that bridge, and a small part of himself was yelling to grovel at her feet and beg for forgiveness. Fortunately, he held off on enacting such a display. Apologizing for murdering his father was such a small gesture, that he didn't think it would be worth attempting.

"Ben," she whispered fervently.

"That boy is dead." His voice was a timbre lower, sounding insidious. Skywalker's head craned slightly to the exchange, his ear listening as his eyes remained closed, concentrating on keeping them hidden.

"No, he isn't." Leia took another step, making Ben retreat further away. "You saved my life."

Ren dragged a hand through his hair and thought how good it would feel to put his fist through a wall. "Which I am starting to regret the more you keep talking to me."

No one said a word.

The shock on each of their faces was blinding and he turned away before it made his headache worse. He went to the table, placing his hands on the edge and hanging his head low. The chain on his mood swings had been broken and now he was finding it close to impossible to control his tongue. Being crass with Carise had opened the gates to being insensitive. But hasn't he always been insensitive to others, though?

A soft weight came on his shoulder and he craned his head to see Rey standing very close to him, closer than what was deemed appropriate. "I'm proud of you for saving your mother," she said quietly, giving him a small hint of a smile.

Her green eyes were drawing him in and that nudge from earlier took up its usual spot of residence in the back of his mind. It was pushing him to confess what he felt for her, to tell her how he dreamed about her since he was a small boy of ten. His heart raced and he knew everyone was watching them, not even trying to hide the fact they were eavesdropping. The room was small, so even if Rey and him spoke in whispers, every word would clearly be heard.

But the last time he ignored the prompting, _this_ all happened.

Well, he had never cared what people thought of him and he shouldn't start now. The muscles in his face relaxed, making him appear softer than he felt. "Rey, I need to tell you something. I…" His voice gave out as he stared at her deeply.

She removed her hand, letting it rest at her side. "If you're trying to admit something to me, I already know."

 _What?_ "You do?" His voice went up an octave.

Her face hardened slightly. "I already know that you broke your word to me before we parted." Ren blinked quickly and frowned, which gradually turned to confusion. How did she know he broke his promises?

As if she read his mind, she said, "Your friends arrived at the base before we left. I found my journal in your room, which you must've grabbed when you went to Ahch-To." She searched his face for an admission, but his silence was more than enough to give her the truth. "Then Garreaus told me what went down at their place. He said Sheldom was alive when he left." Ren cursed inwardly. He thought none of them had noticed that. "What did you do to that man?"

He kept his voice even as he replied, "Nothing he didn't deserve, and he deserved far worse than what I did to him."

If Rey were the type of person to use colorful language, she would have sworn out loud. "How long did you drag out his death?"

His head swiveled over the useless junk on the table, thinking how he didn't want the conversation to go this way. He always thought it was funny how people tended to think you could drag out death. To him, death was always quick. One second, your heart was beating and then the next, it wasn't. What was dragged out was the pain and anticipation of dying, which happened to be Ren's favorite entertainment. "Ben?" she pushed.

He didn't look at her as he grumbled, "He didn't go quickly. And before you ask, yes, his death was painful and yes, I did enjoy it."

Ren was too afraid to see what expression was on her face, but he could sense her mixture of disappointment and frustration.

"I guess you made yourself into a liar, now that you've broken the promises you made me." Now that stung. Ren hated being called a liar, and he hated that she was right.

He whipped around sharply, taking her by surprise. In his periphery, he could see everyone, except Skywalker, staring at them. The moronic stormtrooper was even waiting for Ren to touch Rey so he had an excuse to shoot him, which vaguely reminded him that he was without his lightsaber. "Those were impossible to keep and you knew that," he curtly retaliated.

"Impossible?" Rey's eyes shot him a fiery stare. "I asked you not to go to Ahch-To, and not to hurt anyone. It's not like I told you to stop blinking!"

"Are you forgetting the third? I'm still breathing, aren't I?" Ren had always been a hothead, but he thought he was doing a considerably great job at not raising his voice at Rey. She, on the other hand, kept her tone bursting of daggers.

Her expression turned volcanic. "For now. Can you not hear how many men are out there?"

Ren looked around for a life raft, and got a whole lot of eyes staring back at him. "I saw them, so I know how many are out there. I've had worse odds."

"You're being reckless," Rey bit out.

Silence.

Then, "No, I'm being confident. I know what I'm capable of and we can make it out of here. Alive." He was silently hoping for the stormtrooper to die during their escape while the rest of them made it out, but he wisely kept that wish to himself.

Her brows rose as she gave his tall frame a once over. "I don't know if you realize this, but you are not in great shape. The wound in your side is making you paler than usual, and you look like you haven't slept in days."

Ren shot her a level stare. He didn't appreciate being passively called weak. "I'm fine."

Rey rolled her eyes. "Don't try and be a hero."

"That word should never be used to describe me."

Finn scoffed, making everyone cast the attention onto him. "No kidding."

Ren would gladly give up one of his kidneys just so he could kill the bastard without having to deal with any repercussions. "Is there something you need to say, _trooper_?" Ren asked as he ground his teeth.

Finn was wound tight, wanting to take the pent up pressure out on Ren physically and verbally. "Yeah, actually. I had to learn how to walk again because of you."

"Oh. My apologies," Ren sneered. "I should've made sure you were dead so you wouldn't have to go through such an ordeal."

 _Whack!_

Fire exploded in the left side of Ren's face, his eye stinging with the force of the slap. The shock from the sudden pain made him freeze for a moment before lifting his downturned sight to Rey.

She had grown attached to her stormtrooper over the last two weeks, so much so that when she'd heard his harsh comment, she was unable to control her anger. Guilt was riddled all over her features as she covered her agape mouth with her hand.

The silence stretched as wide as a canyon until finally, Poe intervened. "Okay." The pilot took a step forward. "I think we all just need to calm down for a moment." Finn pulled at Rey's arm, trying to get her away from Ren, but she wouldn't budge. Her and Ren were locked in the current of the situation and he watched as her eyes filled with tears." I– I am so–"

"Stop," he muttered. "What did I tell you about apologizing."

Her eyelids popped wide. "How can you say that? I hit you."

He shook his head, knowing that the slap she'd given was more like a caress compared to the other times he's taken a beating. "You did nothing wrong. I'm sorry I upset you." Now everyone joined in with looking stunned. Even Skywalker, who was having a hard time staying by the door, had his mouth hanging open. Ren could tell Leia wanted to come closer, and Poe actually pinched himself to make sure this was all real.

Ren didn't give a shit what the trooper was up to.

"We need to leave," Skywalker cut in. "They've moved on from searching this floor."

That seemed to wake everyone up to the situation that was unfolding outside. One by one, they gathered by the door, except Ren stayed where he was. Rey eyed him, alarmed that he wasn't by the exit, but it was his mother who spoke up.

"What are you doing?" He didn't answer or even glance in her direction. Ren took his steps deliberately slow, coming up behind Rey.

Skywalker contacted Chewie, conveying to the Wookie the plan to meet on the rooftop with the Falcon. Ren's heart skipped a beat from dread. He hated that ship and partly blamed that piece of junk for taking his father away from him, which was stupid given the fact that the thing wasn't even alive. But whatever, he wasn't getting on that freighter anyway, and he was pretty sure Rey was starting to sense his plan.

Trying to be discreet, Rey slipped him his saber hilt and he positioned it in his gloved right hand.

One after the other, they bolted from the room, Ren purposely taking up the rear during the frantic trip. While ascending the stairs, he reflexively put his hand on Rey's lower back, using the excuse that he was helping her up the stairs, but he honestly just wanted to touch her. From her sudden jolt, she felt his touch, but didn't swat it away. If anything, she somehow moved closer to him.

The stormtrooper kept glancing behind, his frustration obvious and giving Ren a high of satisfaction. But then he remembered this might be the last time he felt Rey on his palm and the gratification melted into anguish.

They made it to the roof, big swells of wind hammering against him and causing him to shift his balance so he didn't fall. How long was he in that warehouse? He was sure it wasn't over twenty minutes and yet, the weather had changed dramatically in such a short time. Black, ominous storm clouds were rolling toward the quarry from the west, covering the dark, twinkling sky. To the east, light was crawling languidly onto the sky's canvas, brushing it with strokes of blue and orange. The sun was still hidden behind the far off mountains, but Ren could feel it jumping with the excitement of gifting the landscape with a new beginning.

Through his tousling hair, he saw the Falcon hovering at the edge of the building, its ramp down and waiting for them to board. He was suddenly bombarded with the memories of finding the Falcon on Starkiller, walking into the cockpit and thinking of the times when he was younger, pretending to pilot the freighter through a horde of tie fighters. Then, as clear as the sky to his left, he could see his father walking onto the bridge to meet him halfway. The image was so real that it was running rampant through his emotions, tearing through his apathy and leaving behind his sickening empathy.

Skywalker quickly ignited his saber and destroyed the door panel, locking the entrance behind them. It was only a matter of time before someone noticed the Falcon being idle by the building.

They sprinted to the ship, the violent gusts swirling around them, icing their skin. Abruptly, Ren slid to a stop, his eyes burning from the airstream, but unable to glance away from the ship ahead.

Rey noticed his pause and turned while everyone made it onto the ramp. They all studied the perplexing scene on the roof and Poe yelled something indiscernible over the turbulent weather. Leia wanted to go to him, but Skywalker firmly held her arm.

"Ben!" Rey shouted, her hair floating to the right. "Come on!"

Ren knew where that ship would take him and he refused to go there. Nothing ideal was waiting for him at the Resistance.

"I'll find my own way off the planet," he shouted over the gale storm. "I'm not going to the base!"

Rey's eyes lit up, a fury shining though them that made Ren shiver. Or was that the wind chill seeping into his bones? She hurriedly walked toward him, her jaw clenched and her hand squeezing the saber hilt angrily. For a second, he actually thought she might use her weapon on him- that was how livid she appeared.

"You are getting on that ship with your own two feet, or I will make you get on it!"

He shook his head. "There's nothing for me there!"

"I'm there," she countered, her voice cracking from a constricted throat. Her anger was breaking down into desperation and it was extremely difficult to not give into her demands, but he remained firm.

"You know they'll kill me for everything I've done! And then where would that leave you?"

"Don't try to use me as an excuse! We can figure out a way to keep you alive. You're just afraid of facing up to everything you've done, but sooner or later, you're gonna have to! So you might as well do it with me around so I can help you through the guilt!"

Men were banging at the door behind him and Rey glanced at the closed entrance. "We don't have time for this! Just get on the ship and we'll figure everything out later."

His feet wouldn't move. "I always tell myself I'll figure it out later, but this time, I already know what I want to do. I can meet up with you later on." Ren's facial muscles were seizing up from the cold and he welcomed the reprieve from the torture.

Rey harshly grabbed a fistful of his shirt, trying to shake some sense into him. "There won't be a later on! Can't you feel it? If you don't get on that ship, we'll never see each other again!"

Maybe that was what the past two weeks were trying to tell him: that Rey and him could never work and he needed to accept that. Her life was the antithesis to his dark existence and was impossible to join together, like oil and water. Maybe all those times he felt like their destinies were entwined was just him wishfully thinking that he could be with a woman as exceptional as Rey.

Rey's mouth slackened, a whole lot of what-the-hell-are-you-thinking forming onto her expression. "You can't do this to me again! So if you aren't getting on that ship, then neither am I!"

"Rey–" The prick in his mind came back, telling him to get Rey to safety. Tersely, he Force pushed Rey to the ramp, Poe and Finn catching her before the landing became extremely hazardous. He jumped back just as the darksaber slammed down where he'd been standing. With his saber ignited, he blocked the onslaught of attacks, his mind purely focused on the threat trying to kill him. There was only a few seconds of dueling before the rooftop door finally opened, soldiers flooding out of the exit and firing at him and the Falcon. Ren ran to the side, his lightsaber attempting to block the blaster fire as he jumped off the buildings ledge, feeling a sharp sting in his left shoulder blade and right calf. He kept his mind on using the Force to slow his fall instead of being distracted by his new injuries. But damn, they were excruciating.

With his strength already extremely spent, the fall was less than graceful, the shock of hitting the ground shooting through his knees and vibrating his teeth.

His side and back were aching to the point that it was hard to breath through the pain. He grabbed the side wound, twisting the flesh and using the painful anger to fuel his focus. Cato landed in front and Ren braced himself quickly for the succession of blows.

Ren was put on the defensive, parrying the swings and thrusts from his very capable knight. His performance was grossly below expectations, which unnerved him. Up above, the Falcon was maneuvering away from the blaster fire, but didn't leave the quarry. It was twisting and turning, trying to stay close to him while firing at the enemy.

Cato took advantage of the distraction and lunged at Ren's exposed right side. The sharp slice took his breath away, but he didn't have time to assess the damage. From the heat spooling over onto his leg, he knew the wound was bad.

The fight was being drawn out into the open, catching the attention of a few soldiers. Ren had to block their fire and track Cato's blade at the same time and all of it was proving to be too taxing on his already throbbing brain. Luckily, the Falcon flew by, firing at the rooftop and causing half the building to collapse, giving Ren time to focus solely on Cato.

Their sabers locked and Cato twisted, wrenching Ren's hilt from his grasp and leaving him unarmed. Ren ducked, jumped and skidded out of the way of both sabers. He grabbed Cato's wrist and twisted to plant his elbow right in the knights mask. Involuntarily, the knight dropped the darksaber and it slid off to the side against a boulder. Cato hooked his foot against Ren's heel and pulled, sending him to the ground with a loud grunt.

Ren outstretched his hand, calling the blade to him, but Cato proved to be faster as he drove Ren's blade right in the direction for his heart. The darksaber was not going to make it to his hand in time so Ren, with no options left, lifted his hand to block the crackling blade.

It was a move that was rarely used and never practiced– which was understandable, seeing how no one in their right mind would voluntarily put their hand against a lightsaber. But this was Ren's only option, so he had to risk it.

Heat blasted into his palm, but thankfully, the saber did not cross through his flesh. While straddling Ren, Cato leaned into the saber, causing it to disappear further into his hand. Ren gritted his teeth so hard, he was surprised they hadn't shattered. The pain in his palm was equivalent to holding your hand directly over a fire, but he didn't dare flinch.

As his endorphins kicked in, he soared to a nice high that made him glow with what felt like health, but was really evidence that his body was in a lot of trouble. There were injuries everywhere and he knew he shouldn't be feeling this way unless his body was starting to shut down. It was essentially the high you get before death takes you, and for the first time during the whole ordeal, he realized that dying was a very big possibility.

Was this what his victims felt in their last moments? The thought echoed in his mind as it lingered.

In that moment, he felt Rey tug on their bond and he desperately opened it. Without asking and not knowing her intentions, he stole some of her strength and put it all behind a Force push. Ren's saber flew off into the distance, leaving Cato on top of him. Ren twisted his hips and the two men wrestled for control, their forearms and biceps straining as they rolled around. Usually Ren was good at the ground game, but given how his muscles had liquefied, he was close to useless. Even his clothes felt like heavy chains around him, drawing him further into the ground.

His will to keep going was there. His body was not.

Cato punched Ren's bad side, shuffling his internal organs and causing his eyesight to blacken momentarily as he wobbled to his full height. The high was now gone, putting him in full crash territory. The knight's hit had stunned Ren long enough for the man to find the darksaber and come at him. As Ren tried to dart out of the way, his mind moved too sluggishly for his body to respond. The unholy blade sliced at his upper arm and Ren knew the situation was dire when he didn't even feel it.

His actions were very much like a glass tumbling off a table, shattering and spilling in slow motion, unable to hold himself together anymore.

Ren anticipated Cato's next move completely wrong as he went in the opposite direction. His chest ignited into an inferno and every molecule in his body was shocked into submission. The darksaber slid into his sternum and pointed out his back, burning through his jacket.

There was pain, like the kind you experience when your throat burned from the cold air. Then there was PAIN, the type that you lived through when being shot by a bowcaster. This was **PAIN** , and the feeling numbed out the rest of Ren's senses.

He didn't feel his hands grip around Cato's, didn't register the pressure on his knees as they hit the ground. He didn't shudder, didn't process, didn't blink. His mind was falling, completely subject to the laws of gravity and descending at a speed that was uncontrollably gut wrenching. The destination was tantamount to deaths door and he was going to be barging through it pretty soon.

Cato was on one knee as he plunged the blade further, the hilt pressing against Ren's chest and making him gasp. On his knees and out of luck, Ren looked up, glancing past Cato's odious mask and at the red rim of the sun against the mountains. The wind had calmed sometime during the fight and the storm clouds had veered off in the other direction, blessing Ren with the opportunity to feel the sun on his face one last time. How trivial he felt in that moment, his petty ambitions and strivings paling in the presence of the exalted elemental forces of nature and transience.

Death was full, while man remained so small.

On the Dejarik board of his Force-forsaken existence, the pieces had been lined up, the play already preordained. So many times in his life, Ren had thought he was choosing his own path, but he wasn't. The way he went was already decided for him and had led him here. Free will was an absolute illusion and Ren had been unbelievably naïve to think that he was an exception.

Fear flooded his face, the same fear he would witness in all the people he had killed. There was no bargaining or pleading for more time. His life was now on a countdown to his end.

No amount of healing could bring him back from this. This was a mortal blow, a stain on his chest he couldn't wash away. The energy required to heal the wound would surely kill him faster, and he wanted to stay alive as long as possible.

Suddenly, Cato was violently tossed back into the air, the darksaber going with its master. As Ren fell back, he just lay there as a crushing pressure made his heart hurdle and his mind fog. Wide-eyed, all he could do was gasp, quick fluttering breaths beating against the blood rising in his throat, causing him to spit it out all over his face.

Each inhale made him feel like he was being stabbed all over again, but his body refused to let him go without oxygen.

One after the other, he saw faces. Each one of his victims was appearing to him, watching as justice was enacted upon the man who murdered them. He thought they had long been forgotten, but his subconscious must have been storing away their images so they could be used at this exact moment.

He was going through the hopelessness each one of them experienced and he couldn't stop the guilt that devoured him. Ren had always been unrepentedly wicked, but now, he wished he could take it all back. He had refused to kill children, but what a lie that all was. Every person in this galaxy was a child to someone, whether he or she was five or fifty. The village on Jakku had to have had children there; Ren just went out of his way to not look too closely.

His vision started to darken, his breathing becoming more labored. His thoughts drifted to Rey. Loving her was the most exquisite part of self-discovery and he regretted not telling her that, regretted not getting on the Falcon when he had the chance. If he just followed her onto the freighter, none of this would've happened. Maybe they could have found a way around his execution…

Damn. Rey was never going to be the same after his heart stopped beating and he couldn't do a thing about it. He was going to leave Rey to the curse of being alone while being surrounded by people. Maybe her stormtrooper would be enough to help her; maybe she could find some sort of comfort in him.

He was going to die alone, by the same wound he inflicted upon his father. _How fitting,_ he thought. An ironic smile plagued his lips as he felt his heart pull the remaining blood from his head. While his mind went through the steps of shutting down, his neurons started to fire, bringing up memories that had long been buried.

He was six and had just awoken from a nightmare. Having wet his bed and overwrought with fear, he crept to his mother's room. Opening the door, she saw his illuminated silhouette against the hallway light. He thought she was going to be upset that he'd woken her, but instead, she gave him a loving smile. She helped him get clean and change his sheets, and just when he thought she was going to leave him to his despair, she offered her son the empty spot next to her in bed.

"The monsters aren't real, Ben," she whispered in his small ear. "And even if they were, I would never let them hurt you."

His mother held him all night, guarding him from the fiend that poisoned his thoughts and dreams.

 _Ahhhhhhhh…_ Ren could feel his mother's arms through the good memory. It was comforting and warm and filled with love. Like all children, Ren had loved his parents unconditionally, until his neglect became a condition he could not look past. Leia had ignored him for most of his existence, but no amount of hate could mask how he cared for her. His last thoughts revolved around his mother- not Han, not Rey- and how he would never get to apologize for killing the man she had loved.

A guttural screaming of his name soared through the air, but Ren couldn't decipher who it was from.

His heart slowed, his eyes shut, and his body felt like it was floating. All feeling was now numbed, like his body was giving him one last breath of peace before he ceased to exist. It was sardonic that he had always been searching for this feeling, and the one place he finds it is right before the end.

Death, who had always been his ally, was now coming for him, betraying him at his most vulnerable. This entity, this black shadow had robbed him of his innocence and was now going to take his substance. His body was going to become fertilizer upon this cold, harsh ground.

 _This is it_ , he thought _._ Panicked, he tried to open his lids, but it was too late. They had become black walls. The vortex latched onto his soul, sucking him down no matter how much he tried to pull himself free.

"I'll always be here for you, Ben," his mother reassured him. He felt her smile against his cheek and he nuzzled closer to her warmth, feeling her embrace tighten around his small body.

 **I know, I know... Another cliffhanger?! This chapter was really long before I edited it. I had to summarize Rey's time at the base a lot more and shorten some of Ren's thoughts just so it could be under fifteen thousand words. I just write way too much.**

 **If there is any errors while reading, I apologize. I was editing this in between my two kids wreaking havoc and watching Disney Junior. Not the best environment to write in, but I gotta use the time I have.**

 **Anyway, hope you enjoyed it! If you can, leave a comment below. I am gonna try and get the next chapter up as soon as I can. Thanks for reading!**


	25. Chapter 25

**I deeply appreciate all the faves, follows, and reviews! You all give me life! lol I love, love, love hearing from you all! Guest 2: The reunion was short, but given what was happening, they didn't have a lot of time to talk. I'm glad you liked the scenes though! And I know, that cliffhanger was worse! But take a deep breath cause you get some resolution in this chapter. And you will be happy to know there is no huge cliffhanger at the end of this chapter. NightElfCrawler: Breath... Just, breath... And enjoy the chapter! lol MaelsiC: Girl, you are totally fine! I don't expect someone to review every chapter, so don't feel sorry for not doing so. And I am perfectly okay if you don't leave a joke on every review. No pressure! So far in the story, we have see Ren accept what he did to his father, put himself out there to make friends, and accept that he can love. While he died, I wanted him to relate to his victims and come to realize what he has done to so many innocent people. So I am very happy you noticed what I did there! And he is sooooo stubborn! That aspect never really changes. lol. ilovekyloren: Thanks so much! Everyone kinda ended in a bad place last chapter, but you'll get to see where they end up in this one. We have a lot of pov's in this chapter. I can't tell you how many times I have been late to something cause all I want to do is read. I can so relate! Hope I wrote this chapter fast enough for you! KatMichBow: I didn't want his death to be quick, but for his mind to rapidly be going through his regrets and memories. He didn't want to die, but even with all the power he possesses, he cannot escape mortality. It was painful and wonderful to write, too. I am really attached to this character as well, which I didn't plan on happening. I meant for Rey to be the main focus of the story but then Ren kept demanding more development and I couldn't say no. lol. I am so glad you like him though. Natalie-S-246: Ahhhhhhhhh! Well now you can calm down with this chapter and have your questions answered! Hope you weren't flipping out for too long. ;) Guest: Death cliffhangers tend to be the worst. I like killing you guys with the feels. Muahahahaha... Thanks! Kimmycocopop: I hope you end up loving me and not hating me (laughs nervously). When my muse demands for something to be written a certain way, I must comply! This chapter did have a lot of themes ringing throughout, and I didn't realize that till you brought it up. thiskiddusty: OMG thanks so much for reading it multiple times! What a compliment! I'm ecstatic you love it and I hope you love what's to come!**

 **Okay, now onto the chapter! I did end up writing it quick, so apologies for any errors! Hope you like it ;)**

Chapter Twenty-five

Rey bolted for the Falcon, the windburn resonating on her face, her hair at the mercy of the storm. The strong gusts were making it hard to breath, like somehow the air pressure had dropped and was now sucking the vital supply from her lungs. Glancing to her left, Ben was not there, which made her grind to a halt. Whipping around and brushing the hair strands that snaked around her eyes, she saw Ben, not moving or even attempting to make it closer to the freighter. He seemed entranced, his eyes glazed over, as he couldn't look away from the Falcon… from his father's ship.

There was guilt in his expression and Rey knew he was afraid to board the ship that held so many memories of Han. "Ben!" she yelled over the violent weather. "Come on!"

His attention fully bolted onto her and her whole body trembled, not from the cold, but from how his face melted into the expression you get right before you say good-bye: he was heart broken. "I'll find my own way off the planet! I'm not going to the base!"

Putting her pent up anger into clutching her saber hilt till her fingers cracked, she hurriedly walked up to him, needing to snap him out of the past and into the calamitous situation of the present. "You are getting on that ship with your own two feet, or I will make you get on it!" Why was he doing this? Did he not want to be with her? She couldn't watch him leave again; she didn't want to sleep alone anymore, nor wake up to find him not next to her.

His time of self-discovery was over because dammit, she said so, and he was getting on the Falcon either through the use of the Force or being talked into it. Actually, there was no time for talking, so maybe she should just go straight to the Force part…

Strongly, he shook his head, his black hair sticking up against the turbulent storm. "There's nothing for me there!"

Rey blanched. How could he say that? "I'm there!"

 _Isn't that enough?_

"You know they'll kill me for everything I've done! And then where would that leave you?"

"Don't try to use me as an excuse! We can figure out a way to keep you alive. You're just afraid of facing up to everything you've done, but sooner or later, you're gonna have to! So you might as well do it with me around so I can help you get through the guilt!" Loud bangs came from the door behind Ben, making Rey become desperate as her heart hammered and her throat tightened. She was sure her nose was running, but there was no time to think about how unattractive she appeared.

"We don't have time for this! Just get on the ship and we'll figure everything out later!"

"I always tell myself I'll figure it out later, but this time, I already know what I want to do. I can meet up with you later on." As the air left his lungs and his mouth formed the words, Rey could feel the underlying truth of the statement tear at her gut.

Grabbing at his black shirt and getting on her toes, she shook his broad and formidable body. He barely moved and she was reminded just how much bigger he was than her. "There won't be a later on! Can't you feel it? If you don't get on that ship, we'll never see each other again!"

Ren didn't answer or even try to argue. Rey's jaw dropped, realizing that he did know they would never see each other, and she was floored that he was still not moving. He was choosing to leave her forever, but he was gravely mistaken if he thought she would let that happen. "You can't do this to me again!" Her tear ducts stung as they formed the evidence of her loneliness, but the wind quickly whisked them away. "So if you aren't getting on that ship, then neither am I!"

"Rey–" The rush of air almost popped her eardrums and her stomach hurled as she went flying through the air. Arms roughly caught her as she gasped from the sudden impact, knowing that her arms and back were going to be covered in black and blue welts. Her head whipped back, hitting someone square in the chest and making them grunt. The scene finally became clear as Rey noticed everyone scrambling from her sudden appearance on the ramp, but Rey looked past them to see Ben fighting the same knight she dueled on Spira.

Then the rooftop door slid open and everything plummeted from bad, all the way down into the depths of an inferno.

Blaster fire came their way as Rey made an attempt to jump off the slope and join Ben in his fight. She got nowhere as Poe dragged her determined rear up the ramp, all the while slightly aware that Luke was doing the same to Leia.

"No! I have to help him!" Rey screamed.

"You go out there against thirty men and you'll die!" Poe countered. The ramp closed, but she was still trying to claw her way out of Poe's taut arms that were constricted around her chest. She kicked against the freighters wall, sending them sharply to the ground, her straining body pushing all the air from his lungs as she fell on top of him.

Regaining her footing, she made a dash to the ramp controls and–

Groaning made her glance back to see Finn clutching his bleeding leg on the floor. Leia and Luke were screaming at each other as he tried to get his twin into the lounge area, so they were oblivious to a member of the group being injured. Rey froze, not knowing if she should get the ramp open or help her pained friend and she felt like everything was moving way too fast for her to come to a proper decision.

 _Crap, that's a lot of blood_ , she thought as she watched Finn put pressure on the wound.

Her feet guided her to him and she pulled him onto his good leg. Poe came on the other side and they dragged Finn into the confines of the common area. Dr. Kalonia rushed over immediately, working fast to stop the bleeding.

The ship burped and shuddered from the onslaught of fire, and Chewie yelled that he needed someone on the dorsal cannon. Poe and Rey locked eyes while kneeling over Finn. "Go be Chewie's co-pilot. I'll man the dorsal cannon," Rey ordered quickly.

She ripped off her coat, tossing it to the floor as she sprinted to the weaponry, welcoming the cool air on her heated skin. Falling into the chair, she initiated the sensory board and immediately started firing at the rooftop. Her arms strained against the controls, the concrete grip unnecessary since it wouldn't help her fire any faster, but she had to put her stress somewhere that wasn't her spiraling mind.

Ren was fighting the knight below and her stomach clenched as she immediately realized he was losing steam.

Fast.

Chewie soared away from the warehouse, twisting in the air and making a dive back to the ground. She had lost sight of Ben for a few moments, but he was still standing when he came back into view. He was trying to balance blocking blaster shots and dueling at the same time and it was obvious he was struggling. His forms were getting sloppy and his arms were lowering his lightsaber repeatedly, giving the foe more of an opening. Rey aimed and rained down fire upon the roof, destabilizing the old building and causing half of it to crumble in a pile of dust and sparks.

The Falcon soared back into the air, and again, Rey had to wait to see Ben. She grabbed the headset and ordered Chewie to land near Ben. The Wookie didn't argue, which was good since Rey was suddenly bombarded with a lot of pain. Sweat covered her skin as she bit down hard on her lip, stifling a scream that would be harrowing to hear. Everything hurt: her back, joints, head, and organs felt like they were being put through a grinder, and even that was not enough of a comparison.

Gasping and raking her fingers over her agonizing body, she comprehended that the pain was not her own; it was Ben's. He couldn't keep fighting like this, not if he wanted to live through the next few minutes.

As Chewie flew them back around, she stayed behind the cannon's controls just in case more fire power was needed. Her retina's locked onto Ben and the knight, their small form's wrestling for control on the cold, rocky ground. The knight stabbed Ren's blade downward and Rey watched in horror as Ren suddenly stopped the blade with his flattened palm.

The fact that he was doing something so miraculous was overshadowed by the intense burning in her right hand. Their connection was thinning, transferring the remainder of his pain to her.

 _The bond…_

She opened herself to him, yanking on the metaphorical chord that bound them together. He roughly extracted her strength and she gladly parted with it. She tried giving more, but he only took enough to push the saber from the knight's grasp. The Falcon was seconds from landing as the scene slowed to a ghastly crawl that made it impossible to tear her corneas away from.

Ben wobbled upon standing and the knight slashed at his upper arm.

At that very moment Ben lurched the wrong way, leaving his upper body completely exposed. The black blade plunged directly into his chest, bursting through his back, making him go to his knees. It was a hideous revelation; a realization that what she had been sensing earlier had come to fruition, arriving in the form of finality. Her heart exploded, fragmenting in a fury of fire within her chest, the pressure making it hard to breath, but not impossible.

Her scream was raw and untamed, letting her wrath filled power lock onto the knight and rip him violently away from her other half. Ben fell back like a stone, not even putting his arms out to slow his fall. He was dead weight, barely alive, struggling for oxygen.

The following sequence played out in a series of minutes that lasted a millennium: the Falcon landing, Rey running over the uneven terrain, his name escaping her lips, her tripping over loose rocks as fear overwhelmed her. The blaze in her chest was now gone, relaying to her that Ben was going numb.

Rey crumpled to the dirt, the small pebbles slicing into her knees, not that Rey really noticed. All she knew was the gruesome image lying before her: Blood everywhere, oozing out of Ren's chest, his face splattered in red, the liquid dripping from his mouth. Her heart was screaming in agony, but her ears quickly told her that the shrieking was coming from her lungs.

Death was coming; she could sense its shadow. But the ethereal enemy wasn't coming for her… it's goal was Ben.

Hands shaking, she put pressure onto the chest wound, feeling the blood pulse between her fingers. Without even knowing what she was doing, she could perfectly see the damage that was inside. While the medical nomenclature was a massive hemothorax with lacerations to the aorta, right pulmonary veins and superior vena cava, one thought cleared all that up immediately– Ben was going to die.

She didn't have time to bask at the amazement of somehow using Ben's knowledge to know the extent of his injuries. Reality overwhelmed her.

Poe suddenly appeared, tersely hoisting Ben onto his shoulders and running full throttle back to the Falcon. Rey followed, noticing that Leia was at Poe's side, grasping onto Ben's limp and swaying hand. They barreled into the main hold, Luke helping to place Ben carefully on the floor.

Her mind was immensely pressurized, the connection between her and Ben preparing to snap.

"Chewie!" Luke yelled towards the cockpit. "Get us out of here!"

Dr. Kalonia cut open Ben's shirt, revealing a narrow scorched wound on his sternum and blood staining his revealed pale skin. The injury appeared to be small, but stars, Rey felt like it should be the size of a grave. Rey stood off to the side, looking down at the unfolding scene.

Leia was kneeling by Ben's head, shedding quiet tears and looking at Ben's body in horror. Dr. Kalonia froze up, scrutinizing the injury with the knowledge and expertise no one else in the room possessed. She fumbled through her med bag, putting small, circular patches on Ben's chest. A holo-image appeared above him, showing and playing the erratic beating of his heart.

Harter glanced over the image, then to the wound, until finally settling her sights on Leia. "Why have you stopped?" Leia borderline yelled at the women. "Do something!" Dr. Kalonia shook her head slowly, opening and closing her mouth while fumbling for the right words.

"Leia, he needs open heart surgery, and I don't have that kind of medical equipment with me. It's–"

The monotone note of the hologram froze the whole room, everyone's head snapping to the image, except Rey couldn't see anymore. Technically, she could, but her brain couldn't register the picture below.

The connection between her and Ben finally broke, the ramifications piercing her mind and constricting her lungs. She fell to her knees, vaguely aware of the yelling and the chaos that suddenly claimed the room. Harter was attempting to shock Ben's heart back to life, but Rey knew… it was over.

After a few attempts the doctor realized the fight was futile, so she backed off, trying to comfort Leia, but the bereaved mother grabbed her son's face and cried into his bloodied hair.

Rey stared, not fully understanding the sudden dread that startled her. This wretched happenstance had finally come in the form of Ben dying, of him leaving her permanently. The breakdown in the structure of her reality was now manifesting. For as Ben was now dead, so did she suffer a thousandfold.

There was emptiness at the pit of her stomach, one that could never be filled no matter how much sustenance she packed into it. It was a loss that could not be found, a cold that could not be cured, and a thirst that could not be quenched. A chunk of her mind seemed to be missing, leaving her confused, like she had just walked into a room and forgot why she was there. No matter how hard she thought, she would never be able to remember.

Then, with the ounce of awareness left within her, she realized that this was the insanity Ben was speaking of. It did not hit her mind with powerful force, but with a subtle sleight of hand, a slow burn that was not immediately harrowing. The desolation– while it didn't seem too punishing at the moment– would drive her mad if it never went away.

 _I can't live like this. I can't do this._ Her sorrow was pervasive, as concentrated as a black hole, and as immeasurable as a new days skyline.

Luke was trying to console Leia, but her wailing did not falter. Poe was leaning against the lounge table, staring distantly at Ben's corpse, blood all over his right shoulder and torso. Finn was sitting off to the side, head down and eyes closed.

On her hands and knees, Rey crawled to Ben's ashen body, gluing her eyes to the sickly wound that killed him. Cautiously, Rey covered the injured flesh with her own bloody hands, her eyes welling with tears when she didn't feel Ben's heart beat. She was powerless against fate and the consequences of free will, not knowing how to bend the domain to her demands.

But…

She had to try. If she didn't, the regret would rot her insides faster than the cold hollowness of grief. Time was way too finite and Ben's death was the means in which Rey comprehended that fact. She'd only been able to spend a handful of days with him and as the end came, it turned out not to be enough. She could have been given eternity with him and she still would have greedily wanted more.

Closing her eyes, power shot through her hands, sending a shockwave of invisible electricity that caused everyone's hairs to stand on end. The lights in the main hold flickered and were unable to stabilize, because she dared not stop the transfer of Force.

"Rey," she heard Luke's worried voice. "It won't work. He's gone." His hands went to tear hers away, but she territorialy swatted his attempt aside. "You need to stop," he said more resolutely. "Doing this could very well kill you." When she felt his touch again, she couldn't prevent her denial from flinging the Jedi Master across the room. Her lids remained shut, but she could sense the shock on everyone's faces.

 _They don't understand_ , she told herself. _Destiny owes me this. I went through hell living alone on Jakku. I deserve to get what I want for once!_ She didn't want to be forever in pain, walking through the galaxy as a dead woman because of a fate she couldn't control. So, she would have to manipulate events to her liking.

" _Rey!"_ Kayani shouted through her thoughts. _"You're draining yourself of too much power! You cannot change fate; it is always absolute."_

" _You said you needed Ben to get to Snoke. If you don't have him, your plans are over."_

Alarms started to go off, conveying that the freighter was in serious trouble of combusting.

" _We can find another way, but if you die, all is lost! You do not have enough power to bring him back!"_

" _Then I'll just take the power from you."_ Abruptly, she clawed at the entity that damned her to this path and ripped at the formidable walls guarding Kayani's power, plummeting inside the well of potent fire. Rey breathed in the blaze, fueling her strength, and exhaling it into Ben's chest. Her command was simple, but dominant: heal the wound to his sternum and make his heart start beating.

" _No!"_ Kayani howled. _"You're taking too much! My brother will see! He'll know we are connected!"_

" _I. Don't. Care."_ She enunciated the words with deliberation and hostility.

Luke was yelling at her to stop, which was more like background noise at this point. "This will kill you!"

"Kill her? If she keeps going, we're all dead!" Poe stated factually. "She's ripping the Falcon apart while in hyperspace!"

A sense of urgency grew inside, as if time was telling her the longer Ben remained dead, the harder it would be to bring him back. Her panic was the only verve between them, her heart the only one that beat, her lungs the only pair that breathed.

Her power traveled in between and among his molecules, her desperation energizing them, electrifying them with the life she was so willing to give up. As energy began to leave her and diffuse into Ben, Rey started to breath hard, her chest pumping, her mouth falling open, her tongue dry from the exertion.

She was so close, she could feel the revitalization on her fingertips, sense the impossibility of resurrection in her soul. Their connective chord was winding back together, both sides reaching out to meld the lively fibers into one, strong cable of solidarity.

Almost… the tendrils stretched and–

Rey jerked back, soft arms catching her fall as she collapsed candidly into an embrace. She was wheezing and her muscles shaking as if disapproving over their sudden loss of strength. The alarms snapped off and the lights steadied, relaying to the passengers that the ship was presently safe.

Forcing her eyes open, Rey glanced at Ben, her gut twisting in anticipation at what she would see. The holo-image spiked and the circular patches beeped as his heart started beating, auditory evidence that Ben was indeed among the living again. Ben's color changed progressively fast, all that was matte and dull and that terrible hue of death was now showing a hint of pink on his naturally pale skin. His chest was completely mended, his skin appearing smooth beneath all the blood.

Rey didn't have any strength to cry out, to shout or rejoice over accomplishing the impossible. Inside she was soaring with elation, skipping with the joy of reviving Ben. But she quickly lost elevation as she realized Ben's chest injury was not the only wound he had sustained.

No one moved… or breathed… or blinked. The shock was rampant and Rey was about to whip everyone back to the present when Dr. Kalonia finally got her wits together. She superficially assessed the rest of the damage, keeping her eyes on the new patient as she flung out orders. "Poe," Harter spoke evenly, making the pilot snap his distant attention to her. "You have medical training, right?"

"Uhhhhh, just the few courses we were required to take in flight school," his shaky voice answered.

Harter started taking Ben's boots off. "It's better than nothing and I need more hands." Poe strode over and kneeled next to the doctor, helping her to strip Ben of clothing.

"I can help," Leia offered through her hiccup of sobs, caressing Ben's hair like it would somehow comfort him. Luke grasped his sister's shoulders, looking stunned.

Harter shook her head as her hands worked quickly. "Family and friends should not be involved in a situation like this." At that, Poe froze for a fraction of a second, his mouth opening like he was going to say something, but instead he brushed it off and resumed sliding the jacket off of Ben's shoulders.

While Finn held Rey in his arms, her head remained turned toward Ben, waiting for him to open his eyes, but he didn't. He still had many wounds to be treated and Dr. Kalonia and Poe were working fast to stop the bleeding. She watched as tears streamed down her temples, sliding into her ears and hair. Rey was looking for signs that the life force she had given Ben wouldn't hold, that the harrowing gray would return and signal deaths renewed clasp.

It never did. Events blurred as wounds were cleaned, sutured, and bacta patched. Needles pricked Ben's skin, connecting him to a clear liquid Rey was not familiar with. Luke helped the process go quicker by healing Ben's head injury and the one on his calf, but then backed off to let medical treatments take over.

"What are his chances of making it back to the base?" Leia asked, her voice cracking. For the first time, Rey noticed just how horrible the woman appeared, but Rey selfishly wanted Dr. Kalonia to keep all the attention on Ben.

"He's lost a lot of blood and his blood pressure is extremely low. I won't know if he sustained any brain damage until he either wakes up or we get him to a med bay so I can get some scans going."

"But will he make it?"

"I don't know," Harter breathed, letting her exhaustion roll off her shoulders. "But he appears to be stable for now." Suddenly, the doctor was peering at Rey in wonder and confusion. "You saved him."

She saved Ben, but damned herself in the selfless process. Snoke knew about her; she could feel it. Rey had been a beacon among the night as she took Kayani's power, leading that vile heathen to the truth of whom she was harboring. The hunt had now become personal.

Rey cowered from all the eyes that bore into her and when she looked up, she saw Finn staring down. His expression was impassive and she was too weak to sense his underlying emotions. "I'm sorry," she whispered, not knowing exactly what she was apologizing for: Saving Ben when Finn wanted the man dead? Lying to him the last two weeks? Taking advantage of his friendship? The list went on and on and on…

She choked out a cry from the weight of everything crashing down on her mind, stretching her emotions thin. "I couldn't let him die, Finn." Stars, her voice sounded noticeably pathetic. "He promised me," she dejectedly said as she burrowed her face into his chest, hiding herself from the universe. He held onto her tight, bringing her closer, comforting. "He promised…" Her lids closed and with exhaustion melting into her bones, she couldn't fight the sleep that claimed her, tossing her among the turbulent dreams of loss and longing.

()()()()()

The first thing Rey noticed was how warm her body was, so much so that she was sweating from being in her own personal sauna. She was wrapped in a cocoon of soft blankets and her tired body was sinking into a soft and welcoming mattress. Inhaling, the air smelled different than the scent of the Falcon she'd come to know. The air here was thin, cool, and chemical.

Lifting her lids, she was greeted by a white wall inches away from her nose. Rustling the covers, she rolled around and saw Poe sitting on the bed opposite her. His spine was against the wall, his legs bent to his chest, and his arms resting casually on his knees. With his eyes closed, she would've thought he fell asleep in the uncomfortable position. But by the way he sighed, she knew he was awake.

"Where's Ben?" she inquired, sitting up and swinging her legs over the edge.

Poe opened his eyes, taking a moment before answering. "He's in the medical facility. And before you dart out of the room, they'll let us know when we can see him."

Poe said "we", as in both of them. "They?"

"General Organa and Skywalker. They've taken responsibility for him while he's here."

"Is he awake?" As the words streamed out of her mouth, Rey knew he wasn't. Their connection was more entrenched into her being and while she felt his life beat within her heart, his mind was detached from her own.

"Last I heard, they were purposely keeping him drugged so he stayed asleep. But that was hours ago. Maybe he's awake by now. I know the General was eager to speak with him."

"He's still unconscious," she muttered.

"That bond of yours still workin'?"

Rey nodded. "I don't know how to explain it, but it's a lot stronger now."

"Probably because you used the Force to bring him back to life."

She shrugged, finally noticing the rations at the end of her bed. "Probably…"

Poe followed her line of sight. "I grabbed those for you. Thought you might be hungry."

Rey was starving. She lunged for the wrappings and tore them open, sinking her teeth in the flavorless bar. Guess Poe was gonna have to watch her guzzle the calories down, because she was not going to stop to find her manners.

After the third bar, she asked, "Where are we? This doesn't look like the base."

"It's a Resistance Cruiser. General Organa gave the order to move bases, since the location had been compromised." Poe stood, crossed the room, and grabbed a canteen of water off the corner table. He handed it to her before going back to his previous position.

She gulped down the cold, silky liquid and wiped the excess from her chin. "How long have I been asleep?"

Poe shrugged. "A day. Maybe longer." Something was off with Poe and Rey couldn't figure out what it was. His usual boisterous voice was flat, the light in his eyes now dull. If she didn't know any better, she would think he was miserable.

Rey stopped chewing. "Where's Finn?"

He averted his eyes elsewhere. "On the ship somewhere– maybe on the base below. I don't know…"

"Have you talked to him?"

"Somewhat," he murmured. Rey scrunched her eyes, noticing that the left side of his face seemed to be more swollen than the right. Was his skin turning a shade of purple?

"Poe. How did you get that bruise on your cheek?"

He craned his head back, glancing up at the ceiling. "Guess."

Rey froze, understanding what Poe was implying. "I'm gonna go find him," she grumbled as she searched for her boots, which happened to be by the door.

"He doesn't want to see you." Rey paused, seeing the desolation in Poe's demeanor. He shook his head as if he could make his thoughts disappear. "Ya know, as I watched Ren die, I actually felt... sad." His stare moved gradually before locking onto hers, pinning her in place. "You would think I kinda cared about the bastard, right? He almost killed Finn... and I had to watch him struggle to walk and sleep through the night because of it. And there I was, _sad_ that Ren had died, sad that I wouldn't be able to thank him for saving BB-8." Poe's self-hatred melded deeper into his face. "I can't imagine how betrayed Finn is feeling right now. Fuck, I'm a horrible friend."

"That makes two of us," Rey muttered. Honestly, Rey knew just what kind of friend she was– she'd known that fact for a while and had even come to accept it as a huge flaw in her character. But Poe… it appeared he was just now realizing what kind of person he was, and he was deducing that he was a bad one.

Which wasn't true, but it didn't seem like the man wanted to be comforted. And Rey wasn't particularly skilled at the one-on-one stuff.

She resumed with making herself look presentable to outside eyes while Poe kept staring past the ship, staring at a part of himself he did not like.

"I told you," Poe cut through the melancholy silence. "Finn doesn't want to see you."

Arming herself with her usual weapons, she exhaled an expedient sigh. "Well, I'll go looking for Master Skywalker or General Organa then." The exit opened, revealing the reflective walls of the hallways. Rey paused, turned, and addressed Poe. "Are you coming?"

He frowned and looked at her. "Why?"

"Because even though you hate admitting it to yourself, you do want to see how Ben is doing. So stop denying it and come with me."

"They said they would tell us when we could see him," Poe pointed out.

Rey raised a brow. "You always follow orders?"

()()()()()

In a manner of speaking, the word "in" was not a highly important or profound term. Its definitions, according to the Basic language, were the following:

Used to indicate location or position within something, or used to indicate that someone or something belongs to or is included as part of something.

It was used offhandedly in a sentence, the speaker not putting any thought into the preposition. No one really knew the etymology of the word. Basic was such an old language, that "in" never had its origins recorded– most likely because the word was so unimportant, nobody cared.

But to Finn, that word meant everything. Outside, under the canopy of thick vines and tall trees, he sat on the warm ground, taking in the vitality of the jungle. The humidity was unrelenting and he wished they could have chosen a drier part of Raxus as a base, but his mind was too preoccupied to really care. The events over the last day cycled through his thoughts, plaguing him with a truth that was so cruel, it had to be real.

Rey is in love with Kylo Ren.

In. Love.

Using the word "in" before the term "love" amplified its emotional impact, and made Finn want to vomit his breakfast onto the moist ground beneath him. If he hadn't witnessed those two interact with one another, he wouldn't have believed such a thing was possible. But it was. The way Rey gazed at him, how territorial she became when Ren was unconscious, the way they fittingly moved together…

It was like those two had known each other their whole lives.

And Kylo Ren... That piece of human filth obviously worshiped the ground she walked on, absorbing Rey's beauty like she was an oasis to his harsh, desert existence. That guy was so outwardly smitten that Finn had been tempted to grab Rey and hide her from that monster's encompassing stare.

 _What the hell happened on Spira?_

"It's difficult to explain," Poe had told him after they transferred Ren and Rey to the Resistance cruiser. _If I had a credit for every time someone made me feel less than capable of understanding a situation, I'd be richer than the Intergalactic Banking Clan._

The conversation with his "friend" had quickly gone from sour to confrontational after Poe started to defend the miraculously resurrected man in the med bay. Finn brought his shaky fist into view, studying the swollen knuckles of his right hand. His dark skin hid the evidence of his violent outburst well, but he knew his body and felt the simmering pain every time he flexed his fingers. Guilt started to–

 _No. Poe deserved it. He knew what Kylo had done to me and had the audacity to defend him. If anything, Poe deserved worse than a punch to the face_.

Finn had never felt the sting of betrayal so strongly before and it unnerved him how vengeful his thoughts became. He wanted to hit Poe till he bled, scream at Rey till she cried, and kill Kylo for making him part machine.

He has endured, been broken by the Order, and understood hardship. But now, sitting here alone and friendless, he had somehow lost himself, lost the life he thought he had. Everything had been a lie, those closest betraying him and siding with the most heathenistic man in the galaxy. Kylo Ren was a ruthless monster and somehow, he had stolen the two closest people in Finn's life.

Poe had brought him into this world and in a sense, was his savior. Without him, Finn would never have left the Order. He would be a mindless drone among a sea of white armor, two letters and four numbers the only feature defining him from his fellow soldiers. While Poe had been his first friend, Rey had been the one to bring out the man he was now.

Sometimes, the person you'd take a bolt for was the one behind the blaster.

The horrible part to all this? Finn was desperate to know how Rey was doing. While holding her weak body aboard the Falcon, he'd been conflicted whether or not to comfort or drop her body to the floor, leaving her alone to fend for herself. But the two weeks spent together had overridden his punishing thoughts and Finn held her through the duration of the flight to Carlac. He even cleaned the blood from her hands and transferred her to the Resistance Cruiser before Poe had tried talking with him.

 _What is she doing right now? Is she with him? Talking with_ him, _laughing with_ him _?_

Their interactions won't be lasting long, however. Word on the base was that Kylo Ren is to be executed, as quickly and swiftly as possible. Finn was not sure how to feel over the news. He wanted the man dead, but knew it was going to hurt Rey.

Finn closed his eyes, breathing in the thick air. He didn't want to go back to the base, even though the ESC was waiting for him. Everyone was talking about Kylo Ren being General Organa's son and how they felt like she lied to them all. The only saving grace was that at least the council had known, so they all didn't feel completely betrayed.

Finally getting his faculties together, he journeyed back to the expansive building, his leg mostly healed from the bacta treatments. No doubt Breaala was going to hound him with questions when he got back, none of which he'll answer. _I swear, only a woman as pretty as her could get away with being absolutely tactless._

()()()()()

"Leia, I think you should wait a little longer before waking him. He's still healing and–"

"I don't think a conversation is going to injure him further," her sharp voice cut her brother off. Leia sat next to Ben's bed, holding his huge hand and being careful not to disturb the IV under his skin. Her son had been restrained with Force suppressing restraints, one on each wrist and ankle. They attached to the new railings that lined the bed, but Leia had an inkling that even specially designed cuffs won't hold her son for long.

"You mistake the power of words. And what makes you think he'll talk to you?" Stars, her twin was really annoying her with all the repeated questions.

"I'm his mother," she stated factually, as if Luke somehow forgot that detail.

"Exactly. He might've saved your life, but he made it clear he wanted nothing to do with you." The words tore at her, but she made no show of it. She thought back to that utility room on Lothal, how her son glared at her with contempt.

"I just– I need to talk to him," she murmured, brushing a strand of his raven hair from his face. It was a blessing to have him asleep, for he could not refuse her touch. It was cheating in a way, but her son was so full of hate and pride that he would never allow her to touch him so affectionately under normal circumstances.

Luke exhaled, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Leia, he is not the person you remember."

"Do you think I don't know that?"

"You seem to be in need of a reminder. He murdered Han–"

"I know what he's done!" she snapped at Luke while remaining at Ben's side. "Do you really think I would live in denial? My son is a monster, because I let him become one. I know you place some of the blame on Han and me for being horrible parents, and I'm not going to fight you on that. Not a day goes by that I don't regret pushing Ben away. He has killed so many innocent people; he killed…" her voice teetered off, unable to say Han's name out loud. _Snoke. It was Snoke who did all this._

The quiet stretched before she found her voice again. "I am going to speak with him, even if the conversation turns ugly."

"It more than likely will and the last thing either of you need is to yell at one another… like you always did."

Leia rolled her eyes. "It might seem odd to you that some people communicate that way, but that's how we end up talking to each other."

"You say that like it's normal. It's not, Leia. And you know Ben never responded well to the yelling."

Leia bit her lip. "I know…. He was always more sensitive than Han and I."

The door slid open as one of the nurses entered. "Excuse me, General? Rey and Commander Dameron are asking to come inside."

Leia straightened upon hearing Rey's name. "You can bring them in."

Poe was still the handsome, young man Leia remembered, but Leia was more focused on the young woman by his side. She was beautiful, with an innocence that made her features glow and her eyes soft. But she carried herself with strength and power, her lithe body ready to pounce on anything that stood in her way. It was obvious why her son cared for such a woman, which panged Leia with jealousy. "How is he?" Rey quietly asked, as if raising her voice would wake him.

"He's gone through two rounds in the bacta tank, and he'll be left with scars. But he's alive." Leia answered before going over to the young woman and embracing her, spilling her gratitude into how tightly she held onto the girl's slender frame. Drawing back, Leia's eyes became passionate and she was impressed that Rey didn't look away. "Thank you for saving my son. You're an incredible young woman to look past everything he's done."

Rey smiled and reddened, not knowing how to take the compliments. Leia gave the girl her space by going back to the chair and taking her sons hand. "How long is he going to be kept like this?" Rey asked as they all turned their attention to Ben. Even though he was asleep, there was a tension in the air that no one relaxed into. They were all staring at the man cuffed to the bed, expecting him to rise up and turn into a tornado of violence. It was if he were a bomb with an unidentifiable detonator and an unknown timetable ticking behind those eyelids.

"Harter is on her way to wake him. Leia and I are going to talk to him first," Luke explained, keeping distance from the bed, but making it clear what he wanted to do.

Leia twisted her torso around, hardening her eyes at her brother. "I want to talk to him alone."

Luke shook his head. "I'm not leaving you in here with him."

"Yes, you are," Leia commanded before sweeping her stare to the other souls in the room. They were obviously uncomfortable with witnessing a bout between brother and sister, but Leia didn't have the strength to care. "You all can wait outside and watch on the monitors if you want."

"Leia…"

"Luke."

Leia was not going to relent, and Luke knew it. He pointed at her as he said, "I'm coming in here if things go bad."

Leia agreed to the term since it wasn't a bad condition to put in place. She barely knew the man lying before her, but she had to talk with him to see how much of Ben was left.

Luke, Rey, and Poe left as Harter entered the room, removing the IV from Ben's hand and looking over his vitals one last time. Once alone, Leia sat and waited, the anticipation of seeing her son's eyes making her heart pound with uncertainty.

()()()()()

It was as if a soft wind blew over the land of Ren's mind, brushing the grass of his thoughts till they swayed against the light of awareness. The gusts grew heady, rustling the landscape of long ago memories while bypassing more current recollections. Still, the storm was penetrating, making him aware of the many aches triggering all over his body. And yet there were great patches of numbness, mostly in his emotions, but some extended to certain parts of his flesh. Gradually, he could feel the measures of agony, the tingling in his muscles, the sting of his jerks and twitches. The swaths of his flesh were having a difficult time discerning between the pain and the pleasure he received from the dull torture, and from this conflict, he was reminded of everything that had happened on Lothal.

Did he regain consciousness before dying? He realized his fingers were stroking something soft and fluffy, which was not how the ground below his broken body had felt. Brusquely, he attempted to move his hands to his chest, but was thwarted by something hard around his wrists. Damn, he was extremely groggy, his lids lifting against the weight of what felt like the entire universe.

Groaning, his eyes finally took in the white walls and glaring light overhead. Blinking quickly to help his pupils adjust to the brightness, he glanced down his arms, seeing the soft blue glow of the cuffs casting the hue onto his skin. Further below, the same types of restraints were on his ankles, attaching to the side railing of the ivory bed. Eyes roaming around, he realized he was in a medical facility, which did not narrow down his current location in the slightest.

He tugged against the railing that shouldn't be around the beds perimeter. The welding evidence was blatant, and Ren knew they had installed the rods just for him. _How thoughtful, but a waste of time._

The restraints were Force suppressant cuffs and he had figured out how to get free of them years ago. Escaping from four of them at once was going to be a challenge, but he was up for it. He really needed to peer under his white tunic and scrutinize his chest, because he was having a difficult time believing this was real.

He should be dead. Simple as that.

The sound of shuffling from the side made his eyes glance–

Every molecule in his body froze, his electrons no longer orbiting the nucleus, but halting in the cloud. Nothing worked; no electricity flowed through his brain as his operating system halted to a crashing stop, slowly rebooted, and took in the presence he was currently staring at.

Leia walked to the chair at the side of the bed and sat, watching her son intently. His eyes could see her tired and weathered face, but his mind was somewhere else– it was with his father, peering at the man's shocked expression as he drove the saber deeper into his chest.

 _This can't be real. This isn't happening._ He twisted his sight to the ceiling, his heart hammering in his chest, trying to burst free from its cage so he could die and get out of this miserable confrontation.

"Ben," Leia whispered.

Ren lay in a fairly comfortable room at a fairly favorable temperature and yet, he felt as though his skin was being burned off his bones. _Am I in a vacuum?_ He was finding it difficult to get oxygen into his lungs.

"How are you feeling?" _I'm feeling like I'd rather gauge my eyes out with a spoon than be here right now, but other than that– actually no, I am not doing great_. "You're probably feeling a bit sore." _More like_ a lot. Reflexively, he tried to move his hands to his ears so he could muffle her voice, but was of course prevented by the Force restraints.

Leia noticed his aggravation. "You understand why those need to be on you," she stated, no hint of a question in her tone. _Worried that I'll go on a murderous rampage?_ The thought raised the corner of his lips slightly, but then quickly turned into a frown, which confused Leia. Interesting how murder didn't have the same ring to it as it used to.

"Are you going to talk to me?"

 _No._

"The faster we get this conversation over with, the sooner I'll allow Rey to see you."

 _Well played…_ Leia was using Rey against him, knowing that he'd desperately want to see her and pretty much do anything to make it happen. _Conniving…._ Him and this woman had more in common than he preferred to admit.

The thought made his mind laugh in a nasty crack as he took in the situation. Thanks to Snoke's careful training, mind probes, and missions, he felt like he could survive a lot of torture: mental anguish, bodily pain, humiliation, degradation, thriving in the void of hate and destitution. _Been there, lived through that._

Except listening to Leia's aged voice brought him to a whole new level of torment that he was unfamiliar with. _Grovel. Beg for forgiveness for what you did to your father._

 _No,_ he snapped inwardly. Apologizing for murder changed nothing, but that was not the only reason he was choosing not to. If he did, he would lose the hold he had over his emotions; he would crumble and break in front of her, clawing his way into her arms and pleading for a comforting embrace. He did not deserve such a thing from her, nor did he like to admit that he wanted it so badly. So the memory he received before he had blacked out would just have to suffice his childish needs for the rest of his life.

Dammit, he needed to see Rey. Zoning in on their connection, he found her side to be closed, which made him frustrated. He just wanted her to let him in completely, but she still wouldn't allow that, even after everything that had happened. Pushing and scrutinizing the bond, it felt… different. Like it was more embedded into him somehow, but what had changed? Why was it stronger? And there was something else there, too. Like… another person? _What the hell is going on?_

Ren cleared his throat, deciding to go along with the pointless game so he could talk to Rey and get answers. "I should be dead," he stated hoarsely.

"You did die, actually. The injury to your chest was too severe for Kalonia to treat." _Harter had been there?_ He waited for Leia to continue, but she didn't. She wanted him to ask more questions, which would force him to talk– but that was the point, now wasn't it.

 _Manipulation has always been one of her talents_. "How am I alive?" Death was the conqueror of all that was living, greedy down to the last soul it devoured, refusing to spit its meal back out to the universe. So the fact he was breathing did not make sense.

"Rey healed your chest and brought you back."

Neck popping from the sudden turn, he looked at his poised mother. The answer was given off handedly, like she was reading a destination off a star map or making an observation about the weather.

"That is…" …what's the word, "impossible."

Leia shrugged. "You're alive, so apparently it is very possible."

He shook his head. "It shouldn't have been. Attempts to revive someone with the Force have never worked and usually resulted in the person's death."

"Rey is still very much alive, although she was extremely weak after the whole thing. She slept for a full day. I can never repay her for bringing my son back to me."

Ren scoffed. _Here we go…_ "Your son?" He made a show of looking around the quaint medical room. "You have a son? I don't see him anywhere."

Leia's eyes narrowed. "Now is not the time for your sarcasm, Ben."

The restraints clanked as he tensed. "That's not my name."

Leia scooted closer, her upper body resting against the railing. "Yes, it is. I am your mother–"

"No, you're not." Leia was close enough that the heat from her body easily registered against his arm. Or maybe that was his own blood boiling, cause the sensation was spreading throughout his bloodstream.

"I gave birth to you."

His mind ignited, his scarred face distorting with anger. "You want a congratulations? A pat on the back? A medal for achieving something women have been doing for thousands of years? I have half your DNA, but don't think for one second that makes me your son," he venomously spat at her. His limbs strained to get free as his mind concentrated on the cuffs. If he spent one more second tied down, he was going to outwardly rage against this sterile room.

 _Pop, pop, pop, pop!_

The cuffs opened and he flew out of the bed, rebounded off a table, knocked over a chair, until finally bouncing into the wall. His joints cracked from the sudden, sloppy movement, but he didn't care how ridiculous he looked. He just needed to get out of that bed, even if his muscles shrieked in protest. It was apparent his body was not at full strength yet, and if the amateur acrobatics weren't enough of a sign, his wobbly legs sure woke him up to that fact.

Ren didn't go for the door, knowing that if he tried to escape, he would be killed– or worse, locked in a room with his mother. _Oh wait…_ He peered below his shirt, seeing nothing but smooth skin on his chest. So the wound _had_ completely healed.

Yay.

"I know my son is still in there. Just let me help you, Ben," she implored from across the room.

Spinning around, he faced her straight on. "I don't need your help. I'm twenty-nine years old, my need for a mother is well passed."

"You're thirty."

…"What?"

"You're birthday. It was yesterday." Ren was not aware what day it was according to the Galactic Standard Calendar, but Leia wouldn't lie about something like that. The last time Ren had celebrated or even thought about his birthday was when he was eleven, so it didn't come as a shock that he completely forgot about it.

Wait… did he die on his birthday? _Good. That day can be marred for all I care._

He swatted his hand through the air, brushing the inconsequential information aside. "Fine. I'm thirty. The point is you have never acted like my mother, so don't start now. It comes across as pathetic."

Her temples protruded, her increasing frustration becoming evident. "Dammit, Ben, I am your mother. I fed you, clothed you, put you into the best schools, and bought you everything you needed. I protected you–"

"Protected me?" Ren couldn't believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. "From what exactly? The monsters under my bed? The ones you told me didn't exist? You must feel rather foolish now that you know they actually did."

Leia rubbed her lips together, exhaling in an attempt to center herself. "I did the best I could with what I had. You think it was easy raising someone like you by myself?"

Ren laughed, but it was not of the cheery kind. "And there it is. The admission that you thought I was a monster."

"I never said that."

"The insinuation was pretty damn clear."

"I never thought you were a monster. I just didn't know how to raise someone with your abilities, with your affinity towards violence."

"Maybe if you told me the truth about my grandfather, I would have understood the darkness within myself," he countered.

Leia nodded solemnly. "I should have told you the truth. I admit that, but you were not an easy child to talk to. You never made anything easy. You never opened up to me, never went out of your way to try and talk to me, you–"

"BECAUSE YOU CHOSE THE SENATE OVER ME EVERY FUCKING TIME!" The scream came out of him hard and severe, making him rattle in his skin, the roar of oblivion overtaking his rationale till all he saw was red. "I'm the child– I am! I shouldn't have to seek out your attention! You should've wanted to spend time with me; you should have wanted to watch me grow up! You should've made dad stay instead of leaving! You never tried to mend that relationship between the two of us. You never–" Before things went completely out of control, Ren snapped his mouth shut, pivoting around to his glare filled wall. He stopped mid twist, catching sight of him and his mother in the reflection of a mirror. She was frightened of him, a look he knew all too well. But it was the sight of himself that he zoned in on. His black eyes glowed with an unholy darkness, his upper lip curled back, revealing him to be more savage than man.

Rage built up so fast and so quickly, he wasn't able to control it before it broke free. Rearing his head back, he slammed his forehead into the glass, shattering his reflection onto his bare feet.

Events were foggy from there, since his anger sloshed in his ears and the head wound shook his brain. Leia had screamed in horror, trying to get to him, but was pulled out of the room by a very agile Skywalker.

Left to his own devices, Ren knew exactly where his head and needs were going as his hands tightened into fists. He screamed while he struck the remaining glass to the floor and grunted as the cyclone of destruction devastated the room. The quarters was laid to waste, bloody impressions of his knuckles painting the walls in dots and streaks of red. The burning in his lungs pleaded to let the oxygen stay in the pair long enough to be absorbed, but he did not relent. He was starving himself of life, physically and emotionally. While suffocating killed the body, mental hypoxia slaughtered the man he used to be.

As he kept going, the blood dripped down his nose and lips, red tears falling from his chin and onto his white tunic. He didn't register any pain; no fleeting judgments of his actions came to mind– all that resonated was rage, but not all of it was directed at his mother. That monster in the mirror had revealed itself and Ren hated him and loved him, all within the same breath. He hated it for making him into a killer, loved it for letting him feel the power and pleasure in death.

So many people dead… because of him.

So.

Many.

 _How do I live with myself?_ The "how" seemed like a colossal feat, one not even he had the strength to endure.

His legs finally gave out, parking his rear on the one part of the floor that wasn't littered with broken medical equipment. Every single muscle fiber was twitching, making his body shake uncontrollably.

This toxic interplay with Leia had been too much as it drove him to an edge he couldn't back away from. He couldn't believe he'd let her manipulate him into speaking. He should've kept his mouth shut, but when she hung Rey in front of him like bait, he all too willingly bit.

Hate was not a sufficient enough word to describe his feelings toward that woman. The wailing he performed did not make him feel any better as his brain remained clogged with emotions he didn't know how to decipher since he never dared to clean out that rank conduit. The internal screams that viced his heart were getting in the way of reason, turning his logical reserve into an energy shield that froze him inside of himself.

Has he never really delved deep into his emotions, or has he always been this stagnant?

This was why he needed the pain. He was stuck, unable to connect his heart to his grey matter, both parts of himself living in a perpetual state of dissociation. Living had always been on a certain plane of detachment, dragging him higher into the black storm clouds of confusion. Pain was the only real thing that connected both parts together, making him feel healed.

Well, Rey had the same affect on him, but he had an inkling Leia wasn't going to allow her into this room any time soon. _I'm a thirty-year-old man and my mother still finds a way to punish me for having a temper tantrum._

 _Of course_ she _found a way._

()()()()()

Poe exhaled while rubbing his face, trying to get the image of Ren slamming his head into a plate of glass out of his thoughts. Beside him, Rey covered her slackened mouth, eyes glued to Ben as he utterly destroyed the private room. The numerous quarters between Kylo and them muffled the devastation, but still, the noise was easily registered without the monitor. Blood covered Ren's face and hands as he beat the wall with bare knuckles, actually making dents in the metal. Poe knew the guy had anger issues, but shit… this bout was all unpolluted rage, something Poe had never seen.

Luke dragged a dazed Leia into the monitoring room, all the while hearing the woman mutter, "Why would he do that? His face…"

Other than the General's soft murmurs, no one knew what to say to one another. Luke was too focused on his rattled sister and Rey couldn't look away from the horrific program. Harter was wise to stay back, letting the family deal with their issues, but still keeping an eye on Kylo just in case he caused himself severe bodily harm. So maybe it wasn't that they didn't know what to say, and more that everyone was absorbed within their own thoughts. _Yeah, that's more accurate_. Poe's attention went back to the image, watching as Ren finally grew tired and sank to the floor, looking so emotionless it was strikingly disturbing. After all that fury, how could someone's features suddenly turn blank?

The far door slid open, eight Resistance guards filling the room with their bullying stature. There was only one reason for this many guards to enter: they were taking Ren somewhere, and it wasn't for some fresh air.

The reason for the firepower was not lost on the General, who immediately positioned herself between them and the door leading to the medical quarters. "You can't take him. He's still healing," Leia said defensively, her voice now strong and decisive.

"Well, you shouldn't have woken him," the tall, older man stated. Poe recognized the guy, but couldn't place a name to his firm features. "And the council has come to a decision as to what to do with him."

"What?!" Leia's voice rose in disbelief. "I was not aware the council was meeting."

"You are the prisoners mother and it was agreed to keep you out of the deliberations," he explained like he was talking to a child. Such blatant disrespect for the General was astonishing, but seeing how she kept the fact that Kylo Ren was her son from everyone but the council, Poe figured people would be pissed. The only gossip going around the base was that piece of knowledge, and no one was happy about it.

The man's stare swept over to the monitor, frowning at the odd image. "What the hell happened to his room? And why is he bleeding?"

Leia ignored the questions. "What has the council decided?"

"The prisoner has the right to hear the sentencing first."

"Sentencing? There hasn't even been a trial!" Poe exclaimed.

The guard ignored Poe's outburst and turned to one of the fellow officers. "Go in there and get him."

"He can't go to the council looking like that!" Rey yelled. Hell, if he walked through the ship with blood all over him, someone was bound to shoot him out of fear. Poe always loved the fact that everyone was free to carry their weapons around, but now, he wished the rules were more rigid.

"It's his own fault for looking the way he does." The man addressed the unmoving guard. "I told you to go in there and get him." From the way the soldier tensed and froze, he was too terrified to go into that room. Which was understandable. Ren appeared like he'd just stepped out of a nightmare where he had ripped people apart with his bare teeth and bathed in their blood. Seriously, that head wound was bleeding _really_ badly.

As the General– and even Dr. Kalonia– argued with the leader, Poe had no idea what to do. From the soldier's tone, he could deduce that Ren's sentence was not of the "keep breathing" variety.

Poe suddenly became baffled that what Ren had predicted was now coming true: no trial, fast tracked execution, his mother not getting a say in the outcome. It was legal for a military committee to choose the sentencing of a war criminal, but the addendum had never been put into action… until now.

Poe had always been loyal to the New Republic and the Resistance, but he couldn't let something like this happen. He watched the arguing escalate as his brain searched for some sort of loophole to get Ren out of being executed. So far, he was coming up with a whole lot of nothin'.

 _How can they decide to kill him without even trying to make a deal? The guy had to know so many secrets, some of which could help win this war._

Also, and this was a hard fact to admit, Poe did not entirely wish for Ren to die. Once upon a time he sure had, but now…. Man, Finn deserved to beat him till he lost consciousness. His feelings were so betraying the person Poe always tried to be.

 _Crap._

Quickly, Poe darted behind the General, ignoring the yells that were directed at him. He ran through the main medical facility, making his way to Ren's room and putting in the passcode. Careening into the quarters, he halted, taking in the scenery of red and white and all around madness. The room looked way worse in person, but his eyes settled on the broken man sitting in the middle of the floor.

()()()()()

Being this numb was starting to become a standard emotion among Ren's many.

In the pause, he felt the past and present shift, the man he used to be mixing with the one he currently was. There was no way to comfort the lonely, confused boy he'd been back then, even though he wanted to demand that his mother do so. The Force could make many things happen, but going back in time was not one of them. Ren understood that the laws of the universe could not be swayed.

Poe staggered into the room, breathing hard and looking stunned by all the damage. The pilot took a moment to compose himself before saying, "White is really not your color."

Ren glanced down at the white tunic and trousers, noticing all the blood that now stained the once pure attire and becoming aware of the stream of red coming from his forehead. Wiping his face, he smeared the viscous liquid over his features and hair, making him appear like he'd dunked his head into a bucket of blood. The flavor of copper lingered on his taste buds as he cleaned his teeth with his tongue. His skull pounded with the concentric pulses of bright white pain, tingling down his spine, coming back to the receptors in his brain.

Bracing his hands on one knee, he stood, his feet stinging as they met the floor. As he shifted his weight, bloody footprints marred the glossy finish, meaning there were shards of glass in his skin– but truthfully, what did it matter. His body absorbed the pain in the self-punishing way he intimately treasured.

Inspecting Poe's demeanor, Ren noticed a bruise on the guy's left cheek that stretched under his eye, blackening the skin. He mechanically rubbed his hands on his trousers as he asked, "Who bruised that ugly face of yours?" Ren was impressed by the calm tone of his voice, given how dramatic it had been minutes ago.

Poe gave him a flat stare, but it was contradicted by his thinly amused grin. "Looks like death hasn't changed how much of an asshole you are."

He smiled a little at that. And then grew serious. As much as Ren enjoyed their little spouts, he needed to air a request. "I need to speak with Rey."

"I'm sure she'll come in here after she gets over the initial shock of watching you obliterate the room." _Shit._ Rather than waiting for Ren to respond, Poe strode past him to the refresher door at the back wall. "You need to clean up. The Resistance council is requesting your presence."

"Ah." Ren closed his eyes and bowed his head for a moment, knowing exactly why the council wanted to see him. "They want to see the look on my face as they tell me I am to be executed. Who cares what I look like then?" he said drily.

"Just get in the refresher, man." Poe's assertiveness over getting clean was unusual and Ren gave him an odd look as he went into the small washroom. The pilot closed the door behind them, both men's broad bodies taking up most of the space.

"There are no cameras in here, so we can talk freely. Do you have anything you can give the Resistance so you can get out of this?" Poe hurriedly asked.

There was a beat of silence as Ren's cerebral cortex processed the man's rushed words. First, surveillance really should be placed in washrooms. Prisoners tend to take advantage of such idiocy. Who cares about privacy when there was a war going on? And second, "You mean information?"

"Yes."

Ren sighed, knowing such things were futile. "They're not going to stop my execution; no matter what I say." His brain had fallen into a state of learned helplessness since he realized he had zero control over his fate. It had been a hard lesson to learn– one he had to die for in order to absorb. _Never had a studying session_ that _extreme before…_

"Geez, are you still suicidal?"

Ren stiffened. "Suicidal?"

Poe waved his hand through the air. "Well, you acted that way on Lothal."

Ren's eyes slimmed. "I wasn't trying to purposely die."

"Whatever. The fact is, you did and you didn't have to watch Rey almost kill herself trying to revive you." That sentence stung. "Would you really leave Rey again?"

His lips thinned out as he spoke through clenched teeth. "I'm not really getting a choice in the matter, which is why I never wanted to come here."

"Maybe you have more of a choice than you think. Just tell them something of importance, something that would force them to give you a deal so you can stay alive. The guards outside are too afraid to come in here, so that might buy you a little time."

Poe was frantic and it was odd to see the man genuinely trying to help him. "Why do you care what happens to me?"

"Because…" Poe paused, looking around the room as if he could find his thoughts written on the pale walls. "BB-8 told me about your time with that family and what you did for them. And you saved my droid and kept him safe when you didn't have to. I'm grateful for that." Poe took a deep breath before getting _really_ serious. "Look, I've grown up watching how horrible people can be. This war has devastated the galaxy and it has been extremely difficult to find hope against an enemy that has unlimited resources. The fact that you, of all people, left the Order has to stand for something. And from what BB-8 said and what I've witnessed, you're actually trying to be a good fucking person. So, if someone as vile as you can actually see the error in his ways, then that gives me hope that not all is lost in this cruel universe." Ren had given people many things, but hope was certainly never one of them. Poe went to the cabinets, grabbed a white towel, and pinned it to Ren's chest, making him brace his balance against the sink. The pilot looked him in the eye and said, "Now clean up and think of a way out of this."

Ren felt something blossom in his chest, and this time, it didn't have anything to do with anger.

"Poe?" The pilot stopped before opening the door and glancing over his shoulder. Ren needed to say something since this might be the only opportunity he had to do so. He wasn't good with apologies. Or talking. But he wasn't a coward either. "I'm sorry... for what I did to you on the Finalizer," Ren whispered, too afraid to get more specific than that, on account of his voice almost breaking.

"We were on opposite sides of a war. I understand why you did what you did." Poe swiftly left, his footsteps drifting further away as each second passed.

 _Damn._ If circumstances were different, Ren could very well see himself becoming friends with that guy.

Swiftly, Ren went on autopilot as he jumped into the hot shower, healed his wounds, and dried off. In the mirror, his body had acquired new scars, each one having their own story that played through his thoughts. He studied his right palm, the skin no longer showing the familiar lines, but now displaying the thin and wrinkly scar tissue of a healed third-degree burn. Balling the hand into a fist, he felt a minuscule amount of sensation, which was evidence that the nerves had been severely damaged. He slicked his wet hair back with both hands, transferring his attention to getting dressed.

The only spare clothing was what he found in the cabinets– another set of white tunics and pants. But it was either that or walk out of here naked. Actually, that seemed like the better option, considering how much he hated wearing pallid attire.

Footsteps were approaching the refresher fast and Ren quickly wrapped the towel around his waist as he sensed who it was. Rey shut herself into the small washroom, gazing at him with fiery eyes and a wound up demeanor. She was clearly mad, probably over the fact that he died and had endured feeling their bond break. Or that he essentially lied to her when he agreed to those ridiculous promises. Or that he had tried to leave her again by refusing to get on the Falcon. Or… well, the list seemed infinite.

So many things he wanted to ask and apologize for, but he couldn't stop his bare soles from closing the distance between them. He crushed her against his exposed chest, grabbing her face and bringing her lips to his. It was sloppy and teeth clashing, both pouring two weeks worth of loneliness and heart ache into their wondering hands. There was anger behind her passion, making her substantially more attractive than she already was– and didn't that brand him a crass bastard for loving it. Her nails dug into his back, scoring his skin and bringing him somehow closer to her. Plunging his tongue inside, she moaned as he tasted her pleasure and he felt himself harden below.

He dipped to her neck and slowly, inescapably dragged his mouth over her vein, feeling her pulse quicken against his lips. She arched into him, pressing her body into his hips, causing him to growl and pin her against the closed door. The feeling of her on his hands, even though it was only her clothes, was intense, drowning out all other needs that didn't fall under the category of being with her.

Rey's hands slipped down his sides, crawling to his towel, dipping under the soft fabric…. With an unhappy curse, he locked his hand on her wrist, relishing in her palm against the part where his leg met his hip. She was so close to touching his masculinity, but if she did, he would never stop till he devoured her. And since time never seemed to be on their side, he needed to confess his feelings before he was taken away.

Ren kissed her softly and lingered the contact as he carefully pulled her curious hand away so his towel didn't fall to the floor. When he pulled back, there was a sizzling moment as their eyes met, their labored breathing mixing into the air. He swallowed. Hard. "As much as I want to keep going, there is something I have to tell you." Rey's languid eyes were starting to focus upon hearing his voice… and from their interaction being cut short. "I know you're mad and I know how much you want to yell at me for being stupid on Lothal, but I need to talk first." She opened her mouth to protest, but he talked over her, bringing up his palms to gently hold those soft, sun kissed cheeks.

"Remember our first dream together? You accused me of knowing who you were because of what I said before we dueled on Starkiller?" She nodded, entranced by how quickly and ardently he spoke, appearing so open and vulnerable. "I had seen you before, but never physically. Ever since I was ten, I've dreamed about you." Rey's eyes widened. "The dreams more than likely started the day you were born and this bond was forged. They always started the same, too. I ran through a forest covered in snow, running till I found you. Your back was facing me, so I couldn't see your face. You then called my grandfather's lightsaber to your hand, catching it and igniting it."

Her hands dug into his waist and he drew closer to her from feeling the contact. He hunched over, their noses almost touching, the fact that he was a flick away from being naked never leaving their minds. "I've had this dream all my life, but I never saw who you were, not until after everything happened on Starkiller base. By the way the lightsaber flew into your hand and from the surrounding landscape, I knew you were the woman I kept seeing. Everything connected in that moment."

"How–"

"There's more," he interrupted, coming closer to her. If he kept this up, she was going to meld into the door. "I should've told you how I felt in that closet on Lothal, but I got sidetracked and ignored the prompting to do so. As I died, I regretted not taking that chance when I should have. I regretted not getting on the Falcon with you. I have regretted so many things about my life, but I have never regretted knowing that I love you." His thumbs stroked her velvet cheeks, their eyes locked and transporting them to a plane of existence where only they remained.

"I love you," his voice cracked as he repeated himself. "You gave me hope in the darkness that I could come back to the light, and while I have been denying it for a long time now, I do feel it inside me. You believed in me, listened to me, saved me. I look at you and see the rest of my life in your eyes. I feel myself grounded from your voice. Your smile is so pure, your life so full of light that every time I'm with you, I feel complete."

Gods, he was getting emotional, but it was too late to turn back now. "My life has been dark, depressing, and so very violent– but amidst the depths of my chaos, there you were. I was lost to you the moment I saw you on Takodana and I would never take that back. I thought of love as a weakness, a fault that would ruin me. But now, I see how much of a lie that was. I know in retrospect, we've only spent a handful of days together, but how I feel about you is so strong, I don't need more time to distinguish the truth." Other than her large eyes, she was stoic, lost in his stare as mush as he was lost in hers.

"I do not expect these feelings to be reciprocated." How he wished they would be, though. "And I will be fine if they never are." No, he wouldn't. "I don't know what will happen when I stand in front of the council." Yes, he did. "So I needed to tell you before–"

Abrupt banging against the door caused Rey to jump into him, his arms quickly encompassing her. "You have a minute to get out of the 'fresher or we're comin' in," a masculine voice proclaimed. The unwanted interruption caused Ren to daydream about ripping the man's throat out, but Rey's soft voice extinguished the urge.

"No…" Rey whispered. Her enduring eyes were quickly replaced with shock. She craned her head up, grabbing his bare shoulders, looking at him wildly. "You need to escape; get off the ship and get far away."

Running his knuckles across the curve of her face, he pointed out the truth. "I'm powerful, Rey, but not that powerful. There are too many guards. I wouldn't get far before they killed me." Rey kept muttering different things he could do, where he could go, how to steal a ship. Her mind was thinking of every possible solution, but him? He was memorizing the way her lips moved, the contours of her round face, the dimples in her cheeks. It surprised him how calm he felt, knowing that he was going to do the death thing all over again. But he knew resistance was futile, and it broke him to see Rey refuse to accept that.

She fell silent as his thumb moved over her red lips. "Listen, whatever happens, you can't try and intervene. I don't want you to get hurt," he said with horrible gentleness.

Her eyes became steely. "If our situations were reversed, you wouldn't try and change the outcome?" Good point. Very good point.

"Rey–" The door opened, showing a very frustrated officer. The man was taken aback to see a woman and a half naked Ren in the refresher, but quickly composed himself. "You," he pointed at Rey. "Out." Rey grabbed Ren's hand and squeezed, letting go only when she walked too far way to hold on. "Put your clothes on," the officer commanded and shut the door, cutting Rey off from Ren's vision.

Watching her leave had lit his heart on fire and the pain was excruciating, but it was real in a world full of deceit and that had to count for something... now that he was at the end.

()()()()()

Actions blurred together after Rey left, but the longer Ren was escorted through the hallways, the quicker he went from an automaton to being semi-aware, his senses coming alive one minute and checking out the next. The footfalls of the soldiers surrounding him sounded like bombs dropping, the tingling of his legs making him feel like his body would fall in on itself. Every inhale was a typhoon. Every beat of his heart was a punch to the chest. Every gulp was a ball of nails trailing down to his stomach.

He kept going in and out, not remembering how he came from one point to another. When the situation came back into focus later, he found himself sitting at the end of a long table, members of the council staring at him with judgmental eyes. His bare feet rested on the cold, metal floor, because why give a soon to be dead man shoes?

He quickly took note that his mother was not in the room. Probably for the best. He didn't need to breakdown at a time like this.

"Kylo Ren." A blonde woman with a sharp face addressed him from the other end of the table. "You are a war criminal who has taken part in countless murders and the destruction of the Hosnian system. The council has deliberated over your fate and has decided to sentence you to death, with you being allowed to choose the method. We are not interested in making any deals with you, for the families of the people you murdered deserve justice and we're going to give them the comfort of knowing you can never hurt another living soul ever again."

Well… there went the possibility of bartering information for his life. Ren refused to cower in face of such a sentence, but his stomach twisted till he could feel the burn of acid in his throat. Shutting down the urge to vomit, he looked the satisfied woman in the eye.

"Why am I here if there is nothing I can do to stop my execution?"

"We wanted to give you the chance to clear your conscience and tell us everything you know about the First Order."

Ren blanched at the audacity of these people. Give information away for free? Fuck. No. "I think I'll take my knowledge to the grave," he sneered.

"I was expecting you to say something like that." _Who the hell is this woman?_ Ren didn't recognize her from any of the Order's intel, but she carried herself like she was important and all the figures in the room followed her lead. He skimmed the top of her thoughts, searching–

Ren stilled.

The memories he found were harrowing and before he could stop himself, his compassion stretched out to this woman– the very woman who fought hard for his execution. He could use these memories against her and show the council that she was unfit to lead them, but his mouth didn't open. Even if he did reveal her secrets, it wasn't going to stop where he was headed.

"When is my execution?" he asked with a pale voice.

"We can give you time to say goodbye to your family and then carry out the sentence."

 _Or, I can get it over with right now and take as many of you people with me as possible_. Ren was not one to wait, and he would prefer his life to end in a flair of violence only he could deliver. While he wouldn't divulge this blonde woman's secrets, he was content with killing her, since she was more than willing to end his life. Hopefully his death would be quick, unlike last time. He didn't want Rey to suffer.

Before he could move on his plan, shouting came from outside the room before Luke and Rey rushed inside. "This is a closed meeting. You're not allowed to be here, Master Jedi."

Breathing heavily, he said, "You do not have the authority to execute him."

"Excuse me? The council has–"

"Before he joined the Order, he was given the title of Jedi Master. By me." That shut the woman up quick. "Under the constitution of the New Republic, in the fourth amendment, it states that all Jedi Masters adhere to the Jedi council for any disciplinary actions, no matter the crime."

A whole lot of confusion spread throughout the room. "No holomessage was given to the Senate stating that Ben Solo was made a Jedi Master."

 _What are they doing? This is a waste of time!_

"I must admit, I'm old and am prone to be forgetful, but I do have proof." He slid a device into the room's operating system in the wall, pulling up a holovid that was split into two screens: on the left was Skywalker, and on the right was Leia. By their familiar aged faces, this was recorded recently.

"This video was taken weeks ago, when my sister and I were able to talk to one another for the first time in six years. There's only one particular part you need to hear, so I won't waste too much of your time," Skywalker said derisively, pushing a red button on the wall.

Ren didn't want to watch, but he couldn't look away.

On the holovid, Skywalker rubbed his eyes, looking exhausted as he spoke. "We had a few leads on some Jedi Temples in the Outer Rim Territories, so I brought Ben along to help me search for them. I thought it would be good for him to get away from the academy for a while."

Leia's brows scrunched with confusion. "Why?"

"Ben starts to get restless the longer he's there. I thought some adventure might help get it out of him." Silence ensued, Leia studying her brother as the Jedi inhaled a dragging breath. "I made him a Jedi Master, you know," he muttered.

"You did? He– he was ready for something like that?"

Skywalker nodded solemnly. "As ready as you can be. There was really nothing else I could teach him, except ways to regulate his temper, but he seemed to have gotten better at controlling himself. And Leia, I was just so tired of doing it all on my own. I needed help and Ben was the most gifted of my students. So before we left on the journey, I gave him the title." As Luke reflected, a gleam of joy shined in his eyes, almost causing him to smile. "You should have seen his face when I did. He was the happiest I'd seen him in a long time and he–" The video cut out, plunging the room into brash silence.

Ren remembered receiving that new title, and yeah, he'd been ecstatic to get it. It was the one goal that made him wake up in the morning, go through his training, and endure being ostracized by his peers. Oh, but how he wanted to go back to that moment and slap himself senseless, beat himself to the ground and yell that none of it was worth it.

If he'd known what awaited him in adulthood, he never would have bothered smiling in his youth. Or make pointless goals.

"You can't seriously think we're going to take this video as proof," the woman cut through the troubled atmosphere.

"Look at the time stamp. There was no possible way for me to know how valuable this video would become, so why would I have lied? Ben is under my authority, not yours. And frankly, I'm surprised you've been put at the head of the council after everything that has happened to you, Admiral Trend." Ben had been watching Trend's anger redden her face, but at hearing what Skywalker just stated, he slowly swept his eyes to the old man.

 _He knows, but is he going to reveal it to the council?_

Confused faces looked to the Admiral. "What is he talking about?" Statura asked, everyone awaiting an answer.

Skywalker's brows rose, feigning surprise. "She hasn't told you? Her whole family was killed during the destruction of the Hosnian system: her husband, three children, her parents. You are just as biased to this whole situation as my sister, but you were not going to let anyone know that. Were you?"

Silence... then the room erupted in voices. Trend murderously glared at Skywalker, ignoring the stream of questions. Ren glanced between the two, flabbergasted that the Jedi Master revealed the very information he'd chosen not to. And they call him heartless? Skywalker didn't even look conflicted.

"Rey, take Ben out of the room." Skywalker's command intermixed with the swirling arguments. "I'll meet with you two later." But Rey didn't have to go far as Ben darted out of the chair, very keen on getting the hell out of the deadly meeting. If his only chance to stay alive was to adhere to Skywalker's help, then he would take it. Pride be damned… for now.

"Congratulations, _Ben_ ," Trend spat as Ren paused before exiting, staring over his shoulder. The room quieted to a low hum, whispers filling the background noise. Rey grabbed his arm, attempting to get him out of there, but his ears wanted to hear what the woman had to say. "You get to go on with your life, never receiving official punishment for what you've done. While you roam free, your victims lay rotting in the ground, never to see their families again. I hope their faces haunt you for the rest of your sinful life."

 _Don't worry_ , he inwardly said as he let Rey pull him into the hall. _They will._

 **He's alive! Yeah! Well, that's the new chapter folks. What did ya'll think? Anyone feeling sorry for Finn? How about that small snippet between Ben and Rey? He finally told her how he felt!  
**

 **Anyway, please leave a comment below! Thanks for reading!**


	26. Chapter 26

**Thanks to all who followed, faved, or reviewed the story! You all help me to keep going, even when it gets hard to do so. I am so sorry it took longer than average to post this chapter! I took a week off from writing because I was starting to get burned out and I really want to enjoy the experience of writing.**

 **Guest 2: Yeah for more Reylo! Luke and Kylo do interact in this chapter, but it isn't for too long. Neither like talking to the other. And I am so happy you love their first kiss in chapter 17! I took my time writing that part and am honored that it is one of your favorite kisses on fanfiction! Also, leave as many reviews as you like. I don't mind, trust me. MaelsiC: Rey taking the power from Kayani is going to have repercussions later on. Everything comes with a price! Finn definitely has some issues to work out and with time, he will get there. I try to put some foreshadowing in each chapter, so Luke explaining the Jedi Council and the New Republic to Rey was definitely one of those moments. KatMichBow: Oh boy, your review is legit, but I love it! As a writer, I want you to go through a plethora of emotions and I understand why you are frustrated. Finn is for sure being selfish right now and refusing to look at the situation from an outside perspective. Finn is going to struggle with this and it's not going to be easy. I didn't want to write those Finn and Ren getting along super quickly because if someone tried to murder me, I sure as hell wouldn't trust them any time soon. Please be patient and know this will not last forever. Ren's acceptance of death and not thinking about Rey in those situations is something he needs to learn to stop doing. Love doesn't change a person immediately and Ren is no different. Thanks so much for the in depth review! NightElfCrawler: Of course our heroine would do something amazing, like bringing Ren back from the dead. lol. I was wondering if anyone would notice the changes in Ren because his personality has slowly been altering. Glad you caught that! Natalie-S-246: Luke is definitely not a pushover in my story. He knows when to be savage, but he knows when to show kindness. Unfortunately, he shows Ben more of the former. Ben will always have a certain angst to him and Poe will always be a smartass. hehe. Jnads1: I will for sure be developing Ren and Poe's bromance! I love writing those two, so there will be more to come! Rey needs to realize her feelings and it might take her a bit to do so. Once she does confess them to Ben, it will be a great moment. :) kimmycocopop: Everything is starting to come together... well, the characters are at least. The road ahead will not be easy for Ben and he will probably be tempted by the dark side. Will he go back to it? Guess time will tell... I do want to show how both sides of a war can have problems and be corrupt. No organization is squeaky clean. vana9: Thanks so much for all your kind compliments! I hope your midterm went well! I really want the story to feel like Star Wars, but bring some modern elements into it as well. Character development is a huge deal to me, so I have been taking my time with flushing these characters out and putting them in situations that would cause them to grow. I didn't want to go the cliche route of Ben always having a kind heart underneath it all. Nope, that guy is a monster. He is sadistic, selfish, and power hungry. He murdered his father! Obviously he has a few screws loose and I wanted to convey that to the audience. His growth has much to do with the friends and family he has, but he will always have that side to himself. I guess, in a sense, he is an anti-hero. But that is just my opinion. Good luck with studying and school! EV: I apologize for the long wait! I hope this chapter satiates your hunger!**

 **Now I have something to say about the previous chapter. I had to correct something that I messed up on. When Ren apologizes to Poe, I put Starkiller instead of the Finalizer. Oops! But all is corrected now. Sorry!**

 **There are a lot of interactions going on in this new chapter, so that means more dialogue and less inner reflection. But hey, people gotta talk, right? Enjoy the read!**

Chapter Twenty-six

Rey pulled Ben by the arm into the hallway, dragging him out of the meeting before hearing anything more from Trend. His feet slapped against the sleek ground, a stark contrast to the thud of her boots, which were in sync with the beating of her thundering heart. By the way Ben relented to let Rey lead and how colorless his lips had become, she surmised that he was going into shock.

She didn't realize she was taking them to her temporary quarters till they were halfway there, but that was the only private place she knew of. On the way, every single person stopped and stared, some flattening against the wall and others running back to where they came from. No one knew what Kylo Ren looked like, but they must have noticed the scar on his face… but how would they even know about that? _The guards and medical staff must have told people…_ Whatever, it didn't matter that everyone at the Resistance recognized Ben.

When they entered her room, Ben darted straight for the refresher and starting dry heaving into the toilet. The rations he ate before being escorted to the council was barely a morsel of food, so there was no substance for his stomach to expel. But the use of the commode was more out of reflex than actual convenience.

Rey moistened a hand towel and squeezed down between him and the shower, placing the cold relief on his neck and tucking his hair behind his ears. Patiently, she watched his shoulders and back roll with every lurch, his knuckles whiten from his tight grip on the bowl, and his eyes shut firmly from the reality of what he was doing. Rey rubbed his broad back, giving him the only comfort she knew how in a moment like this.

His gags and gasps were hard to withstand, but she wasn't going to leave him. Gradually the retching episode ended and Ben sat back to the wall, eyes closed, breathing deeply through his slim and still pale lips. Quickly, she grabbed the canteen from her bed, filled it with cool water and handed it to him. She didn't expect him to take it, but he gulped the frigid liquid as they both resettled to their previous positions. Then, Rey slid the cloth from his neck and tenderly wiped the sweat from his face.

For a fleeting second, Rey wondered if this is what it's like to be a mother: comforting your child while sick, worrying about their every waking moment, fearful that someone would take them away from you. I guess she won't know till she becomes one. _If I become one…_ Not one bone in her body was a natural at being a motherly, given how she never had parents to learn the nurturing skill from. Besides, her uterus was probably a barren bag of dust, incapable of creating tiny humans. When was the last time she had her period? A year ago? And she could see Ben never wanting to have children-

 _Okay, slooooooooow down Rey, you don't even know what's going on between the two of you. You should focus on getting through the next few months with him… or, like, the next ten minutes. Why the hell are you thinkin' of babies?_ As her inner dialogue played through her thoughts, it all suddenly halted as Ben grabbed her wrist, pausing her hand that was washing his cheek. Opening his dark eyes, it was impossible not to be sucked into their gentle current.

Removing the cloth from her hold and placing her palm over his heart, he hoarsely said, "I'm sorry." Rey knew he wasn't apologizing for the show he had put on a minute ago. By now, they were more than comfortable with revealing their vulnerabilities and weaknesses to each other.

"Why didn't you try to escape?" She whispered. "You knew what would happen to me if you die…"

His exhale was the evidence of his exhaustion. "What would you have had me do? Rey, there were soldiers everywhere, I was without my saber, and I am extremely weak. If I tried to get out, I would have been killed."

"So… it wasn't that you wanted to die, right?" A shot of anxiety quaked along every nerve in her body, an aftershock to this whole traumatic experience. If Ben wanted to die… how would she even bring him back from that?

"You're the second person to think I am suicidal," he muttered. "No, I don't want to die…" He didn't sound very convincing. "But you must know I deserve it."

Her heart rocketed into her throat. "Ben-."

"I saw them, Rey," he interrupted, his eyes filling with sheens of agony she had never before seen– especially from him. "Right before I died."

In a breathless voice she asked, "Whom did you see?"

Ben's furrowed brows lowered, shadowing his eyes. "The faces of all those I have killed… the ones who were innocent," he deeply whispered. "I do deserve to die for what I've done, but I'm too much of a coward to offer justice."

He rubbed his eyes with his free hand before continuing. "Their faces are there every time I close my eyes, every time I blink. They are reminding me…" his voice tapered off.

Rey waited, but the seconds that ticked by proved Ben was getting lost in his head and she wanted to keep him in the present. "Reminding you?" She vocally nudged.

His retina's focused back on her. "Of who I am."

"Were," she corrected him as she scooted closer, feeling his life beat on her open palm. "Who you were."

He squeezed her hand. "I am still very much the person I was before" She shook her head vehemently, but stopped when he brushed his fingers down her cheek and across her jaw. "You need to accept that, or we are going to have a very difficult time moving forward from here."

 _No._ "No. You're Ben. You're not that monster." Rey knew how cruel and violent he could be, but that was all from Snoke's doing. That creature made the demon that coiled around his heart.

He stroked her hair, running his fingers through her half loose waves and tucking them behind her ear. Then he kept his eyes locked with hers, letting the pause fill the lull. His brows rose up and dropped down, as if he was thinking something over in his mind. Or having an epiphany. Slowly, he said, "I think I am both those people. I see that now."

Rey still refused to believe that and even though Ben's touch was extremely distracting, she held onto her opinion firmly. Her eyes were like two marbles in a big glass jar, darting across his ashen features quickly. "You can get rid of the darkness within you-."

"I can't," he said as he lowered his hand.

His response rattled her. "I'm gonna prove you wrong."

Sadly, he smiled. "I really hope you do… and I want you to know," he went on as his lips evened out, " I would never hurt you. I know you saw what I did in the med room, and I would never get that way with you. Ever. When I say I love you, it means all of me does. Not just the good, but the bad as well."

That proclamation rocked through her, shooting up into her heart and muddling it from fully processing her own feelings. She had been so adamant on trying to keep Ben off her mind the last two weeks that she never delved into her own flurry of emotions. Clearly, he had done the opposite.

What is love, anyway? She had never experienced such a foreign concept…

Ben sensed her apprehension and stared at her apologetically. "I'm sorry… I made your uncomfortable."

"No, no I'm fine. It's just… I… am not sure about my feelings… for you." Ben showed no hint of being shocked. Actually, it seemed like he had expected her to confess as much.

He gave her hand a squeeze. "It's okay, Rey. As I said in the med bay, I do not expect anything from you and I don't want you to feel like I have placed you in an awkward position."

"I think I just need time to figure everything out."

"Take as much time as you need."

She gathered her inner confidence before revealing her desires. "But… I still like the things we do." Indeed, she _really_ did. That was one thing she hoped didn't change.

His head tilted slightly. "The things we do?"

"You know what I mean."

A coy smile played on his lips. "I'm afraid I do not. You are being rather vague. I am a man that needs specifics… or an example."

Reys eyes narrowed. "You've always been good at picking up undertones."

Ren shrugged innocently, the wide grin stretching further across his cheeks. "The skill has evaded me recently."

"How recently?"

"Twenty seconds ago." Rey studied the features that had been softened by his infectious smile. There was no vile monster behind his stare, no taut muscles in his face, and the constant strain in his neck had vanished. All of this was temporary, of course, which struck Rey as a tragedy. This was Ben– the man before he had been enslaved by Snoke. Why cant he just stay this way?

Ren frowned, noticing the odd way Rey scrutinized his face. "Or you can yell at me, if that is what you prefer."

She blinked. "What?"

"You're mad at me for everything that has happened," he reminded her. "I was just teasing about needing an example. If you want to yell-."

"I don't want to yell at you."

"You sure about that? I'm quite use to it, so it's fine."

"I would like for us to have the type of relationship where we don't yell at each other. But I will probably give you a stern lecture later… after I get over being elated that you're alive."

"Of course," he whispered while he bowed his head slightly, as if he were giving her permission to do as she pleased.

"Soooo…" He drawled. "Relationship?"

"Yeah. We're friends, aren't we?"

"Yes… but friends don't usually kiss each other." _No, no they do not._ Rey could've lived under a rock her whole life and she still would have known that little fact.

She focused on Ben's thumb that was gently caressing the top of her hand. The more she gave into the feeling and watched, the more her cells started to vibrate with a need that was frighteningly comfortable.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked.

"Your hand…" He glanced at the hand that held hers, briefly pausing his thumb before continuing the stroking with a new purpose. The touch was firmer and glided over a wider width of her skin, burning the sensation into her brain. Ben clasped her small hand between both of his, bringing her palm up to his mouth and rubbing his lips against the sensitive skin while closing his eyes to drink in the experience.

Rey stopped breathing.

"In that council room," he whispered, the heat of his breath draping over her palm, "I thought I was going to die and that I would never get to do this to you." Snapping his eyes open, his stare drilled into her. "Do you like what I'm doing?" His voice was husky, deep, dangerous… but not the kind you run from. It was the kind that held you captive, filling its will into your heart till you were saturated with the same mesmerizing desires.

Ben's stare was animalistic, like he wanted to devour every parcel of her body… and she was more than willing to give him absolute reign over her being. Rey swallowed, realizing that she had produced so much saliva that she was close to drooling. There were no memories to compare this moment with, because Ben was the first man to ever touch her in such a sensual way. Her body was responding in ways that were foreign: blood warming as she sat still, skin flushing without being in the sun, heart hammering from no exertion and… a slick sensation forming between her legs.

"You should stop doing that," she whispered weakly and with zero conviction in her voice.

A deep laugh rumbled in his chest as he looked at her from under his brows, an evil little smile on his face. "Why?"

"You know what it does to me." Her breathing hitched as he pulled her closer, his lips sliding up the inside of her forearm. The two held eyes. Some unknown elixir made his luminous, casting her with a spell of need.

"Do I?" He moved a hand to her upper thigh, brushing at her capris with his forefinger, as if tantalizing her with a simple touch. But then he spread his wide palm open, moving up and down from knee to hip. Lips on her arm, hand on her thigh, she couldn't think straight or even remember how to spell her name. Through his light petting, her core started to sing, the pleasurable music harmonizing into her skull and down each of her nerves.

Ben's lips turned up in amusement while his predatory eyes roamed down to her heaving chest. All sense of formality aside, he let his desire show through his craving stare. Her immediate reaction was to cover her chest, even though it was already covered in two layers of her usual grey tunic and chest wrap. Every time a man stared at anything but her face, their lust showed in the way their lips curled and their eyes glazed over and it always made her stomach churn in distress. Ben had a similar expression, but what was mixed with his yearning gaze was something no other man had: adoration and patience. He wanted her, yes, but he didn't make any inappropriate moves on her body.

To let him touch certain parts of her, she would have to make herself vulnerable. Did she want to do that with him? "You- you can touch me there… if you want," she breathed, answering her inner question by letting her mouth do the thinking.

Ben froze, halting his light petting and looking at her with wide eyes and a lazy jaw. She blushed deeply, mortified that she had actually said that out loud. _What was I thinking? I never should have-_

Ben's spine snapped straight as an indecipherable expression came over his face. Actually no, that wasn't an expression. It was a mask. He'd gone back into hiding within himself, not letting a flicker of emotion splay across his features. Though his eyes seemed to have a hint of anger in them, she couldn't be sure.

"What-."

"Ben!" Luke's voice billowed in the room. _Oh…_

Rey cleared her throat before replying to the closed refresher door. "We'll be out in a minute!" She half expected Luke to barrel into the small wash room, but he didn't. No, partaking in such dramatics was not how the Jedi Master liked to handle situations. He would wait patiently out in the quarters, inconspicuously conveying to her how opposite nephew and uncle actually were.

Rey abruptly stood as Ben let her go and followed her lead. Her cheeks flushed again when she recalled what had happened moments before.

"Rey," Ben whispered as he neared her.

"Just forget it," she muttered harshly, moving toward the sink so she was out of his reach– which was impossible since the refresher was so damn small. Before he grabbed her arm, she flew for the exit, evading any further entanglements that compromised her rationality.

On the way out, she tripped and caught her balance quickly, the humiliation seizing even her basic motor functions. The little tumble would have usually bothered her, but whatever- she'd lost her mind so her pride was hardly a concern at this moment. It was remarkable that embarrassment was a lot like the cold air of Carlac: You felt it down to your bones, it gave you the chills, and made you want to cough so your throat didn't seem as constricted. Oh, and it flushed your cheeks; cant forget that one.

Luke waited in the middle of the room, his eyes tight as he witnessed Rey darting into the confined space while Ben languidly stopped behind her. The last thing she wanted to deal with was questions about the two of them, so she started the conversation before the Jedi Master got the chance. "That meeting went quicker than expected."

"There were some who wanted to give Ben a deal in exchange for his life, so most of the terms of his stay had been written down. If they want to add anything else, they'll contact me, but I agreed with everything they wanted."

"What did they say?" Rey asked.

With shrewd eyes, Luke's studious expression bounced between Rey and Ben. After a moment of pause, he took in a long breath. "The Force is different between you two. When did the bond form?"

Rey's heart leaped in her throat, cutting off precious air supply. _Is the connection that obvious?_

"When she was born," Ben deeply responded and Rey could only imagine the face that went with that bottomless voice. She would have turned to see, but her torso was frozen.

Luke winced. "That's not possible."

"Well you can take it up with the entity living within her."

 _Oh no…_ Luke was beyond the point of shock and now in the realm of being absolutely speechless. He didn't move, didn't twitch, and maybe was still breathing, but it was hard to tell since he was wrapped in multiple layers.

Rey was still breathing. Hard. _Ben doesn't even like talking to his family and now is the time he chooses to answer one of their questions?!_

"What? You don't know?" Ben stepped to her side, looming over her frame so he could catch her attention. "You didn't tell him?" He asked her with a trickle heat. _He cannot seriously be mad at me!_

"You need to explain what is going on here, Rey," Luke demanded with authority. Both men's eyes were boring into her, making her feel like she was going to combust into a great ball of flame and incinerate out of existence.

"Okay," she raised her hands defensively, taking a step back from the expecting men. Taking a deep breath, she made a plan that they were gonna have to accept, because she did not want to repeat this story a hundred times. "I'd rather explain everything when everyone is together."

"Fine," Luke immediately responded. "We can meet in Leia's office aboard this cruiser in two hours. But I want the whole truth, Rey. Not just what you deem important."

Rey swallowed. "I know, I know."

Luke studied her before nodding. "Now I need to speak with Ben. Alone."

Her head shot up to glance at Ben, but all she received was his temple protruding profile. He was eyeing his uncle and not even hiding the disdain seeping out of his features. She was about to protest, but Luke interrupted her with another order to leave and meet at his sister's office.

Carefully, she walked to the entryway as if there were unknown pressure points in the floor that would explode from her leery steps. Before leaving, she looked back, catching the harsh gaze of Ben's eyes. They softened slightly as they locked onto hers. She curtly nodded, silently imploring him not to do anything that fell into the parameters of being violent… and that included his words.

Out in the hallway, she headed for the comms center of the ship. She needed to focus on contacting Finn and somehow convincing him to come up here.

()()()()()

Luke scrutinized the man before him, breathing in the deadly air that swirled around the stranger. Ben's face was cast-iron tight, his body even tighter as he crossed his thick arms over his chest. Cruelty was etched into his eyes, a type of cruelty that was not bound by conscience or a sense of grace, but rode on lamentations of dark deeds. Those eyes have watched as countless beings were tortured and killed… they watched as Han Solo died.

This was not his nephew. Physically, the man had packed on at least seventy pounds of muscle since the last time he had seen him, giving him an appearance of strength and intimidation. The face was wrong as well, but it wasn't because of the scar. The glower was something that seemed permanent, like the man hadn't experienced a lick of happiness throughout his whole life.

Ben, as Luke remembered him, had been an awkward kid while growing up at the academy. He never tried to fit in with the other students, instead content with being a loner. The only reason they respected him later on was because his power grew with age. People feared what they couldn't fight.

Anger creeped into Luke's emotional grid, trying to poison him into doing something foolish, but the feeling diffused into the self-control that clothed him. "You look different," Luke stated.

Ben arched a brow, but kept his demeanor the same. "A scar across the face will do that," he replied coolly, like he wasn't mad it was there. _Looks like his wit is still intact…_

"The people who came to Carlac on my ship, are they alright?" Ben asked, his hard eyes melting minutely.

"They are all fine and are on the base below. I believe the mother and daughter are trying to find a place to stay that is elsewhere in the galaxy."

Ben nodded as he heard the news, but he kept his face complacent. "Who on the council didn't want me dead?" He asked, changing the subject.

"Why do you want to know? Are you going to convey your gratitude to them?"

Ben just stared. Luke scrutinized his lifeless face, remembering the smile he used to see on his nephews lips. Tried to envision it on his cold features.

He couldn't.

"I didn't think so," Luke added. "If you want to stay on base, there are conditions that need to be met. The first being that after the meeting today, you will undergo a psych evaluation."

"No."

"Its non negotiable. And you are going to answer every question honestly and show the doctor respect."

"And if I don't pass?"

"You won't be allowed on base and must stay up here." Ben's eyes pinched. "After the evaluation, I will take you to med bay where a tracking chip will be placed in your arm. If you leave the cruiser unauthorized or go three miles outside of the base, the chip will release a drug into your bloodstream that will paralyze you."

"Not kill me?"

"Unless you try to hurt another person, you are not to be harmed. I made that explicitly clear. Rey and I are responsible for you while you are here. If you do anything illegal, we will be held accountable right along with you."

"Rey has nothing to do with this," Ben said sharply.

"Because she is my apprentice, they don't see it that way."

Ben was breathing heavier now, but still had a leash on his temper.

"Next, you will give the council all the information you know about the Order. All of it. Whatever they want from you, you will do it. If any of the council members or your mother gives you a command, you follow it."

"She isn't-."

Luke waved his hand through the air. "You want to pretend she isn't your mother? Fine, but you will show her the respect her rank demands. If she orders you to do something, do it.

"I'm not a child."

"Really? Adults have more control over their emotions than what you exhibited in that medical room. You are a child, Ben. You are a child living among men and it is about time you grow up and realize no one has a perfect upbringing."

Ben's right eye twitched, but he remained still. "You ever think if you didn't stay on that rock for six years, maybe the Resistance would be faring a lot better than it is now?"

Luke sighed indignantly. "You always did hide behind your sharp mouth and keen intelligence, but we both now you are just hiding the fact of how empty you've become. In the end, that is all the dark side will give you: nothing." Annoyed didn't begin to describe Ben's expression, but Luke had him by the short hairs, and his nephew knew it.

Luke wasn't bothered in the slightest as he continued. "When this war ends and if we are both alive, I will enact upon you a punishment befitting of your crimes."

Ben's brows shot up. "You going to kill me? That's not the Jedi way," he mocked.

"You throw my ideals in my face like it's a cage restricting my choices. But between you and me, who is the one imprisoned? Do not think for a moment you are a free man."

As the silence drifted on, Luke knew Ben was entertaining all the different ways he could kill him. It was apparent behind the hostile stare that didn't relent.

What Luke needed to say next was sure to make his nephew more enraged, but Luke had zero propriety when it came to this boy. "Whatever is going on between you and Rey needs to stop."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. It's not healthy for her to grow close to you."

"This bond makes your request impossible to enact."

Luke tilted his head as he lectured Ben as if he were a student at the academy again. "You think you are the first Force user to have a connection with someone else? You're not. Those people didn't let the bond get too deep and they certainly kept their personal feelings out of it."

"Personal feelings?"

"It's obvious Rey cares for you, and she shouldn't. We both know what kind of person you are. You slaughtered the students at the academy– your own peers. Do you know how old the youngest student was?" Ben trembled with fury, his lips thinning into a line. "Yeah, you do, don't you? How old was she? I'm not leaving this room till I hear you say it."

"Four," Ben's voice cracked.

In a haughty voice that was not going to play well, Luke said, "Four. Years. Old." He stepped closer to his nephew, craning is head back to meet him in the eye. "Did it empower you to kill a girl so young? Or did you find that satisfaction when you murdered Han?" A lick of anger went off in his mind like a match strike, telling him to punish Ben for all his wrongdoings in the most violent manner possible. But instead, Luke turned and walked to the exit, breathing deeply as if he could expel such aggressive feelings and thoughts.

Ben was red in the face, raw hatred coloring his demeanor and making every muscle in his body twitch with the promise of retaliation. If his nephew became anymore enraged, he would have to be peeled off the ceiling.

Shame flooded his tenacity, alarming him that he'd let his emotions dictate his words. He never should have said those things to his nephew, not because it made Ben angry, but because it made Luke want to seek vengeance for his deceased students… and his dead friend.

But unlike an animal, Luke could control his physical actions.

"Stay here until I can find someone to escort you to Leia's office." And then Luke was in the hallway, his feet taking him somewhere he didn't even know. _How am I going to find someone who is willing to escort Ben around the cruiser or the base?_ The answer was easy and one he didn't like: Rey was the only person who would want to do it.

Actually, she might not be the only one. Commander Dameron seemed comfortable around his nephew, so maybe he could get the pilot to help.

Rey and Ben's time together needed to be monitored and cut in half. Ben could very well corrupt the girl and Luke was not going to let that happen.

()()()()()

Ren sat on the sofa, slouched slightly with his arms crossed and his boots firmly planted on the floor. Poe had brought him some of his clothes from his light freighter, giving him a black long sleeve shirt and trousers, his usual gettup as of late. All of his battle attire had been confiscated, but it wasn't like he was about to walk around this place wearing those robes. Luckily, his boots were still on the Falcon and were now comfortably on his soles. His feet had always been abnormally large, so finding a pair of shoes that fit perfectly had always been a challenge. He wiggled his toes, letting himself revel in something that felt familiar.

If his lightsaber hadn't been lost, he would be feeling like his old self again. Well, maybe. _Like they would let you carry that around._

Glancing to his left, Poe was sitting on the floor by the door, parts of his blaster rifle circling him like a protective barrier. The pilot was cleaning his weapon and inspecting the metal fragments closely. Ren had initially been surprised that Poe had carried a cleaning kit, but the shock had quickly turned into envy since Ren wished he had something to occupy his time, instead of just sitting there. Waiting.

Skywalker was sitting on the sofa across from him, eyes closed and appearing to be asleep. More than likely the Jedi didn't want to be reminded that Ren was in the room. His mother was next to him and even though Ren made a valiant effort not to look at her, his eyes would disobey by glancing over every so often. Each time he found her staring at him, and he could feel her retina's on him now, watching as he pretended to be enthralled by Poe's monotonous task. She was probably waiting to see if he would go on another psychotic rampage that would leave him and the room bloody.

Rey's incessant pacing from behind did not calm his nerves any. Finn was fifteen minutes late and he could feel her anxiety at the prospect of him not showing up. Groaning internally, he just wanted to know what Rey was keeping from him. He tried to get it out of her as she escorted him to the office, but she wouldn't say much. All she alluded to was that it heavily involved him, which reaffirmed that there was way more going on than he initially thought.

Plus, she was still mad at him for the events in the refresher. Although, he wasn't exactly sure why. Did she regret the offer she gave him? Honestly, his brain had shut off when she gave him permission to touch her in such a private area. Then she snapped at him and left, leaving him confused. He had no previous training when it came to women and now he kind of wished he did.

He sighed as his thoughts drifted to what came after the refresher incident. So many demands that had to be met for him to stay here: A tracking chip in his arm. Keep his temper under control. Undergo a psych eval. He could only imagine the questions that were going to be asked.

Today was going to be a long day, especially since a couple hours ago he'd been dealt a death sentence, was saved at the last minute, and nearly passed out in the refresher from the realization he was going to live. Gods, he was exhausted and running on the fumes of the few rations he was able to eat. He tried preoccupying his mind with the feeling of his lips against Rey's palm… the softness of her skin in his hands… the flush that blossomed on her cheeks. She was usually a focal point in helping him to calm down, but right now, it wasn't working. Too many people were in this room, people that made him tight in the head.

He speculated on what Rey was going to reveal soon, but didn't get very far as his muscles tingled with a pretense of foreboding.

A click in his mind was trying to tell him that he was headed for a collision of some kind, but the wall was in the form of knowledge and the aftermath was going to be based on how he handled whatever news he heard in the next twenty minutes. Was he going to ram himself into this metaphorical obstacle or lay softly against the hard edges? The bitter darkness within was always waiting to wreak havoc, but he wasn't going to allow it because Rey was here.

And besides, whatever she said couldn't possibly be that bad... Right?

"He isn't coming, Rey," Ren breathed out, fighting against the urge to claw at his own skin. She needed to calm down or she was going to cause him to have an anxiety attack. Clenching his fists tight, he lost himself to the stinging pain of his fingernails puncturing his skin, allowing him some relief from Rey's emotions. Having both sides of the bond closed was basically useless, given how he could feel her so easily at the moment.

Rey kept up the pacing, wearing the metal with the soles of her boots. "I just want to wait a little longer," she responded. _Well I just want to get this meeting over with_ , he hotly thought. His frustration was not pointed at Rey, but at the trooper for abandoning her and skipping out on this lovely get together. He hated the guy, but he knew the revocation of his friendship with Rey was hurting her deeply, which made Ren feel protective and aggressive all at the same time.

The door slid open and Finn strode in, his eyes immediately locking onto Ren's, both shooting each other a short-stacked glare. "Finn," Rey said as she tried to touch his shoulder. He brushed her off, moving behind the general and Skywalker, leaning against the wall without saying a word. Rey composed herself quickly, but Ren felt the sting that came with the denied contact.

Dammit, he wanted to yell at that trooper to apologize and be Rey's friend again, even though Ren wanted nothing to do with the bastard.

"Okay," Rey muttered as she sat next to Ren. "I know you all have questions and I wanted everyone to get together so I can air out everything. I, uh, don't know where to start… so guess I'll just start at the beginning."

No one interrupted; they were all too enthralled with the tale Rey was weaving. Snoke being thousands of years old? Having a twin sister he murdered? And the sister being the entity attached to Rey? It was A LOT to take in, and if Ren's mind could actually form a question, he was sure he would ask it.

"You didn't know this about Snoke?" Skywalker asked him.

"No."

"Don't lie."

Ren almost growled in response. "I'm not. Supreme Leader didn't tell me everything, so this is all news to me as well."

"Supreme Leader?" Leia said, repulsed.

Ren ran his scarred hand through his hair roughly, making a note to somehow get some gloves later. "Snoke, whatever. Who cares what he's called."

"He isn't to be called Supreme Leader," Leia squared off at him.

"Fine. I shall endeavor to rewire my brain so I don't have a slip up. Satisfied?"

His shortness with Leia turned awkward as no one knew what to say next. But you can always count on Skywalker to swoop in and save the day– or meeting, as it were.

"So Kayani wants you to find Snoke through Ben so she can kill him," Luke reaffirmed, leaning onto his knees and studying Rey intently. They all composed themselves rather quickly, all seeming eager to get back to the relevant issues.

"Yes."

"No," Ren interjected, locking onto Rey. "You are not getting anywhere near Snoke."

Luke eyed him. "If Kayani can kill him-."

Finn cut in. "And you all are just going to take the word of a dead girl no one has ever heard of?" Dammit, Ren agreed.

Rey shook her head. "She isn't lying, Finn. I told you, I can feel her telling the truth."

"Wait," Ren held up his hands and pointed at the trooper. "He knows about Kayani?"

"I told him after I found out," Rey muttered. Finn smiled slightly, taunting Ren… and it was working.

"When does Kayani want you to find Snoke?" Poe asked, now standing in his designated corner.

Ren swiped his hand through the air, his aggravation pouring out of his voice. "She is not going to find Snoke. Are you people crazy? None of you seem to realize how powerful he is-."

"You do," Skywalker pointed out.

"Yeah, I do," Ren sharply agreed. "He will kill her. _Kill. Her._ "

"If you and I are there with her, maybe she will have a chance." Maybe. Luke wants to bet Rey's life on a maybe? Ren stared at the man, dumbfounded at the absurd suggestion. _Is Skywalker fucking insane? Is this what they teach these morons at the Resistance? To fight a battle that is unwinnable?_

"Ben cannot be anywhere near Snoke. He can't come with me," Rey stated loudly in the beginning, but her voice became a whisper by the end.

Ren shot her a confused look, and he wasn't the only one. His brows were knit so tight that his forehead twitched. "What are you talking about? If anyone went with you, it should be me." _Really, no one should be going unless they are suicidal._

Rey cleared her throat, looking down at the floor. "I... There is more that I haven't told you." She inhaled, then continued without pausing, like she was a locomotive with no brakes. "Apparently, Snoke has been alive this long because he somehow… transfers his essence into another person's body. The main reason he's been taking apprentices is to make them strong enough in the Force so the transfer can be successful. And before any of you ask, no, he can't just take a random body; the person has to have great power for it to work. None of the vessels last long and Kayani thinks it's because both sides of the Force are not prevalent in them."

Rey met Leia's eyes, feeling more comfortable with explaining it to her rather than Ren. "Snoke has known about Ben before he was born and sensed how strong he could be in both the light and the dark. I think having been born of the light side, but knowing the dark, he became the perfect option. He used Ben's power to help build up the First Order and get him prepared for…" Rey's voice trailed off, but they all knew what she was alluding to.

The stretch of silence that followed was as long as a Super Star Destroyer.

Ren rarely had out of body experiences and this was definitely one worthy of being added to that short list. His lids didn't blink as he looked at Rey like he'd never seen her before. Gradually, she turned to him, her eyes pained with what she had revealed. Everyone– EVE-RY-ONE– was staring at him, wondering how he would take the news that he, in fact, _had_ been used the whole time.

Somehow turning invisible was exactly the kind of balm he needed at the moment.

Of all the thoughts billowing in his mind, one screamed louder than the others: it was all a lie. Snoke had cunningly preyed on Ren's need to fulfill his grandfather's destiny. Ren had been an animal in a cage, being fed till he was plump and fat and ready to be slaughtered when the time was perfect. His father had been right; he would be used till Snoke got what he wanted and then be crushed in the end.

Part of him had known he was being expended, but he always thought it would be worth it, as long as he was able to use Snokes training to become stronger and delve deeper into the darkness. Now… it had all been for nothing. All the people he murdered, the vile things he had said, the lengths he stretched to be on the dark side– it was all meaningless now.

Meaningless.

Skywalker was right. Beneath the power and the conviction, he was left with nothing, because the dark side only took, it never gave.

To believe whole-heartedly in a lie was the ultimate show of weakness and now everyone knew him for what he was: a weak man that was ruined by his own choices.

His glossy eyes snapped to his mother. She was covering her mouth and fighting back tears, but she didn't look away. The expression on his face was one of vulnerability, a child lost and quietly imploring this woman to help him find his way. But he took too much from her to deserve such assistance. Because of him, she lost the man she loved and the only child she ever had.

And… shit, the hate he carried for her was still there, still festering beneath the surface, beating him into disfigurement.

"Did you know about this?" Skywalker asked softly.

Immediately Ren tensed and glanced at the Jedi. "What the fuck do you think?"

They all took that as a no.

"Okay… Guess that means we need to keep Ren out of First Order hands," Poe pointed out. "More than likely, they all think he's dead, so that can work to our advantage."

"Everyone on the base knows he's alive," Finn countered, rubbing his hand back and forth on his skull trim. "Word will travel to the Order, if it hasn't already."

Oh, the Order knew. Ren could still feel the weak bond he had with his master. Unfortunate how that stain didn't leave when he died. It was almost like fate left it there on purpose, mocking him for how deplorable he let his life become.

"The Order will find out soon, anyway," Luke said while stroking his beard. "The council is going to make it public that Kylo Ren has defected and joined the Resistance. They were wanting to use him in some new propaganda."

 _Fan. Fucking. Tastic._

 _That_ plan shouldn't have surprised Ren as much as it did, but apparently his brain matter wasn't as sharp as it use to be. He should've known he'd be used as a pawn since apparently that was all he was good for. Trying to find a loophole out of the obligation, he reviewed what kind of options he had. Which were, like… none.

Hauntingly, his childhood dream of being a physician and leading a simple life came to mind, which tore at him even more. "I'm still here, you know," he grumbled. "No reason to talk around me."

"Don't like being ignored?" Finn asked and Ren glared at the breathing piece of shit.

"Did you ever read anything on Ahch-To that spoke of Snoke or Kayani?" Rey asked the Jedi Master, ignoring the little row.

"Not that I can recall, but there were books I didn't get to reading. There could be something in the temple…" Ren zoned out for the remainder of the discussion, even when the conversation circled back to him. Probably would have been a good idea to offer up his own opinion on the whole somebody-wants-to-steal-your-body revelation, but his neurons weren't functioning properly. He felt as if he were floating, his body adrift, his head somewhere other than on his broad shoulders. Could be he was still not at full strength and that was what caused the commotion in his brain. Or it could be the fact that his whole life had zero value. _What a waste to have even been born…_

The weird part to all of this was how numb Ren had become. No anger. No lashing out. No yelling. He had chosen the life he led. He had volunteered for all of it. He had always been a passenger, subject to the driver's impulses as to speed and destination. Why try to fight for control when he never had any? Giving in was just expedient and less tiresome in the long run.

Tired. He was so very tired of all the fighting, and it was out of his nature to let go of his pride completely, but here he was, considering it. His intellect was no longer a ruler of the realm, but a subject. Emotions were all that flowed in his veins.

"Ben?" Skywalker asked, and from all the studious stares, Ren deduced the Jedi had been trying to get his attention for a while.

"What?" Ren asked with none of his usual zeal.

Skywalker frowned. "Your evaluation is in ten minutes. Poe is going to take you."

"I can take him," Rey stated as Finn moved for the exit. "Where are you going?" She popped up from the sofa, eyeing her friend.

"The meeting seems to be over, unless there is something else that needs to be added?" The silence was dense. "I need to get back to the ESC." _Ah, yes, the stormtrooper club. Gotta stay away from_ that _group._

The man left and Rey listed forward before glancing at Ren, like she was trying to decide whether to go after the trooper or stay with him. "Go. I'll be fine," he said. She darted out of the office, calling out for her friend.

"I don't know if it's a good idea for Ren to get the evaluation after everything that just came out," Poe pronounced, obviously noticing Ren's despondency.

"I'm fine," he repeated evenly. Interesting how Poe was the only person in the room who appeared to care about his mental state. But that was how it always went with his family, now didn't it. They never really showed that they cared. _To be fair, its not like you ever gave them your affection,_ a voice argued in his head, making an apt point.

Ren stood, adjusting his shirt over his trousers.

"I don't want this meeting to mess with your head and cause you to fail the psych eval," Poe stated honestly, his expression full of worry as he walked up to him.

"If Ben fails, it will be because he should. It wont be because of this meeting," Skywalker said prosaically. Leia remained quiet beside her brother.

"Such compassion, _uncle,_ " he bit out, shocking the man for identifying him as family. Ren grinned with an edge, juxtaposing his features with his smooth voice. "Remind me again why you and I always had a hard time getting along? Was it because you're a self-righteous hypocrite? Yeah, I think that was it." Pivoting quickly, he left the peeled stares behind, stopping a few feet into the hallway. The trooper and Rey were talking further down and Ren had a feeling he shouldn't get involved. He had a tendency of making things worse.

Poe came out, thankfully guiding him in the opposite direction as Ren memorized the layout of the journey. Oh, he was going to fail this ridiculous test, no doubt about it. So he might as well get use to living in this metal hovel that was straight out of the clone wars.

Ren kept up the steady pace, putting one foot in front of another. Then repeated. Then repeated. More and more people piled into the corridors until he became just another drone among the many, albeit a smidge taller than most.

Not long thereafter, Poe left him in a room that was the size of a closet. His thoughts stayed behind to keep him company, but really, he was alone… alone to think when he just wanted to shut down… alone to wallow in his familiar self-hatred…. alone to witness his iron resolve start to break.

Alone.

()()()()()

"Finn!" Rey hollered as she ran after him. "Can you just stop and talk to me for a second?" She grabbed his arm and tugged him around, his demeanor clearly irritated.

"What?" He snapped at her, shrugging out of her hold. "What do you want to say?"

People passed by, shooting them curious looks, but giving them a wide berth to talk. "I… I just…" She stammered as her thoughts jumbled into a mushy mess.

"Rey, I need to get back to the base." He turned to walk away, but Rey couldn't let him go.

"I miss you," she proclaimed desperately, causing him to stop and look back at her. Closing the small distance between them, she stared directly into his eyes, wanting him to see the truth behind her words. "I miss you, Finn. I am so, so sorry for how everything came out and for lying to you. I was a coward and too afraid to tell you the truth because I thought you wouldn't want to be my friend anymore. And I really needed your friendship. None of this is fair to you, I can-."

"He tried to kill me, Rey," he interrupted hotly. "He killed Han and you're over here acting like his friend."

She gulped, knowing she should be honest. "I am his friend," she muttered as he scoffed. "But I'm your friend to. I care about you-."

"Don't lie."

"I'm not lying!" She bellowed, taking Finn by surprise. Breathing deeply, she went on. "You're the first friend I've ever had and we have been through so much together. We fought together. Laughed together. Struggled together. I can't– I won't let you stop being my friend. You're too important to me, so I am going to bug you till you can't ignore me any longer." Rey stood confidently, watching as he sighed and glanced at the bright ceiling.

"But you and him…" Finn whispered. "You're a package deal, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're together," he stated.

"Together?"

He rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean."

"Yeah, we're friends-."

"You're more than friends. The way he stares at you when you aren't looking tells me he wants to be more than just friends with you… if you aren't already." Rey wasn't sure how to respond to that. "I am really struggling to understand how you can be so accepting of him after everything he has done."

The sudden dread in his eyes startled her. "There… is a good side to him, Finn," she explained gently. "He hides it from others because of his pride, but the person he use to be is still in there. Snoke made him into the monster you and I fought on Starkiller base. If you had that creature in your mind your whole life, pushing you to the dark side, could you honestly say that you would've resisted him forever?"

Finn's expression went from repulsion to contemplation, sparking a small flame of hope that she was getting through to him. "It doesn't change what he's done. He was an adult when he chose to join the Order. He grew up knowing right from wrong. His actions are on him."

"And how many of your stormtroopers have murdered people? How many of them have followed orders just as blindly as Ben did?"

Finn's face morphed into raw anger, an expression that did not fit with who he was. "Don't bring them into this. We were indoctrinated from a young age and basically brainwashed-."

"So was Ben, but he received personal attention from Snoke," Rey griped in, not backing down. "I think if you look close enough, you will see similarities between Ben and yourself."

"Don't compare me to him. You people think you know that monster? I have worked for him. You don't know how ruthless he can really be."

Stars, this conversation was quickly getting out of control, going in a direction she did not intend. Rey took a moment to collect herself. "I understand how-."

"No, you don't. He's a ruined man, Rey, and you shouldn't have interfered with his execution." Finn breathed and muttered, "But he wont last long on the base anyway."

Rey couldn't help but get defensive. "You would just love to have an excuse to kill him, wouldn't you?"

"I don't need an excuse. I think a lot of dead people constitutes as a reason."

"You want him dead even after just learning what it would do to me?" Her strained voice asked as Finn looked away, ashamed.

"I don't want that for you," he softly spoke.

The traffic in the hall was becoming denser, but no amount of bodies was going to get her to move. In one fluid outtake, the vigor that was poised in them both evaporated, leaving two tired and sorrowful people behind. Finn wouldn't look at her, wouldn't even give her a glance.

"Look, I need to get back," he uttered.

The voice that came from her mouth was more child than woman, but she didn't care how pathetic it sounded. "But… I want to talk and try to work this out."

Finn moved his head back and forth. "As long as he's in your life, I don't know if there is any way to work through this."

"What if when you and I are together, he isn't there?" Finn let out a sad chuckle, his eyes digging into the floor.

"Rey…"

She touched his arm. "I know it sounds ridiculous. But I don't care. Just think about it."

Lifting his gaze, he regarded her for a long moment. "I don't know… the fact that you are with him makes it hard to be around you…"

"Oh," she dropped her hand back to her side. "So… I'm also the problem," she whispered solemnly, her fallow heart beating erratically in her chest. Finn nodded, averting his gaze back to the floor.

"You're doing well, though… right?" He asked.

"Yes…" she muttered. _Except for the fact you don't want to be around me._

"Good. That's… good."

He didn't lift his head.

He couldn't look at her.

"I gotta go," he mumbled with numb disregard. "Take care of yourself." He pivoted and brusquely walked down the bright hallway, disappearing around the corner. She stood there longer than necessary, staring at the end of the corridor as dozens of unsuspecting crew members walked by.

Part of her questioned why she was fighting so hard for a friendship that didn't want to be reciprocated, but the lonely, little girl she on Jakku told her not to acquiesce so easily. Finn was precious to her; he always had been. The ease at which they would talk and laugh with one another was a gem Rey didn't want to give up or lose.

Rey put on a stoic face and headed to where Ben would be. She was an adult and was more than capable of making a plan to get Finn back by her side. Her mind was collective, her plans filed in order, but her throat and stomach clenched with stress. Even though she seemed at ease, all she wanted to do was curl up in bed and cry for what she more than likely lost forever.

She wanted to yell out for help, but knew she could not. Choices that she had made were nobody else's concern, and the consequences were hers alone to bear.

()()()()()

Ren sat in a chair that was too small for his tall frame, looking at the rust marks that lined the wall and ceiling of the stark room he'd been shoved into. His head tilted back, studying the one erosive stain that actually resembled something. To him, the circular mark resembled the process of cell division, more specifically the part where the spindle fibers attach to the chromosomes that lined up in the center. Before realizing what he was doing, he imagined the rest of the sequence: The chromosomes would then start to move to the opposite ends of the cell as the spindle fibers shorten. As they reach the ends, the nuclear membranes formed and then cell division-

The door slid open, an older Harter Kalonia walking into the chamber, holding a thick binder at her side. Ren straightened quickly, making the chair creak in protest at having a man in a seat designed for a small person. Or maybe the chair was of average size and he was just freakishly big.

Harter moved fluidly to the chair on the opposite side of the table, placing the binder down with a heavy thud before sitting. The doctor always had a certain love for the old ways, so it didn't come as a surprise that she didn't bring a data pad.

Taking out a pen from the inside of her brown vest, she snapped it to attention and wrote something down in her big book of secrets. The woman had aged, the skin below her chin now sagging and weathered lines crinkling around her eyes. Memories of being at her clinic grappled him, holding his attention with a strangling hold. He always held this woman in high regard and respected her immensely, probably more than anyone else from his past life.

Which was why he didn't want her to be here. "I want a different doctor," he evenly demanded.

She paused, resting the pen on the page and studying him quietly. "Why? I do have a degree in psychology and have given dozens of psych evaluations before."

"I don't question your credentials. You are more than capable of doing this, but I don't want it to be you asking me questions."

"Because I once knew you?" He shifted slightly, folding his arms across his chest. "That was a long time ago. And besides, no one else would willingly get in a locked room and ask you personal questions." There was a small hint of a smile on her lips, as if there was an underlying joke to her statement.

"Before we start," she went on, " there are some things that need to be clarified. On paper, you will always be known as Ben Solo, since that is your legal name. But what would you like to be called on the base?"

"Ren."

"Okay." She wrote his response down. "Now, there are some details I need to go over with you before we begin. All your crimes have been pardoned, including any crimes you talk about during this session or in the future. Next, I am to tell you that you still have access to your inheritance and your titles are still in place. You are an _heir apparent_ and will be invested with the appropriate title of prince when New Alderaan is settled with monarchial ties to the old one." _Oh yes, the part of my life I never really cared for._ "As far as I know, a planet in the outer rim has been put up as an option and already has families from Birren populating it." _That_ was certainly news to him. He might be getting the title of prince way sooner than he thought. He'd always banked on being dead before anyone with an ounce of organizational skills found a suitable planet and populated it.

"Of course, this is all compliant to your cooperation with the Resistance and that you cause no one harm while being here," Harter added.

"Of course," he responded dryly. She pushed a paper and pen in front of him, explaining that he needed to read over the agreement and sign it before they continued. Ren scanned the contract, most of the terms having already been explained to him by Harter and Skywalker. However, toward the bottom, it was stated that if he broke any of the rules he would be handed over to the Resistance council and Skywalker could not interfere. It might actually be a better idea to fail the evaluation on purpose so he could stay up here, because down on the base with a bigger population of Resistance soldiers, he was bound to do something _really_ stupid.

But… his time with Rey would be extremely limited on this ship.

Picking up the pen with his dominant right hand, he placed it on the signature line and paused. "You have to sign with your full legal name," Harter said as if she could read his mind.

 _Perfect._

Quickly, he signed and took a second look at the name that was foreign to him.

 _ **Ben Organa Solo**_

He rested back against the spine of the chair, sliding the pen and paper back.

"How are you feeling right now?"

"Fine."

"You're not annoyed at being forced to be in this room?"

He shrugged. "I don't really like talking about feelings or my life. But really, who does?"

"Why don't you like talking about your feelings?" He outwardly groaned and glanced at the familiar rust spot. Three questions in and he already felt like ramming his head against the wall.

Dammit… if he wanted an ounce of artificial freedom, he had to answer these questions. And Skywalker would know if he half-assed his way through it.

He cleared his throat. "I've always viewed feelings as a weakness."

"All feelings or just specific ones?"

Ren brought his head down, settling in for the very long exchange. "Showing your feelings makes you vulnerable and I don't like to be out in the open."

"Do you prefer to shut down your emotions?"

He stretched out his legs, crossing them at the ankles. "I do sometimes, but other times I just don't feel anything."

"When do you not feel anything?"

Staring for a moment, he breathed in before answering. "After I kill someone."

Harter didn't even blink at his response. "What about during?"

"I feel a sense of euphoria… but it fades soon after the act." Admitting his feelings out loud made him feel disgusting, which confused him.

"You enjoy killing people?" They were starting to get to the questions that were going to make him fail the test, but better to get it all out in the beginning.

"Sure."

"Do you torture and kill animals?"

"When I was younger, I did." _And I killed a loth-cat a couple weeks ago…_

"What was your first time like?"

He chewed at his inner cheek, remembering the event with perfect clarity, even though he had been six years old at the time. "I, uh, became physically ill afterwards. I couldn't keep any food down for days and I rarely left my room or talked to anyone.

"But you kept killing animals?"

"Yes."

"Because you wanted to experience that high again?"

"Yeah, I grew more curious about the feeling and became more comfortable with it."

"What part about killing do you find enjoyable?" His mind drifted to the cave, to the Rodian that first found him there. The alien had been angry to find an intruder, which quickly turned to disbelief when Ren called the filth forward. It ended with terror and horror and then the process repeated with each and every person Ren slaughtered. It had been his first real taste of power and he'd wanted it again, so he went searching for it.

He tensed up and closed his eyes briefly as he said, "The power I hold over someone and seeing how scared they are. It was a rush, I guess." The kid in Jorfel's home came next. Ren had been wickedly satisfied that the boy had coughed up blood and gasped, his eyes peeled with righteous fear, the kind you only read about in gruesome stories.

Fuck, he was a demented monster, wasn't he? At least he had enough of a grip on his faculties to know that much.

"Do you have a code you live by? Like a set of rules?"

Does anything faze this woman? "Not really." Abruptly, he cracked open his lids, glancing up. "Actually, maybe. I don't like to kill children." Like that somehow made what he did for a living more tolerable.

As she scribbled in her binder she asked, "Have you killed children before?"

An ache in his chest scorched and tore at his heart. It must have been phantom pain from the blow he took from the dark saber. Either that or he was getting emotional... Reflexively, he rubbed his sternum. "The youngest I've ever personally killed was nine."

"How was that experience?"

"It wasn't particularly pleasant," he said smugly.

Harter flipped through some pages, stopping once she found what she was looking for. "Have you ever cared for someone else, other than yourself?" Her tone was even, with not a drop of condemnation. The doctor really was a true professional.

"Yes."

"Who?"

That was when Ren showed a modicum of reaction, just a flicker in his face before the uniform expression resettled on his features. "Well, like all children, you start off caring about your parents because you don't know any differently," he said, attempting to give a reasonable answer that didn't reveal too much.

"Okay… but have you ever willingly chose to care about another person?"

Ren narrowed his stare, wondering if the council told her to ask these specific questions or if it was actually part of the evaluation. "Maybe. Who is watching this right now?"

Finally, the doctor showed a fraction of surprise against her phlegmatic exterior. "Members of the council, Master Skywalker, and Rey. As far as I know. Now, this person you care-."

"I don't want to get into specifics about that."

"Why not?"

Ren shuddered as he tried not to get too short with the woman. "It's personal, but I think I know what you are fishing for. I have cared about someone else more than myself and have put their safety above my own. Is that sufficient enough for you?"

Harter acutely smiled, but didn't revisit the subject again. The evaluation dragged out, some questions making Ren laugh while others made him squirm in discomfort and confusion. Putting words to feelings was a distasteful process and it stretched his patience beyond the edges of the universe. His soul had always been too deep to explore and he more than preferred to stay in the shallows, but Harter kept pushing his head below the current, tiring him out from the constant drowning. If there was one thing he took away from the whole experience, it was that he did not understand who he was anymore.

"Well," Harter closed her notes and stretched her arms above her head. "I don't know about you, but I'm tired. I think I have enough here to report back to the council with."

"What are you going to tell them?" Ren asked as he stifled a yawn and he wondered if his rear was ever going to regain feeling again. Thirty minutes into the excruciating interview, that part of his body became numb and he was eager to walk around.

"I'll give them my opinion and they will make a decision based off of it."

His stomach clenched. "What is your opinion? Or am I not allowed to know."

"I don't see why you can't." She placed her overworked pen inside her vest. "You have sociopathic tendencies that make you struggle with empathizing with others, and a sadistic nature that has formed into an addiction of hurting living beings and yourself. Pain is something that helps you cope, especially the physical kind."

Well, Harter's bluntness sure hasn't faded with age. "So… I failed the test."

She tilted her head. "Why would you say that?"

"If I was in your position and knew all that stuff about someone, I wouldn't let them be around other people," Ren answered honestly.

The doctor leaned in closer, her voice shifting to a tender tone. "But you do have compassion for people; you just hide it really well underneath your more troublesome attributes. You care a lot, actually. I think you struggle with these two sides of yourself and because of that, you feel weak, which drives you to seek pain or do something extreme."

None of this was news to him, but people tended to focus more on negative attributes than the positive ones. "Soooo… I passed?"

"To me, there is no pass or fail with an evaluation. The main thing the council wants to know is if you will harm anyone on base… and I don't believe you will."

 _Really?_ "Why do you believe that?" He didn't even believe that about himself.

"I think there are certain people you don't want to answer to or ruin your relationship with. You hold a specific person in high regard and you wouldn't jeopardize your first fulfilling relationship." There was a short bout of silence before Harter gathered her things and headed for the door.

"Harter?" Ben muttered. She twisted around, her forehead furrowing from his query. "Thank you… for trying to save me after Lothal and for tending to me afterward."

"Your welcome, but honestly, that girl of yours did a lot of the work."

"She isn't my girl." The doctor smiled in that all-knowing way she did and he glanced away. For a brief moment, he was that child again, the one that spent hours at her clinic and bothered her with one ridiculous question after the other.

Those memories nearly broke him as he sat in the small, uncomfortable chair, feeling her eyes bleed into him.

"There is one last thing I would like to know." His eyes lifted, peering beneath low brows and disheveled hair. "The rust stain on the ceiling directly above you. What does it remind you of?"

"Meiosis." Harter cracked a laugh and he could have been wrong, but her eyes seemed to gloss over, shining brightly against the overhead lights.

"If you ever want any medical books to read, I have plenty I can let you borrow. A mind like yours should be cultivated, not wasted."

He nodded and then she was gone.

()()()()()

Ren was as cold as the blood that ran through his bones, even though he was in a warm bed, trying to find some sense of slumber. Tossing and turning, he couldn't get comfortable. His mind was replaying the whole day over and over again, the highs and lows of the events causing his muscles to seize and his core to run frigid. He was afraid… afraid that if he slept, he would wake up to find that he was being escorted to his execution. _Is any of this even real?_ It didn't seem like it was, but as his eyes roamed the dark room and his nose smelled the cold metallic air, it sure did _feel_ real.

To top off his concern, he had to wait till tomorrow to hear the council's decision on his placement. _Maybe they will deliver the news with a knife to my back_ , he thought inwardly. Even after he signed that agreement, he still didn't trust those people.

 _I proudly bring you anxiety, sponsored by none other than Ren himself_ , he thought sarcastically.

Sighing, he repositioned his tall body on the narrow bed, bending his knees so his feet didn't hang off the end. He prayed he would be able to fall asleep before he fell apart. At least the mattress was plush and not hard. He hated-

Poe groaned loudly from the other bed as he stood abruptly in the dark, BB-8 turning on from his master's sudden movement. "I can't sleep with all the noise you're making over there," he whispered sharply, leaving the room with the droid in tow. He didn't realize his restlessness would aggravate the guy, but every person had different criteria as to what annoys them.

And actually, this worked in Ren's favor. He had detested that Poe was assigned to essentially babysit him throughout the night. It would appear multiple members of the council feared he would come find them and slit their throats as they slept. Really, he had better things to do with his time. _What time? Other than blabbing First Order secrets, you literally have nothing else to do._

This place was going to kill him with boredom. _How dull_. And the damn chip in his arm hindered the places he could go, causing him to be in an invisible cage of his own insanity. Of course, Ren was already concocting a plan to remove it without anyone knowing. Hopefully Harter was serious about those medical books because the device had been placed under an artery and he didn't want to dig it out blindly. It was going to be a painful and slow process, but it would-

The door opened, light pouring in from the outside hallway and revealing the outline of his visitor. "Rey?" He sat up as she walked inside.

Rey's loose pants and white shirt enveloped her body, but Ren found the look more than agreeable. Adding to her appearance was her wavy hair, which was completely down and draping her shoulders, begging to be touched. "Poe said he couldn't sleep in here with you sighing every five seconds and rustling the sheets every time you moved. So… he proposed we switch rooms."

 _Bless that pilot and his intuition._ Rey was the nightcap Ren desperately needed.

Ren grinned without reserve, but then Rey sat on the opposite bed and his smile faltered. There was no way he was not going to sleep next to her and he wondered if she would deny his closeness. Studying her face, her expression was solemn and contemplative and Ren knew exactly what that meant.

She was going to have a serious conversation with him. He swung his legs over the side, his feet resting on the floor and his eyes watching her every move.

"I, uh…" Rey fiddled with her fingers in her lap. It was a nervous habit, and Ren didn't like her being uneasy around him.

"If there is something you need to say, say it. I won't get mad." He braced his hands against the edge of the metal frame, like he was going to bolt upright at any moment.

Rey squared her shoulders, confidence seeping into her demeanor that wasn't there a second ago. "I have something to say about how you interacted with your mother in the medical room."

Silence… and then more silence.

They stared at one another, Ren clenching his jaw as his blood pressure spiked. He didn't want to offend Rey, nor make her mad… but he did not want to talk about his mother.

Ever.

"You don't want to talk about it," she stated.

"No."

Rey nodded, but refused to back down. "Fine, you don't have to, but you are going to sit there and listen to what I have to say." She swallowed and then continued. "I know I don't have parents and at the end of the day, I don't know everything about your childhood. Part of me thinks it isn't my place to tell you anything, but if we are going to be spending a lot of time together, then I want you to know what I'm thinking."

She opened her mouth, closed it, and then opened it again. "What I saw transpire in that room was horrifying to watch. I have always known you had that kind of rage in you; I saw it while we were on Ahch-To, but to actually see it again… Well, it shook me. Especially since your mother was in the room."

"That woman has been everything but a mother to me," Ren said with as much calm as he could muster.

"I know… but," she took in a breath, looking down at her knees, "you killed the man she loved and didn't even try to make amends for it. You owe her, maybe not for being your mother in terms of biology, but for murdering a person she cared for."

She locked onto Ren's tight face. "Look, I am not telling you to try and mend your relationship with her, but you need to talk to her and apologize."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he sighed. "Apologies… do not change what I have done."

"No, but it's worse if you do nothing. And I think you know that."

As much as he didn't want to think about it, he knew she was right. He'd always known that he needed to own up to what he had done, and he would have to do it in front of Leia.

"Will there be any consequences if I do not do this?" His curiosity asked.

"I was fully prepared to tell you that I wouldn't talk to you till you did it, but I don't want to treat you like a child. Also, I would be inadvertently punishing myself." Rey's smile didn't reach her ears, the sadness inside preventing her from lightening the mood.

He knew what she was thinking about– or better yet, who. "You considered Han a father figure, didn't you?" He whispered.

…"You know I did." Her interrogation came to the forefront of his thoughts.

"There is a part of you that still hates me for what I've done," he stated as fact.

Rey glanced away as she whispered, "Yes."

"I don't blame you for feeling that way, but I wish you wouldn't." She looked at him, perplexed. "And not because I don't want you to hate me, but because an emotion like that is a disease that can ruin you. It has ruined me. Besides, I hate myself enough for the both of us."

She snapped back to attention. "You aren't ruined."

"I am, but thanks for believing it… And Rey?"

"Yeah?"

"I am sorry for taking him away from you. You were the child he always would have wanted," he whispered reverently. Rey couldn't meet his eyes as she fought off the sudden clasp of emotions. "Is there anything else you need to say?" He was trying to change the subject for her benefit, or at least that's what he told himself.

She sniffled and swiped at her eyes before looking at him. If it weren't for the slight redness of her corneas, he wouldn't have guessed she had started to cry. "Yes, actually, there is something else. You say that you care about me, but why are you so quick to leave me?"

The question took him aback. "I'm not. I don't want–."

"But you were quick to decide to leave me on Takodana. And then when it was apparent you were going to be executed, you didn't even put up a fight. You just went with it. I watched you die on Lothal; I felt it. That emptiness inside was vast and painful and you were willing to put me through that again? How can you just… do that to me?"

Ren scrubbed his face so hard his nose started to tingle. "I never purposefully sought to hurt you. You have to believe me."

"I know you weren't purposefully doing it, but I need you to think about me if you ever get caught in a dangerous situation again. Your life is not the only one on the line."

A prickle of tension ripped at the nape of his neck, humbling him. "You're right. I didn't take you into account and it was selfish of me not to. I– It doesn't mean much, but I am sorry." He glanced down. "I'm sorry for a lot of things, it would seem."

She shook her head, tossing her hair across her face. "It does matter. Apologizing. I know you don't think it, but it does."

He slumped, admitting to her how he felt. "More should be done, though."

Rey blanched, seeming more disturbed than shocked. "Is that how you feel? That more should be done to you in terms of punishment?"

"Don't you?" His face contorted as he grew more passionate. "I have been pardoned for everything I've done. I believe that people should be punished for their wrongdoings and now I see that I have been doing terrible things for a very long time. But I somehow get a pass?"

"Do you even want to be here?" She countered.

He'd been given a second chance, one that he shouldn't squander away like the first time. The hollowness deep in his gut made it so he could hardly rejoice, however. If Snoke didn't kill him, his prevailing guilt would. "Rey… I don't know how to live with myself. I'm weak, I've never been anything else."

"Maybe living with what you've done is punishment enough. And if you can't find a reason to keep going, then keep going… for me." Imploring him till he became lost in her hazel eyes, she added a soft spoken, "Please."

"Honestly, you are the only thing that kept me going today. I know I shouldn't use you for such purposes–."

"I don't mind," she interjected.

Ren chuckled lightly. "I know you don't, but we are treading in dangerous territory. Or at least I am with how much I want you." His eyes widened at what came out of his mouth. "Uhhh, I mean care for you. How much I care for you." _Smooth._

She stilled, watching him fumble over his words. "You… want me?"

He gulped. "Yes. I do."

There was a slight pause as her eyes darted around. Then she said, "I… wasn't sure, because of what happened in the refresher earlier. I said… what I said and you just looked at me. I was so embarrassed and I thought that you might not–."

"That's why you snapped and left quickly? Rey, I am very much a man and I very much want to be with you. Trust me."

"You do?"

"Yes!" He basically shouted, causing her to jump slightly from his sudden outburst. "My apologies. I didn't mean to be so loud, but Rey, you are a very attractive young woman."

Rey spoke through what was clearly a tight throat. "I am?"

"I've told you before that I think you're beautiful. Do you not believe me?"

She shrugged. "No one has ever told me that before."

He stared across the room at her. "And you're still finding it hard to believe me, aren't you?"

Rey didn't answer, which more than told him how she perceived herself. "I'll keep telling you how beautiful you are till you cement it as fact. How about that?" And he was going to deliver on that promise.

"If you want to, then I guess I can't stop you," she muttered bashfully.

"You can stop me from doing many things, but this wont be one of them. Now, are you going to stay on that bed all night?" His voice dropped low. "Cause if you are, I'm going to come over."

Her smile was timid and innocent and Ren loved the blush that was on her cheeks. As she came over, he reclined back and opened the covers to allow her to slide inside. He had to push his back against the hard wall to make room, but Rey's softness as he curled his arms around her was more than enough to make him forget the rigidity from behind.

Nuzzling her face against his chest and with the lights off, she rested her head on his bicep and breathed deeply in content. They talked long into the night, both relaying their experiences over the last two weeks. When it came to the more difficult events, like Jorfel's death, Ren kept it short and Rey knew not to pry for more details. The only thing he withheld was the vision of the possible future he could've had if he didn't join the First Order. Talking of such things would drag him to the brink of despair, and he didn't feel like jumping from that emotional cliff at the moment.

The mood lightened when Rey took over the conversation. Hearing her describe the friends she had made and the life she established on the base actually made him happy for her. After a long life of seclusion, it sounded like she found a place that gave her the fulfillment she always yearned for. Although, if you looked beyond her bouncy tone, he had the sense that all the happy chatter was… hiding something.

For no particular reason he had an image of the blue woven throw blanket that hung on the back of his mother's blue sofa in his old blue living room. Leia had gone through a phase of coloring everything in the house different shades of blue until Han finally put his foot down that the place was starting to give him migraines. But that damn blanket… Ren couldn't get it out of his mind. That simple spread was never to be used for warmth, and the Force help you if you ever tried to lounge with it. That blankets sole purpose for existing was to hide the red stain Han had made when he accidentally spilled pasta all over the place. 3PO had scrubbed for days, but it never came out. He never understood why his mother didn't just buy a new couch since they certainly had the money to do so.

Just like that simple blanket, Rey's voice was hiding some kind of stain on her emotions, and he had a very good guess as to what it was.

"You spent a lot of time with the trooper during those two weeks?" He looked down at her to grab her attention.

There was a stretch of silence. "Yeah, I spent the most time with him. We had a lot of fun." She stated factually, her voice now even and quiet.

"What did you two talk about after that meeting today?" Her stare was still down as she remained silent. Then, ever so acutely, her bottom lip quivered. Given how dimly lit the room was, he could have been mistaken, but he felt her piercing sadness and it was deeper and more overwhelming than he initially perceived.

"Hey," he whispered, putting his finger beneath her chin and leaning her head back. She was crying and attempting to hide it, but he didn't let her look away. "You don't have to hide from me."

"I don't like to cry."

"Does it have something to do with the trooper?"

She nodded, her tears feeling warm as they fell on his arm. "I feel like I have to choose between you two because neither of you get along with each other…"

"You don't have to choose. If you want to be friends with him, I wont stop you." Interesting that he actually meant that.

"It's more that he doesn't want to be friends with me. I–." She let out a short sob. "I don't like when people leave me."

His chest ached at the tone of her voice and the fact that there was nothing he could do to relieve her suffering, except hold her. More should be done, though. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I will never leave you," he said as he wiped her tears away. "I won't do that to you again."

"That does help. Thanks." She cuddled into him and he embraced her tighter. Her breathing evened out before she asked, "So... you're a prince?"

He laughed into her hair. "Not really. I only get the title if the planet becomes New Alderaan."

"Dr. Kalonia made it seem like there was a good possibility of that happening."

"We'll see..." They both settled in for the night, his chin resting atop of her head.

His thoughts kept searching for some type of solution to her ongoing problem with her less than deserving friend. Maybe he should talk to the bastard, try and create some type of middle ground for them. As much as he wanted to kill the guy out of disdain, he would refrain from doing so. Break his legs, sure, but not kill him.

His thoughts abruptly turned to another person he needed to eventually speak with. "Rey," he said softly.

"Hmmmm…" she replied sleepily.

"I'll… I will talk with general. I know that I should."

Rey wiggled her way up to his eye level, staring at him through heavy lids. "Good." Moving in, she kissed him. The touch was chaste and simple, one that would be given between two people that were completely comfortable in each other's company. Nestling back against him, he became sharply aware of her body… pressed against his. He adjusted his legs, attempting to hide his arousal from her. From her light snoring, he concluded she was none the wiser.

How much longer could he go without making an advance on her? Time would tell, but if she kept coming to sleep with him during the night, he probably wasn't going to last very long. He had told himself he wouldn't do anything unless he had her full affection, but that rule was gradually chipping away the more he was around her. Besides, a girl like her could never love a sadistic man like him, so waiting for that to happen would mean he would never get to fully be with her.

The idea that you could have everything you wanted in life was such a fallacy.

 **So nothing too actiony happened in this chapter. Things are slowing down as the characters get comfortable at the base, but they won't always stay that way!**

 **Do you think Ren will get in the middle of Rey and Finn's ongoing problem? How do you think it will go when he speaks with his mother? Leave a review and tell me what you think! Thanks for reading!**


	27. Chapter 27

**Sooooo I apologize for the long wait! The holidays really pushed things back, but I also needed to take some time to set the foundation for the ending. So I am going to say that each chapter will come out on an average of every two weeks, maybe slightly longer. Please don't get mad! Just know that I will never abandon this story. I will give you and me an ending! I promise.**

 **Now I do deeply appreciate every follower and review. You all give me life and the strength to keep writing! NightElfCrawler: Yeah, I am for sure going to write the sequel to this story before I publish it. Definitely learned my lesson while writing this story. But hey, I am a first time writer, so I don't know everything. lol. Every person in this story is taking baby steps. Even after they reconcile, it still takes time for a friendship dynamic to return, especially between Rey and Finn. Ren and Finn will be an interesting dynamic. There scenes together don't always go as planned. ilovekyloren: While this is a fairytale, it's not at the same time, if that makes sense. I didn't want the family reunion to be happy, since he has done some pretty deplorable things. It is especially hard for Luke to get over that betrayal. Luke is a Skywalker, so he does have some anger and I really wanted to show that. As for Finn and Rey, you will have to read this chapter to find out what happens. Ren and Leia's confrontation is going to be everything you describe, but it wont be till the next chapter or so. I am eager to write that scene! Natalie-S-246: Thanks! I liked the Reylo fluff to, but I'm probably biased. :) As a matter of fact, I love The Last Airbender and do see a lot of comparisons between Zutara and Reylo. Zuko is my favorite character on that show! You'll see what Ren decides to do about Rey's friendship with Finn in this chapter. Guest: I really had to get in the right frame of mind to write his death scene and I am so glad you felt like you were there with him as he died! I really want people to relate to these characters. Thanks! KatMichBow: Yup, Luke still has his own problems to deal with. He is not a monk in this story. I am happy you liked Harter and I do plan on bringing her back throughout the story. She is the only positive thing in Ren's past, so I definitely need her to come back at certain points. You keep hitting the nail on the head when it comes to my intent with this story. You explaining how Ren is being split down the middle is pretty spot on. I love that you recognized how I am using the names Kylo, Ren, and Ben differently. I wondered if anyone was going to pick up on that and holy moley, you did. Good job! Some of your questions are answered in this chapter, but some are not. There is no connection between Rey and Snoke. The connection lies with his sister, who resides in Rey. So Snoke can get to her, but it would be through Kayani. So, I guess, there is a connection between the two, just not a Force connection. We are going to focus on Rey in future chapters and her finding out about her parents. It's coming up really soon, actually. Just gotta set the groundwork. As for Ben helping to deliver Liz's baby? No, he won't be there, but he will keep in touch. Thanks so much for the awesome review! RedIceHorse: Thanks for reading! I am glad you liked the chapter! Guest: I try really hard to make this feel like a book, so your compliment really makes me happy. I am still a beginner when it comes to writing, but thanks for loving the story! Guest 2: Yay for more Reylo moments! While it's tempting to write this whole story only about them falling in love, I wanted there to be a lot more substance in the plot. So I hope the little moments I put in each chapter satiate your need for Reylo. mal496: You know, I totally agree with you. Maybe they will end up getting away for a while. They need some alone time where no one else can bug them! SheLitAFire: REYLO! Yay! Glad to see you are still reading the story and that it still holds your interest. I like to make things unpredictable because human behavior is very much unpredictable. Disney should've hired me! lol Jk. I'm sure whatever story they come up with will be great... as long as there's Reylo :). SolemnSaturn: Wahoo! Thank you so much for loving the story and don't worry, there is more to come!**

 **Anyway, we got multiple pov's happening in this chapter. I swear, every chapter I'm like, "I'm gonna focus on Reylo during this whole chapter. I will not tolerate any other character interruptions!" But other characters start demanding their own time to shine and then I end up giving in and writing it. lol. So for anyone who solely wanted this to be all about a love story, I apologize because you will be disappointed. For those of you who want a love story with other side characters and a gripping plot, then this might just be the story for you! Enjoy!**

Chapter Twenty-Seven

 _Eight thousand, three hundred, forty-seven years, five months, twelve days, two hours, nineteen minutes, and twenty-three seconds..._

Time had always been a construct living beings created to count the life they had left to live. Factually, according to the fabrics of the universe, time was infinite, long lasting, and eternal. How to actually combine the two was a mystery man would forever be trying to solve. Some had come close, poking and prodding and pushing the limits of the Force till they died from the consumption of their own failures.

Not him, though. He had found a way to deviate from the misconception that mortality could not be cheated, could not be beaten by gracious power and the drive for freedom. Life was not a draining loss into the eternities, because it was malleable, not fixed. Soil, not stone.

Which was something for which he was grateful. If time had been set, he would have died hundreds of lifetimes ago, just like every other pathetic being in this galaxy.

Immortality had not been his goal at the beginning. He had wondered throughout the galaxy, well into his middle-aged years before fate bestowed upon him an opportunity so ripe, it would have been criminal not to pluck and devour it. The first body he ever stole had been a messy and transformative process and it had all been accidental.

Not one for getting close to people, he melded into the shadows, keeping to himself like a leper who was too skittish to be seen. Fear was his only familiar friend; fear of him and of others. The powers he possessed terrified even him, leaving that part of himself untrained and hidden.

Foolishly, he lingered too long in a village until their anxiety toward his presence went from a soft fizzle and into a full-blown fire. Burly men found him and beat him, awakening an anger inside that was so blindingly pure, he hadn't been aware as to what he was doing. Fixating on a foreign pulse of power, he realized one of the men was sensitive to the powers of the universe, much like him.

Locking eyes with the hefty man in the back of the promenade, his essence swirled among the fabrics of reality, skipping through dimensional colors before resting back into the familiar realm of the galaxy. Callously, he crushed the man's essence and replaced it with his own, because whatever your core was, whether be virtue or sin, you never wanted to meet death. Which is why he gave in and cheated.

The reddish-blonde, freckled faced body he'd come to associate with himself was dead in the mud as the men triumphed around him with boisterous hollers and hearty laughs. But the only reason his body was dead was because he had willed it so, not because of anything they had done.

Snoke slaughtered the men where they stood and then buried his body atop a nearby mountain.

The rapid aging had been alarming, but through cultivating his talents, manipulating the unsuspected, and diving deeper in the well of the Force, he learned how to keep surviving. Quickly, he realized he fed off the deeds of evil and that he shouldn't shy away from what he was so skilled at enacting upon his enemies.

Learning how the body and soul worked in tandem had been a process, but he perfected the transference of Force energy the more he took on apprentices. Through those experiences, he discovered that the qualities of the soul were not dissimilar to the components of the human body. The physical form had a number of useless parts, such as extra teeth, the appendix, and tailbone– which were at best gratuitous, and at worst capable of malfunctioning and causing havoc unto your health.

Force intelligence's were the same. They too, had useless parts that hindered a being from reaching their true and everlasting potential. Hope, belonging, love… friendship and justice and kindness… all of it an ethereal disease that spread morality into the hearts of the living, interrupting the soul's innate craving for evolution and growth.

Once realizing this, he was able to stay true to his core, letting himself progress in the right direction.

Millenniums passed as he observed all the wars that tore into the galaxy, infecting the population with more crime, while people of influence turned away from the suffering. The cesspool of hypocrites did nothing to bridge the gap between the haves and have nots, did nothing to organize life into a well working machine of compliance and like-mindedness. Everyone wanted individuality, art, and freedom, all the things that ruined stability.

So he watched and waited with a patience that rivaled the beginning of the universe. After Palplatine, he took his chance for greatness, casting his vision for a just and order galaxy into existence. Given how Palpatine made a near perfect society, Snoke took a lot of the brilliant mans ideas, and changed the ones that failed.

Namely, putting too much trust in a Skywalker.

But one of the finest gifts Palpatine ever left behind was the observatory on Jakku. Modifications were being made for Snokes plans, and if the weapon worked exactly how he predicted, he would no longer need students for survival. He would find true immortality while being able to control the whole galaxy.

The soft, gold slippers on his bony feet brushed along the ashen stone as he paced throughout the ancient cavern. Musky air swirled into his shriveling lungs, the hint of burnt flesh tagging along for the journey through his nostrils. The middle of the chamber was where the evidence of his anger lied– unmoving, but still breathing. To kill him would have been a pleasant experience, but certain persons were not expendable at the moment, even if they did betray him.

The order not to kill Kylo Ren had been clear, and yet jealousy had been the cause of this coup. The knight had learned his lesson and would be given a second chance, because Snoke was a merciful master and could secretly empathize with the petty emotion.

Would he forget the undermining? Not in the slightest.

General Hux had also been behind this mess, but Snoke had remained mute to knowing that particular fact during their last meeting. The general knew that he knew, and sometimes silence was louder than torture, and a lot more menacing on the psyche.

A ping of pain shot up his spine, screaming throughout his skull. This body would soon fail, rot and deteriorate, and he desperately needed to get his apprentice back. No one, not even that scavenger filth, was going to hide Kylo Ren from his fate. However, he was grateful for that desert rat. Without her, his apprentice would have died, leaving him to his own ruin. Before he kills her, he'll thank her for the selfless act of resurrection she performed on the boy, thus allowing Snoke to continue living.

And thank her for revealing the whereabouts of his twin.

During his apprentice's resuscitation, his sister's power had pounded against his mind, unwillingly greeting him across their ancient connection. And Snoke obliged by opening his awareness unto her, welcoming her with conniving intent. Kay's energy had pulsed through his being, allowing him to glimpse through her sight and know exactly where she was hidden. It was only a brief moment, which didn't give his sister enough time to gather her faculties and attempt to claim his life, but it did allow Snoke to rifle through her strategy.

In that breath of time, he saw her intentions and was astounded by her unique and imaginative plan. It was clever to attach herself to another being and create a bond between the scavenger and Kylo, whereupon she would then use said connection to find him. He almost respected her resourcefulness.

Almost.

Pacing in the decrepit body, it was hard to put into words what he was feeling. He hadn't expected to feel anything once he finally found his twin, but he was experiencing… something.

Up until this moment, his immortality had been executed flawlessly, making him invincible against the most unbiased of entities: death. There was satisfaction to be had in achieving the improbable, of perverting the natural order of the cosmos. Thinking of such a feat usually brought about a malicious happiness that on occasion made him smile.

Now, he started to feel… emotions he hadn't felt in a very long time. These emotions then produced memories, ones that appalled him.

Snoke hadn't been blessed with being gifted like his sister. Hard work and maximum determination was what it took for him to move even a pebble and his twin knew it. She would flaunt the ease in which she used her abilities, laughing at him when he couldn't match her strength, revving up his temper till he couldn't form words or even breath correctly.

As the shadows touched the center of his chest from these recollections, he felt empty, but complete. Murdering her had only been a fantasy, but then he had awoken to find her head smashed into the dirt and blood and tissue staining his arms to the elbow. And there he was, holding a rock over her corpse. He just wanted her to understand his frustrations, wanted her to see that he wasn't weak like she thought.

She'd been so proud of herself for being talented and he wanted some of that pride, because it had been impossible to find it within himself.

They had argued and he'd murdered her out of spite and anger… and some jealousy too. It ended as quickly as it began and looking back on it, he was always ashamed that he'd held her corpse and cried over what he had done.

The pride he now held for himself would never have allowed such a weakness to surface.

Once cultivating his true self, he searched her, knowing she would try to kill him in the future. Taking control of the galaxy was just one more way of making it harder for her to find him, which was why he needed someone he could control to bring his vision to fruition. That way, he could remain in the shadows while pulling the strings from afar.

Kylo Ren would do battle in a way he could not, weakening the Resistance and the galaxy at large with his violent machinations and lithe figure. Because of that, Snoke wasn't going to let his best warrior go. He'd been sculpting that boy into a weapon since birth, something he'd never done before. And to be of the proper influence, he needed a bond between him and the boy, which was another tool he'd never utilized till now.

It had been surprisingly simple to establish such a connection with a new mind, and if the darkness hadn't already been prevalent in the boy, it wouldn't have been possible. That early connection cemented his belief that the dark side was within the hearts and minds of all beings at birth; it didn't just appear as one got older.

Snoke thought back on his many apprentices and how weak they all were. None of them lasted long, which led him to theorize that having a vessel prominent in the dark and light would grant him more longevity. All he'd ever used were dark side users, and since the transfer method relied purely upon darkness, his one attempt at using a light side user had failed. Overall, his newfound theory seemed to be sound and he was very eager to get to work on making the concept legitimate.

His apprentice would return unto the fold, because the blackness of his heart was only comfortable in the dark. Night has always pushed up day and once Kylo Ren realized that, he will beg Snoke to take his body so he could see to it that the Jedi never rise– and in turn, fulfill his grandfather's destiny. Albeit, not how the boy thought he would. But Snoke kept that fact to himself, letting his apprentice think he would live to see it through.

Now, Snoke just needed to prioritize whom to find first: the boy or the scavenger? Their bond would no doubt prove to be useful and if it didn't, their strong feelings for one another would be their downfall. Such emotions sickened him, but it was no surprise that his apprentice had indulged in the superficial compulsions. Kylo Ren had always yearned to be wanted, to be loved, to be desired.

Snoke's knee wobbled and almost buckled from the unexpected feebleness. He still had some strength left in this frame of bones and even though he was eager to find his apprentice, he sensed that the boy was somehow going to come to him. Searching this feeling, he was reassured that he would have the body he wanted; he just needed to have patience.

And as it just so happens, patience was his strongest virtue.

()()()()()

"Again," Hux ordered and the stormtrooper initiated the electricity to flow through the interrogation chair, causing Carise to tense from the torture. Her teeth tightened and her groaning came out in rasps as her blood trickled out of her mouth from where she bit her cheek. The beautiful, blue dress was now diminished into rags, her sweat and blood staining the expensive fabric.

Hux nodded and the trooper flipped the switch off, causing Carise to sag and pant out her exhaustion. She looked to be upon the brink of death, but even as her neck lost the strength to hold her head up, she never begged for mercy. Maybe she was stronger than he thought…

"Leave us." The room cleared, leaving a clean and polished Hux alone with his childhood acquaintance. He walked around the interrogation chair she was latched to while eyeing her up and down. "You disappoint me, Carise. Your need for revenge has made you into a traitor."

"I… have never… supported… the Resistance." She said through heavy breaths, a drop of blood trailing from her chin, down her neck, and between her cleavage.

"Oh, I know you have never supported their cause, but giving credence to any other group that does not align with the Order is treason. Even if that group is your own self-interests." He thought of his conversation with Supreme Leader from earlier, how he just looked at Hux with those all-knowing eyes. It was a mercy he was still alive, but he knew he was riding his last chance. Another mishap and Hux was out.

As much as it pained him, he would find Kylo Ren and bring him to the Supreme Leader alive. He just had to find the new Resistance base, because that was where the man now was.

Standing in front of Carise, he clasped his hands behind his back. "What to do with you, Carise… What. To. Do."

He thought upon their childhood together, how they were forced to interact at parties and social events. He deplored attending those get togethers, but his father always dragged him along, even though he was a bastard son. The looks he would receive, the sneers behind his back, and the jokes about his lanky disposition drove him to seek for greatness, to prove that he was somebody.

Brendol and Carise's father had been good friends since the Clone Wars, so she was expected to be with him while at many of the occasions. Their parents had even gone as far as to plan their marriage, but Hux shot that down with a lot of ire. Him and Carise have always had an interesting relationship, one that comprised of helping each other get what they wanted while having a lot of sex on the side. It had been years since they had been together, though, but he knew Carise more than got around.

Hux walked up to her, grabbing her face so she could look at him. "You humiliated me in front of Leader Snoke. I'm close to being replaced, thanks to you. Do you have anything to say for yourself?" Fire showed in her eyes as she tried to snarl. Holding her head in place, he back-handed her, making her cough and choke on her own blood.

"I said, do you have anything to say for yourself?" he breathed into her beaten face.

She choked out a sob. "I'm… sorry."

Releasing his hold, her chin hit her chest while her moaning escaped her weak lungs. Her blood was on his hand and he wiped it clean on the only part of her dress that wasn't stained.

He straightened his uniform and pushed back his red hair. "Because of our history together, I'm giving you one more chance, Carise. One. More. You fail and you're dead. Do you understand?" Her head rolled and he took that as a yes. Their shared history was only part of the reason why he chose to keep her alive. The other one was because the Core Worlds were use to talking to her and while they ignored his messages, they responded to Carise. The women could be charismatic when she wanted to be, which was a good resource for galactic relations.

Allies were important to the winning of a war, as was keeping your most likeable players. Having immense resources and recruits gave you the tactical advantage that allowed you to meet, engage, and lessen the power and size of your enemy. Allies were your strategic advantage, the people whose interests aligned with you cause, even if your end goals did not exactly intersect. The only problem with allies was that, unlike the recruits, they were harder to control, so it was only a matter of time before their was a hiccup in procedure.

Carise just needed to be reminded who her allegiance belonged to.

He walked to the stormtrooper posted outside the door. "Get her in a Bacta tank and healed up. I don't want any evidence of what happened here on her body." Carise's charisma wasn't the only thing that got a world leader to listen. Magnetism only got a woman so far, nowadays.

()()()()()

Leia sat in her office during the early hours of the morning, a mug of hot caf on her organized desk. Her hair was braided in her trademark halo, makeup on her aged face, and her military green jumpsuit not yet wrinkled from the long hours of use that awaited. Surprisingly, the Resistance had stayed organized while she was away, and she knew Vassena was the reason. The woman had kept the Resistance working efficiently, which irked Leia since she despised her.

Trend had barged in, took control of everything Leia had built, and bossed around the council and numerous soldiers.

And she tried to have her son executed. Such measures had left Leia feeling indifferently towards that woman, to say the least.

Her son…. His hate for her was rooted deep, she could see it in his eyes every time he looked at her. She didn't know how much of those stares she could take. She had been incredibly disturbed with how he'd rammed his head into that mirror, not even batting an eyelash at the pain it undoubtedly caused him. Leia had no idea how to help him heal from the damage Snoke had inflicted and part of her was too scared to even try. What if Ben never returned? What if there really is too much Vader inside of him?

Could she really look past what he did to Han? Leia knew that Snoke was responsible for distorting her son's thoughts and for driving him to kill his father, but there was a sliver deep within that hated her son. As much as she tried to deny it, it was there, waiting to ruin her.

But she couldn't dwell on it. Doing so gave the toxic emotion too much power.

On top of all her duties at the Resistance, she needed to find a way to help Ben. But as she sat there, going over all the meetings she had lined up and the remaining senators she had to speak with, she felt like she was being forced to choose between her son and politics all over again.

A soft knock came from the door, and Leia gave permission for her visitor to enter.

Admiral Statura came in hesitantly, his military uniform rustling against his movements. "General, the council will be ready to meet in an hour."

"Good, and thank you for getting that together on such short notice. Do you know if Admiral Trend will be there?"

"I'm not sure. No one has seen her since she went into her quarters yesterday. I knocked at her door, but didn't get a response. I sent everyone a message about the meeting, but kept her out of it. Do you want me to send it to her?"

She shook her head. "No. I think she should have a few days off." More like a year. Or forever. "Thank you Admiral."

Going back to her Datapad, she resumed reading the reports she had missed while being held captive by Carise. For the most part, the First Order was quiet, which didn't surprise her after they lost their major weapon. But still, she felt uneasy about the silence. They were plotting and–

"General?" Leia glanced up as Statura moved forward. "You need to know how sorry I am for everything that happened yesterday. I… I understand if you feel betrayed for what the council tried to do to your son."

"From what I heard, you and Ackbar were the only ones who opposed the order for execution."

"We were, but we should have done more. Maybe I could have persuaded–."

"There was nothing you could have done," she interrupted. "It was a majority vote and Vassena was the one who brought it to the table." Leia couldn't believe such a decision was based on a majority rule instead of it being unanimous. It was one of many things that slipped into the constitution on the back of another long bill, a method Leia deplored because the Senate needed to be trustworthy, not guileful.

Now that the she knew about the addendum, the fix was a priority _. Except, the New Republic was a shadow of what it use to be…_

The man shifted his weight from one leg to the other. "Still…"

The sweat on Statura's brow made it evident that her friend and confidant was ridden with guilt. But Leia understood that everything that transpired yesterday was not his fault. "I know what my son has done and I understand why individuals would be calling for his death."

Statura shook his head slowly. "But the decision happened without your knowledge," he stated quietly.

"Yes, it did."

He searched her composed face. "Are you going to seek any repercussions?"

Leia chuckled, because she had put much thought into punishing those who would want her son's head. Most scenarios involved her slapping a bunch of council members, but such toddler reactions wouldn't go over very well. She could fantasize, though. "If we weren't in the middle of a war, I would… but no. I appointed all those people to the council for a reason. They are among the smartest and most strategic people I know. And that includes you."

"I'm sorry, Leia.

"I know and I do not blame you for any of it. If anything, I'm proud of you for sticking by me." Statura stood a little straighter. "And I still need you for council and advice. So I hope your still up for it," Leia said as a grin played on her lips.

"Of course I am," Statura stated with pride. "I'd follow you anywhere, general."

()()()()()

Rey shimmied up to where her head could rest on the pillow next to Ren's tranquil face. His arms were heavy bars around her torso, making it difficult to move, but she was eager to study his attractive features. Every morning, she always woke before him and would do this, because during the day his appeal never looked this young and innocent.

His long, narrow face gave him a sharp chin and she was tempted to rub her fingers against his morning stubble. She had counted every mole and every line while keeping her eyes away from the light red scar. During the day, the scar was very much a part of him, blending into his appearance so she no longer noticed it. But in these quiet moments, it always brought up the memory of how it got there.

Lightly, she brushed his hair away from part of his neck, getting a full view of his fanned out ear. She found it endearing how he made an effort to hide them, always making sure his soft curls covered what he believed to be a flaw. She liked his ears, though. It made him look more human, which comforted her.

Resting her hand down on the new bed, she thought over how they hadn't seen each other a lot over the last week. During the last five days, his time had been sequestered by the council, which consisted of him answering their plethora of questions. The mornings and nights were the only time they were able to see one another and she was the one who did most of the talking. She knew he didn't want to relay about his day by the way his jaw hardened and shoulders tensed, so she rarely asked.

Shifting in bed, Ren rolled around, taking the covers with him like a cocoon wrapped around his body. He had the annoying tendency of doing that throughout the night, but this time, Rey was content with feeling the cool air on her drenched body. Ben was a human furnace, rivaling even the hottest days on Jakku. It was a mystery how the man had lived this long without combusting into flame. _No wonder he loved cold climates…_

The sweat on her skin and clothing quickly made her shiver, so she went to work prying a part of the blanket out from under him so she could borrow some of his bustling warmth. As she pulled, his shirt wadded up to his shoulder blades, giving her a good view of his creamy back. Ben was careful about keeping himself covered, even around her during the night. There were those few glimpses in which she saw him without a shirt, the most prevalent being in the ocean on Spira.

 _Mmmmmm…_

Come to think of it, she's never actually received a good view of his back. And his back was a _very_ good view. But what were the streaks on his skin?

Through the dim light, she could make out faint, white lines. Her curious fingers caressed the marks, knowing by the raised skin that they were scars. Scooting further down, her eyes strained and she saw that there were actually a good amount of them. Some were long, some were short, and she couldn't stop her fingers from feeling each one.

Her mind wanted to know the story behind each and every mark.

"Rey…" Ben breathed and she snatched her hand away, remembering how he told her she needed to keep her roaming hands to a minimum while in bed together.

Rolling back around, he looked down at her with heavy lids, his eyes glazed over by sleep. Or… was it sleep that was making him look at her like that? No… no, it wasn't. She was getting better at deciphering his gazes, and this was one of the I-want-you kind.

But he never did anything about it and her frustration was growing to the point of desperation.

She rubbed her body against him, making him close his eyes and groan. Something hard pressed against her belly, firing up a heat deep within her core. Rey was inexperienced in life, but she knew basic anatomy and what was going on below Ben's waist.

He wiggled away from her, melding so close to the wall that if he went any further, he'd be wearing the metal as an extra layer of skin. "You shouldn't do that," he whispered with a whole lot of do-it-again in his eyes.

"You liked it," she teased, closing the margin between them by placing her chest against his.

"That's why you shouldn't do it," he said hoarsely as he pulled her closer, his body disobeying his reasonable mind.

"But…" She gave him a languid kiss. "I liked it." In a quick, fluid movement, he parted her legs with his knee and was on top of her, leaving her mind to play catch up as to what was happening. Her body seemed to be aware of the setting, however, as her arms wrapped around his broad shoulders, gluing him to her willing frame.

Holding him, she briefly thought of the pain he must have gone through while receiving those scars. She wanted to lend him some of her strength, give him shelter in her arms from all the harrowing memories of his past. As she stroked his hair with one hand and his revealed back with the other, he lowered his head to her neck as she looked over his shoulder.

In the comforting silence, she felt the past and present blend together, but she knew it was all just a mirage; she had witnessed enough of those on Jakku to recognize the false feeling. There was no comforting the boy he once was; nothing could sugar coat a persons experiences. But she had the man that boy had grown into and for a brief moment of fantasy, she imagined that she would never let him go.

Nuzzling into her morning hair, his nose trailed up her neck, going to the bottom of her ear and back down again. "I love waking up next to you," he whispered, his breath warming her skin, his words melting her heart. "You're so beautiful."

Arching her back, she elicited a grunt out of his lips and she relished in the knowledge that he reacted to her in such a pleasurable way. Around Ben, she was a woman– not a scavenger, not an apprentice, not a pawn in a deadly game. She was just a lowly woman, who was sincerely wanted by a man.

Pushing his shirt fully up to his shoulders, she tugged forcibly, letting him know she wanted the barrier off. He grabbed her arm, making her stop. "Come on," she protested. "Is there something wrong with wanting to see more of you?"

He chuckled. "I thought we agreed–."

"No, I didn't agree to anything." He drew back, resting his weight on his forearms so they could talk easier. "You were the one who set these boundaries."

"Do you know what would happen if they weren't there?" His tone sounded like he was stating the obvious to a child, and she didn't like when he treated her like an unsullied little girl.

Even though she kinda was.

Every night she spent with Ben, the more she wanted to rectify the situation of her inexperience. "Yes I do know what would happen, and that's what I want."

Ben smirked. "I feel like we've had this conversation before."

"We have. Like, five times already." Rey sighed out her frustration. "Sometimes… I feel like you treat me like a child."

"What?" He sat back, resting his rear on his heels as Rey's legs remained sprawled out on the bed. Placing his hands on her calves, he rubbed them up and down in a way he probably wasn't consciously aware of.

She rubbed her eyes. "It's just… you make these rules we have to follow and sometimes talk to me like I'm a child. It makes me feel belittled, to be honest.

Ben froze, and then slowly frowned so hard his brows almost came together. "I… uh… I didn't mean to make you feel that way. Sometimes I get so fixated on how young you are."

"I'm an adult."

"I know, but–."

She raised her body slightly with her arms as her annoyance cut him off. "I've been an adult since I was five. I didn't have anyone to take care of me and I had to do–."

"Rey, I know. That's not what I mean." He leaned in minutely. "You've gone through more than most people have in their lifetime. What I'm trying to say is… there are things you haven't experienced because of your life of isolation. The galaxy is a big place."

Rey narrowed her lids. "You're eluding to sex, aren't you?" Ben chocked on his own spit, which threw him into a coughing fit.

Rey waited for him to regain his equilibrium. "Well," Ben smacked his lips, "I appreciate your candor. And yes, that would be one of the things I'm eluding to."

"You know, pointing out how naïve you think I am makes me feel like I'm a kid again."

Ren scrubbed his face with his palms as he breathed deeply out of his nose. "I am not trying to treat you like a child."

"No?" Rey questioned.

Ben scrutinized her unyielding stare while licking his lips in thought. He grabbed the hem of his shirt and swooped it off, tossing it onto the floor.

Her eyes betrayed her irritation by eating up every curve and valley of his chest, wondering down to his very low waist band that revealed the V of his pelvis. A spark of craving licked up her spine, shooting heat between her legs.

"You're trying to distract me," she said, her voice cracking.

"I'm not _trying_ to distract you," his husky tone vibrated from his chest as he crawled up her body. "I _am_ distracting you." He leaned in and she tilted her head to fit him perfectly against her lips. His kiss was fond, a tether between the two that truly meant something more than just lips meeting. The sweet meld was deep and necessary, making her feel like she was at last coming up for air after an age of living underwater.

His hand weaved into her hair, giving a sweet tug as he dug deeper into her tresses. Sweeping her palms over his back, his skin was criminally smooth– albeit for the scars– as she soothed him into resting his full weight on top of her. Her knees were up and legs cracked wide to accommodate his heft, but all of it felt so natural, so right to do.

Suddenly, he grinded into her core, making her gasp loudly at the hardness of him. "I'm sorry," he said hoarsely between kisses. "I couldn't help it."

"Keep going." He drew back, looking absolutely dazed, his breathing now full fledged panting. Before he could object, she kissed him without warning, without permission. She didn't want to think or decide or contemplate, because she couldn't have done those things even if she tried.

Wrapping him in her legs, he moved against her again, trying to hold back his moans as he kept going. She needed that breath he was holding. It belonged to her, and she wanted him to groan so she could have it back. Lifting her hips and meeting his rhythm, the friction down below gave her pleasure she never knew existed.

Passion pulled them closer, transferring his lips to the sensitive flesh at her neck, sucking and biting as the grinding became more intense. All this contact truly meant more to her than what was just going on with her body. She was sharing this moment with a special someone that consumed her thoughts, rocked her being, and awakened her individuality. Every nibble on her ear, every touch of his hand was electric, cosmic. She felt it everywhere as it stirred her emotions, her heart, her very soul.

Ben's hand dipped below her shirt, wondering up her ribcage, zeroing in on its target–

Tap, tap, tap.

They froze, his hand halting at the edge of her chest wrap.

"Master Ben?" 3PO called from the other side of the door.

"Shit," Ben cursed and raised his head to the door. "What?" he yelled out, not hiding his aggravation.

"May I come in?" Ben sighed and looked down at Rey before peeling himself off of her.

"Hold on." He said to the door and then eyed her.

"I'll go into the refresher and change into the clothes I brought over," she said gloomily. He helped her up, both looking at each other longingly. Grabbing her face, he kissed her lightly and then rested his forehead against hers. As they parted, Rey felt the cold of the room, an unappealing feeling compared to the warmth Ben had given, both physically and sensually.

Her head was still dizzy from being so close to him.

Going into the refresher, she took her time changing and combing out the knots in her hair. She had no idea what his family droid was doing here, but she wanted to give him privacy to deal with whatever was going on. The murmuring only lasted a short minute before the room fell silent.

Ben knocked on the refresher door and she told him she was decent. Once the barrier slid up, it was revealed that he was still shirtless... which was totally fine with her. "Is everything okay?" She asked before starting to wash her face.

Ben ground his teeth before speaking. "You know how I've been trying to see the general over the last week?"

Rey splashed the soap from her face. "Yeah."

"I guess 3PO is now her messenger and he came to tell me that she's going to be tied up over the next few days."

Rey dried her face and looked over to see Ben's distance stare. "You think she's avoiding you?"

He glanced over. "If she is, I don't blame her." They fell silent as she began brushing her teeth, making sure not to make a mess in Ben's neat and organized space. "You should go soon. Wouldn't want someone to see you leaving my room." Stars, wasn't that the truth. People were already talking about them, no need to give them fuel for the fire of gossip.

She spat and rinsed. "You're lucky you have such a nice room, even if it is among the officers. Mine doesn't have a refresher in it," she said, looking around at the decent sized shower, the roomy counterspace next to the sink, and the clean toilet. She wasn't complaining by any means, since she had gone her whole life without a washroom. Merely, she was making an observation to keep Ben's mind off the fact that his mother was ignoring him.

Ben frowned. "It doesn't?"

"Nope. The refresher I use is a common one."

His brows flared. "Common. As in males and females share it?"

 _Uhhhh…_ "Yeah."

He glanced down at the bag next to her feet. She brought it every night when she came to him, that way she didn't have to sneak back to her room in the morning and risk someone seeing her. Jess never asked her why she didn't sleep in their room, which she appreciated. Her roommate had to be suspicious of what was going on, but kept it to herself. Poe, on the other hand, knew where Rey was going every night. He had been the one to tell her when to go to Ben's room and which route was less likely to get her caught. Rey had an inkling the guy had dabbled in his fair share of midnight rendezvous.

 _Poor Jess…_ Her infatuation with Poe was so obvious.

"You should use my refresher whenever you need one," Ben suggested. "It would give you more privacy."

She started to pack up her clothes and toiletries as she said, "You just don't want me to share a bathroom with other people."

"No, I don't want you sharing a bathroom with other men."

Rey scoffed. "Please. All the other girls have been perfectly fine and I will be to." She zipped up the duffle, but Ben was the one who picked it up, like she somehow couldn't do it herself.

"You underestimate your appeal. You're the most beautiful girl on this base and trust me when I say I know what men think about when they see you. No need to tempt them more by showering in the stall next to them."

She rolled her eyes. "Nothing has happened–."

He piped in, "The showers are timed, right?"

Rey looked at him, confused. "Yes."

"If you come in here, you can take as long as you want. I know you love the hot water."

 _Well, look who knows how to manipulate_. She analyzed his insistent face, sensing that he was holding back on being forceful. "You're really good at getting your way, you know that?"

He came closer to her, hope blooming in his expression. "Does that mean you'll come here?"

Having access to her own private refresher was way too appealing to pass up, she realized. _Well, it would mostly be private._ "Yes, I will. But I have to warn you, I shed a lot of hair. It's not going to be ideal for your drain." She lived for the times she got to take a shower each day, but dealing with all that hair in the drain? Yuck. Not ideal. Not in the slightest.

Ben encroached on her space, his swollen, reddened lips smiling because she'd caved into his idea. "I don't care, and I think you forget how much hair I have."

Yeah, he did have a lot of hair. So maybe sharing a washroom wouldn't be too bad… The only problem was Ben liked to keep everything extremely clean and tidy, while Rey's space always looked unorganized. Guess she will have to learn to clean up after herself.

Rey followed Ben as they exited the refresher, getting an uninterrupted view of his back.

"How did you get those scars on your back?" He stopped halfway to the bed and she inwardly scolded herself for not regulating her tongue. It was a waste of time to ask such things, for he rarely spoke about anything from his past.

Choosing to let it go, she walked passed him and picked up her comms link on the floor by the bedpost.

"When I joined the First Order, I had to be… broken," he stated delicately. The shock that he answered stole her voice for a moment, but as she twisted around to face him, her vocal chords rebooted back to life.

"Broken? Like an animal?" she asked lightly.

He walked over and placed her brown overnight bag on the bed. "Somewhat," he whispered, staring at the wall ahead.

The Force help her, but she wanted more details and if Ben was willing to give answers right now, then she was going to keep asking. "What did the process entail?"

With the bags handle still in hand, he picked at the fabric. "Beatings, torture, mental stuff I don't even know how to describe. It all got the job done."

And to think he had volunteered for all of it. "Those scars weren't from someone's fists," she pointed out.

He shook his head. "No, they're from a knife or an electro-whip. Sometimes I was allowed to heal myself, while other times I wasn't. Hence all the evidence."

The conversation paused, and then she asked, "You wanted to go through this?"

His nod broke her heart. "I was done being who I was. I wanted to be someone else and Snoke gave me that." Ben lowered onto the bed, looking down at the floor beneath his feet. "I'm not going to lie, though. I questioned my decision a lot in the beginning, especially during the parts where I felt like I was dying."

At least he second-guessed himself. "But you stuck with it…"

"I had no where else to go, so I stayed." His eyes, now lifeless, gave her a view of the void she knew was inside. Kneeling down in front of his legs, she rested her arms on his knees, her stare drawing his attention.

"That's not true anymore, because now we have each other." She went in and kissed him chastely, feeling in that undeniable moment that her soul had found its mate. Even though his life was more twisted and disturbing then hers, she could relate to how to Ben chose to stay in his predicament because he believed there was nothing else out there for him.

()()()()()

Ren sat on the edge of the bed, his sight roaming over his new room on the base. It was plain, like the one on the cruiser, but the walls were metallic silver rather than white. Poe had acquired him a good amount of clothes, all stuffed in the closet and dresser to his left. Black was the running theme of the attire, which more than satisfied his aversion to light colors.

Rey had left only after Ren convinced her that he was all right, but he was sure she didn't believe him. He didn't even believe himself. Drudging up his time with the Order had brought about confusing feelings, some of which being how he missed living as Kylo Ren and other parts wishing he'd never gone through the process to become him.

He headed to the refresher, stripping off his loose sweats and leaving them on the tile floor. The air turned thick and humid as he stepped under the hot spray, going through the motions of lathering his hair and body. Placing his hands against the slick wall, he hung his head underneath the water, letting it cascade down his nose and jaw.

Then, after years of discipline, he gave in and relieved himself. Getting that physical with Rey made it impossible to resist the urge to succumb to pleasure and he couldn't think of a good reason not to. He thought of her throughout the whole process and after it was over, he felt guilty for using her to meet his carnal needs.

He was still hard after he came and he could feel another release begging to get out, but he withdrew his hand and concentrated on getting his thoughts together. He wasn't the type of person to give into such cravings easily and he hated himself for being weak.

But… Rey had been so resplendent under his body.

 _Stop._

Closing his eyes and breathing deeply, Ren replayed the last week in his mind to try and get his head out from below his waist and onto his shoulders.

Question. Answer. Question. Answer. Some more questions. Some more answers, with maybe a mock thrown into the narrative. Those five days had been impatiently repetitive: ten hours of being confined to a tight room, taking his meals at the small table he rested his arms upon. At the end of each day, it was a miracle his rear hadn't sustained permanent nerve damage from all the relentless sitting. His request to get up and pace around, while answering the queries, had been denied– probably because it made him seem more aggressive. Which was maybe one of the reasons why he'd wanted to wear his soles into the steel floor…

All of the lazy stand-still had tested his patience, for he'd always been someone who was constantly on the move. The inactivity, and being locked in that room, had reminded him too much of bureaucracy and the politicians who were more than worthless at improving the galaxy.

The Resistance already knew most of the Orders inner workings, with him adding specific planets they got resources from and where the Star destroyers liked to dwell. He would keep his answer specifically to the question, never embellishing or giving explicit detail. It did surprise them to hear that the Order had already established a line of contact with the core worlds. He wondered how the Resistance was going to handle that piece of worrisome information.

Once he was told he could leave the cruiser and go down to the base, there were things he still hadn't revealed to them, but no doubt they would summon him back if they wanted to know.

The only respite to all of the interrogative sessions was that he went to sleep with Rey in his arms and woke in the morning to find her snuggling against him.

His arrival on the base had happened well into the night, which he knew was on purpose. Most of the day personnel were already well into their slumber, leaving the few night troopers to have a gander at the mythical man. Poe gave him and Rey a tour of the place and Ren put on a face of interest, but really, he was dispassionate about the whole excursion. His disbelief of actually being on a Resistance base overshadowed the fact that he should be learning the layout, since he was going to be living here for a while.

At the end, Rey and him had to part ways and he definitely didn't hide his disapproval. But Rey wanted to see Jess, who had arrived sometime during the day, and catch up with her friend. Since the two girls were bunking together, wouldn't they have more than enough time to catch up later? But Ren kept his thoughts to himself as they left him in his own private quarters in the officers section. They didn't want him among the mass population of soldiers and at this, Ren didn't put up a fight. His own private quarters with his own refresher? No argument from him.

If they dangled more incentives like this in front of his face, maybe he would be more inclined to be a proper human being while residing here.

Until then, he needed to figure out how to sneak Rey into his room, which went against the no-co-mingling-after-hours policy on base. But like a wish fulfilled from above, Rey came to his room before he fell asleep, pride showing on her face over not being caught.

He had meant it when he said he'd meet her for breakfast, but now that reality was just beyond that door, it was hard to get his body to the exit. Not one to ever skirmish from a fight, he found himself now dreading being among the ire of so many people. With a towel wrapped around his waist, he sat on the bed, lost in his thoughts long enough to miss first meal.

Finally he stood, his stomach growling in disapproval at his decision not to feed it. He would have to ignore the protests, because Ren had someone he needed to talk to. As he pulled his trousers on, a sharp rap came from the door before it opened, allowing Poe to walk into the abode like he owned the place. BB-8 rolled in, saying hello to Ren in a beep that sounded way too chipper.

"Getting dressed?" Poe asked as he watched Ren slide on his shirt. He'd forgotten that his door was unable to lock and he made a mental reminder to get dressed in the refresher from now on.

"You are more observant than usual," Ren responded dryly, getting into the closet to grab a pair of socks and boots.

"Good thing I didn't let Rey come get you or you two might have been stuck in here for hours."

Ren paused and slowly turned around, boots and socks in hand. His eyes pinched as he said, "It's not like that." _It_ was _almost like that this morning_ , an inner voice mocked.

Poe didn't believe him. "Uh huh. Sure. From one guy to another, just make sure you don't get caught sneaking around at night. Or I guess I should make sure Rey is still using the route I told her about, since she's the one who always comes here. I doubt you two want to do anything in front of Jess–."

Ren cut him off. "Is there a reason for this lovely visit?"

"Actually, there is." Poe pointed at BB-8. "Meet your new chauffeur. I can't keep taking you everywhere; I do have a life, you know."

Looking at the duo, he almost laughed at the absurdity. "I don't need a babysitter," he said as he moved to the bed. "The chip in my arm is sufficient enough."

"But look at how adorable he is. All the girls on base faun over the little guy."

Ren sat and started to sheath his feet with the socks and boots. "You might use the droid to pick up women, but that is the last thing I want to do here."

Poe set his jaw, his demeanor growing serious and matching his low tone. "Look, there is talk that there is going to be an attempt on your life. Could just be made up, but I can't be sure. Most people here are afraid of you and won't get in your way, but there are some who want to get revenge for what happened to the Hosnian system. I'd feel better if you let BB-8 be with you during the day."

Ren remained seated as the droid looked at him expectantly, silently pleading even though he had no expression to show it. "How is a droid supposed to be useful if I get cornered?"

" _I helped you in Jorfel's home when you went after those thugs. I can be useful."_ True, the little guy did zap one of them, which helped him gain the advantage.

Poe moved closer to the droid. "People underestimate BB-8 because of his size, but he has some tricks in that metal cylinder of his. Also, he can alert us if something is happening." Ren sighed, running his hand roughly through his mostly dry hair. Considering that he more than anticipated some form of retaliation, having a witness wouldn't be such a horrible idea. As long as he wasn't the one who started the fight…

" _I won't try to talk to you, I promise. I remember how you don't like talking._ " BB-8's beeps were fast and anxious and Ren could tell that the droid worried for his safety– just like his owner.

"Fine," Ren relented, thinking that BB-8's company was better than an actual person.

"I knew there was a reasonable person below all that pride," Poe said satirically. "Got any plans today?"

Ren stood and walked into the refresher. "Yes." He grabbed his toothbrush and began scrubbing his teeth like there was an inch of grime coating the enamel. The bristles on the new brush were already flattening, reminding him that he needed to cool it when it came to dental hygiene.

He scrubbed harder.

Poe appeared and Ren watched the guy through the mirror as he leaned against the wall. "Are you going to elaborate or am I supposed to guess?" Poe met his stare in the reflection.

Did the pilot not know the etiquette of teeth brushing? Don't try to talk to the person doing it, because their mouth was otherwise preoccupied.

Poe interpreted his silence as refusal to talk. "Will it get you into trouble?" the pilot asked.

Ren spat, sloshed water in his mouth, and then spat some more. "No," he said before drying off with the hand towel. "I'm just going to go talk to someone."

"Someone, as in…"

Turning and orienting his weight against the sink, Ren said, "The stormtrooper."

Poe blinked. "Uhhhhh, what? Did I hear you correctly?"

He nodded. "Yup." Then walked out, going to the closet to grab the comms link he'd been issued. The piece of scrap metal couldn't transmit outside of the base, but he could tinker with it to boost its capabilities.

He wasn't going to, however. No one out there he wanted to contact.

"Yeah… I'm thinking you should probably outsource that… preferably to someone who is less inclined to murder him," Poe argued, trailing after him.

"I'm tired of seeing Rey sad over the bastard, so I am taking care of this myself," Ren said as he went out into the hall, making a hard right.

Poe's footfalls and BB-8's whizzing were close behind. "And you think talking to him is going to fix their relationship?"

Ren stared straight ahead, passing a few officers who wouldn't meet his stare. "Why not? I am the reason he doesn't talk to her."

Poe sped up to walk by his side. "Ok… I'll go with you."

Ren went left down a corridor, not knowing exactly where the stormtrooper would be, but he was going to start by going in the general direction of the training facility. He didn't want to ask Poe for directions, since he wanted to appear like he had everything under control. And by the fact that the pilot wasn't correcting his path, he deduced he was taking the correct route. "I thought you have a life to live that doesn't revolve around me?" Ren said offhandedly.

"I can finagle my schedule around," Poe insisted. As they went through a wide door, Ren's senses immediately heightened from the crowded hallway. Walking into the horde, his scrupulous vision picked up movement all over the place, shooting his paranoia with an extra dose of panic. He hated non-threatening crowds– not just because he picked up their thoughts like a radio frequency, but because he was less capable of sensing an attack.

Loose clothes flapped from fast-footed bodies, their shadows darting around from the blaring lights above, casting shadows that looked like people with blasters. Or grenades. Or all kinds of sharp and shiny things.

He preferred a more open setting to fight in, because he had a shot at sensing the danger easily. In here, at a base he was unaccustomed to, people had resources he was unfamiliar with and that made him twitchy.

Shit, he missed his lightsaber. He would've even accepted a blaster at this point.

"Nothing is going to happen," Ren assured Poe as they bumped and shuffled through the dense bodies. "I'm not going to do anything stupid."

"You mean stupider."

"Semantics," Ren said impassively.

Grabbing his arm, Poe stopped Ren and yanked him to the side, out of the direct heavy traffic. Ren's first instinct was to lock onto Poe's arm and break the elbow with an upward thrust, but he skipped the idea. He still didn't like to be touched, and it would appear that violent impulses were hard to kick.

Man, when was the last time he beat someone? Like, with his actual fists? His knuckles ached to be unleashed.

Getting into his personal space, Poe locked onto his eyes. "Swear that you will not hurt him. If he comes at you, you don't fight back."

 _No self-defense?_ "I'm supposed to let him hit me?"

Poe's expression showed a whole lot of "duh". "After everything you've done to him? Yes. Now, swear, or I'm coming with you."

Too many people were catching on to how he cherished keeping his word. Actually, scratch that. Two people were catching on, but that was already two too many. "I promise, alright? I won't hurt the guy."

The pilot gave him a stern stare, the kind a suspecting parent would give to their shifty child. "If you do, I'm comin' after you."

"I do not doubt that." And Ren expected nothing less.

Taking a deep breath, Poe stepped back, nodding his head slowly. "Okay… good. But keep what you have to say short and try to make it so you two can stand to be in the same room as each other. We all notice the death glares you two exchange. It's rather uncomfortable for the rest of us."

Ren smiled. "Wouldn't want to make anyone uncomfortable."

"You sadistic bastard," Poe said while battling the reflex to grin back, which made it appear like his mouth was having a seizure.

"Actually, I am a legitimate son. But you got the sadistic part right."

"Well, how about you drag your sadistic ass to lunch in a couple hours. Wouldn't want Rey doing it for you."

"I'll be there."

"You better," Poe muttered as he turned and walked the way they came, taking a right to head to one of the hangars. Ren resumed his search with his new little companion, finding it to be a little more complicated than he presumed to find the trooper.

On a part of the base that was far way from his quarters– or sanity– he found the trooper. It had taken some asking around, and for someone to not shy away from him, to finally be told where the guy was. Striding up to the door, Ren didn't wait or second-guess his decision.

This confrontation was not just needed, it was necessary.

()()()()()

Finn flipped through the profiles of his troopers, going over the reports on how they were acclimating to their new jobs among the Resistance. Each trooper had a specific skill set, thanks to the rigorous training of the First Order, and was now putting their knowledge to good use.

In the beginning of the ESC, Finn was basically just their babysitter, but now he was officially their superior, helping to place them in a job that was suitable for everyone. Everyday he went through his rounds of visiting each individual, following up with their commanding officers to make sure their transitions were going smoothly. On more than one occasion, a fight would break out and Finn would be called in for damage control. So far, only Resistance soldiers were the instigators and Finn hoped the roles never switched. The last thing he needed was for more people to become prejudice against the troopers.

Overseeing the integration of the stormtroopers was very taxing and took up the majority of his time, but he found an immense satisfaction in helping those he could relate too. This life was new and different than anything they had ever known and he wanted all his soldiers to excel at their second chance. If he could help them with that, he would be content.

Well, mostly. Rey still plagued his thoughts.

The steel door slid open without any prelude of a knock, revealing Kylo Ren in the entryway. The man's face was cold, with only a hint of hatred behind those dark eyes. BB-8 was by his side, which confused Finn, but he decided to keep his questions to himself. "Look at you, moving up in the galaxy, getting your own private _closet_ ," the man sneered.

Closet was pronounced harshly, the word heightening Finn's aggravation to the ceiling. Or up into space.

"What do you want," Finn all but growled as he placed the Datapad on the desk.

Ren arched an eyebrow, amused by Finn's reaction to his presence. Not one to ever act predictably, the guy took a quick stroll around the room, which consisted of two steps to the right and two steps to the left. Kylo hadn't been exaggerating on how small the space was, but Finn was grateful for whatever her could get.

"This place is as sparse as your loyalty," Ren griped as his calculating eyes moved around the naked walls. Finn ignored the obvious jab, instead choosing to stay seated while waiting for the psycho to reveal his intentions for coming here.

It sure as hell didn't consist of reminiscing about the Order.

"Mind if I take a seat?"

"Yes."

Ren parked his rear on the rickety chair, annoying the trooper with a flagrant disregard for his answer. BB-8 rolled up next to him, its small domed head whirling between him and Kylo."You and I need to talk."

Finn's lips thinned. "And here I thought you came to finish what you did to me on Starkiller."

"Tempting… but no." Kylo sat back, arms crossing over his chest, lounging in a way that made it seem like he was going to be there for a while. "This get together has to do with Rey."

"Get out," he snarled.

Ren crossed his legs ankle to knee. "Or what? You'll force me?"

"I'm not talking about this with you."

"Rey misses you and you need to stop being an ass towards her."

Finn was flabbergasted by the accusation. "You're accusing me of being an ass?"

Ren shrugged. "Takes one to know one."

"If Rey wants to talk with me, she knows where to find me."

"Yeah, like she's going to do that with how hard you shut her down the last time."

"So you took it upon yourself to intervene for her?"

"Since I am the reason you won't even look at her, yes, I chose to intervene."

Finn's stare narrowed. "She doesn't know you're here, does she?"

"No, and I want to keep it that way. So how about you go and apologize and be friends with her again," Kylo said, like it was something so simple to do.

"Why do you even care? You don't even like me."

"True, but I care about her."

"So, what… I'm suppose to hang out with her and ignore you're even there? Am I just supposed to forget who you are? What you've done?" The raw mechanics of how Kylo lived his previous life sickened Finn down to the marrow… probably because he actually had a strong conscience, unlike Ren. Also, Finn would have never murdered his own father.

Kylo's lips thinned."I didn't take you to be a pious person. If you recall, you were once a member of the First Order, like I was."

Finn's eyebrows shot up, wrinkling his forehead and peeling his eyes wide. "I've never murdered anyone, unlike you," he said in a raised tone.

The eyes of the bastard didn't so much as focus on Finn as bore right through to the back of his skull. "You were at that village."

Finn bit back. "You know I never fired my weapon and that was the first time I was out in the field."

Ren rolled his eyes, a childish gesture that somehow made him seem more human… which was disturbing. "And I'm suppose to know everything about your life? You're a stormtrooper, a nobody."

Finn regarded the guy steadily. "I think I'm more than a nobody to you, given the fact that you hate me. You could've killed me so easily during that fight, but you played me instead."

Ren's arms tightened around over his body, like they were the only barriers keeping him from lunging at Finn. "You were a traitor of–"

"Traitor?" Finn exclaimed as he leaned forward, resting his weight on the desk. "You still playing that tune? If you haven't noticed, you're a traitor too." A thought that had been percolating through his brain from watching Ren interact with other people resurfaced. And he couldn't find a reason not to ask it. "Terr, Garreaus, Liz… they're all traitors, but for some reason, you're the most hostile towards me. Why is that?"

Ren's temples protruded and Finn could have sworn a knuckle cracked from how tight the guy's fists curled. "Go apologize to Rey."

Finn tilted his head, feeling satisfied that he somehow got the upper hand during the conversation. "And if I don't?"

"Then I'll make you. You haven't seen how much this rift between the two of you is hurting her. I have to watch her cry over you and I would prefer that to stop."

That piece of info was as jarring as a slap to the face, but Finn tried not to let it show. "You know, threats won't incline me to be her friend." But sure as shit his guilt will, cause he really didn't want to be the reason she cried.

"I know. But you want to be her friend again, so therefore you will be. You don't like knowing that you are the cause for her sadness." Finn tensed and Ren grinned unpleasantly. "And yes, I did read your thoughts for that tidbit of information."

The wicked smile spread wider, an expression that looked more creepy than arrogant. Finn's stare didn't waver. "This doesn't change anything between us," Finn declared as he started to consider if he could handle being around this monster while hanging with Poe and Rey.

"I don't want it to, but I expect us to tolerate each other from here on out. You can go about hating me all you want, I really don't care."

 _Good, cause that won't ever change._

"Are you and Rey really just friends?" Finn asked before he could sensor his mouth. The answer could either be good, or make him want to vomit.

Ren showed no offense, so either he was a magnificent actor worthy of making it big, or he had already prepared for this particular inquiry. "Is that what she told you?" Finn nodded. Kylo unfurled his arms and rubbed his hands against his thighs before resting them on his knees. He shrugged. "Then that's what we are."

"But you want more, don't you?"

Guiding his elbows onto his knees, Kylo listed forward, watching the trooper below lowered brows. "Talk to Poe and talk to Rey. Fix it." He stood, going for the exit, BB-8 staying close to his heels.

"Watch your back out there," Finn said and Kylo stopped, glancing over his shoulder. "Some people on the base are gunning for you."

"I can take care of myself, but I appreciate the concern," Ren said with contrived gratitude.

"If you die, Rey will be a ghost of who she is. So actually, the concern is genuine." _It just doesn't originate with you._

The guy chuckled, like he'd heard what Finn had thought. _Can he–_

"Only when you make the thought really clear. See you around." The door shut, leaving Finn alone in the compact area. Not only will he have to deal with being around the prick, but now he will have to worry about the man reading his thoughts. But he would have to put up with it, because he couldn't keep living like this. With each passing day, Finn saw the error in how he'd been treating Rey and Poe. Sure, they lied to him, but after trying to deny it, he understood why they had.

Finn and Kylo Ren had a tumultuous history… but so had Poe, Rey and Ren and they somehow looked past it.

Taking a deep breath, his head hung back, allowing him a clear shot of the matte ceiling above. He was going to talk to both of them and he prayed to the universe that they would still want to be friends with him.

()()()()()

The cold, stagnant air of the hallway felt good on Rey's face, her sinuses clearing, her mind relaxing. It had been hot in the training center as she spent hours working through various forms and dueling with Master Skywalker. Thanks to all kinds of heavily forged neuropathways, her agility and reflexes were becoming sharper, her limber body starting to follow her commands with electric speed.

Rey hoofed her way to the mess hall for lunch, trying to ignore the curious glances that shot her way. She could hear the whispers, see the muddled conversations that always started up when she was around. Ignoring the stares had been her first reaction, but the more it happened, the harder it was to do. Information spread throughout this place like wildfire, and everyone was speculating about her and Kylo Ren.

With every step, her muscles ached, but the discomfort just reminded her how strong she was becoming and she tried to focus on that piece of knowledge as she neared the dining hall entrance.

"Rey?" She halted mid stride, causing someone to walk right into. After exchanging apologies, she wheeled to the left to see a timid Finn. His hands were shoved into his pockets, his shoulders slumped in a way that made him look out of place.

He was nervous.

"Finn… hi," she spoke lamely as he closed the chasm between them. Staring at him, he shuffled from side to side, his discomfort becoming more apparent.

"I, uh, was wondering if you had a minute," he said as he motioned her off to the side, both struggling against the tide of hungry soldiers wanting to get to the cafeteria.

"How are you doing?" Finn asked as they found a quiet corner to converse.

"Good. I had training this morning and it went really well. I'm getting a lot better with my lightsaber. So, yeah… I'm doing good," she reiterated awkwardly, not knowing what else to say.

Finn glanced around, taking in a drag of air. "I'm sorry, Rey."

It took a few seconds for her brain to catch up with her ears, but once the two connected, her lids stretched and her heart rocketed into her throat. "You're… you're apologizing?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I am. I've been thinking of myself throughout all of this and haven't taken into account how complicated this is for you. I don't understand how you can trust Ren, but I do know I can trust you." He paused before softly adding, "You're a good person."

But she wasn't, not when it came to him. "Finn, I am so sorry for keeping the truth from you. I really am."

"I know and I understand why you did." They fell silent and she watched his throat bob up and down as he swallowed. "You, uh… wanna still be friends? Cause I do…"

"Yes." She gripped his arm firmly, her smile almost cutting her face in half. "Yes, I do. And I'll talk to Ben and sort everything out–."

"No need. Him and I talked."

She blanched, then quickly inspected his body for injury. After concluding that Ben didn't try to kill him, her voice came back to her. "You… what? You went and talked to him?"

"Actually, he came and found me. He didn't want you to know that, but I think you should. We… talked a little and came to an understanding, of sorts. We both agreed to tolerate each other. But I have to be honest Rey, I don't think I'll ever like the guy and I hope you don't expect me to."

She shook her head sharply. "I don't; not after everything that has happened." There was a lull before she threw her arms around him, smiling into his chest as he returned the welcoming gesture.

"Is this a reunion? Nobody invited me…" Poe said from behind, feigning offense.

Rey slid out of Finn's arms and backed away, letting the two men face each other on equal ground. "Hey, buddy," Poe greeted.

"Hey. I was gonna come find you after I talked to Rey," Finn said in a shaky voice. "I want to apologize for punching you–."

"It's okay, man. I get it," Poe said, his eyes full of understanding.

Finn's eyes watered, but he kept his composure. "So…" he cleared his throat. "we good then?"

"Yeah, we're good." Rey beamed as she watched the two men clasp hands and then embrace briefly. Everything was gradually coming together and even though Finn said he was never going to get along with Ben, Rey still had hope for that to change.

"Come eat lunch with us," Finn said as they stepped out of the hug.

"I already ate, but I'll come sit with you guys. I gotta go do something really quick, though. Save me a seat." Poe eyed Rey before heading off in the direction of the kitchen and she grew excited over the little surprise they had planned.

()()()()()

The mess hall was a large, square room, with long metallic tables and benches taking up most of the open space. Even though it was the peak of lunch and people were having a difficult time finding a seat, Ren sat alone at a table fit for twelve. It was like he was nine all over again, all the kids too afraid to get within ten feet of him. Well, BB-8 idled patiently down below, but Ren didn't count him in this scenario.

In the end, the soldiers standing and eating their food were the ones who were suffering, not him.

Not him.

Focusing on the mound of nourishment on his tray, he began to go through the motions of eating.

Chew. Swallow. Chew. Swallow.

There was no savoring, no acknowledgment of texture. He ate for energy, not for joy.

It had been almost two hours since the conversation with the trooper and as he shoved the calories into his mouth, he couldn't get one particular sentence out of his thoughts.

" _Terr, Garreaus, Liz… they're all traitors, but for some reason, you're the most hostile towards me. Why is that?"_

 _Why is that…._ As reviling as it was to admit, the guy had a point. On Lothal, when he found out his friends were all deserters, he didn't feel the same amount of anger towards them as he did with FN-2187. He accepted those people rather quickly, actually.

Is it jealousy? Rey and the trooper became close over the two weeks Ren was gone, but he didn't sense any sort of underlying attraction between the two. If he was jealous, it was over the fact that the vagrant got to spend a great deal of time with her while he was elbow deep in grease and speeder parts. But the envy over that could only go so far since Ren was the one who left her in the first place.

He's lived in this body, owned the same mind, and recognized his own narrative over the past thirty years and somehow, he still did not know why he felt the way he did in certain situations. Was it because his time had always been occupied and wouldn't allow him to internally reflect? Or is it because he's always been unknowingly naïve and frozen with the emotional grid of a child?

… _. Shit… it might be the latter._

Without reason, he looked up, seeing Rey and the trooper walking over to him with their own trays of food and drink. Rey's demeanor was glowing, with only a hint of trepidation in her step. The cause was obvious as the stormtrooper walked closely next to her, studying him warily.

Looked like Ren had made the right call to talk to the fucker. Now, he needed to put on a performance that he was actually fine with having the trooper around.

Rey came around to sit next to him, while the trooper sat across from her.

"Is it okay if Finn sits with us?" Rey asked as she settled in.

He swallowed the last bite, "Yup." The two men stared at each other as Rey inspected the silent exchange. Once she deemed them non-threatening, she started chatting about her morning of training.

"Hello, ladies," Poe interrupted as he strolled up. "And I mean you two," he added as he eyed both Ren and Finn. The pilot was holding a covered plate, but before he revealed what was on it, he threw something at him. He caught it before it hit his face and held it up to inspect the grey leather material.

"My jacket…" Ren breathed, flipping it over to see the patch on the back. The leather square was slightly lighter than the dark grey of the jacket, but the hue was close enough to where you wouldn't notice the difference unless you inspected it closely.

"Got it fixed for ya. Happy birthday, man." Poe revealed the plate as he placed it next to Ren's tray.

It was four small chocolate banja cakes.

Twisting his head to the left, he gave Rey a questioning stare. "Poe said he had some pull in the kitchen, so I told him these were your favorite." _She remembered…_

Stunned into speechlessness, his heart warmed, swelling almost beyond the capacity of his ribcage. This act of kindness cut through his dim emotions, lighting it with an ambient glow, carving a pure path through the darkness while using the illumination of an uncompromising good deed. This feeling was not something he was familiar with, so he was not sure how to react. But on an operating principle, he nodded his head, put on the jacket, and said a soft, "Thank you."

"Your welcome, and just to put it out there, my birthday is in two months," Poe said with a cunning smile as he sat across from Ren. He chuckled willingly, his smile more than authentic, making his face relax.

"Happy belated birthday," Rey said by his side, placing her hand on his thigh and giving him a comforting squeeze. He grasped her hand and held it, but couldn't glance at her. This simple gesture of cake and a gift was moving, and adding Rey's soft eyes into the mix would make him too emotional.

Wait… When was Rey's birthday? "It's not for a long time, toward the end of the year," she said. Apparently he asked that question out loud.

Realizing he was staring intently at the cakes, he offered Poe and Rey a bite, but they both declined. He didn't go as far as to do the same with the trooper. The guy's eyes were bouncing around as he ate his food, purposefully staying out of the conversation as he tried to get comfortable with being there. "Are you even going to have any room for dessert?" Poe pointed out, nodding at Ren's mountain of chow. "You have quite a mound of food in front of you."

"He eats the dessert first," Rey said as she took a bite of her sandwich, smiling as she chewed.

"Good thing, cause I doubt he would have room after eating three sandwiches, two maize rolls, and…" Poe leaned in, searching for anything else. "Are those warra nut cookies?" Ren nodded as he took his first bite of cake, savoring the sweet chocolate and velvety texture. "When was the last time you ate anything? A week ago? I've never seen you eat this much."

He shrugged and swallowed. "I only had a set amount of food on my freighter. It would have been unwise to eat everything in one sitting."

"So you're going to eat everything on the base?" The corner of Ren's lips rose as he masticated, remembering how Poe disapproved of his diet of chocolate bars when they were on Spira.

After a few more jabs in his direction, Rey cut the pilot off by resuming what she had been speaking about before Poe showed up. Before Ren could voice his worry over using actual lightsabers for practice, Poe put in his two credits.

"You beat Skywalker? While dueling?" He shook his head in disbelief. "No, he definitely let you win."

Rey put her sandwich down. "Girls are just as strong as men, if that is where you're going with this."

"Oh really? You wanna arm wrestle right now?" Rey pursed her lips. "No? Didn't think so."

"I didn't mean we are literally stronger than you."

"So you meant it metaphorically? How does that work?"

"I– oh, there's Jess." They all turned their attention to the entryway, and Ren deduced that the girl with the long, black hair and roaming slanted eyes was Jess, Rey's roommate. Poe swung his legs over the bench, waving to get her attention. She smiled and came their way.

"I'll be right back. I should probably warn her you're here," he glanced at Ren before jogging off and meeting the girl halfway, stopping her as she gave him a confused look.

"Do you think women are weak?" Rey asked. Ren whipped his head around, meeting her inquisitive eyes. Finn stopped eating, no doubt wondering how Ren was going to answer the question.

"Uhhhh… well, I mean, physically compared to men, women are at a disadvantage. But that doesn't mean men are always stronger. You've beaten me before, remember?"

"You were shot, though," Finn said, suddenly seeming surprised he even added anything to the conversation.

That made two of them.

"She beat me on Ahch-To as well," Ren stated evenly.

Rey rolled her eyes. "This again? I didn't beat you. All I did was talk to you."

"And is using your intelligence also not another form of strength? I think it is."

"What exactly happened on Ahch-To?" Finn asked. Neither Rey, nor Ren jumped at the opportunity to give him an answer, which only made the trooper come to his own violent conclusions.

Poe cleared his throat, catching their notice. "Ren, this is one of my best pilots, Jess Pava." He locked eyes with the young girl, her brows furrowing before her eyes peeled wide at the sight of him. Ren was rather comfortable when he received these reactions, but this time, he wasn't. "Some of us call her by her nickname Testor, though." The girl was frozen, her eyes unblinking as she took him in, which made him uneasy for some unknown reason.

Poe offered her the spot to his left, which sandwiched the pilot between Finn and the girl. Jess's movements were robotic as she sat, never looking away from him. Usually people were shocked to see Ren and they had difficulty meeting his gaze, but not this woman. Ren's pupils bounced around between Rey and Poe as they engaged in their previous discussion, but he kept coming back to Jess, always finding that her sight never wavered.

Her emotional grid increased rapidly, making his heart race from the bombardment of her unusual feelings. Disappointment was at the forefront, which didn't make any sense given the fact he'd never met this girl before, so therefore her standards of him should be low.

Tired of the staring, he mimicked her, hoping to make her too frightened to keep up her disapproving ogling. Her eyes watered and her brows twitched as if to keep from crying, which didn't work. A tear escaped and only Ren noticed the distraught expression etched onto this girl's face, since everyone was now arguing over the differences between men and women.

She probably had family in the Hosnian system. That had to be it.

Taking in the depths of her stare, he noticed how her eyes were so dark, it was impossible to tell where her pupils ended and her retinas began. The only time he had ever seen such black eyes was–.

His face fell at the impossibility that was staring right into him.

"Do you remember me?" She asked, her shaky voice cutting through the conversation happening around them.

"Jess?" Poe exclaimed in alarm. "What's wrong?" The pilot noticed how Ren and her were fixated on each other. "You know him? But you told me Kylo Ren has never done anything personal to you or your family." Because if he had, she would not be sitting across from him right now.

Rens mind was transported back in time, back to when he was in those caves, clutching onto iron bars as he fell to the floor. As clear as the ocean waters on Spira, he could still feel that young girl rub away his tears, her black eyes an abyss of torment and sorrow.

Here, now, in this halting moment, his sins were laid out to be inspected, the depraved things he'd ended up doing exposed as a brilliant spotlight shined forth from her eyes and blinded him with unwanted recollection.

His brain throbbed from the memory, and considering how hideous the flashback, it was the gentlest blowback that could've happened to his gray matter. Short of being stabbed in the eye repeatedly with a pole.

Her eyes squinted. "You do remember me. I can tell by the way you're staring," Jess said quietly, ignoring Poe as he attempted to get her attention. With roaming eyes, the girl took in his heft and the scar that ran down his face. "I don't… understand. You really are Kylo Ren?"

Rey said his name, but he remained focused on the girl, sweat blooming underneath his dark clothing. "I am," he replied hoarsely.

She was confused as she shook her head. "But… you– you saved me. You freed us. How… Why…"

He leaned forward, the table digging into his midsection. Even after all these years and having only shared a short moment with this girl, he felt… protective of her. He didn't want her to be afraid of him. "I was not yet Kylo Ren."

"How did you turn into… this?" She asked as her eyes questioned his form.

"It's a very long story, and not just one thing," he said through a tight throat.

Her stare grew distant, recalling ugly events that Ren hoped would fade from her mind with time. "You know," she whispered faintly, "when I go to sleep, I always see your face." His mouth fell open slightly, his heart thundering in his chest. "In a way, it comforted me to know that if a person went to such lengths to save us, then maybe the galaxy was not as ugly as everyone thought." Jess's stare suddenly bore into him. "You were my savior, you know that? While everyone was afraid of you for killing all those men, I wasn't. I wanted those bastards to die, and you gave me that. You gave me my life back."

Ren was falling into an abstract hole that led to an alternate dimension, a place where torture didn't even begin to describe the pain that strangled him. Hot coals were being poured into his chest cavity, burning his heart asunder, pumping ash into his veins.

He couldn't breathe.

Jess wiped the tears from her cheeks, her expression finally hardening into disappointing hatred. "I thought you died in that assault on Skywalker's academy, but you've been this monster the whole time." She glanced down at her hands in her lap, and then whispered, "The galaxy really does rob you of hope." With that revelation, she abruptly stood, stumbling to get out of the mess hall as fast as her feet could take her.

Ren didn't remember leaving the table, all he knew was he had to explain himself to this girl, had to make her understand… what? That her beliefs were a lie? That her savior was really a demon that helped to kill her friends and aided immensely in starting a war she now fought in?

Poe yelled something, catching the attention of everyone in the dining hall.

Ren grabbed the girl's arm as they neared the exit, but she spun around and slapped him straight across the face. Wrenching herself free, she seethed, "Don't fucking touch me," and then left, Poe running passed him to go after his friend.

Left with only the sting in his cheek, he froze. Thoughts did not form, only his emotions remained. Jess's eyes didn't just break his heart, but also darkened his soul. He'll never forget the anguish in her eyes from those caves and from how she looked at him at the table a minute ago. It was a fog that would forever linger in the depths of his mind, growing thicker with time.

He'd trained himself not to care if others were disappointed in him, but now, he was that child again, seeking out someone else's approval.

Balling his hands into fists and glancing down, he realized it wasn't his body he was staring at, but a prison. He was stuck under thick skin and tethered to a mind that weighed him down with an infinite supply of gruesome memories. There was no escape. No relief. No end. This was him. From here on out, he was serving a life sentence inside a corpse.

He was suddenly aware that the vast room had gone stone quiet and that everything with a heartbeat was now intently staring at him, which made the rage build inside. Voices began to swirl in his mind, the harrowing thoughts of others overriding his own. As much as he wished, he never could fully turn this side of himself off, never could stop from hearing people think of him as a freak.

There were many reasons for him to keep a low profile, but the rapid takeover of emotions moved him to seek out a form of cathartic violence. He was powerless to control the burst of energy that came forth from his being. On a quick surge, the serving table to his left flipped into the air, cracking viciously against the wall as the lights flickered and popped up above. Glass and sparks showered everyone in the large chamber, causing people to scream and seek sanctuary underneath the oblong tables.

All this was done without him even twitching.

Rey called out to him, but he was already gone.

 **I can imagine that most of you probably had to go back to chapter ten and brush up on what happened in that cave. I have been holding onto this reveal about Jess for so long that it feels good to finally get it out there!**

 **And we have some reconciliation going on, but if any of you thought it was short, that's because everything isn't suddenly healed between Poe, Finn and Rey. Finn has to get use to the new dynamic, which will cause bumps in the road. Also, Finn and Poe will talk more in upcoming chapters. In this one, I wanted to show how understanding and accepting Poe is as a character by not dragging out Finn's apology and just getting back to being friends with the guy. Not all men talk deeply about their emotions. Poe likes to keep it simple sometimes.**

 **Anyway, let me know what you thought of the chapter! We had Snoke's pov and saw what happened to Carise, Leia is struggling with her negative feelings toward her son, and Rey and Ben got hot and heavy for a while there before 3PO cock-blocked him. Please leave a review! Thanks for reading!**


	28. Chapter 28

**Thanks so much for the follows, faves, and reviews! I love each and every one of you! Seriously, I do!**

 **NightElfCrawler: Oh yes, Ren's temper is going to put him in some tough situations in the future. Some turn out well, while others... not so much. Its an aspect of his personality that never leaves him, making him unpredictable. Thanks for understanding that it's going to take a while longer for chapters to be published. Slow and steady is my new mantra! But I don't want the story to take forever to finish. Thanks so much for the encouragement! The Sorrowful Deity: What an apt description! Expect a few more twists and turns. Muahahaha... Natalie-S-246: Thanks! Jess will get to a place were she's okay. Ren hasn't done anything outright horrible to her, even though it would be easier for her to hate him if he did. Jess is one of the rare people who has seen Ren's humanity and that will be interesting for Ren to interact with her. Oh C-3PO... Always getting in the way! Guest 2: Yup, Poe is very perceptive as to what is going on between Ren and Rey. Although, he does think things have progressed farther than they actually have. Which is understandable, given the fact Rey stays in his room every night. That Reylo moment did get hot pretty fast and there might be more to come. ;) On that note, I wanted the sexual side of their relationship to be slow as they get to know each other. Both are guarded people and I wanted their relationship to be the type that didn't jump the gun on the whole sex thing. But... everyone's patience will soon be rewarded. lol. Hope the Reylo scenes in this chapter are to your liking! KatMichBow: Hux and Carise? Who knew... Glad you ship it! lol This chapter is probably not as happy as the others, but things need to happen. Ren and Finn are on that journey of working it out and who doesn't love BB-8! I'm glad you didn't see the Jess thing coming. I have been waiting forever to reveal that! About the general and Ben, you shall see where that is sort of going in this chapter. I try not to make the characters puppets, cause I've noticed that some in other fics and it annoys me. I want the characters to think and react, and most the time it's in a way I didn't want them to! Which makes writing the story frustrating at times. Why can't they do what I want them to do! lol But that's life for ya. Thanks for the review! SheLitAFire: Man, I don't know if I want everyone to read this. I'm so new to all this and still feel self-conscious about my writing, which I know I need to get over. My sister has seen your reviews and has been really pushing me to enter the story in some type of competition. I think I will when its all done a re-edited. Anyway, Thanks so much for loving it and thinking other Star Wars fans should read it! I don't think I'll revisit Snoke's pov in the future, but hey, you never know. It was difficult to get in that characters head. I was wondering if anyone was going to immediately figure out the Jess and Ren thing right when they read her reaction to him. Good job! I'm loving the bromance between Ren and Poe too, and now that Finn and Ren are tolerating each other, Finn will slowly join the group. Poe is for sure flirty! Even if he doesn't mean to be, its just his personality to flirt. Anyone recall how he stripped in front of Rey and Ren on Spira before going into the ocean? But we will see a more serious side to him, because this is a war, after all. And lets all take a moment to pray to Rian Johnson that he will do an amazing job with episode eight and make Reylo happen... AMEN. cumbercookieja: Thanks for loving the story! I hope this chapter was worth the wait for you... although, I have a feeling people are not going to like where it leaves off. Eek!  
**

 **Before reading the chapter, there are some terms you should probably know. I bring up the animal Reek, which is that rhinoceros looking creature in Attack of the Clones. Then I use "druk" which is another term for shit in the Star Wars universe. Anyway, onto the chapter! Enjoy!**

"Jess!" Poe called out, running through the long hallways and narrow corridors. Somehow, her capabilities of running had upgraded into an award-winning sprinter. By no means was Poe fast, but he was a guy, so he figured he'd be able to catch up with her by using his bigger mass of muscles.

That was a no-go.

He caught glimpses of her fast figure and from the direction she was taking him, he knew she was going to her room. Not exactly the most secretive place, but given how she seemed to have just received the shock of her life, she probably would immediately rush somewhere familiar.

Knees grinding as he quickened his kinetic velocity, he thought back to the bizarre exchange in the mess hall. What caves were they talking about? Ren somehow saved her and a bunch of other people? Doesn't seem very like him…

He turned onto the correct hall, heading straight for her door. It was locked, which wasn't a total shocker.

Poe pounded his palm against the steely entrance, his skin stinging from the harsh contact. "Jess, open the door," he said evenly, but with a bite of demand to his tone.

"Go away!" She yelled.

"Jess, open the door," he projected sternly.

"Leave me alone, Poe," her voice came out, strangled.

Yeah, he wasn't going to follow that request. "I'm worried about you. I don't think you should be alone in there."

"Like you know what I need. You don't know anything."

Shit, she sure was right about that. "Yeah, I don't know what this is all about, but it's obviously serious. I know that you're upset and I just want to help."

An antsy silence prevailed for a few moments.

"Jess, please. Just let me see you so I know you're okay." Poe leaned his head against the cool door, waiting and praying it would open. Him and this metal barrier were becoming a little too intimate as he counted every indent and scratch–

His forehead streaked along the rising entrance, leaving a red line above his brows. Jess's reddened eyes were glaring at Poe, her posture more than giving off the vibe of what-the-hell-do-you-want.

"Now that you see me, you can leave."

Poe shook his head. "I don't want to leave."

Jess eyed him up and down like he'd just told her he was going to take up circus performing. Or dancing. "I didn't think you'd care this much."

The slight stung, but he didn't show it. "Are you kidding me? We're friends. Of course I care."

Jess rolled her eyes as she turned to walk back into the room. "You must be the only blind person on this base," she mumbled all too clearly.

"Blind?" He asked, entering her humble space. The bunk was to the right and he could tell Jess slept on the bottom because of all the pictures adhered to the wall. Rey's top space was tidy and made up, evidence that the girl barely spent any time there. "To what? Are we not friends? Did I somehow hallucinate all those times you had my back?"

Jess leaned against the dresser, folding her arms defensively, though why she was getting defensive with him he had no idea. "No, you didn't hallucinate."

Poe spread out his hands, semi shrugging. "Then what?"

"Nothing."

He took a few steps closer. "No, there's something. Now tell me or I'm not leaving this room." Obviously, Poe didn't like being left out of the loop.

"I thought you came here to find out how I know Kylo Ren?"

"Well, yes, but then you brought this up and now I'm wondering why."

Jess sardonically chuckled, which was really unlike her. "You really don't know?"

"Know what?!" He asked in a raised voice. Poe took pride in knowing every little secret on this base and if he had somehow–

"I like you. And not just as a friend." ...Huh… how did this fact escape his notice? Jess shot her arms out in defeat. "And yes, I do know how childish that sounds, but I don't know how else to say it."

Standing there like a buffoon, he needed to say something, anything so it seemed like he was cool about all this. But the only thing he could muster up was a weak, "Oh."

Poe thought back to how he had numerous short-lived flings, most of them ending up with the girl confessing her feelings for him. He always shut them down because unlike them, he'd known what was going on was just casual. But to have a close friend say something like this to him? It was weird… mostly because he didn't get the same idea of letting her down easy, like he's done so many times before.

He actually wanted to hug her.

Jess scoffed hard. "Yeah. Oh. Now get out of here."

"I'm… I'm sorry, Jess. I didn't know." Would it change anything if he had?

"Probably because you were pining after all the other women on base," she stated bluntly.

 _Whoa._ "Excuse me? I do not pine after all the women here. I don't know where you get your information–."

"So you and Connix never happened?" Poe hesitated, his brows going tight as one hand came up to smooth back his hair. A flash from the past glared in his mind, making him recall how he'd once tried out a serious relationship when he was back in flight school at nineteen… and how things derailed with his ex as quickly as a speeding blaster bolt.

Luckily, once they parted ways, they never saw each other again.

His heart relentlessly thundered, both from the memory and whom Jess accused him of being with. What sucked the most? He couldn't lie to her. "That was one time and a serious lapse in judgment."

Jess glanced to the left, looking distantly at the bunk bed in an attempt to compose herself. "Do you know how people view you around here?"

Her stare came back around, revealing nothing. "That I'm the best pilot in the Resistance?" Poe guessed.

"That you have an ego the size of the universe."

He suppressed the "hell yes, I am" response he wanted to make, instead going for something that made him sound more mature. "Unlike most people with an ego, I actually have talent to back it up."

Jess barely grinned and then it vanished, but Poe had caught it. "I know you do, so the fact that you are arrogant has never bothered me. But then you throw in your charisma, humor, and handsome looks and no one on this base cannot not like you."

The compliments seemed out of place, like she was almost baiting him to agree– which he was pretty sure he shouldn't do. "Ummm, thanks?"

"Do you know what all those things have in common, though? It's just surface stuff. The things that draw people in. I've seen more from you and that is why I fell for you." Jess grabbed her head and breathed.

Brows knitting together, Poe couldn't believe what he was hearing. He'd always been a simple man who hid a thousand feelings behind the cleverest of humor… and some how Jess saw "more"? That can't be right. It wasn't that Poe was incapable of feeling emotion or showing it; it was just he didn't think anyone actually cared to see it. The only person who was ever interested in really knowing him was his mother, and she was long dead.

"I can't believe I am actually telling you this, but part of me doesn't care to even hide it anymore," Jess said between breaths.

"Jess, I'm–."

She put her hand up to stop him. "I don't want your pity and honestly, I'm done seeking your attention. I know nothing is ever going to happen between us and I'm gonna move on before more of my life is wasted. So you can go on your merry way and make your rounds on the base. And before you even try to deny it, I do hear the gossip. Now, I'd appreciate it if you leave."

Except Poe was just the right flavor of asshole to not concede to such a request, so his boots stayed glued to the floor. "I want to know what happened to you in those caves," he demanded. For some unknown reason, he wanted to hear every harrowing detail, know everything she went through, because… dammit, he wasn't sure why. And trying to demand that she spill the tale? Dick move, through and through.

But he _needed_ to know.

Jess motioned to the door. "Go ask your new friend."

"He doesn't talk much, so I doubt he'll tell me anything."

"You're out of luck, then, because I never talk about it. Ever."

Just then, a winded Rey and Finn burst into the room, both freezing upon feeling the tense atmosphere. "Ben is gone," Rey stated.

Poe tensed. "What? He can't be gone. He has that damn chip in his arm."

Rey's eyes were grave, the fear she exuded palpable to even him– a mere human with no connection to the Force. "I can't find him anywhere and his Force signature is hidden."

"What about your bond?" He pointed out.

She shook her head. "Nothing. I can't get through. We need to find him before the MP does."

"The MP? Why–."

"He ruined the mess hall," Finn chipped in.

Poe rubbed his face and groaned louder than necessary. _So. Fucking. Typical. That man needs more than a chip in his arm; he needs a brain transplant so he doesn't go full on crazy._ "I'll help you find him." He glanced back at Jess before leaving. "This conversation isn't over."

She shrugged like she didn't care, which cut at him deep. "Pretty sure it is."

He rolled his jaw and forced himself out of the room, following Finn and Rey down the hall. If Jess truly believed they had nothing more to say to each other, she was going to be shocked when he starts pestering her relentlessly. He was a friend to everyone on base, but there were only a select few he would actually stick his neck out for.

Jess was on that list, and he wasn't taking her off.

()()()()()

An old, weathered man with feathery, white hair appeared on the holoscreen, his jaw set and his eyes none too pleased. "Princess Leia," his gravely voice said. "I've been told you've been trying to schedule a meeting with me over the last few days."

 _More like the last week, you twofaced piece of druk_. Leia stood before the image of Senator Colvinc Tisnew, her arms clasped behind her back and her expression stoic, hiding her deep routed annoyance. Other members of the council– Admiral Statura, Major Ematt, and Admiral Ackbar– were in the communication room, watching the screen from an angle that kept them hidden. Among them was Vassena Trend. Even though she was not an official member, she did add what was left of the Republic fleet to their cavalry. Such numbers were important to maintain, and if she left, so did the soldiers and ships.

Her invitation to be here had been a formality. Leia'd been hoping she wouldn't show, but she did.

"Senator Tisnew. You look well," Leia falsely greeted.

The man's shriveled face soured. "Don't give me fake compliments, Princess. I'm seventy-one years of age. I look as well as a luggabeast when left out in the dessert sun all its life. What do you want?"

"I understand you have been in contact with the First Order," Leia stated with zero hesitation. If the senator wanted to get straight to the point, she wasn't going to deny him.

Tisnew paused, narrowing his eyes before saying, "How do you know this?"

"Kylo Ren has left the Order and joined the Resistance. He informed us that you've been talking with the terrorists."

"Interesting you call your son by that name and not the one you gave him at birth." Leia stiffened. The Resistance had put out a statement stating that Kylo Ren defected from the First Order, but said nothing of where he truly came from. But, realistically, the news wouldn't stay on the base for long. "Oh yes, Princess. News travels fast in this galaxy. Guess the boy takes after his grandfather. Nice to know that malicious gene skips every other generation."

 _Colvinc has become increasingly tactless with old age._ "What has the Order asked of you?" Leia asked, ignoring the jabs that were supposed to get her off balance. If he was trying to hurt her, he was going to need to do better than that.

Tisnew's face shifted into boredom. "They want the Core Worlds to pledge themselves to the Order. I'm sure your son has already told you this."

"But what have they offered you?"

"Why should I tell you?"

"We are on the same side, Colvinc. You fought in the Rebellion against the Empire, and now they are back in the form of the First Order. They destroyed the Hosnian system–."

His sudden anger cut her off. "I'm well aware of what they've done. My daughter was on Hosnian Prime when it was destroyed. And what did your little Resistance do to stop it? Nothing. You, Princess Leia, are as much responsible for this radical group coming to power as your son is. I don't even understand why you are still leading that small army." If her and her son were to blame, the inept senators of the New Republic were also at fault. And what do you know, she was talking to one of them. If Coruscant's Prime Minister and his cabinet hadn't been killed in the Hosnian system's annihilation, this meeting could've been conducted with a more reasonable person.

Maybe.

Leia ground her teeth and pinched her astute eyes. "While in the senate, I voiced my disagreement to let pass the Military Disarmament Act in the wake of signing the Galactic Concordance with the Galactic Empire. I knew the Empire had retreated into the Unknown Regions and could not be trusted to abide by the treaty. I urged the Republic to take the threat seriously, but I was looked down upon as a paranoid warmonger. With only a small Republic fleet, it was only a matter of time till the Empire exploited our military weakness."

"I agreed with you, Leia, remember? But I chose to try and change things from within the Senate instead of running off and forming a renegade group."

 _But there was no changing the Senate's mind since the Centrist Party was secretly in cahoots with the First Order_ , she wanted to scream. Instead, she stayed semi-civil. "And why stay to fulfill the rest of my term? After the news of my biological father broke out, no one would listen to me. Not you or anyone else that was a part of the Populist Party."

The senator scoffed and waved his hand around. "Your efforts to create an army are a joke. Your numbers are nothing compared to the Orders."

"Is that why you're considering joining them?"

Colvinc reclined back in his chair, his long exhale manifesting his deep exhaustion. For the first time since the meeting began, he looked ragged and older than his age. "I want to talk with your son."

 _That_ certainly caught her off guard. "No."

"Then this meeting is over." He nodded to someone out of view to cut the feed.

"Wait." Leia thought about how much her son abhorred politics and hated talking in general. Putting the two things together would absolutely end with Ben and her getting into another fight– which was nothing new, by now.

"When do you want to speak with him?" For the sake of the galaxy, Ben will have to pretend to be a diplomat.

"As soon as possible."

"We'll contact you within the next few hours."

The senator gave her a pensive stare before saying, "I'll be waiting." The video went dark and Leia rubbed the back of her neck, trying to get the cramp from giving her a headache. She was way too old to be acting as a general and dealing with the politics she'd left behind.

Now add Ben to the list and she felt like she aged a century.

"He is going to cave to the Order soon," General Ematt pointed out. "The fear was guarded, but it's there." Leia stepped down from the small platform, heading for the only table in the room.

"Yes, but what is he afraid of?" Ackbar pondered. "Starkiller has been destroyed. Other than a high number of stormtroopers and some Star Destroyers, nothing poses an immediate threat to the planet."

"Maybe they do have another major weapon in their arsenal," Leia mused, finding an open chair and scooting in close to the small table. The others joined and thankfully, Trend sat as far away from Leia as possible.

Statura shook his head. "Ren didn't say they did."

Knowing her son, he'd kept his answers short and revealed as little detail as possible. "And you asked him the question directly? You asked him if they had any other weapons like Starkiller?"

"Yes, and he said no," Statura answered.

"Either he is lying or he really doesn't know," Ematt added as he scratched his grey beard.

Statura whipped out his Datapad, getting ready to send a message. "We should question him again when he is brought up here. I can give out an order for him to be found and–."

"Not yet," Leia interrupted.

"But… Senator Tisnew wanted the meeting quickly."

Leia was still apprehensive about bringing Ben into all of this, and not just for the fact he was hot-tempered and didn't like politicians. Trust was an issue; it always had been, even before he went radical. There'd always been something off about her son, like his eyes saw too much, but divulged nothing. She didn't think he'd turn around and give information to the Order… but she had to muse that it was a possibility.

Also, he'd been trying to get a meeting with her all week, which made her really uneasy. What did he want to say to her? Was she ready to see him? She didn't want to witness him going nuclear and hurting himself again.

"Give out the order in an hour," Leia ordered. "I don't want Senator Tisnew to think we are desperate."

General Ematt clearly disagreed. "We are desperate." He leaned over the table, resting his arm on the metal top. "Everyone in the galaxy looks to the core worlds for leadership during a time like this. And they have the biggest planetary army in the galaxy, which would help our numbers if they joined us. We can't afford to wait. The First Order is already–."

Leia met his challenging tone. "An hour wont change anything, and I told him we would call within the next few hours. We won't go over that time frame."

Lieutenant Connix unexpectantly strode through the automatic door, her eyes darting wildly around the room before falling onto Leia. "General, there is a problem in the dining hall on the base. It has to do with Kylo Ren."

Abruptly, Leia stood, the chair clanging loudly onto the ships floor. She thought she would have a little more time before Ben did something foolish, but as usual, he just had to make an effort of proving her wrong. And at a time she needed his help.

While all the council members tensely stood and listened to the report with baited breath, Trend remained seated, her eyes staring down at the table. The only thing that made it appear like she was still somewhat lucid was the fact that her lips slowly and obviously curled up into a self-satisfying grin.

It went without saying that Leia wanted to waltz over to the women and viciously rip out that perfect bun from atop her blonde head. But that was hardly the intermission others needed to witness.

()()()()()

Beat by beat his boots hit the floor, the erratic breathing matching his fast footfalls. Making his way through the sterile hallways, he wasn't exactly sure where to find relief, but he knew in what general direction to search. The torrential replay of the events in the dining hall rammed into his brain again and again, threatening to make him spiral deeper into a pit of tainted memories.

He wasn't completely sure where he was, but as he passed an intersecting hallway to his right, he had a strong prompting to turn. But with a quick glance, all it would lead him to was a door that certainly didn't take him outside. Quickly, he moved on, regaining his speedy momentum.

Ren made a hard left, coming face to face with Terr and Garreaus, which made him pause for only a fraction of a moment. "Hey man– Whoa!" The men parted, letting Ren through their barrier of bodies. When he got all bulldozer like this, you either got out of his path or he mowed you into the hard floor. "Where ya going?" Garreaus yelled as Ren disappeared.

The walls and air of the base were constricting his throat, putting immense pressure on his chest and slowly sending him into the agony of ravaging hypoxia. Relief was only to be found in the outdoors, but even after the fresh oxygen attached to his hemoglobin, he'd still be jammed within his thoughts. Maybe… maybe it would give him some kind of relief, though.

At least, this time, he was able to eat all of the banja cakes before becoming groundless.

Barreling into a random hangar, he was soon immersed into the vast jungle and thick humidity. The peak of afternoon sun shined down onto the planet, which was unfortunate since he hated the light. Nighttime would have been preferred at a time like this, but it's as if the universe was withholding such comforts in an attempt to punish him for his demented transgressions.

Sweat already started to bead on his brow and he tried to wipe it away with his sleeve, but the leather just smeared it across his face. Taking off the jacket would help cool him down, but for some reason, he didn't want to part from it. The newly fixed present was anchoring him to the remaining remnants of sanity, and he really needed to keep his faculties together. But would it matter if he exploded out here? He'd caused such a mess in the dining hall that he was life-bettingly positive there was trouble just around the bend– the kind of trouble his uncle probably couldn't spring him from.

The council was looking for any excuse to get their judgmental hands on him. If he even sneezed too close to someone else, they would take it as a threat and ring him up for misconduct. He'd been on the base a grand total of not-enough-time, but even with that fact, he felt like giving himself a pat on the back since he lasted longer than he thought he would.

 _Congratulations_ , he told himself since no one else would.

With both hands, he slicked back his thick hair, tugging on the strands as he kept repeating the process. He suddenly noticed that his legs had stopped walking, halting his body before he went too far and activated the chip in his arm. But he didn't need the chip to paralyze him, because he seized up and crumpled to the ground all on his own. With his rear planted on the moist soil and his legs crossed, he rested his elbows on his knees and cradled his head in his palms. It was a very childish posture for a man as large as he, but he couldn't help that his demeanor reflected how he felt: vulnerable, undeveloped, and small.

Stars… He felt tiny. Tiny among the tall trees. Tiny in this quaint clearing. Tiny against the impending collision of all the colors and textures surrounding him.

People on the base did not see him this way, because most were afraid or thought of him as... _What was the word that came to their minds most often?_

 _Creepy._

They thought him to be creepy, which reminded him of the Jedi academy _waaaaay_ too much. He always preferred the term eerie, but one could not choose the vernacular of others.

Even with his reputation, the looming ruthlessness, and the mask that he wore, he always felt a sense of vulnerability and uncertainty as to who he was. And now that more people will know of the events in those caves, he felt bone chillingly naked.

Stars, the likelihood of ever running into that slave girl had been astronomically impossible, and yet here he was, freaking out over being reminded of what he'd done while being Ben Solo. Somehow, he had deemed being violent and murderous under the name Kylo Ren as necessary and unavoidable. But killing so many people while associating himself as Ben had been borderline sacrilegious.

When was fate going to take him off its hit list? He was getting sick of all the unwinnable situations he was being put into as of late. _You put yourself here_ , he reminded himself.

Or maybe… Snoke really was the cause of his ruination.

Sitting with only his thoughts, he glanced up, noticing the trees bunched tightly together and the lush green branches and vines interwoven, giving off the impression of beautifully strung lace. His mind raced to Rey, envisioning her in a rich, lace green gown that showed off her femininity and power. The color would compliment her brown hair and light skin…

Gods, she was probably disappointed at the chaos he'd unfurled back at the base. Part of him was, too. But her opinion mattered more than his did, because unlike himself, Rey could leave him at any moment.

His heart called out to her during the silence, reaching for her through an endless dream of another life… a fantasy. Everything was a fantasy when it came to her, because he knew he didn't deserve to have her. Not like he _could_ have her, even if he tried. There were so many miles between his feelings and hers, and that would never change.

Dammit, where are all these "people" who wanted him dead? He could use an outlet right about now. It would be cruel if the plots to kill him were only just a rumor.

Abruptly, he jumped to his feet, wheeling around to look into the dense jungle. Two beings were getting close and upon recognizing their signatures, he relaxed slightly, but still kept his eyes alert.

Garreaus was the first to enter the small clearing, with Terr close behind, complaining about how he had a small cut on his hand from swatting away a thorny vine. As usual, Garreaus seemed to be tuning him out.

They caught sight of Ren and he must not have appeared completely sane because both froze and studied his body language. "What are you doing here?" Ren asked, his voice deep, guarded.

"We, uh…" Terr met Garreaus' eyes before bouncing back to Ren. "You didn't look so good when you ran out of the base, so…"

"So you came to make sure I didn't kill anyone?"

"We came to make sure you were okay," Garreaus corrected.

Ren narrowed his eyes upon the pair. "Did you not see the dining hall?"

"Dining hall?" They both glanced at each other, confused. "We came looking for you after you ignored us. What happened in the dining hall?"

"The electrical malfunctioned. And there is glass everywhere." _And I am the one who caused it._

"Uh, okaaaay." Garreaus inspected the small alcove, coming to the conclusion that asking any more questions was probably a waste of breath. "How about you come back to the base with us, instead of staying out here… by yourself."

Crossing his arms, Ren walked over to an entanglement of vines, peering closely at the striking emerald hues woven into the plants skin. For a moment, he got lost in the beauty, drinking up the color others would deem mundane, but that sang to him in a way that was captivating. He was so accustom to the bleakness of metal and space that he became blind to what the universe had to offer. He'd quickly saw it before he died, but hadn't thought about it since.

Nature has never lived for itself, its core fundamentally unselfish. Rivers didn't drink its own water, air didn't breath its own oxygen, and trees didn't eat their own fruit. The sun never shined for itself and a flower didn't smell its own fragrance. All those things lived for each other, a concept Ren had never lived by, but was the rule of nature. He'd always been self-serving, but has done some self-effacing acts as of late. So where did that place him on the spectrum between altruism and greed?

Running his fingers down the thick vine, he said, "I haven't seen you guys since Lothal."

"No… you haven't," Terr answered, the worry in his voice blatantly obvious.

Ren turned, surprised and confused at how genuine his curiosity was. "How are you adjusting to this place?"

"Better than you, I'd wager. Seriously man, come back with us."

He looked heavenward at the small rays of sun shining through the foliage. "Mayhap I'll just stay here. But thanks."

"Mayhap?" Did Ren really just say that? It was such an ancient word in Basic, used in the place of perhaps. Maybe he really was weird... "Geez, you're strange." _Yes, I know._ "No one talks like–." Garreaus elbowed Terr in the ribs, making the guy fall silent from the sharp pain.

Garreaus quickly took over. "I don't know if you should be alone, man. You seem… off."

"Yeah," Terr agreed through a strained voice while holding his side. "More than usual."

It would appear his off-putting nature was out in full force today.

A whizzing noise came from the left as BB-8 whirled right over a small bush, coming to a stop inches from Ren's feet. The little droid had followed him out here... _"There is a group of men searching for you and they aren't apart of the military police! You need to get back to the base."_ Just as the droid finished, his neck prickled him to attention, causing his eyes to search the foliage behind Terr and Garreaus.

The first man appeared within seconds, looking at the promenade with first shock, then satisfaction. Immediately, Terr and Garreaus moved so they were to the right of Ren, standing close enough to appear like his own personal bodyguards– which he didn't need.

One by one, five men of various sizes and statures came into the tight clearing, each holding a variety of melee weapons. Ren thought the arsenal to be extremely reckless, given the fact that every member on the base could carry a blaster. The judgment quickly coalesced into offense. Did they really think those weapons would be sufficient against him? Do they even know who he is?

But one look into each of their eyes told him that they wanted the fight to be up close and personal, because that was the best way to derive pleasure.

He took a small comfort in knowing he wasn't the only irrational person on this base… and that he was going to put his fists to good use in a matter of minutes. Or seconds.

"Just what I was waiting for," Ren said to the group, feeling like he'd been offered a way to work out his frustrations. It was difficult to hold back the smile, so he didn't.

A tall, brown skinned man came to the front, a metal baton clutched firmly in his left hand. "You never should have been allowed to live. After everything you've done, people deserve justice," he said through clenched teeth.

Ren arched a brow. Funny, how everyone thought they had a right to directly enact justice when, at the same time, they backed a government keen on the judiciary proceedings of criminals. "Oh, did I kill someone you know? A sister? A parent? Your child, perhaps?" The man angrily stepped forward, but one of his friends grabbed his arm and held him back. Unfortunately, no one was able to hold back Ren's sharp tongue. "I've slaughtered so many people, it's hard to keep track anymore. So I'm sorry to tell you, but I wont remember your relative."

Ren wasn't sorry.

"You're a fucking lunatic," the unraveling man snarled while the rest of the group glared at Ren like he'd also murdered someone they knew.

He probably had.

"I don't disagree," Ren said smoothly.

The leaders eyes roamed the area, settling on Terr and Garreaus to his right. "You gonna hide behind those two cocksucking stormtroopers?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Terr griped as he held his hands up defensively. He opened his mouth, but then shut it, as he seemed to be adding something up in his mind. "Actually, those two words describe me very well. Just put an "ex" in front of stormtrooper next time," Terr ended with a grin.

"Fuck you," the leader raged out.

Terr laughed like he'd just heard a joke. "I don't fuck women like you, Dilkev. Sorry."

The man's mouth fell open in shock, leaving him momentarily speechless by the insult. Ren was in much the same way, except his eyes were about to bulge from their sockets as he looked over at Terr, wondering if the man was crazier than him. "You know this guy?" Garreaus whispered.

"He works in the same hangar as me," Terr explained to Ren and Garreaus.

Dilkev composed himself, his grip tightening on his weapon. "Always with the jokes, but I'm the one with more man power than you. What? Gonna complain the numbers aren't fair?

Terr rolled his eyes. "Of course they aren't fair. You would need to bring ten more men for this fight to be even. Or did you forget that you were going up against Kylo Ren? You're all a bunch of idiots." Ren pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering how in the hell Terrlon, of all people, was helming this conversation.

He would prefer less chatter and get straight to the part where he killed these men and left them dead on the dirt, where they could decompose comfortably. But, as much as he wanted to, he could not afford to intentionally hurt anyone on base. So therefore, Terr needed to shut his derisive mouth. "Terr," Ren whispered harshly. "Shut. Up."

Dilkev and his men laughed as they swung their clubs and taunted him. "You scared, Kylo? Not strong enough to take on all of us? Or are you worried your mother will ground you for getting into a fight." Fists balled, mouth clenched, and blood scalding his veins, he listed forward, but froze. He was close, so very close to losing control, but then he remembered what Rey had told him the night his execution was cancelled.

" _I know you weren't purposefully doing it, but I need you to think about me if you ever get caught in a dangerous situation again. Your life is not the only one on the line."_

While he didn't really classify this as a dangerous setting, Rey would. She was right that he didn't take her into account in situations like these, but living a lifetime of being selfish didn't just go away overnight. Or even after a few weeks.

Looking at the men who were more than willing to stop his beating heart, he really wanted to return the spirited vigor. He couldn't, though. No matter how much he wanted to draw blood, he knew that with his connection to Rey, she would more than likely feel every blow he received. And he figured that there was always a possibility of him being killed, although from this group of eager morons, the odds were one in a trillion.

The chances of Ren killing them all? One in one– which would put him in execution territory.

This moment of cogitation is what led him to take a hard step back, conveying to the group that he did not want to participate in what would have been a gratifying release.

"Coward," Dilkev spat out.

"You know something, _Dilk_." Terr enunciated his nickname threateningly, getting the full attention of the masculine promenade. "You're name sounds very close to "dick." Anyone ever tell you that?"

And that was the last comprehensible word anyone got out for a while.

Dilkev reek-rushed straight at Terr, but deviated at the last second to Ren, who froze for a fraction of a moment while trying to decide what to do. The choice was made for him when Dilkev caught Ren in the middle and pile-drove him back against a thick tree, making the huge sapling tremble in frustration. Everything broke out into a mad scramble as Terr and Garreaus took on the rest of the group willingly, throwing punches that were precise and jaw-breaking.

BB-8 was nowhere to be seen.

The rough impact on the tree caused Ren's head to snap back against the splintery bark, rattling his brain and his body from the crown of his head, all the way to the tips of his toes. Ren just shrugged off the pain, in spite of the dent he was sure he left in the wood, and grabbed onto Dilkev's dark patch of hair for some control. Without blinking, he brought the guys head right down in contact with his knee, causing a geyser of blood to spray all over them both.

Surprisingly, even though the man's nose was broken, Dilkev's response was just as fast– he returned the abuse by kneeing Ren in the groin so hard, he gagged and clutched onto his manhood. Still standing, which was a miracle, he noticed another guy coming at him, and Force pushed both Dilkev and the incomer into the circling trees. Sure as shit he needed a breather, because nothing made a man's vision turn blotchy like having his balls in a head-on collision with hard bone. He could take plenty, but not one single male in the universe could ever get use to getting hit down below.

Willpower, and some healing, had him overcome the groin agony quickly. Focusing on Terr and Garreaus, they had knocked out one of their opponents and were holding their own against the conscious two.

"Relying on the Force is a crutch move." Dilkev was already up and besides the bleeding from his nose, looked very together. The guy's strength was actually commendable; his cheap crotch shot was not.

At least the other guy was out for the count.

"I can kill you without it," Ren replied as he picked up the metallic baton the man had dropped. Dilkev came at him, dodging Ren's swings like he had some training on how to do so. The man caught the baton midair, but Ren had been expecting it and twisted the man around, puttin him in a chokehold with the rod pressed against his throat. Dilkev jerked sharply and a sudden heat exploded in Ren's side, making him release the baton.

As Dilkev crumbled to the ground, gasping for air, Ren saw a sizeable utility knife protruding from his right side, just below the ribs. Sliding the blade out with a grunt, he tossed it into the jungle and kicked the guy square on the back. Rotating him around, Ren straddled him, but before he could unwind the punch, Dilkev drilled his thumb right into the meaty wound. Sucking in a breath, Ren grabbed onto the man's pain inflicting hand… but instead of pushing it aside, he drove Dilkev's thumb even deeper.

Ren viciously smiled and laughed at the stinging pain, drawing a very disturbed look from his opponent. Torture, in whatever form it took, came down to being an overload of sensations– something Ren didn't usually get from living day to day. However, the beatings and torture were not all about the physical, but how for a few brief moments, he was connected to these people in an intimate manner that he couldn't get anywhere else. It just went to show he wasn't only in it for the infliction of agony and the mind games. After all, enmity, like humanity, started from within, and all the pent up aggression and loneliness had to go somewhere.

Leaning forward, Ren darkly said, "You seem afraid." Dilkev grunted as he fought to free his hand, but Ren was having none of it. His eyes were wild, untamed, and the only thing separating him from an animal was the fact he was clothed. "Don't like what you see? How about I thumb your eyes out and feed them to you. Maybe that–."

Ren's head exploded from a bombardment of pressure, blinding him and making his form go limp. Vaguely, he felt his body fall to the ground and become a cushion for someone's boot. With his brain heated and pounding, it was difficult to muster up a single thought of how to fight back. So he just grabbed his head and curled his body inward to reflexively shield himself.

" _Ben!"_ Rey's voice resonated in his mind. She had forcibly opened his side of the bond and in doing so, caused him to be momentarily incapacitated. _"Oh, god. We're coming! I'm almost there! Don't hurt anyone!"_

The low oxygen levels to his brain, which alarmed him that he was close to blacking out, overshadowed the fact that Rey was speaking to him telepathically.

Multiple clubs were now pounding against his form, which meant something was wrong with Terr and Garreaus. A high pitch beeping cut through the walloping, and Ren opened his eyes to see BB-8 ram right into one of the attackers, whip out his small flame, and light the guys pant leg on fire. The man was quick to put out the flame, and then promptly struck BB-8 with his wooden club, making a dent in the small droids body.

Ren cracked at that point, the fury and bloodlust seeping into his psyche and he welcomed it like a spice addict welcomed their next fix. Addictions and compulsions were nothing but an orchestration of distraction, masking the truths that were unpleasant, but ultimately undeniable. This callous nature of hurting others was as much for his benefit as it was for the receivers: by hurting them, he restored himself to his rightful state.

The beating stopped immediately as he tucked his knees under his belly and lifted himself with his arms. On all fours, his head hung low as his ragged breathing escaped his lips. The air had turned hostile, the vibration of the impending outcome buzzing the molecules of his figure, his thoughts and hearing growing distant. Rey was yelling in his mind, but the words were indecipherable as his skull turned into an echo chamber.

He turned his head to see the three remaining men frozen mid strike, there eyes wide with a fear that transferred much needed strength into Ren's legs, allowing him to stand. Face to face with Dilkev, the man struggled against the invisible restriction on his throat and Ren permitted himself to feel every pain and lick of fear that entered the man's consciousness.

Gravity shifted, levitating the men a foot off the ground, along with the loose dirt and rocks around them. The wooden club in one of the men's hands splintered down the middle, the shards floating along with its master. The other two had metal batons, so instead of breaking, they bent and dented in unnatural ways. All of this lethal energy was coming from Ren and he didn't understand how he was able to do these things without giving specific commands to the force. All of it just was, like it had been when he almost killed that boy when he was thirteen.

Watching the men as they turned blue in the face, the joy Ren felt was unmistakable, but the unfamiliar guilt was even more irrefutable. He actually felt some… guilt over possibly killing these men, while at the same time content with their lifeless outcome.

They had wanted him dead, but a part of himself empathized with their reasoning behind the violence. Maybe he did kill one of Dilkev's relatives and he'd mercilessly rubbed it in the man's face like he hadn't cared.

Somewhere over the past few weeks, he'd started to value human life again, and he hadn't noticed till right now.

Ren's emotional reorientation was extreme, his interior grid turning upside down on itself. He was drowning in his own self-discovery, not wanting to accept that he'd let such a weak feeling take up residence inside his small pool of morals. But then, this was how people felt when they finally got a clear picture of themselves after aeons of sublimation.

Not exactly a happy place to be in and it was hard to witness, but after giving the unearthing credence, it was hard to leave behind.

He pitied these men, and he would show them mercy.

Cutting himself off from the flow of the dark side was easier than he'd initially thought, which made him even more uncomfortable. The men dropped to the ground, coughing and gasping while rolling around in the dirt. Ren's legs gave out and he directed the fall onto his rear, somehow finding a way to sit upright. He took this opportunity to gaze around, surveying the damage.

Blood was everywhere, glossy and crimson in the afternoon light, wafting into his nose. It was as if a bucket of paint had been cracked minutely open and spastic-splashed all over him, the ground, and the other men. Terr and Garreaus were sitting off to the side, bruised and bleeding like the rest of them. It was a wonder they were all still alive. Well, the leader he'd been brawling didn't look so good… or sound so good. The guy, now unmoving on a bed of his own stupid decisions, had his eyes staring up at the trees, his wheezing becoming a theme song for how bruised his chest had become.

Ren's entire body throbbed along with the beat of his own heart, the main sensation being in his side where he'd been stabbed. Breathing in the hot air that smelled like fresh dirt and copper, he hurt all over and felt a lot better at the same time. Even though he didn't kill these men, he absolutely enjoyed hurting them. Guess he wasn't completely cured of being a monster.

Easing onto his back, he let his palms feel the tepid dirt as he looked up at the entangled branches above. In the reality of the moment, Ren let himself accept that there was no ridding himself of the darkness, nor the light. Neither would ever leave him, even though he'd always secretly wished one of them would. This was the moment he realized that in spite of how hard he ran from himself, everywhere he went, there he was: a person who lived with one foot on land, and the other in sea. And if he didn't want to be pulled apart by both of the opposing forces, he was going to need to figure out a way to create balance.

A laugh bubbled up from his chest, billowing from his cracked lips. Grabbing his head with both hands, he rocked back and forth, the amusement of the situation driving him to laugh till his stomach burned. He was slightly aware that Rey was kneeling next to him, trying to pry his hands from his face, but getting nowhere.

This knowledge went beyond living as Ben Solo and Kylo Ren simultaneously and into the fact that his power, the essence that made him up as a person, was from the light and the dark.

His whole life he thought he had to choose between the two sides of the Force, because that was what he'd always been taught. But he wasn't born to live with one over the other; he was meant to embrace both. Together. The comfortable truth that prevailed within Ren made him laugh even harder, for the obstacle and the answer had always been obvious– he'd been living life blindfolded while trying to walk through a maze in the glaring light of day. By discarding his preconceived notions that were covering his sight, he could see. He could finally see.

As always, the epiphany's timing was impeccable.

()()()()()

The walls of the private medical room offered Rey a reprieve from the bustling state that was outside the door. It wasn't often the med droids and faculty received multiple wounded individuals on the base, especially with one being in critical condition. Ben had almost killed that man named Dilkev. Luckily, the military police showed up right after her, Finn, and Poe had found the distressed scene.

She remembered how Ben had been laughing, rolling on the ground like he couldn't contain the last of his pent up energy. Rey would have preferred him to be withering in pain, because she couldn't understand what he found so amusing. Did he still get off on violence? Does he find almost killing a handful of people funny? It was upsetting to see him act in such a way, but then his bouts of glee had finally subsided as he was strapped to a hover-stretcher and hauled to the med bay. The silence and distant stare that prevailed upon his face was even more disconcerting. It was baffling how one person could go from an extreme high, to an extreme low in a matter of seconds.

Rey has never met anyone that could do that. She has read about them, and usually they were classified as being insane.

Now, glancing over at his reclined form on the plush bed, he was… content? The lines in his face, that were always subservient to his tense nature, now seemed relaxed, his eyes no longer full of that shade of anger that was so familiar. What happened out there? She'd never seen him so complacent, not even with her.

This was a riddle she did not have all the clues to, especially since they'd barely spoke to one another since she found him.

The door slid open, a very annoyed Luke striding into the room, his robes rustling behind. His steely eyes went straight to Ben. "You refused to go into the Bacta tank?"

Ben sat up, clutching his side as he put his back against the sterile wall. "I can heal myself over the next few hours. And others needed it more than me."

"How giving of you," Luke said flatly.

Rey spoke up before they started snipping at each other. "What did the council say?"

Lukes studious eyes lingered on Ben before gliding to her. "Ben is on probation for the stunt in the dining hall."

"Just probation?"

"Given how the council went behind Leia's back to get Ben executed, this is their way of making up for it."

"They can't be as forgiving with what happened in the jungle."

"Because BB-8 recorded the whole incident, the council was able to see that Ben didn't start the altercation. Although, his use of the Force at the end was concluded to be excessive, the majority of them agreed that he had the right to defend himself." The Jedi Master glanced back at Ben. "Just so you know, if one of them had died, the outcome would be very different."

"What about Terr and Garreaus?" Ben asked, brushing off Skywalker's last remark.

"Terrlon was also dealt probation, since he provoked the fight to start."

Ben scoffed. "I'd hardly call that provocation."

"I actually agree, but I can't do anything for him."

"What will happen to the five guys who attacked them?" Rey cut in.

"They are being court-martialed."

That was… unexpected. Out of the corner of her eye, she could tell Ben was smiling. "Seriously?" Rey asked, her voice an octave higher with surprise.

"They went there with the intent to cause Ben bodily harm and to kill him. They are fortunate the punishment isn't more severe. They could have been tried and sent to prison." Rey was still shocked that they received any punishment at all. But then again, Leia was probably infuriated that a group had tried to kill her only child.

Luke moved closer to his nephew, his gaze serious. "You're going to come train with Rey every day from now on."

Ben's forehead furrowed, his eyebrows hooding over eyes that blazed with consternation. "Excuse me?"

"You don't have to participate–"

"Good. I wont."

Luke pursed his lips. "You just have to be in the same room as us. No more doing whatever you want around here."

"Yeah, cause I had so much freedom surrounded by thousands of people who abhor me."

"All from your own doing, Ben. Remember that." Luke turned his attention to Rey. "We can resume training tomorrow morning, if that's alright."

She cleared her throat quickly and said, "Yeah. That'll work."

Luke nodded and headed for the door, but Ben's voice stopped the Jedi Master from leaving. "I've been trying to speak with the general this past week. Do you know why she won't see me?"

Rey was taken aback that Ben asked such a question to his uncle, which showed that he must be getting desperate to know what was holding his mother back from speaking with him. So Ben did care, and that comforted Rey.

Luke breathed deeply, his expression actually showing Ben a spark of compassion before saying, "Leia has been tied up with trying to persuade the Core Worlds not to join the First Order. As you can imagine, it's taking up most of her time."

Most. Not all.

Ben nodded and Luke left, the room falling once again into silence. More than likely, Luke knew his sister was avoiding Ben, but Rey did not speak that out loud. From Ben's remote face, he knew it as well.

She went about touring the small room, looking at the various equipment, even going as far as trying to open a cabinet, which was locked. Rey didn't know what to say to Ben, and she was once again reminded on how poor her social skills were.

"I know you're mad at me," Ben whispered, freeing her from breaking the ice. Rey glanced over, seeing that he was looking down at the pale blankets.

"I'm not mad at you." _Not anymore_. Truth be told, she had been furious before BB-8 released the recording. Rey had immediately jumped to the conclusion that Ben had sought out those men and tried to kill them in an attempt to make himself feel better about the whole Jess debacle. Stars, Rey was still coming to grips with _that_ whole thing.

Ben looked up and over, his strands of raven hair falling into his eyes. "Honestly?"

"You didn't start it. You defended yourself."

"If there wasn't a video proving that, would you still believe me if I told you I didn't initiate it?"

"If you tell me you didn't, I'd believe you." Rey answered without hesitation. The problem was, he hadn't told her anything. No "I didn't start it" or "I can explain…" So naturally, her imagination roamed wild and free, and it hadn't helped knowing what kind of man Ben could be.

"Did you feel much of the fight? I'm sorry if–"

"I did in the beginning, but was able to block most of it out." Her spine phantom ached remembering the unexpected experience. She had been running with Poe and Finn through the jungle and then suddenly, she was on the ground, gasping at the blaring pain. Determined to keep going, she successfully made the rest of the blows dull, allowing her to focus her energy on breaking through to Ben.

Ben smiled and then motioned for her to sit by him, which shot a tingle through her body. "Are you okay?" Rey asked while eyeing him closely and parking her rear next to his. "You seem… I don't know… different."

Ben grabbed her cool hand, kissing the back while chuckling in a way that seemed carefree. Something was definitely different with him. "Seems like everyone is either really observant today or I am getting worse at hiding my emotions. Do I seem worse to you?"

She squinted and then tilted her head. "No, you don't. It's hard to pinpoint, but you seem at ease, in a way. It's weird..."

He rested their locked hands on his lap, his eyes watching as he traced her fingers idly. "Because I'm always tense?"

"Well, yes, there's that. But I was gonna say it's weird because you just got in a fight where you could have died."

His head rolled back and his eyes mimicked the movement. "I wasn't close to dying. Trust me."

Her eyebrows rose as Lothal came to mind. "You have a bad track record of overestimating yourself."

"You can't become stronger if you always underestimate your abilities," he said as he tucked a hair behind her ear, drawing her into his blazing eyes, noticing how he hungrily looked at her lips. "But I want you to know, I held back from initiating anything because I thought of you. Taking you into account changed my outlook."

"Are you telling me this to get some type of reward?"

He moved in slowly, bringing his head down to her level. "Maybe…" Rey lifted her chin, connecting their lips as Ben's moved against hers in a curious childish delight. Dipping his hands beneath her bottom, he full on grabbed her and lifted her onto his lap, his mouth going for the thin skin of her throat. Lulling her head back, she entangled her hands in his hair, coaxing him to keep going. With his hands splayed on her back, he pushed her body closer to his, her chest very close to his eye level.

Everything about Ben felt warm and familiar, solid and safe. She wanted to cling to every part of him, bury her face in the crook of his neck, shut her eyes from the outside galaxy so she could commit to losing herself in this electric feeling.

But they were in a medical room… with no lock on the door… where someone could walk in at any moment.

Ben laughed and kissed her lightly. "I can sense your sudden anxiety and I agree, we should probably stop… even though I don't want to." Rey ran her fingers down his face, always paying extra attention to the scar she branded him with.

"I don't want you to stop, either."

Eyes tightly shut, he groaned and placed his forehead against her sternum. "The things you do to me, I swear." They stayed in that position for what seemed like minutes: Ben's arms wrapped around her, his breath seeping down her tunic, her chin resting on the crown of his head. If it wasn't for the fact of impossibility, she would have started to wonder if he fell asleep.

"Ben?"

"Mmmm…" His response vibrated against her chest.

"What… what happened out there?"

He pulled back, throwing his hair to the side with a quick head toss. "I was going to ask you the same thing."

"What?"

His hand kept traveling along her cheek, neck, and collarbone, making it difficult to pay attention. She wasn't sure if he was doing it on purpose, because unlike her, he appeared lucid. "You spoke to me telepathically. How did you know you could do that?"

"Oh." She thought back to her running through the jungle. "Ummmm… I didn't know, actually. I broke through to your side of the connection so I could find you quicker and then I just kinda knew it was possible."

Stopping his hand on her neck, he asked, "Would you be up to trying it again?" The bond suddenly became lighter and less rigid, which meant his side was completely open to her. Inhaling, she allowed herself to be vulnerable and let their essences intermingle with one another.

" _Rey,"_ he said without moving his lips.

Her eyes bulged. " _I can hear you."_ Their thoughts abruptly became spastic, jumbling up to the point where they no longer made sense.

Ben's grip went to her hips as he searched her face, laughing at being able to do the impossible. "Sorry. I got too excited and lost concentration."

Eyes crinkling from hearing Ben's unruly laughter, she joined him, her smile covering her face in the process. "Me too. It's kind of difficult to interact that way."

He quieted down and locked onto her eyes _. "Thoughts are not very corporeal and are extremely fleeting. It requires focus to be able to talk like this."_

" _Its really strange to do this."_

" _We'll get use to it the more we practice."_ His eyes glowed with wonderment. _"It's really amazing, if you think about it. Only a handful of people have been able to converse telepathically and now we are among the rarity."_

His excitement made her cringe slightly, because she didn't feel his same level of joy over the newfound discovery. It was intriguing, yes, but she liked how things already were.

Ben caught onto her rigidity, his face falling into complacency. "Or… do you not like speaking this way?" He asked out loud.

She shrugged, placing her palms on his chest so she could start fidgeting, but he grabbed both and held onto her. "I'd rather live in reality than in my mind, if that's okay."

"Oh… yeah, we can do that." Ben cleared his throat. "If there is one thing we are good at by now, its keeping the connection between us closed," Ben said in a joking manner, but Rey didn't catch on with the flippancy. There might have been an injured undertone to his "joke."

"I'm not saying we should never talk through the connection. We can still practice. It's just…"

"You like actual talking," he finished for her.

"Yeah…" That was part of it. "And sometimes I feel closer to you when the bond is closed." Ben furrowed his brows, puzzled by her statement. "I know it doesn't make sense. You would think with our minds opened, I'd feel closer. But I like talking out loud with you and asking you how you're feeling and not always knowing everything that runs through your head. It gives us more of an opportunity to work at getting to know one another."

She chalked up her years of rarely using her vocal chords as the reason why she wanted to talk out loud. Speaking in her mind reminded Rey a little too much of how she would daydream fantastical scenarios and talk with non-existent friends in her thoughts. In a way… those years spent alone… were like being stuck in her own head.

Sighing heavily, she continued, "Living for so long on my own never really gave me–."

"I get it, Rey. I do." Her shoulders dropped as the pent up tension left her upper body. Communicating with Ben still felt like new territory, but it was getting increasingly easier to tell him her opinions.

He jolted her with a small tug on the hips. "You shouldn't do that, you know."

"Do what?"

"Shy away from speaking your mind. I could see you were nervous to tell me how you felt, but you shouldn't be. Your thoughts matter, so you should always speak with confidence and demand to be heard."

Easy for him to say… He spent the last six years ordering people around and controlling part of the First Order. The only time she got real with people was when food or trading was involved.

She meekly grinned. "I guess I'm not used to voicing my opinions."

"Practice will make it become second nature," his deep voice assured. "And don't ever think I'll get upset because you have a mind of your own."

"Well, I could be like you," she pointed playfully at his chest, "and reply to everyone with an eye roll and a snarky comment."

"I don't do that." Rey flatly stared at him, which made him shrug. "Okay, maybe I do that." She chuckled as he caressed her cheek tenderly, his eyes going to her lips, making it obvious what he wanted. Now would probably be a good time to get off his lap… but she had no willpower to do so. If someone walked in… oh well. She was way too comfortable with where she was. But before she got entangled with him again, she needed to know why there was a subtle change to his demeanor.

"What happened out there, Ben? I can sense something different about you."

So much affection shined in his eyes that Rey almost glanced away, but she decided to go with the moment. "I realized… that what I had been trying to do my whole life has been an enormous waste of time," he whispered. "I always believed that I had to choose one side of the force, but I don't."

Her eyes bounced around his face, showing off her confusion. "I don't understand."

"I'm meant to live with the light and the dark."

…"But… the dark side is evil."

"It can be," he breathed out.

"It is," she insisted strongly. "It has driven people to do horrible things in its name. Greed, power, corruption– that all lies within the dark side." _And you killed Han because of it..._

Ben's demeanor was one of patience, like he was explaining his reasoning to a child. In this case, she didn't mind, because she really couldn't believe what he was saying. "I don't necessarily see it that way. The light side can also have those qualities; they just aren't as obvious. The Jedi council of the Old Republic was hungry for power. They believed that they were wiser than the rest of the galaxy, and would force people to see their ways."

"Uhhhh, I think you're twisting the truth around."

He cocked his head. "Am I? Their arrogance of being an all-seeing society was what brought them down in the first place. And arrogance is a trait they claimed not to have."

"No one is perfect and even Jedi are bound to make mistakes."

"I think the biggest mistake was dividing the dark and light side of the force into two rigid segments." He bit his lower lip while trying to think up an explanation. "Think of the Force like an ocean: the light stays on the surface, because it cannot penetrate down to the bottom. The more you swim down, the darker it becomes, but the ocean life becomes more concentrated. The ocean is one, collected organism and what if the Force is much the same? The top of the ocean is the superficial and safe place to be, but the bottom is where the raw and fundamental power is held."

Rey gave him a skeptical stare. "It still doesn't explain why the dark side drives people crazy."

"Well, if you don't come up to the surface, you drown. Much like what was happening to me."

"And you came to this conclusion while out there… being beaten… and almost killing people."

"I realized that both the light and dark will never leave me and I have to figure out a way to balance both. The concept of the ocean came to me while being in this room." His hands wondered to her thighs, creating a delicious friction as he rubbed his palms up and down.

She tried to see things from his way, but it went against everything Luke had taught her. "So this is a new concept?"

Ben took a deep breath. "I wouldn't say new. My analogy is just different. There were once gray Jedi who practiced the fullness of the Force."

Rey was surprised to hear that such a Jedi had once existed. "And what happened to them?" She eagerly asked.

Be shifted, becoming uncomfortable by her question. "There, uh, practices died off… or they fell to the dark side."

"Oh, well, that's comforting," Rey said with an edge as she folded her arms across her chest, inadvertently putting space between her and Ben.

"Drawing power from both places is hard to live with."

"And yet, you want to do this." She shook her head. "Forgive me, but I think this is a horrible idea."

Ben went quiet, studying her serious expression while giving her nothing to go on from his even face. "You don't think I can do it," he stated, not questioned.

Her exhale was long, giving her time to think. It wasn't that she didn't think he could do it, it was that... well... yeah, she didn't think he could do it. But it wasn't because she thought him weak. Unraveling her arms, she placed her hands on his chest, leaning in and speaking softly. "You have lived in the darkness for too long and have a certain love for the power it gives you. I just– I worry about you falling back into it."

Ben's brows tightened. "Truthfully, I was never fully in it to begin with. No matter what I did, the light never left me. Not even after…" _Killing his father_ , Rey finished inwardly as Ben lost focus for a moment. "I don't think the dark side can fully consume me."

"Now that seems like an arrogant statement."

"It's not–."

"And what would you do if I'm killed?" Ben froze, gazing at her. "What would happen to you? You gonna stay with the Resistance and fight the Order? Or are you gonna go back to what you once knew?" She knew the questions to be challenging, but she wanted him to think about these things before they actually happened.

"I…" He faltered trying to find the answers. "I don't think I'd give up, but I wouldn't know unless I am actually faced with the scenario– which I hope never happens," he said, his gaze gluing onto her hard. "Also… and I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but what happened with my father… it's the main reason why I don't completely go back to being Kylo Ren. So if something happens to you, more than likely I'd either follow you or live my life alone."

Her mouth slackened, not out of offense, but from how honest he'd just been. "Ben…"

"That's what I'll do, and you can't persuade me otherwise."

They gazed at eachother before she whispered, "I wouldn't want you to live alone."

He chuckled. "Well, I'm not a make-a-lot-of-friends kind of guy."

"I didn't mean that."

Ben was perplexed for a moment before his eyes went wide with what she was insinuating. "Yeah... I'm just going to get it out in the open that I would never love another woman, Rey. It's not going to happen."

"But–."

"You think anyone would put up with me?" He asked passionately. "You are it for me, Rey. You are all I will ever want. To me, no other girl compares to you, and I have met plenty of women." At that, she wondered how many women he's been with and cringed so hard on the inside, she felt like vomiting.

"I, uh, I promised BB-8 I would check in on him." She slid off his lap, but Ben grabbed her hand before she could abruptly leave. He hoisted himself to his full height, gazing at her with worry and confusion.

"Are you mad at me?" He inquired fearfully.

"No." _I don't know._ Thinking about him with other women… it didn't make her happy, that's for damn sure.

"I know what I was saying about the Force was unconventional, but I wanted to be honest with you."

"I just worry about you and…" she sighed, not really wanting to talk about the ways of the Force anymore. "Can we talk more about this later? I think it'll be good for me to think about it on my own for a while." Really, she just wanted to get out of the room, so she used that as an excuse. She would think about what he said; she'll just do it once she gets certain graphic images from her mind.

"Okay…" His palm slipped away from her wrist, lazily going to his side. "Let me know how BB-8 is doing. He took a hard hit."

"I will... and about Jess... Are you going to be okay?"

"I'll be fine," he assured.

Making her way to the exit, she could feel his eyes on her frame, scrutinizing her every move like it would offer a clue as to what was bothering her. Feeling slightly bad with leaving him in an awkward way, Rey paused, glancing over at him. "I'm not disappointed in you, Ben. And don't think I'm mad at you. Everything's fine." He still looked at her quizzically, which meant she wasn't very convincing. "Call me on the comm link when you get released and I'll come get you."

"You don't need to come–."

"I'll feel better if I did. Okay?" Ben nodded, Rey smiled, and then she left. It was weird that with their obvious connection and having been in the same room, one little comment from him had made her feel miles away. Out of that semi-bizarre conversation, all she could focus on was the fact he had slept with other women before meeting her. Did he ever have feelings for one of them? Or was it all meaningless?

Is this jealousy?

It sure was, and it was over women she had never met. _Get a grip. You haven't even been with him_ , she told herself. But… she wanted to be with him completely and without boundaries.

Even though she was a virgin, her mind had no problem plaguing her with a heavy stream of compromising images. Rubbing her eyes like it might get rid of them, she entered the hallways and made her way to the droid repair center, hoping like hell she didn't dream about these horrid pictures while sleeping.

With her dreams comprised, there would be no other form of escape.

()()()()()

Ren stiffly sat down on the beds edge, his eyes still on the door Rey had exited through. He didn't understand: one second she was an active participator in their conversation and the next, she had suddenly checked out. She seemed to be frustrated, but over what? His unorthodox view of the Force was strange, but not something to get mad over. At least, he didn't think so. Maybe she was upset that he wasn't totally forsaking the dark, like she wanted him to.

Her worry over it was very warranted and in truth, he was skittish about it as well. There was a reason no on practiced both sides of the Force: sooner or later, the dark became too overwhelming. But even when he willingly wanted to live in that fetid pit, his ties to the light never allowed him to. So, through logic that was shaky at best, he concluded that he was in a way immune to falling completely to the dark side.

Was the deduction arrogant? Partially yes, because, after all, this was _him_ he was dealing with.

One aspect of the revelation he couldn't deny was how right it all seemed to be. The feeling was a warm wave rushing over his spine, heating his body to the point of relaxation and contentment. In someone who was not Force sensitive, the sensation was equivalent to being beaten over the head with an electro-baton full of life's answers. It was that obvious.

If only he discovered this six years ago, before he took the plunge into the deep end.

Knowing this new information brought about a new dimension of pain over slaughtering so many people. All those students at the academy, the random deaths, even Lor San Tekka… they all died because he never truly had an opportunity to inwardly reflect without all the outside noise interfering.

Looking back on it, it was becoming easier to see how he'd been manipulated all his life, and that included Snoke. His old master had coaxed and goaded his ego, telling him exactly what he wanted to hear. What was wrong with him? How could he have fallen for the rose-colored words and handed out compliments?

And why, after everything, did a part of himself still crave to hear those things from him?

Because he wanted a family and Snoke took over the role of guardian. His master had been his true family for most of his life, and such a feeling was hard to exorcise.

Rubbing his face and breathing deeply, he needed a distraction from thinking about his former master. His sight roamed the cabinets that lined the walls, bringing him back to the present by forming an idea.

He was light on his bare feet as he darted for the drawers. They all had simple locks that were easy to mentally open and it didn't take long to find what he needed before sensing Hater's approaching presence. The door opened just as he made it to the bed, sitting in much the same way as before.

The doctor greeted him with a familiar smile, placing a small bag and a handful of books on the counter. "How is your side feeling?" She asked as she grabbed a chair and parked it in front of him. Next, she went for the box of rubber gloves next to the bed and snapped them on.

"Better. I think I can be discharged now."

Sitting directly in his view, she said, "Seeing how I'm the doctor, I'll be the judge of that. Can you lift up your shirt so I can take a look?" He raised the white tunic, watching as her steady hands went for the bacta-patch covering the small wound. Peeling it back carefully, her fingers outlined the laceration, her eyes scrutinizing the fast progression of healing. "This is impressive," she spoke in wonder. "Even with the bacta-patch, it shouldn't be this healed."

"There are ways to speed the process."

"So I've heard, but to actually see it…" Harter changed the dressing professionally quick, her eyes still showing how deep in thought she had become. Ren lowered his shirt as Harter peeled off her gloves and threw them in the wastebasket by the door. "If only I could somehow bottle up this ability of yours." Ren returned her small grin, shifting his eyes down to his lap as to appear humble.

"Well," Dr. Kalonia said in a stronger voice, "I see no reason to keep you here." She picked up the bag from the counter and handed it to him. Inside were his jacket and boots. "The blood wouldn't come out of your shirt and trousers, so those had to be thrown away. But this jacket seems to be indestructible." He fished it out, sliding his arms into the familiar fabric. "Sorry you have to wear the medical garb out of here."

"It's alright," he reassured her. A speedy trip to his room will cure him of the pale ensemble.

"How are you doing?" Harter asked.

Placing the boots on his feet, he replied, "Fine. The bruises don't hurt and I am more than capable–."

"I didn't mean physically," she interrupted.

Straightening his back, he glanced up and was glad not to see Harter staring at him with the same level of worry Rey did. Her face was even and stoic, like a doctor should be– which made Ren comfortable in her presence.

"I'm fine," he repeated.

"I understand you've been trying to get an audience with Leia," Harter said without even a blink.

Ren exhaled like he'd been punched in the gut. "Have you… spoken with her recently?" If Skywalker didn't want to give him answers, maybe Harter would.

"Yes."

"Is she really as busy as I've been told?"

The doctor went back to sitting in the chair, making it so she didn't have to look down at him. Indeed, her bedside manner was exceptional. "With the Republic in shambles, she is being forced to act like a senator and a general at the same time." He nodded, knowing that was more than likely one of the reasons. "But," she added, "that doesn't mean she has zero time to see you."

"So… she is ignoring me."

"Possibly. She's never outright said that."

For being one of Leia's closest friends, it was odd she would talk about this with him. "Why are you telling me this?"

Harter rubbed her lips together, taking her time with finding the right words. "I know that it bothers you," she said in a hushed voice. "When you were young, you spent a lot of your free time following me around at the clinic, hounding me with questions no child should actually think up. Leia is my friend; she always will be, but I've never agreed with her parenting technique." _Or lack of parenting technique_. "I noticed how it hurt you. How… sad you were. For what its worth, Leia called me before I came in here and asked how you were doing."

It was worth very little.

Glancing away at the good doctor, Ren wasn't sure how to feel. He felt embarrassed that Dr, Kalonia had noticed how lonely he'd been, frustrated over Leia ignoring him, and surprised that he really cared. "Did you know I was once married?"

His eyes shifted back to her face, surprised over what she just said. "You were?"

"Yeah. I married my childhood sweetheart when I was eighteen and became pregnant with my daughter a few months later."

 _What?_ "I didn't know you have a daughter."

"I did," she said solemnly. "Once. My husband and her were killed in a speeder accident when she was four. After that, I was lost for a while until my parents told me I should give medicine a shot." Harter spoke so evenly over something so tragic, it was eerily weird. But Ren figured that over time, she got use to her own reality. "I was always drawn to science, so I agreed and worked hard while in school. I poured every ounce of myself into my career, and then one day, I realized I was fifty and alone. I never truly processed my grief over losing my family, which inadvertently left me shut out to the possibility of getting another chance."

She glanced at the door, her mind transporting her to the past for a brief second. "Things... happen that are beyond our control, and if we never let the hurt go, we become stagnant, never moving forward." Looking back at him, her eyes seared into his brain, holding him in place. "Don't let your youth define you as a person, okay? Accept the unchangeable and move on. Understand?"

He nodded, because he had no idea what else to do.

"I know I don't have to tell you to stay out of trouble, but I'm going to anyway." She stood, pegging him with a stern look and staring at him from under low brows. "Stay out of trouble… and don't forget the books on the counter." They exchanged their goodbyes and then the silence of the room prevailed upon him like a turbulent storm. While lingering in the private space longer than necessary, he didn't know if he had it in him to forget his past and the lies that had surrounded it. Would holding onto ill feelings make him incapable of truly living? He sure did feel alive as he looked around the room.

Gathering the heavy books before departing, he found Terr and Garreaus waiting for him by the medical facilities exit. They were bruised far worse then he, but then again, they couldn't heal themselves.

"Man, its really not fair that we have to walk around looking like this," Terr's finger circled his swollen face, "while you get to cheat. At least your stuck with that hideous scar," Terr said when he caught sight of him.

"I take it you guys are doing okay?"

"We've had worse," Garreaus responded candidly. "Luckily nothing was broken. How's BB-8?"

"Rey went to check on him and I was going to go find her after I stop by my room to change."

Terr shifted his weight between legs, looking nervous. "Oh. Well, we were wondering if you wanted to come visit Liz with us. She has a room just down the hall so she can be close to the medical wing."

Ben's heart jumped in his throat, making it hard to swallow. "Ummm, is that fine with her? I don't want to come by unannounced."

"Of course it's fine. She wants to see you so she can thank you."

His eyes pivoted between the two men, oblivious at to why Liz wanted to thank him. "For what?"

"For what?!" Terr basically shouted. "Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact you saved her daughter. Some people might view that as a big deal."

But he didn't want to be thanked for that. He didn't want to be thanked period. "I'll, uh, come by tonight after last meal, if that's alright." He was already trying to find a way out of not going. "Rey wanted to meet up after I was discharged." Not a complete lie…

"Sure. We'll see you at dinner and then bring you over here."

As they parted, Ren robotically walked to the section where his room would be, all the while getting silent stares from passing individuals. He didn't want to think about visiting Liz. In a way, he felt like he let her down by not being there to save Jorfel. Yes, he gave her back Anna, but… he still felt like a failure.

Maybe he expected too much from himself. He wasn't the Force; he couldn't be everywhere.

Making it back to his room, be put the medical supplies he had stolen into his closet, along with the books. After he changed into his usual don't-think-about-approaching-me attire, he headed back out, following Rey's Force signature to the other side of the base. Really, this whole place was a work out all its own: there were no multiple levels, no basement to save space. This whole facility was one, even floor that expanded over a few miles of land. Some parts of the base were still being revamped so it was livable, which was why the council stayed on the cruiser– their plethora of suites weren't ready to be inhabited just yet. They graciously wanted the regular living bunks to be finished first.

Their noble orders almost brought a tear to his eye.

Jarringly, an invisible rope pulled on his gut, almost causing him to lose balance. Shifting his eyes to the right, he halted, vaguely feeling someone walk into his back and say something. But as he focused down the intersecting hallway to the door at the far end, he couldn't hear anything as his body started to vibrate. He had passed by the corridor earlier, when he'd been mindlessly running while trying to find a way outside. He had ignored the gut-tugging feeling then, but now, as his eyes went tunnel vision, he didn't want to.

Walking to what seemed to be a normal entrance, an official Data Center sign was placed by the operating panel. Between one blink and the next, he entered the room, taking in the numerous servers and monitors that lined the walls. Most Resistance troopers visited the center when they wanted access to a mainframe with higher processing capabilities, since datapads could only get you so far.

A woman in the far corner stood, her eyes widening from the sight of him. In her shaky hands was her personal datapad. Diving into her mind, Ren commanded, "You will give me your datapad and leave this room with no memory of ever meeting me."

Her eyes glazed over as she entered a trance-like state. "I will give you my datapad and leave this room with no memory of ever meeting you." Striding over, she handed over the sleek pad and left, giving Ren full reign over the area. Well, until someone walked through the door.

Ren went over to one of the compact server boxes and wirelessly linked it into the network. He didn't know why he had the urgent need to do this, but something in the back of his thoughts was urging him forward, demanding that he kept going. The prompting was hard to ignore, so he didn't.

With the pad acting as a monitor, he went to the Galactic Identification Archives and searched for one of the names he'd kept buried in the back of his mind over the past few weeks. What the monitor showed confused him:

 _ **Jacen Storand, name unknown.**_

But the man was real. Ren had seen it in Unkar Plutt's mind weeks ago. And it wasn't like that slug knew how to create false memories.

He quickly tried the next name, only to receive the same result:

 _ **Maridia Ropetho, name unknown.**_

Unknown? That can't be possible. Unless... Were their names erased from the archives?

Ren quickly went to the New Republic Archives, his heart starting to batter against his ribs as adrenaline pumped his anxiety up another notch. Throughout the years, he'd become well versed in many different skill sets, but hacking hadn't been one of them. He knew the basics, but those insufficient means were getting him nowhere and he didn't have an infinite amount of minutes left in this room.

As an idea came to his mind, he scoffed it off as being ridiculous. But looking more into the prospect, he realized that senators were not the only people who had access to New Republic records; high-ranking military officials did as well.

His father had been an official general of the Rebellion and New Republic, and Ren still remembered his credentials and passcode. Problem was, when he had given the information over to the Order when he joined, they told him it didn't work anymore.

But… maybe the hold on the passcode was removed when he went back to the Resistance… before he left for Starkiller…

With shaky hands, he typed the numbers and letters and almost fainted when he saw that he was in. Finding focus, he typed the first name into the file search bar and finally got somewhere.

 **Name: Jacen Storand.**

 **Species/Gender: Human male**

 **Born: 14 BBY**

 **Death: Deceased**

 **Homeworld: Coruscant**

 **Spouse: Maridia Ropetho**

 **Species/Gender: Human Female**

 **Born: 10 BBY**

 **Death: Deceased**

 **Homeworld: Dandoran**

 **Children: Reyna Storand**

 **Species/Gender: Human Female**

 **Born: 15 ABY**

 **Death: Deceased**

 **Homeworld: Coruscant**

There were no pictures of the three, nor did it give any information on how they died. If this was indeed what Ren thought it was, then the girl Reyna was still very much alive and the records had been falsified. Could that mean Jacen and Maridia still lived? And why would anyone tamper with these files? Obviously, someone erased their existence from the public archives, but overlooked doing the same in private government records.

Scrolling down, he found a video file named "Operation Gambit" and a few paragraphs of what seemed to be a report. Even though Ren knew he should leave, he initiated the video before reading the report.

A woman was huddled in the corner of a cell, her head down on her knees, long arms wrapped around her legs. Her heavy robes draped her frame, covering her skin from neck to foot. The angle was from a camera in the upper corner of the room, giving Ren a full shot of the entrance. There was a -click- and a man glided into the quarters, his face seething with disgust for the vulnerable woman. She lifted her head to look–

Ren suddenly gripped the datapad harder, surprised it didn't crack under the pressure. His mouth went dry as he studied the woman's face, thinking back to when he last saw her weeks ago... in a dream… where she had been leaving her child behind on Jakku. Ren's ears rang as he recalled how he suffered through the torrential screams of that little girl and how he'd been powerless to stop her from being dragged away by that obese alien.

This woman was Rey's mother.

"You have no right to hold me here. I have done nothing wrong," Maridia spat at the tall officer. The man looked familiar, but Ren couldn't place where he'd seen him.

"I have every right, actually," the man said, walking around the cell pompously. "Especially after everything your _family_ has done to the galaxy."

The woman huffed indignantly, her eyes looking murderous. Gods, Rey had those fiery eyes. "I told you, I am not a descendant of the Emperor. My mother was born on Dandoran, just like her mother before her. We have a family trading business that has been in my family for hundreds of years–."

"We have reason to believe your mother was not born into your family, but taken in."

Maridia blinked. "No, she wasn't." She stood while shaking her head. "My grandmother would always tell us how complicated her pregnancy was–."

"Lies, no doubt to hide what she knew she was harboring. How long have you known about your true origins?"

The woman didn't answer.

"You have a child, right? You and your husband must've dropped her off somewhere before we caught you. Where is she?"

"You'll never find her and I'll never tell you."

As the man sized the woman up, probably thinking about getting the information through physical means, distant shouting came through the audio. What soon followed was jumbled and hard to focus on, but Ren was able to decipher the quick succession of events. Someone burst into the room and went after the interrogator while yelling for Maridia to escape. Reinforcements entered and the woman screamed as she ran at the armed battalion. Blaster fire lit up the small holding cell and once everything calmed, Maridia and the man who came to save her were dead.

"What have you done!" The head interrogator shouted at the men. He fell next to the woman, trying to find any signs of life.

"She was running at us and the man was trying to kill you!" A guard shouted.

The officer wheeled around. "I don't care what they were doing, the orders were clear that they were not to be harmed! They were-." Ren paused the video, eyes glued to the outline of the man's facial structure and eyes. With a clarity that made him sick, he realized that this was Major Ematt, one of the Resistance council members.

Ren was breathing hard, his whole body trembling, his gray cells firing at a rate he couldn't keep up with. Somehow, he'd gone through the motions of transferring the file to the datapad and securing it at his waist between his belt and skin. Hiding the pad with his shirt, he let his feet guide him out into the hallway, since his head and heart were too fried to remain in the present.

After a few minutes, he purchased his mind and calmed his heart to a rate that wasn't in heart-attack territory. Many different scenarios had ran through his mind as to why Rey's parents never came back for her, but what he just witnessed was the last thing he thought he would ever find. Sure, he figured they were dead and that was the reason why he never brought the names up to Rey. But murdered by the holier-than-though government?

None of it made sense. Was the New Republic really hunting Palpatine's descendants? Did the Emperor even have any? He never heard of the man having children, but Ren couldn't put it out of the realm of possibility. After all, Vader had children…

The headache came on sharp and fast, like he had taken a nail directly to his frontal lobe. Putting a hand against the cold wall while stopping, he listed to the right and thought… well, shit, this had to be in the top worst moments of his life and this newly discovered information didn't even pertain to him. Ren closed his eyes and seriously considered throwing up, and while the debate raged in his head whether or not to actually do it, he thought of Rey– not as the woman she was now, but of the child she had been.

She had been dumped on that unforgiving and merciless planet for reasons that were becoming obvious, but still somewhat unclear, and forced to grow up alone over the span of fifteen years. And it had all been set in motion because her parents were being hunted over a "likelihood" and killed during an unsuccessful escape. The New Republic did this to her, and by association, the Resistance as well.

Major Ematt was on the council.

Major Ematt… was on… the fucking… council.

That familiar shadow came up behind him, whispering to him, seducing him, pulling him toward a plan for retribution that made his insides spike with anticipation. In his time spent here, he's never felt more like Kylo Ren than in this moment, not even when he was out there in the jungle. He wanted to concede control over to this part of himself, to let it take the wheel until the violence was completed.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, laughter was echoing, maniacal and greedy. His breathing hitched as he recognized he was spiraling into that void again, the one that always enticed him with a good deal but gave him shit in return. Gods, he was going crazy feeling this divided between right and wrong. And he thought he could live in balance? What an extremely naïve thing–

"Ben!" Rey shouted from behind, her voice booming from down the hall. He inhaled sharply from surprise, causing spit to lodge itself in his trachea. Coughing like he was trying to expel a lung, Rey, Poe, and a pristine looking BB-8 came up beside him, casting him worried looks. Rey patted his broad back, soothing him to breath normally. It took longer than normal to set an even rhythm, and it wasn't because he'd been choking on spit.

"I didn't think it was possible for you to get startled," Poe poked fun. "And did you take a few laps around this place after you got discharged? You look pretty sweaty."

"You actually don't look well. Are you feeling okay?" Rey asked.

"Uh huh," Ren heard himself say, unsure as to whom he was answering.

"I was going to ask you about Jess, but maybe you should go lay down in your room for a bit," Poe suggested.

Ren's gut fell even further at the mention of that girl. Currently, he was experiencing life at a rate of several what-the hells per hour and he was getting pretty disoriented. With no mental ledge to hold onto, his eyes bounced around as they attempted not to look at Rey directly. "Yeah, sure, sounds good."

Poe frowned. "Did you hear what I said?"

"Yes, I'm not fucking deaf," Ren bit out harshly. Poe tensed, glancing at Rey.

"Okay. Well… I'll just see you two at dinner. Lets go BB-8." The droid tried to protest by bringing up his responsibility to stay with Ren.

"Rey's got that covered. C'mon, buddy." Ren watched the droid hesitate and then leave along with its master, feeling a tinge of guilt over not acknowledging BB-8's presence. That droid really proved himself out in the jungle when trying to bring down one of those–

"Hey," Rey whispered, grabbing Ren's face so he would focus on her. Her eyes were the soft hazel he had grown so accustomed to seeing, and he trembled when he saw how they melted into concern. "I thought I was going to meet you at the medical facility." He stayed quiet. "Seriously, what's going on? You seem anxious."

Diving back into the databank of memories, he replayed that video again, the one that shouldn't even exist. If he told Rey all that he knew… it would ruin her. And if he wanted to murder Ematt for cursing Rey to a life filled with seclusion? She would no doubt want to as well. The dark side was waiting to claim her, but he'd made a promise that he would never let her fall into its raw pit of inky malevolence.

He blinked once… twice… and made up his mind that he was never going to tell her.

 **I originally had a lot more stuff happening in this chapter, but had to save it for later due to length and my problem with writing way too much. Anyway, who thinks Ren's decision will blow up in his face? What did you think about his epiphany of living with both sides of the Force instead of choosing one? Also, we found out what happened to Rey's parents! There are still things missing to that story that will be revealed over the next little bit, so brace yourselves!**

 **Also, I just started my own tumblr page under the same name, vinventure12. I don't do a lot of social media, so I probably wont post a lot. But I'll post updates on the chapter I'm currently writing and let you guys know when I am getting closer to publishing the new chapter.**

 **Thanks so much for reading! If you have a minute, leave a review. I love hearing from all of you!**


	29. Chapter 29

**Thanks to all who ready this incredibly time consuming story! I appreciate all the follows, faves, and reviews! When my energy gets low, I like to read all your reviews to help me to keep going. Seriously, you guys are incredible!**

 **So writing this chapter took on a life of its own. When it was done, it was close to 17,000 words and that was waaaaaay too long. So I cut the chapter in half and this chapter is the first section, which is why it's shorter than the others. It's kind of a filler chapter, so I apologize that not much goes on, but the next chapter is where it picks up. I'll probably post the next one tomorrow or Monday. It's pretty much all done, just gotta do some light editing. There are probably mistakes and errors in this chapter, but I just want to get it posted. I am gonna pick through it the next few days, but I just wanted to get this out here for you guys!  
**

 **NightElfCrawler: I'm glad you like the concept of him being gray. At this point in his life and after everything he's done, I find it impossible for him to fully embrace the light. So he is stuck in the middle, learning how to be this new person. Sometimes he'll be balanced, other times... not so much. He is going to be on this journey right up till the end! KatMichBow: Thank you for finding every chapter glorious! I'm not sure how you'll perceive this chapter since it's kind of filler, but it still shows some good interactions between the characters. Oh, his decision to keep Rey's parentage from her will come back to bite him. Big time. With every triumph, there is always a disaster waiting to happen. The story is going to start to shift to focus more on her and the trials she will soon face. She has this idea that the light side of the force is the only way to go and she will go through a wake up call and learn that morals are not always easy. Glad I could make your Star Wars night even better! I absolutely loved Rogue One and don't judge me, but I cried– which I never do during movies. I thought the ending was beautiful! And I do put a lot of research into this story and I appreciate you seeing that. As the story becomes more intertwined and complicated, I really have to think through a lot of things. But I still love it! The Sorrowful Deity: Oh, how true that statement is. Ren isn't the smartest person, even though he likes to think so. BTW, I like your fanfic name! vana9: You are so very welcome for the update! Of course, Ren had to have that epiphany while almost killing people. It's just his style. I think about these characters a lot, so their development can be relatable and understandable. That's probably why my chapters are so damn long, because I put so much development into all of them. Ben and Poe will both talk to Jess in a future chapter. Right now, Jess is just overwhelmed from knowing who Ben is and for bluntly telling Poe how she feels. So she is trying to lay low. Guest 2: Glad you agree with the intimate part of their relationship! I don't want people to become super impatient over them getting together, but their relationship is slow, sooo... oh well. It's coming soon, though! Not a lot of Reylo in this chapter, so I hope you'll be okay. It is gonna be tough for Ren to do the balancing act, and Luke might possibly help him out with some aspects of the Force... Thanks for reading! Sona: Thanks! I hope you continue to enjoy as we move forward! ryndomshetplz: Mmmmm... Pop-tarts are soooo good! lol And you comparing my story to them makes my heart soar! :) I will take your complaint about the swearing under advisement. I'm not going to stop it all together, but I can be more considerate with where it's put in. I try to have it so Ren doesn't say it out loud as much as he thinks it in his mind. But if you think it's too much, I can try to tone it down. I think the other reviewer was referencing other fanfic sites, so they would be expecting you to use characters and worlds that have already been created. But I can't be sure cause I haven't looked into it. After this is all done, I will. Don't want to be sued or anything!**

 **Also, such a sad week to have lost Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds. Both were amazing people. I always admired Carrie for how honest she was about her mental illness and problems with addiction. She never sugar coated it. You'll be missed space mom! May the Force be with you.  
**

Chapter Twenty-nine

Rey frowned and glanced through the shuttle's circular window as the small ship shuddered, signaling that they were leaving the atmosphere. As the soft blue sky swapped with the infinity of space, she nibbled on the small ration bar she always kept in her satchel. Always keeping a small amount of food and water on hand had been a wise decision, given how they were not offered a chance to eat before being found in that hallway and escorted to the awaiting transport.

Sitting next to her, Ben remained quiet while the officer across from them kept his mouth pinched together, his eyes focused on the most dangerous man in the tight space. With nothing more than her thoughts for company, she went through all the different reasons why the members of the council would want to speak with Ben. She assumed everything with the mess hall and the jungle debacle had been solved, since the outcome had been conveyed to them via Luke. Maybe they wanted to lecture him? But that was like beating a dead tauntaun, because Ben really didn't care what those people thought or said to him.

Once docked, Rey scuttled to the exit, noting how Ben hunched over to avoid hitting his head on the metal ceiling. Studying his slumped pose, she realized he did that whenever he was around her, mainly so he could get as close to her eye level as possible. With everyone else, he always kept his spine straight, his torso tense as if to intimidate.

Seeing how he spent most of his time with her, she should probably tell him to have better posture or he might end up ruining his back…

Yeah, like he would heed her worrisome demand.

The duo followed the scurrying officer through the entanglement of lit hallways, catching glances from random passerby's. _What is wrong with him?_ Rey kept looking over at Ben and examining his threatening eyes, locked shoulders, and tightly balled fists. He wouldn't tell her anything in the hallway and she hadn't a clue as to what was bothering him. Clearly something was. The dark side was pulsating out of his body, almost causing her soul to choke on its raw and eerie essence.

Rounding a corner, the officer stopped at an open entryway, motioning them inside. Ben went first and Rey followed suit, her eyes catching the lit buttons of a communications desk before–

She stopped and reflexively moved closer to Ben's stilled form, her arm brushing up against his as they both zeroed in on Admiral Trend standing among members of the Resistance council. Rey had been hoping the woman had left permanently, but it would appear she just took a short-lived sabbatical.

General Organa stepped forward, looking directly at her son. "I appreciate you coming up here on short notice."

"I didn't think I had much of a choice," Ben said. "If this is about what happened on the base–."

"It's not," Leia interrupted, eye's going up and down Ben's form, no doubt looking for any injuries. "As you know, the Core Worlds are in talks with the First Order and I want to know what they're negotiating."

Ben's expression morphed into confusion, his stare quickly bouncing between each council member before settling back on the general. "Okay…"

Rey wasn't sure what was going on either.

Leia took another a step forward. "Senator Tisnew shut me down and wouldn't tell me anything significant. You've met this man a few times before; when you were younger. I don't know if you remember–."

"I remember," Ben interrupted. "I'm surprised he's still alive."

"He was on Coruscant when the Hosnian system–."

"That's not what I meant. When last I saw him, the man was a relic and old age wasn't doing him any favors," Ben stated blatantly.

"I fail to view this with your kind of levity," Trend piped in, eyes hostile, but face surprisingly composed.

Ben glared at the woman. "Whose laughing?"

No one.

Ben focused back on Leia. "Why have I been summoned here?" His voice dripped with impatience.

The council glanced among one another, each one of them appearing nervous and skeptical– except Trend. Her contempt filled stare remained on Ben. "He asked to talk with you," Leia said after a brief pause.

"Me? As in–."

"He knows Kylo Ren is also Ben Solo, the boy he met years ago. I think he wants to ask you about the Order and to also see if the information about you being here is true."

Rey's eyes started to burn from the lack of blinking. Surely, this was some sort of joke. "You want me to talk… to a senator…"

"Yes."

"No."

"Ben–."

His voice became hard, his eyes indignant. "That's not my name. And I don't deal with politicians."

"I know, but I think he might tell you what the Order wants from them."

Taking a deep breath, Ben explained, "I told you, the Core Worlds are the epitome of leadership in the galaxy," he lectured patronizingly. "If they join the movement then other planets will likely follow, which would be easier than trying to take the whole galaxy by force since Starkiller is destroyed."

"I think they are threatening Coruscant with another super weapon," Leia quickly said, unemotionally.

Rey's breathing froze in her lungs as no one moved or said anything.

Finally, Ben spoke. "There is no other super weapon."

"Is it possible you weren't told everything? Maybe things were kept from you, given where… you come from."

Ben's sight narrowed. "I'm not going to talk to him."

Leia drew in a deep breath and then stared at Ben harshly. "You're fate, including Rey's, is tied to the success of the Resistance. So if you don't want to do it to help us, do it to help yourself."

When you couldn't rely on morality, you could absolutely bank on narcissism.

Ben didn't dignify Leia with a response and Rey was glad he didn't. Ever since stepping into this room, she had a sense that Ben was on the verge of exploding into a whirlwind of rage. She wasn't sure of the root source, so she went on assuming it was over seeing the council again.

Instead of replying, Ben sneered as he pivoted and walked onto the platform, all eyes following him. "Well?" He questioned the room. "I would like to get this over with as soon as possible."

Rey was escorted to the side as Leia and Ben talked in hushed tones, probably discussing what needed to be asked. Every few moments, Rey noticed how Ben's eyes darted over to Major Ematt, causing him to lose focus till he turned his attention back to his mother. Glancing over at the man, nothing seemed to be off or look peculiar. So why was Ben giving him more attention than the rest?

Once done, Leia came to stand by Rey and the call to the senator went out, making the chamber revert to silence.

An aged human male appeared on the screen, his sagging face and blotchy sunspots making it impossible to envision what he might've looked like in his younger years. His hair reminded Rey of an over plucked bird, in that his head was covered in feathery wisps of white, frail tendrils. If Ben thought the senator was old when he saw him as a boy, the politician came across as ancient now. In all honesty, the man looked like he should have died of old age– decades ago. And that was being generous.

Senator Tisnew squinted through the screen, his milky eyes scrutinizing Ben's face. "Well, you do have the Solo resemblance, and your defiant stare is recognizable from when you were younger. But how can I be sure you really are Kylo Ren?"

"You wanted this meeting," Ben's bottomless voice pointed out. "I wasn't under the impression you needed proof of my authenticity."

Tisnew's chair creaked as he sat back. "Technology has come a long way over the last thousand years. People can be deceived. I'm going to need proof. Where is your lightsaber?"

 _Oh no…_

"You really think I would be allowed to keep it on me?" Ben played it off smoothly.

The senator batted his hand through the air petulantly. "Well then have someone fetch it. I can wait."

Ren stared at the screen for a fraction of a second before saying, "Then you'll be waiting till your dead, because I lost it weeks ago."

"A Jedi doesn't just lose his saber," the old man ridiculed.

"I'm not a Jedi."

"You use to be, from what I've been told." Ben remained silent and Tisnew's patience wore thin as he lifted his hand to cut off the feed… but then froze. Widening his eyes, the senator palmed his throat, his breathing coming out in short rasps as if he were choking.

Wait… he _was_ choking.

A few of Tisnew's aids rushed to him, trying to figure out what was going on as the wheezing became worse and his eyes bulged from their sockets. But Rey knew. The dark side was spilling out of Ben, his eyes sinister from the wicked act he was performing.

Rey teetered forward but Leia grasped her arm, keeping her in place. Glancing down at the small woman, Rey saw that she had her eyes fixated on her son.

No one in the room moved as they looked at the general, waiting for a response.

Just as Rey was about to scream, long heaving gasps came from the screen, catching her attention.

"I'm fine!" Tisnew harshly panted, tossing aside the worried individuals. "Let me be," he said as he rubbed his throat. Leaving the man per his request, the senator took a few moments to breath, all the while watching Ben.

"Need more proof?" Ben asked, not even appearing to have broken a sweat. _How did he do that?_ Senator Tisnew was light-years away, and somehow, Ben had Force choked him. Through a screen. And made it look easy.

 _Just how powerful is he?_

"I would like to get this meeting over with, so how about you tell me what you and the Order have been negotiating," Ben demanded with an air of authority.

"Negotiating?" Tisnew croaked, still massaging his throat. "There is no negotiating with those people. They want this planet under their complete rule or they have threatened to take it by force."

Ben crossed his arms, keeping his face impassive. But Rey could sense his underlying irritation. "Coruscant is so densely populated that it would take the First Order's whole army to conquer it," he pointed out.

Bracing his hands on the desk, Tisnew leaned forward, looking like he was getting ready to scold an infant. "They didn't threaten me with stormtroopers or Star Destroyers. She told me they had another super weapon and that if we defied them, they would use it on us as an example."

"Who is this "she"?"

"Carise Sindian." Rey teetered, trying to hold back the shock upon hearing that woman's name. Ben stayed professional by not reacting, but his fury thundered through her soul. "She used to be a senator–."

"I know who she is," Ben interrupted steadily.

Tisnew did not appreciate the blatant disrespect and glared at Ben with disapproval. "What I want to know is if I should take this threat seriously. Do they have another weapon like Starkiller?"

Playing the part of a statue, Ben took a moment before answering. "I don't know." Rey closed her eyes briefly as she listened to Tisnew spit out a string of curses. Obviously, that was not the answer the man wanted to hear.

"You don't know?!" Tisnew barked. "What have you been doing with these terrorists the whole time? Working as a radar technician?"

Ben's temples protruded, his hands balling into fists below his elbows. "My dealings pertained to the Force and the missions I was assigned. I did not work maintenance."

Tisnew glanced around his office while shaking his head, until he finally shot his arms up in defeat. "Do you know anything?" He groused.

Ben raised his already aggravated voice. " _I_ know plenty, but all _you_ want to know is if there is another super weapon at play– to which, I am not sure."

The senator's eyes narrowed. "You instill me with zero confidence."

"I am not here to make you feel better, and if that's why you requested to speak with me, then that was extremely imprudent of you."

Releasing a long breath, Tisnew reclined back and with a shaky hand, pushed the little remaining hair left on his shriveled head. The movement was exactly what Ben would do when becoming stressed or afraid and as Rey looked closely, she could see certain similarities between the two men now. Both had narrow, long faces; both had prominent noses; both were experts at glaring.

And both seemed very headstrong. _It was a bad idea to have these two speak to each other._

Ben cleared his throat, his expression softening somewhat. "I can tell you this: the First Order does have the resources to build another weapon." Tisnew perked up. "I doubt it would be as powerful as Starkiller, but it could still be devastating."

Tisnew's eyes became grave. "So I should take their threat seriously."

Ben nodded. "Yes."

"Would they have their army attack the planet?"

Rubbing his chin, Ben appeared to be giving the question genuine thought. "They would try a military takeover first before completely annihilating the planet, if that's what you're wondering. Coruscant is at the center of the galaxy and if they have your loyalty, then other systems will follow your example."

"How much time do you think we have before they come here?"

"When did these talks start?"

"A few days after the Hosnian system was destroyed."

"Hux is not doubt growing impatient by now, so I'd say you don't have long before they come for you. I'd give it a few more weeks. And that's being generous."

Tisnew's throat expanded as he struggled to swallow and this time, it was not from Ben's doing, but from fear. "Then… I don't see any way around joining them."

The two men fell quiet, Ben studying the man's sullen face while Tisnew looked down upon his desk. "You still have your planetary military, correct?" Ben asked.

"Yes," Tisnew replied, lifting his head "But the numbers are vastly smaller than the First Order's."

"Have them armed and ready starting anyway. If the Order comes, you should be able to fend them off until the Resistance can arrive," Ben offered in the form of advice.

"What if I do not want bloodshed?"

Ben shrugged. "Then do what they say and join them."

Tisnew steepled his hands as his face became firm. "I want your honest opinion: does the galaxy stand a chance against the First Order?"

"Very little, if at all," Ben said with absolutely no pause. _Stars, why does he have to be so honest all the time?_ To Rey, she still saw hope that they could win the war, but Ben firmly believed it was a lost cause.

If the council was smart, they won't ask him to talk to another politician. Ever.

The senator nodded solemnly. "Not what I wanted to hear, but I appreciate the truth." From there on out, General Organa took over and had Ben take up her spot beside Rey. Rey didn't listen to Tisnew and Leia's short conversation, because she was too busy being strangled by Ben's emotions. Craning her neck, she saw that he was staring daggers at Major Ematt again, which he needed to stop doing before anyone noticed.

The feed blacked out and Leia turned to the small crowd.

"Did you seriously tell him we have no chance against the Order?" Major Ematt glaringly asked Ben.

"I never lie," Ben said through gritted teeth.

"And is that a form of pride, is it?" Ematt pointed at the dark screen. "After squashing that man's hope, what is stopping him from joining the Order right now?"

"I guess nothing."

Ematt's face reddened. "You piece of–."

"Major!" Leia yelled, silencing the man. "You two," her eyes snapped at her and Ben. "Your shuttle is waiting."

Ben didn't wait to be told twice as he strode to the exit, Rey scurrying furiously just to keep up with him. Neither glanced back into the room before bursting into the hall. Ben just kept going, eventually turning one too many corners before collapsing against the durasteel wall.

"Are you okay?" Rey asked, wrapping her arms around his middle to steady him. "What was going on in there? It felt like you were going to kill someone."

Ben hung his head, breathing deeply through his teeth, his lips twitching through the process. "Rey…"

"Yeah?"

His eyes stared distantly ahead. "Do you often wonder what happened to your family? To you parents?"

 _What?_ "Uhhhhh… Well… I did more when I was younger. I mean, I do still wonder and I probably always will, but I've come to accept that I'll probably never know where I come from," she said truthfully. Recently, she'd given up her naïve hope of ever reuniting with her family, because she understood that living too much in the past made you lose focus on the future.

And her future was with Ben.

"What if–." Ben licked his dry lips. "What if you had the option of knowing, but were told the truth was so unimaginably heinous that it could destroy you?" Heavy lids ghosted over his eyes, which were looking at his black boots. "Would you still want to know?"

"I… I don't know. I guess I'd still want to know, even if it was bad. Honestly, if I were to find out they were dead it wouldn't ruin me. I've always known that there was a huge probability that they weren't alive." Ben's features distorted in pain, making her frown. "Why are you asking me this?"

Ben went still, then looked up at her, his gaze bouncing between her eyes, nose, and lips… "You know I love you, right?"

Stars, she was so close to him, their noses almost touching. "Yes," she exhaled.

"And you know I want you to be happy?"

"Yes… Ben, you're starting to scare me. Why are you talking like this?"

He palmed her cheek, giving her forehead a long and gentle kiss. "Always remember that I love you, no matter what happens," he said against her skin, the warmth of his breath making her melt.

"O-okay, I will," Rey whispered into his shirt. Ben pulled back, his eyes tracing her face. Dipping his head, his mouth met hers, kissing her like her lips were air and he couldn't breath. The indiscreet passion painted her a picture of their possible future together, where they touched without reservation, where they lived without apology.

As he pulled her closer, his hands greedily traveled along her hips, running over the curve of her backside. Panting, she thought how Ben was like nobody else in the galaxy. When she was with him, it was like she was split in half. Part of her was on fire, going crazy from not being able to touch and explore him fully. The other half was calm and peaceful, just perfectly content with knowing that he was the one for her.

Breaking the delicious contact, his forehead rested against hers, their heavy breathing intermingling to create compact warmth between them. It was hard for Rey to think straight or to remember what they had been discussing before the interplay. If Ben asked her right now what two plus two equaled, she would end up giving his name as the answer.

Coming back down to reality, she wondered if anyone had seen what they'd been doing. _Who the hell cares_ , Rey thought. _It was worth it_.

"Come on," Ben muttered. "Lets get out of here." He grasped her hand and interlaced their fingers, leading her down the hallway in the direction of the hangar bay. Emerging into the vast population of the cruiser, she noticed the stares pretty quickly, but she brushed them off. She figured they were merited, because as they kept walking their hands never parted, and she couldn't stop a big satisfying grin from spreading across her face and reaching her ears.

()()()()()

"The DLT-20A can be an automatic or a semi-automatic blaster rifle. To switch between the two, you press this button next to the trigger," Finn pointed to a small, black button while Rey leaned closer for a better look. "With the top-mounted rangefinder, your able to see your target up to a mile away. You wanna look through it?" Finn asked. Rey nodded enthusiastically as Finn helped her get a proper grip on the weapon.

The afternoon sun reflected off the sleek rifle as Rey palmed and handled it with ease. He leaned against the metal stand that held all the weapons, and watched Rey brighten from her youthful fascination. Finn had been surprised when she voiced her desire for him to teach her about various blasters, especially when she wanted half their day off to consist of the lessons. Honestly, Finn didn't mind what he did with Rey as long as they got to spend some time together. He'd been sure that Ren's presence was going to replace his own, but so far, Rey always made an effort to talk with him throughout the day.

And he liked that he was the one teaching her these things and not Kylo.

Rey looked through the lense, aiming the rifle down range at the metal targets a hundred yards away. "This is way lighter than I thought it would be," Rey noted, lowering the weapon and inspecting it.

Finn wiped the sweat from his forehead. "It's made from titanium alloys that are super lightweight, which comes in handy when you're already lugging around fifty pounds of other equipment."

Rey motioned at a small square section between the barrel and trigger. "Is this where the power pack is?"

"Yeah, it can hold up to thirty shots till you either charge it or switch it out. You wanna try shooting it?"

"Yes! I didn't ask you to teach me about blaster's so I can just name off the parts." Finn laughed and helped Rey get into an acceptable shooting stance.

He took a step back while instructing her. "Spread your feet a little farther apart– good. Make sure it's pressed firmly against you shoulder– yeah, right there." He made sure the rifle wasn't directly on her bone before explaining how to aim.

"Okay," Finn said, stepping behind her. "Give it a go."

Finn was surprised with how naturally talented Rey was with the rifle, but then again, people that were force sensitive were gifted when it came to stuff like this. Kinda unfair, since it took Finn years to have excellent aim. But he didn't mind that Rey was a quick study, because it meant that she had a better chance at defending herself.

She quickly went through the power pack and lowered the weapon, her infectious smile crinkling her eyes. "Wow," she breathed. "I didn't realize how… therapeutic shooting would be. I mean, dueling with lightsabers is great, but there is something so accomplishing about aiming a rifle and actually hitting a target." And hit the targets she did. Finn looked through his binocs and saw that all eleven targets were littered with blaster marks.

"Look at you, being a natural. I figured you would be," Finn complimented her sincerely as he took the rifle and replaced it with a pistol.

"So…. There is something I want to tell you," Finn said, unsure on how to say it.

Rey glanced up from examining the blaster. "What is it?"

"I, uh… I was given the official rank of captain this morning." Major Ematt had requested Finn's presence early in the morning, before he went to meet Rey. Seeing the official paperwork had been surreal and he'd immediately accepted the position while trying to fight back a smile. "It's mainly for the ESC, but it's recognized by the Resistance and New Republic. Or that's what I've been told, anyway."

"What?!" Rey exclaimed, nearly tossing the pistol on the table before wrapping her arms around Finn's neck. "Congratulations! Finn, this is great!"

"Thanks," he said sheepishly, holding her tightly. Once separated, she listened with unyielding attention as he described his new duties.

"Does everyone have to call you Captain Finn now?" Rey playfully asked.

"Goodness, no. Just captain. Adding Finn to it sounds weird."

"You could be called Captain 2187." They both looked at each other before bursting into a fit of laughter. "I'm just kidding," Rey said as they quieted down.

"I know." He breathed in the thick air. "Man, sometimes I wish I had a last name."

"You could just give yourself one."

Finn's shoulder bobbed up and down. "Yeah, I could, but surnames are a familial tradition and seeing how I have no family… Just seems weird to pick one."

Rey's nose scrunched up from her hard frown, her head turning to look off into the jungle. It dawned on Finn that both Rey and him had the family problem in common, and he hadn't meant to sound so insensitive.

"Oh, Rey." Placing his hand on her arm, he gave her a light squeeze. "I forgot… I'm sorry–."

"No, it's okay," Rey said as she looked back at him. She gave him a smile, but the expression didn't reach her eyes. "I know you didn't mean anything by it. Looks like neither of us have last names." She grabbed a pistol fromm the table and went about studying it, but Finn knew her eyes weren't in the game,

"If you don't mind me asking," he whispered, "do you think about your family often?" Cause he did. Everyday.

Rey shrugged, keeping her eyes on the weaponry. "I use to, but not as much anymore."

"You think they're alive?"

She paused before raising her eyes and saying, "It sounds horrible, but I kinda hope they aren't. I'd rather believe that they died trying to get back to me, than to think that they outright abandoned me. That way, at least I can pretend that they loved me." Finn gazed over her head at the far off mountain range, nodding his head silently. He completely understood Rey's reasoning, because in her situation, he would have wanted to believe the same.

"What about you?" Rey asked. "Do you think your family is still alive?"

"Some of them might be."

"Do you know what planet the Order took you from?" What he would give to get that information…

"It's somewhere in the unknown regions, so it's not on a galactic map or anything. That's all I know." All the stromtroopers were taken from the unknown regions. That way, the New Republic didn't become suspicious. Finn had been tempted to ask Ren about it, but nixed that idea. Knowing the guy, he'd either refuse to answer or snicker in a way that pissed Finn off. Nope... Finn would never be able to get that information from Kylo Ren.

"You don't remember anything?" Rey asked while scratching at her right forearm.

He shook his head minutely. "No. I was taken when I was very young. The academy is where I grew up and considered home."

"I don't remember anything either, except for a dream I had where my mother left me with Unkar." Rey's brows came together slightly, her voice sounding distant. "It's strange, but I know what I saw was what really happened."

 _Guess the Force granted her that small glimpse. Lucky_. "Did you see what she looked like?"

"Yeah… I did," Rey said, grinning softly. "I try to picture her face everyday so I don't forget her. I've attempted at drawing her portrait, but I can never get it exactly right."

"Well if she looks anything like you, then I'm sure she's beautiful."

Rey looked down, blushing even though her cheeks were already red from being out in the heat. "Thanks."

With the topic dying out, Rey lifted the pistol and fired a whole round.

As Finn showed her how to put in a new power pack, he asked, "How are you doing with your training?"

Rey perked up, looking suddenly proud. "Good. Really good, actually. Master Skywalker said my saber skills are exceptional, so we have been focusing more on my mental capacities with the force instead of the physical."

"Does Ren participate?"

Rey massaged her arm again. "No. He sits against the wall and reads the whole time."

 _The guy reads?_ "What's he reading?"

A soft, but substantial enough breeze rolled past them, tossing Rey's partially free hair into her face. As she swatted the tendrils away, she said, "A bunch of different medical books Kalonia let him borrow." She rolled her eyes. "Even when I'm not training, he's reading them and making notes. It's getting kind of annoying, actually."

"Why is he taking notes?"

"No idea." Rey finished the new power pack on the pistol before switching back to the rifle.

Finn crossed his arms, resting his rear on the edge of the weapons stand. "He likes stuff like that then?

Rey chuckled softly. "He loves stuff like that. He was planning on being a doctor, but after being sent to Skywalker's academy, that dream died."

Now Finn started to become truly curious, which was frightening and angered him slightly, given the subject under question. "When was he sent there?"

"Sometime after turning thirteen." Rey blinked and focused on his face, like she was trying to figure out his intentions. "Are you generally curious about all this?"

"I kinda am." Take out the kinda. "It's weird to hear that Kylo Ren was once a normal person."

"I wouldn't say normal, but he wanted to be. He still wants to be…" She lifted and aimed the blaster rifle like Finn had taught her and basically obliterated the targets. All the while Finn remained still, chewing the inside of his cheek. He just couldn't picture a young Kylo Ren who wanted to be a physician and help people. It was like the moon trying to be the sun; it was against the laws of nature. Ren's ruthlessness and indifference wasn't just a personality defect, but a physical limb that had done people real harm.

Example: his mechanized back.

With all that aside, Rey somehow saw something different in the guy…

"How are you and him doing?" Finn asked over the blaster fire.

Rey stopped the dispersion of bolts and lowered the weapon. "Are you asking to be polite or do you really want to know?"

Well, he didn't want to know _everything_. "I just want to make sure he is treating you well."

"He is." Finn questioned her with his stare. "Honestly, Finn." Even as she said it, he sensed she was holding back something.

"He can't be an easy person to be with," Finn speculated.

"Well, no, he's not."

He went to her and grabbed the rifle from her hold, placing it back with the other weapons. "I don't want you to get stressed out over all his problems. A guy like that has a lot of baggage and it's not your responsibility to take care of him."

"We take care of each other and I don't feel stressed."

"You sure?"

She scratched her arm again, this time more vigorously. "Yes. I mean, he's been acting kind of strange lately, but it's nothing alarming."

It alarmed him. "Strange how?"

"Acting distant at times, getting lost in his thoughts– that sort of thing. But really, I'm not that worried about it," Rey said, trying to act like all that was normal.

"Okay. But if anything ever happens, you can talk to me about it."

Rey became confused. "I thought you hated him."

"Oh, I do," Finn said. "But I don't hate you." Her scratching was leaving bright red streaks on her skin, and as she dug in harder, Finn was sure she was going to draw blood. "Are you okay? You keep scratching your arm."

Rey winced as she switched over to rubbing the abused area. "It feels like it's burning…"

Finn took her forearm, inspecting the now swollen area. "Are you having a muscle cramp? Maybe you were shooting too much–."

"No, I've had those before. This is different." Rey's head suddenly snapped to the base, her eyes full of concern. "I need to find Ben," was all she said before sprinting away at a dead run. Finn scurried after her, keeping up with her furious pace as they darted and weaved through the throngs of people.

Once in the right hallway, Rey burst into Ren's room and frantically looked around. "Ben!" she called out, her heavy panting reverberating off the hard walls. The room was empty and Finn was about to tell her they should see if he's in the mess hall when she suddenly darted for the refresher, her lithe body rushing through the open door.

Ren was passed out on the floor, his right arm cut open and bleeding, a small pool of blood slowly crawleng its way to the toilet base. While Rey attempted to wake him, Finn knelt down and inspected a string of medical supplies next to his knee: a used syringe, a thin scalpel, and a pair of long tweezers, which were drenched red.

 _What the hell was he –_

Something reflected next to the puddle of blood, catching Finn's eye. It was so small, it took a few tries before his thick fingers could pick up the thing. Holding it up close, he was able to see that it was metal and rectangular; something that wouldn't be important if it was just randomly on the floor, but Finn figured nothing in the washroom was here by happenstance.

Ren started to moan as Rey covered the arm wound, healing the incision completely so all that was left was red-tinted skin.

"Ben?" Rey grabbed his face and he sluggishly opened his eyes. His confusion at seeing her was very evident, but was replaced as he shot upright and glanced wildly around, like he'd just awoken from a nightmare.

"What the hell is all this?" Rey fanned out her arms toward the medical supplies. "What have you been doing?"

Finn held the small tracker in his palm, showing Rey. "I think it has something to do with this."

Rey eyed it. "Is this–?"

"Yes," Ren said, his voice as smooth as gravel. The guys sallow lips quivered and his breaths intensified, making Finn think he might pass out again. But instead, Ren plucked the chip from his palm and scrutinized it with pride.

"You're kidding me," Rey flatly said. "You went through all this so you could get that chip out of your arm? Are you insane? You could've seriously hurt yourself!"

Ren eyed a small notebook to his left, red fingerprints littering the white pages. Finn thought it weird the guy had used such archaic means to jot down notes, but then he remembered Ren wasn't allowed a datapad; so his options had been limited. "I knew what I was doing."

Rey picked up the pad, flipping through the stained writing. "This is what you've been doing during my training sessions? You've been reading those medical books and planning this?" She irritably asked, waving the notebook in the air."

Ren swallowed a few times and licked his lips, his eyes trying to remain focused. "Given how it was placed under my ulnar artery, I wanted to be prepared." Outstretching his hand to Rey's face, she dodged his outward affection and evaded the wet patch of blood as she parked herself on the closed toilet seat.

Resting his head against the washroom wall, Kylo kept his eyes locked on Rey's angered face. "I numbed the area as much as I could and concentrated on really blocking our connection as I went. Did you… feel anything? I'm sorry if–."

"All I felt was a slight burning, but it was more annoying than painful," Rey spat out.

Ren let out a relieved breath. "Good. I… was worried that you'd really feel it."

Rey motioned around. "Why do it at all? If the council finds out–."

"I couldn't let them have complete control of me. An ounce of freedom is worth the risk."

"Why didn't you heal yourself?"

Ren glanced down and ran his fingers along the now healed skin. "I was planning on it, but the process was slow and more painful than I anticipated. I blacked out right as I removed the chip."

"You're unbelievable," she breathed out. Neither of them looked away from each other as the cozy washroom fell into silence.

Feeling out of place and very uncomfortable, Finn stood, catching the attention of the other two. "I should get going."

"What?" Rey shot up. "I thought we were going to watch some films after shooting practice."

Finn was momentarily speechless before saying, "You still want to do that?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

He glanced down at Kylo and then back up at Rey. "I just thought you'd want to stay here… with him. To make sure he's all right."

"I'll be fine," Ren assured her as Rey turned around toward him. "You had the whole day planned out and you should go enjoy it."

Rey chewed her lip before addressing Finn. "I'll meet you at your room in twenty. I'm gonna help clean up." Ren tried to protest, but from the stern look shot his way, he gave up pretty quickly.

"Yeah. Sounds good." Finn remained in the refresher for an awkward second before exiting and making his way out of the room.

"Finn," Rey called out, her head peering out of the washroom as Finn glanced over his shoulder. "Congratulations again. I'm proud of you for what you've been doing with the stormtroopers."

For some reason, Finn thought of the family he never knew. What would they think of him if they could see him now? Would they be happy? Would they be proud of him for joining a righteous cause?

Guess he'll never know.

But staring at Rey and seeing how incandescently proud she was of him proved that family was not just of blood, but of having respect and joy in each others lives.

Quickly, Finn played through the beginning of the journey they'd taken together. Through those trying couple of days, Rey had seen his potential, had seen the endless possibilities for his life. And through her eyes, he started to see himself the same way. As someone who mattered. As someone who could make a difference in this galaxy.

Those days bonded them together for life, because when you find out who you are from somebody else, your loyalty becomes everlasting. No one, not even Kylo, could take away the friendship they had forged as they fought for their lives against him and the First Order. Ironically, battling Kylo had brought Rey and him closer, because they both were trying to protect the other while under impossible circumstances.

Maybe he should thank the bastard. _Okay… you're taking it a little too far, Finn. Simmer down there._

He conveyed all his thoughts and feelings in one small and simple smile. "Thanks Rey."

She grinned back. "And about the chip–."

"I won't say anything. Promise." Rey let out a relieved breath and closed her eyes briefly. Even though it made Finn uncomfortable knowing that tracker was out of Ren's arm, he knew Rey would be sufficient enough in keeping the guy in check.

Hopefully.

"I'll see you in twenty," Finn said and Rey nodded her goodbye. As he left and Rey went back into the refresher, her voice boomed so loudly, he could hear it out in the hallway. She was mad and Finn was thankful for not being at the recieving end of her anger.

But thinking about who was, Finn smiled– he couldn't help it.

()()()()()

Poe stood at the bottom left fusial thrust engine of his T-70 X-wing starfighter, his hands and eyes going over a basic inspection of each and every mechanism while BB-8 stayed off to the side. The electromagnetic gyros were steady, the ionization chamber clean, and the S-foils– wait a minute. Poe took a closer look at the metal, coiled rod, seeing a very small and subtle crack. Shaking his head, he grabbed the compact blowtorch and lowered the tented visor, making good work at welding it closed.

Man, he had a feeling that he'd pushed his precious T-70 too far during those practice flights today. But after Joph bragged that he could maneuver between the nearby mountains in under three minutes? Poe had to prove he could do it faster.

And prove it he did…. By flying the course in two minutes, twelve seconds. _Beat that, Joph._

Poe was gonna have to watch out for that Terr fellow, though. The guy was an exceptionally skilled pilot and had made the run in two minutes, twenty-one seconds– way too close to Poe's time for comfort.

The crack on the coil sure did explain the overheating while flying, though. With the S-foil weakened, he was surprised the engine hadn't blown. But that's what he gets for skipping yesterday's inspection to stalk Jess. Well, he wasn't _really_ stalking her. He was just following her around without her knowing until she was alone and he could corner her and talk–

Okay… it was stalking. But with good intentions. He wasn't a weirdo… right?

Putting his inner argument of whether or not he was being a creeper aside, he was reminded how he's gotten nowhere with Jess over the last few days. It was like she knew what he was up to, somehow making herself extremely scarce and hard to find. The few times he found her alone, she brushed him off with offensive efficiency and completely ignored him.

For Force sake, he had to find out from Snap that she asked to be transferred to a different squadron. Not even all the credits he'd won from accurately betting when Ren would destroy something next could put him in a good mood. And he had won a shipload of money from that mess hall fiasco.

Poe quickly prayed Ren never found out that he was currently at the center of all the bets on base. Thinking about first meal, Poe had been so close to predicting how many servings Ren would eat that morning. _Why didn't the guy go for six? He went for six yesterday!_

With the S-foil repaired, he removed the eye protection and placed the torch back on his utility belt, then rubbed the back of his tight neck. Glancing around the barren hangar, it was obvious he needed to leave and get some shuteye. Everyone else had been smart enough to toss in the towel and call it a night, but when Poe got anxious, he liked to either fly or work with his hands– which usually involved either mechanics or some womanly company.

" _So you and Connix never happened?"_ he recalled Jess saying. Poe internally groaned. That hook-up happened months ago, on a night Poe had been feeling extremely lonely, and the fact that it was the anniversary of his mother's death didn't help his judgment any. Nor did being perceptive as to how Connix checked him out every time he was near. Poe had a radar for that kind of thing.

By no means was he a real stunner of a man, but he knew how to flirt and knew how to put on the charm. That part of him always came naturally.

He was never like that with Jess, though. So why did she like him? It was confounding, to say the least.

Quick movement came into Poe's periphery, making him turn his head. Ren was sauntering through the hangar, eyesight straight ahead and walking like he would break every one of your fingers if you tried talking to him.

"Ren!" Poe called out, deciding that his fingers should be safe. Mostly.

The burly man halted and glanced at Poe, making a course correction to come over. Poe opened his palm, ready to do the usual greet between men: hands clasping, back patting in a half hug. But then he remembered Ren didn't like to be touched and they've never actually greeted each other in that manner.

"Working on your X-wing?" Ren asked, his eyes inspecting the engine Poe had been repairing.

Poe patted the sturdy ship. "Yup. Gotta keep this baby up and running."

"Don't you have mechanics for this reason?" Ren asked pretentiously.

"Well, yeah, but this ship happens to be particularly special to me. It's the one I flew when I blew up that oscillator and made–." Poe cut off his running mouth, his eyes going slightly wide as he realized to whom he was talking to.

But Ren caught on pretty quick. "This ship was the one that caused Starkiller to implode?"

"Ummmm, yes." Now the guy was _really_ scrutinizing the exposed engine, his eyes jumping between the turbo impeller, the coolant feeds, and the newly repaired S-foil. Poe couldn't tell if Ren was impressed or disgusted and he was too afraid to ask, so he settled on a sharp change of subject.

"So… I've heard from a reliable source that you've been acting stranger than normal lately." Ren's eyebrows rose. "You wanna fill me in on what's going on?"

"Nothing is going on and who told you that."

Poe picked at his nails showily. "I can't reveal my sources or–."

"The trooper told you."

Poe stepped back in surprise. "Geez, man. Did you read my mind? You gotta stop doing that."

"I didn't read your thoughts, actually. But your reaction more than gave me the answer." _Sly bastard_. "Now I want to know who he heard it from."

"Who do ya think?"

Ren frowned. "Rey?"

"Uh, yeah." Ren's jaw slackened at the new information. "What? Did you expect Rey to never talk about you to her closest friend? It's what girls do. They have to talk through their feelings with someone else. But hey, at least she didn't tell him you two are sleeping together," Poe added as he breathed out a succession of laughs. "Could you imagine the look on Finn's face if she told him that?"

…"But all we do is sleep."

"Uh huh. All you do is sleep," Poe mumbled and rolled his eyes. "Right." He started chuckling, but stopped after Ren's blank stare didn't change. "Wait. All you do is sleep?" Ren nodded. "You're joking? You're not joking. I thought I sensed a joke… or a euphemism."

"That's a big word for your small vocabulary."

"Ha. Ha." Poe walked over to the tool cart near the front of the ship, unbuckling his utility belt and placing it on top. Taking out the tools, he put them back in their respectable drawers, every now and then glancing back to see Ren giving the engine a hard stare.

"You trying to figure out what Rey told Finn?" Poe asked, shutting the lowest drawer before heading back over. "Have you asked her lately if there's anything wrong?"

"Yes and she tells me that nothing is wrong."

Poe grabbed the cloth covering the centrifugal reaction fusion and started cleaning off his oily hands. "Let me give you a little lesson: When a woman says nothings wrong, everything's wrong. When she says everything's wrong, everything's wrong. Really, I'm surprised I have to explain this to you."

Ren rubbed his jaw, still seeming perplexed. "Maybe I should go talk to her…"

"Probably should." Poe swung the rag over his shoulder, and then started popping his knuckles to ease the achy joints. He was only thirty-two, but some days, he felt like he was eighty. This war was slowly stealing his youth, unfortunately. "So… have you seen Jess around?"

"No. You?"

"Not much."

Rearranging his weight, Ren shyly asked, "How is the girl doing?"

Poe almost glared at the guy. "The girl has a name and it's Jess. Do you have a problem with using people's names?"

"Names tend to humanize people."

 _What did he just say?_ "Have you always been this heartless?"

"Yes."

Poe rapidly blinked and shook his head. "Man, sometimes I wonder why I even associate with you."

"That makes two of us," Ren grumbled, glancing down at his boots. "So, do you know how… Jess is doing?" He pushed the question.

Poe's dark brows rose. "Do you actually care?"

"Maybe."

Leaning this way and that, Poe's pupils wondered around the many ships on display, realizing he should take this opportunity to get the information he's been wanting to know. "She won't tell me what happened to her… and I was kind hoping you would, to be honest."

Ren frowned. "I don't know all the details. I have no idea how she ended up there."

As much as Poe wanted those specific details, he'd settle for what he could get. "But you know what you saw in those caves and I want to know how she got out of there."

Ren ground his jaw, the hollows under his cheeks sharply standing out from annoyance. "You shouldn't pester her for that information, you know."

"So how about you tell me, and then I won't have to ask her."

Ren went deep in thought while looking around the almost deserted hangar. Breathing deep and low, the guy seemed to be bracing for something…

And Poe understood why. The story was difficult to listen through, especially when hearing that Jess had been locked up in a cage. Poe never considered himself a vengeful person, but he sure as hell was not mourning over all the men that ended up dead in that cavern. Would he have gone as far as slaughtering them all? Probably not, but he could understand why Ren lost his shit over it. He really could.

"That's–." Poe swallowed and swiped his hand through his dark hair. "That's quite a story. You know... I don't blame you for killing all those men."

Ren inhaled deeply and murmured, "The thing is... while I was on the rampage... I accidentally killed one of the women. I don't even remember doing it, but I know a lightsaber wound when I see one. So yeah… by murdering all those people, I murdered one of the enslaved. I use to tell myself it was worth it, but I never, trule believed that. That woman was the first innocent person I ever killed." His eyes lost focus. "Sometimes, I still see her face…"

The remorse in the guys eyes was something new and shocking, but at the same time comforting. It was good to see that he wasn't completely unemotional.

"Well… I'm not sure what to say to that," Poe said roughly as he realized he didn't blame Ren for accidentally killing that woman either. Did that make him a monster as well? Mistakes do happen…

"Neither do I," Ren said, his pupils concentrating back on Poe's troubled expression. "Are you still going to accost the girl with your questions?"

 _This guy needs a lesson on how to use names._ "You mean Jess. And her and I have some things we still need to talk about that has nothing to do with this."

Ren gazed at him. Hard. Like in a way that was awkward and– "She confessed her feelings for you?" The guy asked, horrified, looking like he'd just seen a monster. Where was a mirror when you needed one?

Poe raised his hands, becoming flustered. "Okay, now I'm pretty damn sure you read my mind for that one. No way you guessed that."

"Your thoughts were pretty easy to pick up on. So… the girl likes you?"

Frustrated, Poe pinched his eyes between his forefinger and thumb, letting out a deep breath. "For the thousandth time her name is Jess and yes, she's into me. And why do you seem troubled by that? You don't think women like me?"

"Oh, I am sure they like you, but you shouldn't pursue anything with her, specifically."

"Why not?"

"She'd probably want a stable relationship with you."

Poe held up his index finger, all hold-it. "You think I can't do stable?"

"No," Ren said, face remote.

"Why not?" Poe asked, yet again.

"Your flippancy when it comes to your rendezvous with the women on base, comes to mind." Ren delivered that line with about as much tact as a four-year-old– which was zero.

As Poe faced off at him, his face was drawn in lines of tight irritation. "Where the hell do you get your information?" _The same place Jess did?_

Ren tapped his temple. "I can hear thoughts, remember? I pick up a lot while walking around this cesspool."

For the most part, Poe has been nice and cordial to ever single person on this base. Sure, every once in a while, he ran into your run-of-the-mill hothead, but other than that, he rarely argued with anyone. People knew him to be easy going, but stern when he had to be, and they respected him for it. But when did they start thinking of him as loose and slutty? And was he really a topic of gossip around the base?

And why was this bothering him so much?

"You know what?" Poe rhetorically asked, exasperated. "I can't believe you, of all people, are judging me. I give your relationship with Rey another week before it explodes in your face, cause with how fucked your head is, you're bound to screw it up."

Ren ground his molars and glared. "I thought people appreciate honesty–."

Poe's anger pushed him to get in the guys face, and to Ren's credit, he didn't back down either. "No, they don't. People appreciate when you help them feel good about themselves. So how about you stop being a droid and start acting like a normal person who lies to spare someone's feelings."

Poe backed off so he could close up the engine and lock the latch. Before storming off, he turned back around, his voice harsh and jagged. "Oh, and do me a favor: the next time you lose your mind, don't go looking for it."

As tempting as it was to punch the guy, Poe wasn't stupid enough to do it. This anger over others perception of him felt like something larger than his own life. Something out of character and wildly destructive. Man, he could really use an outlet, and destroying something sounded pretty damn good at the moment. _No wonder Ren destroys shit. It's either that or seriously hurt somebody._

 _Oh wait. He murders people for a living._

 _Shit,_ he thought _. I really need to rethink who I have as friends._

 **This chapter was a Finn and Poe chapter, with a little bit of Reylo thrown in. I really enjoyed writing different pov's that aren't Ren or Rey, because it forces me to branch out and think differently. And,as you know, the next chapter is done... so would anyone like a little sneak peak? Anyone? Oh, you would? Well, I guess I'll oblige!  
**

Excerpt from Chapter Thirty:

If he hadn't gone through the last few weeks, if he had never met Rey, if he'd never started to accept the light that waited dormant in his soul, maybe he wouldn't have lost all the feeling in his legs. Maybe he would have had the strength to keep standing… but his knees buckled and he fell to the cool ground, disappearing behind the sofa.

He wept in great, heaving gags, his tears hot and salty as they ran over his lips, his hands shielding him from the outside world. He was keenly aware of arms bringing him down into an embrace, laying his torso across a lap that felt viciously familiar. Clutching onto the arms around him, he wailed for the evil he'd done, knowing that such concepts were no longer a perception, but lived within him.

Small hands stroked his hair, reminding him of the times his mother soothed him through those early nightmares, trying to help him fall back asleep. That little boy… he had no idea what awaited him in the future.

 **Things can always change in this excerpt, but I'm pretty sure it will remain the same. Anyway, please let me know what you thought of the chapter! You excited for the next one? What do you think is going on in the excerpt?**


	30. Chapter 30

**Thanks to all that read this story and take the time to leave a comment! Especially on the last chapter since nothing of great importance happened. The ones who regularly review– you know who you are!– help me out so much, you have no idea. You make me really think about the story and allow me to view the characters from a different angle. Thank you!**

 **NightElfCrawler: Yeah, we all know the excerpt is from Ren's pov, but it was vague as to who was holding him. But you find out in this chapter! Yea! I love writing Poe and Ben together. They do have this frenemies thing going on. For me, I view Poe as his own person but he has some Han characteristics. This makes Ben inadvertently comfortable and drawn to him, in a way. And Ben doesn't even realize it. For Poe, deep down, he does want to see Ben succeed in being a good person, because as he said in one of the previous chapters, if Ren can change, then there is hope that the galaxy can change. Jnads1: That was exactly my view on the swearing. As the story goes and he deals with his anger, the swear words start to come out. I try not to use it as a crutch, though, so I keep the curse words to a minimum. At least, I think I do. Ya'll might be surprised, but I put A LOT of thought into the placement of harsh language. Star Wars movies have basically no swearing, and the books are pretty much the same. But I did want to bring some modern language into it, but not make it too heavy because I want this to feel like a Star Wars story. Not everyone is gonna like the same stuff in the book, and that's okay. I know some of you probably get frustrated over certain story lines or how people react to certain things. Anyway, I don't want to ramble. lol And Rey is not immune to jealousy! I wanted that to be made clear. And I had to bring in the radar technician line. I wasn't planning on it, but I'm glad it works in this case. Natalie-S-246: Oh, Ben really should tell Rey about her parents. Will he? In the words of Snoke (and sort of Kylo from the interrogation scene in TFA): We shall see... So one thing I really don't want to happen is Finn and Rey's friendship to basically become non-existent. Those two went through a lot together and Finn was the first person to ever come back for her. While Rey is sort of in a relationship with Ben, Finn will always hold a place of her heart that could never be replaced with Ben. I want Finn and Rey to have a strong friendship throughout this story and fingers crossed I can pull it off. It's hard to juggle Finn/Rey scenes and Ben/Rey scenes. This is a Reylo story, after all! Poe is kinda going through this inner reflection phase where being "friends" with Ren, his reputation, and what's happening with Jess is really making him question who he really is. It's not on the same level as what Ben's going through and the context is different, but I like when characters really reflect throughout a story. Ben will always be a little shit. Always. Sorry to some of you if you thought he would turn into this really nice guy, but it's not gonna happen. I mean, he will learn how to be more polite and won't be as angry, but he will always have that side of himself that is a sarcastic ass that looks down on people and can sometimes be super rude and not remorseful. I'm glad you like multiple pov's! I want readers to get a sense of the characters through other characters eyes, not just through Rey and Ren. And Carrie Fisher... still hard to even accept that she is actually gone. I was in the middle of writing this chapter when I heard the news and given what scene I was writing, I took the day off cause it was so sad. We will all truly miss her and I pray her family can get through this really tough time. CalistaLegaci: Shout out to Matt the Radar Technician! I can literally watch that SNL skit a million times and it never gets old. I also love watching the blooper video too. Adam Driver is hilarious.  
**

 **Okay, so I was being really picky while writing this chapter and I still feel like it's not perfect, but I can't work on it forever. The characters that are focused on are Leia, Ben, and Rey. I don't title my chapters, but if I had to give this one a title, it would be Worth and Words. You will understand as you read cause it's an ongoing theme. Didn't even realize it till I was done with the chapter! Can't say much else without giving stuff away, so enjoy the read!**

Chapter Thirty: Worth and Words

On the cold, rigid floor of her study, Leia rested unmoving, her arthritic back aching slightly from the unusual pose. In her newly furnished office on the base, she had everything set up much like it was on the cruiser: two identical blue sofas, a large rug lay out between them, and an expansive desk at the head of the study.

As her rear protested for the soft confines of the couch, Leia resisted. Hours upon hours she'd spent at her desk, going over reconnaissance reports and chatting with the remaining planets that supported the Resistance. Each day, she would find another planet ignoring her inquiries or denying her calls. After the destruction of Starkiller, it had been an over joyous sight to witness numerous star systems lending support.

It had been naïve of her to think it would last.

The First Order wasn't just threatening Coruscant, apparently. But that wasn't the only reason planets were evading her. When news of her son being Kylo Ren finally spread to the four corners of the galaxy, the fallout came in the form of losing some precious allies. Apparently, they were fed up with her family ruining the stability of the Republic and after some much internal reflection, Leia accepted they were kind of right.

Anakin's bloodline will always be sought after by demons in the shadows, waiting to exploit the power that ran through her family's veins. Anakin and her son were walking proof of that.

Clasping her hands across her stomach, she thought of the real, underlying reason Snoke wanted Ben. The anger that blossomed from her gut was unalloyed, because it was rooted in the part of her that still felt like a mother… that still felt the need to protect her cub from harm. She created Ben; she felt him kick in the womb; she was the one who nursed him as a babe and clothed him in warmth. And Snoke wanted to take the flesh she had formed from within her away?

No. That conniving monster had no right to take her son from her. That foul creature already broke the boy he was once was, and Leia would sacrifice herself before Snoke took him completely.

Stars, her bloodline was forever cursed, wasn't it. Her grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and great-great-grandchildren and beyond were all going to be persecuted for where they came from, and monsters were going to try and seduce them to the dark side.

That was, of course, all hindering on the possibility of Ben having children. It was callous of her to think, but she just couldn't envision Ben as a father. Rey was definitely mother material: lovely, strong, and stood up to her son. _How serious is that relationship? Are they even in a relationship?_

Rey did stand intimately close to him in that comms facility a few days ago. She'd also obviously worried about him while he'd been talking to Senator Tisnew. Leia had worried as well, because for some reason, the dark side thickened and wailed the moment Ben walked into that room. She had a feeling the only reason Ben had actually stayed in control was because Rey was there. Otherwise, Leia wasn't sure what would have happened. Or why.

As usual, her thoughts always circled back to her son.

Glancing at the door, she could feel a presence approaching and knew who it was before he even knocked. "Come in," Leia called out.

Dressed in his light Jedi robes, Luke strode in and glanced around before finding Leia on the ground to the left of the entryway.

"What are you doing down there?" Luke asked, confused.

"I was in the need of a different… perspective. Sitting at my desk all day was getting on my nerves." Luke helped her up and gave Leia a moment to straighten her jumpsuit and vest.

"More planets refusing to speak with you?"

Leia plopped onto the sofa, letting out an exhausted breath. "Yup, but that's not the only thing that has me worried. Incom-FreiTek won't return any of Statura's messages. Without them, I'm unsure of where to get X-wing's. There's a small company in the Outer Rim that might help, but they can't build the amount of ships we need in the time frame I requested."

"I'm sorry, Leia." And truly, he meant it.

Leia leaned back, rubbing her chronic sore neck. "Is the galaxy really content with surrendering to the Order? Have they already forgotten what it was like to be under the Empire's rule?"

Luke scratched his beard, appearing like the wise Jedi Master others thought him to be. To Leia, he was just her twin brother and closest confidant. "Sometimes, people prefer what's known when they are scared. Not everyone is as fearless as you."

"In an ideal galaxy, they would be, but that's not the galaxy we live in." Leia sounded so jaded that she disgusted herself. This war, along with the previous one, was truly wearing her down. More gently, she said, "So, what brings you by?"

Luke reclined back while keeping his spine straight. "Sorry it's late. I lost time while meditating, but I wanted to stop by and see you." The smile he displayed didn't lighten his eyes. "How was the move this morning?"

The renovations to make her living area habitable had finally been completed and she'd been so eager to get down here, that Leia even helped move some of her belongings to make the process go by quicker. And more efficiently.

"It went smoothly. Nothing broken or lost." _Unlike last time._ "I'm just glad to be somewhere where I can walk outside and feel the fresh air on my face. You don't realize how much you miss it till you've been stuck on a ship for a while." Luke nodded, but his expression remained slightly uneasy. "Are you doing okay? You seem troubled."

He took a moment before answering. "The Force… it's so turbulent. Everything seems more clouded than before…" As Luke's eyes became distant, Leia wasn't sure what to say. The Force has always been Luke's territory, while government was hers. Just as she was about to open her mouth, Luke asked, "Have you seen Ben and Rey lately?"

Leia became flustered by the sudden change in topic, but regained her poise quickly. "Other than with Senator Tisnew, no. You're the one who sees them everyday. So why are you wondering if I have?

Luke frowned. "I think something is going on between them."

The last person who needed to notice that was her brother. If he was going to start talking about the Jedi code during this conversation, Leia was fully prepared to show him the door.

Her sharp eyes traced the aging lines of his face, noticing his worry. "Going on how?" she questioned.

"Like something intimate," his low voice said.

The nervousness that stirred beneath her composed surface made her stomach twist. "What makes you think that?"

"Just the way they are around each other, the looks he gives her." Luke pushed back his sloppily thin hair. "The frustrating part is that Rey's the only person he actually responds to. There's Poe, but he can't talk Ben into doing anything. Rey can."

Leia studied Luke for a few seconds, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, but if Rey can get through to Ben, then I don't really see why you're frustrated. No one has been able to do that since… well, never. For the first time in his life, Ben is being considerate of another person." Leia shrugged. "I see that as a very good thing."

"Really?" Luke said as he blanched. "So your willing to put Rey's well being on the line so your son can experience what it's like to care about someone else?"

All Leia could do for a brief moment was sit there and look at her brother. Obviously, he'd become way more attached to Rey than Leia initially thought. His tone mimicked that of an overprotective parent, but Rey was not his child. "Her well being? Luke, you said yourself you've seen how Ben looks at her. He loves her." Leia dropped that speculation out in the open. "He wouldn't hurt her."

"You don't know that. Our father loved Padme and look what happened."

Leia tucked a stray lock of hair back into her circular braid. "Vader wanted power–."

"He started down that path to try and save our mother," Luke interjected quickly. "Ben is well versed in the dark side, Leia. Once you go down that road, you never truly come back."

It appeared her twin was in dire need of a history lesson. "But you told me Anakin did," Leia flatly spoke.

"He's the first Sith in thousands of years to come back to the light and there is a reason for that: the dark side is unrelenting and addicting."

"But if Vader could do it–."

"No, Leia," Luke interrupted, his eyes growing hard and serious. "You need to accept that your son will never be how he was before."

Culling all sense of propriety into space and beyond, Leia gripped the edge of the sofa and hotly said, "Are you kidding me? You throw in my face that my son can't return to the light when you whole heartedly believed our father could?" She asked, her temper heating beyond the point of restraint. "Do you even know what Vader did for the Empire? He single handedly slaughtered hundreds of people! He made me watch my own planet be destroyed, for Force sake!" Leia swallowed so she didn't spit everywhere. "You don't get to sit there and discuss with me how my son will forever be damned."

Softening his demeanor out of pity– which she didn't want right now– Luke whispered, "Leia–."

"No," she snapped, pointing her finger at him. "Don't "Leia" me. Not when you refuse to help Ben."

Luke breathed in deep and evenly. "It's not that I refuse. He doesn't want my help."

"Have you tried offering?" Luke stayed quiet. "I didn't think so," Leia murmured as she crossed her short arms over her chest.

Luke's face flushed. "Leia… I… it's just…"

"Getting tongue tied?" She pettily mocked, which she regretted instantly.

Luke let her question slide as he relaxed his shoulders. "I know it's not the Jedi way to be this angry, but I didn't grow up being one. So I still struggle with my own feelings, and…" Luke sighed, looking down at the intricately woven rug that separated them. "It's hard for me to look past what happened."

With clear recollection, Leia remembered learning about the slaughter at her brother's academy. She'd been one of the first family members to arrive at the school after the news broke, and had been fully expecting to be leaving that planet with her son's corpse on board her ship. But then Lor San Tekka greeted her at the base of the ramp and told her Ben was nowhere on or near the school. He was the only student unaccounted for. Leaving the cleanup to his trusted friend, Luke told San Tekka to convey a message to her by word of mouth only. No writing it down, for fear of evidence.

Her brother had sensed the presence of the dark side user who had left behind the carnage… and it had been her son. Leia had never vomited so many times over the span of one day.

And witnessing Han react to the news via holoscreen had been horrendous. Partially because she saw in his eyes that he blamed her. He never wanted Ben to go to the academy or to become a Jedi.

After returning to her new founded Resistance– sans son, brother, and husband– the event had already been plastered all over the Republic news, pictures of the partially burned down school on full display for the galaxy to see. Stories from the deceased's family members flooded onto the airwaves, all of them grieving openly... and Leia watched every interview and read every story. It wasn't good for her, she knew– evidenced by the excessive weight loss over that short period– but she needed to know what her son had done to those people. She _needed_ to feel it. Because she was the one who sent Ben there, she was the one who tossed him aside.

The atmosphere wound down into a solemn drag, both twins thinking of events long passed. "Maybe you should try talking to him about it," Leia uttered the only thing she could think of; even though she knew it was a horrible idea. Last thing she needed was her brother to murder her son.

"Maybe," Luke mused. "Have you tried talking to him about… Han?" Leia stopped breathing. "R2 told me Ben has been trying to meet with you."

The requests had slowed down since they'd first started, but Ben always sent one out every single day. It was making her anxious, because he's never been the one to initiate contact with her. "He has, but I've been putting it off."

"Are you afraid of what he'll say?"

Leia searched her feelings. "More like I'm afraid to see how much he hates me," she replied honestly. And yes, it was hard to look at him and not see the resemblance between father and son.

"Leia, you're an incredibly strong woman," Luke stated. "You know that?"

She wasn't really in the mood for compliments, and it was peculiar to have them come from her brother. "Luke..." she said in an attempt to shut him down.

"I mean it," he said passionately. "After everything that has happened to you throughout your life, you are still here fighting. Me? I left for a while. But you? You never give up. Not even on your son… and you never should."

Her frown was so deep, that her furrowed brows almost covered her eyes. "But a few minutes ago you said–."

"I said he'll never be how he was before, but that doesn't mean he is completely lost," he said tenderly. "Do you know what Ben does while Rey and I are training?"

Leia shook her head.

The smallest of smiles played across his lips. "He sits off to the side and reads the whole time."

Her heart beat against her ribs as she peeled back her eyelids. "He– he reads?"

He nodded. "Yes. Remind you of anything?"

Well of course it reminded her of something. Tears stung her eyes at remembering her son when he was still just a boy. "That's all he did while growing up. He read constantly to the point that if he needed to be disciplined, I took away his Datapad and any books in his room." The meltdowns those inhibited were always epic and always involved a broom and a washcloth.

"You were right, Leia." Gazing at her brother with fresh hope in her eyes, Luke leaned forward and fervently said, "Ben is still in there. He is just more broken now, but he is there. I've come to see that."

"Why didn't you just say that from the get go?"

"Because I wanted you to understand that he will forever be different from this." A youthful smile suddenly spread from ear to ear. "And sometimes you don't let me get a word in edge wise." They both laughed, knowing that Leia could sometimes be a hard person to talk to.

Thinking over her twins more serious statement, it did make sense that Ben was going to be essentially scarred for the rest of his life. But knowing that there was an ounce of him left in that hate filled shell? It gave Leia hope, and a sense of the smallest wisps of peace. "Rey is helping him heal, don't you see that Luke? You, me, Han– we failed him and he will always see us that way. But Rey? She has never wronged him. You can't try to separate them," she said desperately.

"Leia, I don't think–."

"No." Leia sliced her hand through the stagnant air. "If you even try taking that girl away from him, you will have to answer to me, understand? He won't hurt her, Luke. I know it."

Slowly, he raised his hands as if to defend himself from an attack. "I was never going to make it so they never saw each other again," he enunciated each word. "They are bonded, remember? It would be impossible. I was just thinking about limiting their time together."

Leia glared.

"Okay, I won't even do that," Luke added. "But if anything does happen–."

"I'll hold myself responsible." Leia quickly finished for him. It was a gamble to promise such a thing, but she was going to give her son the benefit of the doubt that he could be a decent human being to that girl.

Leia watched as her brother's face morphed into a grave expression. "Have you thought about what would happen if something happens to Rey?" Luke whispered, even though no outside ears could hear. "What if she dies? What do you think Ben will do?"

 _Never imagined this," Han murmured, sitting up in their bed late at night, Ben's tiny head resting in the crook of his father's arm. "Having a kid. Even_ wanting _a kid. But now he's here, and–."_

" _And you're a dad." Leia leaned closer, unable to resist the chance to tease her husband. "Just think, hotshot. Someday you might even be a granddad."_

 _Han's chuckle warmed her. "Speak for yourself, sweetheart. Me, I ain't ever getting that old."_

Leia snapped out of her reverie, focusing on Luke's awaiting face. Her son– no longer that baby– could be as destructive as a gale storm and as vicious as an inferno. "I don't know," she finally murmured. Indeed, she truly had no idea how Ben would react if he lost Rey, and from knowing whom the young girl was harboring within, her death was probably the likely outcome. If that happened…

Leia unexpectedly wished her father were still here to lean on for support and encouragement. Bail had taught her so many valuable lessons about courage. About strength. About leadership.

Fates, her body was tired. When was the last time she truly relaxed? Leia couldn't recall. Her worry never stopped to give her such a luxury. That was what happened when someone grew up on the run, under siege, always escaping capture or death at any moment. Paranoia became the only way to see the galaxy, and she couldn't shake the feeling that the future was going to get much, much worse.

And soon.

()()()()()

It surprised Ren how fast the conversation with Poe had flipped sideways, leaving the pilot the one to huff indignantly back into the base, with BB-8 in tow. Ren was pretty sure the droid had stared him down before following his unaware master. Sighing deeply, he stood quietly for a long moment among the few workers that were giving him skeptical looks. Thankfully, the days work was mostly done; the members of the Resistance herded back into the base and making preparations for sleep.

Staying by Poe's X-wing, he wanted to give the guy a sufficient amount of time to get back to his barracks… mainly because he didn't want to run into him again. Ren had given his account of the caves– albeit, not willingly– so Poe would hopefully stop bothering that girl. She shouldn't have to relive that experience through storytelling and honestly, neither should he. But he found himself wanting to spare her… so he did.

It was strange to feel protective over someone he's barely interacted with, but the girl shouldn't be pining after someone such as Poe. Ren had enough moral aptitude to know that Poe was a good person, but his actions when it came to women weren't really anything to be envied. If anything, Ren kind of looked down on them. He never understood how people could have sexual relations just for the sake of experiencing it. Well, he technically understood how, because the euphoric feeling was addicting, but what do you do when it's all over? Reality is inescapable. So do you just thank the other for the service and go about your day like normal? Like nothing happened?

Ren wouldn't be able to do that.

And he didn't want that for Jess.

He was still shocked over how he'd conveyed as much to Poe. Stars, when did he start caring so damn much? It was exhausting to the point where he needed a nap, and he hadn't had one of those since he was three.

 _Stay out of it. Focus on your own life. It's not like you're in any position to give out advice._

Deciding that he would stay out of Jess's life to save him from the burden, Ren picked his way through the hangar, weaving among the ships and tools till he finally got to a base entrance. With how late it was, Rey was probably frantically pacing around his room, waiting and wondering when he would return. His evening walks were becoming longer and longer with each passing day, mainly because it was becoming increasingly more difficult to be in Rey's presence. The knowledge of her parents was making him become more distant, and every time he caught her stare, he could see her worry… and her longing for him. But he didn't know how to remedy–

Ren halted.

His eyes shifted to the left, looking down the intersecting hallway. There stood Leia, frozen, staring. Her usual jumpsuit was without the vest, giving off a more leisurely appearance, like she was getting ready to relax. Which, he deduced, she probably was. Glancing around, he realized that this was the part of the base where the generals and admirals presided. Guess it was up and running, meaning his mother was now going to be on the base.

Where he was….

He would've preferred for her to stay in space.

Resuming his journey, he took two steps forward and then paused mid-stride. He looked down at his boots, feeling Leia still in the same position: staring, unmoving. She wasn't scampering away, wasn't breaking eyes contact from his bulky form, and wasn't ignoring him.

Inch by inch, his head turned, his eyesight following the course correction. Leia nodded to her left, sending an unspoken invitation for him to join her. How many times has he attempted a meeting with her? How many times was he denied? But here she was… wanting to speak with him.

He was going to need a full spread of body armor to get through this confrontation. Or better yet, leave the galaxy.

His legs brought him down the hall, following her into the newly furnished study. It was a perfect copy of the one on the cruiser, except for the different walls and wider space. Leia perched onto a sofa, looking at Ren expectantly, waiting for him to fully immerse himself into the new environment. Ren drifted over to the plush seating across from her, his movements like those of a hesitant animal.

Sitting, his eyes locked onto hers, his posture stiff underneath his grey jacket as he buried his fists into his pockets. "You look tired," Leia said, starting off the exchange. "Have you not been sleeping well?" Ren narrowed his eyes, wondering if this was her way of subtly telling him that she knew Rey stayed over every night. It would be so like her to be nuanced, leaving him to guess as to her intentions.

"I've been sleeping well."

"Your room is to your liking? You understand why we couldn't put you with the general population."

"The room offers a good amount of privacy."

A hint of a smile formed on her ruby lips. "I thought you would find that comely. I was wondering if you would demand to have a room closer to Rey, but you haven't said anything." _Does she actually not know? Well, Rey was really good at sneaking…_

"It's fine." And then the room fell into silence, the kind that made him question why he put himself in a situation like this. But then it dawned on him that he's been the one trying to get an audience with the General. He needed to tell her…

Ren swallowed forcibly, trying to open his constricted throat so he could breath better. Sweat bloomed from under his arms and his body threatened to start shaking. These bodily reactions were a testament to his fear and his healthy adrenal glands. "I've–." Ren cleared his throat. "I've been trying to contact you."

Leia nodded solemnly. "I know, and I'm sorry for not being able to see you. I've been busy."

He immediately sensed the lie. "You can be honest and tell me you didn't want to speak with me."

Leia pursed her lips, taking a deep breath. "It's not that I don't want to speak with you. I just… don't know how to speak with you."

Not a complete lie, but her fear wafted into his senses, helping him to understand her reasoning. "You're afraid of me and don't try to deny it. I can feel the emotion within you."

Leia kept her unyielding stare, but ignored his statement. "What is it you've been wanting to talk to me about? I'm guessing there is a reason why you want to meet with me."

Ren paused, feeling his whole body tingle, like every inch of his skin was in need of a good scratch. Stomach mangling into knots, he stood, causing Leia to settle further against the sofa in surprise. Ren needed to move, so he went behind his designated lounger and paced, eyes darting everywhere but at Leia.

Words.

Words could never hold enough weight to get a feeling across, and yet, it was the main method in which high-functioning beings interacted with one another. Ren was never skilled at such a technique and he hadn't a clue how to properly convey regret…. Or to push aside his pride and admit his wrongdoings – which were plenty.

Leia didn't speak, but instead watched with patience, knowing that pushing would only avail disaster.

Passing close to Leia's desk, Ren's eyes involuntarily stumbled upon her scattered belongings. Among which was a small holo-image of Han, smiling in his usual carefree way. Ren couldn't get his feet to budge, nor his eyes to move, and he was now making it all too obvious as to what he was intently staring at.

With horrid acuity, Ren felt his father's palm brush his cheek, remembered how he callously grabbed his arm away and let him fall into oblivion.

"The picture was taken around the time you were born," Leia cut through the quiet. "It's one of my favorites, because he didn't know it was being taken."

Ren nodded– not from agreement, but because… well, he didn't know why he was nodding. Maybe it just gave him something to do in a situation that seethed with awkwardness.

Peeling his eyes from the image, he focused on his mother, her glistening eyes conveying the endless supply of grief. "You hate me," Ren stated.

"I don't hate you," she whispered, weakly. It was another lie– albeit harder to pick up on. The emotion wasn't as strong as the fear, which took him aback: Hate had a stronger vibration to sense, while fear was more like a low hum. But why didn't she detest him? He deserved her wrath– wanted it, craved it. How else could he find a fitting punishment? "Do you hate yourself?" Leia asked.

"Yes," he replied without hesitation. "I murdered my own father." As the words left his lips, he witnessed his mother break apart, her hands cradling her aged features, her sobs muffled by the obstacles of flesh. He breathed in her heartache and ragged despair, letting it burn his heart in hopes that it would kill him.

He wanted to scream. He wanted to yell. He wanted to shout his litany of remorse to this woman, but all he could do was finally whisper, "I'm sorry." Ren hated those two weak words, because they were so incredibly useless. Its meaning changed nothing, didn't bring anyone solace from their wronged life.

He continued his strides, not sure if he should do anything else. Was it proper to leave Leia to her grief? Should he try comforting her somehow? He couldn't go to her. The very hands attached to his long arms were the ones that killed Han. Touching his mother would stain her.

Ren raked his fingers through his hair, losing count on how many times he did so. At this rate, he was going to go bald, but he didn't care. The pull on his scalp was the only comforting feeling at the moment.

Unexpectedly Leia stopped crying, wiping at her face and composing the once contorted expression. "I need to know what happened," Leia commanded more than asked.

Ren froze. "Didn't the trooper or Rey tell you?"

She sniffled. "They did, but I need to know what you two talked about. They said there was talking on the bridge, but most of it was muffled. Please, Ben… I need to know his final words. What did he say? What did he do?"

Still not facing her, he shook his head, unable to speak, unable to process. "You owe me this," Leia said, her tone a bit sharper. Indeed, he did owe her. But Ren couldn't find the _words_ …

"Tell me. Please." Leia insisted.

"I don't think I can."

"Try."

In that moment, Ren imagined that he was anything else: the air, a breeze, or even a nighttime mist. A thing without thought, capable of simply being, not caring, or hurting. Then maybe… he could be free from it all. But he'd been born into this body and he had done the things he did, knowing deep in his thoughts that he would have to own up to them one day– that it didn't matter whether the context behind the actions were good or bad.

He pivoted, placing his shaky hands on the sofa, keeping his eyes down… and then he told her. Everything. Well, not exactly everything. True to his nature, he mainly summarized what had been spoken while not going into too great a detail. But when it came time to relay Han's death, he stumbled and shut down.

To his mother's credit, she kept herself composed. Except her voice was strung out, like she'd been yelling for hours on end. She probably had on the inside. "You… you were actually considering coming home with him?"

Ben nodded.

Leia coughed, trying to smooth her voice while scooting closer to the sofa's edge. "Then what happened? After you offered your saber?"

…

…

…

…Finally, he lifted his gaze as he evenly said, "I ignited it and put it through his chest. I thanked him, he touched my face, and then I let him fall into the oscillator." Leia sat, stunned by Ren's bluntness and lack of emotion. But sometimes, in order to stay in control, you had to deliver such news quickly and evenly before your voice gave out. Unfortunately, ears still picked up sound, allowing Ren to listen to what he just verbalized.

So. Very. Tactlessly.

If he hadn't gone through the last few weeks, if he had never met Rey, if he'd never started to accept the light that waited dormant in his soul, maybe he wouldn't have lost all the feeling in his legs. Maybe he would have had the strength to keep standing… but his knees buckled and he fell to the cool ground, disappearing behind the sofa.

He wept in great, heaving gags, his tears hot and salty as they ran over his lips, his hands shielding him from the outside world. He was keenly aware of arms bringing him down into an embrace, laying his torso across a lap that felt viciously familiar. Clutching onto the arms that surrounded him, he wailed for the evil he'd done, knowing that such concepts were no longer a perception, but lived within him.

Small hands stroked his hair, reminding him of the times his mother soothed him through those early nightmares, trying to help him fall back asleep. That little boy… he had no idea what awaited him in the future.

Riding the waves of the possessive cries, he prayed to anything that was listening that he would stop such an embarrassing display, but nothing answered. Grasping onto the frail arms as if it was going to increase the odds of him finding his center, he listened as Leia shushed in his ear, rocking him back and forth.

"Snoke did this to you, my son. He poisoned your thoughts, made you do horrible things. He is to blame, not you." The mention of Snoke helped him to calm down, but not in the way his mother probably expected. Yes, Snoke helped manipulate him into being… _this_. And his parents neglect didn't do him any favors, but Ren blamed himself most of all, and casting the full responsibility onto another just didn't bode well with him.

Leia remained quiet as Ren settled, still in the confines of her hold. Straggling tears slid across the bridge of his nose, slithering over his temple and into his hair as he sniffled and kept his eyes closed. Breathing the stagnant, thin air, he wasn't sure how long he remained in his mothers hold and even though conceit was telling him to stop appearing weak, he didn't move.

He couldn't deny that he'd wanted this even before he left for the First Order.

To just be a son.

With his mother.

"You're father and I… we failed you. I should have sensed Snokes influence on you, I should have recognized your worth."

Creaking his lids open, he stared at the matte wall ahead. "My value is non-existent," he hoarsely stated.

Leia shook him gently. "No. You are worth so much more than you think." If Ren followed that line of belief, than he sure was worth something all right.

But only a trip to the grave.

Jerking slightly to release her hold, he pushed his body up and away, leaning his spine against the rigid back of the sofa. He glanced down at his large hands, zeroing in on his severely scared right palm. Memories of dying gripped him, shooting him up with a form of post-anxiety that was actually welcomed.

War had a rhythm that was contradictory: there were long stretches of waiting and inactivity, interspersed with grand explosions and near death experiences. Ren lived well among the action, but never could handle the lulls of idleness– which was what this most definitely was. "I need to go," he mumbled as he attempted to stand, but was stopped by Leia's fierce grasp on his bicep.

Tugging him down with her body weight, she desperately said, "I don't want you to go, Ben."

"That's not my–."

"Just stay with me… a little while longer. I– I need to talk with you, like we use to when you were younger. You would come home and tell me everything that happened at school while we ate snacks at the kitchen counter, remember?"

Turning his head, he met her pleading eyes… and nodded. "I want to talk to my son," she said, her voice cracking. "Please, I miss you Ben. You're all I think about during the day and throughout the night. I dream of what kind of family we could've been if I'd never sent you away and if I'd been honest with you from the beginning." Leia palmed his cheek, and though the touch burned, his body remained fixed, rigid.

"Give me back my son, even if it's only for a few minutes. I just… I need to know you're still you– that Snoke hasn't destroyed you. Please," her breath drew out. "I will beg. I will bargain. I'll even negotiate with whatever you want. Just do this for me."

Watching his mother grovel was a contradiction of who he knew her to be. Begging? Pleading? The woman had always been above such lowly acts, but sitting here and studying her face, she truly looked beseeching.

But how could he be her son? That memory in which she used was from when he was eight, and if his calculations were correct, had happened a thousand years ago. Felt like he was off by a million, though.

Looking quickly around what he could see of the office, his depth perception started to short-circuit, making everything look farther away than it really was. Even the sense of where he was in space and the arrangement of his limbs were hard to register, for his subconscious had decided on what he would do before his brain had a chance to play catch up and veto the idea.

He was going to grant her this one request, because in all honesty, he owed her more than a pathetic apology.

This was going to be… rough.

Gently seizing her hand, he lowered it from his face and placed it in her lap... and did not let go. Her other hand immediately clasped onto his, tightly squeezing in fear that he might try to leave again. Calmly gazing at her ripened features, he realized that while he'd been so focused on growing up, he'd forgotten that she'd been growing old. He'd seen it in Han, but the fact was more prevalent with Leia.

Emotions bubbled up in his chest and distracted him from the outside world, tethering him to this moment. The desperate edge to this transformation business was not something Ren could ignore, not while he was busy trying to remember who he used to be.

Ren swallowed back his trepidation and slipped into a skin he hadn't worn in decades. "What do you want to talk about?" he asked evenly.

There was a beat of silence as Leia composed her shocked face, her mind quickly searching for a topic. "What… what have the last six years been like for you?"

"Lets not talk about that."

"But I want to know."

A lump formed in his throat that he could barely swallow past. "No, you don't. The truth will make you sick," he stated factually. Leia glanced down at their clasped hands, her eyes attempting to blink back the pity, but brutally failing.

"There is not much to talk about, given how we have nothing in common," Ren whispered, slumping slightly over while crossing his knees and fully facing her. Part of him knew her demand to talk wouldn't work, because what would they say to each other? He wasn't in grade school anymore, wasn't–

"How are you and Rey doing?" Leia inquired.

Ren's dark stare narrowed. "She's fine," he curtly said since he didn't know what she was getting at.

"I asked about you both, not just her. I want to know… how your relationship is going."

Leia was honestly asking, which made Ren forget how to keep breathing. Such a reaction did not last long, however, as his face scrunched up from the encroaching confusion. "Uhhhhh…" This was the last thing he thought she would want to know about.

Leia sat, waiting for a proper response. She didn't attempt to be polite by taking back the question or trying to steer the conversation elsewhere. Clearly, she knew something was going on between him and Rey, but how much should he reveal?

"We're fine," he mumbled, realizing that "fine" might just be his new preferred response to everything.

"You love her?" Ren straightened, his back muscles not appreciating the sudden movement as they basically seized. "I've seen how you treat Rey differently than everyone else. You look at her affectionately, which I've never seen you do. And you seem very protective of her. So… you love her, don't you?"

He nodded tersely, sweat blooming on his brow, skin turning clammy.

His mother grinned, lighting up her sophisticated face. "Good. I'm happy for you two. I'm glad you found–."

"It's not like that," he said, abruptly feeling the need to shut down her presumption.

Leia paused, her brows tightening. "What do you mean?"

Ren shrugged. "She doesn't feel the same way."

"That's…" Leia tripped over her words. "Of course she does. I know I haven't been around a lot, but from what I can tell, she does love you."

"It's not possible," he stated.

"Not possible?" Leia eyed him up and down. "Do you… do you think it impossible for others to care about you?"

"I know that to be the case."

"No, Ben, it's not," she murmured passionately hoisting onto her knees. Leia popped up to eye level, gazing at Ren ardently while squeezing his large hand.

"How... how do you know?" Ren childishly whispered.

"Because you have one of the biggest hearts out of anyone I know," her soft tenor implored. "Do you remember when you were six and one of your classmates was being physically hurt by the other students? You got in between them and hit the kid who instigated it. You protected that child from harm, because you were compassionate. And then about a year later, little Cara's parents died in that horrible ship accident and you told her she could come live with us and that Han and I would be her new parents. Remember that?"

Ren breathed through the memories that no longer mattered. Good deeds had a statute of limitations, and since the only evidence that they ever happened was basically hearsay, they couldn't be used in his defense. Hell, it was hard for him to believe those stories were real, and he was the one who lived it.

Leia resumed, "You asked how I know it's possible for you to be loved… it's because you are capable of great compassion. It's because I love you, and your father loved you." Ren shook his head, trying to get out of his mother's firm grip, but the bind was unrelenting. Her voice was so heartfelt, that her tone felt like it was drifting down from the heavens and caressing his mind, but he fought the haze that enticed him. He couldn't give in… couldn't believe…

As Ren settled into a pause that grew much, much longer, he suffered through an extra dose of tears sliding down his cheeks. His mother was using examples of when he was a child, of things that happened over two decades ago. And somehow, she'd grown unaware of a glaringly obvious fact. "Nobody loves me," Ren's voice quivered.

Leia exhaled, palming his left cheek, making him look at her tender eyes. "Listen to me, Ben. Your father loved you and because of that, he tried to save you from the life you'd been manipulated into. His love was unconditional and so is mine, because we created you out of the love we had for one another." Her thumb caressed his pale skin. "I forgive you and he would want you to forgive yourself."

Her words threw him into a tailspin, blurring all thoughts till his head hurt and his heart pumped violently in his chest. Crushing his eyes shut as fresh tear fell, he breathed out, "I can't."

"You must–."

"You don't understand," he said as he opened his eyes and wiped his cheeks quickly, making his mother lower her hand. "I have killed hundreds of people without question, without compunction." _Like Sheldom– may he rot in ever loving misery._ "Do you honestly think I deserve love or companionship?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because you were preyed upon from a young age, not understanding what Snoke was doing to you. You are very much a victim in all this, and victims deserve a chance at having the life they'd always been denied."

There always came a time when you passed the classification of being a victim and became the villain, following in the footsteps of the monster who made you. That had happened to Ren long ago and his mother seemed to be incapable of seeing that.

"Don't be afraid to ever love someone or to be loved in return," Leia whispered. "Having feelings isn't a weakness and it doesn't mean you're relinquishing any sense of control. I think Snoke has somehow warped your view on what it's like to live and–."

His heart bounced between the sky and the ground as his breath became trapped in his lungs. Feeling like he'd awoken from a dream, he scrambled to his feet, cutting Leia short and jerking her forward as she tried to hold onto him. "I can't do this," he proclaimed before striding for the exit, breathing through his mouth so he didn't pass out.

Leia raced to the door, placating her body in the way of his escape. For her age, it was impressive that she had moved faster than him. Then again, desperation tended to infuse a person with a wave of adrenaline.

Palms flat against the entry panel so the door remained shut, Leia stood her ground and asked, "Can– can I see you tomorrow?"

"Do you need more information on the Order?"

"You know that's not what I'm after."

Taking in one breath… two… then three, he said, "I can't"

Leia's hopeful features fell. "Can't or won't?" Ben didn't answer. "Is there any chance of us being mother and son again?" The question burned through his ears and sizzled his brain. How could she want that? After all he's done? Sure, she said she loved him, but Ren didn't believe her– still didn't, even after the whole monologue on how it was possible to do so.

"No. I won't be that with you. I… I can't put myself in that position again." Abandonment was a wound that never healed. The child within never forgot, and Ren recalled the last time he'd been her son.

It had not ended well.

Defeated, Leia stepped to the side, allowing Ren to pass unhindered. He stopped when the door slid open, his tall frame directly beside his mother. Inhaling, his deep voice whispered, "I want you to know…" He looked down. She glanced up. Their sullen eyes met in the middle. "Every part of me regrets what I did to Han and I'll never forgive myself. That is my eternal punishment."

With a panic that roared in his veins, he left, the pounding of his boots not registering in his bones as he basically glided across the floor.

What had he done? He went into her office with the intention of only apologizing, and somehow got roped into talking about his feelings. Why did he do that? Did she use her grief to manipulate him? And how could he move forward and face her again, knowing that he'd allowed himself to be vulnerable?

He groaned as he connected back into the environment, his eyes darting around the hallway, his balance destabilizing. With both legs trembling, he willed himself to keep going while focusing on breathing deep with his stomach.

" _Nobody loves me"_ he recalled himself pathetically saying.

 _So?_ he inwardly countered. _You don't need to deal with those types of emotion. Honestly, it's a blessing Rey doesn't feel that way. This is your life and no one will ever, truly love you. Get over it and move on._

He shook his hands and cranked his neck from side to side, trying to get his flesh to cool down. The slow, sparkling anger that crawled from his gut and into his heart replaced the humiliation and helped him to focus. He didn't want to be here… on this base… with his mother.

The fury escalated quickly and Ren knew he needed to rein it in if he didn't want to lose control.

Dammit… he wanted to, though. Nearing his room, he thought of what he could destroy and if it was possible for him to do it quietly. Then, after his pent up anger was satiated, he would leave this place and never come back.

Thank the Force he took out the chip, so that was no longer a concern.

But the biggest problem was going to be Rey and if she would come with him. If not… well, knowing she could never love him made the idea of leaving her barely bearable.

 _Your being self-centered_ , an inner voice whispered. _You can honestly do that to Rey?_

Well, if he was being honest with himself… he probably couldn't. But maybe if he started the process of packing, he might just build up the strength to actually leave.

 _Lying to yourself never got you anywhere…_

()()()()()

Rey stepped out of the shower, her hair and body dripping with the hot water that so lavishly left her feeling clean. Breathing in the humid air, she languidly dried herself while feeling fortunate to experience the luxury of bathing with water. Each time felt like the first and she wondered if she would ever get use to it.

Probably not, and that was perfectly all right with her.

Glancing down at the white floor, she remembered finding Ren next to a pool of his own blood. All from his own doing, of course. The man had been crazy enough and driven enough to dig out that damn chip– and didn't that just piss her off. Such personality traits made him unpredictable, which was what caused her to worry about him constantly. Just once, she would like to know what crazy stunt would be next in his long list of how-to-be-rash.

Shaking her head, she dismissed the memory so she wouldn't get mad about it. Again.

Slipping into one of Ben's gigantic shirts and a pair of her nighttime trousers, she positioned her frame in front of the sink and wiped the condensation from the mirror. Her eyes gave her reflection a dispassionate review, making her lean over the basin so she could get really up close and personal with the glass.

She was so… plain looking. Her face was round, her eyes were a normal size, and her lips weren't overly plump. Everything about her was so ordinary that if she passed herself in a hallway, she wouldn't do a double take. But Ben had kept his word and would tell her everyday how beautiful she was, even though he saw how uncomfortable the compliment made her.

Leaning back, her hands started to glide over her body until her hands settled on the tiny bumps that were her breasts. That womanly feature was so small that her palms more than covered them. It was borderline shameful, really. Next to inspect were her hips, which was a waste of time since she had none.

Rey groaned internally. During her life on Jakku, she had been meticulous in keeping up her strength and planning for her next meal. Her looks were never a concern because she'd never cared… until now. Honestly, she couldn't figure out why Ben found her so attractive. Compared to all the other women he's been with, she had to be the most plain looking. She figured–

Rey heard the outside door open and close, the sound of heavy boots moving about the room. She'd been getting close to going out and tracking Ben down, cause who takes a walk in the evening for three hours? _At least he made it back right before curfew_ , she thought as she read the time on the wall.

Using his brush, she combed through her hair and adjusted her clothes before exiting the refresher and–

Ben was rifling through the closet, shoving articles of clothing into a bag that was already overflowing. "What are you doing?" Rey asked.

Ben froze and didn't move. "Ben?" She pushed.

His torso expanded from his deep inhales. "I need to leave," he said evenly.

"Are you being moved to another room?"

He shook his head… and then Rey realized what was really happening. "You're leaving the base," she uttered. He nodded as he resumed shoving in the last remnants of clothes and then zipped up the duffle. Walking over to the bed, he placed the luggage on the mattress and slowly turned around. Every line and feature was in place, making him seem void. But his eyes were what gave him away: they were bloodshot and glistening, evidence that he'd been crying.

"I talked to the general," he vocalized. Rey's sight bounced between him and the bag before settling on his face.

Her voice let out a measly, "You did?"

He nodded. "I apologized."

Obviously there was more to the story or he wouldn't be going through the dramatics of packing. "Was that all that happened?"

"We… talked."

"What about?"

Ben came to her, his eyes burning into her soul and warming her skin. Rey immediately had to downshift from his dark, penetrating stare to somewhere in his chin vicinity so she wouldn't feel overwhelmed. Long, calloused fingers stroked her cheek, electrifying her skin. "Leave with me," he beseechingly whispered. "We can go anywhere you want…. Anywhere. You love the ocean and I know dozens of other planets that have beaches just as mesmerizing as Spira's. We can build a life together, just you and me."

Shaking her head, she stared at him like she had no idea who he was. "And leave everyone else to fight this war?" _He's joking. This is all just a big–_

"The Resistance is going to lose, Rey," he said while placing both hands on her shoulders. "They do not have the manpower or the resources to destroy the First Order. We should leave before we get taken down with them."

Her neck and spine set straight and the lines of her mouth tightened. "And how long do you think it will be before the Order finds us? Sooner or later, there won't be anywhere to hide."

"At least we'd have some time to be together."

She shook her head. "I'd rather fight for the chance of having a full life, than be complacent on waiting for it to be taken from me."

Ben removed his hefty hands, letting them drop to the side as he stepped back. "So… you would stay here then?" He asked, coldly.

"Yes," she firmly said. "I won't abandon my friends and frankly, I'm surprised you would."

With eyes negate of emotion, Ben uttered, "I don't have any friends."

Rey blinked away her surprise. She hadn't expected him to say that, not after… _everything._ "You have me."

To that, he said nothing; which worried her.

Rey gulped as she started to feel her body tremble like it was cold, but it wasn't from the room temperature. It was from fear. "You– you aren't still gonna leave after I told you I wouldn't come with you… are you?"

His face remained blank, giving nothing away as to the inner workings of his mind. As he just looked at her, she felt exposed, as if he were reading her mind or calculating her importance to him. She hoped it was the former. "Do you remember on Ahch-To when you told me you and I could leave this war behind and live elsewhere?"

"Y–Yes–."

"You're a liar."

The silence that followed was deafening. The judgment was palpable.

Blood rushed to her ears from the sharp accusation… that happened to be completely true. "What?" she croaked out.

His eyes were dark. Not so much brown as black. "You lied to me."

Once her brain cells stated firing off again, her body locked up and her tone didn't back down. "That is very hypocritical of you to say, don't you think?"

He shrugged, not even looking remotely bothered by what she just said. "I won't deny that I am a hypocrite, but it doesn't mean what I said is untrue."

 _Fine. Whatever. We can be hypocrites together._ "I… Ben, so much has changed since then." She took a step forward; he took a step back. "We found out about Kayani and realized why Snoke made you fall to the dark side–."

"It doesn't change anything."

"Yes, it does. We can take down Snoke and help the Resistance end this war. You and I– we have a greater purpose than just being together."

He scoffed. "Greater purpose?"

She threw out her arms, letting the limbs get animated as she hotly spoke. "Fine. You know what? If I can't convince you that we are important to the outcome of the galaxy, I don't know what will. But can you honestly stand there and tell me you don't care about what happens to these people on base? Or what happens to Poe? Or to your mother? Even your uncle?"

"Why should I?"

"Because you care about them, dammit!" Rey yelled in frustration. "You stand there and pretend you don't, but I know you do!"

Rey immediately regretted yelling, because she knew Ben didn't like it. But it was a better alternative than slapping him, so…

Ben rubbed his face and lowered his head, his dark tresses falling around his hands. "It's just…" he said softly, "it's all getting too hard."

With the atmosphere calming into something sullen, she peered at him, not knowing what to say to that admission. If he'd continued to be unreasonable, she could have handled that easily, but this quiet resignation from a man as powerful as him was hard to bear.

Ben placed his hands on his slim hips and said, "I am tired from the guilt that constantly weighs me down."

Swallowing back her surprise at seeing him be so open, she replied, "You're exhausted. Everybody feels that way at some point, but leaving isn't going to make you stronger. Staying here and fighting will. This is your second chance, Ben," Rey implored. "You have so much power that could be used for good and by doing so, you can make amends for the things you've done."

"That's a simple answer for a lifetime of mistakes. Doing good deeds does not erase anything and it doesn't make you feel better. I will never be a person worth saving; I'll never be a righteous man. The galaxy wants me gone."

Rey wrapped her arms around her middle. She hated when Ben got in these moods, because somehow, he always forgot about her. "What about me? I tried to forget you the two weeks we were apart, but I never could. And then I watched you die, and it nearly ruined me. I see you struggling to be here and all I think about is how I want to try and help you. Please Ben, tell me how I can help you."

…"You can't help me."

"I– I can," she stuttered, feeling herself getting emotional. "I will. Something happened while talking with your mother and I don't know what it was, but it shouldn't change the progress you've made. Tell me what I can do."

Silence ensued.

Rey started to throw out suggestions in an effort to engage him. "Do you need to talk? I can listen. Do you want me to comfort you? Because I can do that." She tried to wrap her arms around him, but he pushed her away, denying her of his closeness.

"I don't want comfort in the form of a hug."

"Then what–." Rey stopped talking as she realized what other forms of comfort there were. "Oh."

Becoming antsy, Ben began to pace while ravaging his hair with his hands, leaving his dark locks as ragged as a torn cloth. "All these feelings I have, the emotions I feel… it's getting to be too much. I don't understand how people can care about someone and stay sane at the same time." He stopped and met her gaze, pained. "I look at you, and I just love you, and it terrifies me. It terrifies me what I would do for you– what I have contemplated doing for you." _Doing what for me? What is he talking about?_

She reached out for him. "Ben–."

He continued his pacing, looking down at the floor and shaking his head. "I can't stay here, Rey," he whispered.

Rey ground her teeth, suddenly becoming fed up with coddling him. "So. You are really going to leave me. Again. Because you are too afraid to feel… too afraid to see your own mother. Is that it?"

Ben repeated the back and forth, his footfalls beating into the floor as he didn't answer.

"Fine." Rey gestured to the door. "Go. But I want you to know that if you do leave, then all you ever were was a monster. And a coward."

He spun on his heels to face her. "What? You think this is simple? You think there's an easy answer?" Ben pointed at her. "You can never understand what I've done or the remorse that follows me everywhere I go."

"I know of everything you've done, because you've done it to me." The interrogation, her one father figure being killed, the duel on Starkiller, the fight on the island that almost killed her… it all played through her mind.

The blood drained from Ben's face, conveying to her that he was thinking through it all as well. "But I have always stuck by you, even when it was hard to do so." Rey said.

Lips quivering, Ben went to the bed and looked down at the long, dark bag. Rey waited for him to grab the handle and dart for the door, but instead, he just sat down, not even giving the duffle a second glance. _Does this mean he's going to stay? Was he–_

"Why?" Ben asked, interrupting her spewing thoughts.

"Why what?"

Ben lifted his gaze. "Why do you stay?" His voice was deep and low, rattling in his throat. "You come here every night and cling to me while you sleep. You worry about me when we aren't together. You stay by my side even though people gossip about it. Why? Why do you do these things? Because Rey, I am not worth the hassle."

As she breathed in the still air, her breaking heart hurt so badly that she could barely bear the pain– because she knew that Ben truly believed he was worthless, reviled… unloved… and he was starving himself of the goodness he didn't think he could feel. Glancing at the bloated bag, she realized he was never truly going to leave, that the packing was a sort of therapy to try and make him feel in control.

In this quaint room, where things that should've been said hadn't been, where what might have been hadn't come to fruition, she accepted that her feelings belonged to him just as much as they belonged to her.

Watching him become confused, three simple words sprung out of that deep cage of her fear, running amok in her mind. As she spoke them in her thoughts, she found them to be deep and rhythmic, almost like a song– except no, there was so much more substance to the eight letters, the three syllables becoming solid in her bones, wrapping her being in a rainbow colored cocoon, each strand circling one upon another upon another until the number became infinite and the binding permanent.

This revelation warmed her stomach and calmed her heartache, giving her the courage to speak the truth.

"Isn't it obvious?" Rey asked. Ben stared at her, his brows pinching together from trying to see something that didn't exist for the eyes to perceive, but for the ears to hear and the soul to feel.

The perplexity of his expression jammed her with guilt, because day in and day out he'd expressed his love for her, reminding her of the beauty she didn't see in herself and the strength he steadily admired. But what has she ever done for him? As much as she shied away from such glittering words, the truth was, she desperately needed to hear those things... and he needed it as well. Sentient beings were meant to connect, to belong, and to be loved– which is what he's been trying to do with her, but she'd given him little leeway into the depths of her heart.

Yes, he has been distant as of late, but maybe it was from her unwillingness to express her feelings.

Rey took a deep breath and came a little closer, moving slowly till the gap between them dissolved. Getting on her knees, Ben watched as she extended her soft, warm hand… and slid it against his palm, resting their joined hands on his thigh. His skin was cold, and she could feel him shutter from her warmth. Transfixing him with her hazel stare, she pushed aside her fear and uttered, "I do these things," there was a beat of silence,"… because I love you."

 **Bam! Finally, Rey tells him how she feels! It feels like it took her forever, I swear. lol Anyway, that's another chapter down! The little flashback Leia has about baby Ben and Han is actually from the novel Bloodline, so I do not take credit for writing it. But it was just so simple and sweet I couldn't resist putting it in here.  
**

 **The Leia/Ben and Rey/Ben scene both were kind of inspired by certain scenes in a TV show or movie. If anyone can guess what they are, you will receive a virtual high five! lol**

 **So when I was thinking of the scene between Ben and Rey, certain things just popped into my head out of nowhere. Like where he calls her a liar. My first reaction to it was "whoa Ben, like, how dare you?" But then I thought about it and to me, he had a point. And he isn't always going to be be perfect or say the right things around her. I am nervous how you all took it, but I decided to stay true to the scene that came into my head.**

 **And I wanted to ask you all a question since I basically view you as my editors in helping me to write this story. The next chapter starts immediately where this one ended off and I was wondering if I should continue it from Rey's pov or Ben's? I have good ideas for both, but it's hard for me to decide! So what would you want to see? And what are your thoughts about his chapter? Did you like the Leia/Ben confrontation? Honestly, I wanted it to be longer, but it just wouldn't work while I was writing it because Ben is not a huge talker to begin with. And he is talking to his mom, so... Also, would you like to see what is going on with the First Order? Hux hasn't made an appearance in a while... Let me know in the comments below! May the Force be with you all!**


	31. Chapter 31

**Thank you all so much for the reviews, faves, and follows! And especially thanks for being so patient! I went on vacation to San Diego and had little time to write, so I got behind with this chapter. I apologize and hopefully, I can be quicker with the next one.**

 **ilovekyloren: I really try to stay true to the characters and for me, it makes sense that Ren would be this broken person after everything he's done. Staying true to his personality is sometimes tricky, because I want him to be this happy person, but it's just not realistic. Leia and Ben's relationship will be slow and they will interact more. So you guys might not remember because it has been so long, but Ren got Rey's parents names from Unkar's mind back in an early chapter. That's how he knew what to search for. He doesn't know them personally, but there is way more to Rey's family that we haven't gotten to yet. Poe and Jess have a little convo in this chapter, and Ren and Poe are on the road of developing a friendship. Does it get to the level of a bromance? Maybe... The answers to your questions shall be revealed in time! Jnads1: I'm glad the chapter really resonated with you! I laughed about your husband looking at you like you're crazy. My husband would have done the same thing! Leia won't be giving up on her son, even when things get rough in the future. She failed him once and she doesn't want to do that again. KatMichBow: I absolutely love Mumford and Sons. If you look closely through out the story, you can find little snippets or a likeness to some of their lyrics. With the Luke and Leia scene, I was kinda imagining Carrie there while writing it. That's probably why you picked up on that. Oh vulnerable Ben... You'll be seeing more of him in this chapter. And future ones. But don't forget his monstrous side. We'll be seeing it later on. It really did take Rey FOREVER to confess how she felt, and Ren really needs to hear it. No one likes thinking they are garbage, and we all know beneath that harsh exterior, Ben is really sensitive. Poe has his own stuff to figure out and his explosion at Ren shows just how frustrated he is over the whole reputation situation. This chapter does start off with Ben's reaction! So, yeah! thiskiddusty: haha I love your review. Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out! I actually think last chapter was one of my better ones since I'm the most satisfied with it. Glad to know someone is really emotionally invested in this story along with me! And you think you've been on a roller coaster of emotions now? Just you wait. I am making it a goal to wring you guys out by the time this story is over. Your welcome! lol. sillyfluffychild: Most of you guys all voted for Ben's pov first, so that is what I did! I appreciate your input in helping me to decide. Glad you love the story! I hope you continue to do so! NightElfCrawler: Ren breaking down is so intriguing and enjoyable to write. I just love getting in his head. From here on out, his breakdowns will be less frequent and severe. At least, I think so. Sometimes the story writes itself. But we are getting to the point where we will be focusing more on Rey. So as Ben starts coming to the surface, Rey is going to start to struggle. Lets just say, their roles are going to somewhat reverse. Guest: Thank you so much! I always believe a slow burn is so much better than rushing a romance. It's so much more rewarding, especially with these two characters. I try to be descriptive in body movements so you can imagine the scene easily. Facial expression are so important to me! So on the subject if they do it... well, this chapter is rated M! The scene is descriptive at parts, and subtle at others. I hope it's not too uncomfortable fo you all to read. I tried to stay true to how I write and tried to keep it realistic. Since it's their first time, nothing over the top happens. So if someone was looking for something crazy and explicit, sorry! Their relationship is not there yet! The rey/ren scene from last chapter wasn't inspired by the 100, but I so ship Bellarke! kimmycocopop: Well, this chapter has a whole lot of Reylo going on, but you'll see why I did that at the end of the chapter. Ren's journey does involve letting go of the past, so we'll see him really delving into his more forgiving side moving forward. The dark side is definitely more comfortable for him to be in than the light right now. We might see that change. vana9: Poe and Ren will have a chance to talk it out sooner or later. It always makes me happy as a writer to have a chapter make you emotional and really feel what the characters are going through. His development has come such a long way and it's been slow and rough for him. It's taken me a lot of patience writing his character cause I just want him to get to that happy point NOW! But it wouldn't be as sincere if it's rushed, so I have to remind myself to take it slow. It is tragic that Han dying is what brought Ben back. Han went out on that bridge to bring his son home, and in the end, he did... just not in the way he thought he would. It is so sad to think about, really. Geez, this story gets me emotional sometimes too. Ben finally challenging Rey on her feelings was a good moment for his character. Rey needed to be pushed to reflect on her feelings. Although, Ren sure wasn't expecting her to say those three words. Thanks for the review and for reading! Guest: You want more? Your wish is my command! SheLitAFire: I always have so many things I want to do and never stick with them. Honestly, I am shocked I've gotten this far with the story. Sticking with something for six months? So unlike me. But I am proud of myself for getting this far! Sooooo much brain power goes into the plot and keeping track of the characters. But I'm kind of a perfectionist, so I think a lot about this story. For me, when Ren brings up her family, she kinda viewed it as him being strange. She will think about that moment again though. I see your point about her being stubborn, but one of her downfalls is trusting Ren way too much– which she will notice wasn't the best thing for her to do. Their relationship is going to have a lot of ups and downs. Ren views himself as Ren, while others– Leia, Rey, Luke– view him as Ben. Others switch between Kylo and Ren. I am doing it intentionally so it shows how people view him. Ren is kind of this mixture of Ben and Kylo, while people who don't really like him think of him as Kylo. If Ren has ever thought of himself as Ben, that is an error on my part and was not intentional. It gets difficult sometimes to keep track of which name to use! lol. Glad you like it though! It can be a bit confusing. cumbercookieja: Thanks! Hope you like the chapter! mal496: I love trying to kill my readers with the feels! Muahahaha! We shall get a glimpse of hux soon! Blaze: Thanks for loving the story! I hope you keep loving it moving forward! Guest 2: Whenever Ben opens up, he gets this need to be closed off again. He doesn't really do it with Rey though. But with his mom, it's a different story. And I love rebelcaptain! I loved Rogue one so much. The scene on the beach at the end between the two of them... Ah! Gets me every time.  
**

 **Okay, so as I previously stated, the chapter is rated M for sexual content. If you do not wish to read those parts, skip down to the bolded ()()()()(). Anyway, this chapter has the most Reylo I have ever written in a single chapter. They are the main focus and it jumps between their pov's a lot. Hope you enjoy the read!**

Chapter Thirty-one

"I do these things… because I love you," Rey tenderly spoke, holding his wide hand while showing an unknown vulnerability in her hazel eyes. Now it was Ren's turn to feel poleaxed, his body going numb as he tried to comprehend what she just said.

Fates, if he heard her correctly, he pitied her. Clearly she was delusional, or she was speaking such nonsense because she felt sorry for him. He feared it was the latter.

Ren's eyes never stopped gazing at her lovely and forthcoming face. Whenever he was left in the recesses of his own mind, he'd always chased the dream of hearing her say those words to him. But here? Now? He couldn't accept it, for he'd lost the ability to do so long ago.

The sadness in him welled up, a rain cloud condensing over him quickly, and as he struggled to organize his muddled thoughts and emotions, he touched her cheek– and felt her warmth against the tips of his cold fingers. With every word that was suppose to bring them closer, his soul was giving out on them both, his heart growing logy, his mind unable to believe…

Throughout his life, he never knew who would leave or stay. So he ended up pushing them all away, guarding his emotional heart from the daggers of disappointment. Stars, was he as much to blame for his broken family as his parents were? Maybe… he had been too difficult a child…

"Ben?" Rey whispered, grabbing his hand to still it on her face. "Did you hear me? I said I love–."

"Don't be a tragedy, Rey," he whispered with offensive gentleness. Rey froze, her eyes widening and her mouth agape. Standing and releasing their joined palms, she stepped away, shocked by what he'd just spoken. He, on the other hand, remained seated, his features trying to exude someone that was calm and collected.

He failed, for he truly looked lost and sorrowful.

True to his brutal nature, he'd managed to strangle the warmth out of a situation in a fraction of a second. But he couldn't handle hearing those words come in the form of her proverbial voice. It was cruel, and he felt like he'd been tortured enough for one day.

Feeling broken and wanting to be left alone, he nodded to the door as he said, "You should go before you say something else you'll regret."

Rey closed her mouth and shook her head. "I don't regret how I feel," she staunchly held. "What I said is the truth."

"No, it's not," he countered. "I don't want you saying such things because you feel sorry for me."

Her face tightened in distaste. "You think I feel sorry for you?" She scoffed incredulously, her eyes lighting up with a passionate fire. "Cause right now, pity doesn't even come close. You know what? I'm getting kinda frustrated, actually."

"I tend to do that to people."

Pursing her lips, she stood statuesque for a long stretch of time. Growing uncomfortable, Ren was tempted to say something else, because the kinetic silence that ensued was starting to become worse than the talking.

Rey was critically scrutinizing him, trying to read what was going on below his inflexible surface. At last, she said, "Ben. I love you–"

"Please, don't–"

"–and you are going to listen to me explain to you why," Rey commanded, her penetrating stare making him feel small. Even as his brain cramped up over the situation, he stayed put, crossing his arms as if he could defend himself from the upcoming chorus of words.

Rey breathed deeply, rubbing her palms on her blue trousers. She was nervous and his first thought was to get up and comfort her, but he resisted, even though a part of him wanted to be next to her. He wanted to be close… "I know I've been guarded and have shied away every time you've told me you love me." She said it like he was disappointed over that fact and he opened his mouth to argue he wasn't, but she just steamrolled right over him. "But I'm done with being partially closed off from you. That first dream we shared together– do you remember that?" Pause, then he nodded. "Before we woke, you told me I could never hate you more than you hate yourself. I– I think you've hated who you are your whole life and it makes you incapable of believing others can love you."

…. Ren couldn't argue the falsity of that observation, because there was none.

Rey chewed at her lip and played with her fingers fretfully while thinking of how to phrase her fast moving thoughts. "I… was never looking to fall in love with anyone, because my life always revolved around what I would eat that day or where would be the best place to scavenge. I fantasized about it, sure, but I never thought I would get an opportunity to experience it– like those characters from my books. How I wanted the chance, though…" Her pitch became a whisper, her eyes going out-of-focus from her lonely memories.

Ren wished he could take those away from her and replace them with something she deserved.

Blinking back into reality, she continued on. "But then you appeared to me as Ben in that dream and I found myself starting to want everything." Was she remembering the same dream as him? Because he was a total ass throughout that whole– "And before you say it– yes, you were a far cry from the man you now are. You were ruthless and I'll admit, I was very afraid of you." She swallowed, gazing at him entreatingly. "But that first dream we had… the way you looked at me at the end," she palmed her cheek, "and the way you touched me, it was so… right." Ren's fingers tingled from the recollection as Rey slightly leaned into her own touch, as if it were happening all over again. Did he really make her feel that way back then?

Finding his voice, he said, "I still don't understand what you get out of being with me…" Truly, he did not. From being with her, he was blessed with the sun. But all he ever gave her was a blurred glimpse at the stars.

"What do I get from you?" She repeated incredulously. Placing her hands at the hips and gazing down at the floor, she went still and quiet, thinking over his question. "You know," she muttered, "my whole life people have been waiting for me to fail and laughed at me whenever I got knocked down." Her face contorted from the memory. "I got stronger and older and became Unkar's best scavenger, but beneath it all, I never truly stopped feeling insignificant…" Eyes shifting to his, she said, "Until I met you. Not the old you, but who you are now. Never have you made me feel like I'm not good enough. Instead, you've built me up and showed me that I can be strong and that my thoughts and opinions matter. For the first time, I feel beautiful and special and it's all from being with you. You treat me with a reverence I have never known."

Ren knew he was close to believing her, for his body became hot. At first the ease of the heat was a boon, since his skin had been unnaturally cold. But as she kept talking, his body raged with a fever as agonizing as the need to consider her feelings as truth. Breath picking up, he hoped for relief, but found none.

Rey took a step forward, resting her palm humbly over her heart. "I love you more than the bad days ahead of us, because honestly, we will get into fights. We are going to disagree and argue, but I wouldn't want to do those things with anyone else but you." Crossing over and sitting next to him, her hand rested on his thigh, her thumb moving back and forth on his dark pants. The touch was wholesome and mesmerizing and he couldn't look away from her petite, but strong hand.

After forever, Rey's imploring voice pierced through the blood rushing in his ears. "Now I want you to imagine all the horrible things you've done to me and know I love you more than how much you detest yourself over it all."

Grabbing her sun kissed hand, he brought it up to his lips, his mouth brushing over her soft, youthful skin. "I've hurt you so much," he whispered.

"The dark side has hurt me. All you've ever done is love me. You found parts of me I didn't know existed and in you, I found a love I've never known before." Fingers tapped his chin, turning his head so he would look at her. "Ben, I never believed I could love someone, because no one has ever loved me. You changed that. _You_ did."

Fighting the pull of her words, he murmured, "I don't know if I can truly believe you–"

"Then feel it." His mind instantaneously became light, transmitting that she was completely open to him.

 _What do I do?_ There were only two outcomes to the situation: she either truly loved him, or she didn't. And in his experience of dealing with emotion, both endings were equally painful. Ones effects were just more immediate than the other.

Taking in a deep breath, he descended into the part of his soul that was linked to hers, slowly inching the bond between them open–

Ren stopped breathing. He'd never been in a speeder accident before, but he had a feeling that this what was they were like. You were going along, minding your own space when suddenly everything you were thinking about before the crossroads was put on hold, replaced by a collision that became your one and only priority.

In this case, the collision was the realization that Rey loved him and accepted him for who he was.

Her feelings roared across his thoughts like an epic invasion, a resounding blast of her power ripping right through, lighting up the marrow in his bones and sending a spark tossing and turning inside of his heart. It exploded on impact in a glorious rush of strength, while simultaneously wrapping him in the vestments of tranquility.

From this experience, he felt like he could leap from the tallest cliff and fly. He was whole, complete, solid in his head and heart and body, all his puzzle pieces in perfect fitting order, that dark soul of his lit and rendered to a refined symmetry for once in his malevolent life.

He had to shut the connection off before he blacked out from the sheer overwhelming conviction of her feelings. Fortunately, she didn't take offense, but instead understood why he had to do it.

Releasing the trapped air from his lungs, he gasped like he'd been drowning and had finally broken through to the surface. "You…love me," he hoarsely whispered as he ran out of words. Thoughts. Impulses.

Pushing stray hairs from his face, Rey softly said, "Believe me now?"

And then he did something that was rare: he smiled. A big, goofy, unrelenting smile. The kind that pushed back your ears and crinkled your eyes till it became hard to see. Ren laughed like he use to as a child: silly and carefree. The impossible had now become the possible, the joy over it all filling him to the brim and this time, he let it all overflow and spill out into his heart.

Drawing her into an enveloping embrace, she laughed right along with him, her bright glee a song unto his ears. They rode the waves of merriment till their stomachs could no longer bear the sting.

Even after the room fell into silence, he kept holding her, burying his face in the dampness of her hair, breathing in the fresh fragrance. Brushing his lips along her neck, he could feel her chest heave against him, her head lolling to the side to provide him better access. Trailing up to her jaw, he languidly searched for the curvature of her lips.

When he kissed her, it felt like… perfection _._

Stars, how he loved kissing her. He loved feeling her mouth against his, loved having her close, loved taking her breath into his lungs, stringing her hair through his fingers, loved… her. But now that there was no difference of emotion between them, he found himself _wanting_ her.

Bad.

By just sitting there and existing, she somehow reached beyond his celibacy and enticed upon the man beneath the discipline, stirring up something deep and primal. The unexpected tilting sensation moved his mind beyond the avenues of conversation and into his desires to be intimate.

"Rey?"

"Yes?"

"I want to see you," he whispered low into her ear.

She pulled back slightly, arching a brow. "I'm right here."

"I want to see… all of you." He clammed up as he realized what he was asking of her, feeling like he'd tripped on the conversational equivalent of an upturned rug edge. But then the unexpected happened: Rey's lids drooped, her eyes became hazy, and her lips parted enough that they caught his attention. His ability to sense her desire for him was unnecessary, because her intentions were as transparent as Jelucani fogstone.

"Okay," was all her winded voice could assemble.

With his pupils darting between her hazel stare, Ren stroked her hair, and it was a while before he asked what was on the tip of his tongue. "Will you let me… make love to you?"

()()()()()

Rey's heart pounded so violently, she could have sworn she'd just ran up those damn stairs on Ahch-To again. But nope. This had nothing to do with exercise and everything to do with what Ben just asked her.

"Y-yes," she stuttered. Ben didn't move immediately, but rather stayed close and studied her face. Was he trying to make sure she was actually fine with where this was heading?

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to," he told her.

"I want to," she said quickly, grabbing his arm. "I… I've wanted this for a very long time."

"Me to, but Rey, you're trembling." She'd been hoping it was from suddenly becoming cold, but as Ben touched her cheek and she felt his warm palm, she knew the shaking was all from her doing.

Ben pulled away and bent over to take off his boots. Then he flipped back the blankets, crawled into the bed, and motioned for her to join him. "Here. You should get under the covers with me."

"But I want–."

"We have time, Rey," he amusingly grinned. "We can take it slow. Let me just hold you for a while. Okay?"

Knowing that resistance was futile, she nodded and let him position her head on his bicep and her leg over his waist. Facing him, he played with her dampened locks, twisting and combing them with his fingers. The monotonous movement calmed her somewhat, which helped dispel the quivering.

"I'm sorry," she blurted out.

Ben frowned. "For what?"

"I ruined the moment, didn't I?"

His hand settled in her hair. "You didn't ruin anything. I love laying here with you. And you should never apologize to me. Remember?"

"But you want me."

"I always want you, but I want you to be ready."

"I am." His eyes narrowed. "Really, I am. It's just…"

"What?"

As the minutes passed while trying to come up with what to say, she realized that there was no dancing around the truth and that the best thing to do would be to get it all out in the open.

She inhaled deeply, her eyes darting from his face, to his chest, to the ceiling. "I've… never… done this… before," Rey bashfully admitted.

Ben restarted the smoothing of her hair, soothing her nerves and giving her the strength to look at him. "I know," was all he whispered, his eyes full of understanding.

And zero judgment.

She chuckled sardonically to try and ease the rest of the tension. "Honestly, I shouldn't be acting this way over something that isn't a big deal."

"Sex is a big deal," he countered.

Rolling her eyes, she said, "Well, yes, it is. But people do it all the time, so I really shouldn't be freaking out this much."

Ben shook his head against the pillow, inadvertently ruffling his hair. "Other people don't matter. Right now, all that matters is you and I. Don't compare yourself to what other people do."

But… it was difficult for her not to compare. Ben had so much more experience than her and she wanted this to be perfect and–

"Rey," he said as their eyes met. "Can I ask you something personal?" She nodded and then he swallowed, moving his throat up and down. "Have you ever… pleasured yourself?"

"You mean…" She glanced down to her waist.

"Yes."

 _Oh_. "Uhhh, no. I never really learned about that… stuff. I would overhear some of the women at the washing station talk about sex and different things, but I never really understood all of it. I mean, I understand the basics, but some of the stuff they said confused me and…" her voice trailed off. "I sound pathetic, don't I?" Here she was, at the adult age of nineteen and she didn't even know how to truly be with a man. And Ben was very much a _man._

"Given the situation you grew up in, it doesn't sound pathetic in the slightest," he said sympathetically. Ben tucked a hair behind her ear, his eyes suddenly growing nervous, but needful. "Will you let me do something for you?" His deep voice asked.

"What is it?"

There was a quiet moment. "I want to make you feel good," Ben said softly, deeply. "If you'll let me."

Rey's stomach knotted, but not from worry. This feeling was warm, and it traveled throughout her bloodstream, loosening her muscles. "What… what would you do?"

"I would touch you here," his palm hovered over her chest and then roamed beneath the blankets, down her stomach before lightly tapping on the very edge of her pelvis, right between her legs. "And further down from here." A lick of heat shot through her, coalescing between her thighs and making her breathing uneven.

"Yes," she said with a confidence that surprised even her. "Please." Later, much later, she would reflect that those two words were the precipice. _Yes, please_. Truly, it opened the gateway for everything that followed.

Ben let out a deep breath that lasted a lifetime and she could have sworn he murmured "thank you", but her heartbeat was all the way up in her head, blocking out the tiniest of noises.

Next she knew he was on top of her, bearing all his weight on his forearms. Bending down, he put his lips to hers and kissed her carefully. But what started off as soft, quickly turned intense as his tongue declared its dominance and her mouth became numb from the passion.

Abruptly, he pulled away, leaving her dizzy and confused. Ben was now upright and straddling her, his eyes peering through disheveled hair: dark, lustful, and hungry. "May I undress you?"

Rey nodded, because she couldn't trust her voice to work. Ben grabbed the shirts edge, languidly bringing it up, up, and over her head and through her arms as her hair bundled upon the pillow. Cool air swept across her bare flesh, making her involuntarily shiver.

Sitting there, Ben's mouth fell open, his eyes glued to her chest. Her tight pink nipples and minuscule breasts were fully displayed, because conveniently, Rey hadn't put on her chest wrap.

Watching Ben watch her, a strong sense of insecurity gripped her mind again– especially as Ben made no effort to move. Reflexively, she covered her chest with her arms and shut her eyes, wondering if she wasn't attractive enough for him to want to touch her.

Big hands gently pulled at her wrists. "Don't hide. You're beautiful, Rey, and I just want to look at you." She let up and let him bring her arms to the side. "You're so strong," his palms traced her flat stomach, "and stunning." Ben leaned down, trailing his lips along the long scar he had given her a lifetime ago. Making his way up to her face, his lips met hers as his right palm cupped her small breast. Rey relaxed into him, grabbing the nape of his neck to pull him closer.

His mouth wandered down, his body shimmying so he was eye level with her torso. He planted kisses along her collarbone, sternum, and every inch of skin he could find. Dipping down to her chest–

Rey's whole body torqued, an electric heat frying every thought and raising every hair as Ben to took one of her nipples into his mouth. As he drew her flesh between his lips, sucking on it, tonguing it, flicking it ever so gently, she moaned and dug her fingers harder into his hair.

The suckling just kept going, and she was so into the sensation of his warm mouth that she didn't realize his body was positioned off to the side, his hand lazying downward, going beneath her trousers and honing in on–

She gasped as he swept his fingers against the slickness, a spark of fire forming in the depths of her gut. Ben released the pulls on her flesh, resting his forehead against her sternum, panting his hot breath against her skin. "You're so wet," he mumbled, his rumbling voice vibrating her bones.

"Is–" she cleared her throat. "Is that good?"

"Yes, it's very good." He craned his head up. "I won't stop unless you want me to," he said. And she knew that if she did, he would. No questions asked.

"I don't want you to stop." Without a doubt, she wanted to explore that feeling further and she wanted Ben to take her there.

Keeping his palm at her core, he scooted up and rotated between kissing her mouth, nipping at her neck, and nuzzling into her hair. All the while gently massaging her down below.

Everything was slow and rhythmic, a bombardment of sensations that left her wanting more and more. He wasn't rough, but he did pick up the pace, which was exactly what she wanted.

Her urgency got raw quick, and Ben didn't tease her by slowing down or stopping. Instead his fingers slid inside of her, his thumb circling up top as he massaged from within. There was a small sense of invasion and oddity to it all, but the way her body resplendently responded made it feel natural at the same time.

Ben kept up the tempo, like he somehow knew from her moans and gasps that she was getting close to something amazing, something she didn't fully understand. The tingling and pressure started at her core and in her toes, both separate, but entirely identical. Feeling wound up, that coil deep inside wound tighter and tighter and tighter– and when it finally snapped free, she shattered, her blood turning into gold, her body lighting up from the divine.

He kissed her at that moment, tasting her moans against his lips and tongue. His hand gradually slowed as he helped her ride out the waves till she was spent, flayed, and unable to move. She'd been deprived of experiencing this feeling and now, all she wanted to do was lay here for a year and have it done to her over and over and over again.

Ben rustled around and she opened her eyes to see him lift his shirt up over his abs, his broad chest, his neck, and then his head. Using it as a rag, he quickly cleaned off his hand and threw it to the ground without thought.

Rey's eyes ate him up: his thick muscles stood out in sharp relief, carved from his years of discipline, powerful even though, in this moment, he appeared to be gentle.

Focusing back on her, Ben's fingers dipped into her waistband and leisurely slid both her pants and undergarment all the way down to her ankles, taking them completely off and letting them fall to the floor.

Her breathing hitched, but she didn't make him stop. She was going to do this, and no amount of nerves were going to stop it now.

Moving his knees between her legs, he opened her wider, pushing her thighs open with his palms… until he could see every intimate detail: her light patch of hair and glossy core. She watched him steadily as his eyes glowed in awe, his lips partially opening. "You're divine," he whispered. Bending her legs up, he started to stoop down, his face going–

She snapped her knees together, almost crushing his head between the sudden movement. Ben withdrew in surprise and looked up at her puzzled face.

"What… what are you doing?" She asked, on the verge of abrupt panic.

His eyes darted across her body nervously as he said, "I, uh, wanted to kiss you."

"But my lips are up here," she disputed, pointing at her mouth.

Biting at his inner cheek, he glanced down at his wide hands resting on her knees for a long and substantial moment. Then he gazed back at her. "Those weren't the lips I was after…" he finally admitted.

Rey blinked rapidly and began to stammer out a sentence. "I… that's not… why…" Ben rubbed her legs soothingly, calming her down.

"I won't do that and I'm sorry I didn't ask first."

 _Was he… Was he really–_ "Do people do that sort of thing?" Rey asked, slightly curious and a whole lot of confused.

"Yes."

She gulped. For reasons unknown to her, having him down there seemed way more intimate than the actual act of having sex. The whole idea made her sort of nervous. Take out the sort of. "I– I don't know how I feel about doing that…"

"It's okay and again, I'm sorry for upsetting you. We can try it later or not at all. Whatever you want to do."

In the quiet that followed, Rey found herself studying Ben's face as if she were trying to re-memorize what was already marked on her brain. Then again, she wasn't actually looking at his attractive face. She was searching for some sense of courage inside herself. Or, like, anything that would help her get this moment back on track. "Okay…" He smiled at her and she thought about how her shot of panic just derailed everything. Again. "I'm–"

"You didn't ruin anything, Rey," he assured her. "I still want to be with you." And boy, did his stare let her know that.

"Good," she said in relief. Ben attempted to crawl up to kiss her, but was stopped by her leg against his chest. "I don't want to be the only one naked here. Doesn't seem quite fair."

Chest steadily rising and falling, Ben paused before slowly twisting off the bed. His hands went for his trousers, but then froze, glancing up at Rey. It took her a second to recognize the expression he wore, because it wasn't one he showed very often. More like never.

Ben was strikingly nervous, and it would seem they had now swapped roles.

Before she could coax him into being comfortable, he gritted his teeth and dropped everything to his ankles, kicking off the pants and leaving his naked form behind.

She sat up, rotating her legs over the edge. Immediately, her sight zeroed in on his manhood, noting how long and hard it was, the black patches of hair hiding nothing from her view. She'd never seen this part of a man before, and at first, the size of him was intimidating. _How is that suppose to fit? How much is it going to hurt?_ But then, tossing away her nerves, the reality of getting a step closer to being with him brought about a welcomed itch of excitement.

Having an innate need to feel him in her palm, she let her body take control and approached him, stopping when her breasts pressed up against his chest, her left hand resting on his defined pec. "You're beautiful, Ben."

His eyes enlarged and she didn't give him a chance to respond as her hand traveled down and grasped, making him hiss. The feel of him was hot, rigid, and shockingly smooth. Never at any moment of her life has she been a possessive over a person or one who sought after power, but in this moment, witnessing how she made Ben react, she'd never felt so dominant in her life.

She liked it.

Ben didn't let her explore the feeling any further, for he grabbed the back of her thighs and hoisted her up like her weight was obsolete, wrapping her legs around his middle as he made for the bed. He kept her in his hold as they went vertical, the softness of his tip right at her opening.

Softly, he whispered, "This is probably going to be painful at first for you. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes. I don't want to go back," Rey stated as he stroked her cheek.

Ben's deep dark eyes became serene, the color like that of a night sky with thousands of twinkling stars. There was a need there except there was so much more: reverence, gratitude… a vulnerability with no shame to mask it.

Lips locking, the ache in her core began to spread throughout her whole body like wildfire across dry grass. And she knew the only balm to her ache was Ben. As he entered her on a slow, gentle glide, she welcomed him not just with her body, but with her soul, both gasping from the contact.

But as he went deeper, she winced from the unexpected sharp pain, her face contorting and lips pursed. _No, no, no…_ This isn't how she wanted this to go.

Ben stopped. "Are you alright?"

She took deep breaths. "It… hurts more than I thought it would."

"Do you want to stop?"

Shaking her head, she asked, "Do I get use to this after a while?"

"Yes."

"Then I want to keep going," Rey demanded. "Are you… all the way in?" Really, she didn't know how else to ask _that_ question.

Ben shifted a tad on top of her, his nose almost grazing over hers. "Uhhhh, no. I'm just half way."

 _Great_.

"I'll go slow –."

"No, Just do it" she said, swiping some stray hairs from her face. Oh wait, that was Ben's hair that was tickling her skin. "I want this part over with as fast as possible."

"You sure?" Rey nodded and braced–

Ben thrusted, hitting deep and making her cry out as the agony flared and her body yelled at her to stop this process altogether. She didn't realize how hard she was clutching onto him until she felt her nails digging into his back and her face buried in his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Ben breathed into her ear. "I'm–."

"It's not your fault," she interrupted through clenched teeth. "I'm guessing this is what being a woman entails."

"It's unfair to you." More like unfair to the female species. _Fates_ , she thought. _I should've been born a man._

"Lets me just get use to this for a second." _Please don't let me ruin this; please don't let me ruin this; please don't let me ruin this._

()()()()()

Rey was all the power and splendor of the universe coalesced into one living, breathing thing, a miracle he'd been granted in spite of the fact that he was underserving of anything but isolation.

On top and inside, her warmth and tightness surrounded his arousal, electrifying all the nerve endings at the tip. Being this close and giving her the first taste of release was like touching the sun and somehow not incinerating. What a privilege; what an honor to be worshiping her in such a way.

Except this experience was turning out to be much different for her, and didn't that just rack him with guilt.

Watching her face ease out of the pain, he rubbed her cheeks with his thumbs, helping to smooth out the lines. "I think if you open the connection and feel what I feel, it will help you," he suggested on a whim, not knowing if it would work. She nodded as their minds and feelings melded and he worked at pushing away her pain and replacing it with his bliss.

Rey sighed, relaxing her locked joints and stiff muscles, her eyes closing in contentment. Now with zero barriers, mentally and physically, it was infinitely easier to gage her desires and feelings and all he wanted to do was make this experience magnificently perfect for her.

He kept his eyes locked on her as he brought their mouths together softly. Stroking and caressing, he licked at her lips as he started to move in the smallest of pushes, careful not to hurt her.

But soon, the caution was no longer needed.

Ren felt her body yearn and claw for him, a delicious unfurling washing through her, relaxing and easing, bringing on a peaceful encouragement that was profound and poetic. Or was that him feeling these things? Her pain became an afterthought, and he didn't know if it was because she was focusing on taking in his gratification or if she was now use to the filling sensation.

Without words or hesitations, they moved together, building momentum, gathering intensity. They held onto each other, her nails raking his flesh, he with his arms under her and squeezing.

Soon, the movements became too passionate for them to stay mouth to mouth, especially since he was so much taller than her. Making his back straight, her head tucked right below his chin, there moans intermixed into the still air. Ren felt the pressure building not just in himself, but in Rey as well and he held off till she was right on the precipice. When he finally came, it was on a last curl of his spine and a pulsing in her core, and she went along with him, the two of them wrapped up tight, breathing in the ecstasy.

And he thought his daydreams were hot? The real thing made those feel like room temperature compared to the surface of Mustafar.

As he sagged into her, his body spent, his mind at peace, he felt some part of himself return – a part that had been gone for a while, but that he hadn't really been aware of missing. A part that was completely… Ben.

"Are you okay?" He asked while lifting his head.

Her face was flushed and her hair was strewn all over the white pillow. In her eyes shined the evidence of satisfaction, and didn't that just make him proud. "I'm more than okay. That was… amazing," Rey said breathlessly.

Reaching up to his face, she cupped it and with gentle contact, commanded all of him, his body and his mind and his soul: She owned him and everything he was and everything he shall be, from the monster in the void to the man in the skin.

He was hers.

Aaaaand then the emotional celebration came to a crashing halt as he realized what they'd just done… without any form of protection. The panic drove him to close off the connection, making Rey confused.

"Are… are you okay?" She stammered. "I know I probably wasn't as good as the other women you've been with–."

"I came in you," he stated, eyes becoming wide.

"What are–." Rey paused as she understood what he was getting at. "Oh. Ooooooh." She chuckled while lightly sweeping back his hair. "It doesn't matter because I can't get pregnant."

"What?"

"Yeah." Rey shrugged. "I've only had my period a handful of times throughout my life and even I know that's not a good sign. Last time I had my period was, like, over a year ago."

 _But… that's not possible. The vision… on Ahch-To…_ "You… you can't get pregnant?"

"Nope." Rey misread Ben's remote expression as disappointment. "Uh, I'm sorry if you were hoping I could. I wish I could have children and maybe there is a chance I can… I don't know. I– I don't want you to think less of me because–."

He stopped her right there. "You think I want children?"

Her brows went up and bunched together. "Maybe? I'm finding it hard to read your expression right now." With a sigh, he slid out of her and sat back on his knees, calling his tossed aside shirt into his grasp.

"I'm not interested in having kids," he murmured as he wiped Rey clean, all the while feeling her studious eyes upon his face. "Trust me. I'm about as nurturing as a blaster."

"I think you'd be a great father."

That statement gutted him, even thought that wasn't Rey's intention.

Ben hung his head, putting all his attention on wiping himself as he grew grim. He didn't know what to say to her statement. Obviously he disagreed with her, but he didn't want to offend her by saying she was wrong on so many levels.

"If it makes you feel better, I can go see Dr. Kalonia in the morning and get a contraceptive," she said, attempting to change the subject.

He nodded, but didn't look at her. "Yeah, that's a good idea."

Rey sat up on her knees and inched forward. Interlacing her fingers behind his neck, their eyes met. "Can you hold me now? Please?" She tenderly asked.

Bringing him with her, she shuffled back and laid them down, his big hands stroking over her back. With her wrapped tightly in his arms, everything seemed perfect, even though his thoughts were still reeling– "Wait," he said, his fingers pausing against her silky skin. "Did you say something about me being with other women?"

Her head tilted up as he gazed down at her timid eyes. "Y-yes. I was trying to say that I know I'm not as experienced as the other women you've been with, but for me, the whole experience was perfect. Especially since it was with you."

"You think I've had sex before?" Surely he told her about his inexperience. It had to have come up sometime… But then it dawned on him that it never had.

"Haven't you? You seemed to know what you were doing–."

"I'm a virgin," he spat out. "Or was. My first time was with you."

Rey looked back with a fair amount of surprise before eyeing him intently. "If– If you're lying to me to make me feel better –."

"I'm not." With his arms still wrapped around her, he rolled onto his back, bringing her on top of him before quickly giving her a kiss. "I've never been with anyone before you."

She traced his collarbone with her fingers, trying to figure out how that was possible. "But… you're thirty and you've been with the First Order and you've traveled the galaxy and–."

"I was a Jedi, remember? Sexual relations were frowned upon."

"But… you fell to the dark side…"

His palms roamed up and down her sides, gliding over the curves of her ribs. "While the dark side encourages you not to bridle your passions, I had different ideas. I wanted to rid myself of emotion, and having sex would hardly help in that matter. It would make it worse, actually." Because he always knew he had problems with attachments… and affection.

"Oh." She paused. "You don't regret–."

"No," he interrupted, shaking his head. "Never. This? This was perfect."

This was the first time in his whole existence that he ever felt… blessed. Happy. Fortunate. This moment, this perfect, sublime moment in time where he was flat on his back, Rey laying on top of him, both of them without the barrier of clothing… this was a gift.

Resting her temple on his sternum, she basically dissolved into him and whispered, "This whole time I thought you'd been with someone before me. But I'm so happy I was your first. Sounds kinda selfish, but… I don't want to share you with anyone."

"Sounds like someone was jealous," he jabbed at her playfully.

"Oh, I was. I'll admit." Rey laughed. "I so totally was."

He knew that it was inconsiderate to be glad over he being jealous, but feelings could rarely be controlled. "Well, you'll never have to feel that way again, because I will always be yours." Thinking back to the first time he ever saw her, he had wanted her completely to himself. When one of the stormtroopers had offered to take the girl for him, he refused the soldier so harshly that no one dared to speak to him the remainder of the flight back to base. Even after she saw into his fears, her untrained power had chained him sure as if every ounce of her strength had come with steel links.

The more she challenged him, the stronger the hooks became.

And then after the fight on Starkiller? He became so extremely territorial that he'd scaled extreme lengths to try and rid the feeling, but in the end, he epically failed. And he was glad he did. Of course, at the time, he hadn't planned on her being the love of his life, but fate had other ideas.

Thank the Force she was willing to have him. For once, something had worked in his favor.

Grinning so wide his cheeks about split into two, he whispered into her hair, "And I want you to know… I'll always trust you." Truly, after everything that has happened in his life, Rey was the only person he could rely upon.

And he wanted her to know it.

She lifted her head and gave him a quick kiss before nuzzling further against his chest, whispering, "I love you to."

During the night, they continuously lost themselves in each other, but they found themselves there too. They were two deprived souls finding comfort together, binding their individual heartstrings as one until separation now became impossible. Maybe the reason they were brought together wasn't just to rid the galaxy of his former master; maybe Rey needed someone to show her how to love and he needed someone to show him how to live.

 **()()()()()**

Rey gently swung her legs back and forth as she sat on the examination table, waiting for Dr. Kalonia to come back with the test results. Initially, Rey came here thinking she was just getting a simple contraceptive, but after the doctor suggested that they should check on her fertility, the appointment became much longer.

And when Ben agreed she should get it done, Rey had little to no voice in the matter. But she didn't really mind. The view was good from where she was sitting. Ben was seated in the plush chair in the corner, his nose basically sniffing that book of his. _On the Motion of the Heart and Blood in Chagrians_ , she read the title to herself. Such information did not hold her interest, but it sure did hold Ben's.

 _He really is strange_ … and she loved it.

Studying his strong frame, she recalled how she had fallen asleep on his chest, listening to the soft rhythm of his beating heart. Everything about last night had been a wonderful gift, one she never thought she'd get to experience. There were no boundaries separating them anymore, which felt so freeing and exotic… and different.

Everything seemed so much different now, like their relationship somehow shifted over into being more effortless than before. No longer trying to hide his need for her, she had woken up to Ben's huge body pushing into her, a hard, warm length against her hip. He'd never woken her up like that before, but she didn't mind it in the slightest. Being wanted was such a comforting feeling.

After some fondling in bed, they lied together for a bit, talking about anything and everything.

 _Lying on her stomach, weight on her arms, she lifted her torso as she gazed up at Ben. Hand cradling his head, he lounged on his side, trailing his fingers up and down her spine lazily. "You know, I've been thinking that maybe you should try talking to Jess?" She brought up randomly._

 _His caressing faltered for a moment before picking back up. "I… I don't know…"_

" _I think she's going through a tough time and maybe you two talking could help her," Rey advised, watching as his brows lowered over his eyes._

" _Has she told you this?" He asked._

 _She shook her head, her hair gliding over the sheets. "No, the few times I've seen her in our room she didn't talk to me. She basically ignored that I existed." She glanced down at her hands and started to pick at her nails. "I'm thinking maybe I should find a new roommate or–."_

" _Move in here."_

 _Her surprised stare shot up to his. "What?"_

 _His palm remained quiet on her back as he shrugged. "Well, I mean, you pretty much live here anyways."_

Oh my goodness. He's serious _. "Wouldn't we get in trouble?"_

" _By who? You are a part of the Jedi Order and don't necessarily answer to the Resistance."_

" _What about you?"_

 _He gave her a flat stare, showing her he really didn't care about any repercussions. "I doubt they'd punish me over it. And technically, I still answer to Skywalker since I was a Jedi Master. But if you don't feel comfortable –."_

" _Yes."_

 _He slid closer, smiling. "You sure?"_

" _Like you said, I basically live here. I can bring over my stuff after I have lunch with the general." Ben's smile faltered for a fraction of a second, but then he composed himself, making Rey wonder if what she saw really happened._

 _She knew he wasn't excited over the plan of her having lunch with his mother and admittedly, when she looked at her Datapad upon waking, Rey had been quite surprised to see the invitation. His mother had wished to have lunch with them both, but Ben shot that down immediately, probably thinking that if he didn't go, she wouldn't either. But she was not going to refuse the invite, and even though she could sense that Ben wanted her to, she appreciated him keeping his mouth shut about her decision._

 _Besides, how else was she to hear stories about his childhood? Ben certainly wasn't going to chat about it._

 _Finally deciding to get ready for their day, they went into the refresher and Ben tugged her along into the shower._

And here she thought the shower was luxurious because of the water? Put two agile people in that cozy, steamy box and the experience went into the realm of being sumptuous.

Rey's stomach knotted from the memories of exploring Ben's–

"Stop that." Ben peered over his book, eyes narrowing.

"Stop what?"

Lowering the thick volume onto his lap, he said, "Your emotions are very obtrusive."

She put on an innocent front. "Oh, are they making you want me?"

…"Yes," he breathed.

Rey sensually smiled. "Then why are you still on the other side of the room?"

He was surprised by her frankness and glanced around the not-so-secretive setting. "We are in a medical facility. Someone could walk through that door at any moment–."

"Wouldn't you be able to sense them before they came in?" Rey playfully countered, taking way too much satisfaction in getting a reaction out of him.

Leaning forward, elbows on knees, his head dipped as he gazed at her sinfully. "Not if my senses are caught up in… someone else," his deep voice resonated through her spine.

"Mmmm, I'm willing to take the risk."

Ben rested back as he crossed his arms, a mischievous smile upturning his lips. "Looks like you've figured out how to be a tease."

The door slid open and Dr. Kalonia stepped in, a Datapad and a white, steaming mug in her hands. Ben stood, shooting Rey an I-told-you-so as she responded with the most guiltless looking shrug she could conjure.

Her effort didn't quite make it.

"Okay," Harter greeted, putting her hot cup on the counter as Ben neared the examination table, his book left in the chair. "Is there anything I can get you two? Some caf, perhaps?"

Rey shook her head and Ben replied, "No, thank you." It was strange to see him use proper manners with someone other than her, but she knew Harter wasn't just anyone. "Caf doesn't agree with me," he tacked on.

Harter chuckled. "Does it still put you to sleep?"

"Caffeine makes you fall asleep?" Rey asked in shock. "Isn't it supposed to do the opposite?"

"For most people it does wake them up, but for some it has the opposite effect," Harter explained, gliding over a hoverstool so she could sit. "Sometimes it can cause an insulin response that dramatically lowers the blood sugar and cause one to feel exhausted. Or the body makes too much adenosine and prevents the caffeine from blocking it, making you more tired than you originally were." Rey decided not to ask what adenosine was and to play along like she just understood everything.

Ben would most likely jump at the opportunity to explain it to her later when she asked. And boy, was she gonna need to set aside an hour of her day just for that.

"The results aren't good, are they?" Ben asked. Harter was taken aback by his candor, as was Rey. "You're stalling, which you do not do unless there is something you don't want to say."

Dr. Kalonia breathed in deeply, glancing down at the Datapad, and then fixing her gaze on Rey. "Do you want him to be in here while I talk to you about this? You have a right to privacy."

Her stomach unwillingly fell, for she knew that grave expression never bestowed good news. "He can stay. I would just end up telling him everything anyway." And whatever it was, she didn't want to repeat it. Or try to explain it to him. That would be like a botanist attempting to explain quantum mechanics to a scientist. Rey liked to think she was slightly above average intellectually, but this was Ben's playing field, not hers.

Harter nodded, pausing for a moment before dealing Rey a verbal blow. "I'm sorry Rey, but you most likely will never be able to have children."

Things became a little hazy after that as she looked over Harter's head at the white wall behind. There was no texture to the partition, just a smooth, pale surface that appeared to be brand new and spotless. How she wished she were faultless and young again– to be given the choice as to how she wanted her life to play out. Maybe she would have done something differently, like leave Jakku before her body became ruined on the inside. But even if she were sent back in time, she probably would have still stayed, waiting for ghosts.

 _Stars,_ she thought. _Jakku really did rob me of everything, didn't it…_

At least Ben was still in the game and asking the good doctor questions. Vaguely, Rey heard words like "malnutrition" and "tissue deterioration" and "low hormone levels" being thrown around. Honestly, she didn't care for the medical talk, because knowing didn't change anything. In this case, knowledge wasn't a cure.

Replaying her wasteful life, she almost laughed at her years of foolishness and naiveté, but then sobered as she thought over her diagnosis. _Infertile_. It was interesting; this feeling that bloomed out of her subconscious. Never has she really thought about children until she met Ben and even then, it wasn't constantly on her thoughts. But now that it was impossible, she truly felt like grieving. Guess you never knew how much you wanted something until you couldn't have it.

And if she ever wanted it, she couldn't think of anyone else she'd rather experience parenthood with but Ben.

"Rey?" Harter asked, bringing Rey out of her pensive thoughts. "Do you still want a contraceptive in your arm?"

Rey about laughed at what seemed like a joke, but she decided against such an approach since Kalonia was only looking at her with compassion. "No. I don't see the point anymore," she responded flatly.

She was expecting to be pushed further on the subject, especially from Ben. But neither him, nor Kalonia raised the issue. The two talked a little more about her condition before Harter stood and went for her caf on the counter. "I'll give you two some privacy. You can leave whenever you're ready," she said with a gentle smile, slipping out of the door quietly.

Feeling like she wanted to fall in on herself, Rey drew her legs up, wrapping her arms around her knees and lowering her chin. She seemed so fragile that way, just a twist of flesh and bone atop a wide examination table. Indeed, she felt like if she moved too quickly, she might break and be unable to be put back together.

Rey glanced over at Ben briefly, a quick cursory review of his knit brows and thinned out lips. He was deep in thought and appeared to be… disheartened? She wasn't sure and she figured that she should apologize–

His eyes snapped to hers. "Don't you dare apologize," he forcibly said as she went back to looking at the bland wall.

 _If I want to apologize, then I can damn well apologize! Stop telling me I can't_! she screamed through her thoughts. Rey couldn't tell if Ben heard them or not and was tempted to voice them, but eased back. It wasn't him she was mad at, and it would be unfair to take the situation out on him.

Rey inhaled. "This… isn't fair," she simply stated. "I've never put much thought into having kids, but now that the option has been taken from me, I feel… heartbroken." She met his steady stare. "Weird, huh?"

He shook his head. "No, it's not weird. Not at all." Walking over to Kalonia's vacant stool, he sat before her, looking up with gentle care. "Listen, technology has come a long way over a thousand years, and there is always a chance that something could change this."

She hadn't been expecting him to try and offer a solution. "Would you want me to do that?"

"It has nothing to do with me and everything to do with what you want."

Rey smoothed her hair. Swiped under her eyes. Took a deep breath. "Would you ever want to have a child of your own?"

Clearing his throat, it looked as if he struggled to find the right words. "I, uh… like I said last night, I'm not very nurturing."

"I think you are, even if you don't. But I want a yes or no answer to the question."

"Honestly?" He searched her face. "No, I don't want children, but–."

"Then I guess this is a good thing then," she tersely cut him off and Ben caught on that she didn't want to talk about it anymore. Even though there were a lot of different emotions going through her, it was really good to have Ben here and to hear his honesty. It made the whole situation somewhat bearable.

Grabbing her shaky hands into his steady ones, he said, "Rey, I want you to know that you and I are a forever kind of thing. That's how I view it, anyway. I'm all in. No matter what happens. I want us to be together for however long we are alive."

"Together?"

Knowing of the future that was in store for her, she knew that her and Ben might not have forever. And didn't that just make her somber.

"Together," he whispered.

()()()()()

Ren sat off to the side, occupying his usual spot against the wall of the training facility. He'd been sitting there for an hour, thinking over the vision he had experienced on Ahch-To. At first, after hearing Rey's test results, he'd been confused as to if that possible future had been authentic, but then he recalled specific details:

" _You two didn't question when she missed her period?" Kalonia asked._

 _More prying questions came his way that forced him to think harder, when all his body wanted to do was pass out from shock and exhaustion. "I– Well, Rey was so malnourished growing up that she has never been consistent. I just thought…" Ben's voice teetered off as the news finally sunk in, making his face glow with elation._

Fates, he remembered watching himself be so overjoyed by that news. That man had wanted children; that man had been happy about it. But what would he do if it actually happened? He wasn't that person in the vision. He never would be.

And when Rey refused the contraceptive, Ren had come close to arguing, but digressed. Was there a chance of her getting pregnant now? Possibly, but her actual life turned out differently than what had been shown to him in that vision. In that separate timeline, he found her years before she'd turned nineteen, and possibly before the damage of malnutrition became permanent.

Now, the impossibility of Rey ever conceiving children was definitive. Harter had been blunt about that much as Rey had zoned out and Ren asked his questions.

Ren sighed, not knowing what to think. He should probably tell Rey about what he saw on Ahch-To… and while in the midst of confessing secrets, he should also come clean about her parents. When should he do that? After lunch? Before dinner? _No, late tonight_. There was bound to be some crying, yelling, and wailing once she accepted the truth. No need to have anyone witness that. He, on the other hand, would help her through it and not leave her to the impending anguish. And maybe, if she was up for it, they could make a plan to find the rest of the answers regarding her family.

He brought the thick book up to eye level, thinking about how heavy the text was. At least it wasn't as heavy as the weight he felt on his heart.

The next two hours of Rey's training went smoothly as Skywalker had her go back and forth between having her practice Force telekenetics, dueling, and various mind blocks. For substantial stretches of time, Ren would gaze over his book and watch Rey, considering her as she dodged the various objects Skywalker Force pushed her way. Lacking the curves most women wore, her powerfully lithe body looked beautiful to him, stirring parts of himself that were becoming greedy the more he stared.

Apparently, he wasn't the only one with the same ideas.

Rey was starting to draw a particular amount of soldiers as spectators– which just so happen to all be men. Not surprisingly, this brought out his territorial feelings, causing him to lose focus on the book and Rey all together. Ren didn't have to hear their thoughts to know what circulated their inappropriate minds.

 _Welcome to the wonderful galaxy of jealousy. The price of admission is heightened hostility, the overwhelming urge to shatter bones, and an inferiority complex that will make you feel the size of a pea_. Ren froze even though he wasn't moving. Sarcasm was becoming an issue, as of late. Like Ben was making up for lost time and punishing him for keeping the guy on mute for the last six years. _You think you're sarcastic? Try insane– because thinking of yourself as two different people isn't healthy._

He rolled his eyes.

Luckily for the group of ogling soldiers, they left before Ren's anger got to the stage of seeking reprisal. Trying to calm his annoyance and frustration with himself– not to mention his attraction to Rey– he went back to reading. Fortunately, focusing on the pathophysiology of Chagrians didn't take much effort since the material turned out to be way more engrossing than anticipated. He just couldn't get over the fact that their hearts had six chambers instead of the expected four.

Then again, it wasn't just the subject matter holding his attention. Studying always seemed to give him somewhere to go when he stayed right where he was.

Flipping through the pages, he discovered an in depth illustration and diagram of how the blood moved through–

The end of a long dueling cane pushed the book down, and he glanced up to see Rey giving him a mischievous smile. "Care to duel?" She asked, holding out a second wooden stave.

"Don't you have another hour of training?" Ben searched around the facility, the ragged appearance of Skywalker eluding him.

In fact, they were completely alone.

"I'm done and I was thinking with the little time before lunch, we could spar for a while." She poked him in the shoulder, reflexively making him grab onto the weapon. Rey grinned wider as he gave in, placing the book on the floor as he rose.

She motioned to the reading material. "You know you could read something else that doesn't have to do with anatomy, right?" They walked sided by side, heading over to the cushioned mats. "The chip is no longer in your arm."

Putting some distance between them, he shrugged as he said. "I enjoy reading on the subject."

As the dueling commenced, Ren stayed primarily on the defensive out of choice. He wanted to assess how Rey's fighting style has evolved since they last sparred, and he had to admit, she was leaps and bounds better. "Have you ever thought of what you'll do after this war is over?" Rey asked, panting lightly.

He shifted to the side, dodging her downward swing. "What do you mean?"

Their canes locked together, inches from his face. "Like whether or not you'd want to go to school and become a physician."

Ren laughed at the joke as he pivoted away and blocked Rey's strike at his knees. "Oh, I am positively certain no one would ever want me as their doctor." If they did, they would need to be admitted to a mental institution.

"Maybe if you didn't look at everyone like you want them dead and actually smiled more often, more people would warm up to you." Rey lunged with a forward thrust, but Ren shifted, parried, and reached out to push her off balance. She stumbled, but didn't fully make it to the ground. Straightening, she shrugged and added, "Just a thought."

Looking at her stoic features, he realized she was being serious. "Smiling and being polite won't change what's in my history." Or DNA.

"Well, it's just a suggestion. You can think more about it when this war is no longer in the way."

Ren kept his parries short, tight and close, never letting his swing go wide. "Wouldn't we be making a decision like that together?"

"Maybe," she said offhandedly, backing off while circling him to find an opening.

"Maybe?" Ren echoed, watching her. "You have plans that don't involve me after all this is through?"

"Who knows if I'll survive?" Rey darted, going in for a straightforward attack that was more his move than hers. But she quickly changed her trajectory, sliding onto her knees and striking him right across the back as he swung at open air. The pain made him proud of her trickery and flexibility, but was profoundly overshadowed by her statement.

"Survive?" He groaned as he limped away and turned.

Her elation over getting a hit on him flattened at seeing his confusion. "You know… against Snoke," she exhaled, like the answer had been obvious.

Ren resisted the urge to rub the throbbing in his lower back and quickly swiped the hair from his eyes. "Not this again…" he breathed out. "You aren't fighting Snoke. Ever. Okay? It's not going to happen and it won't be needed." Catching her by surprise, Ren attacked, swinging his cane against the inside of hers. Advancing, his cane went vertical, wrapping around hers and with a quick jerk, disarmed her. Ren called her staff into his left grip and faced her, watching as she glared at him.

With labored breathing, she asked, "So we just let him go on living?"

"Yes."

Rey huffed. "Having him out there would be too much of a–."

"And what do you think he would do?" He interrupted. "Say the Resistance does win and maybe dissolves what's left of the First Order into the Republic. What are Snoke's remaining options? He would have no army and only a small amount of people left that are loyal to him. After a few decades, he'll die on his own."

Rey went to retrieve the staff, but Ren stepped back and held it out of reach. "You think a monster like that would just up and let himself die?" She asked out of frustration.

"He wouldn't have much of a choice if he never finds me, now would he?"

"But Kayani–."

"–has her own agenda and probably isn't telling you everything. Has she even provided you with a plan? And telling you she can kill him does not count."

For a moment, she frowned. "…No."

"And that is why you should be dubious of her. If she needs you so badly, why leave you in the dark when it comes to important details?"

She shook her head over and over again. "I– I don't know, okay?" she spat out. "But… she has never lied to me. And I would prefer this war to be over sooner rather than later so more innocent people don't end up dead. If she's the way I can make that happen, then I'm willing to take the risk."

Ren kept eye contact as he inwardly staggered from her declaration. He knew she cared about the galaxy, but he didn't know it had crossed over into sincere foolishness.

 _Is there something in the water that makes everyone on base lack self-preservation?_ "Rey, you will die if you go up against Snoke," he stated factually, his voice harshly even.

"Lets just…" she cleared her throat and got close to him, placing a hand on his chest and looking up into his concerned eyes. "Can we pretend we didn't have this conversation so we don't end up getting mad at each other? Please? I don't want to get in a fight over this."

But he wasn't going to let this go. "I worry when you talk about fighting Snoke, because if you do, I will lose you. And… I just found you."

She swept a strand of hair from his cheek and then traced the scar from the bridge of his nose to the curve of his neck. "Ben, even if something happens to me, you will always have me."

Ren thought over her statement before saying, "It's ironic you say that when you struggle over the prospect of me leaving you."

Rey blinked. "This is different," she contested.

"How so?"

"You decided to leave me."

Ren's forehead creased. "And you aren't choosing to leave me? Death is the most final goodbye one could get."

She poked his chest. "You died and I brought you back."

He gave her a flat stare. "I have a feeling that that was a one time thing. All power has its limits. Mine, and even yours. Do you have a death wish?"

"No. Of course not."

"Then you shouldn't speak so easily about your mortality."

Rey took a deep breath. "Everyone's life eventually ends, Ben. I got use to waking up every morning on Jakku, thinking that that day might just be my last. I've seen how… fragile living could be. I won't shy away from what I know must be done."

Gazing at her, he was reminded that even though she was ten years his junior, in many ways, she was decades older. And braver. "Sometimes…" he whispered timidly. "Sometimes I think of what might be ahead and I become… afraid," he admitted, letting the dueling canes fall to the mats so he could take her hand into his. "And I don't understand how you aren't?"

"You think I'm not scared? I'm terrified. But all my life I've felt like my purpose has been so much larger than just merely existing. So to finally see that is somehow calming, in a way." She gave his hands a squeeze. "And when you say you're afraid of what lies ahead, I don't think it's the future that necessarily makes you scared; it's repeating the past that makes you anxious. But Ben, you won't, because I won't let you." She paused as she coyly smiled. "And you know you always let me get my way."

Some of the tension melted away as Rey teased him, and he allowed himself to smile back at her. There was still plenty of time to try and make her see the error of her thoughts, and with how well their relationship seemed to be going, he didn't feel up to getting in an argument with her right now– especially over beliefs and opinions.

"I should stop spoiling you so much," he lightly joked, trying to catch a ride on the moment. "You'll start developing my superiority complex."

She went on her tiptoes and gave him a kiss that lasted oh-so-deliciously long. "If I do, it'll only be with you."

Burrowing into his chest, Ren wrapped his arms around her, holding and memorizing the feel of her against him. He wasn't going to lose her and she was crazy to think that he would ever let her go up against Snoke. He'll give her some time to see reason, but if she didn't, he was fully prepared to lock her in a room for the rest of her life. Better alternative than her dying.

Getting back to the realm of reality, they went about putting away the dueling equipment and went back for his book. Rey snatched it off the floor before Ren could grab it.

"I can drop this by the room," Rey suggested. "I still have time before I have to go see the general, so I think I'll move my stuff now while I have the chance."

"Need help?"

"Nah. Go get some food and then we can meet back here after lunch." Walking out of the facility, she pulled him in for a swift peck on the lips, not caring about prying eyes. Saying their goodbyes, they parted.

"By they way," Ren called out to her from down the hall, making her turn around. "I won that duel." He smiled before continuing to walk, feeling Rey's competitive glare on his back.

()()()()()

Rey entered Ben's room– well, now their room– and placed her small bag of belongings on the bed. Some clothes, extra pair of boots, snacks, and personal hygiene effects were all that was in there, reminding her that she didn't have much to her name. She wondered how much money Ben received from his inheritance and if he would be willing to lend her some. Of course, she would make some sort of contract to pay it all back to him. She wasn't a– what's the word? Moocher? Gold-digger? Beggar? Well whatever the term was, she wanted to strive to have some sense of integrity. Hopefully Ben viewed it that way as well.

Deciding to start with the refresher, she went through the cabinet and drawers and saw that everything was so perfectly in place that she was afraid to even touch Ben's belongings. So, she opted to use an unoccupied drawer and dumped all the loose possessions. She would have to warn him against peeking inside unless he wanted to have a fit over the disorganized chaos. And to be honest, Rey was never going to take the time to arrange it all. It would just get all cluttered again anyway.

Rifling through her clothes, she hung the ones that mattered on the side where she kept her staffs, and shoved the ones that didn't into a drawer that already housed her journal, doll, and her new stash of food. Opening the ones below, she saw that Ben's clothes were only taking up two out of the six drawers, giving her more than enough options to choose from. As she carefully opened the top one, she found a good amount of his black, tight boxer briefs and couldn't stop her hands from taking one out. As she unfolded it– which was ridiculous, really, because who folds undergarments?– Rey held them up and gave them a good stare.

It was nothing remarkable, but Ben wore these and being able to sneakily hold it made her feel lively for some unknown reason. Maybe it was because she was kind of violating his privacy, but part of her was pretty sure he wouldn't care… as long as she put everything back exactly how she found it.

Studying the other folded garments, she was able to fold the free one in the exact same way and quietly place it back with the others. She didn't know why she was being so hush-hush about it all. It wasn't like Ben could hear what she was doing.

As the drawer closed, she eyed his still packed duffle on the floor between the closet and dresser. Glaring at the inanimate piece of leather, she bent down and unzipped, opening it wide. One by one, she fished out the articles of clothes and put them away while adhering to Ben's standard of neatness. Nearing the bottom, her hand came in contact with something hard… _A datapad?_ She wondered who he stole it from, because he was not allowed to be in possession of such tech.

 _Why would he even need one?_ A part of her mind started to conjure up thoughts of betrayal– that maybe Ben was in contact with the First Order. Why else would he not tell her about the datapad? Turning it on, she sat on the bed and rifled through the various files. Nothing stuck out to her and from the numerous mechanical texts and manuals in storage, Ben must have stolen it from a person who worked in engineering. _Great. Now I'll have to find whomever this belongs to and return it–_

Rey's fingers hovered above the most recently opened file, sensing that it was somehow important. She tapped it onto the screen… and played the video.

…

…She recognized the woman... her mother... from her vision.

…

She made it as far as witnessing her mother and potential father be murdered. And how Major Ematt did little to stop it. Even though the man had been far younger in the video, she recognized his face immediately.

Teetering, the pad fell from her hands, and she didn't hear it hit the ground as a great wave of nausea over took her. Scrambling to the refresher, she fell to her knees, clutching the toilet seat with trembling hands, and violently and noisily vomited.

Dead. Her parents were truly, irreversibly dead. All those times she wished that they were no longer alive came back to haunt her, for now she wanted to take it all back. In this hollowed out moment, she would rather have them be alive, even if it meant they abandoned her. Then she would maybe have the chance to find them, to show them how she was on the path of becoming a Jedi. Maybe they would be proud of her. Maybe they would accept her back into the family…

She retched again, her body rebelling against the ghastly proof that her parents no longer existed, and wrung her out till she had nothing left inside to give.

The gasping and shaking, the widened eyes, the agony that twisted her gut into slag… everything became so crystal-clear that her eyes, ears, skin, every nerve ending that resided in her lean body ached like she was suffering from a fever. The pain transcended human comprehension, and the memory of such torment would no doubt stain her brain forever.

Memories came to her, but in the shape of feelings rather than pictures.

Every day on Jakku had revolved around repetition and discipline. Without it, she would've starved. She never truly realized how lonely she was until at the end of each day when she had a bunch of things to talk about… and no one to tell them to. Rey had grown accustomed to the starvation, the injuries, the thirst, the fights and sneers from others. But the one thing she couldn't shake was that being alone didn't just give way to loneliness, but made her live with the feeling that no one cared.

No one.

And she lived that way for fifteen years.

Because of the Republic.

Because of Ematt.

And Ben had kept this from her. _Lies again. It was all lies again._ Rey fortified her mental barrier, hoping that Ben didn't feel what she was going through. She didn't want him to come looking for her.

Her sobs receded, her trembling becoming nothing more than little twitches as she silently sat on the refresher floor, thinking over her options. It was as if her soul had been flushed from her body, everything that had animated her and connected her to this existence now gone.

Left in its wake was a rage filled vengeance that gave her a calming clarity and a decisive mind– a kind of focus she'd never experienced before, but found to be inviting.

And powerful.

()()()()()

A scorching fire suddenly erupted through Ren's chest, halting his breathing and making him list off to the side of the hall. Stopping, he clutched his sternum as if his palm could cool the blaze, but it did nothing to alleviate the pain. Such disparaging anguish and anger, the likes in which he hadn't felt in a long while. _What's happening?_ But just as fast as the feelings arrival, it vanished, leaving him cold and confused.

"Are you okay?" Ren pivoted around to see a questioning Harter, now in her usual military garb. "You stopped so sudden–."

"I'm fine," he interrupted, still trying to hone in on the wave of despair he was so sure he'd felt. Where did it go?

"Okay. Well… if you or Rey need anything, you know where to find me."

He nodded. Kalonia gave him a soft smile and continued on her way. "Harter?" He said in a much softer tone. She stopped and glanced back at him before turning all the way around. Putting the unusual feelings aside for a moment, he decided he should make good use out of the doctors sudden company.

Ren wasn't confidant in what he was about to ask, but after talking with Rey earlier, he found his mind starting to be bombarded with a hope that he new was futile. And he needed someone else to objectively agree with him. "I– I was wondering something… and it sounds ridiculous, I know, but I don't know… I just want to see if… Maybe it's not possible, after everything–."

"Are you trying to ask me something?" She asked, raising a brow.

"Uhhhhh, yes," he said, rubbing the back of his neck, feeling embarrassed with how much he was stumbling over his words. "Say this war does find a conclusion and somehow the Resistance pulls off the impossible… Do you– do you think there would be any possibility, even if it is small, that I could maybe… go back to school? I know it's ridiculous–."

As Harter's stare deepened, her face took on a picture of conviction. "I don't think it's ridiculous. You had big dreams while growing up and I would be shocked if you didn't keep holding onto them."

Ren frowned. "Soooo… is that all it will ever be? A dream?" It was a small dream, but it was a dream, nonetheless.

Harter opened her mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. "I know you've always detested lying or anything less than being candid, so I'm going to be honest: It will be close to impossible for you to be accepted into any program, let alone a university just for the sake of taking some classes," she whispered, making sure the passerby's couldn't eavesdrop. "When applying, you'd have to use your legal name and the galaxy now knows who you are." Read: his name was now a representation of all the evil in the galaxy and he would always be viewed as a monster.

The worse part? He totally understood the reasoning.

"In my opinion," Harter continued, "I think they'd be doing the galaxy a disservice by denying you the education you want." Ren glanced at the throng of people going about their business, while not really knowing the gracious method in which to receive sympathy. "You would have been a great doctor and I don't just mean that because you are incredibly talented and very smart. You're heart always seemed to be in it when you were younger."

"I've never been one to show compassion," he pointed out.

"Ah. I think you're looking at that term rather rigidly. It's not a relationship based on pity or salvation, but one between equals. I think you are more than qualified to empathize with others– more so now than when you were younger."

Ren gave her a confused stare. "That… doesn't make much sense."

"But I think it does. You know your own darkness so well that you can be present during the darkness of others. People don't need compassion when everything is going right; they need it when they hit bottom."

He… never viewed it that way. And he slowly realized she had a very good line of reasoning.

"Do you mind if I ask how you're doing emotionally?"

Ren reflexively recoiled from the word. "Emotionally?" As his scarred face grew unbearably tight and his arms crossed over his chest, Harter openly studied his response, but didn't change the topic.

"Guilt can ruin even the strongest of wills," she stated. At this point, Ren was tempted to walk away. Unlike the psych eval, he was talking with the doctor out of his own free will.

"You know," Harter persisted." I think the worst kind of punishment is never actually receiving one, but having to live with yourself when you know you truly deserve retribution. In a way, you have to figure out how to enact justice upon yourself."

Ren dropped his eyes, casting them upon his boots. He could feel himself on the verge of becoming emotional, which was so unlike him. Something was amplifying those feelings and he couldn't pin point exactly what it was…

"Can I tell you something I haven't told anyone else?" She asked.

He nodded, lifting his gaze.

"In my will, I left you everything that remains of my practice." She laughed lightly before saying, "Which isn't much at this point, but it's something."

Ren didn't hide his shock. "You did?"

Eyes growing sober, she said, "With my family gone and with how much time you spent with me while growing up, it seemed like that was the way it should be. Even if I knew you'd never take it."

For a moment, Ren became utterly dumbfounded. So much so, that his voice shuddered from trying to compose himself. "I guess I can see why you added that in when I was young–."

"I put it in four years ago."

Her words cut through his consciousness like a knife. Or maybe it was more from something that caused blunt force trauma, because the air forcibly left his lungs. He opened his mouth, not sure as to what words would come tumbling out.

But then he abruptly stiffened as he sensed… something familiar.

Later, he would wonder what exactly made him turn around, leaving a perplexed Harter behind as he ran through the halls that lead exactly to his room. Not a sound, no. Or a flash of movement. Or anything of outward significance. It was a rash of darkness permeating though the air, the kind that consumed and killed without reluctance, the kind that was within him, but wasn't being caused by him.

The feeling started off so small and irrelevant, but as he bulldozed into his quarters, the place reeked of evil undertones that suffocated even him. Something had happened here, like an action or a thought. Reaching out to Rey, he was met by a solid fortress, one that would take a high amount of concentrated power to get through. Locating her would be extremely tricky with how well she was blocking him, so he would have–

His eyes locked on his nearly empty duffel. Walking and leaning down, he grabbed the bag and eyed the inside. Rey must have started to unpack his belongings, probably because seeing it full brought up the feeling that he might bolt at a moments notice. Which wasn't going to–

 _The datapad._

The luggage slid from his hold and hit the floor as he stared wide-eyed at the wall. His skin prickled and his heart pounded so deep that it basically took up residence inside his skull, causing him to panic. Wheeling around, he ghosted out of the room at a sprint that made him feel like he was flying. There was no time to yell for people to move out of the way or to apologize for hauling right over them– like he would, though– or to second guess where he was headed.

Ren knew where Rey would be at this exact moment. She was out for revenge, and at this time of day, she would find it at Major Ematt's new office.

()()()()()

Poe sat in the mess hall, languidly pushing what was left of his food around with his fork. Everyone around him– Snap, Joph, Nien, Finn– were having their own conversations, sometimes getting boisterous to the point of a migraine. Poe chimed in every once in a while, but mostly kept to himself. Usually, he was the life of the party, and he knew the others noticed how he'd been acting off lately. Gratefully, no one sought out an explanation. The only person who knew all the details was Finn, because as it turned out, Poe had needed to talk everything over with another human being.

Finn nudged him. "You okay, man?"

"Uh huh," Poe replied, keeping his eyes on the food mashing below.

Finn elbowed him harder. "Jess just came in." Poe didn't even glance at the entrance, because this was honestly nothing new. They all ate in the same area and he was starting to feel pathetic every time Jess walked in a room and his eyes watched her intently. Too intently. Way too intently to where he was feeling like he'd been given a personality transplant. He never watched a woman in such an obsessive manner. But Jess wasn't just any woman. She just so happened to be one of his most trusted–

Finn all but pushed him off the bench with how hard he jolted him. "Man, she's looking at you," he whispered harshly. To that, Poe craned his head up, looked past an animated Joph, and met her stare head on. She wasn't getting food, wasn't glancing around, wasn't paying attention to anyone else: she was staring right at him, still at the entrance, unmoving.

Poe didn't know what the stare down meant, but was given a clue when she nodded for him to come over. "Why is she–."

This time, Finn _did_ push him off the bench, forcing him to scramble onto his feet and straighten his jacket. "Just go already. Don't ask questions," Finn ordered.

"Right," Poe breathed out, slicking back his hair. Winding through the tables, Jess didn't attempt to dart away from his approach, which was a relief.

"Hey," he said as he stopped before her.

She shifted her weight between legs, looking nervous. "Hey." Awkward silence ensued, making them both glance around. Poe cleared his throat, even though he didn't know what to say.

"I was wanting to talk to you," Jess finally cut in.

"Should we find somewhere more private?" Poe suggested, motioning for them to leave the mess hall. Soldiers were still trickling in and just because they were off to the side, didn't mean they wouldn't be overheard.

"It won't take long." Poe's heart fell. Guess hoping to get in a good conversation with her was asking too much. Jess crossed her arms as she said, "You've probably heard that I asked for a transfer."

"That's a mistake," Poe said with authority, taking a step forward.

Jess nodded. "I agree and that's why I withdrew the request."

Okay… he wasn't expecting her to admit to her rashness. "What? Really?" Poe nearly shrieked.

Jess laughed, which eased the tension from her tight shoulders. "We've worked together for far too long and have been through so many missions together, that we've built a trust that I've grown comfortable with. So I want to stay… if that's okay," she asked with timid eyes.

"Are you kidding? I never wanted you to leave! I feel the same way about the whole trust thing as you do."

"Good. That's… good," she said, grinning.

Poe hated being a pessimist, but he had to wonder whether the reconciliation was permanent or not. "You still going to ignore me forever? Because that might be a problem if we're to work together."

Jess rolled her eyes. "No, I'm not going to ignore you and I had no intention of keeping it up forever." Idly, she shuffled her foot back and forth, glancing down. "I just… needed some space to think. Honestly, I was quite humiliated with how I acted in front of you… and what I said."

As much as he wanted to talk about _that_ , he decided for her sake, he wouldn't bring it up. For now. "I get it, but I never judged you for it."

"Thanks," she whispered. "I appreciate that."

"I understand why you couldn't help but fall for this." Well, maybe just a little teasing wouldn't hurt.

"Forever the charmer, aren't you?" Jess dryly stated.

Poe whipped out his usual dashing grin, feeling like this exchange hearkened back to the old days. "Can't stop my nature."

Jess chuckled and then the moment fell into a long pause with her looking away and him looking at her. With his acute pilot eyes, Poe could see an eyelash on the arch of her cheek, threatening to leap into her eye and become a nuisance. He raised his hand, but stopped. Curling his palm into a fist, he lowered it back down, knowing that swiping at her cheek would be misinterpreted. Given her feelings, the gesture would be cruel.

But man, he really wanted to get that eyelash off her face… or did he really just want to touch her?

"Look," he said, getting serious. "I'm sorry for never noticing how you–."

"Lets just forget about that, alright? I want to go back to how things were before this whole mess."

Poe nodded casually, while searching for a change in subject. "You, uh, run into Kylo Ren lately?" _Really? You try to change the topic and you bring him up?_

Luckily Jess didn't seem to be offended by the question. "No. Have you?"

"Here and there. I was thinking… if you ever wanted to talk to him about–."

Alarms blasted throughout the large eating area, red lights flashing a threatening warning. Poe and Jess sprung into action, immediately sprinting to the hangar that housed their X-wings. Everyone was running for their readying positions, all of them thinking that the First Order had finally found the base. But once Jess and Poe made it to their destination, they froze, glancing around the decimated area in awe and shock.

Ships were on their sides and crushed against the walls as sparks showered down onto the concrete. Dozens of soldiers littered the floor, moaning from their injuries. A destructive force had come through the hangar, like a freak tornado had somehow formed inside and wreaked a colossal amount of damage.

Off to his left, Poe saw Skywalker enter from another entrance, surveying the scene with calculating eyes. In one sharp motion, the man wheeled around and exited back from where he came with a youthful sprint that was impressive for his age. Poe followed, catching glimpses of the Jedi Master's robes as he rounded corner after corner.

 _Why is he going this way? It leads right to–_

Poe skidded to a halt in front of Major Ematt's office, not knowing how to process what he was looking at. Ren was out cold on the floor, pale and shallowly breathing. With eyes closed, Skywalker had his hands placed on his nephew's temples, probably doing something with the Force to try and help him to wake. But Poe didn't keep his focus on those two for long.

Bodies were splayed unconscious across the floor, all of them thankfully breathing as Poe made a quick check. Stumbling upon Major Ematt's critically looking form, he knelt and searched for a pulse on the man's unnaturally twisted neck. Miraculously, he found one below the swollen bruising.

Poe called for aid on his comlink, and then just sat by the man, because he was powerless to do anything else. Moving or touching Ematt could very well worsen his already grave condition.

"What happened here?" Poe breathed out, glancing over at Skywalker. The Jedi's jaw was hard set, his eyes searing into Ren like he was trying to see something beyond simple appearances.

"I'm not sure," Luke replied, meeting Poe's worried stare. "But I can't wake Ben. And–." A med team and a very winded Finn arrived, cutting Skywalker off.

"Rey is gone," Finn blurted out as Poe stood to make room for the medical personnel.

"What do you mean she's gone?"

"I mean she was the one who blew up the hangar, stole a ship, and then left!" Finn announced, exasperated.

Poe's heart pounded so hard, he started to get a headache from the pressure. He pulled at his hair as he yelled, "What the hell is going on?!" The question was aimed not too kindly at the Jedi Master, because who else would know? By the way Skywalker's expression turned stoic, Poe could tell the man had more answers than he was currently divulging.

And for once in his demented life, Ren was currently taking a nap and useless, so interrogating him was on hold.

 _Fucking perfect._

 _ **Ahhhhhhh! So now you all know why this as all so Reylo centric... because Rey and Ben aren't going to see each other for a bit. Sorry! If you have time, let me know what you think! I hope the sexual stuff wasn't too uncomfortable to read. Honestly, I have read way more explicit stuff. But to each their own. Any thoughts on what happened between Ematt, Rey, and Ren? Don't worry, there will be flashbacks next chapter.**_

 _ **Thank you all for reading and for leaving reviews! All your encouragement help me to keep going! As always, may the Force be with you!**_


	32. Chapter 32

**Thank you all for the faves, follows and reviews! You all give me strength to keep going and writing this behemoth of a story! Really, ya'll are incredible! Now, I do apologize for the long wait. I was sick for three weeks and then my family also became sick, and have I mentioned how much I hate winter? A lot. I hate winter time a lot. But I'm feeling better now, so yeah!**

 **NightElfCrawler: The Force can do amazing things, but it won't always give everyone a miracle. Guess we will have to wait to see if anything changes in Rey's uterus! You get to see exactly what happened between those two this chapter. And I agree, it's always the quiet ones! vana9: There were a lot of Reylo moments last chapter, and I'm happy you enjoyed all of them. That ending is a very rewarding one, but will it happen? lol. Rey being gone is very concerning, but I can say she won't be turning into Ren. She's fundamentally a good person, so her experience with the dark side won't be a very long one. I have Poe and Jess scenes planned, so you will get to see more of the two of them together. Might be in a couple of chapters, but it'll get there. Thanks for reading! Guest: Wow. I, uh, don't even know how to take those compliments. I'm usually a person who shy's away from such things, but I am trying to be better about that. But thank you. Seriously, thanks for loving the story and writing as much as you do! I was really worried about putting humor into the story, because mine can be rather dry. But it actually made you laugh! Yeah! As the story progresses, we really get to see Ben's sarcasm shine through. No paternity test needed for that guy! And you don't sound creepy or obsessive at all. I love when people gush over the same things I like, and that's what you're doing! I love Reylo and dammit, I am going down with this ship! lol. My beginning chapters aren't as well written as the most current ones, but thanks for still liking them. Don't compare you writing to mine! Seriously, I get caught in that trap so many times and start feeling down about myself, but you gotta stay true to you. Writers all have a different style and I am starting to accept mine. We can't all be Shakespeare! I love reading complex characters and relationships, so that's why I put that same element in this story. You're right– who wants to read about a relationship that would be easy? (ex: Finn and Rey) I wouldn't. There are no stakes when it's easy. I would have never, ever guessed that the one scene that hooked someone to my story would be the part about meiosis. But the reasons you gave were exactly why I put something like that in there. Not all thoughts are important to the plot, but some really show you someones character. And that was what I was trying to do with that scene. While I could probably write an infinite amount of chapters, the story does have an end! But I've been thinking about a sequel. So there are chances I'll keep writing after this is all said and done. I do dearly appreciate your review! Thanks so much! KatMichBow: I definitely crammed a lot of highs and lows in the chapter. It's like a roller coaster of emotion. But that's how I like to do it! lol. Rey is definitely going to be unhinged for a while. And more Poe and Jess to come! EV: I don't think my imagination is big enough to work with those people! That would be waaaaay too intimidating. But thanks for thinking I could. Having characters react and come to life naturally was something I wanted to stay true to. I really wanted Ben to be strong and emotional character, but not have him come across as a cry baby or pathetic. I hope I can keep that up because as the story goes on, he has more interactions with Leia that can get pretty emotional and also frustrating. I think I have less than twenty chapter left,but I promise to make the ride as enjoyable as possible. Fingers crossed I get this done before the next movie comes out! Natalie-S-246: I like how you described the progression of emotion in the chapter: happy, sad, then angry. Yup, that's exactly what it was like. Rey doesn't go too far off the deep end. Well, I guess it depends on what you classify as "deep end." Of course I have to throw in a Reylo baby tease! hehe. ILoveKyloRen: The story truly has taken a shocking turn. Started off all about love, and then ended with violence. Thanks for liking the sex scene! I wanted it to be about love making and not just about sex. It really is a difficult subject to write. Sorry it took so long to update! I'll try to be faster! And as always, I love killing you all with the feels! muahahaha. SheLitAFire: Very smart of you to make the chapter last throughout the week. My chapters are long, so I can see how you did that. Thanks about the the sex scene! And I liked writing them talking while sparring. I wanted you as a reader to get more of a feel of what they are like together. His vision from the cave isn't entirely going to happen. Things are different in this timeline than the one he saw. I think you aren't the only reader to forget about Kayani, but she will make an appearance soon. Poe is such a typical guy, and you'll see that more when he is around Jess. Regarding Rey's parentage for real, I have no idea. I've heard so many different theories and while I am adhering to my own theory, the movies very well might make her a nobody. I can see Kenobi or Palpatine working... Gah! I just want to know all the secrets already! The title for episode 8 seems to be pointing to Luke, but at the same time, sounds ominous. And what's up with the red lettering! I need to see this movie now! I know in my PM I said I'd post a playlist, but I think I am going to wait till the story is finished. I find so many new songs that I want to give you guys a complete list. But I can say that I listen to the TFA soundtrack. A lot. Keytchtee: I really didn't want to gloss over all the evil Ben has done, and it annoys me when I find a fic that does that. I'm so glad you enjoyed the sex scene because it took me DAYS to write it. I didn't want to write anything too gratuitous, but at the same time, needed to be somewhat detailed. It took a while to find the right words and flow for the scene. Time wise, it has been been a little over six weeks since TFA and while I see how that can be quick, I stand by my decision to make it compact. The problem is that with Kylo's character, I felt like I needed to show a consecutive timeline of his change, instead of skipping a lot of time every so often. I do have some places where I can stretch out the time a little more, and I probably will do that when I go back and edit the whole story, but I am not a fan of significant time jumps. Not till the end, anyway. Ben's sort of return to the light over the short span of time is believable to me and here's why: He was so conflicted in TFA, and Abrams said in the movie's commentary that Kylo was seriously tempted to leave with his father. Also, he's only been on the dark side for six years while living relatively in the light for the first twenty-three of his life. The guy had okay morals before his fall, so I felt like he could go back to that again over a few months, instead of years. For me, watching TFA, Kylo looked exhausted and conflicted over what he was doing. I think it's plausible that his character could wake up one day and say "Fuck it. I'm done." Now about references and the M &S lyric, I agree with you. I was going back and forth on whether to put it in there or not, and I should have listened to my instinct not to. I apologize that it ruined the scene for you. I will use better judgment in the future. I have never written anything on this caliber, and I am bound to make mistakes. Please everyone, have patience with me! If your opinion on liking the story changes, that is your right as a reader. Some of you might not like where I take the story, but I can't please everyone. Nor am I writing to. At the end of the day, I write for myself, but it's nice to post the story and share my imagination with people. Thanks for the review and constructive criticism! It helps me sharpen my novice writing skills and get better!**

 **Now, I'm not sure how you all are going to take a more dark version of Rey, but the girl has to dabble a bit. You will notice that she isn't in this chapter as much, and that is because the chapter became so long, I had to split it in two. So she is in the next chapter more. Oh, and the split caused the ending to be more abrupt than I like, but I can't really help it. I had to split it down the middle. This chapter also incorporates a lot of flashbacks. Sorry if it interrupts the flow of the story. I just had no room last chapter to put these in there. Anyway, lets get to the chapter!**

Chapter Thirty-two

 _Stiffly, Rey walked the long corridors, trying not to pay heed to the few people passing by. She failed. None of these soldiers knew what kind of organization they truly worked for: a government that murders their own citizens out of fear. All these men and women disgusted her, because they were all naive to the fact that the New Republic was just as vile as the First Order– the Republic was just more secretive about it._

 _Almost to her destination, Rey pondered over the depth she was willing to sink to get her revenge. Such a place, she quipped, probably didn't have a bottom. So therefore, she could go as far as she wished._

 _Focus was what drove her to the durasteel door, the Force is what opened the way._

 _She hadn't been sure Major Ematt would be here during the middle of the day, but as her eyes spotted his feathery hair and large face, she drank in the malicious poison, letting it go straight to her heart. Initiating the entryway closed, she kept it locked with her mind, preventing others from entering._

 _No one turned to examine her presence, which irked her. Even as the apprentice of Luke Skywalker, others still had the propensity to treat her like she was a nobody._

 _Rey hadn't been prepared to see so many assistants and soldiers in the room, but she remedied the problem rather quickly. Bodies dropped at her command, the ease in which she took them all out at once surprising even her. One remained standing though, and as he went for a comlink on the table, Rey Force pushed him into the far wall, dazing him. The strength that lifted her was welcoming and feral._

 _She gave the old man a moment to gather his faculties, because she wanted him lucid for this next part._

 _Groaning, Ematt unsteadily got to his feet, breathing hard as he watched Rey approach him slowly. She stilled him and as he realized he could no longer move, his eyes widened, showing the red and white of his bloodshot corneas._

" _Tell me," Rey said, sliding the datapad from her satchel. "Do you recognize this recording?" She shoved the sleek tech in his face and watched as his expression turned from fear, to dread. Listening to the video a second time, she couldn't stop the tears from trailing down her cheeks, but she ate in the suffering to give her more focus._

" _That woman was my mother," she hissed when the video ended. "And I believe the man who tried to get her free was my father. Is he?"_

" _You're Reyna…" he muttered, looking at her like she was something out of his nightmares. His comment unbalanced her briefly, because she didn't think this man would remember anything about her family, let alone her._

" _The man in the video," she enunciated harder. "Is he Jacen?"_

 _Ematt closed his eyes and mumbled, "Yes. He's Maridia's husband."_

My father..." _You killed them."_

 _His lids snapped open. "No! I tried to stop the guards from firing, but Jacen was overpowering them. He forced my men to defend themselves."_

 _Rey tapped the datapad, annoyed. "It didn't look like he had a weapon."_

" _He was very skilled without one. He killed five of my men getting to Maridia."_

 _She tilted her head. "Am I supposed to care about that?"_

 _He blinked hard, the strain in his neck evidence of how hard the man was fighting against the hold. Of course, it was all futile. Ematt spoke slowly. "What happened to your parents was a horrible accident and–"_

" _Accident?" Rey stepped back, astonished by the man's word choice. "Do you know what my life has been like since their deaths?" He remained quiet. "Do you!"_

 _Ematt flinched and licked his lips. "You… you were a scavenger on Jakku for many years."_

 _She nodded and started pacing in front of the pathetic statue, her eyes bouncing along the table, to the many consoles, and then back to her target. "Fifteen years. Everyday, I survived on the hope that my family would return to get me. But they never did. My youth was taken from me and with it, my ability to even have children." Ematt frowned, so she clarified. "Apparently, severe malnutrition can really ruin ones chances at having a family."_

" _I'm sorry," he mumbled. "Please–"_

" _You want mercy?" she asked, legs pausing so she could get a good, fiery stare at him. The heat from under her skin was so hot, it boiled her sweat, causing her to be surrounded by her own humidity. "I don't recall you showing my parents any."_

" _I never forgot about that day," he explained with trepidation, voice cracking. "It has haunted me knowing that you were out there in the galaxy somewhere, waiting for a mother and a father that would never return."_

 _Her icy eyes lit up with pure violence as she tried to control her shaking fists. "It must not have haunted you too much since you never tried to locate me. From the looks of it, this whole failure of an operation was swept under the rug. Probably out of embarrassment. Isn't that right?" His silence was laced with the answers she didn't want to hear. "And then I was forgotten."_

" _Please, I–" Banging abruptly came from the door as Ben called out to her to let him inside. Ematt opened his mouth to scream for help, but she viciously squeezed his throat shut before the air had a chance to escape his lungs. Face turning red, capillaries popping under his skin, Rey watched him suffer, which inadvertently caused her to suffer as well._

 _Force, this hurt. And it was painful in the weirdest, most satisfying way. The feeling was cold; it was a cold emptiness in the center of her chest. But somehow, this ache pushed her forward, giving her the resolve to keep going. If she could just finish what she came here to do, then she would be whole, then she could be relieved.  
_

" _Rey, open the door," Ben's muffled voice pleaded. "I know you're in there." But she didn't reply. The energy flowing through her urged her to squeeze harder, to watch as this man died from the vengeance that was so rightfully hers._

 _Power was a new sensation. Power was a good sensation._

 _The booming at the door vibrated her bones, making her glance over her shoulder to see dents in the hard, metal barrier. Of course, Ben was ruining this moment for her by trying to punch down the door. He had to have broken his hand from such an overly dramatic performance, but the agony didn't seem to stop him._

He'd tough guy it though _, she thought._

 _Releasing Ematt's windpipe, he gasped for air, coughing and partly sobbing in the process. "Should I let him in? Do you think he will try to save you?" she asked derisively. Ematt's attention was more focused on breathing normally than answering her._

 _Rey became intrigued by the possibilities of what Ben might try to do, and seeing how he was the one to help set her on this path, why not have him watch._

 _Releasing the lock, the door slid open, allowing Ben to stride in. He kept a good distance away, his eyes bouncing between her and her prey. By the look of his tousled hair, sweaty sheen, and labored breath, he'd sprinted here as soon as he felt what Rey was up to. That damn bond was so inconvenient… or was it? The rage over Ben lying to her again didn't quite meet what she felt for Ematt, but it came pretty damn close._

 _Eyeing Ben's bloodied and bruised fist, she wondered how much deeper she could get him to bleed._

Rey shut down the memory, not wanting to think about that confrontation with Ben. Focusing instead on finding a scrap of sustenance, she clawed her way through the cabinets and drawers, but all Rey could find on Ben's rickety light freighter were some ration bars, a few bags of dried grain, and a good amount of chocolate. She slammed the cabinet shut, shaking her head as she scolded herself for not planning ahead. The only belongings she brought were the clothes on her skin and the lightsaber hooked to her belt.

If Ben hadn't drilled into her head to always keep her saber on hand, she'd probably be without that too.

Settling on a ration bar, she went into the lounge and sat at the communal table, basically swallowing the calories in one bite. There was a minimal trace of vibration throughout the whole ship, making it apparent the hunk of metal was still in hyperspace. If she had actually made a thorough plan of escape before she jumped the blaster on confronting Ematt, then she wouldn't be foodless or without credits. And she would have chosen a ship with way fewer memories attached to it.

At least the fuel tank was full. But how far can she get before she burns through it?

Rey sat there for hours – maybe decades. Did time really matter all that much anymore? It was weird to feel so numb after everything she'd done. She just killed a man for Force sake, and here she was… blinking… breathing. Living. Was she alive? Did it all really happen? Was she training to be a Jedi; did she live at a Resistance base; did a man named Ben actually exist?

It all seemed like an allegory of hope and love, with an ending interlaced with lies and murder.

Intermixed with her deadened senses was a tinge of embarrassment. She had feasted upon Ben's lies because her heart had been hungry. And when it came to being with him, she had chosen opt-in ignorance. Rey knew how much of a vile and manipulative human being he could be, but she'd convinced herself that he was changing; that he was starting to become the man he once was. But a person as monstrous as he could never come back from the depths of his own hell. Fates, he loved living down in that pit way too much.

How stupid she was for being duped, for being caught in those passionate, dark eyes.

Even now, she shivered from the recollection. He always had a way of gazing at her like nothing else existed in the galaxy for him, like he was both enchanted by her and slightly in awe. And to someone who never mattered to anyone before, who'd been abandoned, who felt lost in the universe… that was how he got her. In a sad realization that was hard to accept, she had lived for those little moments. Stayed close for them. Kept walking beside him in hopes it would happen again and again and again. And ended up giving a part of her body to him, a part she could never get back. Did she cling to the first person to view her as a woman? Was she really that needy?

Was she really that pathetic?

All these questions she didn't want to answer, even though she could feel the truth behind them. Everything was so uncertain now, because she had no idea what she was going to do after she solved the mystery of her family. Maybe she could find some credits and then go off, become a hermit, and live out the rest of her life in a corner of the galaxy that wasn't affected by this war. Except… everything was affected by the war. Her solution was a bacta patch to a rather serious blaster shot to the head.

And what about Kayani? The ancient being had been eerily quiet for a long time now. Perhaps Rey had to be the one to call upon her? Kayani did say Rey was in control of her own mind and body. It could be that ever since their fight over reviving Ben, she's been unknowingly blocking her out. Well, the woman was difficult to talk to, no matter how much Rey tried to see things from her point of view.

 _Later_ , Rey told herself. _I'll figure it all out later._

Right now, she needed to think through how to navigate Niima Outpost without being detected.

()()()()()

Gradually climbing his way out of the realm of unconsciousness, Ren knew what the ringing sensation flowing throughout his body meant, the burn just below his sternum, the irritating, merciless itch: concern, but it wasn't for himself.

 _Rey…_

Ren bolted upright, instantly regretting the decision as his skull cracked open from in between his orbital bone. Rey had pushed his mind a little too far when she knocked him out, and now he was feeling the side effects in the form of a splitting migraine.

Squinting, the lights seemed to be like blazing stars, but without the comfort of heat. Everything in the room was extra bright, which was probably from the white, sterile atmosphere. He was in the med bay and his right hand was wrapped in some sort of cast, the feeling of cool bacta gel caking his skin on the inside. Looking around, he–

Lizari sat on the exam table across from him, and in her lap was her daughter Anna, both quietly staring. "Hey," the woman greeted. "Sorry if I startled you. I was already here, waiting for a checkup when everything happened in one of the hangars. The rooms are overflowing with new patients, so they placed you in here with me. Do you want me to get a med droid for you?"

Hangars? New patients? Ben stretched out his mind, catching a thought here and a thought there, piecing together how Rey got off the base. Her violent escape was overshadowed by the fact that Major Ematt was miraculously still alive, and he prayed the man remained that way. "No. I'll be fine," he said, sliding off the table and going to the counter to his right.

"You've been avoiding Terr and Garreaus. And me."

He paused, and then unlocked the cabinets, searching through the medical equipment. "I… yeah, I have."

"Why?"

Finding what looked to be a miniature saw, he started gently slicing through the hard outer layer of the cast. Much of his focus went to the task at hand as he chose not to answer the woman.

"I just wanted to thank you for healing Anna," Lizari softly said from behind. "What you did for her didn't look easy."

Slightly hanging his head, he chewed at the inside of his cheek, keeping his back to her while he continued with the cutting. "I'm sorry about Jorfel," he whispered.

He heard her inhale and exhale. "It isn't your fault. We'd all be dead if it wasn't for you."

Her reassuring voice pierced him. She was the one who lost her husband, and here she was, comforting him, thanking him. His heart skipped a beat, reminding him that the muscle was indeed alive and not just a hollow space; a dark cavern. "If I'd gotten back sooner, I could have…"

"Saved him?" He sliced through the last of the plaster, letting the mold fall to the counter. His hand and forearm was severely black and blue, but already in the process of healing as he funneled the majority of his energy into repairing the damage. Within twenty minutes, the skin and bone should be back to normal.

Ren turned to see Liz brushing the hair from her daughter's face, while looking at him with a distance in her eyes. "I've thought a lot about that too. I've thought about all the different ways it could've turned out differently, but then I look around and find myself here. Jorfel got a taste of independence when he left the First Order, and he valued his freedom almost as much as his family." Ren waited for her to continue, but she didn't. He almost inquired on how she was doing, but held off. One good look at her pale face and tired eyes told him all he needed to know.

Not knowing what else to say, nor did he want to accept the gratitude, he made for the exit. "I need to know…" Ren stopped from her voice. "Did you make Sheldom suffer?"

Honesty or to lie? But from the fierce expression on her comely face, he knew what answer she wanted to hear. And it just so happened to be the truth. "Yes."

She exhaled, her shoulders relaxing as if he'd just given her a reprieve from the pain. Funny how retribution could sometimes do that for you. "Good," she bit out, wrapping her arms tighter around her daughter, her eyes looking straight ahead.

Stepping into the main atrium, he was immediately met by the two hard stares of Poe and the trooper. Both arose from the waiting chairs, twisting and turning their way through the bustle of med droids and humanoid staff. Looking around, patients lined the walls, some sitting on the floor, holding an injured limb or cradling a wrapped head. _Rey caused all this?_

Poe opened his mouth to speak, but Ren beat him to it. "The council is already convening."

The pilot nodded, showing no offense at having his thoughts read. "General Organa wanted us to bring you to the meeting after you woke." Ren was already moving by the time Poe finished speaking. He didn't want to waste any unnecessary time, and by the way Poe and Finn took the lead, they didn't either.

"What are they saying about Rey?" Ren asked.

Poe answered from over his shoulder. "Well, there were some members who accused you of trying to kill Major Ematt, but with you passed out on the office floor and Rey injuring dozens of people in order to steal a ship, it all made pretty compelling evidence that she was responsible." Poe paused. "So is she?"

"Is she what?"

"Did she try to murder Ematt?"

"Yes."

"Don't lie," Finn accused harshly, stepping in Ren's way as the three of them came to a sudden halt. "Rey isn't like you," his voice cracked from the constriction of anger and emotion. "She would never try to kill someone without a reason."

Still feeling like utter shit, head pounding, and anger revved up from being called a liar, Ren got in the troopers face and said, "That man caused her parents to die. Or is that not a good enough reason for her to do what she did?" Clearly, Poe and the buckethead had not been privy to that upsetting piece of information. Both appeared floored and momentarily speechless. Confusion would come next, but Ren wasn't in the mood to answer their questions.

He walked on, not needing to be guided anymore since he could feel both Skywalker and the General's essences close by. Even if he wasn't Force sensitive, he was sure that following the echoes of yelling and intermingled voices nearby would lead him right where he needed to go.

Striding in, the noise faded rather quickly due to his presence. "Why are you here?" Vassena annoyingly asked, standing on the opposite side of the round holoprojector table. "This is a closed meeting."

"I'm going to say that "spite" is not an appropriate answer. I have–"

Leia talked over him. "I wanted him to be here. He's the last person to have spoken with Rey." She glanced over, quickly giving Ren a look that said you-better-behave. Coming from her, it made him not want to.

"Is this why we haven't watched the recording yet?" Trend asked. _Recording? What recording?_ "Because you wanted _him_ to be here?"

"Seeing how he's also in the holovid, he might be able to shed more light on the whole situation."

"What holovid?" Ren spoke up.

"There are cameras in each of our offices," Leia explained. "The whole incident was recorded." _Oh… no…._ As Statura worked at getting the projection up and working, Leia moved next to Ren.

"I can't stop them from seeing this," she whispered, her voice being shielded by the light chatter throughout the room. "I need to know if you two said anything about… Han."

He gulped through a tight throat as his heart threatened to beat it's way out of his broad chest. "I– I don't think so." His father _had_ been brought up, but he was pretty sure from the perspective of an outside party, it would be mostly viewed as ambiguous.

Ren moved to the back, his mother showing a tinge of worry as she glanced at him. His swallowing increased and his hands trembled, making him cross his arms to try and hide it. Leaving seemed like the sensible thing to do, but he did want to know what happened between Ematt and Rey before he got there.

The confrontation proved more disturbing to watch than he initially thought. The woman in that hologram was the same corrupted version Ren had confronted mere hours ago, but it was still sickening to witness. And heartbreaking.

Then, his turn finally came up.

Ren angled his body away, his eyes fixating on the thick, electrical wiring winding its way through the numerous outlets in the slate wall. Unlike everyone else in the room, Ren didn't need to view this next part.

It was already seared into his memory from living it.

 _His fist pounded against the locked barrier as he yelled, "Rey! Let me in!" Glancing around, he didn't see anyone dart out of the rooms, looking to view the commotion– which was monumentally lucky. He really didn't need an audience for this and who the hell knew what the scene was like inside._

" _Rey," he spoke in a lower voice. "Open the door. I know you're in there." Being this close, he could practically feel her dark impulses scratch under his skin, making him extremely antsy. Frustrated, Ren wheeled his fist back and punched at the metal. The Force augmented his strength so profoundly, that his knuckles left dents in the durasteel. It didn't take long for the sleek grey to be tainted with red, and even though he knew his hand was now broken, he kept going, not even feeling the pain._

 _The door abruptly opened and Ren froze mid punch as he glanced around the wide room. Multiple officers were on the floor or hunched over the table, all of them thankfully alive. As he stepped in, wrangling in his panting breath, he caught sight of Rey to the left… and a clearly horrified and immobile Ematt._

 _Rey was standing close to him, as if she was guarding a most valuable prize. Vast inky darkness surrounded her, like a black cloud from a stormy sky._

 _She threw a datapad at his feet, the screen shattering on impact. "When did you find out the truth?" she asked, voice eerily collected._

 _He eyed the lightsaber at her belt, feeling vulnerable without his own. He inhaled. "Over a week ago."_

" _How did you know what to search for?"_

 _Ren rolled his jaw and clenched his teeth before revealing the truth. "When I was on Jakku, I obtained the names of you parents from Plutt."_

 _Her eyes flickered, staring at him like a fog had been lifted and she was looking at someone she hadn't even known was there. "You've known their names even before Ahch-To… and you never told me?"_

" _I–" He faltered, knowing the explanation was going to sound bad. Because it was. "I didn't see any good coming out of you knowing their names. They were either dead, or they truly abandoned you and wanted nothing to do with you. I... wanted to spare you from the truth."_

 _She scoffed. "How selfless of you." Her eye twitched as her gaze roamed around the room. "You knew all of this… while we were together last night," she said, her body language loose, but controlled, the exact opposite of how he acted when in one these fueled fits. Ren wasn't sure what to do… or what to say._

 _Rey looked to her right, studying Ematt with a tempered fury that could have been admirable under different circumstances. "You were right when you told me last night to leave your room before I regretted anything." She met his stare. "Because now, I regret everything. I gave you a part of myself I can never get back. Was that what you wanted?" Her eyes flared. "Were you actually bothered after talking with your mother, or were you pretending to be so I would be more willing to sleep with you."_

" _No," he responded immediately, glancing briefly at the terrified man. "You know last night was so much more than that." He took a step forward, placing his palm against his chest. "I wasn't putting on a front and nothing about our time together was a lie. Rey," his voice got reedy. "I love you. I was going to tell you about your parents tonight, because I realized it was wrong to keep it from you. I… I just wanted to protect you."_

 _She smiled and laughed in a way that wasn't pleasant. "Well, now, this sounds familiar. Didn't your family not tell you about your grandfather for the exact same reason? To protect you?"_

 _His gut went frigid as he tried to deny the similarities of the situations, but said denial was not strong enough to mask the truth._

" _And look what you did in retaliation to finding out: you helped ruin the galaxy and murdered tons of innocent people. Even tore your family apart." Ren could very well feel how close he was to hyperventilating, like he use to so many times when he was a child. "Admit it– you were somewhat satisfied when he walked up to you on that bridge, and when you put the saber through his heart, weren't you?"_

 _Flabbergasted, mouth agape, eyes wide, it was hard for him to fathom that she could say something like that to him. For someone who knew the darkness well, Ren suddenly felt out of his element. "Not gonna answer? That's okay." Rey shrugged. "I know you enjoyed it."_

" _Don't say something like that to me. Ever."_

 _Rey didn't even blink._ " _I'll say whatever I damn well please." Was she trying to goad him into reacting? If so, then he needed to be very cautious with what he said to her. This whole situation was like having a glass vase in the middle of a battlefield: one wrong move, and it all shattered. In this case, one wrong word, and she might just decide to kill Ematt._

 _He hesitated, choosing his words carefully. "I made a promise to you that I wouldn't let you fall. Remember?"_

 _She chuckled, mockingly. "When have you ever kept your word?"_

 _Without warning, Ren's vision plunged into darkness before a brilliant mixture of color suddenly blossomed all around, cocooning him in a spectacle that shocked him back until his spine hit a hard barrier. The macabre of hues morphed into a solid scene… that involved him and his father._

" _Dad!" Ben pushed through the crowd, running happily past the various booths. Glancing around, Ren recognized the fair as the Galactic Science Convention, one his parents had brought him to when he was ten. He'd been so ecstatic to win tickets to such an innovative event, and then to actually have_ both _his parents take him had been a miracle of substantial weight._

 _But Ren wasn't happy to be here now, because he knew what was about to happen._

" _Ben!" his father yelled as he walked up to him, his worried face morphing into frustration. "Your mother and I have been looking everywhere for you! I didn't bring you to the museum so you can run off and–"_

" _Look what I won," he said with elation, shoving the thick texts into Han's face. "I beat dozens of people at this game–"_

" _Game?" Han looked around, trying to find where his son could've possibly won a contest. "What game? Did you gamble?"_

" _No," Ben laughed while adjusting his grip on the thick books. "They just asked a bunch of science questions to some volunteers and the last one standing wins the prize. Guess how far I got?!"_

 _Han quirked a brow. "The last one standing?"_

" _Yup! And look what I won." He held up one novel after another, showing his father the faded covers. "Limited edition vintage text books about the revolution of medicine during the time of the Mandalorian Wars. I mean, you can find all of this through the HoloNet, but printing books is such a lost art, which make these priceless–"_

" _Did you cheat?"_

 _Ben became frazzled, his smile faltering. "W-what? Cheat? No, I didn't –"_

 _Han stepped forward. "Don't lie to me, kid._

 _Pulling the books closer to his chest, Ben firmly said, "I'm not lying."_

 _His father eyed him ruthlessly. "Did you or did you not listen in on someone's thoughts so you could win?"_

" _No!" Ben shook his head vehemently. "I swear I didn't! I- I won fairly–"_

" _C'mon," Han grabbed Ben's arm, wheeling him around as he dragged him away. "You're gonna return those books so someone who deserves them can get 'em."_

 _Ben ripped away from Han's hold. "But I deserve them!" he yelled, causing a scene, much to his father's blatant disapproval. "I beat everyone else without using the Force."_

 _Han flinched at the word, like it was a curse being flung onto his life. "March over there right now and apologize for cheating," he pointed in the direction they'd been going. "I've raised you better than this."_

 _Ben couldn't believe what just came out of a former smuggler and gambler's mouth. "You've barely raised me at all," he said, looking at Han with contempt. Even at ten, Ben almost matched the eye level of his own father.  
_

 _The remark stunned Han for just a moment before he pointed a finger into his son's glaring face. "Ben, don't make me –"_

 _Ben threw the books onto the ground, making them scatter into the crowd. Han straightened, looking down upon his vehement son. "If you want someone else to have these books so badly, then you can return them yourself," Ben hissed._

 _Rushing past his dad, he ignored the curious eyes while marching for the exit. Ren watched, remembering how he'd been so mad and embarrassed, partly for not being able to keep what he'd won… but mostly for his father being able to see right through him._

 _Ben had cheated on the last question. It was the first and last time he ever did such a thing during a contest, but he'd done it because greed had gotten the better of him._

 _And Han knew. Somehow, that man_ knew _Ben's tells, even though the guy was barely around to see him grow. The anger over that was more palpable than knowing he hadn't deserved to win._

 _The memory changed, showing a dimly lit living room in their house on Hosnian Prime. Leia and Han were sitting upright on the long sofa, both asleep, her head resting on his shoulder. Ben, much the same age, was lying on the opposite loveseat, arm tucked under his head and eyes watching whatever program was on the holoscreen. Such a normal familial scene– one that rarely occurred in that house._

 _Ren stood off to the side by the kitchen, viewing a memory he thought he'd forgotten._

 _Ben glanced over at his parents and observed the two of them for the longest time. Ren recalled what had been going through his mind in that moment: he'd been memorizing his fathers arm around his mother, the look of their content faces, and the comfort in which he rarely saw them give one another. He watched them for so long, pretending that they were a normal family– that his father didn't shy away every time Ben used the Force in front of him. Truly, what started Ben down the path of academics had been him pining to look normal, so maybe, just maybe, Han would see him as a conventional son._

 _It didn't work, but at least he found a joy in learning that he couldn't find with his family._

 _The memory went on for so long, Ren didn't even realize that he was now Ben, studying his parents from the vantage point of the soft blue couch. He was getting lost… everything feeling so tangible. Every inhale, he smelled his mother's perfume: jade roses with a hint of earthy undertones._

 _Abruptly, a much older version of Han formed in front of the holoscreen, his gruffly aged face looking down at Ben with so much sorrow, it broke him right at the center. Bolting over the sofa with zero grace, Ben tripped his way over to the corner of the room, shaking uncontrollably. "Ben…" Han breathed, eyes questioning. "Why?"_

 _Incapable of filling his lungs, Ben drowned in the moment, his eyes wide and locked on the face of the man he suddenly remembered murdering. But… he was only ten years old. How could he have– Who was he? What's happening?_

 _Han looked longingly at a slumbering Leia. "You took me away from her. I'll never see her again."_

 _Clawing at his hair, Ben closed his eyes and curled into himself, unable to hold back a deep sob. "No…"_

" _My boy…"_

 _A brush of a cheek…. Ben relived the lurch of plunging the lightsaber through his father's chest… and realized this whole experience was just an illusion mixed with memory, a hazy experience of vivid images and gut wrenching pain. He wasn't a child anymore. "This isn't real," he whispered, opening his eyes and glancing up to catch an amused Rey standing behind the sofa that held his sleeping parents._

" _Stop it," he demanded, and just like that, the vision vanished, leaving him panting against the wall of Major Ematt's office._

 _Rey feigned bemusement. "Can't take facing your worst fear?" she mocked. "This is what you've done so many times to other people, isn't it? I think it's only fair for you to experience the same thing."_

 _Bending over and placing hands on his knees, he took deep, shaky breaths, focusing on the tears he didn't realize were dropping onto the floor. What she had done to him was right on his level cruelty, but he couldn't get angry with her, no matter how hard she pushed him. Even if part of him wanted to. "Rey, I know what you're feeling," he breathed out low while unsteadily straightening._

 _Tilting her head to the side, her gaze narrowed. "Do you? Because you actually had a family while growing up."_

" _You feel betrayed, but torturing me or killing him won't change anything."_

 _She shrugged "It'll make him dead. I'd say that's changing things."_

" _Your parents are gone." He shook his head, hair sticking to his sweaty skin. "This won't bring them back."_

" _You think I don't know that?" she asked, her voice rising in pitch. "You think I am stupid enough to believe this will change anything?" Pause, and then, "I rotted on Jakku for fifteen years!"_ There it is _, he thought._ There's the rage _. "Alone! Unwanted! Starving for food and thirsting for water!" Her face heated and her lip curled back as she continued, cycling through so many emotions, she appeared unhinged. "None of that can be changed now. All of that time has been wasted. All of it–" Her voice gave out, her eyes becoming distant for a fraction of a second as she composed herself. Then her focus went to Ematt. "But I can make the person responsible pay for what's been done," she snarled._

" _Where would it end? He was working for the Republic. More than likely, a group of senators sanctioned the operation. Are you going to kill them too?"_

" _You think you're mother knew about this?" Ren stilled as her attention glided onto his stunned face. "Maybe she's one of the senators who authorized it."_

 _Ren swallowed… and reminded himself to breath. "She would never have authorized something like that," he enunciated every word with deliberation. "She's Vader's daughter. It would be like condemning herself."_

 _Rey tucked a hair behind her ear. "Maybe after we're done here, I'll go ask her about it. Just to make sure."_

 _Rage made him lose his voice for a moment. "Don't."_

 _Her brows popped. "Oh, have I finally crossed a line? I didn't think bringing up your mom would–"_

" _You do this and you can't take it back," Ren interrupted, motioning to her frozen victim. In truth, he was trying to steer the conversation away from his mother because he'd become instinctively furious over Rey threatening her safety._

" _That's the point. Are you gonna tell me that I don't have the right to kill him?"_

" _No. I think you have every right; I'm not going to fight you on that. But if you do this, it will ruin you." He took a deep breath, digging somewhere deep inside to find what to say to her._

 _Ren was not a savior. Never had been. His interests had always been either his master's or his own. No one else's. He'd been against forming any sort of attachments that were permanent, but Rey changed all that the moment he saw her._

 _Warmth suddenly flooded his being, basking him in a soft light. It washed away his pain, the fear and his bitterness, leaving only perfect clarity in its wake. Ren realized it was the Force, but it had never felt like this. "Rey, listen to me," he said gently. "For so long, I have been a slave to my hatred, my rage. That's what the dark side turned me into. That's what it does. Nothing in this galaxy will ever be enough to satiate it. You give it more and more of yourself, until you pass that point where a part of you always remains empty. What you're feeling will never bring you happiness. It's a trap baited with all the things you want most: Power, pride, belonging. But it's a lie. That life– it will never be worth living," he explained with beseeching sincerity._

 _Maybe it was the moment he chose not to kill her on Ahch-To. Or the time he first kissed her in the warm sea. Could have been all the quiet moments they laid awake at night, talking about anything and everything until they both drifted to sleep. But one thing was certain: somewhere along the journey, he tripped over the urge to feel alive again, yearning for the fall that would bring him home._

 _But looking into her voidless stare, he knew that in this moment, the distance between them was monumental, putting them on opposite sides._

 _She didn't take in a single word he said, which tore at him because he believed it whole-heartedly. "Look at you," Rey snickered. "Speaking from experience. But you know what?" She stalked closer to Ematt and Ren's neck pricked, bracing him. "I'm willing to gamble that I won't lose a wink of sleep over his death."_

 _Rey was quick, too quick for Ren to stop her from stilling him. She expertly blocked his attempts at taking her down, rendering Ren useless. He'd been wondering exactly how far she was willing to go, and he received his answer as he watched Ematt's neck twist and give out a resounding snap, shocking Ren senseless. He vaguely heard himself yell something, but was unable to process what it was. Immobile and wide eyed, Ren witnessed the body crumble to the floor, unmoving._

 _No words came from his mouth as Rey just stood over the body, staring at the lifeless man. She didn't budge or show any signs of emotion; no breaking down or gasps over what she had done. Her registration was slow. Quiet. She moved at her own pace, even as Ren stayed frozen, rotting._

 _One minute and one millennia truly felt the same._

 _Eventually, Rey coolly walked up to him as his eyes shifted and he weakly stared down at her, his focus locked on and complete. He could have broken free from the arrest by now, but he wasn't sure if his knees were strong enough to hold his body weight._

 _And honestly, he just didn't care to do so._

 _Scrutinizing her face, she had transformed into a shell of the woman he once knew so intimately. Eyes dead, complexion pallid, mouth closed, he was gazing upon the same expression he'd worn for the last six years: Lost. Fetal. Despondent. Such a guise was sacrilegious to be visibly worn by her._

 _Rey glanced at the door and with dejection worthy of a castaway, Ren pleaded for her not to leave, even though he knew she could no longer stay. Or be with him._

 _She eyed him up and down. "No reason to stay is a good reason to go." Her voice was so grave, it seemed like it should've come out of a corpse._

" _I love you." Truly, his love for her roared louder than her demons._

 _But of course, his credibility had expired. "Liar." There was no accusation in her tone. No scorn. Just a statement of what she believed him to be._

 _Quickly, he whispered, "When you're alone, there will come a time where you realize that you pushed everyone away. And you will think that you've done too much to turn back. But you can. You will tell yourself you can't, but you can. Remember that." That was all he could think of to say, because that was the only thing he wished someone had told him before he'd gone off into the galaxy to destroy the man he once was._

" _We'll see," she replied._

 _Slamming into his mind, she forced him asleep, the darkness inking into his vision as his numb body hit the hard floor._

()()()()()

Leia watched the projection of Rey standing above her son's crumpled body, noticing the girl's impassive face and dull eyes. From the slight shift in Rey's body language, Leia thought she was going to crouch down and touch Ben, but she didn't. Instead, she hurriedly left the room, leaving only a picture of the unconscious bodies on the floor. The recording blinked off as the above lights came back to full power.

Silence followed– from what Leia perceived as sheer shock. Her gaze reflexively shifted to Ben, noticing that his attention was directed at the wall next to him. If she were in his position, she wouldn't have watched the video either. Honestly, from the personal subject matter shown, she was surprised he stayed in the room during the whole duration.

Luke wasn't faring any better. Her brother was upset he hadn't felt the dark side sooner, because if he had, he could have stopped Rey from becoming lost. Unlike her son, Leia had a feeling that Luke would have extinguished the situation before it escalated. But she wasn't mad at Ben for trying to talk Rey down. The boy loved her and probably didn't want to hurt her.

Both men cared for the girl in vastly different ways, but Luke would have been more objective when dealing with a clearly vindictive Rey.

Even though the holovid didn't give her a clue as to where Rey was off to, the viewing wasn't a complete loss. Leia had to wipe her eyes when she watched Ben talk about the falsity of the dark side and what it twisted him into. His last words to Rey nearly made her lose it, because she saw how deeply Snoke manipulated her son into believing that he'd done too much to return home. For the thousandth time, Leia daydreamed of wrapping her hands around that creature's neck and squeezing the borrowed time right out of him.

Trend was the first to speak up, her hands resting on the circular holoprojector, every hair and inch of clothing perfectly in place. How august the woman appeared. How collected. "The girl needs to be found and apprehended before–"

The room suddenly spun into a cacophony of voices that were indecipherable, but urgent, drowning Vassena's words below the many opinions offered. Of course, no one was questioning the role Ematt played in all of this. Earlier, they had all watched the same video recovered from the broken datapad, but not one person, besides her, had tried to bring it up. All they saw was the crime; all they wanted was the justice. But could she really blame them for wearing blinders? When Leia was younger, she'd been much the same way: upholding the law and punishing the transgressors. But with old age, she'd come to see that such things were no longer black and white. Especially where the Force was concerned.

Frustration caused her jaw to clench as her mind worked on shaping a plan.

"We don't have the resources to scourer the galaxy searching for her," Admiral Statura shouted, catching the attention of a few. "Not with the First Order breathing down our necks."

Trend argued back. "That girl is destructive and has been trained in the ways of the Force. We all know how much of a disaster that can be." She briefly glanced at Ben. "She needs to be found immediately."

Leia cleared her throat, exploiting the opening Vassena had unknowingly given her. "I agree, Admiral Trend." Every head in the room turned, every mouth snapped shut. "I'll take it upon myself to put a team together. The numbers will only be few, but I think stealth is a better option for this particular assignment." Seeing two high ranking officials being civil and agreeing with one another was a moment that showed sensibility and maturity. Obviously, no one knew how to react to it. This was Leia and Vassena, after all.

Meanwhile, Leia pretended not to notice the very intent stares of her son and brother, who remained silent off to her left and right.

Admiral Trend tried her best at composing her confusion. "I'm glad to see us agree on something, General."

 _Oh, but we don't._

The trooper stepped forward and asked, "What will happen to her if she is brought back here?"

"The full extent of the law still applies for attempted murder. Or murder, if Ematt passes away," Vassena explained. Finn looked from Trend to Leia and back again, maybe hoping to get a different answer than the one heard. None were offered.

"I'll entrust you with working out the details of the charges that are to be brought against her," Leia civilly addressed the admiral. "Now, if you could all see yourselves out, I need a moment alone with my son." Hesitation arose, but one by one, they all filed out of the room, Vassena surprisingly being one of the first to leave. As she'd anticipated, Trend was in a hurry to get on her datapad and search for everything pertaining to the law.

How easily people lost focus as to who their true enemies were.

Once the door slid closed, Ben moved toward her, causing Luke to take position by her side. "You can't seriously be considering arresting Rey and putting her on trial–"

"I'm not," Leia interrupted, noticing that Dameron and Finn were still in the room. She decided to let them stay. "Knowing Vassena, she'll be all too eager at figuring out how to get Rey slammed with a death sentence. Which will give us some time to figure out what to do."

Both looking at each other, Leia couldn't help but study her son's manly face. His dark, wavy hair had grown so much over the last few weeks that she was tempted to tell him to get it cut. It was a stark contrast to how he preferred the rest of himself polished, but ever since the bullying started when he was younger, Ben always kept his hair long as to hide his protruding ears. Shame, though. Leia did love his uniquely large ears. It made him appear younger, more carefree. Less of a threat.

Ben narrowed his gaze. "Did you know about this?" He didn't need to expound on what he was asking. Leia knew what he was getting at.

"No," she staunchly replied. "Like you said, I would never have authorized such an operation. And I would have stopped it if I ever found out." Truly, she would have. While she abhorred where she biologically came from, to persecute those with a similar background would be branding herself a hypocrite. She and Luke were a testament that no matter where you came from, the sins of the parents did not bloom in the children they bear.

Now looking to Luke as if the Jedi had said his name, Ben hotly said, "Is there something on your mind? Best to let it out. Wouldn't want it to fester."

Luke exhaled deeply. "Ben–"

"You've just been waiting for me to somehow ruin everything, haven't you?" Leia stood there, agog. It wasn't over what he said, but more over whom he was saying it to. For the most part, Luke and Ben went out of their ways to ignore one another. "Well, I think I more than exceeded your expectations this time."

Luke shook his head. "I'm not blaming you for this. Rey's actions are her own. She chose to seek vengeance."

"So if you were in her position, you would've been able to just let it go?" Ben asked, looking around at the others as if seeking validation. "I think you're all underestimating how much rage she suppressed over being left on Jakku and living alone for fifteen years."

Without hesitation, Finn stepped in. "And you aren't? You're the one who kept this from her."

"Because of this exact reason!"

"Maybe if you actually sat her down and explained everything, she wouldn't have tried to commit murder!"

"Hey!" Poe wedged himself between the two fired up men as Luke grabbed Finn's arm, pulling the trooper back. Ben batted Poe's hands away and stalked off to the opposite side of the room, his face twitching with unreleased anger. Leia wanted to go to him, but she stayed where she was. "The only person at fault is Major Ematt," Poe said in a more conservative tone. "So how about we all just agree on that and try to keep our voices down. We don't need to draw outside attention."

Ren's dark brown eyes got so tight, he wasn't frowning; he was glaring. "The New Republic is also at fault," he said through gritted teeth, his body staying as far away from them as possible. Or more accurately, away from Finn.

"I don't think–"

"He's right," Leia said as she flicked her braid from off of her shoulder. "The Republic failed her, but putting aside the blame, we need to find her before the First Order does."

Still staying close to the trooper, Luke said, "I'm going to leave within the hour and–"

"You can't go." Leia interrupted.

Brows rising, Luke stared at his sister for a moment before saying, "Leia, she's my apprentice and I don't mean any disrespect, but you can't order me not to."

"I'm not ordering you. I'm asking you to stay," she implored, getting a good look at the bags under his eyes. They were both getting too old to for all of this, but time was a reckoning force that did not discriminate. "I need you here with me. You've already been out of the fight far too long and the Resistance is in need of the last remaining Jedi. I need support in this war, and your name could very well sway other planets to join our cause."

Luke thought over her reasoning, shaking his head. "I've been here for weeks, and I don't see how my presence has helped you any."

Leia pointed directly at her brother. "You've been a recluse, training Rey during the day and staying in your room during the evenings. I need you physically by my side, Luke. I need you talking to planetary leaders and spewing out some wise Jedi words that will give them enough courage to fight against the very real threat of fascism."

"Leia, I–"

"Ben will find her." That statement seemed to wake everyone up, especially her son, who was still barricading himself against the far wall. To his credit, at least he was controlling his temper. If he were ten years younger, this whole room would have been reduced to its molecular structure by now.

"He isn't allowed to leave the base," Luke stated.

She waved her hand around. "I just allowed it, so he can. Besides, he's planning on leaving with or without permission. Probably right after we're done talking here." Leia turned to address Ben. "Isn't that right?"

Ren's eyes shifted to his uncle before settling back on Leia. "Yes."

"This is a big risk, not just because the possibility over you," Luke pointed to Ben, "being caught by the First Order, but because of the dissent this will cause in the Resistance. Not one person will support your decision to let Ben go. Trend–"

"I'm the General and founder of the Resistance. Everyone answers to me; it's not the other way around. Ben goes." The twins stared at each other, both searching the others face and trying to gage the others will power. Leia didn't know why Luke even bothered with the stare down. They both knew she was going to win, because she never settled for anything less.

And yes, she knew her brother could be a pushover if she played her cards right.

"I'll need Poe and the trooper." The fact that that wasn't a question, but a demand, was not surprising when it came to her son.

"Poe can't go," Leia said, breaking off eye contact with Luke. From the way he stepped away, rubbing his beard, she knew the argument had settled in her favor. "He has an important mission coming up and I can't spare him."

"Important mission?" Poe straightened. "I haven't been informed of anything."

"You just were. Come by my office after dinner to discuss the specifics." Poe nodded, looking at Leia with pride over being given an assignment that sounded significant. If there was anyone Leia trusted with the task she had in mind, it was Dameron. His past performances had proven him to be quick on his feet and creative with improvisation. And through it all, he was still alive and loyal to the cause.

Leia thought of Poe's father, thinking how proud he must be to have such an exemplary son. In truth, Leia sometimes looked at the young man as if he were her own, which panged her with guilt since she already had a child. But… she couldn't help but fantasize what her life could've been like if Ben had grown up being more like Poe.

Looking to have reined in his frustration, Ben left his sanctuary and joined the small group. "Fine. I'll take the trooper then."

"That _trooper_ has a name," Poe growled. And just stared at him.

In the short awkward silence that followed, Leia witnessed her son soften by only a fraction, but still, the fact that he did so was astonishing. "Fine," Ben grumbled. " _Finn._ "

Those two traveling the galaxy together could very well turn into a huge problem. Mainly for Finn. "Given the history you have with my son, would you be willing to do this?" she asked him.

"Yes. Absolutely. I, uhhh…" Finn's voice tapered, his eyes glancing down nervously.

Leia read him easily. "You were also planning on secretly leaving and searching for her."

Finn shrugged. "Maybe…" A ghost of a smile flickered across her lips. Rey was a lucky woman to have such a loyal friend… and to have the heart of her son.

"Okay. You two," she addressed Finn and Ben, "go and pack. Commander Dameron, gather up weapons and supplies and put them on the Falcon. Tell no one what you are doing. Understood?"

"Yes, General," Poe and Finn responded in unison. Ben was quiet, a frown setting deep between his eyes.

"We need to get you two out of here as fast as possible before anyone catches wind of you leaving," she added.

"Are you sure about this Leia?" Luke asked one last time. "This will cause an uproar."

"I'm sure. I can handle the council," she assured him. Glancing at Dameron, she gave him one last order. "The Falcon will need to be fueled–"

"No," Ben said. "I'm not taking that ship."

Leia looked at her son's hard-set eyes and wanted to curse. Talking to him always felt like she was trudging up a mountain with a pair of concrete slabs for feet, while eyes blindfolded and hands tied behind her back. "The falcon is now your ship. So you're taking it." His lids widened and for once, she stunned him into speechlessness. "Now I suggest you all get going. The longer you wait, the farther Rey gets."

Poe and Finn hurried out, but Ben stayed put, standing there in a way that tested her patience. Slowly he walked for the door and paused in front of her, looking down from over his shoulder. His eyes were fathomless obsidian, its pit carved out and bottomless from the fires of his own indignation. Cold and merciless.

Unlike her brother, these eyes were harder to hold. But unbeknownst to her son's attempt at intimidation, she had met someone much more malicious and foreboding, someone who didn't have eyes to search, but a black mask to fear.

Darth Vader. Who knew her own father would be the one to give her enough strength to look into her son's chilling eyes.

And then Ben was gone, not even saying a word. Luke placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, reminding her of his supportive presence. She grabbed it, giving it a squeeze. Neither spoke, but Luke could always understand Leia's silence better than her own words.

Not wanting this to be the last goodbye her and Ben had for what might be a long time, she ambled to his quarters, hoping to at least achieve a proper farewell.

()()()()()

Ren glided into his room… and stopped. His big statuesque form faced the bed, eyes roaming up and down the tucked blankets and cloud-like pillows. Blinking, each eyelid felt swollen and throbbed, as if he'd been crying for days and days and days. But he hadn't, even though he felt like he should be.

Standing there, he rubbed his fingers against his thumb, still feeling the slight tingle from the memory of caressing Rey's skin…

He could perfectly envision her on the bed, exactly as she'd been the night before: her tanned, tight body lounging, her innocent eyes nervous, so unsure of how attractive she was– which unknowingly worked in her favor, making her more desirable.

Thinking back to that prostitute in the bar on Lothal, he admitted that the woman had been beautiful. But that was the point. It was all about enticing men or women to pay for the goods, while never getting anything real in return. That woman, all made up and dripping with offers, didn't even hold a candle to Rey– much the same way a regularly tended greenhouse flower wasn't nearly as attractive as something that grew out in the wild, untamed and untouched.

Now, everything was over. He highly doubted they could ever be together again. What he kept from her… well, nothing good ever came from keeping the truth from someone. He was living proof of that.

The door initiated, but he didn't glance back to see who it was. He already knew. "When I find Rey, we won't be coming back here." Ren wasn't going to let the New Republic get ahold of her; they would use her as an example of what happens to Force users who disregarded the law.

"I know," Leia said, walking further into his quarters. "It's for the best, given the situation." He was expecting more of an argument, especially with how they just left off the previous conversation, but apparently his mother was in a strangely understanding mood all of sudden. "But you and I need to keep in contact. If I leave a message aboard the Falcon, you need to actually view it." He gave out a quick sardonic chuckle, knowing that was meant to be a jab over the fact that he never viewed the message she had sent him after she'd been ousted as Vader's daughter. Knowing her, she probably checked every so often, hoping to see that he'd watched it.

He never has.

Going to the closet, he said, "That ship doesn't belong to me, and I'm not taking it."

"Yes it does, and yes you are," Leia spoke firmly, showing she was actually not in an understanding mood. _I thought too soon._ "The Falcon is one of the only ships that isn't in need of immediate repairs." Ren grabbed the two duffles and strode back to the bed. "And you know how to fly it. Probably better than anyone else here," she added.

He plopped the luggage on the mattress, unzipping the openings a little too forcibly. "I was a child when I learned."

"And I doubt you've forgotten. You never forget anything." Whether the last part was meant to be a slight, Ren couldn't tell. "I commed Harter and you can drop by med bay to get the chip removed. She'll be discreet and–"

He wheeled around, interrupting her. "No need. I already took the chip out." Leia composed her stunned face quickly and didn't press him on the details. She probably expected him to pull such a stunt.

Sensing that his mother was going to bring up the Falcon again, he changed the subject. "It would be imprudent to admit to the council that you let me leave. You can lose a substantial amount of support." Not like he cared. He was bringing it up because… because…

"It's better that they know I gave you the order to find her, than to think you escaped. I don't want them thinking you're a criminal."

 _War criminal would be more accurate._ Ren shrugged his indifference. "They already do, so just let them," he said argumentatively. "If you acknowledge that you knew about this, it could very well blow up in your face."

Leia's lids shut briefly. "Ben… I can't help feeling protective over you." Her tone was composed. Level. Gentle, might even be apt. "I'm your mother."

He rolled his eyes as he swept back his hair, and for some odd reason, he almost expected her to point out that he was in dire need of a haircut. "Well, you picked one hell of a time to start acting like it. The middle of a war? Great judgment you got there."

"I can't just turn off my parental instincts," she said, her voice losing that soft tone.

"Interesting. I didn't even know you had an on switch for that."

"Dammit Ben," she harshly exhaled while massaging her eyes between her forefinger and thumb. Taking in a few breaths to calm down from the outburst, she said in a stern, but even timbre, "Is it really that hard to talk to me without the snarky comments?"

Ren rubbed his face and gave out a noise that was somewhere between a growl and a groan. "I told you last night, you and I can never be mother and son again. You need to accept that and move on."

"And you can tell me with one hundred percent certainty that you've moved on?" That you don't wish me to be a mother to you?" Ren crossed his arms, defending himself from the onslaught of personal questions. "Because I think you want that just as much as I want my boy back." She paused so he could answer. He didn't. "Or did I hallucinate your reaction in that holovid when Rey subtly threatened me?"

There really was no winning with this woman and not for the first time in his life, he realized they were so much alike: obstinate, rough around the edges, and somehow readable to one another. "Fine" he stated, fanning his arms out in defeat. "You know what? You're right. You're _always_ right. I do want you to be my mother again." While his tone was more jeering than tender, what he said was the truth. "I want you to tell me that everything will be alright, even if it won't change anything. I admit to all of it," he bit out. "And I'm an absolute fool for doing so."

Hands on hips, he glanced down, the clamor between his ears raising the frustration up a level. "Do you even know how many nights I wished I didn't have the Force? That I could be normal?" Leia stared back, her lips remaining sealed– which was fine. The questions were rhetorical anyway. "All my life," he continued, "because the thoughts I heard from you and Han made me hate myself. I've always despised who I am. And then I was dumped at that horrendous academy and I never got over feeling abandoned by you two."

The shocked expression he received from his mother was achingly satisfying. But why stop the rambling there? Why not bring the reality of who he was full circle? Strive for greatness, he always said.

"Would you like to know what went through my mind as I died on Lothal?" He laughed at where his thoughts were headed, because to him, they were amusing. But Leia didn't share the same sentiment. "It was of you, when I was a boy. I was scared and had wet the bed again from having one of those nightmares. You let me sleep in your arms that night, telling me that monsters weren't real and that you would always protect me." He waved his hands over his form, all sense of flippancy now gone, his eyes like stone. "Now look at me? I _am_ the very monster you promised to protect me from. Irony at its finest."

His sight bore into her, but Leia could no longer hold his stare. Instead, she looked over at the closet. At the clothes hanging lifelessly from the hangers.

"You don't look very happy about my confession," he observed.

She met his gaze. "Are you?"

He told her what she wanted to know and still, it didn't seem to be enough. Maybe he should have spoken with a softer tone or showed more emotion like he had last night. _Yeah… I'm not stooping to that level with her._ Ren was pretty sure he cried enough tears in front of his mother yesterday to deserve never having to do it again.

And here he thought words counted. Apparently the delivery was just as crucial.

Ren closed his eyes for a moment. He couldn't help himself. The guilt over his father almost pushed him into giving this woman whatever she wanted– which was her son. And maybe some kind words. When his lids opened, he saw Leia's eyes shining, reflecting the pity she no doubt felt for him. He glared at her. "Don't look at me like that," he said low and demanding.

Going back to the business of packing, he didn't bother organizing any of the clothes or hygienic products. Not like Rey would care if her shirts and trousers were to become wrinkled. Her haphazard job of putting her stuff away made that evident.

Sweeping through the drawers, a strange crumbling noise came from beneath her clothes. Digging, he paused, and then grabbed a handful of ration bars and small snacks. The whole bottom part of the drawer was littered with them, all of it being hidden by her garments. She kept a cache of food, even though it was all readily available in the mess hall.

What he held in his hands was truly a sad sight as he thought of her as a little girl, stowing away food and water because her life had been so unpredictable. A child should not live in such a way.

Dumping all of Rey's and his stuff into the two, long duffle bags, he pushed everything down and zipped one of them up. Snatching her journal and doll, he placed them on top of the other before closing it. He grabbed the handles with one hand, throwing the luggage over his shoulder, and then went for both her staffs in the closet: the one she made on Jakku and the one he helped her make on Spira.

Ren wasn't sure if he should feel relieved or worried over knowing she at least had her lightsaber.

Turning to the exit, Leia was still in the way of the door, blocking him. Of course, he'd known she was there. Her stare only burned a scorching hole through his back the whole time he ran around the room, packing like a spastic spice addict working off the jitters. Surprisingly, he was slightly peeved she hadn't offered to help.

"Do you only remember the bad memories?" she asked, arms crossed, feet planted.

He sighed. "No, I do remember some of the good parts, but... to me, they pale in comparison to everything else."

Leia nodded slowly, and put her hand out as if to touch him. He stepped back, pinching his stare. Withdrawing her hand, she appeared hurt by his need to dodge her. "I'm going to prove that I can be a mother to you Ben. I swear it."

Fates… the conviction in her voice and in her expression was borderline mesmerizing. He could tell she actually believed in such a promise, and he found himself almost believing it as well. That kind of hope was only a step away– which was a distance that was very easily crossed by a weak mind searching for rescue from a deprived life.

But he didn't allow his emotions to go there. The fact that she chose to take on such a task, while in the middle of a war and while being the leader of an opposing side, made him seriously doubt her cognition. "Going to send more invites for afternoon meal?" he sneeringly asked. "Let me save you from the hassle and cancel on you right now."

Leia lowered her head, and then stepped aside, reaching into her pocket to pull out something black and slender, along with a credit chip. "Here. Take this," she said, holding it out to him. "It's an identification card tied to the Elder Houses and Alderaan, but no name is attached to it. Most people will recognize it, though. The credit chip is to your own inheritance account. I thought these two things would help make your travels... easier." His hand was slow to retrieve the items, as if he were being passed something sacred. He noted the weight attached to the identification card before placing both lifelines in his trouser pocket. He gave his mother a nod and let himself out, turning down the hallway. "Ben," she called out.

Halting, he glanced halfway back, only seeing her small frame from his periphery.

"May the–." She caught herself. "Be careful."

Ren stared at the floor for a moment before murmuring a 'you too,' because apparently, he wasn't completely heartless.

Continuing to the hangar, he felt frazzled. Exhausted. Spent. Talking with his mother always consisted of immense highs and lows in emotion, and right now, he was feeling extremely down. How was it that his first reaction to being around her always consisted of him acting like an ass? Maybe he should–

 _No_ , he thought. She was a Republic Senator and was now leading a cause he did not fully agree with…. As his mind played through all the reasons he shouldn't trust the woman, a small part of him kept rebelling against the idea. Sometimes during situations like these, where hope seemed far away and loneliness was just around the corner, he wanted to be comforted and talked to.

Sometimes… all he really wanted was his mom.

 **There you go folks! The part where Ren is describing to Rey how the dark side is not a way to live is based on a snippet from Dark Disciple. Highly recommend that book!**

 **The next chapter is mostly written. Just gotta do some basic editing. But here is a little snippet for now!**

 **Excerpt:**

 **She grew up dirty, battered, and surrounded by the treasures she had scavenged, knowing that others not familiar with her lifestyle would see it all as mere junk– including her. But what she didn't trade she refurbished, giving new life to the broken down and forgotten, talking to the inanimate objects like they were her pets. Even with inorganic material, she showed it the same amount of compassion as she would if she came across someone dying on Pilgrims Road. Besides, she couldn't always rely on her make believe friends. Sometimes they would disappear for days on end, leaving her to rudely await their return. So of course she had to find sanctuary in something that was more tangible. Ones mind always needed a backup plan as to how to hold onto a parcel of sanity.**

 **Rey's throat closed as reality marched it's way into her brains rhythm.**

 **I hope you enjoyed the chapter. If you feel so inclined, follow, fave, or leave a review! Till next time!**


	33. Chapter 33

**Thanks for the follows, faves and reviews! Please know I appreciate all of it!**

 **NightElfCrawler: Can I just say how I love you for frequently reviewing the story? I think you understand how important reviews are to writers since you are one, and I appreciate it so much. Just wanted to tell you that. lol Ben and Leia are slowly getting there. It is a big improvement that he was at least honest with her. Ren and Finn together is going to be a lot of fun to write. Things don't go smoothly in the beginning and you'll see why. But these two are long overdue to have an adventure together. Natalie-S-246: Rey talking to Kylo like that was hard to write, because anything that has to do with Rey being darker just doesn't sit well with me. But you'll see it doesn't sit well with her either. But in that conversation, I wanted Kylo and Rey to be in reverse of one another: her more dark, him more light. Thanks for wanting this to be canon! But I'm sure what LucasFilm has in store for the next two episodes will be amazing. At least I pray! Kimmycocopop: I wanted to bring in similarities to what Ben's family did to him and how he lied to Rey about her parents. He will definitely start to see things from the perspective of his parents more as the story moves forward. For me, you start to understand your parents more when your mistakes mirror their own. That can be said for anyone, actually. SheLitAFire: Thank you as well for all your reviews! They help me so much, you have no idea. lol. So I originally intended for this chapter to be posted a lot sooner, but then during editing I decided to write three more scenes into it. They were planned for later, but this chapter had the room. Then I had to go back to find something in the story, which forced me to find all the little mistakes I made and I got caught up in editing. See everyone? This is what happens if I go back and start editing previous chapters. I start putting out chapters later and later. And this isn't the first time this has happened either. Ahhhhhh! I just need more self control and focus. But I just ask if you re-read the story, please try to look past the plethora of mistakes. When I'm finished I am going to go back to fix grammatical errors and rewrite a lot of it so it isn't as bad. Anyway, end of rant.**

 **There are some more flashbacks in this chapter, but they aren't as long as the previous one. Not much else to say. So enjoy the read!**

Chapter Thirty-three

Finn sat in one of the small living quarters aboard the Millennium Falcon, rubbing his palms up and down his thighs. Nerves rattled, he tried not to think too much on what this exact mission would entail, but his mind broke down his weak roadblocks. It was going to take a lot of discipline to work with Kylo Ren, and hopefully during the duration of this mission, his nightmares didn't come back. Last thing he needed was to feel more uneasy around the man.

But then Finn glanced at his bag on the floor, remembering what he was harboring in there. _Man, if Ren ever found out Skywalker–_

"Finn?" a familiar voice called from somewhere in the ship.

"In here!" he called out.

Footsteps came closer and the door opened to reveal Poe, one of the only people Finn would put his complete trust in. The pilot had both hands behind his back, hiding something from Finn's view.

"Nervous?" Poe asked.

"Me? Nervous?" Finn's eyes darted between the corners of his room. "About being stuck on a ship with a person known as the Jedi killer? Nah. I'm totally good. Really looking forward to all the quaint conversations I'll be having with the guy," Finn rambled, and then gulped.

Poe eyed the way Finn kept rubbing his legs. "I see you've crossed over into sarcasm. Either you're in denial as to how dangerous this is for you, or you have anxiety."

"What do you think?"

"Anxiety." Poe shrugged. "You're too honest to lie– even to yourself."

Finn smiled, letting out a stiff chuckle as he clasped his hands together. "You know me so well."

"Well, I did name you. That basically makes me your surrogate father. And parents do know best." Finn laughed more freely, feeling some of the tension leave his straining neck. But he couldn't keep up the light atmosphere as both men fell into silence, the gravity of the situation weighing into them. "But seriously, you're gonna be fine Finn."

Finn wiped at his eyebrow before saying, "You sure about that? That guy has it out for me. I don't know if any of you can see that, but he does. I don't even understand why he hates me so much."

"Why did you agree to come then?" Poe asked, walking a little further into the tight room and leaning against the small sink to the left of the door. His hands still remained hidden.

Finn stood, shaking his head as he spoke passionately. "It's Rey, Poe. It never crossed my mind to say no and it still doesn't. I'm not backing out of this. She needs help and I'm not going to abandon her."

"You don't see her differently after what she did?" Poe's tone was more inquisitive than judgmental, which Finn appreciated.

"Of course not! She just…" He inhaled deep and long. "I know she tried to kill Ematt, but what she discovered about her parents was beyond horrendous. And it didn't help that Kylo lied to her."

Poe brows drew slightly together. "You would've told her the truth?"

"Yes," he quickly replied. "I don't believe in treating her like a child. This whole thing could have been handled way better." Poe didn't add anything. "You don't agree?"

Poe's bit the corner of his lip, looking contemplative. "Some decisions are hard to make. But if I were you, I wouldn't bring up to Ren that he made the wrong one."

"Yes, well… I do wish to stay alive."

"Me too." Poe straightened. "And before you go, I brought you a parting gift of sorts." He revealed a waded up piece of brown and red leather, and as he unwound it, Finn's mouth went agape. Truly, he was at a loss for words. "It's taken a lot longer for it to get repaired, because I wanted it to look really good."

Poe held it out for him to take, the pilot parting with it happily. Finn inspected the worn material and flipped it around to see a red strip of leather covering the evidence of it being sliced open by a lightsaber. The red hue even matched with the other patches on the jacket, making it seem like a purposeful feature. "Whoa," was all he could whisper.

"Do you like it?" Poe inquired, rubbing his neck. "I know it might bring back some bad memories, but it holds good ones too. I, uh, didn't want to give up on it. It's basically the first article of clothing you've ever picked out for yourself."

Sliding his arms into the sleeves, Finn adjusted the collar and pulled the jacket straight. It felt the same as he remembered: safe and welcoming. "No, I, uh… I like it, man. It's perfect. Thanks."

Poe nodded, his smile showing his satisfaction, but then fading. "Look," he said, his voice getting serious, "when it comes to Ren, don't take any of his shit, okay? I know you're nervous about him killing you, but just remember: if he does, he wouldn't have a chance in hell with getting back with Rey. Bring her up if you get in a tight spot. Sometimes the guy needs a reminder. But I want you to know if it gets to a point where you think he's going to off you, you kill him first."

Finn shifted his weight between legs, looking confused. "I thought you were his friend?"

"In a way," he responded, sounding somewhat flummoxed. "But you're more important to me." Poe suddenly chuckled while shaking his head. "Funny– I just thought about how if it wasn't for Ren, you and I would've never met."

"That monster truly is at the center of everything."

"Sounds like a miserable life to lead," Poe said gently, glancing out into the hallway. "Oh," he suddenly exclaimed, unhooking the satchel at his belt and handing it over. Finn cracked it open to see credits– more than he's ever held in his two trooper hands. He looked up at Poe questioningly. "No reason to be poor while on this mission," his friend explained. "And… you might not be coming back here for a while. I want you to be comfortable."

"Where did you get this much credits?"

"Won a bet," he stated without his usual pride.

"Did this bet have anything to do with Rey and Kylo?"

"Well, yeah. That's how I've been making the majority of my money lately."

Finn shook the credits around, trying to gage how much was in there. "What was the bet?"

Poe cleared his throat, looking sort of ashamed. "Who would end or ruin the relationship first. Everyone put bets on Ren, but I decided to take the gamble and say Rey. Her, uh, actions in the recording cemented my win."

Finn blinked. And had to take a moment to make sure he'd heard that right. "But barely anyone has seen that recording."

"Some of the higher ups have a tendency to gossip. Word travels fast. Anyway, I, uh… it felt weird to keep all that money knowing the context behind it. So I want you to take it and put it to good use."

Finn clasped it shut, holding it in his left hand as he nodded and said, "Thanks."

"Make sure to check in every once in a while so I know how you're doing," Poe lectured parentally. "And… be careful."

"I will."

Poe came forward and wrapped his arms around him. There was no back pats, no awkward chuckling or smiles. This embrace was tight and reassuring, making Finn feel like he truly mattered to at least one person… and that maybe in the end, everything would be okay.

The two men pulled back, nodding at one another. Poe clapped him on the shoulder… and then he was gone, leaving Finn to his own personal mountain of stress.

"Good luck with finding Rey," he suddenly heard Poe say out in the narrow hall. Finn moved to the opened doorway, staying off to the side so he wasn't seen. "Remember to keep your head down when being shot at. Knowing you, you'll probably run into some trouble."

Even though the response was quiet, Finn could tell Ren was giving some sort of reply. The man's deep voice was very discerning.

"Oh, and if you kill Finn, I'll fucking murder you." To that, there was no retort, but then he heard Poe add on, "Safe travels!"

Finn couldn't contain his smile. But from here on out, he didn't have anyone to lean on or team up with. That thought did the job of sobering up his expression real quick.

Man, he was going to miss his friend, just like he missed Rey.

()()()()()

Skulking through the dark, Rey neared the trading tent at Niima outpost. One or two random scavengers still remained at the nearby cleaning stations, but other than that, all other tents were closed up for the night, the occupants no doubt counting their credits and getting ready for bed.

Setting her sights on Unkar's private living arrangement– a broken down Starlight-class light freighter in the shape of a flying wing – she sized up the two thugs that lingered outside the entrance. Per usual, their faces were covered in cloth, giving the brutes an air of anonymity. Plutt's employees never showed their true identities, and if they ever did, well… the Blobfish didn't employ them anymore. Jakku was an inhospitable desert graveyard; not just for ships, but for corpses as well.

As tempting as it was to beat the guards senseless, Rey knew she had to remain as incognito as possible. The First Order still wanted her dead, and every single person here would inform on her whereabouts if it meant they got paid. No, the best thing to do was to leave zero evidence she was ever here. But if Unkar suddenly died from an unknown cause, she was sure the crime wouldn't be traced back to her.

Quickly and quietly striding up to the guards, Rey simultaneously compelled both to wonder the outpost and to forget they ever saw her. _Too easy_ , she thought as she watched them dazedly walk away, leaving the entrance completely open.

She'd never been inside Unkar's home, but it was just as dirty and cluttered as she always imagined. So many ship parts lined the hallways that even she– lithe of figure and quick of action– had a difficult time navigating through it all. How did the Blobfish do it?

Feeling out for his vile essence, she rapidly zeroed in on the target. But truth be told, she could've just followed the foul smelling stench she'd come to associate as Unkar's. Stars, it was so concentrated, that it stung not just her nostrils, but her eyes as well. Wiping at her face and keeping the vomit down, she settled on breathing through her mouth, tasting the revolting aroma on her tongue instead.

Coming upon his room, she willed the door open and stepped inside. Unkar looked up from the poorly built desk, all his attention now diverted from counting the credits stacked before him. He was still as sweaty and disgusting as she remembered.

Rey gave him a chilling grin. "Blobfish," she greeted.

Unkar went for the blaster pistol, but it flew into Rey's hand first. She looked it over with disinterest before tossing it aside. Sitting, because even with his life at stake Plutt was still that lazy, he looked her up and down, his eyes showing a hint of fear. Never once has he ever gazed at her with a modicum of distress. She quite liked it. "How did you–"

Rey shot out her hand, constricting Unkar's throat from across the room. Rising from the chair, he hung in the air, the choking confinement doing its job of instilling terror deep within his inky heart. The gurgling and struggle gave her satisfaction, because now he realized she wasn't the scavenger he once knew: she was now a formidable threat. "Confused?" she asked, cocking her head. "Well, let me just make the situation clear. Tell me everything you know about my parents."

"W–what?" he choked out. Rank, fetid fear poured out of him, making his body odor infinitely worse and burning her brain cells. Tears unwillingly stung her eyes, but not due to the stench. Even with her plan firmly in place, something deep inside was fighting against her actions. Probably her conscience. But she refused to let the waterworks win– especially for a Crolute as repugnant as Unkar.

She had to be hard and ruthless if she were to get anywhere in this galaxy. Being soft, compassionate, and understanding has only brought her grief and heartache, and she didn't want to be that person anymore.

How does Ben do it? The ease in which he could turn off his morals was a talent she needed to master quickly.

"I _know_ you know who they are," Rey said, moving closer to the Crolute. "Now you're gonna tell me. Or would you like to get a matching mechanical arm?"

Rey eased enough of the hold on his wide throat so he could somewhat spittle out words. "Th-they were galactic traders… from Dandoran." The breath that hit Rey's face was warm and smelt like a dead animal that had spent days in the baking sun. "Maridia and her family… owned the biggest trading post… on that planet."

"So you do business with the family," Rey stated, her voice becoming hopeful.

Unkar nodded his head, his hands that held his neck getting lost in the slimy folds. "Yes… I did."

"Did?" Most of the pressure alleviated, allowing Unkar to cough and take a few deep breaths.

A dribble of spit slid down his chin. "The family sold it a few years after… you were left here."

Rage trickled into her being from somewhere dark and forbidden. "So you've known how to contact my family, and you never told them I was here," she said, her voice becoming unsteady.

Unkar swallowed. "Maridia told me not to tell anyone of your whereabouts. Not even her family. She said something about them being watched."

"Watched by who?"

"I– I don't know. I swear," he said quickly. "She sent me a holomessage saying her and Jacen were in Jakku's star system and they needed to drop you somewhere for a while. She sounded desperate… and she offered me a lot of credits to keep you hidden."

All that fury started to feel a lot like magma pumping fire through her veins, her mind being schooled by the flame so she could embrace the heat. "Even after a few years, you never even attempted to tell my family I was alive."

His eyes darted nervously. "I– I thought about it, but…"

"But I became a valuable asset," she finished for him, the words tasting bitter on her tongue.

…"Yes."

Finally, what was left of her control was rerouted to an inviting need for retribution. "You let me live on this planet for fifteen years… because I made you money." Unkar gulped, his shaking becoming increasingly worse. "You and this planet took everything from me. I think it's only fair I take something in return." Her palms slapped onto the sides of his head, making the Crolute cry out as she grinded her way through his sanity, pushing and twisting in an attempt to reduce him to alien rubble.

But then a memory shimmered, catching her attention. Unkar was sitting in this same room, the arrangement of the furniture and ship parts slightly different than the present. Rey couldn't gage how old the memory was, but it tugged at her, making her feel like it was important in some way.

She fell into the recollection further.

A holo-image, with what appeared to be a wealthy older man dressed in intricate robes and gold jewelry, emerged from the holo-link on Unkar's desk.

"I'm cancelling the deal," the Crolute grumbled. "The girl stays here."

The older man's face tightened. "You and I have done business for how long now? Thirty years? And you are changing the arrangement?"

Unkar waved his hand impassively through the air. "I make more money off of her over a span of a few months than I do with you over a year."

"You could have told me this before I left," the man nearly yelled. "My ship is orbiting Jakku as we speak."

The Bloblish shrugged his chunky shoulders. "I just changed my mind."

"You've proven to be too unreliable in your business dealings. This is it, Unkar. I'm cutting ties with you." The translucent image blinked and then vanished.

Plutt gurgled out a long breath as he looked to the doorway at Constable Zuvio. The alien was wearing his usual turquoise armor, his bowled helmet doing nothing to hide his pink, wrinkled skin and hideous yellow eyes. "Tell the men not to bring the girl in," Unkar commanded.

"They've already left to snatch her," Zuvio replied in a harsh gravelly voice.

"What?" Plutt yelled, banging his fists down and standing abruptly. "They weren't supposed to get her till the afternoon! Tell them to turn around and head back here."

Zuvio whipped out a comlink and voiced for the crew to return. No response came.

Unkar huffed and started to waddle over to Zuvio. "If that girl killed them, I swear–"

Rey ripped out of the Blobfish's mind, letting him fall to the floor as he held his head and sobbed, shriveling slowly away from her presence

"You called off the deal," she whispered, shocked. True, Unkar didn't do it out of the goodness of his heart– because there was none– and more out of greed, but still… in the end, he didn't sell her to the slave traders. For years she wondered why he hadn't tried taking her again, but the Blobfish never offered up an explanation.

Her eyes darted around the room before settling on the monitors in the corner, the images showing a dark Niima Outpost, the place she'd associated with food, water, and survivability for so long. Whenever she'd gone there, she always kept to herself, passing the various people who circulated the area. All of them were hard and callous and brutal. And how was it she never turned into one of them?

Empathy. Rey's problem has always been empathy. From being oppressed her whole life, she saw her struggles in the way other people lived. Moved. Reacted. She wasn't cut out to live a life like these people… like Ben.

Back on the base, it had been easy to do what she'd done to Ematt because she had lived in the moment, not pausing to think. Glancing at Unkar, she saw his helplessness, the same vulnerability that had been in the major's eyes. Even after all she's done, nothing had changed inside of her.

 _I'm still me_.

Sickeningly, Rey realized that she couldn't fix the circumstances of her past through breaking someone else. Maybe she'll just have to do it on her own.

Voice going low, but powerful, she demanded Unkar's focus and said, "You will forget I was here and not look into the credits that have gone missing."

The cries subsided as the alien fell into what looked to be a narcotic induced stupor. "I will forget you were here and not look into the credits that have gone missing," he repeated.

She grabbed handfuls of the currency and shoved it all into her satchel before running from the room, not giving Plutt a second glance.

Tearing her way through the cluttered hallways, the paralyzing self-revulsion spread through her body like cold, liquefied steel, weighing her down. With each frantic step, she noticed her heavy trembling feet, her uncoordinated hands, the twitching of her legs and arms. Liquid fire burned her eyes, threatening to leave a trail of burnt flesh down her cheeks, but she fought the impulse. This was all just an allergic reaction to transitioning into a person who answered to no one, and with time, her mind will get use to the inevitable transformation.

She just needed to give it time.

 _Time._

 _Yeah… keep telling yourself that,_ her conscience whispered.

Using the stars as navigation, Rey made it back to the light freighter without having an emotional incident. The long walk had given her enough time to qualm the physical reactions to the unwanted feelings, but her conscience was still questioning, still fighting her on what she wanted.

Before lowering the ramp, she scanned the area, sensing no one around. She'd purposefully hid the ship amongst the dunes for extra concealment, because she knew no one lived out here. Sand traps plagued the area, but Rey had enough confidence to traverse the terrain, because she could feel through her steps when she was about to come upon one.

When she was younger, she'd been so proud to cultivate such a skill. Now, compared to everything going on in the galaxy, her expertise when it came to sand didn't seem like anything to be proud of. All it did was remind her of how little she'd known about life. And still did.

Onboard and in the cockpit, she piloted the freighter through a good stretch of sandy hills, her body switching to autopilot while her thoughts kept showing her the same images: Ematt and Unkar. Interesting how the satisfaction of revenge seemed to fade with time, because in the quiet that was now her life, she kept thinking of the woman she used to be.

She grew up dirty, battered, and surrounded by the treasures she had scavenged, knowing that others not familiar with her lifestyle would see it all as mere junk– including her. But what she didn't trade she refurbished, giving new life to the broken down and forgotten, talking to the inanimate objects like they were her pets. Even with inorganic material, she showed it the same amount of compassion as she would if she came across someone dying on Pilgrims Road. Besides, she couldn't always rely on her make believe friends. Sometimes they would rudely disappear for days on end, leaving her to await their return. So of course she had to find sanctuary in something that was more tangible. Ones mind always needed a backup plan as to how to hold onto a parcel of sanity.

Rey's throat closed as reality marched its way into her brains rhythm.

Bottom line, it was so much easier to address the defects in her appearance or her belongings than it was to dig deep and take a good hard look at her mistakes, her choices… her faults. Like, for example, how her hatred morphed her into a person she no longer admired.

Time wasn't going to give her what she wanted.

Landing the ship right outside what she still labeled as home, she considered the AT-AT for a long moment, wondering if the other scavengers had already pillaged all she had. The hours she'd spent tinkering and fixing her treasures would now fall under wasted effort.

Rising, she went to the refresher and stripped bare, stepping under the scalding hot rush of the water. Breathing in the dense steam, Rey tilted her head back, trying to relax into the massaging stream. For some reason, she wanted to look her best when she stepped inside her home, and a shower seemed the perfect way of at least accomplishing that on the outside.

 _Ematt will never be able to enjoy a warm shower again._ The thought caught her off guard, more so than a blaster strike across the face. One after the other, she thought of all the simple things that man will never be able to do again: see a sunset, drink hot caf, brush his teeth, sleep soundly in a soft bed. Was he married? Did he have children? Does he miss them? _No, he's dead._ They're _the ones who would miss_ him _._

She killed someone's father. Someone's husband.

Shutting off the shower and wrapping herself in a towel, she turned and stopped. Looking up from the sink, she scrutinized the reflection in the glass mirror. The light from above shined through the thick mist, hitting her face in a way that made the bags under her eyes and her sunken cheeks stand out against the soft tones of the refresher. The sight was frightening, like she was seeing a ghost.

 _No, not a ghost._

Turned out demons were real, and they looked like people.

()()()()()

The Falcon soared through the atmosphere, it's engines roaring and propelling the vessel toward the dark matter of space. Ren sat in the pilot seat, guiding the light freighter while trying not to give too much weight as to where he was. Leia hadn't been exaggerating when she told him this ship was among the few currently working– which forced him to internally agree to take it. Worse, it had taken him five precious minutes to talk himself into getting on the ship. And once that was over, he'd kept his eyes down upon his boots, navigating the notable floor from his childhood memories.

Being on the freighter was tantamount to physical torture. No– it was actually worse. The body could heal, but memories lasted forever.

The trooper made an unwelcome appearance as he went to sit in the co-pilot seat, his eyes straight ahead, taking in the last fading scene of the cerulean sky before it became black. In truth, this was the view Ren loved the most: the obscurities of space, the conundrums of the universe laid out, inviting man to come and search.

He never saw the appeal or understood the obsession others had over flying a spacecraft. And being a person who drank in the feel of adrenaline, it was surprising he lacked that drive since he was so naturally talented at being a pilot. But no, he wasn't like Poe or Rey or his father; didn't really get into being able to soar to great heights or maneuver daring feats. What he did like was where flying took him: into the cosmos. Every time he viewed the stars a tingling ran up his spine, the universe conveying to him that all was made from stardust and that the mysteries he obsessed over were a part him– and with them, the answers.

 _But where did stardust come from? Where was the beginning?_

The trooper cleared his throat, reminding Ren that the time for ogling the expansive wonder wasn't now. "Our previous agreement of tolerating each other still stands," Ren tersely said while working the navicomputer on preparing a route.

The guy listed forward, eyeing Ren questioningly. "You know we have to work together to find Rey, right?"

"No," he said as he initiated the jump into hyperspace, the memories of being taught how to operate the Falcon causing his irritation to steadily rise. _I shouldn't be on this ship._ "I make the plans and you do as I say."

The trooper scoffed, shifting in the seat so he was fully facing him. "Man, you would rather die than ask for my help, wouldn't you?"

 _Yes._ Ren rolled his jaw, and then glanced over. Immediately, he noticed the guy's new jacket. _No, not new_. It was the one the trooper had been wearing when Ren almost killed him. He was curious how it was fixed, but he didn't care enough to ask. "I don't need your help. Rey does. That's why you're here."

"Are you gonna let me in on this plan of yours or am I suppose to guess?"

"I find where Rey is hiding and you go and talk to her," Ren said, as if it were obvious.

The trooper blanched. "Me?"

 _Yes, you. Who else would I be talking to?_ "I doubt she will listen to anything I have to say," Ren pointed out.

"And she'll listen to me?"

Ren stared at the trooper for a considerable moment and thought how maddening it was going to be if the guy needed everything spelled out. "Your friendship is important to her," Ren said, trying to use his words carefully. "Way more important than I prefer it to be, but I can't change the way she feels. What you have with Rey is different from what I have with her. It's… cleaner somehow. Uncomplicated. Effortless." He deplored admitting such a thing, but facts were facts. And hopefully this would get the guy to stop asking questions. "If anyone can get through to her, it's going to be you. So you're going to follow my command and not fight me on every single decision I make. Because I don't need you to find Rey. I need you to save her. Understand?"

The trooper eased back, crossing his thick arms over his chest, peering out into hyperspace. The man remained quiet for a few contemplative seconds before saying, "You know, in a way, you're responsible for the friendship I have with her." Ren didn't immediately respond, because he didn't see how giving said comment relevance would help lower his growing frustration. But then he thought about how the trooper should show a little gratitude over Ren giving him a best friend, and he couldn't stop the mocking sincerity from leaving his mouth.

"You're welcome."

The buckethead gave him a level stare, but surprisingly let the sarcasm go. "Fine," the trooper agreed. "I'm here for Rey anyways. Now where do you plan on searching first?"

Ren frowned. "I thought you just agreed not to be a problem."

"I asked a legitimate question," he said with aggravation. "You can't just leave me in the dark as to where we're going."

Biting the inside of his cheek, Ren sighed through his nose. "Jakku."

The trooper nodded slowly, digesting Ren's response. "I was thinking we should start there as well. She probably wants to find Unkar and try to get out–"

"I don't need you to tell me why Jakku would be her first choice." Because he already worked it out for himself, thank you.

Shaking his head vehemently, the troopers voice grew sharp. "You know, I've never done anything to you. Not. A. Thing. And for some reason, the idea of even being on the same ship as me probably makes you want to destroy something – like you usually do when you get angry. I know who you are, remember? I've heard plenty about you while being a stormtrooper. And don't even get me started on what I've watched you do. But I'm here and willing to work with you so _we_ can find Rey." He paused as he straightened his backbone further. "To hell with the deal," his hand sliced through the air. "I am going to ask you questions and demand you tell me what's going on, because _you_ ," he pointed at Ren, "need _me_. You don't want to admit it, but you do. You lied to Rey, and from what I saw in that recording, she despises you for it. Without me, you have no way of getting through to her or to bring her back from the dark side. Right now, I hold all the cards and you know it."

Ren's expression turned demonic, his hatred for the guy making his ears ring.

"As much as I don't like you," the trooper continued, "we need to do this together. Or you can kill me right now and try to get Rey back on your own. You're call." Finn's stare was unyielding, his jaw locked and hard. It was as if he knew he'd won the argument, which did nothing to alleviate Ren's temper.

Fingernails digging into his palms, Ren was shocked he hadn't combusted into flame already... or lunged at the man. When someone pushed him beyond the point of anger, he usually liked to seek out some sense of closure- usually of the shallow grave variety. But Poe made it quite clear there would be retaliation if the guy wound up dead. Besides, the trooper did have a specific use at the present, which Ren now regretted sharing because the guy had been perceptive enough to use it as leverage. So for now, he was going to keep _Finn's_ mortal status under the column of people-I-allow-to-keep-breathing… until-they-outgrow-their-use.

Ren stood to take his leave. "Where are you going?" the man asked, startled and still wanting an answer.

"Let me know when we drop out of hyperspace," Ren gritted out, stomping through the corridor to the room he claimed as his. Leaving was the only sensible thing he could think of doing. It was either that, or ruin the whole mission by committing murder.

Entering the muted, lifeless living quarters, he went through a pacific routine of pacing, breathing, and shaking out his arms. The width of his strides allowed him only three steps in each direction, but it would have to do since he wanted to alleviate his frustration privately.

His spiraling eventually slowed, his brain no longer going through all the creative and dramatic ways he could murder the trooper and possibly get away with it. Sitting on the bed's edge, hands clutching his knees tightly, he looked around the familiar space, feeling as if he were an intruder. Even as a child, he never felt welcome on his father's ship.

 _My father's ship_. _The_ Millenium Falcon. The vessel that made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs…. This ship was never going to see its owner again.

The despair he felt couldn't be measured through a sob, nor could an outside party perceive it through the naked eye. It was composed of the deepest roots that the soul could conjure, absorbing the words that could give it connotation. But maybe it didn't have a language or associate with any specific thought. Maybe all it was was a state of being, something in the spirit that the mind couldn't interpret.

This nonverbal part of him was fragmented and could never be fixed. Even if he one day forgave himself for murdering his father, the memories remained, shoved between the cracked crevices, denying them of healing.

Now, Rey had a small part of herself like that too, and Ren didn't want her to find it while being alone. Her strong spirit and compassionate heart helped him get to a place where he could manage being stuck with his regrets, and now, he believed he was capable of returning the favor.

He recalled the pureness of light that enveloped him as he pleaded to Rey not to give into her anger. And in the midst of that chaos, his soul had glowed brighter than a star, his body wrapping the warmth in the confines of his own skin, granting him a priceless gift. Why has he never felt that way in the thirty years he's been alive? Why couldn't he feel that way all the time? What was stopping him?

The only thing that compared to it was Rey, and now she was gone.

What was he going to do without her? _Who_ was he going to be without her?

Lying upon the lumpy bed, he stared at the low ceiling, smelling the distant fragrance of Rey on the pillow. _She must've slept in this room…_ All of a sudden, heavy exhaustion zapped his strength, like the galaxy drained him of everything he had. But as much as he needed to rejuvenate, he knew it was useless.

Sleep wouldn't help him, for it was his soul that couldn't rest.

()()()()()

The AT-AT was Rey's sanctuary and a place of defense– where strategies were morphed, scavenging plans mapped out, and where rest was granted unto her sore body. The sturdy walls and simple space offered her so many outlets to do with it as she pleased, like it was the one place she had absolute control over. So many times she reorganized the living arrangements, moving her possessions as she pretended to be redecorating her own ornate home. How many tears the ground had felt, the cries the walls must've heard, the loneliness her objects witnessed. In a way, this rusty piece of antique weaponry knew her better than anyone else. It even rivaled Ben.

Was he trying to find her? Rey didn't bet on it. The Resistance would never let him leave, and she didn't think Ben would try that hard anyway. How important could she be to him if all he's ever done was lie to her again and again? No, the only person who'd be searching is Skywalker. Wouldn't want to lose another apprentice. Failure didn't sit well with that Jedi Master.

She had to admit, though, coming back to Jakku was a transparent choice to make. While it ran its risks, talking to Plutt had been way too important to set aside for another day. With maybe a half day lead, she would have enough time to see her plans through on this inconsequential planet. And that included a visit to her not so distant past. It's only been about two hours since arriving in Jakku's atmosphere; she didn't see how adding on one more would hurt any.

A Rey walked up to the circular entrance, the only sounds that could be heard were the smooth displacement of sand from her weighty steps, and the soft cool breeze that accompanied the nighttime air. Overhead, the velvety black sky glinted with thousands of stars, but she didn't ogle at the beautiful spectacle. She'd seen it plenty of times before. While the days were hot and dry and miserable, the hours of darkness always showed the planets soothing side– which most refused to see. But Rey always did. She always had a knack for seeing more than what was shown.

The entry wasn't locked, but she'd never incorporated such security measures. If someone wanted to get into her home, they would with or without a device momentarily hindering their way. Her safety lied within her warrior reputation: if she was feared, no one went near her possessions.

Now to see just how far that reputation held up.

Rey opened the hatch and swung the door wide. The metal creaked under her boots, the movement resounding in the dark space of her home. There was no need to bring a portable glow light. One nod and the light orb floated to the middle of the room, illuminating all the possessions she'd been fully prepared to see gone. But they were still there. Walking slowly, her shadow danced along the walls, casting an ominous atmosphere through the core of the trustworthy abode.

This place definitely didn't feel the same anymore. Everything was how she remembered leaving it: her cooking supplies on the shelves, her hanging bed in the corner, the small table near the center. What she once put so much value in no longer held the same importance in her heart.

Stopping in front of the wall of tick marks, her heavy eyes scanned the peculiar work of art, her fingers still feeling the trained anticipation at adding another marker of time. But she didn't go for the metal pointer on the floor. Incapable of glancing away, she just stood there.

For reasons that pained her, the hollowness of her home… in her life… seemed louder than a scream.

So she did just that. Rey screamed for what she had lost, for what she had found, and for what she'd left behind. Somewhere among the emotional frenzy, Rey had ignited half of her lightsaber, slashing at the wall as if she could erase the evidence of her abandonment. Hacking and swinging, her arm blazed with momentous fire, her back seizing from the quickly propelled movements.

Her body was the first to give out, even though she had the craving to keep going. Panting the cool air and letting it ache her throat, she disengaged the saber and crumbled to the floor lying face up, her eyes inspecting the molten slashes of the wall.

The dust and sparks eventually settled, but her thoughts did not.

She realized that all sentient beings had beasts inside, but unlike Ben, she didn't feel compelled to feed it. It was preferable to have it just wither away and die, leaving her at peace. But she figured there was no escaping from the animal she'd conjured through her violent actions. It was entirely possible that the act of killing was an eternal substance, one the beast could munch on for the rest of her waking days, taking a little bite here and little bite there so it remained secretly stagnant, waiting for the eventual feast.

No, that malevolent banquet was never going to come, because she was never going to seek it out. _Promise yourself_ , she thought. _Promise you won't._

"I promise," she whispered to her lifeless objects, to her imaginary friends… to herself. Cause there was no one else.

It hasn't even been a full day according to the Galactic Standard Calendar and here she was, not able to live up to the paradigm of apathy. And off in her mind stood a judgmental Rey, shaking her head and looking upon her with disappointment, labeling her as weak and timid. But did it truly take strength to be remorseless? She remembered Master Skywalker telling her that the dark side was the easy path and that the light was more difficult to maintain, but in the end, would be more rewarding.

If the dark side truly was easy, then why couldn't she thrive in it? Why couldn't she sustain an unconcerned heart?

But the answer was easy: she had too much light imbedded within her. While she wanted to seek out the night, the sun stubbornly never set. Rey figured that was where her and Ben differed: he slipped under the veil of darkness without difficulty, while she lived in the light effortlessly. Well, until now.

 _What does it mean to truly be a good person,_ she mused internally.

Maybe you're only truly good when you can do bad, but choose not to. _Like Finn_ , she thought. Loyal, trustworthy Finn.

Her friend was so good and strong; deserting the First Order because he knew the cause in which they fought for was evil. Truly, he had a conscience worthy of worship, and she figured said conscience was now regarding her with revulsion. If he were ever to see her again, she could just imagine how he'd look at her.

What was his reaction when he learned of what she'd done?

It was interesting how much she worried over Finn's view of her while she didn't give Ben much thought. She didn't want to let her friend down, didn't want him to be disappointed in her or to judge her. His opinion of her mattered more than Ben's, and she concluded it was because Finn was whole-heartedly a good person, while Ben was not.

And once upon a time she was fully prepared to choose Ben over Finn? Just another example of how naïve she was. She'd gotten so lost in what it felt like to fall in love, that she looked past how much more important a friendship could be.

Her thoughts suddenly shifted to Mashra, one of her fellow scavengers who taught her the ins and outs of the dangerous trade. The woman was more mentor than friend, but out here, the only type of camaraderie to be found was the one that helped you find more valuable goods at the end of the day.

 _Rey's young eyes were attentive as they watched Mashra at the washing table, her ears closely listening to the aliens scavenging advice. She hurried to scrub the pair of magnetic couplings, but her small hands didn't provide her the best grip as they kept slipping out of her hold and falling into the metal washbasin. But she didn't give up and Mashra never yelled at her. Probably because she persevered._

 _The Aqualish, with her four eyes and red tusks, huffed deeply before continuing her vital lecture. "It doesn't matter if ya think you're a moment away from salvaging somethin' valuable, always leave earlier than ya think you should."_

" _But isn't finding something to trade most important?" she asked, her timid voice almost being masked by the blustering business of the bazaar._

" _Nobody will pay ya if you're dead," Mashra bluntly said, eyeing the little child. "Scavengers start to get cocky, which leads them to staying out longer and suffering dehydration. You heard what happened to Binz Scoty?" Rey nodded, remembering how he was found dead in the Graveyard of Ships, his skin blistering and his canteen empty. He had a sack full of concussive grenades slung over his shoulder, but the person who discovered the corpse claimed them as their own. Binz had done all the work, but died from ignoring his bodies progressively weakened state. "Prime example of being an idiot. Respect the desert and you will survive."_

 _Little Rey went back to the scrubbing, wondering how nice it would feel to get a whole bucket of water and pour it on her hot, overworked frame. "Mashra?" she whispered._

" _Hmm?"_

" _Is it true that girls don't last long as scavengers?"_

 _Mashra paused her own task of cleaning hardware before locking eyes with Rey and saying, "What numskull told you that?"_

" _Turgot."_

 _The Aqualish rolled her four eyes in perfect unison as she got back to the daily chore. "Don't believe anything that comes out of that mans mouth."_

" _But… I overheard other scavengers agreeing with him."_

 _Mashra's tusks quivered out of annoyance, but not because of Rey. "I'm a girl, ain't I?" Rey nodded. The alien put the scrubber down and leaned in close to the girl, her voice lowering and becoming stern. "Don't ever let one of these moronic men tell you that just because you're a girl, ya can't survive. The only thing men have more than us is muscle. But guess what? Muscles don't make ya smarter. They actually make you stupider, because over confidence makes them forget how to use their brains. And that always leads to death." Mashra regarded the young child a moment, thinking how to better explain. "Now I'm rather small, right?"_

 _Rey eyed her up and down. "I suppose."_

" _And look how old I am. Ya think I survived this far only on strength?" Rey shook her head, her three little buns swaying side to side. "No, because having a keen mind is just as important as havin' physical strength. Power comes from your ability to strategize. Remember that."_

 _The two different scavengers– one an aged alien, the other a small human girl – went back to the busy work of polishing their catches of the day, their movements mirroring each others without either noticing. They may be dissimilar in appearance and age, but as time went on, both would become savagely unafraid to go to war if it meant protecting themselves and what was theirs._

Bringing up memories of her mentor brought up memories of training with Luke Skywalker. The man– aged by too many wars and too many personal losses– had been a good and strict foundation for Rey when she needed it most. Just another person to add to the growing list of people she's disappointed. After losing his nephew to the dark side, Rey went and did the same thing to the old man. The Skywalker family was just riddled with so much bad luck, it made a person grateful not to be one of them.

 _Like being me is any better_ , she inwardly quipped.

Picking herself up, she walked over to the small stool like table, studying the long dead spinebarrel flower in its metal cup. It had been dying before she even left Jakku, but to see its life fully dispensed made her feel like she'd somehow let it down. "Join the club," she told the dried out plant.

Untying the hammock, Rey went about the space, placing her belongings gently onto the cloth that had always housed her tired body. Once done, she wrapped it all up and tied the ends together, dragging it to the exit. Her eye caught sight of the flower again, making her stop. She retrieved it before giving the place one last look around. It was difficult not to measure the vacant, now uninhabited home as evidence of her losses.

But one day, this place will shelter someone new, helping him or her to survive the harsh climate of Jakku. Hopefully they will come to appreciate the AT-AT– formerly known as the Hellhound Two– as much as she did.

Back on the light freighter, she routed the next destination, but it wasn't to Dandoran. She needed some time to think of what to do… and to not look like she hadn't slept in a year. When she did have a reunion with her family, she didn't want them to see her like this. Hopefully some quiet time by the ocean and milking in the suns warm rays would rejuvenate her. The healing would only be on the outside, but when it came to what she deserved, it was more than enough.

()()()()()

Lounging in the co-pilot's chair, Finn stretched out his legs as far as the space allowed, slumping and trying to get comfortable. His eyes had been closed for a good while in an attempt to alleviate the headache he acquired from looking at the blue and white swirls of hyperspace. It had been unwise to observe interdimensional travel for as long as he did, because he had no training as a pilot and was not use to the headache induced sight. Or maybe his eyes were just extra sensitive. Massaging his temples, he hoped the migraine would ease soon. He didn't want Kylo Ren thinking he wasn't capable of doing the one task the guy had given him.

And thanks to Master Skywalker, Finn was now in one helluva delicate situation. Before departure and in secret, the Jedi had given Finn the last thing he ever wanted in his possession again: Vader's lightsaber. The very one Kylo Ren tried to kill him for.

 _Unwrapping the weapon from the loosely wound cloth, Finn dubiously glanced at the saber in Skywalker's hands, his palms gingerly holding the relic so Finn could inspect it._

 _Finn looked uncertainly at the man. "Uhhhh… I don't think this is a good idea."_

 _Skywalker remained insistent. "If you get in a dangerous situation, my nephew will be a lot more helpful with this weapon than with a blaster. But only give it to him if you absolutely have to. For now, keep it securely packed away."_

" _Why don't you just give it to him now?"_

 _Luke's brows rose. "You want him to have a lightsaber throughout the duration of the trip?"_

 _That silenced Finn for a moment. "No," he bluntly answered._

" _That's why I'm giving it to you and not him. While he can be useful with the saber, he can also be volatile."_

 _Finn was shaking his head slowly, comprehending that while Kylo was gifted with a saber, he still wouldn't want the guy to have access to one. But then again, Ren could easily kill him without such weaponry. "How do you know he won't sense it or something?" Finn asked, starting to accept this new idea._

 _Luke unclasped a pair of sophisticated cuffs from his belt and activated them, causing a blue sheen of light to glow from the inside. Sliding the hilt through one of the metal bracelets, he rewrapped the weapon in the beige linen cloth and handed it to Finn._

" _This will dull the kyber crystal's power. Unless he's actively looking for it, Ben will not know it's there."_

Because Finn decided to trust the man's logic, he'd taken the bundle and hurriedly placed it underneath the few clothes he ended up packing. Now, though, he didn't seem as confident in the decision of housing an artifact Ren found so revering. If the guy ever found out about it, Finn's existence was going to be cut painfully short.

Like it almost was the last time Ren saw the cursed thing.

Just thinking about Kylo made Finn increasingly uncomfortable. The more he thought about it, the more it seemed ridiculous to be out in the middle of space with a notorious murderer. But as he told Poe earlier, Rey was out here and he didn't want to let her down. And the First Order wanted her dead. He just couldn't let that happen. The possibility of her making a mistake and getting caught was substantially high. Finn wasn't looking down on her, nor did he think her weak, but he feared she still didn't know how to survive in the unforgiving expanse of space. Put her in a desert climate and she could probably find water within an hour, but pit her against the galaxy and problems became a lot more intricate.

So if he had to work with the devil in order to locate her, than that's what he'll do.

 _The devil_ … Finn still couldn't grasp how Rey could be with a man like that. Like, _really_ together. He could understand why they had to work together, but adding a relationship to the dynamic seemed extremely superfluous.

"I told you to get me once the ship dropped out of hyperspace." Ren's highly aggravated voice interrupted Finn's thoughts, causing him to jump out of the chair and look at the man's ever-looming presence. "Not to star gaze and waste time."

Finn glanced over his shoulder, seeing the twinkling lights that littered the backdrop of space. He must've fallen asleep at some point, because he couldn't remember hearing the autopilot's warning alarm that they were dropping out of the space-time dimension.

Ren scoffed, his disdainful eyes going to the controls as he moved to the pilot chair. "You're just as incompetent now as when you were a stormtrooper."

Abruptly, a familiar mechanical voice came from the entryway. "Excuse me, but might I inquire as to where we are going?" Both Ren and Finn flipped around, equally surprised and dumbstruck as to the sudden gold appearance of C-3PO. The droids mechanized head swiveled between the two men, waiting for an answer.

Ren was the first to compose himself, though the contempt in his tone didn't instill Finn with much confidence over Threepio's fate. "How are you even here right now?"

"I was already on board and in the engine room when you took off. And there I stayed till I knew who was piloting the spacecraft. I would think that was obvious," Threepio stated. "Since matter transportation doesn't exist, the most likely–"

"Why were you on the ship, Threepio?" Finn asked in a much kinder tone.

"Well... I came aboard in hopes of finding something to lift the General's spirits. Her mood has been rather glum as of late. And sentimental objects can help one to be in a happier disposition. I was hoping to find such a possession on the Falcon. But then, and I'm quite embarrassed to admit it, I ended up idly strolling around, reminiscing about the past."

Finn was so preoccupied and bewildered by the fact Threepio was now here, he failed to notice the sour expression on Ren's tight face. "You don't reminisce," Ren said coldly. "You're a protocol droid. Whatever feelings you think you have is just your programming."

Threepio didn't seem fazed by the statement as he turned slightly to Finn and said, "Master Ben has always had a way with words. He mastered the art of subtly vocalizing insults at the young age of five."

A ghost of a smile played across Finn's lips as he tried to hide his amusement, but Ren failed to see the mirth behind Threepio's statement. Ren took a step forward, probably wanting to rip the droid apart with his bare hands, but was stopped as the ship abruptly went dark and quiet.

They all remained still for a moment until a sharp lurch caused them all to teeter. Ren's deeply rooted frown showed his confusion, but Finn felt a strange sense of deja vu. As Kylo went for the controls, Finn climbed on the chair, peering out of the cockpit, well aware that Ren thought him ridiculous.

"The navicomputer won't respond and all systems are offline," Ren muttered to no one in particular while his hands flew over the control panel.

"Oh dear," Threepio exclaimed anxiously. "It would seem another ship has locked onto us and overridden all controls. Even life support is now–"

"I understand what it means to have controls overridden," Ren barked over his shoulder, then going back to the power board. "But it shouldn't be possible without the access codes to the ship," he whispered confusedly.

A steady stream of red light lit up the cockpit, making the two others join in with the looking up routine. "I–I know that freighter," Finn said as his heart sank all the way through the floor.

Ren was surprised. "You do?"

Finn sank back into the chair, his breathing deepening as he tried to reel in the panic. "Did Rey ever tell you about our run in with rathtars and your– and Han?"

Ren froze, and then swiftly jumped on the chair, his head almost hitting the top as he mimicked Finn's previous stance. "That's the same freighter?" he asked as they became fully engulfed into the hangar.

 _Good to know those two actually talked to one another instead of just… doing other things_. "Yup. And if I had to guess, one of the two gangs pulled out a miracle, got rid of those creatures, and is now running that vessel." Finn's mind found a foundation of focus as he called upon his training as a soldier. "Even if we killed every person who came aboard, they still have control over the ship. So we couldn't get–"

"Would they be able to recognize you?" Kylo asked as he stepped down, his face not showing a twitch of worry. For someone who was wanted by the First Order just as much as Rey, it was weird to see such… composure. Finn's head was still in the game, but at least he was sweating.

Trying to review the whole rathtar disaster proved to be tricky, because it was all a blur of mania and survival. "I don't think so," Finn answered. "Everyone was pretty much running for their lives, making it difficult to get a really good look at me."

Ren was plainly unimpressed. "Not exactly the answer I was hoping to hear, but it will have to do."

Finn went for the corridor, thinking how they needed weapons and fast. "Skywalker gave me–" But he never finished the sentence. Darkness stole his vision and senses, making him drop to the floor unconscious.

()()()()()

"I can't believe you people," Vassena angrily said from behind one of Leia's office sofas. Most of the council was compacted into the sizeable office, making it feel much smaller than it actually was. Behind the desk, R2 and Luke remained by his sister's side as his eyes surveyed everyone's body language– which he didn't need to do since he could sense their emotions: frustration. Even the ones who primarily backed Leia– Ackbar, Statura– were somewhat upset. Although, he had an inkling it was over not being in on the plan rather than letting a notorious warlord free. "This is who runs the Resistance? People who have a flagrant disregard for the law?"

Luke raised his voice. "The law is insignificant when it comes to more personal matters of the universe."

"Oh, you mean the Force, Master Jedi? This may come as a shock to you, but I am a true believer." Indeed, that did shock Luke. And apparently everyone else in the impromptu meeting. "What I don't believe or have faith in is your nephew." That was difficult to argue against since Luke struggled with the same mistrust. But if he was sure about one thing, it was that Ben genuinely loved Rey.

He just wondered what Ben's definition of "love" entailed.

Standing, Leia placed her palms on the metallic bureau and leaned forward, hovering close to the holo-image of Han. "You want to leave Vassena, go right ahead," she said, motioning to the exit.

Vassena scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Don't be stupid, Leia. I know this is the last line of defense against the First Order. My troops and I aren't going to leave. But I want you to know that I think your leadership is critically flawed." Some heads nodded in agreement, others remained still. Luke held his tongue from wanting to defend Leia. She had the tendency of viewing a male's interference as labeling her to be weak.

He didn't feel up to having that argument with her. Again. For the fiftieth time.

"And what exactly is going on with the Force?" Trend added. All eyes went to Leia, waiting for a response.

"We are here to fight the First Order," Leia reminded everyone. "Your concern over the Force is not needed."

"But Skywalker made it sound important," Vassena said as she nodded at him. Leia glanced back, giving him a glare for opening his mouth. Leia asked for him to stay and help her and if she thinks that entails him being completely under her control, she was delusional. Plus, he couldn't help getting defensive when her leadership came under question.

Tossing the idea of staying mostly out of the matter aside, Luke said, "Matters pertaining to the Force will be handled by me. But our main priority should always be focused on the First Order. An army as vast as theirs could cause serious damage that even the Force cannot mend. The loss of the Hosnian system and Order 66 is proof enough of that."

Multiple conversations fought for Leia's attention, but this time, he didn't try to intercede. His main focus remained on Vassena, watching her speak quietly to her few advisors and private security. The woman must have felt his stare, for she turned and glared.

Because of how late in the evening it was, Leia asked for everyone to leave so they could reconvene early tomorrow morning. This time, Trend was the last to depart.

"If that girl is ever found, she will see the full extent of her punishment," the woman added before exiting the private office.

Leia's deep exhale lasted for what seemed like days, her shoulders sagging and her face finally taking on the droopiness of exhaustion. Rounding the wide desk, she plopped onto the sofa, letting her head fall back onto the plush support.

"Do you think Ben will be able to find her?" she whispered.

R2 followed as Luke sat opposite her, his arms crossing over his chest. "He'll never give up till he does. He's stubborn, just like his mother." R2 beeped his agreement.

Leia smiled, but it vanished from a sudden show of concern. She brought her head up, locking eyes with her twin. "If he gets caught by–"

"He won't Leia," he interrupted. "He's a very smart and strategic boy."

She nodded and then began idly unfurling her braid, letting a moment of silence enter the now composed atmosphere. "You worried about Rey?" she asked.

"Of course." He kept his mouth shut on how the Jedi part of him really didn't want to be here. Truthfully, he'd been surprised that he agreed to stay. His place was out in the galaxy, searching for his apprentice and helping her come back unto the fold of the light.

"You hate me for making you stay."

The two of them always had a way perceiving each other's feelings. But hate? She guessed the wrong emotion for once. "You didn't make me stay Leia. I chose to. I trust Ben will do everything he can to find Rey." Really, he did. It was just if Luke had a choice, he preferred to be in control of a situation.

And Leia was right that he couldn't abandon the New Republic he helped create. And whom else did she have to rely on? Han was gone.

"You think he can help her?" Leia queried.

"If it wasn't for the recording, I wouldn't think him capable. But he was sincere when talking about how the dark side lied to him. So… I think he can help her. And Finn and Rey are good friends, which can make a huge difference." He fleetingly thought of Han.

With her hair fully down, Leia itched her scalp, a small frown forming on her fine face. "It's hard to fathom that such a sweet, strong girl could go and become that person from the projection. She–" Leia froze, glancing down at the ornate blue and white rug.

"She reminded you of Ben," Luke finished.

Leia nodded, sweeping the brown locks onto her back. "Like when he was younger and would get in one of his vindictive moods."

"We all have a side like that," he reminded her.

"I just hope if she remains on the dark side, she doesn't drag Ben down with her." Her eyes widened at hearing what just came out of her mouth. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean–"

"I know." It was understandable for Leia to think such things, but Luke couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to that statement.

"I _am_ worried about the girl," she scooted closer to the edge, imploring Luke to believe her. "It's just… Ben has been doing so much better lately. I'd hate for him to regress."

He caressed his beard while studying his sister. There was something to her tone when talking about his apprentice, something he couldn't decipher. "Are you _actually_ worried for Rey?"

Leia drew back, appearing offended. "Of course I am. I just said I was. Why would you ask that?"

"Sometimes you seem indifferent towards her."

"Indifferent?" she echoed, her pitch intensifying. "How can I be indifferent towards the person who's essentially given me back a semblance of my son?"

Luke shrugged, hiding his surprise at seeing her get so defensive. "You tell me."

She rolled her eyes, sitting back and giving out a huff of indignation. Leia never did appreciate being questioned, but Luke was willing to wait here all night if it meant getting an answer out of her.

Gradually she calmed, her focus going to the hands resting gingerly in her lap. Even guarded, she always had a way of remaining physically poised, like the princess she grew up to be. Such traits were rarely found in a General, but Leia built this movement from the ground up, so it was fully in her control to redefine the stereotype of military leadership.

And through it all, she always had a way of remaining– _what was the phrase she sometimes used?_ A royal pain in the ass.

But sitting here with her twin, she started to let some of her barriers down. Chewing at her lip, Leia seemed to become shy. Nervous. Maybe even apprehensive. "I don't know…" she finally whispered. "I do know I'm not uncaring toward the girl."

"But there is something going on," Luke pushed.

"I guess…" Pause. "Maybe I'm envious of her."

"You're jealous?" he said, stunned. This was another example on how Luke had a hard time understanding the intricacies of female emotion. He figured Leia was starting to dislike the girl, because she was taking up too much of Ben's attention. But of course, nothing was simple when it came to his sister.

"Sounds horrible, I know. But how can I not be?" Leia threw her hands up, surrendering to how she felt. "Ben fell to the dark side and Han tried to bring him back and didn't succeed. But then a seemingly random girl walks into his life and he completely changes everything for her? He grew up loved and in a family and isn't that suppose to mean something? Why doesn't that mean more to him?"

Luke regarded her for a moment before leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. In a steadfast voice, he said, "You're not a horrible person, Leia. And what happened to Han impacted Ben deeply and obviously haunts him. I think what happened on that bridge was the catalyst to him wanting to leave that life behind. And in my opinion, after that, he would have left the First Order even if Rey never came into his life." Luke began putting together these words in hope of comforting Leia, but the more he spoke the more he found he actually believed it.

"You truly think so?" she said softly.

"Yes, I do. And I think you're overlooking the fact Snoke has been morphing Ben into his apprentice since before he was born."

Leia sighed, running her fingers reflexively through her hair. "I know, I know."

"Don't forget he also shares a deep bond with Rey," he added.

Her eyes suddenly flared. "But what about a bond between mother and son?"

If Luke had children of his own, maybe he could relate to her, but he could not. So he said, "If you deny something's existence long enough, you forget that it's there." That didn't seem to quail her frustration much. "You know you should talk to him about how you feel."

She shook her head, ruffling her brown locks. "Every time we talk to each other, we fall back into old habits– which involves a whole lot of bickering and snark."

"Wasn't he honest about wanting you to be a mother to him?"

"Yes… but you should have seen the delivery. It was like it pained him to admit such a thing because he thought it made him look foolish," she explained, deflated.

"He does that defensively."

"Well, it's annoying… and hurtful." Leia glanced over to the wide, metal bureau. He followed her line of sight to Han's holo-image.

"Luke," her voice cracked. "What are we going to do about Snoke? Rey is the Force only knows where, Ben is off searching the galaxy, and I am stuck here commanding an army so everything doesn't fall apart." She took in a breath. "I have to be honest: If that creature ends up getting my son, I won't be able to keep going. I've been through a lot, but if I lose my child, I can tell you right now I won't be able to recover from that. Him falling to the dark side nearly ruined me. And then what happened on Lothal… I just can't."

Her lips quivered, eyes shining as she tried to hold in the pressure of emotion from escaping. Speaking to her in a gentle voice, he said, "We'll find a way to make everything come together, Leia. I can feel it."

R2 whistled his support.

A knock came from the door, which made Leia wipe her face as if she'd been crying. "The same goes for you Luke. I can't lose anymore people to this war." Before he could respond, she called out for the visitor to come in. It was Admiral Statura.

"General. Sorry to interrupt so late, but Sienar Design Systems is requesting to speak with you. They want to discuss about getting X-wings manufactured for us." Statura's eyes tried to look at everything but Leia as he gave her the news. _Maybe he's too disappointed in her_ , he considered. But the man appeared to be more anxious than upset. There was even a tinge of sweat beading above his brow.

Leia let out a relieved breath. "Finally, some good news." She stood and straightened her military jumpsuit as she went to retrieve her purple vest from atop the desk chair. "Ready to start showing your face to the galaxy?" she asked, glancing over.

Gone was the woman who was so pained over the uncertainty of the future, for she was replaced with a leader who turned the worry into power and focus.

Their eyes met as she tied back her hair. The stare wasn't long or drawn out, but it was enough for them to share a quiet confidence between the two. Their separation had been a long one, but their frequencies still operated on a level that only the two of them could interpret. Knowing he still had that with her gave him strength in a time where it was hard to find any.

Luke stood, giving her a warm smile. "As long as you're beside me, I'll be ready."

()()()()()

Ren used the Force to put the trooper into a catatonic state, causing the man to crumble to the floor.

"Oh!" Threepio exclaimed and stumbled back. "What are you doing? Is your incessant need for violence still a problem after all these years?!"

Ren ignored that.

Hoisting the trooper's dead weight onto the pilot's seat, Ren turned and grabbed the protocol droid around the waist, dragging him down the curved corridor. Lifting a section of the mesh floor near the entrance, he ordered Threepio into the compact crawl space. When the droid didn't move, Ren grabbed one of the shiny arms and threw the metal incompetent into the sensor-proof smuggling compartment.

Sprinting to the living quarters, he quickly grabbed the two bags and headed back to the shrieking droid. Tossing everything at Threepio, the droid crumpled under the weight, cutting off the continuous complaining as Ren jumped inside and closed them in.

"I have never been so brutishly treated–"

Ren grabbed the droid around the neck, bringing those shiny eyes up to his impatiently twisted face. "Either you shut up or I rip you apart and throw your scrap metal parts into space. Not a word Threepio. Not. A. Word."

"But–" Ren flicked the small power switch that resided on the back of the droids neck, watching as those bright eyes blinked off and the golden body sagged. Ren inwardly scolded himself for even giving Threepio a chance to be quiet. He should've remembered that the cyborg never responded well to threats– it just made him more terrified.

Ren knew that from first hand experience.

The ship jostled and jerked before going silent, conveying that it had landed. The ships internal illumination returned to full power, allowing the outside party to lower the ramp manually. Muted footsteps and voices carried into the compartment, and it was difficult to make out how many were now searching the Falcon. He could somewhat make out the red uniformed men through the netted floor, but his sight couldn't quite procure any minute details from where he was sitting. To see better, he would have to get right up against the flooring, and that might give away his position.

There was the temptation to just burst forth and go sliding down the path of a murderous rampage. But as inviting as it was to kill every person that came aboard, Ren knew that plan was highly probable to fail. He would still be left with the problem of overridden controls, which he could only fix from somewhere on the enormous freighter. Hopefully Finn being found would satiate their driven search– albeit for a little while– and give him enough time to get the Falcon back under his control. Force stunning the guy had been merciful since it was highly unlikely the gang would kill him before they got answers.

But "highly" didn't mean certainly.

Slipping into a quick meditation, he couldn't quite gage how many people were on the service deck either. Ren had been thoroughly trained in observation, excelled at problem solving, and even though he faltered at it, could successfully meditate for hours on end– setting permitting. But crammed into this tight space and joints aching from the pressure, his mind was nowhere to be found. He was like a speeder without an engine: everything where it should be, except all it was was useless potential.

Grinding his molars till his teeth throbbed, he actually missed the man he'd been when he was with the First Order. Yes, he had moments of extreme anger, but for the most part, his emotions had been in check, clearing up his mind to process and allow him to be objective. Now, feelings tended to supersede logic and even the promptings from the Force. At least, that's how he viewed it at the moment. The mind always had a way of warping memories to make you think that the past was more agreeable than the present. Or vice versa.

No use in thinking about such things, however. He needed more of a plan, and the only one he could come up with was to play the situation slyly, which was not a method he knew intimately. Rey was much better at–

Nope. He couldn't let his thoughts drift to her right now. He needed to focus if he wanted to get out of this alive and with the First Order unaware of him being here.

Orders were distantly given not to kill any of the crew, and Ren overheard them finding the trooper lounging in the cockpit. They were all confused at to why he wouldn't wake, but they decided to give it a few hours to see if his condition would change. Fortunately, no one said anything about recognizing him, which was a relief.

"We also found what looks to be his belongings," a man said close to where Ren hid. "This was buried beneath his clothes." Ren frowned, wondering what was significant enough to report–

His hairs stood to attention as he abruptly sensed _something._

Quietly maneuvering to his knees, Ren stretched upward, his nose pushing against the cold durasteel as he tried to get a good angle on the two men above. His vision fell upon the shiny and iconic saber hilt, the one he tossed aside years ago and tried to recently kill to get back.

What he did next was completely out of his control, as if his body had become possessed by greed.

The two men dropped to the floor– dead– as the metal grating levitated to allow Ren enough room to Force pull the two corpses into the smuggling compartment. Calling the saber to his palm, he crouched back down and replaced the flooring. It all happened within a span of a few seconds, which allowed him not to be seen by the trio of thugs now turning and walking down the corridor.

The small stall quickly shrunk to the size of a utility box, but Ren didn't care his knees were screaming and that he was essentially sitting on a pair of corpses. He had his grandfather's lightsaber back, it's sleek hilt slightly shaking from his trembling hands. The way his eyes drank in the design and his mouth watered, he realized he still very much looked up to the legend. The power that man possessed, the vision, the brutality– Ren worshiped it all… and wanted it.

Footsteps up above brought him crashing back to reality, reminding him that the saber had been here. On the ship. The whole time. And that damn trooper had been hiding it from him. Why? How did he even get it? _Skywalker…_ Ren snatched the brown leather bag the lightsaber had been found in and discovered Force suppressant cuffs. His uncle must have wrapped the weapon with the restraints to muffle its power. If Ren weren't so wound up, he would have been slightly impressed by the whole scheme.

But why give a stormtrooper a lightsaber? It was nonsensical. That idiot wasn't even Force sensitive, so he wouldn't even be able to utilize the weapon to its full extent!

A thick, male accent rang through out the Falcon, the man making it known he was clearly agitated. "Where are Beemedr and Yoston?" Ren glanced down, figuring the lifeless bodies were the aforementioned men. "They commed me and said they found a lightsaber onboard, and now none of you can tell me where they are." Voices talked over one another, and they continuously grew louder as they rounded down the hallway. "Contact the First Order immediately and double security on the ship," the leader ordered as they passed right above Ren, going straight to the exit. "There is only one person in Solo's family who would possess a lightsaber, and the First Order would pay a lot to whoever found him."

Ren inwardly let out a long stream of curses.

Seeing how anonymity no longer mattered, his initial plan was now useless– thanks to the trooper and, by extension, Skywalker. Fine. He could adapt. He's done it before. This wasn't the first time he'd chosen the wrong plan. And since time was now of the essence, he would have to go back to the basics he knew best and stop with the hiding.

Ren smiled as he stroked the saber hilt with his thumb. He was the type of person who didn't shy away from the gruesome nature of violence, but welcomed it. In reality, being brutal gave you so many things that were not readily available to the vast majority of the public; even though you'd think most would be eager to live a life based on entitlement. But, as the saying goes– Everyone wants to eat, but few are willing to hunt.

And as it just so happens, Ren was starving.

 **Who here thinks Ren is going to have way too much fun cutting those people down? Yeah, I think so too. lol. And when it comes to Finn, the nerves her has while being around Ren won't last long. Also, when writing from Ren's perspective, I hope none of you are getting annoyed with how much he thinks about his father. That will never change just because how much he regrets it and is traumatized by his own actions. Han has a big part to play when it comes to Ben. Hope you all understand that. And I wanted there to be a stark contrast between the two people he essentially is. While he knows the dark side is full of lies, a part of him doesn't care and welcomes it anyway– as exampled at the end of the story. Now onto Rey: she is definitely struggling with the dark side. A lot of her resolve is cracking fairly quickly, which is an example of how different she is from Ben. Hope you guys weren't expecting her to turn into this evil person.**

 **Well another chapter down, only like, fifteen more to go. I really planned way too much for this story.**

 **I have two questions I want to pose to you all:**

 **1\. Would you rather I keep my schedule of posting a chapter ever two weeks to a month? Or would you rather I write the rest of it out and then post it all at one time. The latter option might take six months to a year to complete, but I'm wondering your preference.**

 **2\. Anyone going to star wars celebrations in Orlando? My husband and I will be attending and I'm feeling like their needs to be a time to have a Reylo get together. I want to pose the idea on tumblr as well. Anyone going to be there?**

 **So if you have time, please leave a review or follow the story if you aren't already! Thanks for reading!**


	34. Chapter 34

**Thanks for all the faves, follows, and reviews! It all gives me life and I love you all so much for even giving this story the time of day!**

 **Well, the reviews have spoken and I shall try to update regularly instead of taking a six month hiatus! And like last time, this chapter got way too long, so I had to cut it in half. Chapter 35 is 75% done and am aiming to get it out within the next week or two. So since this is a middle chapter, don't expect a lot to happen. It's setting it up for the conclusion next chapter.**

 **NightElfCrawler: Throughout this whole ordeal on the Eravana, you'll see if Ren regresses or not. I guess it might depend on your point of view when it comes to defending yourself. Is he in the right to kill someone who is trying to kill him? When is it considered too far? We shall see how Finn handles all of this. Ren isn't the easiest person to get a long with. lol. Jnads1: Awww thanks! it makes me happy that you get so excited when I update. It helps me to keep writing! Unfortunately, I am going to be going back to school at the beginning of May, so updates might take longer than usual. I'm sorry! But I will not abandon this story. I've come too far already. Gotta finish now! vana9: I wanted everyone to know that Finn and Poe are still good friends and care for one another. Poe kinda sees Finn as almost like a son, with having essentially given him a new life and name. Poe can get territorial of Finn, but in a platonic way! I don't know if anyone here is a stormpilot fan (I am), but the two are just friends– which you all know by now. lol. This chapter is the middle of the whole ordeal on the ship, so the next chapter is the conclusion. Will Ren kill most of the people? Maybe, maybe not. The guy has been doing better, but he is never going to be a completely good person. I'm saying that to prepare you all for future chapters. Ren doesn't always make the best decisions. More Poe and Jess next chapter! Natalie-S-246: No six months then! Honestly, I think if I did that I probably would never finish the story. Updating once or twice a month gives me a current goal to work towards. EV: Looks like everyone else is on the same page as you! Didn't get a single person wanting the six month wait. So I shall keep going! SheLitAFire: Glad you liked the structure of the previous chapter. With this one, it is more sporadic with the pov's. I tried cleaning it up, but it jumps around a lot. Mainly because Finn and Ren aren't always together and I wanted everyone to see what was going on with them individually. So, I write way too much and I am trying to work on having descriptions and thoughts be shorter. It's hard to do! lol. I just get too detailed sometimes and I apologize. Definitely something I will go back and edit once done. It always surprises me what people like in a chapter. Gotta say, I didn't think anyone would love the part where Finn can't hear what Ren is saying to Poe. But I see how it gives the scene a sense of mysticism and intrigue. And of course, Ren is such a typical Byronic hero. Broody, sexy, dark. But he has the tendency to be sarcastic and funny. I rewrite dialogue so much before the final product, so I'm glad you liked their interaction. Yes, I think everyone wished Poe went with them. He might be meeting up with them sooner than you think. Things happen. ;) I had to think long and hard how Leia would feel towards Rey once knowing about how Ben feels about her. If I were in her shoes, I'd be frustrated and kinda mad that my sons own father couldn't have a big enough impact to bring my son home, but some random girl shows up and suddenly he changes his life for her? Yeah, I'd be annoyed. But Luke reminded her that Han did have a big impact on him. And how I'm writing the characters, if Rey never showed up, Ren would have left on his own eventually, being a hermit somewhere. Rey is just such a good, compassionate person that making her go full dark just didn't work. I did brainstorm some stuff she could do, but it was too out of character. She wishes the people who took her parents away ill will, sure. I think we can all understand that. Empathy has always been strong with her, though. When she was on Jakku, she actually wasn't there for too long. I totally forgot to put a sense of time in that part, so I went back and wrote some time points in. Especially when she is in her AT-AT. Tops, she was on the planet for an hour and a half. And with her thinking she has a half day head start, she was willing to sacrifice some time to visit Unkar and get her belongings back. And yup, she is headed back to Spira, but will keep a low profile. It didn't end well the last time she was there, but she wanted to go somewhere familiar. Her options are limited. Can't say much about future chapters, just that we are getting closer to the end. Only 10-15 chapters left! I so want to know what you think will happen. You'll have to tell me when the story is all done. And you're right, if I left FanFiction for a bit, I would miss you all too much! Wouldn't want you to disown me! As always, I enjoy your reviews! Keep taking those notes :) Milo: I'm so happy you love the story thus far! I will endeavor to keep going and to keep it entertaining! Aleta Wolff: Not gonna lie, had to use google translate for your review! Took two years of Spanish in high school, so I understood a few words since it's kinda similar to Portuguese. Thanks for thinking it's the best Reylo fic you've ever read! I love writing thoughts and emotions because it helps you connect to the character better. It can be difficult at times to get in a character's head, but it's worth it! I wish you all could be at Celebration and we could meet up and gush over Reylo! And I will not even think about taking a hiatus again! I shall try to stay on my usual schedule. Big hug back and glad to have a fan from Brazil!**

 **Onto the chapter!**

Chapter Thirty-Four

Finn noticed the smell before his other senses had a chance to catch up.

It hit the back of his throat with a sting of a thousand knives, it's pungent odor a torturous mixture of sewage and rotting flesh. This shock to the olfactory nerves launched him the rest of the way to consciousness, his eyes popping open and his hand immediately covering his mouth.

Jumping to his feet, Finn looked for reprieve, but found to be locked in a sizeable holding cell. The metal walls were smeared with some type of clear, dry substance; it's crusty appearance texturizing every inch of the room. The coated floor crunched under his boots as he moved around frantically, making his way to the huge door. Only a small, rectangular window gave him view to the outside, and once Finn was able to focus his vision, he realized where he was.

And what was behind the rancorous smell.

 _Rathtars. This is where Han kept the rathtars._

Upon that realization, Finn retched in the corner, no longer able to keep his roiling stomach calm. Breathing hard between each lurch, his throat burned and his eyes watered to the point of tears.

"Best to get it all out now," came a muffled feminine voice. "I kept throwing up for two hours and it was a nightmare. At least I think it was two hours. I'm without a clock in here." Finn froze and shivered, but not from the vomiting. That voice… was lovely. The musical lilt of her tone, the cadence in which she spoke, the faint accent in her words, he'd never heard speech so mesmerizing before. He could listen to whomever this was talk all day… and that was when he figured he'd gone crazy. Since when has a noise ever affected him so much? Beauty was found with the eyes; ears couldn't pick up on that sort of thing.

Right?

Inhaling and exhaling deeply, he wrapped his arms around his midsection, trying to find the source of the noise. "Over here," she said, making Finn turn around to the wall right of the door. "Some of the grime might be blocking the vent. Look toward the bottom." As Finn stepped closer, he noticed a small opening covered by a mesh metal shield. Kicking it with the toe of his boot, the crust crumbled away.

Finn knelt down, trying to peer through the guard, but seeing nothing. "Don't bother trying to see me. The vent winds through the side." He was disappointed over not putting a face to that voice. "That's probably why I sound so far away, but really, I'm on the other side of this wall."

"Who are you?" he asked directly into the vent. Maybe he should ask her what she looked like…. _Stop it. That would seem weird._

Her voice turned bitter. "Someone who's soon to be dead. Who are you?"

Training told him not to reveal himself to a stranger. "Someone who will probably join you."

"Don't want to tell me your name?" she asked teasingly.

Finn smiled, which was a remarkable feat given the atmosphere. "I asked you first."

She chuckled, a noise that was more than welcoming. "Fair enough."

Finn adjusted his position, sitting against the wall and next to the opening, his head angled downward. "Can you answer how you came to be locked up next to me?"

"Made a deal with Bala-Tik. One of my many mistakes." He heard shuffling and envisioned her in much the same pose as him. "I did what he asked– it just took me longer than the deadline to deliver. Though, if you want my opinion, I think he just doesn't want to pay me. What about you? How'd you get in here?"

Finn's face shaded with anger. "I have a feeling my partner is behind that."

The woman gave out a descending whistle. "Ouch. Never a delightful experience being betrayed by a friend."

"He isn't a friend," Finn said quickly. "But I thought we shared a common goal."

"Allegiances change all the time."

"His changes more frequently than he kills people," he muttered.

"Who's this partner of yours?"

Finn sighed, knowing he was talking too much. "Nobody important. Just a murderous sociopath."

"And you're traveling the galaxy with him? I question your decision making."

Finn chuckled. "Me too."

The thick door opened, admitting a man in a dark uniform followed by four masked guards. Finn recognized the leader of the Guavian Death Gang from his thick, sharp accent.

The man towered above him. "Why do you have the Millenium Falcon?"

Nothing.

"How is it we found you unconscious in the cockpit?"

 _Kylo Ren used his Force tricks to knock me out. That's how._

Impatient, Bala-Tik nodded to the guards, two of which rough handled Finn to the middle of the room, holding tightly onto his arms. "Let me explain how this is going to work: you answer the questions, and I think about maybe letting you live. Silence is not going to help you in this situation. If you don't talk, we'll find a way to make you."

Finn tightened his jaw.

Bala walked closer, the sweat on his brow dripping down his temples. "The Falcon is Han Solo's ship. That man owes me a great deal of money and is responsible for killing a third of my crew."

Finn faked his amazement. "One man killed all those men? He must be a legend."

The blow to the gut was swift and competent, forcing the air from Finn's lungs. The two guards held him up as his legs went weak.

Bala massaged his knuckles. "Hardly. He got lucky. As usual. Where is he?"

"Who?" Finn asked, glancing up.

A vein popped out from Bala's forehead. "Han. Solo. Is he with the Resistance? Or are the rumors true that he's dead."

"Maybe he's a ghost. I've never met the man."

"Care to explain how you have his ship?"

Finn acted remarkably indifferent. "I won it in a game of sabaac."

"Where were you gambling?"

"Elerion. At the Lucky Star casino." The only casino Finn was even aware of.

Bala narrowed his stare. "Who did you win it from?"

"Sorry." He wasn't. "We didn't really swap names."

The man wasn't amused, as shown through another hit to the abdomen. Finn groaned and then snarled, drawing his lips back. "You know what I think?" Bala asked, wiping at his face. "I think the Falcon was at a Resistance base, and for whatever reason, you're flying it around the galaxy. Probably on a mission, but I honestly don't care. What I do care about is who your shipmate is."

"I work alone," Finn said, deeply.

"Really? The Millennium Falcon is a difficult ship to man alone. And if Han Solo were truly dead, who else would have the freighter other than his son." Finn kept his expression blank, but on the inside, his heart skipped a beat. "The Resistance made it clear he defected from the Order and was now on their side. So while I highly doubt you could fly such a ship on your own, I would think Kylo Ren could. Or does he now go by the name Ben Solo? I'd wager you know."

"As I said, I won the ship and pilot it on–"

"The First Order would pay a lot of money to the person who returned the Supreme Leader's apprentice." Bala was now mere inches from Finn's face. "And I gotta be honest: I'm in desperate need of that money. If you tell me where he is, I could cut you a little share."

"Yeah, like you promised to pay me?" the woman's voice interrupted, causing everyone to glance at the vent. "Don't listen to him! You're dead either way!"

"Shut up, Caliiya!" Bala shouted, his face contorting. "Don't think I've forgotten about you. I'm–" Alarms sounded throughout the corridors, the red of the spinning light casting an intermittent glow into the filthy cell. The guards rushed out, leaving Finn swaying to stay upright.

Before exiting, Bala-Tik turned and pointed at him with an air of authority. "We're not done yet."

 _Where have I heard that before..._ "See you soon," Finn countered, not missing a beat.

Barrier shut and dulling the sirens outside, Finn guided himself carefully to the corner and kneeled down, grunting from the pain of his bruised abdominals.

"You doin' okay?" Caliiya softly asked.

"Yeah."

"I take it those alarms are because of your partner."

Finn closed his eyes, breathing deep and slow and wanting to just listen to the smooth timbre of her voice. He needed an escape from the reality he was in. Just for a little while. "Most likely."

"You think he's coming to get you?" She sounded hopeful, wishful even.

But Finn wasn't going to lie to her. Leaning his head back against the wall, he said, "That is less likely."

His response killed the conversation… which he should've anticipated better.

 _Good job._

()()()()()

The security rounds were becoming more sporadic and less fluid as time went on, allowing Ren to get a good feel for timing his escape. He'd only been in the smuggling compartment for about an hour, but it felt like days had come and gone while in the tight space.

At least he had enough time to change into one of those red suits, via one of the corpses.

An alteration in apparel would make it harder to be noticed, but getting into the garb had almost given away his location multiple times. Ren was not a contortionist by any means, and he was probably the least flexible man in the galaxy– thanks to his bulk– but somehow, he'd squeezed and floundered his way into the tight crimson and black suit without getting a concussion or making too much noise.

If only leather had more give.

Black armor on his shoulders and belts strapped securely around his waist and thighs, he holstered a blaster and stuffed the saber under the dark armbands. Studying the circular mask, he slid the apparatus onto his head and adjusted it into place. The spherical opening offered him poor visuals, but it wasn't like his own mask was any better. Helmets such as these were used more for an eerie façade rather than practicality. Fortunately in Ren's case, the Force made up for the impairment.

Mostly.

Still, the whole outfit was wedging itself into places that were not suitable for visual consumption. At least his feet were comfortable since he opted to wear his own boots.

Even disguised, he was picky about his footwear.

Finally finding a lull in the security rotation, he jumped from the hidden compartment, adjusted the uncomfortable leather, and casually walked his way right off the ship.

Blending in by acting collected, he passed a few thugs stationed at the bottom of the ramp, all the while surveying the decent sized service deck. Cargo bins of various sizes lined the walls, but Ren's focus immediately fell on the nearest control panel. Walking up to it, he initiated the console as images of both the freighter's interior and exterior materialized. Looking briefly around, it didn't seem like anyone was paying him any heed, but he knew the longer he stayed there, the more someone would become suspicious.

Scrolling past the security footage of empty cargo rooms and outside visuals, he suddenly stopped on a familiar image of the trooper. Reading the monitors location– corridor 1745B– he cursed at how non-specific it was. That holding room could be anywhere on the large vessel and Ren didn't want to idly walk around till–

"Something you trying to find?" a guard asked as he walked up to Ren's right. Slowly, Ren shifted his gaze.

"We aren't supposed to–" The man stopped mid-sentence, his muscles visibly tensing underneath all that leather. "Yoston?" He moved closer to Ren. "Everyone's been trying to find you? Where have you been?" That was when Ren noticed a subtle mark on the man's shoulder, which Ren assumed was the insignia of the Guavian Death Gang. But it didn't match the one on Ren's uniform.

These symbols represented a person, not a group. Made sense. You had to be able to identify these people somehow.

"Around," Ren spoke in what he hoped sounded like a universal tone.

It wasn't.

The guy stepped back, the helmet bobbing up and down, giving him a once over. Ren sensed the man's anxiety spike. Before he had a chance to yell and give up Ren's position, Ren coolly and controllably said, "Everything is all right. There is no need to alert anyone to my presence." The criminal relaxed and repeated Ren's commands. "Now I want you to look at this monitor," Ren pointed to the image of Finn, "and tell me how I can get to this room."

Ren attentively listened to the directions while keeping a close eye on the others. One was starting to pay the two of them too much attention. "Where are the main controls for this ship located?" As the thug explained, Ren saw the curious one finally start to make his way over.

"When I leave, you will kill everyone in this hangar." Ren didn't stay to hear the man repeat the order, but he didn't need to. He felt the thought take hold. Turning, he ran through the circular exit and took the first left just as he heard the sounds of blaster fire and yelling.

He didn't stop to regard those who ran by him, heading straight for the mayhem. His focus was on getting to the main control station as quickly as possible. The lock on the Falcon had to be undone if he was to get off this freighter before the First Order showed up.

Upon entering the station, he killed the one man helming the controls and moved him off to the side. With haste, he ignored the banks of instrumentation and went straight for the main monitoring systems. There were clear views of Guavian members running down long corridors, the fight that was currently happening in the hangar, rooms filled with cargo or that were empty…. Ren disengaged all monitors and entered in a code that would make it impossible to get them back online without him. Pivoting, he went to the manual operating system and wiped the access codes. They had been entered in months ago– probably by his father – and saved, which explains how the gang was able to take control of the Falcon.

With two tasks done, he headed off to the next, hurrying down passageways. Typical of a ship owned by Han Solo, the decrepit walls and haphazard paint job made it appear like the vessel had lived through better days. Hallway and room indicators were mostly faded, making Ren squint so he could make out the basic directions. A few times, thanks to his frantic pace and hindering headpiece, he bumped and tripped over random piles of gear and crates, the loads unorganized and sticking out from the corners and walls.

But all things considered, everything was going surprisingly well. Obstacles were not greatly hindering his time, and he hadn't even killed that many people. Well, that is if he didn't count however many fell victim to the massacre in the ship bay. Should those people be included in his calculations?

Probably.

Ren was treading through dark territory the more he justified his actions. But any one of those criminals wouldn't have hesitated to turn him over to the First Order, which essentially meant his death. So was he justifying, or just being realistic?

Whichever it was, he refused to deviate from one of his most fundamental survival beliefs: Shoot first, ask questions never.

He learned _that_ from his father.

()()()()()

"Your partner really Kylo Ren?"

Finn didn't respond. Nor did he glance up when a tap came at the door. Only when the tapping turned to pounding did he give the sound his attention. Why was a guard knocking at the heavy barrier?

The person grabbed at his mask and revealed himself to be a very disheveled and sweaty Kylo Ren. Finn jumped to his feet and nearly pressed his nose to the rectangular window, worried that his eyes were playing tricks on him. "You're still here?" Finn asked in disbelief.

"Do I strike you as someone who takes the easy road?"

"Yeah, you do."

Ren gave him a flat stare before stepping back and looking at the oversized, triple-reinforced port. Finn watched him touch the panel, seeming disappointed. "Well?" he asked, growing impatient. "Open it already."

"I can't." Finn's heart sank. "They have a blocking sheath over the electrical cables in the door that prevent me from doing so."

"If you leave me–"

"Step away from the port." Ren gave Finn only a second of reaction time before a section of the door started to glow red, the rising heat resonating through his clothes. Finn jumped back as a blue plasma blade shot through the metal, arching into a circle to cut out a decent sized section of metal.

The durasteel fell to the ground as Finn stood to the back, frozen. Ren peered through, looking annoyed. "I'm rescuing you, in case you were confused as to what I was doing."

Finn swallowed, exiting the rank room while never taking his eyes off of the saber in Ren's right hand. "I see you got your lightsaber back."

Ren regarded the weaponry for a moment. His features remained remarkably blank, but his eyes gave away his ire. "Thanks to you."

"Look, your uncle–"

Ren turned and started walking down the passageway. "We can talk about it after we survive this. We need to get going."

"Hey!" Caliiya shouted, her face looking out of the murky window of her cell. She pounded at the enclosure. "Don't forget about me! You said you'd help me get outta here!"

Finn moved to the access panel, pressing at the buttons in hopes something would happen. "You're on your own, lady," Ren said from behind.

Finn wheeled around to see Kylo continuing his journey down the corridor. "Wait," Finn half yelled, half whispered as he ran up to him. "We can't just leave her there."

"Yes, we can."

Grabbing at his arm, Finn's grip slipped as Ren twisted out of it, his black and gutless stare pinching. Finn stepped back, giving Kylo some space before the guy killed him. "Bala-Tik is going to kill her," he explained.

"It's not our problem."

Finn shook his head before turning back to help Caliiya. There was no way he could get through that door, but if he could get into the sub-accessway, maybe he could remember how Rey opened the doors the last time.

"What are you doing?" Ren asked.

"If you won't help her, then I will."

But before Finn could unlock the hatch, Ren ignited the lightsaber and brusquely walked up to the barrier, carving out an opening. Finn hadn't been expecting Ren's compliance, but he pulled together his surprise as he helped Caliiya out of the rather small hole.

"Thank you," she whispered as she straightened her midnight blue jacket and brushed at her dark figure forming slacks. "I was starting to think I'd die in there."

Finn couldn't stop his eyes from widening as he took her in. Her black hair and bangs contrasted perfectly against her pale, delicate skin. The sharpness of her jawline and check bones accentuated her femininity, as well as her single folded eyes. But out of all of that, Finn always came back to her lips, watching her mouth move as she spoke.

He was chained in place.

And then Ren's voice snapped him out of the spell. "You still could. Die that is."

The alarms stopped, casting the area into deafening silence.

Her eyes grew an edge to them as they shifted to Ren, sizing him up. "What a lovely personality you have. Who'd ya kill for the suit?"

"Yoston." Neither Finn nor Caliiya had been expecting an answer.

The circular portal down the far left of the hall suddenly opened, a quartet of gang members walking through and then halting. A second came and went as both groups stared at each other before blasters were raised, firing at the newly escaped prisoners.

Finn and Caliiya dove into the cell as Ren ignited the saber, his feet staying put as he deflected shot after shot. If Finn had a blaster–

Ren grabbed the pistol from his thigh holster, tossing it through the small opening at Finn's face. He caught the weapon with precision, his finger already on the trigger as he got down low and fired at the enemy from a protective position. Finn hit two in the chest as Ren ran at the last remaining men, dismembering one and impaling the other.

The scene went quiet as nobody moved, all three of them listening and waiting to see if any more would join the slaughter.

No footsteps came; no doors were opened. Ren disengaged the blade.

It was Finn who broke through the silence first. "Okay, we should start coming up with a plan to–" Ren abruptly turned and walked past Finn, going for the holding room at the far end. Ren stilled, his eyes widening as he looked inside. "What are you doing?" Finn caught up to him and immediately mirrored Ren's shocked expression.

Ren went to work carving out a portion of the door, this time making it noticeably bigger than two he'd done for Finn and Caliiya. Carefully, Ren levitated the segment and placed it against the wall.

Two Wookies were huddled in the corner, both staring at them with apprehension. By their smaller than usual size, Finn figured they were children according to Wookie standards. And what Finn meant by smaller in size was that they were his height. Maybe a little taller.

Finn took a few calculated steps inside, getting a better look at the matted hair and dried blood streaked along their light brown fur. If they weren't already against the wall, they would have backed away from his approach. "Don't go any farther," Ren ordered, hunched over and peering inside. "Just because they are children doesn't mean they're weak."

Preferring to keep his limbs, Finn kept his distance and asked, "How did you get here?" But they just stared at him, holding onto one another.

"Leave them," Caliiya said as she walked over, steps clanking on the walkway. "They're too afraid to be useful." Just as she came into view, the Wookies tensed and roared, both of them talking over the other in their own native language. Confused, Finn held up his hands in an effort to settle them down. "I– I don't understand what you're–"

Quick shuffling and a groan came from behind, and when Finn flipped around, he saw Ren pinning Caliiya against the outside wall, her feet dangling as Ren held her by the throat. She was kicking and clawing and trying to get free, but Ren didn't seem to register the blows.

"Let her go!" Finn yelled as he ran to the opening, but he didn't get far. Invisible energy threw him back a few feet, his back sliding against the dried substance of the floor.

"You're the reason they're here," Ren snarled. "You followed their family as they traveled the galaxy and snatched them when the parents were unaware."

Finn climbed to his feet and exited the cell at a less aggressive pace. "What?"

"Bala-Tik made a deal with her," Ren continued, his icy cold anger scaring even Finn. "Wookies still run a high price on the slave market. In exchange for these two, she would receive a small cut and her debts to him would be forgiven. But it took you longer than you thought to get them." Ren glanced at him. "She's a bounty hunter, and she knows who you are."

Finn looked at the woman he was so transfixed by struggle to breath. He was momentarily flummoxed, his tense body unmoving save for his wide eyes and shallow breaths. Finn knew he should feel unsure on what to do next, but he wasn't. "Put her down."

Ren gaped at him. "Did you hear what I just said? The only reason she knows who you are is because the First Order has an exclusive bounty on your head."

Finn couldn't think about that right now. All he wanted to do at this very moment was focus on not watching this woman die. "Yes, I do understand. Put her down." Kylo didn't move, and Caliiya's gasps were becoming fewer and far between.

Finn stepped closer, knowing he couldn't match the man physically. So talking it was. "Ren, we don't have time for this. We need to get out of here. So if there was ever a time not to do something rash, now would be it."

Ren's mouth twitched. "My time is later."

 _Reasoning with this oaf is like talking to a duracrete wall._ "Later is now. And you know Rey wouldn't want you to kill out of anger."

Ren's grip became so tight, Caliiya's breathing completely stopped, her face going blood red and bloating from the pressure. Just as Finn was going to step in, Ren tossed the woman to the ground, his eyes remaining fixated on the wall. Finn knelt next to Caliiya, holding her shoulders as she gasped and coughed for air.

Finn shot him a glare. "You need to learn to control yourself."

Ren glanced down at them. "She looks alive to me," he retorted as he turned his attention back to the two Wookies. He disappeared into the cell, but Finn kept his attention on Caliiya as she tried to breath through her nearly crushed windpipe.

"Are you hurt?" he asked, realizing the question was a stupid one.

"No," she croaked, massaging her neck.

"Is what he said about you true?"

Caliiya glanced away, seeming almost embarrassed, but eyes remaining hard. "Yes. Gonna let him kill me now?"

Well… this complicated his life. A bounty was the last thing Finn needed while roaming the galaxy and searching for Rey. Why didn't the Resistance tell him about this? Did they even know? Maybe not, seeing how Ren said something about it being exclusive. The First Order would only want the best of the best looking for him, and if Caliiya was a part of that group, he wondered what she was capable of.

But he couldn't leave her here to survive on her own. "No," he said, hoisting her up with him. "You're getting off this ship with us."

"Why?" Finn had a feeling from the way she was looking at him, she wasn't use to being offered help. _When will people stop leaving each other behind in this galaxy?_ _It's all anyone ever expects now._

Before Finn could answer, Ren reemerged with the two humanoids in tow. "The Wookies are coming with us." Ren pointed at Caliiya, his hostility more than palpable. "If you even look at them wrong, I break a bone in your body. Understand?"

Great. Everyone in this newly formed group was either dubious of the other or hated someone. Finn didn't completely trust Caliiya or Ren. And Ren didn't like him or Caliiya. The Wookies looked to be afraid of them all.

Not exactly what Finn would call an efficient ground unit.

()()()()()

Lounging on one of the soft beaches of Spira, Rey had her boots off, her toes wiggling in the warmth of the white powdery sand. It wasn't the shoreline Rey was experienced with, but the one on the opposite side. Here, she was waiting for the silent reveal of the sunrise. She'd arrived on the island just in time to see the view.

Rey always loved early mornings when it felt like the rest of the world was still fast asleep and she was the only one awake. For a while, everything felt like it wasn't real and she would forget her problems, because for now it was just her, the world, and the break of day.

But beauty and peace only lasted for a couple moments; it was the sunrise that taught her that.

Even after the dawn had passed, Rey stayed put, hoping the magic of the warm rays would keep her from thinking too much. But of course, distractions only got her so far.

Today, her mind decided to torture her with memories of her childhood.

Rey hadn't just grown up in the wrong part of Jakku, but the downright dangerous section of the galaxy. She'd been terrified every night because she'd been scrawny and weak and defenseless as a child. Finding people to work for gave her time to grow up and become strong, to the point where she became feared. But no matter how much muscle she packed, every day was the same, every day she bargained for food and almost died on numerous occasions. The door that separated her from death and starvation had seemed thin as paper and somehow, she had survived. And through all that turmoil and loneliness, her dreams remained.

She had wanted to do good in the galaxy. Part of her still did.

She had wanted to find a family, have a mother and a father, be a part of a clan. That scenario was now torched.

She had wanted to fall in love and be with a man.

Didn't anymore.

Rey was beginning to understand that emotions in the heart were much like tendons in the body. You could pull and pull and pull till you felt the pain of the stretching, and up to a point, the ligament would still function. The attached limb would bend, rotate, and support the weight and remain useful. But the constant pressure had its limits, like everything else in life.

She'd snapped. And she was damn sure there was no physical way to fix it.

After a lifetime of feeling ungrounded, of floating through the last fifteen years with only false hope to hold her in place, she'd been given a glimpse of what she always wanted– only to have it torn apart by a lie of omission. Yes, the thing affecting her most was the truth of her parent's death, but why didn't Ben sit her down and explain everything to her? Why did he have to keep secrets? He had lied to her one too many times, and this time just so happened to be the final blow that broke her faith in him… and the life they were forming together.

And yet Rey missed him with an ache that made no sense, considering how they left things.

Rey groaned. She was really getting sick and tired of everything always circling back to Ben. It was getting more difficult not to think about him as time went on.

Brushing off her feet, Rey slid her boots back on and stood, wiping the sand from her clothes. She ventured to the other side of the island and found the pathway leading to the city. Through the journey, her loneliness was more prevalent, making her feel how she did on Jakku.

But she's spent a lot of years walking this particular stretch of isolation; just because she was doing it on a different planet was irrelevant.

Rey didn't enter the village. The last time she was here, things ended rather violently. So she would wait for the concealment of nightfall before visiting the town she held so dear. Keeping along the outside wall, she didn't mind taking the chance to study the foliage, thick verdant vines, and–

 _Is that a house?_

Seeing what appeared to be a see-through rooftop, she moved closer, realizing that it was extremely low to the ground. Dirt steps lead down to an underground wooden door, layers of brick lining the front. Going around the t-shaped border, she peeked inside, but was blocked by too much condensation on the glass. Still, she could see a wide array of colors down there.

Needing to witness the source of the hues, Rey walked down to the door and quietly went inside.

The humidity was considerably worse, but Rey hardly noticed against the vibrancy of the place. Eyes wide with wonder, she gazed around, seeing plants of all different textures, sizes and colors; most she didn't recognize. There may be more beautiful showcases of nature in the galaxy, but so far on her travels, this was definitely rivaling for the top of her list.

Well, it wasn't like she's done much exploring to begin with, nor has she seen such wild flowers before.

But she knew enough to know there weren't just flowers in this place: mushrooms were sectioned off in a dim corner, an array of plants wearing a thick coat of needles sat atop a table to the side, and the small trees toward the back had leaf shapes Rey never knew was possible. This whole place was a collection of nature's beauty and oddity, and it was overwhelming to be standing amongst so much life.

"What are you doing here? This is private property." A small man– of the species Bimm– stepped out into the aisle, his long, dark beard barely stroking the floor. His overall appearance was quite disheveled, his unkempt hair almost hiding the pointy ears underneath. His dirty robes and hands gave him away as the owner of the conservatory– and the fact that he looked at her as if she were a robber.

She glanced around quickly, now realizing why the tables were knee high.

"I'm so sorry." Rey lifted her palms innocently. "I– I didn't mean to intrude."

He wobbled closer, his nasally voice saying, "But you are intruding."

She gulped. "Uhhhh, yes. I guess I am."

His stare wondered up and down her frame, eyeing her suspiciously. "You a tourist?"

Well… she figured she was. "Yup. I was just… I was taking a walk around the island when I saw this oddly shaped building in the distance. I, uh, got curious."

The Bimm raised a bushy brow. "Uh huh. This "oddly shaped building" is a greenhouse."

Rey had read on a lot of subjects, some more useful to her survival than others. But she never came across the concept of a greenhouse. "A greenhouse?"

The man gawked at her obvious confusion before his features marginally softened. "You don't know what that is?"

Her eyes darted and she reflexively started to twist her fingers. "I grew up in a desert and my education was minimal."

Recognizing her embarrassment, the Bimm said in a lighter tone, "Education isn't everything. My family started in the horticulture business and none of them went to school."

She glanced up. "They didn't?"

He shook his head. "Nah. They were all self-taught botanists."

"And you?"

"Name's Garov, and I actually went to Garqi Agricultural University for a degree in botany. You should have seen my parents when I told them. "Our knowledge has been handed down from generation to generation. You don't need no school to teach you how to love nature."" The Bimm said in a lower, sterner voice. He chuckled at the memory. "My father never understood why I had to go."

"So your shop has been in your family for a long time?"

"Oh, no," he said, grabbing a dirty towel off the long middle table, wiping at his hands. "I wanted to branch out, start something new on my own." He fanned out his stubby arms, cloth swaying. "Ended up here, where I put my knowledge to good use. Drove out my competition, too. Now I have multiple shops all across Spira."

Rey spoke while glancing around, drinking in the marvelous plant life. "This is where you grow all your plants then?"

The man was amused by her assumption. "No, this is my personal greenhouse. The one for my business is on another island where there is more room to expand. Khalon is a very small place."

There was a pause before Garov asked, "Would you like to see a very rare flower?" Rey lit up immediately and nodded. He motioned for her to follow. "Decades ago, I labored at Emperor Palpatine's personal skyhook. Right after the Empire fell, but before the Rebellion got to the Imperial Palace, I took the floret and came here. I was lucky it survived the journey."

"I thought–." Rey snapped her mouth shut, not wanting to offend the Bimm.

Halting, he wheeled around. "You thought what?"

"Well, wasn't the Emperor prejudice against all living beings that weren't purely human?" Rey hated saying such a thing out loud, especially since she might be related–

 _No. The New Republic was wrong. I'm not related to that man._ She just knew it. Or was she in denial?

"Ahhh. How did a Bimm like me come to work for him?" Garov pursed his lips, thinking back, remembering. "It's because I wasn't working for him. Think of it more as slavery. He only wanted the brightest botanists in the galaxy." He paused, voice fading. "I was taken and forced to be there."

Rey bit her lip, regretting bringing it up. "I'm sorry. That's horrible."

Garov shrugged. "It is what it is, and it was a long time ago." He continued waddling along. "At least I got my most valuable possession out of it."

Turning a corner, he stopped and pointed to a plant that came all the way up to Rey's shoulders. "So this is it– the alpharas flower," Garov said proudly, all sense of sorrow now gone. "It only blooms once every hundred years. Unfortunately you came two years too soon, but isn't the peduncle and sepals gorgeous?" Rey guessed he was talking about the outside, and truly, the shimmering green was of nothing she'd ever seen before. It was like the plant donned hundreds of emerald crystals, demanding every ounce of her attention. "It's extremely rare. They are native to only a single small island in the middle of the Alkaline Sea on the planet Durace. Of course, that meant the Emperor had to have one. Took years before one survived the journey to the palace."

Rey had been quiet for a while, absorbing everything to memory. "It's… breathtaking," she finally whispered. "Sad it's not blooming, though."

Garov grinned, taking satisfaction out of her mesmerizing gaze. "Sometimes the most beautiful things in the universe can only be seen for a short while."

Rey glanced down. "Can you tell me more about all the flowers you have?"

His forehead creased from surprise. "You want to know about all these? Botany isn't the most exciting subject."

"But this place is heavenly," she pleaded. "I've never seen so many colors or knew this many different plants existed."

The Bimm shifted his sights back on the alpharas, his hand stroking at his course beard. "Well, if you're truly interested, I can give you a tour."

Rey jumped from excitement, startling the little man. "Yes, please."

He let out a hearty laugh, his eyes lighting with excitement. Clapping his hands together, he looked around, finding where to start first. "Alright." They moved down the aisle. "Over here is the pyro flower, which are actually pretty common in gardens. Beautiful, blood red color, but not atypical. And then this one is a dew flower. Its petals can be mixed with groundapple to make juice. Really quite delicious. Oh, and this one…."

It wasn't enough just to gaze at the beautiful plants. Garov must've noticed the unrest in her eyes, because he unexpectantly gave Rey permission to touch them. As she reached out and caressed each of the soft petals, she felt their essences flow through her veins, sensing their desire to grow. Rey couldn't dismiss the link she suddenly had to the living, thriving plant life. There was a certain comfort in knowing the she belonged to them all, as they belonged to her.

And that was all she ever wanted: to belong. Maybe this was another chance at getting it right.

Or maybe… the universe was reminding her that she already found her belonging. And that she should go back to him before it was too late.

()()()()()

Seeing how they now added three to the group, Ren agreed on Finn's strategy of taking the sub-deck. Although, scanning the area, he didn't see any way of opening the accessway….

Striding over to an unremarkable section of the wall, Finn activated a hidden wall control, unlocking the hatch. Ren arched a brow. Finn shrugged. "I remembered from the last time I was here."

Down below, Ren took lead as the young Wookies procured the tail end, leaving the bounty hunter and Finn in the middle. On hands and knees, Ren moved through the service crawl space, trying to take them back in the direction of the ship bay.

Finn scuttled up next to him. "So the Wookies _do_ understand Basic?"

"No."

"You speak Shyriiwook?" Finn asked, shocked.

Ren kept his mouth shut. Admitting that he could speak such a language wasn't really something to take pride in– especially since his dialect sounded like a dying animal. Chewie always told him not to be hard on himself; that he spoke the language better than most. But Ren always was a perfectionist, which pushed him to ask for a lot of lessons. And Chewie never said no.

The memory formed an ache in his heart.

Sure, Ren was helping the two Wookies because he always had a weak spot when it came to slavery and children. But… he also wanted to do Chewie proud by helping his race.

It wouldn't change anything, Ren understood. But he couldn't deny where his motives lied.

Finn fell behind next to Caliiya once he realized Ren wasn't going to answer. Pity their whispers didn't go unnoticed, though.

"How confident are you of making it out of here?" Caliiya asked Finn.

"Considering I was once a stormtrooper and he's Kylo Ren, I'd say I'm confident."

The light scraping and thumping of everyone sneaking along filled the short pause. "Yeah…" Caliiya breathed out. "I'm gonna give that response a four. I don't care if his magical powers live up to the hype– there are a lot of men on this ship."

Frustrated, Ren stopped before turning a corner and shot the bounty hunter a distasteful stare. "How confident are _you_ of making it off this ship without aid from the two of us?"

" _You_ are offering _me_ help?" Caliiya gaped. "You nearly crushed my trachea ten minutes ago."

"Not help. I just don't like when someone questions my abilities," he argued back. "Really, I'm still hoping you run off and take a random blaster bolt to the head. If I'm blessed, I'll be there to see it."

"You always talk to women this way?"

"I don't see how gender has anything to do with this. You're a shit of a person, whether you're male or female."

Caliiya scoffed. "So I'm a horrible person for doing my job and meeting a quota?"

"No, you're a great person for kidnapping children and selling them into the slave trade."

She pointed vehemently behind her. "Those are Wookies. Not children. And such judgment coming from you hardly counts."

"But here I am, judging you regardless."

Finn finally interrupted. "Geez, will you two stop? We need to get off this ship, not argue with each other." He attempted to scoot forward. "I'm getting between you two before–"

Footsteps came from above, catching their attention. A comlink beeped at the guard's belt and he looked down to retrieve it. But as his sight swept over the flooring, he made direct eye contact with Ren.

Another example to add to the long list of how Ren truly believed fate had it out for him.

The guard fired as Ren rolled onto his back and Force pushed him to the ceiling, ramming the body roughly against the intertwining pipelines, rupturing them. Steam shot out as Ren closed his fist and pulled the man onto the grated floor, his skull splitting open upon impact, killing him instantly. Blood dripped like a lazy rain, falling onto the chest of Ren's red leather guise, blending in perfectly.

He stayed there for a moment, breathing and staring at the vacant eyes of the dead.

Caliiya cleared her throat. "I think you're friend here is a little too addicted to violence," she said, voice strained. Ren flung the body down the corridor so it wasn't directly on top of their position.

"At this point, I'm pretty sure violence is addicted to him," Finn counterpointed.

Caliiya groaned, catching both men's attention as she lowered herself completely to the floor, clutching her stomach. Finn grabbed at her shoulders, rolling her over and grimacing when he got a good view of the blood staining her sallow shirt.

Ren crawled over, but stayed back, watching from a looming vantage point as Finn lifted the fabric. The perforation was in the upper right quadrant of her abdomen, right where the liver was located. A wound such as that was fatal.

 _Maybe fortune is on my side._

She peered over the scrunched up shirt and chuckled. "It's only a scratch."

"You're bleeding more heavily than you should from a blaster shot," Finn said as he rolled her to the side, finding a wound to match. But the entry point in her back looked to be high enough that it missed the kidneys. "It must've hit something serious."

She grimaced. "It's only serious when you can string your intestines through your belt loops."

Finn breathed through thin lips, his eyes glancing up at Ren expectantly. Why did the trooper have to be so smitten with this woman? Finn basically drooled when he first saw her out of the cell. Ren wasn't the best at picking up signs of affection, but Finn's had been blaringly obvious. Worse, the bounty hunter was attracted to him too.

Honestly, he had no clue what they found so appealing in one another.

Ren rolled his eyes. "Before you assume, there's this thing called asking."

"Can you help her?"

"No."

Finn blinked. "I didn't ask if you want to help her; I asked if you could."

"I don't see a difference."

Finn looked down at the woman, then back up. "This is your fault," he accused, trying a different tactic: Guilt.

Jokes on him, though. Ren didn't give two bantha ticks for the girl. "If that were true, the shot would've gone through her skull."

"How about you do a selfless thing for once in your fucking life?" Finn snapped, frustration finally piquing. Such language coming from the man's mouth was startling, but it didn't push Ren any closer to being of assistance.

Meanwhile, the Wookies remained huddled and silent, watching the scene unfold.

Ren ran his bottom lip between his teeth, trying to rein in his annoyance. "Enlighten me: This girl wants to turn you over to the First Order for a sizeable amount of credits, and you want me to save her? Give me a reason."

"Because you wish you could be a good person. So how about you start by faking it. Who knows? Maybe you'll actually like how it feels."

Ren's attitude softened somewhat. He forgot that Rey talked a lot to her friend, and one of the subjects of conversation was no doubt about him. And the trooper wasn't wrong– he truly wished compassion was something that came easy to him.

Caliiya's lips were now ashen, and her body shook out of the false belief that the atmosphere had now turned frigid. Laying in the puddle of her own blood, it formed the nice outline of a crimson deathbed, and Ren could almost envision the reaper waiting close by, tapping his foot and checking the time.

"Dammit," Ren cursed under his breath as he kneeled next to her, taking off his gloves so he could have skin-to-skin contact. Healing was always easier that way.

Caliiya slapped his hands away. "I'd rather die than get help from you."

Ren sat back on his heels, keeping his head from hitting the above pipes as he gave an indifferent shrug. "Okay. Great. Guess that's been decided then."

She glared. "Fuck you."

"I'm not that desperate," he quipped back.

"Just shut up and let him help you," Finn harshly whispered at her. "You really want to die over something as stupid as pride? Because I'm pretty sure it's not worth it."

"Actually–." Finn shot him a look that made him not continue with that sentence.

Caliiya breathed in a trembling breath and groaned. "Fine," she said reluctantly. Finn motioned at him to start.

"So there's no time for me to kill her, but there's time for me to heal her?"

Finn didn't answer.

Ren shook his head, and then got down to it.

Covering the wound with his palms, Ren felt the warm, viscous liquid ooze between his fingers, melding onto his skin. Eyes closed, he focused on trying to find a sense of center as he mended the damage done to her liver and skin. While he restored the organ to a healthy state, he held off on kicking her body into making a rapid amount of red blood cells. His strength was already drained below a comfortable level, and he wasn't charitable enough to keep lowering it further for someone he wished dead.

Ren scooted back, letting Finn look over his work.

At the far end of the corridor where the body was, an additional clutch of armed thugs appeared, their surprise over stumbling upon their dead friend made evident by the frantic shouting.

Below, they all remained still, not even an eyelash or a piece of fur moving out of place. Running. More yelling. Comlinks beeping. The above level was turning into chaos and all it would take was for someone to look down and focus through the grating to see them.

Moving his right hand slowly, Ren went for the saber below his left arm guard while keeping his eyes up top. Unfortunately, his hands were still wet with blood, and the lightsaber fell from his fingers and clanged against the floor. The few people immediately above them reacted to the sound, aimed their weapons, and fired.

Ren froze the bolts, a wall of blue streaks growing thicker with each passing second as he yelled, "The hatch we passed two corners down. Get to it!"

Reversing the plasma energy back the way it came, the three men and their reinforcements went down. Straining, he Force pushed against the metal flooring, popping the section loose and sending it flying down the hallway to the rest of the cohorts. Glancing briefly to his left, he saw that the service tunnel was now empty.

Ren was on his own.

He grabbed the saber and jumped onto the walkway, sprinting down the open corridor. Ren became more and more turned around, getting lost in the expansive layout of the ship. Rounding a corner, he ran into a random Guavian, sending them both to the ground. Grabbing the guard's free pistol, Ren fired a quick round of shots straight into the man's chest, threw the weapon away, and continued on.

Attempting to correct course, he just became more disoriented. Or maybe he was heading in the right direction and didn't even know it. But that would require luck, something that he didn't really believe in.

Rushing down a passageway, he skidded to a stop before he went completely through a circular opening. The space beyond was vast and empty and if he had kept running, he would have fallen into the dark void. It wasn't a hangar, nor was it being used for storage. It was just a part of the ship that never had the opportunity of being completed.

A safety hazard is what it was. No such place would've been allowed on the Finalizer.

Ren heard the beating of boots coming closer, and the only place to go was the broken down elevator shaft to his right. He jumped the gap to the ladder and climbed.

Shots flew passed him, but then stopped.

"Don't shoot him!" A thick accent ordered. "He's wanted alive! Set your blasters to stun."

Jumping through an open entryway before they had a chance to daze him, Ren's legs went off at a dead run, skidding around junctions, his brain rapidly trying to come up with a plan. Shouts and footfalls were caving in on him, seeming to push him toward one direction in particular.

Light poured in from the end of a passageway, and Ren rushed toward what he believed to be an opening to the hangar. It was– except he was three stories high, overlooking the ship bay, hands gripped onto the railing, breathing coming out fast and hard. Down below, his presence had been expected by the way all the guards and thugs were looking up, watching him.

Weapons came to the ready. Ren glanced around, his eyes blazing as he saw there was nowhere to go and nowhere to hide. Turning back, more security lined the corridor, bracing for a fight. "Ben Solo," boomed the confident voice of the Guavian Ren presumed was the leader. The man, carrying himself with poise and wearing a black soldierly suit, stepped into the middle of the hallway, a dangerous smile playing along his lips. "You're gonna make me a very rich man."

After everything he's done to escape the First Order and elude his previous master, he was not going to be denied the brief liberty he'd been granted over the last day– especially from an atypical gang that put more interest in their matching attire than becoming a formidable presence in the galaxy.

Refusing to lie down and accept the situation, Ren did the only thing he could do: he flung himself over the railing. Energy hit him harder than a moving speeder, robbing him of controlling his descent. Trying to hold onto consciousness, he put all he had into slowing down, but blacked out before making it to the tarmac.

()()()()()

Finn hesitantly flipped open the hatch, peering down the lit corridor in both directions.

Nothing.

He could hear distant running and blaster fire, but he concluded it wasn't an immediate threat. Besides, they could no longer crawl around the sub-accessway now that the route was compromised.

They had passed the hatch Kylo had sent them to, but Caliiya and him agreed the more distance between them and the blaster fire, the better.

"We're almost back to where we started," Caliiya commented as she climbed out and looked around. "And we should keep using the service tunnel."

Well, they sort of agreed on a plan.

Finn helped the Wookies from the tunnel while Caliiya swiveled her head between both ends of the hall. "They know we're using it," he whispered. "We have a better chance of surviving on foot than crawling in a restricted space."

He didn't see her expression, but he could feel she was annoyed.

Once all out, Finn headed in the direction he believed the hangar would be. Studying the decrepit walls and pipes, he tried to see something familiar, but nothing stood out. He didn't understand why a ship of this size didn't have signs or arrows or flashing lights pointing you to the ship bay.

And Caliiya wasn't helping to quell his frustration any. "Do you know where you're going?" she asked, keeping up next to him.

He glanced back, making sure the Wookies kept pace. For their size, they were surprisingly quiet. "Somewhat. I've been on this ship before. Although, I wasn't paying close attention to the layout at the time."

They all stopped as they heard pounding footfalls coming toward them. Turning, they were thwarted with more noise from the opposite direction. Picking the last available option, he prayed the room to the right was accessible.

Slamming a palm against the access panel, the door slid open, admitting the frantic group. Finn shut the barrier and joined the rest of them behind some crates near the back, causing rats to scuttle out of the way, squeaking their curses. Finn chose a spot by the wall just below some shelving, his blaster propped up and ready to discharge at anything that came around the corner.

In his history of being raised a soldier, there had been many days such as this where drills ran him into the ground and he had to find moments to catch his breath and think. There were times he feared for his life, because he knew too many failures would mean his termination. But while he wasn't the most ruthless student in his class, he was the smartest, out scoring all his classmates and even testing as one of the top stormtroopers to ever go through the academy.

They pushed him hard when it came to weapon mechanics and problem solving– even going so far as depriving him sleep for days. Thinking about some of those tests, this almost seemed like a vacation compared to what he endured.

Almost.

Closing his eyes for a brief moment, he wondered where Ren could be and if he was making better progress in getting back to the Falcon. It was strange for Finn to discover that he wished Ren were with them– although the reason was mainly so they had a powerful Jedi on their side. _Former Jedi_ , Finn reminded himself.

Still, Finn was just getting use to them operating as some sort of team, albeit a dysfunctional one. Having a teammate gone, not knowing their status, felt like the absence of a limb or important organ.

Looks like old habits died harder than detestment.

Their soft breathing intermingled with the muffled presence of men searching for them outside. After a few moment, Caliiya crawled over next to him, nodding to their furry companions. "What should we do with the two Wookies?"

"They're coming with us," Finn stated.

"They're only going to slow us down."

He was baffled by her callousness. "You want to ditch them?"

Through clenched teeth, Caliiya implored, "They aren't our problem."

Finn glanced at the Wookies, their glares at Caliiya hot enough to burn a whole right through her. He had an inkling they knew what was being discussed. "They are our problem. You brought them here, so how about taking a little responsibility for them."

Caliiya sat back in a huff. "The only person I'm responsible for is myself."

"Bet that's gotten you far in life."

"It has," she bit back.

Finn cocked his head. "So being a bounty hunter was always a dream of yours?"

She shrugged. "It's a means to an end."

"And what end could that possibly be?"

"Get enough money to pay off my debts so I can be free."

"Why did you get into so much debt in the first place?"

Something changed in her. He knew the instant it happened, although he couldn't describe exactly what tipped him off. Might have been a twitch in the face, or a subtle shift in body language. Or those eyes. "I…" She paused, her voice becoming tight. "My father. He had a degenerative nerve disease and I borrowed a lot of money from some associates of mine to try and get him help. But the medical trials ended up being useless. He died anyway, and I've been trying to find ways to pay back the money ever since."

Finn tried to control staring at her. He certainly wasn't expecting a story like that. And sure, she could be lying, but she wasn't. He recognized the truth when he saw it. "I'm sorry," he offered in a more compassionate tone. "That sounds like a hard situation to be in."

She looked away. "I don't want your pity."

Respecting her pride this time, he asked, "How much do you have left to pay back?"

"Just Bala. This job was supposed to be it for me. Guess I'll have to go into hiding if I survive this."

"There's always another solution. I can help you find it, if you want," he offered, her eyes catching his in shock.

She broke eye contact first. "It's quiet now. We should get moving."

Finn was the one to check the passageway. He nodded and the rest of them followed his lead. For some weird reason, he felt invigorated, ready to take on whoever came his way. The corridors even started to look familiar, which spiked his adrenaline more, making him hyper aware of the surroundings.

And then there it was, the main level accessway to the hangar. Finn grinned as he got closer, which immediately vanished as he took in the scene. Flattening against the wall, he motioned for the others to do the same. Peering through the circular entrance, he saw a large group of guards, their weapons drawn and pointing up at a terrace. There, bracing himself for an attack, was Ren, extremely outnumbered and out of luck. Words were spoken before Ren threw himself over the balcony only to be stunned, hitting the ground hard.

The Guavian members swarmed and dragged him away.

That high Finn had been feeling was spent. This whole operation had now gone from an escape to a rescue. _Could things possibly get any worse?_

Unfortunately, the universe viewed that as a challenge.

He never saw the blow to the back of the head coming.

 **Please forgive any grammatical or spelling errors. I edited this chapter while my kids were running wild and PJ Masks was on the TV. Not the best environment, but I have to work with the time I have. It's gonna suck when I go back to school.**

 **Anyway, things are getting worse for Ren and Finn. Both are in tight spots, while Rey is dillydallying on Spira, looking at plants. If only she knew that the men in her life were trying to find her. Sorry for not much Rey in this chapter. Other than her thoughts and her conscience, not much is going on with her right now. That will soon change. What did you think of Finn and Ren interactions? I find it funny how Ren thinks everyone is incompetent when he was the one to give away their position. If you have time, leave a review and tell me what you think! May the Force be with you and thanks for reading!**


	35. Chapter 35

**I send out my gratitude to all who have faved, followed, or left a review! You all add fuel to the fire!**

 **And apologies for the delay! I got sick before vacation, and then Orlando took up much of my attention. I was able to go to Disney World, Seaworld, Universal, and of course... Star Wars Celebration! I ended up only doing Friday, and stayed over night for The Last Jedi panel. It was amazing! Rian Johnson came to meet all the people sleeping over and he stayed till four in the morning. He was so nice to meet! And the poster they gave us for the movie is up on my wall. I look at it all the time. lol. And how about that trailer? I almost fainted when Kylo came on screen. I am super pumped for this movie already! Anyway, vacation was great, but hindered my writing. But I'm finally updating!**

 **NightElfCrawler: Finn and Ben do love bickering! Expect more of that. And while Ren is a very powerful person, he too makes mistakes– like dropping the lightsaber. This chapter doesn't go quite as you predicted. Hope it's not a let down! Aleta Wolff: What's drama without lots of trouble? This story is gonna be them going from one problem to the next, all the way up to the end. Hope you all are prepared! I do love writing Finn and Ben together. Their journey toward being civil, or even liking each other, has begun. I'm excited to write it! Ilovekyloren: Hey you! I do pack a lot into each chapter, even when I view it more as a filler. But I want to keep people engaged. I do agree with you about Rey. Girl snapped and did something horrible. It's totally fine for you not to agree with how she reacted. I think you'll like this chapter since you want her to give Kylo a break. ;) And yeah! You're returning to writing! Don't give up, and neither will I. I get nervous when people say not to compromise my characters, because what I think a character would do isn't always how other people envisioned it. But I shall endeavor to stay true! I'm gonna finish this story, even though it gets overwhelming at times. But you readers sure do help! Thanks! SheLitAFire: The flower scene does have a purpose throughout the book. And I'm sorry for not putting in a reminder about Rey's parents. I live with this story every waking minute that I forget that you guys do not. I put in a small summary in this chapter. But your confusion is still warranted, because we don't have all the answers to her family just yet. This chapter and the next will start giving you clarity. I saw the live action Beauty and the Beast and I actually liked it! I'll always love the animated one, but this one was still enjoyable. Wasn't a huge fan of Emma Watson's singing voice, but I looked past it. Yup, KMT's character has arrived! I always planned to have her enter later in the story. Her and Finn will have a dynamic as time goes on. So the only way we were able to go out to Florida was to start planning this trip way back in July. That was the only way it worked money wise. But it was so worth it! I loved every second of Star Wars Celebration. The video by Thor Skywalker I haven't seen, but I will watch it and let you know my opinion! I have it open in a tab, but I am gonna get this chapter done first and then watch it.**

 **Okay everyone! This chapter furthers certain points of the plot, foreshadows future events, and has a Poe and Jess scene! Not sure how some of you will take the new information that is presented in here, but this is the story, so I gotta write it. Anyway, enjoy!**

 **Chapter Thirty-Five**

The setting sun came sooner than Rey expected, reminding her of the plans to venture into the city. She'd spent all morning and afternoon in the greenhouse, listening to Garov's lectures and even sharing a meal with him. The Bimm, while cold and blunt on the outside, was actually sweeter and more polite once she got to know him. Hearing about his family, the time in the Imperial skyhook, and his current business, he perfectly weaved the story of his journey through hardship and success.

Rey could definitely relate to hardship.

Success? She didn't know what that looked like for her.

As the evening ushered in dusk, Garov gave her two tech-copies of his favorite books: _The Herbal Alchemist's Handbook: A Grimoire of 'Philtres, Elixirs, Oils, Incense and Formulas for Ritual use,_ and _The Rambling Botanist_. The true gift, however, was having permission to take a blossoming flower. Rey kept it simple by choosing the pyro, not just because it's deep crimson beauty, but also it was one of the easiest plants to tend to.

Best to start with the basics.

Bidding the small Bimm farewell, she went back to the freighter, dropping off her newly acquired belongings before heading into the city. The sky had darkened by the time her boots trotted on those first stone steps, the remnants of day having exhaled into repose. Rey took in a deep breath and shared the energy trapped in her lungs with the beginnings of night.

It was always shocking for Rey to see so many people out and about after dark, but this city seemed to thrive after hours, and the people here preferred it that way. Back on Jakku, Rey would have been ready for bed by now, going over the last remnant of scavenging plans in her head as she fell asleep.

Rey didn't immediately head for Okona's shop, but instead walked around the parts of the city she hadn't seen the last time she was here. She gazed through windows at ornate jewelry, went down aisles of the most updated galac-tech, and browsed through an antique bookshop. Touching the leather backed books, she thought of Ben. He would've stayed in this place all day, probably coming out with thousands of credits worth of books. Or bought the whole place for twice it's value.

Finding papered novels was such a rarity during these modern times.

A cozy reading nook in the corner looked inviting, and even though she didn't have a book, she claimed the corner as her own. The seat was built into the wall, it's soft cushion and pillows making the alcove extra comfortable. Sitting, she watched all the different species meandering down the aisles, her mind wondering like it usually did during downtime.

And her memories never went anywhere pleasant.

The video of her parents last moments ran through her thoughts on repeat, making her emotional. But sorrow was soon replaced with confusion, which morphed into frustration. With more answers came more questions. Why did the New Republic believe her mother was a descendant of Palpatine? Where was the evidence? Was her mother really adopted into the Ropetho family?

She should have pushed those questions when talking to Ematt. But getting revenge had a way of giving one tunnel vision. And dissolving reason.

Looking back, it seemed like the memory of killing Ematt was done by someone else, as if Rey were viewing it from an outside perspective. Of course, she knew that wasn't true. This was just her way of coping with the fact she was now a murderer.

After receiving a few annoyed looks from passerby's with books, she figured she better leave the nook before someone confronted her. Soon, she found herself standing in front of Okona's shop, peering through the glass at the bustling shoppers. It was busier than Rey thought it would be, and she didn't even think of the possibility that Okona wouldn't be there. Why was Rey even here? What would her and the Togruta even talk about? Clothes? Rey frequently got zeyd and tumuon cloth mixed up, which apparently was a fashionable mistake Jess had to explain to her.

"Rey?"

She glanced to her right to see Okona, who was holding a basket filled with muja muffins as she gazed at Rey in surprise.

Mouth watering from the sight of sweets, Rey swallowed and nervously greeted, "Okona…. How are you?"

Okona stepped forward, grasping Rey's shoulder as she worriedly looked her over. "My dear, are you alright? You don't seem well."

"Uhhhhh…"

"Your soul looks tired. I can see it through your eyes."

"Oh." Rey shrugged, finding the observation odd. "Sleep has been evading me lately."

"It's more than just sleep." Okona ushered Rey inside. "Come." Cool air greeted them as they entered. With Okona's hand on Rey's back, she guided her to the back of the store.

Punching in a code on the panel, a metallic door slid open, allowing them access. Walking down a hallway and through another corridor, Rey stepped into a very mundane and organized office– which was surprising, given the fact the main floor was decorated so ornately. To the left was a white, sharp cornered desk, a dark red upholstered chair tucked into the back. Straight ahead against the light blue walls was a cot, a folded blanket and pillow on top, awaiting use.

Okona put down the basket and moved to the makeshift bed, taking a seat as she adjusted her light green and gold dress.

"I've had this cot in my office since the day this shop first opened. You have to take rest where you can find it." She patted the empty space beside her. Rey hesitated before moving forward.

"What brings you back here?" Okona asked as Rey sat. The cot was comfier than she anticipated.

"I wanted to be somewhere familiar, I guess."

"Do you not have many places like that?"

"No."

"Well, if you are looking for something familiar, I still have those clothes you asked me to hold for you. Would you like those back?"

Considering Rey's current wardrobe consisted of the clothes on her back, she gave out a solid, "Yes. Please." She paused as she realized she was wearing her satchel. And inside the satchel…

Rey unclipped the bag from her belt and dumped half of the credits onto the cot. "What would I be able to get for all this?"

Okona gazed at the credit mound, wide eyed. "Honestly, you could probably buy our whole line of active wear."

"Great." Rey said, gathering up the credits. "I'll go out there and–"

Okona stopped Rey's hands. "I can get everything together for you, my dear. I brought you back here so you could rest."

"But your shop is so busy, and I don't want to inconvenience you–"

"Trust me, it isn't an inconvenience." Okona gave her a soft smile. "May I ask why you seem so…"

"Tired?" Rey finished.

"Tired, yes, but sad as well."

Rey tucked the loose strands of hair behind her ears, not really knowing how much to reveal. "Has your life always gone as planned?"

"No one's life goes according to plan. There are always bumps and turns in the road."

She fiddled with her fingers, nervous that she was getting too personal. "How did you handle the bumps and turns?"

Okona chuckled. "Not gracefully, I can tell you that. But I got through the tough times, mainly thanks to my husband. Having support always helps. Do you have that?"

 _Ben…_ "I did. But he lied to me, and now it's over."

"What did he lie to you about?"

"He knew about parts of my life, parts I didn't even know, but always wanted to," Rey muttered, her eyes staying straight ahead on the door.

"And now you know them?"

"Yes."

"Is it painful to know these things?"

Rey nodded.

"When thinking over what upsets me or if someone has wronged me, I ask myself, "If I were to die tomorrow, what would my reaction be to this situation? Would I forgive the wrongdoer, or take my grudge to the grave? Do I focus on all the things they've done wrong, and forget the things they've done right?""

Those questions wheeled around in Rey's mind, begging her to answer them.

Okona reached out, as if to pat Rey's knee, but thought against it. "You haven't said much, but maybe this person kept these secrets because they loved you and didn't want to hurt you."

"But… he lied to me," Rey said as if that sin was the most unforgivable. But she knew it wasn't.

"And he'll have to live with that the rest of his life. If he truly loves you, then he deeply regrets it."

Rey adjusted her posture and glanced away. All of this was getting too close to... something. It made her uncomfortable, and Okona was able to pick up on that.

The Togruta stood, catching Rey's attention. "I'll leave you alone to rest. Stay as long as you want and eat as many of the muffins as you'd like. I'll be out there if you need anything."

When alone, Rey wrapped herself in the wool blanket and placed her head on the lush pillow. But she was incapable of closing her eyelids. Too many thoughts ran through her brain, robbing her of the sweet escape that was sleep.

An ember of regret warmed her gut, the heat gradually becoming a small flame, graduating into an inferno that lit up the severity of her reality.

The rest of her life would be spent in loneliness as she would attempt to atone for her sins. But forgiveness would never be found. How can one be forgiven if the victim was dead?

They couldn't. But Ben was still alive...

 _Doesn't matter,_ she told herself. She would forever remain a bag of skin, a skeleton the only thing rattling inside. There was no meat to here anymore, no substance, for she did not deserve any.

Lips trembling, she let the regret she was feeling fall from her eyes, and then wiped them away. If tears were prayers, fate would have gone easier on her by now. Instead, she'd been cursed with a rough life,and had learned only one thing:

Loss was endemic. Crying over it changed nothing.

()()()()()

Standing in the black expanse of his subconscious, Ren saw no beginning and no end to the shadows. As he sloshed around in the ankle deep water, he watched the ripples dance along the surface, the movement flowing outward and away, eternal. Light was not even a physical manifestation in this realm. His ability to see and be just was.

Ren stopped, tensing. There wasn't much to view, but he knew for sure he wasn't alone in this place. Whoever it was had formed close behind.

And he sensed it wasn't a stranger.

He spun around, kicking up the murky water. There, in a regal white gown and perfect scarlet hair, stood Kayani, looking as if she might catch a disease from standing in such an abysmal place. "So this is what you imagine your mind to look like," she stated. "Rather bleak, wouldn't you say?"

Ren glared, his annoyance robbing him of his voice.

Kayani finally focused on him, producing a small smile. "I want to commend you on the blocks around your mind. I've rarely seen any as strong as yours. But I expect nothing less from someone hiding from my brother."

Ren wasn't indulged by the compliments. "What are you doing here?"

"A small opening appeared in your mental barrier and I took this chance to talk to you. Honestly, your lucky it's me and not your master," she said, anticipating some sort of thanks.

He didn't give her any.

Ren glanced to the left. Then glanced to the right. "This isn't real."

"Oh, it is real."

He shook his head. "No, it can't be. For me to see you like this would require–." Ren frowned as something occurred to him. "A connection." But how could something have formed? "When Rey revived me…" his voice trailed off as his mind pieced together the puzzle.

Ren searched Kayani's face, and found no evidence of a rebuke.

"But…. No. I saw you. On the beach. After Rey drowned." The words were a struggle to procure; the physical recoil was easy to show.

"I could weakly cross the connection between the two of you, and you being desperate for help made it easier to hear and see me then."

"Are you seriously telling me that I now have three different Force bonds?"

"Yes. But be at ease– your bond with Rey overpowers the other two."

 _Be at ease?!_ Ren took a deep breath, like he had to force his emotions not to succumb to the need of destroying everything close to him– which would be Kayani, given how there was literally nothing in this plain of existence.

Time stretched out languidly– or maybe it didn't, since time wasn't a real thing here– as Kayani kept watching him, remaining poised. Tugging his fingers through his hair, he switched his eyes down to the water, peering at its murkiness. It was hard enough to differentiate between his and Rey's emotions, and now to add someone else into the mix?

Horrible timing.

Snoke had damaged his ability to empathize, while Rey had helped him to feel the light. And if the Force were even remotely on his side, he'd never have to find out what Kayani's contribution to his conflicting life would be. The one silver lining that kept Ren afloat was that he wouldn't have to worry about being influenced as long as he never used the connection with her.

Having formed a plan to stay sane, his breathing evened and he was able to look up at the glowing entity. "Do you feel Rey's emotions? Can you hear her thoughts?" Ren asked quickly, suddenly needing to know exactly how much privacy he and Rey had.

"I see only what she sees."

His lids narrowed. "How much have you seen?"

"Most of her life. I only look away during moments that seem… private." Kayani briefly glanced away.

"You know… about her and I," he said, feeling uncomfortable. But his irritation left the sneer on his face.

"The relationship between the two of you should never have gone that far."

Ren stood where he was for quite some time, trying to reign in his anger. "What?" he eventually gritted out. "You didn't foresee us actually caring for one another?"

"No," she stated. "You're cold and callous, and while Rey can be those things when it matters, she does have a good heart."

Her subtle slight didn't go unnoticed. Or maybe it was meant to be obvious. "You always speak as if you know me."

"Actions are a great indicator of character."

He lifted his chin more as if to look down on her, trying to match her aura of superiority. "If you hate me so much, why not find another way of getting to your brother?"

"I've tried countless times before. You are the only way it can work."

"Not a very solid plan, and the details are still rather vague."

"You think there is more to this?"

"There's always more when it comes to schemes."

"I assure you, this isn't a scheme. The fate of the galaxy hinders upon this working, and you were always meant to be in the middle." Kayani scoffed out her impatience. "There is no need for this wordplay. We're on the same side. You can trust me."

"I make a habit not to trust what I see. Even salt looks a lot like sugar."

"And here I thought you'd want your Master dead. Don't you want to be free?"

To Ren, "free" was a four-letter word. "I don't agree with how you want to go about it. Having Rey go up against him would mean her death."

"There is no other way."

"Yes, there actually is," he argued. "Just wait for him to die. If he never finds me, than his mortality will eventually catch up to him."

"My brother is very patient."

"Death doesn't show favoritism," he bit back.

Her expression finally showed her annoyance. "You have to be prepared for the possibility that he will get you in the end."

His brows drew together. "What did you say?"

"My brother is smart and resourceful. You are no match for him."

Ren changed the subject before his ego lashed out."Why are you here?" he asked, voice so throaty, it sounded like a growl. "I assume there is a reason."

"Rey needs to be found."

Finally, the conversation goes in a direction he could get behind. "I agree. Tell me where she is."

"I don't know where she is."

He tightened his fists. "You just said you could see where she sees. Try taking a very studious look around."

"I can't. She's too closed off right now. But there is another way." Kayani scrutinized him, as if gauging whether it was a good idea to offer up her plan. "Open yourself up to this connection and use it to locate me. That way, you can find her."

"No."

"I thought you wanted to find her?"

"There is only one person I would ever open myself up to and that person is certainly not you."

Kayani threw her hands into the air, an odd gesture for her to make– the show of exasperation. "I didn't want this either. You think I wanted a connection with someone like you? You're searching for someone to blame and that person isn't me. So if you want to be mad or disgruntled with someone, take it up with Rey. I warned her not to take power from me, but her feelings for you got in the way."

Ren snort-laughed mockingly. "You would've fit in perfectly with the Jedi Order. They too blamed others and had a strict view on not forming attachments. Made them lack some humanity."

Kayani quickly retorted. "This coming from the son who murdered his own father and then thanked him."

As Ren went really still and really quiet, Kayani looked shocked, because that wasn't the type of thing one could say and then take back. But her statement must not have bothered her too much, since her composure swiftly returned to that of a collected, but pompous queen.

"Find Rey before someone else does. And then you need to prepare her for when she needs to kill you," she bluntly added, losing all sense of tact while going straight for the jugular with her sharp words.

Ren blinked while repeatedly opening his mouth, then closing it. "I don't even know how to respond to that."

"She can't let her feelings for you cloud her judgment."

Ren ground his teeth and slowly said, "You want me... to tell her... to kill me."

"It won't be you anymore."

Yeah… Ren wasn't going to do that. Done with whatever this exchange was, he started walking off to the side, picking up his boots so he could move faster. "Tell her yourself," he said over his shoulder.

Kayani formed in his path, stopping him. "I told you, she is somehow blocking me. And the last time we interacted, we didn't get along."

"You and I don't get along." He turned the other way.

She blocked him again. "Are you going to do this or not?"

"Honestly, this all seems like conjecture on your part."

"I know my brother."

Ren had partly pivoted, but froze at hearing that last comment. His stare returned to Kayani. "I thought the last time you two had any contact was when he murdered you over 8,000 years ago? I'd say a person could change a lot over that span of time."

There was a pause, and Ren stayed quiet so the remark could really sink deep into Kayani's nerves. In the silence, she took a good, hard look at him and said, "If you don't do this, the moment will come and you'll regret not heeding my warning."

Ren glanced into the never ending darkness, unable to see anything of value, just as he was unable to accept this impending future Kayani was so sure would happen. Would the First Order succeed in finding him? Has he never really had a chance? His body became heavy, the truth daring to drag him down into the water if it could.

Suddenly his form blurred, as well as Kayani's, the vision of his shadowy mind thinning and dissipating, ceasing to be.

"Trust what you are feeling," her voice broke through the dissolving chaos. "Energy never lies."

Straddling between being unconscious and awake, his vision still on Kayani's fading silhouette, his ears caught the sound of chatter from elsewhere. Straining to get back to reality, he could make out two distinct voices: Bala-Tik and Finn's.

The darkness faded as Ren was propelled back into the present, his head feeling as if it had been cracked open, the contents inside his skull being lit afire. The pain traveled through his veins, making his palms turn into fists. He opened his eyes… and finally let his restraint go. The loss of time being spent on this ship, the endless supply of thugs getting in his way, and the infuriating conversation he just had with Kayani sent him to the one place where he felt like he had control:

The dark side.

Slipping into his cruel visage, Ren connected with the living on the ship, stilling them… and crushing them slowly. Behind him, he faintly heard the roar of the Wookies, the beating of flesh intermingling with their war cries. It wasn't difficult to deduce that they were helping in taking out the guards. Such aid was unnecessary, but Ren was too focused on the struggling, wide-eyed Guavian leader before him.

Stars, he craved this release. To hell with consequences; he could deal with those later. Right now, his need for control was a necessity.

But energy was a give and take contract. Strength draining fast, Ren wasn't sure how much longer he could keep going, the possibility of him breaking concentration becoming a real possibility. But just as his vision blurred, lungs burned, and legs shook, the unexpected happened:

Rey opened herself unto him.

It was quick; the feel of her only lasting seconds, his mind reaching out to her gently, stroking. He wasn't eager to take from her, but she insisted as she shoved him an insurmountable amount of strength his way. He accepted the minimum right before she disappeared, becoming another memory. Thankfully, he only needed the one swift moment to know where she was– and to learn the only reason she helped him was because Rey earnestly believed he was going to die.

She still cared.

And he had impressed upon her that he still devotingly loved her.

But even with the short soulful reunion, Ren couldn't turn back. He was powerless to stop his actions; anymore than a person leaping from a cliff could decide ten feet into the fall that they wanted to go back. With no contrast, moralities edges were too smooth to hold onto, causing his conscience to dissolve and him to plummet into an alternate existence, one that was filled with the shadows of deeds that stained the soul, one that welcomed him in such an intimate manner only Rey could match.

In these moments, he was the festering, rotting, tangible representation of all the evil in the universe, all the cruelty and debasement and malicious joy. All the deeds done in a moment that had repercussions that lasted a lifetime.

His mind snapped, as if it were a chain being stretched beyond capacity. One by one– and there were too many to perceive– Ren felt every individual's pain, heard their suffering, and drank in their fear as if it were sweet to the taste and cool to the throat. Coming to the end, he claimed the lives he merged with, infusing himself with their stolen vitality.

But the power was too much for him to keep. So he let it go, a vicious amount of energy rippling out of him, it's power unprecedented and touching every corner of the large vessel Ren deemed unimportant.

Then everything was over.

With a hoarse and ragged cry, he fell to the ground, convulsing and wheezing. Smelling the familiar scent of blood, he weakly glanced up, seeing the broken body of the Guavian leader. And his lightsaber.

Hand reaching out, he reclaimed what was rightfully his. But not even a simple familiarity could qualm his horrified heart.

For the first time in his life, he was disturbed by what he was capable of.

Ren sensed a rumble somewhere in the dark crook of his mind, as if someone was laughing. Mocking him. He couldn't hear the sound, but he knew who it was. He could _feel_ it.

His master was waiting. Observing. Like he always has.

Would he ever be rid of him?

()()()()()

Rey woke with a shout, hand clutching her chest as her breathing came out sporadically and her heart thundered. Lungs burning, it reminded her of drowning, that harrowing memory causing her to shake.

 _Ben_.

He was in a massive amount of trouble, the kind that could kill him. Rey could feel the struggle as he spent his energy in trying to stay alive.

It behooved her to save him, and she took up that call without hesitation.

Rey unlocked her side of the bond.

Even though Ben was in desperate need, his presence was gentle, like a soft caress on her life force. It was as if his soul saw her after a long separation, letting out a sigh of relief that he found her. His trepidation got in the way of the exchange, making him question whether he should take anything from her. Impatient, Rey shoved her strength his way, making him take what he needed to survive.

And then she felt it.

Love.

He still loved her.

The beginning of this journey with him– all the way back on Ahch–To when she implored him to leave with her– had been a risk, a mystery, and up till now, something she'd never experienced before. But in this moment, with their connection freely flowing, Ben was the most certain thing she'd ever known.

And she had ruined it.

Rey slammed the bond closed in a panic, falling upon hands and knees while gulping in the stagnant air. Tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down her face. The muscles of her chin trembled as she looked around the room, as if the quaint little area could somehow soothe her.

It didn't.

There was static in her head, a side effect of this breakdown, of the stress she now lived with. She listened to her own whimpers and cries, like a distressed child, raw from the inside. This surrender took something out of her she didn't know she had left to give. But that's the way it was when people became hard of emotion, denying themselves of feeling. It was a theft of the spirit, an injury to the heart no other person could see.

And only once stripped down was she fully able to see the light.

No longer could she blame Ben, nor Ematt for her actions. Responsibility was solely hers to bear.

It took her a long while to regroup, the acceptance of her situation turning her demeanor somber. What she did was done. There was nothing she could do to change it. So... what was she doing? Rey was never one to wallow and bury beneath self-pity. She always picked herself up, her determination giving her momentum to move forward.

No doubt Ben now knew where she was… but she couldn't face him. Not yet.

Rey formed a new plan, one she should have started days ago. She wasn't going to let shame and fear get in the way of it this time.

Standing, her legs wobbled and hands shook. Eyes going to the muffins, she shoved three into her mouth, wiping away the drool as the sweetness covered her tongue and filled her belly. Out in the hallway, she came across a chill box, where she found a canteen of cold water that she downed quickly.

Out on the main floor, Rey weaved her way through the throngs of shoppers as she headed for the register. Okona was leaning against the counter, her attention on the datapad below.

The Togruta's eyes shifted, sensing someone close by. She blinked at the unexpectedness. "It hasn't even been an hour–"

"I need to leave," was all Rey gave as an explanation.

Okona straightened and frowned, but did not push Rey for her reasons. Grabbing three large shopping bags from beneath the counter, she handed them over. "I mostly kept to outfits you can easily move in, but there are a few surprises in here you might like. And your old attire is in there as well."

Rey accepted the large bags, having to brace herself from the unexpected weight. "Thank you for getting this together for me."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"I will be." And there was the smallest part of Rey that believed that.

Okona lowered her voice and leaned forward over the counter, giving her a worried stare. "If you ever need anything, you know where to find me."

Rey nodded her gratitude and then left, treking back to the light freighter. She dropped the bags in the cargo bay, her arms worn out from carrying those deceitfully heavy bags. Rustling through the bundles, Rey found what she was looking for and then headed to the cockpit.

It was hard to say goodbye to Spira, for the serene warm water and tropical breeze felt more like home to her than Jakku ever did. Maybe in another life, she'd been born to the sea.

In hyperspace, awaiting her arrival to Dandoran, she slipped into a change of clothes. The dark trousers and shirt enveloped her like she remembered. Being alone, Rey wanted something familiar, so she opted for Ben's borrowed clothes over the brand new ones. She breathed in the fabric, hopeful. _Yes…_ They hadn't been washed, and his scent was still faintly recognizable.

But with the solace came an emptiness that had been carved out of her soul with the spade of her regrets. _Ben still loves you. You felt it. When the time is right, he'll help you,_ she reassured herself.

Still, thinking about facing him after she got her life in order gave her anxiety.

Her stomach roared, claiming her attention. "Okay, okay. I'll feed you." Rey exited the cockpit and went to the kitchen. "Maybe we could even try a hand at cooking. How hard can it be to heat up sauce and pasta?"

Her tummy rumbled.

"My thoughts exactly. It can't be too difficult." Was she crazy for talking to one of her organs? Probably. But her stomach was the only thing keeping her company right now. Why not have conversations with it? It couldn't be any worse than speaking to her imaginary friends.

Plus, it made her feel less lonely.

()()()()()

"Shit," Poe harshly whispered, witnessing the small trail of blood slide down his thumb and beneath his jacket cuff. Reaching for the stained rag on the hovering utility table, he wrapped the pulsating cut. It was a stupid mistake to work on one of the X-Wing's KX12 laser cannons without proper lighting.

A small light orb sat in the sea of tools, mocking him for his stupidity.

" _You used that rag on the engine earlier,"_ BB-8 pointed out.

Poe flexed his hand, feeling the chemical sting as he made sure the makeshift dressing stayed tight. It wouldn't. "It's fine. I'm still young and in great health. You'd know." Poe glanced down. "You were at my last physical."

" _About that… I was thinking I'd skip the next one."_

"What do you mean skip the next one? You know I don't do well with needles. I need support to get through it."

" _Drawing your blood took less than a minute last time."_

"Well, it feels like a lifetime," Poe murmured. Giving up on the rag, he found a first aid kit down in the bottom drawer, opting for a smaller, more manageable medical bandage.

BB-8 rolled a tad closer _. "If you really need support, you could ask Jess to come with you."_

Poe narrowed his eyes, sensing BB-8 was trying to dig for something "You know I get naked for a part of it."

BB-8 beeped and whistled low and looooooong.

Poe sucked in a breath so quickly, a wad of saliva came along for the journey. He coughed, clearing his throat before saying, "How do you even know that phrase?" BB-8 stayed silent. "It's R2, isn't it? I need to cut those play dates short." Poe pointed the gauss wrench at BB-8, lecturing. "That astromech is a bad influence."

"Like you're any better."

Poe wheeled around so fast, it was a miracle he stayed on his feet. Jess stood by the wing, arms crossed, giving Poe a playful little grin. He wondered how much of the conversation she heard and inwardly panicked. "Testor. Hey."

"How is R2 being a bad influence?"

"BB-8 seems to have picked up some rather crass language." Poe shot the droid another disapproving stare.

"Probably from you."

He laughed off the jab, but Poe knew for a fact BB-8 didn't get the phrase from him. He didn't get _that_ vulgar.

"I'm surprised you're here and not talking to Snap."

"He's back?" Poe was expecting the mission to take longer. Not because it was risky, but because he wasn't helming the operation. But he should have given Snap more credit.

"Yeah. Him and the others got back about an hour ago. They should be out of debriefing."

"Were the coordinates Ren gave legit?" Poe eagerly asked.

"Oh, yeah. Big time. The recon team basically fell out of hyperspace on top of the planets. So far, the intel Kylo gave has been correct."

Twisting the wrench in his palms, Poe queried, "They find the mines?"

Jess nodded. "They only had time to find half, but they were all up and running. Planetary scans even showed an overabundance of iridium, ytterbium, baradium, gadolinium, quadranium–."

He interrupted Jess showing off her pronunciation skills. "So basically all the elements used to build Star Destroyers and military grade weaponry."

She sighed. "Pretty much. Those planets could be mined for hundreds of years before the depletion of resources."

Poe gripped the wrench harder, shaking his head and muttering, "He just had to be right about this."

Jess arched a brow. "Were you hoping he lied?"

Going back to working on his X-wing so he could cover up his frustration, Poe exhaled and said, "It would have been better that he was a liar than for the First Order to actually have an endless supply of resources."

He felt Jess move next to him, her eyes watching his working hands, her body close enough to emit warmth. "You aren't the only one worried over the news."

By now, most of the base had to have heard about the recon results. And Poe wasn't looking forward to seeing the glum faces… or being the glum face. Most of his life, he'd always been a hopeful, optimistic sort of guy. But with so much destruction and bad news coming the galaxy's way, it was hard to look at the positive.

Jess pulled him out of the worried hole his mind was falling into. "How she comin' along?"

He straightened and wiped at his perspiring brow, leaving behind a streak of grease. "The laser canon is worn down, but I'm getting close to fixing it." Jess stuck her head inside the weapons hull. "The engine is fine, which is a relief."

"Still don't trust a mechanic with her?" her voice vibrated in the chamber.

"I'm a little too attached to this one to have anyone else touch her."

"Pardon me for intruding on such a private moment." She brought her head out. "I should leave you two alone."

His lips formed a half smile. "Ha. Ha." Jess grinned back. "Why are you here so late anyway?"

"I was actually looking for Threepio." She did a quick once over of the deserted hangar. "Have you seen him?"

"No. You two still having story time?"

"Make fun of me all you want, but people don't realize that Threepio was in the middle of most the action during the Rebellion. You should listen to one of his recollections some time."

"About Skywalker?" Poe moved to the cart, putting the wrench in the third drawer. "You know you could just go ask the guy about his life."

Jess rolled her eyes rather dramatically. "Really? And how do you think that would go? The man doesn't seem that approachable and I don't want to come off as some star struck weirdo who knows way too much about his life."

"But you do know way too much about his life."

"Because he's a hero of the Rebellion who single handedly destroyed the first Death Star and–." Jess paused, glaring at him. "Now you're making fun of me."

This time, he gave her that full on charming smile of his. "Yup."

She chuckled and patted the exterior of the X-wing. "Well, if you run into Threepio, tell him I'm gonna call it a night and go back to my room." Jess walked past him, not even offering a goodnight– not like he wanted one. They were good enough friends that they could skip the pleasantries.

BB-8 bumped his calves from behind, making him move forward.

Poe quickly caught up to her as she entered an interior hallway. "Hey." Jess glanced to her left, surprised to see him walking beside her. "Are… you doing okay?"

"Yeah," she replied. "Why wouldn't I be?"

He leaned in, keeping his tone low. Not many people were walking around, but there were a few stragglers here and there. And Poe didn't like eavesdroppers. "Everyone on base knows Ren is gone and I was wondering how you're taking it."

Jess snorted, like what he just said was ridiculous. "You should be more worried over the possibility of everyone finding out you helped him leave." Poe abruptly stopped, as did Jess. "I saw you hurrying to get supplies, and seeing how you don't have anywhere to go…"

Poe had really been praying no one had noticed him. But that was a wish that wouldn't be granted, given how everyone on base knows who he is. Being sociable had its downsides. "You tell anyone?"

She was offended he would even ask that. "Of course not. And you should know I wouldn't. But I can't be the only one who saw you. So if anyone asks, just make up something."

He nodded, which appeased Jess enough to continue her trek to her room. Poe kept pace. If Jess was confused that he was still following her, she didn't show it. "But are you doing okay?" he repeated.

She exhaled, annoyed. "Why is it every time something happens pertaining to Kylo Ren, you think I'm going to have a breakdown or something?"

They rounded a corner, and he let two soldiers pass before saying, "You two have history."

"Hardly."

"I wouldn't call him slaughtering dozens of men and freeing you from slavery a "hardly"."

"Poe. I'm doing fine." Her tone was controlled, her eyes restrained. Poe knew Jess well enough to know she was hiding something. Additionally, whenever a woman said she was fine, she was never fine.

"You still look up to him?"

She pursed her lips. "I…" Jess blinked, letting a moment pass by. "I look up to the person who sprung me from that hell," she whispered. "Do you judge me for that?"

"Why would I judge you?"

"This is Kylo Ren we're talking about," she flatly pointed out.

"From what I've heard, he was actually a good person… once upon a time."

Coming upon their destination, Jess entered the pass code and went inside. Poe hesitated, not knowing if it was proper to follow. "It's still hard to have your hero turn out to be the man who's torn the galaxy apart," Jess said as she took off her jacket and draped it over the desk chair.

By continuing the conversation, Poe took that as an invite to cross the threshold. "Snoke tore the galaxy apart. Ren was just his lap dog." The door closed, but Poe remained by the exit, eyes taking in Jess's living space. It wasn't strictly tidy, but it wasn't a complete mess either. It looked lived in.

It mirrored his room.

Jess scoffed. "Like there's a difference."

"There is." He watched her sit on the bed and take off her boots. "Snoke's been manipulating Ren since before he was born. That's what I've been told, anyway."

She glanced up, skeptical. "Sounds like an excuse to me. And how is that even possible?"

"From what little I know of the Force and what Rey has said, Snoke's been acting like the guys conscience or something. Maybe even planting thoughts into his mind."

Jess stood and in one swift motion, took off her shirt. Luckily, there was an undershirt as an extra barrier. He gulped. "Is that how you're able to be friends with him?" She went to the closet, tossing it into a hamper. "Because you tell yourself the way he turned out wasn't his fault?"

Poe held up his palms defensively. "Hey, I'm not saying he's faultless in all this. A lot of the blame still falls on him. And we're not great friends. I just… I don't know. Maybe I'm rooting for him to change because if he can, anyone could. Even the galaxy."

Fortunately, Jess stopped with the stripping and propped her rear against the desk, palms gripping the edge. She gazed at him curiously. "Sounds selfish if you look at it that way. You're his friend so he can give your hope credence."

"I've never claimed to be altruistic. And the way I talked to him before he left makes me think he might want me dead."

"What did you say?"

"That if he killed Finn, I'd fucking murder him."

Jess bit at her lips, suppressing an amused smile. "I'm sure he's used to getting death threats by now. One from you is hardly going to matter."

He wasn't so sure about that.

Poe cleared his throat. "Listen, I've been meaning to talk to you about something."

"Shoot."

"Earlier, I had a meeting with General Organa and she wants me to head a mission." Jess frowned. "That's why I wasn't chosen for the recon operation. I've been going over the details to get ready."

"I haven't heard anything about another mission."

"This one is personal to her. Not even the council knows."

"Oh," was all Jess said.

"And I want you to come with me."

Face beaming, she threw her arms up in excitement. "Finally this conversation gets interesting. I'm in. And I'm sure Snap will join if you ask him."

"I should warn you, doing this can get us into trouble. The General isn't sure she can completely shield us from some sort of punishment."

She waved her hand through the air as she listed off their usual criteria for a mission. "Looming threats of consequences, lives in the balance, top secret mission– sounds like our day to day. When do we start?"

"You sure?"

"You know I'm sure." Jess quickly straddled the chair, getting herself nice and comfortable for a long briefing. Her giddiness almost made her bounce up and down, like a child expecting a treat. "Now stop leaving me in suspense and tell me what we're doing already. I'm in need of a vacation." The fact she considered a mission a retreat twisted his stomach into knots, because not for the first time he realized just how much alike they actually were.

()()()()()

The movement was fast and unexpected, hitting Finn in the back of the head and sending him to the floor. Caliiya stole the blaster from his weakened grasp as the Wookies roared, but stepped back as she angled the weapon at them. "You come at me and I'll pull this trigger. Understand?" The Wookies didn't move. It appeared threats were a universal language.

Finn groaned and rubbed his skull, gazing up at Caliiya from the vantage point on his knees. "What are you doing?" he asked, although it was obvious what she was doing: she was betraying him.

Her lips twitched, and her eyes welled up. However, her aim remained steady. "I can't go back to being indebted to Bala. You don't know what he makes me do. These Wookies were supposed to stop all that."

Finn stood, his head throbbing to the beat of his heart. What did she use to hit him with? Her fist? If that were so, she had one helluva punch. "I meant what I said when I told you I would help you."

Caliiya laughed mockingly. "You? A wanted stormtrooper? You're in no position to help me." She turned to the entryway and yelled out, giving away their position. All the while he just watched Caliiya, watched as the conflict thickened in her eyes. But she avoided his stare.

Finn was cuffed and basically dragged to a part of the ship he wasn't familiar with. But unlike the rathtar situation, he paid close attention along the journey, memorizing each turn and length of passageway they took.

By the looks of all the various instrumentation, Finn guessed the room they entered was the main control quarters. They forced him to his knees next to Ren's still body, one of the guards hovering over Ren and giving him some sort of injection.

Finn studied his so-called partner. Only the slight twitch of a brow every few seconds and the fact his skin wasn't completely gray led him to believe that Ren wasn't in need of a grave and a headstone any time soon.

The Wookies moaned and grunted, but remained still as the three guards kept their blasters aimed and ready.

A handful of masked men remained in the room, all looking to their leader Bala-Tik, waiting. The Guavian walked over to Caliiya, smiling dangerously. "If you still think these two Wookies are going to change my mind about letting you go, you're mistaken."

Caliiya swallowed while keeping her head up, eyes defiant. "I don't think that. But would you be interested in a deserted stormtrooper from the First Order? The bounty on his head is worth a million credits."

Bala laughed in her face and Caliiya flinched away from his hot breath. "Well, that would be a deal worthy of paying off your debts. Is this where you try to convince me to let you go so you could find such a person, only to hide in the far reaches of space? Not the cleverest trick."

"No." She pointed at Finn, but still, she didn't glance his way. "That man is FN-2187. If you lend me a datapad, I can pull up the bounty and show you his photo." Finn didn't watch the proceedings, but instead stared intently at Ren. Poe once told him how Ren could somehow burn through a tranquilizer. Now would be a good time for the man to use such a skill.

Bala took in a breath. "I have to say, Caliiya, you really delivered. One million galactic credit bounty." There was a beat of silence. "Guess that means your freedom is now yours."

Caliiya exhaled, her relief evident by the subtle sob at the end. "My ship?"

"Still in hangar three. Helrin," Bala called up one his thugs. "Take her to her ship." She moved to the door, but her footsteps faltered. Finn wondered if she was looking back at him, but he would never know. He didn't turn to see. "If you ever need anything, you'll know how to contact me," Bala added.

"I won't." And then she was gone.

Bala paced around lazily, clapping the datapad against his palm, Kylo's family lightsaber swinging from his belt as he thought to himself for a considerable amount of time. "What to do with you, stormtrooper. What to do…. The bounty says you're wanted dead or alive, and I feel like I would get better cooperation out of you if you're dead."

Finn's neck twisted up, his heart keeping a steady pace. Interesting how death didn't faze him as much as it used to. Ever since fighting Ren in the snow, Finn had come to accept that his life would someday come to an end. Fearing it only made it worse. "What are you waiting for then?"

"Dragging out ones death can be rather torturous, wouldn't you agree? And if I remember correctly, you lied to me. You never won the Falcon in a game; you took it from a Resistance base. Now, why you and Kylo Ren are flying around the galaxy together doesn't really interest me. What does is the location of said base."

"You think I'd tell you something like that?"

"How loyal could a stormtrooper possibly be to a cause he's fought against most of his life?"

"Pretty loyal."

The gang leader quirked a brow, seeming to be in no rush. Then again, they were all waiting for the First Order to show up, and they already had the two wanted men. What else was there to do? "Aren't your loyalties supposed to be aimed elsewhere?"

"You mean to the organization who took me when I was a child and forced me into a life of servitude?"

"When you put it that way, I can see why you would leave."

"So how about you let me go?"

Bala feigned thinking it over. "No. You see, I'm in this for the money. And telling the First Order the location of the Resistance base would surely hike up my reward." Finn ground his molars. "Don't want to cough it up? Fine. You're the real prize anyway. "Finn barely registered Bala give a nod before his muscles locked and contracted, the current of sudden electricity making him lose control over his body. He crumbled to the floor when given a reprieve, his limbs and chest on fire from the inside out. Then came another volt, his moan getting trapped in his lungs as he attempted breath.

One after another, the bursts of agony ripped at his insides, the pain stopping for a few seconds only to come back again. Bala asked no questions during the pauses; he just looked on, watching the torment impassively. This wasn't torture, Finn realized. This was how he was to die. Slowly. Cruelly.

As entertainment.

Bracing himself for the next shock… nothing came. Drooling onto the floor, Finn blinked rapidly, adjusting his hazy vision as fast as biology would allow. Finn heard the snapping noise first before he could decipher what it was. The thugs in the room, including Bala, had gone still, their forms vibrating in a way that wasn't natural. One after the other, Finn watched random bones on their bodies break, the sharp edges protruding out of their skin. It was horror in its most raw and original form.

And then behind him, the Wookies jumped one of the guards, tearing him to pieces.

Sirens added to the malevolence of the room, the lights slashing a red hue onto the already gory scene.

Then all at once, the bodies fell, pallid and unmoving. Finn didn't even notice that Ren was standing off to the left till the man drank in a giant gulp of stale ship air and fell to his knees, shaking uncontrollably, reaching for his saber. Finn scuttled over while on his side, stopping right next to Ren. The metal cuffs suddenly fell from Finn's wrists, allowing him to get to his knees without stumbling. Even though he was extremely sore, his eyesight and strength were returning quickly– which was good because Ren wasn't showing any signs of getting up.

"Can you walk?" Finn asked. Ren tried to stand, but collapsed. Wanting to get out of the bloody room, Finn swung Ren's arm around his shoulder and held onto the man's waist. Both Wookies went for a blaster before following the duo out into the hallway.

Finn nearly tripped over the upturned durasteel flooring, but caught himself. He was baring most of Ren's weight and for once, the guy didn't protest against the extra help. Hand firmly gripped on his suit, Finn guided the partly lucid bioweapon through the corridors and toward the hangar. With each turn, he found more of the dead lying about, the number now reaching the dozens. By the way each body was unnaturally positioned, it was obvious they died in the same manner as the ones back in the control room. Some even had their eyes missing, while others had half of their skull blown off, bodily fragments lining the walls and grated floor.

Alarms still rang loud and true, but it hadn't been caused by anyone manually setting them off. The amount of power Ren blasted throughout the ship didn't discriminate between organic or inorganic matter. Metal walls were warped, random cargo crates crushed, and the flooring now took on the appearance of waves from a turbulent, dark sea.

But through it all, the guy had enough awareness not to kill him and the Wookies. _Did Caliiya make it off the ship in time?_ While his eyes were tempted to search among the bodies, he just couldn't look down anymore.

Stepping into the hangar, Finn came to a halt and Ren moaned in a way that sounded like he was about to puke. The Wookies softly grunted behind him, probably also shocked by the disturbing scene. Surveying the carnage, Finn couldn't believe all the people… lying still… on the hard floor. The fact that the place looked like it had just seen a battle didn't mean much to him. All his eyes could see was death and blood and mayhem.

And then he noticed swirls of black trickling in from behind a wall of cargo containers.

He coughed and glanced up, watching as a thick curdle of smoke formed a cloud above them, a light drizzle of ash falling and coating the area. Finn lurched forward and Ren gasped at the sudden movement.

The grand vessel suddenly burped and shuddered, causing them to trip over a few of the corpses. Through it all, Ren didn't seem fazed by the chaos or the impending doom in the slightest. His blasé demeanor made Finn want to grab Ren's face and force him to take a hard look at all he had done. _No time_. "The ship isn't going to last much longer," Ren croaked.

"What about the Falcon?" Finn asked as they neared their only possible escape. All other ships weren't even close to being functional, but the light freighter was still standing. "If it's damaged–"

"It's not," Ren countered, putting more strength behind his voice, his legs bearing more of his weight.

"How do you know?"

"I just do."

As they came upon the light freighter, the ramp lowered and Ren stepped away from Finn, limping up the incline on his own, trying to establish his independence. The man barely made it inside before he fell to his hands and knees and dry heaved, his whole body uncontrollably quaking through each retch.

Finn awkwardly bent down next to him, not sure what to do as the Wookies just watched. Proper protocol would be to comfort the person currently ill, but nothing about Kylo Ren screamed rub-my-back-and-tell-me-everything-will-be-okay. And he didn't mean to be impatient– he did–, but the Eravana was getting closer to blowing up with each passing minute.

Worse, the First Order was still on their way.

"Are you okay?" Finn asked once there was a lull in the nauseating theatrics.

Ren wiped reflexively at his mouth even though nothing had upended from his stomach. "Relative to what?"

"Relative to you just murdering a whole ship full of people."

Brushing the hair from his sweaty face and pallor skin, there was the shortest of pauses. And then Ren's voice, which was already low, bottomed out completely. "Murder is a weighted word." The man stood, closed the ramp, and walked to the cockpit with a purpose, seeming to have found strength from out of nowhere.

The Wookies kept some distance while Finn stayed close behind. "And what would you have me use instead?" he asked, watching Ren's hands breeze over the console controls, bringing the Falcon back online.

"Killed," Ren said offhandedly. "I just killed a whole ship full of people."

"Most of them weren't even in the room with us," Finn argued, moving closer to the co-pilot's chair. "Who knows how many were even on that ship."

The Falcon suddenly jerked, making Finn teeter and plop his rear onto the padded seat. But his eyes remained fixed on the sickly looking man piloting the vessel. "You think any of those criminals would've let you live?" Ren debated as he sat and glided the ship through the thickening smoke. "They were all a part of the same gang. In this situation, guilt by association rings particularly true."

Finn watched them soar into space, leaving the cursed freighter behind. He sighed and rubbed at his eyes, the irritants of the smoke making them sting. "I'm not against you killing people who want us dead," he said more calmly. "I'm just saying the ones not in the room with us didn't pose an immediate threat."

Ren went into the navicomputer, punching in coordinates and waiting for a viable course to be found. "Like those men don't have a pair of working legs to take them to another part of the ship. They would have came after us in the end."

Finn inwardly cringed, because he actually agreed. He knew his own argument was weak. It was just…. All those people dead. Even with the enemy, killing never sat well with him.

The navicomputer dinged, and Ren sent the ship to lightspeed.

"Wait." Finn said in a raised voice. "Why are we jumping into hyperspace? We need to go to Jakku."

"Rey isn't there," Ren answered, setting the Falcon to autopilot.

"But–"

Ren angled his torso at Finn. "I felt her. She isn't on Jakku. She's on Spira."

All of that made zero sense. "I thought she was blocking you?"

Ren hesitated. "She was, but… I needed more power to take out the Guavian's."

Finn caught the insinuation and nailed him with some serious eye-to-eye. "You stole power from her?"

"She opened her side willingly," Ren bit back, not appreciating Finn's accusatory tone.

Bewildered, Finn shook his head. "Why would she do that when she's been hiding from you?"

Ren ran a hand through his hair. "She might have thought I was going to die."

Finn's eyes went round. "You were going to die?"

"Rey interpreted it that way, but no," Ren answered as he stood, exiting the cockpit. "I was just expending a massive amount of energy."

Finn shadowed him to the main hold, seeing the Wookies sitting on some crates against the wall. "Your need for violence is going to get you killed one day."

Ren, who'd been walking in the direction of the furry humanoids, stopped and turned back. "Unlikely."

Finn's forehead puckered as he looked on with disbelief. "Must I remind you that you did die. On Lothal. Not too long ago."

"And through it all, I'm still alive."

"Thanks to Rey. If you hadn't received help on multiple occasions, you'd be dead by now. Is it ever going to be remotely possible for you to admit that you have faults?"

"I would if I had any."

Ren motioned for the Wookies to follow him, guiding them back to the living quarters. He came back out a few moments later, only to disappear down the corridor leading to the off ramp. Finn took a seat on the curved lounge bench, resting his arms on the Dejarik table. Down the hallway, it sounded like the floor was being upended, but Finn was suddenly too exhausted to care. Whatever Ren was doing was his business, because Finn was fed up with trying to converse with him. The arrogance, the flagrant disregard for life, and the air of entitlement that surrounded the guy tended to raise Finn's blood pressure to almost bursting.

Walking back into the main hold, Ren was now dressed in his usual dark attire and gray jacket, his hands transporting two large duffles to the corner by the medical alcove. He then rifled through a small cargo container, the sound of wrappers crinkling as Ren took out a handful of rations. The man crossed the room, stopped in front of Finn, and handed him some portions.

Finn eyed the bars suspiciously.

"What?" Ren asked, slightly waving the enfolded calories in front of Finn's face. "Have you never seen rations before?"

"I've never had you offer me anything before." When Finn didn't go for the bars, Ren left them on the table and went back to the small medbay. Sitting atop a sturdy crate, he ripped the packaging open and stuffed the whole bar in his mouth, licking his fingertips in between bites. Out of all the times Finn has witnessed Ren eat, this was the first time he saw him disregard all manner of etiquette.

What was even stranger was that Kylo opted to stay in the main hold instead of holing himself in his room. Which would allow him to be alone… which was his preference.

"One of the Wookies is taking my room." Ren nodded to the padded alcove. "I'm going to stay here for now."

Finn's stare narrowed. "Could you not read my thoughts?"

Ren didn't apologize, nor did he give any indication that he heard him. Deciding not to wait on an apology that would never come, Finn brought up their immediate problem. "What are we going to do with the two Wookies?"

Taking another bite, Finn had to wait for Ren to chew and swallow before getting an answer. "We're on our way to a space station near Spira. There, we can find them a shuttle back home."

"You don't want to transport them back to Kashyyk yourself?"

Ren regarded him as he ate. "Already forgetting about finding your best friend?"

"No, I'm just–"

"No more distractions. We came here to find Rey and that's what we're going to do."

Finn agreed with Ren. Again. Which he hated. Starting in on his own bundle of food, the two men ate in silence, with Ren finishing first. Every now and then Finn glanced over, watching Ren stare at the alcove as if going over a memory.

 _There must be a lot of memories for him aboard this ship_. Ren flinched, and Finn wondered if he heard him.

Finn dragged in a rebellious breath, glanced down, and forced himself to say, "Thank you. For saving my life."

It was right about then when it happened. And Finn would have missed it if he hadn't chosen to crane his head up and look at Ren at that exact moment. The man was afraid, the fear shining brightly through those dark, moody eyes as he stared at his hands. But what was he so fearful of?

 _Himself._

"You didn't know you could do something like that?" Finn stated more than asked. He was fully expecting Ren not to–

"No," Ren breathed out, still looking at those unfamiliar palms. "How–." He cleared his tight voice. "How many people do you think were on that ship?"

Finn blinked back his surprise at hearing such a question come from him. "I, uh, don't know. Thirty? Forty? Fifty maybe? You might've wiped out the whole gang." Ren squeezed his eyes shut and hunched over, exhaling as his elbows relaxed on his knees. Finn swallowed down the last remnants of sustenance, feeling the calories give strength to his strung out muscles.

With Ren still in the same position, Finn knew he should probably leave the man alone. But he needed answers. "Look, I need to know if Caliiya is dead on that ship."

Ren glanced up, his eyes glossy. "She got off."

"You sure?"

Ren nodded.

Finn relaxed against the back of the seat, relieved. "Good."

Ren adjusted his posture. "You do realize she's probably going to find you later on. Greed won't allow her to pass up that many credits. I should've just killed her to save you from the trouble." Even though the gesture of getting rid of her was twisted, Ren made it sound like he would do it on Finn's behalf.

He wasn't exactly sure how to feel about that.

But he knew one thing: he did wish to see Caliiya again. At least in the sense that he wanted to help her. Even after the betrayal, Finn understood why she'd done it. The desperation in her voice… she couldn't go back to essentially being owned by Bala-Tik. Finn recognized her need for freedom, because he'd been there himself. "You say that like she's a burden."

"Women always are."

"Don't go saying things like that around Rey." Ren pursed his lips, fighting back a hint of a smile.

"So… " Finn said, his fingers tracing the checkered table. "I, uh, guess I should also thank you for not killing her when you found out what she did. I didn't know you abhorred slavery so much, given the stormtrooper program."

Appearing to have better control over his emotions, Ren crossed his arms and reclined against the wall. "I never agreed with the method of children being taken and forced into a life they never asked for. I pushed for clones to be implemented, but it wasn't my call."

"Maybe there was something you–"

"There was nothing I could have done," Ren interrupted, his voice almost coming across as sympathetic. "By the time I got there, Hux's program had been active for too long. And it was showing the results everyone wanted."

"You really wanted the clone program instead?"

"Yes, and I made it known to Hux every chance I could."

There was a pause. Finn dropped his eyes to the floor. "I, uh, know this is probably going to come off the wrong way, but why are you here… talking to me like this?"

Ren frowned. "Like what?"

"Like we get along or something."

Now it was Kylo's turn to look away, his stare roaming over the pile of crates to his left. Brows knit, jaw clenched, lips thinned, the guy was perplexed by the question. _No,_ Finn thought. Ren understands the question. It was the lack of an answer that made the man stumble and go quiet.

Finn frowned. "You know, I'd usually assume you're ignoring my question, but I truly think you don't know how to answer it." All he could do was blink and watch the man by the alcove. And Finn was sometimes confused by human emotion? Ren appeared absolutely lost. "So… all the things I've heard about Snoke breaking you and poisoning your mind is really true then." Finn said before he could stop himself.

Ren's head snapped up. "What?"

"Well, he took you when you were a child."

Ren gazed at Finn as if he said something outrageous. Or his skin just got darker. Or he'd grown an extra head on his shoulders. Or something.

Who the hell knew.

"He didn't take me when I was a child," Ren corrected him. "I chose to go to him when I was older."

Finn could be wrong– he wasn't– but it sounded like Ren was almost proud of that decision. And how twisted was that? Did Ren even realize how much Snoke ruined his life? Like, truly? Finn only heard the stories from Rey, but he had enough perspective to see that Ben Solo had been mentally abused since he was a baby.

Sitting and staring, it was like Finn was looking at a whole different person, someone who was still living with disillusionment. "For someone who abhors slavery, I'm baffled you can't see it."

Ren glanced around the room, his annoyance tightening his face. "See what?"

"Snoke enslaved you the moment you were born."

Ren growled. "I'm not a slave."

Finn wasn't intimidated. "Maybe not right now, but you were. Like I was. I mean, how did you know your thoughts were even your own? That was the hardest part for me– realizing that who I was was different than who they were trying to make me into." Finn never talked to anyone about his experience, not even with the other troopers. But there was something liberating with doing so here, now, with Kylo Ren. The man who once tried to murder him.

Finn looked at Ren's face, waiting for the tint of anger. But none came. The man just sat there, staring, appearing suddenly exhausted.

 _He knows_ , Finn thought. _He knows it's the truth._

Neither spoke as time dragged on, the hum of hyperspace filling the void. Finn considered saying something else, but were words really necessary? Sometimes, silence was an acceptable way of showing empathy.

Seeing how Finn still had his own personal room, he decided now was a good time to use it. After he cleaned up in the refresher, of course. Heading to the living quarters, he stopped halfway when he heard Ren's voice. "Were you really willing to die for the Resistance back there?"

Finn turned. "I was."

"Why?"

Finn found the answer to be quite easy. "Because my whole life, I've never had choices. And that's what the First Order wants to take away from the galaxy: the right to choose. I want the chance to know what it feels like to live as a free man, to make my own decisions. So yeah, I was willing to die for a cause that believes in the individual, and that was my choice to make. You might think I'm naïve and small minded, but at the end of the day, it's better to fight for something I believe in than to live for nothing."

In a tone that was so matter-of-fact, Ren said, "Freedom is a state of mind. It's not real."

Finn gaped. "If you truly believe that, then I feel sorry for you." He turned to depart, leaving Ren to be alone.

Later that night, as Finn lied awake in bed, he thought over how therapeutic it was to talk about his time with the First Order, even if it was brief. Swinging his legs off the mattress, he went to his bags, finding his datapad. He sat down, lifting the tech level with his face before initiating it to record.

"Hi," he said nervously. "I'm not really sure how to start one of these things, and I don't know if anyone will ever see this, which is fine. I'm doing this more for myself than for other people. So if anyone ever ends up watching this, I'm sorry if as I tell my story, it comes off choppy and confusing."

Finn leaned back so his spine rested against the wall, getting comfortable. "My name is Finn, and I am a former stormtrooper of the First Order."

()()()()()

Rey stood on the stoop, eyes grazing over the worn, metal door. After a lifetime of questioning where she came from, she was finally on the cusp of clarity.

Coming to Dandoran, specifically the city of Segin, had taken a full day according to the Galactic Standard Calendar. All the while, Rey researched the city that housed the Ropetho outpost, making a plan of where to go first.

This part of the planet was dominated by a large section of forest, it's evergreen trees, rolling hills, and high mountains and random lakes reminding Rey of Takodana. Except Maz's world had more green foliage on the floor, while here was mostly dirt and pine needles.

Hiding the freighter in a clearing a mile out of town, she followed the signs to civilization, running most of the way to tire out her nerves. The outpost lied at the heart of the city, it's massive structure looking to be more like a multi-leveled shopping center. It stretched high into the sky, multiple docking ports attached to each level. There was heavy foot traffic inside, the noise of chatter overpowering whatever music was being played overhead.

This place was more like an indoor city than a trading post, especially when compared to Niima. Finding some employees in one of the many shops, they were able to answer most of her questions, painting her a clear picture of what happened to the once powerful family. Over centuries of building up their success, the family came to own the whole town, or at least had stakes in the other businesses. That is until the head of the family sold the empire a decade ago, him and his wife becoming recluses out in the woods north of town. After the passing of the husband a few years back, the wife, Soniee, was all that was left of the clan, the old woman opting never to venture into town again.

No one knew why the couple pulled out of all the prestige and wealth, and Rey could certainly tell it was still a hot topic of discussion and speculation.

But even through the depressing tale, she still had hope that there was at least one person left that could possibly be her family.

Which is how she came to this very doorstep, her newly heightened nerves giving her pause. What if the answers she sought were inside, with this woman? What if the truth was worse than living in the dark? What if Rey couldn't handle it?

Considering she probably already received the worst news of her life in the form of her parent's murder, she raised her knuckles and rapped on the door.

And waited.

And waited some more.

And began doubting if anyone was home.

Disappointed, she pivoted to leave. "Who's there?" an elderly woman voice said from the inside.

Rey spun around, almost tripping over her feet as she jumped up to the door. "I–." She stopped. _What did I say?_ "I'm looking for the last member of the Ropetho family."

"Why?"

Rey hesitated, and then said, "I want to know about their history."

"You a reporter?"

"No. Just someone that's curious."

There was a pause. "Why should I tell you anything?"

"I think your history might help piece together my past."

Silence ensued as Rey's eyes darted between the scratches on the steel door.

At last, the barrier slid to the side, revealing an elderly woman sitting in a highly modernized hover chair. Her wintry white hair rested on her shoulders, her blood-flecked eyes giving Rey a dubious look. In her lap was a tiny blaster, hand wrapped around the grip, a crooked finger on the trigger, but she didn't lift it– which was a relief. She looked at Rey with pure shock before her facial expression dulled. "You tied to one of the other businesses in town?"

"I think so." A quaint breeze brushed passed Rey, tousling her loose hair. The woman, who Rey assumed was Soniee, shivered, her thin beige tunic and trousers not doing much to warm her. Rey almost offered to come inside so the door could be closed, but her eyes fell back to the blaster, reminding her that this woman was very guarded.

Rey stuck to the summarized truth. "I was orphaned very young and my search for answers has led me here."

Soniee clucked her tongue, impatient. "What do you want to know?"

Rey chose to start with current events, since her existence fell under that category. "Why did you sell your assets ten years ago?"

"My husband was the one who sold it all."

"Did something happen to drive him to that decision?"

Soniee was forthright with the answer, explaining the circumstances quickly. "He didn't want any of it anymore. His life always revolved around what he could leave behind for his children, but with the death of our two sons and the disappearance of our daughter, we had no one to leave anything to. Our children were everything to him." By the end, her voice mingled with the bitterness of loss.

"I'm so sorry," Rye offered, taking a deep breath before pressing the woman further. "You said your daughter disappeared? Did you ever find out what happened to her?"

"No. And it wasn't just her that vanished. Her husband and daughter went missing as well." She glanced down. "It was… a hard time to get through."

Rey nodded solemnly, letting Soniee have a moment. "What were there names?" she asked softly.

The woman wiped at her eyes, even though there was no evidence of tears. "Maridia, Jacen, and their daughter Reyna."

Rey felt a thrill of hope run through her. _This is the place._ "Was Maridia your actual daughter?"

Soniee straightened. "Excuse me?"

"Did you adopt her?" Rey pushed.

The woman's nostrils flared. "I gave birth to her, as I did all my children. Now, I think it's about time you leave." Soniee went for the control panel, but Rey twisted her arm inside and covered the mechanism.

"I look like her; don't I? That's why you were surprised when you opened the door. You thought I was her."

Soniee blanched at Rey's audacity, and struggled to form words. "What do you want? You want money? Is that why you're trying your hand at this con?" Because Rey saw that Soniee's chest was trembling, because she knew that she had indeed brought up the woman's pain, because she could see this topic was her weak spot, Rey fell silent. "If you need help, there is a shelter in town you can go to."

They kept eye contact, but as Rey's stare softened, Soniee's grew hard. Rey let her hand fall down to her side.

"My family is dead," Soniee spat out, her features contorting in anger. "And you are a sick young woman to come here and try to persuade me that you're my daughter."

"Not your daughter, but –" Soniee suddenly went for the activation panel, initiating the door shut, the steel almost grazing the tip of Rey's nose. She leaned back, shocked.

This wasn't how it was suppose to go.

"If you ever come on my property again, I'll shoot you myself!" Soniee's muffled voice yelled.

Rey's steps were heavy as she reeled back, eventually turning to face the trail that led her here. Every few meters, she would stop and glance over her shoulder. She didn't want to leave, not when she was so close to knowing about a slice of her life. That woman in there… she was her family. The only living relative she had left.

Rey couldn't give up. Wouldn't.

She'll come back tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that until Soniee finally listened to her. Rey could deal with having a blaster bolt fired her way. By now, she was quite accustomed to it.

And seeing that woman's pain and sorrow, the uncertainty, she deserved to know what happened to her daughter. No more mysteries for either of them.

As Rey turned onto the busy walkway to enter into the city, her eyes swept over the meandering locals, and she thought to herself that at some point, she was bound to get some good news. With all of Skywalker's lectures focusing on balancing her emotions, the concept had to also apply to life in general. Right?

So tomorrow was going to work out, because she was statistically long overdue for some serious good fortune.

And then, after she gets her past in order, Rey would need to decide how to rejoin the fight against the First Order. Going back to the Resistance was not an option. Nor could she contact Finn or Poe, since they probably were disgusted with her.

The only choice left was Ben. But Rey still needed time to think through an apology before contacting him.

Passing through the city, she took the dirt road leading to the nearby lake, its path winding up and up until she had a clear view of the water. Keeping left, the thick trees soon obstructed her view as she made her way down the hill, getting closer to the clearing where she landed the freighter.

Rounding a short bend in the road, Rey's stomach growled, demanding to be fed. But her trial with trying to cook in the kitchen on the way over here had ended disastrously. She should've picked something up in town, but being so close to the ship, she decided to stick with rations.

Rey groaned as she thought of how she needed to clean–

She froze. Stopped breathing. And blinked.

There, standing only a short distance down the path, was the last person Rey ever expected to see:

Finn.

 **Next chapter starts off with how Finn and Ben finding Rey, so don't worry, we will see their pov. And I'm not sure if any of you thought this, but there will be NO love triangle between Rey, Ben, and Kayani. While editing, I realized that some of you might perceive it that way, and I just want to calm you down by saying it wont happen. Promise. All these connections Ben now has comes into play at the very end of the story. And if any of you remember the scene where Ben is waking up after dying, he felt something different about the bond. As if another person was there. He was sensing Kayani, but never looked into it. So this has always been planned.**

 **And Rey is getting closer to the truth! But now Finn arrived, and Ren is waiting. How do you think she'll react? She didn't want to see Ben this soon, but hey, you can't get what you wish for.**

 **For those of you who were really wanting Finn to shine and save them from their peril, worry not. I have things planned for him in the future that will give him his moment. Or more like multiple moments.**

 **And when Finn is doing his journal, I realized that's exactly how I feel while writing this story. He sums it up perfectly for me.**

 **Apologies for any grammatical errors. I do plan on going through this chapter again. Just wanted to post it. Now the next chapter might take longer for me to post. I'm leaving to Maui for a week at the beginning of May, and I doubt I'll be writing at all. I'm sorry!**

 **If you have a minute, leave a review! Thanks for reading!**

 **Edit 4/27/2017 to SheLitAFire:**

 **I know you've said in the past that you read these chapters slowly, so I hope you haven't finished yet! I watched the Thor Skywalker video and if any of you haven't seen it, go look it up on youtube! I love how it's a guy talking about this, because I feel like most men laugh at this idea or are not really into the theory. But this guy sounds like a Reylo! I like how he pointed out that Rey doesn't hate Kylo enough to kill him at the end of the snow fight, and that's true. In the novel, she stops herself, and she just saw him murder his father and probably kill her best friend! But still, she doesn't go as far as killing him. And he brought up the databank, which just teems with Reylo clues! Good video! Thanks for telling me about it!**


	36. Chapter 36

**Hey everyone! Sorry for the delay! Went on vacation for a week, then had family out here for another week. All of which got me behind on writing. But I am posting two chapters! Mainly because it got too long and I had to split it. Hope it works out. But thank you all for your patience and for all the faves, follows, and reviews!**

 **NightElfCrawler: Ben is slowly starting to realize he can't quite stomach violence like he used to. But that doesn't mean it will stop him from enacting it in the future. He still got some growing up to do. Aleta Wolff: Thor Skywalker was just laying out all the evidence on why Reylo was going to happen. The video is good, and he should be coming out with a part two sometime. Lots of Reylo vids can be found on youtube! I think Finn was grateful to an extent. It was just shocking to see that happen. But hey, nobody gonna miss having that gang in the galaxy! So really, Ren did everyone a service. lol. Natalie-S-246: I'm sorry you had to wait so long for this next installment! You'll find out soon about Soniee! Larik: I love hearing that someone binged read my story! Makes me feel so giddy inside. lol. Hope you did well on your exam though. Wouldn't want to be the reason you didn't. *laughs nervously* I do A LOT of research for each chapter. That's one of the reasons why it takes me so long to write. I want this to feel like Star Wars. Not just a love story. I'm happy you like the dynamic between Kylo and Rey. It was kinda hard to write it in the beginning, but it's much easier now. To answer your question, Rey did pick up a lot of things from Kylo before. So she is unknowingly blocking Kayani. And as Kayani said before, Rey has total power over her own mind and body. Future chapters will explain that later when Ren and Rey talk about Kayani. Finn does love those pretty faces! It was never my intention to write a love triangle between Ren, Rey, and Finn. There is chemistry between Finn and Rey, but to me, it's like a friends chemistry. Funny you should mention Luke. He does have his own moment in this chapter. And towards the end of the story. Don't worry. Luke is a formidable opponent and is stronger in the Force than Kylo. Luke just knows how to control his anger. Vivien755: I apologize that the chapter was overly long and boring for you. I think we all know by now that one of my problems is I write too much. Working on it. Kimmycocopop: We are getting closer to the tipping scale of the story. The end is approaching my friends! Probably in about ten chapters or so. Poe and Jess's assignment is significant. You all shall see why later. Next few chapters will reveal Rey's lineage. So buckle up ya'll! SheLitAFire: Layering a story is what I find fascinating. So I try to do that with this story. I love how you hate Kayani. She is not very likeable, I agree. People always have their own agendas. She does want her brother gone. But is she telling them everything? Nope. I was worried some might think that a love triangle was going to happen between those three, so I wanted to shut those thoughts down before they gained any traction. There is a lot of misdirection in this story. Just a warning. hehe. I don't mind the slower review response. It's nice getting a review weeks after I posted a chapter. Helps give me extra motivation when I start slowing down. I could totally see Ren pushing Finn out of the way to get to Rey. That would be hilarious. I should have written it that way! lol. KatMichBow: Yeah! Welcome back! I'm glad you loved all those things about the previous chapters. Made me crack up laughing when you pointed out how Finn started a vlog. I didn't think of that word while writing. Rey was having a hard time managing that guilt. But I think it speaks to her strong character that she picked herself up and went searching for her family on her own. And she decided that after she found them, she would go help the galaxy next somehow. Ren didn't face his worst hour that way. He gave in and went off to become a monster. Finn will always be that person who has a good heart. He's one of my faves! When this story started, I had every intention of Rey being the main character. As it has gone on, Ren has definitely matched her. Like you said, he has such a huge metamorphosis to go through. More than any other character. This gives him more screen time essentially. I loved adding in the Wookies. It showed how he still cared for Chewie. And there will be a reunion between Chewie and Ren. I really wanted to bring the Guavian Death Gang story full circle. What better way to do that than to have Han Solo's son take care of them? lol. I still can't believe I hit my one year mark of writing this story. I initially thought it was going to be a six month journey. Boy, was I wrong. I am pretty sure I am not even gonna finish by the time the next movie comes out. Fingers crossed I do! It's so weird to read through the story and to see where the characters are at now. It literally feels like yesterday I was writing that first chapter. Thanks to everyone who has stayed with me this far! Hopefully, only six more months to go!  
**

Chapter Thirty-six:

Finn stared fixedly out of the foreport. His vision swept over the evergreen trees, rolling hills, and Ren's freighter Rey had stolen. Ren was quiet in the pilot's seat, his position mirroring close to Finn's. Although, the man seemed to be a thousand times more tense than Finn felt.

Getting to Dandoran had been a longer process than both of them were willing to acknowledge. Neither one ever talked about the wasted time, for speaking of it made it seem more real.

Spira had been a failure. From Ren and him deciphering recent landing patterns on the outskirts of the island, they'd concluded she'd been there. Probably left no more than a half-day before their arrival. Ren had even gone off on his own, trudging through the viny landscape in hopes that she had relocated the ship. But he came up empty.

Her presence was no longer on the island.

Finn mostly kept his thoughts to himself after that. While he still didn't get along with Ren very well, he could tell the guy was trying to leash his frustration. And Finn did not want to be the reason he exploded.

Dropping the Wookies at the nearby space station had been a learning experience for Finn, but not in the way of being on one for the first time. It was being able to observe a side of Ren he usually saved for only Rey: Patience. Understanding. Courteousness. Honestly, Finn had been expecting Ren to dump the Wookies and leave, in turn forcing Finn to be the guardian of the two hairy humanoids. But Ren escorted them to the embassy of the Mid Rim – Mytaranor Sector all on his own, with Finn in tow. Once inside, the man even acted as an interpreter. Of course, Finn had to wait outside before Ren would do it.

Before leaving, Finn brought up how Threepio would have been useful at a time like this.

All that earned him was a very long, uncomfortable stare.

After figuring out the Wookies travel arrangements and bidding them farewell– in which both Kylo and Finn received two furry hugs– the men reconvened back on the Falcon. Brainstorming all possible scenarios, they both named the only possible place that meant anything to Rey: Dandoran. The place her mother was from. The planet that might hold her ancestral secrets.

There had been some sort of desperation behind Ren voicing the idea of Dandoran. It wasn't about the worry over not finding Rey there. It was something Finn couldn't decipher.

But he didn't pry.

And now here they were, sitting in the cockpit for almost an hour in complete silence. One would think Ren would have at least cracked a smile at finding the freighter. Or run off the ship yelling Rey's name. But he never showed a single sliver of emotion. Over the last hour, he looked more like a sculpted piece of plastoid rather than a living piece of flesh.

Finn leaned against the armrest and stared intently at the pilot. "What's the plan here?"

"You've asked that three times already," Ren replied, his tone sounding irritated.

"And you haven't responded till now. I just want to know how you want to handle this." Finn sank back into the chair, head resting on his knuckles as he grumbled, "If I'm annoying you, it's only a bonus."

"You only annoy me when you're breathing," Ren countered. Finn was getting used to Ren's frequent usage of dry humor. At least he liked to think those sharp comments were hidden sarcasm.

The alternative was unsettling.

"You should learn how to fly a ship," Ren said suddenly.

Finn's eyes widened as they slowly shifted to the strange man. "Yeah… I should. Someday I'll–"

"I can show you some of the basics tomorrow, or whenever we get time. Flying is a valuable skill to have."

"It is." _Unless you purposefully teach me how to crash_. _Then I'll be conveniently dead and you can blame it on my lack of piloting ability._ Finn's stare narrowed. "Are you being serious right now?"

Kylo glanced at him, and then went back to staring at the scenery. "I don't want to be flying the freighter around the whole time."

"Rey knows how to fly."

"You want to learn or not?" Ren snapped.

Finn lifted up a palm to ward off the temperamental outburst. "Yeah. Fine. I want to learn." _Although, I do think Poe would be a better teacher._

Ren reclined back to his usual position. "He probably would be."

Finn huffed. "Do you always hear what I'm thinking?"

"Actually, I've been trying not to. You've been thinking about that bounty hunter way too much." Finn's face flushed. Ren peered at him from the corner of his eye. "Why do you ask?"

Finn unnecessarily cleared his throat. Pulled at his collar. "What… exactly do I say to Rey?" This got Ren's full attention. "It's not that I don't know what to say. It's just I don't want to say the wrong thing."

Ren stared down at his hand clutching the armrest, looking at the limb in a way Finn wasn't sure he was aware of. The angle really showed off the man's hollow cheeks, the dark bags under his eyes. Now he seemed more human. "Tell her what she wants to hear," Ren quietly answered.

"Which would be what?"

"That it's never too late to come back." He looked up. "That there are people who still care about her."

Nodding his head, Finn ground his teeth, sensing that what Ren spoke of was probably more personal than he would like to admit. "I'm still rather new to this whole friend thing," Finn confessed with shame.

"So am I."

"And we're the ones looking for her? You, who's anti-social, and me, who grew up as nothing but a number?"

"I'm not anti-social. I just don't like people."

Finn gave him a flat stare. "Label yourself however you like, you're still you." Ren's lips became a slant. "You know, having Poe here would be helpful. At the very least, he could charm her into coming with us."

"Don't devalue your importance to her," Ren stated. "You're a good friend to Rey."

 _Mark that under things-I-never-expected-Kylo-Ren-to-say-to-me._ "How do you know?"

Ren adjusted his weight in the seat. "I can tell by the way she talks about you; how you are around her."

Finn rubbed his skull trim. "I don't know. I treated her pretty badly after finding out about you and her."

"Rey is a very forgiving person."

"I guess you'd know."

"Only partly." Finn frowned, wondering if Rey truly hasn't forgiven Ren for everything he's done. Then how could she be with him?

Ren leaned over the console, pointing to the right of his commandeered ship. Finn sat up, eyes following. "That road looked to lead straight into the city as we flew over. Walk about half a mile in and wait for her. Any closer and she might be able to sense I'm here."

"She's gonna know you're here when she sees me. What if she bolts?"

Ren gazed at him as if the answer was obvious. "Then run after her."

"What if she fights me?"

"Try to pin her down." Ren's face lit up with an idea. He began to stand. "Or actually, there's some rope in the utility closet–"

"You want me to tie her up?!"

Ren froze and then dropped back into the chair, running his hand through his dark hair. "No. You're right. Her abilities in the force wouldn't allow you to get close enough."

Finn rapidly blinked, his mouth agape. "Yeah, that's not why I was disagreeing. Tying someone up in the middle of a forest doesn't exactly look innocent."

Ren shrugged. "As long as the job gets done."

Finn couldn't believe that the person who actually had a childhood was struggling to recognize proper social behavior. "Okay," he breathed out as he got to his feet. This weird turn in the conversation was Finn's cue to leave. "Wish me luck."

"There is no such thing as luck; there is only adequate or inadequate preparation to cope with a statistical universe."

"Without luck, how else would you explain the success of people who don't deserve it?"

Ren opened his mouth. Closed it. The man was completely taken aback by Finn's quick retort.

Finn smiled to himself as he walked through the cockpit access corridor and down the boarding ramp. It felt nice stumping Ren for once. That guy needed to learn he wasn't the smartest person in the galaxy.

()()()()()

Leia entered the private medical room, her brother and R2 accompanying her. In the middle of the hygienic, acrid smelling quarters laid a propped up Ematt, a light blanket folded up to his chest. Braced by his shoulders, a metal halo wrapped around his head, four metal screws embedded into his skull to keep him from moving. Heavy, dark bags swelled underneath his eyes. If she didn't know him personally, she would have thought him to be twenty years older than he actually was.

Off in the distance, the muffled cries of a baby could be heard. During the night, the young woman from Lothal had given birth to a healthy baby boy. _I'll have to ask Harter when would be a good time to visit the family._ From what she'd witnessed, those people seemed to be friendly with her son.

And it's been a long time since Ben has had a handful of friends.

"General," Ematt greeted, his voice scratchy and low. "Master Skywalker." Leia moved closer, eyeing the machinery and tubes as Luke walked to the opposite side of the bed. The ambiance of the facility was robotic, stiff– an atmosphere Leia wasn't particularly fond of.

She stood over him, opting out of using the chair since he wouldn't be able to turn his head to see her. "How are you feeling?" Leia asked, genuinely wanting to know.

Ematt licked at his lips, rubbing them together. "Lucky to be alive."

"Harter told me you have some feeling in your toes. That's a good sign."

"She wants to start me on liquid metal therapy to reattach the nerves that don't respond to the normal treatments."

"I've heard promising things about that therapy."

"Yeah… I could get full functionality back." Leia picked up on the bitter tone, but couldn't decipher where it was pointed. "Pardon my frankness, but we both know why you're here. You want to know what happened to Rey's parents."

Leia intertwined her fingers, looking of authority in her regal blue gown. "I do."

"You've seen the recording?"

"We have," Luke responded curtly.

Ematt glanced at the Jedi Master, but couldn't keep eye contact with that hard stare. "It wasn't supposed to go like that."

"You came off threatening enough," Leia pointed out.

Ematt briefly closed his eyes. "I know, but that was just to make her talk. Neither of them was to be harmed. All we were after was information."

"You accused Maridia of being a secret descendant of Palpatine," Luke stated. "How did you even come to that conclusion?"

"I didn't; the New Republic did. Shortly after the Empire fell, one of the senators set up a meeting with me. We had grown up together, our careers taking us in different directions. By the time he got in touch with me I was only a lieutenant, but he trusted me and wanted to put me in charge of a confidential assignment." Ematt hesitated for a moment, his voice getting low. "Made it seem like if I did an exemplary job, I would be promoted."

"Other senators backed it?" Leia asked.

Ematt twitched, as if trying to nod. "Yes. About a dozen of them knew about it."

"What was the assignment exactly?"

Clearing his throat– more out of discomfort than necessity– Ematt went onto explain the specifics. "When going through the Empire's archives, there were these private lists of names that were found; the only person allowed access to them being Vader. Speculation arose as to what they were. Some thought it to be Vader's way of keeping track of Palpatine's descendants– either in fear of one of them surpassing him in power or at the bequest of Palpatine wanting Vader to make sure they were safe."

A hard line drew in between Leia's brows. "I remember hearing whispers that Palpatine had offspring for the sole purpose of creating powerful force wielders. But the rumor never gained much traction. Sith believe in the power of only two."

"But what if Palpatine wanted to change all that? What if the rumors were true?" Ematt spoke passionately. "This is what people feared after the Empire fell: Another Palpatine taking power."

Leia shared a glance with Luke.

"So…" Luke peered back down at the man. "Your job was to go through these lists?"

"I was given a small team, each person I assigned to a name. They would research heavily into their family background, finding things that didn't add up or were questionable."

"And Maridia's background didn't fit together?" Leia asked.

"No. We checked the mothers medical records going back nine months from Maridia's supposed birth, and there was not one doctor visit. With her other two children, she'd been consistent with prenatal care, but there was nothing for her last pregnancy. Also, the documentation of the birth was a forgery."

Leia moved closer, avoiding the machinery to her left. "How did the mother come to get the child?"

"I don't know. We visited her home, but Maridia wasn't there and the mother refused to answer any of our questions. We never found out how she came to have the child."

"And then the operation was shut down and the details destroyed," Luke added.

"They tried covering it up," Ematt said. "But I was able to save some of the information by hiding it deeper in the archives."

Leia was briefly shocked into speechlessness. Luke was the one who broke through the silence. "Why would you do that?"

Ematt averted his gaze to the ceiling. Leia heard every gulp of his repetitive swallowing. "I… I've always felt horrible for what happened to Maridia and Jacen. Even after all these years, I've never forgotten their names. Or faces." His skin flushed with anger. "But those senators did. That shouldn't happen to someone. People shouldn't be erased like that." He paused. "And…"

"And?" Luke pushed.

Calming down and frowning, Ematt said, "Something wasn't right about that whole operation. One of the names didn't fit with the others. All manner of his background checked out and I couldn't figure out why his name would be there."

"What name?"

"Korkie Kryze."

Leia and Luke responded simultaneously. "House Kryze of Mandalore?"

Ematt's eyes bounced between the two. "Yes. His name made me question what the list was for." _It should_ , Leia thought. There would be no reason for the Empire to look into House Kryze. "I tried bringing it up during a meeting, but the senators ignored me. It was then I thought them to be wrong. But I was young; trying to rise the ranks." His eyes shimmered, cheeks burned. "So I kept doing my job."

 _He's ashamed,_ Leia observed _. Ambition always has it's own set of consequences._

Deciding to look into House Kryze personally, Leia dampened her confusion and asked, "Did the senators ever try searching for Rey?"

"Only I did. They didn't care, so I did it personally. But after a year of looking, I came up with nothing." Taking in a shuddering breath, Ematt could no longer control his remorse. Tears streamed down his cheeks, getting lost in his thick, white beard. "I've been waiting my whole life for some sort of punishment. Only thing is… I deserve worse than this."

Narrowing her eyes, Leia became stern. "You're doing the liquid metal therapy, Caluan."

"Why should I?"

"Because you aren't the type of person who just gives up," she countered.

Ematt sniffled, trying to stop his nose from running. Grabbing a nearby tissue, Leia wiped at his face and patted his nose, a gesture she'd done for Ben when he was just a boy. It was odd to do it for her friend.

"My time at the Resistance is over, isn't it?" Ematt asked.

Leia placed the tissue on the nearby table. "Yes."

"Am I to be prosecuted for what I've done?"

"A trial like yours would fall under the jurisdiction of the New Republic. Seeing how what's left of the government is scrambling to keep control, I doubt they would ever look into this."

"What will happen to the girl?"

Luke's stare burned into her, waiting for Leia to answer. "We're still trying to figure that out." _Like a true politician: Never giving a complete answer_ , her inner voice said.

The rods connected to Ematt's head squeaked as he tried to turn his head. "She can't be punished for this, Leia," he implored. "I ruined that girl's life. She deserved justice."

"What she did was revenge."

"Does it really matter?"

Leia wasn't sure.

The door opened. A medical droid entered and asked them to leave so Ematt could have privacy for his daily changing. Ematt watched her as she walked to the entrance and left.

She was allowed only two steps into her office before Luke pegged her with his questions.

"What is going to happen to Rey, Leia?"

Wheeling around, Leia didn't hide her annoyance. "I could ask you the same thing, and neither of us would have an answer." She went to the desk, rifling through the stacks of datapads.

"She can't be arrested or detained."

"I know."

"She's important not just to Ben, but to–"

"I know!" Leai repeated harshly, slamming the datapad onto the desktop. Luke stared at her, expressionless. R2's head swiveled from one twin to the other. "You act like I've forgotten the underlying problem of Snoke. I haven't. But I also have an entire Resistance to run and a government on the cusp of disintegrating entirely. Both take up the majority of my time." Leia sat indignantly and picked up the datapad. Luckily, she didn't break it. She put on a show of going through reports and memos, but really, her brain didn't register a single word of what she was reading.

Luke waited a couple minutes before taking a seat in the guest chair across from her. "Still haven't heard from Ben?"

Frustration mixed with worry at the mention of her son's name. Leia glanced up. "Finn sent me a message that they were fine, but they still haven't found her."

"You were hoping to hear from Ben, though." She heard the lack of a question in his tone.

Leia remained silent. Luke already knew she wanted to hear from Ben. She didn't need to add anything. Not much to add anyway. Was she disappointed that her son still wouldn't take the time to contact her? Of course. Was she tired of complaining about it? Absolutely. Should Luke stop trying to talk to her about it?

 _Yes._

Luke sat there, staring at her with all the patience in the universe, looking like the knowledgeable Jedi Master everyone thought him to be. Keeping her eyes on her hand-held, Leia went for a change in subject. "I'm going to organize an assault against one of the First Order's factories. Plans should be finalized by tonight." Halfway through, she had started frowning, a deep tug in her mind stretching to the pit of her stomach, making her squirm.

As always, Luke picked up on it. "What's bothering you?"

Leia sighed, but tolerantly this time. "There are some details that just don't make sense." Placing the datapad to the side, she rested her arms on the desk. Her voice dipped low, even though they were alone. "If these factories are indeed as important to them as Ben said, why was there no measure of security? Snap and his team could have flown directly over them if they wanted to."

Luke stroked his beard, thinking. "Could be they think those locations are safe."

"It's not like the First Order to think that way. And Ben is with us now." _Mostly_. "They have to know he would give us intel."

"Maybe they are pulling most of their military elsewhere."

Leia considered that for a moment. "You think they could be moving against Coruscant?"

"That's a very strong –"

Statura abruptly entered. His eyes went immediately to Luke, making him freeze as if intimidated.

"Admiral, the meeting isn't for another hour –" Leia stopped as she further scrutinized Statura's demeanor. His eyes were sunken in, beads of sweat culminating above his brow. His hands shook.

Before she could speak Luke shot to his feet, lids popping wide. "Sound the alarm to evacuate the base," he hastily ordered Leia as he strode to her.

"What's going on?" Bewildered, Leia twisted her arm from Luke's tugging grasp.

"The First Order isn't going to Coruscant," Luke spoke quickly. "They're coming here."

Unmoving, she held her brother's hard gaze. Then she was staggering to the panel behind her desk, frantically entering the code to initiate the evacuation signal.

The low, rhythmic alarm sounded off from the hallways.

"I'm sorry," Statura whispered, down casting his glimmering stare to Leia's ornate rug. "They have my wife and daughter." Luke and Leia stilled momentarily.

"How much have you told them?" she asked.

"Everything."

Leia walked up to Statura. "How much time do we have?"

"Minutes. I came to tell you. And now my family will die because of it. But I just…" The man now looked to be a child, conflicted and terribly desolate. "I didn't know what to do, Leia. I'm so sorry."

"Leia. Lets go," Luke said from the entryway. Leia ignored him.

She stepped closer to the man that has been her confidant for so long. The man that was there for her when her own brother and husband couldn't be. "We can get your family back. If you come with us –"

"No," he said sternly. "I have cemented their fate. As well as my own.

Lips quivering, voice cracking, Leia whispered, "But I need you."

Statura's features slightly softened, his voice low and full of absolute sincerity. "General, you've never needed anyone." They held each other's gaze for a moment, her heart threatening to burst.

Leia extended her hand. Statura took it.

"Leia!" Luke yelled as this time he forcibly pulled her away. She didn't fight him. "He doesn't want to leave, and we need to go."

Leia stole one last glance at her dear friend before being led into the hallway.

()()()()()

Poe meandered through the breakfast line, stacking various foods onto one plate, creating a mound of calories. Should be enough for both him and Jess– or just him. He wasn't exactly sure what she preferred to eat in the mornings.

Munching on one of the berry muffins, he walked back to Jess's room, his bulky orange flight suit swishing with every step.

All through the night, the two of them had gone over the plans for their upcoming mission, both not wanting to get a second of sleep until everything was in order. Most was by the time Jess conked out at five in the morning. But Poe kept working on the back up plans. From experience, he knew those were just as important as the original design.

But even Poe had his limits when it came to lack of sleep. To wake himself up, he took his X-wing for a much needed maneuver drill, viewing the sunrise in the process. Those quiet, tranquil moments had a way of reminding him of his mother. Like she was actually there with him. Pointing out the different colors in the sky as his childlike eyes looked upon it all in wonder.

Entering the room, Poe slowed his footsteps and lightly walked to the desk. Jess was hunched over, her head resting on her arm as strands of her dark hair hung over her relaxed face. Quietly setting down the feast, Poe moved closer and crouched by her side. To get a better view, he carefully brushed the hair from her features, the tips of his fingers softly caressing her youthful skin.

Her eyes opened. Poe froze. There was a long moment where neither moved. Both just stared.

And then he kissed her. Kissed her like he'd forgotten any other mouth his lips had ever touched. Kissed her until she moaned. Kissed her with his hands cupping her face. Slowly. Taking his time like there was nowhere else he'd rather be.

Both now standing, she grabbed onto his flight suit and pushed him up against the wall, their soft lips now turning into passionate tongues. Hands dipping below her shirt, his fingers scrapped against the contours of her back, causing her to groan.

Jess answered his touch by going for the zipper of–

An alarm sounded out in the hall, making Jess scramble back and instinctively get in a fighting position. Poe's heart, which was already beating fast, now skyrocketed.

"The First Order," he said. Jess met his stare. "We need to leave."

They darted from the room and through the maze of corridors. As he pushed through the throngs of people, Poe commed BB-8 to meet him at his X-wing.

The base shuddered.

Lights went out, casting the halls into darkness before the emergency power activated. Even though the base was old, they had taken the necessary precautions to have an off-site battery and a supplementary generator. But that was only going to last so long.

Sprinting into his assigned hangar, Poe skimmed to a halt. He heard the screeching of incoming TIE's.

Outside fire entered the open hangar, hitting Poe's precious X-wing. It was a perfect shot right on the fuel line.

Poe hit the ground hard. His sight took a few seconds to refocus. Sloppily, he wiped soot from his face with the back of his hand, but smoke had filled his eyes with tears.

Just as he started to believe BB-8 had perished with his ship, the astromech was by his side, nudging him fully back to consciousness. He sat up, trying to show his elation over his best buddy being alive. All that came out was a string of coughs.

Poe gazed at the damage. All the X-wings were in flames. People were running away, wraiths in the smoke. Others were so brightly lit by the fire, they looked like they were burning. Then they were obscured by more smoke.

Jess ran up, panting. Poe stood. "Are you okay?" she asked.

He cleared his throat. "We need to find a ship."

Jess agreed.

The two humans and droid trekked to the next hangar, one that was used for bulkier storage. Poe did remember seeing some A-wings in there last week, though.

No luck. All the fighter ships were either gone, or crushed from parts of the fragmented ceiling, leaving Poe with minimal choices of the bigger transports. His roaming eyes stopped on a CR90 corvette, the smallest of the choices. And the only ship to be manufactured by the Corellian Engineering Corporation. If anyone knew how to build fast, turbo packed vessels with a punch, it was the Corellians.

"The corvette is our best chance," Poe decided as they sprinted to their only lifeline.

"You aren't worried about the axial blind spot?" Jess asked when they got to the ramp.

"Our options are–"

"Poe!" They turned at the sound of his name, seeing Terr rushing towards them, holding a bundle of blankets in his arms. _That isn't a blanket_ , Poe realized. _It's a baby_.

A few meters behind Terr was Lizari and Garreaus, the burly man holding on tight to a small child.

Loading ramp lowered, Poe motioned for them to run faster. Another explosion. Another chunk of the ceiling crashing down not too far from the vessel. Poe put his sleeve up to his nose, trying not to breath in the duracrete dust, his eyes squinting as he tracked the outlines of the trio.

Helping the newly acquired passengers onto the ship, Poe ordered them to go to one of the back cabins to strap in. Jess and him headed to the front.

In the cockpit, Poe took the lead, firing up the engines as BB-8 tethered himself to the floor. Launching the ship through the newly created hole, his heart skipped a beat from dread. Two Star Destroyers blanketed the sky. Hundreds of Tie fighters swarmed the convoluted battle. Beyond the atmosphere was unpolluted space, evidence that Trend had ordered the Resistance fleet into hyperspace before all hell had broken loose.

Immediately the ship was pummeled by laserfire. Targeted by seeker drones. Swarmed by wave after wave of TIEs. The Star Destroyers left little opening for straight out escape. The only option was to fly parallel for as long as possible till they cleared the Star Destroyers.

But Poe was being overwhelmed. Already the shields were at half capacity. It was going to take a lot of jinking and junking to make it.

There were hundreds of flashes, each propelling their own repercussion that rattled his bones. Astromech squeals could be heard over the radio, along with their masters– then, nothing. They were gone. Not just from their demise, but the radio signal was starting to be jammed. Cockpit going silent, Poe's pupils were still able to witness the Resistance pilots and soldiers being taken out in mass quantities.

Maybe this was the end for him as well.

And for those on board.

 _The children…_

Shoulders tensing, Poe pulled the steering yoke, sending them arching upward after a TIE as he initiated the dual turbolasers. He would have to fight his way through. Jess handled the ion cannons, her mind synched with Poe's resolve.

But then…. A gap between the two Star Destroyers appeared as one of them drifted to the east. Poe couldn't calculate why the change in formation, but he wasn't about to let the confusion occupy his mind for too long. Scraping his old strategy, Poe made a daring decision.

"Reroute all utility power to main thrusters," he ordered.

"Roger, Black Leader." Jess's hands danced across the console, her expertise aiding in getting his command done in seconds.

Poe launched them straight up, the extra power gluing his spine to the back of the chair. His stomach clenched, lungs ached from the sudden acceleration and gravitational pressure. But he didn't blink. Didn't allow his hands to slip from the yoke.

This attempt at escape was so forward and so crazy, he was banking on the First Order not being prepared for someone to attempt it.

And he was right.

Breathing through pursed lips, grasping onto consciousness, Poe pushed the vessel beyond its capacity, soaring right through the small gap. He cleared the duo battlecruisers.

Jess looked over at the sensory readings. "Four plasma cannons coming at us."

Well, _almost_ cleared them. "Hyperdrive ready?"

"Ready."

 _A little more. A little more_. The blue sky was swapped out for the blackness of space as Poe waited for the precise moment. "Now!" Jess pulled the hyperdrive lever and jumped the ship to lightspeed.

Poe's body slackened, his chin resting on his chest, arm dropping to his lap. Breathing heavily, he glanced over at Jess. Her pained stare remained straight ahead. Her shoulders curled over her chest. Skin drenched in sweat and dripping down her face. Some droplets could've been mistaken for tears.

Poe went for the radio, altering the communication channel. It was difficult to do with the sudden onset of hand tremors.

"What are you doing?" Jess asked, her inflection laced with confusion.

"The radio signal needs to be adjusted so we can contact others when we drop–"

"Why bother?"

Poe stopped. His gaze flicked upward. "Excuse me?"

She met his stare without blinking, her features a mixture of frustration and anguish. "Did we not just experience the same thing? There is no one in the Resistance to contact."

"General Organa –"

"Is dead."

"She's alive," Poe snapped at her. "And before you ask me how I know, it's because the one person who could survive an attack like that is Luke Skywalker. Your idol. Remember? And he would make sure his sister made it out with him. No matter the fucking cost."

Jess looked down at the metal flooring and fell silent. After a few breaths, she gently said, "Poe. The Resistance is gone."

Unbuckling from the pilot's chair, he stood and glared down at her. "As long as I'm still breathing, I am the Resistance. And I will make sure the First Order pays for what they've done." He headed for the entryway. BB-8 stayed in the cockpit.

"Alone?!" Jess exclaimed, following him down a hallway. "That's suicide."

He wheeled around, causing Jess to almost walk right into him. "I'd rather die fighting than rot in a far off planet like a coward. And frankly, I'm surprised you don't feel the same."

"I just watched my friends die out there," Jess's voiced hiccuped. "People who were your friends too."

"Then go take a minute to cry about it. And then get back to work." Jess recoiled as Poe turned and went into a small room used as an armory. He picked up one of the blaster pistols and ran a check on it, reading the bolt levels, assessing the weight and sight.

All the while, Jess watched him with a disapproving stare. It took a moment before she found her voice. "How can you be so callous?"

Weapon still in hand, Poe slowly faced her. "Callous? I'm not the one who wants to make their deaths stand for nothing. You want to know what being callous actually looks like? If you don't want to fight with me, you can see yourself out the airlock." Jess's mouth slackened, her shock over what he just suggested morphing her features into disgust. Poe took a step closer. "I am done with the back and forth defeats and wins. More people die and more planets are decimated from this war. So you're either on my side, by my side, or in my fucking way." Jess stayed silent. Poe read that as an answer. "What's the destination you're sending us to?"

Jess clenched her jaw before saying, "My home planet."

Poe laughed with an edge. He holstered the pistol. "How convenient. You can move back in with your family while I do what needs to be done."

She reached out to him. "Poe–"

" _Commander_ Dameron," he corrected her harshly. She lowered her arm. "And while you're at it, scrub what happened between us back at the the base from your memory. Cause I don't fall for quitters."

He stomped out, feeling like he was being suffocated in that room. Not really familiar with the corvettes layout, he thought he was going in the general direction of the kitchen. The tremors were spreading across his body and getting worse. Some sugar should help with alleviating that problem.

Passing the passenger cabins, his ears caught the low timbre of voices. And high pitched wailing.

Poe slowed. Then came to a complete stop.

Terr came out at the precise moment to find Poe standing there. At first neither knew what to say.

Terr put his hand out. Poe grabbed it. "I didn't think we would make it," Terr voice cracked as he gave Poe's arm a shake. "Even I wouldn't have been able to fly through that." The two men unlatched their palms.

"Guess that makes me the better pilot," Poe commented.

Terr smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "You saved us. I mean it when I say thank you. And we'll always be in your debt."

Poe nodded, suddenly losing his voice. A voice called out to Terr. He went back inside, leaving Poe to be alone.

The shakes took over his legs. He grabbed at the wall. There was nothing to hold onto. He went to the floor. Pressure built up inside his lungs, his face turning red as he tried to hold it in. He crawled to the nearest quarters before another person came out to show him gratitude.

There, Poe cried for lost friends. Unfair disadvantages. Insurmountable odds. And for some reason, his dead mother.

Poe kept the sobs quiet. And did his mourning in private.

()()()()()

Luke and Leia hurried down the long passage, their footfalls intermingling with the rest of the frenzied soldiers. Everyone was scrambling to fulfill protocol. Luke was never officially assigned any duties upon arriving at the base, but he didn't need orders when it came to protecting his own sister.

Luke wondered how long it would be before the walls became breached and stormtroopers flooded the area. Do they truly only have minutes? He quickened his pace, pulling Leia along in an attempt to get to her shuttle.

But everyone knew the face of Leia Organa. They were stopped and bombarded with questions at every turn. Her responses would be short, but Luke would prefer her to ignore the queries all together.

Suddenly, everyone started to slow and hush, listening to what sounded like a distant vibration. A dull current, like blood in the ears. _Star Destroyer_. It was the engines. And they were now out of time.

The roar of canon fire came first, then the furry of destruction next. The blast tore the corridor apart. The light from outside streamed in, bathing the damage. On the ground, Luke stood quickly, his ears ringing as his eyes scanned the scene. Off in the distance, another boom. More quaking.

The base was now a keg of cordylleum on a countdown to explode.

"Leia," he croaked and coughed. "R2." His voice was almost drowned out from the echoes of groans and shouts.

"Here." To his left, Leia lifted herself up, a cut above her right brow leaking blood down her face. Her hair, once elegantly tied up, was now in disarray, as well as her woven azure dress.

R2 came up beside her, helping with her balance.

"Are you hurt?" he asked, looking her up and down.

"Ask me that when we're out of here." Leia quickly looked over the injured soldiers, her hesitance to leave them obvious in her strained stare.

"Go General!" a man shouted. "You must go!"

Leia turned, grabbed Luke's hand, and ran down the only intact hallway. R2 followed. The life of the base surged all around them: lights flickered, walls crumbled, people ran wherever they could to survive.

Gaging from the direction they were going, Luke concluded Leia was trying to get to the hangar that housed her personal shuttle. Veering to the right, she was going to cut through the mess hall to save on time.

The three of them came to a sliding halt.

Stormtroopers filled the wide room. And immediately zoned in on their abrupt presence.

Turning back the way they came, Luke blocked incoming fire with his plasma blade, noticing that the blasters were set to stun. Rounding onto another hallway, they were met by more of the opposition. R2 beeped for their attention, and then launched himself up the stairs. The only route available.

The twins trailed behind him to the next level.

The troopers were firing more methodically now, their aim on Leia. Blocking shot after shot was starting to slow Luke down. And against his many protests, Leia refused to leave his side. She kept frantically firing, her arm never wavering. But then Leia went down, hit with a stun shot that had gotten through his defenses.

"Leia!" he shouted, kneeling down over her to give protection.

Even though he knew she was alive, the sight of Leia's limp body rocked him. Luke felt the panic swelling up inside. He couldn't breathe. His heart pounded in his chest. His veins filled with ice water.

Luke looked from Leia to the troopers and back again.

 _Boom_.

Luke was suddenly on the floor, stunned. His focus came back more slowly this time. Grit was in his mouth, his ears. In his eyes. Smoke and filth and his eyes were streaming. He spit, trying to get his mouth clean. Rubbed his eyes gently, trying to dislodge the dust. He glanced next to him. Leia was still alive, covered in soot, but essentially unharmed. The corridor the troopers had been in, however, was completely gone.

R2 came up beside him, letting Luke use him as an anchor so he could stand. He hacked some more, clearing his airway before bending down for Leia.

With Leia back in his arms, R2 lit the way through the base. He wasn't sure where R2 was leading him, and it was eerie not to pass a single soul along the way. He heard screams. He heard shouts. He heard blaster fire and felt canon vibration. But never saw anyone. Alone was his plight. And at this point, it was all about putting one foot in front of the other.

R2 stopped and opened a rusted door to the outside, the light making Luke squint. Stepping onto dirt, the sight of ships almost lifted his spirits, but then he realized that all of them were only halfway together. If that. This place was the scrapyard of ships. Maybe with a week's time, Luke could make one of them decently function.

Walking through the decrepit vessels' final resting place, he made it to the edge, getting a full view of the valley. With a probing gaze Luke watched the massacre in the sky, as well as down below. Ground troops had come on transports, engaging with those who were fleeing from the crumbling base on foot. The loss of life was a tear in the Force that made him want to fall to his knees and plea to the greater universe to stop the bloodshed, to spare the innocent.

No prayers. No begging. This was his life– to survive one battle after the next. Always moving forward. Till even the smallest of chances gave him the victory of peace.

Luke wasn't sure what prompted him to look up at the Star Destroyer. Didn't know where the radical idea came from. _It's only radical until you've proved it possible_ , Leia had told him after the Empire's demise.

But exhaustion weighed him down. If he were to do this, he needed more energy from a piece of organic matter.

Laying Leia under a ships wing, he placed his palm on her forehead and held her hand. He left her with enough strength to stay alive, but not enough to wake anytime soon. _She'd understand_ , Luke inwardly told himself. Truly, he felt guilty doing this, but good people were being slaughtered out there.

And he needed to give them a chance to escape.

Luke stood, the blood running through his veins now potent with power. Arms stretched out, palms open, robes tossing in the breeze, he sought after the energy that ran through the targeted Star Destroyer. Such power was a beacon unto the fabrics of existence and was not difficult to find.

Luke blinked furiously, trying to physically focus. His vision was weird. More than just exhaustion. A blur that turned neon when he moved his eyes slightly away. But then he realized that physicality had nothing to do with the fundamentals of the Force. Yoda had taught him that.

Closing his eyes, he let go of the tension in his shoulders and dove deeper into the epicenter of his will.

Tethering to the energy, the connection became complete. And he pushed. Mentally. Spiritually. Aggressively. The core of his being raged with his might, the strength of the Force igniting his atoms and morphing him into something cosmic, otherworldly. Suspension of sound and feeling made him lose grasp on time. But he could sense his progress. Could envision the Star Destroyer drifting further and further to the surface, until finally…

A shockwave sent Luke staggering back.

Link now severed, Luke fell to the ground, small pieces of stone cutting into his palms. Head hanging, he willed himself to look up. The Star Destroyer jutted out of the earth, the roaring fire in the engines blowing the structure apart piece by piece. This shocking sight seemed to slow the fighting, especially on the side of the First Order.

R2 wheeled up to him, whistling.

"I'm fine," Luke reassured the droid. Eyes drifting from the crash, Luke searched among the closest First Order transports. There, in the middle, was a command shuttle.

Hoisting Leia into his weaker arms, Luke and R2 hurried down the slope, the sight of them going unseen. All of the stormtroopers were either still fighting, or their attention was on their obliterated battlecruiser.

Once at the shuttle, Luke dispatched a group of security troopers with a Force push and walked onboard. Two officers came at him. He stunned them and telekinetically shoved the bodies off the spacecraft.

In the cockpit, he strapped Leia and himself into the pilot seats and fired up the engines. Soaring into the sky, he met little opposition. Clearing the atmosphere, he punched in the coordinates to one of the last remaining friendly planets he could think of. The navicomputer dinged a moment later with a clear route.

Luke sent the ship into hyperspace.

Removing the flight restraints from both him and Leia, he placed her down on the hard, cold floor, voicing his apologies on needing to take from her own personal well of power. Slowly, he lowered himself next to her, his heavy lids fluttering from fatigue, the pull of sleep impossible to fight.

Silently R2 watched the twins, his observant radar eye never leaving the slumbering duo.

 **There be some hard times ahead folks! Poe had his own emotional spiral, Luke and Leia are off on their own, the Resistance is scattered. Next chapter is all about Ren and Rey. So for those who miss the main duo, read on!**


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter Thirty-seven:

The tall trees rose out of the earth to brush the sky, its sun-dappled leaves creating flickering shadows on the ground. Birds whistled. Squirrels chattered. Insects hummed. The life of the forest seemingly unaware of the two humans facing each other.

A mosquito landed on Rey's arm, but she didn't swat it away. She couldn't move.

Finn was here. _Here_. Meters away.

It was only a few moments ago that she believed she had so much more time to come up with the apologies and explanations.

More time before she faced the ones she wronged– face who she had become.

But lately, it was like Rey was stuck in one of those running wheels for mice: the faster she ran, the faster she didn't get anywhere. Nowhere in the galaxy could grant the distance she needed to get away from herself. Or from others, evidently.

Rey didn't move as Finn walked down the path. Didn't smile when he stopped an arms length away. But she knew that he was glad to see her, knew it because of the way his eyes never left her face.

Her voice barely worked. "What…. How…. Why are you here?"

Before she could blink, Finn swept her off her feet and wrapped her in a warm and comforting hug. "Because I'm your friend, and I needed to know you were okay."

She held on tightly to his shoulders. "How can you say that after what I've done?"

After a moment, Finn put her down, his hands grasping her upper arms as his eyes searched her face. "Rey, Ematt is alive," Finn enunciated.

…."What?"

"His spinal column was only partially severed. Dr. Kalonia was able to get to him in time before it became worse. He is alive."

Rey was having a difficult time processing what she just heard. "He–he's alive?" she repeated.

"Yes."

Rey took a few steps back and turned away, her hand clutching at her chest. Her heart was thudding intensely, making her breathing come out sporadically. _Am I going to faint?_ She'd never done such a thing before. Not when it came to getting the best news of her life.

 _I'm not a murderer_.

Finn gave her the needed space. "I guess we should all be thankful that Ren didn't teach you how to efficiently kill people. The outcome would have been vastly different," he chided, trying to sound upbeat and failing. Rey stilled. "Sorry. Inappropriate joke," Finn amended. "Guess I'm nervous."

She pivoted to face him. "Nervous? Are you afraid of me?"

"Gods no!" Finn basically shouted. He took a few steps toward her, then stopped. "I was just expecting you to maybe run away at the sight of me, and…"

"What?"

He shrugged. "I want to say the right things to you. I'm just not sure what that is."

Rey took in a shuddering breath. In a deep, aged voice she said, "Neither do I." Rey walked over to a dead log and sat, being careful not to sit on the bed of moss and mushrooms. Finn came over, dead leaves and pine needles crunching underneath his boots. He took a seat on the mushy part next to her.

"How are you? Really."

Rey sighed, a heavy sound that edged toward a sob. "Not well."

"It's the guilt, isn't it?"

She gave a curt nod. Her eyes scanned the trees and bushes as she said, "I'm not sure how to live with it. Ematt's alive, but what I did to him and Ben was horrible."

The wind suddenly whirled between distorted trunks, carrying the distinct smell of rotting wood and mustiness from the leaves. Finn waited for it to die before answering, "It was difficult to watch."

Rey's posture stiffened as she jerked her head, pushing her hair back to look at him. "Watch? There's a holovid?"

Finn nodded sensitively. "Not many people have seen it, if that makes you feel any better. Just the higher ups, me, and Poe."

She squeezed her eyes shut. "What you must think of me."

Finn angled his torso in her direction. "I think you were that little girl again, the one who was left to fight on her own on a merciless planet. And when you finally found out who was responsible for that outcome, you snapped." He held her hand between his palms. "Rey, I don't blame you or judge you for what you did. If I was put in that situation, I honestly don't know what I would've done."

"I thought you'd hate me," she said softly.

"No, no, no. I could never hate you, Rey. Believe that. I will always be your friend. I will always fight for you. And I will always come after you. So if you run off again, just expect to run into me on a random path that leads to nowhere."

She chuckled. Nodded. Then he gave her back her hand.

For a while, Rey just focused on breathing. On enjoying the company of a familiar face. "You know, I was ready to die with you in that forest," Rey began to say as she reminisced. "I ran back to you after ending the fight with Ben, and I just put my head on your chest and cried. But then Chewie showed up, and the joy I felt was so pure…" She paused, collecting her thoughts. "I always thought I would die alone, that I would get in some sort of scavenging accident on Jakku and my body wouldn't be found for weeks." Rey met his tender stare. "But dying with you, someone who's my friend, had been the first real privilege I've ever had in my life."

Finn nudged her with his shoulder. "Well… I'm very happy we both lived."

As a cool breeze rolled through, Rey tucked some hair behind her ear. "Me too."

"Soooo…" Finn breathed out. "Ren is waiting on the Falcon."

"He's here?"

"Yeah. We've been searching for you."

"You two… have been working… together."

Finn laughed. That was the last reaction Rey expected. "Not gonna lie, I was questioning whether it was a good idea for him and me to be on a ship together. But I think we tolerate each other a lot better now. And I'm starting to get used to his dark sense of humor and how many times he has brought up that he can kill me. So far the count's at four." Finn stopped babbling when he noticed the color drain from Rey's face. "Are you okay?"

 _No_. Rey felt like she was going to be sick. Her gaze went to the dirt surrounding her boots. "I… the things I said to him…"

"I know." Finn leaned forward, trying to get in Rey's line of sight. "But you should know that Ren isn't mad at you either. All his focus has been on finding you. He really does care about you. But if you don't want to see him, you don't have to."

This panicked feeling she was experiencing would be best remedied with a few good laps up and down Ach-To's stairs. But seeing how her options were limited, she picked a stick off the ground, bending it up and down to give at least her fingers something to do. "Could you imagine him coming all this way and not being able to see me?"

"I don't care what he wants. What do you want to do?"

She scraped some of the bark off with her nail. "I'll talk to him." She glanced at Finn. "But can you sit with me a little while longer?"

They both swapped the stories of their travels, with Finn going first. Hearing that Ben saved his life, plus the two Wookies and the bounty hunter, made Rey swell with hope. Sounded like Ben was getting better at being a compassionate person. Though Finn described the whole skirmish on the Eravana vaguely, which she thought odd. How did Ren save their lives? Finn didn't say.

Rey found it easy to tell the story of her travels, starting at the end with meeting her grandmother and then working backwards. Finn was as attentive as ever, seeming to follow the out of sequence story with ease. His patience, the way he nodded and asked questions, made it feel like she mattered. Her story mattered.

It was in these moments Rey knew that if she ever lost Finn, she would never recover.

()()()()()

Ren had waited hours on the Falcon for Finn to come back. At one point, he was halfway down the boarding ramp, ready to go find out what was going on. But the planning, rational side of his brain made him turn around and pace out his anxiety. Ren wanted to go after her with every fiber of his being, but those fibers were what caused all this. So he gave Finn his chance.

And the trooper delivered.

Finn gave a summary of their time together, and explained where Rey was waiting. But when Ren came to that bend in the path with the rotting log, she wasn't there. She was close, though. That much he could sense. He felt for her through the Force and followed her flare of power.

As the light began to fade, it left behind shadows and dark patches to surround him. Small, beady eyes of animal life followed him on his journey off the path and through the brush. Ren ignored the briars that caught at his trousers and the twigs that poked him. His focus was solely on Rey.

He stepped out onto a rocky shoreline, the pebbles glittering in different shades of grey and white. Waves lapped the shore lazily, knobby bits of driftwood and lake scum floating along the water's edge. Inhaling, his nose tickled with the smell of wet earth and algae.

His scope became broader, looking at the wide body of water. The sun-painted lake truly was mesmerizing, the colors becoming richer now that the sun was setting. This view cemented Ben's belief that Rey had a good eye for beautiful, intimate scenery.

Rey was sitting close to the shoreline. As he approached, he knew she could sense him. She didn't turn to greet him.

Ren sat on the stony surface next to her. He resisted the urge to hug her. Staring at Rey, she seemed different. Older. Seasoned. The loss of innocence seemed like a crime. But that was growing up for you: your innocence was a countdown of being obliterated by the circumstances forced upon you.

"Finn told me you found your grandmother," Ren said, his voice sounding like a scream against the silent backdrop.

Rey squinted as she kept her sight on the lake. "I did."

"The last few days have been very revealing for you."

"Almost too revealing," was all Rey said.

Her not elaborating or adding to the conversation made Ren think she didn't want him there. "So… is this it then?" he asked dejectedly. "Are you done with me?"

Rey inhaled deeply. "I don't think we could quit each other if we tried." She locked eyes with him, and earnestly said, "And I don't want to."

The breath left his lungs quietly. He'd been preparing to beg her to give him another chance, been running through what he would say while waiting on the Falcon. Hearing that she didn't want to walk away from what they had almost made him crumble to the hard ground in relief. Now he just needed to tell her that in no way does he despise her for what she did. "Rey–"

"Don't." She closed her eyes for a moment. "Don't say that everything is fine between us, or that what I did was okay. Because it's not. I know you don't want me to apologize to you, but I need to. I need this." Truly, he could see that this was important to her. So he didn't stop her. "While you did lie to me, I understand the "why" behind it. What I did… what I said to you, even bringing up your mother… I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have made you relive those memories. And it disgusts me that I took pleasure in hurting you."

Ren knew the regret she was in, for he'd been there himself. And while being around caring people helped, he ultimately had to climb out of that hole on his own. Hell, there were times he still felt like he was in it. Probably was. But whether in the chasm or not, he could definitely relate to her. He knew exactly what it felt like to trip and fall and agonize over the sudden impact. The only difference being her pit wasn't as deep as his. So her journey back should be less painful.

Hopefully.

"I hate myself so much for trying to kill that man," Rey continued. "And worse? Part of me wishes I succeeded. Twisted, isn't it?" she asked in validation.

His first instinct was to tell her to stop, store the memory away, and never return to that moment. But she wasn't a coward with her emotions. Never had been. "No, it's not."

Her gaze returned to the water. "I was so sure that what I was doing was right; that I was justified in taking his life because of what he took from me. But I've never felt so unlike myself. That darkness changed the way I thought and felt, and it was so easy to give in. And throughout all this, I can't even fathom how you truly must feel over killing your father. In that fraction of a moment, you committed to what you thought you wanted; believed all your problems would just go away. I thought those same things when facing Ematt. Nearly broke me when I realized nothing had changed. And now I feel saved that he is actually alive. But you won't ever get a second chance like that." Rey's voice lessened, her eyes that were staring so intently at the lake now turning to him. "The horror you must have experienced when you found out that all you ever wanted was a lie." Ren was speechless at how fast she turned the conversation to him, his heart leaping into his throat. Rey's stare softened as she lifted her hand and smoothly traced his scar. "I'm not ready to forgive myself for what I've done, but I'm ready to forgive you for everything. Especially what you did to your father."

He quickly looked away. Rey rested her hand back on her knee. He didn't deserve to be forgiven. Not from anyone. Not from himself. But hearing Rey say those words made him feel like the person he used to be. So selfishly, he took her offer of clemency and clutched onto it.

"But I'm not going to preach to you how you should forgive yourself," she added.

Ren nodded slowly. "You truly understand then?"

"I do."

Silence stretched after that. Ren eyed Rey picking fastidiously at a spot of something on her capris. While his body was content with being still, Rey was fidgeting, a sign that she was either uncomfortable or nervous. He felt it was a mixture of both. Maybe she was wondering over the uncertainty of their relationship, as he was.

But then she calmed, her gaze going upward to the first twinkling stars to shine through the dimming light. "What are you thinking about?" he asked.

"You've heard it before."

"Then tell me again."

She shrugged. "I'm just thinking about the times I had while I growing up when I would look at the stars and feel someone out there." Indeed, they had discussed this. But he didn't care that she was repeating herself. He just wanted to hear her voice. "It didn't have anything to do with my family, but I could swear I was actually connected to someone. And I would wonder if it was real, and if it was, if that person felt it too."

"I did," he reassured her. "All the time. I felt like I should search the galaxy for you."

"But you never did."

His thinking staggered for a moment. She'd never pointed that out so bluntly before. "No. I didn't," he admitted, defeated.

Rey hugged her legs to her chest, resting her cheek on her knees, hair falling forward as she gazed at him. "I wish you would have."

His hand came up to push those soft curls onto her back. She didn't stop him. "Me too. I could have found you before I… changed."

Rey lifted a brow. "How would that have gone? I'm ten years younger than you, remember?"

"It would have gone smoother than you think."

No detail was too small to share as he told Rey of the visions he had while visiting Ahch-To. The picture he described was clear, precise. Especially when he spoke of the possible future they could have had together. If only he had waited for his uncle in that café, all could have been different.

Happier.

Rey was silent for a long stretch of time, watching the last of the setting sun's light cascade its warm hues across the tranquil lake. She inhaled, her voice barely above a whisper. "And this future, it could have happened? You're sure?"

Eyes set upon her, because nothing else could ever hold his interest more, he said, "Yes."

Rey didn't immediately speak. She took air in little gasps. Like a toddler on the edge of tears. "You could have saved me from Jakku? You could have found me before I was internally scarred?"

Even though he could sense the anguish building up inside her, Ren replied with a yes. And then watched Rey break into emotional pieces.

Ren gathered her up, positioning her so she could face him, her legs straddling his sides. Rey buried her face into his neck, her arms wrapping tightly around his shoulders. Instinctively, he rubbed her back and whispered comforting words, all the while hoping he was doing the whole soothing thing correctly.

He decided to wait to tell her about Kayani's recent visit. Such news wouldn't help her right now.

As his ears rang and his heart broke for her, he held her steady against the gale of her cries. There was a reason why here and hear were separated by so little and sounded exactly the same. He heard her sobs, and stayed with her while she was vulnerable. That was all he could do as she fell apart– for as her tears fell for what seemed like forever, he would've held her even longer than that.

Sometime during it all, Ren lounged back onto the packed stones. Rey wiggled down, resting her head on his sternum. The soft interlude of the breeze soon replaced her sobs. And from Rey's deep, rhythmic breathing, Ren concluded she had finally fallen asleep.

Carefully, he walked them back to his freighter through the dark, his arms firmly under her thighs so she stayed in the same relaxed position. The whole experience made him think back to when his father would carry him to bed after he'd fallen asleep on the sofa, waiting to see one of his parents. Sometimes Ben had even faked it just so he could get his dad to tuck him in at night.

Coming to her room, he slipped their boots off and lied with her in bed, his arm still around her. Rey rustled awake, her exhausted eyes shifting up to his.

"Can you tell me a story? One you were told as a child as you fell asleep? I read somewhere that parents would do that."

Ren contemplated giving her the simple answer: that his parents never told him any bedtime stories. And while that was mostly true, his mother did, on occasion, tell him one. And he still remembered his favorite.

Ren ran it through his mind quickly, polishing up his memory so he could do the story justice. He cleared his throat. ""There is a legend of a comet that circulates the galaxy, its path traveling through thousands of star systems. Its voyage always repeating. There was one star in particular that shined brighter and emitted more intricate colors than any of the other stars. This gave the planets in that system an attractiveness that none other could match.

The comet always looked forward to coming across this particular part of the journey.

Once the destination finally came, the comet immediately noticed the dullness of the star's light and the cloudiness of its mood.

"Why has your shine dampened?" the comet asked.

"I am in mourning," the star replied.

"What are you mourning?"

"The loss of one of my worlds."

The comet followed the star's gaze, noticing the emptiness of what used to be a stunning world, one that had been filled with the endless waves of iridescent water. "Ah, it is no surprise you weep for your fallen planet. Although I have only ever been a passerby, you alone could truly contemplate the world's beauty close at hand."

"But… was the world beautiful?" the star asked.

"Who better than you to know that?" the comet asked in wonder. "After all, it was your light it basked in each day."

The star was silent for some time. Finally, it said, "I mourn for the lost world, but I never noticed it was beautiful. I grieve because each time my light touched the sea, I would see my own beauty revealed to me. For that is what the world gave me– my reflection.""

As he went quiet, Ren was that little boy again, tucked tightly in bed. His mother stroking his cheek while whispering those soft words. He could still hear her telling him her own analysis of the story: " _While some would interpret the star as selfish, I never viewed it that way. Sometimes, true beauty is hidden in the ability to help others accept their own."_

Rey sighed, nestling closer. "What a lovely story." Ren smiled, because she understood the story as his mother did.

Rey drifted off quickly after that. She was so exhausted and slept so deeply, it seemed to rival death. Rey didn't move for a long time. Not even a twitch.

For Ren, sleep was more pervasive. But that was fine. If he had to be awake, this is where he would want to be.

()()()()()

Sitting in the pilot's chair, Ren pointed to another section of the control board. "What is this responsible for?"

Finn bent forward, his teeth chewing at his bottom lip. "It discharges any built-up static near the plasma combo injectors."

"What if you're flying a non-freighter?"

"I would have to do it manually after flight."

"What happens if you don't have it done?"

Finn opened his mouth, but was interrupted from a presence in the corridor. "The electromagnetic gyroscopes would be at an inoperable angle." Both men turned, seeing Rey leaning against the cockpit entrance. "This is an unexpected sight." She walked further inside, confused. "What's going on?"

Finn spoke up first. "Ren was getting fed up at my lack of flying skills and having to do most the work around here."

With the whites of her eyes showing, Rey looked at Ren like this was the first time she'd ever seen him. "You're teaching him how to fly? You?"

The two men glanced at each other. Ren shrugged. "Someone should do it. He needs to learn."

"Yeah, but…. " Rey hesitated. "Maybe from someone that has more of a teaching personality. Like Poe."

There were no light undertones to the comment, and Rey's face remained unreadable. Ren couldn't tell if she was actually trying to offend him or poke fun at him. "I can teach just fine."

"He actually hasn't been too bad," Finn interjected, although his voice didn't convey much confidence.

Ren eyed him dubiously before saying, "See. I haven't been too bad."

Rey didn't look to be convinced, but she didn't fight him on it. Resting her weight on the back of Finn's chair, she looked over the console to see what levers were pulled, what buttons were pressed. Ren went to resetting everything, thinking that he could give her a demonstration on how he's been teaching Finn. "So…" Rey said. "I was wanting to go see Soniee today."

"You think she'll talk to you?" Finn asked

"One way or another, she will. I was wondering if you could come with me?"

Ren adjusted the thrusters back to their usual setting while waiting for Finn to respond to Rey's request. But the guy didn't say anything. Looking over, he saw that Finn was watching him expectantly. Ren glanced behind, meeting Rey's uncertain stare. Then he realized the question had been aimed at him; not Finn. "You want me to go with you?" Rey shifted her weight and nodded. "I don't make great first impressions."

"I mean if you want to come, you can. I'm sure it would be fine. Just be yourself and be nice."

"Which one?" Finn quipped. "He can't do both."

Ren snapped his head so fast to the side it was a wonder it was still on his neck. "Have I killed you? No? Then I'm being nice."

Finn and Rey shared a look. "That makes five," Finn told her.

Ren stood, getting ready to leave. "What makes five?" he asked, annoyed.

Finn had the audacity to smile at him. It almost seemed mocking. "Just keeping a tally on how many times you threaten to kill me."

Ren rolled his jaw. "If you want to count the times I've thought about it, the number would be closer to thirty."

Ren could feel Rey's unease at what was transpiring, but that grin never left Finn's face. In no way did Ren mean that statement to be humorous. "Keep your comlink on so I can find you guys if I need to," Finn said. "And while you're gone, I'm going to give the General an update on us finding Rey. Anything you want to particularly add?"

Ren rotated his shoulders, letting the tension go. For now. "No. Just give her a report," he replied before turning to leave. He followed Rey off the Falcon, walking by her side while making sure not to get too close. Something felt off, like there was a disconnection between the two of them. It made him feel awkward. Uncomfortable.

Rey cleared her throat. "Thanks for bringing my stuff from the base. And for putting it all in my room. It was a nice surprise to wake up to."

"I thought you would like to have your things. I hope I didn't interrupt your sleep."

"Didn't hear a thing." Rey held a long branch back so Ren could get through. "Did you by chance read those datapads by the bed?"

"I couldn't sleep, so I skimmed through them. I didn't know you were so interested in botany."

It took Rey a second longer than usual to answer. "I met a botanist on Spira, actually. He's the one who gave them to me."

"And the pyro flower, I presume?"

"Yeah, that too. Did you water it this morning?"

He nodded. "Did you know that the pyro were in many of the gardens in Baron Hed on Sulon prior to the Imperial occupation of the moon? Then a bacteria threatened–." Ren stopped walking, noticing Rey's hard jaw and tight face. "What?"

Her brows popped, as she was surprised he noticed the subtle change in her features. "What?" she countered, facing him.

Ren let himself lean back against a tree, his casual leather jacket a barrier against the sharp bark. "You're mad. Why? And don't lie to me and say you aren't. I can also sense it."

Crossing her arms, she pushed back her shoulders. "I didn't want you reading those."

Ren frowned. "I apologize for going through your things. If I violated your privacy, that wasn't my intention." This would be so much easier if he really knew where he stood with her. But the topic of their exact relationship hasn't been brought up yet. Yesterday had been them just scratching the surface.

Ren rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged as he continued. "I just thought if you were interested so much in botany, then I wanted to know the fundamentals so I could talk with you about it."

Rey blinked, then dipped her chin and looked down at her boot shuffling away some pebbles. "Oh," was all she said, becoming deflated.

"Is there more to it than me just reading your books?"

Stopping with the reorganization of the dirt, Rey took a deep breath before lifting her head. "It's just…. Everything you do you're good at. More than good – you become an expert. I thought…"

"You wanted this to be your area of expertise," Ren finished.

She rolled her eyes and avoided his stare. "It's sounds ridiculous, I know."

"It doesn't. I can see where you're coming from. But just to clarify, you are a faster leaner than me." Rey glanced his way. "And maybe my intentions weren't completely unselfish." He swallowed. "Sometimes I look at life more like a competition."

For a few seconds, Rey just stared at him. Then smiled. "I get that way, too. So, I get it." A chuckle escaped through his nose. "And…" she added. Her smile thinned, drifting away. "I don't like how you treat Finn."

For an extended second his eyes remained unblinking on her serious face. A deep vertical line pulled between his brows, as if the statement smacked him upside the head and he hadn't quite recovered. "I treat everyone that way."

Rey spread out her arms. "Then I don't like how you treat everyone like they're the dirt beneath your feet." With how light his footfalls were, he could argue that he was way more kind to the ground than to actual people.

But he didn't. "Has this always bugged you?"

"Honestly? Yeah it has. I just haven't said anything till now because I thought you'd gradually start to be more considerate. But you're only that way around me. And you know what really gets me? I know you know how to be nice and friendly."

He does. It just drove him mad to act that way. But he could tell that his behavior was a substantial breaking point for Rey. "If it means that much to you, I'll be more courteous."

She nodded. When she didn't say anything more, he became worried. His eyes gazed down the pathway they were walking on, his thoughts jumping to conclusions that made him fearful. How did he tell her that all he wanted to do with the rest of his life was be with her? Without it sounding too aggressive and needy? _To hell with pride,_ he told himself. If he had to get down on his hands and knees and plead for her to stay with him, he would. He was totally ready to do it yesterday.

Time had certainly changed him over its short span. It wasn't too long ago that all he desired was power and absolution. Now, he would be content if he and Rey could find some corner of the galaxy and live out the rest of their days together.

"Ben?" His attention came back to her. Straightaway, he noticed her fidgeting fingers. Her darting eyes. "I can't help feeling like there's this… awkwardness between us. And I don't want there to be."

For a few heartbeats, he held his breath before being able to say, "I feel it too." For him, it felt more like uncertainty. Were they to be friends? Allies? Lovers? Equals?

What?

"Did I really ruin this between us?"

"No!" He moved closer to her, his hands becoming animated as his voice filled with passion. "You didn't ruin anything. People– No, relationships go through ups and downs all the time. This will pass," he said, like he knew what he was talking about.

Rey shook her head. "How do you know?"

"Because we both want it to." The answer didn't seem to assuage her doubts. He decided to try an example instead. "And…. my parents made their dysfunctional relationship work for the most part. And this is nothing like theirs."

"What is _this?_ " she asked, motioning between them.

He cupped her cheeks. "This is something that is very important to me. You are important to me. If there is anything that would last for an eternity, it's that. No matter what happens, I would sacrifice everything just to have you with me. Not in a tyrannical way, but as a partner. A confidant. An equal."

()()()()()

"I would do anything for you, Rey. Anything." As she looked into his imploring stare, she realized that I love you could indeed be said without actually uttering the phrase. "I love you."

But he still said it.

Going to her tiptoes, she pulled him down to her lips and kissed him. And the world fell away. Ben was slow and soft, comforting in ways words would never be. His hand rested below her ear, his thumb caressing her cheeks as their breaths mingled. She ran her fingers below his jacket and on his shirt, feeling down his spine. No space was left between them now. His tongue pressed against the seam of her lips and, at her grant of access, delved inside her mouth.

Rey pulled back before things became too passionate. They were out in the middle of a forest, after all.

"I love you, too," she said between taking gulps of air. "I never stopped."

Bens eyes glazed over in an almost narcotic stupor of yearning and delight. "Can we finish this later? Maybe tonight? In your room?"

She touched his cheek, and smiled mischievously. "I think I can arrange that."

They walked the rest of the way to Soniee's hand in hand.

The home was still the same as it was yesterday, it's mixture of durasteel and duracrete walls and roofing giving it a practical feel. It was simple. Not artsy in the slightest. Rey loved it.

"I told you not to come back here!" Soniee shouted over an unseen intercom. They halted their advance.

"Please," Rey implored at the house. "I beg you just to speak with me."

"Trying to convince me you're my daughter?"

Rey shook her head. Ben gave her hand a squeeze. "No. You're daughter is my mother. My name is Reyna. Jacen and Maridia were my parents.

The intercom was silent for a stretch of time. Rey altered her weight from one leg to the other, becoming antsy. "You her partner in all this?"

Rey looked up at Ben as he said, "I am her partner, but this isn't a scam to get your money. We already have more than we know what to do with." Rey's eyes widened. Ben gave her a faint smile. "What's mine is yours," he whispered to her. "Remember?"

Soniee's voice broke through the moment. "I'm not allowing you in here."

Rey put her attention back on the house. Her frustration finally hit a breaking point. "Then I'll force my way in," she said, determined.

Ben grabbed her arm gently. "Rey. You should use caution when talking with her."

"You should listen to him," Soniee said. "I have three mechanized laser canons pointed at you right now with my finger on the trigger."

Ben and Rey froze. Searching with their eyes, neither could find any semblance of weaponry. But Ben didn't want to take any chances. "We can come back tomorrow and–"

"No," Rey cut him off and wriggled from his grasp. "I came all this way and have waited so long for this." Rey glanced at the house. "And she isn't completely serious about blowing us apart. I can sense her apprehension."

"She is apprehensive," Ren agreed, "but she's also confused and angry. Those emotions do not render well to rationality."

Frustrated, Rey threw her hands up. "What would you do if you were me? If all the answers you ever wanted was behind that door?"

He looked at her, pained. If anyone could understand her need for the truth, it was Ben. "I wouldn't back down," he admitted. "I just… don't want your only potential family member to hate you."

"Something tells me she'll like me more for standing up to her."

Rey didn't wait for Ben's response. She walked closer to the house, her stance strong and firm. "You don't want to let us in, fine. And you have the right to blow us off your property if you so wish." Rey paused. "But I have something you will want to see. You want answers as to what happened to your daughter?" Rey pulled a datapad from her satchel and held it up. "I have them right here."

Ren did a double take, his mouth falling open. Rey ignored him.

The entryway opened. Rey hurried across the dirt yard as she brought the recording up on the screen. Ren stayed back a few feet, observing the situation.

The frail woman sat in a hover chair with her usual blaster in hand. Rey disregarded the blatant threat and shoved the small datapad in Soniee's face. The woman's stare reflexively went to the stilled video. "This is your daughter, right?" Rey asked.

Soniee gaped, and then ripped the datapad from Rey's grip. "What is this? Why is she locked in a cell?" Rey tried to get the hand-held back, but Soniee was quick in her hover chair as she backed further into the house and turned down a hallway.

Ben and Rey pursued her as Rey yelled after the older woman. "You shouldn't watch that without me explaining –." Rey stopped before rounding the corner. The recording had started, and she could hear the beginnings of the interrogation. Air growing thin, her breaths came in short bursts. She shook her head ferociously. "I can't listen to that. Not again." She ran from the house, taking in long drags of the pine-scented air. Wiping at her face with shaky hands, she paced among the trees and willed herself to start calming down.

It was a few minutes before Ben came out to join her. He stood between her and the house, patiently watching with worried eyes.

Rey's strides slowed. "I didn't know she would yank the datapad away from me," she explained defensively. "I was planning on telling her what was in it and then if she wanted to watch it, she could."

"I didn't know you had the recording."

"I don't. The datapad is Finn's. I figured one of you might have the vid. So I borrowed it before finding you guys this morning."

Ren's eyebrows popped. "You stole his datapad?"

"Borrowed," she corrected. Rey cradled her head, the realization of what she did weighing into her. "Oh god. What if I broke that poor woman? The rest of her family is dead, and then for her to see how her daughter died…"

"Young man!" Ben turned around. Rey peered through the trees that were partially hiding her presence. Soniee was out of her house, the hover chair heading straight for him. "Is the girl still here?"

Rey stepped into the clearing, catching Soniee's attention. The woman's glistening eyes looked her up and down, her saddened features transforming into awe. Soniee slowly closed the gap between them and held out a timeworn hand. Not knowing what to do, Rey went for a handshake, but Soniee grabbed on and gently beckoned Rey to her knees. Now eye level, the woman palmed Rey's round cheeks. "You're Reyna?"

"I am."

Soniee bobbed her head up and down as a new set of tears fell down her wrinkled cheeks. "You look so much like your mother." Soniee pulled her in, wrapping frail arms around Rey's torso. Overwhelmed, it took Rey's mind a moment to catch up to what was currently happening. But once it did, Rey relaxed into the older woman, careful not to crush her.

And all she could think was _finally_.


	38. Chapter 38

**Thanks to all who followed, faved, and reviewed the story! You all are the fuel that keeps me writing. Thank you!**

 **NightElfCrawler: Loved writing Ben teaching Finn how to fly. Basically I like writing all their interactions. And you're right about Rey growing up quickly. Less idealistic and more realistic. Perfect way to describe her journey. She did start off a bit naive, which was to be expected when your isolated for so long. But she's still a badass. Aletta Wolf: Always try to hit you guys with the emotions. And this chapter isn't any different. It's definitely slower than the last two chapters, but has a lot of information. Still, I hope you all like it! SheLitAFire: I know, I wish I could have done more with the Wookies. I honestly had more planned for them, but I need to cut this story down in places that aren't as important. Or else this story will be super, super long instead of just super long. lol. House Mandalore is in The Clone Wars cartoon, which I am a huge fan of. I will be putting more stuff from clone wars in my story actually. I will try to explain it all as best I can for those who haven't watched the cartoon. But seriously, you all should! And you are not far off about Mandalore. Not. At. All. hehe. Yeah, I've had the fall of the Resistance planned since I started writing, and then when I saw the trailer I thought, "What a perfect shot to put in the scene!" The legend Ben tells to Rey is based off of the story of Narcissus. I've always loved that story, so I twisted it around into the version that is in here. I forgot to explain that at the end of the chapter. But I was so tired and just wanted to post it. lol. I'll need to go back and add that. The family is minor characters, but I didn't want to leave their fate in question. So, they are saved! You think Poe is going to Jakku for the mission? Well, you find out in this chapter what he is up to. Juvia'sLoveRival: Hope the wait wasn't too long and harrowing! I love to hear how people binge read my story. Best compliment! It means I got ya hooked! lol. Thanks for the compliment. And I think once I am done with the story and have gone through to edit it, I'll start posting it in more places. Till then, I like the small fan base. KatMichBow: You, my dear, always have the best reactions. I love it. Yes, things may look bleak, but the light always finds a way. Ya'll just don't know what that way is. There still is a few more things that need to happen in the story before the end comes. So I hope you all don't get super impatient. The end is like this three part finale, and you might view it as a little dragged out. Which I know is a no-no in writing and film, but hey, this is my story. So I'll write what I want. I ain't gettin' paid for this. Most of you wanted more anyways, right? But we are probably down to maybe eight chapters left. Crazy! Rey will be spending more time with Soniee, but not as much as I would hope. Like I said, I have to cut down some parts of the stories or summarize it. And I'm glad everyone is enjoying the FinnBen dynamic. More to come!**

 **So as I said, this chapter is slower with no action in it. Most of it is about interactions. I have a lot that I still need to set up before we get to the end. Anyway, Enjoy the chapter!**

Chapter Thirty-eight

In his own personal shuttle, General Armitage Hux was flown down to what was left of the Resistances stronghold. The First Order had won a significant battle. But Hux was fuming. A Super Star Destroyer was now gone, and the cause in which it suddenly plummeted to the ground could not be found. One of his engineers even had the gall to tell him it was like a monumental cosmic push made it malfunction.

That man was demoted to sewage detail.

And already on the building list of failures was the humiliating debacle of finding the Eravana a floating pile of scrap metal. Obviously by Ren's hands. But the let down of not apprehending that snake had put Hux in a sour mood. Ren had a way of slipping through obstacles while leaving numerous bodies and torrential destruction in his wake. Hux didn't mind it as much when the man was on their side.

But with the change in allegiances, it was now a problem.

Hux stepped off the transport, smoke and ash still swirling in the air. The base was half obliterated, with random pockets of architecture still actively crumbling. Some parts were still useful, though. Among which was a hangar that was being used to store any remaining Resistance members.

Hux was initially disappointed with the numbers of only two dozen prisoners. But that number was probably low due to the high death toll. And really, having less of these toxic, idealistic people in the galaxy was always a benefit.

Troopers were going from prisoner to prisoner, scanning their palms on Galactic Identification tablets. So far, all of them were just generic soldiers or medical personnel; a bunch of nobody's that were unimportant in the eyes of the First Order.

Hux addressed the battered group. "I will take your willingness to answer my questions into consideration on deciding your fate." A few ears perked up. Some eyes pinched in defiance. But he could tell that someone in the crowd was going to talk. "Was the evacuation signal given before we arrived?" Because Hux was expecting to fight with the Resistance armada. But had found the fleet to be gone.

A heartbeat of silence. Then, near the front of the group, a young woman with a nurse's patch on her lapel answered, "Yes."

Someone in the crowd tried shutting the her up. "Chraja–"

"About ten minutes before," the nurse added skittishly. Pity Statura couldn't keep his word. Now Hux had to make the decision of what to do with the man's wife and daughter.

Towards the back, a stormtrooper hoisted an older woman to her feet and brought her before him. Hux looked over the tablet, instantly intrigued by the information.

"Harter Kalonia," he read out loud. "A doctor in various fields of practice. Says here you used to have your own private clinic on Hosnian Prime." He handed the piece of tech back to the trooper and eyed the woman. That bold stare showcased the doctor's resiliency. "Were you the personal doctor of Leia Organa?"

Kalonia didn't answer.

"She was," the nurse said suddenly. "They're good friends."

"Chraja," Kalonia bit out. "Keep quiet."

"I'm not dying over useless information."

"Not useless information. I assure you." Hux turned his calculating stare back to the doctor. "You must've known Ben Solo." Knowing she wouldn't respond, Hux studied her face and body language.

Nothing.

The doctor was a blank slate. A professional. But so was he. "You see, I do an extensive background check on the people I work with. Especially if the person is the son of the Resistance leader. You know what I found out about his youth? He was seriously starting to study medicine from the young age of eleven. All of his school courses started revolving around it before he was shipped off to Skywalker. And who just so happens to be a doctor that is close friends with his mother?"

And there it was. An eye twitch. So subtle, yet so telling. "It means nothing," she commented evenly.

Hux grinned. "Oh, I think it means something to him. Put her on board," he ordered the trooper. "Kill the rest."

The doctor screamed for him to show the others mercy as she fought against her escorts. But Hux would show none. The rebels cried out as they were put down by blaster fire.

All the while, Hux walked back to his shuttle, not looking back. Those banal people didn't deserve his time, even as they died.

Soaring up and through the atmosphere to the Finalizer, Hux was commed by Lieutenant Mitaka."Sir, there is news from the mainframe retrieval team. They were able to recover some deleted video of Kylo Ren's training sessions. Most of the material is choppy, but there are some good shots of his face we can use. Shall we leak it to the Holonet?"

Hux quickly shut his mouth before speaking. Pausing in consideration. Concocting a strategy around the idea that suddenly popped in his head. "Actually, no," he spoke into the device.

"No?"

"I want to wait to release the footage. But do give the ones who found it a promotion. Exceptional work always deserves a reward."

"Yes, General. I'll let the team know."

Armitage rested his fiery colored head against the durasteel, thinking over his decision. He wanted Ren to get comfortable, to show his unknown face to as many humans and humanoids as possible. And right when the incompetent thinks he's outrun the consequences of betraying the First Order, will Hux finally release the dug up recordings. What a riot it will cause, too. A huge bulk of Kylo Ren's recorded training sessions was of him executing Resistance scum after torturing them for information.

If that doesn't enrage people to try and kill him, he has one more bit of information he could throw in there:

The fact the man murdered his own father.

But all that would have to wait a little bit longer. Right now, Hux needed to focus on taking the galaxy's capital.

()()()()()

"My child," Soniee whispered in Rey's ear. "Where have you been?"

Rey loosened out of the embrace, still on her knees as she told her tale of Jakku. She weaved her life of scavenging to sound more optimistic than it was. But from Soniee's saddened eyes, Rey knew the woman could recognize the hardship that was hidden in her voice.

There were a lot of apologies from the older woman. A lot of blaming herself for not looking for them harder. Rey would have none of it. But no amount of consoling could stifle Soniee's guilt.

"I have a good life now," Rey reassured her grandmother. "I have friends. People who love me." She stood and motioned for Ben to join them.

Hands out of his pockets, and slightly hunched over to appear less intimidating, Rey introduced the two. "Ben, this is Soniee. Soniee, this is Ben."

He put his hand out and shook Soniee's gently, giving her a charming smile. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

Soniee smiled slowly as her eyes ran up and down his tall frame. Ben gave no indication of being uncomfortable by the obvious once over. He just stood there, looking like the nicest young man any girl would be glad to bring home to her family.

Rey was momentarily dumbfounded by the sudden transformation.

"How long have you two been together?" Soniee asked.

"Uhhhh…" Rey looked to Ben, who looked right back at her. "Well, we met a few months ago. And since then our lives have been very… intertwined, I would say."

"Love at first sight, then?"

Rey's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. She didn't know how to answer. Fortunately Ben answered with a deep, pleasant laugh. "More so for me than for her. I didn't make the best first impression."

Rey blinked at this young, enthusiastic man standing beside her, wondering if this was who Ben Solo used to be.

She cleared her windpipe. "He was very… forward."

Soniee nodded knowingly before patting Ben's arm and whispering, "You never want to be too forward with a woman, dear. It's a major turnoff to look so needy."

Ben chuckled, nodding his head. "I will remember that."

"Have you two eaten yet?" Soniee whirled around, not giving them time to answer as they kept up with her. "I have some gi dumpling soup simmering on the stove. Or I can put together some sandwiches."

On the way back to the house, Ben made conversation with Soniee about the soup, earning her praise when he named the dishes origin of being from Mandalore. They were still talking about the ingredients all the way through the hallways and into the kitchen.

But something wasn't right. Rey's body started to warm and her heart rate increased, like a bad case of anxiety. As Soniee rose out of the hover chair and walked to the chill box, she took Bens arm and drew him close. In a low voice, she asked, "Do you sense something wrong?"

He arched a brow. "Do you mean with Soniee?"

"No. Not with her." She exhaled, frustrated. "I don't know how to describe it."

"Maybe it's your nerves over being here."

It wasn't that. She was sure of it. But if Ben wasn't experiencing what she was feeling, than maybe she should let it go. His abilities in the Force were way more practiced and fine-tuned compared to hers.

Soniee placed the deep bowls on the counter, motioning for Rey and Ben to sit in the metal stools. Keeping her greedy appetite at bay, Rey civilly ate the delectable meal. Didn't even slurp once.

Rey was finding the decision to bring Ben along to be a good one. Growing up so isolated and alone, she still had problems with socializing and finding the right thing to say. And with Ben occupying her grandmother with talks of Mandalore, Rey had a chance for her eyes to roam and observe the surroundings.

There was not one holopic on the shelves. No warm decorations.

The inside of the home was a stark contrast to the outside: sleek metallic walls, sharp edges, and a corner of the living area designated to every piece of modern gadgetry the galaxy had to offer. Among them a security system showing the surrounding area of the house.

After gracefully declining a third helping, they made there way to the adjacent living area.

"You live alone?" Ren asked as he surveyed the technology.

Soniee moved to the loveseat, exhaling as she lowered herself. "I'm old, and yes, alone, but I'm not stupid. I prefer to be ready for anything." Anything must include an invasion. "Sit, please."

Rey sat stiffly on the sofa. Ben was close to her, arm spread across her back. Openly touching her in front of someone. Does she lean into him? Or stay how she is? How do couples act in public?

She wasn't sure.

Soniee pegged them with a serious stare. "I need to know about that vid. About what happened to my daughter and Jacen."

It was like Ben knew Rey couldn't talk about it, for he jumped right into all the facts that they knew. Rey listened, her jaw and shoulders tight, her eyes on her knees. She didn't want to watch Soniee's reaction. But her ears still picked up on the woman's sniffling and soft gasps. And Soniee became enraged at the idea of Maridia being a secret descendant of Palpatine. Even going as far as cursing the New Republic for having murderers as senators. Ben didn't refute her claim.

The room fell quiet for a long stretch of time as Soniee composed herself.

Ben was the one to speak up. "Where exactly is Maridia from?"

Soniee wiped at her eyes with a shaky hand. "She's from here."

"But she isn't your biological daughter."

"No." Soniee glanced at the bare wall, as if there used to be a picture of a memory there. "While Maridia was born here, I am originally from Mandalore. In my youth, I entered the Royal Academy of Government and studied politics alongside my friends. The four of us were a tight nit group, and very patriotic to our homeworld. Even uncovered the Prime Minister's conspiracy to involve Mandalore in the black market trade network. We went on a lot of adventures together. Some good." Her voice went soft. "Some disastrous."

Soniee pulled a tissue from her pocket, coughed, folded it back up. "When the Empire formed, Amis and I joined the rebellion. His place was on the front lines, while I remained in the background. With my knowledge of technology and code, my job was to decrypt important Imperial messages. I met Jax during that time. He funded large parts of our operations in secret, and came to see exactly what we did." Soniee lightly chuckled, shaking her head. "Never thought I would marry someone who wasn't Mandalorian, but I'm glad I did. He was a great man and a good father."

Another moment of silence. Another look at the walls.

"Anyway, Amis died shortly after my wedding. And I still had no idea where Korkie or Lagos were. I thought they would've joined the cause with Amis and I, but they just disappeared right after the Empire rose to power. I tried finding them to tell them about Amis, but I came up with nothing. So I kept going on with my life. Months later I found out I was pregnant and was stationed on Dandoran with my husband."

"When you say Korkie, do you mean Korkie Kryze?" Ben asked.

"I do."

Rey looked between the two, puzzled. "Who's Korkie Kryze?"

"He's the nephew of Duchess Satine– leader of the New Mandalorians," Ben explained. "They both belonged to House Kryze, a very prominent political family during the Clone Wars."

Narrowing her eyes, Soniee said, "You sure do know a lot for being so young."

"I like studying history. And I'm not that young, I assure you."

"Everyone's young to me." Soniee was studying Ben differently than before. Like she could sense there was something more to him than what he let her see.

"Did you ever find out what happened to Lagos and Korkie?" Rey questioned.

"A few years later, they finally contacted me. Wanted to visit. Seeing them again… I admit, I was quite angry with them. But Korkie promised me all the hiding was for a very good reason. That it was very important that they were not to be found. It was also a shock to learn that the two of them were together. And that Lagos was expecting."

"So I let them stay with us for a while to figure out their next move. But weeks turned into months, and Lagos was getting closer to her due date. Then three weeks before the baby was supposed to arrive, she went into labor. We had our own personal medical droid, but there was only so much it could do… and Lagos and Korkie refused to go to the med center. Said it was too dangerous. Jax and I tried to tell them…." Soniee's chest caved, her lips pursed. "Well, it doesn't matter anymore. Lagos bled too much and died in Korkie's arms while I held the baby."

Rey's mouth fell open.

"We wrapped Lagos in some sheets, let Korkie be alone with her. Then during the night, he took her onto his ship and left. I didn't know where he went, but he came back after three days. He sat Jax and I down and told us he wasn't fit to take care of his daughter and that we should take her in. I should have been more shocked by the request, but I wasn't. I'd already been caring for that little girl, and it sounds horrible, but it felt like she was mine. Even though I had my two boys by then, it wasn't an inconvenience. I always wanted a daughter..."

Soniee sat there, staring distantly at the floor. Quiet. "So that was it?" Ben pushed. "Korkie gave you the child and left?"

Blinking quickly, Soniee adjusted her posture in the armchair. "Well, no. He named her, spent some time holding her. He would come a couple times a year and visit. We always introduced him to the kids as a friend to the family."

"Has he come by recently?"

"It's been about five years since the last time I heard from him. After Maridia disappeared, he didn't come by as much. No doubt he was searching for her. Probably still is."

"Do you know how to contact him?" Rey inquired, hopeful.

"No. I've never known how to get in touch with him. He thought it would be better that way, just in case people came asking questions. Every time he came here, it was always unexpected."

Rey seemed to sink lower into the cushions. Ben put his hand on her knee, feeling her morose. "Why exactly was he trying so hard to hide from the Empire?"

"The Empire wanted to eradicate the Jedi. Even those who were bearing the gift of the Force were seen as a threat, and were either eliminated or taken in to be molded as an Inquisitor."

That bemused Ben. "What does that have to do with Korkie?"

"His bloodline is descended from a Jedi."

Rey and Ben looked at the woman. Dumbstruck.

Stumbling over his words till he could form a sentence, Ben pointed out, "House Kryze did not descend from any Force users."

A sly smirk formed across Soniee's lips. "Not officially, no. When the Empire formed and the order to kill all the Jedi came, Korkie's mother told him of where he truly came from and why it was important to hide. You see, his biological mother was Duchess Satine, whom he grew up knowing as his aunt. When she was young, Satine became pregnant and her family agreed to keep it a secret and to have her sister raise the child."

"That doesn't explain the Jedi aspect of his heritage," Ben stated.

"His father was a Jedi, which was another reason Satine demanded Korkie's true parentage be kept a secret. If it came to light, the father would be expelled from the Order."

Rey leaned in, her torso almost touching her thighs. "Who's the father?"

"Obi-Wan Kenobi." Rey's eyebrows drew together as she tried to place where she had heard that name before. "He was tasked with keeping Satine safe and was her bodyguard for a year. They were only teenagers, so you could imagine the scandal Satine would have faced if her pregnancy became known." Soniee paused, her eyes scrutinizing Ben. "I'm sorry, did I say something to upset you? You look to be ill."

Rey glanced up at him, noting the pallor of his skin and how his throat kept constricting with each swallow. She placed her palm on his back, but he didn't show any sign of noticing.

Ren licked his lips, his palm firmly gripping her knee. "This is what Korkie told you?" Soniee nodded. "How sure are you that this is all true?"

Soniee became defensive. "These facts made him hide from the Empire and live a life of seclusion. He wouldn't make something like this up. No one would."

Rey spoke up. "I'm sorry, but remind me, who is Obi-wan Kenobi? I've heard the name before, but–"

"Anakin Skywalker was Obi-Wan's apprentice," Ben said through a tight voice. "Before he became Darth Vader

"Obi-wan caused a lot of Vader's disfigurements," Soniee chimed in. "So Vader spent the rest of his life searching for Obi-wan, until he finally killed him." Ben eyed the elderly woman in surprise. Not many people went out of their way to research the minute details of Anakin's life.

"Of course, Korkie didn't know that Vader was Anakin Skywalker," Soniee went on to clarify. "He just thought he needed to hide because he was biologically tied to a Jedi. It wasn't till after the Empire fell that he found out who Vader really was. And told me everything. We both couldn't believe it. We'd met Anakin in our younger years, and even worked with his padawan to uncover political corruption on Mandalore. Sometimes I still can't process it all. And then to hear the news that Vader had children, one of them being Luke Skywalker and the other a prominent senator? One of the biggest scandals the galaxy had ever seen."

"Umm, yeah…" was all Rey could think of to say.

"And to add to all that, have you heard about Leia Organa's son being that monster?"

Rey heard the air leave Ben's lungs. She put both her hands on top of his, trying to ease him in a way that didn't seem blatantly obvious. "Yes. We do know about that," Rey replied. "Would you be able to tell me more about my parents? How they met, perhaps?"

The change in subject relaxed the atmosphere as Soniee transitioned to more lighthearted stories. And Rey quickly became entranced for the next couple hours.

While Maridia grew up in comfort and wealth, Jacen did not have those luxuries. His mother died when he was two, his father becoming a prominent spice addict soon after her death. Not being fit to take care of a child, Jacen became orphaned and lived at the local displaced children center. But the boy was smart. Too smart to stay in those mundane schools. On his own, he won a scholarship to go to Lunburr Academy, the same school Maridia was attending.

Even though he was poor and lacked the lavish life of the rest of the students, Jacen had one thing going for him: he was extremely charismatic. He quickly garnered friends and admirers. Among which was Maridia. But she was four years younger than him. Hardly mature enough to be noticed.

So they both went about growing up, dating other people, going off to a university. It wasn't until Jacen graduated and Maridia was home on holiday that they connected. It was a fast romance, a short engagement, and a beautiful wedding.

Soniee was just getting to the part where Maridia broke the news that she was pregnant when one of the monitors in the corner abruptly beeped.

It showed a fast moving Finn running straight for the front entrance. He banged on the door, yelling their names.

Soniee was obviously annoyed by the interruption. "A friend of yours?" she asked them.

Rey nodded, and Soniee pressed a button on the terminal that opened the front door. Rey called out to him. Finn, out of breath and drenching in sweat, ran into the sitting room.

"I've been trying to comm you. Did you turn the link off?"

Ben grabbed the palm-sized device from his belt. "I guess I forgot to turn that part on–"

"The Resistance base is gone," Finn blurted out.

"What?!" Ben shot to his feet. Rey was too shocked to even move.

Finn frantically swallowed, trying to control his heavy breathing. "I just got a message from Poe and Jess saying they made it out and are actually in Dandoran's atmosphere. I gave him our location. He should be here soon with–"

Ben darted to the hallway and out of the house, not even giving a backward glance toward the three stunned people he left behind.

Rey went to Finn. "How did the First Order find them?"

"I don't know. They didn't say."

"His mother? Luke?"

"They didn't say anything about them either."

Rey turned to her grandmother, torn between staying, or going after Ben. "It's all right dear," Soniee said as she stood and slowly came to her. "You should go make sure your friends are okay. I'll be here, like always."

"But–"

"Come by tomorrow and I'll have all the holopics and recordings out from storage. I'll tell you more about your parents then." The two women hugged, holding onto each other like neither wanted to let go. But Rey finally did. "And Reyna?" Rey glanced back before going down the hallway. "I'm proud of you for fighting with the Resistance. Your parents and Korkie would be, too."

Rey's eyes stung with unfallen tears. "Thanks."

()()()()()

A child's laughter could be heard through out the corridors just beyond the kitchen. The sound bounced off the steely walls, mixing in with the soft hum of hyperspace. Inside the eatery, Poe was bouncing little Anna on his knee, playing an easily entertaining game of peek-a-boo. Children have always been drawn to Poe. Maybe because the tiny humans had a way of sensing an adult's inner playfulness. And Poe had enough to be considered a child in his own right.

When he wasn't in the middle of a war, that is.

But since he finished the message to Finn and the men already raided the armory, there wasn't much else to be done. And Anna had parked herself on his lap once they were all done eating, demanding attention. Poe welcomed the reprieve from his worries and tribulations.

Other than the two kids playing, the atmosphere was still quite somber. Not much talking. Mostly staring. Garreaus cradling the baby. Lizari cleaning when she should be resting. Terr picking off the varnish on the table.

Everyone knew the predicament they were in. No need to voice it.

Jess entered the room. Poe glanced at her. Anna pulled at his hands, whining. "We exit hyperspace in five minutes," Jess said to everyone before making eye contact with Poe. They hadn't talked since their argument. When Poe had been a complete ass and unlike himself.

He needed to apologize.

Jess kept her face stoic, her voice all business. "I saw on the terminal you have a message ready for Finn. I can send it as soon as we get a signal."

"It's okay." Poe lifted up Anna and gave her to Terr. The little girl stretched her arms out to him, crying out. Making him feel guilty. It marveled Poe how fast a child could wrap you around their little finger.

But Poe resisted her infantile pleading. "I should get to the cockpit anyway."

Jess nodded and moved out of the way so Poe could move past her. But he halted at her side, lowering his voice. "Can we talk?"

"Sure."

They headed to the cockpit in silence. Once inside, Poe drifted to the terminal, his eye scanning the message. He'd already read over it twice. But this was his way of stalling.

Poe turned around. Jess was leaning against the back of the pilot's seat, arms crossed, eyes down.

"I'm sorry, Jess."

She didn't say anything for a long minute. Didn't look at him. She just kept her focus to the floor.

The console dinged, alarming them that the ship was exiting hyperspace. Poe went to the pilot's seat as the green and blue planet of Dandoran filled up the foreport. Jess was at the terminal, sending the message to Finn.

"We both said things we regret," Jess said softly.

Poe glanced over and frowned. Jess sat next to him. "I'm in this till the end, Poe. I wasn't in a good place after we made it out of there. I'm still not. I hate not knowing who survived and who died. But I'm a soldier. I can't just cower from my duty. Which is why I think we should go ahead with the mission General Organa gave you."

"That's…. I wasn't expecting you to say that."

"You don't think we should?"

"I absolutely think we should. The thing is, the original plan was orchestrated around having a lot more people."

"You seemed pretty determined to go do things on your own not too long ago."

"Yeah. Well, I said that in the heat of the moment. I'm not actually insane."

The terminal in front of Jess chimed. "It's from Finn," she said as she opened the message, reading it quickly. "No. Way."

"What?" he glanced over.

Pupils still on the screen, Jess quickly said, "Finn, Ren and Rey are all on Dandoran. Finn just sent a message saying that they found Rey here looking for any remnants of her family." Jess's head snapped to Poe. "She found her grandmother!"

 _Whoa._ "What are the odds," Poe said in amazement.

"Finn sent the coordinates to the Falcon." Jess entered them into the computer. Poe followed the navigation instructions, veering the ship toward the southern part of the planet.

"Is it close to your parents place?" he asked.

"Not really. My parents are about 500 miles north of this area. I'll need to make time for a quick visit before we head off on the mission, if that's okay."

"Sure." The ship was getting close to entering the atmosphere. "But Jess… I don't know if we're gonna be able to go to Riosa."

"With an ex-stormtrooper and two Force users on our side, I'd say we could still do this. Or you worried about asking Ren for help?"

 _Always_. "A million credits says the guy will outright say no. And maybe break my nose for asking."

Jess chuckled, the mood in the cockpit lifting significantly after finding out their friends were nearby. "Can't take you up on that bet since I happen to agree. But we would at least have Finn and Rey's help."

"You think she would come without Ren?"

Jess shrugged. "I mean, I'm pretty sure she would. She's not the type of person who just lets her friends run off on a risky mission without her. And if Finn comes, she would want to make sure nothing happens to him."

Poe nodded. "That's… a pretty good assessment, actually."

"Thanks. It's what I'm here for."

Entering the planet, Poe kept them high in the clouds, only wanting to descend when they got closer to Finn's location. Both Jess and Poe fell silent, looking at the scenery below. Poe cleared his throat. "Look, Jess…. What happened back at the base–"

"Already forgotten. Don't worry about it."

He closed his eyes briefly. "That's the thing– I don't want to forget it. But we're in the middle of a war and getting into a relationship right now–"

"I know," she cut him off. Not harshly. More in defeat.

"Jess, I really do wish I could see where this could go between us, cause I think it would be a good –"

She groaned, covering her face with her palms before pulling them through her hair. "Please, just stop," she said more forcibly. Then she took a breath. Relaxed her shoulders. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound rude, but hearing your explanation is just going to make it worse.

"Okay," Poe agreed. "We'll talk about it once this war is over." He didn't speak anymore after that. And there was plenty he wanted to ask Jess about: Were her feelings still the same toward him? Would she want to be with him? Will she ever tell him about her time in those caves when Ren saved her from slavery? Can he just get some answers?

But it would be lousy to pressure Jess any further.

After what seemed like hours– but wasn't– they made it to the destination. Not much room left in the clearing. So Poe landed as close to the Falcon as he could. Still took out a few trees, though. Hopefully there weren't any locals nearby to complain.

A tall figure booked it out of the forest, running straight for the corvette. Jess and Poe shared a glance. "What do we tell him?" she asked.

He turned off the engines. "The truth."

Which is a whole lot of nothing.

Jess, Poe, BB-8 and the small family gathered at the docking ramp on the lower level, the blaring day sun shining into the loading area as it came down. Waiting at the bottom was Ren. Jess and Poe went to meet him.

"My mother?" was the first thing Ren asked. No greeting tacked on.

"We didn't see her. But she was with Skywalker all morning." Ren stared, expecting Poe to say more. "They got out," he added. "I know they did."

"How bad was it?"

"Bad," Jess said. "Two Star Destroyers. TIE's and drones everywhere."

"We've had a signal going out to any survivors, but we haven't heard back. They could still be in hyperspace. Or laying low."

BB-8 rolled up, whistling a hello. Ren actually gave the droid a slight smile.

Then his eyes drifted behind them. "You had your baby," Ren said, baffled.

Liz stepped forward, giving a small grin and tilting the baby in a way so Ren could see. The newborn was fast asleep. "I did. Meet little Jorfel."

"Jorfel…" he whispered. Then he did something unexpected. With a gentle finger, Ren quickly touched the baby's chubby cheek. "Good name." Ren watched the baby a moment longer before lifting his head, surveying the rest of the group. "Is everyone okay?"

"No injuries," Garreaus replied. "Everyone's fine."

"Good." Ren nodded his head languidly, his gaze going to the forest. "Good. I'm glad you all survived."

Ren's brows knitted, his eyes glistening with what couldn't possibly be tears. But the more they welled up, the more Poe realized the guy was trying to fight against getting emotional.

"Are you doing okay?" Terr asked, saying what they were all thinking.

Ren swallowed. Rubbed his eyes between forefinger and thumb. "I– I'm sorry. I just…" The man abruptly turned and walked away, heading for the light freighter. No explanation given.

And no one called after him.

Rey and Finn broke through the thick brush of bushes and trees. Finn ran straight for them, his wide grin almost splitting his face in half. He immediately embraced Poe, then made his way to Jess before greeting the rest of the group.

But Rey was timid. Keeping a distance. Taking her time getting to them. But there wasn't just trepidation in her demeanor. There was concern. She would walk, pause, squint at the shrinking outline of Ren, and then continue forward. Like she couldn't quite make up her mind if she should go to him, or greet her friends.

She came to them.

"You found the runaway," Jess said as she went in for a hug. Rey stiffened before returning the gesture. "Heard you found your grandmother." The two women released each other. Jess smiled and gave Rey's arms a firm squeeze. "We're happy for you."

Rey shook her head in amazement. "You are?"

"Of course we are," Poe said, moving forward to get in on the hugging action.

"Rey. We're good," he told her. "You know that, right?"

All Rey could do was gape at him. But then with a shaky smile, she roused herself. "If you say so."

"We both say so."

As they began to swap stories of their current ordeals, Poe could see that Rey was distracted. She kept looking at the freighter. It wasn't long before she excused herself. With her gone, Finn told them of what he knew about her recent travels.

"How is she really?" Poe asked Finn as the family went back on board the corvette.

Finn shrugged, looking to the ship that Ren and Rey were both now on. "Trying to live with what she's done. I think it helps knowing we all still care about her. Having Ren around seems to balance her out."

Jess pulled her hair back in a bun to keep the breeze from tangling it. "What about Ren?" she asked.

Finn grew grave. "If the General didn't make it, it would be in all of our best interests to be as far away from that guy as possible."

Poe nodded in agreement. But was also kind of hopeful. It was nice to see reminders that Ren actually gave a shit.

Getting him to admit it, however, was going to be difficult.

()()()()()

Ren gripped the edge of the mattress and leaned into his arms. Strangely, the light in the room, the door panel, the side table, the pattern in the sheets, it all became too clear, everything around him magnifying till he winced.

He closed his eyes.

He felt like he no longer had any control over what happened inside his head. Like he left a door unlocked and now there was no holding back the flood of nightmares, visions, sharp terrible imaginings that all revolved around one possibility:

What if his mother died?

And not in the traditional sense of getting to an old age and living a good life. Ren understood that everyone met the end sooner or later.

No. What if this war killed her? The very war he helped to create?

Weirdly, he never gave his mothers mortality much thought while with the First Order. There had been a part of him that always assumed she would survive and hide out in some corner of the galaxy, living there for the rest of her life after the Resistance was disbanded.

Although that wouldn't be much of a life, now would it. At this point, it seemed death was the only way for her to ever find serenity.

Was there an eternity of peace awaiting _him_ at the far end of life?

Unlikely.

But Leia deserved it more than him. She wasn't good at being a mother. That he knew. But after everything with Rey– from him keeping the harsh truth about her parents, to frantically needing to find her– he'd come to see his mother's intentions more clearly.

At least when it came to keeping the matter of his grandfather a secret.

Stars. How far gone was he at this point? Rey had felt a disturbance through the Force; a signal from the cosmos telling her that something wasn't right. She could feel the distress from her master, his own uncle. But him? Nothing. He didn't get that pang of worry. Didn't even feel an underlying psychic twitch. That's how disconnected he was from his mother.

His own blood.

Ren opened his eyes. Craned his head to the right. The datapad he unknowingly took from Soniee's house was just lying there. Enticing him.

He grabbed it.

Logging into the personal messaging account under the name Ben Solo, Ren's eyes unblinkingly looked at the screen. The transmission was still there. The one Leia had sent him right after the galaxy found out her deepest, most shameful secret.

He's never viewed it. Never been tempted to.

Till now.

Ren heard footsteps from out in the hallway. Rey stopped just inside the room, the door closing behind. They both looked at each other. Ren wasn't sure what his face revealed, but he could see Rey's worry worsen over the span of seconds. So he figured he didn't appear all that together.

Ren tried to think of something to say. Not easy in a brain still reeling from todays events. "I'm sorry for leaving like that," he said. "And for ruining that moment with your grandmother."

Rey shook her head while walking to him. "It wasn't ruined." She sat down right in front of him, legs crossed. "And I'll have other moments to talk to her."

How she wasn't upset with him for cutting her time with Soniee short, Ren had no idea. No doubt she wanted to stay there all day, listening to stories of her parents from the only person who knew them.

He felt Rey squeeze his calf. "They're alive Ben."

Ren sighed. "I know. I would have felt it if she died." _That_ he was sure of, at least.

He glanced to the end table, for if he kept eye contact with Rey, he might not be able to keep himself emotionally composed. "But… after hearing about the Resistance, I tried reaching out to sense her and I couldn't. There was nothing. And I thought her to be dead." His voice cracked. "And it would have been my fault, because I helped start this war."

There was a beat of silence before Rey asked, "You never thought that your mother might die when you joined the First Order?"

Ren blinked, looked around. "I guess… I've just always believed her to be invincible."

Rey frowned. Ren knew how ridiculous his response sounded. But it was the truth.

Rey scooted to be beside him, and glanced at the datapad in his hands. The messages were still being shown on the screen. "What's that?"

"It's the recording she sent me right after it was revealed she was Vader's child. I've never watched it."

"Do you want to watch it right now?"

…."I don't know."

Slowly, Rey's finger went to the message, like she was waiting to see if Ren would stop her from touching it.

He didn't.

Leia's face, only slightly less aged, appeared on the device. Beads of sweat formed on her forehead, her breathing sporadic, wisps of hair sticking out of the bun on top of her head. It appeared as if she was winded, like she had hurried to get this message to him. "Ben. I don't know where you and Luke are. It's been months since either of you responded to one of my messages. I don't even know if you'll get this one in time. But something happened at a Senate meeting today, which pertains to my lineage. Your lineage," Leia added, wiping at a tear that trailed down her cheek. "I never told you where our family truly comes from because honestly, it sickens me to think about it. You know Luke and I are twins. You know I was adopted. But all those times you asked if I knew who my real parents were… I lied to you. I do know. I have known for decades. Padme Amidala, a great woman who did so much for the Republic, is my mother. My father, however… is Darth Vader. Please don't turn off this recording," she said quickly, desperately. "I need you to listen to me." Leia went on to tell the tale of Anakin Skywalker, his rise as a Jedi and his fall to a Sith. She stressed for Ben to talk to Luke, for he was the one who told her of Anakin's return just before the man died. How seeing his son tortured at the hands of Palpatine turned him back to the light. How Vader saved his own son by killing the Emperor.

Leia moved closer to the screen, searching. As if she could see him. "Whenever I thought I had mustered up the courage to tell you the truth, fear would stop me. You've struggled so much with the Force while growing up, I just… I didn't want you to look at yourself and to think that there is something inside of you that is _him._ There isn't, Ben. You're my son and you're a good person. You're power may come from your true bloodline, but who you are is very much up to you." She glanced down. Did another wipe at her cheeks. "I can only imagine what you think of me. Probably that I'm a liar, and you're right." She looked back up, conviction gleaming in her eyes. "But I was trying to spare you from carrying this burden of knowledge, like I have. It's a horrible thing to know this. But I hope you can come to understand why I kept this from you. You are my pride, Ben. I love you and am so proud of you for overcoming so many challenges throughout your life." The recording shook. Leia was grasping onto the recorder, her face now taking up the whole screen. "Please, please. I beg you to comm me. Or come to Hosnian Prime so we can talk in person. I haven't seen you in so long and I miss you."

A sob escaped. She put a hand over her mouth to stifle it. Once composed, she straightened. Looked at him softly. Like a mother would. "I hope one day you can forgive me. I love you, Ben. Forever."

The screen went black.

Ren's eyes had glazed over. A veil that separated Ren from the world around him. He couldn't look away from the datapad that was creaking in his tightening grip. Legs overlapped, he placed his elbows on his knees and leaned forward till his forehead rested against the cold screen. Rey rubbed his back, probably figuring he was about to have another one of his mental breakdowns that involved a lot of tears.

But none fell.

Ren wasn't in that kind of mood. Not right now. What he was trying to do was rein in his cancerous rage, the kind that liked to spread throughout his cells like liquid acid. Seeing Leia so open, so heartrending, so loving made him think of everything he had truly lost.

His mind. His family. His father.

Control.

It was all taken from him… because of Snoke.

The realization held him tight, curling its tendrils around his heart till he felt the physical pain blossom within his chest wall. Even when he found out Snoke had been using him for his own personal plans, Ren had still appreciated the lessons he'd been taught, the strength he'd acquired. But now, in this moment, Ren would give it all up for the chance to go back in time and never become Snoke's apprentice.

The power he gained was minuscule compared to the losses.

He truly saw that now.

Finn was right. He'd been a slave. And his mother saw what he couldn't see: that he'd essentially been abused. He was a victim.

 _I'm a victim._ But even with such an epiphany, it did not change the fact that he has done horrible, monstrous things.

The more he thought of that reality, the distance, the loss? The more he wanted to be Ben again.

And then there it was. Welling up deep in his gut.

The sorrow.

Always the sorrow. Waiting patiently behind the anger. Like his body just loved for him to bathe in such an agonizing emotion.

Rey guided him onto the bed, twisting him around so he was facing away from her. At first he was confused. He couldn't hold her in this position. But then he felt her limbs wrapping around his body, and he relaxed.

Ren nestled his back against Rey's strength. And it was comforting… as he felt her lean muscles trying to envelope him, he knew that she would stand beside him for however long it took, never ducking from a challenge, pressing on with purpose and focus, going until they finally found the foundation of a calm life together.

That was just how she was made. She didn't quit. Ever.

Ren had thought himself to be the same way. But really, he had called it quits when he left that diner; when he gave into that dark void within himself. Living out the violent life he secretly yearned for.

Giving in had been him giving up.

He grabbed onto the back of her hand, weaving their fingers as he pulled her closer. Rey's breath cascaded over his neck as she nuzzled. "I love you," he said as he mentally turned off the lights.

"I love you, too." Her lips pressed against the skin by his ear. "We were always meant to love each other. I think today showed us that."

 _She's a Kenobi_. While such news was jarring to hear, Ren found it easy to accept. Like fate was coming full circle, giving their families a second chance to do things right. But did Rey feel the same way?

"Do you ever think… you were forced to love me?" Ren nervously asked. "That this destiny took the decision from you?"

"No," she immediately answered, her breath tickling his ear. "I had the choice whether to love you or not. As did you. And if you want my opinion, we chose right."

He brought the back of her hand to his lips, leaving behind a kiss. "Rey, I never had a choice. And I am completely all right with that."

It didn't take long for Rey's hand to wonder down… down… down beneath his trousers.

They undressed, touched, kissed, tasted. They went hard and hot and deep and fast. Then they went slow and sweet. Repeating the cycle over and over again in the afternoon and evening. Rey under him. On top of him. Ren saw her eyes every time pleasure lit her up. Held her when she came down to find her breath, collapsing into him. Every time he came, every time he tasted her did he realize just how much he was starving.

Throughout the night, he wanted all that she was.

And everything is what she gave.

()()()()()

The next morning, they all said goodbye to Terr, Garreaus, Liz, and the little ones. Before they left, Rey got to hold the baby for the first time, mesmerized by how small and cute the little thing was. So warm. So soft. And maybe for a moment, she pretended he was hers. But she didn't stay in that delusion for long. She caught Ben staring at her, face filled with pitiful pain. That was what brought her back to reality.

She tried passing the baby off the Ben, but he declined. Even looked terrified when Rey tried pushing him into his arms. He was much more comfortable giving Anna a hug, though. The little girl couldn't even wrap her arms around his shoulders, which she found amusing.

They all talked for a bit, agreeing that the safest place for the children to be was with Lizari's sister. And luckily, her sibling was the only other member of the family to leave the notions of the Empire behind, in turn being cast out from the clan.

"For the better," Liz had stated. Guess having a family wasn't always filled with happy memories and loving moments.

They watched and waved as the family flew off in the corvette. But Rey wasn't worried. She would see them again someday. She could feel it.

They all broke off to do their own things after that. And much to Rey's satisfaction, her and Ben spent the morning training in the newly opened space. But something was different about Ben. He was more aggressive and assertive than usual, his hard swings almost breaking her arm at one point. He calmed a little, but the anxiousness behind his steely gaze never left. His need for her to perfect certain forms or to break down his mental barriers was making her exhausted. But she never relented until she got his approval.

And she did. Quickly. But he didn't verbally praise her for the lightening speed of her learning. He just gave a nod and moved onto the next lesson.

Why was he being so quiet and hard-hitting?

Finn had been watching the two train, putting in his own two credits when he thought Rey was out of form. The glares Ben gave didn't seem to quiet him. On the contrary, Rey was pretty sure it just made Finn critique them even more.

At one point, Rey let her attention wonder. Sitting on the Falcon's ramp, Poe was leaning into Jess, speaking urgently. Jess nodded. Then shook her head. Then spoke. And now it was Poe's turn again. The body language didn't suggest anything personal. This conversation was all about business. And these days, business always pertained to the war.

Ben caught her being distracted and whacked at her wrist with the dueling cane. After that, her focus didn't waver.

Once the afternoon came, and Rey had stuffed her belly full of some sort of green grained dish Ben had whipped up, she laid in the medical alcove aboard the Falcon, not moving. There had to be over a dozen bruises forming on her body. And they all pulsed along with her heartbeat, heating down to the bone.

Eyes closed, she smiled.

With all the bumps and cuts and sweat, it had been an exceptional training session. Ben's unusual behavior aside, Rey loved being pushed beyond her capacity. And she refused to heal the wounds she had acquired. They were like sharp reminders of what she accomplished.

But she did need to know what was wrong with Ben. These weird moods he gets in usually pertained to him hiding something from her. And while she believed he couldn't be harboring any more detrimental secrets from her, Rey knew Ben. Even if the matter was a small one, he liked to internalize the problem instead of asking for help.

Pride. One of his weaknesses.

Rey suddenly felt a presence. She opened her lids to see Ben hovering over her. "You're as sneaky as a monkey-lizard, you know that?" Rey sat up, letting her legs dangle on either side of him.

Ben moved in closer, her palms going to his chest, sliding over his contoured shoulders. She couldn't help thinking about the alone time they had yesterday. And how she wanted to do it all again. "I take it you're in a good mood," he said.

Her eyes lit up. Tone cheery. "Of course I am. I feel like I made substantial progress in my training this morning. Thanks to you," She poked his pec with her forefinger. "Maybe I should start calling you master."

He gave her an amused look. "Lets stick with Ben for now. Master makes me sound old." Placing some stray hair behind her ear, he saw the bruise that was forming at the apex of her cheekbone. He winced. "I can heal this for you."

She moved his hand away. "No. I want to keep it."

Ben ran his hands up and down her sides, his eyes still on her cheek. "I'm sorry for being too rough with the training. I was pushing too hard. Maybe I should–"

"But I want you to challenge me. I can take a blow. You know that. We've talked about this."

Not entirely convinced, he said, "If this is what you want…"

"It is." Seeing his concerned face, Rey knew they would have this conversation again. Maybe another hundred times. Was it wrong for her to put Ben in such an uncomfortable position of leaving her bruised and slightly injured? Probably. But she needed to fast track her learning. And to do that, he needed to challenge her.

"What's been bothering you?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You seemed anxious throughout most of the training. And it wasn't from you giving me a few bruises."

He bit at the inside of his lip, looking over her head to the padded alcove wall. His hair was still wispy and wild from being outside. She liked it better this way. Made him look more carefree. Young. Ben. Her Ben. "I didn't want to tell you yesterday, because I just found you. But you need to know something." He got serious, locking eyes with her. "I got knocked out on the Eravana and saw–"

"Hey," Poe said from the corridor, Jess and Finn beside him. Ben moved away from their intimate stance like she was on fire, putting a few feet of air between them. Rey looked at the intruders, annoyed. Whatever Ben had been about to say seemed important.

And she was enjoying being close to him.

Poe eyed the two of them. "You guys have a minute?"

"No," was Ben's flat response.

"Well this is important," Poe said as he made his way to the dejarik table and sat. "So you're just gonna have to make time." Jess and Finn followed. Rey went to one of the crates closest to them. Ben stayed standing.

Of course.

"Do you guys recall why I couldn't go with you to help find Rey?"

"It was because you had some sort of mission coming up," Finn answered, intrigued.

"It was something personal General Organa wanted me to do for her. And since I've done something similar before and made it out, she wanted me to do it again."

"Do what again?"

"A prison break."

Rey's eyes widened. "She wants you to break someone out of prison? Who?"

"A close friend of hers that's on death row for murder and terrorism– which he was framed for," Poe assured them. "His execution is in a couple weeks. Jess and I mapped out a plan, but we were expecting to have a few more people on the team."

"You want us to help," Finn added in.

Poe nodded. "I think we would have a better advantage if it wasn't just Jess and I trying to do this. And it doesn't hurt that you two," he motioned to Rey and Ben, "are pretty good with the Force."

Ben finally joined in on the discussion. "Why do you want to do this?"

There was a pause as everyone looked from Ben to Poe. "Because I was ordered to."

Ben's eyes tapered, suspecting. "The Resistance is gone. I'd say that makes those orders obsolete."

"And I don't share your opinion. The General made it clear that this man could be detrimental to the revival of the New Republic. He was once a prominent senator."

"Have we heard of him?" Finn asked.

Still looking at Ben, Poe coolly answered, "One of you definitely has."

Rey squirmed in her seat, feeling the tension that was rising in the room. "What's his name?"

…."Ransolm Casterfo."

()()()()()

Disbelieving, Ren stayed perfectly still. If he didn't, he might not be able to control his thoughts from killing someone.

Take out the "might."

Everyone was staring at him, watching to see if he would do anything rash. Everyone, except Rey. She glanced from one person to the other before looking at Ren. "Sooooo… I take it you all know who this guy is. But I've never heard of him before."

Jess steepled her fingers, resting her elbows on her thighs as she turned toward Rey. "He's the Senator who ousted General Organa and Luke Skywalker as being the children of Darth Vader during a senate meeting. It was all over the Republic News for months afterward."

"Leia never told me the truth about my grandfather," Ren added, his voice shockingly controlled. Rey knew these facts, but the others probably needed a reminder. "So I found out on one of the broadcasts." His focus went to Jess. "It was right after I killed all the slavers and freed you, actually."

Jess blanched. "Well… shit."

"Apt assessment."

"You seem to be taking this quite well," Poe commented, finger tapping on the lounge table as he reservedly studied him.

Ren arched his eyebrows so high, he expected them to be above his hairline. "Am I? I may not be destroying this room in a fit of rage or trying to kill you, but I wouldn't quite label me as being completely level at the moment."

"General Organa ordered me to do this. I didn't come up with it on my own."

"The Resistance is gone," Ren argued. "No need to follow up on those orders."

"The Resistance took a hard hit, but it will never be gone," Poe countered. "Because there are good, strong people in this galaxy that will always rebel against tyranny."

Ren gave a wry smile. "What lovely beliefs."

"You act as if you don't give a damn."

Grin fading, Ren said, "I don't."

"Bantha shit," Poe snapped. "You give so many damns, they're visible from space. Or was I hallucinating your reaction when I told you we didn't know what happened to you mother?" Ren's jaw clenched. Poe didn't back down. "You walk around talking about how the ideals of the Republic are flawed and corrupt, like you're somehow able to get a clearer picture than the rest of us from that noble perch you've been living on. If that's what you truly believe, than I'll probably never change your mind. But you love your mother. It was obvious from your reaction. And if you have any sense of loyalty at all, it should be to her and to what she fights for. Don't lie to yourself and say you don't care. You do."

Jess and Finn were clearly uncomfortable, both heads swiveling in any direction that didn't take their eyes to either of the men. Rey, however, was glaring at Poe. "Poe–"

Ren cut her off. He didn't want her defending him. "Thanks for telling me what I'm thinking, but I should be able to handle my own thoughts from here on out."

Poe huffed. "Are you gonna help me or not."

"Not."

"I will," Finn spoke up.

"You know I'm already in," Jess added.

Rey gazed at the floor, chewing on her inner cheek, looking to be conflicted. But Ren knew what she was going to do. These were her friends. And where Finn went, Rey followed.

She inhaled. Exhaled. Looked to Poe. "I'll come, too."

Suddenly, everyone's attention was back on him. "What are you all looking at me for?"

"Is it okay with you that she comes?" Poe asked.

"Do I look like her keeper? Or are hoping that if she goes, I'll follow."

"The latter."

He gazed at Rey for a lengthy moment. She was waiting for him to answer, a mixture of guilt and determination showcased on her face. "Rey can make up her own mind," he finally said. Ren walked to the main corridor, needing to take his leave of the group. "If she wants to go, I won't stop her," he added before walking down the hallway.

Exiting off the loading ramp, the heat of the afternoon sun greeted his pale face, his eyes squinting from the invasive light. He went into the trees, finding the comforting shade and concealment he craved.

There wasn't just anger being pumped through his heart, but a worry that made him squirm. What if something happened to Rey while he stayed behind? What if it was something he could've prevent?

His body tingled with fear. Closing his eyes for a moment, he wondered in that temporary darkness what it would feel like– death. Except you couldn't really feel death. Even with him, there hadn't been a feeling associated with it. No one could really describe it, because you couldn't.

But him and Rey were different.

They would experience each other's passing. The loss.

So he should go to make sure nothing happened to her.

But… she was going to help save _him_. That senator. The man Ren reviled. He didn't want to save Casterfo from his execution.

But Rey…

He groaned. These thoughts all contradicted each other. An endless circle of buts or these or that's that brought him to zero conclusions. What was more precious to him: his antipathy, or Rey?

Twigs snapped and leaves crunched from the footsteps approaching him. Ren knew who it was. He felt her coming to him minutes ago. "You really fine with me helping them?" Rey asked softly.

He turned around, hands in pockets. "If I told you no, would you stay?" Rey remained silent. "I thought not. When you make up your mind, even I have a hard time talking you out of doing something. And Finn's going. Which sealed the deal."

Her brows lowered, sad and puzzled. "You aren't worried for me?"

That caught him off guard for a moment.

Ren went to her and grasped onto her strong arms, his head bending down so she didn't have to crane hers so far up. "Of course I'm worried for you? Did you think I'm not?"

"Didn't seem like it back there."

"Rey, I don't want you to go do something I deem reckless. But you won't not go. So what am I supposed to do?"

"Come with us."

He dropped his arms. Took a step back. "I can't."

"You won't," she corrected. "Ben, we're stronger when we're together."

Ren started to pace from his growing frustration. Ran his hands through his hair. Rey watched. Waiting. "I've hated my fair share of people throughout my life," Ren explained as he walked back and forth. "Probably more than what's deemed "fair share." But Casterfo… I deeply and sincerely despise that man. He revealed my mother in the most political way of humiliating and ruining her for his own personal gain. And I just can't forget how I found out the truth. Seeing that broadcast made me snap. Made me…" His voice stopped, as well as his legs.

Rey came to him. "I understand your anger. And I'm sorry you have it. But even if I didn't go, would you seriously be fine with your friends going out and doing this without you?"

 _Friends._

That was a potent word. And quite the stretch.

But putting aside the possibility of friendships, in the end, Ren just couldn't let Rey go somewhere without him.

"I'll stay with the ship and get you guys once you're done," he compromised. More so with himself. He would be close enough to help her if needed. But far enough away to not have to interact with Casterfo. Maybe he could make it so he wouldn't even have to see the guy.

Rey palmed his cheek and got on her toes to give him a quick kiss. "That'll be enough."

He sure hoped so.

 **There you go folks! Another chapter down. Rey's lineage has been revealed. Sorry if it's been such a roller coaster. But it's finally out there. I've always wanted her to be a Kenobi because I find it extremely poetic. Hope you all feel the same.**

 **And now we have Casterfo coming into the mix soon! Who's excited? I love Bloodline and I love his character. So I had to bring him into this.**

 **Anyway, if you have time, leave a review! They are so appreciated, you have no idea. May the force be with you!**


	39. Chapter 39

**Thank you all for all the precious comments, faves, and follows! I appreciate all your support!**

 **Aleta Wolff: Oh, that ego of his isn't going anywhere. His pride will alleviate somewhat, but he will always be cocky. It's one of his main weaknesses. NightElfCrawler: Ren is spiraling more and more into Ben. We are getting closer folks. Don't expect him to be exactly like he used to be. He's done too much to go back to that. Will he ever start thinking of himself as Ben? You'll have read on to see ;) I tried to make the action shorter than usual in this chapter. That's because we have some big action sequences coming up since we are nearing the end. I didn't want to take up too much time with the prison. Xenlith: I'm so glad you're reading this story! lol. I've tried really hard to build Ren's characterization the way I wanted to see it go. Can be difficult at times. I, too, have read fanfics that strip him of his toughness, and it always bugged me. I understand why they did it– to show him as a better person– but I didn't want to go that route. I view him as this sort of anti-hero. And when writing him and Rey together, I try to make their relationship natural and comfortable instead of super fluffy and easy. I mean I do put some fluff in there, but I try not to force it down the readers throats. Poe and Finn are important to this story. Other fanfics don't have them really playing a part, which is their choice. In TFA, I viewed them as substantial characters, so I wanted to keep that the same here. Tigresswoman: Thanks! I hope you keep liking it as the story moves forward! KatMichBow: I was wondering if anyone would catch that Soniee is from the Clone Wars, but no one did. But she is a very minor character. And I'm rooting for the whole Obitine love child thing. Fingers crossed! Just having the Skywalker's and Kenobi's so intertwined would be amazing! Leia is truly a strong woman, and a strong mother. She wasn't really there for Ben growing up, but she loves her son. He's the only child she has. The guilt she has over failing him aids her in forgiving him. Glad I could hit you with the feels! There is a Leia pov at the end of this chapter and she does have an old datatpad she got from Maz. You'll have to see how it goes! Guess you'll see Hux's true colors soon enough. In my opinion, he is a mixture of both INTJ and a psychopath. He yearns for greatness, which makes him and Ben similar in that way, but Ben is learning how to suppress that side. Mostly. Sometimes it's so hard to weave all these details in, because I have to have patience to reveal something till it's right. I just want everything out there! But that wouldn't make a good story. And there are still more reveals to come... Obitine forever! SheLitAFire: She had her two kids before taking in Maridia. I went back to write that in so it made more sense. And her biological kids are not really important, so I don't bring them up all that much. Palpatine rumor was just a theory the New Republic had after they saw the private list of names Vader had. They thought it was Palpatines descendants, but it was actually potential people who would know about Kenobi. And Vader suspected the truth about Obi-Wan and Satine as well. So Rey is descended from Kenobi. Oh, Harter! Will she make it? Will Hux kill her? We will be coming back to her to see what happens! I would be shocked if anything from this story actually happens in the movie. I would pass out in the movie theatre if something does. lol. I just want Reylo to happen. Please, Rian! Make it so! sweetes forbidden candy apple: Thanks for all the reviews you left along the way! I loved reading them. It was like I was on the journey with you. When the story is finished, I plan on going back to the beginning and deeply editing every chapter. Then I want to advertise it more. So maybe in the future, I'll get more followers. I'm good with the small following I have right now, though. You're lucky you didn't have to wait as long as the others for this next chapter! Thanks for loving the story!**

 **So as I said, I tried to keep the prison sequence short. Still ended up longer than I thought it would. But next chapter will have another set of action as it sets up the catalyst for the end. Omg, the end is near you guys. I can't believe it. Like, I'm thinking maybe six or seven chapters left. Maybe less, depending on how much I write.**

 **Hope you enjoy the chapter!**

Chapter Thirty-nine

Riosa's prison was extremely remote, located on a small island eighty miles off the coast of the capital, surrounded by tall, sharp mountains. There was no way to escape, except to take your chances on climbing the sheer rock faces.

Or to have a ship.

The Falcon was on one of the only small plateaus they could find. In the cockpit sat Ren. Restless. Unable to stop his foot from tapping against the flooring.

They shouldn't be doing this. There was no need anymore. The Resistance was gone. And an hour before leaving to Riosa, they'd found out that the First Order now occupied Coruscant.

Didn't take Hux long before ascertaining his next target. But he was a man who took quick advantage of an opportunity.

Did he really have to execute Senator Tisnew though? _Eh. His heart would have given out within a week of having the Order control his planet. Best to get the dying part over with,_ Ren thought.

Feeling claustrophobic, he went outside. Felt the cool, salty air upon his taut, milky skin. He walked back and forth between the two cliffs, one side showing him the dimly lit hexagonal outline of the prison. The other, the dark ocean that stretched for an eternity.

From the edge, Ren looked down and thought he could make out several people along the narrow shore. Could hear their voices. But no. Those were just rocks. And the noise was just the sighing sound of the water on the sand below.

His paranoia was making him hear things. See things.

Every time he walked between the cliffs, he thought he saw something out of the corner of his eye. All this moving around was making his anxiety worsen. But he didn't want to stay inside the ship.

His head swiveled to look up at the Falcon. Power focused in his legs, Ren leapt into the air, arched, and then touched down softly next to the sensor dish. Shoulders hunched, hands shoved in his pockets, jacket zipped all the way up, he faced the valley while trying to stay somewhat warm.

In the sky, the clouds parted enough for the moon to shine down, it's minuscule light making the energy shield around the prison glow imperceptibly. Not even a glow, really, a suggestion of translucence. But an obvious wall, nonetheless.

An impenetrable, impermeable barrier.

Poe's idea around it? Wait for the last shift change of the evening. Every six hours, the shield was deactivated so those who needed to leave or enter could do so. It could be off for a short ten seconds, or as long as a minute. Depends on how quickly the new set of guards wanted to relieve those on duty.

Hopefully the new batch was feeling particularly lazy tonight.

 _If not, then this mission will show who really is the fastest sprinter._

…. _That was a little too phlegmatic of a thought for the chance that one of them could die,_ he scolded himself.

But he always had somewhat of a morbid sense of humor. Which everyone took as him being inhuman... which he kind of was.

Suddenly, the glimmering stopped. Ren stepped forward. Squinting. In his head, he counted the seconds:

 _One… two… three… four… five… six… seven… eight… nine…_

The barrier came back.

That was far quicker than he thought it would be. His eyes roamed the area. Rey made it. He felt her alive. But everyone else?

"Shit," he fumed, his voice carrying amongst the swirling air. Rey was right. He cared about those people down there. They all had their different levels on his care-o-meter, some higher than others. But dammit… he was concerned.

Hopefully all those quick lessons of showing Rey how to controllably levitate others and herself paid off. Because next, they had to get over the wall that had electro-spikes adorned at the top. Then Force stun some guards so they could steal some uniforms and access chips.

Too many things had to go right. And they rarely ever did. Not to mention in his opinion, they were relying on Rey way too much.

Stars. This stress was giving him heart palpitations.

Ren didn't mind having Rey take up residence within his heart, but once you start adding more to that muscle did you start having problems with being rational. So maybe if he never showed the others his worry, this whole caring thing would be consumed by that ever-lingering black hole of apathy.

That's what he told himself to harden against the soon to be losses, anyway. Because smart credits say that someone isn't getting out of this war alive. And with Rey and his mother among the biggest targets of the First Order, he had his heart almost filled to capacity worrying for them.

His muscles shivered. The temperature was falling fast, his fingers and toes already numb.

How long had be been out here? Thirty minutes? An hour?

Ren went inside the Falcon to grab his winter coat, but stopped as he passed the cockpit. The communications signal was beeping from an incoming transmission. Someone was trying to hail the Falcon.

Dashing for the console, Ren was afraid that whoever it was would give up on trying to contact them. Maybe it was his mother…

A holo-image appeared of someone who certainly wasn't Leia. But rather her scruffy looking twin.

"I've been hailing the Falcon for almost an hour," Luke exclaimed, frustrated. His face sunken, but not from age. It was exhaustion. "Do you not have the transmission alarm connected to your comlink?"

Ren crossed his arms, stayed standing. "Nice to see you're still alive," he commented smugly. "Where's Leia?"

"She's fine. We made it out."

"If she's fine, why can't I sense her?"

Skywalker scratched his beard, seeming apprehensive. "We did run into a problem while trying to escape. Leia was rendered unconscious, and the blockade of Star Destroyers was making it impossible for anyone to leave. So I had to siphon enough energy from her to bring one down." Ren's eyelids pulled back, eyes stinging from the inability to blink. "But doing so has weakened her greatly. I'm still trying to regain my–"

Ren raised a hand. "You took energy from her? That could have killed her!"

"I knew what I was doing," Luke argued confidently. "I knew how much to take."

"That doesn't matter. You never know how someone's body will react to the siphoning process. She could have had a heart attack right when you started!"

"Leia is strong and could handle it."

Ren pegged him with a hard stare. "She's fifty-three."

"So am I," Luke retorted. "Age defines your body. Not your mind."

Through clenched teeth, Ren said, "But you didn't take the strength from her mind."

Luke's eyes pinched, observing his nephew for a stretched moment. "I didn't think you'd care this much."

"Would it shock you if I said I do?" Ben suggested.

"Yes." Luke seemed to lean back in whatever chair he was sitting in, exhaling loudly. "I saw the message Finn sent to Leia. I want to see Rey."

"That's… a little difficult at the moment."

Luke dipped his chin, glaring. "Ben, I need to know how she's doing."

"She's fine."

Luke didn't buy it. "What's going on?"

Ren waved an inconsequential hand through the air. "She's with her group of friends right now."

"Stop being coy."

Ren rolled his eyes. And then told Skywalker what Rey and the rest of them were up to.

The man was none to pleased. "How could you let them still do this?"

"Me?" Ren said, taken aback. "How is this my fault? What was I supposed to do? Stop them?"

"That mission isn't a priority anymore. So yes, you should've found a way to stop them."

"By doing what? Using the Force?"

"Of course not. But you know how to be manipulative and at times, persuasive under certain conditions."

Ren blinked at the almost there compliments. "No one listens to me around here. Especially Rey. She'll follow her friends into the eye of a storm if she thought the cause was worthy. Honestly, at this point, I think they're all bad influences on her."

"This isn't a time for jokes," Luke scolded.

Ren lounged in the pilot chair. "I was being serious. The wording made it sound like a joke."

Skywalker massaged his forehead. Then looked up. "Go after them. Tell them I order for the mission to be scrapped."

"They're already inside the prison."

The Jedi Master shook his head in defeat. "This was a horrible idea from the beginning," he murmured.

Ren shrugged. "I wasn't really expecting you of all people to agree with me, but I'll take the support where I can get it."

"I think the mission is dangerous. You just want Ransolm's execution to go forward for obvious personal reasons. Our opinions are different."

"Well, if you want to get technical… than yeah. But Rey isn't completely unprepared. We've been practicing her mental capabilities and I taught her how to Force stun."

Skywalker gazed at him. "You've… been teaching her."

"I just said that."

"What else have you taught her?"

"Don't worry. I haven't corrupted your precious student. The only–." Ren paused, ears perking up as he caught the distant noise of sirens. His forehead creased as he stood and looked out the cockpit to the now fully illuminated prison.

"What is it?" Luke asked, anxious. "Is it Rey?"

"It's the prison alarm," Ren said as he went for his comlink. He commed every single one of them, but no one answered. More than likely, they were on silent.

Impatient, Skywalker asked, "Why aren't they answering?"

"Remember when I told you how no one around here listens to me?"

"Well go after them. They probably need–" Ren ended the transmission. Breathing deeply, he kept staring out the foreport. Not sure on what he should do. Poe specifically told him not to do anything unless otherwise ordered. And Ren was supposed to wait for Poe to comm him that they were ready to be picked up at the north tower. That was the rendezvous point.

"Fuck," he whispered as he left the cockpit, going to the smuggling compartment. BB-8 rolled down the hallway, watching Ren as he lifted the flooring and hoisted Threepio out.

Ren begrudgingly switched him on.

Threepio shot upright. "–what if they find us anyway!" The protocol droid yelled. His head swiveled around, noticing Ren to his side. "How long have I been powered down? That's specifically against the rules!"

"I was eight then. Those rules have expired. You know how to communicate with the Falcon, correct?"

"Well, yes I do, but–"

Ren hoisted the protocol droid to its feet. "I'm going to turn the autopilot on, but have you hooked up to the computer so you can give it directions. When I comm you, I need you to come pick us up."

He turned, jogging to the living quarters. Threepio hastily shuffled after him. "You want me to fly the Falcon?" Threepio asked, shocked.

"It's sort-of flying." Ren entered his and Rey's private room, accompanied by Threepio and BB-8.

"Sort-of flying? There is no such thing as "sort of flying"!" Threepio protested.

" _I know the basics of operating a ship_ ," BB-8 beeped. _"I can help."_

"Perfect. You'll have some extra support, Threepio." On the bed, Rey's lightsaber and the pistol Han had given her were in the middle. Ren eyed both objects. He knew Rey should have taken her saber. But she wasn't confident she wouldn't kill anyone with it. So she left it behind. And she was too afraid of losing the pistol for sentimental reasons.

Ren grabbed the mundane blaster from the side table.

"I'm getting help from a BB unit?"

Both Ren and BB-8 looked to the standing droid, glaring. Well, Ren was pretty sure that's what BB-8 would do if he had eyes.

Looking past Threepio's prejudices, he ordered, "Download the schematics of the Riosa Planetary prison. " Ren strapped the blaster holster to his belt. "You'll come to the north tower when I tell you."

"Why a prison?"

Ren walked out, heading for the loading ramp.

"Is anyone accompanying you?"

He walked down the exit, leaving the two droids.

But he was still able to hear Threepio's last questions. "Is being ignored considered a hobby?"

Winds now stronger, Ren went to the cliff, glanced over the edge, and jumped. He didn't have time to hook himself in a harness and scale the cliff wall like the rest did. Falling would be much quicker.

The air filled his ears and stung his eyes, the momentum moving his stomach into his throat. He wasn't sure exactly how far the fall was, so he kept his squinted vision on the bottom. Slowing, he touched down with little to no repercussion and set off on a run.

He stayed to the route the others took, staying among the boulders and heading to the back of the facility.

The only way to get to the prison was to go through the shield. Literally. Ren figured it was the same principle as when Cato rammed the lightsaber in his hand. You try to deflect the energy with your own. Or absorb it, like he did to those people on the Eravana. But absorbing the shields power would kill him within seconds, because of its potency.

So deflecting it is.

But this time, he would have to do it with his whole body.

Quite the problem upgrade.

And if he lost focus while walking through? He would be stripped down to his molecular structure and disintegrate. That had to be near the top of the list of the worst ways to die.

Ren crouched behind a wide tree, measuring the distance between him and the barrier as approximately ten meters. No rocks or trees to hide behind along the way. He would be seen. That was guaranteed.

But going through the barrier would take time. So he would be seen anyway. And the others were probably in need of a distraction.

Good thing feats of overcoming impossibility always drew a crowd.

Ren took some deep breaths, preparing mentally for his performance before sprinting out of his concealment, straight for the barrier. He heard the shouts. Saw the red blaster fire whiz by.

His focus remained unwavering. It had to.

He hit the translucence with a breathtakingly rough impact, his insides feeling as if they were being torn apart and rung out of his belly button.

Vibration. That was the only sound that ran through his ears. That rattled his bones. It threatened to seal his eyes shut, but he forced them to stay open. Just as he forced one foot in front of the other.

The pace was slow-moving. Worse than swimming through a body of mud.

Guards lined both sides of the barrier, frozen. In shock, most likely. He counted the onlookers he was facing. Four. Strength depleting fast, he second-guessed if he would even be able to take out the small group of guards.

Drenched in sweat, breathing hard, he concentrated on his movement. Repelling the energy that wanted to tear him apart.

 _Almost there. Almost…_

He collapsed out of the shield. Gasping for fresh air. Shivering from the cold.

None of the guards knew how to respond. They were all trying to figure out if they were hallucinating, or if this person was indeed real. So Ren took the quiet moment to inhale deeply… and then stun the men unconscious.

Now shaking severely, his body rebelling against the excessive use of energy, he crawled to the nearest guard. The person was not gifted with the Force, so Ren wouldn't be able to siphon much strength from him. Which is why he quickly made his rounds to the other three.

Luckily, the four men were still alive once Ren was done.

Standing on stronger legs, he cleared the inner wall and ran in the direction of where the shield was originating. He took out two more security before reaching the shield generator.

And then realized he didn't bring any explosives.

He cursed under his breath. Now, he would have to get creative. He popped open the side paneling, immediately being met with the cooling system. Grinning, he unhooked the tubes and let the liquid leak onto the ground. Without the coolant, the generator will overheat and eventually explode.

Hopefully "eventually" was sooner rather than later.

Bent down low, Ren crept to the nearest prison entrance. He couldn't open it. Ren growled another slew of profanities and examined the panel.

A blaster bolt hit the wall a few feet to his left. And then another to the right.

He cranked his head around, frankly unimpressed with how obvious the guard was being and how bad his aim was.

With his hand outstretched, he pushed the guard violently against the duracrete wall. The body crumbled. An entanglement of arms and legs. But the man was still alive. Probably thanks to the helmet he was wearing.

Ren shouldn't have reacted so brashly. He very well could have killed the man. And then he would never hear the end of it.

The access chip port was locked, leaving only the palm print scanner to open the entrance. The cataleptic guard was instantly a foot from Ren as he looked down at the armored figure. Calculating. Running over the odds of finding a guard at every corridor to donate their prints.

The likelihood could go either way.

Igniting his saber, he swept it through the man's wrist, the smell of burnt flesh wafting into his nose. Ren held the hand in his own, making sure the man's wrist and the detached limb stayed cauterized before taking the guards helmet and sliding it over his head.

The fingers cracked as he flattened the palm against the panel. Then the door opened, and Ren walked right on in.

()()()()()

Through the shadows, Rey sprinted to the high wall, aware that she had barely cleared the barrier zone. Not being able to stop her momentum, she rammed right into the duracrete. She heard a string of grunts to her right, everyone following suit.

Panting, they all crouched and huddled together, taking a moment to catch their breaths. "Hard parts over, kids," Poe whispered. Looked to Rey. "You up to getting us over this wall?"

Her eyes trailed up the forty-foot structure, taking in the long electro-spikes at the top. "It's what I'm here for," she said with a smile.

One by one, she focused on clearing them over the spikes and setting them safely back down. It was actually quite easy. What was difficult was levitating herself. She made it over the barbs, but went to the ground with less grace than the others. Shaking it off, her concentration came back quickly.

It had to. Her job wasn't over yet.

They kept to the perimeter of the facility, Rey Force stunning each guard she came upon until they were all able to have their own uniforms and access chips. No one seemed to be a big fan of the new attire. The suit was adorned with black armor, covering the chest, arms, shoulders, and thighs. The midsection and legs were covered with thick wrappings of leather, looking to be constricting. But when it was Rey's turn to adorn the specialized suit, it actually fit comfortably, the material forming itself to her curves and height. Lastly she put on the dark and slender helmet, her hair slightly pulling in the back in a way that was going to be annoying.

At least her black jumpsuit from Khalon worked underneath the armor. They all had to wear the bare minimum when it came to their clothing: no jackets, thick belts, or satchels.

Rey gazed down at the unconscious guard and felt unsettled. She didn't know any of these people, and yet she was making their lives a whole lot more complicated. They were just doing their jobs of keeping the vile scum of the galaxy locked away from the rest of the them. Didn't make them bad people, necessarily.

Poe must have felt similar since he gave the order not to kill anyone. So maybe it was a good thing Ben wasn't here.

"Everyone good?" They nodded. "Each door panel can be opened with an access chip or a palm scan. But some are equipped to work with only the palm panel. So you two," he nodded to Jess and Rey, "stay to the route I laid out and you won't run into any problems. Good?" The two girls nodded.

Since this was a relatively small prison, and the inner planetary government cut their funding significantly, the only cameras currently operating were the ones inside. So once Poe inserted the access key and opened the heavy door, they didn't hurry, duck, or try to hide. But rather walked casually, like it was just another day they were working, another credit they were earning.

They went through one access door after another, till finally making it to the main inner hallway that connected each of the six segments.

"Okay," Poe said quietly as they stopped in a curved hallway. "This is where we split up." He glanced from Jess to Rey. "Do you remember what to do?"

"We got this," Jess shrugged, giving a confidant smile. As the girls parted, Rey glanced over her shoulder, but Poe and Finn were already gone.

"We're looking for entry A23, right?" Rey asked to make sure.

"Yup." As they weaved their way to the next destination, the few guards they passed paid them little heed. One nodded, but so far none tried to talk to them– which was a relief for Rey. She wasn't particularly well versed in the art of disguise.

Both women stopped outside the door labeled A23. Rey looked to Jess. Jess nodded. Rey put the access chip in the slot below the panel. With precise focus, she knocked out the five monitor guards.

Jess locked them in as they both yanked off their helmets. She whistled in admiration. "You're getting really good at this."

Both moving to the screens Jess frantically searched for Poe and Finn. "Only because Ren taught me." Rey noticed Jess's temples protrude slightly.

"There," Jess pointed. Rey got closer, leaning over the console. Poe and Finn were near a lift, waiting for Jess to signal that they had made it to the control room.

"You sure that's them?" Rey questioned. "It's hard to tell when the guards look the same."

Jess grabbed her comlink link and sent out a beep to Poe.

The two men began to move.

"That's them," Jess assured her. "I know Poe's walk." She paused. "That sounded weird."

Rey chuckled. "It's okay. You know someone long enough, you get accustomed to certain things about them." Rey was tempted to ask if there was anything going on between her and Poe, but Jess and her never really had a relationship like that. Jess taught her a lot of things about the Resistance base and social norms, but boys were never really a topic of discussion.

Plus, Jess seemed like a closed off person when it came to her private life.

Come to think about it, Rey actually talked more about that aspect of her life with Finn. Who is a guy.

"You don't like Ben, do you?" Rey brought up abruptly. Jess tensed. "I saw how you reacted when I said his name."

Poe and Finn exited the elevator as Jess opened the entryways for them, timing it when Poe would "place" his palm on the scanner. "I don't know," Jess breathed out. "It's all very confusing. I can't hate the person who saved me, but at the same time, I hate the man he is."

"Was," Rey corrected. Jess glanced at her from the corner of her eye. Rey shrugged. "He's getting there," she admitted reluctantly. "Maybe you should try talking to him about what happened in those caves."

Jess recoiled from the suggestion. "Why?"

"It could help you move on."

"I have moved on," Jess said a bit too harshly. She exhaled. Calmed. "Or mostly. Or whatever. I don't like talking about it. But I've learned to live with the memories."

"I think Ben has yet to learn that. Maybe you should talk to him not just to help you, but to help him as well. He killed a lot of people that night."

"Fiends," Jess said the word like a curse, eyes staying on the screens. "All of them."

Poe and Finn were stopped by two officers. The girls tensed. But it didn't seem like a hostile exchange. After a moment, they followed one of them in the direction of the cells.

Heart a little more calm, Rey continued. "They were horrible people, but he took their lives, all the same. Still bothers him. Especially since he killed one of the women during it all."

That drew some ire from Jess. "That woman wasn't even paying attention. First thing she did when she got free was scream and run around–." Jess stopped talking. Took a deep breath. Eyes staring as if she lost hold of reality. As if she were still behind bars. And maybe in Jess's mind, she still was. "What I'm saying is… it was an accident."

Rey looked at her, placatingly. "You should tell him that."

"It's just weird to be around him in general." Jess straightened and pointed. "They're in the cell block."

Staring intently, they held their breaths for the next part, for that was what they came here to do: To get Casterfo.

The cell shield came down. Words were exchanged. And then the officer left. Poe and Finn had Casterfo.

"So far so good," Rey said, feeling as if she might vomit from how heightened her nerves were. "But just think about talking to him, okay?"

"I will."

Suddenly, an armada of officers ran to the trio, stopping them. Something was said. Then they raised their weapons.

"No," was all Rey could say.

"What should we do?" Jess asked, panicked. An idea came to Rey's mind, one that was not all that safe. Her hands swept over the console before her finger hovered over a flashing red button. "What are you doing?"

"Evening the odds." She hoped.

Rey pressed down and watched every single shield on the cells disappear. Everyone was confused as to what just happened, but that only lasted a few short seconds. The prisoners rushed out and went straight for the officers. All hell broke loose.

The two girls lost sight of the men amongst all the chaos.

Suddenly people were banging on the door, yelling. Jess was concentrating on finding Finn and Poe as Rey pulled up the camera feed from outside. Guards were starting to accumulate, one of them carrying a small metal box.

Out of her periphery, one of the above monitors caught Rey's eye. She squinted, entranced by what she saw, then horrified. Large beast-like hounds had been unleashed, pinning down prisoner after prisoner. Fists beat against the animals' thick hides and spikes, but it didn't faze them.

The banging stopped. Rey's stare went back down, seeing the guards now gone. But the box remained. And then, she realized what it was.

She grabbed Jess's arm to push her as far away from the door as possible, but the entrance was blown apart before they could back away.

Rey groaned, her own moans echoing in her dulled ears as she languidly started to move. Through the dust and smoke, she saw Jess being dragged away.

Every part of Rey's body was being uncooperative. But as a new set of guards came at her, her mind was able to push them out of the room, their bodies hitting the outside hallway wall.

They scrambled away.

Sitting upright, her hands and eyes roamed over the armor, examining for wounds. Her ankle was badly twisted, but not broken. And she had a concussion: her ears rang, eyes stung from the light, and she gulped down a ball of vomit. Coordination was also a problem as she fumbled to stand.

Ben was trying to call out to her, but her head was too rattled to understand him.

A growl came from the corridor.

Rey froze. One of those animals was staring right at her, it's sharp teeth displayed with each growl. On the monitor they had looked formidable. Up close, they were terrifying. Hideous. Black eyes menacing.

She force pushed. The animal took a step closer. Again she tried, but all that moved was the debris at the creature's feet. A chortle came from the things throat, almost like it was mocking her.

And then it lunged.

Rey grabbed the metal chair to her right and raised it as the creature pounced on top of her, the heavy weight knocking the air from her lungs. Its snout wriggled back and forth, trying to get past the chair that held it at bay. Arms burning, mildly aware that she was screaming, Rey looked quickly around.

A blaster. Under the console.

She adjusted her grip, holding the chair up with her left arm. Desperately, she called the blaster to her outstretched palm as the beast let out a spray of saliva, soaking her left hand and wrist. In one fluid motion, she pointed it right into the animal's mouth and fired a string of shots.

The creature whined, immediately getting off of her as it staggered, backed into the corner, and went down. It let out a sloshy breath and stilled.

Panting, she stared at the dead thing. Trembling. She'd fought animals before, but this encounter shook her deep with fear. _The Force didn't work on it. How is that even possible?_

Rey didn't know things like that actually existed.

 _The prison_. Like being woken from a daze, Rey snapped to attention. Her left hand and wrist were now numb and not working. She hissed as she put weight on her bad ankle while scrambling around to find the comlinks.

They were smashed beyond repair.

Rey stripped the armored suit off her body and carefully unwrapped her left armband, making sure not to touch the saturated part.

Blaster in hand, she limped into the empty hallway. She looked left. Looked right. Trying to remember which way was north.

She went left.

Shuffling along, Rey called out to Ben. He didn't answer. More than that, it was like something was blocking her from getting through. She went past a small piece of debris, tried to Force pull it to her.

Nothing.

Horrified, she glanced down at her bad hand. Could the creature's saliva do more than just numb the body, but numb the Force as well? Fear threatened to swallow her whole, but she fought against it with a will that was forged out of hardship and independence.

She breathed her courage in. Let it settle.

Rey set the blaster to stun. She knew how to use the weapon. She was growing accustomed to the feel of the grip in her hand, thanks to Finn. With determination, she pressed forward.

If she could survive fifteen years on Jakku without the Force, she could do it here. The point was to keep moving.

Back in Rey's old life, there had been awake time. And then there was nightmare time. The only thing to ever keep her sane– other than hope– was moving.

But she had an inkling that the numbness wouldn't stay just in the wrist and hand. She could already feel it fusing up her arm. And if it spread to her body… then this would be classified as a nightmare.

()()()()()

There had been a sound of an explosion inside the prison a few minutes back, catching Ren's attention. Rey's fear had heightened considerably at that moment. He tried to get through to her, but then she disappeared. Vanished. He couldn't sense her anymore. Couldn't even feel for the bond they shared.

He quickened his pace, following the direction he believed the blast had came from. To add to his unease, he hadn't run into a single person yet.

 _Where was everyone?_

He stopped, hearing the thud of footsteps nearing. Frantic footsteps. He sidled to the corner, peering around. Two guards were holding a comatose Jess under the arms, her feet dragging against the floor, chin tucked against her chest.

Ren jumped out, stunning the two men with the blaster. Being unprepared, they went down easily, one of the guards landing on top of Jess in the process.

He pushed the body off and rolled the woman over. "Jess." He tapped her cheek to get a response, saw her pale lips and sunken eyes. The culprit? A metal shard sticking out of her midsection, blood oozing from the wound. "Jess," he whispered again, trying to wake her. Ren put his palm to her temple and as gently as he could, willed her wide-awake.

Jess jerked with a scream, attempting to sit up, but then gasped in pain. Ren pushed at her shoulders. "Don't move. You have shrapnel sticking out of your midsection."

Jess looked at him as if he were speaking Agarian. Or Huttesse. Both he knew, actually. "Ben?" Ren stiffened upon hearing his birth name come out of her mouth. She was surprised too, but collected herself quickly. "What are you doing here?"

He averted her confused eyes and went to check her abdominal injury. "I was getting bored watching over the Falcon."

Touching the skin around the fragment gently, Jess hissed. The wound went deep, imbedding into her small intestines but missing the colon. It was right next to the left common iliac artery, though. Nick that and bleeding would get out of hand.

"What's with the helmet?" she asked on a deep exhale.

"I don't want my face on a recording." He rested his hands on his thighs, gazing at the sweaty skin of her face. _She'll be going into shock soon_. "Where is Rey?"

"I don't know. They blew the door open to the control room and that's the last thing I remember." Jess took in an unsteady breath. "But I think I can find my way back there."

"Where are the guards?"

"Rey shut down all the cell shields once she saw that Poe and Finn were found out. They're all probably dealing with the prisoners below."

He nodded, then pointed to the metal piece. "I need to take this out in order to heal you."

"I'll be fine," she groaned as she tried to sit up on her elbows.

Ren nearly yelled at her not to move, but instead stopped her with another firm hand to the shoulder. "I really hope that was a joke."

Jess tried to undo his grip. He didn't budge. "I don't need your help," she said through gritted teeth.

"You don't get a choice in the matter."

"But–" Ren wrenched the metal piece from her gut, causing her to cry out. Jess bit down on her lip, breathing heavily, eyes creased closed. He watched her for a moment, impressed she didn't black out from that. "A warning would have been nice," she snarled.

"I don't have time to debate with you." The bleeding was now worse than before. "Stay still for this next part. Or do you want to bleed to death?"

Jess looked up at the ceiling, and he saw the fight go out of her.

Ren ungloved his right hand and placed it carefully on her exposed, sliced open skin. The healing only took a few moments, and by the time it was done, Jess was breathing normally. More color was now in her cheeks and lips, thanks to him vamping up her red blood cell count and blood volume. "Better?" he asked.

She lifted her head, hand gliding over the now smooth skin. "The area is really itchy."

"That's normal."

Jess stopped moving. Lids popping wide, looking at what was tucked in his belt. "Is that– Is that a hand?"

He covered the evidence with the flap of his jacket. "The corridors are no longer access key compliant. And I can't unlock them with the Force." Jess was slightly horrified. And disgusted. Looking as if she wanted to back away from him. "Don't worry. The man is still alive."

That eased her only minutely.

"Sans hand," she muttered, gulping down what was probably vomit. Tucking her legs beneath, Jess went to stand. Ren tried to help her by holding onto her elbow. She rolled her arm out of his grip. "I can get up on my own." And indeed, she did. Albeit a little unstable.

"You can ask for help," Ren said, even though she was now obviously uncomfortable being in his presence. He was too, but for different reasons.

Or maybe the same.

She cocked a brow as she stripped off the armored suit. "Is that a motto you go by?"

He stared at her flatly. "Let me correct myself: You can ask for _my_ help."

Now in her dark shirt and trousers, Jess retrieved a blaster rifle from one of the unconscious men and walked past him. He caught up and stayed next to her. "I'm already indebted to you enough. Now put this on top of it–"

"You owe me nothing."

She gave him a side-glance. "You know I do."

"No, you don't," he insisted. "I alleviate you of your debt."

Not like she had any.

Jess shook her head. "That's not how it works."

They came to a closed corridor. She looked at him impatiently. He got out the severed hand. "It works however you want it to work." The door opened. They walked on through. "Don't get caught up in the misconception that humanity goes by a certain set of rules."

She stopped. Looked at the blacked out visor from her inferior height. "Of course it does. If it didn't, than there would be more evil people in this galaxy. And right now, we have plenty."

The slight at him couldn't be more obvious. "Do I disappoint you?"

"Yes. You're a monster."

"Monster is a relative term," he countered. "To a canary, a loth-cat is a monster. But people view that as a part of nature. Not an act of evil."

"You're a monster because you kill people not out of survival, but for personal gain or vengeance." They stood there, staring at each other. Jess's face was icy.

She broke the eye contact and resumed her pace.

Usually, he wouldn't stand to be talked to that way. But he had no motivation to fight with her.

Ren slowed his steps to put some distance between them. He wasn't surprised by her candor, but her response stung. More than he wanted to admit. Being a disappointment was nothing new. And yet, he didn't want Jess to view him in such a way.

Would his life always be based on such a malicious and unforgiving scale of balances?

It was becoming more difficult to look Jess in the eyes, for he had looked into them before, long ago… behind metal bars… in a decrepit cave… from the visage of the man he used to be.

He thought of the hand wave she gave him as he left that massacre…. Her grateful stare.

Jess and Ren heard commotion up ahead. Slowly, they inched to the corner of the hallway. Jess peered around the bend, gasped, then sprinted away. Ren called out and followed her.

Down the hall was Rey, fighting two guards with nothing but her bare hands and wit. Something was wrong with her left arm, though. Like it was almost useless, being flung around like an after thought, no real control.

One of them came up behind her, wrapping their arms around her torso and lifting her off the ground. Jess took out the other guard with the blaster, but couldn't get a clear shot on the one holding Rey.

Lifting her legs up, she pushed against the wall, taking her and the guard to the floor. She kneed him, reached for a blaster pistol, and put him out of action.

It all happened within seconds, Rey's precision getting the job done quick. Ren knelt down beside her, touching her flushed face. She was confused at the helmet, but then realized who was behind it. Her eyes widened. "Why are you here?"

Jess, keeping watch, said, "Apparently, he got bored waiting on the Falcon."

"I was concerned about you when the prison alarms went off." He reached for her left wrist. "Your arm–"

She pulled it away quickly. "Don't touch it. One of those animals slobbered all over it and now I can't feel anything. And the effects are starting to spread." He helped her up, noticing how she winced when putting pressure on her ankle. "I think it's somehow blocking me from using the Force."

He gave her a concerned look before kneeling down and healing her. By doing so, he sensed her concussion.

"You got away from one of those?" Jess asked in awe. Ren stood, touching her head to restore her full mental capabilities.

"No." She motioned behind her. "I killed it back in the control room."

"Is that near here?" he asked.

Rey nodded. She led them through the corridors, retracing her route. Ren stepped over chunks of durasteel rubble as he followed her into a disheveled control room. The beast was lying dead in the corner, a pool of blood beneath its snout. He approached it, examining its horned head and thick spiked hide.

His heart dropped. He recognized the animal.

"Gods." Jess covered her nose. "That thing smells horrible." Indeed it did, but Ren didn't show any sign of noticing.

Rey came up next to him. "Do you know what it is?"

"It's a Zakkeg," he explained, eyes still studying the mystical creature. He's only ever seen one in illustrations. They looked worse up close. "Usually a solitary creature, but can be trained for combat. Their hides are impermeable to lightsabers and they are immune to most Force techniques." Jess went around to get a better look. "Your guess about the saliva is correct. It's a numbing and paralytic agent, and suppresses your connection to the Force." Ren stood, eyeing Rey's arm. "Would explain why I can't sense you."

Fear shined behind those hazel eyes. "Is it fatal?"

"No. But…" he paused. "Your whole body will be paralyzed soon."

Rey took a deep breath and blew it out all at once. "And I'll be useless."

She shivered.

Ren took off his jacket and covered her, offering her not just warmth, but a barrier from getting anyone else infected with any remnants of the beasts saliva. He'll just have to remember to wash his jacket vigorously after they get out of this. "We need to get to the north tower."

Jess stepped closer to the duo, alarmed. "What about Poe and Finn?"

"They have Casterfo?"

"Yeah."

"Then there is nothing to do other than getting out of here." Jess didn't seem to agree. She turned her frustrated stare to the console. "The tower is where they will be heading. The guards we've stunned won't be unconscious forever. And–"

"That's them!" Jess exclaimed, pointing at one of the working monitors. They went to the console, seeing the three men in an elevator.

"Where is this?" he asked Jess.

"Section three, eastern block of–." The monitor went black.

Jess swapped the feed to another part of the prison. "The monitor still works. They must have turned off the lifts."

"Lets go get them," Rey said. Jess was eager to get out of the room, but Ren noticed that Rey had stopped. He turned back to her. Her eyes were on his belt.

She pegged him with a heated gaze. "You didn't."

"I couldn't carry a body around. This was more practical."

She walked up to him. "You know cutting off someone's hand is wrong, right?"

"It was necessary."

"Your sadism tends to blur the lines of necessity," Rey bit back. He didn't respond, just dropped his covered head and looked down at the floor. When he raised it, Rey was already out the door. Ren waited, wanting there to be a long gap between him and the two women.

First there had been the hostility from Jess. Now, the anger from Rey.

All stemming, yet again, from his disappointing actions.

()()()()()

The rules inside these duracrete, metal walls were very different from the ones in the "free galaxy." Luckily, Finn had grown up in an atmosphere that was similar. So he didn't feel too out of place among the guards and officers. He walked like he belonged, nodded to them as if they were familiar.

Six stories down, every entrance required a palm scan for entry. Jess opened all of them manually as Poe hovered his palm just above the scanner.

As they got closer to the cellblock, two of the officers took notice. Both wearing matching helmetless black uniforms, different from the tactical ones Finn and Poe were wearing. "What are you guys doing down here?" the blonde haired, taller one asked. "You should be on the top level or checking the prisons perimeter."

"Med bay found something unusual in inmate 46-5B's blood work," Poe explained coolly. "And with his execution coming up, they want to make sure the injection doesn't have adverse effects. Last thing anyone would want is another lawsuit."

Poe had definitely done his research.

The guard shook his head. "That lawsuit was ludicrous– alleging torture and human medical experimentation was a stretch."

"Well," the shorter one said, "it did take the guy forty five minutes to die. Not exactly an ideal outcome. They really should be more thorough–."

The officer put a hand on the man's shoulder, quieting him. "We can all agree that they should make a better method. We don't have to talk about this again." The officer eyed Finn and Poe before making a decision. "Take them to 46-58B cell's. These two probably don't know their way around down here."

Poe nodded. "Thanks man. We're kinda new here."

They followed their newly required escort into the cellblock. The cell's stretched on both sides of the great room, the most vicious of criminals locked down here, pending their executions.

They passed dozens of the small compartments, some prisoners sleeping, others rising and watching them as they moved along.

The officer suddenly stopped. "Wake up Casterfo. Looks like you have some things to smooth over before your execution."

The prisoner rose out of the bed, his height being the first thing Finn noticed. Then the hard stare of a man who hasn't seen the light of day in over six years.

But Casterfo said nothing. Just moved his lanky body to the barrier, waiting for it to disappear. Once it did, the guard cuffed him and handed him over to Poe and Finn. "Watch out for this one. He knows how to fight. Even with all the lessons we give him, he still makes things hard on us."

Finn interpreted that "lessons" meant beatings.

The officer pointed further down the cellblock. "If you go through that corridor, the lift down the hall will take you right outside the med bay."

Finn nodded his thanks and then the man walked away, leaving them alone.

They grabbed either side of Casterfo's arms and escorted him in the direction they'd been told to go. "You want to get out of here?" Poe whispered closely to the man.

Casterfo looked at him in confusion. "You trying to tell a joke?"

"We need you to do everything we say. General Leia Organa sent us here to rescue you."

Casterfo stopped, but they pulled him right along. "Act like everything is normal. We don't want unwanted attention."

Finn eyed the security up top, looking down at them through tempered glass.

"Leia– Leia really sent you."

"She did."

"Is the Resistance really gone?" Guess they still got the news sixty feet below ground.

"Hey!"

All three of them spun around to see a group of guards rushing toward them. "I commed the med bay. They haven't even checked Casterfo's blood yet." Both Finn and Poe stood frozen. "What are your names?"

"Uh… Finn and Poe."

"Those don't match up with the credential patches on your uniforms."

"Well… you see…"

The group raised their rifles. "Step away from the prisoner and put your hands in the air."

Finn palmed the blaster at his side, knowing that the likely hood of not making it out of here alive was now very high.

But then, the humming noise he never really noticed was there suddenly disappeared.

The cell shields had been deactivated.

Prisoners stormed the area, going for the officers and unfortunately, Finn and Poe as well.

Finn was on the ground, a rabid looking Togruta on top of him, trying to pry the blaster from his hands. Casterfo kicked the humanoid off of him, dazing the prisoner. Little by little, the three men fought their way to the exit, taking hit after hit to get there. Stunning as many as they could so they could get through.

Once they did, they soon realized they had an officer on their tail.

The walls and corridors began to blur as they raced through, swerving frantically to make each turn. Poe suddenly stumbled, dropping the pistol and clutching at his hip. Finn caught him, swinging Poe's arm over his shoulders for added support.

Casterfo picked up the fallen weapon in his cuffed hands, firing and handling the thing like he hadn't been stuck in prison for the last six years. He knocked out the officer with a precise hit.

They ran to the elevator at the end of the hallway, and realized they had no way of getting in. Before anything could be said, Casterfo ran back to the unconscious man and started dragging him to the lift. Finn went to help. They stretched the arm up, placing the palm on the scanner. As the doors opened, growls came from behind. Big, beast-like creatures were watching them, their spiked hides making them look like something out of hell.

The animals rushed.

They piled into the elevator, dragging the officer with them as Finn hurried to the panel, closing the doors before the creatures could get inside. They heard the booms of the animal's impact. Then, quiet.

Finn's hope rose with the elevator, until it abruptly stopped, going dark.

He frantically felt for the panel through the blackness, pressing all the buttons. "They turned off the lifts," Finn muttered.

"Can you feel for a latch on the ceiling?" Poe asked Casterfo since he was substantially taller than the two of them.

Ransolm's hands glided over the upper section. "I don't feel anything."

Finn took off the helmet, wiping at his perspired head.

He voiced another option. "We could try opening the panel and wiring it so the doors at least open."

Poe started to hit the panel with the butt of the pistol. Finn stood off to the back, sweat pulling into his eyes. He started to take off the layering of armor as he counted every hit Poe landed.

It shouldn't have been taking this long.

"It's not budging," Poe said, breathing hard. "It must be reinforced."

The three men stood in the thick darkness, their inhales and exhales the only sound to be heard. Finn didn't know what else to do. And neither did the two other men.

Without warning, something heavy hit the top of the lift, vibrating the walls. Finn braced for an attack. Heat started to resonate from above, the ceiling gradually beginning to glow red, lighting up the small space. A blue plasma blade lanced through the durasteel, making the men push themselves against the walls. Meticulously, the blade made a circle, the heavy chunk of metal dropping loudly to the floor.

They gathered to the middle, looking up.

The dim light from the lift shaft casted off enough brightness for them to see Ren crouching next to the opening, a guards helmet covering his face.

"Found yourself a new helmet," Poe observed.

"It's not as good as my other one."

"I'm sure," Finn chided.

Ren cocked his head to Finn. "Would you rather make small talk, or get out of here?"

"Casterfo first," Poe demanded. Ren didn't move. "I wouldn't put it past you to leave him behind."

"Neither would I," Ren agreed.

Casterfo put his bound hands up in confusion, glancing at each one of them. "Aren't you all here to get me out of prison? Why would he," Casterfo pointed up, "leave me behind?"

"If I told you, you wouldn't want his help." Another second passed by. "Ren," Poe said sternly.

Ren's hesitation was obvious. But then the man waved his hand, the cuffs on Casterfo's wrists releasing and dropping to the floor. Ren reached out to him, beckoning to Casterfo. He pulled the man up and then helped with the rest of them.

In the lead, Ren climbed up the ladder, heading to the opening at the top level.

By the time Finn made it, Ren was bent over, lifting Rey off the floor. Jess helped adjust her in his arms. "I tried to keep her up, but she just collapsed," she explained worriedly. "She's having more trouble breathing. And she can't really talk anymore."

Rey moaned.

Finn went up to her, seeing that she could barely move. "What happened?"

"Zakegg saliva got on her arm." Finn assumed those were the animals that had been set loose on the cellblock. "It's a paralytic." His helmet turned to Poe. "Didn't know these animals were here, did you?"

Poe shook his head as he stripped off the armor.

"Can't you just heal her?" Finn demanded.

"No. Most Force techniques do not work on Zakegg's." Gurgling came out of Rey's mouth. Jess lifted her head so she was more upright, her cheek resting against Ren's bicep. "Just focus on breathing," Ren whispered to her. "I'll get you out of here."

Ren had Finn grab the comlink out of his pocket. "Tell Threepio to bring the Falcon to the north tower."

"Threepio?" Both Casterfo and Poe said at the same time.

"BB-8 is there, too."

"You have droids in charge of a ship?" Casterfo asked, stepping closer. "They aren't pilots."

Slowly, Ren's helmet moved to where Casterfo stood. "Really? I had no idea. Maybe you should drag your observant ass back to your cell instead of taking the risk that a couple of droids will come get us."

He didn't give Ransolm the chance for a rebuttal. The little meeting broke up as Ren was the first to take the lead, walking quickly away. The rest caught up to him, Jess and Poe taking up the rear while Finn protected Rey and Ren.

Casterfo stayed in the middle.

They made it to a corridor labeled the north tower stairway. And much to Finn and Poe's surprise, Jess flattened the palm of a severed hand against the access panel. "Where the hell did you get that?!" Poe whispered harshly.

Jess looked to Ren, who's face was fortunately hidden.

"I'll make a sizeable donation to the prison so the guard can get a new hand," Ren said evenly. "It'll be better than the original."

Poe blinked, flabbergasted by Ren's response. He looked to Finn.

"At least the guard's still alive?" Finn shrugged as he tried to point out the positive.

No one said a word as they rushed up the flights of stairs.

Once at the top, Jess opened the next door. Outside and on a landing platform, they were met by a handful of guards and three of those hideous animals.

The guards immediately fired, but the bolts were stopped by an invisible wall from Ren's making. Then everyone, including the animals, dropped to the ground, wailing in agony. Withering in delusional pain.

"Be careful where you step," Ren said to them as he began weaving through the bodies.

With disturbed eyes, Finn looked at the people and beasts as he passed and stepped over them. He almost fell from someone's flailing legs. Almost stepped on an animals tail. Almost demanded that Ren stop whatever he was inflicting onto these beings.

The Falcon flew above them and then hovered at the edge, ramp down and ready. They all bolted to their safe haven. Finn could still hear the screams being carried on the breeze as he ran to the freighter, only finding relief after the boarding ramp closed.

Poe and Jess went for the cockpit. Everyone else congregated in the main hold.

Except Finn. He lingered behind for a moment, catching his breath. Wondering where he drew the line with personal code of ethics.

But at the end of the day, he was still alive. They all were, thanks to Ren's methods.

()()()()()

Ren placed Rey in the medical alcove, taking off the helmet, whispering to her that she was going to be all right. She couldn't form any expressions. All she could do was blink and stare.

Finn came up behind him, trying to get a look at his friend. "She's fine," Ren said in an effort to make the man go away.

"Does she need anything?"

"All we can do is wait."

"Finn, can you grab me a medkit and bring it over?" Jess asked, her and Poe walking to some crates, Poe sitting on one as she got ready to examine his hip wound. The trooper gave Rey a quick smile before rushing off to be useful.

"Thank the maker you all made it!" Threepio exclaimed as he entered.

Casterfo looked at the protocol droid in shock. "Threepio? It's really you?"

"Master Casterfo!" The droid excitedly addressed him. "You look better than expected. And I'm sure ecstatic that you don't have to face your own execution. Dismal fate, you were given. The General was quite adamant on rescuing you."

"When can I speak to Leia?" Casterfo asked, glancing around once he saw that Threepio didn't have the answer.

"We aren't sure where she is after the attack on the base," Poe said, now shirtless and having Jess bandage him.

"She's on Takodana." Ren cut in, surprising the others. Standing, he leaned against the alcove, angled in a way so he could see Rey from his periphery. "I spoke to Skywalker before leaving to rescue you all."

Poe rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't say rescue. We were doing fine." He gave out a hiss as Jess applied another layer of bacta patches.

"Uh huh," he said smugly. "You and I must have different definitions of fine."

"Is the General okay?" Casterfo asked.

Ren pinched the bridge of his nose, trying not to show his annoyance every time Casterfo spoke. "She's alive. Skywalker had to take–"

"Did you study under Luke Skywalker?" That interruption caused Ren's blood pressure to rise. "I saw what you did with the Force back there. You know him personally?"

…"Yes."

This confused the man. "But…. I thought everyone was killed at his academy."

"They were."

Seeing that Ren was getting closer to losing self-control, Finn suddenly asked, "How is Rey?" He handed a bacta patch to Jess, glancing between him and Casterfo.

"The paralytic is in full force. But her breathing is more under control."

"When should it wear off?"

"If I remember correctly, in about four hours. But I haven't read about Zakeggs in a long–"

Casterfo stepped forward. "I apologize for interrupting again–"

"Oh, do you?" Ren snapped at him. "You must have forgotten what manners were."

Casterfo clapped his mouth shut, shocked by Ren's insolence. But that didn't stop him from commenting on how familiar he looked.

Ren crossed his arms. "We've never met."

"Why, he's the son of Leia Organa and Han Solo," Threepio enthusiastically explained. "You are probably recognizing the family resemblance. His facial features are a good mixture of his parents."

Silence.

Followed by more silence.

No one moved.

Casterfo couldn't stop staring at Ren. Ren couldn't stop staring at Threepio, imagining all the ways he could tear the droid apart and make it look like an accident.

Casterfo cleared his throat. "I was shocked to learn that Leia's son was Kylo Ren."

"As was the rest of the galaxy," Jess mumbled. Poe shushed her.

"I've heard of some of the things you've done. Even down in that pit, news still has a way of reaching us." Casterfo shook his head in disapproval. Not that Ren gave two shits what this man thought of him. "How could you go and join the First Order? Betraying your own mother and everything she has stood for?"

Ren's eyes narrowed. "You talk as if you care about her. Interesting, since you're the one who ousted her to the senate. Ruining her career. Making it harder for her to form the Resistance."

Casterfo's nostrils flared. "I was manipulated into doing that."

Ren laughed, a short, bitter sound. "Then you're as gullible as you are daft. Especially when you trusted Carise Sindian."

Brows lifting, Castero said, "You know Carise? Where is she?"

"Want to enact some revenge?" Ren taunted. While Casterfo didn't out right say anything, the hate in those eyes said enough. "You'll have to get in line," he warned dangerously.

"And you all trust this man?" Casertfo questioned the rest of them. "After he cut off someone's hand and tortured those people on the tarmac?"

"Trust?" Ren felt like he was on fire. He squeezed his crossed arms tighter, like it was a straitjacket that could keep him from killing this man. "I don't recall trust being an issue as I helped you get out of that prison," he growled.

"Against your will."

"I still did it."

"Trust will always be an issue when it comes to him," Finn interjected. "You can't convince us of that since we already know it. But his allegiance is… in the right place." Finn glanced to Rey. Casterfo caught on to what he was staring at. "Look, the only way we got you out of that place was because Ren came to help."

Casterfo licked his lips, taking a breath. Then looked back at Ren. "And I thank you for–"

"I don't want your thanks." Such a thing from Casterfo disgusted him. "I went there to save all of _them_. You just so happened to be there." Ren turned, unlocking his arms and scooping up Rey. "I'm going to have her rest in one of the rooms," he said to no one in particular as he walked to the living quarters, all eyes watching him go.

Poe went after him, against Jess's orders.

 _What would it take to be left alone on this ship?_

"You coming to tell me more about what I'm feeling?" Ren asked, calling back to the conversation before they left for Riosa.

He gently placed Rey on the soft bed, straightening out her limbs.

"No." Poe answered. "You know what I said was true."

Ren faced a shirtless and wearied looking Poe. "Perhaps. The New Republic is still an inept form of government, though."

"The senators were. The concept of a Republic is what's best for the galaxy."

"But people will always run the government."

"A dictator is a person, too. And if that much power isn't divided, then it will corrupt them completely." Poe shook his head. Rubbed his face. Let out a shaky breath. "I didn't come in here to argue over politics. I'm letting you know I'm gonna have Ransolm stay in the medical alcove."

Ren let the quiet stretch for a bit before saying, "Okay."

Poe eyed him. "I'm telling you this so you can avoid him. Not go start something. Like murder, for instance."

"I got it."

"Do you?"

Ren rolled his eyes so hard, he practically saw his brain. "You know, on second thought, I think I'll wait till you fall asleep and quietly go kill the man."

"That's sarcasm."

"Sort of."

Poe gazed at the floor between them, his shoulders relaxing. "Look, I'm sorry you had to deal with him. I know you didn't want to. But thank you for coming to get us out of there."

Ren's face softened. "You're welcome."

"And about the hand… You can't just go doing stuff like that." Ren opened his mouth to argue, but Poe talked over him. "I understand why you did it. And from an outside perspective, it was logical to do. Just… put more thought behind your actions next time," Poe lectured, his voice only halfway into it.

Ren nodded.

"If you need any help with Rey, I'll be in the cockpit," Poe offered.

"You want me to take a look at your hip," Ren offered abruptly.

"Oh. Uhhhh…" Poe looked down at the bacta patches. "Nah. It isn't too bad. Jess did a good job patching it up. Thanks, though." He gave Ren a grin and left.

Ren looked at the closed door, feeling… strange. Being sincerely thanked was still a new thing to him. It was nice, though– to be appreciated by someone he was coming to respect.

Ren pivoted and went to the bed. Crouching next to Rey, he stroked her cheek, felt her silky skin. Studied her hazel eyes. It calmed him, being silently in her presence. Calmed him more than taking his anger out on inanimate objects. Or people.

It was a long time before he finally spoke. He started off explaining his encounter with Kayani. Partway through, he realized he probably should have waited for when Rey was able to react to what he was saying. It was almost impossible to gage what she was thinking.

"Don't go seeking her out, okay? She isn't telling us everything and don't go believing her when she says Snoke's fate lies solely with you. We'll figure out another way to solve that problem. I know you don't trust her either, but I'm afraid she will entice you with a way of getting rid of her brother. So however you're blocking her, just keep doing it. I'd rather her not see everything that's going on in your life." He paused. "In _our_ life," he emphasized.

Ren eyed her body, not in a wanting way, but to see of there were any injuries he missed. He didn't see any. Crossing her arms on her stomach, he went back to sitting beside the bed, wondering what she was thinking.

"You're disappointed in me for what I did back at the prison. I know. But I had to get to you. The access chips weren't working and–." He stopped with the excuses, clenching his jaw. "I had to get to you. You have to know I will do whatever it takes to always get to you. But I know what you're going to say to that: "Don't turn to violence as a solution." He rubbed his neck. "Can we just consider how taking that guards hand and leaving him alive was a vast improvement on my part?" Rey remained motionless. "No one seems to point that out," Ren mumbled.

He sat on his rear, bending his legs against his chest.

He looked into Rey's blank stare as he rested his chin on his knees, trying to read her expressionless face. "I don't want Casterfo on this ship," he confessed, chewing at his lip. "It's just a reminder of what happened six years ago. And I don't want to remember. I don't want to remember anything." Looking down at the sheets, he continued in a more solemn tone. "Sometimes I think living with the memories is possible. Lately it's felt like that. But right now… it's almost hard to breath. It's like I'm back in that cave. Or the diner. And then from there, I think of all the things that came after. The torture I endured under Snoke. The people I've killed without question." He paused. "Han." His eyes found hers. "Can I truly live with what I've done? I keep going back and forth with the answer."

Rey stared at him.

"And then there's the other part of me," he whispered. "The one that misses having that power and authority. I crave that still. Even though I know it's not right." He dug his fingers into his hair, needing the pain, needing to hide from the shame. "Going to Snoke is what ruined my life. But you're right: I'm addicted to being malicious." Perhaps he truly didn't deserve happiness, since he sometimes yearned for the sins that got him here.

At times. he felt as if he were two sides of the same credit. Sensitive, yet brutal. Caring, yet monstrous. Bewildering, yet transparent. And in the end, even content, he was broken.

"What if I can't live with both the darkness and the light?" he mused, for the thousandth time.

He received no answer.

Wiping at his face, he breathed into his palms, feeling the slow beginnings of fatigue. But he kept talking. "I don't like playing the victim to circumstances I've created." He lowered his hands. "But… wouldn't you think that some blame falls on Casterfo for what he did?" Rey's gaze didn't leave his. Ren moaned, irritated at the situation. "I wish you could talk to me. Even if it is to tell me how childish I'm being. I like being able to feel you through the Force. Knowing you're always there. It's weird to be this cut off from you right now. And If I'm struggling, I can't imagine how frustrated you are. Trapped in your immobile body." Rey blinked rapidly. "Yeah, I thought so. Only a few more hours left of this, though." He climbed over Rey and relaxed, holding her in a position he hoped would be comfortable to her.

"Only a few more hours," he whispered. Her eyes closed as he traced over her soft features with his fingertips.

Soon, the temptation of sleep claimed him as well.

()()()()()

Leia stood at the edge of the lake, the afternoon sun almost blinding with how it reflected off the water. The air was warm, a faint breeze playing with her loose hair and baggy clothes. The grey mechanic jumpsuit Maz lent her was thicker than the usual material she wore, but was still breathable in the heat.

She took a deep breath. It was so calm here. So calm when the galaxy was in such a state of extreme unrest. So tranquil, considering what she'd gone through not too long ago.

The Resistance was in shambles.

The hope of getting it back together looking grim.

Leia hated this part. The after effects of taking a massive hit. Losing a battle to the enemy. Optimism seeming more and more like a naïve practice.

This is the only thing that's been on her mind since she woke this morning. But no need to think about that at the moment. Right now, Leia just wanted to breath. When was the last time she'd been able to do that? When she was eight?

But moments were just that. Moments.

She glanced down at the worn datapad, hoping to see a new message.

Nothing.

Not many people had sent her information of there whereabouts. Most choosing to lay low for a bit. Trend among them. The Resistance fleet was hiding somewhere near the galaxy's edge– which Leia actually thought was the right move for now.

On top of that, she couldn't stop thinking of what she found when she logged into her personal account this morning. The alert that one of her messages had been seen, the one she sent six years ago to her son.

She heard footsteps approaching, sensing she was no longer alone. "The Falcon is right outside the atmosphere."

Leia whipped around. "They were successful?"

Luke nodded as he took off his brown cloak. She was surprised he'd worn it at all with how warm a day it was. "Ransolm is eager to see you."

"Anybody hurt?"

"Nothing too serious or long lasting. And so far, there have been no reports of deaths at the prison."

She closed her eyes for a moment, smiling. "Good."

"Poe never should've gone to the prison."

Leia exhaled, looking at her disapproving brother. "We've already talked about this. He never actually got an order from me saying not to do it."

"Because you were unconscious. He shouldn't have endangered–."

"I don't want to beat a dead bantha, Luke. What's done is done. I'm not going to punish Commander Dameron."

The twins went quiet.

Luke scanned the waterfront. "Ben and Ransolm shouldn't be on the same ship together."

Leia mirrored his stance without noticing. "They shouldn't be within five feet of each other, if we're to be honest."

Hearing the far off sounds of a ship, she turned, seeing the Falcon in the distance.

Both walking back to Maz's crumbled castle remains, Luke asked, "What are you going to do with Rey?"

Leia sidestepped a chunk of duracrete. "I'm not going to arrest her, if that's what you mean."

"Vassena will still want to."

"Good thing she isn't here." She glanced sideways at her brother. "What about you? Do you have any course of action you want to take with Rey?"

"I want to talk with her and then decide."

They made it to where the Falcon was landing, Leia eagerly awaiting for a reunion with her dear friend.

The ramp lowered, the first one off being Ransolm. He stopped when they made eye contact, his mouth agape at seeing her.

Both closing the distance between each other, they embraced, his tall frame towering over her small, aged body. She looked up, beaming. Those young features that made him so handsome were now weathered. Dark circles took up residence under his eyes. Cheeks hollow. Skin thin. But his hair was still that rich mixture of blonde and copper tones. And like before, it was long, softly curled, and covering his fanned ears.

Ben preferred to wear his hair the same.

Leia touched her friend's cheek. "I'm sorry I couldn't help you sooner."

He shook his head. "We both know there was nothing you could've done. The evidence was overwhelmingly against me. But breaking me out of prison, Leia…" he said cheekily. "Seems like something you would set into motion."

Leia laughed lightly, then glanced to the Falcon. Her son was holding up a very weak looking Rey, helping her to walk down the ramp. They looked at one another for a short moment before Ben glanced away. He started heading toward the entrance to Maz's basement.

"I'm sorry, but I need to talk to Ben."

Ransolm's face grew hard, and he opened his mouth as if to say something. But like the senator he used to be, he recovered an inviting face quickly.

Ransolm bowed his head. "Of course." He gazed around, breathing in deep. "It's been years since I've been outside. I think I'll go for a walk, so take your time."

Luke came up to introduce himself, and the two men started to talk as Leia went in the direction of her son.

"Ben," she called. He stopped before hitting the steps. "Can I speak with you?"

"Rey is still weak and I should–"

"Finn can help me the rest of the way," Rey interjected, glancing over at her friend. Ben seemed annoyed to let her go, watching Finn bare most of her weight down the steps and through the basement corridor.

It took him a while to lift his gaze to Leia's.

"I know you didn't want to, but thank you for helping to retrieve Ransolm."

Ren gave a curt nod.

"I'm glad you were able to find Rey."

"Me too."

"How is she doing?"

"Better." And then he went silent. Ben could carry on like this forever: not talking. Looking off to the side. It had been like this constantly while raising him. Like she was speaking to someone who never answered back.

Quiet Ben.

She hated it. Didn't know how to get through–

"Is Ematt still alive?" he suddenly asked.

She cleared her airway. "He was able to get off the base with some of the medical personnel. He's with the Resistance fleet now."

"Good," he nodded. "If he died, Rey would view it as her fault."

"I heard she found her grandmother. What's she like?"

Ren did this slow shrug, as if he wasn't sure what to say. "She's… interesting. But her and Rey have taken to each other really well."

"Is she learning more about her family?"

He rubbed his lips together as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Somewhat. What are you going to do about the Resistance?" Ben asked, changing the subject quickly.

"Rebuild," she said on an exhale. "Call upon the few allies we have left."

"The First Order has the core worlds now."

"The Empire had the whole galaxy. I've faced worse odds."

Ben blinked. "You'll never stop fighting, will you?"

"Not in my nature."

He glanced down, a faint hint of a smile on his lips.

Finally, she couldn't keep what she wanted to talk about inside anymore. "I know you've seen my message," Leia blurted out.

Ben didn't speak. His eyes remained downcast, his frame as still as the thick, tall trees. "Do you have anything to say about it?" she pushed.

Nothing.

"You must have thoughts about what I said." She got close to him. Even grabbed his arm. His gaze went to her grip, but he didn't move her away. "Talk to me. Or yell at me. Or tell me how much of a disappointment I am. Just say something about it."

"I miss who I used to be," Ben whispered, head still down.

Leia's heart thundered against her rib cage.

She got into his line of sight, which wasn't difficult considering their height difference. "I miss him, too."

Soft was his expression as his eyes roamed over her face, like he was memorizing every wrinkle. Every sunspot. "The truth is…" he breathed, "I always had moments when I would think of ways to get out. Killing and torturing people was what I'd fall back on. But it had started to mess with my perception the longer it continued. And now the damage is permanent."

What to say to that? She needed to say the right things so he didn't shut her out.

When the occasion called for it, her son was always a professional at ignoring things. Feelings. Problems. People. But as Leia watched him, it was like she could see her son slowly emerging from the oppression he preferred to hide behind.

But this was what happened last time they talked. When he told her he didn't want her to be his mother. Whenever she thought a breakthrough was coming and he would trust her with his vulnerability, the shutters came down. His emotions walled off behind a mask of indifference.

He never knew another way.

But… has he learned not to hide?

"There is always time for healing," she commented.

Ben ran both hands through his hair, putting some distance between them. "Maybe," he said wearily.

"What made you watch the recording?"

For a moment he seemed to fade, to draw in on himself. "I thought you were dead. I panicked. Then I thought about that vid… What if that was all I had left of you? Just recordings? I don't have anything of…"

Ben didn't need to finish the sentence. She knew whom he was alluding to.

Leia proceeded cautiously. "I made many mistakes throughout my life, Ben. But the worst one was not being honest with you. I foolishly believed that secrets were better than love, because it seemed to keep people together."

"A short term solution to cover up years of deception."

"It is."

He shuffled his boot against the dirt. Leia waited, like she expected him to say something. It looked as if he wanted to say something.

"Finding out about Vader…" he spoke slowly. "I admit, I only thought of myself. I never stopped to wonder just how affected you were by it." He looked at her. "How affected you were when I joined the First Order."

Leia swallowed. Could hear the rush of blood in her ears. "When I found out… Not even your father could console me," she said mournfully. Eyes glistening, she clutched her chest. "You don't know what it feels like to lose a child and in truth, that is what it felt like when you joined the First Order and became…" Leia's voice teetered, not wanting to utter that name out loud. "To me, it was like you died. And if you were to ask any parent if they would die in the place of their daughter or son, I guarantee you that answer would be yes. Do you know why? It's not just because honor, or duty, or parental responsibility. It's because it's also easier. It's easier to die than to know you failed them."

For Leia always felt like a failure when it came to Ben.

"You should whole-heartedly despise me," he admitted. "It would be easier that way."

"Easier is not always right."

"Easier…" Ren muttered, shaking his head.

He steeled himself, bracing for what he was about to say. "You remember… when I was a child and I would cry to you that I wished I was different?" Leia nodded. "I still feel that way. Why was I born to the family I was? Why did I have to struggle with morals and social acceptance when all of that came so _easily_ to other children?" he asked passionately. Closing his eyes, he calmed. Then looked to the forest. "I'm so exhausted from constantly being pulled in different directions."

"I think you've been put in these situations not because the universe is out to get you, but because it wants to give you the chance to choose right."

"I have a hard time knowing what right is anymore."

"Maybe having something constant in your life and then starting from there can help your judgment. Like Rey."

Still looking anywhere but at her, he rubbed at his mouth. A strong wind swept past them, brushing his hair to the side. Ben didn't notice. "In the vid when you said you would… love me forever… was that true?" he struggled to ask.

She reached up, fixing his hair quickly. Ben didn't react to her touch. "Every word in that recording was the absolute truth."

Pause.

"Ben," she whispered, his stare joining hers. "Do you love me?"

Leia held her breath. Hoping.

And then… he nodded.

Unexpectedly, a sob escaped his lips, loud from being suppressed for so long. It startled Leia. Ben had seemed so collected. So even. But his emotions finally became too pressurized to hide anymore.

He went to cover his eyes with his hand, face contorting, lungs struggling to breath. He fought the show of emotion, his neck straining against the effort.

Leia tried to pull his hand away from his face. "Ben, look at me." He shook his head, brushing her off. "Don't hide yourself from me. There is no need to feel embarrassed."

He spoke in between the short pauses for breaths. "It's hard… to be… around you… and not… think of him." The tears finally fell from her eyes, leaving shining rivulets down her cheeks as her heart broke for him. "I always… fall apart… seeing you."

"Then every time, I'll pick you back up." She cupped his face. Ren dropped his hands, sniffling as he gazed at her, a picture of grief. Loss. Devastation. "It's about time I take care of you. Because who am I?"

He hiccupped. And then said the three words Leia has wanted him to admit for the longest time. "You're my mother."

And with that final admission from Ben, everything came together. The vein tapped. The gold slowly extracted.

Those walls, the ones that held him up, made him invulnerable just… collapsed. Second by second, they fell in the form of the salty drops sliding over his chin and down his neck.

Leia could almost feel him as a baby in her arms again. His softness. His innocence. But he was anything but innocent anymore. He was raw, raw everything. Raw tears. Raw emotions. Raw guilt.

She wiped the moisture from his cheeks with her thumb and said with conviction, "And you'll always be my son."

Leia might not win this war. Might even lose her life in the process. But she just won another battle: she has beaten Snoke.

For her son has finally returned home.

 **So usually I do two read throughs before posting, but I only did one this time. Just wanted to post this already. I apologize for any mistakes that are found!**

 **Little Ben is starting to make a comeback. Sort of. At least he talked to Leia waaaaaay more this time than the last. Seeing her message really made him realize a few things, and he isn't trying to deny them.**

 **Hopefully I can get the next chapter out sooner than I did with this one! May the Force be with you all!**


	40. Chapter 40

**Thank you all for following, faveing, and reviewing! Your support helps me to keep going!**

 **NightElfCrawler: *hands you a tissue* Yeah for a reunion! But at least it was sweet. Aleta Wolff: I'm glad you loved it! It was a proud moment for Ren to admit those things to his mom. Finally he is progressing. But he might have some bumps still ahead for him on this journey. sweetes forbiden candy apple: *also hands you a tissue* I'm happy that scene resonated with some of you. You reread it as much as you want, and review as often as you like! I try to keep this as accurate as I can. Sometimes I deviate from canon, but with the characters, I try really hard. I don't want this to end, but at the same time I do. I want to write these next few chapters so bad! The ending is what I first envisioned, with the story forming from there. So I've had this ending in my mind for so long and I want to get it out!**

 **So this chapter was interesting. I don't know if you guys have read the interviews the cast have done with EW, but some things they said (Mark Hamill) are actually kinda in my story. So it might look like I took the things he said and put it in here. But I've had this planned, dammit! Right when I read this article I was like, "What?! People will probably think I'm copying this!" But in the end, it doesn't matter. You guys will see what I mean. Probably.**

 **And omg, look how quickly I got this chapter out! I'm so proud of myself. But it was quick because I has to cut the chapter in half. So you know how I previously said there would be action and setup for the finale? That is now the next chapter. This one is the quiet before the storm, a lot of character interaction, A LOT of foreshadowing and getting into Force lore. Some of you might find it boring. Oh well. It's necessary.**

 **Anyway, onto the chapter!**

Chapter Forty:

Days turned into weeks, which bled into months, the horrors of what happened at the Resistance base now spreading from ear to ear. Yet despite the simmering unrest left behind from the battles, power struggles, and fearful divides, there was a momentary calm in the galaxy.

Not peace. Just calm.

The war was at a temporary standstill. The Resistance now scattered, staying that way for security purposes. Because of this, everyone was split up: Finn was with the Resistance fleet, overseeing the ESC with the help of Breaala; Leia made her new headquarters on Takodana, with only a handful of people actually knowing her precise location; and Poe and Jess split their time between the two places.

Then there was Rey. She mainly stayed on Dandoran, only going back to Takodana when Ben or Luke needed to switch places every few days. The two men had agreed that one of them would guard Leia at all times, while the other stayed with Rey. The time apart was harder on Ben than it was for her, but she promised to open their connection in the evenings so they could talk. Or just to feel the others presence more strongly.

However, she didn't stay connected to him while falling asleep. Ben's dreams were either full of violence, or they were fantasies about being intimate with her. Both caused unrest for different reasons.

Luke was with her this time on Dandoran, but today they would be leaving to Takodana. Rey was excited, but also nervous. Technically, she was still lost somewhere in the galaxy. Leia had told the council she hadn't been found in order to protect her. So when she went to Maz's planet, she couldn't step foot off the ship. Leia had a few personal aids, but since Rey was wanted by Trend, they couldn't be trusted not to report anything back to her.

Casterfo had it a little better than Rey. He stayed on Takodana, walking among the others as if he were one of those aids, using a different name and identity to allow him his freedom.

Walking on the path between the meadow and Soniee's home, Rey should be more experienced with leaving her grandmother by now. But this time was difficult, like all the others. Rey would never grow tired of listening to Soniee's stories or watching the same recordings of her parents over and over and over again. To see herself when she was a baby or a toddler playing with them, being loved by them– it was the greatest gift she could have ever been given.

Soniee also enjoyed watching some of Rey's training being done right outside her place, although Rey wasn't sure how Luke felt about that. But with the truth about Rey's heritage becoming known, Luke gave into the woman, probably out of respect for his old mentor.

The evening sun was strong, shining the yellow and gold hues along the planet's surface. Even surrounded by the bright berry bushes and wide trees, Rey's feet were heavy, her demeanor disheartened.

Rey breathed in the calm air, smelling the mustiness of the moss.

"You're mental barrier has become incredibly stronger over a short span of time," Luke commented. "You did well this morning." The Jedi Master walked beside her, his robes lightly brushing against the lightly packed dirt.

She shrugged. "It's all about practice."

But that was somewhat of a lie. One night, against Ben and Luke's orders, Rey had secretly met with Kayani in her dreams. Rey made it clear she wanted nothing to do with the woman's plans and that she couldn't bring herself to trust her. This didn't phase Kayani. The woman just smiled, understanding. Even apologized for wanting to let Ben die on Lothal, and for telling Rey they shouldn't be together.

Now, the woman was the strongest proponent of her and Ben's relationship.

The sudden change caused Rey to be concerned. But then Kayani brought up that she could help the girl with her training, especially when it came to her mental capabilities.

Initially, Rey declined. But it only took one harrowing training session with Luke for Rey to find the woman and accept the offer.

And ever since, Rey's skill level has been rising exponentially. Kayani probably thought she was using Rey, but in truth, Rey was using Kayani.

"How am I doing compared to Ben?" Rey asked, brushing the sweat from her brow.

Luke gave her a side-glance. "This isn't a competition, Rey."

"I know…" she mumbled.

Beneath Luke's thick beard, there was a hint of a smile. "You're both very quick at learning. You're a natural, just like him. But… you do catch on to certain techniques faster."

Rey beamed with pride.

"Don't go challenging him to a duel, though," Luke reminded, bringing her ego back down a notch.

Rey leapt over a log while Luke went around it. "How are you liking Dandoran?" he asked.

"It's nice having Soniee here."

"But if she wasn't here, what would you think of this planet?"

She looked at the predominant shades of green and brown, the hints of red hidden in the shrubberies. "Well, uhhh… the forests are beautiful. I like the smells. But it's a bit dry here." Rey rubbed her cracked hands together, being reminded of her days on Jakku. "Honestly, I sometimes miss training on Ahch–To. Things were so quiet there, and I could focus on learning while listening to the waves of the sea. Smelling the saltiness of the air."

"You like the ocean," he commented.

"I do," Rey answered with a smile. "I've found that I quite prefer to be near water than to be on a desert planet where the only organics to be found were those of scattered corpses."

Luke found her statement amusing. "I know what you mean." He swatted a bug away as he elaborated. "Growing up on Tatooine, my aunt and uncle would show me vids of the planet Adamastor, promising me that one day they would take me. We didn't have many credits, so it was going to take them a while to save up enough to go. I'd watch those recordings, imagining myself on those beaches, looking out to that deep blue sea. Made me wish that I wasn't surrounded by desert."

"What happened when they took you?"

"We never went." Rey tilted her head, seeing the distance behind her master's stare. "The moisture farm was never as profitable as my Uncle was hoping it would be. I did leave eventually… when there was no longer anything keeping me there."

Rey let her fingers run against the soft, damp moss on the trees, yet her fingers came away dry. "When you met my great-grandfather." She knew his aunt and uncle had been killed, but she left that out.

"Yes. He offered me an adventure and I came along for the ride." Luke stretched out his arms. "And now here I am."

"Do you still find it strange I'm related to Obi-Wan?" She recalled when Luke had first found out. The man had been floored, looking as if he might faint. But a few hours of being alone remedied the shock, so much so that Luke sat Rey down and told her all he knew about her relative, answering as many questions as he could.

"No." They jumped over a narrow stream. Luke readjusted his tunics, glancing at Rey with a twinkle in his eye. "Things have a way of coming full circle."

They continued down the faded path. "Did you ever go to Adamastor?"

The twinkle disappeared. "No. Seemed wrong to visit the place without them. It had been a dream for all of us."

Silence ensued between the two the rest of the way to the Falcon. Not in an awkward way, but more reflective. Both were thinking of the lives they once had and the ones they currently lead.

R2 greeted them aboard the Falcon and followed as they headed to the cockpit, Rey lighting up the engines, getting comfortable in the pilot's seat.

"How's Ben doing with the constant separation from you?" Luke abruptly asked as he sat across from her.

Rey's hands paused over the console. "Why ask about him and not me?"

"I'm with you often enough to see that you remain focused, even when you're away from him. Ben has always struggled with patience and regulating his emotions. He can become very attached to things."

"Things…" she angled her body more towards him, "as in me. You think I shouldn't be with him?"

Luke shook his head while waving his hand. "That's not what I'm trying to say. You've been good for him. And you have someone devoted to you and who loves you, something you've never had. Just…" he sighed. "Be careful. Love can become distorted and morph into obsession. It destroyed my parents, in the end."

"Ben's getting better with balancing his emotions." Rey was a little too fierce in defending Ben. Luke's face soured. "What?" Rey asked. "You don't think so?"

"I do. I just find it interesting you used that word to describe him."

"Which word?"

"Balance. There was a time in my life when I thought…." Luke paused, staring out the foreport to the expansive meadow. "I was told he could bring balance to the Force."

 _What?_

Rey was floored for a moment. "Told?" she asked, leaning over the armrest slightly. "Who told you that?"

"Obi-Wan and my father, when I was once able to communicate with them." Luke returned Rey's steady gaze. "They told me that while Anakin brought temporary balance, Ben could make it everlasting."

Rey frowned. "How could he do that?"

" _That_ they never told me," he said with a tinge of frustration. "There were things they couldn't reveal. Not then, anyway. So I traveled the galaxy, going temple to temple to see if I could find anything that would hint at how something like that was possible."

Enthralled, Rey asked, "Did you find anything?"

Scratching at his beard, Luke was reflective while saying, "Clues. Suggestions. More pieces to a puzzle that had no real outline. If I never found the answers, than in the very least, I could teach Ben all I knew. Prepare him for whatever might come. But I never was able to pick up on how much the dark side had infected him over the years. I knew he had some in him; we all do to an extent. I just thought he was going through a typical phase of adolescence." He shook his head, gazing back out to the planet. "Leia knew, though. She would argue with me how she could feel something watching her son, even when he was in the womb. Something sinister. I should have listened to her."

There was silence, except for the hum of the engines. Rey looked to the control console, seeing that the ship was ready to take off. But she wasn't going anywhere till this conversation was over. "You can't contact your father or Obi-Wan anymore?"

"No. After Ben destroyed the academy, I haven't been able to contact them."

Sheepishly, she asked, "Could I somehow contact Obi-Wan?"

"Through meditation, maybe. But it's up to them if they want to show themselves or not."

Rey's hope deflated somewhat. "Do you think they still expect Ben to somehow balance the Force?"

Luke made a pitying expression. "I hope not. I don't know what that fate would entail, which worries me. You put too much responsibility onto one person and they just might break."

"Wasn't it said that Vader would balance the Force?"

"Prophecies are always hard to interpret. But he did destroy the Sith, which was one of the criteria. The balance after killing Palpatine didn't last long, though."

It was then that Rey felt a chill. Rey wasn't scared of much. She had grown accustomed to the fact that the Force rendered her almost invulnerable, unstoppable. She had lived through fights, fought in battles. But there was something about what Luke was saying that gave her pause. Like maybe the Force wasn't done with Ben. Maybe it never was.

She knew what the Force wanted with her, if she were to believe what Kayani was saying. But the expectations for Ben were unknown.

Rey swallowed hard. "Ben doesn't know about this, does he?"

"No. I never told him," he said quietly. "I've never told anyone."

"Why are you telling me then?"

Luke looked to her compassionately. "I want you to be aware of what you're getting yourself into by being attached to my family. It's a difficult road to walk, and everyone gets hurt along the way."

Rey considered that for a second. "But all my life I've wanted to find a purpose that seemed right and true. And I found that with you and your family."

"Purpose," he almost scoffed. "That word is almost as dangerous as prophecy."

"Isn't it healthy for an individual to be driven?"

"But driven towards what?"

Rey glanced to the corridor. Then out the foreport. Settling on a shrug. "Well, something good and fulfilling?"

"When do you know you've found something fulfilling?"

Rey didn't appreciate her answers being turned into questions. "When it feels right," she concluded.

Luke nodded slowly. Knowingly. "I thought my sole purpose after the Empire fell was to restore the Jedi Order. I took guidance from my mentors during that time, listening to them with how to put things back to the way it used to be. That I should take the opportunity to tutor and train my nephew for something I didn't have all the details for. But it all ended in fire and ash. I put so much of my self-worth into being a Jedi Master that I never really thought if what I was doing should be done."

Rey wasn't sure what to say. There weren't a lot of times where this legendary man has confided in her, actually spoken to her about his life.

Luke's voice went softer. "My mentors, the ones I leaned on for direction, abandoned me. And now, I don't know where to go from here."

The man sitting next her, who was always a symbol of strength and wisdom, now appeared jaded and lethargic. Unmasked and vulnerable. Rey didn't like it. He was supposed to be strong. "You told me on Ahch-To that you were thinking about changing the Jedi code. Maybe getting rid of it all together."

"I remember."

"So do it," she said earnestly. "Make the Jedi into what you feel would be right for the galaxy– right for the individual that is Force sensitive. You probably understand the old Jedi's weaknesses and shortcomings better than me, so learn from that."

Luke rounded his jaw, contemplating. "It's difficult to do on my own."

"What do you think I'm here for?" Her voice almost got shrill. She calmed. "I'm going to help you."

Luke sort of smiled, a slim piece of white showing through his curled lips. Then the expression was gone. "Ben once tried to exterminate the Jedi. Probably still believes they shouldn't come back."

"I'm not Ben."

He regarded her longer than what was deemed comfortable, maybe trying to find any falsity to her claims. "No," he finally muttered. "You certainly aren't."

()()()()()

In a small, musty room of Maz's decimated castle, a meeting for the Resistance was taking place. Sitting at a rusted table was General Organa, Ren, and Poe. Threepio and Casterfo were standing off to the side, both remaining out of frame. They all looked to the holoscreen, the faces of Admiral Trend and Ackbar staring back at them.

Vassena was annoyed when Ren had started to join the meetings, but she never said anything. It was written in her eyes every time he spoke, which was extremely rare. Poe was more vocal since he was now an actual member of the council. With Statura and Ematt no longer having a seat, Leia had to find people she trusted to fill the openings.

She'd even offered Poe a promotion to General, but he declined gracefully. In Poe's words: "I belong out in the field. Not behind the scenes."

"The Core and Inner Rim are under First Order occupation," Vassena reported. "That leaves some allies left in the Mid and Outer Rims. But the ones who donated the most to the Resistance are the worlds now controlled by the regime."

"We need to expand to planets we haven't talked to before," Ackbar offered as a solution.

Leia placed her hands on the table. "I can't imagine any of them being financially giving." Her tone of knowing cynicism did not go unnoticed.

Against his belief that staying quiet was the best policy, Ren joined the conversation. Because when people were blatantly wrong, it was hard for him to keep his mouth shut. "You won't find the credits you need in the Mid and Outer Rims." All attention went to him. "At the end of the day, the only difference between two sides of a fight isn't ideology, it's money and resources– neither in which you have."

A vein popped out of Vessena's forehead. "The Rebellion didn't have those things, and yet we still won."

"That was a one in a billion chance," Ren lectured condescendingly. "The Emperor was unwise to put the majority of his military and resources into the Death Star. The First Order doesn't make the same mistake– which is why after Starkiller imploded, they were still a formidable force. And Snoke does not have an apprentice like Vader."

"Not anymore."

His eyes narrowed. "He never let me get close to him. I never knew where he was located. All because his paranoia was sharper than Palpatine's."

Poe was rubbing his temples as he said, "So what else can we use if we don't have money to win this war?"

"Propaganda," Ackbar interjected. "We need the majority of civilians to believe we are the better choice. And for them to willingly donate their time and ships to fight with us."

They all agreed, except Ren. There was a problem with that plan as well: majority of people were afraid of the First Order. But this idea was better than begging planets for money, making them look desperate.

Might even be better to subtly manipulate the galaxy's population instead.

Vassena tossed up an idea. "We can still record Ren and leak it onto the Holonet, like we previously planned."

"No." Leia immediately shot that down. "It's been an asset not having the galaxy know his face. Makes it easier for him to go out on an assignment." Vassena pursed her lips, making eye contact with Ren. He gave her a small, corner smile. "We'll use Finn instead. His story of being taken as a child and forced into fealty will be more compelling and will resonate with more people."

And that was that. No one argued with General Organa.

Leia changed the subject. "Have you found anything in the remains of the base?"

Vassena rolled her shoulders, collecting her emotions. "Not much that can be used. But we've salvaged most of the shipyard and are either fixing or repurposing the ships. Also… Statura's body was found."

Silence.

"You sure it was him?" Leia asked reverently.

Ackbar nodded. "The remains matched his DNA."

"And Harter?"

Ren tensed, readying himself to hear the worst.

"We still haven't found her."

He shut his eyes, letting out a long breath from his nose. While the news of her corpse not being found was ideal, there was still the question of where she was. The possible answers were of no comfort.

Leia gathered up her two datapads, readying to leave. "If there isn't anything else to report, than we can close this–"

"Actually, there is," Vassena interrupted, her energy reinvigorated. "Brendol Hux will be traveling to Chandrila Opera House in a few days. I can't imagine he'll bring a large amount of security with him for such an occasion. Especially since Chandrila is theirs now."

Leia raised a brow. "What are you suggesting?"

Vassena shrugged. "He is a prominent member of their council, and his son destroyed the Hosnian System. We should terminate him with the use of extreme justice."

Ren smirked. "That sure is a fancy way of saying assassinate."

"Or we could take him as a prisoner," Poe suggested. "Try to draw Hux out of his Star Destroyer stronghold."

Ren put his interlaced hands on the metallic surface, trying to sound mature and convincing instead of derisive. "I assure you, by getting rid of Brendol, you'd be doing Armitage a favor. He holds no affection toward his father."

Vassena rolled her eyes. "He must have–"

"No. This plan would fail."

Leia turned to him. "Would Brendol's knowledge of the First Order be more extensive than yours?"

"More than likely. I was never a member of the Shadow Council."

"We should grab him while we have the chance," Poe said. "Not to draw out his son, but to get information."

"And how would you get this information?" Ren asked him.

Leia was the one who answered. "By any means necessary. I'll oversee that a team is put together and prepared."

The meeting came to a close shortly after her staunch reply.

Leia leaned back once the holoscreen was off, rubbing her neck, rolling her head back and forth. "What are the chances that Brendol is actually going to Chandrila?"

Ren crossed his arms, chewing at the inside of his cheek before saying, "He loves the arts fiercely and does attend multiple performances throughout the year. The intel could be valid."

"Do you think he knows where Snoke resides?"

…."Possibly."

Leia stared at where the faces of Trend and Ackbar once were, calculating. "Commander Dameron," she gazed at Poe. "I'm giving this mission to you."

Poe straightened, looking honored and ready. "Do you want me to interrogate him as well?"

"No. That I'll leave to Ben." She eyed her son. "You're both going to Chandrila."

Lieutenant Connix entered, announcing that the Falcon was right outside Takodana's atmosphere before whispering something in Leia's ear. Ren nearly jumped from his chair, not even waiting to be excused. Not far behind was Poe.

But with only three steps into the stale hallway, Ren came to a stop. Clamming up. Hands trembling.

Chewie was walking in his direction. But the Wookie ignored him, walking right into the room he'd left his mother in.

In the air lingered the malodorous smell of Chewie's fur.

Ren put a hand out to the wall to steady himself. This wasn't their first encounter with each other. A few days after being on Takodana, he saw Chewie for the first time since… he couldn't even recall the last time he had seen him.

All Chewie had done, as Ren stood motionless, was walk up to him, stare him in the eye for a long moment, and march away. From then on, Chewie ignored his existence. And every time Ren saw him, he remembered the Wookies roar, the one he had billowed after he'd murdered Han.

Ren wasn't sure which reaction made him feel worse: being disregarded, or meeting Chewie's stare.

"You okay?" Poe asked from behind, actually startling Ren.

With a quaking hand, he shoved back his raven hair. "I'm fine," he croaked out before resuming his strides.

Poe walked next to him. "Are you sure you know what those two words mean?"

There was a big possibility Ren didn't.

Out into the afternoon light, Ren felt like he could breath again. That basement felt more like a cave. A small, unforgiving cave. "You're really not going to protest against your mother ordering you to come with me?"

Searching the sky, Ren spoke honestly. "These orders I don't mind. I never particularly liked Brendol."

"You can't kill him."

Ren gave him a dry look. "I won't. I'll just make him wish he were dead. It's a faster, more efficient way to get someone to talk."

"It steps over the line of ethics, is what it does," Poe mumbled.

"Is torture beyond your principles?"

Poe rubbed at his scruffy chin. "I can knock someone around, but when it comes to the harder stuff, I don't think I could do that."

Ren's gaze went back to roaming over the skyline, his hands now in his pockets. "I think when you get the nerve, you'll be surprised at what you're capable of."

A line appeared between Poe's brows, appearing to be mulling over Ren's comment. Then he joined in staring heavenward as he cautiously said, "Soooo…. You've been sticking by the General a lot these days."

Ren sighed, appearing bored. "Is there a question in there somewhere?"

"I didn't really expect you to be in her presence for more than five minutes."

"Skywalker and I switch off personally guarding her. You know that."

"I do. Just didn't think you'd actually take it seriously."

Oh, but he did take it seriously. After admitting to his mother that he cared for her, his drive to keep her safe became more of an immense responsibility than just a concern. "Who else are you going to request to come with us to Chandrila?" Ren asked, jumping topics.

"I was thinking the usual: Finn, Rey, and Jess." Poe interlaced his fingers and popped his knuckles. "Already have a plan in the works that involves those three."

Ren nodded, then squinted. A small speck showed off in the distance, moving below the clouds.

"Can I, uh… give you some advice?" Poe said in a more serious tone.

This brought Ren's attention to the man beside him. "I don't recall asking for any."

Poe squared off at him, all sense of mirth gone. "You got a good thing going here, considering you were once enemy number one."

"I thought Snoke was your number one enemy."

Poe stared at him flatly. "Enemy number two, then. Regardless, don't do anything to mess this up."

"Oh, yes," Ren said sarcastically. "I do so love being on the side of a losing cause, waiting for everything to crumble due to lack of support and resources. What a life."

"You want to bitch about how we're gonna lose, then fucking leave," Poe snapped. "I don't need you giving a monologue about it every five minutes."

Ren glanced up, seeing a more prominent outline of the Falcon. "I'm not going to leave," he professed solemnly.

"And why is that?"

Hesitating, Ren openly said, "There are people here I've come to care for."

Poe glanced to the forest, facing the light breeze, letting it sweep back his hair. He breathed in deep. "What I've been trying to say is don't take two steps forward and six steps back. You've actually been good company to be around lately. I don't want to see you go back to the person you used to be."

"Your concern is not needed."

Poe spread out his hands. "And yet here I am, giving it anyway."

Ren pinched his eyes. "Why?"

"I view you as a friend, man. Do I need to spell it out for you?"

The offer of friendship was a very kind gesture; the kind that made you blink quickly and have to take a couple of deep breathes. "I don't need–"

Poe raised a palm to stop him. "Please don't start by saying how you don't need any friends; that you're above all that. I know that's just your pride talking. But just accept it, okay? I'm not looking for a sentimental moment where we both hug and braid each other's hair. When I say I'm your friend and I got your back, all you need to say is "Okay, cool."" Poe put on a mischievous smile. "And then maybe compliment me by saying my friendship is so important to you. That's it."

The sound of engines could now be heard as the Falcon starting to lower on the part of the dirt designated as a landing zone. "Okay," Ren breathed out, the words sounding strange, but he still said them. "Cool."

Poe waited expectantly. "No compliment?"

"Don't push it."

Rey's excitement was potently palpable from being this close. But he wouldn't see her walking down that ramp since she needed to stay hidden.

Skywalker was the one to exit.

"One more thing," Poe said before Ren went to meet with the man to give a quick report. "How is your hair always so perfect?"

Ren let a chuckle escape his nose. "It's genetic and unattainable."

()()()()()

Rey leaned against the marble counter in the refresher, looking over her makeup with keen curiosity. The all-in-one stylist had left ten minutes ago, praising her work that had taken three hours to do: giving Rey a complete transformation.

She had been excited in the beginning. Especially when she decided to cut her hair just above the shoulders. But now staring at her reflection, she was questioning all of it. To her, she appeared drastically different. Almost unrecognizable. Her softly curled hair showed none of its usual unruliness. The form fitting, dark green dress loosened slightly below her knees, draping to the floor, but showing womanly curves Rey wasn't accustomed to seeing. What was more unusual was the high neckline, but low back. Rey didn't know this so called "fashion" existed.

At least her arms were completely covered.

But could she wear this all evening? The plan was once her and Ben were done with dinner, they would separate. She would go with Jess to the theatre, where they would keep an eye on Brendol, updating the men waiting a few blocks away as to when he left. Then they would look for an opening and snatch him.

Rey straightened, looking at her whole ensemble.

Was she beautiful?

She would need a second opinion.

Rey neared the door, hand hovering over the panel. "Okay. I'm coming out and you better not laugh. Promise?"

"I'm not going to laugh at you, Rey," Ben answered, amused.

"It's just," she explained nervously, "I've never dressed like this before. I don't even look like me with all this makeup stuff on my face."

"Rey, it's fine," he said coaxingly. "Come out so I can see you."

She took a deep breath and opened the entryway. Keeping her eyes to the floor, Rey went to stand by the bed, her hands brushing at the dress as if it would somehow help her jitters.

Ben didn't say anything. She glanced up to see him staring at her, eyes wide.

"Do I look that ridiculous?"

Ben opened his mouth. Nothing came out.

She began to panic. "You're– you're not saying anything."

He came to her, running his hands up and down her arms. "You look stunning," he said with warming sincerity. He brought a finger up to one of her curls. "And you're hair…"

"Oh." She laughed timidly, patting at the new hairdo. "Yeah. I was feeling up for a change. I've always had longer hair, but I wanted to try this out. Do you like it?"

"It looks perfect on you. Everything does." He got closer, his need evident in the way his eyes locked and held upon her form, the way his voice rumbled, the way his body heated. "But now I just want to take this dress off of you."

Rey pushed him back. "Oh no you don't. It took hours to get ready. If you ruin even a strand of my hair–"

He put up his arms defensively, a sly smile curving his lips. "I won't touch you. Satisfied?"

"Well, you can _touch_ me. Just be careful." Feeling more confident, she was able to take in Ben's formal black robes, noting that it wasn't much different than what he wore when with the First Order. The fabric was just thinner and smooth, and he swapped out his beloved boots for shiny black shoes– which must've been a first. But all in all, he looked good. _Really_ good. "Those robes really suit you. I've never seen you look so polished and non-threatening before." She went up and twisted one of his perfect locks around her finger. "You're really handsome when you clean yourself up."

He stole a quick kiss before she could back away again. "Because I'm so scruffy looking otherwise."

Hand in hand, they left their opulent room and exited the hotel, making their way into an enclosed speeder, a driver already at the helm.

Rey tilted her head closer to Ren and whispered, "You sure Poe is okay with this?"

"You've never been to Chandrila before. And we have a few hours to spare before going to the opera house. I'd rather enjoy some dinner than wait in the room with the rest of them."

"Thanks for paying for their room. Finn seemed really excited to stay somewhere so nice."

"If you have the means, you should experience a few luxuries from time to time."

"Credits do really get you everything," Rey said as a joke.

Ben didn't interpret it that way. "If that were true, my life wouldn't have turned out the way it did. I'd rather be poor and content, than rich and regretful."

They arrived at their destination before Rey could come up with something to say.

Arm looped through his, they walked into the ornate eatery. Rey gaped at the sparkling ceiling, the view reminding her of when she would look at the sky during the nights on Jakku, gazing at all the infinite stars. Beneath her the floors were rich colors of swirling blue, with flecks of gold lining the perimeter. Everyone was dressed in the same fancy manner as them, all looking like they belonged here.

She stopped and tensed.

Ben tried pulling her along, but she didn't budge. "What's wrong?"

"I…." Her stare darted from one humanoid to another. "I don't fit in here." Her intimidated eyes caught sight of a nearby table. "I don't even know what most of those forks and spoons are for," she whispered.

Ben touched her cheek, craning her head to face him. "Don't look down at yourself. Ever."

"How much does the food even cost?"

"It doesn't matter. I have more than enough to probably buy this restaurant." He dropped his hand. People were now watching them as they stood in the middle of the lobby. "Do you want to leave?" he whispered in her ear. "We can go somewhere more comfortable for you."

 _What am I doing?_ she asked herself. Never in her life did she give much credence to the opinions of others. Especially when they were judging her. If she had, she wouldn't have survived for as long as she did.

Being with Ben had brought these new insecurities to light. And right now, she had reached her limit of caring what random strangers thought of her. She wanted to have a nice night with the man who brought her here.

"No," she replied resolutely, banishing the anxiety from her soul. "You made the reservation. Lets stay. But you'll have to explain to me what most of the food is and what fork goes with what."

"Don't worry," he whispered, an attractive smile lighting up his face. "I'll be your teacher."

They were shown to their table, the view looking directly down to the dance floor below. Rey went to pull out her chair, but Ben beat her to it, motioning for her to sit. Awkwardly, she sat as he pushed it in.

As the night went on, Rey learned that this custom was commonly practiced with other couples. Which she thought odd. Women were perfectly capable of handling a chair.

Next, Ben went over the menu with her, helping to pick out what she was most in the mood to eat. The waiter, who was thankfully human and not a droid, was patient and polite, giving his own recommendations.

Once their orders were done, the man asked, "Would you like any wine this evening?"

"No, thank you," Ben said.

"Actually, I would like to try some." This drew a surprised look from Ben.

"Which would you like?"

"Uhhhh…" That was when she realized she didn't know the names of any wines. She could cite some alcoholic beverages, but wine was for the rich. Nobody was really rich on Jakku.

Ben thankfully came to the rescue. "Bring a glass of Emerald, Toniray, Corellian, and Port in a Storm."

The waiter bowed and left quickly.

Rey sat back, grabbing a fork, picking at the prongs. Probably wasn't proper manners, but she didn't care. "That's quite an array of wine."

Ren lifted an eyebrow, remaining still as she kept being fidgety. "Have you ever tried wine? Let alone alcohol?"

"No," she admitted.

"Then you should have choices."

The drinks came and then the food, Rey greedily enjoying every morsel and every swallow of the mauve liquids, except Port in a Storm. The smell alone made her eyes water and nose sting. Ben found it entertaining how she refused to taste even a drop.

She had to abstain from chugging all the other drinks. Ben cautioned her to take small sips since they had to get Brendol in a few hours. It would look bad if she showed up drunk.

And as Rey expected, Ben didn't ask to try any of them.

As the night went on, they chatted mostly about Soniee and the recordings. But there were small moments when Ben would talk about things from his childhood, even sometimes memories with his mother. It was a relaxing atmosphere, just the two of them, enjoying the others company.

But then Ben said something offhandedly about Skywalker, and all that did was remind Rey about the conversation she'd had with the Jedi Master a few days ago. As much as she tried, she couldn't shake it from her mind.

Dessert was brought out, choc filled banja cakes for Ben, and Jogan fruit drizzle for her. But her appetite had dissipated, and not because she was full. "Why didn't you order dessert first?" Rey asked after taking a bite, trying to relish the sweetness as her mind kept reeling.

Ben chewed and swallowed his big bite. "In a place such as this, I would never do that."

She somewhat smiled, poking at the dessert she should be enjoying.

"Do you not like it?" Ben suddenly asked, examining the plate to see if anything was wrong. "Usually you would have inhaled that by now."

She put her utensil down and raised her eyes to his. They had promised not to keep anything from one another. And the longer she didn't tell him, the guiltier she felt. "I wasn't going to tell you… but only because I don't have the whole picture. And I don't want you to obsess over it or get overwhelmed."

Ben wiped his mouth with the linen napkin, becoming confused. "What's going on?"

Rey took a deep breath and told him all she knew. Throughout it all, Ben kept a straight face, his eyes focusing on the table, his body not even twitching.

It had been a few minutes since she'd finish talking, the sound of dishes clattering, guests chatting, the harmonic music below the only things filling the void.

And then Ben did something she did not expect: he went back to eating his dessert.

She watched him finish the whole plate, wipe his mouth, and push the dish out of his way.

"You don't seem surprised by this?" she asked.

"Me? Surprised that a member of my family kept information form me?" He tried to sound sarcastic, but she picked up the bitterness. "I'm quite used to it by now. It's how my family operates."

Rey winced, twisting her fingers in her lap. "Your uncle never told Leia, if that helps."

"It's interesting how everyone thinks they know what's best for me. Leia, Skywalker, even Poe…"

 _Poe?_ She'd have to ask him about that later. "I'm not on that list? I did keep this from you."

"For three days. That's hardly a blink of an eye in terms of time." That didn't make her feel any better. "I'm not upset with you Rey," he assured her. But then he looked to the side and went quiet.

She needed to know what he was thinking. "What do you think about all of it?"

He shrugged.

"That's it? I thought you'd have a more adverse reaction."

Ben's voice was eerily calm. "It doesn't mean anything."

Rey was taken aback. "How does it not mean anything?"

Sighing, he matter of factly said, "There's no way I could bring balance to the Force. I have a hard enough time finding balance within myself. And no one actually knows what "bringing balance to the Force" entails. I was with my uncle all those years as he tried to find the answer, but he never did." He batted his hand through the air. "It's all ambiguous and probably just a myth."

Rey blinked at how he just brushed it all off. "But… Anakin and Obi-Wan told him that you would fulfill where you grandfather failed. Doesn't that mean something?"

He derisively answered her question with one of his own. "That the Skywalker legacy is just one person after the other failing at life?"

"I'm being serious, Ben. How about you do the same."

The sides of his jaw protruded. Then, with a will, he wiped his expression clean of the frustration. "Just because they are Force beings, doesn't mean they know everything. Remember what Kayani told you? The Force lets her know what she needs to know. What they were saying about me is just their speculation. Nothing more," he stated, trying to put an end to this particular topic.

But his explanation just brought up more questions. "What is the Force exactly?"

Ben frowned. "It's everything," he answered, like it was common knowledge.

"Yes, I know. Luke has talked to me about it, but there has to be more depth to it than that."

The waiter came by, clearing the table of their plates. After he left, Rey kept staring at Ben, patiently waiting for him to devise an explanation. "Skywalker was the one to teach me about the Force, though we believe in utilizing it for different things." Ben adjusted his posture. "Basically, you have two different aspects of the Force: the Living Force and the Cosmic Force. The Living Force is the energies of all living things. The Cosmic Force is an aspect of the Force that binds everything together from energy fed into it through the Living Force. It makes possible for those that are Force sensitive to sense things that are happening light-years away."

Rey nodded. "Who controls the Cosmic Force? Is it, like, actual people?"

Ben raised his shoulders, thinking over his answer. "Sort of. It's theorized that the Celestials created this galaxy and continued to live among the Cosmic Force. Kind of like an alternate dimension."

"The who? Celestials?"

Ben eyed her passively. "I take it Skywalker hasn't told you about this?"

"Uh, no."

"Probably doesn't want to overwhelm you."

Rey shivered, not sure if it was from her exposed back or the topic of discussion. But she did sense there was something significant about all this information. She just didn't know what. "Can you tell me?"

Ben's mood was improving exponentially. Rey did have an ulterior motive for all the questions: she new Ben loved to teach. And since Rey was genuinely curious about all this, they both came out as winners. "The Celestials were considered one of the earliest and most potent cultures of their time. The lack of information on them makes them seem to be a mystery, but it was found that they left objects on planets showcasing their existence."

"Were they humans?"

"No. More like powerful alien architects. Their appearance is a mystery: it's written that they have malleable form, or that they are discorporate entities who had perhaps merged themselves with the Force and continue to guide the fate of the galaxy as the Cosmic Force."

Rey cocked her head. "So the Celestials didn't create the Force?"

"No," he said again. "The Force has been around since the beginning of the universe. The Celestials merely overlook this," he tapped the table, "specific galaxy."

"Has anyone ever seen them?"

Ben took a sip of his water before answering. "They used to have more interaction with the galaxy. But in 35,000 BBY, their domain was attacked by the Rakata slave race, waging a war of extermination upon them. The Rakata's felt as if they were being used by the Celestials, and they were seeking retribution. In response, the Celestials created a barrier of black holes to protect them against the Rakata. Many believe those black holes are what make up the Maw Cluster that is near Kessel, where smugglers use it as a shortcut for the Kessel Run."

He paused, glancing down at his hands. Rey was sure the mentioning of the Kessel Run brought up memories for him.

Ben rubbed his lips together before continuing. "By 30,000 BBY, the Celestials were nowhere to be found, withdrawing from this dimension completely. They remained in their own, sometimes guiding the events of the galaxy, but mostly leaving beings to their own machinations."

Rey stared at him for a moment, and then asked, "When Kayani says that the Force only tells her what she needs to know, do you think it's these Celestials communicating with her?"

"Possibly. But there is still so much we don't know about them. All we do know is from the writings and personal accounts that can be found in the Journal of the Whills. But with the journals passing through so many hands, how does anyone know for certain that some passages weren't changed?"

Rey sat back, feeling the soft spine of the chair on her bare skin. "Do you always look at things with skepticism?"

"I do," he said with a smirk.

"Then how do you believe in anything?"

"I can still draw my own conclusions."

"Which are?"

Ben didn't say anything for a few seconds. "I believe the Celestials exist."

"Really? I was thinking you wouldn't since they are of the light side of the Force?"

His forehead creased. "What makes you think they are of the light side?"

Now she was staring at him as if the answer were obvious. "Well, entities that are evil don't create; they destroy."

"But the Celestials enslaved the Rakata. Do you view that as being virtuous?"

The question tripped her up for a moment, making her view things differently. "Ummm… No, I guess not."

Showing a small, satisfied grin, Ben said, "The Force is both light and dark, neither here nor there. It just is. Only when there is an imbalance does the Force demand to be realigned."

"And they choose actual people to do this," Rey stated. "If these Celestials are all powerful, why don't they fix it themselves instead of dragging us into it?"

"Usually the reason for the imbalance is because of those so called "people"."

"Then make it so everyone abides by a set of rules so everything doesn't turn into a mess."

"You mean control the people by having order?"

"Yeah." Rey paused. Blinked. He watched as she slowly realized what she agreed to. "Wait. No. You twisted this conversation around on purpose."

Ben's lips curved upward. "I merely helped you see things from my point of view."

Rey wasn't going to give up that easy. "But what's the point of creation if those who are sentient beings can't think for themselves? Where's the progress?"

"The ones with the control are the ones who make the progress."

"But that's such a small percentage of the population. You need diverse individuals to make any real change."

Ben ran his fingers through his hair. "You know, I once believed as you do."

"Why don't you anymore?"

"I've seen how instability can ruin civilizations."

"But doesn't that go hand in hand with balance? You have those who contribute great things to society, and those who become bottom feeders and criminals."

Ben blinked. Then laughed heartily, clapping his hand together. "I would have loved to see you debate my philosophy professor from school. You're actually quite good."

Rey shied from the compliment, cheeks turning crimson. "Thanks." She went for the Emerald wine. "Do you really not believe you could bring balance to the Force," she asked before drinking.

All amusement left his face. "No."

Rey put the glass down, criticizing herself for bringing it up. She peered over the handrail, down to the lit floor, watching the few couples that were holding each other close and dancing to the symphonic tune. One of the men whispered something into his partner's ear. She blushed and laughed, carefree.

These people openly showing their love and affection towards one another panged her with envy. Her and Ben didn't have a relationship like that where they could –

"Would you like to dance?"

Rey blinked back the surprise at Ben's sudden request. But of course, he saw her watching the people below.

She shrugged shyly. "I don't know how to dance."

"It's quite simple." He stood and came to her side, hand opened and inviting. "Just follow my lead."

They made their way down the marbled staircase, past the small orchestra, and onto the gilded dance floor. Ben grabbed her hand and waist, pulling her close against his body. They started slow at first, swaying and shuffling their feet over the smooth floor. Rey apologized the few times she stepped on Ben's toes, but all that elicited was a laugh on his part.

Her cheeks grew red, her body hot as those feelings of self doubt started to creep into her mind. But Ben whispered for her to stay focused on him, to not care if others were watching. This moment belonged to her, as much as it belonged to him.

Soon, he had them turning about in this three-step rhythm she quickly became accustomed to. Sweeping around the space, their movements became wider, the music becoming nothing more than far off background noise.

Around and around she went, smiling and laughing and loving the man she was experiencing this with.

And as she looked at his carefree face, it was as if she'd known him for decades, instead of mere months. But she figured that must be what happened when you cross paths with someone your compatible with.

Felt like you've been with them forever.

()()()()()

Tall apartment buildings lined the street, there outer surface worn through years of sun and weather, no one really taking the time to make any repairs. Down the way, children battled with their play blasters, hiding behind makeshift forts out of repurposed trash. The air of Chandrila was a welcoming temperature, the sky dark and clear of any storms.

Poe and Ren kept up a steady stream of chatter, mostly talking about their flying skills, both of them trying to one up the other. Finn nodded in the right places, but couldn't seem to stop glancing at a poster on one of the building's walls. Once Poe brought up his triumph at Starkiller base, the discussion hit a snag. So Finn walked away from the two men, down the dimly lit walkway and studied the print:

 **Power Through Unity. Strength Through Stability**.

He raised his head some more so the cap on his head didn't obstruct the whole view. Hux's sharp profile was below the line of propaganda, his head angled in a way that made it seem like he was looking at the neatly placed Star Destroyers in the corner.

Ren, now in his usual civilian clothes, came up beside him. Scowling. "At least they used his bad side."

Finn motioned to the large placard. "What's the point of even putting these things up? They already have control of this planet."

"Want to make sure people keep believing it. Reminders are important."

"Important for keeping everyone in line," Poe said as he joined in with examining the picture.

Ren glanced over at him. "I haven't seen or heard any talk of a rebellion on this planet."

"That's because we've only been around aristocrats," Poe countered, his eyes roaming over the poster disapprovingly. He elbowed Finn softly. "Just think, soon you're going to be the face of the Resistance. Maybe you'll even get plastered on a wall like this guy. Which will be a far better picture–"

Finn grabbed the top of the poster and ripped it off the wall in one sweeping motion. He shredded it quickly, letting the breeze catch it and take it down the street.

Even through the sudden show of outrage, Finn was still able to pick up on the glance Poe and Ren shared.

They might've taken the sudden aggression as a sign he didn't want to be used in Resistance propaganda. But he really didn't mind that. What irked him was that this war was gradually looking to be more and more in the First Order's favor. And being on a planet controlled by them made that fact particularly more evident.

Lately, he's really had to think about what he would do if the Resistance utterly failed.

Rubbing his nose so hard that his eyes started to water, Finn annoyingly said, "Is anyone else having trouble with breathing?"

"That would be the ammonia from the urine," Poe pointed out, rattling some small rocks in his hands as he leaned against the durachromed wall.

Finn turned his head in each direction, looking at the decrepit and rusted buildings, hearing the muffled cry of a baby, the shouts of a heated argument. At least those kids down the street were having fun. "We're only two blocks from the theatre and I can't believe how broken-down this area is compared to over there."

Ren waited for a group of human women to pass by before explaining. "We're in the Nimetra district. The theatre resides in the Noli, where the nobility reside. Both are under different mayors, both have different budgets."

"One should give the other a bit more credits out of charity," Finn murmured.

Poe tossed a pebble across the street, trying to make it into one of the potholes. "Since when is nobility ever charitable?"

Finn went silent, the warm wind teasing his skin, rustling his jacket. He focused on Poe tossing the rocks, counting at how many times he made it in the hole. The count wasn't too high.

"How have you and Rey been?" Poe asked Ren as he chucked another rock, accidentally hitting the wall. "You two spend a lot of time apart."

Finn was expecting some snide remark about not prying into someone's personal life, but then Ren started talking in a manner that seemed very open and honest. "It's necessary with everything going on. I don't think she minds it as much as I do. She's learning a lot from Skywalker with me not being around to distract her. It's just… not what I'd prefer."

Poe shrugged. "Well, you know what they say: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

"More like gives you a murderous complex and a need for a psych eval," Ren muttered.

Finn actually chuckled, looked to the right… and stopped breathing. A woman was walking toward him, her long black hair, slanted eyes, and red leather jacket all immediately resonating with him. Of all the people he thought he would run into on this planet, she was at the bottom of his list.

Caliiya.

Poe elbowed Finn as he caught him gawking. "Finn, pretend like you've seen a woman before."

Finn's mouth went dry, his eyes fixated on her as she neared. Caliiya stopped in front of him, eyeing him nervously.

The two just stared at each other. Doing a whole lot of not talking.

But Ren made up for that. "What the fuck are you doing here?" he billowed, stepping up beside Finn. Almost getting in between them.

Caliiya glared. "You're just full of warm welcomes, aren't you?"

"Am I supposed to be thrilled to see you? You did nothing to help us against the Guavian's. You even sold Finn out to them."

"This is the girl from the Eravana?" Poe asked, getting a nod from Ren. Poe joined in with staring her down.

Caliiya looked to be uncomfortable from the threatening attention. "Can… can I talk to you?" she said softly to Finn, glancing at the two men. "Alone?"

The men bluntly told her no, but in a way that was laced with profanity. All the while Finn watched her take the heat willingly.

In the end, against Poe and Ren's warnings, he went with Caliiya a little ways down the pavement, staying within eyesight of the two men. He could still hear Ren recounting the story of how they met her, talking particularly loud when it came time to bring up the Wookies.

Finn cleared his throat. "How did you find me?"

She gave him an once-over. "I'm good at what I do."

"Did you tell the First Order that I'm here?"

Caliiya showed offense to the question. "No. Of course not."

"Then what do you want, Caliiya?" he said in a tired tone.

She looked down, taking a breath. "I– I want to apologize… for what I did to you. I sold you out, when all you wanted to do was help me. I've never had anyone offer me help before."

Finn adjusted his caap, sighing. "I understand why you did it. Freedom was being offered to you. And you couldn't pass it up."

Her face shined with hope. "So, you don't hate me?"

He shook his head. "But I don't trust you." That snuffed out the spark in her eyes. Finn swallowed, even though he had no saliva to gulp down. "Look, I appreciate you finding me to tell me this, but you should leave."

Caliiya glanced over his shoulder at Poe and Ren. "You guys gonna snatch Brendol Hux?" When Finn looked surprised, Caliiya explained. "I heard he's at the Austere. I… could help."

Finn was all shades of confused. The way Caliiya was staring at him, her gaze big with optimism, her demeanor more than willing to help, it knocked him off base. He didn't know who this woman really was. He knew who he wanted her to be, but that was before she betrayed him.

"I gotta go," he muttered, pivoting around quickly so he didn't see her reaction.

"Hey," she called out. He glanced behind. "Take care of yourself. You're face is known among bounty hunters."

The corners of his eyes crinkled as he slightly smiled. "That's what this is for," he pointed to the hat. "Stay safe."

By the time he walked back to the two watchful men, Caliiya was gone.

"Yeah…" Poe drawled. "So I vote that you never see that woman again."

Finn walked past them, going back to their original spot in the shadows. The two of them followed.

"Bounty hunters are without loyalty and only look after themselves," Ren added.

Finn positioned his back against the wall, folding his arms. "Funny. I could give that definition to you."

Ren was more stoic and quiet after that comment.

"Did she say how she found you?" Poe inquired.

"No. But she didn't tell the First Order we're here."

"And you believe her?"

"I do."

For a while none of them said anything. The kids at the end of the street went inside their homes. The last of Poe's pebbles were thrown. He didn't go back for more.

Finn didn't want to be the reason for the silence. He didn't want to be in a sour mood. He wanted to find his foundation again. And not think about Caliiya anymore.

"So…." Finn said into the night, addressing Poe. "What's going on with you and Jess?"

"Nothing," he answered too quickly.

Finn snorted. "I just spent the better part of a day in a room with you two. All those awkward stares and attempts at casual conversation say otherwise."

Poe didn't immediately answer. Finn noticed that his jaw was tight. Brow furrowed. "I don't know." He inhaled. "You know that feeling you get when you see someone and your heart just skips a beat?"

"That's an arrhythmia," Ren said flatly. "You can die from that."

Poe cast Ren a reptilian look, and then ignored him. "I…. We kissed, back on the base.

Finn held a hand up. "Hold on. You two kissed months ago and I'm just hearing about this now?"

Ren's eye roll was more dramatic than usual. "I'd rather not hear about this at all. So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to find a private spot where I can relieve myself."

Finn waited for the man to disappear around the corner before shaking his friend, his excitement genuine, the image of Caliiya now a distant memory. As it should be. "What happened after you kissed her?"

Poe grabbed his arms to calm him down, chuckling at Finn's enthusiasm. "The First Order showed up."

"I know. I meant are you two, like, together now?"

Poe's grin faded. "No. We agreed we should keep it professional. We can explore whatever's going on between us after the war." Poe saw how Finn narrowed his eyes. "You don't agree?"

"Who knows how this war is going to turn out. You might not get a chance to have a relationship with her."

"But working with her might get complicated."

"Ren and Rey go on missions and they seem fine," Finn countered.

"Really? Ren always looks like he's going to pull his hair out worrying over her."

"And you don't worry about Jess now?"

"I do. But it would be a lot worse if we were actually together together, you know?"

Well, technically he didn't. He's never even had the prospect of being in a relationship. And the few women he knew were either his friends, or it was complicated. "I guess."

"Thinking about that bounty hunter, aren't ya."

"Sort of," Finn said thoughtfully. "I'm more thinking about how I've never experienced affection with someone before."

Poe stumbled over his words. "You've… you've never… you know."

He shook his head. "Nope."

Poe put a hand on his shoulder, "Oh you sweet, virtuous stormtrooper. I'm blushing at your innocence."

"Me too."

A strong wind came through, drifting and floating Poe's hair. "Hey, its nothing to be ashamed over," he said while pushing his mane back into place. "I can't imagine you having a lot of opportunities."

"I did have a few." A good portion of the stormtroopers were women. And as long as you were sneaky enough, two people could find privacy. "But I could never make myself do the casual thing."

Poe watched a speeder race down the way. "You and Rey are close. You never thought about, I don't know… seeing where that could go?"

Finn shook his head, thinking about the first time he met Rey. It made him smile. "Believe me, first thing I saw was how gorgeous she was. And I was interested, for a bit. But we functioned so well as friends that the thought of being with her faded from my mind."

"Never tell Ren that. Don't need another reason for him to want you dead."

"No kidding." Speaking of which…. Finn looked to the corner Ren had walked to. "Where is Ren? He's been gone for too long."

Poe and Finn wondered down the walkway, turning where Ren had. From there, he could have taken three different routes. They went down each, getting curious looks from the humanoids they passed.

Going down the last alley, Finn stopped as Poe kept moving forward.

He stared down the dark backstreet littered with trash, thinking that this would be a perfect place for privacy. But no matter how long he stood there, peering into the twilight, there was no sign of Ren. No signs of a struggle. And if Ren had been taken, that guy would have raised hell before being brought down.

Events were being set into motion, a spark to what would be an eventual inferno. Finn wasn't gifted with the Force, but he still had his sharp instincts. Whatever was happening was a catalyst to something bigger, and it was going to drag them all along for the ride.

Poe came up beside him, his irritation throwing of some serious heat. "You better comm Jess," Finn suggested.

"Shit," Poe bit out, going for the device at his belt.

 **I feel like after writing this chapter that it's now obvious where the story is going. But I hope not! Still planning some surprises along the way.**

 **And where is Ren? What happened to him? If anyone can actually guess correctly, I will be shocked.**

 **I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. If you have time, leave a review with your thoughts! May the Force be with you!**


	41. Chapter 41

**Thank you all for the reviews, follows, and faves!**

 **So I had intended for this chapter to be out sooner, but I took a week and a half vacation out to California to visit family and got behind. Sorry for the wait! I'm really pushing to get this story done by the time the movie comes out in December. If it's not, it will be finished shortly after. I'm gonna try to get the next chapter out within a few weeks, but Salt Lake Comic Con is happening Sept. 21-23 and I have been trying to work on my costumes! So I'm stressing, to say the least.**

 **NightElfCrawler: I think the pressure didn't just crack Ben, but Luke as well. As he said, too much responsibility can break someone. And Luke was trying to prepare Ben for whatever the Force had in mind for him while trying to rebuild the Jedi in the way of the old times. But Ben is pretty much used to his family being deceiving. sweetes forbiden candy apple: Shout it from the rooftops: REYLO! Aleta Wolff: Going after the bounty hunter is a good guess, but no, that's not where Ren has gone. The chapter immediately answers the question to what has happened to him, though. Hope the wait was worth it for this chapter! SheLitAFire: Rey and her lectures. You'll actually see that brought up towards the end of the chapter. And Threepio, always the worrier. And always butting into conversations. He has zero social awareness. lol. I'm glad you didn't find the chapter boring. I have to explain things for the ending to make sense. And I wanted to bring in some canonical material about the galaxy into it. Ben dancing is odd, but he wouldn't do it for any one other than Rey. He wants to give her these experiences, which would mean makeover time! I do hope by the time the trilogy is over that we see Rey done up or in a beautiful gown or something. Let the girl experience being a woman and feeling pretty! Caliiya is a person that is use to being on her own. But I think deep down, she does want to be a better person than what the galaxy has morphed her into. She tried to save her father, which shows she has good intentions. Her and Ren are similar in personality. So Finn being drawn to her is a bit funny and interesting. Kayani is... well, Kayani. There is more to it all then what she's been telling them. But does that make her evil? Are her intentions pure? Well, no one has pure intentions. You can hate her, I don't mind. lol. It is fishy that she all of a sudden supports their relationship. Was Kayani given a new piece of information pertaining to Rey and Ben? Maybe... hehe.**

 **Thanks for the reviews and for those following this very long story! This chapter has a lot going on in it. But when does one of my chapters doesn't? ;)**

Chapter Forty-One

Ren placed a gloved hand against the wall, relieving himself next to a tall pile of broken furniture in the alley. He could hear the scuttling and squeaks of rats, his vision catching one running down the bricked pathway further into the dark.

Instead of going back the way he came from the shadows, he wanted to glimpse the Nimetra district that was right down the way. When he was younger, his mother would take him with her to visit Chandrilla, the place of his birth, and they would stay in this area.

The medcenter was actually pretty close to here.

Walking out of the alleyway, he…

…stopped where he was.

An enclosed speeder came down the street, Ren sensing someone all too familiar.

He watched as the hovercraft stopped in front of a lavish hotel– The Austere, where Ren and his mother frequented. A human woman and man got out, both laughing and grabbing at each other.

Ren narrowed his eyes.

The woman was none other than Carise Sindian. The man he didn't know. Didn't matter.

The newly flared feeling in his heart was undeniably recognizable: Vengeance. Icy, cold vengeance. So much of it that the shit ran straight into infinity.

However, he was not on Chandrila for Carise. His target was Brendol.

But when was he ever going to have another opportunity to randomly find this woman again? This right here was providence.

So take the risk, or lose the chance?

A chill claimed his neck, a prompting warning him to turn back. That nothing good would come out of this. That revenge would not grant him peace of mind.

He ignored it.

Ren ambled carefully across the street, treading on the balls of his feet, feeling through his worn boots for the piece of trash or loose gravel that would give him away. There weren't many people out tonight, most probably at the theatre. So he moved as quietly as a soft breeze, as subtle as an animal.

His blood pumped with pure anticipation, his mind racing with all the different scenarios he could enact. On so many levels he was a typical predator: the chase was more electric than the capture and consumption.

Carise and her date walked through the entrance, sashaying beside her date, hip touching his with every other step, intent on the subtitles of womanly seduction. And the man was into it. Amused. Smiling at whatever she was saying.

He followed them into the hotel. The floor was tiled in fine white and grey marble, echoing the footsteps of the elegantly dressed occupants. But he didn't marvel at the architecture like all the other guests were doing, instead looking beyond the tall stained glass windows that reached the high domed ceiling, the deep green and gold accents of the walls, and the neatly placed, silk embroidered furniture.

He could have been in a hovel and his reaction wouldn't have been any different.

Close. Closer he came. Ren could almost hear their conversation, but stopped before he got in range. He didn't want to give himself away.

 _Patience._

His eyes stayed on the couples trail as they entered an elevator. Just before the doors closed, Carise pulled the man down to her lips. Her date's arousal was very distinct, even from across the lobby. But Carise… no such emotion emanated from her. The woman's performance was deceiving.

Ren waited in the atrium long enough for them to have made it to their room by now. Getting in the lift, Ren didn't need to find out what floor they would be on, for the very top held all the most lavish suites.

Exiting into the same décor found in the atrium below, he slowly walked past each room door:

Empty.

Empty.

Prostitution.

Infidelity.

Empty.

He halted near the end, slowly turning his head to the right. This was it.

Ren knocked. No answer. He knocked again.

"What is it?" a masculine voiced billowed, footsteps nearing the door.

"Room service," Ren answered.

"Room service?" The man opened the door, looking at Ren questioningly. "We didn't order any–"

Ren grabbed the man by the neck, throttling him to the ground, the door closing them in. The man tried to fight back, but was pinned by Ren's sizeable weight.

Even through his gloves, Ren could feel the arteries and veins and tendons of the neck. He could feel the way the blood hammered trying to reach the brain. The way the muscles twisted.

The man's windpipe convulsed, the entire body jerking, a wild spasm, organs desperate for oxygen. The brain was in panic mode, sending out a last ditch effort of nerve signals.

A black shadow draped over Ren, slinking it's way in, igniting his brain and ushering in an intrusion of malice and need.

Ren squeezed harder. The man blacked out.

And Ren released his hold before he killed him. This person wasn't his true target, and it would be wise to practice some form of self-control.

As Ren went to his feet, he found Carise standing straight ahead, just outside the entryway to the refresher, like she just stumbled upon the scene. She backed away in horror, her alarm almost comical. Ren mentally shut the corridor, denying her refuge.

He pushed his hair back, revealing eyes as black as inky pools, skin as pale as a full moon.

Ren regarded Carise with all the compassion one would bring to a confrontation such as this– which was zero. "I know this is all very untoward, but I wanted the chance to speak with you. Alone."

Moving slowly to the left, he walked along the perimeter of the sitting area, looking at the ornate art pieces on the wall, the sculptures that were placed in the corners, the muted holoscreen playing something of insignificance. He was politely giving Carise some space so she could come terms with what was happening.

Finally the woman found her voice. "You– you can't do this. I'm here in a diplomatic manner in the name of the First Order."

Ren stopped at a glass hover cart, looking over the many colored liquids in the clear, crystal bottles. "Diplomatic," he slightly chuckled– a mirthless sound. "I didn't know you were capable of making a joke." He touched the glass filled with the amber liquid, thinking that it looked exactly like the stuff his father loved to drink.

"I– I have rights–"

He pegged her with a hard stare, shutting her up. "Sweetheart, you don't have shit." He motioned to the loungers in the middle of the room. "Please, sit."

She didn't move. Ren decided to lead by example and walked to one of the chairs, lounging on the plush white cushions, arms relaxing on the citrine trim of the armrest. Carise reluctantly sat across from him, back poised, hands resting atop her deep purple gown.

Even in danger, the woman showed elegance.

Staring at her, Ren crossed his legs ankle to knee. "The man you're with. Who is he?"

She held her head a little higher, searching for some measure of dignity. "The Executive Minister of Chandrila."

"And neither of you have security?"

"He's engaged," she stated, not even embarrassed by that fact. "We didn't want to draw attention."

Ren glanced back at the unconscious man, seeing the bruises already forming on his neck. For a man with secrets, he was going to get a lot of questions about those.

He looked back at Carise. "Did the First Order take any prisoners from the Resistance base?"

She raised a brow, somewhat showing confidence. "You mean Organa's doctor?"

His eyes flared. "Where is she?" he growled.

Carise had the audacity to laugh at him. "So Hux was right. You care about that woman." She shrugged indifferently. "I'm afraid I don't know of her whereabouts. She is alive, though. For now."

He sensed she was telling the truth. Carise didn't have any more information on Harter. Ren quickly composed himself and moved on. "Do you know where Snoke resides?"

"No."

"Does the Order have anymore super weapons?"

"No. Starkiller Base was it." She held his gaze, almost too ardently.

"You're lying." He dove into her mind. Carise grabbed at her head, crying out. A plea slipping through her lips.

Ren found the answers quickly, since they were at the forefront of her thoughts. "Jakku," he muttered, brows drawing together, his mind searching deeper. "There's something powerful on Jakku…." He withdrew once he couldn't find anything else. Carise collapsed in the chair, cradling her skull, groaning. "What is it?"

She shook her head, hair falling out of the once neatly coiled bun her fingers had dug into. "I don't know." Her voice trembled. "Snoke is just very protective of whatever's there." Ren's gaze pinched. "That's all I know. I swear."

"But you think it's a weapon… because you overheard Hux describing it as such."

Carise pressed her lips together, defiant.

"You can answer," he said. "Or you can be made to answer."

She took in a few ragged breaths. "Is this the part where you take me to the remnants of the Resistance so they can put me in a cage and interrogate me?"

Ren splayed a hand on his chest, sardonically saying, "Oh, I apologize for giving you the wrong impression. You see I'm not here to capture you." His brows quickly dropped low, his dark eyes growing shrewd. "I'm here to kill you." Carise paled, the air growing frigid. "Do you not remember what I told you the last time we saw each other? I swore to end your life. And lately, I've been putting a lot of effort into keeping my promises."

Carise was now visibly sweating. "How can you be so casually cruel?"

The side of his mouth ticked upward. "Casually cruel? Mind if I steal that?"

"You take what you want, anyway."

"And you don't?"

"No.

"No?

"No. What I've taken has been in an effort to help raise up the First Order. To create the stage upon which they were introduced," she preached, as if naming off her efforts would change his mind. "I've been detrimental in producing a power that will remain for thousands of years. Can you say the same?"

He thought it over. "I mass produce the dead. Does that count?"

Carise flinched at his answer. "I–I was giving you the chance to come back without facing any severe consequences. I was trying to help you. All you had to do was kill–"

"–my mother?"

"You murdered your own father. I thought you'd want to complete the set."

Ren preferred to always fall back on silence for an answer. Especially when a conversation hit too close to home. Or feelings. But seeing how Carise wasn't going to make it out of this room alive…"Do you ever feel like you are being used by the First Order?"

The question confused her.

Ren continued. "I, in fact, was. More so by Snoke than anyone else, but I didn't realize it till I left. Till I learned that he never wanted me as an apprentice, but a vessel in which to transfer his essence into." Her hooded eyes widened. "Do you know what would happen to me in the process?"

…."You'd die."

"Correct," he said, like she was a student answering a difficult question. "My life force would perish, but he would have my body. The whole time I was with the Order, I thought I was meant for great things: to follow in my grandfather's footsteps, stabilizing this rotting galaxy and bringing about an era of enlightenment. Of like mindedness."

His features hardened as he remembered the deeds he'd done. Some he sickeningly enjoyed. "I followed my masters orders like a blind dog. I killed my father with the promise that the conflict inside me would perish. Didn't take me long after the act to realize that was a lie. Just more lies. And now I am forever ruined by the fact I committed patricide."

Ren spread out his arms. "Then you came along on Lothal, offering me my mother. And for a moment, I considered killing her. _You_ reminded me just how much of a decrepit human being I am. And I hate reminders."

"Why are you telling me all this?" she asked.

Rey unexpectantly reached out to him through their bond. He ignored her.

"The dead keep the best secrets."

Carise glared at him, her palms grabbing at the armrests as she listed forward. "So you were used. Everybody is. I accepted my purpose because I could see the bigger picture. You, on the other hand, lack vision."

He tilted his head to the side, regarding her tenacity as either foolishness, or bravery. He couldn't decide. "Still so loyal to the First Order."

"Always. I may have let my personal vendettas cloud my judgment on Lothal, but I am more devoted than ever."

Carise's eyes darted to the right before meeting his again. It was so quick, she probably didn't even realize she had done it. But Ren noticed. He turned in the direction she'd been looking… and that was when he felt it. He stood, going to a small, black box atop the side table next to the bed. Opening it, his breath caught in his throat.

With a shaky hand, he picked up his once lost saber hilt, holding it with a holiness that rivaled religion.

"I died on Lothal," he said distantly, still in awe of finding the weapon. He twisted his body around slowly, seeing now that she was severely shaking, frightened by his discovery. "But you probably knew that." He held up the weapon. "You took this as a trophy, didn't you?"

Carise gulped. Ren moved forward. She bolted for the door, pounding at the operation panel, but it wouldn't work.

Her desperation fed that vicious part of him that was always watching, always waiting: The Shadow. It lurked in the pit of his gut and between the disks of his spine. Sometimes, it peered through his eyes. Other times it helped free him up to nurturing his violent obsession, his mind intensifying, his body becoming savage.

It helped him to enjoy what was to come.

Carise pressed her back against the wall as she kept her sight on him, moving toward the refresher door.

"All I've ever done has been in the name of the First Order," she cried out, trying to make him understand. "Snoke wanted you alive. I–I didn't know Cato would kill you."

He smiled. When death was at ones door, there was usually a process to all the pleading.

Protestations of innocence: that came first.

Ren kept advancing, menacingly unhurried.

"I have money," she proclaimed. Hopeful. "I'll give you as much as you want. I won't even tell Hux that I saw you."

Bribery was second.

Carise bolted to the refresher and was able to open and close the door. Ren unlocked it with ease, Carise letting out a yelp of surprise.

She scooted back against the sink. "Please," she begged, tears shining down her cheeks. "I don't want to die."

Ren stopped in front of her. "What was that?"

"I don't want to die," she said on a sob.

Ren stood there, breathing evenly, his power coiled in his tightly balled fist and grip on the saber. "You're going to have to speak up."

And that was when everything went quiet.

Carise hung her head, the trembling subsiding, the sobs softening. There was nothing she could do to change her fate. She could see that now.

Acceptance: that was last.

"Can you make it quick?" she evenly asked, defeated.

"No."

There were no hesitations, no hiccups in routine. Ren ignited his saber and lanced it right through her chest, barely missing her heart. He held her waist, bringing her body close so she wouldn't fall. Her head rested against his sternum as he brought his lips to her ear and whispered, "May the dirt above your grave be heavy."

Turning off the plasma blade, he let her go and stepped aside, letting her crumble and clutch at the wound. With her free arm, she dragged herself out of the refresher, groaning as a trail of blood stained the manicured floor.

Ren watched as her nails tried to find traction on the marble, listened to he sloshy breathes, smelled the crisp metallic aroma of her blood. She was getting close to her unconscious date near the doorway. Ren levitated the man to the bedroom so Carise had more room to crawl. But she never made it. Her cheek smashed against the floor, her mouth murmuring something indecipherable. Maybe a prayer, if she believed in that sort of thing.

Then she took her last breath. Eyes open. Looking to what one hoped to be hell.

Ren was now seated in one of the lounge chairs, not knowing exactly when he had made the move. But he was too enamored by the way Carise's face transitioned to that matte grey color of death to question his sanity at the moment.

He leaned back in the chair, putting his feet up on the dark walnut center table. His enormous boots making the elegant thing look like a footstool.

He wasn't sure how long he looked at the corpse. Feeling neither content, nor gleeful. He was just there, somewhere within himself.

There was something cool in his hand. He glanced down. He was holding the crystal decanter that was filled with the amber liquid. He opened the top, sniffing at the fumes.

Corellian brandy.

He didn't recall grabbing this. Didn't know why. He didn't drink anymore.

And then everything snapped forward, time unfixing its hold on this slow, perfect moment. Rey was trying to contact him again, their bond echoing like heat from a distant fire. But her attempts to break through weren't enough to tear through his defenses.

However, it served as a reminder of what he was truly doing on this planet.

He put the bottle back on the hover cart and went to the door. With one last glance at Carise, he exited quietly, taking the lift to the lobby, and walking out into the cool night.

Retracing his route, he went back to where he had left Poe and Finn.

They weren't there.

Ren cursed under his breath. The play wasn't over yet. So the two men probably went searching for him shortly after he didn't return. He'd been gone way too long. Did they notify Jess and Rey? And what would he say when they ask him where he was?

Of course he was going to lie, even if he did abhor the practice of deceit. But he had to make it sound believable.

Problem was, nothing came to mind.

Not. One. Excuse.

Ren idly walked a few blocks, racking his brain for an idea.

Passing by a crowded cantina, his eyes were involuntarily drawn to the noise inside.

Ren froze. Eyes squinting at the holoscreen just above the bar.

Hurriedly, he entered the establishment, seeing the sharp face of Hux speaking to the enthralled crowd. He pushed himself closer, willing his ears to hear.

"–are only two possibilities: either we remain lawless and divided under the New Republic, or we remain united for a better and just galaxy. The former must not occur. We are witnessing a great turning point in history, one where the state of the galaxy is no longer questionable. The Senate that once governed us, who bickered and fought with one another, never achieving anything, never bettering the lives of you the citizen, are now gone. The First Order is here to organize the chaos that surrounds you, to give you the opportunity to strive. But we must not forget those who through thirty years of a hopeless state, nursed their fervent faith to the Empire, making it possible for us to be here today."

The crowd hung on each word. Or they were just scared to show their blatant disagreement out in the open.

"But with progressiveness comes opposition. We denounce the renegade terrorists of the Resistance, and want to make sure you know their faces. Kylo Ren was once a trusted member of this organization, but has betrayed us, and has tried to slow down our cause through treachery and bloodshed. His depravity and mental state are questionable, and he is highly dangerous and hard to control, even going as far as murdering his own father." Whispers spread throughout the place, most looking disgusted.

"No," Ren whispered for himself alone.

Hux held his head up a bit higher. "He must be found and brought in alive, and we ask each of you to help in this. Five hundred million credits is the reward." Everyone gasped, becoming more attentive. "We were able to acquire recordings of his interrogation methods, in which he went against specific orders and murdered the prisoners. Here is what we've been able to recover so you can know his face."

And then there he was, on the screen, the voidless monster he had become. There were only three recordings, each one only lasting no more than ten seconds, but they showed enough. Not just his face, but it showed his brutality in killing those people. He actually remembered one of them. He had enjoyed killing that prisoner so much, that he had the body's ashes added to his pedestal.

Ren was still steadily staring at the screen when out of his periphery he noticed people were starting to point at him, those closest giving him a wide berth.

The panic came at him like a tidal wave a million feet high, spinning him, smothering him, crushing him.

This was it. Now everyone knew who he was, what he's done. What will Rey think of all this? Has she seen the broadcast yet? And his mother… she will see him killing the people who fought for her.

What would the fallout be? Who would he lose?

Slowly, methodically, Ren made his way to the exit, the weight of his saber feeling heavy upon his belt, as if reminding him of its purpose: to defend, or destroy. His hand itched to hold it, to intimidate those who were now getting closer.

Movement in the back of the crowd caught his attention.

Multiple beings were coming in his direction, skirting through the pockets of people. Outfits and species all different, but the way they moved hinted that they were after the same target: him.

He bolted. Thoughts, noises, and pollution rang through his mind as he darted past pedestrians, almost getting hit by a land speeder in the process. As he turned down an alleyway, he tried to recall where he was and how to get back–

Turning a corner sharply, he rammed right into another person. Both men went to the ground, Ren skidding on his back. He clambered to his feet to keep moving–

"Ben?"

()()()()()

The Chandrila Opera House was of a more vintage style than the modern durachrome you'd find in most places of entertainment. Dark wood beams and rails lined the four balconies, red tapestries draping over the walls, with crimson carpets to match. The ceiling was pure gold, the chandelier bigger than an average sized ship, lined with thousands upon thousand of glittering crystals, each one showing the spectrum of a rainbow.

Rey and Jess sat in their own private booth on the second level, having a perfect view of Brendol right across the theatre. Ben didn't tell Rey how much it had cost to acquire such a spot on extreme short notice. But it required paying both the theatre and the people who had already reserved the clandestine location.

Rey decided to remain ignorant on the details, instead choosing to enjoy this rare experience.

Jess leaned in close, whispering, "Close your legs."

"Huh?"

Jess pointed to how her own knees were touching under her black, shimmering gown, her ankles crossed and tucked to the side of the chair leg, giving Rey an example to follow.

Rey hadn't even noticed her improper manners and how the long slit that ran up to her thigh had started to show more than what was desired. She adjusted the garment, copying Jess's pose of appearing regal.

"Have any other security shown up?" Rey asked, glancing to a relaxed looking Brendol. He actually looked to be asleep in his chair, chin resting on his sternum, eyes closed.

"Just the two men that are with him. But there could be more outside or with his transportation."

Rey went contemplatively quiet.

"You okay?" Jess asked.

"This night has just been so… weird. But in a good way. Going to dinner, being here, I never thought I would do this. I know this is a mission, but is it bad I'm enjoying myself so far?"

Jess chuckled. "Not bad at all. Maybe we should thank Brendol for choosing such a prime location."

Rey smiled.

The lights dimmed, the sweeping sound of music filling the hall, hushing the crowd. Rey's eyes watched, mesmerized as the curtains drew back and the play began.

The classic opera was called Madra Teene, and it told the story of a clash between a colonial world and a droid uprising against their controllers. Apparently this famous group– the Tantrellius Theatre Groupe– was on a hyperdrive tour, leaving tomorrow to their next venue.

Maybe she really should thank Brendol for this opportunity.

Rey had no idea people could sing so harmoniously, so powerfully. Show so much emotion when all this was was pretend. It made her smile, brought her to tears, carried her to a time when she was younger and would hum herself to sleep. She'd forgotten what music could do to a soul, how healing it could be.

Jess suddenly left, but Rey barely noticed. The opera was at the part where the people were starting to find out the droids were planning a total takeover. Her heart was beating with adrenaline, wondering how they would deal with–

Jess nudged her shoulder, kneeling next to her chair. "Poe commed me. They need us to come out and meet them."

"What? Why?!" Rey whispered harshly, her frustration quickly exposed.

Jess shrugged, not looking too happy about it either. "All he said is that there's a problem."

Rey's body tensed as she held in her scream. She looked back at the performers with sad eyes before rising and leaving. It was childish, but she wanted to cry. The moment had been taken from her. Cut short. Like most things in her life.

 _This is an official assignment_ , she reminded herself. _Hold your head up. Don't look angry._

The last part was hard to do.

Poe and Finn were waiting for them across from the venue, neither appearing pleased. Rey searched for Ren as they neared, but he wasn't with them.

Rey went right into it. "Where's Ben?" she asked. The two men exchanged a look.

Now Rey was nervous.

"That would be the problem," Finn stated. "He's gone."

Rey's shocked stare bounced between them, not even knowing how to respond to that.

Jess raised her voice. "Gone? He just vanished?"

"He went to relieve himself and never came back," Poe explained, anger lining his expression.

"Do you think he was taken?" Jess posed.

Through a hard jaw, Finn said, "Maybe." Rey could tell he didn't think much of that possibility. But right now, all options would have to be considered.

Rey reached out to Ben, but got nothing. Not even a sliver of recognition at the other end of the bond. Could he have been knocked out? That, or he really doesn't want her to find him. She wasn't sure which scenario she'd rather have: Ben captured, or Ben doing something he shouldn't.

"I'm going to look for him," she declared as she started to walk away.

She didn't get far. Jess grabbed her arm. "You can't go alone."

"Finn, go with her," Poe ordered. "Jess and I will stay to get Hux."

Finn was reluctant to leave them. "Just the two of you?"

"Don't really have a choice, do we." He handed an extra comlink to Rey. "Keep me updated on what's going on."

The group parted, Rey bunching up the side of her dress so she could walk faster. Search quicker. But every single person they passed was not the man she so desperately wanted to find.

Finn led her to the alleyway he believed Ben had gone to. All that was there was piles of trash and squeaking rats rushing away to their little rodent homes.

She faced the opening to the alleyway that was lit, her eyes watching the speeders and civilians.

Finn came up to stand beside her. "If someone has him, we'll get him back," he said, trying to comfort her. "Do you sense anything from him?"

Rey frowned. "No. He's quiet. The only other times he's been this closed off from me is when he's up to something."

"You think he ditched us purposefully?"

She slowly shook her head, trying to decipher what she was sensing. "I don't know."

As if in a trance, she walked forward, entering the Nimetra district. It was clean here, the people dressed to perfection, the buildings appearing to be in impeccable shape.

The hotel instantly caught her attention as she sensed something from inside the building. She jogged up to the entrance and entered, eyes aloft, but not to take in the architecture.

She needed to go up.

She found an elevator, going to the top floor. Finn quietly stayed by her while she was in this daze-like state, not wanting to break her focus.

The lift doors opened, and like a hound to blood, Rey could sense the dark side emanating from down the hall. Passing all of the inconsequential doors, she came to the one that mattered.

It was left unlocked, and as Rey opened it, her and Finn simultaneously gasped. A woman, dead and dressed in a dark amethyst gown, was laying on the floor, arms outstretched as if she'd been crawling.

Finn drew the blaster from inside his jacket, holding it up and cautiously entering the premise. As he checked each room, Rey closed the entry way behind her and then just stayed where she stood. Eyes on the woman. On the trail of blood leading to the refresher.

Finn came back. "There's a man unconscious in the other room. Looks as if someone tried to strangle him."

"Alive?"

"Yeah." Finn looked to the corpse. "Should we… call the police or something?"

Rey neared the body, kneeling down to get a better look at the wound on the back. It was circular and mostly cauterized. Against Finn's protests, she rolled the woman over, the pool of her blood sticking to her dress and the floor.

Finn immediately crouched down on the other side. "That's Carise Sindian." His eyes roamed down from her face to what caused her demise. Finn scrunched his brows. "That looks like a–"

"– lightsaber wound," Rey finished. "Ben found her."

"Did he know she was here?"

"No," she breathed out. "He must have crossed paths with her when he left you and Poe." She paused. "He's not the type of person to let an opportunity like this pass him by."

Rey followed the trail of blood to the refresher, seeing the scorch mark of a plasma blade on the wall behind the water basin. _This is where he murdered her_ , she thought. _Odd place to kill someone. Maybe the woman was trying to hide from him_.

She walked to one of the chairs in the middle of the room. Sat. And felt disturbed.

"We should leave," Finn said as he went to the door, waiting for Rey. But she didn't move. She stayed in the room unable to move as if she was the one on the marble, with a hole in her chest, dead from a wound made from the man she loved.

She thought back to the beginning of the evening, the ease in which they talked to each other, the way he spun her while dancing, those moments in which he held her close. Who was more real? The man who smiled and laughed with her, or the demon that gave into his own lethal desires?

A warped sense of her reality crept into her body and laid claim on her mind.

"Did I make the wrong choice?" she asked meekly, meeting Finn's gaze. "Was I naïve to think he'd change?"

Finn opened his mouth. Shut it. Really wanting to get out of here. But he went to her, going down to his knees so they were on the same level. "You aren't naïve. And you should never regret believing that someone could change."

"But he hasn't."

"He has," Finn surprisingly defended him. "Just… not completely."

She shook her head, looking about the room. "But when he goes and does something like–" Rey's eyes stopped on the muted holoscreen, mouth falling open, face paling. Finn turned, mirroring her expression.

A maskless Ben, using his lightsaber to execute prisoners. Not just prisoners– Resistance members. His face, those eyes, were emotionless. Robotic. Unreal. Rey watched all of it, only looking away when it was being repeated.

She gulped. Hands shaking. This was not a good time to be reminded of the man Ben used to be. Maybe still was.

Why can't she ever get what she wanted?

Rey darted for the door, hurrying out of the hotel, not stopping even when Finn called out to her. She passed building after building, ignoring the pedestrians, turning the corner to get back to the theatre –

A man zipped passed her and ran right into Finn, sending them both to the ground. The culprit leapt to his feet to leave, but Rey got a good shot of his profile.

"Ben?"

Ben lurched forward as he stopped himself mid-stride, surprised to see both Finn and Rey. But Rey was just as shocked by his appearance.

Ben looked absolutely horrible: hair disheveled, eyes bloodshot, skin a sickly color. It reminded her of what he looked like as she fought him on Starkiller Base, after he killed Han.

"You've seen the broadcast?" he stated more than asked.

Finn went to his feet. "We have."

Ben covered his face with his hands, like it was all he could do not to fall apart. "I wish I could take it all back." He revealed his disturbed expression, walking to Rey. "I swear I do."

"And Carise?" she challenged. Ben halted and flinched as if someone had hit him. "Yeah, we found her dead body. Lightsaber wound through the chest. You wish to take that back too?"

His demeanor shifted, his neck flushing red, betraying his guilt. "No."

Laser fire interrupted the conversation, making Rey run in the direction Ben had been trying to go. But during the confusion, Finn had somehow separated from the group. And Rey couldn't get to him. Too many humanoids were following, making it impossible to deviate from wherever Ben was leading them.

Suddenly more appeared ahead, blocking their route. They turned down another street, the city feeling like a maze looping back on itself. Rey felt a concussive shock beside them. She shielded her face from the heat, just as another one hit, making the side of a building crumble.

The chase made her heart pound, muscles tighten, jaw set and adrenaline cooking to the point of boiling. Don't these people know Kylo Ren is wanted alive?

They saw the bright lights up ahead, the sound of a crowd. But those people could either be a sanctuary, or a complication. Blending in and losing their pursuers sounded hopeful, but there was always the chance a bystander could get hurt or killed.

No turning back now.

Laser bolts peppered the ground around them as they ran onto the populous plastocrete street, Rey and Ben weaving among the throng of beings. Now in the shopping district, they rushed passed extravagant, ever-morphing billboards of advertisements, the lights bathing them in different colors and illumination.

The blaster shots caught the attention of the shoppers, making them scream and seek cover inside. The congested path ahead was now emptying.

Fire swiftly exploded across Rey's face as she was sideswiped, not even aware that a fist had been heading her way. Her mouth exploded with warmth as the inside of her cheek cut open. She extended her hand, Force pushing the culprit so hard that he flew over the three-storied store and disappeared.

Rey spat out a wad of blood and saliva, the taste lingering on her tongue, like she'd been licking the top of a thorium battery

Ben pinned two hunters against the wall, but was brought down by three more jumping him from behind. Rey pulled a Gran off of him, throwing the alien to the ground, his skull making a resounding crack. Ben pushed off the rest, their bodies soaring right into a large billboard overhead, sending sparks to the ground as it shattered upon impact.

Others were more cautious now, eyeing Rey and Ben as they slowly moved forward, no one wanting to make the first move against them.

A scaly skinned Trandoshan suddenly looked to the left, startled. He cried out as a speeder revved through the threatening group, mowing most of them down, bodies flying in all directions in a mist of red spray. The vehicle spun around, drifting and clipping those who ran away before stopping in front of them. Finn sat in the driver's seat, a self-satisfied grin taking up half his face.

Rey jumped into the two-seated speeder, throwing her arms around him. "Happy to see you, too," he whispered, patting her back. Then they separated. "But we can celebrate once we're off this planet."

To fit, Rey had to sit on Ben's lap, her hair whipping back as Finn sped off like a proton rocket seeking it's target. They heard the sirens first before they saw them: police on speeder bikes, coming at them from ahead. Finn made a sharp right, the hovercraft bouncing and buckling as the sensors tried to keep up with the ever-increasing acceleration.

They hit a pile of vendor crates, quilka-leafs jetting into the air. Rey held onto the dash as Ben hugged her waist. Walls whipped past on both sides, the path getting narrower.

"Take the next left onto Sonsti Avenue!" Ben shouted over the sirens and wind.

The turn came–

And then went.

"Bade is faster," Finn countered, arms straining at the controls. "It's a half mile up!"

Rey glanced over her shoulder, seeing the long line of officers hunched forward, their speeders throttling to their maximum.

Ben became angry. "I've actually been here before! You've only glanced at a map. Sonsti will be quicker–"

Sparks and fire exploded from behind, sending the speeder crashing headlong into the ground.

Rey caught the dashboard across her middle, the air leaving her lungs as she was propelled forward and out of the hovercraft. She tried to brace for her fall, but she was moving too fast–

.

.

.

Rey was somewhat aware she was lying on a flat surface, something cold touching the bare skin of her back. A floor? She heard hushed voices. Smelled spices and food, intermingled with her own sweat and… the acrid smell of melted plastocrete.

Groaning, she wiped at her face, lifted her heavy eyelids. There was a grey ceiling above her, pockets of grease staining the area to the left. Above a small kitchen.

How did she get here? She hadn't even realized she'd blacked out.

Turning her head, there was a family of Rodians huddled in the corner, the biggest one wrapping his arms around the mother and two children. They were frightened. Watching them. The tight apartment offered little ways for them to hide, for Rey was in the bedroom, kitchen and living room all at once.

"We stay here and they'll find us," she heard Finn say. Rey sat up and looked at the two most important men in her life, seeing they were just as scratched up and bruised as her.

Ben cautiously peered out a small window. Finn crouched next to him, blaster at the ready.

"We couldn't remain on foot," Ben argued. "We can't out run speeder bikes."

"They'll start searching the buildings soon."

Ben set his jaw, saying nothing. Rey crawled over, noticing that she was now sans shoes and comlink, and her dress was riddled with tears. It was somehow holding itself together, giving her some sense of modesty.

"We're putting this family in danger by being here," Rey whispered. The men were surprised to see her awake. But out of both of them, Finn was the one who came to her, asking if she was okay. She quelled his worry while staring at Ben, whom remained by the window, showing his concern from afar. "They shouldn't be dragged into this."

"You were unconscious, our speeder destroyed, and there were too many officers out there for us to take on," Ben explained. "This was the only option." He looked past her to the family, showing a smidgen of compassion. "I gave them some credits for their trouble."

Banging happened next door. Then shouts. Maybe even a fight. Something shattered.

Rey gave the apartment a quick once over. "Is there no other way out of here?"

Ben shook his head. "No. This is the only door and window." The three of them looked to each other, the nearby sounds of yelling abruptly stopping.

Was this how Rey was to die, Ben taken, and Finn collected for a bounty?

They breathed in the silence. Waiting.

But then Ben grabbed his saber hilt, going to the door. He stood motionless, listening for any outside activity.

He spoke to them over his shoulder. "I'll run out and distract them so you two can get away. But you have to be quick–"

"Hell no." Rey stood, marching up to him. "You go out there and you'll be caught."

"It's that or all of us."

Rey's mouth went dry. After everything he's done tonight, after what she'd seen on the broadcast, her feelings for him were still the same.

She grabbed a fistful of his shirt, pleading. "Snoke will kill you once he has you."

He held her hands gently, regarding her desperation with solemn eyes. "He wants you dead, too. And you should live. You deserve it way more than I do."

"Rey," Finn whispered from behind. She turned, her hands slipping out of Ben's.

Staring at Finn, there was something in his demeanor that made her panic. A sense of resolution. "He's right. You deserve to live. You deserve to make it." His eyes went to Ben. "But if Snoke gets you, what life would Rey have then?"

Rey frowned as Finn took her head between his palms and kissed her forehead. Then he opened the door and ran out into the night.

Leaving her.

"Fi–" Ben covered her mouth and pulled her back, closing the barrier. She elbowed his side, kicked at his shins, torqued to get free. He wouldn't budge. Opening her mouth, she bit down on his hand as hard as her jaw allowed and then twisted from his grasp, planting her foot right into his gut.

He doubled over.

She went for the exit.

He grabbed her ankle.

She fell flat on her face as he pulled her back to him and pinned her smaller frame to the floor, his large body on top of her. Screaming to get free, he nearly smothered her to keep her quiet.

Her throat burned. Eyes stung. She couldn't get out. She couldn't get to Finn.

Rey didn't know how long Ben kept her restrained, all manner of Force tricks not working on him. But it was long enough for her muscles to grow tired and for her vocal chords to ache. And for Finn to have surely been caught.

All was silent outside.

"I'm going to get off of you and we are going to get out of here," he softly said into her ear. "Quietly. Okay?"

She nodded. He lifted himself, but Rey helped him by pushing him all the way off of her. Rey didn't say anything as she followed Ben through the streets and alleys. Didn't even notice the cuts on her bare feet. It was like what she was experiencing wasn't even real. It couldn't be.

They made it back to the Falcon with little interference, Poe, Jess and BB-8 waiting just outside. Jess had already changed back into her usual attire, which made Rey think they'd been back at the ship for quite sometime.

"What the hell happened?" Poe barked at Ben.

"Did you get Brendol?" Ben asked.

"No. We tried, but he had extra security."

Ben ground his molars, and even Rey showed some frustration over the news. Both walked up the ramp and into the Falcon.

"Hey," Poe called out. "Where the hell did you go?"

Ben stopped in the middle of the main hold while Rey kept walking to one of the crates and sat down, giving relief to her aching body.

"I found Carise," Ben finally answered

Poe and Jess were surprised. "Carise? Carise Sindian?"

Ben nodded.

"And?"

"He killed her," Rey said as she looked up, seeing the confusion on their faces.

Poe waited for one of them to add something to that.

They didn't.

Poe suddenly straightened, eyes searching for something that wasn't there. "Where's Finn?"

"The Chandrilan police have him." Rey replied coolly. "Which means the First Order will soon take him."

Dumbstruck, Poe asked, "How?"

She left the explaining to Ben, who tried to describe the whole situation in as little words as possible. Poe's stare quickly morphed into one that was murderous. Rey wondered what the man would do. But to his credit, Poe kept his body and fists in check.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Poe breathed slowly. "Let me get this straight: you found Carise and decided that killing her was more important than following the mission. Hux released what you look like to the galaxy. And then Finn sacrificed himself so you could make it out." Poe's voice vibrated into a growl. "You ruined everything because of a vendetta?"

Ben tightened his hands into fists. "Not everything. I interrogated Carise before I killed her. There _is_ a super weapon on Jakku."

Rey felt a chill deep inside her, her mind conjuring up a picture of the Sitter– the old man who spoke to no one, who sat atop his pillar under the sun of Jakku. He was near Carbon Ridge, the rumored secret base of the Empire.

"What does it do?" Poe asked, snapping Rey out of her thoughts.

"She didn't know. Hux might not even know. But if it's important to Snoke, then it's extremely dangerous."

"If Carise knew that much, imagine how much Brendol probably knew."

"Oh, but he doesn't care," Rey began in a wry voice, standing, her feet feeling raw. "Do you? You got what you wanted, even if it was at the expense of others."

"Rey–"

"Don't say my name like that," she snapped.

Ben clapped his mouth shut, appearing like a rebuked child.

"What exactly was your plan here?" Poe asked. "Were you going to kill Carise, come back, and think we wouldn't mind that you jeopardized the entire mission?"

"No," Rey answered before Ben could. "He wasn't going to tell us. Were you? You were going to lie. Even to me."

Rey waited, watching Ben closely. Like she was waiting for him to say something or to react. Or deny. Something.

He didn't.

 _He really was going to lie._

The engulfing disappointment cut her deeply, stinging her eyes. She shifted her focus to Poe. "When are we going after Finn?"

"We should form sort of plan as soon as–"

Ben cut him off. "We need to go to Jakku first."

Everyone looked at him, incredulous.

There were a few heartbeats of silence before Rey lowered her voice, enunciating every word. "You want to leave Finn to his current fate of execution?"

"No," he shook his head vehemently. "That's not what I'm saying." Ben glanced at each person in the room. "If that weapon is so precious to Snoke, then it is dangerous to the entire galaxy. More dangerous than Starkiller. And we all saw what that was capable of." No one argued against that. "We need to prioritize what's more important. Don't let personal feelings get in the way."

Rey's eyeballs nearly popped from their sockets. But it was Poe who spoke aggressively. "Don't let personal feelings get in the way? I didn't just hear that come out of your fucking mouth."

Ben ran both hands through his hair, frustrated. "Yes, we all know I never follow my own advice. But you know I'm right on this."

Poe held his gaze. Slowly walked behind the lounge bench. Spread his palms on the leather, breathing in deep, looking conflicted.

"We make a quick trip to Jakku…" Poe lifted his eyes to Rey, "and then we get Finn."

"Are you kidding?!" The lid on Rey's pressurized anger finally blew off. "How do any of you even know he'll still be alive when we go to get him?"

Poe spoke calmly, yet reluctantly. "We don't. But we need to think of the galaxy as a whole. If this weapon does indeed exist, it needs to be destroyed."

Rey laughed humorlessly as she felt herself spiraling. "How quick you are to forget that without Finn, you would've died on the Finalizer. Ben would have executed you, like he did with most the prisoners. He wouldn't have even given your life a second thought." She glanced to Ben, challenging. "Am I wrong?"

…"No."

She gazed at him. Unmoving. Rey's blazing indignation making the lines on her face seem harsh rather than beautiful, the bags under her eyes giving the look some serious backup.

"Do you know how often I've defended you?" The volume of her voice ticked upward as she grew more agitated. "Saying that you've changed, that you're getting better? And then you run off to be the monster I've been saying you aren't. Have I been wasting my breath on you this whole time? Cause now, it sure looks that way."

"You haven't been wasting your time," he said unconvincingly, barely moving his lips.

Rey rubbed at her eyes, smearing the makeup along with her sweat. Exhaustion pulled at her, the realization that she was covered in grime and torn and tattered adding to the ruination of the evening. "I don't know how to help you," she whispered, shaking her head. "Not anymore." Looking up, she saw Ben's fear. Could feel it. "I've stood by you through some rough times, and even forgave you for killing Han. But tonight, your capricious rage cost me my closest friend. And what you did to Carise–"

"She deserved," he bit out unexpectedly. "And I don't need a lecture on morality from you."

Ben's face shifted to shock upon the realization of what he just said. But Rey just stood and stared. Regarding him almost like he was a stranger. A thousand rebuttals raced through her mind like ring-dogs chasing their own tails.

But she voiced none of them.

Jess cut through the silence, speaking up for the first time. "If you're trying to insinuate that what she did to Ematt negates her from judging you, you are–"

Rey raised a hand. "He's right, actually. I shouldn't lecture him anymore." She dragged in a deep breath, and then released. "I'm tired of doing it, anyway."

Ben stayed very still, averting her steady gaze.

"Do you even care what happens to Finn?" Poe posed the question they were all thinking.

Rey watched him. "Yes," was his curt response.

Poe folded his arms. "You have a funny way of showing. As in, you don't."

Ben winced, his face going through a myriad of expressions that were too quick to decipher. He inhaled and spoke as if the words were clinging to his lungs. "I– I know I don't show it. Nor do I voice how I feel to any of you. But… I wish none of you ill will." He gazed right at her. "And that includes Finn."

Ben sure did sound sincere. And maybe he was. But the thing that counted the most was action.

And his actions have now put her in a position of making a choice that would leave her riddled with guilt. "I'll go to Jakku, and I'll help destroy whatever's there. But you and I…" her breath hitched. Ben braced. The images of him executing Resistance members played through her mind. "I don't know if I can keep doing this, Ben. If Finn's dead, then we'll have nothing more to say to each other. Because if they execute him, I will never forgive you. I've forgiven you for too much already."

Ben was thrown off. Rocked to the core. Scared, even.

Out of spite, Rey added, "And when the occasion arises where you want to kill someone again, do it on your own time. Don't drag us down with you."

She left behind a broken looking Ben as she went to find some solace alone in their shared quarters.

But he didn't understand that her words had broken her as well. The last few months of experiencing the love they shared, knowing the best parts of him, exploring the realm of intimacy together– it all had culminated into the greatest time of her life. Could she give it up over principle?

The lonely years on Jakku came to her thoughts. And the realization that self-love was just as important as real love. Because when you're alone and it's the middle of the night and you're lying in your sandy AT-AT crying and wishing for someone, anyone to notice you're importance and to love you, who's actually going to be there for you?

You.

At the end of the day, you're all you've got.

But she did have Soniee now. A piece of her family she never had before. Though, her health has been declining these last few months.

Stars… how she wished Ben could be more reliable.

()()()()()

It was naïve for him to think that no matter what happened, Rey would always stand by him. He had forgotten about the one thing that could change all that: her stormtrooper.

Ren watched her go, watched her leave him. This was all so different than when she found out about her parents. Her lashing out had been precise back then, vindictive. But she had come to understand that he'd been trying to protect her.

Now, with Finn gone and the blame falling solely on him, there were no excuses for him to hide behind. No understanding. Everything that happened tonight had been unnecessary.

And Rey knew that.

Just like she now knew him for what he really was: stagnant. Unable to evolve.

Defective.

" _I've forgiven you for too much already."_

Rey's compassion truly was amazing and as far stretching as the galaxy. For as she forgave him for plenty, he would never absolve himself for everything he's done.

"Is it true you murdered Han?" Jess asked, her eyes looking hopeful that it was all a lie.

"Yes."

Jess covered her mouth with a hand, aghast. "You're not going to give an explanation?"

"Would it change the way you're judging me?" Jess didn't answer. "I'm surprised Poe hasn't given you the details by now. He knows what happened." Ren walked the opposite way toward the storage bay, muttering, "I'd rather not relive it."

Entering, he headed for the lockers along the wall. He opened one after the other, rummaging through the contents. His searched halted for a moment as he came across a weathered and worn tooka doll. With a shaky hand, Ren held it, looking at it like it was a relic from another time. He figured it was; his childood felt like it was eons ago.

But the fact his father kept the doll this whole time–

Poe, Jess, and BB-8 came in after a few minutes. Ren put the small doll in his pocket and continued his search.

Thus far, BB-8 had been silent, and Ren wondered if the little astromech had an opinion on the events that happened tonight. Or on any of the new information. But did he really care what a droid thought about him? "You should get a hold of General Organa," Ben said. "Tell her that their positions could be compromised now that the Order has Finn." He found a black cloak, the hood wide enough to cover most of his face.

Poe agreed before asking, "You think I'm gonna let you get off this ship?" The pilot eyed the cloak in Ren's hands.

Ren draped the robe around his shoulders. "I have an idea on how to get Finn."

Jess and Poe were intrigued enough to keep quiet, listening to Ren's plan. He would've thanked them for the attentiveness, but they both pretty much hated him. So the compliment might come off as mockery.

Poe chewed over the proposal for a moment. "You think she's still in the city?"

"It's worth a look."

"That may be, but I don't trust you out there. And the last thing I need is for you to get caught as well."

Jess stepped forward. "I'll go with him, make sure he doesn't do anything stupid." The men were both stunned by her offer. Poe tried to talk her out of it, but she would not be dissuaded.

When Poe finally gave up, he gave both of them a stern look. "You'll need to be quick before more of the First Order arrives on this planet. So be back in one hour. I'm gonna look at a map of Jakku and see if Rey can think of where this weapon might be." Jess left and Ben followed, but was stopped by a very firm grip on his shoulder. "If you do anything that puts Jess in danger–"

"I won't. You have my word."

"Your word means nothing."

"But it's all I have."

Poe let him go.

Jess and Ren walked side by side back to the city, both keeping their thoughts to themselves. She didn't pester him with questions as he went from one bar to the next, never sighed with impatience as time was quickly running out. Stormtroopers were out on patrol, but they were able to sneak by them with a few mind tricks and staying in the shadows.

Once they entered the more questionable part of the city, the number of stormtroopers dwindled, and Ren was able to zero in on the life force he'd been seeking.

Walking into a dimly lit cantina, he immediately saw Caliiya sitting at the bar, head down, eyes fixated on her glass. The establishment was mostly empty, it's atmosphere having none of the modern pizzazz most cantinas used to draw in large crowds. This place was smaller, more intimate and jaded, the serving droids having mismatched limbs and creaking joints.

And no holoscreens, thank the Force.

Ren drew the hood lower and walked over to the woman, sitting down in the stool next to her, placing his intertwined hands on the gritty bar top. Jess sat on the other side of Caliiya, declining a drink from the bartender droid.

Ren was never offered one.

Caliiya picked up the small glass, cocking her head back to let the liquid fire slide down her throat. She wiped her mouth, signaling for another. "I take it you didn't snag Brendol?"

She hadn't looked over at her visitors once, but she knew as to whom Ren was. The woman utilized more than just her sight.

The droid filled her glass with the same deep purple fluid. "You know what has happened," Ren said, keeping his voice low.

She slid the glass in a circle, swishing the liquid. "Yup. There's one less bounty in this galaxy now." Glancing to the side, Caliiya took in his disguise with an amused eye. "I'm surprised you're even here. Everyone knows your face by now, the deeds you've done. You know that reputation is going to follow you for the rest of your life, right? That you're a patricidal demon, born from the Skywalker line." She lifted the glass to him before swigging it down, asking for another. "Murdering you own father…. That takes depraved commitment."

"Yes. It does."

She showed a moment of confusion before going for the newly filled glass. Ren placed his palm over the rim, preventing her from grabbing it. "Finn being taken was my fault," he admitted. Caliiya snapped her head up. "I got sidetracked by something, and in the process of him helping me, he was caught."

The bounty hunter stared holes through him. "You're a fucking disease, you know that?"

"I do."

"Stop agreeing with me. Takes the satisfaction out of insulting you." She snatched the glass out from under his hand. "Why are you even here, talking to me? It's a huge risk for you. And we hate each other."

"You can help me in getting Finn back."

She snorted, almost chocking on her alcohol of choice. "Back? From the First Order?" Ren nodded. "Are you insane?" He opened his mouth to respond. "You know what? Don't answer that."

Ren tensed as a fight broke out between two patrons off in the corner, two serving droids hustling to break it up. At this point, he'd be startled by someone breathing too close to him.

He focused back on Caliiya. "Are you going to help me or not?" he asked impatiently.

Taking a handful of warra nuts, she popped some in her mouth, speaking while chewing. "I prefer my heart to stay beating. Besides, what's war without casualties?"

"Peace," Jess challenged.

Caliiya swerved around in the chair. "If it wasn't for war, you wouldn't know what peace was." She narrowed her eyes, eyeing up the girl. Turning back to Ren, she asked, "Whose this scrap-muncher? Your girlfriend?"

Ren ignored the question. "You're indebted to Finn. That's why you came to talk to him tonight, right? You feel like you owe him. If he had never showed up in your life, you wouldn't have your freedom. Bala would have killed you." Caliiya's lip twitched with annoyance, but her eyes glistened, betraying how she truly felt. "It's a waste of time to pretend you don't care."

The irritation went out of Caliiya and was replaced with a thousand meter stare aimed toward the bottles lining the back of the bar. "Affection is just a neurochemical con job for the weak."

Ren could tell she didn't fully believe that. "I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong."

She chuckled. Went silent. Put the remaining nuts back, ignoring her drink. Ren gave her time to ruminate over the proposition while Jess looked like she wanted to clock the woman.

"They would take him to the Finalizer, where General Hux is," Caliiya said softly, like she was thinking out loud more than starting a conversation. "He would be made an example of."

"And I need you to get on that Star Destroyer and get him out."

Caliiya was momentarily taken aback. "Me? As in alone? Aren't you people his friends or something?"

"There is a pressing issue we need to take care of first. But seeing how you're available–"

"How am I supposed to walk onto the Finalizer and get to him? You do remember how big that Destroyer is."

"You've visited the ship for business before, right?"

Her eyes pinched. "Yeah."

"So it won't seem odd for you to be going there for more bounty assignments."

"Probably not. But as a bounty hunter, I wouldn't be able to get to the holding cells."

"Which is why you're going to be a lieutenant." With Lizari's passcodes, Caliiya could go anywhere on that ship.

They continued to polish the plan, going over it a few times till she could recite it back to him perfectly. To get to the holding cells, he told her where she could find an officers uniform and that he'd send the passcodes once he got them from his contact.

During the whole exchange, Caliiya didn't glance at her drink once, making Ren think he was making some serious headway.

But… "You still haven't agreed to do this," he pointed out.

Caliiya blinked once. Twice. Then nodded firmly. "I'll do it, even though it's suicidal."

"If you think you'll die, why do it then?

She sighed, but out of exhaustion rather than aggravation. "Like you said, I owe him."

They exchanged account information and then Ren and Jess left the cantina. But he stopped just outside, peering through the window. Much to Ren's satisfaction, Caliiya got out the credits to pay for her drinks, ending her night of self-loathing. If the woman was serious about doing this, she needed to sober up as quickly as possible.

"You think this will actually work?" Jess asked, also watching the bounty hunter.

"If it doesn't, I'll never have to interact with that woman again."

Jess glared at him. "If she fails, then Finn dies."

"Then I'll figure out another way to rescue him before he's executed."

"And exactly how much effort are you going to put into this?"

He looked down at her. "You think I want him to die?"

She shrugged. "Wouldn't be the first time."

He ground his molar and turned, meticulously winding through the people roaming around this late at night. But matching every three steps to his two, Jess kept up with his long strides.

How would anyone in their right mind go somewhere alone with him after finding out he murdered his own father? What is wrong with this girl?

Ren mind tricked three stormtroopers along the way, one of them taking a considerable amount of strength to manipulate. He waited till they were closer to the outskirts of the city before asking with a forced composure, "Why did you come with me, exactly?"

"Like I said, someone has to keep an eye on you."

"And you willingly volunteered. After finding out I killed Han Solo."

She recoiled when he said that about his father. But then seemed to think over his question. Maybe wondering about her own sanity. "Poe told me Rey was there when it happened," she said, "and she found a way to forgive you. But someday you'll answer for what you've done. I believe that. Besides, options were limited, seeing how the other two hate your guts right now."

"And you don't 'hate my guts'?"

Her lips pressed together in a slight grimace. "I don't like you. You're selfish and irresponsible and ruined Poe's mission. That aside… I don't think you should be alone."

 _Not after what Rey said to him_ , her thought rang in his head. He rubbed his temple, trying not to get on the girl's wavelength.

"Why is it everyone assumes I shouldn't be alone?" he grumbled. A swift wind gust tousled his robe, the smell of stagnant water becoming stronger.

Jess patted at her hair, placating the flyaway strands. "Because you're an impulsive person who's as slippery as a greased Drug."

They turned onto the dirt path that led to the marsh where the Falcon was hidden. Ren waited for a rowdy group of adolescents to pass them before countering, "I would think you trusted me enough to come with me to find Caliiya." He paused. "All by your lonesome."

Jess wasn't phased by his faux threat. "You wouldn't hurt me."

Ren raised a brow, glancing at her from under the cowl. "No?"

"No." Jess sidestepped a large rock, taking a deep breath. "If you did, it would be like you killed those slavers for nothing. If something happened to me, you'd see it as a failure on your part." Ren slowed, then came to a stop, looking intently at Jess as she kept going.

She had seen right through him. And he hasn't even interacted with this girl as much as the others. Was it possible he was more transparent than he thought?

It took Jess a few yards to realize he wasn't next to her. She came back to him cautiously, brows pulling in. "You used to have a heart. Still sort of do, since Rey is with you." The tall grass that lined the walkway shivered in the breeze, catching Jess's attention for a short time. When she continued, her voice was pensive. "These last few months, I've been trying to understand your actions from your perspective. Not the most comfortable thing to do, but I did try. And you should know…." They locked eyes. "You shouldn't beat yourself up for killing that woman."

He jerked his head back. "Excuse me?"

"That random woman you killed while you cut down those men? She basically ran right into your lightsaber."

Ren felt like he was having an allergic reaction to her clemency. "She was afraid," he said as he ambled passed her.

Jess ran up to him. "And she let that fear cloud her ability to think," she explained. "Instead she panicked, not looking where she was going. It wasn't your fault, what happened to her. And those men… each one of them deserved what they got."

"Says who."

She jumped in front of him. He halted as to not trample her. "Says me, who was locked away in there."

The silence stretched out as Ren stared and was stared back at. But then, he softened. "You view that whole ordeal as me saving you. But you don't realize what it cost me. Before that, I had never killed someone before. And I didn't kill them as this monster you've all come to know. I was Ben. I was my uncle's apprentice. My mother and father's son. That night was the true beginning of my downfall."

Jess blinked. "Do you regret getting us out?"

"No. I just wish…. Maybe I could have found another way."

Jess raised her palms out, flat and skyward. "Wishes in one hand, shit in the other. Which are you gonna have more of?"

The corner of his mouth curled up into the faintest of smiles.

When they made it back to the Falcon, Poe was sitting on the ramp, BB-8 beside him, waiting. The pilot quickly stood when he saw the two of them approaching.

They relayed their possible success to him as they walked into the main hold, Poe seeming somewhat hopeful over it. And it was good to hear that Rey had an idea in mind for where the weapon could be on Jakku.

Ren took off the cloak and laid it across the back of the lounge chair. Having nothing more to discuss Poe and Jess headed to the cockpit, with the droid in tow, when Ren found himself suddenly saying, "Can I ask you a question?"

The duo turned back around. Ren was looking directly at Jess. "Uhhh, sure," she replied.

Ren didn't want to ask, but he couldn't help himself. "How is it Skywalker doesn't know you were there?" Jess's mouth went slack. "He came to the caves right after I left. He helped those people get back to their families. But he doesn't show any signs of recognizing you. Why?"

Jess swallowed, glancing at Poe. "That's because as soon as I saw you leave, I left myself. I didn't want the people back home to find out what happened to me: that I ran away from home with a guy I barely knew and got sold into the slave trade so he could make a quick credit." Her face flushed a bright crimson. "It was humiliating."

Poe put a hand on her shoulder comfortingly. "Where'd you find the credits to leave Er'kit on your own?"

She wrapped her arms around herself, holding tightly to her sides. "I went back in the caves, wanting to get away from the others so I could think of a plan. That was when I saw the moonlight reflect off of something on the floor." She pointed to the silver hilt at Ren's belt. "I found your lightsaber. I took it, walked to town, and tried over the next few days to sell it for the right price. I only ever got offensively low offers, not enough for me to even travel home. But then this little orange alien found me and offered me five times the price I was asking."

Ren stammered before getting her name out. "Maz Kanata?"

Jess nodded. "I agreed, got my money, and went home. Pretty sure the few times I've seen Maz on Takodana she hasn't recognized me. I looked pretty haggard back then."

Poe asked a few more questions, but Ren had already checked out by then. He couldn't believe all the things that had to happen for his lightsaber to make it back into his hands.

"Word of advice?" Ren fixed his eyes back on Jess. "You'll lose more than just Rey if Finn doesn't make it off the Finalizer alive." Poe agreed. Ren could have sworn BB-8 slightly nodded his domed head. Then three of them went to the cockpit, readying the Falcon for departure.

Funny. He felt like he had lost everything already.

Carefully, he entered the part of the ship that housed the living quarters, briefly stopping outside his and Rey's room.

His hand hovered on the door's control panel, wondering if he should try reasoning with Rey right now.

He pressed it, stepping inside.

Rey was lying on the bed, atop the covers, wearing the loose clothes she preferred to sleep in. She must've taken a shower sometime, for her hair was moist and the scent of lilacs infused into the air.

She kept her stare on the ceiling. "I don't want you in here."

"Rey, just let me explain–"

She shot off the bed in a whirlwind of fury. "There's nothing to explain. Finn got himself taken to save us both. He never would have been in that situation if it weren't for you." She cut her hand through the air. "End of story."

"I know."

Rey put a palm to her chest and said mockingly, "Oh. You know. What a relief." She shook her head, eyes looking everywhere but at him. "Do you even know how important he is to me?"

"Yes." He took a step closer to her. She backed away. "I can feel how much you're hurting right now."

Her voice broke. "You know what's makes it worse? You're the only one who can comfort me, but you are the one who did this to me. I hate you, but…"

"… you still love me," he finished. There was a tightness in his chest. A painful ache. It restricted his throat. "Are you really leaving me?"

She chewed at her lip, holding back the glistening in her eyes. "I don't know. But let me just pretend that I have the strength to."

He looked to the floor, getting ready to throw himself down at her feet and–

"Don't," she staunchly commanded, sensing what he was contemplating. "Don't beg me." She wiped a freed tear from her cheek. "If you care about me at all, don't do that to me."

He locked his knees. "We're going to get Finn back," he confidently told her. "Alive."

"I hope so. For your sake. And mine."

Extending his arm, he reached out to her. She denied him. "If I'm the only person who can comfort you, let me stay. Let me do that for you," he pleaded.

Rey shook her head, adding strength to her voice. "I grew up consoling myself. I still know how to do it. So I'm asking you with the little restraint I have left not to yell, please leave me alone."

Her words had a finality to them that persuasion could not cut through.

With a reluctant heart, he gathered up his things and left.

Halfway down the hall, Ren stopped, deciding whether to march back into that room and…. what? What could he say that would make her let him stay? Make her stay with him again? Her mind was made up. She has seen just how lost he really was. Finally realized he was a worthless piece of bantha shit.

That was the thing of it, Ren thought as he walked into the main hold, making his temporary home in the med alcove: Snoke had broken something inside him. And Ren had let him.

Over the last six months, Ren had tried to put it all back together. He'd tried to be more like Ben. The Ben everyone expected him to be.

Rey had been a part of that. Love and all. It was all so cliched, but love kept him from being a full-fledged monster. Love and the cold hate he felt for everything Snoke had dragged him into.

Love and hate. Nice combination.

 _And responsibility_ , he realized suddenly. That had helped in an unexpected way, knowing the most extensive information about how the First Order worked. Knowing he was necessary, even if no one wanted to admit it.

Now Rey was telling him she didn't want to see him. Didn't need him. And the comfort of the Resistance needing him? Gone. With the release of those recordings, they would want nothing to do with him. Hell, they would probably try to kill him again.

With that thought, should he go to Jakku and help destroy whatever was there? Should he aid the Resistance?

But he knew the answer even before he asked. He would go, and he would help. Because his mother wanted a better son. Because Rey wanted to believe in him. Because he needed Poe as a friend. Because he would always feel like Jess's protector.

He wanted all these people to live.

Then after, if Caliiya hadn't gotten out Finn by the time they were done on Jakku, he would go help her. Even if that meant him getting taken in the process.

He owed the trooper that much.

And Harter.

Gods, they had Harter. It was a relief to hear she was alive, but knowing that Hux had her didn't grant him much comfort.

He needed to tell Leia and see if they could come up with a way to rescue her. If not, guess he would have to go rogue again.

Ren went to the dejarik table and scooped up the datapad that was technically Finn's, but everyone used. Which meant it wasn't passcode protected. He quickly sent the news to his mother before searching among the files for any recordings. Ren knew Finn kept a journal on the thing, because he had told Rey about it… who had then told him about it.

He prepared a message to Soniee, attaching every single one of Finn's recordings, asking her to find a way to leak them onto the Holonet and the Outer Rim news stations. If she was as good with technology as she boasted to be, it shouldn't take her long to do.

But there was no doubt the woman saw the First Order broadcast tonight. So where Ren refused to give Jess an explanation over killing his father, he gave Soniee an extended one.

What he said wasn't anything new: Snoke brought him to the dark side, ordered him to do the unthinkable, he deeply regrets it, blah blah blah. He hated explaining it all. Sounded more and more like he was using excuses, and that wasn't his intention. But it would be far worse if he didn't tell the woman anything.

He sent it, hoping Finn wouldn't mind that Ren was violating his privacy. The guy was fully ready to be the face of the Resistance anyway. This was just going to fast track that process since time was something they didn't really have.

Ren stretched out on the medical nook, not able to close his eyes. He focused on the jerks and creaks of the Falcon as it rose into the air and out of the atmosphere, the soft hum of hyperspace replacing the turbulence.

A memory came to mind, one so small, he was surprised he even still had it. He got out of the alcove, lifting part of the padding that had torn off long ago, before he was even born. Underneath was a drawing on the fabric. Not a good one, just a simple piece done by a child's unskilled hand. In it were pictures of planets and solar systems, a small ship zooming through it all, a boy at the helm.

A boy with raven hair.

He had drawn this without his father ever knowing. He wondered if he'd ever found it.

Ren ran his fingers across the faded colors, hoping that Han at some point had lifted up this ratted cushion and thought about the better times with his son.

He grabbed the tooka doll from his pocket and held it close to his chest as he laid his body out to rest. His mind, idle from the silence, went over the events of the evening, remembering that small prompting to not follow Carise. To turn back while he still had time.

 _I told you so_ , a voice inside his head said.

 _Sincerely,_

 _Your intuition._

 **Another chapter down!**

 **So Ren went off and did something not so good. Again. I know it might be a bit controversial what he did to Carise, but as I have told you all, he won't ever really get back to the person he used to be. And hey, he promised Carise he would kill her one day. A promise is a promise! But it has now complicated things since Finn has been captured and Rey blames it all on him. Which it is his fault. I also wanted his father to have a certain presence in this chapter, hence the brandy and the picture under the med alcove. Han will always play an important role in Ren's life. He will always think about him constantly. I hope no one gets annoyed by how much Ren thinks about his father.**

 **If you have a second, let me know what you think and if you have any theories as to where the story is going. May the Force be with you all!  
**


	42. Chapter 42

**A huge thanks to all the follows, faves, and reviews. I cannot stress enough on how it all helps me to keep pushing forward to finish this story. I had the toughest time yet writing this chapter and was actually tempted just to give up and walk away. Not even finish it. I think as the end draws closer and certain things happen to the characters, the pressure sets in. Not necessarily from you guys, more so from me. I am really hard on myself when it comes to this piece of work, and it nearly swallowed me whole this last week as I was trying to finish it. So, I hate to sound needy, but encouragement does help me to keep going. If any of you are writers, artists, entertainers, you will understand that, I'm sure.**

 **Aleta Wolff: Yeah, no one was able to guess about Ren going after Carise. It was pretty impossible to figure it out. But is anyone actually sad that he killed her? I certainly am not! lol. KyloRen'sgirl213: I will try my hardest to keep up this story! Thanks for finding it to be good and loving it! sweetes forbidden candy apple: Noooooo! You must live! lol. and I am planning on advertising this story more once I've gone back and edited everything. Thanks for wanting it to have more popularity! But I'm not one of those fanifc authors who has a massive following. And that's okay. SheLitAFire: Everything Ben does is poor timing. He needs to have some impulse control. I'm glad you aren't indifferent towards Ben's need for revenge. Carise is the worst and I am sure we were all hoping for her demise. astrogoddess: I love to hear someone say they binge read my story! Yipee! I'm glad the emotions in the story were able to resonate with you. I really want the characters to connect with the readers. That's one of the reasons it takes me a while to get a chapter out. I have to really think about what a character is feeling or what their thought process would be.** **It can be exhausting.** **And I can totally relate to how it takes a lot to make you cry. I'm the same way. Only a handful of books have done that to me. But each one has left a deep impression. And pick up that pen again! Do it! niteowl29: Thanks for having it as one of your top favs! and thanks for appreciating the character dynamics and portrayals. I work hard to write them in a way that is close to realistic. Don't stop reading!**

 **So this chapter is a long one! I was going to break it up, but it messed with the flow. Hope none of you mind! And if there are errors, I apologize. I was editing and posting this while watching my two crazy kids.**

Chapter Forty-two

He darted out of the small apartment, seeing the police droids and officers down the alleyway. Finn didn't bother aiming well. He wasn't going for accuracy– he was going for a distraction.

Specifically, _him_ being the distraction.

The shots worked, grabbing the attention of those on the hunt. Finn led them as far away from Ren and Rey as possible, his legs pumping beneath him, the heavy heaves of cool air grating his throat.

 _Ren will get Rey out of here_ , he assured himself.

But he would never see her again.

The goodbye he'd given her had been so short and quick. But even if he had a full day, he would still consider it not enough for a proper farewell. If those even existed.

He would miss Rey the most. And Poe. All his comrades at the ESC. He hoped Breaala would take care of them.

He regretted pushing Caliiya away. He should've accepted her help. Accepted her.

Then there was Ren… he was an asshole, but had gradually become tolerable. The man did teach him how to fly a ship. That must count for something.

He said a silent goodbye to all of them.

At some point through the pursuit, a blaster bolt hit his right shin, but he hadn't felt it. Not immediately. He initially thought his leg was getting tired, but glancing down, he saw the blood. Knew he'd been hit.

Finn didn't get far after that. A blaster– known as the needler–made a direct hit, ropes of red lightening escaping the tip and coiling around his body. Every nerve erupted in fire and pain. His throat closing, not even allowing him to yell or gasp.

At that moment, Finn truly believed he would die. Darkness bled into the edges of his vision, claiming him, dragging him down and down and down…

He woke, now locked into an interrogation chair, the air smelling crisp, cool, and metallic. The quick transition from one moment to the other was disorienting, but Finn knew where he was. Could almost imagine the room he was in.

Pressure on his forehead, arms, and legs indicated that he was securely strapped into the interrogation chair. He might even break a bone if he tried to thrash against the restraints.

A small part of Finn was flattered. They must think him a formidable threat to secure him so tightly.

Pushing pride aside, he tried to calculate how much time had passed.

He couldn't come up with an answer.

He opted against trying to move, and focused on not making any changes to his breathing. More than likely, an officer was in this room. Watching him. The longer he was out, the longer it would take to break him into giving up Resistance secrets.

If he broke.

Would he break?

Everyone did. Eventually. That's what he's always been told. But Poe never did. Even through all the beatings given to him with precise skill, he had resisted. It was only when they brought in Kylo Ren that Poe shattered.

Good thing the First Order was all out of Force wielding warlords.

This could work. He could resist.

Finn heard the muffled sound of voices, deducing they were just outside the room's entrance. One of them was a distinctly frustrated Hux. His crisp, authoritative tone very distinct.

"I want every second of those vids wiped from the Holonet," the General commanded.

There was a pause.

"But, sir…" the voice contested, trepidly, "once something is on the Holonet, it can't be erased. People in the galaxy will copy and redistribute–"

"This is your field of expertise," Hux cut him off sharply. "Fix it or I'll find someone to replace you. Understand?" Finn assumed the person was nodding. "And do not allow a single stormtrooper to have access to a datapad."

"And if they do view the recordings?"

 _Recordings?_

"Execute them."

"About Carise Sindian… what should we do with her body?"

Hux's voice was calmer, making it hard for Finn to pick up on what he was being said. But he did hear the words "discreetly" and "dispose".

The door slid open and then footsteps, which stopped not too far from him.

"Wake him up."

The lower half of Finn's body spasmed uncontrollably, his teeth clinching together as he tried to hold in a grunt. The sensation was more maddening than painful. Which was the devices purpose: to drive you insane, for a sane person held their tongue.

The electrical current ceased, leaving Finn panting. He gazed at General Hux, a fire of indignation roaring behind those icy blue irises.

Hux shook his head, making a disapproving clucking sound with his tongue. "Trying to snag my father shows a certain desperation on your part. Unfortunately for you, you'll never get the same opportunity again. The man was rather old, and his heart gave out due to all the commotion. May he rest in peace."

Not an ounce of bereavement showed on his pale face.

Finn chuckled out of his nose. "You had him killed. I can read between the lines."

Hux didn't bother trying deny it. "Fathers are a reminder of the past. I like to look toward the future."

"Yeah… I bet you'd want to forget you're a bastard son."

Hux's temples protruded, but the man kept his tone even, shaking off Finn's insult at his lineage. "And how do you know you aren't as well?" Hux came closer. "You had such potential. Phasma was so sure you would become a general some day. Tell me, what made you take the leap and betray the very organization that gave you purpose?"

"Purpose?" Finn repeated, aghast. "You call training us into complacent killing machines that are viewed as an expendable resource a purpose?" The shackles shook against Finn's involuntarily attempt at movement. "You stole us from our families. Enslaved us into a life none of us asked for."

Hux raised an innocent brow. "Stole, you say? No," he shook his head. "I don't recall ever ripping a sobbing babe out of a mother's arms. Your comrades were either orphans, or their families sold them to us. Your life just so happens to fall in the latter." Hux seemed pleasantly pleased to have Finn's undivided attention. "Did you know you had a sister? They sold her the same time as they did you. All for ten credits each. You were only worth ten credits to them. They didn't want you. They tossed you aside like a dirty rag. We swept you up and trained you to be a formidable soldier. We saved your life."

All Finn could focus on was the fact he had family. "Where's my sister?"

"She died ten years ago. The program proved to be to difficult for her."

The more Finn moved, the tighter the restraints seemed to get. But he couldn't help his rage from taking over his body. "You boast about giving us all second chances, and yet, your program killed her."

Hux steepled his fingers, a hint of satisfaction teasing along his lips. "I never said it would be easy. Living isn't a right. It's a privilege."

"Easy to say from your position."

"I earned my place," he responded passionately. "And you left yours." Hux nodded to the loyalty officer. Finn bit down on his lip as his arms seized, tasting blood. "Where are Ren and the scavenger?"

His muscles relaxed, his lungs able to take in precious gulps of oxygen. "They could… be anywhere by now."

"They must have places they would go."

A drop of sweat slid into Finn's eye, stinging the cornea. But he didn't blink. Didn't react to the question.

Hux loomed over him now. "Where is Kylo Ren?"

This time, Finn was pumped with multiple rounds of electrical currents, each one stopping for a few seconds before going to a different limb. Every pause was a relief, only for the sliver of comfort to be robbed away.

During an interlude, Hux gripped Finn's chin, digging his nails into his flesh. "Tell me where he is."

Finn's breathing was becoming sporadic now, the muscles in his torso twitching uncontrollably. But despite it all, he did something that surprised Hux and even himself:

He laughed.

"Snoke must be running out of time," Finn mumbled through smashed lips. Hux let go, taking a step back. "Isn't he? You haven't asked me a single question about the Resistance, because Snoke told you to put all your resources into finding Ren." Hux pinched his head, lowered his brows. "And you don't even know why. Your Supreme Leader is withholding information from you, General," Finn mocked.

Hux's stare tightened. "Where is he?"

Finn said nothing.

"Turning to silence as a tactic? That's your choice to make." Hux closed the short distance between them, their noses almost touching. "You know the methods we use to get someone to break. And you will break. And they will be found. And when they are, I'm going to put a blaster to that scavenger scums head and make Ren watch as I put a bolt through her skull."

"If you think Ren would ever let that happen, you must not know him very well."

Hux's lip curled into a sickening grin before he went back to his position, nodding to the officer.

 _Here we go._

()()()()()

Ren's finger twitched against the cool fabric of the cushions, his fingers spreading out as his mind slowly crept closer to consciousness. Something warm had been here before… someone warm. Snuggling against him, draping an arm over his body.

His eyelids shot open.

But Rey wasn't there.

She had been, though. Or was he just remembering a wishful dream?

He lifted his head, glancing at the entrance to the private quarters. Like the barrier might show some kind of indication that Rey had ventured out of her room.

"Rey was here." Ren shifted his gaze to the main holds corridor, finding Poe standing there. Looking at him. The man crossed the room, heading for one of the crates filled with rations. "She was laying next to you for a bit," the pilot explained, rifling through the contents, crinkling wrappers. "If that's what you're confused about."

So she really did come out here to be with him. Or she just couldn't take the loneliness anymore. The reason didn't matter much right now.

"When did she leave?" he asked, voice rough from sleep. He noticed the lack of hum from hyperspace, meaning they were coming up on Ponemah terminal.

Poe tore the wrapper and took a heaping bite. He made Ren wait till he swallowed to answer. "A couple hours ago."

Ren nodded.

Near his head, Ren grabbed the datapad, checking his personal account. He forwarded the information he got from Lizari to Caliiya. Then nervously opened the reply from Soniee.

 _ **It's done.**_

That was it. Just two words. No acknowledging the vids that were released of him. Or the story he'd written out to her.

But at least she'd gotten back to him.

His mother still hadn't. Knowing her, she probably wrote six different drafts of a message, deemed them all horrible, and is now writing the seventh. To her, it would have to be a perfect mixture of revulsion over his actions, while proclaiming that she still loved him. Leia would be careful not to make him feel ostracized from her.

That had been the problem growing up. And look how _that_ turned out.

Poe was eating the bar and watching him, the kind of cold stare he threw Ren's way making him feel uneasy.

Poe wadded up the wrapper and started walking back toward the cockpit.

"You hate me, don't you?" Ren suddenly blurted out, instantly regretting it.

Poe stopped and regarded him. "Hate you?" He shook his head. "What a simple word…. Honestly, man, I don't know what I feel towards you. I was just starting to believe we were understanding each other and getting along, and then you go murder someone and Finn gets taken saving your ass. It's like you purposefully don't want people to like you. Like you go out of your way to jeopardize your own life. It's not healthy."

Ren was not expecting such straightforwardness. "I'm not a people person," he said, like it explained everything.

"Clearly."

"I was being impulsive."

"Go on."

Ren shrugged. "I just wanted to admit that."

Poe lips thinned into a line. "You suck at apologies."

Ren groaned, stretching his neck from side to side. Getting ready to do the one thing he detested the most. "I'm sorry… about Finn."

Poe waited for him to say more. Except, he didn't. "Anything else you want to apologize for?"

"What do you mean?"

Poe was taken aback. "What I mean is how you ruined my operation to go murder Carise Sindian."

"I'm not sorry for killing her." Poe gave him a flat stare. "But… I could have gone about it differently."

"How so?"

"I could have waited till after we had Brendol. She was staying at the hotel overnight. So… the probability of her still being there when we were finished was high."

Poe clapped mockingly. "Isn't it amazing the ideas your brain can come up with when you actually think things through? But just so we're clear, I'm not condoning murder. We just all need to stop trying to control what you do with your private time. The effort is a waste."

The comment stung, more than it should have. "The effort is appreciated," Ren admitted weakly.

"Because it means people actually care for you?" Ren remained still, but Poe knew it to be true. "That club is rather small, I assure you. And getting smaller."

"But a lot of people admire Finn," he said, like it was an afterthought. An add-on.

Poe tilted his head. "You say that like you can't imagine why."

"I can imagine why: people that share the same morals and beliefs gravitate toward each other."

Poe sighed and sat on one of the closed crates. "It's more than that. As I've gotten older, I started seeing different things in people. Loyalty. Honesty. Integrity. But the most important thing I searched for was someone who would stand by my side when everything started to crumble. I've found people like that. Finn is one of them. I'm not the only one to have noticed these things. Which is why people like him."

Ren nodded his head slowly, understanding. "He saved you. You saved him. You two must look up to one another a lot."

"He's my brother," Poe stated factually.

Staring him right in the face was the evidence that if Finn died, Ren would lose pretty much everything. If the roles were reversed, would anyone blame the trooper for Ren being taken?

Ren glanced away. Hung his head down. "I envy that… that closeness."

"You have Rey." Poe rubbed at his chin. "Or… I think you still do." _Always the optimist_ , Ren thought. "If you want some advice, the best way to a woman's heart is through her stomach. We've all seen the way Rey stares at food."

The corner of Ren's mouth twitched as if it wanted to smile. "I thought you were going to say through the fifth left intercostal space at the midclavicular line."

"Really? You really thought I was going to say that?" Ren shrugged. Poe rolled his eyes. "You just like reminding everyone that you're the smartest person in the room."

To that, Ren actually grinned. Because Poe wasn't wrong.

Poe noticed the smirk and shook his head disapprovingly. "Don't let that compliment go to your head. You're still just a polished ball of dirt."

"As long as I'm polished, I'll accept that."

Poe rubbed at his face and groaned, chuckled, then groaned again. "Man, you're putting me in a tight spot over this whole situation. Because Finn is a close friend… and you are too. But you _really_ screwed up."

Ren looked away, feeling as if he were a chastised child. He didn't know what to say to Poe. Does he keep apologizing? He preferred not to be outwardly contrite, lest it shows weakness.

It also made him uncomfortable.

Poe clapped his hands together, startling Ren. Rubbing his palms together, he asked, "So, about the weapon on Jakku, do you have any idea of what it could be?"

"I'm not sure," Ren answered truthfully. "There were rumors that the Emperor built an observatory on the planet. But I don't see how an observatory could be a weapon."

"Your mother said Palpatine built a contingency plan into the observatory, just in case he died too soon. It would destroy Jakku, as well as many other planets. Luckily, it was stopped before being used."

Ren was tempted to ask what else Poe and his mother discussed. Were those recordings of him brought up? How did Leia react? But Ren kept to the topic of Jakku. "How would an observatory destroy other planets?"

"The mechanics aren't well known. It has something to do with using energy from the planet's core. And as it turns out, Jakku isn't the only planet with an observatory. It's just the only one we know of."

"But its primary function is the observatory?"

Poe nodded. "I just wonder what Palpatine was trying to observe with it."

Why didn't more people know about this? How many more secrets did his mother hold? And how many more would affect him?

Ren grimaced. "The only thing that makes any sense is the Unknown Regions."

"Why?"

"Maybe he thought something was out there that he could use? Or he was drawn to some sort of power? No one knows what is out there. There are many possibilities."

"Would Snoke be interested in the Unknown Regions?"

"Snoke?" Ren's head flinched back slightly. "I never got the impression that he was."

"So, we can probably safely assume that it's a weapon again."

Ren shook his head, strands of hair falling into his eyes. "It just doesn't make sense. Snoke doesn't just want immortality, but to rule over the entire galaxy. So why destroy most of it?"

"Maybe it's only supposed to be a threat with no real intention of ever using it," Poe offered as a theory.

"Then he would have made it known that he had such a weapon by now. But he's kept it a secret." Ren chewed at his cheek. "Because it's somehow personal and important to him," he murmured, thinking out loud.

"That would explain why it's not heavily guarded. If Rey is correct of the location, there aren't many people protecting the plateau it's built into. And the ones that are look like retired soldiers, not the kind of polished ones the First Order has."

"If you have a lot of troops guarding one area, it would draw too much attention."

"Especially if they were wearing stormtrooper armor."

"And Jakku was technically a part of the New Republic," Ren reminded him. "So the First Order couldn't really have a presence there until–"

At that moment, Rey entered, holding the small pot that housed the flaming red pyro flower.

The men fell silent.

The awkwardness was immediately palpable. Ren stared down at his lap, clenching his jaw. She shouldn't be wearing her black jumpsuit. Even with the blue vest and thick belt, it still showed off her lithe figure too much. He never minded the thoughts that would dance around his mind upon seeing her in it before, but now, it seemed inappropriate.

Since she despised him.

"Good. You're up," Poe remarked. He stood, popping the knuckles of both hands. "We'll be at the terminal in a few minutes. Jess is flying us in."

"Let's get the supplies quickly and then get to Jakku," Rey said flatly.

Poe nodded. "Glad we're on the same page. I don't like wasting time either." He went to check on Jess, but stopped and turned to Ren, hesitating on what he was about to say. "Look…. Obviously I'm not very good at giving advice, but… the next time you're faced with murdering someone, you should think it over before you do. Because sometimes, it just isn't worth it." It looked as if Poe was going to add something more, but he closed his mouth and left.

"Congratulations." Ren snapped his head to Rey, not sure what she was getting at. She noticed his confusion and motioned to the saber hooked at his belt. "You found your lightsaber."

"Carise had it." But of course, Rey already knew that. Where else would he have found it?

Rey shifted her weight to the other leg, holding the plant close. She treated that piece of vegetation like it was her child, feeding it, thinning out the vines as it grew. Ren even caught her on occasion talking to it. "We'll need you to stay here," she ordered. "The last thing we need is for someone to recognize you."

Right.

His days of walking among others were now over. He shouldn't be as sad about that since he hated people in general.

Ren grabbed the credit chip from his pocket and handed it to her. "You should pay for the supplies with this."

She took it reluctantly, turning it over in her hand. "You sure this can't be tracked?"

"It's attached to the Elder House account of Alderaan. Leia and I are the only ones able to use it, and she runs it. It's privately controlled, with no bank interference."

They held eye contact for a considerable time, the conflicted look in her gaze making him want to touch her. Hold her.

But he didn't.

Rey put the chip in her pocket. "We'll be back soon."

She left without glancing back.

Guess it was back to living in the shadows for him. Problem was, he'd grown accustomed to living in the light. Quite liked it, too. Even if it meant having to occasionally mingle with people.

The datapad dinged. Ren saw it was a message from Caliiya.

 _ **Jumping into hyperspace to Coruscant. The Finalizer is there. Message me if you decide to come here and help. I could use it.**_

 _ **C**_

()()()()()

Being on Takodana had been a respite. A very short-lived respite of waking up to the cool mornings of dew covered leaves and the citrine sun; breathing in organic oxygen; the rush of a breeze through her hair and across her skin– the planet had spoiled Leia. She was so accustomed to living on a ship that being on a world where animals and humanoids thrived was like a vacation.

But her planetary time had come to an end upon learning of Finn's capture.

Leia and her personnel were now with what was left of the Resistance fleet, hiding in the Western Reaches of the Inner Rim.

She was in her own personal quarters, sitting on the sofa across from a holoscreen. She'd been watching the news broadcasts on repeat, watching the vids of her son. What she was doing was the very definition of self imposed torture. But this was Ben, and she was responsible for him turning into… _this_.

So she would watch.

For the most part, the atmosphere onboard was somber, with only the intermittent passerby walking down the hallway. Leia expected to hear those footfalls stop at her door, but none did. The only person to visit her since the broadcasts started was her brother. Though, the visit mostly consisted of him sitting across from her, caressing his peppered beard, staring off into oblivion. Not much talking to be had since they both knew these things about Ben.

Luke only left when Leia asked him to keep an eye on the command bridge. He declined at first, but Leia's insistence made it obvious she didn't want to be seen by anyone. Not right now. So out of sympathy, Luke went to fulfill Leia's responsibilities. And to answer the questions everyone had.

It wasn't like her to hide from confrontation. She knew that. But the fact everyone was talking about her son and her family… she needed a moment to herself. There were only two things that truly broke Leia during her life: the destruction of Alderaan, and her son becoming Kylo Ren. Both she struggled with talking about openly.

To make her emotions worse, it was like she was reliving the loss of Ben all over again.

She massaged her ncek, closing her eyes for a brief moment. Her thoughts switched to the earlier conversation with Poe, thinking over what he had told her. A super weapon? On Jakku? Possibly where the observatory was?

They should have destroyed that place instead of just leaving it there, hoping it would be forgotten, that it would never function properly again. If it has been remade into some sort of weapon, Leia was at fault.

Everything felt like her fault lately.

In her lap, her datapad weighed heavily against her thighs. She had tried writing a message to Ben, but just couldn't get the tone right. She'd deleted the multiple attempts before giving in and taking a break, hoping something sincere and accepting would come to her mind.

So far, nothing has.

She didn't even know what to tell him when it came to Harter. Ben was demanding a plan to get her back, but get her back from where? No one knew where she was. And Leia didn't want to tell him she was still working on a way of figuring that out.

She glanced to the right, seeing a rigid Threepio angled at the holoscreen, his glowing eyes the only evidence that he was still operating. Threepio usually had a comment for everything, but he'd been silent all evening.

"Do you remember Ben being so angry as a child?" Leia's voice broke through the quiet.

Threepio's golden head swiveled, looking down at the General. If the droid had facial muscles, she was sure he would look surprised by the question. "Are you referencing to when he tore me apart after I found him mutilating an animal?"

Not the reminder she needed right now. "Besides that," she said smugly.

"There were times when he would get angry. But mostly, I recall him being… detached, if that is the correct description."

Leia nodded, agreeing. The older Ben became, he only showed emotion in the extremes: intense rage, or sinking melancholy. Looks as if Threepio had made the same observation as her.

"However, he did have moments of happiness," Threepio continued, trying to add some positivity. "At least, that is what it appeared to be. Sometimes sentient emotions pervade me."

Leia sighed. "I just wonder if Ben will ever break free of the things that want to ruin him."

Threepio gave a terse bow. "Forgive me, General, but I'm not sure how you want me to respond."

She reached out, touching Threepio's forearm. "It's alright Threepio. You don't have to."

A short succession of knocks came from the door. Leia called out for her visitor to enter as Threepio retreated back behind the sofa.

Ransolm walked in hesitantly, still wearing the prescribed military uniform– which Leia still couldn't get used to seeing him in. "Is it too late to visit?" he asked.

"No. Honestly, I was expecting you to come by earlier." Ransolm caught a glimpse of what was on the holoscreen before Leia turned it off, his face plainly souring. "I take it you've seen what the First Order released?" she observed.

He crossed the room, sitting in the chair Luke had occupied earlier. Ransolm just stared at her for the longest time, trying to gage exactly where she was at emotionally. Leia didn't give much away. "Is it true?" he finally asked.

"Those images aren't fabricated. My son has killed the very people who were fighting for–"

"I don't mean the vids. Those don't surprise me." He leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. "Did he kill Han?"

Leia remained taciturn for a few heartbeats before replying with a curt, "Yes."

Ransolm closed his eyes, letting go of the breath that had been trapped in his lungs.

Leia said nothing. Her brain was clicking away at all her familial memories, mostly a bombardment of Ben when he was just a boy, and those sweet moments Han would play with him. But it occurred to her after a minute that she hadn't said anything and Ransolm was watching her. "That's all you're going to say?" his voice curled up. "Yes"?"

Leia's shoulders slumped, her voice sounding tired. "What more do you want?"

Ransolm blinked quickly. "I think our friendship entitles me to some details."

She cocked her head. "Entitles?"

Ransolm slightly backed off at seeing Leia get defensive. His approach changed, leaning more toward concern. "What's going on with your family, Leia? I knew it was complicated before, but this…. Your son has been complicit in tearing apart the galaxy, in helping your enemies."

"I know."

Ransolm's forehead furrowed. "How are you so composed right now?"

It was tempting to vault straight to being frustrated with Ransolm, but she didn't. It was clear he was having a difficult time comprehending all that has happened over the last six years.

Leia's face softened. "I understand your anger. I do. I was there not too long ago. But as you said, this is my family. I've known about my son for a long time. And I knew he killed Han the moment it happened. I felt Ben's regret. His guilt and loneliness. His confusion."

Ransolm ran a hand through his hair, still puzzled. "But… how could your son kill his own father?"

Her eyes glanced at the holoscreen, as if it were still on. "The dark side twists your mind and makes you view morality like it's malleable to your own desires." She met Ransolms intense stare. "You know this. You've studied the Jedi and Sith of old."

"It's one thing to read about evil. It's another to see it."

"My son has done evil things," she acknowledged.

"But you don't believe he is evil?"

"Snoke is the evil monster here," she contested. "He corrupted Ben while Han and I turned a blind eye. He took advantage of a lost and confused boy. Preyed on the fact I had lied to him about his lineage his whole life." Ransolm straightened his posture, listening. "The power my son possesses is as much a gift as it is a curse. He was born with equal potential for the light and the dark. It's just none of us were there for him in the way he needed."

Ransolm hung his head. "I'm just so sorry, Leia."

"You don't have to be sorry for thinking of my son in such a way. I understand how outsiders can view–"

He craned his head up. "No, not for that. Or, well, yes… I do apologize for talking so ill of your son in front of you. But I'm sorry for what's happened to your family."

She nodded, not in the mood for pity. "There is something I need to tell you, and I'm not sure how you'll react." Leia took in a long inhale, her hands tightly wound together, her fingernails digging into her thin flesh. "Carise Sindian is dead."

His eyes bulged, posture stiffened. "How? When?"

"Not even a full day." Leia paused. "Ben killed her."

Ransolm held up his palms, trying to process what she was saying. "But he's on Chandrila getting Brendol–"

"The mission failed. And Ben found Carise on Chandrila by happenstance."

His eyes darted around the room as he reeled in his shock. "Carise is the only person who can validate my innocence."

And there it was. That one fact. "I know. Ransolm, we will find another way to free you. Officially. I swear it."

Anger morphed his features, making them tight. Through clenched teeth, he asked, "Why did he do it?"

As Ben's mother, she still didn't truly understand all of his motives. But she could make a very educated guess to this one. "When Carise was holding me prisoner, he made a promise that he would find her and kill her. And if there's one thing I know about my son, it's that he doesn't like being made into a liar."

"No. He doesn't," Ransolm said in a tone that made Leia wonder just what he meant. He didn't explain his agreement. Leia didn't ask about it. Her son and Ransolm have probably exchanged a total of five words to each other over the last couple of months, but secretly she wished for them to be at least mutual allies.

She understood her son's vitriol toward Ransolm. She'd been there once to. But if they could just sit down and have a civilized, open discussion, they would find their ideologies are practically the same.

"Do you ever miss it?" she asked him. "Being a senator?"

"I more so miss the clothes," he grumbled, his mood still somewhat foul.

"Not a surprise," she said, trying to lighten the mood.

It didn't work.

"But honestly…" Ransolm shook his head, "I don't know. I tried to be fair and just. I tried to help people through the rank of my station. But look where that got me? The laws of the Republic were twisted around to produce my outcome."

"The New Republic didn't betray you. Carise did."

"The New Republic did nothing to prove that I was framed. You were the only one who did anything. But no one would listen to you. And most of the Centrist senators were conspiring with Carise and The First Order. The very people I thought were my friends…" Ransolm appeared pained as he went quiet.

Leia's door suddenly opened, Luke and Chewie bursting into the room, both out of breath. "The First Order fleet is leaving Coruscant," Luke declared, his hair swept back, eyes glued on Leia.

Ransolm and her shot to their feet. "Just the Star Destroyers or–"

"No. Everyone. Even ground the ground troops."

"Where?"

"Intel reports Jakku."

 _They've been found out_.

Leia hurried out into the hall, fortunate that she was still wearing her dark grey dress and steely robe, the high collar coming just below her cheekbones. "Then we'll meet them there with everything the Resistance has."

Luke was close beside her. "Leia, you don't have the numbers."

"Then I'll recruit more. We need to give Ben and the others enough time to destroy the observatory."

Ransolm spoke up from her left. "If it's just an observatory, how could it be that important?"

She wheeled around, stopping Ransolm and the others in their tracks. "The First Order is sending all of their fire power to Jakku, even going as far as to leaving Coruscant exposed; a planet they've wanted under their rule since the beginning. They didn't even take these measures when we invaded Starkiller. You still think it's just an observatory?" Leia didn't wait for any of them to answer as she quickly made her way through the halls, going to the main communications center. The only person there was Major Taslin Brance, who shot out of his chair and stood at attention immediately upon her arrival.

Luke and Chewie followed her. Ransolm was not with them.

Leia gave out orders quickly. "I need you to send out a message to every planetary broadcast system and Holonet site we have access to. I need the whole galaxy to see this."

"Uh… yes, General. Would you like me to write down–"

"You'll be recording me," she said, sitting down in an unoccupied chair, looking at him expectantly. Brance was startled by the abruptness of her request, but quickly scrambled to ready the right equipment.

Once ready, he gave her the go ahead.

She jumped right into it, feeling the moment, letting the words pour from her mouth as they came to her. "My name is Leia Organa, General and leader of the Resistance. With some of you, my name will cause discord. I understand that, and I'm not here to dispute the legacy in which I come from or have produced. This message, this plea, pertains to the galaxy. To your very lives. The fate of the galaxy is resting on a very fine line at this exact moment. As I speak, the First Order fleet is heading to Jakku and with the forces we have, we plan on meeting them there. This organization has terrorized us long enough. They have murdered your loved ones, have destroyed planets in an effort to demolish the New Republic. And so I plead with you at this most desperate hour, that you take action in matters that pertain to the future. If you have a ship that is capable of fighting, come to Jakku. Fight along side us. Help us. Fight for yourselves and your family."

She paused, calming her voice, taking on a more somber appearance. "The cost of freedom is always high. I know this. But it is one that has always been paid. The First Order needs to know that we will never submit; that we will never give up. The goal of living is not to give it to those who rule over you with might, but to exist in a galaxy that allows you to prosper without a price. That allows you to raise your family without fear. To live the life you've earned."

Passion gradually started to climb back into her tone. "If we cower in the shadows, if we relent, we are shaming those who died fighting for these values. But with any war, there is a chance of loss. If we do not win this battle, I assure you that the generations that come after us will. They will look back and see how we went against the odds, how we stood for freedom, and that will inspire them to push through the exhaustion and doubt. Whether it be today or centuries from now, the galaxy will be free.

"The time for withdrawal is over. It is our duty to protect the galaxy from the darkness that is spreading. That is what I am going to do. And I hope to meet you in the midst and heat of battle, where I will either live or die among you. I have always fought for you, and I will never stop fighting for you. Know this to be the truth." She stared at the flashing light of the recorder, eyes sincere. Face smooth. "May the Force be with us. Always."

She looked to Brance, who quickly cut off the transmission.

Leia sat back, taking a moment before heading to the command bridge. She watched as Brance's fingers danced across the computer controls, working quickly to have the message reach every corner of the galaxy.

Luke and Chewie waited, letting her breath quietly for what might be the last time for a long time. Or it could just be the last time.

 _There is nothing more I can do_ , Leia thought. The fate of the galaxy now rested with the people. There are heroes out there that yearn to answer such a call to action, but there are those who cower away from conflict, letting others fight the battles for them.

Thing is, Leia needed the cowards to join too. She needed the numbers.

War was a deathly arena where one side wins, and the other loses. And Leia finally wanted to know which side she was destined to be on.

()()()()()

Poe, Rey and Jess ventured into Ponemah terminal, the lively crowd allowing them to blend in seamlessly. They purchased two speeder bikes, clothes that suited the desert atmosphere, and more food to replenish their depleting supply. They weren't stopped or asked any questions. No one eyed them suspiciously or shot at them. All because they had left Ben behind on the Falcon.

What's life going to be like for him from now on? Would he have to hide from society?

Rey knew that wouldn't go over well.

Back on the Falcon, she left Poe and Jess in the cockpit with the coordinates of where to hide the ship, and then went to the living quarters. Before she could talk herself out of it, she knocked on one of the doors..

"Come in."

Everyone's fabrics stayed within the light beige and brown hues, the material agreeing with the hot desert climate. But it was odd to see Ben dressed in a white under tunic with an overlaying beige split tabard, a brown belt cinching it all together. His trousers were a thin, taupe material, and he was in the process of tucking them into his black boots– which Rey was sure he would only part with over his dead body.

She hung back near the door. "Jess told me about Caliiya. That the two of you concocted a plan."

He slipped his other foot into a boot. "She should be on the Finalizer by now."

"It's already happening?"

Ben stood, clipping a thin cloak to his shoulders. "I thought Caliiya could do this while we went to Jakku."

"You're sure she can do this?"

He shrugged as he clipped his lightsaber to the belt, making sure the cloak covered it. "Partly. Besides, she's expendable."

Ben grabbed a rucksack and headed for the main room, Rey staying on his heels. "Finn cares about her."

"He shouldn't care about someone like that." He started to go through one of the crates, stuffing provisions into the bag. Mostly water filled canteens.

Rey crossed her arms. "That's what everyone says to me about you."

Ben abruptly threw one of the canteens across the room, the propulsion splitting the metal open, water cascading down the wall. He kept his back to her as he inhaled and exhaled deeply, rolling his shoulders. Rey tensed, readying herself just in case he lost control.

"I'm sorry, Rey," his gravelly voice whispered. "I'm so very sorry." He pivoted around, regret etched deep into the lines of his face. "I should have thought it through more. I should have waited. I know Finn being taken is entirely fault, and I plan on doing whatever it takes to make it right. I promise you that."

She lifted her chin, trying to look strong. Trying not to give into her compassion to hold him and forgive him. "How far does that promise extend?"

"All the way. And then a hundred thousand feet farther."

She uncrossed her arms and frowned. Hard. "I–." She stumbled over her words. "Are you saying if you had to, you'd… die for him?"

He brushed his hair back. "I don't wish to see him suffer or die. But if I were to be honest, I'd be doing it mostly for you. So you can have your friend back."

Rey didn't like where this conversation was going. With her hands covering her face, she groaned out her annoyance, almost wanting to scream. "Why does this keep happening?"

"What keeps happening?"

She lowered her arms. "These scenarios where I have to possibly choose between the two of you. Because you both feel like sacrificing yourselves for me, when you shouldn't. I've never asked that of either of you."

"And you shouldn't choose between the two of us."

His agreement surprised her, throwing her off center for a moment. "Yeah. You're right. I shouldn't. I–"

"Because you should choose Finn."

Rey blanched. "Excuse me?"

He pegged her with one of those stares that held her in place, pulled her in. Convinced her of his conviction. "He deserves your friendship more than I deserve your companionship."

Was this his method of pushing her away? "Ben… you're being unreasonable."

"Hey." Poe came into the main hold from the cockpit. "You guys ready? Jess has the bikes outside." BB-8 whirled up beside him. Poe bent down, patting the little half domed head. "I know you want to come, but I don't know what we're walking into, buddy. Best you stay here." He stood. "We'll be back in a few hours. And I'll even give you an oil bath to make it up to you," he promised with his usual charismatic smile.

They followed Poe off the ship, Rey desperately wanting to finish the conversation with Ben, but seeing no opening to do so. So she shelved it for when this was all over. Hopefully, that would be soon.

With only two bikes, there was no choice but to have Ben sit behind her, his hands clutching at her waist. This was one of the reasons she couldn't stay with him in the med alcove. One touch and the intoxication was instant, her body begging her to let his fingers roam over whatever part of her skin he wanted. When it came to chemistry, to real love, her and Ben never held back when they were alone. They would fall into one another, feel the rhythm, move like partners in a dance that was written in their DNA.

He gave her hips a squeeze, not helping the situation. She almost asked Poe to switch with him, but she didn't want to look childish.

She could handle this.

Rey turned to Poe and Jess. "We're on my turf now. So follow my lead and do as I say. Stick close to the path I'm taking, because we'll be getting close to the sinking fields." They nodded in understanding. Rey leaned forward and punched the throttle.

BB-8 watched them leave.

The scorching sun didn't relent, its one malevolent eye unblinking as it lowered to the horizon, the sky it's co-conspirator with not even a wisp of a cloud to relieve them from the harsh rays. Small dust devils blanketed the barren landscape as they traversed Pilgrims Road, the grit stinging even the smallest patches of exposed skin.

They zoomed past some locals, a pair of luggabeasts, and a steelpecker pecking away at the framework of what could've been an A-wing. But those weren't the only indigenous animals Rey recognized. She wasn't sure if the desert heat was playing tricks on her or not, but a few times she could've sworn she saw the triangular head and large red eyes of a nightwatcher worm. Almost like it was following her.

But sandborers weren't known to stalk prey. They waited for movement and snatched their meals quickly. They didn't have the patience to follow something for miles.

Still, she wondered if it was the same one she encountered with BB-8 all those months ago.

Once they were half a mile from the sitter's location, they hid the speeders among the rolling hills so they're arrival could go unheard. As they started the next part of the trek on foot, the world started to transition into a deep orange and red, set afire by the by the sun delaying its descent into the sharp horizon.

Rey hoped it was late enough that none of the Teedos would be at the pillar, but not too late that the sitter already left.

Along the way, she couldn't help eyeing Ben. With her attraction to him now bridled, her thoughts kept going back to what he told her on the Falcon. Did he sense something she couldn't about the future? Was he serious about her choosing Finn? It didn't even make sense. Her and Ben were together, so wouldn't he want her to always choose him? Why was he being so relenting?

Maybe he truly was regretful over the circumstances of Finn being taken.

Ben caught her staring, his lips slyly quirking into a grin. Rey quickly switched her sight to Jess and Poe, both of whom were struggling to walk on the loose sand. Rey gave them a few tips on how to not sink into every step.

Poe glanced over at Ben, wiping the sweat from his brow, kicking up sand from his heels. "How is it you know how to do everything?"

"Everything is a very broad pronoun. No one can know everything."

Poe snorted. "You're the size of a Renda bear. You should have sunk into this sand a long time ago."

Ben's lip curled up in that self-satisfied way that came off as pretentious.

Rey picked at the gritty sand sticking to the corners of her eyes. "You're all doing fine," Rey assured them as she pulled down her goggles, the others doing the same as the wind picked up. "And we're almost there."

In the distance she could see the fuzzy outline of a pinnacle. As they got closer, they hiked up the winding steps that wrapped around the spire, stopping when they were right below the infamous man. Rey took a moment to study him up close.

He was human, but his age was unreadable. He was skinny and tiny and ancient looking, the rags he wore bleached from too much sun exposure. He sat with his legs crossed, eyes roaming the bland terrain. Almost like he was searching.

 _Come to think of it, he is facing Carbon Ridge._

 _Strange._

Rey greeted the man in the most traditional way she knew how. "Hello."

He didn't pay her any heed.

She cleared her throat, raising her voice. "You're known around these parts as the sitter, right? Some believe you to be a prophet. They ask you things, but you never answer."

The man was as still as the skeletal ships that littered this desert planet.

"You used to be one of the dead-enders that guarded Carbon Ridge, weren't you?" The sitter snapped his full attention to Rey, his eyes scrutinizing every inch of her, as if he might recognize who she is.

Rey inwardly scolded herself for using the word "dead-ender". Only locals used that term.

But at least his blatant reaction revealed that her hunch about him was more than likely correct.

"What's down there? Beneath the ridge?" But all the man did was blink. And Rey was growing frustrated.

She stepped forward. "Please, we just want to know–"

"He can't answer you," Ben interrupted, studying the man ardently. "He's physically incapable. His tongue has been removed."

Poe looked at him incredulously. "His…. What?"

Ben spoke while keeping his eyes on the man, his voice almost trance-like. "They cut out his tongue as punishment for venturing too far from Carbon Ridge. They interpreted his actions as him being insubordinate, when all he was was curious about the planet. He was able to get away from them before they could sever some of his fingers, but he couldn't bring himself to leave the planet."

"Why?" Rey asked.

"He wants to see the well one last time."

Poe raised a sweaty brow. "He wants to see a hole in the ground?"

"To him, it's a holy site; a place of worship. And he's been holding out hope that his time as an outcast would only be transitory."

Something about the sitter's stare and the fact it sounded like he was a radicalized soldier didn't sit well with Rey. But, his fanaticism might actually work in their favor.

"We can help you get back in," Rey offered, trying not to come off as pleading. "You just have to show us how to get inside."

"He wants to know our reasons for going," Ben said.

"We've heard of artifacts buried beneath the plateau," Rey explained. "We are here to collect them." Which wasn't an outlandish idea. Many had ventured to Carbon Ridge in seek of treasure. Some were never seen again, while others didn't speak of what they saw there.

"He's wondering what a Force user is doing with an expedition group."

"Everyone needs money to survive," Poe chimed in, getting a serious stare from the sitter. "Well, I guess not everyone," he amended' looking over the mans rags.

Rey glared at Poe.

"He'll help us," Ben said, eyes squinting at the man as he fell silent. The two of them just staring at each other. "And he does know of an entrance that was built after the Empire fell. He can lead us there as long as we help him get to the well."

"Deal," Rey said, accepting the terms.

The Sitter firmly insisted on walking to the plateau, citing that it was easier to conceal themselves on foot. Much to everyone's disgruntlement, they agreed.

The Pilgrims Road was paved with compact sand from the frequency of use, allowing them to move at a faster pace. But even with the impending darkness, the heat remained robust and heavy, making the few miles to their destination taxing.

They followed the man as he led them around the perimeter of the plateau. From the look on everyone's faces, they were all starting to question if he was truly helping them or sending them into a trap. Rey was even starting to second-guess her plan in recruiting him.

But then he stopped, facing what looked to be a sizeable rock formation against the side of the plateau. With fanned out hands, his palms roved across the smooth rocks until one of them disappeared. The man smiled, stepped forward and vanished.

None of them had been expecting such a pristine deception. "If we get separated or run into trouble, meet among those dunes," Rey said, pointing to the west of the rolling mounds. They agreed before hesitantly walking forward, finding the illusion to open into a dark and earthly smelling tunnel.

Immediately Rey doubled over, overwhelmed by an incorporeal wave of hate and malice crashing against her heart, eroding the strong muscle with an undercurrent of poison. Even Poe and Jess, two people who were not Force sensitive, had to balance themselves against the wall, both looking as if they were going to be sick.

A heavy hand rested on her shoulder. "The dark side is strong here," Ben whispered. "Just breath. Let it pass. If you pay it too much credence, all it will do is spread."

Following his advice, she focused on breathing, imagining her body being purged of such wanton feelings. Her frantic heart calmed, skin cooled. "Better?" he asked not just to her, but to Poe and Jess as well.

Up ahead, the sitter slapped his hand against the black rock wall, impatiently waving for them to hurry. With heavy steps, they continued.

The halls increasingly became more narrow and dark, the work of hollowing out the passageways looking amateur and basic at best. Like someone had taken a pick axe and just kept swinging to pass the time.

Ben hit his head on a hanging light, cursing under his breath.

"How safe is this passageway?" Jess asked from the back.

"Its one of the many tunnels they made when they were assigned here," Ben answered, rubbing at the crown of his head. "This one is not as finished and is rarely used."

They turned, seeing light at the far end of the long tunnel. The Sitter walked faster, making the others quicken. But then Ben stopped, grabbing Rey's arm and not letting Jess and Poe pass.

"There are people up ahead," Ben whispered.

Rey's eyes widened, looking to the sitter.

 _He doesn't know._

She pulled herself from Ben's grip and ran after the man, needing to warn him. But as she was about to grab his shoulder, he raised an elbow and landed a blow right to her forehead. The skin above her brow tore open, blood pouring into her eyes.

Wiping at her face, her vision was too blurred for her to see anything properly. Then she heard the shouting, could barely make out the shadows that came for her, dragging her fully into the grotto. They pulled at her hair, wrangled her kicking legs, twisted her raging arms.

There were so many of them now, all of them scratching at her clothes and face, the sensations overwhelming her internal focus. But the thoughts of these men entered her mind…

… and she screamed. Amplifying the sound with the Force. The billow reverberated off the rock walls, the men scattering and covering their ears, trying to protect their eardrums from popping.

But she didn't stop herself there. Couldn't.

Something inside her, caged and ravenous, broke free from its prison, convincing her that its power was here to help her. To protect her. It slinked it way across her synapses, down her nerves, infusing with her pyche.

These men were inferior to her and from her position, deserved not to breath one more breath of this cold, stale air.

In the distance of her mind, Kayani called out to her, but her voice soon faded in the background of Rey's rage.

Connecting every one of the men, she squeezed their life force, rangling the meaty flesh till bones cracked and hearts gave out. She took their lives with a greedy justice, their limp bodies splattering onto the floor.

The power evaporated once the last breath was paid, leaving Rey bare. Lying on the floor. Eyes placated to the ceiling. Tentatively, she looked to the dead corpse beside her, seeing the gore of red blood covering what she believed to be a human face. It was too battered to tell.

All at once, she was hyper aware of everything: the sweat that drenched her skin, the throbbing behind her eyes, her nails digging into her tightly curled fists. Fear tortured her gut, churning her stomach in tense cramps. It overwhelmed her body, making it drastically exhausted.

Rey whimpered, engulfed into her own conscience.

That power, the one she tried to keep suppressed and hidden, had betrayed her. She didn't want this. It made her believe she did. But this isn't who she is.

" _Oh, child…"_ Kayani voice said, fading.

It was then Rey wished she had never returned to this Force forsaken planet.

()()()()()

Nobody spoke.

There was silence. There was tension. There were dozens of dead men strewed out before them.

Ren held firmly onto Poe and Jess' arms, the three of them unmoving, unblinking. Dirt and grit hung in the air, the minerals becoming unsettled from the large crack down the middle of the rooms ceiling. With each breath, Ren smelled the intermingling of dust and metal.

He gazed at Rey on the floor, and then to the broken bodies that now encircled her, some mangled in such a way that it looked as if they were worshipping her.

There was nothing Ren could have done to stop this. Not if he wanted to guard the three of them from what could have been a certain death. Or in the very least, permanent loss of hearing.

He let go of their arms and stepped over the deceased, moving cautiously to the middle. Blood was still pouring from the gash on Rey's forehead, streaming into her hair, matting it all together. He knelt down beside her. Said her name. But all she did was mumble to herself.

"Go and find the sitter," he told Poe and Jess, both still extremely shaken from what they just witnessed. "I'll make sure she's alright." The pair went down an adjacent tunnel, leaving Ren alone.

With steady palms, he held her face, and tugged on their bond. It took him a few times before she responded and opened her side unto him– which brought her back from the depths of her own insanity, allowing her to concentrate on his face. But even as there essences brushed against one another, she hid her emotions from him with impressive precision, her need for privacy still so important after all she had just done.

It wasn't like he needed the bond to know how she felt, for there was a sadness in her eyes, the hazel too glossy.

He slid his thumb across her wound, healing her skin, letting some of his warmth and strength seep into her body. With the back of his sleeve, he cleaned her bloodied face as best he could, that bereaved stare uncoiling into tenderness.

Yet even a hint of her affection could not burn away the fear and worry skulking beneath his need for love. Neither Skywalker, nor himself, ever taught her how to amplify her voice. There was only one other that was close enough to Rey that could have done that.

And Rey had promised him she wasn't keeping in contact with her.

She lied.

But Ben had enough propriety not to bring it up. Not right now.

"Thank you," she said softly. Gathering her into his arms, he lifted her into a sitting position, her eyes involuntarily glancing around. She winced, rerouting her gaze back at him. "I… I couldn't stop. Are Poe and Jess–"

"They're fine."

She closed her eyes in relief. "This place…"

"We never should have come here. We should leave." As he went to stand, Rey stopped him with a firm hand on his wrist.

"The mission," Rey questioned.

Ren balanced himself on the balls of his feet. "It isn't worth it if the cost is _this_ ," he said, head nodding to all the dead.

Rey gulped, not allowing her eyes to leave Ren's face. "It is if the galaxy is what's at stake."

"Guys," Poe's voice echoed down one of the tunnels. "You might want to get in here!"

Steadily he helped her up, guiding her to the corridor so she didn't have to look at the floor. Interlacing her fingers with his, she held onto him tightly, not wanting to let go. The contact was more than welcome, and something Ren has been needing from her over the last day.

The circumstances that caused her to cleave to him, though, were not ideal.

They entered a large cavern and froze next to Jess and Poe as their eyes took in the wide cavity in the middle of the room. A small breeze came out of the deep well, wisps of blue light circulating the opening, a soft orange glow pulsating as if it were alive.

The dark side was potent here. Almost suffocating to even him. All that energy emanating from that schism. All that energy affecting Rey in the worse ways possible.

Ren just wanted to leave, but Rey staunchly refused until they found out what this place truly was.

Over the schism, a platform stretched across the opening. Standing in the middle was the sitter. Eyes closed. Body relaxed. Taking deep breaths as if he could breath in those ethereal wisps, binding the essence to his soul.

The man opened his eyes slowly, head turning to the onlookers. He gave them a nod, took a step forward, and fell into the deep pit, falling straight to Jakku's core.

A few seconds of shock tick by before the room shuddered, a fierce howl echoing off the chamber walls. The schism glowed and vibrated, the tendrils curling up and up till they hit the ceiling. Then they gradually settled, the auburn glimmer fading back to a soft smolder.

The silence grated Ren's senses, for he had not expected everyone to be this shocked over this particular turn of events. The sitter wanted this. Made that clear to Ren when they were having their silent exchange at the spire.

"Well…" Poe breathed out. "That guy really was insane."

No one disagreed.

Rey let go of his hand, following Jess and Poe to the edge of the well, looking down into its endless depths.

Ren stayed back, not wanting to see what was in there. Not wanting to get too close. Because if you stared long enough into the darkness, the darkness stared back. And that was when it claimed you.

"He was a worshipper of the dark side," Ren explained, casting light onto the sitter's motives. "He never believed we were on an expedition. And he knew we wanted to destroy whatever was here. But he didn't care as long as he could become one with whatever is down there."

Poe spun around. "You knew this is what he wanted? And you didn't say anything?"

Ren batted his hand through the air dismissively. "Him killing himself doesn't affect us."

Poe was the only one who gaped at him. But there was no time to discuss Ren's morals in letting the man commit suicide. "We need to find if there is a control room," Poe ordered.

"We need to leave," Ren countered. "Rey cannot stay here."

"I'm fine," she argued, the lines of her face now marked with determination. "We've come this far. I don't want to leave now and for everything that has happened… to be for nothing."

"Are you sure," Jess asked, concerned, touching Rey's shoulder.

"I'm sure."

Ren shook his head, silently disagreeing with the decision. But Rey was stubborn, defiance etched deep into her bones. So Ren stayed close to her as they walked the rounded room.

There were two sets of stairs: one leading up and the other leading down. The one that dropped further into the plateau led to an empty chamber. The other ascended and opened into a short hallway, the sides lined with reinforced glass chambers that held slumbering sleeping droids. They all treaded carefully, not knowing if they were still active.

Passing through the tight corridor, the space opened up into an eight-sided chamber. In the middle was an octagonal shape of computer systems– but they were far from modern. Ren even guessed they were before the Old Republic was ever even founded.

Above the systems was a holo-projection of a section of the galaxy none of them immediately recognized. Something about it, though, seemed to draw Ren in.

He stayed near the map as Rey walked around, looking over the ancient looking technology. Probably itching to take it apart. Ren saw her face light up with fascination, a semblance of her usual self returning. Even the coloring of her skin improved over a matter of seconds.

"Can you make out any of this?" Poe asked Ren, his eyes looking at one of the computer holoscreens. Ren came up beside him, swiping through data of what appeared to be about black holes and an abundance of mathematics and estimates.

Ren read the data carefully, going over the computations in his head to make sure he understood it correctly. "The schism contains a massive amount of dark side energy. More than I initially thought…." he trailed off, quickly reading a set of dates. All of them from the era of the Empire, except one. "It looks like the weapon is due to line up with its target tomorrow – Oh no." Ren's heart sunk into his boots.

Poe became alert. "Oh no? Oh no what? Is it targeting the Resistance? A planet?"

Ren shook his head, quickly speed reading through the plans of projection in hopes he was wrong. He wasn't. "No. The Maw cluster."

"The black holes in the Kessel sector?" Jess asked as she joined them. "Why use the weapon there?"

Ren was too engulfed in the data to answer. He didn't even notice Rey was now next to him. "Ben?" she nudged him gently.

"It's the Celestials," he mumbled before turning to Rey. "Do you remember how I told you that that the Maw Cluster is where they closed the opening to their dimension?" Rey nodded. "I think Snoke is going to attempt to open it by using the dark energy stored in that well." Rey jerked her head back, jaw going slack.

Poe crossed his arms, shrugging. "And do what exactly? Go live there? Because I'm not opposed to that."

"He'd most likely try to wipe them out," Ren rebutted.

Surprise flashed across Poe's face. "They can die?"

"They have before. In the Rakatan Wars." Ren wasn't sure if any of them were familiar with that specific era. Thankfully, none of them asked.

"So…" Poe frowned, his mind catching up to what was being insinuated. "If Snoke is able to open the Maw cluster and get rid of the Celestials –"

"He could control the Force," Jess finished, horrified.

"But…" Poe glanced to each person, hoping for a different answer. "the Force is in everything."

"Exactly," Ren said, his heart hammering in his tightly wound chest as he thought of all the other uses for a weapon of this caliber. Every single one of those scenarios meaning the cause and effect for all humanity.

Poe pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath. "Well, what if he shoots the energy at the black holes and it doesn't cause a rift. What then?"

Ren looked to the map. "There are so many black holes in that cluster that it would cause them to react and destroy the galaxy."

Poe got in his line of view, showing his frustration. "And how likely is that to happen?"

"Very. The logic behind the theory is sound."

A bitter huff escaped his lips. "You mean the logic in your head."

"I'm not an idiot," Ren growled.

"You're not a genius either. And I thought you said that Snoke was after immortality. He can't really achieve that if he dies while destroying everything."

Ren pursed his lips, trying to keep his fist from contacting Poe's perfectly angular jaw line. "He must be confident enough in his plan to take the risk." Stepping back so Poe was no longer in his personal space, he took in a long breath. "Look, even if I am wrong– which I'm not– the Maw isn't just a portal. It's a prison."

"Prison?" Rey's heightened tone conveyed her shock. "You never mentioned anything about a prison when you told me about the Celestials."

They all looked at him questioningly, like this all was somehow his fault. Ren ran a hand through his hair petulantly. "We don't have time for me to explain everything, but there is a being trapped there who is a pure dark side entity. She is ancient, and powerful, and dangerous."

Poe narrowed his eyes. "If you even say she can destroy the galaxy–"

"She can destroy the galaxy."

Poe didn't look as if he liked any of those explanations very much. He rubbed his face, muttering to himself, but loud enough for the rest to hear. "I am so not used to dealing with all this magical Force crap. Shooting at a target and watching it explode is a lot more comforting than hypotheticals."

"The Force is not hypothetical," Ren argued. "And everything I've learned about the Celestials I learned from Skywalker. You think he's wrong?"

"No," Jess answered immediately, which wasn't a surprise seeing how Skywalker was her idol.

Rey moved to the computer holos, reading through the data Ren had skimmed.

Poe sighed heavily. "So, basically, each of the three scenarios leaves us fucked."

"Unless we destroy it," Rey murmured, her eyes enamored with whatever she discovered in the data.

Jess' brows arched up in distress. "How do we do that without setting the weapon off?"

Rey brought up a holo-imaged blueprint of the well. "There are vents down near the core that might be containing light energy. With this much dark energy, there has to be an equal amount of light being trapped somewhere." She pointed to the bottom. "The only reasonable place would be there. If we open the barrier and blow this place apart so it can't be reversed, I think it'll dispel the darkness and even itself out without destroying the planet."

Ren stared at Rey with an excessive amount of admiration. He had completely missed the part about the vents. It didn't even cross his mind how it was possible to have such a high concentration of dark energy without it being corrupted. But Rey had worked it out.

Poe studied the outlines before grumbling, "I don't like how you use the words "might" and "think"."

"You have a better plan?" Ren asked, defending Rey's theory.

Poe met his stare, then shook his head, defeated.

Rey looked to Jess. "You still have the explosives?"

She held up the quaint leather bag. "Yeah, but there isn't enough to blow up the whole place."

"There's a reactor beneath this room that powers everything. All we need to do is set them off in here and the reactor will do the rest."

Before they could jump on the plan, Poe asked, "How will we know when to light this place up?"

Ren grabbed an old datapad from the counter, finding that it was already synched to the computer. He pulled up the well's energy levels and handed it to Poe. "Once the readings show they're even, we can initiate the explosives. But not a moment before."

While Ren worked at reversing the barrier at the core, the other three placed the charges around the room, carefully switching them on. Each vent had to be individually opened, which was going to take some time–

"Who are you?" Ren glanced over his shoulder. An older man, dressed in the usual desert garb, stared at him, the confusion melding into a threat.

Nobody moved. In that frozen second between stand off and fighting, Ren saw the man's eyes flick from him to the others in the room.

This caught the dead-ender off guard, as he was now outnumbered and knew it. The man yelled out, loud enough for his voice to echo across the stony walls and to carry down the hall from where he came.

Ren snapped the man's neck, but the damage was done. He should've killed the dead-ender forthright, but he had hesitated. He never used to hesitate.

"Shit," Poe cursed under his breath.

They hurried with the last of the explosives, but Ren wasn't done at the computers. "Go," he ordered them. "I'll catch up."

Poe and Jess started to argue when Rey cut in. "Get to the rendezvous point. I'll stay with him." They didn't move. "Go!" Rey shouted. Reluctantly, Poe and Jess went through the hallway leading to the well.

Hearing the footfalls coming their way Rey ignited her saber, stance at the ready, prepared to defend them. "How much time do you need?"

"A minute," he said, eyes on the holoscreen, hands rushing over the controls, blood thumping in his ears. "At most." Ren was barely able to get the last part out before the fight began. He couldn't see the small battle taking place, but he heard the cries and the grunts and the thuds bodies make when they hit the ground. Listened to Rey's saber whirr and hiss against every blaster bolt, and tear apart every weapon not capable of withstanding the plasma blade.

She was a fierce warrior. And Ren was slightly disappointed he couldn't witness it.

 _Almost…_

"Done." But as he turned he saw those sentinel droids filing in from the passage that lead to the well, followed by more dead-enders to join them. Fortunately, Rey had done a superb job at picking off most of the ones blocking the other corridor.

With his power focused, he Force pulled the few remaining dead-enders from the unknown corridor, their bodies flying right into the new mix of men and droids, toppling them over. He grabbed Rey's hand as they sprinted through the unfamiliar pentagonal hall, the steady incline going almost unnoticed, his eyes catching glimpses of the seasoned metal and black glass. To add touch to the dullness, red lighting framed the perimeter, casting about a sinister glow that engulfed all that passed.

They dodged the pillars that prevented the structure from collapsing and came upon a faded gold door. Rey waved her hand at the operating panel, the barrier being pulled up with a loud groan and crack. They didn't wait for it to reach the top before ducking and running straight out into the arid wasteland.

In the midst of twilight, the desert appeared as a vast undulating sea, the shimmer softening from the shadowy silhouettes of the high dunes. Under any other circumstance, Ren would have appreciated it more.

Creating a wide distance between them and the plateau, Ren and Rey started to circle around to the agreed upon meet up location, searching for the silhouettes of Jess and Poe among the dunes.

They slowed and then stopped, both resting their hands on their knees, breathing heavily. Ren spat the thick saliva from his mouth, glancing around. "Where do you think Poe and Jess are?"

Rey spun in a circle, eyes darting. "Maybe they kept going to the speeders."

The back of Ren's neck tingled, his own personal alarm that something was not right.

He chewed at his lip, thinking, "That's too far away," Ren commented. He reached in his pocket for the comm, realizing he had it off the whole time. He turned it on and signaled for Poe.

No answer.

"Ben," Rey said. He looked to her, following her arched head up into the sky. There, he saw the outlines of Star Destroyers just beyond the atmosphere.

Their eyes met, both of their features shifting to extreme worry.

Ren commed Poe again.

And again.

And again.

And just when he was about to bolt the rest of the way to the tunnel's opening, Poe's voice finally came through.

()()()()()

Jess and Poe dashed down the eerie hallway and stairs, circling the well so they could get to the tunnels.

They skidded to a stop as one by one dead-enders funneled into the cavern, armed with electro-spears and knives. The fighting was immediate, pulling Jess and Poe apart.

As agile as Poe was, his movements were far too slow to take on this many opponents. His blaster was not as useful when it came to close combat, making Poe eager to steal a melee weapon. Multiple pairs of hands tried to seize him, a spear narrowly missing the top of his head. Poe's right fist shot out, connecting. Two dead-enders staggered back and plummeted down the well, giving Poe a clear view of Jess.

He knew it was going to happen before it did. Saw a man from behind her drawing back his spear, thrusting it forward, lancing right through her back and out her gut.

Poe yelled out to her, but his voice was lost among the clamor.

Getting to Jess was a blur. He didn't remember picking up an electro-scythe, releasing threads of blue energy, slashing the blade back and forth. Cutting down each obstacle that stood between him and Jess. He made it to her just as the man pulled the weapon free, going for a second blow. Poe swung at his throat, killing him before he had the chance.

He switched the scythe out for his blaster as he roped an arm around her waist, spraying the men with a spectacle of bolts. The pair backed up, making it to the descending flight of stairs, the only refuge available. Poe closed and locked the corridor before descending the rickety the steps, supporting Jess the whole way down.

The connecting room was round and small, the floor covered in cold compressed dirt, the only source of light coming from a small bulb overhead. The frigid air crawled along his skin, causing his hairs to stand, muscles to tighten.

Poe laid Jess on the floor and went back to locking them in. He could hear the men trying to break through the above corridor– knew it wouldn't hold for long.

"I don't want to die here," Jess shakily whispered, gulping in air. Poe went to her, trying to console her ravaged shaking while trying to stop the bleeding from her diaphragm. "Not here. Not like this."

He flinched from her proclamation, pressing on the wound harder. She crushed her teeth together, but he didn't concede the pressure. "You're gonna be fine. We're gonna get out of here, and I'll have Ren heal you and everything will be fine. Everything…" but he lost his voice as he saw just how much blood was pooling onto the floor. He stilled for only a moment before getting out his comlink, signaling for Ren.

It beeped, indicating that Ren's comm was not operating. The one time– One. Time.– Poe needed Ren to actually have his comm on and he didn't.

"Poe." Jess grabbed a fistful of his tunic, eyes wide and bouncing across his face. "I'm sorry." Tears fell down her temples, into her ears.

He shook his head, hair tickling his cheekbones. "You have nothing to be sorry about."

"Yes, I do," she disagreed weakly, her grasp falling away with her strength. "There's no way out of this room, except through those doors."

Her insinuation was quite clear.

He shushed her softly as he took her in his arms, laying her across his lap. His hand was still on her wound, feeling the warmth of her life seep through his fingers. "It's not your fault. Okay? It's not your fault," he assured her.

Jess slowly breathed through ashen lips, her eyes now having a hard time focusing. "I don't want to die. My parents…"

"… have a daughter who is a hero."

"Heroes don't die."

"The best ones always do."

His face contorted, voice cracking with emotion. Jess started to close her eyes, but he shook her, jolting her awake. "I still have to take you to Biscuit Baron, remember? You said you'd come with me after all this is over."

Weakly, she smiled. "Biscuit Baron. Your taste… is so simple."

"The simplest." He cupped the back of her neck to give support, watching her skin become porcelain. "And even though it would be proper to wait, I would have asked you to marry me after only a few months. Because to hell with being patient." Jess smiled and stared at him like he was the most beautiful skyline she had ever seen. "And we'd have three children, because we know how lonely it can be being an only child. And we'd teach them how to fly, and they would be the best pilots in the galaxy because of us. We would raise them right. And toward the end of our lives, we'd hold our grandchildren and have a legacy of our own." His voice started to seize. "We would've had a good life together. I would have loved you like you deserved."

Slowly, she put her hand over his and whispered, "I know."

The walls of the room vibrated. Poe looked up at the door, waiting to see if they were coming down the stairs. So far, the top corridor still held.

He glanced down. Jess's eyes stared at him distantly. Lifelessly.

Poe shook her. "Jess," he said desperately. He shook her harder, her head falling back, body limp. "Jess!" He took in big heaping breaths before he screamed, the tendons in his neck protruding from the pressure.

She was gone.

Their chance now spent.

It was a love that never came to fruition, never matured. They never were able to come together as two people did when vulnerabilities were set aside and passion became the driving force of experience. But physicality did not matter to Poe. For he had her already in the ways that mattered:

In knowing her.

But he would be seeing her soon. Wouldn't he.

As a pilot, he always thought he would die in his X-wing during the midst of a battle long fought. But he wasn't just a pilot. Because of his parents, he had the endurance of a Pathfinder soldier and the spark of a rebel pilot running through his veins.

His whole life he had emulated his mother. But now, death would come as a soldier.

Poe's comlink vibrated. Or had it been vibrating all along?

He accepted the transmission. "Poe!" Ren yelled. "Where are you?"

What does he say?

The comlink lingered close to his lips as he faltered. "I'm still inside."

"Inside?" Poe could almost imagine Ren's know-it-all face becoming confused. It was almost a satisfying picture. "But… the rift will be at equilibrium soon."

Refusing to let go of Jess, he held the comlink between his teeth as he got out the small datapad and detonator from his pocket. He put them gently atop her body, watching the projected countdown on the screen. "Two minutes and twenty one seconds to be exact." _Twenty, nineteen, eighteen, seventeen…._ "Yeah… I know." Poe stared at Jess's still face, almost believing her to be peacefully sleeping in his embrace. But the pallid color of her skin made it so he couldn't quite pretend.

He swallowed down the lump in his throat, it's weight hitting his stomach. "The thing is… I'm not getting out of here."

"We're coming back for you," Ren said resolutely.

"No–"

"Poe," Rey's voice suddenly came through. "Where's Jess?"

"She's dead," he said, as if in a daze. There was no response on the other end. "She's here… with me." Poe touched her sleety cheek. Slid his fingers down to her chin. "I held her as she went."

Horrified, his eyes widened. This was real. Death was real. All of this was actually happening.

Poe started to cry. But it was more than just crying. It was the kind of desolate sobbing that comes from a person drained of all hope. He covered his face with his free hand, smearing Jess's blood on his skin, his tears mingling with the crimson blotches. The ache that flowed through him was as palpable as blizzard winds, and now, the only person with him was the corpse of the woman he had hoped to be his future.

Through the comm, Poe heard the hurried footfalls against the sand, and then Ren's voice yelling at Rey to let him go. They argued heatedly, some of it indiscernible. There was a thump, probably from their comm dropping while they kept up with the back and forth.

Poe wiped his face. "Hey!" he shouted. The comm fell silent. Even at a time like this, he still had to mediate the two. "Rey isn't letting you come back here because she knows there's no time. The men will break through the doors soon, anyway."

Poe hoped they didn't get through before the well was finished, because he wanted to go out on his own terms. And take all these crazed pieces of human shit with him.

As if on cue, the upper level gave way, the men rushing down the stairs. The immediate barrier creaked and banged against the hailstorm of fists. It was now only a matter of time before that rusted clunk of a door failed him.

"The detonator and the datapad–"

"Are with me," Poe finished, giving out a sardonic laugh. "What a monumental coincidence, huh? Almost like fate knew that blowing up super weapons is kinda my thing. Can't stop now." He scratched his temple with the comm, hearing nothing but silence on the other end. "That was a joke. You two can laugh."

"You can't do this," Ren ordered. "I–"

"Get Finn," Poe quickly said, not knowing how much time he had left to speak his last words. "You two have to get Finn. He has to make it. Save him, okay? Tell him to live a long life. Whatever kind of life he's always wanted. As a free man."

"Poe…" came Rey's somber voice.

"And BB-8 is yours, Rey." _Gods, BB-8_. Poe couldn't stop his voice from cracking. "Keep him in your family. Pass him down to your children. He'll like being part of a legacy." _Just not my legacy_. "He's been by my side for so long. I would've kicked it long ago if it weren't for him." He cleared his throat. "He's yours now."

"I'll take care of him," she promised.

"Tell my father… that who I am is because of him. That I wouldn't be able to do this if it weren't for the way he raised me. He's the best father a man could ever ask for. And make sure Jess' parents know she's a hero. And Ren–"

"Ben. Call me Ben."

A cross between a sob and a laugh came out of Poe's mouth. Here, at the end, he was finally allowed to call the man by his birth name. After everything Ben has done, this gesture was a rapprochement between the two men, all past grievances being forgotten. "Ben." His grip tightened on the device. "Don't go back. Keep fighting and end this war, but don't go back to the person you were."

"I won't."

The chaotic clamor beyond the corridor rose, the dead-enders sounding like a hoard of bloodthirsty Yuuzgan Von warriors, seeking a kill. Even a man as brave as Poe couldn't stop his body from reacting to the situation. "Gods, I'm shaking so bad I can barely hold the comm." He adjusted his grasp and had to prop Jess up some more. The arm that was holding her was starting to falter. "Am I weak for being afraid?"

"No," Ren responded quickly, his voice soft and comforting. Friendly. "Know that what awaits you after this is peace. Your spirit will ascend to a different plane of existence, where you will become one with the Force. Pain will be non-existent, and you'll be free."

Sounded… pleasant. "Did you go there? When you died?"

…"Yes."

The door was close to breaking now. Poe tensed, pulling Jess closer, letting the comm fall from his sweaty grip. He glanced at the datapad. The well was now ready. The end was now in his control.

With a trembling hand he grabbed the detonator, his thumb hovering just above the switch. He bared his teeth, growling like a man who had nothing more to lose. "Yeah… come in here and see what'll fucking happen. I dare you."

Time unexpectedly slowed to a languid crawl, like fate was granting him just a few more moments of breath. In the dimness, there was a presence Poe had not felt since his childhood. His head swiveled, searching for it, but found to be alone.

But she was here. He could feel the pressure of her hand on top of his, fingers running through his hair in an attempt to fix his disheveled strands. Like she always did when he was just a boy.

He looked up and saw stars, knowing it to be impossible, but he just smiled. Because he recognized these constellations. These were the ones from his very first memory, when he was only three, sitting in the cockpit of his mom's A-wing. He was in her lap, straddling the flight stick, eventually being allowed to test the ships limits.

His whole life he would've given anything to take another flight with her.

On the tracks of a whisper was his name. So soft. So gentle.

That was when Poe knew that his time in mortality had come to an end. Through his 33 years of existence, he'd accomplished all that was required of him. It would all be okay. He would see his father and friends again. It was just out of all of them, he would take the first step into oblivion.

He blinked, letting the tears fall. "Mom?"

The doors blew open. The dead-enders rushed in. He cleaved onto Jess…

… and was finally able to take one last flight with his mother.

 ***Hides behind her couch from any incoming projectiles.* I know you guys. I know. You're all probably shocked right now and I understand. This is why this chapter has taken so long to get out. It was hard to kill off Jess and Poe. Especially Poe. But this whole concept has been one of the things I've had planned since the beginning. They were always going to die. I do expect some reviews to be mad about it (I'm looking at you, mom)(She might just disown me for this). I just hope it doesn't ruin the story for you. I know how well liked Poe became, and that was one thing I was not expecting. I didn't think people would gravitate toward his character as much as they have. If it helps, can I bring up how he was supposed to die in TFA? No? I can't? Ok…**

 **You'll probably also see similarities between what was going on in Ben's mind compared to Poe's. They both thought of their mothers at the end. While it might be redundant, I think it's understandable. I also looked at WWII as an example, with many of the young soldiers calling out for their mothers as they bled out. Family is what Star Wars is about. It's what real life is about. So I wanted these characters to think about their family. And while Ben and Poe don't have children, they would most likely think about the awesome women who raised them.**

 **Man, I can't begin to describe how nervous I am to have put this chapter out. I've been freaking out about it, preparing myself for harsh criticism. Ya'll, it's hard having your work judged. One of the reasons I never put myself out there. Writing this fic is the most extroverted thing I've ever done. And I've been involved in theatre productions, for Force sake!**

 **Anyway, now our characters are in an interesting place. Especially Ren. Any guesses as to how he'll react to this? I think we all know how he's going to react to this. I'm really testing the limits of these characters the next few chapters. It's a rollercoaster to the end folks!**

 **I'd also like to add that I used the descriptions of the observatory on Jakku from the Aftermath novel. I didn't come up with the imagery for this place on my own. It was all Chuck Wendig! So this place is canon, I just put my own little spin on it.**

 **I hope you all, well, somewhat enjoyed the chapter? Maybe?**

 **And what about that implication of Reylo at the end of that trailer?! Rey saying she needs to be shown her place in all this, Ren holding his hand out. Yes, I know the scenes are from two different scenes of the movie. But why put them together like that? Hmmmm? Is Lucasfilm hinting at something? Ahhhhhh! I need to see this movie already.**

 **My next update probably won't be until after the movie comes out. I'm slowing down a bit so I don't get frustrated and burnt out. I really want to deliver a great ending for you guys and for myself, and I can't do that while feeling stressed. I hope you all understand! Till next time, may the Force be with you.**


	43. Chapter 43

**Thank you all for the follows, faves, and giving reviews! I know I said that the next chapter wouldn't be out till after the movie, but surprise! Then again, the chapter did get really long so I had to split it. So this is part one of the two part battle. But does this mean the end? Nope. Stuff happens after. The ending is done in three parts. This battle is the first. I know you shouldn't drag out endings, but I don't want to leave any loose ends. I love when a story gives proper resolution. So that's what I'm going to do.**

 **Standing Cowardly: I'm so happy you love the story! It's hard to find reylo fics where they keep the same characterization throughout the whole story. But I will attest that it is so hard to do! It's one of the reasons why it takes so long for me to get a chapter out. You found it through tumblr? That surprises me since I rarely post it on there. I should post it on there more. Lol. I know waiting for chapters is hard, trust me, I've been there. But the good news is there's only maybe four chapters left! I'm sorry the last chapter hurt your soul! But thanks for giving me support in killing off those two characters. While this is fiction, I like to mix some reality in. Hope you guys appreciate that. emonpersia: I hate me too. It was sooo difficult to write that part. I cried realizing I won't be writing anything from Poe's pov ever again. Ugh. Now I'm getting emotional. The road ahead will be a bumpy one for all characters. Aleta Wolff: The end of the chapter was heart wrenching. It was a challenge to write and sometimes, I procrastinated because I didn't want to write it. I know I try not to give anything away with my story, but I can say it won't have a RO ending where everyone dies. That movie messed me up, to be honest. I was a blubbering mess. So I wouldn't do that to you guys. Sage McMae: Thanks for leaving a review and liking it! Guest: I didn't try to blindside you all by making you think Finn would be the one to go. Just happened that way. And Ben in this chapter… well, he isn't in a good place. He doesn't take it well while in the moment. You guys might not like how he treats Rey in this chapter. But things will be on the mend. I promise. SheLitAFire: Baaaaad idea to read that chapter in public. Sorry for making you emotional! I really liked writing Finn and Hux. It wasn't too long, and the dialogue was to the point. Both men were trying to unnerve the other, both sort of succeeded. But Finn still refused to talk. *sigh* I love Finn. Lol. All the characters should avoid caves. Nothing good happens in them. But I wanted Rey to experience what Ben kind of went through. I'm cruel, I know. Especially having Jess die in a cave similar to the one she was locked up in. I get what you're saying that you liked it, but it was still rough to read. And Poe talking to Jess… I'm not kidding when I say I cried while writing all that stuff, because you can't help projecting yourself into the character's story and wonder what you would do if that was you. What would you say to someone you loved as they were dying? Ugh. I have a lump in my throat now. I was so stressed killing two characters off. But how I see it and what Poe thought, someone has to take that first leap into the unknown. And it was him and Jess out of the group. I'm glad you saw it more than them dying. It wasn't meaningless. It does help alleviate some of the stress knowing I have your support in taking it slow if I want to. Really, it does help. Thank you so much! astrogoddess: I was trying to get that flow right and it nearly made me throw my laptop across the room! I had to dig deep to make my vision come out on paper. Took me a while to get it right. Thanks for liking it! I have the same complaint with rebels. I know it's kid friendly show, but come on, adults watch it too! Lol. I admit, I was going for heart wrenching, but death should feel that way. I wanted you all to really feel it, and it looks like you all have. And Ben does not take it well. Neither does Rey, but she has a much more rational head on her shoulders. And she is less violent. Thanks for appreciating the time I put into this story! Comments like that help me to keep going. MBellicose: Oh, I'm going to finish this story, I promise. While I struggle at times, I made a promise to myself that I would see this all the way to the end. And I have read too many fics that have been abandoned and I don't want to do that to any of you. I'm sure we've all been there, and it is beyond frustrating. I will persevere! Lol. KatMichBow: Holy crap, indeed. Hope you were able to fall asleep after reading that and that your heart was okay. Yes, Ren does react horribly. And Rey carries the guilt. You're good at predicting these things! You wanna finish writing this story for me? Lol Jk (sort of). Yup, the remaining space children are gonna have it rough. But there has to be conflict! Thanks for thinking the chapter was great! It seriously kicked my butt. And I appreciate you not throwing anything in my direction. For now….**

 **And fair warning, Rey pov is one big rollercoaster. lol. Anyway, lets get to the chapter and as usual, author notes at the end!**

Chapter Forty-three

Finn shivered violently against the restraints, no longer able to control any of his bodily functions. The faint smell of ammonia made it clear that he had wet himself, but how long ago was that?

He'd been in and out of consciousness, the loyalty officer never allowing him to fully drift off to sleep. But he had lived in that fuzzy place where the line between consciousness and slumber blurred. That place had let him feel the false sting of liberation.

Head still tightly secured, he started to drift again. But then something happened in the room that prevented him from going there.

Blaster fire. Shouting. A scuffle.

With the weight of the whole galaxy on his lids, he tried to open his eyes and failed. Then he was falling, the restraints no longer holding him in place as hands caught him before hitting the floor. His back flattened against the chilly floor, his mouth trying to form words, but just mumbling gibberish.

"He doesn't look good," said a filtered voice belonging to a man. To a stormtrooper still wearing his helmet. "I–I don't think we can have the others see him like this."

"That's why I brought this," a woman replied, tone also sounding mechanized.

Finn came back to reality with a shout, his limbs flaring out and his eyes bouncing around wildly, settling on the dead loyalty officer close by. Heart thundering in his chest and breaths coming out with force, the two stormtroopers tried to ease him into a sitting position, his bewilderment palpable from his deeply furrowed brows.

"It's okay. You're okay." the female one said, her hand on his shoulder. "I'm PK-3861, and this is FG–5694"

"Quindon," the man snapped at her, taking off his helmet. His skin was dark, but not as pigmented as Finn's. Hair was also similar, but his eyes were a deep blue, and he was currently glaring at PK-3861. "I told you to call me Quindon from now on."

"You should think about giving yourself a different name."

"Well, I like it," he stated firmly.

"Fine." The woman let out an annoyed sigh. "This is Quindon. We had to give you a dose of adrenaline. What you're feeling are the side effects. We might have to give you more as it wears off, but you're going to be okay. We're on you're side."

He glanced to the left again, getting a better view of the charred hole in the loyalty officer's head. "My side?"

"We're getting you out of here."

"And taking me where?"

Quindon was the one to answer. "To join the rest of us. We've started a coup to take over the Finalizer." His face didn't show even a hint of humor.

"You… what?"

"Those holovids you've been recording about your time with the First Order," the woman explained. "We've all seen them. A small few of us decided we would leave, just like you. But then the group kept growing and we got to talking and… we've agreed to fight back. As long as The First Order is prominent in the galaxy, there is no life we can truly live. That's what you said, remember?"

Finn blinked quickly, wondering if he was still in the interrogation chair, unconscious and hallucinating. But no, he knew reality when he felt it. "Yeah… I do."

Never in all the scenarios Finn had fantasized did he think this would be happening. The troopers were waking up, and looking for leadership in their quest to break free from their chains. He hadn't been the only soldier to have desired something different from life. He wasn't the only who had dreams.

The validation stung his eyes.

He was finally not alone.

The woman removed her helmet, her piercing hazel eyes pressed with purpose, pale skin taut with determination. "You started this, and by having you with us, we could possibly get more to join before the battle starts."

Finn wiped his eyes. "Battle?"

Quindon went to grab a dark bag by the entrance, handing it to Finn. He looked inside to see officers clothing. "We're in hyperspace right now, but the whole fleet is heading to Jakku."

Finn took off his shirt, replacing it with the black, newly laundered one from the bag. "Why?" he asked.

PK shook her head. "No idea. They tell us where to shoot and we pull the trigger. You know how it goes."

Finn quickly changed in front of the troopers, which was somewhat awkward since neither looked away for privacy sake. But after being tortured for hours, it was hard to really care about propriety.

They lead him from the room, troopers stationed at certain checkpoints, all of them nodding in their direction, whispering to each other after they passed. Finn asked them how much of the ship they had under control. Since they didn't want the rebellion to be known just yet, it was only a small section of the ship that was closest to the interrogation room and included the hangar next to it. Finn had been hoping for more, but it's a start.

But the main take away from walking down and through all the corridors was that something was wrong with the spinal device in his back. His right leg wouldn't fully lift, leaving him with a slight limp. He tried hiding it, but was sure the other two noticed.

A dark figure suddenly appeared from an adjacent hallway, jumping onto the two troopers escorting him. The attacker was fierce and precise in her blows, going in for a quick kill with a riot baton. But Finn grabbed at the woman, preventing her from finishing the job. He then saw her face and couldn't stop himself from enveloping her in an embrace.

Caliiya remained stiff and on edge.

The troopers groaned as they got back to their feet.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, pulling back and giving her a once over to make sure she was all right. She was wearing the same officers uniform as him, which made him wonder how long she'd been on the ship.

"You know this woman?" Quindon questioned, catching Caliiya's attention.

"And I remember the two of you," she snarled, trying to get to them, but Finn held her back. "You tied me up and stuffed me in a closet. Bet ya didn't think I'd get out. I should kill you–"

"Don't," Finn interjected. "They helped free me."

Caliiya's body calmed slightly, but her face was still full of contempt. "That's what I'm here to do."

Pk raised her hands and asked, "Wait, aren't you an officer?"

"Borrowed the uniform so I could get to him."

"You're lucky to be alive. And," Pk smiled mockingly, "looks like we did your job for you."

Caliiay scoffed. "I would have gotten to him first if you two hadn't have jumped me!" She faced Finn, her anger amusing him, but he was smart enough to hide it. "I want it noted that if it wasn't for these bucket heads, I would have saved you ten minutes sooner."

"Dully noted." The corners of his mouth curled up as he went in for another hug, this one being softer and more intimate than the first. "I'm glad you're here," he whispered in her ear.

"Really?"

"Really."

Caliiya and Finn were reminded of the pressed time and reluctantly parted, all of them hurrying to the one hangar under their control. He could feel Caliiya glancing at him, noticing how his right leg was getting worse. She didn't bring it up, though. There was no point. Finn knew his predicament.

Walking onto the catwalk, Finn stood as straight as he could, hands grasping tightly to the rails, trying to hide how much he was using the rod as support. Overlooking the hangar, the duratseel walls and reflective flooring stretched on and on, Ties hooked to their divider attachments, crates of weaponry lining the perimeter. It was a sight that was familiar and not at all inspiring anymore.

What really held his attention was all the people gathered down below.

The majority were mostly stormtroopers, but amongst them were pilots, mechanics, engineers, interpreters, and even some officers, their different colored uniforms peppering the floor in an odd combination of colors. The diverse group never mingled with one another, but scanning the crowd, Finn witnessed them all talking freely, coming together for one shared cause. It was a sight so odd, Finn actually rubbed his eyes.

Just as his heart felt the exhilaration of excitement, it was lanced by the realization that this wasn't nearly enough people.

"Is this everyone?" he asked Pk as he scanned the crowd.

"Not by a long shot." His head snapped to the woman's face, her smirk looking as if she had some good news to share. "We wanted the rebellion to come as a surprise, so workers and low level troopers were all we could keep here. Everyone else is getting ready for battle with their assigned squadrons. But they are waiting for orders to defect."

"Orders?" Caliiya asked. "From who?"

"From him," Quindon pointed to Finn. Caliiya gazed at him, impressed. "You started all this after you deserted. We all didn't just wake up this morning and think about betraying the Order. This has been in the works for months, waiting for the opportunity."

Caliiya kept up with the questions. "How has this rebellion gone unnoticed?"

Pk and Quindon shared a look, one that was marked with sorrow. "There were a few close calls," Pk answered, talking slowly. "Some of us were caught using the HoloNet and were publicly executed. We found out later that they'd been tortured and questioned beforehand, never once giving us up." She looked to those below. "They died for this to happen."

Finn nodded. The odds were stacked against them, that was obvious. But this was his calling. He felt it in his bones. "I need to know where every fighter is stationed," he ordered. "And then I need to get in contact with the Resistance."

"The first I can do. But contacting the Resistance will not go unnoticed."

"It will if I contact General Organa personally. I just need a datapad." The two troopers rushed off in search of what he needed.

He glanced at Caliiya, noticing her frown. "I'll understand if you want to bail before things get ugly. You came to get me out of here, not fight in a war."

Caliiya spread her palms on the rails, sighing, eyes roaming around the expansive place. "Call me a softy, but I really want to see you guys succeed in this." She met his gaze. "So, I think I'll stay and help. Plus, I got the impression that Ren' girlfriend might murder me if I walk away and let yourself get killed."

Finn chuckled, covering her hand with his, finding it to be cold. He moved his thumb across her skin, the feeling of contact warming him in a way a fire never could. "You might die if you stay," he honestly admitted, hoping to be wrong.

She shrugged. "Well… how I see it, no one gets out of this existence alive, anyway."

"Sir," Quindon interrupted, handing Finn the datapad. He quickly logged into his own account. "There is one problem we have yet to sort out." Finn glanced up at the man. "How will we be able to differentiate the ones on our side and the ones who aren't?"

Finn wasn't sure why, but his mind thought of the first time he'd ever been in combat. How it had all disgusted him. The fear over seeing his fellow comrade killed before his eyes, being able to do nothing about it. More than likely, the same was going to happen here. He wondered if these people were truly ready to kill those who once stood beside them, who were once their ally.

Finn touched his face, like he was reliving the moment his friend slid his fingers across his helmet, painting it red with blood.

That was when Finn got an idea. Those out in the field won't be able to wear this symbol, but the ones on the Finalizer would.

"Have any red paint?"

()()()()()

Pulling at his sleeve, Rey slowed Ren down to something resembling a blundering run. He fought against her, trying to break free so he could get back to the ridge. "Ben, stop it!" she shouted. "There's no time–"

Digging his heels into the sand, he swung his arm out, almost knocking Rey over in the process, treating her as if she were an impetuous nat. "So you'd leave him there to die?" Ren bit back. "Or are you too much of a coward to go back there, seeing how you lost control and killed all those men. Too scared to see those corpses?" That remark earned him a hard, cold cutting slap right across the face.

But he let the shock roll off of him as he turned away and continued running back to the ridge. Pulling at his forearm, Ren basically dragged her along, the extra weight slowing him down to a jog. "I am not a coward," she growled. He twisted from her grasp, eyes still on the mountain, focus still on getting to Poe.

Muscles suddenly going rigid, Ren almost tripped from the abrupt change in motion, but was able to get his body out of the lock in time to catch his balance. He whirled around, pushing the Force back against Rey, throwing her down onto the sand. He loomed over her, eyes askew with accusation. "You dare use the Force on me?"

The lashing out didn't faze Rey as she stood, lifting her chin. "You'll have to get through me if you want to go to Carbon Ridge."

"Hey!" Poe's muffled voice came from somewhere on the ground, the comm having dropped sometime during Rey being a hindrance. She got to the device first. "Rey isn't letting you come back here because she knows there's no time. The men will break through the doors soon, anyway."

"The detonator and the datapad-"

"Are with me." Poe laughed, but it seemed to be without mirth. "What a monumental coincidence, huh? Almost like fate knew that blowing up super weapons is kinda my thing. Can't stop now." Fate. Ren really hated hearing that word. "That was a joke. You two can laugh."

Ren came closer to Rey, his voice rising. "You can't do this. I-"

"Get Finn. You two have to get Finn. He has to make it. Save him, okay? Tell him to live a long life. Whatever kind of life he's always wanted. As a free man."

Ren looked to the ridge, branching out his power in an attempt to connect with the dead-enders inside. But the power of the schism hindered him in even sensing a single spark from the living.

He was stuck, torn between accepting current circumstances and trying to change them.

But then his frantic heart slowed, his executive functioning listening to that small piece of light within him, the part that told him that destiny was for the individual and that there were simply some things that no outsider could alter.

This was Poe's final act of his journey.

Ren would never make it to him in time.

"Poe…" Rey whispered solemnly.

"And BB-8 is yours, Rey," Poe continued. "Keep him in your family. Pass him down to your children. He will like being part of a legacy. He's been by my side for so long. I would've kicked it long ago if it weren't for him. He's your now."

To this, Ren glanced at her, saw her hesitate to respond. She met his stare, her aggressive demeanor softening as she saw that he was staying put and not running from her.

How he wanted to, though.

"I'll take care of him." Tightly, she closed her eyes, a tear escaping.

Rey couldn't have children.

But some situations were comforted with a lie.

Poe went on to tell them what to say to his father and Jess's parents before addressing Ren.

He snatched the comm from Rey, interrupting Poe. "Ben. Call me Ben."

He didn't know where the sudden need to hear this man say his true name, but it was a need born from something he still didn't quite understand. Was it to feel closer in friendship? A sincere farewell?

Out of love that was of a different kind; one that was unlike what he had for his mother and Rey?

"Ben," Poe tested out the name. "Don't go back. Keep fighting and end this war, but don't go back to the person you were," he pleaded, passionately.

Ren squeezed the comm. "I won't."

There was a second of silence before Poe chuckled. "Gods, I'm shaking so bad I can barely hold the comm. Am I weak for being afraid?"

"No," Ren quickly answered. It was then he felt truly useless, the urge to aid the hopeless ripping at that small part of his heart that held pure sentiment. This was his friend's last moments. And Poe was afraid, as all sane people who faced death were.

As once Ren had been.

With actions now unfeasible, all Ren could give him were words. "Know that what awaits you after this is peace. Your spirit will ascend to a different plane of existence, where you will become one with the Force. Pain will be non-existent, and you'll be free."

"Did you go there? When you died?"

Ben was momentarily speechless. He smashed his lips together, swallowing hard, brows quivering. "Yes," he forced himself to say. To lie. There had been nothing awaiting him. Just black– black for those who didn't deserve eternal sanctuary.

But Poe did. So to the light he would go.

Poe said something of a threat, but it was pointed at the dead-enders trying to get to him. It wouldn't be long now.

Rey encompassed Ren's hand, looking at him with approval, nodding that he had said the right thing. He didn't want to be touched right now, but he didn't stop her.

Moments passed as they waited to hear Poe's voice again.

"Mom," came Poe's soft tone from the comm. Childlike and innocent. Ren frowned, wondering what exactly Poe was seeing.

A spectral of light shot out of the plateau so fast, Ren had no time to cover his eyes from it's searing haze. It lifted all the way past the atmosphere, the ethereal trail leaving behind waves of iridescence. And then it was gone, only to be replaced with the plateau blowing apart.

The noise of the explosion reverberated over the still landscape as efficiently as a thunder clap, the ricochet tearing through Ren's chest, causing his heart to flounder uncontrollably. The earth quaked as chunks of rock flew into the dark, a pillar of fire erupting with a villainous billow, so unlike the light that had preceded it.

Everything was lit ablaze, a violently wondrous picture against the backdrop of twilight.

The rest of the world disappeared then, just for a few moments. The smoke from an obliterated Carbon Ridge rose and expanded, it's tendrils seeking them out as ash sifted down all around them. But all Ren noticed, all he felt, was the sting in his eyes, the rush of heat from the flames, the shock of realization.

The moment had come.

His friends were truly gone.

Gone: the heaviest word in the Basic language. In any language.

Tears ran down his face and into his lips, adding the taste of salt to recognition. Ren blinked as he dropped to his knees, his eyes burning from the blinding horror, mouth loose and open. Neither he, nor Rey, could look away. Both coming to grips with what was laid out before them.

Flashes from above caught Ren's attention. He looked back at the remnants of the plateau, paused, and then slowly gazed upward. The Resistance must have just arrived, for there was the beginnings of a battle unfolding, the convolution of ships seeming to stretch beyond the curvature of the planet, displaying no marks of an end.

The screech of Tie fighters sliced through the sound of the rumbling flames, but all Ben wanted to do was watch as the ridge burned. It was hard to care what came at him next. While he had appeared to have accepted the fate of his friends, actually witnessing it become final yanked the light right out of him, leaving him empty. Betraying him.

Always betraying him.

From his periphery, he saw Rey spin about, trying to locate the impending Ties.

"Ben, we need to go," she murmured.

He didn't flinch.

Rey kneeled down and nudged him. "Ben, the First Order and the Resistance are fighting just above the planet. And Tie's are getting closer."

 _Yes, I know._

But still, not a twitch.

"Ben!" she shouted, grabbing his face and turning him to her. But his eyes, even though staring at her, remained unfocused. His thoughts somewhere else. Lost. How does he get back? "Ben," Rey said more gently, caressing his cheek. "I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. But you can't shut down on me right now. I need your help." He blinked, a new swell of glimmering tears leaving wet tracks on his cheeks, reflecting orange from the fire. She wiped them away, clearing her voice of pent up emotion.

"We'll mourn them later," she promised. "But right now, I need you to fight with me. I need you to be a warrior."

Ren's grief stricken expression fell away like bark off a dead tree. What remained was a cold, callous stare. He was quick to push her away as he stood. "You need me?" he pointed to his chest, questioning. Rey was frozen on the sand, watching Ben as he tore at his hair. Flung his arms. Trying to get out of his own skin. It was too restrictive in there, like a straight jacket becoming tighter the more he fought against it. "I needed you to let me go back. But you got in my way! I could have saved him! I could have made it!"

His words ran on repeat, his voice rising with each passing breath. This was all her fault. She held him back. She gave into hopeless submission all too quickly. This was all her doing.

There… there could have been a chance.

Rey rose cautiously, ignoring the sand that stuck to her clothes. He fell silent, breathing heavily, waiting for her to argue. To give him a reason to yell at her. "No, Ben," was all she said.

He didn't want her sympathy. Didn't want to see her demeanor be so calm, so honest. Like she was the truth, and his beliefs were a lie that festered with denial.

The anguish unfolded from his chest, strangling his veins, tangling in his brain among the cobwebs of past sorrow. But among the astringent nets were also his skeletons of anger, more haunting and impressionable. More inviting than grief.

As if the universe knew he needed an outlet, stormtroopers rushed over a nearby dune, aiming their blasters. But before they could fire, before Ren and Rey could react, the sand beneath the squadron shot up, a nightwatch worm landing on the soldiers, crushing them instantly.

Ren zeroed in on the giant slug, feeling robbed of the chance to let loose his cathartic aggression on the very people he knew were the enemy. He put his hand out, readying to take out the sand worm just as Rey batted his arm down, putting herself between him and the beast. "No," she entreated. "He… he's a friend."

Rey and the grotesque oversized maggot held eye contact for a moment before it slithered back into the confines of the sand. He scoffed at her more than questionable alliance, but she didn't seem to notice.

If Rey wanted to stand there, awestruck over an oversized slug, then Ren wasn't going to stop her. What he was going to do was find a way to take out the crazed pressure pounding in his skull.

He searched the sky, zeroing in on the red lights of the Tie fighters. Seeing beyond what mere eyes could perceive, he extended his awareness among the pilots, finding one weak enough to be influenced.

Ren fused with the man's mind, controlling his actions, making him veer off from the squadron. The Tie landed gently before him. The pilot climbed out, movements tight and robotic. Not his own.

Rey came up next to him, puzzled, glancing from the pilot to Ren. She tensed as the darkly clad, helmeted figure stopped in front of them, waiting for an order.

So Ren gave him one. "Grab your blaster." The pilot unclipped the weapon from the holster strapped to his thigh, holding it in his gloved hand. "Put the muzzle in your mouth and pull the trigger."

The pilot took off his helmet, stuck the muzzle in his mouth, and fired a bolt through the back of his skull. Rey yelled out, but was too late.

Watching the head snap back and the body crumble, Ren waited for the euphoria of control to ignite his blood, bringing along with it a sense of control.

Except, he felt nothing. He'd been betting on something like this to sooth him. But the lies of comfort had been deceiving.

With the Force, he lifted the body in the air and put as much of his power behind the push as possible, grunting in anger as the body faded into the twilight.

"Did that make you feel any better?" Rey asked. He ignored her. Something was wrong. A high, shrieking musical note, a bow drawn sharply over strings, was scraping against the inside of his skull. He rubbed his eyes before marching off to the Tie fighter, getting only a small piece of control over the headache.

Rey's wide steps struggled to keep up with him. "What are you doing?"

Before she could touch him, he turned, his cold stare freezing her midstride. "I'm getting Finn."

She glanced at the worsening battle above. "We try this and we'll most likely die."

Ren's eyes pinched, head tilted as he closed the distance between them till they were almost touching. "Is that what Kayani is telling you? That you shouldn't come with me?"

Jaw slackened, Rey shuffled back a few steps, stumbling over her words. "What– How–"

Ren's gut twisted; she didn't even try denying it. "How long have you been lying to me?" Her breathing hitched, hopefully from the guilt. "You know what, it doesn't matter how long. Only that you did. Is the need to accumulate power really worth that much to you?"

Rey swallowed. Licked her lips. Put out her hand in a calming gesture. "Ben, it's not like that–"

"Like what?" he cut her off harshly. Rey flinched, a shade of fear coloring her face. But as she stayed quiet, Ren deduced her silence for an answer. "Oh, you think _you_ are using _her?_ " He let out an unexpected laugh, running both hands through his hair as he shook his head, sinking into a state of disbelief. "Well, sweetheart, I'm sorry to bring this truth to light, but _she_ is playing _you_. You think I can't recognize manipulation when I see it?" His expression tightened, tone as cold as space. "They make you think you're in control, and then when they have you right where they want you, they bleed you dry and leave you a ghost of the person you were before. And when she does that to you, there will be nothing I can do to stop it. You'll be faced with either death, or living as an empty shell while everyone around you smiles and laughs and goes on with their lives– but you remain trapped within yourself, struggling to even remember what those emotions ever felt like."

The defiance Rey had shown in the beginning had melted away by the time he was finished, being replaced by obvious pity. "Don't look at me like that," he demanded.

"What happened to you won't happen to me," she admonished genuinely.

And stars, she believed it. Whole-heartedly. She believed that the way his life turned out had been a one-time deal, only to be dealt to one unfortunate soul. And since he'd won that grand prize, she would be exempt from such an outcome.

What foolishness. The immaturity.

His jaw clenched, his teeth pounding from the pressure. "That has to be the most naïve thing to ever come out of your mouth."

He rounded on his heels, heading to the ship.

"I lied to you. Fine," she conceded as she ran to him. "I deserve some of your anger. I won't fight you on that. But I–"

A wraith like roar suddenly rammed into his brain, a wailing of lamentations gnashing against his grey cells, causing dark spots to enter his vision. It was a pounding, excruciating, debilitating prison he was being dragged into, where he would be caged with the pain, chained to it with madness.

Rey's screams quickly became incoherent as his skull threatened to crack open, drowning any outside perception. He could only focus on the torture.

Just like Carbon Ridge, his insides were in chaos. A mess of violence. Something was clawing at him. Something was soaking him in its rage. Something so vile, so perverse…

 _Snoke._

He knew about the weapon being destroyed.

But Ren didn't have a chance to fight back against the fierce and abrupt onslaught. He didn't understand how his master could find him when he couldn't before. Couldn't make sense of any of it as he felt himself being dragged into the pit of his own subconscious. The things down there that he kept hidden, the things that shamed him, the truths he found forbidden, flooded his minds eye.

His dead father.

His aged mother.

His disappointed uncle.

Poe and Jess.

The many faces of the people he's killed.

When he looked at them all, the pain intensified, reminding him that he would never rid himself of the guilt and the grief. That one day, it just might kill him.

The images shimmered and evaporated, the darkness cloaking his vision.

()()()()()

"Ben!"

Rey was at a loss on what to do. Didn't understand what she was witnessing with her own two eyes. She just kept screaming his name in desperation and fear. Watching. A bystander.

Ben was floating a few feet into the air, body withering and twisting in unnatural ways, his hands clawing at his skull and face. The wailing was the worse part. It had a raw quality, the realness of a person consumed by pain that knew no limit or end.

Edging closer to his flailing form, she stretched out her hand and grabbed at his ankle–

Rey was no longer on Jakku.

She stood between two shimmering, translucent curtains, like sheets of thin glass. On one side of the glass, darkness. On the other, a jarring mixture of bright colors. She lifted a finger, touching the side that held back the swirling pigments. Upon contact, the glass shattered, freeing the trapped hues as the unlocked pressure threw her through the twin pane.

The pelting light made her squint, raising her hand to give her pupils cover. Blinking, she did not recognize this place; a vast meadow flowing like a sea of green grass in the breeze. The field surrounded a palace, grey stoned spires stretching into the sky, it's grand staircase leading up to a pair of opened doors. Inviting. The feeling of home engulfing every crevice of her soul.

A silhouette in the distance caught her attention, coming closer, the tall frame and raven hair making him more than recognizable. Ben was smiling, a pure element of happiness almost making it seem as if her were shimmering in the sunlight.

Nearing, the glow didn't leave. He was different, but in a way that was godlike. Everlasting. And the way he gazed at her was like he'd been living without her presence for a very long time.

Gently, he cupped her face between his hands, memorizing her face, breathing in her sent. "I'm so proud of you, for everything you've done and accomplished. I never left you." He takes a shaky breath. "Thank you."

"For what?" Rey was able to say.

"For forever."

Ben leaned in and kissed Rey's warm lips, letting the innocence change into a fiery passionate kiss, his hands working their way around her body–

The whiplash from the sudden change in scenery left her cognizance in a jumbled fury of firing synapses as she tried to process what just happened, remembering the feeling of Ben touching her. Wanting to go back there.

But now, she was standing alone on a shoreline, the soft ocean waves overlapping one another and pulling the white bubbly crests out to sea, masking the sand with transparent fading water. The flaring hues of the sun melted into the horizon, cloaking the never ending sight with a breathtaking umber and mixing with the iridescent turquoise.

Rey had seen this place before. Smelled the briny aroma.

It was Spira.

This beach was where she had learned to swim. Well, attempted. Her eyes went to the shallows, roaming over the spot where her and Ben had shared their first kiss.

 _Ben. Jakku._

"Such an exquisite place… for a grave," a deep, masculine voice said from behind.

Slowly Rey turned, seeing Ben standing just outside of the brush. Looking at her. His expression souring, disgusted.

As Rey peered into those irises she had become so used to seeing, a shiver of ice ran up her spine. Behind those eyes, Ben was nowhere to be found. This person wasn't even Kylo Ren. The malevolent signature was undeniable, but all at once puzzling:

This was Snoke.

He stalked forward, the movement all wrong from Ben's usual gait. Rey's boots sunk lower into the softening sand, the sun disappearing in one fluid breath, casting them in shadow.

Something cool and heavy touched her palm. In it was Ben's lightsaber.

Rey heard the crackling sound of a plasma blade, but it wasn't from her. Ben lunged forward, raising a blue saber in a high arc to strike her down. But Rey didn't defend herself. She couldn't. Even knowing Ben was no longer behind those obscure eyes, the body that threatened her was the very one she had loved– had been intimate with. Had shown her vulnerability to.

Chalk it up to nostalgia or cowardice or love, it didn't matter. She closed her eyes and….

Rey was propelled back to the present, her body skidding across the warm sand, the grit gathering beneath her fingernails as she tried to find purchase. She coughed out some desert gravel and scrambled about, seeing she was on Jakku once again. The battle was still going on above, and the Tie Ben had commandeered was still in the same position as before.

"Ben," she breathed out, springing to her feet.

Hurrying to his unresponsive body, Rey saw the red streaks of scratches all over his pale face, beads of sweat and blood mingling together. Her shaky hand hovered above his sternum, hesitating. If she touched him, what would she see?

What had she seen?

 _Possibilities…_

She held back a sob as she gazed at Ben, so broken and vulnerable. One of those futures was everything she had ever wanted. The other, one she couldn't let come to fruition, no matter what she had to do to prevent it.

A few heartbeats passed before she could touch him, her veins still holding the fear of what she just experienced in the last vision. But this was Ben. Not Snoke. What she saw wasn't real. Ben was still here.

"Ben," she said desperately, shaking his broad torso. Rey looked over his body, making sure there weren't any visible wounds. But why would there be? This wasn't caused by stormtroopers.

This reeked of the dark side.

Rey surveyed the surroundings, making sure they were still alone before placing her fingers at his temples. She closed her eyes, evened her breathing, probed against the barrier surrounding his mind… and was blocked from entering. It wasn't as if she was even close to breaking through, for she quickly realized that a significant amount of power was needed to get inside.

But maybe... maybe she could find a way. After all, having Kayani's power within her gave her an upper hand when it came to strength.

Frowning, she made another attempt at entering his psyche, only to be denied.

By Ben.

She sat back on her heels, glaring at the unconscious man. Why would he reject her help? She'd been closer to getting through that last time!

But the answer came in the sound of a ship crashing into the planet, the flames lighting up more of the tumbling landscape. If she became trapped in his mind, who was left to protect them? Still, the logic infuriated her.

Rey cursed, rubbing at her grimy, blood crusted face.

Ben would have to get out of his predicament on his own. At least until Rey could get them to safety.

"How am I supposed to do that when you weigh over two hundred pounds?" she said, exasperated, as if he had actually given her the instructions to carry him across the desert.

 _The Force,_ she thought, rolling her eyes. All she needed to do was lift Ben into the Tie's cockpit and get them to the Falcon. Simple.

Except controlling his trajectory and speed was more difficult when you had to work slow. It was like she was back at Riosa's penitentiary, lifting Finn and–

Her heart wrenched thinking of the two other names.

Not wanting to let her emotions get the best of her, she quickly went to work.

Ben bonked his head a few times against the Tie's frame, his leg almost getting caught on one of the ion engines. His descent through the hatch was sloppy, his limbs thunking against the opening, his body falling to the floor.

Some bumps and bruises were a small price to pay to stay alive.

She climbed inside, straining against Ben's heavy build as she sat him in the gunner chair and strapped him in. Buckling herself in the pilot's seat, she looked over the controls. Everything in this fighter ship was extremely high tech and modern, shiny and new. Opposite of what she was used to operating, but somewhat familiar from the simulations she used to run. She couldn't stop her fingers from trembling over her childish excitement of flying one of these in real life. Simulators just didn't do the real thing justice.

Something slammed into the side of the Tie, tilting the ship, lifting half of it from the desert floor. Rey held onto the control panel as they came crashing back down, a huge wave of water sloshing against the viewport.

 _Water…. Water?_

Awestruck, she watched the waves sweep between the sand dunes, engulfing the terrain in a shimmering sea that by all logic shouldn't even be there.

Another swell hit the Tie, and Rey worked quickly to get them in the air, but the skies of Jakku were now ablaze with war. The nocturnal atmosphere was sliced by weaving bursts of ionized particles and interspersed with flames of starfighter explosions. Trails of the debris pummeled into the desert, marking it's last resting place among the skeletons of the battle fought between the Empire and Rebellion decades ago.

Rey dove back toward the planet before joining the storm of confusion. Except she'd been seen, and now had an A-wing on her tail. The shockwave of a direct hit rocked the Tie as Rey fought with the twin flight sticks, barely keeping the ship out of a tumble that would have sent her crashing into a high dune.

The whole situation was conflicting. Instinct told her to take out the problem, but her conscience argued that whoever was in that A-wing was on her side.

She thrusted forward, retroboosted to a stop, zipped to the left and right. On a whim she gave the ship a spin, corkscrewing just as canon fire zoomed past her. The screen below flashed green, showing another Resistance fighter joining the fray. Again, she spiraled forward and then up, dodging the spray of fire, looping around as the pressure of the sudden shift in gravity drilled into her temples, constricting her lungs and crushing her chest.

For a moment, she thought she saw two Ties firing upon the other, but she must have been going to fast to interpret it correctly.

Rey was now so close to the main battle. Too close. But by maneuvering behind both of her pursuers, she saw the opening she needed to break away.

The rush of excitement was buried beneath the sudden blinding light and concussive shock of her left wing panel exploding. The ship spun uncontrollably as she held firmly to the flight sticks. But there was no leveling out. No relief as her head became dizzy and her guts churned in an effort to expel its contents.

Not sure how close she was to the planet or even if the angle was correct, there was only one option left: Eject.

The wind hit her face with such force that it immediately filled her lungs to capacity, nearly bursting them within her chest wall. Soaring in the air, it felt like her limbs and cognizance were still with the ship somewhere. But once the shoot deployed, her senses were given some time to play catch up.

Descending back onto the desert planet, Rey searched through the bursts of fire and pockets of darkness in hopes of seeing Ben's ejector seat.

She couldn't make out anything discernable.

Even with using the Force to slow her fall, she still hit the top of a dune with enough power to rattle her bones and almost shatter her teeth. The shoot became caught in the breeze, dragging her relentlessly across the arch. She punched at the belts release and rolled to a stop, sand scraping against any exposed skin. Not taking a moment to even catch her breath, Rey sprang into a run and traveled among the valleys of the dunes, sensing that Ben was close and alive.

But by the time she got to him– out of breath and drenched in sweat– a dozen or so stormtroopers were already unbuckling his comatose body, debris of the wreckage surrounding the area.

Rey didn't recall screaming, but she must have given out something akin to a warriors shrill, for all the soldiers turned to face her in perfect unison. As she sprinted forward, lightsaber lit and a feral expression leaving her snarling, they fired at her. But every shot bounced away as she kept charging, an invisible, instinctual energy shielding her from taking any damage.

Rey's arm shot out, Force stunning every living being. With her plasma blade, she disposed of them quickly, her eyes dancing around wildly as she crouched next to Ben, waiting to see if she had left any alive.

Movement caught her periphery. A stormtrooper she had missed stepped out from behind the hiding place of a part of the rubble. His rifle hung limply from his hand as he put both arms up, walking to her slowly, surrendering.

Breathing hard, she eyed the unusual soldier, sensing fear and… compassion?

"You're Rey of Jakku, right? The Jedi?" He stopped a few feet from her.

Rey's brow's puckered in confusion, her grip tightening on the humming saber, the yellow blade casting an illuminating haze upon them both. "You're a friend of FN-2187," he stated more than questioned.

"You- you know Finn?" she suspiciously asked, relaxing slightly.

"Only by reputation and from the vids on the HoloNet."

"Is he alive?" she asked anxiously.

"Alive? Hell yeah he's alive," he said enthusiastically. "He's leading us in the rebellion."

Rey disengaged the saber, but her confusion just got worse. "What rebellion?"

"Among the stormtroopers of course." There was no lie behind his words as he went onto explain what was happening with the First Order, just conviction and belief over what the man was now fighting for.

Rey felt like hugging this complete stranger, but decided to instead assess how Ben was doing.

Now that she trusted the present company, she went to flip Ben onto his back, the trooper hurrying to help her– which was a relief because her arms suddenly felt like they had the rigidity of seaweed.

Placing her hands on his chest, she evaluated his injuries through the Force, the trooper staying quiet and observant.

Since Ben had been unconscious during the fall, he had no way of bracing himself for the rough impact. His right femur and arm were fractured, as well as three broken ribs. But he wasn't bleeding anywhere, which Rey counted as a win.

She'd take anything as a win at this point.

Rey tried healing his leg, but mending an injury required a surge of transferred energy, and she didn't have enough to complete the process. It remained half mended.

"So this is Kylo Ren, huh?" the trooper mused, looking the body up and down. "He doesn't look that scary."

"You should meet him when he's awake," she muttered. Rey kept her stare downward, the disappointment in how weak she was blatant in her lined features.

"Is he going to be okay?"

Rey shrugged. "I don't know. Even if I get him back to our ship, flying through all that," she gestured upward, "is going to be a challenge."

"There usually is some sort of confusion during an air battle, but it's worse since there are Ties shooting at other Ties. It's hard to tell who's on our side and who's not. But this is the only chance we have of–" The trooper straightened and glanced over his shoulder, scanning the area.

Rey became alarmed. "What is it?"

"A squadron is coming this way." His attention went back to her, and Rey wished she could see his face as he judged her appearance. But she could guess as to what he saw: a tired and beaten young woman. "Is it alright if I carry him?" the man offered.

Rey swallowed back her pride and nodded. The soldier was built more like Ben, so it was easy for the man to place him across his shoulder, jogging with the extra weight of a couple hundred pounds.

Rey guided them in the direction of the Falcon, their journey taking them out of the dunes and onto the hard, flat desert. Not much concealment there, but they could move faster. But just as Rey was starting to feel like she was going to make it, the trooper stopped and placed Ben on the ground, taking a moment to pant.

"This is as far as I can help you. There's another team coming from the east and will intercept you if I don't get them to use a different route." The soldier noticed the way Rey's face fell. "I'm sorry, but if I they find us with him–"

"I know. You should go," she told him, the words combating against her mouth as she said them.

The man glanced to the side again. "The Force or something will help you, right? Isn't that how it works?"

That's not how it worked, but Rey could sense the man's worry for her and that he was second guessing if he should leave. But if he was found with them, she didn't have the strength to defend him. He'd most likely be seen as a traitor and killed. "Yeah," she lied, putting on a confident front. "I'll be fine. The ship is close by."

It wasn't.

The trooper unclipped a comm from his belt, handing it to Rey. "It's already synched to the channel Finn and the others are using. If you want to get ahold of him, you can do it through this."

Rey held it to her chest, like it was a prize most cherished. "Thank you."

He nodded before jogging in the direction of the incoming troopers.

"What's your name?" Rey called out, needing to know.

Stopping, he turned and said, "JM-813." He paused. "I hope to meet you again, Rey of Jakku."

"And I, you."

Then the man was gone. And Rey was alone. All on land was still, though the atmosphere raged above.

It wasn't long before she wished for the soldier to return; her strength both in the Force and physically was beginning to waver. Exhaustion had started off as a heavy jacket until it became heavy bones, the innate fatigue wearing not just her body, but her emotions as well. The moment of her collapse finally came, her upper body laying across Ben's chest to take that tempting break for a rest.

Maybe she could contact Finn and he could...

Could what? He had a full on rebellion on his hands. He didn't have time to help her.

Through the crippling feelings of being a failure, a sudden presence made her glance up. Standing in front of her was an older man, wearing the beige robes that were similar to what Master Luke would wear. "Please," she pleaded, setting aside every morsel of pride. "Help me."

His eyes were full of fondness as he looked upon her and said, "Help is on the way."

In an unnatural way, his voice sounded distant, like an echo implanted into his tenor. Studying the man more closely, there was a gleaming haze surrounding his form, and the vague view of him being transparent. In his eyes there was a touch of recognition. He knew her… and she knew him.

Rey's eyes widened. Something clicked beneath her pleading stare. "Obi-Wan…" she whispered.

His face registered a suggestion of an old, ancient smile as he nodded. But it soon faded when he shifted his gaze to the man she so ardently clutched onto. "When the time comes, Rey, you must let him go. I'm sorry that your destiny is so intertwined with his. But it has been planned this way for a very long time."

"Let him go? But," she searched for the right description. "He's my family."

On the other side of Ben, Obi-Wan kneeled, lifting his hand to her face. There was a small electric shock on her cheek as the man made contact. "The life you have led…. I hope you don't view where you come from as a curse."

"I– I don't."

He lowered his hand, bowing his head. "With what lies ahead, you just might." His image faded into the night, but somehow left behind a remnant of light. Rey squinted her eyes, realizing the light was from an incoming fighter ship, the beam too different to be a Tie. As it landed, Rey's tension melted away as she sensed the beings inside.

But before she got to her feet, the last remnants of Obi-Wan's voice lingered on the tranquil air. "You will be tested, but know you are strong enough to endure."

Luke and Chewie jumped from the small A-wing as she dashed to them, throwing her arms around the old Jedi Master. "Whoa," Luke said, holding her tight. So much relief flooded her veins that Rey didn't realize just how tightly she was holding onto the man. Didn't realize that she was crying into his shoulder until he started rubbing her back, whispering words of comfort.

"Poe and Jess are dead," Rey blurted into the crook of his neck. Luke's hand stopped and Rey pulled back to look at her master's face. "It was my fault. We were getting overwhelmed and I told them to leave Ben and I and we never should've split up and I wouldn't let Ben go back to save them and now he hates me and blames me for them dying and–" her tirade was interrupted by an unwelcome sob.

Luke put his gentle palms on her shoulders. "Rey. It's not your fault."

"But–"

The sight of an unconscious Ben caught Skywalker's attention as he ran to his nephew, going to his knees and accessing the boy's injuries. Rey and Chewie joined him, watching as the Jedi Master healed the mutilation of his face before moving to one of his legs.

Skywalker breathed in deep as he sat back on his heels, eyes still on Ben's form.

"Is the Falcon close by?" he asked, glancing up.

Rey nodded. "We left BB-8 there."

"Chewie, get Ben in the A-wing and have R2 get ahold of BB-8. Use his signal to get to the Falcon. Then come back for us."

There was a hesitancy to Chewie as he lifted Ben into his arms, but the Wookie did as he was told, running back to the A-wing with vigor. R2 beeped from his place behind the cockpit, assuring them of their quick return as the ship flew away.

Rey wrapped her arms across her chest, holding herself. "How did you find us?"

"A feeling." And that was the only explanation Skywalker gave before he looked at her, his expression serious. "What's wrong with Ben?"

"Don't you know?"

"I want to know what you think."

Rey took in a long breath. "We were just talking– well, arguing– and then he started screaming and he levitated off the ground. He clawed at his head and then… he stopped. I think he's trapped in his own mind. And I think Snoke somehow did it."

Luke nodded knowingly. "Ben knows how to get out. We just need to give him time."

Rey couldn't believe how stoic the man was. "There is a war going on above us, and you want to give him time?"

"What do you suggest I do?"

"Go in there and help him!" Rey ordered, her voice carrying across the desert flat.

"Ben knows what he's doing," the Jedi Master countered. "And right now, we need to focus on getting the two of you out of here."

Her posture stiffened. "Out of here?"

Luke rubbed at his beard, staring in the direction the Falcon would be coming. "Leia wants you and Ben to go into hiding."

"What?" Rey stepped in his line of sight. "No. Absolutely not. I'm not running away like some coward, and I can guarantee you Ben would feel the same."

"Leia can't lose her son."

"And what about her brother? What's the plan for you?"

The question took Luke by surprise. "Leia and I came into this world together. It's only fitting we leave it together as well."

The implication of what he was saying made her eyes widen. Her gut to twist. "You don't believe the Resistance can win," she mumbled.

He didn't answer.

Rey shook her head, feeling some extra determination seep into her bones. "I'm not leaving."

Luke sighed. "Rey–"

"We promised Poe we'd get Finn. And if there was ever a time for me to keep my word, it's now." She lowered her voice to get more personal. "You knew Poe's parents. They were friends of yours."

Luke nodded solemnly. Rey could hear the Falcon closing in.

"Then you'll know how important it is to honor Poe's last request."

Conflict danced across Luke's face before he finally gave in and nodded. Rey exhaled, feeling hopeful over having Luke Skywalker on her side.

The Falcon landed, the boarding ramp lowering as they quickly went to the freighter. BB-8 raced down the ramp, his half domed head swiveling about, searching for his former master. Luke Force pulled Ben along as Rey followed, her heart feeling like it was beating within a tight cage. The small droid became quickly agitated, beeping the questions Rey didn't want to answer.

She crouched in front of him, lips pursed. She didn't want to deliver such news. "BB-8, I…I–"

But BB-8 didn't need her to finish.

The droid screeched with every expelled beep, each one reaching a higher peak than the last. But as she reached out to try to calm him, BB-8 raced up the ramp and disappeared, leaving Rey stunned.

With Ben in tow, Luke boarded the Falcon, giving Rey a solemn, but supportive look.

Gulping back the large, solid rock that formed in her throat, Rey followed the Jedi Master, gazing at Ben with a fierce jealousy over him being the one unconscious and not her.

Life was always easier when you didn't have to face it.

()()()()()

Standing in ankle deep water, of the dark expanse of his own subconscious, Ren knew the situation was not ideal. Not only was he locked away in this place, but somehow Snoke had dragged him here. The implications did not sit well with Ren: All this time he'd been hiding from his former master, was it really Snoke giving him the illusion he had the power to do so?

Does Ren really have no control?

"Fuck," he said briskly. The only thing that could make this worse was if that woman showed up–

"You shouldn't use such language in front of a lady."

Ren froze even though he wasn't moving. He turned, not in a hurry, slow. Languid. Like he wanted to prolong looking at this woman's face for as long as possible.

Kayani was as she always appeared: Lean and delicate. Flowing red hair and porcelain skin. An elegant white dress and a matching glow. All a lie, of course. Underneath the polished deceptions was a child, for she never had the chance to grow into a young woman.

But just because she died young, didn't mean she should be underestimated.

"You're dead; not a lady," he smugly retorted.

The barren terrain started to vibrate and billow, putting Ren on guard and on alert. But as the energy hit him, he could feel the concern and light held within the woven verve.

Ren's head looked up, as if he could see the manifestation of Rey's power trying to get through to him. All he saw was black, but he could feel her stretching through his psyche to find him. With what little control he had in this place, he blocked her from coming in.

Kayani titled her head. "You're denying Rey's help?"

Ren's gaze dropped down. "She shouldn't get stuck in here with me."

"You trust her to get your body somewhere safe?"

"I trust her with my life. Now, if you'd excuse me, I'd prefer to be alone as I focus on getting out of here."

He turned, only to be thwarted by her presence. "With my help, you can get out of here now."

Ren pinched his eyes, knowing he shouldn't indulge such an offer. But his predicament called for him to be open to more options. "The price?"

"You think there is one?" she asked openly.

"Always is."

"It's more a consequence than a price." Ren didn't think there was a difference between the two. "The connection we share would deepen if I were to use my powers to aid you in escaping."

"No," he immediately said, shooting down the proposal. He ambled forward, purposefully throwing up extra water as he passed her. But every time she went out of view she popped up again.

"Why do you hold Rey back from reaching her full potential?"

Ren stopped, rounding his shoulders as he stared at her. "Excuse me?"

"So much knowledge you possess. Some things I do not even know. And yet, you do not share them with her. Is it because if she knows enough, you feel as if she will go after my brother?"

Stars, the woman was more blunt than even him. "She'd get overwhelmed if I were to just dump everything I know on her." Which was true. But so was Kayani's interpretation.

"You think so?" she steeled her hands behind her, pacing in front of him. "The girl can process a lot at one time. Why do you think she sought me out to teach her? You and Skywalker are not doing a sufficient enough job and she knows it."

Ren never took well to criticism. And as much as he wanted to take his anger out on her, he knew his main goal should be getting out of here. So he turned his back on her, closed his eyes, and started probing the barrier.

"Her goal for learning is more altruistic than just defeating my brother." Ren held his tongue trying not to take the bait. "How can she start a new Jedi Order if she remains an amateur?"

Ren's breathing hitched, his temples protruding.

"Did you not know this was her intention?"

No. No he didn't. Or, well, he sort of did. But he never thought Rey was serious about it. Doesn't she know how problematic that would be? For Force users to form an organization? That's how it was in the beginning, before the Sith factioned off and the wars between them and the Jedi pulled the galaxy into darkness.

The Jedi can't return. Force users cannot sharpen their abilities. He'll explain that to her and then she'll forget about these wasteful dreams. She'll see that he's right.

Ren was able to calm himself somewhat, knowing that he'll get Rey to stop with those fantasies.

Kayani cleared her throat, deciding against pressing him on his and Rey's lack of communication. "Why do you have no interest in killing my brother?"

Ren groaned. "I do. I want him dead more than anyone."

"Yet you are doing nothing about him. Have you ever thought of what you could do with him gone? The freedom you'd have?" A thought ran across his mind before he dismissed it. Not quickly enough, though. "But no, it's not freedom you truly desire," she said slowly in mild disbelief, sensing his thoughts. "It's power. After everything that has happened, you still believe that ruling the galaxy is your birthright. Your destiny."

Running his tongue across his teeth, he twisted around, muscles tense. "You know nothing about me."

"That's where you're wrong," Kayani contested. "Do you still want to be a doctor?" Ren's brows drew together, making an indent between them. "Oh, but of course not. Those were the dreams of a child, a child who wanted the attention of their father by having a normal job. A normal life. Normal children. A life where the Force didn't exist. But all you were doing was lying to yourself. You've always wanted power. You've always wanted to be different from everyone else. Special."

Ren was starting to understand exactly why Snoke killed this woman. "Leave."

"Don't like hearing the truth? While you're loyalties are deeply with Rey, they are just as strong to yourself." She pointed at him. "You need to stop lying to yourself and make a decision, Ben Solo."

"And what would that be?"

"Would you give up your position of power for purpose?"

This conversation was one huge roundabout of anger and confusion. He was lost as to what she was trying to get at, what her motives were. "What… I don't even know what you're talking about. Being in a position of power is a purpose. But it doesn't even matter, because I don't have that.

"But if you did, would you give it up?" Ren opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He had an answer to the question, didn't he? "The future is an ever turning wheel of possibilities, one you are getting closer to colliding with."

"And you're not going to let me in on my trajectory."

"No. You must choose your own fate."

 _Typical._

"My fate has never been my own."

"That isn't true."

"Isn't it?" Ren contended, finally getting a hint of annoyance from Kayani. "The Force made the bond Rey and I now share with the intention of using it against Snoke. You needed me to get close to him. All anyone has ever done is use me."

"Intentions are not prophetic," she explained as if she were teaching a lesson. "Yes, things were set up a certain way in hopes of a specific outcome, but to choose your path is up to you. You didn't have to fall in love with Rey. You didn't have to leave the First Order. You could have chosen not to murder your father, and so on and so forth."

"You use choice against me as if it's that easy."

"It is and it isn't."

Ren said nothing. Two different urges battled in his head. His body wanted to grab this woman by the throat and squeeze till he was satisfied. But his mind reminded him that he needed to get out of here and not waste time on trying to hurt someone who actually had no physical body.

Kayani neared him. Not too close. Acquaintance close; conversation close. "You still haven't prepared Rey to let you go."

He knew what she was alluding to: her belief that Snoke would get him in the end. "Your twin is off hiding somewhere. He isn't a problem."

She spread out her hands. "And yet here you are."

"This shouldn't have happened."

"Grief can weaken even the strongest defenses." She paused, her expression turning thoughtful. Tone becoming gentle. She curled some hair behind her ear and said, "I am truly sorry about your friends."

"Your manipulation won't work on me like it has with Rey."

"I'm not trying to manipulate you. Or her."

"Well, look who's the liar now," he mocked before becoming malicious. "Just know, if you ever do anything to hurt her or give her the false idea that she can get rid of your brother for you, I'll kill you."

"I'm already dead. You rudely pointed out as much."

He took a step toward her, catching her off guard with his willingness to get closer than normal. "You're spirit is not. And I can find out how to make your demise permanent."

Her left eye twitched. "I'm sure you could."

"Leave."

"You making a mistake by not accepting my help."

"I guess that's my choice to make, now isn't it."

He held her steely gaze with his own, refusing to be the first to back down. Then in a blink, she was gone.

Exhaling, Ren ran trembling hands through his thick hair, not wanting to admit that the woman was right about him in so many ways.

There was no lying to ones self when you were this deep in your own subconscious. And Kayani could sense what he'd kept buried beneath all that newfound love and devotion Rey had sidetracked him with.

He was still the same man underneath it all, viewed as selfish. But to him, it was more pragmatism. If the galaxy was sick with corruption, shouldn't someone cure it? Someone worthy of such a position? Someone who had the entitlement to do so?

And through it all, he would acquire the power and station he'd always secretly craved. But he would use it to recreate the galaxy in a new image. He'd use it for good.

And everyone would answer to him, in the end.

He sat in the ankle deep water, closing his eyes, stretching and pulling against the walls that held him hostage while parallel processing his inner conflict.

All he's ever wanted in life was power and respect. But that changed when he met Rey. He left everything behind to be with her, to start anew. Those things didn't matter to him as much as Rey did.

They really didn't.

.

.

.

But what if he actually could have it all? He's never thought such a thing was possible, never really gave the idea credence.

Now, musing over the possibilities, all he wanted was…

 **So this chapter was more about emotions and where the characters are rather than action. The fighting will be next chapter, I promise. I'm hoping to get it out in the next month or so.**

 **Also, there was a lot of foreshadowing in this chapter. But you can't take it all at face value. You might think it means one thing, but it could mean something completely different. So just a heads up!**

 **Ren is kind of going through another crisis. You could see his instability when he was arguing with Rey. And now, he is being teased with the possibility that power might be within his grasp. It's been a while since such a thing has tempted for him, because he's been engulfed with the new relationship with Rey. But we gotta test him and Rey's dynamic with what's ahead! Rey will be put in another tight spot over his decision making. I'm excited to write it.**

 **And now, I get to go enjoy the movie! Omg! I can't believe it's happening. Some of you might judge me, but I like being spoiled before going into a movie. It helps me to stay calm and enjoy the movie more. So I already knows what happens, and I have to say, I am disappointed in myself for not finishing this damn story before it came out. There is a certain plot point in the movie that happens in mine and I don't want you guys to think that I copied it. I know there are other fanfics that have it in theirs, so it's nothing original per se. But still, tad bit frustrating. Oh well. I can't change anything now so… what I write is what you will get!**


	44. Chapter 44

**Greetings everyone! Yes, I'm still alive. And no, I have not abandoned this story. First off, while there were some things that irked me about the movie, overall I loved The Last Jedi. Reylo Lives! It gave me a boost to keep writing! So I did. Here was the problem: You know how this chapter is the big battle and I don't like writing action? Well, my answer to that was to write the resolution part of the battle before the actual battle. Then before I knew it, I wrote 7,000 words and was like, "Yeah... this is gonna have to be chapter 45. It's way too long." Needless to say, I was mad at myself for doing it because it kind of felt like I was starting over. So I wrote the next chapter before this one! Forty-five is only 70% done, so it will be about two weeks before the next update. Then, on top of all that, the flu went through my family. Not enjoyable. But I'm back! Also, research took up a lot of my time. I wanted to use the right words and describe things properly to make it feel like you're in the Star Wars universe.**

 **I know I usually respond to the comments, but I think I am going to have to answer them through pm. I am amazed by how many reviews I received for the last chapter and am so beyond grateful to each and every one of you. But if I respond to them here, the word count on this chapter is going to be looooooooog. But please don't let that dissuade you from leaving a review! Your comments help me to keep writing! I love you guys! I really should post this on AO3 because the comments section actually lets you respond in it. I'm working on getting this fic up on that site.**

 **Fair warning about this chapter: it is violent. Probably on par with the previous violence in other chapters, but I feel like I should put these warnings out there from now on. And the majority of the chapter is from Rey's pov, with a little bit of Ben and Luke perspectives. I hope you guys like it and I apologize if I missed any grammatical mistakes!**

Chapter Forty-four

Chaotic disorder.

That's what Rey used to label the dogfights as she flew the Falcon through the battle happening above Jakku. Ties didn't know whether to shoot down their own people, and the Resistance didn't know who on the First Order was on their side. Then you throw into the mix civilian ships and it felt like her brain cells had randomized, not being able to make sense of it all.

It marked all the pilots with a hesitancy that showed, neither side really being vigorous with aiming at a target.

This worked in Rey's favor since she wasn't actively participating in the battle. She instead maneuvered around the ships, taking on a level of fire that she could handle on her own.

Luke was manning the dorsal cannon, and pretty soon upon launching into the air, the motivator blew in the main hold, causing the alarms to screech with warning. Chewie and Artoo were back there fixing it, leaving Rey with a worthless Ben for support.

Thankfully, over the coarse of the last couple months, Rey had installed computational components engineered to compensate for minor piloting errors and mistakes in judgment. Not all her time on Dandoran revolved around her every waking minute being filled with training in the ways of the Jedi. Luke had even helped her with making the upgrades, giving them time to converse about her ideas of a new Jedi Order.

Ben never did take part in the mechanics when it was his turn to accompany her. He just watched. His relationship with the Falcon was still… complicated. Rey could tell, even though he never said anything.

Still, such upgrades made it possible to fly the Falcon– sans co-pilot– without hiking her stress to a dangerous level of incompetency.

And what was taking Finn so long to contact her? The comm that one trooper gave her did have a direct line to the rebellion, but it wasn't Finn who had answered. Whoever did told her they'd hurry to get the comm to Finn, assuring her that it would only be a few moments.

That was a hundred moments ago.

The ship shuddered, the aerial sensors lighting up and showing a Tie on their tail. "Luke–"

"I see it."

The canon fire was distinct with its powerful vibrations, one shot going off one after the other.

Mixed among the sounds of fire, Rey heard a sharp inhale and a struggle for air as she turned to see Ben finally awake. His body went rigid, muscles tight in his neck as his darting eyes fixated on looking above the co-pilot seat and out the viewport. His lids widened, still somewhat in shock when he locked eyes with her.

"Have a nice nap?" Rey sardonically asked before focusing back ahead, the Falcon dipping to miss two Tie fighters in her line of projection.

The shields percentage suddenly plummeted as they kept taking fire from that pesky starfighter. She could hear Luke curse on the other end of the headset. Deciding to cut off power to the scrubbers, Rey upped it to the shields.

They shouldn't be out here long enough for radiation to become a problem.

She hoped.

Ben blinked, watching her hands fly over the panel and toggle switches. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" Rey strained as she stretched to get to the shield pump, flicking the switch to give them an extra boost. "We're in the middle of a fire fight."

"Give me the controls," Ben demanded, going for the flight reins.

Rey scoffed, elbowing him as he nearly jumped on top of her. "No way."

He doubled over, grasping his side and arm as he wheezed and collapsed in the adjacent chair. "Why is my arm broken?" he asked, voice raised. "And my ribs–"

"You left me to deal with everything," Rey fumed, shooting him a look of contempt. "And everything got… rough."

His expression softened, voice more somber. "I didn't leave you intentionally."

Rey gaped at him. "You refused my help!"

"With good reason," he said through clenched teeth.

"Then don't complain about your broken bones," she snapped at him. Glancing his way, Rey saw that his eyes were already closed and his breathing had slowed. He was in a state of healing. Some of her frustration dissipated. "I did the best I could to ensure we both survived," she muttered.

"I know you did," he whispered, barely moving his lips. "Thank you."

Rey fell quiet, letting him have some semblance of calm so he could focus on mending his injuries. During that little stretch of inner cabin silence, Luke had taken out the enemy Tie, allowing the shields to regenerate to a higher level of defense.

"Rey?" Finn's voice suddenly came over the comm strapped to her belt, jolting her in her seat. "Rey, you there?"

"Finn!" she cried out, relief flooding into her.

"How were you able to get ahold of us?"

She kept zooming through the battle, dodging turbolaser and flak bolts, slipping past a Resistance cruiser to eclipse themselves from the sensors of other Ties. "Ran into a trooper on Jakku that's on your side," she explained, voice tight. "He gave me a pre-synched comm so I could contact you."

"What's your status on the Star Destroyer?" Ben asked as he tried to help Rey by fine-tuning their trajectory markers so the flight controls were more loose. He seemed to fully healed, showing no signs of pain.

"We're losing man power quickly and can't cut through to the top level because of the blast doors. So we're preparing to blow the Finalizer apart instead–"

"Don't," Ben cut him off. "We can help you take the ship."

Rey glanced at him questioningly. "Ben, the Resistance is going to get slaughtered. If destroying the Finalizer is their best chance, then let them do it."

The Falcon rattled as the shields took a hit. Luke began firing the dorsal canon more vigorously.

"No," he argued. "That will just wound the First Order, not end the war. If we get to the command bridge and take out the high ranking officers, we could win."

"At what cost? We should make them retreat so the Resistance has a chance to regroup and–"

"We either get this done now, or we lose. No more waiting." Rey caught his hard stare before shaking her head and focusing back on the battle. Ben took her silence as her relenting. "Finn, which hangar's under your control?" he asked.

"B5. It's on the–"

"I know where it is," Ben said, confidence suddenly in his voice.

The density of the debris and fog dispersed, allowing a clear view of the Finalizer. About nineteen kilometers from end to end, the vast Super Star Destroyer filled her visual field. As the distance became shorter, Rey could see the shields of the hangars, the domes of the deflector-shield generators, the matte colored hull studded with canon turret peaks that lit up space with thunderbolts of explosive energy.

The vast ship flanked a Dreadnaught, along with three other Star Destroyers Rey didn't care to learn the names of. The Finalizer was all that mattered right now.

She gave the Dreadnaught a wide berth even though its ventral canons had been blown apart, making it almost useless. Some of the surface canons were still operational, however, and they could inflict a sizeable amount of damage on ships that were within range.

Ben described where the hangar was with a precise mental picture. While Rey didn't know some of the specific names of the locations on a Star Destroyer, she knew her way around one, allowing her to recognize where he was trying to take her.

"You'll need to punch the thrusters to dodge the canon fire," Ben told her as he fastened into the flight restraints. She did the same as he shut off all unnecessary power and rerouted it to the engines.

"Chewie, Artoo, hold on!" she shouted over her shoulder. She hoped BB-8 was with them.

She waited till she was in range from beneath the Destroyer. Just as the canon fire headed their way, Rey hit the thrusters, sending them zooming below the wide underbelly. Once clear, she pulled the flight controls and arched them backwards, a bold move for how fast they we going.

"Too much speed!" Ben yelled against the pressure.

"Almost... there…" Rey's voice came slow, concentrating on not passing out from the artificial gravity forces. She straightened their alignment just as they went through the shimmer of energy filling the opening of the hangar bay.

"Rey!"

She hit the reverse sublight thrusters with not a second to spare, the Falcon lurching to a halt with such sudden force, she was surprised her chest hadn't been crushed against the flight restraints. Both her and Ben grunted as the air from their lungs were expelled.

Sparks shot out of the side control panel next to Ben, and he worked quickly to put out the small fire before it engulfed the cockpit. By the time Rey gently lowered the Falcon to the floor, the atmospheric scrubbers had already drained most of the smoke.

They both sat slouched in the seats, letting their weight fall against the harnesses. Rey's hands were slightly shaking.

Slowly, Ben's head turned to her, eyes wide and lips pale. "You… could've killed us."

She unbuckled herself, not in the mood for a lecture. "But I didn't." Standing, she went to exit the cockpit and stopped. On the floor, its dirt scatted and vase shattered, was her pyro flower. She'd forgotten it was in here.

"You fried the sublight reverse motor," Ben said standing behind her. She felt him look over her shoulder to see what she was staring at.

Her bottom lip trembled. She couldn't get emotional over a plant. But she couldn't deny that she had an overwhelming feeling to cry.

She felt like everything was slowly being taken from her.

"I'll fix it later," she brushed it off, taking a step over the mess and going to the ramp. Chewie and Luke got off the Falcon with her, but Ben was still straggling behind. She was going to go back inside to get him when she caught sight of Finn, standing in front of a backdrop of white armor stained with streaks of red.

They ran to each other, embracing tightly as Finn buried his head in her neck. "That was one helluva entrance," he whispered. Rey smiled. There was this feeling of acceptance she could only experience when around Finn. It was calming and pure, and Rey rejoiced to be reunited with her friend. She could hear the people whispering Luke's name, no doubt fascinated to actually be seeing the legendary man.

Someone cleared their throat. Rey and Finn parted and saw a young woman, dressed in a similar officers uniform as Finn. Her black hair was tied back, showing her round face and sharp eyes. From Finn's past description, Rey figured this was Caliiya.

Both women just stared. Rey wasn't sure how to treat this person. She knew Finn cared about her, but now actually meeting the woman, she thought of all the things Ben had told her.

But introductions would have to wait as the brigade of armed soldiers suddenly lifted their weapons, aiming just behind her.

Ben had finally emerged to join them, his eyes glaring at the swarm of threats that surrounded him. Then something unexpected happened. Chewie went to stand in front of Ben, bowcaster aimed and ready as the Wookie roared indecipherably.

Well, Rey knew what he said. It had a lot to do with appendage removal and slaughtering them in mass quantities.

Ben was just as shocked as she was by Chewie's flagrant show of protection.

Finn shoved the blaster rifles down, raising his hands to calm the group. "Everyone, lower your weapons. That's an order. Kylo Ren is here to help us, not kill us."

One of the troopers protested. "But sir–"

"Kylo!" A short, tanned skinned man pushed his way to the front of the crowd, his broad shoulders knocking one of the troopers off balance.

"Garreaus?" Ben popped out from behind Chewie's broad form, eyeing the man up and down in surprise. The two men went in for a firm handshake, Garreaus plastering a wide smile across his stubbled cheeks. "What…. How are you–"

"General Organa sent some Resistance fighters our way," Finn explained, pointing to a group of them huddled at the end. They didn't seem so keen on intermingling with the troopers.

"Terr?" Ben questioned.

"He's better suited behind flight controls than on the ground," Garreaus commented like it was obvious.

And Rey believed that, especially after meeting Terr on a few occasions.

"You guys ready to go?" Finn caught their attention again, motioning for them to follow. The crowd dispersed as Finn led them into the hallways that connected the hangars.

He dove right into what was going on since it was a fill-you-in-as-we-go kind of situation. "We were able to take control of the secondary launch and primary docking bay, but when the bridge caught wind of what was happening, they sealed access to the upper levels. But we have an idea on how to get around it."

"Bombs?" Rey suggested.

Finn shook his head. "The sealed doors are twenty feet of pure durasteel. It would take a lot of explosives to get through, which runs the high risk of blowing us into space. And lightsabers won't be very useful, either."

Rey kept trying to assess Finn's form while he spoke, trying not to get caught while doing so. Something was wrong with the way he was walking. He couldn't fully lift and extend his right leg, and Rey wondered what his interrogation had entailed.

She balled her fists so tight, the pain radiated up to her bicep. What had these people done to him?

"So how do we get through?" Luke asked from behind, finally speaking up. Rey almost forgot he was there, as well as Caliiya. The woman was being exceptionally silent as she walked by the Jedi Master.

"We don't," Finn explained as he wiped some stress induced sweat from his brow. "We go around it. Above the engine room is the waste dump. It has tunnels that connect all the way up to the bridge. A few of us will use those to get on the other side of the blast doors and open them. With the numbers, we can orchestrate a full on assault to the bridge and take it over."

Rey ran the logistics through her head, amazed at the plan they'd come up with. "That… just might work."

"What do you plan on doing with Hux?" Ben inquired, not looking as impressed as Rey was.

"Removing him of his rank, with whatever means necessary." Finn paused, letting his insinuation sink in for a moment. Ben seemed pleased with that comment. "From the bridge, we can take over the First Order and stop the attack. But we need to work fast. The Resistance won't be able to hold out much longer."

They entered into another hangar, a mixture of Resistance members and red streaked troopers arming themselves with various weaponry.

"Did they try getting the location of the Resistance from you?" Rey asked.

"Kind of impossible since I really had no idea where they were." Finn lead them to a flight of stairs that led to an overhang. "But Hux wasn't interested in the Resistance." He glanced at Ben. "He only wanted to know where you were."

That alarmed Rey. Her heart thumped painfully against her ribs. "He only asked about Ben?"

Finn nodded. "But he wants you dead," he pegged her with a serious stare as they made it to the top. "He made that quite clear." They went left, Finn taking them all the way down the platform to a group of troopers gathered around a holoimage of a schematic map of the Finalizer.

"Where's Poe and Jess? They with their squadron?" Finn asked nonchalantly, like there was no other answer to that question but his assumption.

Rey gulped, smoothing out her face. "They thought they could better assist from their X-wing's."

The lie came out easily. Too easily.

Rey felt like she was going to be sick. Finn nodded, satisfied with her reply. "Good. We need some skilled pilots out there." One of the troopers caught his attention for a moment, pointing to the projection.

Ben took this as an opportunity to grab her arm and whirl her around, getting in her face, his voice low and as cold as space. "You can't lie to him. Not about this."

Her eyes glanced to Luke, seeing his deep frown. "And what do you think will happen if I tell him the truth?" She wrenched her arm from his tight grasp. "He can't be distracted right now. If something happened to him–"

There was a blinding flash, a deafening roar.

The outside of the hangar ignited into a huge ball of varicolored fire, destroying the primary shields and pulling anything not tied down toward open space. Bodies, crates, weaponry, Ties not properly secured to their fuel lines– all being dragged out to the inhospitable vacuum in one fluid gulp.

Rey's body jerked into the air with violent speed, her side hitting the railing and allowing her to use the Force to get a firm grasp on the metal rod.

The others weren't so fortunate. They overshot the guardrail, limbs and bodies flailing as they were hauled across the hangar, shooting to the opening.

No time to think, Rey acted on instinct. Augmenting her strength further with the Force, she released one hand and extended it, stopping Finn in midair, letting the others go.

Letting Ben go, hoping he used the Force to save himself.

The strain was sharp, her muscles and tendons protesting against the immense pull. Her scream was guttural as she fought to hold onto both the rail and Finn, and just as her grip was about to slip, the backup shields closed them in, sending them both to the ground.

…

…

Rey woke with a gasp.

Out of the shock, she felt herself amidst a mass of terrible revelations: the noise of a fearful explosion, the hoarse howl of voices, the awful gulf that swallowed everything out into an inhospitable void. Every thought was well-defined, every sense urging her to claw her way to standing. Her hand went to her hip, feeling that her saber was still securely clipped.

On unstable feet, Rey stood, surveying the destruction.

A fog of smoke and dust filled the hangar, twisting, writhing, changing shape, beginning as dark smoke in one moment, then dispersing into the air the next. It was being pushed around by the activation of support air vents working vigorously to bring the room's oxygen levels back to proper concentration.

Belching flames rolled across the walls, a lancelike spray of sparks like rainfall showering down upon them. The troopers that remained were slowly getting to their feet, others just sitting there, taking a moment. Among them was Ben, weaving among the stunned, searching frantically. But then their eyes met and his broad frame raced to her, scooping her into his arms and burying his face into her hair.

"For a moment I thought…"

"Me too," she whispered.

He placed his palm gently on the back of her head, relieving the pressure and healing the ache of the injury. "Thank you," she muttered against his chest. "How are there any people left in here?"

They both went back to surveying the damage. "Luke and I tried to latch onto as many of them as we could."

At the mention of her master, Rey spun around and scanned the area, overlooking what remained of the broken Ties still attached to their cables and the ruined accessory material peppering the floor.

It was astonishing to see anything still in the hangar, but in retrospect, it had only taken seconds for the backup shields to generate.

Felt like a lifetime.

She glanced over at the glowing iridescent barrier, its transparency allowing everyone an uninterrupted view of the carnage being brought down upon the Resistance.

Chewie and Luke stood not far from the shield, his tattered and burnt robes swaying against the push of artificial air. She tripped over debris as both her and Ben came to his side, both watching the onslaught.

One of the Resistance cruisers was extremely damaged, pockets of explosions ripping the vessel apart. But there must have been some life still left in it, because the ion engines ignited and went full speed for the Dreadnaught. The First Order ship tried to fire upon the cruiser with the canons it had left, but it had reacted too slowly.

The cruiser made impact, and both ships were reduced to nothing but huge chunks of debris floating among the lifeless space. This is what it meant to fight in a war: no excuses, no begging. And no mercy.

Maybe this wasn't a battle they could win, only a sacrifice to be read at a later time.

 _No_ , Rey rebuked. She refused to believe that.

"Leia…" Luke murmured.

Rey placed a heavy hand on the Jedi Master's shoulder. "I never should've asked you to leave your sister." He met her gaze, eyes filled with concern.

"The cruiser won't last much longer," Ben said hastily. "Go. Get Leia into hiding. If anything happens to her–"

"It won't," Luke asserted.

Chewie bellowed, making his decision to stay and see the fight through. As Luke sprinted away, the Wookie became Ben's shadow during the search for Finn. Rey could tell he was unsure as to what to make of Chewie's unusual choice of staying close to him.

They found Caliiya and Finn helping to huddle everyone together. He caught sight of them as he helped someone get to their feet, his outer jacket now gone and showing the marred white shirt beneath. "The hangar doors sealed shut after the breach of atmosphere," Finn said before they could get a word in. No time to be happy they were all still alive. "It's on a timer and won't be opening any time soon. And we don't have time to wait."

"What if we go around it?" They all looked to Rey, not knowing what she was suggesting. "Like how your going to use the waste tunnels, we can use the air ducts." She ran to one of the walls, the others following as she kicked a piece of rubble away to reveal a rectangular vent, air still coming out of it. "They crisscross at multiple points leading up the neck of the ship. I can solve the problem with the blast doors by the time the hangar doors open, giving you guys a clear shot at making it to the bridge."

Ben and Finn stood there, impressed. "How do you know that?" Finn asked.

"Scavenger, remember? I know every inch of a Star Destroyer, and the air and recycling systems were too narrow for most other scavengers. But not for me," she said with pride. "Plus, the vents have built in ladders so they are easily accessible for repair." And easier to climb.

Ben reached out his hand and Force pulled the opening off. The four of them eyed the narrow space, a gust of air hitting their faces.

Ben shook his head. "There's no way I'm going fit in there. And you shouldn't go alone," he sternly said to Rey.

"I can do this on my own," she protested.

"No, Ren's right," Finn said as he straightened. "I'll go with you. I think I can make it in there."

"I'll stay here and make sure the troopers make it to the bridge," Ben decided, getting a look of surprise from Finn.

Caliiya took a step toward them. "I'll help him."

Finn opened his mouth to say something to the woman, but closed it. "Okay then," he said to the group before saying to Ben, "Use the lifts to get to the top sector. It'll be faster."

Rey walked up to the tight opening, Ben helping he get inside. She started to crawl, but a hand grabbed onto her ankle. She glanced over her shoulder. "If anything happens, contact me," Ben said sternly.

He let go of her ankle, allowing her to crawl deeper inside the makeup of the Star Destroyer. And for a moment, she though of herself as that little girl, looking for that piece of hardware that would grant her a next meal.

()()()()()

The wait for the hangar doors to open had been excruciating, but not as long as Finn had made it out to be. It was ten minutes at most before the rounded up group rushed up to the blast doors, expecting them to be open.

They weren't.

But Ren sensed that Rey was fine. So he assumed that it was taking them longer than they had expected to crawl to this level. Finn's limp was probably slowing them down.

The man had tried to hide the injury, but it was noticeable. And while it was a loyalty officer who had most likely inflicted the problem, Ren was the one who had originally put it there when he sliced open Finn's back.

Those thoughts weighed into him.

The hallways that lead up to the blast doors were now huddled with what was left of the troopers and Resistance members, none of them no longer looking at each other as if they were the enemy. They were helping each other patch up artificial wounds, mumbling, talking, someone actually laughed– to which Ben wanted to find the person and beat the levity out of them.

He even overheard some Resistance members giving names to those who were just defined as numbers and letters.

Almost dying has a way of bringing people together.

Ren leaned against the blast door, arms folded, toe of his boot impatiently tapping against the floor. He wasn't interested in mingling with these people. He tried telling himself it was because they were all beneath him– which was true– but in reality, most of them were going to die.

When those blast doors open, there were going to be blaster bolts lighting up the hallways and searing through bodies. The only people he really introduced himself to was PK and Quindon, both seeming to have some air of authority the other troopers didn't posses.

He looked to the right and down the corridor, scolding himself. _Don't. You don't need it._

His eyes shifted down to his boots, but then he glanced up again, chewing the inside of his cheek. He ignored the inner voice and stepped away from the wall.

"Stay here and keep the group together," he ordered Quindon and Garreaus, both shooting him a look of confusion. Chewie stared down at him, making Ren glance away. He still didn't understand why Chewie insisted on staying close to him. It was hard enough as it was to look the Wookie in the eye. He would much rather take being ignored like before. "There's something I need to take care of before the doors open."

"Alone?" Caliiya griped.

"That's how I prefer it."

"But–"

"You," he pointed to Caliiya, "shut up and do as you're told. And Chewie, kill anyone that gets in your way."

Chewie roared his approval.

Ren split off from the group, their voices dying down as he rounded the corner and hurried down the hall. The officers laundering room was fairly close, hopefully housing what he was in need of.

He rushed into the room, opening storage closets and crates, coming up empty. Going to the adjacent chamber, he entered the overseer's office for all First Order armor and military standard garments. There was a trunk behind the desk, and that was where he found it. His battle attire and helmet.

No doubt Hux tried to destroy all remnants of his clothing, but Ren knew that the man who had designed and created it for him would want to keep some scrap of his own work hidden.

Because pride.

He quickly undressed. He chose to forgo the long robes and to instead wear the leather cape, giving him more of a look that resembled his grandfather. Ren wheeled around just as he put the last boot on.

Caliiya stood in the door. He didn't know how long she'd been standing there. "You must be desperate to appear menacing if you're putting that thing back on," she nodded to the mask on the desk.

"I prefer determined."

"With offense, your face looks worse without the mask. You know," she waved her hand through the air, "the scar and all."

Ren rounded his jaw. "I told you to stay with the rest of the troopers. Are you really that incapable of following orders?"

"Only when they're given by you." He got the sense that the woman was trying to joke with him, but he wasn't in the mood to appease her. Besides, they didn't have that kind of relationship.

Ren grabbed the helmet and left the room, crossing the laundering facility to make it back out to the hallway.

Caliiya caught up with him. "Look, some of the troopers were starting to think that you ran off to double cross us. That's why I came to find you. Your friends are trying to calm them down, but they're nervous."

Putting the mask over his hair and securing it to his head, Ren felt a sense of security wash over him. To be covered up again, no one able to read him, it was reassuring and comforting.

But then he started to remember the deeds he's done while wearing this second skin, and the relief he'd been feeling began to be tainted with a bitterness aimed at himself.

"You still don't like me, do you?"

Ren rolled his eyes at such a question as they turned the corner, the group coming into view. "If you have to ask me that, then I'm clearly failing to make my disdain for you more obvious." Gods, he almost forgot what his voice sounded like with this on.

"It's not about that whole Wookie thing, now is it?" she asked, playing it off as if it were no big deal.

"It most definitely is. And don't forget how you betrayed us on that ship."

The first people to catch sight of him gaped, frozen in fear upon seeing the demon they all reviled. He was getting more and more stares as they got closer.

"I've changed since then," she argued, trying to get her petite legs to match his long strides. "I agreed to help you get Finn back, and I succeeded. I haven't taken a bounty job in months, and… while I would have done anything for a credit back then, I do have standards now. I'm a better person."

"How about we both just agree that you are wrong."

"But–"

"In my experience, if someone feels the need to declare themselves a better person, they're not. Kind of goes against the whole "being humble" angle." They stopped once closer to the group. The doors were still closed, making him start to worry.

"Because you're such an expert on humility."

He tilted his head. "I'm sensing mockery. And general loathing."

A high beeping shrill echoed down the hall they just walked through, BB-8 rolling at top speed straight for them.

Putting aside his surprise that the droid didn't stay on the Falcon, Ren was only able to decipher one word: Ambush.

From the end of the corridor, a small object was hurled their way. Ren stopped it midair before it got to them, seeing that it was a palm-sized spherical concussion grenade. On reflex, Ren Force threw it back down the hall, the explosive activating in a blast of kinetic energy. The blast radius was four meters wide, stunning those in its path.

Ren didn't remember going to the ground and covering Caliiya with his body, shielding them both from the sonic shockwave by using the Force. Was his first instinct to actually protect this woman? What a sickly notion. And yet here he was, taking the brunt of the sonic discharge.

It took a moment for his heart to gain a normal rhythm.

Blaster fire was exchanged down both corridors. "We're being flanked," Caliiya shouted over the foray, her face still in shock over how the events have turned. Or was she surprised he put himself between her and the grenade?

Because he was.

Ren froze the blaster bolts coming at them, allowing him, Caliiya, and the others to scramble the rest of the way to the blast doors… which just so happen to be open.

Rey had succeeded just in time. But as he reached out to her, he was met with a heaping energy of stress. All emanating from her.

Something was wrong.

Chewie howled at them to hurry through as he aimed his bowcaster at the charging targets, his precision still accurate through all the chaos. Ren ordered them all to get to the lift stations as he took the lead, reminding PK to get her squadron to the secondary bridge. Even if it was smaller, the backup command center still had all the same capabilities as the main one.

Ren rushed through the narrow hallways, his boots hitting the hard floor like thunder, his anger in check so it was an engine that drove him forward, not a disaster that spun him out. BB-8 whirled just behind him, the little droid's half-domed head slightly out front, like it would use it as a battering ram against anyone that got in its way.

Ren let the Force direct his blade as he barreled amongst rival blasterfire, redirecting it against the walls, sparks cascading through the air. He cut through a group of soldiers, revealing the entrance to the lift hangar.

The chamber was long and high, a wide platform housing the numerous elevators that lined the high wall. They were met with more resistance upon entering, but the storm of blasterfire ricocheting through the hangar suddenly ceased as Ren concentrated on the life forms, throwing them over the railing and down the adjacent abyss.

And that was when he felt it: a sudden rush of adrenaline, panic, and all about breathlessness. The air left his lungs, making him stumble to the floor and double over as if being punched square in the gut.

Chewie grabbed his arm and made him get to his feet, basically dragging him to the lineup of elevators as Quindon and some other troopers covered their backs.

"Are you okay?" Caliiya frantically asked, running beside them.

He was physically fine, but Rey wasn't. Ren's gut went frigid as he sensed she was on the bridge, fighting for her life and… Finns? What has she done? Why were they there?

As they neared the elevators, Ren reached into the Force, his mind following the lift mechanism circuitry to locate and unlock their manual boards. While the blast doors and other entryways were protected from such uses of the Force, the elevators were not.

Budget cuts.

They piled into the circular vessels, bodies pushing up against each other to make as much room as possible. The smell of sweat, smoke, and blood circulated the space quickly.

Caliiya's hand hovered over the control panel as they watched the opposing troopers gaining more ground and picking off more of their own.

Ren yelled out for Quindon and his men to get in, but the man waved him off, signaling that they were going to stay. There was no time to argue against his decision. They could use the cover to ensure the lifts made it into the tunnels.

Ren shoved Caliiya aside, hit the panel, and sent the lift soaring upward. "What are you doing?" the woman questioned. "We can't leave them. Those men will die down there!"

"They know that," Ren snapped back. "But our objective is to get to the bridge." Caliiya stared daggers into his black visor before exhaling, realizing that Ren was right. Even with logic, loss wasn't easier to bear.

He eyed BB-8 at his feet, making sure the droid was okay. A few scratches, but nothing that was life threatening.

Then he looked to the faces of the remaining soldiers, none of their expressions showing a tinge of fear or doubt. Once, Ren had viewed these people as expendable, nothing more than a number among many. Now, with them all staring at him, his eyes going to Garreaus, he could see there had been so much more beneath those helmets.

Just like with him. And just like with Quindon and his men as they made a sacrifice.

"We only have a minute before those doors open and we are met with more opposition," Ren announced. "I'll take the lead and get us to the bridge. Does anyone have any explosives?"

He held his breath.

"I do," someone in the back responded.

Ren's relief didn't last long. A muscle twitched involuntarily at the corner of his eye, his mouth forming into a rigid grimace. Darkness crept into his psyche, filling it with pain and hate and vengeance. Rey was losing herself in the theatrics of her own mind, too easily sliding into and using the dark side of the Force.

The troopers glanced among each other as he went quiet for a moment, zoning out and trying to get through to Rey only to be met by a formidable wall. She was emanating too much power to push through.

He needed to get to her.

"Get the explosives ready," Ren ordered, focus coming back.

"For what, exactly?"

The lift began to slow. Ren turned to face the sliding doors, lightsaber ready to ignite. "The doors to the bridge."

()()()()()

Hurrying through the halls of the _Raddus_ , Luke passed swarms of crewmen making their way to the escape pods, a full evacuation already in place. Luke and Artoo were the only ones heading to the command bridge.

Artoo let out a wheedling whir.

"No," Luke responded. "I have a feeling Leia isn't going to be on one of those escape pods." _Not this time._

There were only a handful of personnel left in the bridge, those few remaining hesitating to leave their stations. But Casterfo was having none of it, yelling at them to get out of there.

Luke's stare went passed them, focusing on the small silhouette of a woman, dressed in her grey robes and hair in a traditional bun. Next to her stood Threepio.

"Leia," he called out to her, rushing to her side. Her gaze stayed upon the destruction happening outside, not even paying her brother any heed. "Leia," he said between heavy breaths. "We need to leave the cruiser. It's already sustained too much damage to jump to–"

"I really thought more would come." Leia's mouth had fallen to an almost scowl, her eyes that reflected the light of the battle conveying none of its warmth or sparkle. "I thought…. Do people not care what happens to the galaxy anymore?"

Ransolm appeared on the other side of his sister, hair disheveled and face taut with purpose. "Most of the crew has evacuated on the transports and escape pods. It's time for us to go, Leia."

"And go where?"

Ransolm frowned. "We're going to try and hide on Jakku–"

"Jakku," Leia scoffed. "I'm done running."

Luke stepped in her line of view. "Leia, the Falcon's in the hangar, and you're getting on it."

The deck tremored beneath his boots as the entire ship shuddered under enemy turbolaser blasts and torpedoes.

She feigned thinking it over. "I think I'll stay."

"And what?" Ransolm argued. "Die with a ship that's already useless?"

"It's not completely useless. The navigational controls still work."

Blanching, Ransolm said almost breathlessly, "You're not serious."

"Vassena had the right idea with the _Ninka_. If we can't win, might as well take a Star Destroyer down with me. Even Poe understood sacrifice by taking out that blasphemous weapon." Her tone hinted at her gnawing grief when mentioning Commander Dameron.

"Ben and Rey are on the Finalizer," Luke reminded her, trying to persuade her against this plan.

She shrugged. "I have two other Destroyers to choose from then." She met Luke's hard stare, expression softening. "Please leave, Luke. Make sure that my son and Rey live. I… I need him to live."

Luke shook his head and should have felt more surprised by Leia's resolve. But he'd felt down to his marrow that she would try to pull a stunt like this. They were both old and tired, jaded by the continuing circumstances that plagued the galaxy. Done with it all.

The ship shuddered again, more sharply this time, followed by a slight shift in the vector of the cruiser's artificial gravity. They all swayed, keeping themselves up right.

They needed to go.

Ben and Rey sent him to save Leia. Leia wanted to send him to save them. No one actually wanted to leave. Problem was, Leia was on the losing side. And it hurt him to admit it, but he would choose to save his sister and hope that his nephew and Rey could make it out alive on their own.

Ransolm spun Leia to face him, pushing an offended Threepio out of the way. "Whether you stay or leave, it won't change the fact that the battle is a failure. Leia, your name and face has become the very symbol of rebellion and hope. People are inspired by you."

She cupped his cheek, her calm demeanor a contrast to Ransolm's desperation. "Even after my death, hope will live on. The story of what happened here will inspire others to take up the mantle, even if I'm not alive to see it through." Casterfo let her go, stepping back in disbelief.

"Leia," Luke said softly, tenderly. She gazed at him, expecting this to be their goodbye, eyes beginning to glisten. "I know you're intentions are honorable, but Ransolm's right. You take out a Star Destroyer, the First Order still wins. I'm sorry, but I can't let you do this."

Her eye's widened, but before she could argue, Luke Force stunned her, making her go unconscious. Catching her in his arms, he saw a tear escape the corner of her eye, sliding into her greying hair.

Threepio scrambled back. "Oh dear. Is she–"

"Of course not," Luke bit out before looking to Ransolm. "Help me get her to the Falcon."

Casterfo lifted Leia up, securing her in his hold. "She's going to kill you for this when she wakes up."

Luke hurried next to them out of the room, balancing his steps against the sway of the ship. "As long as she's alive, she can hate me all she wants. Her anger is nothing new to me."

He kept putting one foot in front of the other even as he felt his mind being pulled by the Force, showing him images inside his own head.

Rey falling through a cloud of reddish sand.

Leia screaming in a cavern, the sound slicing and cracking through the rock walls.

Ben walking through a rippling sea of tall grass, his fingers outstretched and touching the green blades and lavender flowers as he went.

These were not images. This was a reality. A memory of something that has not happened yet. A future that will come to pass, even if he tried to stop it. Visions... they always were a fickle thing. Even torturous at times, which is what those were. It was as if the Force were mocking him, reminding him just how weak he really was.

His mind went to his young apprentice and nephew, hoping that on their end, everything was going according to plan.

()()()()()

Nothing had gone according to plan.

Rey and Finn had made it to the circuitry board above the blast doors, but she quickly realized that there was no way for her to control the mechanism. All functionality was coming from the main bridge.

There was nothing she could do.

But as she eyed Finn, taking into view his officers uniform, she got an idea. A crazy, high risk, you-got-to-be-absolutely-out-of-your mind kind of idea. Finn was against it, but with no other options and with time quickly ticking by, he relented and went about helping her.

He even agreed not to comm Ben after Rey persuaded him not to. He would just waste time by arguing with them.

They switched between using the vents and her cutting their way into the waste tunnels, traversing the shafts to cut back on time. Rey understandably preferred the vents and tried to use them the most. Thankfully, they ran right above an officers private quarters, particularly a female's.

The room was vacant, but they still had to be careful with how close the room was to the bridge.

Finn went through the woman's closet, tossing Rey an ensemble of clothes and black boots. She stripped and changed quickly, letting Finn know when she was done. He had to adjust the jacket, fix her hair beneath the hat, and wipe off her face with a damp towel to make her presentable.

She took a deep breath as she went for the door. Finn would stay behind since they all knew his face. But he turned on her comlink and put it in her pocket so he could hear what was going on at all times.

They looked at each other. Finn couldn't hide his worry. Rey couldn't hide her anxiety. Her hands were shaking, heart thrashing to be released from its cage. Finn took her hands in his, giving them a squeeze.

She eyed her saber now clipped to Finn's belt. "I want that back when I'm done." With nowhere to hide the long hilt, Rey had to entrust it with him.

He gave her a tentative smile. "I'll keep it safe for you."

And then she initiated the door and walked out, breathing out her uneasiness and inhaling confidence

With the heels of her boots hurriedly clipping against the sleek black floor, Rey strutted through the corridors, chin held high as she went straight for the entrance to the command bridge. Two stormtroopers stood guard at either side, but neither stopped her. Finn had instructed her to look at them with contempt, that such a stare would work in letting her pass without any questions being asked.

It did.

When Rey walked through the corridor, there was something that made her nervous. Something off putting. And it wasn't the fact that she knowingly stepped into the den of the enemy. It was seeing just how organized and collected every single person was operating, how orderly all the officers and crewmen were behaving. There was a wide scale battle unfolding just beyond the viewing pane and not a single person seemed anxious.

It was almost like they already won. Like the high number of casualties happening on both sides didn't matter as long as the outcome was in their favor.

But it wasn't just the morality of it all that was bothering her.

It was that sense that she shouldn't be here. Instinct told her that she should turn and run and find another solution to the blast doors. But there was no other solution. She'd been over this with Finn already.

While fear hiked up her stress, she walked the rest of the way in regardless. She could distinctly tell the outline of General Hux, hands clasped behind him as he stood and watched the skirmish that would bestow him with a much needed victory. He gave out orders that were curt and precise, the other officers on the officer platform relaying the commands to the subordinates.

Rey hated his voice. And it annoyed her that no one seemed to believe that the stormtrooper rebellion was an actual threat. When asked about it, Hux just laughed, telling the officer that it's being handled.

Handled? Handled how? They must not know Ben and her were on the ship, or else they'd be taking the opposition more seriously.

Ambling down the few steps that led into the control pit, no one glanced at her. While the atmosphere was very measured, everyone was deep in concentration as their hands flew over their regulation desks and their mouths spoke smoothly into their headsets.

All working as a loyal cog in a well oiled, very disciplined machine.

As Finn had inculcated, she needed to act like she belonged here. So she put on a scowl, looking down her nose at these people as she walked further along the isle. She stopped at the station Finn had told her controlled the internal corridors, peering at the young man who manned the position.

Rey eyed the others before bending down into the man's periphery, catching eye contact. The flow of power was immediate, the effects causing the man's lids to droop slightly, his cognizance caught in Rey's own mental web of persuasion.

"You will open the blast doors on the lower level discreetly," she whispered, voice steady. "And you will not repeat back what I've just said."

His focus went back to his station, and within a few moments, the screen showed the doors to be unlocked and open.

Rey caught his attention again. "Sit here quietly and keep your eyes on the screen. Talk to no one." Seeing the man's concentration go back to his station, Rey had a hint of a smile on her lips as she casually went for the stairs to ascend out of the pit.

"Sir," a feminine voice called out from the opposite side, making Hux turn. "The blast doors on the lower levels have all been opened."

"Opened?" Hux questioned in shock. In unison, the General and the other officers turned to the man Rey had mind tricked into doing her bidding. She slowed her pace considerably, taking each step with careful mobility as she watched the beratement that followed.

A bead of sweat slid down he temple, her heart thudding with such force she thought it would give her away.

Now looming over the techs station, Hux fumed. "Those doors are not to be opened! Close them immediately," he ordered. But the man remained frozen, much to Hux's consternation. "Did you hear me? I gave you an order–" Hux paused as he scrutinized the man, his eyes going wide with realization.

The General whipped his head around, his stare falling upon Rey. She stopped under his fiery gaze, only half way to the exit as her lungs trapped what little breath she had left.

There was a stillness on both sides, as well as recognition. Hux knew what she had done, and by extension could conclude as to who she was.

If the air could show hatred, it would be painted scarlet.

But before either could react, a searing flash of light and an engulfing wave of smoke tore through the moment, rendering everyone momentarily blind and confused. Rey coughed from the artificial haze and was almost caught off balance as a hand clutched her arm, dragging her backwards.

Her senses told her it was Finn guiding her; that it was Finn who threw the flash grenades into the room so he could help get her out of there. But as their outstretched palms met the denial of escape from a closed entryway, they found it to be locked, no amount of pounding causing it to open.

Something hard was being pressed into her torso, making her reflexively reach up to grab it. It was her saber. Without the use of words, Finn and Rey whirled around, both accepting that if they were to get out of there, it would only be done by leaving bodies in their wake.

In the smoke, it was difficult to decipher which direction to go, the usual landmarks of the room hidden behind the white that swirled so densely. Even Finn, who stood beside her, was little more than a crude outline of a body rubbed out from the haze.

The blaster fire started, mostly random and directionless. But there were a few that would've been lethal if Rey hadn't ignited her saber, protecting herself from certain death. Now, with the yellow glow of her blade, she was a beacon for the enemy to follow as she arched the weapon high, the thick fog swirling with her every movement.

Someone got too close to her, and by the shrill of their scream and the smell of burnt flesh, Rey figured she had taken a limb. In her mind, she had already deemed this day the last battle– them or her, no truce, no captives. Just an end.

There were no holes barred as Rey went into a full on attack, seeking out the shadowy figures of her targets. She Force pushed them across the room, kicked them straight in the gut, bit an arm that wrapped around her shoulders, head butted a nose and heard it crunch under the pressure.

Her screams were wrathful, almost paralyzing with how she amplified it with the Force. But her voice could only last so long, just as the smoke was now starting to dissipate.

A few pairs of rough hands tried to seize her, but she swung the saber outward and back, hearing the gurgle of breaths as the severed torsos fell to the ground. But someone was able to dodge her maneuver, jumping onto her back and making her crumble under the weight. Before she was completely pinned, she twisted and shook herself free, rising quickly to butt her head right into the stomach of the attacker before relieving him of his head.

A twitch in her mind made her turn to the viewport. Fog now completely gone, she could see Finn caught in the vice grip of General Hux, the crazed looking man pressing a blaster pistol to Finn's temple, using his body as a shield.

On instinct, she began to stretch out her arm, but stopped when Hux pressed the muzzle further against Finn's skin, causing him to wince. "I wouldn't raise that hand of yours," Hux warned, eyes jumpy. "Put down the saber, or I put a bolt through his head."

Her eyes glanced to the side, seeing severed bodies and limbs strewed over the ground. The handful of personnel still alive had their blasters aimed right at her from down in the pit, staying as far from her as possible. Her, Finn, and Hux were the only ones on the platform.

She disengaged and slowly lowered the lightsaber to the floor.

Rey held the red headed rat's stare. And by the looks they gave each other, each didn't just want the other dead– they wanted the other demolished, eradicated, destroyed so there was nothing left of the other to bury. "I'm taking control of this bridge," Rey said, voice low and guttural.

"Are you now?" Hux's face shined with crazed amusement. But he was also nervous. The blaster against Finn's skull was minutely shaking. "Do you think you can kill me before I pull this trigger?"

"Let him go. I know it's me you really want."

"Not quite. What I need is Ren alive, but you…" He shook his head, narrowing his contempt filled stare. "The Supreme Leader wants you dead and disposed of. Throwing your body out of the dump with the rest of the waste should be sufficient enough. Though, that would be an insult to trash, but I understand you're quite comfortable among junk. You might even feel at home."

Pressure began to build in the hinges of her jaw, her clenched teeth getting very close to the point of cracking.

"So how about you go to your knees, put that lightsaber to your chest, and ignite it. Or I kill this traitor right in front of you."

"Because you'll let him go once I'm dead?"

"Guess this comes down to whether you want your _friend_ to die first, or you. Your choice."

But there really wasn't a choice. There was no way she would let Finn die. As long as she was capable, she would never let the direness of a circumstance allow it. Because he was the friend who saw her entirety and still came to her, loving her for who she was. She would tell him of her worries, and he would say everything was okay. She would become the softest version of herself as she listened to him talk of his past life, of his dreams, and fears.

He was everything she imagined a brother would be.

As she gazed at a piece of her family, Finn's face already showed the acceptance of what he believed was going to happen. But while his features were strong, his eyes gleamed with untold sentiments and confessions, with loyalty and affection. Just like on Chandrila, when he bade her farewell.

So it came as no surprise that Finn had a piece of her heart, and she would do whatever she needed to protect his.

That lurking shadow glided along her nerves, touched upon her mind, and infused her muscles with a power that made her feel invincible. She stretched it out to the living, the tendrils digging deep into their consciousness and allowing her to govern their actions.

Rey's piercing eyes remained on Hux, his face flushed and neck tightening as he tried to fight against her. Gradually, his arm lifted away from Finn, turning the weapon to his face. The crewmens will power must have been far less than the General's, for they already had their pistols locked and ready against their temples.

Finn scrambled away, eyes wide as he watched the sentence Rey was about to inflict. But he didn't stop her. Didn't say anything. He let her be.

Her face was now a mask of rage, glorifying in this triumphant moment. "Pull the trig–"

The doorway exploded, pieces of the barrier cutting through the air as good as any blade. Rey went to her hands and knees, ears ringing, breath heavy, and all connection to the others now severed.

 _No!_ she wanted to scream, but her strength had suddenly vanished. She'd been robbed of what she wanted, the need for retaliation gnawing at her soul like a starved rat, relentless, unceasing. These people couldn't get away with trying to force her to choose between her own life and Finn's. Hux deserved the death she would have given him.

They all did.

The troopers that belonged to the new rebellion rushed in, catching the dazed personnel off guard, forcing them to surrender. BB-8 rolled past all of them, going straight for Rey, whipping his electric cable out and putting himself between her and any potential danger.

Rey placed a palm to his little arched head. There were a lot of things she could've said to the astromech, but all she could conjure up was a thank you. Caliiya rushed by her, going to Finn as he secured Hux to the floor with his weight.

Rey glanced at the remaining officers, seeing them suddenly tense, their eyes growing wide as they stared at the blown apart entryway.

A dark form came into the command center, a black cape draping over obscure tunics, a sinister mask covering a face and distorting Kylo Ren's voice. In his hand, his saber hilt, disengaged, but thumb ready to ignite it. Chewie stayed close behind, bowcaster at the ready to defend them both. "Order all squadrons to stop the attack and return to their hangars." That mechanized voice, the deep distortion– Rey slightly recoiled upon hearing it.

At first, no one spoke. But then a woman stepped forward, head held high. Defiant. "We don't take orders from you. The Supreme Leader–"

Head snapping violently, her body crumbled to the ground. The woman's neck was twisted at a comic angle, eyes open and staring. Seeing nothing. Those that were near took a step back, some even tripping over their heels and landing hard on their rears.

"Anyone else?" Some shook their heads. Others were silent. "Snoke no longer holds any authority over the First Order," Kylo proclaimed. "You all answer to me now. Stop the attack, or join her fate."

It took a second for their brains to reboot, but once they had, the remaining survivors went to work. Their voices were almost a shrill as they commanded the First Order units to cease fire and return to the Star Destroyers.

Realizing she was still on the floor, Rey grabbed her saber and stood on unsure legs, eyes never leaving the man draped in black. Ben said something indiscernible to Chewie before coming her way, leaving the Wookie and the others to guard the crewmen. Even though Rey knew the man beneath that mask, it still instilled an involuntary chill up her spine, making her shiver.

Making her want to lash out in instinctive anger.

He eyed her up and down as he came to her. "You were going to kill all these people?"

"Yes," was all she could get out. Ben just stood there, that insufferable mask covering his face, making it hard to read him. She reached out to their bond, but she got nothing. Not even a scrap of emotion.

He continued past her.

The floor seemed to sway from under her, the confusion over how he could be so dismissive towards her making her panic.

She followed him to where Finn had Hux pinned to the floor near the viewport, giving a clear visual to the outside. The _Raddus_ was still intact, but severely damaged. And she could already see that the Ties and the other two Star Destroyers were falling back and ceasing fire. The battle was being split in half: one side, the First Order; the other, what little was left of the Resistance.

Rey's view became distorted as Hux's body was fixed to the reinforced viewing glass, blood from the back of his head corrupting the transparency.

The man wasn't dazed for long. Hux smirked as Ben got closer. "You always did look ridiculous in that mask."

"Where's Harter Kalonia?" Ben demanded, voice deep and on edge.

"Who?" Ben backhanded him, infusing a new level of fear into the man. But even though Hux was clearly trembling, he spat a wad of blood onto Ben's boot and let out a mocking laugh. "Oh, you mean that terrorist doctor? I'm afraid I don't know. I gave Phasma the responsibility of choosing what to do with her. And of relocating the Supreme Leader."

Hux grunted in pain as Ben stretched out his hand, hovering close to Hux's face. Rey rubbed her fingers against her thumb, itching to get inside the man's head to tear his sanity apart.

Ben's search didn't last nearly long enough as he took a step back, lowering his arm. "See?" Hux said in between labored breaths. "I really don't know anything."

Finn came forward, eyes darting from Hux to Ben. "What should we do with him?"

"Kill him," Rey snarled, her hand gripping her saber hilt tighter. Ben tilted his head to the side. She gazed into that black visor, trying to search for some semblance of eyes.

"Wise words," Hux quipped. "You should listen to your desert whore."

Ben's hand shot out, Force choking the man till his face blossomed in crimson and the vein of his forehead popped out. The gurgling ceased as Ben applied more pressure, completely cutting off the man's airway. Hux was now turning a purplish blue, head swelling from the trapped blood.

And then Ben let him go.

Hux fell on his hands and knees, gasping in big heaps of air, coughing from the tension. Ben's own chest was rising and falling heavily, his arms quaking at his sides.

Hux sat back on his knees, looking up at the man who held his ire, speaking in between inhales. "You've never had… the stomach to do… what needed to be done." He went into a coughing fit, wiping the saliva from his mouth.

"Carise would disagree."

Baring his teeth, Hux snarled. "Do it. I'm as good as dead, anyway. Snoke will see to that… one way or another."

Ben crouched down on the balls of his feet, getting in Hux's line of sight. "I don't just want to kill you, Hux. I want to throw you in a pit and slowly add shovels of dirt until your mouth is full of filth. I want your end to be just out of reach, because death is a mercy you don't deserve. At least, not at this moment."

Hux's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as he imagined what kind of torture was in store for him.

"Someone has to be held accountable for the destruction of the Hosnian system," Ben continued, speaking with a coldness Rey had never heard before. "And it certainly won't be me, or the First Order. But rest assured, since the Republic is dead, you won't have to go through a trial. I'll take it upon myself to come up with your punishment personally."

Hux paled, demeanor going despondent as the realization of his fate seeped into his awareness.

Ben went back to his full height. "General," he said, addressing Finn. Finn pointed to his chest, confused as to whom Ben could be speaking to. Ben nodded and motioned to Hux. "Have him bound and held in the holding cell on this level. Then contact General Organa and request her presence so we can officially put an end to this war."

Ben didn't wait for Finn to respond as he went over to the crewmen in the control pit. "Lieutenant Mitaka." A small, pale man yelped out in surprise at being singled out. "I'll entrust you to make sure no harm comes to the leader of the Resistance. If it does–"

"No harm will come to her, Supreme Leader." Rey waited to see if Ren would correct Mitaka on labeling him with such a title. He didn't. "I swear it," the officer added after a pregnant pause. Ren regarded the man for a moment before striding through the obliterated doorway and disappearing.

Hux was restrained and dragged from the room by Garreaus and some other troopers, Caliiya following with a pistol pointed at the prisoner. Rey could hear the man's indignant screams echo through the sturdy metal walls.

Chewie became busy trying to make contact with Leia and Luke, while Finn was scrambling to uphold his new position by appointing his comrades to posts he knew they were capable of filling. They all looked to Finn with admiration, a spark in their eyes that reflected their loyalty to him.

And Rey… well, she was speechless, frozen where she stood with overwhelming confusion. It all happened so fast that it finally dawned on her that they had won. The war had now drawn a conclusion. But there was no celebratory clapping or yelling or hugging. No, everyone jumped to the next task of working to establish the beginnings of peace.

Where did Rey fit into all of this?

Her eyes roamed over the room, passing the navigation and astrogation stations, stopping when she saw the red smear of blood on the glass.

Rey ground her molars.

After everything they've been through, after everything the First Order has taken from them, Ben would allow Hux and these people to live? These people who just tried to kill her a mere ten minutes ago will be allowed to keep working among them?

Rey wanted retribution. The galaxy deserved justice.

But even as she thought it, her belief wavered under her own moral scrutiny, revealing her state of mind and actions for what they were:

Malicious.

Her self-control had crumbled so quickly it was almost comical. After all the provocations and appeals, the compassionate, rational girl had evaporated like a bead of water on Jakku's scorching desert dunes, sizzle, hiss, all gone. And what had surfaced then had been pure cruelty.

She had tried to kill Hux and his subordinates in the most merciless way imaginable. And it didn't end there. She went as far as to tell Ben to kill the man.

What was wrong with her?

People were rushing around as they tried to get the bridge in order, clearing it out of the bodies Rey had so violently left behind. Rey whirled around, darting out of the room and into the hallway, taking a hard right and then a left. She heard the soft ticking of metal against metal as BB-8 followed her.

She skittered to a stop. Ben was leaning against the wall, back flush against the metal, mask off, eyes closed, head down as if in reflective reverence.

Rey went to him. "Ben–"

"When will you stop being impulsive?" he asked, voice low, position unmoving.

She blinked. "I wasn't being impulsive." He pegged her with an _oh really?_ kind of stare. "I wasn't," Rey repeated more steadfastly. "This was the only way to open the blast doors. All control was being rerouted to the bridge."

"You could've contacted me to tell me that."

"There was no time."

He glared at her for a long moment. "You know it would've only taken seconds to speak with me through the bond. But you knew I'd be against the idea, and you didn't want to deal with me telling you not to do it."

Rey glanced away, biting at her lip. "Us arguing would've wasted time. I had no choice. It was either open the doors from the bridge, or lose the war.

"Fuck the war," Ben bit out, pushing himself off the wall so he could stand in front of her. "You're justifying actions that could have gotten you killed."

"Like you've never done that before," Rey countered.

Ben huffed through his nose as his eyes danced along her face. "Fine. Blame my bad example for your poor judgment."

Rey shook her head, letting out a deep exhale. "That's… I didn't mean it like that."

"And if you had died while playing the proverbial hero? What then?"

Rey pointed behind her as she stepped up to him, head tilting back so she could hold eye contact. "I got those doors open. The war is over. That's all that matters."

Ben flinched, as if something she said had offended him. Hurt him. "You still don't get it, do you?" Rey drew her brows together, trying to understand what he was asking. "What do you think would happen to me if you died? You know, because it happened to you when I passed on Lothal. Do you think I could endure such a state?"

Rey hadn't expected the conversation to go this way. She opened her mouth, shut it, then said, "Yes, of course–"

"No," he cut her off. Resolute.

She swallowed as she grabbed onto Ben's arms, her heart fluttering as she saw how lost and small he looked over the prospect of losing her. "Ben, you'd still have your mother, your uncle, the friends you made on Lothal. Hell, even Finn. You wouldn't be alone."

"I grew up surrounded by people, and I'd never felt so alone. Until I met you," he confessed softly, the moment dying down into something more intimate, a warm buzz forming between them. "If I had to choose between winning a war and saving your life, I'd choose you. Every time. But I guess you feel differently."

She squeezed his biceps. "It's not that I feel differently–"

"You'd just choose duty over me. Just like my mother."

A tightness in her chest started to form as everything clicked into place. Rey could now see why he was acting like this.

She opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted.

"Hey," Finn called out. Rey jumped away from Ben, startled by the sudden interruption. Finn and Caliiya jogged up to them, stares bouncing between the pair. Finn cleared his throat, feeling the tension. "Hux is heavily shackled and secured in the holding cell. I've left Garreaus in charge of guarding him."

Ben nodded, all the softness from his previous demeanor now gone and replaced with an air of authority. Like his and Rey's conversation never happened. "Good. We should get back to the bridge before anyone thinks they can start a mutiny." He began to walk back toward the command room, Rey staying by his side as Caliiya and Finn kept pace.

"My guys are heavily monitoring the crewmen to make sure something like that doesn't happen," Finn assured Ben. "As is PK and her squadron with the secondary bridge."

"Any causalities on her side?" he inquired.

"Only a few of the personnel, but none of our own."

"Quindon and the others?"

"None of them survived." There as a pause, like a moment of silence for the dead. "If you're concerned with one of the crewmen trying to take back control of the bridge, why did you leave?"

Ben didn't respond. But Rey knew the answer. He needed a moment, probably becoming overwhelmed by being in those heavy tunics again. And that haunting mask.

"Are you really going to let everyone call you Supreme Leader?" Caliiya queried from behind.

Ben stopped so suddenly, Caliiya almost walked into him. He whipped around, neck tight and corded. "I am the Supreme Leader."

"Then… you're really making me a general?" Finn said in astonishment, mouth agape. Rey mirrored him. She had thought Ben was just playing a role to intimidate everyone into doing as he said. She didn't think he'd actually take up the mantle of the most powerful person in the galaxy.

The fact that she _didn't_ think that was what was more shocking. He would never pass up an opportunity like this. She should have known that. She should have seen this coming when he told Finn not to blow up the Finalizer.

"You'll be taking over Hux's position of commanding the First Order army," Ben clarified. "Can you handle that?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"No." Ben continued his trek back to the bridge, his decision final.

"What's Poe's call signal?" Finn asked. Ben froze, slowly turning, his eyes going to Rey. "I was wanting to talk to him. You know, to let him know that I'm alive." Finn followed Ben's hard gaze to Rey, seeing that she was fidgeting with her fingers.

Finally, the time she was dreading was here. She couldn't halt the truth ebbing its inevitable way into the high of victory, tainting it with grief. Everything hinged on what Rey said next, and once uttered, it could never be undone.

But she couldn't bring herself to say a single word.

"Tell him," Ben ordered, his voice subtle with disdain. He abhorred the way she had lied to Finn about Poe's fate. "Tell him. Or I will." Finn watched her, brows knit together.

Rey's pulse pounded in her temples, her knees becoming weak. She licked her lips and swallowed, struggling to find the proper way to deliver such news. But was there a _good_ way to do this? It all ended with the same set of facts.

"Poe and Jess... they didn't make it." Finn blinked. Refocused. "There was a weapon on Jakku that we needed to destroy and they got caught trying get out and..." Her vice tailored off, not wanting to tell the full story. "They're dead."

"But, you told me–"

"I lied," she confessed, voice cracking, skin hot with anticipation. "I thought if you knew, you'd lose focus and get hurt or killed. I– I'm so sorry, Finn. I know what I did was horrible, but…." She couldn't finish.

Both Caliiya and Rey reached out to him, but he raised his hands defensively and backed away, eyes searching the floor. His expression morphed between uncertainty and sorrow before his face completely fell, no mask of denial left.

Finn tried to balance himself against the wall, but he sank to his knees, cradling his face in his hands. His breathing was ragged as he sobbed, tears dripping between his fingers, raining down onto the sleek floor. Caliiya wrapped her arms around him, holding him as BB-8 joined in with soft, melodious beeps.

Ben began walking away from the group, but Rey grabbed his arm to stop him. "Ben–"

With his free hand, he peeled hers off of him. "Stay with Finn," he whispered, eyes glimmering with emotion. Some looks were as articulate as words, and this was definitely one of them.

He didn't want her to follow.

Rey listened to Finn's sobs as she watched Ben's long strides take him down the hallway and through a corridor, disappearing, leaving her behind.

The war was over, but the taste of loss never left her throat.

 **So I know in TFA, we see a very different looking bridge compared the typical one found on Stay Destroyers. I really wanted to use the original layout with the officer platform, so the one shown in the movie is the secondary command bridge. The main one is only used for when there is a battle.**

 **I wonder if there is such a thing as having too much angst in a story. I say there is not! I blame my love for Korean dramas on that one. lol**

 **Anyway, thanks for reading! Onto writing the next chapter!**


	45. Chapter 45

**Thanks for all the follows, faves, and reviews! I really do have the best readers! And since the chapter is under a certain word count, I'll respond to some of the reviews here. Also, Happy Valentines day to all those who celebrate it! At least, it's still Valentines day where I live. Wanted to show how much I love you guys by giving you another chapter!**

 **lucel18: I'm glad you liked the action. I had to do a lot of research in how to describe certain parts of the ship and what words to use to make it feel like Star Wars. I don't really like writing action, because you have to choreograph it and then write it out to the extent that the readers can visualize what is happening. It is super difficult. I sure do pack in the angst in this fic, don't I? And it ain't over. Not by a long shot. Some of my favorite korean dramas are Coffee Prince, Queen in Hyun's Man, Goblin, Stranger, and Secret Garden. I have an addiction folks, but the drama in those shows is fantastic! I'm not really good at writing fluff, but they do have moments together that get steamy. I'll explain how they're marked below if anyone doesn't want to read it. Aleta Wolff: I was trying to write suspense, and I'm glad you were really into the action. I still like TLJ, but I'm not going to lie, I liked my ending better. lol. Arugula Pacioli: It's so true! He loves powerful women way too much. Which is sad, because all he wants is their attention, but they have other purposes that don't revolve around him. NightElfCrawler: There was a lot going on last chapter. I hope it wasn't too hard to follow. There are only a few chapters left, so you shall all know the ending soon enough! Belice: I'm happy you're all caught up now and that you love the story so much you'd want to see it as a movie. If only! lol. Thanks for binge reading! Maria Saldana: You're welcome! Thanks for the comment! liquidsunshine: I definitely had a surge in follows and faves after TLJ came out. It was quite shocking, but welcomed! I think after the movie, we had a lot of people joining the Reylo family– which is great! Poe's death is painful, but I'm glad you found it perfect at the same time. Thanks! MaelsiC: Hello! I totally understand about school and needing to focus on it. I remember those days *shakes in horror*. I am so flattered you like the story enough to wish it was the movie. And hey, you didn't have to wait too long for the next chapter! Yeah! ToLancer: I'm not sure if you've gotten this far and I know I pm'ed you a response to your comments, but just wanted to say thank you again for the reviews! Trust me, you can never leave too many.**

 **So this chapter is a lot slower than the last one since it's the resolution aspect of the battle. I'm sorry if you find it boring! But I want you to know how the characters are feeling.**

 **Warning: there is sexual content in this chapter. I didn't think I'd write anymore smut into the fic, but it just happened and I couldn't stop it. I bolded the first word of the paragraph where it starts, and then bolded the first word where it ends, just in case smut isn't your thing and you want to skip over it.**

Chapter Forty-five

Ren spent the majority of the day on the bridge, asserting himself as a leader who was strict and not to be disobeyed. Riots had sprung among the ranks quickly, raising the death toll aboard the Star Destroyers. Those who'd been found pulling the trigger were executed without the opportunity to defend themselves. All others who participated were jailed. No leniency. Ren had made that clear.

From reports, the holding cells were getting close to reaching maximum capacity.

Then there was the public relations angle that had to be dealt with. New messages and holovids had to be sent out to every corner of the galaxy that he was now the leader of the First Order, and that any new acts of treason or rebellion would be met with severe punishment. Ren left it to the few lawyers that were still alive to work out the details for his later approval.

Members of Finn's little trooper club eventually started to come aboard– a woman with sharp features and buzzed hair quickly demanding an audience with him. Ren recognized her when she entered the bridge. She had been Finn's second in power and responsibilities when it came to the ESC.

Bre; that's what she went by. There was more to her name, but Ren couldn't remember the rest.

The woman was blunt and somewhat tactless, but smart while never going too far as to disrespect him. Her opinions were logical, and Ren found himself listening to her advisement. It had only taken a few hours of the woman's presence before Ren promoted her to Admiral. It was the first time since he'd met her that she was momentarily at a loss for words, but she didn't waste his time with faking modesty.

She accepted.

With most of the leaders of the previous High Command now either dead or jailed, he needed to fill those roles before he ran himself into the ground or his heart gave out. He had realized rather quickly that he couldn't run the First Order completely on his own.

When Ren finally felt somewhat comfortable with leaving the bridge, he headed to where his quarters had once been. Problem was, Chewie never stopped following him around after he had made contact with his mother and uncle. The Wookie remained quiet the entirety of the time, but his close proximity was becoming more than Ren could handle. So before entering, he told Chewie to go rest in the spare cabin down the hall. Chewie didn't want to, but Ren insisted and explained that he wished to be alone. Something in his face must've been convincing; Chewie gave him the space he needed as Ren watched him disappear through a corridor.

He stood there for a moment before going inside. The chambers was bare, all his belongings now gone, probably burned in that celebratory ritual thrown by Hux.

Ren went to the wall panel and ordered a serving droid to bring him food and clothing, preferably the black tunics he liked to wear. At this point, he was so famished, he'd eat a crate full of rations and not even care that it tasted like the leather sole of a boot.

A hot shower always had a way of rejuvenating him, but this time, as the minutes ticked by, the fatigue kept getting worse. When was the last time he's slept? It must've been on the Falcon, following the events on Chandrila. After that, everything started to tumble at a pace he was barely able to keep up with. His body has been going none stop for longer than he was accustomed to.

Ren stood under the scalding stream, looking at his scarred palm. He'd once died, and now here he was, the entirety of the galaxy under his control. He previously had nothing, and now he has everything.

He dressed into the clothes the droid had delivered, relieved that they were his standard dark tunics. Hux wasn't as efficient as Ren thought in getting rid of his entire wardrobe.

Scarfing down the plate of food left on the desk, he then grabbed his datapad and headed out to one of the meeting rooms, forgoing wearing the leather cape and mask. He hadn't seen Rey or Finn since leaving them in the hall. So before he had left the command bridge, he sent a message for them to meet him in the conference chambers on the same level.

He arrived to an empty room. Not a complete surprise. Rey never was one for promptness. Though, she probably had her hands full with consoling Finn.

Ren could forgive that.

Luke and Leia should be close to arriving. They had jumped to hyperspace while fleeing the battle, and were only able to make contact once they dropped out of the alternate dimension. By then, they were halfway across the galaxy, needing to stop for fuel to be able to jump back to Jakku. That was one of the reasons Ren still hadn't moved the fleet. He was waiting for them.

Deciding to pass the time in a more comfortable setting, he entered the connecting chambers to the officer's lounge, relaxing his body into a plush recliner. He slouched, resting his head on the curved spine while staring at the roof. For the first time since this all began he was finally still, no longer having anything left to distract him.

Tears came to Ren's eyes, in spite of himself. He scrunched his lids closed, but didn't reach up to wipe away the accumulating moisture.

Ren couldn't help it, he was too bereaved, too exhausted from the events over the last day; though he tried not to, he cried. Again. Ren didn't like to cry, and over the past couple of months rarely did. But it was like he was back at the beginning of his transition: emotionally unstable. Each time he wept, it was for a worse reason, the sobs more unbearable than the last.

Pain would always find different ways to abuse him.

First there was losing Jorfel, the first friend he ever made that didn't involve the Force, that wasn't predicated on an otherworldly connection.

Then Poe had joined the ranks of the dead. It was with him Ren imagined what a normal friendship to be like. And it was because of what Poe had told him, that Ren chose not to kill Hux. _"Look... Obviously, I'm not very good at giving advice, but... the next time you're faced with murdering someone, you should think it over before you do. Because sometimes, it just isn't worth it."_ Those words had quelled Ren's rage enough for him to think straight.

The next sob was for that lost, little girl he'd found in that cave, reaching out to him behind those metal bars. Looking at him like he was her salvation. Were Jess' thoughts propelled back to that haunting place as she lay dying in a similar cavern?

Ren had failed them all, in the end.

How was he even still alive? Why did they all die and he didn't? If anyone deserved not to be breathing anymore, it was him. The thought was fleeting, but maybe Rey never should've brought him back when he passed on Lothal. It wasn't fair that he got a second chance. He was a murderer. He killed his own father–

Ren exhaled.

He'll never get past that, would he? People could forgive him for ruthlessly lancing Han through the heart, claiming that he'd been misguided, but Ben never would, no matter how many times they told him he needed to. None of them understood. The moment he forgave himself, would be the moment Han was truly gone. At least with the guilt, he felt like his father was somehow with him. And... Ben missed him. Those few good moments they had shared– laughing, talking, Han ruffling his hair and calling him 'kid'– had been on his mind a lot lately, eclipsing even the negative memories and helping to alleviate some of the bitterness he held towards his parents abandoning him.

In the idleness that was the atmosphere, he reached for his datapad as a distraction, opening it up to the list of names that were constantly being updated. Everyone on the Finalizer had to be accounted for, especially as more and more Resistance members and civilians came on board. He scrolled down, wiping at his eyes, knowing the hope he held onto was beyond ridiculous. He wouldn't see Poe or Jess's names on this list, for they were gone, the events of Jakku rooted firmly in reality. Not in a nightmare. But at this point, he was having a hard time knowing the difference between the two.

Ren's finger froze on the screen, his eyes beholding a name he wasn't expecting to see:

Korkie Kryze.

Rey's grandfather. Here. On the Finalizer. Counted as a citizen of the galaxy who had come out of hiding to answer his mother's desperate plea for help.

He stared at the screen for a long time, thinking, calculating, before Rey entered. By then, Ren's tears were spent; mostly from the shock over what he had discovered. As she neared, he turned off the datapad. She stopped in front of him, close enough for him to smell the scent of cleanliness and soap, and to see that her hair was damp from showering off the grime that had accrued from fighting.

Guess they both had wanted to wash away the events of the day.

Sensing he didn't want to talk, Rey perched herself onto the small table next to where he was seated, her bloodshot eyes looking around the room before resting back on him. He could sense her worry, could almost see what he looked like through her own vision.

But they all looked like death at this point.

Felt like it to.

Once the silence became too much, Rey's palm went to the side of his neck, thumb stroking his jaw line. "Ben," she whispered, his eyes turning up to her sunken face. "The others are waiting outside, Luke and Leia among them. But I wanted to come in here first, to see how you're doing."

 _Tell her. Tell her that a piece of her family is aboard the ship. That her grandfather is alive._

But he didn't.

Rey gingerly took the datapad from his hands, causing Ren's heart to skip frantically, as if her touching it would somehow show her what he found. But she just placed it behind her, disregarding it next to her lightsaber.

He swallowed, rounding his jaw. "I'm alive, so that's something I guess."

Rey hesitated. "I– I know now is not the time, but I have to know… Poe and Jess–"

"I don't blame you," he said, finding the words to be genuine and true. "I know I never would have made it."

Rey exhaled and closed her eyes briefly before saying ardently, "What you said, in the hall, about me choosing duty over you… that's not true. But…" Ren rolled his eyes. There always had to be a _but_. "People's lives were at stake. You can't expect me to sit back and do nothing when I know I could do something. I helped stop the war. And I'm proud of myself for getting those blast doors open, even if I was terrified while doing it. I… I was hoping you'd be proud of me, too."

He could understand where she was coming from, he just didn't think she was telling the whole truth. There was a part of him that suspected her intentions hadn't been entirely altruistic; that she saw an opportunity to be one of those heroes she used to read about and idolized, and she took the chance to become deified, just like them. Just like his uncle.

While on the bridge, Ren had listened to how Finn's troopers and the Resistance members talked about her. They deemed Rey a savior and a fierce Jedi knight, likening her to those that fought in The Clone Wars. She was a hero to them.

The problem with heroes was that their luck always ran out sooner or later.

"Ben?" she said, nervously.

He glanced down. "You were brave, and I commend you for that. I just… I can't lose you," he confessed, voice slightly cracking. Those pesky tears were trying to come back, stinging his eyes upon their resurrection.

She stroked his cheek, trying to get him to look up at her. "You won't lose me."

Then why did it feel like he would? That it was inevitable?

"Why did you lie to me? About Kayani?" he asked, changing the subject before he became a blubbering mess again. He meant to sound more demanding, but all that came out was something just barely above a whisper.

Her lids popped open as his intent stare finally met hers. She lifted her palm away from his cheek and placed it on her thigh. "I knew how you'd react if you found out about her. But Ben, I don't trust her either. And I swear to you, I know what I'm doing," she promised, eyes beguiling.

He should tell her how much it hurt that she lied to him. He should lecture her on how foolish she was in taking lessons from that woman. That ghost. And he should tell her about her grandfather.

Should.

What a perfect verb to criticize someone's lack of action.

Ren sighed, head turning away from her, relenting. "Okay. It's your life. Do what you want."

"It's _our_ life," Rey corrected.

A pregnant pause filled the room.

Rey swung her leg from the table and plopped herself directly in Ren's lap, taking him by surprise as her hands gently cupped his face and guided him to look at her. "Don't shut me out. I need you, Ben. I… I need to feel close to you," was all she said as she leaned down, nuzzling his hair away with her nose and softly kissing the tender area below his ear, flicking his lobe with her tongue.

She knew how much he liked it when she paid close attention to his large ears.

Ren's body went rigid, emotionally not wanting to be intimate, but his body betrayed him by demanding that he get lost in her. Trembling, a euphoric warmth ignited within his belly, trailing down his limbs. He was already breathless as Rey covered his neck and cheeks with gentle kisses, each with its own spark of heat.

This, what she was doing, was new to him. It's always been his lips that grazed across her skin, always been him that worshiped every peak and valley of her body. He didn't know how to be the recipient of such clear affection.

Rey drew back, taking a moment to study his face.

Ren was blushing, but Rey didn't laugh at the innocent response. In her eyes was love, her features softening with tenderness before her stare glazed over and her desire became evident.

Head tilting to the side, her lips met his, claiming Ren with such a stroke of possessiveness that it left him teetering. But just as he was letting himself be consumed by her, she lifted off of him and stood.

 **He** watched as her fingers dipped into the waistband of her grey capris, slowly dragging them down and down until they were around her ankles. She kicked her boots and pants off to the side, standing there naked from the hips down.

Ren's eyes roamed over her, momentarily speechless. "There are people outside that door," he breathed out, heart hammering against his ribs.

The door panel clicked into lock mode. He gulped as Rey's mouth curled into a sensuous smile from seeing how affected he was by her. With the door sealed, every pretence fell as she resumed her position on top of him, making him tilt his head back to look at her.

One carnal touch and it was over. It was always that way with Ren. Rey was his escape, his release, his addiction.

Something inside him warned this wasn't a good idea, that they still had so many things to smooth over between them before being intimate. But too many switches had been flicked for him to reverse what was happening.

Rey's hand traveled down his stomach, going to his trousers, her fingers fiddling until she had what she wanted. Palming him firmly, he closed his eyes and let out a soft groan. Already his brain was on fire, turning Rey into a god, her fingertips of flame burning him.

As her hand moved up and down, his own fingers found her opening, sliding inside to find her already wet and warm. He massaged her in the way she liked, making her breaths quicken. Then all at once she moved his hand away and he was fully inside her. Their tongues entwined in a kiss, breathing changing as he matched her thrusts, their soft moans timed with their movements.

Ren took off her vest and blouse; he couldn't help himself. He needed her completely naked and under his touch.

Tossing her chest wrap aside, his mouth went to her breasts, taking her beaded nipple into his mouth as her arms wrapped around him to secure him there. He watched her reaction; the way she threw her head back and exhaled as he flicked his tongue; the way he felt her body writhe and move against him.

His hands tightened on her hips, changing the movement so she rocked back and forth, keeping himself inside as his tip brushed against her inner wall. "Do you like that?" she asked, voice low. He let out a moan, unable to articulate a response.

Rey grabbed a fistful of his hair and yanked his head further back, sending them into a deep kiss, every touch having a raw intensity– breathing fast, heart rates faster. "Do you want more?" she huskily asked. He nodded. "Beg for it," Rey demanded, and Ren almost met his release from the tone of her voice alone. Sensing how near he was, Rey slowed, her lips brushing ever so lightly against his. "C'mon, Ben. I want you to beg."

If it's begging she wanted, she was going to have to give him a moment to allow his brain to start working again.

They've never done this before, where Rey dominated him and possessed his mind to the extent that he forgot how to speak. He was seeing a side of her that he thought only lived in his fantasies, never going as far as to actually ask her to make them real. He never wanted to make her uncomfortable.

But the confidence in her eyes contradicted his assumption.

Rey was full of surprises, yet again. And he wanted her all the more for it– wanted her to demand, to order, and to control him into submission.

"Please," he was able to mutter. In seconds she was moving again, fucking him harder, her fingers fisting handfuls of his hair and stinging his scalp in just the right amount of pain. All gentleness now gone, what remained was firm and rushed and needy. They both came quickly, both trembling against each other as she fell into him, her heavy exhales floating across his neck.

It was hard to hold back, to make a moment such as this last. That's always how it goes, so caught in the intoxication of the act that you wanted to keep doing it forever, but also wanting that release. He wanted to extend this moment, refusing to have it end.

 **His** hands flayed upon her back, moving up and down her spine as she nestled deeper into his embrace. Then, without thought, he whispered, "Marry me."

Rey immediately tensed against him, his hands halting on her skin. What… did he just say?

A knock came at the door.

"Rey," Finn called out from the other side. "Ren? You guys still in there?"

Right. He'd forgotten they had people waiting to come in here.

Rey jumped off of him, and he gave a small groan of complaint at the loss of her warmth. Rey ignored him, too focused on hurrying across the room to find some napkins to clean herself off with. She threw some on his lap as she came back for her clothing, scrambling to get them on. "Your shirt's on backwards," Ren pointed out, becoming amused as he watched her. She groaned annoyingly before correcting it.

Ren adjusted himself into his trousers, giving Rey the used tissues to throw away.

Were they going to act like he didn't just propose to her? He hadn't given marriage much thought, but as the words escaped his lips, he found that he meant it. Has she ever thought about marrying him? He had no idea. They've never really discussed the topic. They've talked about being with each other for the rest of their lives. Even children came up a few times before Rey asked to never talk about it, too hurt over the fact she could never have any of her own. But marriage? Nope. After all these months, how did they skip over that?

"Rey?" came the trooper's voice again.

"Just a minute," she snapped at the door before eyeing Ren, her fingers quickly combing through his hair to hide the evidence that anything had happened between them.

"Everyone knows we sleep together," he stated as she took a step back to give him a once over.

"That doesn't mean we should to be obvious about it. Stuff like that makes Finn uncomfortable." She licked her palm as she tried to force some of his hair from sticking out. She shook her head. "I shouldn't have gotten so rough with you. Your lips are swollen."

He shrugged, not caring what he looked like in the wake of what they just did.

Rey gave up on attempting to wrangle in his curls as she gave him a lingering glance. "We'll talk about what you asked me later." So they weren't going to brush his proposal aside. But what was there to talk about? Why couldn't she give him a simple yes or no right now? Preferably a yes.

... She would say yes, wouldn't she?

Rey went to the door.

Ren stood. "Rey." She stopped, hand hovering above the operating panel as she glanced back at him. "Do you trust me?"

She frowned. "Of course I do."

 _Tell her about her grandfather_ , his conscience suddenly demanded.

He ignored it.

Ren nodded and walked to the other side of the lounge, standing in front of the powered down holoscreen that hung from the wall. Nerves now rattling, he prepared himself for how the impending conversations were going to go. But he's come too far not to follow his vision through. He was the ruler of the galaxy, the Supreme Leader of the First Order. Nothing would stand in his way as he paved the way toward perfection.

Wherever Snoke was hiding, Ren hoped he died and rotted there. But Snoke's silence made him uneasy, like his former master knew something he didn't. Why had Ren been so affected by Snoke's storm of rage after the observatory was destroyed, but now, sensed nothing?

A presence came to his side. "I want to request permission to go to Arkanis to shut down the stormtrooper program. Permanently," Finn said, voice even. "I've talked it over with Bre. She'll stay here and fill my responsibilities while I'm gone. It shouldn't be for too long." He paused for a moment. "And appointing her to Admiral of the Naval Fleet was a good choice. The woman has grit, but is remarkably intelligent."

"And loyal to you," Ren pointed out.

"If she's loyal to me, then she'll be loyal to you."

"I trust that's true... General."

Finn twitched at the use of his title, still not used to being addressed by his new military rank.

Truth be told, Ren had been nervous to appoint Finn as the General of the First Order. But very few others had the decent experience and maturity to fill such a position. And Finn was the only one Ren could completely trust in such a role. He just hoped the man didn't crumble under the pressure of being propelled into leadership.

Facing Finn, he appeared to be all composure and confidence. Except the eyes; those were blood shot and puffy. "Sounds like you have everything figured out," Ren said, recognizing that the training program did need to be dealt with and quickly. He was surprised he hadn't thought of that.

He probably shouldn't be letting the newly appointed general leave, but Finn needed this. He needed to be the one to shut the place down. Ren could understand that. "Go, but bring part of the fleet with you."

Finn's brows furrowed. "You expect there to be a fight?"

"Maybe. Snoke's assets are quickly dwindling. He might want to keep what little he has left. Or he might want to burn it all to the ground so no one else can use it. Hard to tell."

"You think he would destroy all of it?"

Ren shrugged. "It's what I would do if I had lost."

His anxiety grew, but he pushed it down. For now, this was Finn's problem to deal with. Unless the man requested his help specifically, Ren would keep his focus on the galaxy as a whole.

"Finn," Ren added in a more hushed tone. He chewed at the inside of his lip before being able to say, "I… I couldn't get to them–"

Finn cut him off. "It's not your fault." The guy squeezed Ren's shoulder, eyes glossing over. It was the closest thing to an embrace the men have ever given one another.

They glanced away, both uncomfortable with sharing such a moment between them, but neither shying away from it completely.

Finn lowered his arm back to his side.

"Have you been to the med bay yet?" Ren inquired. "For your leg?"

Finn rubbed his lips together before saying, "The damage is permanent. There was nothing they could do." There was pain in his face he was trying to hide, but Ren could see it was there.

He ground his teeth, feeling guilt for this man's plight, but there was nothing he could do. He couldn't take back what he'd done.

He was expecting Finn to stare at him with disdain, to blame him for this disability and remind him of Starkiller base. But he didn't. Finn held himself professionally, a look of resolve entering his eyes, not hate.

They discussed a few more logistical matters that involved imprisoning the members left of the Shadow Council and whether or not to execute those who refused to conform to the new regime. Ren leaned more on a firing squad; Finn was more hesitant.

Ren settled on making a final decision when Finn returned, actually wanting to have more of his council on the matter.

As Finn left, Ren turned to see those sitting in the chairs: his mother, Skywalker, Rey, and for some reason Ransolm Casterfo. They'd all been making small talk, waiting for his and Finn's conversation to conclude.

Now, Ren found himself with the attention of the whole room.

His mother was the first to speak, her breathing shallow as she fought against her obvious fatigue. "I have to admit, I never thought of a scenario like this actually happening. But it could work in our favor." She nodded to her son. "Ben can dissolve the First Order and reinstate the New Republic–"

"I have no intention of reinstating the New Republic," he cut her off quickly.

There was a second of silence, his mother blinking rapidly. "But the First Order–"

"Will be reorganized and given a new name, but my position will remain."

Leia's face reddened, mouth pursed. "A position where you keep all the power and do to the galaxy whatever you want. Terrorize it, even."

"I'm sure that's not his intention," Rey interjected nervously, trying to act as a mediator. "It's not like the New Republic was this perfect government before. Maybe something else will be just as good."

"You want to leave the galaxy under a dictatorship?" Leia questioned Rey before addressing her son. "Rob the people of their liberty?"

Rey licked her lips, took a breath. "That's not–"

"I'm not robbing them of anything," Ren argued, not wanting Rey to fight with his mother on his behalf. But it did feel good to see her support him. "If anything, I'm offering them sovereignty through the ways in which I'll govern."

"You mean rule."

"I am taking control where control is needed," he articulated slowly through gritted teeth, his frustration rising.

Leia's stare narrowed. "And how long have you been planning this takeover?"

"You think I somehow knew the First Order was going to bring the entirety of their military to Jakku and that you would foolishly come here to face them, giving me an opportunity to take the throne?"

"Cut the shit, Ben." And there she was. The mother he remembered. "You saw an opportunity for power and you took it."

"And if I didn't, your whole Resistance would be dead. I spared their lives. Would it kill you to show me just an ounce of gratitude?" Ren and Leia held eye contact, but no words of appreciation left her lips. If there was one thing these two people had in common, it was their immovable stubbornness.

Skywalker shifted in his chair, inquiring about a different subject. "How are the Jedi supposed to operate under this "new" organization?"

"It won't, because there will be no reestablishing the Jedi Order. You'll be the last of their religion."

Out of all of his talking points, this part worried Ben the most. Because he knew what Rey desired. He braced himself for her reaction.

She started off with confusion, eyebrows squishing together. "But… my plan was to rebuild the Order into something new."

"And when were you going to tell me this, exactly? Were you going to go behind my back and do this on your own?"

"No. Of course not." She glanced around as if looking for answers. "I– I was going to tell you eventually. Luke and I were planning everything out, and were going to do this together. And… I thought you'd help," her voice trailed off, unsure.

Ren's head flinched back slightly. "Help?"

Rey's posture tensed and nostrils flared as her mind caught up with the situation. "Rebuilding what you destroyed would be a good start at making amends. You murdered your own peers, Ben. There deaths shouldn't be meaningless."

That was a low blow. Even by his standards.

He ran a hand through his hair, inhaling deeply. "Nothing good happens when Force users branch off to start their own factions and practice their own set of interpreted beliefs. All usage of the Force will be illegal."

"Do you hear yourself right now?" Rey gaped. "Ben, you use the Force, and we all know you'd never stop. Do you see how hypocritical that is?" She looked to Luke as if he would help in her argument, but the man remained thoughtfully silent. Leia was looking down at her lap, deep in a frown. "And what about Master Skywalker and I?"

"I would ask that neither of you practice openly."

She scoffed. "You would ask…. And if we don't, what becomes of us? Prison? Execution?" Ren just looked at her as she shook her head. "You don't even know what you would do, do you?" She eyed him up and down, giving him that look as if he were a stranger. "Who are you?"

Her comment stung deep. More than he cared to admit. "I'm the same person I've always been."

"No, I've never seen this side of you."

"You've never cared to."

"So me being blindsided is my fault?"

His hands curled into fists. "You and I have discussed many things, but politics was never one of them. You've never really asked me where I stand on such matters."

"Communication works both ways and you know it," she vehemently debated, going to her feet. "You never suggested you wanted to talk about those things, never brought them up on your own. You were content with just living your life with me and now your suddenly not?"

"I never said that."

"It's inferred by what you're doing." She spun around and stormed out of the room. Everyone was looking at him now, and he should've felt embarrassed with how they just witnessed him and Rey argue, but he was too riled up to care.

Close on her heels, he followed her into the meeting room. "What are you going to do?" he called after her.

"I'm a Jedi, Ben," she said over her shoulder as she went for the exit. "I'm not going to stop being a Jedi. So looks like you'll have to arrest me."

In the hallway, he grabbed her arm and whirled her around. She actually looked surprised by his physicality. "Where are you going?"

She tugged her arm. His grip tightened. "I'm going with Finn to Arkanis. He'll need help."

"He has Caliiya."

"He needs reliable help."

She tried to get out of his hold as he suddenly pulled her into a nearby communications room. He was being rough with her, he knew, but she was being combative by trying to dig her heels in. She rounded on him as he let her go, eyes savagely defensive.

The room was dimly lit and filled with crewmen, all of them falling silent upon his sudden entrance. He barked out an order for all the droids and personnel to leave.

Rey positioned herself behind one of the tactical tables, putting an obstacle between them. They held each other's fiery stares, Rey speaking once they were alone. "Touch me like that again, and I don't care how offended you get, I will use the Force on you."

He ran a hand through his hair, breathing deeply. But he didn't apologize.

Rey huffed. "You really won't bring back the Republic–"

"The New Republic murdered your parents," Ren interrupted tactlessly. "Don't stand there and pretend like you care so deeply about that incompetent sithspit of an organization. And you're only griping about the Republic because your defensive about me not allowing the Jedi Order to return."

Ren immediately regretted bringing up her parents, especially seeing how her face fell and paled. But he couldn't bring himself to take it back. That look in her eye, the one where she gazed at him like she didn't know him, made him angry. It always did.

Rey crossed her arms. "What are you doing, Ben?"

His jaw shifted from side to side, his palms flattening on the table as he leaned forward, strands of hair falling in his eyes. "I am doing what needs to be done. How do you think peace even comes about? It's by everyone living and accepting the same set of rules, and getting rid of those who won't abide by them. Why can't any of you see that?"

"I do see that. If you recall, I was the only one standing up for you back there."

He swallowed. "And I thank you for–"

"But maybe your family was right in questioning you. Because now, all I see is a man finally getting what he's wanted his whole life. You try to hide it by saying your intentions are virtuous, but I'm not entirely sure they are."

His eyes slightly narrowed. "My beliefs have never changed."

"But… you've fought with the Resistance. You joined them–"

He slapped the table so sharply, Rey actually jumped. Ren took in a few deep breaths, voice full of gravel. "I don't care about the Resistance. Never have."

"Then why did you stay?"

He swept his hand out to her. "For you. I stayed to make sure you and Leia lived. I stayed knowing that while the Resistance's days were numbered, I could be there to get you two out when it all went to shit. I gave my input to them, offered my opinion on strategy, but Rey, the Resistance was never going to win."

Her face went slack, mouth falling open. "This is really what you've believed? All along?"

"And I was right!" he yelled, frustration tearing at the filaments holding him back from all out anger. "Did you and I just witness a different battle out there? The Resistance lost. The only way there were even any survivors was because I allowed it."

"You allowed it…." She scowled. "Do you hear what you sound like?"

"What, reasonable?" he contested. Rey lowered her head, lips pressed tightly together. Then something occurred to Ren, something that gave him a chill, a coldness that clawed all the way to the bone. "Do you really not know me?" he muttered. "Or have you only ever seen what you so desperately wanted me to be?"

Her eyes snapped back up to his, voice venomous. "I could turn that question back at you. You've known I wanted to be a Jedi. Where did you think that was leading to? For me and Luke to be the last of their kind?"

It was strange to realize the person you've told everything to, who you bore your whole heart out to, might have no idea who you really are. What the hell had they been doing this whole time? The late night talks, the intimacy, the feeling of understanding that had flowed between them…. What good was this bond if they were still at odds?

Ren straightened to his full height, looking down at her. "I'll never let you bring back the Jedi Order."

"I don't need your permission."

"Actually, you do. I'm the Supreme Commander of the First Order. Every decision that pertains to the galaxy has to go through me."

Rey held his hard stare before she exhaled, her shoulders relaxing, like she was caving in on herself.

Ren calmed somewhat, running his hands through his hair. "I don't want to be fighting with you, Rey," he said patiently, trying to make her see. "My whole life has been leading up to this, to rule and lead and reshape the galaxy into something better than what came before. To succeed where my grandfather failed. It's always been my destiny."

She looked up and muttered, "I thought we were each others destinies."

He blinked. "You can't be naïve enough to think that that's where our paths would end. That it would be that..." He stopped himself from saying, "simple."

Rey had no trouble grasping what he was going to say. "Don't patronize me, Ben. I'm not stupid. I know there's more to it than just the feelings we have for one another." She fell silent, her lips pressing into a line before whispering. "Were you even serious when you asked me to marry you?"

"Yes," he said without hesitation. "I want you to rule by my side. We could do this, together. Aren't there things about the galaxy you'd want to change or improve?"

Tears filled her eyes. She wiped them away impatiently. "You once told me that you would be content with just being with me, living our lives on some obscure planet and starting over. Just the two of us. Were you lying?"

"No," he answered softly, wanting to go to her, to touch her and comfort her. But he wasn't sure if she wanted that. "But this, right here, is where life has brought us. We can't turn our backs on this opportunity."

She shook her head. "This isn't what's meant for you, Ben. I can feel it. You wanted power, but it isn't right."

"And what's so wrong with wanting it? Do you realize that I not only secured the safety of our future, but that this position could give you a life of comfort? Of privilege?"

"I don't give a damn about any of those things." Her voice was started to rise again. "I grew up as a scavenger, and while I starved and mended my own injuries, the only thing I wanted above anything else was to not be alone. I don't care about money. I don't care about possessions or status or power. I only want to be with you."

"Then be with me," he pleaded, rounding the table and finally going to her. "Marry me. Stop viewing every choice as black and white and accept what I'm giving you."

With trepidation, his hands rested on her shoulders. She didn't shy away from him, but she did hesitate in answering. "I... I don't know."

He inched closer to her, heart hammering. "I need your support more than anyone else in this. I can't do this without you. Rey, I would never hurt you or have you arrested or punished. I wouldn't do that."

"Ben," she muttered, palms going to his chest. "I can't follow these rules. I won't. And I can't believe I'm saying this, because I thought it was already settled… but you need to think hard about how you want your life to go. And who you want in it."

She freed herself from his arms and left. He stood there for a while, not knowing what to think. He'd started off the day believing he had everything. Now, that belief was being questioned. He was sure Rey would never leave him. She wouldn't do that to him. She needed him as much as he needed her. Their connection tied them to each other.

But then Ben recalled the words Rey had spoken the day after the events on Ahch-To, when they were aboard his ship, arguing.

 _"The Force bond between us can be damned, cause I'm not going to be tied to a monster."_ She had threatened to leave over how he'd been acting.

... Maybe... maybe she actually had the strength to do it.

His fear and frustration rose to a dangerous level, and he took it out on the nearest comm station, hacking at it till it was nothing but wiring and scrap metal.

He'd been expecting to find the officer's lounge empty upon his return, but the only person who had left was Skywalker. Leia and Casterfo were still sitting across from each other, waiting for him.

He crossed the room to the small kitchenette, needing to quench his dry throat. "I can sense your disappointment." He filled a glass. "Come out and say what you want, _mother_."

Leia cleared her throat. "Out of the trillions upon trillions of people in this galaxy, there is only one person who could truly bring you to ruin… and that is yourself."

Not exactly what he'd been expecting, but not too far off from the undertone of displeasure.

A sardonic chuckle left his nose as he rolled his eyes. "How philosophical of you. You should've been a Jedi," he sneered before downing the water and smacking the glass back on the counter.

"Those holovids the First Order leaked out of you..." Leia trailed off, not able to describe them. But she didn't need to. Ben had lived them. "I'm sorry your life led you to do those things."

Ren really wasn't in the mood to discuss those vids. So he turned around, pegging Leia with a serious gaze. "Your days of creating rebellions are over."

She nodded slowly, all sense of her past anger now gone. "True," she agreed. Ren pinched his lids, wondering if this newly reserved persona of hers was somehow part of a plan to manipulate him. "I'm too old and too tired. And I meant what I said when I once told you I'd prove to you that I could be a mother."

What was happening? What was she trying to do?

"You… aren't going to leave?" he questioned her.

"No. I did enough of that when you were younger."

His heart raced, not wanting to believe… "But, aren't you worried what others might think of you?"

She waved her hand through the air. "I don't worry about the opinions of sheep. I only care about my family right now. About you."

"You'll stay, but you don't believe in what I'm doing…"

She smiled thinly as she lifted herself out of the chair. "Quite a conundrum, I know. But when has our family been anything but complicated?"

Ren really didn't know what to make of this… this… person standing in front of him. Where was Leia's anger? Where was the woman who did nothing but scold him his whole life and was content with leaving him behind?

She walked up to him, stopping so close he could count the wrinkles on her face. He didn't move, just stared down on her petite frame, not knowing how to react to all these contradictions. "Tell me Ben; are you opposed to bringing back the Republic because you truly believe that form of government to be ineffectual, or because the Senate demanded so much of my time that I ended up neglecting you for politics?"

His lips trembled. "Both," he admitted softly.

Leia cupped his cheek, caressing her thumb over rough skin. "As long as fate allows, I won't leave you behind again, no matter what. But I will call you out when you're being spiteful. It's a trait that isn't becoming of a leader." She patted his cheek and left the room.

He was numb and frozen for a long moment, the conversations he had with Rey and Leia intermingling and fighting for dominance over his attention.

Movement from his periphery caught his attention. In the corner sat Ransolm Casterfo, a silent witness to everything that had transpired. The man had his elbow resting on the arm of the chair, chin upon his fist. Staring.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" Ren almost snarled.

"Actually, no. Because technically I'm still a wanted man."

"You're fully pardoned for your crimes. Now get out." Even though this room was technically a public place, Ren wasn't about to show weakness by leaving first.

Casterfo went to his feet graciously, feigning a smile and bowing. Mockingly. "How gracious of you, Your Highness." He regarded Ren longer than what was comfortable. "I know you and I don't get along, but we do share similar views in how the galaxy should be run."

Ren arched a brow. "Do we?"

Casterfo ran a hand through his hair, much like how Ren would do. "I do agree that there needs to be a prominent ruler, someone to make decisions if a senate can't come to a compromise." Ren rolled his eyes so hard, he expected to see his brain. "That was the problem with the New Republic. There was no one mediating."

"That wasn't the only problem."

"True. But if you want some advice–"

"I don't."

"–you should find out what the people want. Maybe even have them vote on it. And then step down."

Ren hardened his stare. "You think I can't do this?"

Casterfo inhaled, searching for the proper wording. "I think you're going to find out pretty quickly that ruling is not what it's cracked up to be. It's all about micromanaging and politicking, and you aren't the type of person who's content with staying behind a desk." Ransolm turned to leave, but stopped before fully walking through the corridor, glancing over his shoulder. "Oh, and you might want to fix your hair. It's still quite a mess, but at least your lips aren't swollen anymore." Casterfo gave him a knowing grin, then exited out into the meeting room, leaving Ren to fume alone.

()()()()()

They all knew something was wrong when the scans of the academy came back with minimal life levels. They approached the buildings cautiously on foot, the squadron being dropped off at a clearing half a mile away. The training facility stretched over acres of land, its white, sleek exterior surrounded by an ancient forest of thick trees with old roots.

They came upon bodies before even making it to the front entrance, a mixture of fully clad stormtroopers and younger cadets dressed in their grey uniforms. One of them didn't look older than thirteen.

From there, everything was hazy. Nearly all of the students were dead. You couldn't walk more than ten feet before coming upon another body, and Rey refused to search the part of the academy that housed the children under the age of four.

The only piece of optimism that shined through that day was when Rey found Harter locked in a med bay storage closet, blaster rifle at the ready as she stood firmly between the entrance and the thirty kids she was protecting. The two women embraced, clinging to each other.

Shortly after her capture, Harter had been shipped to the training facility after a stormtrooper with silver plated armor decided her knowledge was too important to be wasted on an execution. She was forced to work at the medical facility, her demeanor combative in the beginning as she started to plan her escape. But after seeing and interacting with the children, Harter couldn't bring herself to leave. She became a surrogate mother to them, secretly listening to their cries and confessions of wanting a different life.

Among those children was Statura's daughter, Leela. Her mother had been executed after Hux found out about Statura's betrayal, while his daughter was to become a soldier for the very organization who took her parents away.

Harter caught wind of the impending siege only minutes before it began, gathering as many children as she could, including Leela.

The discovery of Harter and the children had lifted everyone's spirits and gave them hope. But it didn't last. They didn't find any other survivors.

Rey had set out sometime around dusk. The sun was beginning to drop down beneath the top of the pines, light streaking through the boughs and showing the blue sky in a puzzle of fragments. How could such a heinous act of violence happen in such a beautiful place?

If she had stayed and helped the others, she was sure her anger would end up killing her. It was excruciating to watch as the rooms and halls were cleared of the dead. Something in her finally broke when she saw Harter carrying a lump in her arms, wrapped reverently in a blanket. It was no bigger than a sack of fern potatoes.

Rey was alone as she ventured into the forest, the rage coming at her in waves. Losing control, she leveled a wide radius of trees, the sudden blast of strength helping to weaken her only slightly. She continued to get riled up for a while, needing to walk around while shaking the adrenaline out of her arms, breathing in the mustiness of moss in the air. Then it would dissipate and she would sit on a pile of dead pine needles, not feeling anything at all.

She eventually curled up on her side, her body tethered to the earth as strong as a tree's roots, deep and binding, searching for nutrients like she was searching for comfort. Eyes shut, body still, she concentrated on the light breeze rolling over her body, caressing her skin and hair. The temperature dropped steadily as it darkened, beady eyes glimmering from the hollow spaces of fallen trunks.

She imagined Ben's touch, that he was holding her–

Rey snapped her eyes open to see Ben opposite her, his head on a pillow, a black blanket hanging low on his hip, exposing his bare, pale upper body. They both blinked at each other in surprise, momentarily stunned by the moment.

Ben reached out, stroking her cheek, the feel of his wide palm a very welcoming sensation. "How are you doing this?" he awed in amazement.

"I was gonna ask you the same thing."

He scooted closer, his hand sliding down her neck, roaming over her arm. "It must be something along the lines of particle transportation. I can feel you, but I'm still in my room."

"I'm still on Arkanis," Rey added to his observations. "But it's as if your laying on the ground beside me."

"Are you outside?" She nodded. "It smells like it."

Then they both went quiet. They stayed like that for a long stretch of time, both thinking about their previous conversation, trying to prolong bringing it up.

"How's Harter?" he asked as the branches above rustled from the wind, pine cones plopping to the forest floor.

"Physically, she's fine." Emotionally, they were all struggling. She'll need to go check on Finn soon.

Ben pulled her the rest of the way to him, draping the blanket over her while positioning her head atop his bicep. She snuggled closer, burying her face in his chest, finding that he was wearing loose pants. They never wore clothes while in bed together, both craving that contact you could only experience with skin to skin. But since she hadn't been with him, he must've decided to somewhat cover up.

The fabric of his bottoms brushed against her capris as he intertwined his leg with hers, his fingers idly grazing her hair. It was nice, having him hold her like this.

His lips pressed against the top of her head. "How are you doing?" She didn't know how to answer that. "Finn told me what happened there. I'm–"

"I don't want to talk about it," she cut him off, closing her eyes.

"Okay." He played with her hair some more before finally saying, "Rey, I don't like what's going on between us."

She tensed, nervous about where this was headed. "Neither do I."

"So how do we fix it?"

"I don't know."

Ben paused, voice filling with tenderness. "I'm sorry for how I treated you before you left. I don't want you to think this relationship isn't important to me, because I love you more than anything else in my life. And there's no excuse for using your parents against you in an argument. Or how roughly I handled you."

Rey added some edge to her tone. "Don't ever touch me like that again."

"I won't," Ben promised. "I regret what I did, and I'm so sorry," he repeated.

A part of her wanted to hold onto how much he hurt her and hang it over him as a method of punishment. But she let it go. This apology didn't fix everything, but it was a beginning. And Rey really didn't want to fight with Ben. "Thank you... for apologizing. I thought your pride would hold you back from doing so."

"What pride?" he asked innocently. Playfully. It made her smile. Gave her hope.

She didn't realize that she had started drifting off to sleep until Ben gently nudged her. "Rey?"

"Hmmm..."

"Marry me."

That jolted her fully awake better than any cold glass of water to the face. She'd been so mad at Poe the one time he did that to her back on Carlac; mostly over the fact that he wasted water. Stars, the memory of him stung.

Rey swallowed. "That's the third time you've asked me that."

"And you still haven't given me a clear answer."

Truth was, Rey wanted to say yes, but she couldn't get herself to actually say it. She placed her palm against his chiseled pec, thumb moving across smooth skin. Must his body be so perfect? "I didn't know marriage was this important to you."

"It wasn't, till recently."

Pushing herself back a bit, she looked up at him. "Why?"

Ben moved his head closer to hers, glancing at her lips. It always amazed Rey that such dark eyes could hold so much affection. "I guess the whole idea of it appeals to me. You being my wife, having that bond of marriage."

His hand worked its way down her body, feeling each crevasse, each line along her physique. Her mouth went dry. "We already have a bond through the Force," she said, barely above a whisper.

The corner of his mouth curled up. "So why not add a lawful one as well?" Ben leaned in, his forehead resting against hers. She closed her eyes, exhilarated from the tension forming between them.

His warm lips met hers. It was chaste and simple, reminding her of the very first time they had kissed on Spira. Ben slightly pulled away, their breaths shaky and shallow as he tried to gauge Rey's reaction. She didn't deny him.

Ben took Rey's head in his hands and tugged her into a smoldering kiss, pressing her back into the ground. She was expecting pine needles to prick her through her clothes, but all she felt was the softness of a welcoming bed. It was perplexing, this bond. But she'll figure it out some other time. Right now, she wanted an escape.

Her legs reflexively opened, inviting Ben to conform and cover her body with his. The world fell away as Ben appreciated her, his touch comforting in ways words would never be. He nuzzled her neck with kisses as she arched up against them, making him moan and whisper her name. Her hands traveled down his back, digging into his rear and pushing him into her. Ben obliged her with more dry thrusts, exhaling sharply as their bodies met.

"Say yes, Rey," he whispered next to her ear, his breath tickling her skin. "Please."

But she just... she couldn't.

Her eyes popped open, her hands going to his chest. "Stop," she ordered softly. Ben froze and rolled off of her as she gently pushed him away. She sat upright, her breathing heavy and her mind still swirling. But through the fog she realized that they needed to stop jumping to intimacy in an effort to avoid talking. And if Ben was going to keep adamantly bringing up marriage, then they definitely needed to talk.

Ben sat next to her, draping the blanket over them both before going still, staring straight ahead out into the forest. "You're hesitant to marry me," he stated more than questioned. It tore at her that he sounded so hurt.

"There's still much we haven't figured out. You wanting to be Supreme Leader, me wanting to re-establish the Jedi Order–"

His hand found her thigh beneath the cover, his grip squeezing ardently as he faced her. "I love you. All of this means nothing to me without you."

"And yet you won't give it up."

His eyes started to appear wet. "Think of all the good we could do if you just stop resisting," he pleaded, his stare too passionate to hold.

Rey glanced away.

Resisting. That word stuck out to her. But what exactly was she resisting?

The life Ben now had. It was not the life she had envisioned for the two of them. Sharing a throne was something she didn't want. Even now that it was within her grasp, it didn't tempt her in the slightest. Too many people had tried to rule over her on Jakku. She couldn't bring herself to do that to others.

Instead, a far simpler existence pulled at her desires. Her and Ben living modestly, away from all the politics, focusing on the rebuild of the once dwindling Jedi. Through such action, Ben could find repentance for destroying Luke's attempt at resurrecting the lost religion. Maybe even find solace in teaching a younger generation of how to balance both light and dark within themselves.

There would be no battles.

There would be no conflict.

That was what Rey wanted– this vision of a future she once thought to be attainable.

Her brows distinctly creased as a thought darted across her mind: were her desires just as selfish as Ben's? Were her expectations of him also unreasonable?

They both held the other to a different standard, both unwilling to bend to the other's ambition.

The only difference was that her idea of their pending destinies was shaped around peace, while his would always be paved with contention. Someone would always try to undermine him, planets would revolt against his regime, and assassination attempts would be made. It was all founded on violence, and ended with more violence. It wasn't good for Ben. It would ruin him. Eventually.

He wouldn't come with her, but she couldn't stay. So where's the resolution?

Ben brought a finger below her chin, angling her attention back to him. "We could figure something out when it comes to the Jedi. Maybe find a compromise," he added, a hint of desperation in his voice.

Rey's eyes pinched. "Are you saying that because you genuinely want to find a middle ground, or are you afraid of losing me over this?"

Ben remained wooden, unmovable. Afraid to answer the question. But while Rey was sure of the answer, a sudden tightening of her chest pulled at her focus, warning that Ben was keeping something from her.

More secrets…

"What are you hiding from me?" Rey demanded, noticing how Ben shifted with discomfort. "I can sense your unease."

His lips pressed together as he swallowed, unable to look at her. "Before you left... I withheld telling you something. And looking back on it, it shames me to have done so. But I was just so frustrated with you…"

"Ben?" she urged him to continue, fear blossoming from her gut and into her chest.

He took a deep breath and met her gaze. "Your grandfather, Korkie Kryze, was on the Finalizer. He fought with the Resistance during the battle."

Rey stared at him as she became disoriented. "You knew he was there… before I left?"

"Yes."

She jumped to her feet and Ben did the same, the blanket falling to the ground and disappearing. "Go find him! I'll come back right now and–"

He grabbed her arm, hindering her from running back to the academy. "He left," Ben interjected. "I went to find him, but he was already gone. I contacted Soniee to see if she'd heard anything from him, but she hasn't. She didn't even know he was here."

Just as her hopes had soared, they came crashing back down, obliterating upon impact. Ben reluctantly let her go as she slowly backed away from him, her eyes going round. "He's gone?" she asked, voice cracking.

He gave her a curt nod as he shifted his weight between his legs.

"So… you didn't tell me that my grandfather was on the same exact ship as me… out of spite?" Her voice shook, eyes stinging with moisture. Ben pawed a hand through his hair, biting his lip. "How could you do that to me?"

"I– I know it was wrong of me–"

"I might never have the opportunity to find him again."

He tried going to her, but she kept the distance between them. "We'll find him, Rey. I swear–"

"I don't want your help," she seethed, lips trembling. "I hate you."

Ben flinched, paled, mouth falling open. Rey couldn't look at him be so heartbroken, not when this whole situation was his fault to begin with.

He reached out to her, desperate, as she started to shut him out. "No, Rey, don't close–"

He was gone.

Frogs croaked, filling the silence that was left behind. Rey was still, looking at the spot Ben once stood. She went to her knees, letting the tears roll silently onto her chapped lips, salty and cold. She covered her face with her palms, crying silently.

Rey's insides curdled like milk coming in contact with lemon. Ben's betrayal was an acid to what had the potential to be a heavenly relationship, one filled with equality and understanding. It had been like that, for a time, when the war had quieted during those couple of months. But now everything was falling apart at a rate too quickly for Rey to hold onto.

 _How could he do this to me_ , she questioned again. Back on Dandoran, he had aided her and Soniee in the search for Korkie. He saw how important finding him was to her. And still, he disregarded her feelings. Was this the price of the dark side? Did it poison his love for her, manipulating him into thinking it was okay to treat her this way?

That had to be it.

Ben had so much good in him, but it was masked with selfishness. There had to be a way to get rid of it.

But what was the root of Ben's darkness?

 _Snoke._

That creature had warped Ben's mind from a young age, whispering how he was meant for a greater purpose, that power was within his birthright. And to get there, he needed to sacrifice anything and anyone to obtain.

Twigs snapped, and the pine needles crunched. She lifted her head to see BB-8 rolling up to her, the red beady light of its eye slicing through the dark, his beeps echoing through the trepid air.

Rey reached out, touching the domed head. "What good am I if I can't save him?"

BB-8 was quiet, the question probably too organic for his mechanized mind to process.

An idea popped in her head. She dismissed it at first, deeming it too dangerous. But as she began fine tuning it, she started to believe that it could possibly work. There was just one thing she had to do first.

"Kayani," she breathed out, he breath a cloud without a sky. She wiped the remnants of the tears from her cheeks.

 _"Much has happened since last we conversed."_

"It has," was all Rey said. She wasn't about to confide her feelings to this woman. "I need your help."

 _"In need of a lesson? I was wanting to start teaching you about self projecting–"_

"I don't want another lesson." Rey swallowed, preparing her pitch. "I want to find your brother."

Silence.

Rey frowned, eye's darting from one mossy tree to another. "Did you hear me? I said–"

 _"I heard you. And the answer is no."_

Rey had not been expecting that. "No? You've been the biggest proponent of killing Snoke, and you tell me no?"

 _"You are not ready. It would be foolish to face him alone."_

BB-8 beeped, wondering who she was talking to, but she ignored it. "I don't plan on doing it alone," she explained, trying not to sound irritated. "I want to find where he's hiding, make sure he's there, and then have Ben bring in some canons to decimate the place. You can view what I'm doing as reconnaissance work."

 _"Would Ben view it that way?"_

"Well... I'm not going to tell Ben about it till after I've found him."

 _"His trust in you is already thin. You really want to see if your relationship with him is strong enough to withstand another attempt at deception?"_

The muscles along her jawline tightened. "I'll worry about Ben. You just tell me how to find your brother."

 _"Your plan will not work."_

Rey gave a nearby tree a flat stare. "Are you saying Snoke can survive a bombardment from an orbital autocannon?"

 _"No, but he is very perceptive and intuitive. He'll probably sense such a large scale attack before it actually happens."_

"But there's a possibility he won't," Rey countered. "So what's the harm in trying? The worst that can happen is he escapes and goes to hide somewhere else."

 _"You do not believe in Ben's plan of just waiting for him to die on his own?"_

"Do you?"

 _"No."_

"Which is why I say we try to take him out before he comes for us. After the weapon on Jakku was destroyed and with Ben taking the throne, I imagine Snoke is already plotting on how to get the First Order back."

Kayani was quiet, which indicated to Rey that she was making some serious headway with her argument. "And if this works," she added, "I won't need to get close to Snoke in order for you to take him out. Less danger, better survival."

Rey could almost feel the wheels turning in Kayani's incorporeal head. _"If I help you, you must do as I say."_

"Deal. Now how do we find him?"

 _"Sit."_ Rey plopped her rear to the ground. _"Meditate."_ She crossed her legs and rested her hands on her knees, closing her eyes. _"Feel for the bond you have with Ben."_

"His side is closed off." Which surprised Rey, since they just saw each other through it. But she vaguely sensed his anger, all of it turned inward at himself. No wonder the barrier was wound so tightly shut. "There's no way I can get through."

 _"Both of you have only ever tried to force yourselves into the others mind. It's the fastest method, but the easiest to block because you can sense the attempt. Connect to the light side of the Force. Calm your emotions, find peace in the solitude it gives you."_

Rey looked inward, searching for that light that connected her to every living thing. She allowed herself to sink into it, relaxing in its warmth and truth. As if an invisible dome had formed around her, everything went absolutely still. No air stirred the pine needles or trees. No insects drifted around her. No frogs croaked or birds chirped. Even her own breath seemed to fade away as soon as it left her throat. It was tranquility, nestling her in the confines of its open arms.

 _"Carefully coax yourself through his defenses, prove to his mind that you are a friend, not a foe."_

 _"He'll sense me,"_ Rey contended.

 _"As long as you mask you force signature and your emotions are controlled, all he will feel is an overwhelming feeling of comfort. He will not know it is from you."_

She did as Kayani instructed, almost caressing the barrier as if it were an animal in need of companionship. So much rage and regret pulsed off it, and Rey could feel just how much he hated himself for lying to her.

Nothing happened for the longest time, and just as she was about to give up, the strangest thing happened: the wall of energy responded to her, vibrating, the reaction similar to that of a feline purr.

It allowed her entry.

In the past, there have been many moments where Rey had connected to Ben's mind through the bond, but what she was doing now went beyond that. She wasn't just sinking into his psyche, but melding with his life force. The feelings this place held were conceptualized in color and sound, the progression of it seeming unstoppable.

There was a time when light had bathed the majority of Ben's mind, its power touching every part of him at one time or another. It had been boundless, an endless energy that traveled even into the smallest regions of his soul. Even after all these years, Ben's own essence remembered what that had felt like. Before the darkness took over.

Now, the contrast was noticeable.

An oily substance mixed in with the light, corrupting it, seeping out from the dark corners and crevices where it was the most dense.

 _"What is that?"_ Rey asked, even though she already knew.

 _"The connection to my brother. It influences him without him knowing it."_

Anger had taken its stranglehold, squeezing and snuffing out the vibrant hues. _"And if it were gone, would Ben still be so attached to the dark side?"_

 _"There's no guarantee it would dissipate. It's possible, but I do not know how it would change him if it were to be gone."_ But either way, Rey was sure Ben would feel better not having to constantly hide himself from his former master. _"Reach out to it,"_ Kayani instructed _, "but don't let it pull you in. You won't need to go far to sense where Snoke is."_

Rey neared it, but hesitated, her light rebelling against getting any closer. She second guessed her plan and herself. _"Maybe... maybe we should have Ben do this. He could get the location–"_

 _"No,_ " Kayani argued. _"This is his connection to my brother. If he were to do this, to get near it, Snoke would claim his mind quickly. That is why Ben stays away from this connection._ _Even I cannot get too close, lest Snoke might sense me._ _But you are just a bystander. A visitor. Someone Snoke has never met. It should not affect you the same way it would Ben. You have no tether to my twin.  
_

Rey knew this was probably all a guessing game on Kayani's part, that it was all based on theories. But she didn't want to put Ben in a dangerous situation, even if it was hypothetical. Besides, if she found Snoke's whereabouts and got her plan in motion, potentially succeeding in the end, this darkness would cease poisoning Ben's mind. Maybe he would then see his position of power as something he no longer desired.

She steeled herself as she continued on.

Rey had always thought of the light as something bold, gleaming into the darkness without fear. But this was a blackness so inky and thick that it pressed against her like it held all the weight of the oceans of Spira. The rich colors of Ben's intrinsic mind now seemed no more than a vivid dream. She pushed just a little further, trying to get past Ben's own well of rage to find it's source.

She went too far.

The darkness engulfed her, the unknown momentarily magnifying her fears, dulling her courage, and erasing her knowledge. There was no life in this place. Malevolence had overcome all sense of purity, its primeval hatred forming out of the collective despair from all who had come before and were consumed by it. Rey thought she had felt the dark side before, but this... this was evil in its most raw element.

Rey waded among it, taking in any scrap of information that came her way. Holding on tightly to her identity, she could see how Ben would've gotten lost in here. She could feel she was very close to a free-fall if just one more sense were to be removed.

With survival instincts embedded in her from the hardships of Jakku, she recognized when it was time to bail. She pulled and yanked against the shadow's hold, magnifying her light till it could no longer stand to be near her.

Rey's back hit the dirt, her consciousness fully returning back to her own body, hearing the melodious noises of the forest. Sweat covering her skin and breathing labored, she remained still as she told herself over and over again that she'd made it out. But Ben, he was stuck. Not for the first time and certainly not the last, she marveled over the fact that he could function at all with that connection constantly polluting him over the span of many years.

But out of all this, she smiled. She was going to save Ben, she was going to get justice for what happened here, and she was going to rid the galaxy of an evil that's been plaguing it for thousands of years.

Because she finally knew where to find Snoke.

 **A/N: Okay, before any of you start tearing Rey apart, I just wanted to comment on a few things. I have gotten reviews in the past where people have voiced that they hate her character. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I am not trying to belittle you for it. I just want you all to know that yes, I know Rey is very naive, impulsive, and sometimes immature. But she is nineteen. Nine-teen. She grew up isolated on a desert planet where all she focused on was survival. Now being around other people, her age definitely shows at points. Not to mention that her streak of being in dangerous situations and making it out alive every time has left her cocky. Ren on the other hand, while older and more mature, has been emotionally repressed and it shows through his outbursts of anger and always thinking he's right. These are the flaws the characters have. I wrote it this way purposefully. They couldn't start off being these amazing characters who have their shit together. I certainly didn't have my life together at nineteen. I still don't, and I'm 27.**

 **Now, I also wanted to bring in some nature vs. nurture debate. Would Ben have always had a connection to the dark side and have fallen if Snoke hadn't been there to influence him? Or was it completely Snoke's and his parents fault for how Ben has turned out? Or a mixture of both? Rey certainly views it that if Snoke was never in the picture, Ben would be a better person. She still kind of views him as a victim in all this, while Ben doesn't really view himself as such. Rey has always struggled to accept Ben for everything he is, and now she thinks it can all be fixed if Snoke is gone for good.**

 **On another note, if you guys thought Luke was way too complacent in this chapter, he won't be in the next. He is trying to think before he speaks, something Ben and Rey aren't good at.**

 **Anyway, sorry for the lengthy explanation. I don't want to explain everything to you guys, but I felt like I needed to explain at least those points. Thanks for reading and I hope you're still enjoying the story thus far! I get nervous about reactions, but I must write the story how I envisioned it. May the Force be with you all!  
**


	46. Chapter 46

**Hello everyone! I have a surprise for you! I am posting two chapters back to back... Okay, so it was originally one chapter that got waaaaay too long and had to be split. But hey, I'm updating! Also, thank you to all the follows, faves, and reviews! It all helps me to keep going!**

 **NightElfCrawler: It saddens me to hear that you haven't been a fan of the direction the story is going. But if I could give some advice, it would be to let all your expectations go. You wrote that your still hoping for the ending you've envisioned to happen, but more than likely, it won't. I've seen some fics use the concept of the ending that I will, but how I interpret the ending is different from them. So, I fear if you don't get rid of your expectations, you'll hate the story. But as a reader, you have a right to your opinion. I thought I should just give you a fair warning. And yes, there is more than just darkness ahead. But fear not, there is light at the end of the tunnel! Aleta Wolff: Reylo is such an unlikely couple, and I think that's one of the reasons why people had a hard time wrapping their heads around the idea of their relationship. But I'm with you in that I hope episode nine isn't a simple Ren turns to the light and then dies or something. I feel like that's lazy writing. So here's hoping JJ can deliver a great story! lucel18: I recently watched Strong Woman Do Bong Soon and loved it! Highly recommend. I always love your reviews because you touch on so many things. I loved writing how Leia chose to stay with Ben. I was so proud of her for making that decision! And ya'll better watch out for Mama Leia. She's gonna be fierce! You hit the nail on the head by bringing up Ben's possessiveness. It is mentioned in this chapter. Thanks for the review! Guest: Yeeeessssss I love the jingle lol. MaelsiC: In that vision of his potential future, he does still have the dark side with him even when Snoke is dead. But, there is more to that vision than I showed. By the end, you'll understand what I mean.**

 **Anyway, I would like to dedicate the next two chapters to my mother, whose birthday is tomorrow. Thank you so much for loving this story and for pushing me to learn and do things that put me outside my comfort zone. I love you and hope you have a fabulous birthday!**

Chapter 46

Several datapads and dozens of datachips were scattered across the desk, a pair of heavy lidded eyes gazing at the chaotic mess with apprehension. A tinge of overwhelming responsibility jolted through Finn's body every now and then, reminding him of the severity of the situation.

Arkanis was deep into the slumbering hours of the night, but Finn knew that like him, no one was sleeping. Everyone was either hard at work identifying and organizing the bodies, or digging graves.

So many teenagers and infants and children… All the promises of youth now gone.

Finn rubbed his face aggressively, wishing he was still helping his subordinates instead of sitting in an office. But his attempt at helping only made the workers uncomfortable, their quiet whispers and questioning eyes already viewing him as a leader that looked out of place.

"General Finn," he whispered into the still air, not liking the sound of it. But that wasn't the only thing bothering him. He'd gone from being a nobody to being propelled into Hux's place as the General of The First Order, and the pressure of such a position was threatening to suffocate him.

But his need to make his fellow troopers proud gave him the strength to keep going.

Finn picked up the nearest datapad, looking over the schematics for transforming Heritage Hill into a graveyard memorial for all the bodies that would go unspoken for. It was tempting to use orbital cannons to decimate the place, but Finn felt like what happened here shouldn't be brushed aside. It should have a place in history, a reminder to future generations of what evil could accomplish and destroy.

A good portion of the day had revolved around making contact with some of the planets in the Unknown Regions and Outer Rim Territories, the parts of the galaxy that were deemed not populated enough to be worth exploring by the New Republic. Unchecked, these star systems were where the First Order was able to amass such a large army right under the government's nose.

Some had replied to their messages and were on their way to Arkanis. But Finn knew that a good amount of these bodies would go unclaimed, which is why they needed to be wrapped and buried in marked graves. No one wanted to see the sight of rotting corpses, nor smell the accompanying aroma that would infect the air. If someone came to claim one of the fallen, then they'd be exhumed. If not, Finn would try to make sure that none of them were truly forgotten.

These were his people. They came from nothing, just like him.

He'd done some digging into the First Order archives when he'd gotten the chance, finding that the only thing Hux got wrong about his family was how many credits they had sold him for. It was fifteen, not ten. But what's five more credits? He was still close to worthless to those people. Just like his deceased sister.

He could go to his home planet, Artorias, and seek them out. But the more he thought about it, the more he asked himself _why?_ His family didn't want him, they made that quite clear when they sold him away. And if those people were even still alive, what would he say to them?

 _"Hey, remember me? The kid you tossed aside? Well, I'm back now, looking to be a part of a family who clearly has no regard for a child's future. Mind if I stay a bit?"_

He could use his family's surname, but he didn't want to. Poe had named him, so why couldn't Finn give himself a last name?

His thoughts went to Poe and Jess... Some types of grief he'd never get over. It tore at your heart, and as time passed, formed scar tissue in the place your loved ones had been.

Finn threw the pad across the table, feeling bitter over his origins as his eyes stung with tears over the loss of his friends. But he wouldn't let his emotions get the better of him. Not again.

Not after what happened earlier.

Out of all the people who surrounded him on Arkanis, the one person he finally crumbled in front of had been Ren. His new boss, so to speak. Supreme Ass of the galaxy. But as Finn held a holoconference with the man, relaying his ideas for what they could do with this cursed place, he couldn't stop the sobs that robbed him of his voice. All these deaths on top of no longer having Poe, it was too much.

Surprisingly, Ren didn't belittle him. Nor did he order him to stop. The man waited, listening with a patience Finn didn't even know Ren had as he voiced his heartbreak.

"I know I'm due back tomorrow," Finn had said, "but I–"

"Don't rush. Stay there," Ren had interrupted. "Remake that place in whatever way you see fit."

If only it were that easy.

Finn lifted his arms over his head, stretching his back, feeling a sharp sting on the right side. Sometimes, it baffled him just how far Ren and his relationship had come. He could still clearly see the man who had slashed his back open, the snarl on his face, the rage in his eyes. That person wasn't necessarily gone, but Finn knew Ren's intentions had changed.

A knock came at the door. He called out as Rey entered, her cheeks and nose red from being outside too long. When she had left, Finn could tell she wanted to be alone. So he gave her the space she needed, waiting for her to return.

"Hey," he greeted, watching as she sank into the chair on the other side of his durasteel desk. "How are you?"

"Better," she said, offering a hint of a smile. Then she bit the inside of her lip, eyes darting around the bare office. "I shouldn't have left you so abruptly like that. All of it just kind of... got to me."

He sighed, knowing what she meant. "Don't worry about it. I'm just sorry you had to see all that."

"It's not your fault," she assured quickly, her expression suddenly growing tight. "Snoke is to blame. For everything."

Something in the tone of her voice, the way her eyes lost that usual sparkle, made Finn uncomfortable. On instinct, he wanted to shy away from her as he was reminded of what happened on the bridge aboard the Finalizer, how she was compelling those people to...

Rey was a dangerous individual, but he knew he had nothing to fear from her. She was willing to kill Hux and the crewmen to save and protect him. Still, when her expression reminded him of Ren's whenever he was out for blood, Finn couldn't help becoming slightly concerned.

He nodded knowingly, agreeing with her completely. It all came back to Snoke, in the end. "A little late to be coming by," he commented as he adjusted his posture in the chair. His rear had grown numb, reminding him that he needed to get up and move at some point. "Have you been outside this whole time?"

She softened into a part of herself Finn recognized. "Yeah, I just got back. Thought I would check on you. You know, make sure you were okay."

He relayed his plans on what he wanted to do with this place, and she agreed that a memorial was a great idea. He went on to tell her about their efforts in contacting all the planets the First Order had taken children from, but so far, they'd only received a handful of replies. Finn wanted to make things right and appear as if he had everything under control, but he couldn't hide the toll it was starting to take on him. His exhaustion was so evident in his voice, his heartbreak so obvious in his eyes.

He kept the findings of his origins to himself. Admitting out loud that he was sold into servitude would take time, and even though Rey's beginnings were just as bad as his, he didn't feel like confiding in her. At least her ancestors were people of greatness; his were insignificant. Finn was envious of her, which was wrong, he knew, but he couldn't help it.

Rey told him he should go to bed. He reiterated the same to her. But neither had any desire to sleep.

"Have you talked to Ren since we left?" Finn asked. Rey had told him about their argument on the way to Arkanis, so he knew those two hadn't parted on the best of terms.

"Sort of." Her brows tightened together. "He said he'd be willing to compromise when it came to the Jedi. But I don't know if he actually means it."

"I don't think Ren is the type of person who would say something he didn't mean."

"He would if he thought he'd lose me."

Finn rested his arms on the desk, leaning forward. "You would actually leave him over this?"

Rey exhaled deeply, leisurely shaking her head. "This isn't the future I wanted. I have no desire to become an Empress, ruling over people and telling them what to do. I don't know the first thing when it comes to politics. I don't even have an education. But to answer your question, no," she said, voice lowering. "Despite everything, I could never leave him."

Finn hadn't realized he'd been holding his breath until his body forced him to expel it. There was a time when all he ever wanted was for Rey to never see Ren again. Now, it was hard to imagine one without the other. "Well, to be an Empress, you'd have to marry him," Finn joked, attempting to lighten the mood.

"Yeah..." Rey shifted nervously. "About that... He's asked me to marry him three times in the last day."

Finn's eyes widened. He hadn't been expecting that. "And?"

She shrugged indifferently. "And what?"

"Your answer, Rey," he blurted out. "What did you tell him?"

"I haven't given him an answer. There are things I need to do before I accept."

How she phrased the last part sounded odd, but Finn ignored it. "But you _are_ going to say yes, right?"

Rey gave him a significant look. "Eventually. As long as we both make it out of this alive."

It was weird how unemotional Rey appeared as she was telling him all this. He thought a girl would be excited over the prospect of marriage, especially if there were no longer any obstacles standing in the way. "The war is over. There's nothing to wait on. You both made it."

"The war might be over, but I can't shake this feeling that..." Her eyes shifted left, right, then finally down. "I might not have as much time with him as I hoped."

"What do you mean?"

She considered him for a moment. "Can I tell you something I haven't told anyone?" Finn nodded. "On Jakku, before Luke and Chewie found Ben and I... I saw someone."

"Someone you knew from your scavenging days?"

"No. That would be far simpler." She bit at the skin on her lip, twisting her fingers in her lap before catching herself and wiping her palms on her capris. "It was the ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi." Finn froze, even though he was already still. "It was brief, he didn't linger more than a minute. But something he said has been bothering me."

Putting his own insecurities about his family aside, he asked, "What did he say?"

"That when the time came, I needed to let Ben go." Rey threw her hands up, her frustration peeking through her voice as she spoke quickly. "What does that even mean? Is he going to die? Is Snoke going to come out of the shadows and get him? And why should I let him go? I would never do that to him. Sure, we're having our differences right now, but things should be getting better soon."

Finn tilted his head to the right, frowning. "You plan on compromising with him?"

Rey's mouth snapped shut, like she said something she shouldn't have. "Uh, yeah, something like that."

Finn rubbed his pointer finger and thumb together, thinking. "I don't know, Rey. What Kenobi said sounds cryptic. Maybe you shouldn't be putting too much focus on it. It's obviously upsetting you."

"If someone told you that about Caliiya, how would you react?" she abruptly asked.

He grimaced. "We don't have a relationship like you and Ren." No one did.

"Yeah, but you fancy her," Rey said, listing forward, elbows resting on her knees. She was searching for something from him. Affirmation? "And she is obviously interested in you. Something is starting to form there. So just imagine if you two did get into a more serious relationship, to the point where there was no one else but her. Could you let her go if someone told you to?"

"No," he responded without much thought. But he meant it.

"And would you try everything in your power to make sure it never happened?"

He opened his mouth, nothing coming out at first. "Yeah, I guess I would."

Her posture straightened, her spine hitting the back of the chair as she raised a hand to him. "So you get it. You can see why I have to do this."

 _What the hell is going on?_ "Do what?"

For a fleeting moment, it seemed like she desperately wanted to tell him something. But she caught herself. "Uh... just make sure Ben is okay. Try to mend things." Finn could tell she was lying. But before he could get a word in, Rey took the conversation in a different direction. "And about Caliiya, I know what she did to you on the Eravana."

Finn couldn't help getting defensive. "Okay, first of all, Ren is dead set on hating her and isn't the best person to believe when it comes to what happened on that ship."

"True," Rey agreed, way too easily. "He does like to tend to his grudges and keep them alive. But I wasn't going to bash her character. I was just... If you like her, then I do. She did risk her life to come save you, and that counts for a lot."

"It counts for everything," he added, feeling his cheeks grow hot.

Rey gave him a coy smile. "And I saw how close you were sitting next to her on the shuttle ride down here."

"We were talking." Really, they were. Caliiya had told him more about her life growing up and the hardships she faced when her father passed and left her alone. But when she inquired about his upbringing, he fumbled with what to say before being rescued by a Lieutenant informing him they had hit atmo.

"Uh huh." Rey rolled her eyes. "She wanted to do more than just talking."

"How do you know?"

"It's all in the eyes."

Rey teased him some more, both of them falling into an atmosphere that felt light and friendly. It was like taking a mighty breath after a long day with little oxygen. They talked like that for a little while longer before Rey declared that she should try getting some shut eye. After she left, Finn just sat there, not immediately getting back to work. He couldn't shake how strange and bizarre some of Rey's questions were. Even her wording was weird. Something was going on with her, but he figured it could wait till morning. He should let her get some rest with what was left of the night.

His mind idly began to drift to Caliiya. Finn was humble enough to admit he had zero experience with women, but he felt like something was starting to form between them. Not just attraction, but something deeper and more steady. It was hard to think of her as that bounty hunter who betrayed him on the Eravana, only looking out for herself and no one else.

Finn started to daydream, imagining what it would be like to fall in love. What would it feel like to be kissed? To be touched with affection? To be with a woman completely? In all those different scenarios, Caliiya was the one to appear. He knew he shouldn't be fantasizing about her in such ways, but Finn had a feeling she wouldn't mind so much.

So he kept going, envisioning her skin, her eyes, the curve of her hips...

"Finn." He jolted awake, a line of drool sliding down his chin and joining the puddle on the desk. Wiping his jaw with the back of his sleeve, he glanced at the chronometer, seeing it was just after daybreak. "Finn," Caliiya's voice came through his comm, her impatience evident. "Something's happened in the main hangar. Answer your comm!"

He fumbled for it, bringing it up to his lips as his other hand tried rubbing the sleep from his face. "I'm here. What happened?"

"You should get down here. Now," she stressed.

He bolted out into the hallway, running to the hangar and expecting to find it in shambles or on fire. But as he entered, out of breath and skirting to a stop, everything looked as it should be: Ships were still intact, the walls and floor were pristine, and the weapon crates were neatly stacked off in the corner.

"Over here," Caliiya called out from the entrance of the viewing office, motioning him to come. As he entered, three of his men were unconscious on the floor, the others sitting with their heads in their hands as Dr. Kalonia began to assess them. Finn kneeled down, checking one of the supine men for a pulse. "They're alive," Harter assured him.

He stood, shaking his head. "What happened?"

The guard Harter was looking over glanced up, appearing just as confused as his superior. "We... don't remember, sir."

"They don't even remember ever coming here. Like, to the planet," Caliiya explained. "The last thing they recall is volunteering to come to Arkanis. And as to what happened? Rey is what happened."

"What? No, she would never–"

"I found the security feeds from the middle of the night," Caliiya steamrolled right over him. "She must've been in too much of a hurry to delete them."

Finn stood there, looking at her. Caliiya had to be mistaken.

As if she knew what he was thinking, she nodded to the monitoring screens, a holovid of the recording already up. "Take a look if you don't believe me."

Finn's hand was slightly shaking as he initiated the recording, and then his heart fell all the way down to his boots.

It showed Rey sneaking up to each one of the guards, her arm outstretched, eyes focused. There was a moment before they fell unconscious where they were frozen, face scrunched in pain. She then gathered them up, stuffing them carefully into the viewing office before motioning to something off screen. BB-8 rolled in, but then stopped. Rey stooped down, saying something to the droid that was too quiet to be caught on the cameras. Then they both hurried to one of the smaller shuttle ships, igniting the engines and flying out of the hangar bay.

By the end, Finn's breathing had deepened and sweat bloomed across his brow.

Rey was gone. She really did it. She left them all behind, all because she couldn't handle Ren becoming Supreme Leader and not sharing her views on the Jedi Order.

No…. No, that conclusion didn't sit well with him. Rey hadn't been lying when she told Finn that she would never abandon Ren. But then why leave and be secretive about it?

"Well," Caliiya spoke from behind, "thanks to Rey's excessive memory swipe, these people will now have the chance to relive what happened here a second time."

He spun around. "You haven't told them?"

One of the knocked out guards started to groan, catching Harter's attention. Caliiya helped in trying to ease him up. "Honestly," she muttered, averting Finn's gaze, "I don't want to be the one to tell them."

And Finn couldn't blame her.

Pivoting back to the holoscreen, Finn studied the paused holovid, trying to formulate Rey's motivation for disappearing.

Maybe she couldn't handle being surrounded by all the dead. Her reaction to seeing the deceased children had been the most adverse out of anyone else here, and Finn didn't blame her for losing control of her abilities in a time of extreme stress. Honestly, he had expected her to level the whole building. He almost wanted her to.

But she would have told Finn why she was leaving if that was the case. So that left one final conclusion– Rey was going somewhere she shouldn't.

And now it was Finn's job to relay such news to Kylo Ren. Before he arrived to Arkanis, Finn had received a private message from the man, the contents being short and to the point:

 ** _Keep an eye on Rey._**

Finn might as well put a bolt through his brain right now, because Ren was, without a doubt, going to murder him.

Finn sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, already feeling the beginnings of a splitting headache forming behind his eyes. There were only two people in this whole galaxy Ren wouldn't purposely maim: Rey and his–

–mother.

"Ready my ship," he ordered Caliiya, who for once didn't scoff at him for acting like her superior. "We're leaving as soon as I return."

He sprinted back to his office, placing a direct holocomm to Leia Organa. He waited a few minutes, refusing to cut off the signal till someone answered. The beeps seemed to go on forever before Leia's hologram projected over his desk, wiping the thick crust of sleep from her eyes and not looking too happy about being woken up. "Finn, what is–"

"Rey's gone." Finn went on to explain what had happened, watching as Leia's eyes widened when he described how Rey had knocked out the guards and stolen a ship. Finn was out of breath by the time he finished, both him and General Organa looking at each other in silence.

"I was going to come back to the fleet and help search–"

Leia cut him off. "Let me talk to Ben. Don't disconnect," she ordered and then rushed out of the room.

As the minutes ticked by, Finn became antsy, his heel tapping against the floor as his knee bobbed up and down. When he couldn't bear it any longer, he turned off the transmission and headed back to the hangar. He couldn't wait anymore. He had to do something.

()()()()()

A world of mountains and red sand, Moraband was once the thriving home of the Sith. Now, it laid abandoned after the widespread devastation from numerous wars. Not much had survived, but what remained was located on the surface– the Valley of the Dark Lords. The basin was a wasteland that harbored intact temples and sacred tombs of the ancient Order of the dark side, their once prominent statues now scattered across the holy graveyard.

It was well into the night on the planet, the stars in the sky non-existent from the looming thick cover of crimson clouds. The low sky imparted a claustrophobic tension, ominous and guarded. Along the warm breeze came the swirls of the sand, climbing into the air as if on a journey all their own, enjoying the intermittent freedom from the violence of the sand storms that plagued the area.

All was quiet as time passed lazily.

Hidden away in the darkness near the top of a nearby mountain, Rey was perched on her elbows, feeling every beat of her heart pound against the warm stone she lay upon. Her focus was on the ancient Sith temple below, one of the only ones that had any reads of organic life and was still intact. Looking through her electrobinoculars, she zoomed into the canyon, the night vision scanning among the tall clay pillars and the entrance into the mountain. Rey figured that back in this place's prime, those tall double doors must have exuded grandness and power. Probably even looked beautiful, too. Now, most of the hieroglyphs and writing had faded, following the once prominent religion into obscurity.

The growing heat between Rey's shoulder blades screamed for reprieve, but she didn't grant them any relief. Something in her gut told her this was the place, and with so much on the line, she couldn't afford to miss a single moment. She desperately needed some sort of confirmation that she was right. If she went back to Ben empty handed, he'd be furious with her. But with some evidence, maybe she could simmer him down to a level of frustration. Frustrated Ben she could handle.

Mostly.

Either way, she accepted that Ben would be mad at her for doing this. But lately, when _wasn't_ he upset with her? It was almost becoming their new normal, as much as Rey didn't want it to be.

Her chest tightened as she remembered how their last conversation had went, how he looked so heartbroken when she said she hated him. And truly, she did at that moment. But that's all it was; a moment. The more she asked herself why he would do such a thing to her, the more she started to understand. It wasn't just his anger over Kayani that drove him to lie, but he must've believed that if more of her family were to appear, she would give him less and less of her time.

Selfish of him, yes. But Rey could understand.

Rey's ears perked up as she heard what she believed to be incoming ships. Looking to the sky, she focused the binocs on the three shuttles that landed near the front entrance. Storm commandos marched down the ramp, congregating near one of the pillars still standing. These elite stormtroopers were special forces, trained to deal with extreme combat situations. Rey recognized the silver scout trooper armor from when she found datapics of them while scavenging a few years back. That rare find had allowed her to catch a glimpse into what the galaxy had once been like.

The troops suddenly stood at attention as their commanding officer came into view. Rey immediately recognized the woman from Finn's description: Captain Phasma.

Where had she come from? She wasn't on any of those shuttles, and nothing had come out of those entry doors.

The soldiers started to move, following their leader as Phasma headed straight for the rock face. The woman wasn't slowing down, and was about to walk right into–

She disappeared, along with all the other troopers. It was a cloaked entrance, its shield programmed to take on the look of its surroundings– like the one on Carbon Ridge. _Clever tech_ , Rey thought to herself. _Expensive, too._

 _"My brother must be here,"_ Kayani commented.

 _"Agreed."_

Rey lowered the binocs, checking to make sure it had all been recorded. Rey beamed, knowing she had the evidence she needed.

She unclipped the comm from her belt, bringing it up to her mouth. "BB-8, I'm sending you the recording from my binocs. Send it directly to Ben and tell him that I'm positive Snoke is here." Rey synched the recording to the comm channel her and BB-8 had agreed upon and sent the vid, but the signal came back incompatible.

Her brows furrowed. Had BB-8 somehow heard her wrong? She tried the comm three more times, each with the same outcome.

Rey groaned, not wanting to trek the two miles back to where she'd hidden the ship just so she could get a message out. This was why she brought BB-8 along; so she didn't have to waste any time with hiking.

She let out a deep breath and started down the steep mountain. Once hitting the bottom, she broke into a jog, recalling the way in which she'd came. Dressed in her black jumpsuit and grey arm wraps, she was the first to admit that such attire was not practical to wear in a desert climate. But to remain hidden she needed to blend in with the night, even if that meant she had to endure sweat uncomfortably trickling between her cleavage and dampening her hair. The feeling made her think of Jakku, as much as she didn't want it to.

When the shuttle finally came into view, Rey sprinted the rest of the way and used the Force to lower the ramp. She rushed onto the ship and went straight for the cockpit, breathing heavily while yelling out, "BB-8, what channel are you on? It would be quicker if you sent–"

On top of the control panel, her datapad caught her eye. The screen was lit, showing that she had a message waiting for her from Ben. Rey scooped it up and opened the file, seeing that he'd sent it an hour ago. Maybe she should just reply back to him with the assembled information instead of having BB-8 do it. But as she went for the binocs in her side bag, she paused, her eyes gliding over the words Ben had wrote.

Her lids slowly widened, heart beat skyrocketing, blood rushing in her ears.

 _No_.

 _ **Rey,**_

 _ **I know that keeping you from finding you grandfather was one of the many horrible things I've done to you. All the wrongs I've done against you have been piling up since the moment I met you on Takodana, and I understand that the weight of them would eventually make you realize that you can't do this anymore. If you never want to come back to me, I won't stop you. But I would regret it for the rest of my days if I don't tell you how I am feeling.**_

 _ **I'd die for you, but these last few months, I've tried to live for you. That was the hardest thing for me to do, because I knew I didn't deserve to have a beating heart. Nor did I deserve your love and companionship. But you deserved to no longer be alone, and I wanted to fill that role of a partner for you. However, I'd be remiss if I didn't admit to my own selfish desires. I do want you to find your family; I know how much they mean to you. But I've come to realize that it wasn't just my anger that drove me to lie, but my possessiveness over you. Either way, I feel shame for both, for both of those reasons are selfish.  
**_

 _ **I wish we could go to some unknown planet and leave all of this behind. I should've listened to you. I should've taken the chance to leave with you when it presented itself, but living my life in hindsight will only drive me further into madness– which is why I wish I could forget you. But every time I try, I think about that first time I saw you on Takodana; I relive seeing your memories from your youth, and I see that ocean you'd always dreamed of finding. Then, everything else follows.  
**_

 _ **What happened between you and I these past few months was the tenderest of mercies fate could have ever bestowed upon me.**_

 _ **Now, I remember the way you had gazed at me like I was a stranger– the first being before you left to Arkanis, and the second when I revealed my lie of omission. Instead of seeing the man you loved, you now saw an enemy. It's as if all that love became pain, pain became fear, fear became hatred. Maybe that's the way it goes; a strong hate to break what was once a strong love. And I was the one to drive you there. I know you're hurt, and I am truly sorry; yet, there has to be a part of you that knows that I hurt also.**_

 _ **Before you, I had no one. While with you, I had to take it one step at a time, not knowing how to navigate the realm of a relationship. At some things I failed; at others, I felt like I was treading just above water. In my naivety, I took our bond for granted, believing it to be unbreakable. While the bond will always remain, I now know that the spirit is not without its limits.**_

 _ **If you want to go, go. I will not stop you, nor will I try to initiate the bond from here on out. I hope as you move forward, you reminisce on the times when you were happy and not linger on the ones that filled you with grief. For me, I will move forward half the person I was, for without you, I'll never be whole. But that's how I lived before I met you, so it's not a road I'm unfamiliar with.**_

 _ **As I write these words, I only hope that you're able to fulfill your dream of seeing everything the galaxy has to offer.**_

 _ **Be safe, and trust no one.  
**_

 _ **Yours,**_

 _ **Ben**_

 _No, no, no, no, no, no, no._

Rey had to steady herself against the pilot's chair, feeling as if her knees would fail her.

It had never crossed her mind that with how abrupt she'd left Arkanis and with how much she was cloaking herself with the Force, that Ben would interpret that as her leaving him. What's even more shocking was the fact Ben was willing to let her go, because he thought that's what she wanted.

Stars, leave it to Ben to jump to the most impossible assumption, all stemming from his lack of self worth and his expectation that everyone, in the end, would leave him. Rey would know; she suffered from the same belief.

Rushing out of the cockpit, her eyes kept skimming over Ben's heartbreaking farewell as she said, "BB-8, I need you to–"

Scattered on the floor were droid sensors, a motivator, wiring and cabling, and the orange and white armor that was once BB-8. Rey stood there, the datapad falling from her hands as all train of thought came to a halt, her mind unable to compute what was happening.

She sensed someone from behind, but her defensive reaction was too slow. Something pricked her upper arm as she whipped around, Force pushing the intruder down the hall before he could grab her. She stalked after him, his movements quick as he scrambled back to his feet and looked up at her. This man, older of age with olive skin and a shrewd stare– she had seen him before. On Spira and Lothal.

Cato, a Knight of Ren. This man was the one who almost took Ben away from her forever.

But her anger quickly dissipated as her limbs grew too heavy for her to walk, sending her to her knees. Vision blurring, head spinning, she realized he'd done something to her.

Rey sucked at the air as if it had suddenly become thick, her hands trying to claw her way up to stand, but she fell back onto the grated floor. Kayani was shouting, but her voice was too far away to understand.

"Your attempts at trying to stand are futile," the man said as he came to loom above her. "The toxins running through your body inhibits your motor functions, but don't worry. The dizziness will subside in time." Cato lifted her into his arms, and after that, Rey remembered very little. He had taken her on a ship, then carried her some more, the echo of his footsteps and the coolness of the air telling her that they were more than likely inside one of the temples.

He placed her on a hard, cool surface. She couldn't move, but at least her head was starting to clear and her vision beginning to sharpen. Unfortunately, she found out rather quickly she was facing a wall, her eyes gliding over the dimly lit crimson ore that bled throughout the dark stone.

They left her like that for a while, the sound of her own breaths the only thing to keep her company. The time alone gave her enough of an opportunity to reach out to Ben, but as she went in search of their connection, she couldn't find it. She could sense it was there, but it was like grasping at air, the results of her efforts giving her nothing.

And then Rey felt a darkness caressing across her mind, touching her with a tendril of consciousness that made her want to vomit.

"Rey of Jakku, scavenger and orphan," a sinister, gravelly voice proclaimed. She was lifted into the air and angled around, her eyes falling upon a twisted figure whose face was heavily scarred and oddly elongated. A gold robe covered his frail body, his weathered hands peeking out from the end of the sleeves as his finger curled in, drawing her closer to him. "We finally meet."

She hung in the middle of the chamber as the creature's lips curled into a mirthless smile.

Without preamble, Snoke ripped into her mind. It was unlike anything she'd ever experienced, the searing pain torturing her in ways she never thought possible. She pleaded, tears pulsing down her cheeks before she wailed, her screams eventually subsiding due to her voice giving out. The agony got to the point where she couldn't react anymore, her body going limp as it dangled in the air.

Finally, his presence left her, the pressure in her head subsiding till it was nothing more than a buzz. Fear pressed into her like a pillow covering her mouth and nose. Enough air could get by, keeping her alive, but it was crippling all the same.

Snoke shuffled away from her, putting a hand upon the altar situated in the middle of the room. It was the only furnishing in the wide cavern. "A Kenobi descendant," he breathed out. "I confess, I did not see that coming. And it takes a lot to take me by surprise."

Rey began to tremble as she tried to find a way to free herself from Snoke's hold, but she couldn't find one.

Snoke regarded her for a long moment, head tilting slightly to the side. "I should commend you for the way in which you located me. I didn't sense you at all. You have a finesse with the Force that not most have."

"Why am I still alive?" she croaked out, nostrils flaring as she breathed more heavily. "You've only ever wanted me dead."

Snoke's eyes burned angrily. "After what you did on Jakku, I should kill you. But your purpose as of right now is different then just rotting away in a grave."

"Ben," she whispered, horrified.

"Sentiment is such a weak emotion, making people do irrational things," Snoke said in a mockery of chit chat. "He'll want to come for you, and from what I've seen of your memories, his deep devotion to you will make him get here quickly. Shall we contact him to tell him you're here?" He stilled for just a moment, then shook his head in disappointment. "Still blocking me out. But it's only a matter of time before curiosity pushes him to answer."

"You won't win," Rey snarled, baring her teeth. "Ben will find a way to destroy you."

He laughed at her, the sound like glass raking over her ears. "Foolish child. I've set things up in such a way that he could never do such a thing. You think my presence in him is only superficial? I've been with him since before he was born. I've molded him into what I need him to be. My influence over him goes deeper than a mere connection; it goes all the way to the soul."

Rey's heart beat thrummed in her chest, pounding, banging, trying to get out. If what Snoke said was true, Ben shouldn't get near this place. He would have zero chance of surviving. "Then your sister will find a way."

"Oh?" Snoke's interest piqued. "Is she talking to you right now? Are you two concocting a plan? Or has she abandoned you in the moment you need her most?"

Rey reached within herself, but Kayani didn't respond. The woman was quiet, even though this was the moment she'd been waiting for for thousands of years. But no, she wouldn't just abandon Rey. Somehow, Snoke was blocking Kayani and Ben from interfering.

Snoke came closer. "Did she tell you what would become of you if she were to depart?" He paused for effect. Rey's brows quivered. "You would die. Her essence has been attached to yours for so long, any attempt at removal would result in your death. So you see, death has always been your fate, whether it be by my hand, or hers. I'll just give you the courtesy of not lying to you."

It was then Rey wanted to burst into tears. Fear found her, speaking to her in its cackling voice, telling her to lose hope, her heart to ache and her stomach to lurch. But there was still just a sliver of courage left within her, giving her the will power of keeping her tears in check.

"I'll kill you," she snarled, letting her hate for this _thing_ consume her thoughts.

She glided to him, looking Snoke in the eye as he brought her just within arms reach. He brought his hand up to her face, cupping her cheek. Even with her levitated above the floor, Snoke still towered over her. "I sense that you truly believe that."

Rey started to slowly experience her consciousness being pulled into the abyss of her subconscious mind, and she was too much of an amateur to do anything about it.


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter 47

Bare back resting against the cold wall, legs bent up toward his chest and elbows resting on his knees, Ren held the datapad between his fingers, hoping that Rey would respond to him. But it'd been hours, and he hadn't received a reply.

He scanned the pieces of broken furniture, the scorch marks on the walls, and the metal bits that were scattered across the floor of his room. The only thing still intact was his bed, and that was only because he collapsed before getting to it. His rage had taken over when Rey closed him off from her, his whirlwind of anger taking over his actions and claiming his lightsaber. But he wasn't upset with Rey; all his ire was pointed inward.

He inhaled in deeply.

Sometimes, everything had a way of becoming really simple, as if everything shifted in one single moment. You're looking in on your own journey, no longer walking along and oblivious as to where you were going. Your mistakes were etched into the road you walked on, your regret written on the signs along the way, and everything you lost formed into wisps of smoke in the air, burning its way down to your lungs.

For Ren, that moment came when she hid herself from him after their conversation. It was abrupt, not being able to feel the remnants of her pain anymore. But he'd sensed her intention right before she'd done it– and that was that she needed to leave. He sat in disbelief, gathering his thoughts before finding a datapad. Even though he told her that she could go, a small part of him still hoped that what he wrote would bring her back to him. But soon after sending the message, he felt her completely disappear. Not like in the physical way, even though he was sure she had done that to, probably going to some obscure planet in the Outer Rim. No, it was in the way he could no longer find their connection in his mind. It was there, somewhere, but somehow she'd figured out how to mask it to where it eluded him. But the message was clear: Rey didn't want to be found.

She was done with him. And he couldn't help feeling like a fool for pouring his heart out to her in that letter.

Darkness pinged his mind, like it was trying to get through to him. This was the fifth time over the last couple of hours he felt it. He had an idea as to who it was, but he ignored it.

A knock came at his door.

"Ben?" Leia called out, voice muffled. "I need to speak with you. It's about–" Ren opened the door using the Force, watching as Leia's eyes widened upon stepping further into the disaster that was his room. She composed herself when she saw him sitting on the floor near the corner. "Rey left Arkanis. Finn commed me and told me she stole a ship to get off planet."

The words fell out of Leia's mouth like a vapor, but it hit his gut like shrapnel. His insides tore, his face paled, but he didn't move. He went back to staring at the datapad.

"You don't seem surprised by this," Leia observed as she crept closer to him, her movements cautious. "Ben, we need to find Rey–"

"Why?"

Leia stopped, posture stiffening. "What do you mean _why_?"

Through his unkempt hair, he pegged her with a hard stare. "I mean she left me. Why should I go looking for her?" The bitterness in his voice surprised even him. What emotion was he starting to feel? Resentment?

Kneeling in front of him, Leia placed her hand on his knee. "She didn't leave you. She... she..."

"She left me," he refuted through a twisted mouth. "Stop trying to find a different meaning as to why she did what she did."

"Rey wouldn't leave you," she articulated, reaching out to him. "Not after everything you two have been–"

He swatted her hand away. "I lied to her. I knew her grandfather was on this ship, and I didn't tell her."

Leia caught her breath. "Korkie Kryze is here?"

"Was. He left some time ago." Ren shook his head, looking to the ceiling as he felt a tear escape the corner of his eye. Annoyingly, he wiped it away. "I kept the truth from her, because I was so angry over the fact she was going behind my back and having secret training sessions with Kayani. I lied to her so I could punish her for doing that to me." And now he wanted his mother to affirm just how awful of a person he was.

But she didn't. "Have you told her this?"

"Why do you think she's gone?"

Gently, she shook his leg. "She isn't gone. Ben, you've always been a very smart boy, but if you think that girl– who has been nothing but devoted to you– has actually left you, then you're an idiot."

He glanced at her. "Excuse me?"

"Your nihilism has always prevented you from seeing the good in people; making you jump to the worst conclusions. But Rey wouldn't just leave you."

"She told me she hated me. And I could feel she truly meant it."

Leia sighed as she tried to make him understand. "Maybe in the moment, yes, she did mean it. But you can only ever truly hate someone you love. And she still loves you."

He held her intent stare before turning his head to the side. "Please, just leave me alone," he whispered.

Leia wanted to say more as she looked at her son with pity. But instead, she stood and adjusted her night robes as she gazed down at him. "What do I tell Finn?"

"Whatever you want."

Leia left quietly.

As time went on like time always did, Ren became more aware of the pounding in his head then how dry his throat had become. With shaking hands, he lowered the datapad onto the floor and continued to just sit there, accepting that Rey wasn't going to respond to him.

Breathing in.

Breathing out.

Now, it all felt final. It was overwhelming to rifle through the mixing pot that were his emotions, but one he didn't expect to find was jealousy. He envied Rey for being able to walk away from not only him, but literally everyone and everything she had. Even though she detested being alone, she could survive it, because that's who she was. A survivor.

But for Ren, no, he couldn't go back to living like that. Some still-functioning part of his delirious mind understood that the best he could hope to accomplish was to immerse himself in his role as Supreme Commander, trying to forget the scavenger girl who had become a part of the bedrock of his life.

He never thought it was possible to deeply hate and truly love someone at the same time. Would... would she find someone to be with? Would she love another man?

It would've been kinder for Rey to have just killed him.

Once on his feet, the room swayed, causing him to put a hand out to the wall for balance. His palm slipped, sending him to his knees, the impact vibrating his bones. The room swirled before becoming stationary, and he used the framing of his bed to help lift him all the way up.

From there, he shuffled into the shower, found some clothes, and made himself look presentable. Eyes cold and face immobile, he headed to the bridge. Bre was there, giving him a report of what had been happening during his absence. Nothing really noteworthy, so he went to stand before the viewing glass, peering out to the lifeless planet of Jakku.

Ren turned and ordered the fleet to be moved to the first place that came to his mind– Chandrila. He never wanted to see the sights of Jakku again.

With each stride along the officer's platform, his mind became more clear, more resolute, as if the distance between him and Rey was becoming easier to bear the more he buried himself in his duties. There was an emotional chasm on the part of his psyche Rey once occupied, and he entombed his memories of her there behind a thick wall of ice.

Maybe he could do this; maybe he was strong enough to keep going. With every step he felt more in charge, more in command of his own thoughts and body. But then he heard her name being whispered by one of the crewmen, and then he knew he was shattered into fragments more numerous than the stars. He thought about finding Rey and pleading on his hands and knees that his life was meaningless without her, that he could find a way to erase his mistakes and start anew.

 _No. She left you. She doesn't want you anymore_ , his heart argued, feeling the sting of betrayal. That kind of duplicity didn't ebb, it multiplied.

But he found himself searching for their connection anyway, because he was weak and selfish and couldn't fathom going on without her. During the search for that elusive thread, the only thing he found was that same darkness from earlier, waiting to be answered.

Was... was that really Snoke trying to reach out to him? To find him?

"You're moving the fleet?" A voice came from behind. Ren whirled around to see Finn striding up to him, flanked by Skywalker and his mother. They all wore the same sour expressions on their faces.

"There's no reason for us to stay near Jakku."

"What about Rey?" Finn asked, voice already at a level that was drawing everyone's attention. "Why the hell are you standing there and doing nothing to find her?"

Ren rounded his jaw as he motioned for the conversation to be taken elsewhere. He led them into the first private room he could find, relieved to see that it was currently unoccupied. It was a standard issue officer's quarters, having the bare minimum of a desk, bed, and dresser, everything looking immaculate and clean.

He rounded on Finn once the door was closed. " _She_ left _me_. I'm giving her the courtesy of staying away." _Liar. You were just trying to find her._

Finn threw out his hands, becoming animated with frustration. "Are you kidding me? Leaving you was the farthest thing from her mind."

"How do you know that?" Luke asked.

"Because she told me so mere hours before leaving the planet. Hell, she even told me that she wanted to accept your proposal," he pointed at Ren, "but that there was something she needed to finish first. Does any of that sound like someone who wants to disappear?"

No one spoke, especially not Ren. His eyes lost focus as he started to seriously consider the possibility... that he was wrong. And if he was wrong, he'd just wasted a massive amount of time.

"You proposed to her?" his mother spoke up, but he didn't answer.

His attention was solely on Finn. "What did she need to finish?"

"No idea. She didn't say. But..."

"But what?"

Finn cleared his throat, glancing at each of them as he shifted his weight to his other leg. "Apparently, Obi-Wan Kenobi visited her while you were unconscious on Jakku. He told her that when the time comes... she needed to let you go. She was quite against the idea, and dead set on never letting that happen."

Not much could stun all three Skywalker descendants into synchronized silence, but here they were, all speechless. Ren blinked, too dazed to make sense of what Finn just said. His first thought was him questioning why Rey never told him this. His second thought was that Rey really had no intention of leaving him.

"Okay," Luke's voice broke through the still atmosphere as he stroked his beard. "Okay, we need to find Rey as quickly as possible. Ben, can you sense her through your bond?"

But Ren wasn't really listening.

 _What the hell was Rey doing?_

And then he remembered the message he sent her. Why hasn't she replied back or at least tried making contact to assure him that his assumptions were incorrect? He'd sent her that message hours ago. She would've immediately read it when seeing it was from him.

Ren's breathing hitched as if he'd taken a blaster bolt to the gut.

Something must've happened to her.

"Ben?"

He blinked himself out of his daze, turning towards his uncle. "I... I can't find it. I can feel that the connection is still there, but it's hiding from me somehow."

Finn frowned. "Can Rey do that?"

Ren ran both hands through his hair, his anxiety rising exponentially. "I didn't even know that was possible, so I have no idea how Rey–"

Darkness suddenly touched Ren's mind, more prominent and demanding than before. It slinked along his mental barrier, it tendrils trying to find a weakness. Snoke was being persistent, and not even trying to be subtle anymore.

Ren and Luke exchanged a glance. Leia's eyes went wide. "What was that?" she whispered, having sensed it. He didn't reply, nor did he need to. Ren could tell by the way Leia's cheeks lost all color that she knew exactly what that was.

Luke crossed his arms over his chest. "What does he want?"

Ren shook his head. "I don't know. He's been trying to get through my defenses for a while now."

"Sorry," Finn interjected," but who's doing what now?"

"Snoke has been trying to contact me," Ren said flatly as he turned away from the group, going to stand by the desk. He leaned against it, his unease making his hands slightly shake and his skin to warm.

Leia neared him. "Can he communicate with you like you can with Rey?"

"Not as clear, no. It's more like whispers and feelings, sometimes images."

"Ignore him."

Ren rubbed his lips together. "I don't think I should."

Gripping his arm, Leia made him look at her. "You open yourself up to him, and who the hell knows what he'll do to you."

"He wants me alive, so he won't kill me."

"He can make you wish that he did."

Ren glanced back to Luke, who gave him a curt nod. Leia gaped at her brother's response. "He can't!" she yelled, her eyes pleading at her son. "Ben, you–"

But before she could finish, Ben dropped his defenses, allowing the shadow to touch his mind. His first response was to shiver with pleasure, to relish the kind of power that only came from the purification of the dark side. He wanted it still, even after all this time. Shame poured into him, for he knew that he shouldn't find the darkness so appealing.

Feelings came first, taunting, demanding, belittling him. It sickened him that his reaction was to beg his master for forgiveness, that he felt compelled to prove himself worthy to be his apprentice. Guidance and power– that was all Ren wanted, even though he knew what Snoke truly wanted from him. Images were shown next: a planet covered in red sand, an ancient Sith temple, and then Rey, hovering in the air, unconscious.

Then Snoke vanished, and Ren's vision focused back on the room. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, not able to recall how he got there. But it didn't matter. Whether standing or sitting, he would still be trembling.

He kept staring at the floor as the others huddled around him, studying him, but his emotions still showed through despite the heavy scrutiny. His eyes washed with the kind of tears that only came when you broke in ways that were irreparable. He was going to go after her; there was no question about that. But he knew only one of them would make it out.

"Snoke has her, doesn't he?" Luke whispered solemnly.

Ren wiped at his face as he nodded, hearing the air leave Finn's lungs in one fluid heave. Ren lifted his gaze to the man, feeling anger rise into his sallow cheeks. "I gave you one job. One. Fucking. Job. A rather simple one, actually. And you," he went to his feet to stand before his uncle. "What have you been teaching Rey this whole time? That she should endanger her life for no fucking point? That good always triumphs over evil, and everything will just miraculously work out in the end?"

Luke held his ground and answered Ren with annoyed silence. The door opened then, a female Lieutenant taking two steps into the room before backtracking and hurrying away.

Finn put some distance between him and Ren. "You know as well as I do that babysitting Rey is anything but simple," he said from across the small room. "She does what she wants."

And that right there was the problem. Rey always thought she could do things on her own. Ren both admired, and despised that about her. And right now, he was leaning more on the spectrum that was colored with derision.

"She's alive?" Luke inquired, face tight.

"For now."

"Why hasn't he killed her?"

"He's hoping I'll try to rescue her, because it's me he really wants."

Leia tried to sound sympathetic. "Ben–"

He lifted a finger to his mother. "If you even try to tell me not to go after her, then you can leave the fucking room, because I won't be able to live with myself knowing I could've done something to save her."

Leia snapped her mouth shut, but her eye's showed her ire.

"Where are they?"

"Moraband."

Luke addressed Finn in a curt tone. "Comm down to the hangar and have them prepare the Falcon. We leave in ten minutes." Finn nodded and ran from the chambers.

Pushing a hand through his hair, Ren said, "Snoke wants me to come alone.

"That's not going to happen," Luke countered, before rounding on Leia. "And Leia, you aren't coming."

"But–"

"You're not getting on that ship as long as I'm on it."

She glared at the two men before stomping out into the hallway, not even glancing back at them. It was a little surprising she didn't offer Ren a goodbye or say something to the affect that he should be careful. He might never see her again, and while he wanted them to part on good terms, Rey was more important at the moment.

Luke and Ren hurried down to the hangar, both silent the entire way. A group was huddled next to the Falcon: Finn, Caliiya, Chewie, Casterfo, and Harter Kalonia. Ren was surprised by his adverse reaction upon seeing the doctor; he walked right up to her and gave her a gripping hug. She patted him on the back as she told him she was coming with them. Arguing ensued, but Harter was firm in the belief that they needed someone with medical training on the mission. Ren couldn't argue against that, so he made her promise that she would stay with the ship while they went to get Rey.

Once in hyperspace, Ren remained in the cockpit. Lounging in the pilot's chair, with his boots propped up on the control panel, he watched the blue and white swirls of hyperspace, as if viewing the dimensional travel would somehow get him to Moraband faster. He knew it wouldn't, but he needed this for his sanity. He reached out to Rey again, finding nothing. It was now a compulsive habit, him searching for their connection every thirty seconds.

His gaze shifted to Rey's pyro flower on top of the control panel, it's soil and roots safely within the confines of a small, round pot. Ren had gingerly given it a new home after finding it still wilting upon the ship's floor, knowing Rey wouldn't have wanted it to die. He'd even given it some of his strength, it's soft petals stiffening and becoming vibrant once again.

Ren sensed Luke entering the cockpit. "Spare me a lecture."

The Jedi Master took up residence in the co-pilot's seat, angling himself so he faced his nephew. "Why would I lecture you?"

"You always do. Or did," Ren amended. "I don't need you laying on me all that Jedi bantha shit about controlling my emotions."

"I wasn't going to. I came to tell you that no matter what happens, you're not to get near Snoke." Ren ground his molars, temples protruding. Luke listed forward, tone stern. "I mean it, Ben. If he gets one look at you, it's over."

"I can't let Rey die."

"She won't. I'll get her out of there. I just need you to keep anyone from trying to aid Snoke while I dispose of him." Ren mulled the plan over in his head, thinking that it could possibly work. But did Luke have enough power to go up against Snoke? Ren was too afraid to ask.

The men fell into a tolerant silence, listening to the soft hum of hyperspace. It didn't last as long as Ren had hoped. "So..." Luke breathed out. "You asked Rey to marry you?"

"Afraid your token apprentice will break more of the rules?" Ren smugly asked.

"There are no more rules."

"Say it," Ren bit out. "Say that the Jedi Order is no more because of me. Remind me how I murdered my own peers to achieve it."

"I think you remind yourself of that enough." Luke shifted in the chair, voice getting softer. Ren still didn't look at him. "You know, I've watched you from a distance these last couple of months, observing if your efforts were genuine or not."

"And?"

"I believe they are. The dark side still lingers within you, and it always will. But your actions have made me see that you're starting to take your first steps toward atonement." Luke paused, inhaling. "And because of that, I can forgive you for what you've done in the past."

Ren grimaced, his stomach tying in knots and making him nauseous. "I don't deserve forgiveness. I don't deserve redemption."

From his periphery, he saw Luke shrug. "The thing about redemption is, it's reserved specifically for those who don't deserve it, because if you did, there would be no need for you to be saved in the first place." Ren wanted to groan, because he hated when his uncle equivocated philosophically, and at the same time, was right. "And... forgiving you also helps me. I need to let go of the anger I've harbored against you."

Ren crossed his arms and felt trapped inside the small cockpit, his expression looking like a prisoner who'd just gotten the news that he would be shot at dawn.

Luke broke through the quiet as he whispered, "Ben... I should've listened to you about freeing those slaves." Ren tensed. "I was so caught up in trying to keep the Jedi name untainted, that I was afraid to actually act like a Jedi and help people. I failed you that day, and I am truly sorry."

Ren tightened his arms around himself, giving hyperspace a hurt-but-defiant stare.

Luke waited a few moments to see if his nephew would say anything, maybe yell at him. But Ren kept his mouth shut. "You shouldn't be too hard on Rey," the Jedi Master added. "Her intentions of reforming the Jedi Order are in the right place."

"Do you even want to bring the Order back?" Ren suddenly said, tone dry. "Because Rey was the one arguing for it, while you remained silent."

Luke rubbed at his chin, settling back into the chair, mirroring Ren and gazing out the viewport. "Seeing Rey talk about what she wants to do and seeing her determination, it reminds me how young she actually is. And I don't mean that in a bad way," Luke added quickly. "I just remember when I was that young, thinking that I could take on the galaxy and change things." Ren could hear the smile in his voice fading. "I almost want to hide her from the cruelty of reality, so she isn't disappointed. But I do think something should rise from the ashes of the old Order. Force sensitives need somewhere to go."

"All usage of the Force will be–"

"Illegal, and you'd be a fool if you actually enforced that. Do you remember how hard it was to control your abilities while growing up? Imagine if you really had nowhere to turn to for help."

"I never wanted to be a Jedi," Ren muttered softly. "I never wanted to go to the academy."

Luke made a thoughtful face. "I know, but that doesn't change the fact that you have Skywalker blood running through your veins." And that was where his curse began, with what was in his blood and the lineage his family had tired to keep from him.

The atmosphere shifted, the previous awkwardness now gone and replaced with a somber ambiance. Ren almost felt years younger, sitting in the cockpit of a ship, his uncle telling him which star system they were visiting next.

"You know..." Ren said lower than a whisper, lips barely moving. "In many ways, you were more of a father to me than Han ever was."

Luke glanced away, and Ren could sense the man trying to keep his emotions in check. "I always thought it cruel how Han treated you. But some people are incapable of understanding those who have the Force." Luke sighed. "Han ran from you because he was scared, not because he didn't love you. Still, your parents and I are just as responsible for you turning to Snoke than you are."

"Don't." Ren squeezed his eyes shut. "The choices I've made are mine and mine alone. I'm not a victim."

"You really think so? I'm not excusing the things you've done. It's just... you were just a child whose father wasn't there, had a mother who ignored you, and an uncle who denied that the dark side was growing in you– all the while Snoke was slowly manipulating you. I could even sense it during your training, but I didn't want to deal with it." Voice cracking, Luke cleared his throat. "I kept telling myself that we all have some darkness inside us, and that you would be fine. But I should've seen... I should've known."

The nav controls beeped, alarming them they were about to drop out of hyperspace. Luke jumped out of his chair as if the thing were on fire. "I'll tell the others we're here."

"Luke?" Ren twisted his body so he could see his uncle. The man stopped and glanced over his shoulder. Ren took a deep breath, knowing he needed to just come out and say it. "I'm sorry." The corner of Luke's lip curled up, and then he left.

The drop from hyperspace left them just outside of Moraband, the sensors scanning to make sure they had a clean approach. It hadn't been Ren's intention to make some sort of amends with Luke, but he found some peace knowing that he had. Now he could die knowing he'd somewhat made things right with his family. Except, he wished Leia was here.

He gazed at the scarlet planet, wishing he had told his mother goodbye.

()()()()()

Rey plopped her heavy rucksack onto the ottoman at the end of the bed before letting her body fall on top of the plush comforter. She grabbed one end and rolled, wrapping herself in the confines of its softness. Her body bounced slightly as something heavy fell onto the bed next to her.

"Rough day?"

She wiggled so she was face to face with Ben, both of them lying on their sides. Tenderly, he brushed a stray hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. "Sometimes I wonder why I ever wanted to open a school for Force users," Rey admitted.

"Because you understood that they needed someone to help them, just as you did." He draped his arm over her, pulling her close.

"Yeah... I just hate the whole disciplining part."

"Still having problems with that one student?"

"Yep," she quipped. "How was your day?"

He shrugged as much as he could while laying on the bed. "I think I've hit the limit for how long someone can competently study. I'll read something, but not even remember what it is I read."

"Whoa," Rey said, acting dramatically shocked. "That's a first for you. I mean, it happens to us lowly citizens, but you?" She gasped. "Never. You're too superior for that." He nudged her with his knee, lips quivering as he fought back a smile. She gave him a quick peck on the lips. "Don't you have an exam coming up?"

"Next week."

 _So soon?_ "When do you have to leave?"

"The day before."

She groaned as she rolled onto her back, gazing at the ceiling. "I'm counting down the days till you get your degree and we no longer have to be separated all the time."

"We see each other through the bond."

"It's not the same."

Ren appeared above her, his raven hair framing his angular face. "I know. Just a few more months and then I'll work with Harter to get everything transferred over to my name." His plump lips stretched into a smile. "You excited for tonight?"

"Tonight?"

"Our anniversary."

"Right. Our anniversary." Rey's forehead creased. "I can't believe I forgot."

"You've had a lot on your mind, so I'll forgive you this once." He gave her a lingering kiss before getting off the bed and heading toward the refresher. "I'm going to take a shower. My mother should be by soon to help you get ready."

"Ready?"

Ben stopped and slowly turned, biting his lip in a way that made him appear guilty. "She wants you to try on some dresses that once belonged to my grandmother." He saw her panicked expression. "Just indulge her. You don't have to wear any of them if you don't want to."

Right. She could say no, but Rey knew she wouldn't.

While Ben was in the shower, she walked around their room, looking at the abstract art on the walls, the small statues on the side table, and then her desk in the corner. There were drawings on what she envisioned the expansion of the school to look like. Ben had let her use his calligraphy set, along with his paper acquired from a rare oak tree, so she could show the builders exactly what she wanted.

Rey thought to when she founded the school, and then frowned. She couldn't find that specific memory. And as she tried to think further back into the past, her thoughts started to become hazy.

She walked into the refresher, seeing Ben's fuzzy outline through the steamy glass. "Hey, Ben? What happened to Snoke?"

"Snoke?" his muffled voice said in surprise. "You killed him, remember?"

Yes... yes, she had killed him.

"And... were there a lot of people at our wedding?"

"It was a small ceremony. Just family and friends."

Of course it was. Her and Ben abhorred large crowds.

"And how long have we been married?"

"Seven years." He slid the foggy door open, enough to pop his head out. He slicked his wet hair back, eyeing her up and down. "Are you okay? You should know the answers to these questions."

"Yeah." She shrugged, playing it off as if she was just messing with him. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just wanted to make sure you remember."

Leia came shortly after that, pampering her and showing off the gowns that were way too extravagant for Rey to ever wear. But she couldn't disappoint her mother-in-law. So she settled on the one that reminded her of summer, the flower embellishments complimenting the flowy yellow fabric beautifully and the bodice cinching in her waist to grant her the appearance of hips. Rey didn't wear dresses often, but even she had to admit, she looked stunning in this one.

The night stretched on as Ben took her to an exquisite restaurant, followed by a play at one of the opera houses. But she kept glancing behind her, as if she were missing something.

The evening together ended at their home, Ben pouncing on her and kissing her till it was hard to catch her breath. "Ben?"

"Hmmm..." he responded as he nibbled against her neck, guiding them to their room.

In the distance, something rumbled. A blast? Was there a quarry nearby?

"How did I kill Snoke?"

Ben stilled, and then drew back, frowning down at her. "Can we not talk about him tonight?"

"But... I don't remember," she confessed, her head starting to hurt. She left his embrace, rubbing at her temples. "How did you get into medical school?"

"I tested in," he answered simply. "Have you hit your head recently?" He stretched his hand out to her, but she dodged it as she put more distance between them.

"No." She shook her head slowly, heart beat now racing, nearly exploding. "No, after everything you've done, you'd never be allowed to go to a university."

"Rey," Ben said cautiously. "You're scaring me."

Wheezing out heavy breaths, her mouth went dry. Something wasn't right. This didn't feel like her life. "I need to get out of here."

She spun around, but Ben caught her arm. "Don't leave."

And that was when she remembered the message Ben had sent her, the one where he believed she had abandoned him. Months of memories flooded into her mind's eye, revealing to her the one thing she's known all along. "This isn't real," she muttered.

This was a world of fantasy. Everything Rey could see around her looked so real, so material, so specific, but it lacked substance. Heart. She ran to their room and locked the door, keeping it secure so Ben couldn't open it. He banged at the barrier, begging her to let him inside. She sank to her knees, palms covering her ears as she rocked back and forth. The atmosphere became dense and heavy as Rey tuned him out. Lies– that's all this place was. As much as she wanted this life to be true, for the fragments of her desires to manifest, Rey's conscience wouldn't let her remain in denial.

Deception swirled around her, suffocating, the empty shapes stealing her breath and torturing her the more she fought against it.

She had no idea how to get out of the illusion. Ben had told her once about finding a weakness in the threads that bound her here, but how did she do that against something this extensive? Rey didn't know. So that left her with one alternative: power. Deep within herself, she felt for Kayani's strength, trying to take as much as she could, wishing the ghost would just talk to her. But even as Rey siphoned more and more, Kayani remained quiet, her voice somehow blocked from Rey's thoughts.

Again, Rey rammed against the barrier that held her here, but the extra boost of strength still wasn't enough.

She clawed through her mind, desperate to find the connection with Ben. It was there, just out of her grasp. So close, she was so close. It was his softness she seeked, the cradle for her head and her heart. She personified the love she felt for him, embodied it, embraced it. The power that came with it was pure, sincere, filling her soul with a strength she'd never known as it shined brighter than any known star, it's blast more cosmic and radiant than a supernova.

Like under intense pressure, the opening to the bond popped, her power surging across their tether as she desired nothing else but to feel Ben again.

Rey fell onto the stone floor, legs giving out beneath her as her back hit the ground, the impact knocking the air from her lungs. She gasped and gulped down the much needed oxygen, the coolness of the air tickling the back of her throat as she heard the distant noises of blaster fire. The cavern vibrated from the shock wave of a far off blast, and that was when Rey realized she'd gotten out.

She was free.

And there was a battle going on somewhere in the temple.

Rey sprang to her feet, readying herself for whatever Snoke had planned next. To her surprise, he was leaning against the altar, out of breath, glaring at her as if she'd just struck him with a formidable blow. Maybe she had. And that made her think that she had a fighting chance of getting out of here.

Movement caught Snoke's and Rey's attention, both of their heads snapping to the side to find it.

There, kneeling on his knees, arms outstretched and palms hovering above the ground, was Ben. His gloved hands swiped through the air, as if searching for something he'd been holding onto.

He looked up, locking eyes with Rey, gazing at her through disheveled hair and gushing tears. Then, slowly, his stare swept over to the altar, eyes widening upon seeing his former master.

Somehow, in her effort of reaching out to Ben for help, she had summoned him to her. Rey had always believed that such a thing as particle transportation was impossible, that it was all just a bunch of myths and theories concocted by those who wished for such an ability. But it didn't matter how many times Rey kept telling herself that it was ridiculous. It didn't change the fact that Ben was still there. In the flesh.

Because of her.

The noise of blaster shots and fighting disappeared, leaving only one sound to be heard; the sound of her own pulse throbbing in her ears. And in those quiet seconds of disbelief, watching as Ben tensed with bewilderment and shock, a single word slipped between her lips, filled with all the horror of what she'd just unknowingly done.

"No..."

Just as time seemed to have slowed, it viciously accelerated, as if catching up on the moments it had lost.

Light blared in Rey's eyes and then her body was convulsing, her muscles seizing, throat closing, teeth clenched so hard they were on the verge of cracking. And then it ceased and she was on the ground, not able to focus as her vision blurred and her hearing dampened. Ben appeared over her, hoisting her to her feet, dragging her to the exit on the other side while saying something she couldn't comprehend. She caught a glimpse of Snoke on the floor, dazed, trying to sit upright.

Then one second she was being propelled back, and the next, she was flying forward, her body soaring through a corridor and down a long and narrow hallway. She skidded along the stone floor, the shock ricocheting across her skeleton.

"Run, Rey!" Ben's voice echoed down the corridor. "Run!"

She groaned and stumbled as she levered herself up, her breathing erratic, deep, until finally shallow. Everything was shifting as she stumbled down the hall, light draining away till there was barely even enough for shadows. What was she doing?

Rey's mind was starting to fail. She couldn't formulate a coherent thought. One foot went in front of the other as she used the wall to steady herself. With each inhale, she smelled a mixture of burnt hair and sweat.

Where was she going?

There was noise in the distance, but she couldn't decipher what it was.

 _Ben._

Ben was back there.

She couldn't leave him.

Rey turned around, but all she saw was darkness. How far had she walked? She didn't even remember making any turns.

Thousands of needles scrapped across her brain. Rey fell. Curled into a ball. She saw flashes of memories. Ben's memories. Things that he's learned. Knowledge. His knowledge– it was all being compacted into her already fractured mind, pushing her beyond her own limits. The pressure choked the breath from her lungs, her body dry heaving as if it could physically dispel such an intrusion from her own psyche.

Then it stopped.

Quiet.

Rey blinked.

Black mists swirled at the edges of her mind, enticing her into its open arms. She wanted it to take her, to escape what was happening and fall into its slumber. And if fate had any mercy, it would let her die there. Alone. Because now, she was alone.

Kayani was silent.

Her mind was in shambles.

And she couldn't sense Ben anymore.

She closed her eyes and was terrified.

 **A/N**

 **Sooooooooooo, yeah. Things aren't looking too great. I have a few pages of the next chapter written, and I'm planning on showing a Finn pov and Ben pov of them infiltrating the temple that leads up to Ben being pulled into the cavern. There's also a reason why Ben was kneeling and crying when Rey brought him to her. Dun dun dun!**

 **The whole concept of the Force bond is so interesting, especially after I watched TLJ. I always had it planned that Rey would summon Ben to her in a moment of panic, but in the movie, it's interesting how Ben wiped his face and and had water on his glove from the rain. Then, they are able to actually touch fingers in the hut. Like, is the other actually there, and where does the manifestation actually end? The possibilities are endless!**

 **I'll try my hardest to get the next chapter out as soon as I can, but you all know how I feel about writing action! *laughs nervously* I was going to try and fit the climax into one chapter, but I think it's going to span over two.**

 **Also, by a show of hands, who thinks Leia snuck onto the Falcon and ignored Luke's orders? *scoffs* Like that woman would actually let her son go into mortal danger without her. She ain't playin' when she says she wants to be his mother full time.**

 **Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter even though it is super packed with drama, drama, drama. But I think you should all know by now I'm not writing a fluffy story here. Hope you don't mind!**


	48. Chapter 48

**Heeeeeelllllloooooo everyone! Sorry for the long wait! Life likes to get in the way sometimes, but I am back with another chapter! Thanks to all the follows, faves, and reviews. They all helped me to keep going!**

 **QwertyStrange: I know, I know. Ben has worked hard on himself, and Rey screwed up big time. I agree with you. But, you might find that she redeems herself. Or you might not. Hoping you do, though. She goes through a lot in this chapter. Thanks for loving my writing! MaelsiC: I messaged you a response to your review a while back. I hope you saw it. But just wanted to say thanks again for leaving a comment! Guest: Muahahahahaha! *rubs hands together evilly* Aleta Wolff: Oh boy, there is a lot of action ahead. As for the fates of the Skywalkers, it's all up in the air! Guest: I hate when I don't check to see if a fic is finished because I hate waiting for updates! Sorry you are now in that boat. But the story is almost finished. Sorry to hear about your rough patch. I started writing this story as a way to cope with everything going on in my life. So to know that enjoying this story has brought some light into your own darkness honestly gets me emotional and makes me happy. And thank you for posting your first review on my story. Whenever I'm in a rut or don't feel like writing, I look back at reviews to help motivate me, and that's what yours has done. I'm glad you love the characters and have enjoyed the journey of this story thus far. Thank you so much for the review! Stuckinsweden: Wow, thank you so much! I look at my writing and think that it's crap, but then I see that you like it and I feel so much better. I can't tell you how many times I got close to just ditching this story because I felt so inadequate. It's hard not to compare yourself to other writers, who are so great and what they do, and not feel down. But I've grown to accept the style in which I write and how I like to characterize the people in my story. I'm so glad you like Ren and how I depict him. I wanted him to be damaged, but to show that he could make a life out of what has happened to him. Ben Solo was just as much of a mask as Kylo Ren, and he now has to figure out who he really is. And that quote you like so much I actually heard one of my college roommates say a long time ago. It's always stuck with me because it's so witty! I don't know if she got it from somewhere or if she made it up, but I just had to use it. Doubt she'll ever read this, but thanks Amanda! While this story revolves around Ren and Rey being together, I wanted it to feel like an epic fantasy at the same time. Glad you think it's epic! Gosh, I know how you feel about episode nine. Like, how in the world could they give Rey and Ben a happy ending? No idea, which makes me think they wont. I really hope they do, because all the love stories in Star Wars have been tragic so far: Jyn/Cassian, Padme/Anakin, Obi-wan/Satine, Quinlinn/Ventress, Leia/Han– like, give us one couple who actually makes it! I beg you Disney! The Perlustrator: I found that puking out an action scene and then editing it works really well. Good thing none of you will ever read my first drafts of a chapter cause they read like it should be in a children's novel. lol. I've done research online how to write out action and create a scene. It all really helped. Thanks for the pointers! alstroemerialover: It's usually the stories that terrify you the most but you just can't quit that are the best. I love when my heart starts pounding and I start to sweat while reading a book. I hope the ending of this story meets your expectations! sweetes forbiden candy apple: Not sure what top ten you are referring to, but sounds like a great compliment! Like top ten Reylo stories? Cause that would be crazy! jules.2136: This story has taken over my idle thoughts and dreams too! My goodness, these last two years has been me daydreaming about the story A LOT. My husband can't wait for this story to be over. lol Thanks for liking the humor. I always fear my humor to be too dry. And I am absolutely biased, but I might like this story line better than TLJ... But I still loved the movie! Rey has a lot of shortcomings from being alone for so long. Like thinking she isn't worth people's time and effort, and that she doesn't completely understand what it means to be a friend and to have friends care about you. And as for Rey killing Kylo turned Snoke, well, guess you'll have to read on to find out! Guest: Thanks for loving chapter fifteen! It's one of my favorites. Guest: Well buckle up, because it's going to be a bumpy ride! Hope you like the chapter! SheLitAFire: I love protective Chewie! And Leia was totally prepared to pull a Holdo, but luckily Luke didn't let that happen. As for Rey and Ben's endings, I wouldn't say one of them has a happy one while the other does not. They are still entwined. We've just only seen glimpses of the future, but not the whole picture yet. More surprises to come!  
**

 **So this chapter pushes all the characters to the brink of what they think they can handle. There's lots of action and emotion packed into it, so I hope ya'll are prepared.**

 **•WARNING• There is violence in this chapter, especially against Rey. If that makes you uncomfortable to read, you can skip around it.**

Chapter Forty-eight

Aboard the shuttle that Rey had taken, Caliiya and Finn stood in the corridor opening to the main hold, watching as Ren rifled through what was left of BB-8. Finn wasn't exactly sure what Ren was looking for; nor did he ask. They had all fell silent when they came upon the droid's remains, both Caliiya and Finn noticing Ren's trembling fists, seeing the rage shading his eyes.

Finn, too, was angry, but neither man made it verbally known to the other.

Ren grabbed something spherical and shoved it in his pants pocket below the black tunic. Then he walked past them, his shoulder bumping into Finn's as he exited the ship.

Finn ground his molars, his grip tightening on the blaster rifle. Caliiya touched his arm, giving him a sympathetic stare before they went to join the others. They trekked further into the valley, Skywalker and Ren leading the group. The mountains became more narrow the closer they got to the canyon, their resemblance taking on more of a pillared shape, like daggers growing out of the reddened soil. It cast long shadows upon the floor as the first signs of dawn graced the barren planet.

Finn had his eyes fixed on Ren's back the entirety of the time, arguing with himself whether he should talk to the guy or not. Finally, no longer able to hold back, he hurried his pace and came to Ren's side. The man ignored his presence.

"I do blame myself for losing Rey, you know," Finn said in a hushed tone. "But how about you shoulder just an ounce of the blame too."

The comment earned him a vicious glare, one that could melt steel. Finn noticed Skywalker slow his pace so he wasn't near the two men.

"You think Rey ran off to kill Snoke because she was bored?" Finn continued, his voice more on edge. "She did it because she believed that with him gone, you'd stop being such an asshole. Maybe go closer to the light, or however that works."

Ren's lips curled down in distaste. "That's not how it works."

"Well, she must think that somehow, with Snoke dead, you'll be more like Ben and less like Kylo."

Ren was suddenly in his face, stopping him in his tracks. "What the fuck did you just say?"

Finn had not been expecting such a visceral reaction. "Uh… Well, I said–"

Ren took a step back to survey the group, eye twitching. "How is it that everyone thinks I have a personality disorder? I make a mistake, you all blame it on Kylo Ren. I do something that's deemed decent, it's because of Ben Solo. When will any of you understand that neither of those people ever existed. I've accepted it, and so should all of you."

"You're wrong." They all turned toward the voice that belonged to the woman. Leia stepped out from behind a cluster of rock pillars, shock falling over the whole group. "Kylo Ren is what Snoke created. Ben Solo is who you were born to be." Leia stood there, confident, clinging to the blaster rifle in her hands as she took in the astonished eyes that gazed at her.

The volatile atmosphere died down quickly, only to be replaced with something similar: frustration.

Skywalker went to her. "What the hell are you doing here Leia?"

Finn put some distance between him and the family, not wanting to get tangled in whatever argument was sure to happen.

She raised her chin, a satisfied smirk playing along her lips. "Surprised you didn't sense me following you? I did actually listen to some of those Force lessons you taught me years ago."

"Go back to the ship–"

Leia shoved her brother away from her, eyes lit with ire. "Did you really think I would let my only child walk into a trap orchestrated by the very creature who took him from me, and not come to help? If fate has anything left to give me before I die, it's that I'll be the one to kill Snoke."

Skywalker took a steady breath. "You're a liability. I can't watch over you and go after Snoke at the same time."

"I still know how to use a blaster."

"This is Force business."

"Good thing I have the Force."

"You don't know how to use it."

"Pretty sure I just proved you wrong by hiding myself from your radar."

"Mom." Everyone's attention snapped to Ren, his soft voice, and his gaze tender. He walked up to her openly, placing a hand on her shoulder. Leia softened, but only slightly. "Luke's right. You can't be here. You might have the Force, but you haven't trained with it to the extent that we have."

She gripped his arm, voice pleading. "Then come back to the Falcon with me. Let Luke and the others handle this."

His brows furrowed. "I can't."

"You won't."

"I have to help Rey."

"If you go to her–"

"I know what my fate will be," he cut her off. Leia's face fell. "But I still have to try." She shook her head, lips pursed. "If Han were in the same predicament, wouldn't you go after him?" They held each other's gaze before Leia exhaled long and deep, closing her eyes in defeat. Her cheek's glistened, and Ren swept away the moisture with his thumb.

Finn glanced away, feeling like the moment was way too personal for him to watch. It was almost like mother and son were saying goodbye. Then he heard something, movement.

Luke and Ren must have sensed the incoming ambush. They lifted their hands to freeze a barrage of blaster fire just before it poured down upon the group. Elite troopers closed in on their location quickly, pushing them towards the canyon.

"Go!" Ren shouted, saber lit and deflecting bolts. "Find Rey!"

Finn didn't need to be told twice.

He and Caliiya followed Luke and Chewie deeper into the canyon, running from one danger only to be met with another. Canons dropped missiles as they neared the temple entrance, the blast separating him and Caliiya from the others. They stayed close to the rockface, unable to locate Luke and Chewie through all the upturned dirt. He crept forward, his hand gliding against the wall as he held his blaster–

Finn's hand hit open air and he was suddenly falling through the rock wall, landing on cool stone. Caliiya followed, landing nearly on top of him. They'd gone through a secret entrance, one that had the sophisticated technology to blend in with its surroundings. With the firefight outside worsening, they got to their feet and fled through the winding tunnels, hand in hand.

As they rounded a corner, they came to a skidding halt. At the other end of the hallway was a handful of troopers, and standing in front, in her silver armor and formidable height, was Phasma.

There was a pause as both groups took each other in.

"FN-2187," Phasma's mechanical voice said.

"His name is Finn," Caliiya corrected with a snarl.

Phasma ignored her. "Kill them."

()()()()()

Ren tore through the elite soldiers, going back and forth between slicing through armor and deflecting incoming fire. Leia followed behind him as she popped off one enemy after another with her blaster rifle, proving that she still was a competent marksmen. Having obtained a stun baton, Casterfo was off to the side, fighting two Knights of Ren, holding his own efficiently. If the two Knights had been Force sensitive, Ren would have been more worried for the man. But having seen Casterfo's skill with a melee weapon before, Ren would have to leave him to fend for himself.

Under other circumstances, Ren would've been hoping for Casterfo's demise, but seeing how he was short on allies at the moment, Ren needed all the help he could get.

Out of his periphery, he saw Casterfo take one of them out.

The tall spires were making it difficult for everyone to properly fight in close quarters, providing the enemy with numerous places to hide. But Ren could feel a presence behind the one straight ahead, a presence that was just goading him to come closer.

Cato finally revealed himself, probably sensing that Ren was within range. In his hand was Rey's saberstaff, the citrine blade glimmering from both ends.

Ren froze for only a moment, startled. He thought of how Cato got the weapon, that it was probably him who had subdued Rey– touched her, hurt her.

Possessiveness ignited a sizzle in his blood, drawing his face taut and clouding his heart with vengeance. His lips peeled off his teeth as he growled and ran. Rocks leapt up from the ground and whirled towards him. He slashed some of them in half, Force pushed the rest away. Then the two sabers met in a spark of gold and crimson, Ren neatly sidestepping Cato's attempt at slashing his leg with the opposite end. He swept the blade behind his back to slap aside a thrust to his neck.

The duo was energized, leaping and whirling, raining down blows, slashing at the rocks. But instead of trying to bend the Force to his will, Ren was content with letting it guide him, feeling it take control of his actions.

Ren kicked at Cato's midsection and then sliced right through the middle of the saber staff. The weapon fizzled out, now broken and unusable. Seeing an opening for a killing blow, Ren tweaked his grip and went for it. But Cato was already one step ahead of him.

Ren sensed the Force being manipulated by Cato, but it wasn't directed at him– it was directed at his mother. Cato put a considerable amount of power behind the push, making Ren turn his focus on stopping Leia from crashing into the side of a narrow mountain. It only took a few seconds to ensure her safety, but the distraction served its purpose: Cato fled.

Ren pursued him down into the canyon, catching glimpses of the man as he weaved through boulders and columns. Running into the temple, he took the troopers by surprise by barreling past them, not giving them enough time to shift their focus onto him.

At the back of the cavern, the knight finally came into view just as he was lunging the darksaber right through Chewbacca's back. The Wookie never saw it coming, too focused on aiming his bowcaster at enemy targets.

All Ren's pent up rage came out faster than magma and just as destructive. It consumed all he was, tearing down his control as if it had been built upon twigs. Cato's body slammed into the stone wall, heading snapping back with a sickening crunch. Ren applied more pressure, watching as the man's face contorted in pain as he was slowly crushed, unable to take a breath to even scream. Bones snapped, blood poured from ruptured skin, face falling into itself. Even after the man was dead, Ren still pushed, lost within that part of him that demanded blood.

A soft whine came from the side.

Ren snapped out of the violent stupor, almost collapsing from the energy he'd so carelessly spent. He whirled around and his eyes fell upon Chewie. Panic came for him. It started as a discomfort in his chest, a feeling in his brain like excess adrenaline, making the anger fade.

Then it went deeper.

Ben ran to the Wookie, sliding on his knees as he came to a stop next to him. Chewie was pressing his hands just below his sternum, blood starting to seep through his long fingers.

"No, no, no…" Ben muttered. His panic grew stronger as his mental faculties gave way to emotions, leaking out from his eyes. He tried to move Chewie's hands away, but he wouldn't give. "Chewie, let me try to heal you."

Chewie let out a short, undulation of a rumble, his words sending a jolt through Ben's body _. "It'll leave you too weak to look after yourself."_

Ben gave the Wookie an incredulous stare before shaking his head and roughly wiping away his tears. "No, I can–" Chewie grabbed Ben's trembling hand and placed his palm against his furry cheek. Images bombarded his mind, some he remembered, and others he didn't.

Chewie throwing an infant Ben into the air, making him laugh.

Chewie finding an adolescent Ben curled beneath a tree, sitting next to the boy as he cried into Chewie's soft embrace.

Chewie sitting across from Ben on a sofa, teaching him Shyriiwook.

Chewie watching as Ben let go of his father, letting the man fall from the bridge and disappearing into the light. He aimed his bowcaster at Ben, a kill shot to the head. There was fraction of a moment where he hesitated before lowering the mark and firing at Ben's abdomen.

Ben didn't realize he was back in the present till his own sobs pounded in his ears. He was that child again, shaking, terrified. The constricted feelings grew, as if he were being strangled by the air surrounding him.

Chewie and Ben held eye contact, his hand stilling on the wooly cheek. He noticed that Chewie's breathing was becoming labored, could sense him slipping away.

"No," Ben said resolutely, surprised by how strong he sounded. "No, fuck this." He pushed Chewie's hand away, noticing the lack of fight against him now. Placing his palms on the wound, Ben concentrated, trying to win the race against time. Strength began to drain from him, Chewie's injured body drinking up–

Rey nearly ripped through his mind, blinding him.

Then Ben lurched forward, catching himself before his hands hit the cool floor. Chewie was no longer beneath his grip. He batted his hands through the empty air, confused, noticing that the lighting was different and the thrums of battle had dulled into background noise.

Ren sensed _her_.

He looked up through his tousled hair. Rey was standing not too far away, the look of shock at seeing her mirroring his own. It melded into horror. Then he felt it; _that_ gaze. Slowly, his eyes shifted, and there he was.

Snoke.

The cacophony of thoughts took him off guard. He felt the urge to run, escape, hide. But he also felt the urge to kneel, grovel, and beg for forgiveness for being so weak. It was no different than when he was younger, fearing and admiring those whispers in his head, letting it coax his growing ego and comfort his expanding loneliness. Even with the passage of time, Ren still felt like the same person he was then. Just now, he had a scarred face and a broader frame.

Ren reallocated his stare to the golden robes, knowing that he shouldn't look his former master in the eye.

A crackle of lightning shrieked throughout the cavern, hitting Rey with enough energy to stop her heart. Ren went on autopilot; calling the lightning to him and then redirecting it back at Snoke. It knocked him onto the floor, allowing Ren only a few moments of precious time.

He hurried to Rey, hoisting her off the ground, her head lolling and her legs weak as she moaned. "You have to get as far away from here as possible," Ren told her as he went for an exit, not knowing where it lead, but staying put was not an option. "Luke and Finn are here–"

They were violently pulled back with the Force. Ben mentally cut through the tether that hooked them both before pushing Rey down the hallway. He slid across the floor, digging his boots into the stone to find traction. "Run, Rey!" he shouted as he got to his feet. "Run!"

He placed himself between the corridor and his master, his eyes on the ground, not daring to even look up. He could sense Snoke moving about. "I don't want to physically hurt you," Snoke confessed, voice sharp. "Having you injured will only make things more complicated."

Ren didn't move. He sensed Rey going deeper into the temple, her pace painfully slow.

"The girl must die," Snoke said somewhere by the altar. The surroundings began to blacken in Ren's vision as if they were becoming one with the shadows, morphing into dark mists. Ren reached for the center of the spell, dissolving whatever illusion Snoke was trying to thrust upon him. "I've offered you purpose and meaning; guidance and knowledge. And all you've ever given me is disloyalty and failure."

"I killed my father for you," Ren spat out, saliva going with it.

"You killed Han Solo because you wanted to." The words slivered across Ren's mind with ease. Yes… yes, he killed his father because he had starved for it. He needed him gone, needed him to be punished for abandoning him. Family was a weakness. Sentimentality were chains–

Ren shuffled back, gasping, fighting the pull of Snoke's voice, horrified. It was at that moment he realized just how powerful Snoke's persuasion actually was, and just how deep his influence could go.

Had any of his thoughts ever truly been his? Was his mother right– was Kylo Ren completely made by Snoke's hands?

Snoke's voice boomed within his head, sending him to his knees. He could hear that taunting voice; see his worst fears brought to life. He was reminded how unworthy he was to be the descendant of Vader; that he was nothing, a disappointment, weak. Memories were shown of when he was a boy, listening to his parents discuss behind closed doors how they believed their son would turn into a monster; that his anger and propensity for destruction was becoming too much to handle.

His father wished his son were normal. His mother kept saying she didn't have time to deal with his emotional outbursts. In those moments, Ben felt worthless and disposable, wretched and cold. He would curl onto his floor, shaking with a grief that bled from his marrow, praying to be wanted.

All the while the whispers comforted him, pushing him to relish in his power and to forsake his familial ties. Some days, he listened. Others, he fought against the enticement. But in the end, the soft voice was the only one to offer him a thin love, however shallow and brief it was. It proved to be better than the emptiness he had before.

On his hands and knees, Snoke goaded him to commit betrayals against those he currently cared for most, because betrayal of love led to an endless well of power and security. Rey, Leia, Luke, Chewie– Snoke's strong voice of persuasion enticed him to do it, to find them in the temple and take their lives. His master showed him the hundreds of ways in which he has failed, and only one in which he could succeed.

The murmurs lifted, but the promises of imminent power echoed in his bones.

Gaze still upon the floor, jaw clenched and fists balled, Snoke's robes and slippers came into Ren's lowered view. "Your purpose has always been to serve the Force in a capacity that would bring about a new age of enlightenment for the galaxy." Snoke's wide palm rested on the crown of Ren's head, his thumb stroking raven hair. Affectionate. "I've known this since before you were born; that your fate and mine were tied to one another. And in helping me, you'd be exalted to a place beyond death, and beyond life." Lowering his hand, the back of his master's knuckles caressed down Ren's cheek. "Do you know what you have to do?"

Ren nodded.

"Then rise, and fulfill your destiny."

Ren went to his feet, head bowed, breathing even. He could hear the ricochets of explosions, hear the firing of blasters in the distance. But in the vast chamber, all was still.

Ren ignited his saber and lanced Snoke through the heart. Except, as Ren was prepared to meet some resistance, he stumbled right through an apparition. He froze, eyes widening, knowing he should've recognized what had been right in front of him. If Snoke was anything, he was a skilled master of trickery.

The illusion evaporated.

Off to the side, hiding in the shadows, Snoke stepped forward into the dim light. "Treachery really does run in your family. Unfortunate that my influence over you has greatly diminished. But no matter. If you won't kill them, then I will."

Snoke pulled at him, and Ren used all the strength he had left to fight against it. He dug in his heels before falling to the floor, hands scraping against the stone, finding nothing to hold onto. He popped off the ground, his neck meeting Snoke's wide hand, legs thrashing in the air. Ren held onto Snoke's wrist, trying to alleviate some of the pressure, but blood still had a hard time making it to his brain. He took in sharp breaths, knowing Snoke could crush his windpipe at any moment.

"Look at me." And Ren almost did, his eyes bouncing across Snoke's face. The persuasion was so potent, that he could feel himself wanting– no, _needing_ to look.

Snoke brought him closer, his repugnant breath blowing across Ren's face. "Look. At. Me."

Dark amber eyes met a pair of light icy blue, and all of Ren's efforts at putting up a defense were flung aside.

There was a silence that crept into his soul, the experience likened unto autumn leaves being covered by an inconspicuous first frost. The chill traveled through his blood, the ice bringing the synapses of his brain to a standstill. Part of it was pain, part of it was enervation– the kind you felt when your body peacefully shuts down from being prolonged to the cold, the warmth of false hope leaving your addled brain.

This was Ben's winter, with no promises of spring.

With what little strength and awareness he had left, he pushed as much of his knowledge onto Rey as he possibly could. Such an abrupt intrusion caused her immense pain, and even though it pulled her close to the edge of permanent mental injury, Ben had to do it. Rey was ill prepared for what was up next, but with his erudition to guide her, she had a chance at surviving.

He was fading now, his last stretch of consciousness falling away as if he were sinking into the confines of a deep sleep. Would he be met with obscurity again? Would everything be black?

 _Rey._

He didn't have the strength to impress upon her how much he loved her, how much–

()()()()()

Leia ran after Ben, pausing only to pick up the remnant of Rey's saber and clipping them to her belt. She wasn't as quick as her son and lost sight of him quickly, but there was only one place he would go.

Leia kept to the perimeter of the long and vaulted entrance, shooting at anything that came her way. Ransolm had her back as they pressed deeper into the temple. Thankfully, Luke was keeping the troopers busy, allowing her to meet little resistance as she tried to locate where Ben had went.

She stayed low, using the ornamental altars situated between the pillars for added cover. They neared the back, the long grotto opening into a larger room, stairs leading up to a platform. She rushed up the steps and froze.

Chewie was lying on the floor, gasping, holding his hands to his chest. Leia was at his side within seconds, calling out for her brother through the Force. "You're going to be fine, Chewie. You're–"

Chewie let out one word in Shyriiwook. _"Ben."_

Leia frowned, not knowing what he meant by saying her son's name. Ransolm kept his focus on picking off any troopers that got near.

Luke was suddenly there, pushing her aside as he placed his hands on Chewie's wound. On top of Luke's healing, there was a different kind of power that electrified the air, causing her hairs to stand on end. Whatever it was, it was close, and Leia couldn't ignore it.

"Leia, don't," Luke warned, as if he could read her intentions. But she didn't listen. She bolted off the platform and turned down a hallway, feeling the dark side thickening the more she ran.

"Leia!" Ransolm called out, following her.

She came to a stop once she entered a cavern, breathing heavily. Her son was standing next to a stone slab in the middle of the room, a large body in a golden robe lying at his feet. Her heat stuttered, and for a moment, she believed Ben had killed the monster who had preyed upon his mind all of his life. But then he bent down, removing something from the body's hand and sliding it onto his thumb.

Leia's brows drew in. "Ben?"

He turned, eyeing her from top to bottom. "Huttslayer," his voice mocked.

Leia's lids widened, her breath hitched, heart dropping like a stone.

Every second that passed fueled the fire burning inside her, and the crooked smile Ben made was the gasoline adding to the building inferno. When he took a step toward her, she exploded in anger. With no control, she wailed and fell to her knees, such visceral emotion manifesting in the Force as a torrential shockwave. Leia had no idea the repercussions; she was only consumed by her pain.

The screams faded into sobs.

She glanced up with blurred eyes, seeing Ben– no, Snoke– get to his feet. The rage swelled in her quickly, heating her skin. Leia's breathing deepened through her nose, her teeth bared as she raised her blaster pistol and fired.

It froze halfway across the room.

The blaster flew out of her hand and her body went rigid. She couldn't move. From the corner of her eye, she saw Ransolm out cold on the floor, her meltdown having slammed him into the wall.

On her knees, arms glued to her sides, Leia glanced back at Snoke, surprise forming on his face. "You'd kill your own son?"

She breathed hotly through her nose. "You're not my son."

Snoke moved out of the way of the bolt, letting it finish its trajectory into the wall. "No, I'm not." He came closer to her. "But I at least thought you'd hold a sentimental value toward the body you created."

Nothing prepared Leia for this. For a woman who always thought of every scenario, who had backup plans upon backup plans, and who always knew what to say, she never thought that this would actually happen. She'd never wanted to think it a possibility. The very idea had been too painful.

The reality proved to be far worse.

"I won't allow my son's body to continue living as an abomination."

"You say that like you have a choice in the matter." Snoke's lip curled in mockery. "You don't."

Leia was mid breath when her throat shut. She fought against the constriction, trying to inhale, trying to exhale, trying to get any sliver of oxygen to pass through her collapsed trachea. It was all to no avail.

Then Snoke yelled out in pain, grabbing his head and floundering back. The hold he had on Leia vanished. She gasped and gulped for precious air, her hands massaging her throat. For a moment, she eyed Snoke curiously before attempting to flee. She didn't get far as her body was flung into the wall, her form crumbling to the floor as her vision blurred and her head spun.

Snoke stalked forward only to be brought to his knees, his palms pressing against his temples. For as much as her head pounded and her body ached, Leia had enough brainpower to realize what was happening.

And it filled her with hope.

"You've never had this happen before, have you?" Leia groaned, sitting upright. Snoke fell silent as he gained control, but Leia kept talking. "Where a soul is still fighting you, refusing to give up. You almost look afraid."

Snoke abruptly stood and stretched his hand out, causing her to fly forward, his fingers curling around her throat, squeezing. In his other hand, he held Ben's lightsaber. "You're son might be holding on, but he'll wane soon, and then you'll both be nothing but a memory."

The crimson blade came to life, and every cell in Leia's body screamed at her to close her eyes, that it was best not to view her death by the physical hands of her only child. But she didn't. She gazed into those corrupt, brown embers that were the genetic copies of her own, the pupils dilated with rage, corneas bloodshot from adrenaline.

He brought the saber up and–

Leia collapsed on the floor, he arms flailing out to catch her fall. Stunned, she looked at the space that was once occupied by Ben's form, frantically searching the cavern to find that he was gone.

Just like that.

Poof.

Blink.

 _Impossible…_

The cavern roared and shuddered as the other side of the room caved in, causing Leia to jump to her feet in a panicked frenzy. On less than confident legs– because hell, she'd been damn sure she was about to die five seconds ago– she went to Ransolm, shaking him and even giving him two slaps to the face in an effort to stir him awake. But still, he remained out cold. Leia hooked her arms under his armpits from behind and dragged him out of the room as fast as her small stature would allow. Straining and grunting, she pulled him into the hallway just as the entire cavern's ceiling conceded to its structural weakness in dramatic defeat. She coughed and spit out the thick cloud of dust that filled the dimmed hall, tripping over an uneven stone in the flooring that sent her ungracefully to her rear.

There was another quake. A warning. Loose pebbles falling from above. The temple wasn't going to last much longer, but as she continued with hauling Ransolm away from the destruction, she could feel her arms and legs burning, her lungs smoldering as it demanded more oxygen to supplement her muscles from over exertion. What had started as a pinch in her back now felt as if she were being beaten with the reminding fists of old age and the years of being physically idle. But hell, she couldn't leave her friend behind.

"Leia!"

"Oh thank the Force," she breathed out. Leia glanced over her shoulder to see Luke running towards them, looking more lithe than his age should allow. She was envious of that. Today she was feeling every second of her fifty-three years of life.

Chewie was close behind her brother, his broad Wookie frame slightly bent forward, his hand holding his furry chest. Leia transferred Ransolm into Luke's arms as she rushed to the giant fur ball and threw her short arms around him, giving him a tight squeeze. He patted her back.

"Leia, what happened?" Luke asked as he mimicked how Leia had been dragging Ransolm.

She got out of Chewie's hold. "Snoke… he got to Ben." Luke stilled, and Chewie gasped. "But Luke, Ben's still alive," she assured him. "He's still–"

Another violent quake ripped through the temple.

Chewie interrupted them with a curt roar, going over to Luke and relieving him of Ransolm. The Wookie swung the man over his shoulder, ignoring Luke's insistence that he wasn't completely healed and shouldn't be carrying extra weight. But then the ground shook, making them dart through the hallways and back to the front entrance, all protestations forgotten.

What had been filled with a lively battle before, were now just barren rooms. Anyone with a functioning brain knew that the sanctuary needed to be evacuated.

Luke held Leia's arm, helping her along. "Where's Rey?" he asked.

Leia jumped over lumps of stone as they entered the vaulted cavern, columns and ritualistic dias' now mostly rubble. "I– I don't know."

"I can't sense either of them. They aren't in the temple."

"Ben –Snoke–," Leia corrected, "was about to kill me, but Ben somehow stopped him. And then he just vanished." She swept out her arm dramatically. "But Ben's still holding on. He's still in there."

Leia struggled a little then, not against any outside force, but against herself. She saw how Luke looked at her, with pity. Like she was in denial. "Don't look at me like that," she snapped at him. "My son is alive."

"Leia–"

They came across some troopers, and seeing how Leia was exhausted and Chewie had Ransolm, Luke was the one to engage them. Leia always seemed to forget how efficient her brother was at combat. She watched him, almost mesmerized by his fluidity and precision. He was good at killing if he had to be, even though he hated it.

Chewie and her neared him once the threats were eliminated.

"Caliiya and Finn?" Leia inquired, letting him help her move quicker with a hand on her arm. A huge chunk of the ceiling dislodged, dropping to the spot they'd just been seconds ago. Leia waved her hand about, trying to clear the dust, but her efforts were useless. Her eyes stung and her lungs protested against the outside invasion.

Luke shook his head. "No time."

As much as it panged her to run through the small opening of the high double doors, Leia knew Luke was right.

Sweat dripped down Leia's forehead and off her chin as they ascended out of the canyon and wound through the tall red pillars. The ground rippled, the narrow pointed mountains swaying and breaking. An entire section of desert disappeared, a giant fissure opening and swallowing the ground whole, burping up a cloud of dust. They skidded to a stop so they didn't fall through.

Luke wrenched Leia around and backtracked before veering off in another direction. A ship came into view, the one they'd stopped at before venturing toward the valley. Leia had watched them from afar when she'd been following them, deducing that it was the ship Rey had used to get here.

They boarded quickly, Leia and Luke going to the cockpit as Chewie went to put Ransolm down in the common area. Luke initiated the engines and lifted them off from the surface. The ship hovered as they watched the ground heave and fracture. Leia covered her mouth as she watched the destruction– the destruction she had caused.

Luke hailed the Falcon, telling Harter to leave. But the woman refused. She wanted to wait longer in case Caliiya and Finn were on their way.

They suddenly took on canon fire, and Luke had to veer them further from the valley in order to avoid it. Two Tie fighters stayed close, and Leia had to take control of the front turret as Luke tried to maneuver behind them.

Then Leia felt it, felt _him_.

Her son.

()()()()()

Rey's throat tightened.

She couldn't breathe.

For a moment, panic threatened to overwhelm her. She wanted to run from this place, run away and never look back. But she found herself crawling at first, then sloppily walking through the corridors, making her way back to where she believed the cavern to be.

She reached out to Ben.

He wasn't there.

A sound, a wail, tore through the air, the power behind it cracking the walls, shaking the temple's infrastructure. There was a pause, then it came again– a cry of utter despair, such visceral emotion causing chunks of the ceiling to fracture and clunk to the floor.

Rey dodged the cascading stones, the falling obstacles pushing her to focus, dissipating the remaining haze that had clouded much of her mind.

The screams stopped, the remains of it echoing through the chambers. But Rey didn't need to hear more of the cries to know to whom they belonged. It wasn't that she recognized the tenor; it was that she could feel a mother's anguish through the air.

A sob made her squeak, lips trembling as she kept going. She had to see for herself; she needed the confirmation that Ben was now gone, and that it was all her fault.

Rey rounded a corner, light filtering in from down the narrow hall. She used the wall to balance herself, dragging her arm and shoulder against the stone as she walked forward. She followed the low hum of voices. Closer, and now she could hear arguing. One voice was feminine, the other deep with masculinity.

Rey stood in the archway, rooted in a nightmare.

Leia was being held up by her throat, Ben snarling something indecipherable into her face, his breath causing her stray hairs to wisp around her cheeks. Leia's skin was turning red as she struggled to breathe, eye's glued to the face that belonged to her son.

But it wasn't her son.

Rey now knew that; she was witnessing the confirmation.

In his right hand, Ben– no, that was Snoke– ignited the the red saber and lifted it.

Rey didn't move, didn't even have time to scream or yell or gasp, just felt the sheer desperation scorching her nerves and sending her brain into a tailspin she couldn't control. One moment she was watching in horror as Leia was about to die, and the next, she was standing on the shoreline of a crystal teal ocean, the overhead sun's reflection rippling the water in brilliant waves under the afternoon light.

The warmth hit her face, welcoming.

Rey didn't know what to make of being on Spira when she had just been underground, in a Sith temple. Her eye twitched. She blinked. Jaw slackened.

Something stirred in the brush behind her. She turned, her blood running frigid even under the sun's hot rays.

There was a tinge of shock to the way Ben's eyes roamed over the striking view of the landscape, and then to the way he gazed at her. Those black eyes dripped with disdain the longer they held eye contact.

His stare pinched. "How are you doing this?"

Rey's face was grim, her eyes wet, but she didn't answer him. Mostly because speech evaded her, but partly because she didn't actually know how she was doing any of it.

"You don't know, do you," he said meditatively, as if he could read her thoughts. Or her expression. "You use my twin's power, but you have no idea how to handle its purity."

Rey was simultaneously terrified and disgusted as she watched him stalk forward, his movements different from Ben's, but slightly similar. There was an air of intimidation surrounding him, the same Ben could conjure up for those he truly hated.

But the voice… god, it was Ben's voice. Deep. Mature. Masculine.

"Do you know how long I've searched and tried to achieve atomical transportation?" Rey stepped back as he came closer, the soft laps of the waves brushing over her shins, threatening to fill her knee high boots. She was unable to look away, bracing herself for an attack. Snoke eyed her up and down with contempt. "Yet you, a child of the desert, a nobody living amongst trash, can just… do it."

She took calculated steps to the side, trying to stop him from forcing her further out into the water. He stayed parallel to her, seeing her fearful face and body language. "It's tempting to keep you alive long enough to extract the secrets," he admitted, "but as your silence has answered, you're just as clueless to the mechanics as I am."

He stopped and smiled, a disingenuous gesture that corrupted his cheeks. "This spot will be suitable for your final resting place. It is beautiful. Most people aren't even allowed that much… at the end."

Rey glanced at the two lightsabers clipped to his belt, and knew they were out of her reach.

Everything stilled.

The air briny; the breeze warm.

Rey sprinted down the shore, slopping up water in her wake. She was flung toward the ocean, only able to dispel the trajectory so she didn't go out into the depths, but instead, fell into the shallows. When she went under the waves, Rey wasn't completely worried; she did know how to swim, and she instinctively lifted herself to break through the surface. The water came up to her waist, but before she could take a complete breath, she was pummeled back under the current. Rough hands handled her as she fought, desperate for freedom and air.

Those murderous hands grabbed her shoulders and raised her up. Rey coughed and gasped for breath, her eyes stinging from the salt. Through it all, she was able to focus on the contorted face above her.

He plunged her down again, her head beginning to pound, every cell in her body screaming for oxygen. She kicked, punched, twisted, but to no advantage. Ben's body was so much stronger than her own.

Snoke brought her to the surface again. "Why did you have to come back?" he questioned and yelled as he shook her. Rey choked on the residual water in her mouth, catching his crazed eyes in between her fluttering lids. "Why couldn't you let me be? Do you want me to kill you a second time? Because I'll oblige." The rush of water filled her ears, her legs and arms growing tired from struggling. She used the Force to try to get him off of her, but he swatted her thin attempts away, as if inconsequential. He lifted her up, allowing her to breathe in the humid air. Not out of mercy, but torture. "You always dragged me along to play your stupid games, and I always foolishly followed, hoping that you'd give me just a scrap of the power you coveted above everything else. But you never shared; you never cared to. Pushing me away had been your downfall."

He made her look at him before pushing her under and keeping her there. Her brain was in full panic, and there was no coordination to her desperate movements. No, she couldn't drown a second time; she couldn't go through this again.

But Rey had no choice.

Her brain became fuzzy, thoughts and memories beginning to drift, her rapid heart the only thing she could feel. The oxygen deprivation was becoming too much. Her body kept fighting until her head was about to explode, but she couldn't prolong not taking a breath any longer, all illusions of surviving cemented as just a wishful dream. Her muscles started to quiet, her grip on Ben's wrists slipping.

Then Rey was suddenly gone.

Her back hit a hard surface, water rushing off of her as she drank in long gulps of precious, sweet air. The red and black splotches in her vision disappeared, and she noticed that Snoke was no longer above her. Rubbing her face and breathing heavily, Rey stayed on her back for a few moments, shaking, gazing at the backdrop of darkness. The twinkling of millions of stars and the brush strokes of vibrant nebulas broke up the void.

By all accounts, she appeared to be suspended in the very confines of space.

She was alive. And… where was she exactly? It should be quite impossible to breathe inside a vacuum.

Standing on a translucent platform with unsure legs, her eyes followed the thick, white stripes that outlined the long and winding pathways– crisscrossing, dipping down, arching upwards and high above. Ripples of ivory undulated beneath her boots as she ambled forward, mesmerized. She passed circular gateways, looking to be portals of some sort. All of them were surrounded by glowing constellations or some type of writing she couldn't recognize

Halting before one of them, the opening was dark and unknowing and mysterious. She raised her hand, stretching it through, but nothing was there. It didn't react to her touch.

Voices floated around her; some she could identify, some she couldn't. Luke, Leia, Han, Ben…. They were saying things she couldn't place, but she knew their voices almost as well as she knew her own.

"Father…"

She searched for the owner of the voice, her attention gazing down the pathway to a gateway situated in between where the trail forked. Light swirled within the dome, starting in the middle before expanding to the double-lined edges. "Father…" This voice belonged to a man, that much she could surmise. And the timbre sounded familiar and warm, like it was a part of her somehow.

Rey neared the light in a trance like state, wiping away a wet strand of hair that stuck to her cheek. "Hello?" she called out to it. Cautiously, she brought her hand up like before, her fingers nearing the bright light of the veil.

Harshly, she was tugged back and dragged along the sheer walkway, her hands clawing to find purchase. Projecting her power outward, she was surprised when she suddenly came to a stop. The tendrils pulled at her again, but she brushed the attempts off easily, somehow just knowing how to do so.

She twisted and went to her feet, facing the man she once knew as Ben. But it wasn't him. Ben was gone, she kept reminding herself; replaced with the vile soul that looked at her with disdain.

Snoke lifted his hands and lightning crackled from his fingertips. With a reflex Rey wasn't aware she had, she raised her palms and deflected it back at him, tossing him down the pathway with such force that it dazed him and surprised her.

She watched him groan, hugging his side.

That moment was the breaking point of Rey's hope, the realization that Ben wasn't coming back to her. It blinded her with a five-course serving of rage that tasted bitter, and unbeatable. This person had tried to murder her with his own two hands, screaming at her as if she were actually his twin sister.

Rey hadn't known she'd been running to him till she was already straddling and pinning his stunned body to the ground, her knuckles coming in contact with his face and sending him deeper into a stupor. Rey wailed, her fists coming down again and again, unable to shake the aching aftertaste of her loss on the taste buds of her hands. He tried to rise, but she tackled him and continued to beat him so he couldn't fight back.

Part of her felt guilty.

She'd once known so intimately this body she was now viciously attacking, had held this flesh within the confines of her arms, had whispered in these ears the confessions of her love. But she couldn't stop herself. So many years of being alone sunk deep within her mind, reminding her that _that_ was to be her life again. For with Ben gone, her life would now whither away.

And she'd done this to him. For a split second, she imagined herself beneath her fists, taking the beating she so rightfully deserved for being so foolish and naïve and driven.

She should've believed in Ben; should've listened to his plan of letting Snoke rot away.

Snoke caught her fist and Force pushed her back, her flailing body stopping in front of the veil that had been whispering to her only moments ago.

He went to his feet, wiping at his bloodied mouth with the back of his sleeve. "I didn't think you'd have it in you to want to kill me," he wheezed out.

Rey's face hardened as she slowly stood, eye's unblinking. "You underestimate just how far I'll go." Her voice was strong, albeit slightly gravelly from the salt water, making the sound of it close to being feral. Where fear had once occupied her, now there was anger. "You took Ben from me, and now, I have nothing to lose."

He grabbed the silver weapon from his belt. "Just your life."

Rey braced herself for a blow that never came.

Snoke clutched his head between his hands, saber still firmly in his grip as his face twisted in pain and he slumped to his knees. Seeing it as an opening, Rey called Ben's lightsaber to her, the hilt unclipping from his belt and flying decisively into her firm grip. But as Snoke remained distracted, Rey was unable to ignite the saber and make a move, all her focus going to just watching him struggle under some invisible foe.

And then it all clicked, the confusion whisking away.

Rey knew what it would feel like for Ben to die; she had experienced it on Lothal. And yet, here, now, frozen with eyes wide open, she realized she hadn't been feeling that eternal emptiness.

Because Ben was still alive.

A shining light flashed behind her, and as she turned back to the veil, a person leapt through the brightness and slammed right into her, sending them both to the ground. Rey shifted under the weight of a hefty man, pushing at his wide shoulders in order to get a view of his face.

Her heart skipped a beat, before pounding back into circulation.

"Ben?" she whispered, shock pulsing through her veins, muddling her thoughts. The man looming above her, with the same angular face, prominent nose, and wavy raven hair as Ben, looked down and frowned.

Rey was momentarily speechless as both of them eyed each other, neither knowing what to make of the other. But upon closer inspection, and as much as this man resembled Ben, it wasn't him. There were none of those familiar moles on his face, the jaw was a bit wider, and his eyes… they were a glimmering color of emerald, as fresh and as beautiful as the waters of Spira.

The light from the veil flickered as a woman hopped through, skittering to a stop next to them. She pushed back her disheveled brown hair as her dark eyes popped wide open, taking in the surroundings.

"Jacen," the woman whispered. "what have you done?"

The man craned his head up to look at her, but caught sight of something down the pathway and froze. Rey sensed that this man had no intention of hurting her, so she wiggled out from beneath him instead of using blunt force. As she stood, she caught the woman's attention.

"Oh no," the woman breathed out, taking a step back, shaking her head as she gazed at Rey. "Jacen, we can't be here–"

An uncertain voice cut her off, coming from the man called Jacen. "Dad?"

Rey and the woman followed his line of vision, settling on Snoke.

Snoke was still struggling on his knees, growls undulating between clenched teeth, saying something she couldn't decipher. But for a moment, Rey couldn't focus on him. She balked away from the uninvited pair, studying Jacen as her mind finally started turning again.

He looked so much like Ben… because he was Ben's son. And there was only one woman in the entire galaxy who could be his mother.

Jacen stood and stepped forward, but the woman grabbed his arm. "Jacen, I know you set out on this journey to meet your father… but that isn't him."

"We need to go," Rey ordered, pulling at Jacen's other arm, trying not to feel overwhelmed. She was forced to accept what was happening, because Snoke wasn't going to be preoccupied for long.

She needed a plan.

But oh, how she wanted to cry as she touched this man, her son. And then he wrenched himself out of her hold and got in her face. "Did you know I'd be here? Have you lied to me all this time?"

Rey gulped, not knowing what to say. His questions were a bit much, especially since she didn't actually know him.

"No time for a reunion," the woman yelled at him as she tugged him away and back to the portal. But it was no longer glowing.

Jacen waved his hands through it. "Shit." He clasped Rey's hand and ran, the woman following behind. At each gateway he slowed their pace, passing each and every one when he saw that they were all closed.

"You'll have to open one of them," the woman exclaimed through labored breathing.

"That takes time," Jacen argued.

"We don't have time to wait for one of them to open either!"

Jacen relented, stopping in front of the next portal, the drawings surrounding it looking like some type of fish. He gave Rey back her hand as his palms roamed over the constellations, a sudden swell of power emanating from his being. For a few moments, nothing happened. Then, light started pulsating through the darkness.

Rey glanced around, realizing they had cascaded one of the pathways that arched upwards, giving her the impression they were upside down. Or were they actually right side up? She didn't have time to ponder how gravity worked in this place, because Snoke was nowhere to be found.

"I don't see him anywhere," the woman said, searching for Snoke alongside Rey. "Hurry, Jacen."

"I'm trying," he grumbled, eyes closed, the portal brightening.

"Why are you two here?" Rey found herself asking, her eyes still trying to find Snoke.

"The less you know, the better," the woman replied. "We're changing history by being here."

"No, we're not," Jacen contested.

The woman shot his back a glare. "Your mother has never mentioned us being here. Therefore–"

"That's not how time works. This is happening because it's already happened. She's just been lying to me about what actually went on here."

The woman blanched. "Why would she do that?"

The portal opened then, showing the glimmering picture of a planet's countryside. Jacen lowered his arms and tilted his head towards Rey, panging her with a hurtful stare. "I don't know."

A chill rose up her spine, causing her to shiver, biding her a warning. Then her insides were in chaos. A mess. She doubled over, grasping her knees. Something was bothering her. Something was hurting her. Something ached and felt so wrong, so invalid, so heavily dipped in the dark side that it burned. As quickly as the torture fell upon her, she was able to brush it away, as did Jacen.

The woman, however, didn't have the power to do so. Her body fell to the platform, spasming uncontrollably as she full-throatedly screamed, the tendons in her neck cording from the effort.

"Anna!" Jacen called out, dropping to his knees beside her.

A vindictive presence made Rey whirl around.

Snoke was nearing the group, lightsaber ignited in one hand as he brought his other palm up. Rey stretched out her arms, meeting his power with her own. Light spread out from her palms, surrounding them with a force field of glimmering tendrils, protecting them from outside darkness.

The girl stopped screaming as Rey shielded them from Snoke's influence.

Snoke's brows drew in tight over the bridge of his nose as he pushed to get through, but yielded no result. With each throttle of darkness, thunder roared in the once muted realm, the use of Snoke's power against Rey's creating a cyclone, air beginning to toss and tumble till it was a formidable gale. While Rey stood firm and fended him off successfully, she knew it wouldn't last forever. As the seconds ticked by, her strength was depleting from putting up such a defensive front.

"Mom!" Jacen called out to her, and Rey glanced back. Jacen had already put Anna through the veil and was now waiting at the opening, beckoning Rey to come with him. He took a few steps toward her. "I can't leave you here!" He lifted his hand to her, pleading, his hair and jacket tossing amongst the strong winds.

Rey recognized that steely jacket.

Poe had given it to Ben.

From an outside perspective, it would've appeared that Rey was reaching out to him, taking him up on his offer to help her. But then the Force pushed him back, Jacen only just barely stopping himself from being fully propelled into the portal. Rey stood with arms wide open; at one end, she fended off the monster that would see her dead, on the other, she protected the man that was her son from aiding her.

"I have to save him," she told Jacen, watching as his face fell. How she would bring Ben back, she still didn't know. But she would trust in the Force. "I'm where I'm meant to be." And truly, she felt that she was.

She studied her son's face, burning it into her memory. So many questions she wanted answered, but there was no time. The only assurance she had that she would survive this was the fact that Jacen was real.

Or was Anna right: Had the two of them changed history by being here? Or has this all already happened? Could it be that she was pregnant at this very moment? Would she fail in saving Ben? Is that why Jacen has never met his father?

She tried to say something, but the increasing pressure of Snoke's power made her incapable of speaking. Her breaths were shallow, teeth clenched, and arms shaking from holding back both men.

Jacen fought against her hold, trying to get to her. She didn't blame him for wanting to help her; if she were in the same position, she wouldn't be able to leave her parents behind either. Her heart broke as he began to cry. "Mom, I'm sorry for leaving!" Inch by inch, he got closer to the veil, relinquishing his control as he saw how fighting against him was weakening her against Snoke. "I'll come home; I swear it. I lo–" But Rey pushed him through the portal before he could finish, his pleas echoing in her ears as he called out to her. The opening blinked out of existence, and with it, the voice of her son.

She was starting to be pushed back, both the strength behind their power matching the other, neither gaining any ground. The pressure built to an unsustainable level, and Rey screamed from the exertion that was getting her nowhere. She could've sworn she heard Snoke do the same before the light and dark exploded between them, sending them both spiraling in the air. She over shot the portal and fell against an intersecting lane that looped downwards, her momentum making her slide along the pathway. She tried to stop herself, but found that she couldn't. Something was pulling her along, guiding her.

At first she thought it was Snoke, but she saw that he too was fighting against whatever was tugging them. He was flailing, his form not too far in front of her.

Light shot out of an upcoming portal, one that was situated right in the middle of the path. Snoke disappeared through it first, followed by Rey. She tumbled and rolled to a stop, her eyes adjusting to the brightness as she glanced around. Tall grass and lavender flowers, flexible in their liveliness, were flattened from the far off boulder to where she now stood. In the boulder, the portal showed the millions of stars that twinkled throughout the backdrop of space. Then it blinked closed, and the boulder was nothing more than a large rock situated in the middle of a meadow.

Rey inhaled deeply. The air swirled lightly, no coordination to the green and purple displays of vegetation, just a free for all at the whims of the wind. But while at first it appeared she was on a random planet, one sweeping look around told her otherwise. Up above and to the sides were large chunks of earth floating in midair, the dark brown dirt covered by the same type of thick grass and vibrant flowers surrounding her. The feeling of this place alone was evidence enough that she wasn't in the galaxy anymore– not even in the universe. This place was ancient, the flow of the Force thick and unruly, hidden away in this dimension like some sort of conduit that could balance out the power of the Force.

But balance was not what she sensed. This place wanted it; sought it; demanded it, but it has been out of equilibrium for so long, that the tethers binding it all together were about to break.

Rey flinched and winced as she felt Snoke's power try to grab at her. A web of illusions then attempted to encase her mind, but she untangled it with little effort. She turned, facing him full on.

Snoke snarled with frustration.

It was then Rey realized that the last thing Ben had given her was all his knowledge that pertained to the Force. Combine that with the power she had from Kayani and the courage she now felt, and Rey was now a formidable match for Snoke– quite possibly even an equal. At this point, he couldn't use the Force on her any more than she could on him.

Snoke now knew this; it was clearly readable in his soured expression.

He ignited the saber, blue plasma shooting out of the hilt, making Rey glance at his tightening grip. The light of the realm glimmered off of something on his thumb. It was a ring, a thick black crystal situated atop a gold band. A memory in the back of her subconscious came to the surface, a memory of her seeing a drawing of this exact same ring in a book she'd found in the Jedi temple of Ahch-To.

Everything came together at that exact moment. The reason she couldn't talk to Kayani; the reason she couldn't communicate with Ben; the reason their bond was so hard to find– it was all because of that seemingly inconsequential piece of jewelry. It was deeply infused with the dark side, allowing the wearer to control the Cosmic Force, the part of the universal energy that tied Kayani to Rey and had formed the bond she had with Ben.

Destroy the crystal, and she could win.

But she couldn't use the Force to do it. She would have to fight him in hand-to-hand combat with a lightsaber. And to add upon the worsening situation, Ben's body was all muscle, a powerhouse of blunt force trauma that could kill.

Rey was pragmatic; she knew she wouldn't last long against him. She ignited Ben's saber, hearing and feeling the crackling of the unstable crystal as she braced herself.

"You may not be a Jedi like those of old," Snoke sneered and grinned, "but you can die like one." He only seemed to have one smile– a smile full of malice and cruel intent.

Rey took a deep breath and raised the crimson blade as Snoke charged.

 **DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN! If any of you watch Rebels, you'll recognize the space dimension that Rey was in. I love that show, and couldn't stop myself from using it. I always had Jacen showing up and it was originally in a different way, but this made it much easier to write.**

 **As to Jacen and Anna, I do plan on writing a one-shot from his pov leading up to what happened in this chapter. But I won't post it till after the story is finished, because it would give away certain plot points for the ending.**

 **So Rey had one heck of an emotional journey in this chapter. Going from terrified, confused, angry, courageous– there was a lot going on for her. The next chapter will conclude all the fighting. There are two chapters left and I still can't believe I've gotten this far. Thank you all who have left a review and have helped me to keep going. Now I just need to push through! I'm hoping to get this story wrapped up before the beginning of May. We shall see! Thanks for reading!**


	49. Chapter 49

**Thank you to everyone who has followed, faved, and reviewed the story! Comments really help me to keep going, and it's been rough these last couple of months. We are getting closer to the end of the story, and I am sooooo stressed with how you all will take the finale. So stressed, that I've been procrastinating writing. But I will keep going! This story needs to end, because everything comes to an end eventually.**

 **MBellicose: Welcome to the world of fanfiction, and I am honored that this story was one of the firsts you started reading! Hope the wait for this chapter wasn't too long for you! sweetes forbiden candy apple: You know me. I just love bringing in the feels! The Perlustrator: I am not a professional writer by any means. I'm not even an amateur; I'm below an amateur. lol. I still have a lot to learn when it comes to writing. I've been pursuing a degree in Forensic Science, and there hasn't been a lot of opportunities for creative writing. So I do apologize for the many mistakes throughout the chapters. I've recently got a beta to help me with this, so hopefully the writing improves. As for Anna and Jacen, them popping in was short and probably jarring for some. But while they didn't help further the plot, them showing up helps Rey mentally. Like, do you remember in the third Harry Potter movie when Harry successfully makes the patronus to fight off the dementors? He told Hermione he knew he could do it because he's already done it. It's kind of the same thing for Rey here. She knows she will win because she's already done it, because Jacen exists. How she'll win is still a mystery. But this knowledge aids her to keep fighting. Going up against Snoke, who is possessing the body of the man she loves, is a huge mental barrier to get over. So I wanted to give her something to help with that. If you find it a waste of time and did nothing for the story, you have the right to your opinion. I'm sure other people feel the same way. But I respectfully disagree. Not really sure how to respond to your comment about Rey being a twit. I mean, she has her own weaknesses to get over and she is young, but I hope you're satisfied with what she does in this chapter and the ones to come. She does develop a bit more from here to the end, but not to the point where she's a completely different person. Writing her character is a bit tricky since compared to Ren, she is the good person of the two. Thanks for liking Snoke's persuasion abilities! When I was researching Force powers, I came across that and thought it would be fitting for his character. Thanks for sticking with the story and for the comment! Aleta Wolff: I packed a lot into the last chapter. But it's what I do! lol. SheLitAFire: My new beta! Thank you so much. You've been helping me immensely and I appreciate it so much. To the reviews, I would like to think that Ben would actually make a good Emperor. And if they do that in the movies, it would be amazing because everyone is expecting him to suck at it. And I'm only knowledgeable about Star Wars because I have done so much research! Seriously, if I weren't writing this story, I wouldn't know as much. I'm not killing everyone off! I swear! Rogue One ruined me emotionally, so I wouldn't do that to you guys. I promise. Thanks so much for your comments! Sam Cl1: Hello! Thanks for reading the story and loving the arcs and development. Slow burn is my favorite, and I'm glad you find the smut to be just enough. I've only had two smut scenes, and I was like is that too much or too little? I know a lot of popular stories have huge followings because there's a lot of smut in the story, but I'm with you. Sometimes too much sex ruins a story for me. Hope you like where this story goes!  
**

 **Well, we've made it to the conclusion of the action. I hope it's a satisfying conclusion for you all. If not, well, I tried!  
**

Chapter Forty-nine

The Sith temple of Moraband was proving to be more of a maze than an actual sanctuary, its long halls and endless corridors confusing even the most experienced Lords who once walked through them.

So it was easy to surmise that Caliiya and Finn had no idea where they were going.

Blaster shots pinged past them, dislodging small chunks of stone from the crudely constructed walls. They turned right, only to enter into a massive underground chamber, sending a violent chill up Finn's spine. Light reached neither wall nor ceiling, confining their vision to the middle of the room where a single torch had been propped up.

They couldn't turn around; the troopers were almost upon them.

Finn grabbed Caliiya's hand and went deeper into the shadows. Phasma and her team entered the cavern, stopping as their eyes searched for them, but were only met with darkness. Trying to keep their breathing quiet, Finn and Caliiya stuck to the perimeter, trying to find another exit. As his eyes adjusted to the dark, Finn quickly realized that the only way out was the way they came in.

The cavern shook, and a huge section of the high ceiling came crashing down. Caliiya and Finn flattened against the wall, the impact of the large rocks booming throughout the room, as well as deep within their bones. Finn coughed from the thick dust; he couldn't help it.

While the cave-in had taken out most of the soldiers, the few left alive were staring right at him, the light from outside beaming down upon them like an inconvenient spotlight.

Caliiya and Finn went in two different directions as they dodged the barrage of fire. He aimed back with his own blaster pistol, trying to make his own suppressive fire as he dove from one pile of rocks to another. Then the shots stopped in his direction. He peered around the rock face to see Caliiya picking them off, two shimmering blades in hand. She was quick and efficient with the daggers, obviously more skilled with the knives than with a blaster.

He never even knew she had them on her, let alone that she was proficient with such blade play.

Finn rose to join her just as something came in fast from his periphery. He ducked and rolled before jumping back to his feet. Phasma aimed her rifle at him and pulled the trigger… but nothing happened. She looked down at the weapon and growled. Flipping a switch at the side, an electro-baton slid out from beneath the barrel. Finn fired, but every shot bounced off her armor, the specialized chromium proving to be impervious to the lowly charged bolts of a standard pistol.

Each swing was precise and strong, causing Finn to dodge and duck and jump. The fight had pushed them all the way into the hall, the confining space working in Phasma's favor as she swiped at Finn's leg and caused it to seize. He went down on one knee, catching Phasma's wrist as she brought the weapon down. Standing mostly on his other leg, he twisted her arm to her back and the rifle fell to the floor. She landed her boot square in his gut and sent him back a few feet.

Another quake came, stone slabs falling to the floor, crushing the rifle. They scrambled to opposite ends of the corridor, waiting till the shaking ceased. Once still, they stared at one another, each breathing hard.

"You could've been someone," Phasma said, rolling her shoulder to relieve the pain.

Finn tightened his jaw. "I am."

"A traitor."

"Better than a blind dog who never questions its master."

Phasma tightened her fists, arms shaking. A scream ripped from her lungs as she sprinted for him, a gleaming battering ram hell-bent on his demise. Finn inhaled, frozen, calculating when to move at just the right moment.

He squeezed the rock he kept concealed behind his body.

Finn sidestepped Phasma's wide reach, her fingers caressing the lapel of his jacket. He swung his arm around and hit her square in the back of her helmet. It dazed her for a moment, causing her swings to be sloppy.

Finn grabbed for her helmet and wrenched it off her head. She pushed at him as she staggered back. Finally, after years and years of speculation, Finn was able to finally see the face of Captain Phasma. The woman under the mask had a masculine beauty about her that Finn wasn't expecting. Short blonde hair, a round facial structure, and creamy pale skin made up the entirety of her look. But her steel blue eyes were what pulled at Finn's attention– they peered at him with a murderous intent that would put a hostile wolf to shame.

They grunted as Finn grabbed her armor and Phasma took in handfuls of his shirt, both attempting to wrestle the other to the ground. Phasma released a partial hold on him, jabbing Finn in the ribs, making his breath hitch. Then Finn released both hands and palmed the back of her head, bringing her face down sharply onto his knee. Blood flowed from her broken nose and she staggered backwards.

The ground quaked and the walls shook before pieces of broken off stone rained down upon them. Finn floundered back and fell, covering his eyes with his arm, trying to guard himself from falling debris. When all became still, he glanced at the damage, waving his hand through the cloud of desert dust. A mound of stone and rock filled the passageway, cutting him off from Phasma. He could hear the woman screaming in rage, no doubt trying to dig her way out. The side she was on had no exit; she was trapped. And if no one freed her, she would die there.

The corridor rumbled again, dislodging more of the ceiling. Finn got to his feet, but stumbled, cutting his palm on a loose rock before finding his footing. He watched from down the passageway as more debris was added to the barrier. Once it was over, Phasma was quiet. Had she been crushed on the other side? Was she dead? Part of him hoped she was, because dying of dehydration was a horrible way to go. But he couldn't deny that he believed that she deserved it. So whether she died right now, or in a few days, she'd meet her end regardless.

And just like that, the woman was finally out of his life, their scuffle at an end. Bloody, violent, and short.

"Finn!"

He whirled around. Caliiya was already running to him when he met her in the middle, throwing his arms around her as his lips crashed onto hers. There was nothing gentle about the contact– teeth clashed, tongues fought for dominance, and hands gripped each other closer. Their pent up feelings for one another came to a head, a frenzy of sparks exploding in Finn's mind as Caliiya reciprocated her desires for him.

When they came back up for air, it was as if the veil of attraction lifted, both of them looking around at the unstable corridor. "We can finish this later," Caliiya said as she grabbed Finn's hand and ran.

"Do you know where you're going?" he asked her, both of them skidding as they rounded a corner.

"One of the cavern walls collapsed and I was able to get into one of the hallways. There's an opening to the outside just up here."

And by opening, she meant a whole section of the temple had ceased to exist, offering a wide enough space for a standard ship to go through. They climbed the rubble and made it outside, the landscape now fully lit by the morning haze of the sun.

Finn pulled out his comm to contact Harter, but found it to be broken. And where was everyone else? Did they make it out of the temple? Did they get Rey? Is Snoke dead? Finn watched the landscape roll like hazardous crimson waves, and he knew he didn't have time to find anyone else.

All he could do was hope that everyone was still alive.

Caliiya followed him as they traversed the sandy terrain, having to stop every minute or two as the ground shook and threatened to topple them over. He chose to give the spires a wide berth since most of them were starting to topple over and crumble. Wanting very much to keep his brains inside his skull, Finn took a different path back to the Falcon. The journey would take longer, but it was a small price to pay if the route allowed them to live.

Caliiya tugged at his sleeve as she slowed them to a stop, pointing at the sky to their left. "Do you see that?" Finn was about to tell her they didn't have time to be distracted, but the words dried up on his parched tongue as he saw two bodies falling from the clouds.

()()()()()

In the Force, Snoke was an echo of lightning, a shout of fire. Rey contradicted with him with the light of a star, the coolness of an ocean.

Both sets of power made them formidable opponents.

But power aside, Rey was losing physical steam faster than Snoke. She had lasted a considerable amount of time without sustaining any injuries, using the Force to augment her endurance and strength. But as with all organisms that use their energy stores too quickly, she was starting to feel the early onset of fatigue.

And it allowed her to make her first mistake.

Snoke snapped his wrist and caught his lightsaber across Rey's hip. She cried out and backpedaled away, but Snoke stayed close. Fighting through the burning sting, she parried a short concession of his swings before he took her off guard again. His balled fist collided with her left cheekbone, flaying her neck backward like a reed caught in the wind. She stumbled, nearly falling over. But she regained her footing quick enough to slash her plasma blade through the air. He dodged her, but she anticipated his movement.

The back and forth went on longer than Rey thought possible, her remaining stamina giving her enough strength to keep going. Each time she went for his ring, she failed, her attempts at trying to hide her intentions working against her. Striving to be subtle and fight at the same time was not a winning combination.

Eventually, Rey pivoted around and elbowed him square in the nose as she defected his swing. A part of her became reinvigorated from finally landing a blow.

Both staggering away from the other, their chests heaved as their lungs labored for air. Rey held the right side of her face that throbbed, too scared to inspect the damage done to her hip. Snoke wiped at his bloodied nose. They looked at each other, readying for another round after the short-lived interlude.

Then came a sound.

It was indistinct at first, hiding beneath the hum of the breeze. But as it drew closer to where Snoke and Rey stood, it became louder. It reminded Rey of when she'd been at Riosa's prison, listening to one of those beasts scrape it claws against the duracrete floor. Except, this was amplified.

The two opponents froze in the middle of the meadow, unsure of what was happening. Rey listened, willing the noise to fade and die away. But it didn't. The grating was soon accompanied by a gnashing and a snarl.

And then something rumbled from above them.

They looked up to the highest piece of hovering earth, catching sight of a shadow oozing and forming out of thin air. Watching the spectacle, Rey could sense the dark side and the light, but never as she had before. This pervasive evil and crackling radiance felt ancient and crazed, something to either be worshipped or locked away.

A being that could decimate the entire universe.

Rey's already pallid complexion went gaunt. Somehow, she knew who was behind the pervasive power. Once a woman driven to stay with the immortal, she had drank from the Font of Power and bathed in the Pool of Knowledge. Her actions corrupted her, transforming her into a twisted immortal entity. Her corruption led to her imprisonment by the hands of those she'd believed to be her family:

The Ones– the Father, the Son and Daughter.

 _This… this is bad_ , Rey thought.

Snoke launched his body in the air, landing on the nearest pad of soil. As much as Rey's body protested, she followed, jumping from one patch of earth to the next. Landing on the highest tier, she grabbed at her aching hip, watching as Snoke neared the dimensional rip.

He held out his hands, and darkness met darkness. Being this close, Rey couldn't fight the creeping sensation of a cold and slimy ooze that slithered up the veins of her legs and culminated in the pit of her gut. All this time she believed Snoke to be the dark side reincarnate.

She was wrong.

The dark side this being possessed was otherworldly and foul, malevolent in its goal.

Rey stood, horrified as she caught onto Snoke's intentions. "You can't control her!" she shouted over the booming roar. "She'll destroy everything, including you!" But Snoke paid her no heed.

So she ran right at him, saber ignited.

His attention shifted back to her as they exchanged blows. Punches were parried, ankle sweeps dodged, but Rey could tell Snoke was purposefully pushing Rey to the ledge. On reflex, she glanced back, wondering how much ground was left between her and nothing. Snoke pounced on her being momentarily distracted. He locked his saber with hers, twisted and thrusted up, disarming her.

The blade flew in the air and then fell, disappearing.

Rey ducked and sidestepped the incoming blows, but couldn't stop from being forced to the edge. Her endurance was close to depleted, and Snoke took advantage of her slowing movements. As Rey ducked another swing, his boot came into contact with her midsection, his strength augmented enough by the Force to send her flying back.

She fell.

The world rushed by her in a blur, going fast, too fast for her to slow down. Then impact. Her bones moved in a way they shouldn't, jangled. She didn't stir, barely even breathed. Without looking, she knew her body was broken. To what extent, she wasn't sure. There was usually a certain amount of pain involved in such a collision, but her nerves were mercifully numb and deadened.

Probably from shock.

Dipping into that ever shrinking well of her will, she forced herself to stand. Her left leg couldn't bare any of her weight, so she balanced on her right. She couldn't straighten her body completely, a dull ache forming in her hip and ribs. Her vision spun, eyes blinking as she tried to focus.

With frightful velocity, the shadow that had surrounded Snoke approached her from the tier above, a tangible darkness advancing almost like a wall, swift as thought, silent as doom. It became startlingly cold, dew forming on her skin, the chill perhaps physical as well as mental. Rey's nerves quivered as the black shadow enveloped her, a vast, palpable presence overwhelming her senses.

She fell to her knees. Flattened to the ground, a death-like trance making her seize.

Then out upon the darkness, sublime and radiant, was a small orb, floating down to her from above. It hovered beside her head, the light pulsating with familiarity. It came close, caressing her cheek. She recognized this energy, from one soul to another: it was her mother.

Other silvery orbs joined and cascaded through the shadows.

Her father.

Poe.

Jess.

Han.

These orbs were not the entirety of who they'd once been, but a mere echo of their consciousness. It was the Force's way of comforting her, by letting her feel just a sliver of the people she'd cared so much about.

The essence of her father landed softly atop her hand, and she could feel the warmth of his love for her slow her heart and even out her breathing. Looking past the small sphere, she saw the glimmering ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi. When she met his stare, he gave her a nod and a small, reassuring grin.

There had been moments in Rey's life where circumstances or luck had realigned her motivations so she could keep going. Keep going for what? She was never really sure. A scavenger's existence was never meant to lead anywhere significant.

But she had learned.

Fifteen years of fighting, but holding onto her compassion; of feeling despair, but believing in more, was resolved into this single moment. The sole purpose of her existence had been to prepare her to cross the threshold into darkness, and for her light to prevail.

And she would prevail, because she knew she'd already done it– Jacen was the proof. If he existed, then she and Ben would live.

During those precious seconds in the meadow, surrounded by those who cared for her, thinking of one day having a son, Rey peered at the power inside of her and knew exactly how to control it.

She closed her eyes, breathed out a lifetime of grief and doubt, and vanished.

At the top tier of the broken up earth, the fabric of existence had been partially torn and was spewing out the dark essence of the Bringer of Chaos. Snoke, with arms outstretched, poured his power into opening the threads further. But then light, brilliant in all its facets and colors, exploded between him and the tear, flinging him onto his back amongst the flowers and grass.

The inky tendrils were sucked back through the breach, a howl like that of a dying gundark rippling through the air. The darkness dissipated and the aperture sealed, the Beloved Queen of the Stars pushed back into her prison.

From the ground, Snoke gazed up at Rey, her body devoid of the previous cuts and bruises as she pulled back her shoulders and squared off at him.

Snoke jumped to his feet and rushed at her, his features twisting into a facsimile of his rage. He didn't even bother going for his saber; his seering wrath urging him to twist her neck with his own bare hands till her spine snapped and her head came free. But just as he came upon her, he grasped at air and stumbled right through her form. He skirted to a stop and spun around. Rey pivoted to meet his surprised stare, mocking him with a smile.

The apparition evaporated.

The real flesh and blood Rey had stayed out of sight, laying a trap to get Snoke closer to the edge so she could take him off guard.

Appearing behind him, Rey could feel herself on the cusp of death, the expulsion of so much of her own light through the projection leaving her with clammy skin and quaking muscles. She was barely holding herself upright, every intake of air making her wheeze, her lungs forgetting how to properly hold in the much needed oxygen.

But through the aches, she was able to do two things with simultaneous fluidity: with her left hand, she grabbed for the ring and wrenched it off his thumb; and with her other arm, she wrapped it around his neck and yanked them both off the ledge.

Falling was the easiest part to all this. She only had to let go and gravity did the rest.

Kayani's voiced boomed in her head, the woman's words mostly a jumbled mess as if all the thoughts that had been suppressed were now being played all at once. But Rey got the impression of what she needed to do.

Limbs flailed as Snoke tried to dislodge from her, but she was too persistent. Fighting not just against Snoke, but the twisting of her stomach and the constriction of her throat, she was able to unclip the saber from his belt and throw it away.

The trajectory in which they fell was perfect; not a single piece of earth got in their way. Snoke tried to pull himself to one of the platforms, but Rey would disrupt his focus with her fists aimed at his face. He wasn't physically fighting back, just trying to get away from her. Since he no longer had the safety of the ring, he knew that being this close to her could prove to be fatal.

And fatal it was.

She was able to daze him enough that for a split second, he glanced at her. It would have been a fleeting stare, nothing too inconsequential if the interaction had been under normal circumstances. But it was just enough for Kayani to latch onto him, to lock him and Rey in a gaze that gave her tunnel vision and silenced the roar of the rushing air. For those precious moments, she was suspended in time, mouth agape, and eyes tight.

Rey could feel Kayani dislodging from within her. She began to panic. _"Will I die if you leave me?"_ Rey asked, letting the thought run rampant through her mind.

" _No_ ," Kayani answered, voice distant, echoing. _"My brother was always a master at lies and manipulation. To die is not your fate. But know that what's to come is the will of the Force. I am but a piece in which to do its bidding. We all are."_

Kayani's voice was now a faint whisper. _"You've been so brave, Rey. So strong_ ," she commended. _"For that, I leave you with a portion of my power, for where I'm headed, I will not need it."_

There was a beat of silence, as if Kayani was taking a last breath. _"Until we meet again, may the Force be with you. Always."_

She felt the last of Kayani and Snoke slip away, the last ounce of their consciousness separating her and Ben with an explosion of power.

Her perception of time distorted, and she had no idea how long she'd been plummeting. Above her, there were no floating pieces of earth, only the white, sunless sky that gave her no sense of time. She didn't have the strength to fight against the rushing of the air to seek out Ben as she fell, nor could she oppose the exhaustion that took her away from the touch-taste-see-hear of reality.

The dissociation should've terrified her. But she was far past being afraid of anything at this point.

The infinite sky above seemed to be growing brighter, almost to the level of it being blinding. The air became warmer, more inviting. Dwindling, dropping, Rey's eyes drifted closed, and then a white flash of light propelled her the rest of the way into the night.

()()()()()

Ren opened his eyes in shock, and found he was falling.

Panicked, he reached his hand out, kissing the hazy sky of dawn, grasping at the endless crevasse of crimson. Everything was distorted, a blur that swirled and moved. In those seconds of twirling and jerking, Ren recalled where he'd been.

Or rather, the obscure images of what had happened. How he'd held on when Snoke had tried to push him out, he had no idea. It was a miracle, really. But with what little influence he had over his body, he tried to help those he cared for. In those fleeting moments where he caught what was transpiring, he brought pain upon Snoke.

He hadn't been able to keep doing it, though. He'd been fading, quickly. But now he was awake.

 _Rey._

He twisted his body, the warm atmosphere hitting his face, blurring his vision as his eyes watered from the pelting dust. Below and off to the side, Ren spotted Rey's curled body. His acceleration quickened, the wind in his face making it almost impossible to breathe, like he would suffocate before he ever reached her. But for once, fortune was on his side. He grabbed Rey's arm and pulled her close, the scarlet desert below quickly becoming larger.

Ren focused on slowing their descent. At the velocity they were falling, he was forced to drain almost every single morsel of his power just to do so. He reduced them down to a more leisurely decline, and after much effort, they were now floating rather than falling. He plopped them down upon the sand, his back hitting the ground as he shielded Rey's body from feeling any of the shock.

Laying there, breathing as if he'd just sprinted, Ren felt a rush of emotions he couldn't begin to describe. It was the feeling you get from almost dying but not; from believing you'd already lived your last moments, but here you were.

The ground quaked, and Ren tightened his hold on Rey as he glanced to the side, watching as a piece of desert cracked and disappeared. His time of living through perilous situations was not over, it would seem.

He sat up and looked down at Rey in his arms. He stopped breathing, eyes popping wide open. For a moment, he forgot all about the danger of the uncertain ground, his brain only having room to process what he was seeing.

Rey's left eye was completely swollen shut, her adjacent cheekbone sunken in, and her bottom lip torn open. Her skin, once sun kissed and soft, was now bruised, bloodied, and tattered.

He brought his hand up to gently whisk away the stray hairs in her face. "Rey," he whispered at first. Then he repeated her name, each time his voice becoming louder and louder. She wouldn't wake up, and he had to hold back from shaking her.

Feeling her body through the Force, he attempted to mend her injuries, but failed. He couldn't heal her. If he tried, he would die. But if he didn't, she might not live. So he gave her gave her some of his energy, hoping it would jolt her body into fighting for its own survival.

Something fell to the ground beside them. It was a pair of lightsabers: his grandfather's, and his own.

Someone yelled out his name. He lifted his gaze, seeing Finn and Caliiya sprinting towards him. The closer they got, the more horrified they became, their eyes going straight to Rey. Finn went to his knees, his hands hovering over Rey's body before he pulled back.

"She won't wake up," Ren said, voice cracking and tight. He was crying. He wasn't sure when he had started. "I've tried healing her, but…." he tapered off, finding that he couldn't admit that he was too weak to do much. "Help her."

Finn lifted his gaze to Ren, his jaw going slack as they stared at one another. Ren pleaded with his eyes, completely at Finn's mercy.

The trooper cleared his throat. "We need to get to the Falcon. The temple's collapsing." Ren let Finn take Rey into his arms, then grabbed the lighsaber's and clipped them to his belt. He stood on his own, but fell to his knees when the earth violently shook.

He found that he couldn't get back up.

Caliiya flung his arm over her shoulders and helped him to his feet, successfully baring most of his weight onto her small frame. Ren never knew it was possible to hit a whole new level of exhaustion that made him not give a damn about his pride, but here he was. Not giving a damn.

He wouldn't be able to walk on his own if it weren't for Caliiya; Ren was humble enough to admit it.

They didn't have to venture far; the Falcon had already been in the air, searching for them. It touched down nearby, the ramp lowering as they hurried on board. Caliiya let go of Ren, going to the cockpit to relieve Harter of being the pilot. Now able to somewhat stand on his own, Ren followed Finn to the med alcove, taking Rey's hand in his own.

He siphoned another miniscule amount of his energy into her, but she still didn't stir.

Finn was frantically going through the drawers, peeling off bacta patches and strategically placing them on her face and arms. They both simultaneously noticed a deep gash in her hip, recognizing it as a lightsaber wound.

"What the hell happened?" Finn asked, peering closer at the grotesquely charred piece of flesh.

"I think you know," was all Ren could say. Finn exhaled and shook his head. Harter was suddenly there, taking Finn's place in assessing Rey. Ren refused to let go of Rey's hand, even though Harter insisted that she needed room to work. He couldn't help that his emotions were controlling him.

Harter tried easing him away by letting him know that Leia, Luke, and Chewie had all made it. The news was more than welcome, but it did nothing to make him leave Rey's side.

Rey's eyes started to flutter open, and a groan escaped her swollen lips. "Rey," Harter said gently, stroking the girl's hair. "Rey, you're okay. You're on the Falcon."

Ren squeezed her hand, inching closer to her line of sight. When she saw him, her one good eye widened, and then he was soaring across the room, hitting the wall and collapsing to the ground.

She screamed, the shrill tone tearing through Ren's ears like a sharp shard of glass. He looked up from the vantage point of the floor, and the scream came again as they made eye contact. Her legs pounded against the alcove's padding, her arms thrashing as Harter and Finn tried to contain her.

It wasn't working.

The Falcon creaked and shook, lights fluttering on and off.

Harter was quick on her feet – she grabbed a sedative from her bag and injected it into Rey's arm, causing her movements to slow until she was fully sedated.

Ren wasn't aware that he made the conscious decision to stand until he was already halfway to the alcove. He stopped by Rey's feet, staring at her, his heart thudding like a rock rattling in a box. His vision went out of focus, his face draining of color.

Harter and Finn were unaware of his presence as they stripped Rey of her clothes, leaving her in her chest wrap and underwear. Her left knee was swollen to twice its size, the skin surrounding it turning purple. Her whole midsection and ribcage were splotched with bruises and welts. The slash on her hip oozed and smelled foul.

It was a lot for Ren to take in.

Harter was taking internal scans of Rey's body when she glanced at Ren and yelled out for Finn to catch him. Ren hadn't realized he was going into shock until he felt his legs give and voices muffle.

Finn guided Ren to one of the private rooms, letting him collapse onto the bed. Then, he was left alone.

He curled into a fetal position, skin clammy and shaking. Rey might've been sedated, but he could still hear her screams, could still see her face. The look she'd given him was one of hysteria and disbelief, bordering on terror.

He kept his breathing quiet, for fear that even the smallest noise would bring about panic and fear and light and awareness.

Ren still didn't remember much from the short time Snoke had been in control, and maybe that was a blessing. He didn't need to see how his own fists had beaten her, how his own saber had scorched through her flesh. From Rey's numerous injuries, it was obvious what had happened between them.

How do they come back from that?

It was Snoke who had done those things, but it had been Ren's body that had dealt the blows. Could she ever look at him like she used to? Could she hear his voice without going into a panic? Could he touch her without her cringing?

Snoke was dead, and yet, the bastard was still screwing with his life.

But even as Ren thought that, something felt off. Yes, Snoke was dead. Ren could sense that through the Force. But then why was there just a sliver of his connection left in Ren's mind? It should be completely gone.

Ren's thoughts didn't last long as his body drifted to a dreamless sleep, granting him some rest. He could've been out for a few minute or a few hours, it was hard to tell at the moment he was being woken up with a nudge to the shoulder.

Finn loomed over him and then backed away, allowing Ren to sit up. His joints creaked and his muscles were tight, especially in his neck. He rolled his head from side to side, rubbing the tension away. Finn held out a canteen and some rations, silently watching as Ren guzzled the fuel down.

Ren wiped at his mouth with his sleeve, feeling his stomach cramp from the sudden intrusion of sustenance.

"We're almost back to the fleet," Finn simply said.

Ren drank what remained in the canteen before placing it on the bed. "How long have I been asleep?" Even with rest and water, his throat still felt soar.

Finn calculated the time in his head. "About four hours. I came in here to check on you a few times, make sure you were still alive." Finn slightly grinned as if he were trying to be funny. Ren's face remained impassive. "Harter even came in to see if you had any pressing injuries to tend to, but I guess you didn't. We did put a bacta patch on your nose, though."

Ren's fingers came up to his nose, feeling the normal grooves and bumps, noticing that it was tender to the touch. He hadn't even realized his nose had been broken.

Hands resting on the bed, his eyes went to the floor as he sheepishly asked, "How's Rey?"

"She needs surgery on her knee, and will probably have to get her appendix taken out since it's swelling. But she's stable… and awake." Ren's head snapped up, meeting Finn's gaze. "She's asking for you."

Ren went back to staring at the floor. "You don't have to lie to make me feel better."

Finn laughed with a snort. "Sparing your feelings is the last thing I'd do. Trust me. Rey wants to see you. And if I can't get you to come out there, she said, and I quote, "Then you'll either help me get to his room, or I'll make it so you can't get in my way." So… if you could do me a solid and go to her, that'd be great."

Ren's grip on the edge of the mattress tightened. "She didn't react so well when she last saw me."

Finn shifted his weight to his other leg, remembering how that had all played out. "Apparently, she doesn't remember any of that. And she feels horrible for how she reacted to you." Ren didn't say anything. Finn sighed, hesitated, and then sat next to him on the bed. The awkward silence went on for a few moments, both men gazing at the wall or door. "Look," Finn said in a more friendly tone, "Snoke is dead, the war is over. There's nothing standing in your way anymore. You two can be together without constantly worrying."

But that wasn't entirely true.

"Snoke is dead…" Ren agreed slowly. "But I can still sense him."

Finn angled his body at Ren, mouth falling open. "What?" he finally asked. "What does that even mean?"

He shook his head, gaze falling to his lap. "I don't know. He's gone, he can't hurt anyone anymore, but… I can still somewhat sense his existence."

"Man, you're freaking me out. Are you saying he can come back–"

"No," Ren quickly said, then his shoulders slumped. "I don't know. Contrary to popular belief, there are many things I still don't understand about the Force."

There was a stroke of silence. Then, Finn asked, "Are you gonna tell Rey?"

"No. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone about this either."

"Why'd you tell me in the first place?"

Ren shrugged. "I felt like I could." Finn rubbed his hands against his trousers, and it wasn't difficult for Ren to sense his unease. "You think I shouldn't keep this from Rey?"

"For now? I think you should. But permanently? No. When she woke up, she told me what happened, and she seemed so at peace knowing Snoke was gone for good. Don't ruin that for her."

Ren agreed not to.

As silence draped back over them, he thought Finn would leave, but the man appeared to be lost in his own thoughts.

Finn chewed at the inside of his cheek. "Have you thought a lot… about Poe and Jess?"

Ren tensed. "There's rarely a time when I'm not thinking about them," he responded honestly.

Finn looked at the door, his stare distant. "Poe was the first friend to believe in me."

"Me too." Ren inhaled, long and deep. "And Jess was…." He wasn't sure how to finish that sentence. Was she just an acquaintance? Or a friend? He almost considered her as if she'd been a younger sister, which made the loss feel that much more crushingly tragic.

"You didn't fail Jess," Finn told him softly.

"I didn't save her, either." Ren's hands formed into fists. If he hadn't still been wearing his gloves, his fingernails would've drawn blood. "I got her out of those caves on Er'Kit, but she just ended up dying in a different one anyway."

Finn shook his head. "She died a free woman, instead of a slave. Because of you, she was given more time to live her life."

"I guess." Ren's shoulders drooped, his posture slightly bowing. "I wish they could've lived long enough to see how it all turned out."

"Doesn't the Jedi teach that when you die, you become one with the Force?" Finn queried. Ren nodded. "Well, the Force is in everything, so you could say that they're always with us. To a certain degree, anyway."

Ren looked at him, brow raised. "Been reading up on Jedi lore?"

"A little. The Force is a huge aspect of Rey's life, and I wanted to understand it better."

"Where's your research coming from?"

"The HoloNet."

"The HoloNet?" Ren scoffed in offense. The HoloNet was a melting pot of data that anyone could add on to. Getting information from there was hardly reputable. Or advised.

"It's not like I can just dip into the Jedi archives or something," Finn argued, noticing how Ren was judging him.

"The First Order acquired a lot of the Jedi archives from the Empire," Ren explained. "They aren't permanently gone. And you certainly have the clearance to look at them now."

Finn's mouth hung open. "I didn't know that."

Ren shrugged. "Regardless of where you got your information, your eagerness in wanting to learn is amiable. I can almost respect you for that."

Finn raised his palms. "Whoa, don't go getting emotional on me. Quick, say something to offend me before this gets too awkward."

Ren chuckled through his nose, looking down at his lap as if he could hide the hints of a smile.

Strange… Finn's presence actually helped him to feel slightly better.

Moving to the door, Finn stopped and glanced over his shoulder. "Oh, and uh… before you come out, you should wash up and find some spare clothes to change into."

"Why?"

"Rey wants you looking your best."

"For what?"

Finn gave him a mischievous grin. "You'll see."

 **A/N**

 **What could it mean?! Muahahahahaha!**

 **But yup, this chapter resolves all the fighting that's been going on. The chapters that follow will be all about resolution and wrapping up any loose ends. I know I said two more chapters left, but after I post the next one, I'm thinking it will take two more to get to the ending I've always envisioned. But we are so, so close to the grand finale everyone!**

 **I do hope you enjoyed the chapter. I'm not a fan of writing action and it stresses me out. Choreographing it all is hard, but I hope you feel some satisfaction with how things turned out.**

 **Now since the next chapter is 95% done, look for it to be posted tomorrow or Tuesday! It probably has the most fluff I've ever written in a chapter. Or, the nicest Ren I've ever written in a chapter. lol. Would you all like a preview? Okay!**

His torso tensed as he pinched his eyes between his forefinger and thumb, visibly distraught and on edge. But his feet remained planted in the doorway, so far away from her.

"Ben," she beckoned, "come over here. Please." If she could, she would've gone to him the moment he appeared, but she was too weak to be doing anything other than giving the med alcove's padding a job.

Ben took a few deep breaths before closing the distance between them. She offered him her hand, and he took it with a nervous reluctance before sitting on a small crate.

Rey gave his hand a squeeze. "Look at me," she tenderly implored.

 **Thanks for reading everyone!**


	50. Chapter 50

**As promised, the next chapter!**

 **SheLitAFire: Hmmmm... Interesting question. If I answer, I might give something away. So I plead the fifth! The ending is just different than what I've seen done in other fics. So that's the main reason I'm nervous. Thanks for being proud of me! It means so much. I've grown so much as a writer and I've enjoyed getting to know you as well. I appreciate you helping me with editing these last five chapters! And I'm glad I didn't kill Chewie either. He was originally supposed to die, but I just couldn't do it. I'm so glad I changed my mind! MBellicose: Thanks! I hope you love this chapter as well! It's a bit fluffier than what I normally do, but maybe that's needed. Aleta Wolff: So both you and SheLitAFire are right with one of your predictions! Read on to find out! :)**

Chapter Fifty

In the medical alcove aboard the Falcon, Rey ran her hands down the deep blue dress, trying to smooth out the wrinkles around her midsection. The silk moved with her fingers, the material coolly caressing against her skin. The fabric almost felt as though it were made of air, the kind you felt after the rain-washed atmosphere drifted through an open window in the wake of a storm. The high neckline and long sleeves covered up most of her scrapes and bruises, which she didn't want Ben to see. She even had a hard time looking at them, so she opted for maximum cover-up. The only revealing part of the flowing gown was the back, the low cut swooping down to her lower spine. But since she was sitting propped up with the help of some spare pillows and blankets, it couldn't be seen.

Rey had been lucky to have left some of the clothes she'd gotten from Spira on the Falcon. Otherwise, she'd be doing this wrapped in a blanket so she wouldn't be shown in just her undergarments.

Finn and Harter had tried talking her out of getting into the dress, arguing that her body still bore multiple injuries that still weren't completely mended. But when she told them what she wanted to do, and that the pain of getting into the gown would be worth it, they obliged by agreeing to her wishes. As Finn went off to find a datapad and talk to Ben, Harter and Caliiya helped her to get ready.

After giving her a warm sponge bath and getting her dressed, Harter pulled her hair back, making a double roped braid that wrapped around her head, leaving some loose hairs to drape around her face. She told Rey that the style was what a young woman of Alderaan would wear during the ritual, and that Ben would more than likely recognize it immediately. But Rey wanted something of his lineage to be here with them, so she urged Harter to give her the braids.

Caliiya applied some makeup – even though Rey detested the stuff – to her newly washed face, making sure to keep it as natural looking as possible per Rey's request. Caliiya gently worked around Rey's tender lip and swollen eye, mostly just trying to even out her skin tone so the bruises weren't as noticeable. That was the only reason Rey had agreed to have the goopy substance painted on her skin; she didn't want to look as battered as she felt.

"Are you sure Leia won't be mad that we're doing this?" Rey asked Harter again, needing to be reassured for the fourth time. Last thing Rey wanted was to be on General Organa's list of people she detested.

Harter lightly chuckled. "Again, she's not going to hate you, Rey," she said as she put a pin in her hair. "She'll understand your eagerness. And the need to do this privately."

"Maybe you can have an intimate ring ceremony, just for her," Caliiya suggested, dabbing at her forehead.

"Oh, she'd love that," Harter agreed. "You could ask her to choose one of her mother's dresses for you to wear. She's kept them all in hopes that Ben would one day give her a daughter-in-law."

Caliiya dabbed at her nose. "And I hope we're all invited."

"Of course," Rey said, trying not to move her lips too much since Caliiya wanted her to stay still. "Though, I'm not sure if Ben is really a ring person. I personally don't wear jewelry."

The corner of Caliiya's lips ticked upward. "I have a feeling that if you were to give him a ring, he'd wear it constantly. Because it's from you."

"But he wears gloves."

"He won't after this."

Caliiya took a step back, surveying her work. Harter joined her, smiling down at Rey. When all they did was just stare, Rey began to feel uncomfortable.

Harter patted her hand. "You look beautiful, dear." Rey didn't really believe that, since she looked like the human equivalent of a punching bag. But still, she appreciated Harter for saying it.

Keeping her voice low, Caliiya asked, "You sure you'll be okay when you see him?"

Rey shrugged. "Only one way to find out." She was pretty sure she would be fine, but the way Finn had described how she lost it the first time she saw Ben made her stomach tighten.

 _Snoke is gone. Ben's alive. Snoke is gone. Ben's alive._ The mantra in her head helped to calm her nerves.

Rey started pulling and twisting at her fingers. "I haven't been sure how to bring this up, but I wanted to thank you both for coming to help me on Moraband. I know I endangered all of you–"

"Felt like another day of the week to me," Caliiya quipped, and Rey wasn't sure if the woman was actually serious, or being sarcastic.

"Still, thank you."

"You're very welcome."

When Finn came back, he notified them that Ben would be out soon. Rey's gut flipped, her fidgeting becoming worse as each second passed. They left Rey alone in the main hold when Caliiya deemed them to be done, giving Rey enough time to second-guess what she was about to do.

But she didn't want to wait anymore. She'd put her life on hold for too long. She wanted her future to start as soon as possible, because hell, she deserved it, and she knew tomorrow was never promised to anyone.

The door to the private quarters slid open. Rey's breath caught in her throat and she froze, fear spiking through her as much as she didn't want it to. Fighting Snoke was still so raw in her memories, flashes of Ben's eyes glaring at her, his fists connecting with her face. But then she took a deep breath, deciding that Snoke was no longer going to subjugate her life.

 _Their_ life. Together.

Ben stayed in the doorway, gaze on the floor, unsure. His hair was damp and slicked back, showing the entirety of his face and even his ears, a look she'd never seen on him before. Rey found she quite liked it. It allowed for the angles of his features and jaw to be seen, making him look older, more masculine. There had always been a tinge of boyish quality to him when he hid behind his hair. While she liked when he looked disheveled, this older looking persona he was gracing her with was more than ideal. Hell, Rey might actually prefer this more.

And the shadow on his face that hinted at the beginnings of a beard did nothing to cool her down.

Adding to the perfection, he wore the simple ensemble of a black long sleeved shirt and trousers. Compared to Ben, Rey was way over dressed. She blushed and grew hot. Not out of embarrassment for her attire, but out of wanting him. She could barely move, and yet her body couldn't get over just how good he looked in every possible way.

To Rey's dismay, Ben didn't move. Her hands started to shake, her nerves overwhelming the yearning she felt only a moment ago. She swallowed back a thick wad of saliva before letting the words pour from her mouth. "I'm so sorry, Ben. I… I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am for being so stupid. Because of me, you almost died. And to think that the last thing I could've told you was that I hated you makes me sick. I don't hate you." She had to clear her throat as it became more constricted. "I would never leave you, Ben, and I'm so sorry for making you think that I did."

"I shouldn't have lied to you," he whispered, not lifting his gaze.

"No, you shouldn't have. But we'll find Korkie some other way. And if we don't, then we don't. I already have a family: in you, in Soniee, in Leia and Luke and Finn."

His torso tensed as he pinched his eyes between his forefinger and thumb, visibly distraught and on edge. But his feet remained planted in the doorway, so far away from her.

"Ben," she beckoned, "come over here. Please." If she could, she would've gone to him the moment he appeared, but she was too weak to be doing anything other than giving the med alcove's padding a job.

Ben took a few deep breaths before closing the distance between them. She offered him her hand, and he took it with a nervous reluctance before sitting on a small crate.

Rey gave his hand a squeeze. "Look at me," she tenderly implored.

His glimmering eyes met hers, so much passion bristling behind that stare. "Why did you go there?" he asked delicately, his tone hurt, but not angry.

"I just… I wanted Snoke out of our lives. And after finding out about Korkie, I was so angry… but not really at you. I blamed Snoke for everything, for all our struggles and for your incessant need to keep things from me. And then Kayani and I got to talking and…." Her voice trailed off as Ben gripped her hand tighter upon hearing that woman's name. "None of these are good excuses. I know that. I was incredibly brash and stupid and because of it all, I almost lost you. I am deeply and forever sorry for what I've done to you."

Ben's head flinched back. "Done to me?" His eyes bounced across her face, pained. "Rey… look at you."

"No," she said sternly. "Don't do that, Ben. None of this is your fault. None of it, do you hear me? Everything that's happened is on me and me alone."

"How can you even look at me?"

"Because I know that you weren't the one who did this to me."

"I tried to fight him off… I tried to give you a chance so you could get away or kill him."

"I know. And you helped me more than you know." Rey paused briefly. "I– I do want to tell you everything that happened, but I still need some time." Ben nodded supportively. He probably was in no hurry to hear it.

His eyes started to roam up and down her body, and Rey was momentarily confused by what he was doing. He rested his palm gently on her injured knee, siphoning off his power in order to heal her. Rey quickly brushed his hand away. "Don't."

He tried to touch her again. "But I can–"

Rey blocked him with a firm grip. "I can feel how exhausted you are. I don't want you wasting your strength on me."

"It wouldn't be a waste."

"I'm not in any mortal danger. And it's okay to let modern medicine do its job once in a while." She refused to back down, and Ben could see that. He conceded to going back to just holding her hand, but he made his disapproval known with the way his mouth set into a hard line.

Rey glanced down at their interlocked grip. "Finn told me how I reacted to you when I woke up. Did I hurt you?"

"I'm fine."

"You're not fine… but you will be. We're both breathing, and Snoke is out of our lives."

Ben nodded slowly. He inched closer to her, taking in a deep breath. "Rey, I'm stepping down as Supreme Leader. I'll follow you wherever you want to go, and I'll help you rebuild the Jedi Order into whatever you want it to be."

Rey blinked. "Ben–"

"You're more important to me than the First Order. I admit, I got… lost for a while. But when Snoke was pushing me out, I knew nothing else mattered to me but you. I thought power would bring me comfort, but having you in my life is far more superior to any title. So let's leave it all behind. Have it be just you and me."

"Well, it wouldn't be just us. Luke and I were planning on doing this together."

Ben worked his jaw. "I guess he can come along," he mumbled, failing horribly at hiding his aggravation.

Rey found his expression to be amusing. She smiled at him fondly. "I appreciate you saying this to me, I really do. But I think you should be Supreme Leader."

His mouth hung open. "But… what you said before–"

"Was wrong. I think you could do some real good in that position, maybe make the galaxy better than it was before. I should've believed in you and stood by you– which is what I'm gonna do now."

"You'd support me?" his voice cracked, and it nearly broke Rey's heart. If all of Ben's power was to be stripped away, and his need to control everything disintegrated, what was left would be a boy who just wanted someone to believe in him.

Rey cupped his face. He leaned into her touch. "I would. Even if everyone turns their backs on you, I'll always be with you." She paused before adding, "But just so you know, I'm still re-establishing the Jedi Order."

"I won't stop you."

Her palm slipped from his face and nestled back into the confines of his hand. "And I'll probably want your help here and there. Maybe even bounce ideas off of you."

"I am forever at your disposal," he promised ardently.

There was still much to discuss, but the moment Rey had been looking for finally arrived. She could feel it. This was it. "I love you, Ben. Will you marry me?"

He tensed, cocking his head to the side. "Huh?"

Rey giggled at how she'd caught him so off guard. "I want you to marry me. Or have you changed your–"

"No" he blurted out, then quickly amended the word. "I mean, yes, I'll marry you. No, I haven't changed my mind." He bent further into her personal space, searching her face for generosity. "You're sure?"

"Never been more sure about anything in my life. Except that I love you, and want to be with you for the rest of my days."

As his eyes welled with tears, she felt so powerless from not being able to wrap her arms around him. Instead, he rested his head on their linked hands, his torso shaking from trying to keep himself together. "It's all right," she murmured. "Just let it out. I've got you." Ben fell apart then, the culmination of all the different emotions he'd been experiencing over the last day finally breaking through his solid exterior. She ran her fingers through his hair, her own silent tears running down her cheeks, leaving tracks through the makeup.

When his sobs began to recede, Rey garnered the courage to speak. "You ready?"

He craned his up, frowning as he hiccuped. "For what?"

She wiped the moisture from his cheeks with her thumb. "To get married."

Ben blinked, sniffled, and did a whole lot of staring. She called out to Finn, watching as Caliiya and Harter followed him into the main hold from the corridor. They had washed up nicely, spot cleaning their battle worn clothes the best they could. Finn's stubble had been freshly razored away, and the two women had styled their hair in sophisticated updos.

Ben's eyes went to the group as his brows furrowed. "What's happening," was all he was able to say.

Rey propped herself up a little bit more, looking to Finn. "Did you find what you needed?"

Finn held up the datapad, giving it a shake. "Yep. It's all pretty straight forward. Both of you repeat the marriage oath, sign the document, and then it's official."

Ben snapped his attention to Rey, eyes wide, searching for an explanation. She patted his arm. "Ever since Finn was made a Captain, he's had the power to officiate weddings. Still can, even as a General."

Ben looked at her as if she might be there or might not. Rey worried he might be going into shock; he was rarely left this speechless. "So…" She shrugged sheepishly. "What do you say? Want to make this official?"

He twisted one of her loose tresses between his fingers, expression softening. "Well… this certainly explains your hair." Rey giggled, but went silent when he got close enough for her to see the amber specks scattered throughout his dark irises. His eyes held hers, and he was so serious; so very, very serious. "I love you, Rey." He stroked her cheek, his touch burning her in a way that felt so good. "If you want to do this right now, then so do I."

Rey's lips formed a radiating grin, her heart thundering in her chest. Keeping their hands entwined, the group surrounded them. Caliiya revealed Rey's pyro flower from behind her back, now in a new pot. She held it out to Rey, who took it with a reverence. "A bride needs a bouquet. At least, in my culture, they usually have one."

Rey inspected it, remembering how the little flower had been left on the cockpit floor. With everything going on, she'd forgotten all about it. "Thank you, for repotting it."

"Repotting it? I found it already like that on the control board in the cockpit."

Rey's eyes went to each one of them before finally settling on Ben. From the way he stared at her, she knew he'd been the one to save her precious little flower. She held it on her lap as she mouthed to him her gratitude.

Caliiya and Harter settled on a nearby crate as Finn stood at the base of the alcove. Harter held a small recording device, nodding to Finn to begin.

Finn cleared his throat. "So there's, uh, nothing in here to really start off the ceremony. It's all rather bland, but I thought you guys deserved a nice opening. So I searched and found something I thought was fitting… if you want me to read it."

Ben looked to Rey, who nodded her approval excitedly.

Finn took a deep breath, stood tall, and dove right in. "An unshakeable union between two beings is a place where the savage winds cease, where no clouds can block the warmth of the evening rays. It is a place where the sun may set without fearing the darkness to come. Where one soul can whisper to another a language only its mate can truly hear. A place where togetherness means peace, hardship means trust, and union means forever. Always remember that marriage is a blessing we give to one another, an eternal bond of soul-mates."

Next were the oaths.

Rey went first, repeating the words after Finn, and then Ben followed. They kept their focus on each other, the promises they made binding into their souls as indelibly as if they were etched into their bones. The words they spoke were things they already practiced, an understanding between the two of how they wanted to be cared for.

They sealed their oaths with a kiss.

Rey and Ben's union had been inevitable from the time the bond had formed, intertwining their destinies and allowing them to find one another. They each were the center of the universe for the other, being at ease in each other's company, comfortable and loved. They would remain devoted, from sicknesses to family tragedies, through disagreements and rough times. Eyes would never stray; hearts would never beat for someone else.

They each signed their names on the holo–doc before being congratulated. Ben even took Caliiya's hand in a firm shake, which didn't escape Rey and Finn's notice. He accepted her kind words, and Rey could sense that his ire for the woman was slowly fading away.

Once Harter was satisfied with the hugs she had given, the three of them left Rey and Ben to have some time to be together. Of course, as much as Rey would like to consummate the marriage, everyone knew they couldn't. Rey was still not in a good state physically. But still, she appreciated them for giving her and Ben some space.

They laid next to one another, half of Ben's body hanging off the alcove, giving Rey enough room so she wouldn't be crammed. He kept stroking her cheek, gently, so he didn't disturb her bruises. Her heart thundered in her chest as he slowly, inexorably brought his lips to hers.

She wished he lingered longer, but he drew back. Her lip pulsed from the contact, or was that from the lingering swelling? She'd rather believe it was from Ben.

His hand eventually drifted to her chest, resting his palm between her breasts, feeling her heartbeat thrum against his skin.

Rey urged him to snuggle closer. She placed her arm atop his, unable to fully embrace him due to her panging injuries. But as she felt his nose brush against her jaw, and the heat of his breath fanning across her skin, she sensed the arms of infinity wrapping around them both, holding them close.

Linking them forever.

()()()()()

A pair of thick black boots ticked against the glossed inky floor of the Finalizer, its occupant unsettled and bursting with impatience.

Pacing up and down the long corridor, Ren ran his hands through his hair for the fiftieth time. Then rubbed the back of his neck before doing the same to his face, making his nose sting. He couldn't stay still; not while Rey was in the med bay being operated on and going through a round in a bacta tank.

After making it back to the fleet, Rey had been taken to the medical wing with haste. Ren was stopped from following her inside, and Harter talked him down from doing anything brash by convincing him she would be in good hands. Much to the head doctor's disapproval, Harter went with Rey, promising she would stay next to her and keep him informed.

That had been an hour ago.

Once Rey had been taken inside, Finn and Caliiya had gone off to… Ren really wasn't sure where they'd gone. They had told him, but he hadn't really been listening. Either they were seeking updates about Arkanis, talking with Bre, or finally resolving all of that sexual tension fizzling between them. Ren was hoping it was the latter, only because if he had to catch another glimpse of Finn daydreaming his dirty little fantasies, Ren was going to light his own eyeballs on fire.

Ren huffed and glanced at the door.

What was taking them so long? They no longer lived in the dark ages when a surgery lasted hours upon hours to complete.

He was tempted to barge inside and demand an update. How was he, the Supreme Leader, ruler over the entire galaxy, relegated to staying outside? He was the one who made the rules; he was the one to be obeyed.

He walked up to the sealed entryway… and didn't break it down. Some rational part of his brain was still functioning, telling him that going inside would just distract the staff and his presence would get in their way. If he wanted them to be sufficient at their jobs, he needed to let them work in peace.

So he settled on waiting.

And what did he think about? All the twists and turns of his and Rey's relationship that had led them to this exact moment.

She was going to stay with him. After everything, she believed in him more than his own family ever did. Leia was still here, yes, but her doubts were more than palpable through the Force. Rey, however, actually believed he could be a good leader and make the galaxy into something wholesome and united.

Ren didn't know affection could be said in so many different ways. He vowed to himself that he would make Rey proud.

Love, he realized, was like making your first lightsaber. When it was young and new, it was unblemished and shiny. You always wanted it with you, its gleaming blade holding your attention and filling you with optimism of what it would be like to try it out. Usually, the first couple of duels were awkward as the two got used to each other, but soon both would grow comfortable. With more usage, the blade lost its wonder and the hilt took a few blows, cracking under the pressure.

Your own body acquired it own scars as well, matching what was being held in your hands. But what you received in return saved your life: Once the pair of you was so well acquainted and entwined, the saber became an extension of your arm. The weapon protected you and protected those you cared about; it gave you the confidence to face your foes and defeat your fears; and wherever you went, it was always clipped to your belt, ready to defend your heart whenever you needed it. However, proper maintenance was always required. For it to work properly, you had to repair the nicks on the hilt, clean out the vents, and check the crystal to make sure it was not damaged.

Ren had been naïve to think that just loving someone was all it ever took. Turns out, while your heart was the soil in which love's roots grew deep, effort was the nutrient that kept it thriving.

"Ben!" Leia pushed past the two troopers escorting her and came darting down the hall. She barreled right into her son, almost causing them both to fall over. Coming up from behind, Luke and Casterfo were helping Chewie to stay balanced, both men situated under each of his arms.

Leia backed away, sensing Ren's eyes on the group. "Chewie–"

"He'll be fine," Luke assured him. "But he needs medical attention."

Ren went to the control panel by the door, ordering for someone on the other end to let them in. The threat hidden beneath his tone made the door open within seconds, allowing the trio to scamper inside. Ren caught Luke glancing back at him before the barrier closed.

Leia went right back to wrapping her arms around her son. They held each other for a few moments before Leia looked up, her hands cupping his face as she fought back tears. "I didn't know if you'd make it, and I hadn't seen Rey. Then you disappeared and the temple started to collapse…"

Ren grabbed her hands and held them against his chest. "We made it. I'm fine, but Rey needed surgery." Leia drew back, worry commandeering her once elated expression. "The amount of power it took her to kill Snoke almost…" His voice cracked. "He almost killed her. _I_ almost–"

Leia cut him off. "It's not your fault, Ben. Snoke was the one who hurt her, not you. You can't blame yourself for this, okay?" She waited till Ren nodded his head, glancing down at the hands holding hers. "All that matters is that she's alive; you both are." Leia took a moment to breathe in deeply. "What about Kayani?"

Ren's forehead creased. "I… I don't know." There was so much Rey still needed to tell him, so many questions he needed answered. Like why could he still feel a faint echo of the bond he had with Kayani? Snoke's connection felt similar, too; not quite there, but somehow was.

He was too afraid to look any closer at it.

Leia pulled her hands from his and ran them up and down his arms as she gave his body a once over. "And what about you? How are you doing?"

"Physically, I'm fine."

"And what about the darkness within you?" she asked, her eyes brightening in anticipation.

He shrugged, trying to appear impassive. "Still there."

She blinked away her expectation. "But Snoke–"

"I told you, his death would change nothing," he said in a harsh bite. Leia stilled, but didn't move away from him. He sighed, his tone descending to something softer. "I know everyone was hoping that the dark side would be absolved after he died, and I admit, part of myself was hoping the same thing. But it's still there. It will always be there."

She gave his biceps a squeeze. "Dark side or light, it doesn't matter. You're still my son."

Something about this whole exchange felt oddly familiar, but he brushed the feeling aside to focus on his mother.

"It doesn't bother you that I'm…" He'd been about to say, "ruined." But the term wasn't right, not now at this point in his life. He searched for something a bit less that was more fitting. "That I'm broken?"

"Broken?" she reverberated, self-conscious about the word. Not liking its flavor. "I've never thought of you as broken. Lost and misguided, yes, but not broken." He didn't quite believe her, and Leia could tell. She shook him, as if she could make him understand. "Listen Ben, the decisions you've made have led you to where you are today. Your path was never destined to be a straight one, and I don't know why. Maybe we'll never know. But what I do know is that you've always had a good heart, and I'm proud to be your mother."

He tried to look away, but she pressed her fingers to his cheek to turn him back to her. "I love you, Ben. Who you are is enough for me."

He couldn't stop his lips from quivering, nor his eyes from stinging. Acceptance was an odd feeling, but a welcomed one. "I love you, too. Thanks–" He hesitated, the next word to come from his lips feeling as though it were being used from a different lifetime, snatched from a young boy with desires as simple as being recognized and loved. "– mom."

Leia smiled. He couldn't remember the last time he had truly made her smile. Was this pride he was feeling? Was it real?

Because it was everything. And it was beautiful.

The door to the med bay opened. Harter, now dressed in the white shirt and pant ensemble all doctors were required to wear, smiled as she rushed to Leia. The women embraced each other, both expressing their relief that the other had made it.

Ren quickly wiped at his eyes as he let the two women have a moment before he interrupted, inquiring about Rey. "She's fine," Harter explained, her voice dropping to that professional doctor tone that came so easily to her. "We were able to repair her knee and take out her appendix before it burst. The damage to her ribs had to be mended, and her time in the bacta tank went well. They're cleaning her up and she should be awake in the next ten minutes. I can take you back to her room so you can see her."

Ren stepped forward, and then froze. He turned back to face his mother. "It's okay," Leia urged. "I'll wait out here so you can have some time alone with her. Just let her know that I have her lightsaber when she wants it. Or, what's left of it anyway."

Ren didn't move.

"What is it? Are you nervous about telling her that you sliced her saber in half?" his mother asked in jest, her smile dying away when Ren didn't mirror her mirth. Now that Leia had brought it up, Ren wasn't particularly looking forward to telling Rey that he'd broken her saber staff.

But his stomach was tightening for a different reason.

He rubbed his sweaty palms against his shirt as he said, "Well… there's something you should probably know first. Before I go in there." Ren exhaled a shaky breath. "Rey and I… sort of got married aboard the Falcon on the way back here."

Leia raised a brow. "Sort of?"

…."We did."

"Oh. Uhhhh…." Too many emotions swept across Leia's face for Ren to read her properly, her stare out of focus before going back to him. "You two didn't want to wait?"

"With everything that's been happening, we wanted to get it done as soon as possible."

Harter stepped in, her hand gripping Leia's arm. "I recorded all of it, Leia. So if you want to watch it, you can. And Ben and Rey were planning on throwing a ring ceremony so family could be there." That was news to Ren, but he hid his surprise. "Just don't be upset with them. I told Rey you'd understand their eagerness."

"I…I'm not upset." Ren's eyes narrowed. "I promise," she assured him. "And I do understand. I just, for so long I thought that marriage was something that would never happen for you." She embraced him again, resting her cheek against his chest, nestling into him. "I'm so happy I was wrong. Congratulations, Ben."

Ren had to clear his throat. His mother had taken the news better than he thought she would. "Thank–"

"But just so you know, there's no way you're getting out of throwing a ring ceremony." She cocked her head back, pegging him with a controlled gaze as a smile slithered its way over her lips. "Don't worry, I'll plan everything."

Ren was worried. "If you could keep it small–"

She patted his cheek, shushing him. "Oh, Ben. It'll be whatever size I want it to be."

Ren stared down from his greater height and somehow felt smaller than she was.

"Great," he said under his breath, dragging out the word.

Leia stayed in the hall as he followed Harter inside, this part of the med bay set up like a square: rooms lined the perimeter, while high counters and monitoring systems made up the middle. Whenever he passed a human employee, their eyes would go wide before averting his gaze. Some would even turn around and run away. Neither Harter, nor Ren commented on any of their reactions.

She brought him to a door near the end of the corridor, hand going to the operating panel. Her palm hovered above the mechanism before she glanced up at him. Ren could sense her unease. "So, before you go in there, I think there's something you should know."

A jolt ran through Ren's body at that moment, and he suddenly knew why this whole situation felt like it had somehow happened before. On Ahch-To, the visions he had in the cave, the one where Han had found him after Snoke had been defeated– it was too similar to what was happening right now.

"Is Rey pregnant?" he blurted out, taking Harter by surprise.

Her mouth floundered as she stumbled over her words. "Actually, I was going to tell you that she wasn't."

Oh.

Ren ran a hand through his hair, frowning.

"Were you expecting her to be?" Harter asked.

"No, I just…" He didn't even know how to explain to her what was going on in his head. "If she isn't, then why bring it up?"

Harter's trepidation came back. "Well, Rey thinks she might be. She asked me to run a pregnancy test while she was in surgery and it came back negative. I even went as far as to check if her uterine lining and hormone levels had improved, but they've only gotten worse."

Ren pursed his lips. "Have you told her?"

"No. She's still asleep."

"I'll do it, then."

Harter opened her mouth to protest, but Ren was already through the door and inside Rey's room before she could speak.

The lights were dimmed, the shadows dark and hazy as he neared Rey's bed. The sterile sheets were situated up to her chest, her hair pulled back and damp from being cleaned after the bacta tank. The monitor next to her bed showed her vitals, smooth and steady, all the readings normal. Ben stretched his body out next to hers, getting close enough so he could properly hold her.

She fit the same.

She felt different.

Holding her, it was as if it were the first time all over again, that moment where he tucked her head below his chin and all his senses became in tune with how a body felt against his, the warmth seeping through his clothes. Smelling the scent of her hair. Arm going numb from her head resting on his bicep.

But even while on the Falcon, she seemed… different. Not a bad different, more like an older, more stable different. Her spirit had aged significantly over the past day, her experiences molding her into a new woman that Ren needed to figure out.

While waiting for her to wake, he studied her face, all evidence of the fight now gone. In its place was tanned flesh, defined cheeks, and perfectly curved lips.

When she began to stir, she groaned, her eyes fluttering open. He slid into the chair already situated by the bed, not wanting to startle her. A spike of fear electrified his cells. What if she reacted to him the same as when she woke on the Falcon?

When her groaning intensified, Ren placed his palm to her forehead, smoothing back her hair in gentle motions.

Rey turned to see him, not a hint of terror or panic behind her stare. "Ben?" she croaked.

"Hey," he whispered with a smile. "Harter said you did great. You're as good as new."

Rey clucked her tongue, frowning at the dryness. He grabbed a glass of water from the side table and angled the bed upward so she could gulp it down. He wiped the excess from her chin, and then took the empty glass to put it back on the tray.

She brought her hands up, rubbing her fingers together. "I feel fuzzy."

He chuckled. "That would be the drugs, but they'll wear off."

"I don't like how it makes me feel."

"Some people do. If you did enjoy the effects, I'd be slightly worried."

Rey rested her head back on the pillow, as if it weighed the equivalent of a boulder. She took in a few deep breaths. "Ben?" she said again, as if he weren't already giving her his full attention. "Just before I went under, I remembered that I forgot to tell you something." She stared at him uneasily, and Ren waited for her to continue. "BB-8, something happened to him and I wasn't able to–"

Ren interrupted her by grabbing something from his pocket and holding it up. Rey's eyes fanned open, her hand taking a few tries before she was able to snatch it. "Is this…?"

"Yep. It's BB-8." Rey studied the rectangular piece of hardware. "Or, the part that matters, anyway. We just need to get him a new orange and white body, and then you'll have him back just as he was before."

She held the gift to her heart. "Thank you. I promised Poe I'd take care of him, and I thought…"

Ren glanced down to the floor, heart heavy from hearing Poe's name. He wished Poe and Jess had been present at the wedding. He wished a lot of things when it came to them.

The chatter between them was kept light as Rey processed the drugs out of her system. He let her know that he told his mother about their marriage and how he was a nervous mess while waiting for her operations to finish. When Rey appeared more lucid, he recounted the events that led up to him being pulled into the cavern with her and Snoke, expressing his confusion on how he even got there.

Rey filled in the answer to that one.

"You can teleport?" Ren asked, incredulous. "Like, actually transport your atoms from one place to another? How far can you go? Do you just think of the place and you're there? Can you really take me with you? Is that because of the bond? How do you do it? What does it feel–"

Rey raised her palms in a barrier. "Whoa, slow down. I still don't understand everything about it yet."

"Could you teleport right now?"

Rey stared at him flatly.

He resigned himself to sit back and calm down. "No. No, of course not. You should wait till you're stronger. Sorry, I was getting a little carried away." He folded his arms across his chest as he chewed at his lips, unable to resist one last question. "Would you be able to teach me how to do it?"

Rey shook her head, chuckling. "You're like a child who just stumbled upon treasure."

Ren gaped at her a little too dramatically. "Atomical transportation is the most valued piece of treasure in existence. I'm surprised you're not freaking out about this like I am."

Ren could tell Rey was amused by his youthful enthusiasm. She didn't know the ins and outs of her new found ability yet, but she promised that he'd be there as she discovered the answers. And maybe along the way, he could find out how to do it for himself.

They discussed the topic a bit more, Ren already planning out a training schedule for the two of them and how they would chronicle all their successes and failures, as well as all the different theories they needed to prove or disprove. Rey agreed to whatever he had in mind, which just made him giddy for when Rey was declared well enough to leave this place.

When Rey voiced that she was ready to tell him all that had happened, it scorched Ren's current enthusiasm to ash. He didn't want to know the details, but he knew he should. So he remained still, never once interrupting her as he listened. She started with how she saw Obi-Wan on Jakku, and the things he told her. Then it shifted to Moraband. Emotions cycled through him: pain, relief, confusion, admiration, anger. Once Rey reached the end of her tale, silence ensued as she let him think over everything she'd recounted.

She'd been able to interact with those who had passed on, allowing her to finally meet a semblance of her parents. It brought him a certain amount of peace to know that she'd seen Poe, Jess, and his father as well.

Through it all, though, there was one part in particular that stood out to him the most.

The fact that Rey had met their son. Her asking for a pregnancy test now made a lot more sense.

Ren rounded his jaw, gulping back the big lump in his throat. "Rey." She met his gaze. "Are you sure you actually saw our child?"

"What do you mean?"

He leaned in closer, voice lowering to a whisper, as if a gentle tone could help Rey not take what he was about to say badly. "You don't understand the extent of Snoke's power. He could conjure up illusions and make you believe they're real. Make you see things, even interact with them."

She shook her head. "No, this was real."

"But–"

"It wasn't an illusion," she snapped at him. Then took a breath. "He's real, and because he was real, I now know I can have children."

He kept his eyes on her, steeling himself for what he was about to say. "Harter told me about the pregnancy test. It's negative. And she said you haven't improved enough to even have children. If anything, you've gotten worse."

Ren knew that Rey was the type of person who needed the truth to be bluntly stated. Her denial had held her back too many times in her life.

Rey looked away from him. He could sense her jumbled emotions, and was waiting for her to breakdown. But with dry eyes and a tight face, she turned back to him and said, "All that means is that it'll happen sometime down the road. Probably unexpected."

"Rey–"

"It'll happen. You'll see."

And that was the end of the discussion. He hadn't gotten through to her.

Ren didn't share in Rey's hope that a child was awaiting them in the future. She didn't mention the child's name, and nor did Ren ask. He was sure what Rey had seen was just a cruel apparition of Snoke's making, but he didn't have it in him to crush her optimism completely.

Visitors began filing into the room, filling the small space. It was against protocol to have people in the medical wing after hours, but seeing how he was the Supreme Leader, none of the staff turned them away.

Ren situated himself in the corner as he let Finn, Luke, Leia, and Caliiya crowd around Rey's bed, all of them swapping stories and talking about the unplanned wedding. Leia approved of how Finn conducted it, calling classy and short, just how all weddings should be.

But even as Ren stayed to the background, letting them each have their moments with Rey, she would still take a moment to meet his stare and smile. He'd give her a small grin, and then it would disappear as her attention went back to the others.

Self-doubt and loathing always seemed to find a way back into his mind.

Why wasn't he enough for Rey?

He thought he'd been, but now with her so adamantly believing they would eventually have children, what would happen when she found out it just wasn't going to happen? Would it cause her to resent him for some reason? Would her grief over being barren– which he thought she'd gotten past, but apparently not– consume her?

Why couldn't it just be her and him?

Rey didn't fully understand what taking care of a child would entail. She just saw it as an opportunity to give the little one a better life than the one she had had. Like through the child, she'd get a second chance at growing up right. But children were rarely subservient to the paths their parents wanted them to take.

Ren was proof of that.

And if he were to be perfectly honest, he still had no desire to be a dad. He didn't want offspring. It had been difficult to watch Rey struggle and accept the fact that parenthood just wasn't in the cards for them… but secretly, he'd been relieved. The fact she couldn't conceive was the easy way out. They would never have to fight over whether or not to have kids, and Ren could hide his true feelings from her so she didn't get hurt. It was horrible, he knew, but he couldn't help how he felt.

He'd once offered her the option of adoption, and he hoped she didn't take it. Because if she wanted to, he wouldn't be able to tell her no.

First truth: He would be an abysmal father.

Second: He didn't want to share Rey's attention with anyone else. And a child would certainly change the dynamic between them.

 _Still a selfish bastard, through and through_ , his conscience murmured from within.

Ren stepped out of the room, deciding to find Harter or one of the doctors to ask how much longer Rey had to stay. But as he exited, he bumped into an armor-clad trooper.

The soldier immediately stood at attention. "Sir," his voice clipped, heels clinking together.

Ren eyed the man up and down, finding him to be an inch or two taller than himself. "What are you doing here, trooper?" he demanded sharply.

"I heard that Miss Rey was here, sir. I was…" the trooper faltered for a moment. "I was hoping to visit with her."

There was nothing about this man that felt alarming, and the surface of his thoughts held no ill content. Ren was puzzled, and annoyed. "Why?"

The trooper cleared his throat. "We met on Jakku, sir. You were unconscious at the time, and she was having difficulty dragging you. So I helped her get across the dunes by carrying you… sir. I came here wanting to make sure she was all right."

Ren's posture tensed. Rey had told him about this trooper earlier in their conversation. She even asked if he could find out if the man had survived, because she was eager to meet him again. "You're JM-813."

"I am."

Ren looked up and down the deserted corridor. "How'd you get in here?"

"I snuck in… sir."

Ren regarded him with less piercing eyes now that he knew who the trooper was. "Thank you, for helping Rey when she needed it."

The trooper was momentarily flustered by the gratitude. "It was my honor, sir."

Ren stepped out of the man's way, motioning to the door. And everyone thought he was incapable of being cordial. If only they could see how he was currently treating a stormtrooper. "You can go inside, but don't stay long. Rey should be resting."

The man bowed his head. "Of course, Supreme Leader."

Before the soldier could press the operating panel, an idea popped into Ren's head. "Trooper," he said. The man turned back around. "How would you like to be reassigned?"

"Sir?"

"I was wanting to put together a security detail for Rey, and was wondering if you'd be interested in leading it."

"Me, sir? I don't have the qualifications for–"

"Rey spoke highly of you. That's all the qualifications I need."

The trooper was stunned. When his brain finally started functioning again, he straightened his spine and pressed a fist over his heart. "I swear on my life, no harm will ever befall her."

Ren fought back a smile. He had a feeling this trooper had been the right choice. He already had a connection to Rey, and his loyalty to her was very apparent. "I want you to recommend six other soldiers to join the detail, and have their names on my desk by early morning rotation. Your new promotion will start once Rey leaves the med bay."

"Yes, sir."

Ren took a step closer, eyeing the soldier through the visor of the helmet. "Rey will try to tell you that she doesn't need anyone guarding her, because she can take care of herself. Whenever that happens, ignore her. I want you to follow her orders– just not the ones where she tries to get you to leave. Because ultimately, you follow what I tell you. Understood?"

The trooper was still, too still that it was obvious it was being forced. But Ren did nothing to alleviate the man's nerves. He always did believe that instilling a certain amount of fear into his subordinates helped in culminating a high level of reliability. "Of course, sir."

Ren let the trooper go into Rey's quarters, watching him till the door shut and cut him off from his view.

It was now technically the middle of the night on the Star Destroyer, causing the staff to be close to non-existent. As Ren passed a few of the rooms, his eyes caught hold of Chewie through a window, his big body lying on one of the standard medical beds.

He entered without a second thought.

Chewie watched through groggy eyelids as he came closer, and Ren stopped once he was close enough to inspect the Wookie's chest wound. There was a thin bacta patch covering it, but Ren could sense that it was nearly completely healed.

"You doing okay?" Ren asked, slightly skittish. He'd never been alone with Chewie like this, the last time being before he left for Skywalker's academy. So Ren wasn't sure how Chewie would react to his presence, wasn't sure–

Chewie grabbed his arm and pulled him down into one his famous, furry hugs. Ren tensed against the flagrant show of affection, not knowing what to do with his hands. But as the moments passed, so did the tension and awkwardness. He placed his palms on the Wookie's shoulders, closed his eyes, and breathed in Chewie's mucky scent.

It reminded him of better times.

Of a home long yearned for.

Chewie hugged him tighter. "Aaargh raarr." _I'm glad you're back, Ben._

Ren didn't know what to say. The deeper the emotion, the harder it was to express. So he resigned to staying quiet. As the silence pressed in, it flayed open his chest, stripping him bare and leaving him as he was at his core:

Content.

Finally.

 **Have I ever written Ren this nice? It's so rare that I do. lol. I know the wedding was so simple and not even remotely extravagant, but I felt like the way I did it fit with the characters in my story.**

 **While searching for some inspiration for the opening to Finn's marriage speech, I came across the perfect description for it. It was so good, I barely changed anything about it, but it is written by sallypilcher. So all credit goes to her!**

 **Two more chapters left my friends. Hopefully I can hunker down and get them done soon! As always, thank you for all your support and for reading the story!**


	51. Chapter 51

**Heeeeeelllllloooooo readers! It's been a while, I know. Main reason for that is I wanted to get the last two chapters done and post them together. Then chapter 51 got really long and I had to split it in half. So now, after this one, there are two chapters left. But I thought I should start posting them anyway, even if chapter 52 is only 70% done. Basically, I hope ya'll like drawn out endings. lol. I still have some ground to cover to tie everything up nicely, and I hate leaving loose ends.**

 **And to everyone who left a review, thank you so much. Even if it's only a few words, the encouragement helps keep me motivated. And boy, do I need encouragement right now. I need you all to pressure me to finish this story in an acceptable amount of time! I'm like half burned out, half nervous about how the ending will be received. It's not a bad ending in my opinion, but it's different from what I've seen in other Reylo stories.**

 **QwertyStrange: I know, I KNOW everyone was annoyed with Rey. And I get it. But I knew good things were coming for her, characterization wise. So I am so glad everyone who is still reading stayed with this story! I hope you see just how much she has grown up. caitykon: Thank you so much for the kind words! It makes me so happy to hear that this story has impacted a reader, because it has impacted me so much. I wish Lucasfilm used my story too. lol. And when Poe and Jess died, I was crying too. Just imagine having to edit that and continuing to get emotional every time. It was draining. You get excited all you want! Trust me, I love seeing people's enthusiasm. And I do plan on writing a Reylo AU after this. I'll be posting it here, and on AO3. Thanks for leaving a review! It helps me to keep going! sweetes forbiden candy apple: *hands over some tissues* I know, our babies are happy together and Snoke is dead! Yippee! MBellicose: Thanks! Well, If Rey does become pregnant, Ren will have to work on his emotions and accepting it. We shall see! Aleta Wolff: You got it right! Yeah for a wedding! Kimmycocopop: Rey is a strong fighter, but I didn't want her to go through fighting Snoke completely alone. Hence why I had those who had died visit her, to help give her an extra boost of energy. Operator Bleiss: Thanks! I hope you like the ending, and still love the story when all is finished. lilkathra: Me too! lol. Hope this chapter fulfills expectations. SheLitAFire: The connection Ben still has with Snoke will be answered in the very last chapter. Dun dun dun! And there was no way I could off BB-8. He too precious. :) candymushroom: I know long fics aren't for everyone, but I'm glad you like the length! Thanks for the review!**

 **So this chapter is more just a glimpse into Rey and Ben's life. But it is all leading up to something. If you find it boring, I'm sorry! And thank you to my amazing beta, SheLitAFire, for helping to edit this chapter! You catch the things I don't, and I appreciate it!**

Chapter Fifty-one

 _One year later…_

Rey's form appeared in the quarter she shared with Ben aboard the Finalizer, her legs taking long strides from one side of the main room to the other.

Pacing up and down as if she were determined to wear a thin trail in the metallic floor, Rey stared down at her brown boots. Eyes wide and watery, back and forth she went.

Rey never paced.

But she was frustrated. No, that wasn't quite right. She needed a stronger word than frustrated.

 _Fuming_.

Yes, that seemed more accurate since she was pretty sure she could wield fire from her fingertips with how ignited her blood felt.

How could that woman say those things to her?

 _In a small wooden hut, located in the outskirts of Akiva's major city amongst the thick foliage of the jungle, a young, dark skinned woman held her small daughter close to her chest, as if she could shield the child from the threat that sat across from them. "You want to take my daughter from me?" the woman questioned hotly through her thick accent._

 _Rey's insides grew unpleasantly warm and her stomach, though completely empty, writhed as if it were struggling against a rich meal. "No, you'd be able to see and speak to her anytime you want. I'm reforming the Jedi Order to be more open–"_

" _And why should I believe you? You are the Empress of the Galactic Order–"_

" _I'm not an Empress," Rey contested quickly, her hands clenched into fists atop her thighs._

 _She was really getting sick and tired of being called that._

" _But you are married to the Supreme Ruler, no?" Rey let the silence answer for her. The woman sneered. "You are his Queen, and you may think you're fooling us, but you aren't. You may have renamed that abominable organization the Galactic Order, but your goal is still the same: domination. You're trying to build up your own personal army of Force users so you can enslave those who do not follow you."_

" _Enslave you? Ben abolished slavery!" Rey was too taken aback to stop herself from using her husband's birth name. But what did it matter anymore? "He's trying to help you–"_

" _Lies," the woman screamed, causing her child to whimper. "You want us to believe you are good people? Kylo Ren was Snoke's personal enforcer, seeking out and killing Force users throughout the galaxy. He destroyed the Hosnian system–"_

" _That was Hux."_

"– _and he razed his own uncle's academy, leaving the bodies of the students behind. Not to mention he killed his own father. We know his history, and you want us to entrust our children to him? The Jedi Killer is a monster. The Skywalkers are a curse. "_

" _He won't be running the new academy, I'll–"_

" _Or is it you who's truly the evil one?" the woman accused. Rey's mouth clamped shut as she flinched back, but the woman ignored Rey's reaction and continued to harangue her. "Maybe you manipulate him through letting him into your bed. Maybe all you are is just a_ drudeg _who got a glimpse of power and went for it."_

 _Rey wasn't sure of her facial expression. It was hard to focus on anything but the ringing in her ears._

 _The mother huffed, looking at Rey as if she were vermin. "Get out, and don't come back here."_

Rey had taken two steps out the door before vanishing back to the Finalizer.

And that woman– what had she called her? A drudeg. What the hell did that even mean?

She went to the bedroom and grabbed a datapad from the side table, searching for the term on the HoloNet.

 _A venal or unscrupulous person; a woman who engages in sexual acts for money or station; a promiscuous or immoral woman: equivalent to the slang word "whore" used in Basic._

Rey's mouth hung open. The woman had called her a whore… as if she were using sex to get what she wanted from Ben. Is this what the galaxy truly thought of her?

The operating panel near the entrance pinged and Rey jumped from the sound, snapping back to reality. She was flustered, as if she'd been caught in a personal moment of secrecy. But no one could see her, and she could sense that Ben was too enthralled with whatever he was doing to pick up on her emotions.

Rey left the bedroom and crossed the common area to the wall panel near the door. She cleared her throat as she pressed the button for the intercom. "I'm back," she announced with no amount of flare.

"Do you need anything?" JM asked, the head of her security detail she neither asked for, nor wanted.

"No. I just want to be left alone for a little while."

"Of course, M'Lady. I'll let the Supreme Ruler know you're safe."

Rey pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. They were her security team, but at the end of the day, she knew Ben had complete control over them– evidenced from how they refused to leave her when she ordered them to do so.

Rey remembered when Ben told her about the extra protection, as she was getting ready to leave the med bay. She hadn't been happy about it, but Ben insisted.

Those first few weeks were a learning curve for them all.

Rey could pop in and out whenever she wanted, go anywhere in the galaxy at the drop of a thought. If she'd been there before, it was as easy as taking a breath to get back. Unknown places were more difficult, but it was doable after extensive concentration.

Either way, her guards couldn't come with her. The Force bond only allowed her to take Ben if she wanted to. This infuriated him since he couldn't always accompany her due to his duties of running the galaxy, and he was yet to figure out how to teleport on his own.

They fought about her safety for a good few weeks, neither adhering to what the other wanted. But once she felt the worry that was fueling his anger, Rey offered to compromise. So the rules were laid out to her as followed:

One: She couldn't teleport anywhere without letting him and her team know first.

Two: When she came back to the Finalizer, she always had to reappear in their room. This was because her security would always be outside the door, unless they were accompanying her somewhere on board.

And her personal favorite, three: She must tell Ben and the others of her return.

Obviously, Rey wasn't very good at the last part. She'd spent the first fifteen years of her life never having to announce her return home to anyone. So to fix said problem, Ben had the door panel set up to beep at the start of every hour, as a way to remind her of rule number three. She'd turn it off, but somehow it always came back on. She suspected that Ben could control it remotely from wherever he was.

But, if she really thought about it, the stipulations weren't the worst things in the Universe. Ben could've attempted to ban her from teleporting all together, but he didn't. If Rey told him everything that had happened to her while searching for Force sensitives, she had no doubt he would've tried. He knew how they all cursed at her and told her to leave, but she never told him the instances where people had actually gotten physical.

There was that one woman who slapped her when Rey had offered her a place at the academy, and then the father who had shoved her so hard into the wall she struggled to breathe for a good two hours after. Rey had chosen not to tell Ben about either of those altercations, because one, she'd been embarrassed that two civilians had caught her off guard.

And two, she was afraid of what Ben might do to them. When he threw punches, his goal was to go beyond just knocking out teeth.

But she had a feeling that her days of searching for students was going to be put on hold after what Harter told her at her monthly check-up this morning. The news wasn't necessarily surprising; Rey knew it was only a matter of time before it happened. But still, relief flooded her and caused the emotional dam to break from her tear ducts.

Harter rejoiced and celebrated with her, but cautioned that even though her blood work was normal and she wasn't experiencing any cramping, things could change quickly.

Rey asked Harter to keep her predicament a secret. She wanted to tell Ben tonight, after the ring ceremony was over. She knew him well enough to know how he would react to such news, and she didn't want him acting weird at the celebration.

He'll need time to process the idea of change.

Then there was the problem of what had happened when she was in that place with all the portals.

A grown-up Anna had alluded to the possibility that Jacen had never met his father before that day. Rey hadn't told Ben about that. She still wasn't sure if she should. He didn't even know that Anna, Lizari's daughter, had been there. Not once had Ben pressed her for more details about her time in that place, still so convinced that it was all just an illusion of Snoke's making.

Now she had substantial proof that it wasn't.

Which was good, because she was finally expanding her family… but it was also troubling. Was Ben's mortality on a countdown she couldn't control? There'd already been three assassination attempts over the last year, each one getting closer than the last. What if–

 _No._

Nothing was going to happen to Ben. It was all going to work out. Maybe she just misinterpreted what Anna had said. That happens. Maybe Ben was so busy with being Supreme Ruler that he didn't have time for their son.

Rey shuddered.

That theory didn't sit well with her. It reminded her too much of Leia and Ben's relationship growing up, and look how _that_ turned out.

After the appointment, Rey had considered not going to Akiva. It wasn't just her safety she had to take into account anymore. But her drive to find just one student to teach drove her to go anyway. While nothing physically happened to her, mentally, she was worn down.

Her vision started to cloud as she rested her forehead against the cool wall. When she pinched her eyes closed, a tear escaped down the curvature of her lips, settling in the line of her mouth. The morning had sent her through a whirlwind of contrasting emotions, rocketing her to the highest of highs, and strangling her into the lowest of lows, the likes of which she hadn't experienced in quite a while.

What was she going to do about the Jedi Order? Luke and Rey had agreed for him not to come with her to meet the families anymore. Too many of them were either extremely intimidated by his presence, or they cursed his whole family. There was no in-between.

So asking him for help was a no-go.

But everyone knew to whom she was married, so it wasn't like her presence was any better.

She silently cursed, feeling so alone in her predicament. How was she to have a baby through all this?

Through the swirl of sickening fears came Ben's voice, confused and light. "Rey?"

She spun around to see Ben standing in the middle of the living room, his eyes briefly taking in his surroundings. His bare chest and hair glistened with sweat, his muscles taut and bulky and so perfectly sculpted, she should've been embarrassed with how her eyes ate him up.

In his right hand, he disengaged his saber, the red glow going with it. He'd been training and she interrupted him.

She ensconced the news Harter had told her deep behind her mental defenses.

Rey swiped at her face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to summon you here. I was just…" _feeling incredibly depressed and missed you and wanted to see you and was thinking maybe if you held me, I'd feel better._

Ben's expression softened into something tender as he set the hilt on the sofa and went to embrace her. She melted into him, she couldn't help it. And while most would've been repulsed by his slick skin and musky scent, she rather liked it. "You heard that?" she asked, embarrassment pinking her cheeks.

"Not so much as heard, but rather felt it." They stayed entwined for a few moments before he pulled back, hands moving to her biceps. They were still rather close as Rey looked up at him, stray hairs lying across his forehead and cheeks like a second skin. "I take it visiting Akiva didn't go well."

She chuckled humorlessly. "That obvious?"

He caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers. "What did they say to you this time?"

"Nothing I haven't heard before," she said offhandedly.

But while she might technically be more powerful in the Force than Ben, his natural talent of picking up thoughts worked in his favor. To her detriment, she didn't hide it all that well. "You were called a whore?" he exclaimed before his eyes darkened and his grip tightened on her arms. "What's the name of this village again?"

Her heart seemed to be beating in her throat. "Ben, seriously, don't get upset over this."

"Don't do that; don't try and act like this is nothing." He turned away and walked back to the sofa. Hands on his hips, he hung his head, trying to gain some control over his anger. "This is what I mean whenever I tell you that people are basically just monsters hiding behind the thin veneer of societal standards and tendentious insults," he said tightly.

"That's your pessimism talking."

"No, that's me being realistic."

She sighed, long and heavy. When she went to him, she placed her hand on his arm, most of her frustration subsiding as she envisioned herself in that woman's shoes. "Look, that woman was just a concerned mother who knew what happened to the last academy." Rey pulled at him, but Ben still wouldn't look at her. "She believes she's protecting her daughter from being sent off to her death. We can't blame her for being worried and untrusting, like the rest of them."

Ben twisted around and sat on the sofa, letting out a defeated exhale. "I just…. Maybe getting married was a bad idea," he murmured.

Rey's voice tweaked up an octave "Excuse me? You did not just say that."

He ran a quick hand through his hair as he tried to articulate his meaning. "I only meant that by marrying me, it's made it impossible for you to find even one person to teach. And it's because the whole galaxy knows my story; they all know what I've done."

Anger was replaced with sympathy as Rey knelt on the floor, positioning herself between his legs. "They know what you've done, but they don't have the context behind it."

Ben shook his head. "Doesn't matter. As long as you're associated with me, you'll never re-establish the Jedi. Ever."

Palming his thighs, she listed closer. "Then I don't."

He straightened his posture, narrowing his gaze as he looked down at her. "You'd give that up?"

She shrugged. "Can't give up something I've never had."

Yes, admitting that she was somewhat of a failure stung her pride. But at least she tried to re-establish the Jedi. If she hadn't made the attempt, she'd always wonder what the outcome would've been.

And honestly, she was tired. In the very least, she needed a break.

"You could have it," he said softly, "if you weren't married to me."

"Is this your way of saying you don't want to be my husband anymore?" Rey had meant it as a joke to lighten the mood.

Ben didn't interpret it that way. "No. Not at all. Being with you is the best thing about my life. I'm just… I'm waiting for you to regret being with me. This is your dream, Rey, and it's my fault it won't happen."

Her heart sank. Rey didn't like when Ben started acting like this, like he was worthless. Like all the blame was for him to bear. "You're my dream, Ben," she whispered ardently. "Bringing back the Jedi would just be a bonus. But my life with you, that's what I truly want. Nothing will change that."

That static between them returned, the kind that was always there when they got lost in the eyes of the other. It never mattered how near or far apart they were, they could always feel that pull that brought them closer. Something in their souls matched, making that attraction run deep.

Their relationship didn't do superficial, it never had.

Rey embraced him; both going still, reveling in the feel of the other.

Ben's stomach growled.

They both laughed, the mood easing into something light. They went over to the small kitchen on the other side of the room. Most of their meals were delivered to them, but Rey had been taking up cooking as a side hobby and needed a place to practice. Being down in the kitchens had made too many of the cooks nervous. So Ben had one added onto their quarters, which also became the place where Rey stashed rations and snacks and any food she brought back with her from the city markets she traveled to.

Ben had told her that she didn't need to hoard food anymore; that everything she ever needed would be provided for her. But old habits die hard... or remained immortalized. She still hid sweet energy cubs and packets of vegmeat under her clothes in the dresser.

As time went on, Ben stopped reminding her that food was now a single comm away. Probably because he was getting rather used to having snacks on hand whenever he got back to their quarters. In a sense, it made Rey happy knowing he was eating the food she provided. Like she was taking care of him for a change.

She took a seat on one of the bar stools at the narrow kitchen island, watching as he rifled through the unorganized chill box on the other side. Her pyro flower was situated in the middle of the countertop under the hanging lights. It was strange that the little plant was still going strong, the vibrant crimson of the petals never seeming to dull. Pyro flowers lasted an average of nine months, but this one appeared to be defying the odds somehow.

Rey rested her arms on the duracrete top, her finger tapping at a frantic rhythm, he leg bouncing up and down. "Hey," she started off, voice uneasy. "So… while I was away, I tried getting back to that meadow again."

"Yeah?" Ben inquired as he turned around, dumping an arms load of sustenance between them. "I thought you gave up on that?" He went to a cabinet and pulled out a brown container.

"I did, but I just wanted to see if anything had changed." She studied his demeanor, but he was giving nothing substantial away. She knew whenever she brought this up to him, he would tense and become frustrated. He never could understand why she wanted to find those places again, and was worried for her safety if she did.

At least, that's what she assumed. He would never really engage in this conversation with her.

Ben set the container next to the pile, pulling out a choc bar. "And?" He unwrapped the sugary substance and took a huge bite.

Rey blinked in surprise, but quickly recovered. If Ben was engaging with her about the subject, she wasn't about to question it. "Nothing happened." She decided to take it one step further and air her annoyance. "I just don't understand. Places I've visited are easier to get to and require little to no effort on my part, but for some reason, I can't get back there."

He made quick work of the dessert. "What about the place with all the portals?"

Rey's heart nearly stopped. Was this a dream? Was Ben a clone? Was he ill? Was _she_ ill and somehow imagining all of this?

"No luck with that either," she replied through a tight throat.

Ben halved a loaf of cushnip, some of the baked veggies and cheese stuffed inside falling onto the counter. Rey snatched the other half, not caring that it was still cold. They ate in relative silence, Ben quite used to Rey's ravenous appetite by now. He just didn't know she was hungry for different reasons.

"Maybe," Ben began to say in-between chewing, "the reason you can't get there is because dimensional travel is more complicated than you thought."

Rey gulped down a canteen of water and wiped at her mouth. "Then why could I go there before?"

"The Force probably willed it. You had the power to teleport, and the Force used your ability to allow you to hop between dimensions."

"Yeah… maybe…" She nibbled on a choc bar, contemplating his theory. "But have you ever wondered what that place is exactly? The one with the meadow?"

Ben's torso tensed. "No."

"Really?" Rey questioned, eyeing him as he put some of the snacks back in the fridge. "I mean, if the Force willed Snoke and me to fight there, and for him to die there, then it must be important. Don't you think?"

"You give the Force too much credit."

"But you're the one who just said that I only got there because of the Force."

Ben was still for a moment before he rounded the island and came to her. Rey watched him suspiciously, noticing that he was trying to hide his frustration. But then he leaned forward, his nose tickling her ear. She let out a tiny gasp and squirmed as he handled her intimately, his lips grazing her neck. Her face heated. She drew back, meeting his gaze, confused. His dark eyes twinkled, his distraction working.

"How about we try to solve this riddle later?" He kissed the tip of her nose before withdrawing his warmth and strutting over to their bedroom. Rey almost whimpered. "There's something I've been wanting to show you," he added over his shoulder.

"Show me?" Rey hopped off the stool and followed close at his heels, her arousal simmering under the surface. "On the Finalizer? What is it?"

"It's a surprise."

Her stomach churned. "I hate surprises."

Ben entered the refresher, initiating the shower. Toe to heel, he peeled off his boots, discarding them in the corner. "You'll love this one," he said with irritating confidence.

She stayed in the doorway, crossing her arms and narrowing her gaze. "Is there a reason for this 'surprise'?"

He bent over to take off his trousers, eyeing her through his wavy hair. "You could say it's a belated birthday present."

She swallowed, feeling her skin flush. Ben was completely naked as he stepped inside the shower and submerged himself under the scalding spray. Even through the churning steam, she could see every curve of muscle perfectly through the glass. "My birthday was months ago," Rey pointed out, though her voice cracked toward the end.

"Hence the belated part," his voice rang off the sleek shower walls. "But if that won't do, then it's a gift to go along with the ring ceremony tonight."

Ben lathered his body as he watched her, noticing how her entire form tightened. "It's going to be okay," he promised. But his assurance wasn't helping to calm Rey's rattling nerves. "My mother said all we need to do is show up. She has everything organized; we don't have to worry about a thing."

Twisting her fingers, Rey glanced over at the sink. "I just don't want to be the center of attention for a bunch of people I don't even know."

"Trust me, it could've been worse if I hadn't gotten ahold of the guest list and slashed it in half." Rey opened her mouth to offer a solution, but Ben talked right over her as he rinsed his body free of the suds. "And if I postpone this ceremony one more time, my mother's rage will literally find a way to kill me."

She huffed. Ben knew her too well.

But while she was going to offer up the postponement as a temporary solution, she wouldn't have actually gone through with it. Not when she was planning on telling Ben some hefty news after the ceremony and reception were over. And somewhere in there, she would need to find a moment to also give him his gift, the one she's been hiding from him over the past week. The one that has taken her a year to track down and find.

 _Don't think about it; don't think about it; don't think about it._

"Hey, it'll be okay." He mistook her trying to hide her thoughts as being nervous about the party. Which, now, she was. Again. "Just keep your eyes on me. No one else matters."

Rey's shoulders dropped. "I guess we do owe this to Leia, don't we?"

Squeezing out a big glob of shampoo onto his palm, he started to soap up his dampened hair. "We do. Indulge her, just for tonight at least."

"I will, because I love her." She neared the shower entrance. "And you."

"You going to get ready?"

She arched a brow, looking down at her worn down sleeveless tunic and trousers. "Do I need to look more presentable than this?"

He gave her a knowing smile, and Rey was reminded yet again why she hated surprises. She didn't like being out of the loop. "I would advise it."

Rey gave in, putting on a fake show of reluctance.

The shower was two minutes of her cleaning herself and thirty minutes of bonus activities. They would've been in the shower longer if Ben hadn't reminded her they needed to leave soon. He rarely ever cut their intimate time together short, so naturally, Rye became increasingly anxious as to what was going on.

Dressed in her usual capris, shirt, and vest, with her hair in her preferred half-up style, Ben and her exited their quarters.

JM and another one of her guards nodded, preparing to follow them wherever they went. But it was the woman leaning against the wall, just opposite of their chambers, which caught Rey's attention. "Caliiya. Hey. Did you need to speak to Ben, or…"

Caliiya pushed off from the matte partition and straightened her black uniform, grinning at Rey. "Actually, I'm here to accompany you."

Ben wasn't as enthusiastic by her presence. "How did you even know we were going to head over there?"

"As your personal aid, I like to stay informed about everything that is happening aboard the ship." Rey had to suppress a giggle when she noticed the way Ben rolled his eyes.

In the beginning, after everything with Snoke had come to a head, Caliiya hadn't started in such a close position to the new Supreme Ruler.

It all began with a small job Ben needed someone to do, and Caliiya volunteered. From there, the responsibilities piled on until one day, Caliiya demanded an actual title for all the work she was doing. Ransolm was the one to suggest having her be Ben's closest aid. Reluctantly, he had accepted.

Turned out, Caliiya was the most detail oriented and organized person Ben had ever known. And naturally, Ben had made Rey swear to never repeat those words to anyone– especially Finn, since he and Caliiya were officially together.

But even with the smirks and scoffs and occasional harsh words, Rey knew… she just knew those two had actually become friends.

Placing his hand on Rey's lower back, Ben guided Rey through the hallways. "You're turning out to be way better at this job than I thought you would be," Ben grumbled.

"Why, thank you," Caliiya said with pride, striding next to them. "And besides, I wasn't going to allow you to take all the credit for what I did. Without me, this gift would only be half complete."

"Humility was never one of your strong suits."

"It's not yours either."

The banter stayed alive the whole journey through the Finalizer till they came upon their destination. Then, they both became silent, Caliiya stopping mid-sentence. A double pair of blast doors stood in their path.

The entrance opened, and Rey was instantly hit with warmth and fresh fragrances and lots and lots of green and color. Entranced, her legs mindlessly guided her inside, her boots staying on a winding path that was lined with grey stone. The further she went, the more it felt like she was on an actual planet.

The path brought her up a small hill, allowing her an unobstructed view of the expansive surroundings. Groves of Asuka trees blanketed the landscape, the fat, broad leaves and crinkly blue blossoms twisting around the branches. At the center there was a pond as large as a small lake with flowering lily pads and a wooden bridge that crossed from one side to the other. So many different types of flowers were causing a riot of color, each hue catching her eye one after another, the sight over stimulating her shocked brain.

When she looked up, Rey saw the vacuum of space through the panes of transparisteel, and even though the whole area was lit up to mimic daytime, some stars had enough strength to still shine through.

It was a piece of paradise, tucked away inside a war ship.

Rey had been so absorbed by it all, that she had completely forgotten about Ben and Caliiya. As if on cue, Ben came to stand next to her, looking over the wondrous garden. "Ben, this is…." Rey couldn't find the words. "Beautiful doesn't even begin to describe it."

"You like it?"

"Like it? I love it. Like, it's… just… wow."

"Well, it's yours."

She pivoted to face him, heart hammering. "You had this built for me?"

He grinned and brushed a strand of her hair back. "I know you can go anywhere in the galaxy and see something like this, but I still felt like you should have your own personal space whenever you're aboard the ship."

Rey was lightheaded as she went back to scanning the garden. Her gift. "I can't believe you did this for me."

"You should know by now that I'd do anything for you. And, technically, while it was my idea, I did hire someone to do all of this. A friend of yours, actually. Goes by the name Garov."

Ben explained how over the last six months, he had commissioned the Bimm to create this specifically for her, smuggling him on board right under Rey's nose. This explained all those times Rey had gone to visit him on Spira and rarely found him at his personal greenhouse.

"There's one last thing I want to show you," he added, a certain strain of nerves plaguing his voice.

He guided her down the hill, taking a few different turns along the winding pathways. Rey was going to need a map to get through all of this, lest she'll get lost. But getting turned around in this piece of paradise wasn't the worst idea. It truly was a lovely place.

She paused as they crossed a group of workers setting up rows of chairs, all facing a small platform that was tucked beneath a thicket of trees. Thin vines hung down from the branches, turning in their random ways against the soft artificial breeze.

"Is this where the ceremony is going to be?" Rey asked, becoming giddy. Ben nodded, and Rey couldn't suppress the childish squeal that left her lips. He chuckled at her excitement before leading her further into what now felt like a jungle.

If she had to do this ceremony in front of a large group of people, at least it will be here, in her own space of beauty.

Ben suddenly stopped, Caliiya now closing the distance she had kept when she'd been following from behind. Soniee came into view as she stepped out from a thicket of unruly bushes. This must've been the next surprise Ben had planned. Though, Rey knew Soniee would be at the ceremony tonight, so it really wasn't a shock to see her a few hours early.

Rey ambled forward to greet the woman.

A man followed her grandmother, older and wrinkled, with pale skin and steely blue eyes.

Rey froze.

For being aged, the man still had a full head of hair, though the pure white color suggested that he'd once been blonde in his younger years. His clothes were nothing extraordinary, just the usual brown leather jacket, shirt, and trousers most travelers wore around the galaxy.

But… she knew this man, from one soul to another.

Ben was watching Rey's reaction closely. "Rey, this is Korkie Kryze." Her eyes slowly grew wide, and she momentarily forgot how to breathe. "As Caliiya said, while I'm tempted to take all the credit for this, it was really her who found him."

Rey swung around, looking at Finn's partner.

"After you set me on the right track," Caliiya added with a smile. Rey basically threw herself at the woman as she hugged her, and Caliiya warmly reciprocated the gesture.

"Thank you," Rey choked out, trying not to cry. She took a step back, glancing between Caliiya and Ben. "Both of you."

Ben nodded and motioned for Caliiya to follow him out of the garden. "I'll leave you two to get acquainted."

"Ben," she called out. He glanced over his shoulder, her gratitude for what he had done beaming through her face. He nodded at her before continuing and disappearing beyond the bend.

Wiping her palms on her trousers, Rey slowly walked over to the man. Korkie adjusted his weight from one leg to the other, both of them not sure what they should say or do. Rey started to shake, her toes and fingers tingling.

"You look so much like your mother," Korkie whispered. He blinked rapidly, but the tears he'd been trying to stop fell anyway. He offered her his hand in greeting, and she saw that he was trembling just as much as she was.

What was the protocol for meeting your grandfather for the first time?

Rey did the only thing she could think of: she wrapped her arms around his middle and rested her head against his chest. Korkie tensed, not expecting her to be so open to someone that was a virtual stranger. But as the seconds passed, he patted her back and rested his temple atop her head. Rey put her hand out to Soniee, including the woman in the moment by pulling her in.

Rey would've survived if she never had the opportunity to meet this man, having long ago accepted that it might not happen. But having Korkie here now, it was like a vital ingredient of her life had been missing. The Force had known he was out there, somewhere, tugging at the back of her mind to find him.

Turned out, the family Rey had chosen for herself had found Korkie in the end.

And she sensed that in the years to come, she would need him just as much as he would need her.

()()()()()

The sweet smell of flowers cut through the soft scent of the recently clipped grass, the string of lights that surrounded the large reception having been dimmed as the time had grown late, giving the artificial feel of an impending night. There was an organization to the round tables that circled the area, but only half the guests were lounging in their chairs. The other half was busy socializing on the square platform situated in the middle.

There was a certain tension in the air, evidenced by how no one on the dance floor even remotely tried to move once the music shifted to something more upbeat.

Ren could tell his mother was getting annoyed, her efforts of going around and trying to loosen up the guests failing. Even with Rey in tow, her bright smile and infectious laugh did little to assuage their anxiety.

Ren picked up some of their thoughts. One person actually believed this to all be a sham, that the guests were being round up just to be slaughtered for their shortcomings at serving the Supreme Ruler.

It wasn't until Ren excused himself from the table designated to the bride and groom that he sensed their emotions uncoil. They all relaxed the instant he was out of sight.

A short walk through the garden led him to an exit, which opened up into a long hallway. Private refreshers lined one side, and Ren passed the first two doors till he found one to be unoccupied.

He lingered in the refresher longer than necessary, looking at his reflection above the marble sink.

Sometimes, when he thought about everything that had brought him to this exact moment in his life, he needed to take a while to just breathe. Not just to reflect, but to also calm his anxiety. All good things came to an end, and the particular joyous streak he'd been on over the last year was something he'd come to covet.

So when would the finale be upon him?

It was one of the reasons why he didn't like to talk about Rey's time fighting Snoke. It hadn't taken Ren long to realize where that meadow was, and who was trapped in the confines of its power. The fact that Rey had been brought there didn't mean anything good.

His nerves frayed swiftly. In the months that he's lived with this building unease, he constructed elaborate rationalizations as to why everything would work out for him. Through it all, that nagging voice in the back of his mind persisted, speaking of something yet to come.

Not doom.

But destiny.

It was all rather perplexing. He was living his destiny right now, at this very second. This is where he was meant to be.

His soul told him he was wrong.

He shifted his thoughts to Rey, the one thing that could moor his runaway feelings. Thinking of her gave him the intended effect: it calmed his frantic heart, gave his mind a pleasurable distraction.

The corner of his lip twitched upward as he remembered the events of the evening. Rey had been radiant in his grandmother's wedding dress, the one she wore at the secret ceremony between her and Anakin. It had been altered slightly to accommodate her broad shoulders and height, his mother surprisingly calm over the precious dress needing to be taken apart.

His gut warmed as he relived the moment Rey appeared at the end of the walkway, her arm interlocked with Korkie's as her grandfather guided her down the aisle. Everyone paid attention to her beauty. With her head held high, Rey walked on with an effortless saunter. When her eye's met his, she smiled, and it was like the stars themselves had decided to rest in the soft curve of her lips.

She was gorgeous. Angelic. Celestial.

His wife.

Everything else about the short ceremony was honestly a blur. The officiant gave a monologue about commitment and love and other things that had to do with marriage.

Ren preferred Finn's short opener on the Falcon more.

Then the rings were exchanged and he found himself at the reception venue nearby, sitting on a raised stage at a table overlooking the guests. Rey and Ren were expected to dance together to open the event, and he was amused how Rey tried to bury her head in his shoulder to hide how nervous she was. But he didn't mind holding her close, swaying softly to the mellifluous music that offered them a gentle rhythm.

When the song had finished, Korkie had asked for the next dance, to which Rey immediately accepted. Leia then pounced at the opportunity to dance with her son, the whole time beaming at him while wiping away stray tears. Harter and Lizari danced with him next, while Finn and Luke took turns partnering with Rey.

Once there was no more pairings, Korkie and Leia had gone about occupying the majority of Rey's time. But instead of being jealous, Ren had been content with sitting at the table and just observing the scene before him.

So far, the evening had actually been bearable.

He stepped out of the refresher, his attention falling on the man waiting just outside the door. Ren almost walked into him, and as he gave his apologies, something in the way the man stared at Ren made him stop.

He knew that face; he'd seen it in the echo of someone he'd once been close to.

The older man smirked. "Supreme Ruler Kylo Ren," he said in a deep, mocking voice, bowing his head slightly, even though it was clear it hurt his pride to do so.

The strong jaw, hint of stubble, dark hair, and that stubborn glint behind hard brown eyes, it reminded Ren too much of– "You're Poe's father."

Kess Dameron's eyes popped slightly in surprise. "I didn't think the Leader of the galaxy would know such a lowly civilian such as myself."

All the moisture in Ren's mouth disappeared. "I don't. I knew your son." Pause. "But you already knew that."

"Yes, I did. You outlined as much in the letter you sent me."

Reflexively, Ren ran a hand through his coifed hair. "I would've preferred to talk to you in person, but since you refused to meet with me, the only option left was to send you a message."

"On actual paper, written in ink. Quite old fashioned."

"I have a certain preference for the old ways."

"And yet you're so young." Kess didn't add anything else, his gaze remaining on Ren in such a way that he didn't know if the man wanted to kill him, or he was just bored by the conversation.

Ren chewed at the inside of his cheek. "I take it you read the letter, then?"

Kess tersely nodded. "To be honest, when I saw it, I very nearly threw it in the fireplace. You're a mass-murdering terrorist; what could you possibly tell me about my son that I don't already know? And why would I ever want to read anything written by a man who killed his own father, an old friend of mine?" Ren's fists tightened and his jaw clenched, but he kept quiet. This clearly confused Kess. "You're not going to defend yourself?"

Oh, Ren wanted to. He wanted to make this man see that he wasn't that kind of person anymore, the one who killed without moral imperative and who followed orders blindly. The thing was, Ren couldn't defend himself against the accusations, because there was no excuse in the Universe that could absolve him of his sins. "They're valid points. But you're flagrant disrespect towards me is getting close to being a problem."

"Disrespect is a lesser offense than murder," Kess deadpanned.

A muscle twitched involuntarily at the corner of Ren's eye, his mouth forming in a rigid grimace. He reminded himself that this was Poe's father.

Kess glanced around, clearing his throat. Ren sensed that Kess was embarrassed by his small outburst. "Look," the man said in a more accepting tone, "I didn't read the letter till a few days ago, which is why I'm here now. I initially declined the invitation Leia had sent me, but changed my mind after reading what you wrote."

The man rubbed at his chin, beginning to feel uncomfortable. Not from Ren's presence, but from what he needed to say. "I don't like you. You've done horrible things to get where you are. But I had to come here and thank you for writing to me about the last moments of Poe's life." Kess' voice cracked, and he had to take a moment to clear it. "It crossed my mind that you could be making the whole thing up, but why would you? You gain nothing from lying to me."

"Every word I wrote was the truth."

Kess hesitated. "Even… about Poe seeing his mother?"

"I'm not sure what he saw," Ren clarified, even though it was all in the letter. "All I know is that he went silent over the comm, and Rey and I thought we lost the connection with him. But then he muttered 'mom' before…"

Kess nodded gravely. "She was there, with him. I know she was."

And it was the strangest thing… Ren believed that Poe's mother had been there as well. "Have you visited Jakku?" Ren asked.

Kess shook his head. "But… I will. Soon, I think. After I meet Jessika's parents."

"We named Jakku's sea after her," Ren found himself explaining, for some reason. "She was with Poe, at the end. He… he loved her."

Kess shifted his eyes to the floor between them, trying to hide his grief. Ren stepped forward, not enough to get in the man's personal space, but enough to where if he lowered his voice, Kess could still hear him over the procession going on outside. "If there's ever anything you need–"

"I don't need your credits," Kess snapped at him, fire returning to his glare, the solemn moment of shared loss now gone.

"I'm not just talking about that." Though, Ren would've offered credits if he was certain Kess would take it. "I know you have a military background, and I've been trying to put together a council to help advise me on issues throughout the galaxy."

Kess's brows popped into his hairline. "You're offering me a job?"

Ren shrugged. "If you want it."

"You know there's a rebellion forming against you."

"Are you planning on joining?"

"I was contemplating it."

Well, Ben could at least respect the guy's honesty. "They don't have the numbers, and their ability to recruit is getting harder the more systems benefit from the policies I've set in place. The economy is out of a recession, inflation has gone down, and slavery of all kinds has been outlawed."

Kess took a moment to mull over Ren's words. "I've even heard you want to reform the labor laws so employers can no longer abuse those they employ."

"It's in the works."

A group of drunk patrons floundered down the hall, too engrossed with whatever joke was being said to notice the Ruler of the galaxy talking to a man in the middle of the corridor. Ren and Kess watched the group laughing and stumbling, trying to hold on to the person beside them for support. Eventually, they all made their way into a single stall, their raucous behavior being heard from out in the hallway.

With no more distractions, Kess went back to observing Ren, eventually letting out a heavy sigh. "Maybe you really are trying to make the galaxy better, and maybe it will even prosper under your leadership. But what happens when you're gone? That's the problem with Empires: not all leaders are actually good people. The one after you might actually enjoy watching the galaxy burn."

Ren blinked, not sure how to respond.

"I'll think about the job," Kess added, appearing indifferent. But Ren could sense that the man would actually give the proposition some serious thought.

Ren put out his hand, trying to offer a sign of good will. "You can contact Leia with your answer."

Kess eyed the gesture. "Enjoy the rest of your reception, Supreme Ruler." The man turned and walked away, leaving Ren's hand hovering in the air.

Well… he figured that confrontation could've gone a lot worse.

Ren let out a slow controlled breath and attempted to loosen his limbs. He walked back to the reception like a woundup trooper, trying to wiggle his shoulders and roll his neck of the tension. It was a decent effort, but didn't completely work. In a world where opponents watched for any small thing to use against you, he knew he needed to appear like a walking advert of strength and control.

But he wasn't.

When Ren made it back to the reception, the room was now buzzing with boisterous chatter and laughter, the atmosphere having let up from him absence. His eyes moved with the alertness that came from a lifetime of paranoia and heavy stress.

A few guests noticed him immediately, their backs straightening and their mouths pouring out a string of trepid words of congratulations before scurrying away. A server came up to him, offering a drink from a tray. Ren waved him off, and the young man was relieved to have been dismissed.

"Is the champagne not up to your standards?" Ren turned toward the voice, seeing Ransolm walking up to him. "It is Daruvvian, after all. The finest in the galaxy. "The man was dressed impeccably well, his rich blue suit tailored to his body like a piece of art.

Ren noticed how the women here would ogle at the man.

Ransolm brought his glass of champagne up to his lips, a smile forming against the rim.

"I don't drink alcohol," Ren dryly stated.

"Oh? Are you not a fan of loosening up every once in a while?"

"Drinking tends to bring me bad luck."

"How so?"

"Last time I got drunk, Carise went about torturing my mother right in front of me."

Casterfo choked halfway through taking a sip of the champagne, bringing his hand up to wipe away the excess as he coughed. "Well," he cleared his throat, looking like he regretted having started this conversation. "That would put me off drinking as well, I suppose."

The men stood side by side and observed the room, Casterfo taking another long swig of his drink as he wondered how to get away from Ren without it looking awkward.

Ren didn't give the man the chance. "Casterfo?" He glanced at Ren. "If I were to die, who would take my place?"

Casterfo frowned. "I suppose that is entirely up to you. You can choose a successor, or put something else in place to have a new Emperor chosen. There are multiple routes you could take with deciding."

"Give me an outline of all the different options by the end of the week."

The shock registered on Casterfo's face before he could hide it. "Sorry? You… you want me to actually help you? With something?"

"You're on the council, are you not?"

Casterfo floundered as he searched for the right words. "Yes, but I thought that was to appease Leia. You never actually give me anything to do, nor do you listen to my opinions."

Ren waved his hand through the air, conveying false confidence about his quick decision to choose Casterfo for this task. "Well, I'm giving you something to do now. Or have the years spent in prison rendered you incapable of problem solving and performing basic research?"

Casterfo was affronted by the clear jab at his intelligence, but he still had the wherewithal to agree to the assignment before leaving Ren alone, forgoing a farewell.

Mulling over his thoughts, a strange feeling came over Ren. The closest word he could find to describe it was inevitability. The task given to Casterfo might be more important that Ren initially thought it would be. Watching the patrons dance, his mind cranked along the various variables of why that seemed to be so.

When his mental calculator kept showing him zeroes, he decided to leave the problem for tomorrow. Or the day after. Or the day after that. Honestly, he didn't want to think about it, which is why he gave the problem to Casterfo.

He caught eyes with Garreaus at one of the tables, the burly man waving over for Ren to join them. He made his way through the traffic and the frenetic movement of people, joining the few individuals he was actually comfortable being around. It helped that Garreaus and Terr were stationed on the Finalizer, and that the men, with addition of Finn, held weekly Dejarik competitions.

Terr still owned him 230 credits.

Lizari's little girl, Anna, the only child allowed at the party, ran up to him when she caught sight of his tall form. It was always surprising how forward the child was whenever she saw him, raising her arms and demanding that he pick her up and hold her. He gave in because he's never been able to tell the little monster "no".

As Ren talked with the others, listening to how Lizari's been doing with her sister, Anna rested her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his neck. Something about this girl always felt so significant, but he could never figure out what it was. She was Force sensitive, yes, but not to the extent that it would define her future without her say. Not like it had with him and Rey.

No…. Maybe what he sensed had nothing to do with her power or the Force, but everything to do with who she'd become.

 **A/N**

 **Okay. Let's see if I can get chapter 52 out before I leave to Ireland on July 9th. I'll be gone for a week and doubt I'll have much time to write. So everyone, cross your fingers!**


	52. Chapter 52

**We are so close to the end! I still can't believe it. I wanted to get this chapter out sooner, but going on vacation stalled things quite a bit. Thanks to those who have left comments and who are still reading the story. I know as the ending draws near and when you start to realize that it isn't the ending you had wanted, people tend to abandon the story. Which is fair. I'd rather people stop reading than leave comments on how the story is ruined or that they are disappointed. So I hope you all are just along for the ride, letting me lead you on the journey that's in my mind.**

 **Also, there is a part of the chapter that is NSFW. So if you don't want to read it, stop reading at the bold word and go down till you find the next one.**

 **SheLitAFire: I wish there was concept art for a lot of things in this story. If only my drawing skills went beyond stick figures! lol. I know it's sad to see that even though Ben is the Supreme Ruler now, he is still quite feared by everyone, which gives him more of a lonely life. I was thinking about how people would react to him in this position, and I came to the conclusion that not much would change. Everyone knows of the things he's done, and while they will follow his orders because he is the ruler now, it doesn't mean he's about to make friends. He knows this, though, and has accepted it. It is a consequence for the life he has led. I try to throw in some politics every now and then, but I admit, I like writing the romantics parts better. Thanks so much for helping to edit this chapter! :) carissarae: Glad you enjoyed the time jump! And now we all get to see how Rey breaks the baby news to Ben... sweetes forbiden candy apple: Trust me, I'm probably more anxious at this point. Endings make or break a story, and I am super nervous to have you guys see what I have always had in store for Rey and Ben. Fingers crossed you all still like it! Aleta Wolff: There is a sense of foreboding in the last chapter, but not everything is how it appears. We'll see if anyone can guess where this is all leading to by the end of this chapter. lilkathra: I only hope you'll like it! I do, but since this is my story, I am biased. lol. Thanks for the review!**

Chapter Fifty-two

The celebration lasted longer than Rey had expected, most of the older guests either taking their leave for the night or sitting at the tables, muttering to one another in their little groups in between bits of raucous laughter.

The younger generations of the influential families were on the dance platform, the music turning into something more upbeat and less formal, their bodies moving like they'd forgotten how to stand still. Finn was among them, his charismatic moves catching the eye of a lot of the guests. But he only had eyes for one girl in particular.

Caliiya was moving opposite of Finn, her face an epic picture of pure excitement. And then the duo was cut off from Rey's view, her friends immersing deeper into the electric crowd. It was nice to witness the pair having fun for once. The last year had been stressful on them both, especially Finn, as he waded through the rough waters that came with being a General.

And a boyfriend.

Looked like alcohol really did wonders in elevating a celebration into a full-blown party. Or it might be the absence of her husband.

Probably both.

But no one seemed to mind the change in mood. Everyone had been expecting the ceremony and reception to be rigid and restricting, and that included Rey. So it was a welcome surprise to have her and the guests' expectations subverted.

Rey scanned the room from the table designated for the bride and groom. Still no sign of Ben. She swallowed back a thick lump in her throat, all of it culminating from guilt. This celebration was about them, and yet, she'd barely spent any time with Ben all evening. She'd been rotating her presence between Korkie and Leia, her mother-in-law moving her from one dignitary to the next. Leia would introduce Rey by describing the system in which the guest hailed from, as if her knowing such a piece of information made her and the stranger better acquainted.

It didn't matter how many things Rey knew about the person's life; she was still awkward around people. But the guests found that endearing, much to Rey's hidden annoyance.

It was during one of those meetings when she caught sight of Ben getting up and making his way out of the procession. So Rey decided that when he came back, she would stay by his side for the remainder of the evening no matter what. Even if she had to stand up to Leia to do it.

Except, Ben hadn't returned.

From the bond, she felt that he was fine. His anxiety was up, but that could very well be from the party and the fact he really didn't want to talk to anyone. And really, he always had some level of anxiousness about him.

But if he didn't come back soon, Rey would–

At the south entrance, Ben finally appeared.

Rey relaxed, emptying her lungs of a pocket of air she hadn't realized she'd been holding in. He'd been gone so long, she was sure he was surprised to see how much the atmosphere had changed in his absence. Ben declined a drink from a server as Ransolm neared him, the two beginning to talk to each other. Something Ben said made Ransolm choke on his drink.

"My son still incognito?" Leia asked as she stopped in front of the table, her voice slightly rising so she could be heard over the music. "I'd say I'm surprised he left, but that would be a lie."

Rey motioned to where Ben was still talking with Ransolm. "He came back a couple minutes ago."

Leia watched the two men for a moment before coming around and taking Ben's seat next to her. Rey tensed. If Leia tried to drag her to another meet and greet she was going to– "I'm afraid Ben might be annoyed with me for parading you around too much."

That… was not what Rey had been expecting her to say.

Rey cleared her throat, relaxing her posture so she didn't seem so uptight. As much as it was tempting to keep blaming Leia for pulling her away from Ben, Rey knew it wasn't her fault. And she should acknowledge that to her mother-in-law. "If he's annoyed with anyone, it should be me. I haven't spent as much time with you as I have with Korkie and Soniee."

Which was true.

Leia reached out to pat her knee."You just found another piece of your family. Ben will understand why you've been spending time with your grandfather."

 _Grandfather_ , the word echoed in her mind.

It was still weird to hear such a term.

Rey glanced over to Ben, but he wasn't there. She searched the party and found him with the family from Lothal, Lizari's daughter in his arms. Anna snuggled closer to Ben, wrapping her arms around his neck.

It warmed Rey's heart to see such affection between the two, but then she remembered what the girl's future self had said to Jacen about never meeting his father.

The champagne seemed to creep up Rey's throat, burning its way through the soft tissue.

Ben laughed at something Terr said, his smile stretching from ear to ear. Rey frowned at the deep scar across his face. It seemed so dark against his joyous features, an evil stain that was permanent– that she had put there.

Leia adjusted her posture, which reminded Rey of her presence.

She leaned in closer to Leia while her gaze remained on Ben. "Korkie said he'd be staying on board for the next couple of days. I'm sure he would love to talk to you more about the days of the Rebellion."

"Actually, we talked for a couple hours before the ceremony." Rey snapped her attention to the woman as Leia added, "Turns out, he knew my father when he was still Anakin Skywalker."

Rey only realized her jaw had gone slack when she felt a drizzle of saliva trying to make an escape. "He knew your father? Did you… ask Korkie about him?"

The music shifted to something softer and easier to converse over, the gamboling participants clearing the platform for those who had partners to sway side to side with.

Leia shrugged. "A little. He told me some stories about how he believed Anakin to be a good man. Of course, that opinion was marred after finding out he'd become Vader. But Korkie told me that even after learning I was his daughter, he still respected me."

"Really?"

"He said he understood growing up and not knowing where you truly came from, and that who my father was would never negate all that I've done for the Rebellion and the New Republic." The smile that captured Leia's lips was without cheer, like her mind was flipping through the pages of timeworn memories. "So, looks like Korkie was one of the five people in the entire galaxy that still liked me after the truth got out."

Rey might still struggle with reading emotions, but she recognized what it felt like to feel alone. "I'm sure there was more than five people."

"Back then it didn't seem like it," Leia said smugly.

Aside from Ben and Finn, Rey was still not sure how to go about comforting someone when they were in pain or feeling down. It was an uncomfortable position to be in; felt like a lot of responsibility, too.

Maybe bringing up a different topic would lift her spirits. Rey reached for her glass of champagne, downing what was left. She wiped the excess from her lips. "You know," she said in a low tone, "Ben would never admit this to you, but he's deeply appreciated how you've stayed with him. He knows how your political views differ from his."

Leia arched a brow. "Does it, though?"

"What do you mean?"

Leia looked back to the crowd, and Rey did the same. Ben was swaying to the music, dancing with Anna in his arms. It wasn't anything grandiose, just a shifting of weight from one leg to the other. "When I was faced with the decision of leaving him after he became Supreme Leader... I couldn't bring myself to do it. Not again, not even if our ideologies were so different. A child will always need their mother, not matter how old they become. Or who."

Leia looked to Rey. "I'm not going to lie, I worried about what kind of leader my son would be. But over the past year, he's surprised me. You say our political views differ, but I don't think they really do. I've noticed small things here and there, policies he's set into place that help civilians rather than oppress them. And then there's the Senate."

There was a heartbeat of silence. "There is no Senate," Rey said slowly, wondering if Leia was getting confused.

The woman rolled her eyes and jabbed her thumb in the direction of her son. "That's what he thinks. But look at how he's been organizing planetary systems. Each system has been allowed to elect two representatives, each only serving a term of six years before re-election." That had to be a coincidence. "Ben meets with them every two months on Coruscant, using the old Senate building from the Old Republic." Well… using the old Senate building did make it seem like…. "They air their grievances, ask him for things, offer their opinions, and Ben doesn't shoot them down. Well, not all the time, anyway," Leia amended with a snicker. "We all know how he gets when he's annoyed."

Rey sat back in her chair as she digested the evidence Leia had laid out. "I knew he was doing all of this, but I never caught the similarities."

Leia chuckled. "I'm curious to see what else he does in the next year."

"Are you going to point this out to him? What he's doing?"

"Heavens, no. If you try to push Ben in one direction, he has this reflexive reaction to push back, no matter the situation. It's best for him to realize on his own what he's been doing, or he'll just end up arguing with whomever points it out. I'm sure you understand."

And Rey did. Completely.

The two women sat in comfortable silence before Rey excused herself.

Did Ben know that how he was organizing the Galactic Order was starting to mirror a Republic? Or was he subconsciously doing it? If so, bringing it up to him would only make him frustrated. Rey would have to resign herself to see how Ben's decisions played out over the next few years.

Keeping a wide berth from the guests, Rey started to walk the perimeter of the reception. There was something in the way she held herself, as if unsure of where her limbs should be in order to look comfortable and relaxed. The dress was constricting, her head was hot and sweaty from the heavily beaded veil, and she was having a hard time trying to pull off the graceful elegance that should accompany such a timeless piece of clothing.

If anyone noticed her awkwardness, no one commented on it. And she didn't pick up any stray thoughts about it either.

Rey stopped in front of a trove of striking purple flowers, comparing them to the bouquet she had in her hands. They were similar in color, though hers were a lighter hue of lilac, and the petals were wider. A deep baritone laugh cut through the busy atmosphere, her focus turning back to Ben. He was laughing at something Garreaus was saying, clapping the man on the shoulder, Anna now situated in her mother's arms. When Rey got closer, he sensed her presence and turned. His laugh dissipated, but the light in his eyes lingered.

"Would you mind if I borrowed him for the rest of the night?" she asked, her eyes bouncing between Lizari, Terr, and Garreaus.

"Of course not," Terr said, waggling his brows. "You two go have fun now. Preferably in private, where the walls are soundproof."

Rey pulled Ben away before he could even glare at the man, dragging him far enough into the garden that the party became distant background noise.

She weaved her fingers in his, stopping him next to a fountain with glowing waters that spanned across the color spectrum. "Tell me you're not disappointed?"

He cocked his head to the side. "Huh?"

"I've barely spent any time with you tonight, and I don't want you to feel–"

"Rey. I'm fine. We're fine."

She let out a frustrated sigh. "I've just been spending so much time with Korkie–"

"You two literally found each other mere hours ago."

 _Was that really an excuse, though?_ "But–"

"But nothing." He placed his hands on her arms, showing her an affectionate grin. "I get to spend the rest of my life with you, while he'll only get glimpses. You can go off and enjoy your party and not worry about me, okay?"

She smoothed her palms on his chest, feeling the softness of the velvet lapels. "It's our party, though. And I want us to spend time together."

"What would you like to do, then?" he asked, voice going low.

Rey had an idea as to what he wanted to do, she could see it in the way he was gazing at her. But while that was on her list of things to get to, there was something she needed to do first. Hopefully, Ben would be open to it as well. "Can you come with me somewhere?"

"Anywhere."

She smiled, and then they disappeared.

The early morning sun of Jakku was just barely peeking over the horizon, causing red streaks to cut into the awakening sky. The Pava Sea covered over a third of the planet's surface, and with the break of dawn, clothed in a million shimmering stars that twinkled with each ripple of a wave. Blue; blue was now everywhere, stretching up into the sky, forcing the once drabby atmosphere to reflect Jakku's new exterior.

Water had gushed from the remnants of the well beneath Carbon Ridge for months following its destruction. Niima Outpost was now gone, Rey's trusty old AT-AT thoroughly buried in the depths. The Graveyard of Ships had been transformed into scattered spikes of wreckage jutting out of the water, markers of the skeletons that were hidden below.

Standing on part of a Star Destroyer that hadn't been swallowed up by the sea, Rey overlooked the planet she had once called home. She had stood in this very spot many times, having found this particular crevice on one of her scavenging missions when she was younger. Now, no matter how many times Rey came to visit over the last year, her mind still had a hard time wrapping around how drastically everything had changed.

Like it had all been purified.

The ocean was at her fingertips. If she bent down and reached, she could run her hands through the warm, salty surface.

This ocean, though the final resting place of her friends, had not been formed to bring any comfort to the departed, but to soothe the living. The strikingly clear water, and the ease of the waves helped to reduce her and Ben's trauma so that it was at least more manageable. They had to see the memory of their friends in something beautiful, something that showed what they had meant to them.

There was still a part of Rey that would never believe Poe wouldn't come bouncing around some corner to laugh with her, or wrinkle his forehead as he said something borderline crude. There were times where Rey needed some womanly advice, and had pulled her comm from her waistband to get ahold of Jess.

One after the other, she pulled two flowers from her bouquet and dropped them into the water, consecrating the offering to Poe and Jess as if the sea were their gravestone.

"Can you drop two more?" Ben asked her softly.

She did as he requested, hearing him dedicate it to Jorfel and his father. Glancing down at her bouquet, a thought crossed her mind. She gently tossed the bundle and inwardly paid her respects to all those who had lost their lives in the war. Not just Resistance, but the First Order as well.

Death was death, no matter the side.

Rey and Ben stood in a respectful silence till he deemed it acceptable for them to go. She grabbed his hand and took him to a place that was special to them both.

()()()()()

The small cottage was small and simple: one bedroom with an attached refresher, a small kitchenette, and a tight communal space. Its sturdy walls and floors were made from the same grey clay that was used for many of the buildings of Khalon, which helped in reducing the inside temperature to a comfortable cool climate.

Ben had this place built for Rey shortly after they got married, and they'd put it to good use ever since. But while it looked quaint, Ben had this place wired like a fortress. So far, not a single soul had tried to break in.

It did help that he now owned the city, along with the whole island.

Rey had them appear in the bedroom, and if that wasn't enough of a clue into what was on her mind, she projected her desires across the bond.

As she swept the beaded headdress off her hair, Ben's hands went for her hips. She dodged at his attempt to grab her as she backed away quickly. "If there is even one rip on this dress, your mother will have our heads."

"Rips can be fixed," he said huskily. He took a step forward; she took a step back.

She held up a firm hand, making his advancements stop. "Let me try something and if it doesn't work, you can undress me your way."

She closed her eyes, evened out her breathing, and vanished. The dress crumbled to the floor without a body to hold it in place.

She reappeared on the other side of the room, Ben's back facing her as he just stared at the lifeless dress. Rey chuckled, causing him to swing around. He was midstride when she _tsked_ and pointed at the wedding gown. "Pick it up and hang it in the closet," she ordered, his eyes darkening at her demand. "Then, you can do whatever you want with me."

Ben hurried to do as she asked. As the closet doors closed, he faced her, his chest broadening under labored breaths, his umber eyes roaming over her naked body.

Rey grinned, knowing full well that Ben was about to seduce her. His hands flexed at his sides as he crept across the room, the shadows from the dimmed lights making him look like a hungry predator salivating at his next meal. Rey's lungs expanded, taking in the briny air. She was already wet, her core pulsating with the beat of her frantic heart.

He said her name, the baritone lilt of his voice providing her with just the right blend of relaxation and tension. Moving well into her personal space, heat in his eyes, hands still tamed, he looked at her.

Their gaze lasted a full second, enough for each to take in the face of the other. Ben bent down, working their lips together slowly before it morphed it something more. With the kiss came electric tingles, and the desire to play.

 **He** pressed his tongue at the seams of her lips and, once she granted him access, delved inside her mouth. With one hand, he gripped her hip hard enough to leave a bruise, and with the other, he found her entrance. His fingers dipped inside, massaging against the spot that drove her crazy, the combination of her slickness and his movements filling the quiet room with obscene noises. In an instant, she arched up against his wide chest, and ordered him to take off his clothes.

The lack of contact made her whimper, but was soon rectified as she watched him strip down to just his skin. Licking her lips, she reached out to touch–

Ben grabbed her and swung her around, bringing her over to the dresser. He pressed her up against it, and she was held in place by a rock hard body twice her size. Her hands grasped at the edge as he worked her with his fingers, the angle allowing him to go deeper. Her breathing hastened, the intense rhythm of her heartbeat undergoing an irregular count, hammering quicker than a lightning bolt as he rubbed her clit while continuing to nail her insides. "You told me I can do whatever I want to you, and what I want is to make you come. Over and over again." His voice dripped with erotic inevitably. "I'm not going to stop till I'm satisfied."

Rey moaned. She wanted this. She wanted whatever he was going to do to her.

This wasn't the first time in their relationship where Ben had established a more dominant roll. Rey immensely enjoyed it, actually. Sometimes he would call the shots, other times she would be in control. They switched it up often enough to where their sex life was never boring.

That coil deep within her belly tightened, her toes and fingers warming as the spring finally snapped and sent her into a blissful free-fall. She couldn't control the noises she made; it was like some type of cross between a cry and a guttural moan.

She expected Ben to slip inside her and finish for himself.

She was wrong.

With his fingers languidly massaging her, helping her to crest down from her high, his mouth came to her ear. "Ask me what I'm going to do to you."

Rey took in a big gulp of air, her arms slightly shaking. "What are going to do to me?"

He sharply spanked her. Rey yelped, eyes shooting wide open. That was… different. He'd never done that before. But with the sting on her buttock and at the pace his fingers were moving, it was all combining to be a sensual lick of pain and pleasure.

Ben's free hand came up to her breast, giving it a squeeze. "Ask me correctly." He tugged at her nipple, twisting. Rey opened her mouth, but could only pant.

Another slap for her mishap, but this one didn't hold much strength behind it. Rey licked her lips, somehow finding her voice, hoping she was interpreting what he wanted to hear correctly. "What are you going to do to me… Ben?"

"I'm going to make you come on my fingers, against my face, with my cock, from behind, while riding me– we're doing it all on my terms. So far, we're one position down. Now, ask me what's next?"

"What–," Rey had to take a second to clear her throat. "What are you going to do to next, Ben?"

His fingers criminally left her, his hands going to her hips. "Widen your stance." She obeyed. "Bend forward." She complied. "Hold onto the sides." She spread out her arms till they were where he wanted. "I want your knuckles to go white by the time I'm done."

She wasn't sure what he was implying with that, but she didn't have a lot of time to contemplate it either. He went to his knees, running his hands up and down her thighs. His touch made her legs tremble, and her breathing shallow. He palmed her rear and massaged, working his way to her center. With no warning, he spread her open with his tongue.

Rey expected to see her grey matter with how hard her eyes rolled back into her skull.

There was no easing into what he was doing to her with his mouth, no warning or coaxing or talking. It was two sets of lips meeting, one taking and the other going to work. Rey lost all sense of feeling that wasn't being touched by Ben. The only noises she caught were from flesh on flesh as he lapped his tongue up and in and around her swelling heat.

Rey was blindsided by how her orgasm crashed into her, her body offering no notice of the sudden unravel. Distantly, she felt her right hand loosen and her body careen to the side. Ben steadied her with both his arms as his face remained below. He sucked her lips into his mouth before releasing them with a pop.

When he stood up, he entered her with a single hard thrust, bottoming out. His arm wrapped around her, protecting her midsection from colliding with the edge of the dresser before leveraging her at her hips, moving her forward and back to meet his thrusts. The pace was unrelenting, and all Rey could do was succumb to it, her mouth agape and her eyes unable to stay open. It didn't matter how sensitive she was, her body still craved for more.

She braced herself against the dresser, Ben feverishly switching to rubbing her nub as she came again. Stray strands of hair fell into her face, her head bobbing, his body smacking against hers as he helped her ride out the climax. They were setting a new record with how many times she'd peaked in such a short amount of time. But, she figured that's what Ben was going for.

Eyes half hooded, she saw how hard she was holding onto the edges of the dresser. Her knuckles had paled from the strain.

 **Rey's** legs finally gave out, but Ben was quick to catch her, as if he'd been anticipating this sort of reaction. He carried her in his arms to the bed, peppering her face with kisses, whispering to her sweet compliments of her beauty. Rey couldn't respond or even open her eyes, her body vibrating from the aftermath of what he'd done to her.

She couldn't feel her fingers or toes.

The sex had been elevated to the billionth degree, and Rey was blissed out. But she knew they weren't done, and the thought made her wet all over again.

Ben still hadn't succumbed to his release. Somehow, he'd held back as he rammed into her. Rey had no idea how anyone could have that much restraint, but Ben never ceased to surprise her.

There was one thing she could count on, though; he'd always give her two arms to cling to, and warmth to fall into.

()()()()()

Gently and quietly, Ren put Rey down on the plush bed, her body so unresponsive that she didn't even stretch out her limbs or adjust her position. She just stayed there, curled up, muscles laxed. He laid next to her, draping her leg over his hips and pulling her against his chest. She moaned a little bit, like she was trying to say something, but only got halfway there with just making noise.

As his breathing evened out and he softened down below, he took the pins out of her disheveled hair, running his fingers through her silky tresses and inhaling the floral scent.

That was when Rey started to softly snore.

He chuckled through his nose.

He probably should've paced himself better; maybe even cooled it with how demanding he'd been. But from Rey's bodily responses and the bond they shared, he knew she'd been enjoying it.

It had taken a while in their relationship for him to grow comfortable enough with her to be more domineering with intimacy. Laying out his desires, even if he knew she loved him wholeheartedly, had been nerve wracking. Judgment was always a fear, especially if it came from someone he loved.

But she never once turned down his ideas or laughed at him. She only asked to take it slow, which always ended with them picking up the pace. The galaxy was saturated with so many different cultures and beliefs, that procuring bindings and toys had been easy and eye opening for them both.

Tonight, however, he didn't want to add anything extra to the foreplay. It was just going to be her and him, like it had been in the beginning.

His plans for driving her to the edges of her sanity were starting to recede as he watched her sleep. He could wake her and push her to keep going; he knew she wouldn't object. But it had been a very long day for her emotionally and mentally; from getting to know her long lost grandfather and interacting with the guests at their reception, to him making her climax three times in less than three minutes, she was spent before they even got to Spira.

As night fell, and Rey continued to sleep in their bed, Ren slipped into his trousers and ventured outside. It was a short walk to the beach, one he knew even in the darkest of nights. Bare feet walking along the damp sand, he stopped just out of reach of the leisure waves, looking out to the murky expanse of the sea. The crescent moon didn't offer much in the way of light, but it was enough for the ocean to reflect back what it gave.

As he looked out over the sea, his thoughts went back to Jakku and how they had paid their respects to their fallen friends.

Ren wasn't distressed at the loss anymore. Heartaches were as common as bruises, the difference being that they didn't leave a mark. It hid deep in the heart, calcifying, setting up residence in a firm bundle of scar tissue. There was no divine equivalent of a warm compress that could be put on the ache to speed up healing. No such thing as a doctor who could perform surgery on the soul. Time didn't necessarily heal anything, but made you learn how to bear the grief that silently lived within.

But time did teach. It left Ren with reminders that he couldn't get everything he wanted. Because life choices dictated friendships, and time eventually separated individuals. Even if his story had been carefully crafted, with a decisive narrative to match, Poe and Jess wouldn't have made it to the last page. The Force had willed their destiny.

Ren had just been an observer to their journey.

These thoughts didn't necessarily leave him depressed, but they weren't pleasant either.

It helped that he had Rey. If he didn't…. Well, he didn't like to think about where his life would've taken him.

He brought his left hand up to his face, his thumb twisting the black band on his ring finger, eyeing the veins of gold that weaved through the metal. It didn't match the one he'd given Rey, but that had been the plan. Upon learning that some couples preferred having a matching set of rings, Rey had objected, not really liking that idea for them. While they were similar in many ways, they were also different. So the plan had changed to where they would each choose a ring for the other, something they thought symbolized who they were.

He'd given her a gold band, the thin ring covered in a single row of rare ur-diamonds. It was simple and quaint and in no way flashy.

He sensed that Rey had loved it the moment he slipped it on her finger.

He stooped his hands into his pockets, the cooling air caressing along his bare torso.

He sensed Rey before he heard her approach. "Hey," she breathed out as she stretched her arms above her head, bumping him with her shoulder. "What happened to all those different ways you were planning on having me?"

He regarded her with a playful side-eye. "You fell asleep."

She winced and rubbed the back of her neck. "Sorry about that. Guess the day took more out of me than I thought. But you could've woken me."

He shrugged, eyes roaming over her short robe. "You needed the sleep."

"Sorry I–"

"You know how I feel about you apologizing when there's nothing to apologize for."

Rey huffed and bated her hand through the air. "Fine. Have it your way."

He gave her a cocky half smile. "I intend to."

"Actually, could we put that on hold for a bit? I've sort of been looking for a good time to give you something."

"What? Like a gift?"

"Sort of. Could you wait here for just a second?"

He nodded, and then she was gone. He'd counted to eight before she was back again.

She was holding something in her hands, a small towel concealing the contents below. Ren frowned as he noticed and felt how nervous she became. But before he could question her, she pulled the draped fabric to reveal what was underneath.

It was his grandfather's warped and burnt helmet, safely secured in a clear duraplex box.

After Snoke's demise, Ren had tried to locate the whereabouts of the helmet after Hux had revealed that it wasn't being stored anywhere on the ship. Turned out, that one-eyed egg-sucking son of a slime-devil had gotten rid of it. Tossed it out a garbage shoot. With the trash. Like it was nothing. It took all Ren's willpower not to execute the bastard in his cell. Hux deserved a very public death, which Ren would have to schedule once Hux has done a sufficient amount of rotting in prison.

Ren had been quick to calculate where the mask should be in space, but had come up empty handed. He'd destroyed a whole training room in his rage, much to Rey's annoyance.

Sometimes, pirates stalked Star Destroyer fleets in hopes of finding something of use from what was left behind. It was the only logical explanation as to why Ren couldn't find Vader's mask. "Where…"

"I've been following a lead through the black market, and would check it out whenever I was out searching for students," Rey explained carefully, slowly. As if she knew he was having a hard time understanding how this was all possible. "I found it on Kaddak, stored away in an underground shipyard controlled by what was left of the Ranc gang."

"You infiltarted a Ranc hideout alone?"

"For a normal person, it would've been difficult." Her tone had a hint of pride. "But with the Force, it was actually doable. I got away without having to kill anyone… so that worked out in my favor."

Ren swallowed hard, his adam's-apple bobbing up and down. "I… I don't even know how to thank you… for doing this."

As if stuck underwater, everything was slow and warbled as he reached out to touch the box, his fingers trembling. Just as he was about to make contact, Rey pulled it away.

She looked momentarily uncertain. "Now, I know how you used to idolize your grandfather for his ruthlessness and power. Maybe you still do. But I don't want you to worship this mask for those reasons anymore. When you look at it, I want you to see his mistakes. I want you to accept that Vader was a monster, and that you should strive to be different. I am giving this to you as a reminder of what not to become, not of what you should be. And if you can't do that… then the mask can't be yours."

Ren had no desire to be deceitful. "I'm not going to lie, a part of me still idolizes how powerful he was in the dark side." He could tell that was not what Rey wanted to hear. "But if you must know," he continued, "yes, I know Vader was a monster, and I don't want to become him. Not anymore. I've lived the majority of my life living up to other people's standards, and that included my grandfather's. This time, I'm going to be who I've always wanted to be."

Rey's eyes softened. "And what's that?"

"A good husband, and a fair leader. Now that I have my life together, I feel like I can do anything. Hell, maybe I'll study medicine as some sort of side hobby."

Rey's smile was faint as she moved closer to him. "You're gonna have to add 'father' to that list."

Ren ditched the levity quick. "What?" he stammered. "Are you…?" Ren was fully expecting Rey to burst into laughter, teasing him for the rest of their days over how wide his eyes had become. But she did neither of those things. She held his gaze, her grin now gone, and nodded her head.

Like autumn leaves driven before the wind, like a flock of pigeons scared by the scream of an edgehawk, his calm demeanor dispersed, making way for panic.

Ren opened his mouth and strained his vocal chords, but nothing came out. He began to back away, his steps sinking further into the soft sand.

Rey hitched the clear parcel on her hip. "Hey," she said soothingly, trying to touch his cheek. He batted her attempt away with more force than necessary. "Hey, look at me, Ben. This is not something to be afraid of."

"Says the woman who's a good fucking person," he snapped at her. Rey froze. He could tell her eyes were beginning to water from the way the moonlight reflected off the moisture.

He ran his hands through his hair, tugging as he went. His brain had dissolved into a mental soup of conflicting emotions, making him unable to choose what he should do next.

He just… he needed a moment. Alone.

Ren walked away from Rey, his strides staying on the narrow shoreline. He could see in the distance the lights of Khalon, could hear the faint sounds of music. There were families in that city– mothers and fathers and children. Were they all happy to be together? Did they fight and scream and disappoint each other? Were they able to get over it and move on?

Grudges and resentment were poisonous to family units. And Ren had no idea how to raise a child without the little thing hating him. Half his brain gave him the reasons why everything would turn out all right, and the other half bombarded him with every way he could turn out to be a horrible parent. The arguments in his head went so fast and became so disturbing, that his brain shut down his body.

Ren stood there, gaze on the city, but no longer taking it in.

Emotions escaped him, and for a moment, he felt nothing at all. A drifting existence. A merciful respite.

Eventually his heart rate slowed, his brain thankfully rebooted, and the negative thoughts stopped coming at him like tempestuous waves on rocks.

Across one of his synapses, something occurred to him. Rey was going to be a mother, something she'd wanted for a long time.

And she needed his support. No matter his issues, he shouldn't be treating her like this.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been gone, but through it all, Rey had waited for him to come back. She was sitting on the sand near the bank of vegetation, legs crossed and eyes set on the water. Vader's helmet was gone, probably tucked away in the cottage or hidden somewhere in the galaxy as a punishment for his deplorable reaction. It was no less than he deserved.

Ren sat beside her, and Rey adjusted her position so she could face him.

He couldn't tell if she'd been crying or not.

"Don't worry." Rey tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I'll still give you the helmet."

Unusually, he wasn't worried about that.

Tentatively, Ren grabbed hold of her hand and brought it up to his mouth, brushing his lips against her soft skin. "I'm sorry… for how I reacted."

"I knew it would probably go something like that," she said evenly and emotionless. "I prepared myself."

That stung, even though he knew Rey didn't mean for it to. "Still, I know I hurt you."

She didn't say anything, just kept staring at him. Waiting. Her face braced for whatever thought he decided to articulate.

"What if he turns out like me?" Ren whispered, voice tight.

"Like what?" Rey scooted closer till their knees touched. He let go of her hand, but she transferred her touch to his thighs. "A man with a good heart who faced his own demons and won?"

"Hardly. And you know what I mean."

Her thumbs moved back and forth atop his trousers. "When I saw our son, he was neither haunted, nor cloaked in darkness. He doesn't have a monster in his life to lead him astray."

"You don't know that," he deadpanned.

"I do."

"How?"

"Because I'm his mother, and a mother knows things."

Ren rolled his eyes. That was such a Leia thing to say. "You haven't even given birth to him yet."

"I became his mother the moment I met him. And what's done is done." She straightened her posture and placed her hands in her lap, her mouth setting into a straight line. "There's no use in wishing things were different. I'm pregnant, Ben, and I am having this baby with or without you."

He flinched. "You really think I'd abandon you over this?"

Her eyes shifted to the side and became glazed with a glossy layer of tears. Chin trembling, the words slowly made their way out of her mouth. "I know how much you don't want to have kids. And as much as I know you, sometimes, you still make decisions that surprise me." The 'and hurt me' was hidden in the way she pursed her lips, trying to suppress a sob.

Ren's heart sank.

He pulled her onto his lap in one swift motion, her legs straddling him as he held her tight. "I'd never leave you," he said ardently into her hair. "And I don't want you to ever think that, okay? I'm in this, all the way. No matter what."

Idly, they melted into each other, listening to the breeze shift the leaves of the trees. She didn't cry; not out loud, anyway. He comforted her, and in turn, the feel of Rey's body so close to his soothed him more than he expected. Ren played with a strand of her hair, wrapping it in and around his fingers. In turn, Rey stroked his back, following the line of his spine.

Ren hesitated for a moment before saying, "We should name our son after your father."

Rey tensed, and her anxiety spiked.

She pulled back and lifted her head. "Ben… there's something you should know."

It was there, on the sandy shores of Spira, that he finally learned the whole truth of what happened to Rey while fighting Snoke.

Words left him. Again.

He stared at those bright hazel eyes that burned with worry. "Say something," Rey implored softly. But he couldn't get his lips to move. Finding out that Rey was pregnant, and now hearing what Anna had said to Jacen about never meeting his father, _him_ … what was he supposed to think of all this?

He couldn't even begin to delve into the implications of why a grown-up Anna was with their son during that time.

Rey's eyes desperately searched his, and she cupped his face to bring him closer. "I swear to you, I won't let anything happen to you. There's a chance I might've even heard her wrong, or misinterpreted what was said."

Ren doubted that.

"Do you trust me?" Rey asked.

Ren stared at her determined face, and decided that if there was ever a time to trust her, now would be it. "Yes," he breathed out.

"Then trust me when I say you're going to be an amazing father, and our son will love you. Here." She guided his hand to her flat belly. "Can you sense him like I can? He has balance, perseverance, and intelligence. That's our son, Ben. That's your child. And you are going to be in his life."

The spark was gentle at first, but then the warmth hit his heart, and Ben's pride was without reservation. The Force was very strong with this child, _his_ child, stronger than even Ben himself. This life that lived in Rey was astute and strong and beautiful. Ben wanted to watch his son grow, wanted to teach him all that he knew and could offer.

But would he be able to?

If the will of the Force was for his mortal life to end sooner than expected, then there was nothing anyone could do to change it. Ben was beginning to understand that, the cloak of naivety having evaporated with age and experience. But Rey… she was so hopeful, so determined. She still believed she could conquer anything, even destiny.

He couldn't take that from her.

He leaned in and kissed Rey's warm lips. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too."

Love was powerful, Ben had learned. But fate was unstoppable. The countdown to whatever his future held for him had now begun.

()()()()()

Everything had been working in Ben and Rey's favor.

Until it wasn't.

Over the course of Rey's pregnancy, she had watched helplessly as things began to change: her body became rounder, emotions were erratic, cravings and her bladder ran her life, and people treated her like she was made of glass.

Oh, and Ben wanted to spend every second of every day with her.

He restructured her exercise routine, fussed over whether or not she was eating enough, and had this tendency of picking her up and carrying her whenever they were alone.

She was pregnant. Not broken. She could walk from the bed to the kitchen.

Ben rarely let her.

Then the cramps started, and the spotting. She was barely halfway through the second trimester when she was ordered to go on bed rest, only being allowed a leisurely walk an hour per day.

And teleportation was strictly prohibited. They didn't know how it would affect the baby, so it was nixed all together.

If Rey thought Ben had hovered over her too much in the beginning of the pregnancy, she'd been in for a rude awakening. The man watched her like a farlus hawk, the slightest wince or sigh making him bring in Harter to look her over.

While they agreed that they'd raise their son mostly at Ben's grandmother's estate on Naboo, they did have a spare room in their quarters that was being converted into a nursery in case their son was ever on board. Ben seriously contemplated putting the renovations on hold and having Harter move into the room instead, just so she could be close to Rey at all times.

Rey put her foot down at that idea. Sure, she basically had all her freedom taken away due to her condition, but that was so her son could survive. Rey wasn't about to give up the little morsel of privacy she had left. Sex was currently off the table, but she still needed to have alone time with her husband– mainly with his mouth and fingers. Fortunately, Ben had enough of a grip on reality to recognize he was being a paranoid mess, realizing he didn't want anyone living with them either.

Harter moved into the quarters situated across the hall from them. Because compromise.

At least giving birth to her baby was an occasion Rey felt like she was prepared for.

Except, she hadn't been. And neither had Ben.

Throughout the duration of the pregnancy, they had to put in an extra amount of effort in keeping the bond closed off from each other, lest he feel the discomfort she was in. Ben didn't do very well with cramping and fatigue and feeling like he had to pee when he didn't need to. Then there were times where he swore he felt something kick him in the ribs. So for the most part, Rey tried to keep her experience just to herself, but she'd be lying if she denied that she occasionally let something slip through the bond.

Ben should understand exactly what she was going through.

Marriage was about being fair.

However, she did feel somewhat bad over not being able to control their connection when experiencing a contraction. This left Ben alone in trying to control anything from getting through, but without Rey's help, things would slip. In which case, he'd double over, go pale, and proclaim that his insides were being torn apart while being lit on fire.

" _You can handle getting beaten and cut with a lightsaber, but you can't handle a contraction?!_ "she had yelled at him. After that, he'd kept his complaints to himself, and Rey's pity had evaporated.

Labor lasted 36 hours, which was torture for them both since Rey refused any drugs. She thought by doing everything naturally, it would go by quicker. She realized that was a naive assumption to make.

By the time she asked for medication, she had barely progressed to four centimeters, and the baby was becoming extremely stressed. In turn, Ben began to panic, and Rey didn't find out till later that he could feel their son's fear and was straining to get out.

Once anesthetized, the doctors didn't ask permission to perform a cesarean, they just informed her they were doing it. The baby's heart rate had suddenly dropped, leaving them no choice.

Everything had been a blur, except for Ben's constant presence next to her. He held her hand, wiped her face with a damp towel, and offered her soothing and supportive words, even though she had treated him like dirt earlier.

But when everything became frantic, he went pale, eyes bugging out.

See, Rey knew he was extremely worried for her since the bed rest had begun. But Ben's feelings had changed over the last nine months. It started with him placing a hand to her swelling belly one day, then rubbing it, which progressed till he was talking to the little human growing inside. He began openly discussing his hopes and dreams for their son, ruminating over what it would be like to finally meet him.

Days before going into labor, Rey and Ben had both been talking to each other, discussing future plans while idly laying in bed when they were both jolted by a sudden presence through the Force. Their son, only just a baby, had been emitting his excitement to meet them. Ben's reaction was to rest his head next to Rey's belly and whisper things she couldn't make out, like father and son were already keeping secrets from her. Eventually, Ben fell asleep and stayed in that position for the rest of the night.

So as she laid there on the table, the doctors and med droids hurrying to cut her open, she could sense that Ben wasn't just worrying about her, but for their son as well.

Rey never knew that hearing a baby cry could make her overflow with such joy.

Ben was the first to hold Jacen Storand Solo after he'd been checked, cleaned, and swaddled. Ben cradled the small bundle in the palm of his hands with reverence. His affection towards Jacen had been slow and apprehensive, all building to the moment of his arrival. The baby cooed, and Rey knew Ben was a goner. It was written all over his face.

It was only a matter of time before Ben assigned a whole battalion as Jacen's security team.

Now, three months after giving birth, Rey found herself in a fitful sleep.

On the heels of a nightmare where Rey watched helplessly as Ben and her son were taken from her, she woke with a jerk that flopped all four of her limbs. For a short moment, she had no idea where she was. Was she on the Finalizer? Naboo? Were Ben and Jacen really gone?

But then she looked around the living quarters of the Falcon from the floor, and reality came flooding back to her.

They'd been traveling to Coruscant for one of Ben's monthly planetary meetings when the ship had started to violently shake while in hyperspace. Too much atmospheric disturbance while traveling at light speed was never a good sign.

She'd been in the room feeding Jacen when it all happened. Finn and Caliiya started to yell from the main hold, and Chewie came bounding out of the room next door to help. She put Jacen down in his bassinet and went for the exit–

Then, nothing. She must've passed out before she ever reached the hallway.

Rey sprung to her feet and looked down at her son in the bassinet, seeing that he was fast asleep, unharmed. She gently rested her palm across his chest, sighing in relief. Then she was out the door and looking for answers.

Had the Falcon malfunctioned? She made sure it was in perfect working condition before they departed. Ben hadn't wanted to take the rust bucket, but it had been so long since Rey had flown it, that she begged him to let them take it out just this once. His arsenal of TIE's would be following him in whatever ship he chose anyway. Eventually, he relented with a smirk. She knew it was difficult for him to say no to her when she put on a pout and batted her lashes.

Now, she was regretting using her womanly persuasion against him.

Rey froze in the main hold, seeing Caliiya, Chewie, and Finn out cold on the floor. She went to Finn first, shaking him awake. He groaned as he sat up and rubbed the back of his head. "What happened?"

But Rey didn't answer him. She scrambled to the cockpit, bypassing Ransolm and Leia in the flanking seats and going straight for Ben in the pilot's chair.

She didn't rouse him awake.

Instead she froze, her gaze fixated out of the viewport, seeing a meadow of high grass and lavender flowers.

And sure enough, there were chunks of earth floating in the atmosphere.

It all still looked exactly the same from when she had fought Snoke here.

Rey was too far gone in the moment to notice that Ben was now conscious. "Rey?"

She whipped around, his drowsy eyes looking up at her with confusion. But then it was as if an electric bolt hit his body as he snapped up straight, wide eyed with panic. "Jacen?"

"He's fine," Rey replied quickly, placing a hand on his shoulder. Ben let out a long breath and rubbed his face. "He's asleep in our room."

Rey shifted closer to the co-pilot's seat so Ben could stand. He gave Ransolm a quick once over before extensively checking on his mother.

But Rey's gaze kept going back to the viewport. "Ben… what happened?"

He was kneeling next to Leia, her hand in his, taking a moment to concentrate on her life force. Ben shook his head and opened his eyes. "I– I don't know. Everything seemed to be malfunctioning and I tried to get control of the ship and–" As he stood, he stilled, his eyes taking in the outside world. "Where are we?"

"The meadow."

There was a heartbeat of silence, and then Ben jumped into action. "We need to get out of here," he said, voice tight. His hands flew over the control panel with expert dexterity, trying to initiate the engines.

Nothing happened.

He punched at the toggle in frustration, which helped to snap Rey out of her stupor and go to the side panel to help.

"Hello, Rey. Ben."

Much to Rey's embarrassment, she yelped at hearing the voice of a child inside the cockpit, the Force giving her no warning as to another person's presence. Both her and Ben swung around, going motionless.

A young girl, not yet in the throes of puberty, stood underneath the cockpit's corridor, her crimson hair and pale skin somehow still vibrant against the dimness of the cabin. Was she slightly glowing?

Rey had never seen this child before, but her immature looks were a prelude to the womanly features Rey had grown accustomed to looking at. Even though it's been over a year since they'd last conversed, and Rey had believed her to be dead, the girl was standing there with a smirk on her face, eyes shifting between her and Ben.

Kayani had saved Rey's life, and had helped in bringing down Snoke. She'd even given Rey the gift of keeping some of her power, which she was thankful for. But that didn't mean Rey was happy to see her.

And it was clear that neither was Ben.

 **A/N**

 **So. The next chapter is for sure the ending. Like, for sure for sure. I have currently 2,000 words of it written and it is all mapped out, but as you can imagine, it's difficult to write. I start getting emotional about ending the story, then nervous about how it will be received, which makes it difficult to write. I just ask for your patience in waiting for it to be updated. I don't have a timetable for when it will be done. But I will push myself to write everyday!**


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